Here is a list of bloodnfire's favourite diary entries by other members:
peppery lentil ragout by smartypants comment:   Anyway, recently I was standing in the kitchen and using my crazy-ass mental decision tree to decide what to eat, when I realized that what I really wanted to eat was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. And then I spent some time trying to work peanut butter and jelly into the equation, so that, mathematically, I would "get" to eat the peanut butter and jelly sandwich instead of one of the other choices. But somehow, for the first time in ages, I was able to say BAD DOG to my insane brain and just go ahead and eat peanut butter and jelly because I wanted it. My sandwich breakthrough is pathetic, I know, but without therapy or Prozac, it will have to do. P to the B to the motherfucking J! "i am lying" by stormyclaude comment:   You know that incredulous feeling that washes over you in the early wobbly days of new love, the days before your trust has been skinned and its pelt nailed to the wall, sick trophy of brokenness? You walk around, adoring the minutiae of someone else's life as though you can't believe the sheer magic of his existence. He uses Chapstick, you think. You trail a dreamy finger over all the dear embarrassing practicalities of life, canonized by association with he whom you've made your idol. Bactine kneesock bookmark. The doodles crawling on the margins of your dreamland are runes that say Destruction. Pre-Cadaver by weetabix comment:   Last night, Esteban and I were both walking through the kitchen at the same time, going in separate directions. I paused, undecided if I had just forgotten to do something, and then suddenly was overcome by a bout of ladytime bottom burpage. Or rather, a bottom burp that didn’t end. My ass just went on and on, hitting high notes, lilting question tones, making exclamations, all in one glorious butt aria. Esteban, quite understandably, was shocked and dismayed. I was completely amused and waited for his inevitable comment on my anal symphony. Finally, he lifted one eyebrow and calmly said, “Were you trying to form actual words?” It was then that I collapsed into a hysterical laughing heap onto the kitchen floor. There may be a reason why movies don't come with smells by marn comment:   I mean, it has to be crazy wonderful to have someone looking at you with that Omigawd You're So Hott I Want To Rub Myself Against You Until Friction Makes Your Clothes Melt Off look. Good Thing She Doesn't Know How To Talk Or I'd Be In Deep Shit Right About Now by thecritic comment:   I think I pushed my cat to her wits end. Last night I decided it would be fun to play, “Dress up Ms. Molley”. Unfortunately she didn’t share in my mirth. I started by placing my oversized glasses on her itty-bitty head. It gave her a very scholarly look. So much so I pronounced her “Professor Molley!” Teacher gave me a look like I was going to the principal’s office if I didn’t remove the foreign intruder from her face immediately. But just before she could dial the SPCA, I promptly took them off and began fashioning a lovely bridal dress out of Kleenex in preparation of her upcoming marriage to my dog, Snowball. Both the animals are female, but here at TheCritic’s diary we don’t judge people on the basis of sexual preferences, interspecies dating, or love of bestiality. attack of the bricabrac! by ann-frank comment:   once your eyes adjust to the darkness its promise of unnerving does not disappoint, I mean what with the hundreds and hundreds of filthy plastic and ceramic lawn animals – gaggles and herds and skulks and packs and flocks of flamingos, bunnies, geese, squirrels, deer, fox and raccoons - all dusty, chipped, scarred and staring - it becomes apparent it’s not so much a garage you’ve stumbled into, but rather, the place Where Your Creepy-Ass Lawn Ornaments Go to Die. Hey, let me tell you alllllll about my boo boo by marn comment:   Stupid finches and their need to get laid. Once the tumult of spring is over and everyone is appropriately sexed up, things will settle down here immeasurably. But right now it's pretty raucous. Forget Frosty. Think Ethel, the Christmas spider. by marn comment:   Winter is certain death and spiders are helpful creatures, so they get a reprieve of sorts from me during that season. Mostly the one or two I get every winter choose to live up in the peak of the cathedral ceiling upstairs, but this year we have a spider who has decided it will live right by where we put our Christmas tree. I have tried to coax her into the highest part of the ceiling, but she always returns to the spot by our bookcases. So this year we have Ethel, The Christmas Spider. Last night, as we were decorating our tree, the spousal unit decided that if Ethel was going to live by this symbol of the season, then he would add a festive air to her web by putting a few strands of tinsel into it. Ethel did NOT take kindly to his version of Trading Spaces and promptly went to work on the tinsel. Within half an hour she had cut most of it out of her web. She left two strands. Clearly, Ethel Has Standards and goes for a more subdued Christmas motif. I'm sure I speak for us all when I say that I can respect that. there's a clown frown downtown by smartypants comment:   I recently received penis-enlargement spam from one Mr. Tweeters, which was the name of my very first pet, a parakeet who died when I was ten years old. The thought that all spam is sent by a zombie army of undead pets, working from an underground bunker on some remote island, has been bothering me for a few days now. Millions of hamsters, clawing their way out of buried shoeboxes, logging on to AOL! I wish there had been more time by marn comment:   "Most of us, when we die, will leave a very small mark on the world. We won't write timeless sonnets, symphonies, or novels nor will we paint or sculpt a masterpiece. Our memorials will be the people who loved us, the bits of us we leave behind in them." chardonnay buzz by lifeisbeauty comment:   "I went to dinner with my parents and sister and her boyfriend. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast, hence the one-glass buzz. My parents are so much cooler when I’m drunk. I like them better, they like me better. It’s just better all around. I really need to start drinking more." under the wire, but on time by kuinileti comment:   "any day which moves as slowly as today has moved deserves to be killed. deserves to be bound and gagged, led down a dank set of cellar steps, tied to a laundry chute, and shot. in the head. repeatedly. will someone please kill today? i can't. i'm such a pacifist." Fine lines by kuinileti comment:   "I wish that every place on earth were as beautiful as this place, and that memories were more concrete. That the process of cleaning up and sorting through and throwing out were as respected as the process of accumulating and collecting and building walls of things...." Summer Solstice Blues by jamiestar comment:   "It's getting pretty hard to accept that not only is there nowhere for me to run this time, but I actually have to make myself run toward the center of the hurt, or I'll regret it forever." Maple Madness by marn comment:   "The maples are running, the maples are running and I'm just giddy with spring. And to those of you who just had visions of trees scampering through the woods, I can only say, "Why oh why didn't you listen to Nancy Reagan in the '80's and just say no to drugs?" But I digress." Silence Ain't Golden by marn comment:   "And as for the food--well, I can eat vegetarian when I must. I will even admit that a lot of it is very tasty. But hey, our species fought long and hard to get to the top of the food chain, and I figure I *owe* it my ancestors to eat the losers, eh. Are you with me on this? Anyone up for some curried losers? No? How about Losers Cordon Bleu?" Do they make Bert and Ernie bibs in my size? by marn comment:   "Oh, man, that Thai vegetarian food was insanely good. And thanks to their creative marinades and ways of cooking tofu to resemble everything from beef through to seafood, I will no longer think of tofu as semi-petrified wombat snot. I know. I'm as overwhelmed by this epiphany as you are."
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