messages to ahopeinhell:
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from jarofporter :
12/10 - just wondering how you're doing...
from jarofporter :
しかしすぐに、あなたは出来ます - glad to see you're still around!
from jarofporter :
omfg, you're back (yes, it's me again...) she liked you, it's just that people change. don't bother reaching out. imo, their lack of doing so tells you everything you need to know. ask me how i know this. and yeah, i don't meet anyone either. anyway, really glad to see you post again!
from jarofporter :
10/19/19 - now 27 in a row!! lol Been too long, you should post again. or maybe just send me an email or something if you're not up for an entry... :-)
from jarofporter :
26? lol... would like to see you update again, when/if you feel up to it. hope you're doing alright!
from jarofporter :
... and apparently, this now makes 25 notes in a row from me - gods, I feel like a stalker now!! :-P
from jarofporter :
Hi! Been a month or so, wondering how you're doing? Come back & give us an update, if you're feeling up to it! :-)
from jarofporter :
i understand not reaching out - i can never do so when i'm in a negative place either. i'm sorry people n your life are acting this way towards you & i hope it gets better soon. maybe the new job will lead to finding new people & things will improve. as crappy a platitude as it might be, things & people do leave our lives in order to make room for new, better things to come into it.
from jarofporter :
holidays are almost here - hope you update before then, or maybe just send me an email or something, would like to know you're ok.
from jarofporter :
wish i knew something useful to say. will be sending positive energy your way.
from jarofporter :
hope you're hanging in there. sending positive thoughts...
from jarofporter :
yeah, i know, sometimes there's really nothing to be said. just wanted you to know the offer was there.
from jarofporter :
man, i'm so sorry to hear this! :-( i'm sure you're not ready now, but i'm around to talk if you want/need, ok?
from jarofporter :
spent my day off doing taxes & getting the wire transfer done to pay of the mortgage. beyond that, i've no idea what to do, so i'll likely just sit around & read, or play guitar, or watch movies, or something entirely dull like that. once it warms up, i'll be able to road-trip on the cycle, which will be nice. what kind of comic are you doing?
from jarofporter :
"Then you can build me up shiny and new and pretend to have a semblance of interest in me~." - no pretending here...
from jarofporter :
Well, apparently this makes 15 notes in a row from me - tell me to knock it off if I'm buggin ya, but again, I'm just wondering how things are going... :-)
from jarofporter :
You're too kind... anyway, if I were that awesome, I think I'd be dating someone by now, yes? ;-) hope things are ok with you.
from jarofporter :
I wish things were better with you, but I'm glad you posted. Still in the process of moving, but almost done. And, no news on the microwave, or the trash they left behind. My realtor has a message in with their agent. The microwave was supposed to stay, so they owe me one, hope I get it soon. And I'm sure there are sunny days on the way for you, I can feel it! :-)
from jarofporter :
Hi! (See note from me below!) ;-)
from jarofporter :
you just came to mind, so i thought i'd check in, see how you're doing...
from jarofporter :
I'm sorry your friends (and you) are going through such difficult times. I've been through this with friends/family as well, if you'd like to talk/vent, please message me, ok? Take care.
from jarofporter :
Thanks. None of this is really new, I just react to things worse at some points than others. And yes, "everyone & everything", collectively, is a pain in the ass. Seems like it should be easy to ignore, but it never is. I hope your stress dissipates soon, for the better. Uncertainty sucks, but such is life I guess? Thoughts are with you.
from jarofporter :
"Things have been mostly good, maybe my mentality less so." - Same here. Really glad to see an update from you! I don't see anything incongruous about an ace relationship - not all relationships need that particular type of intimacy. And yes, loneliness is the human condition, we all just hope to find someone to lessen the feeling, I think.
from jarofporter :
Honestly, I don't care if I seem to be the only one posting to your notes - I'm a bit concerned & want to know how you're doing. Of course, I'll assume no news is good news, but it's always best to hear it from the source! Hope you're doing well...
from jarofporter :
Hey! Haven't seen anything from you in quite a while now, wondering if everything's ok with you? Stop back & give us an update, if you have a minute! :-)
from jarofporter :
i want to say something positive about this, but i don't think i'm in the right frame of mind...
from jarofporter :
two years? did i miss this, or did you not post about it? either way, that makes me sad...
from jarofporter :
YaY, a post from you! Booo, a not-so-happy post. :-( sorry to hear of anxiety attacks, i hope things smooth out a bit soon! what've you been up to?
from jarofporter :
i don't know why this is happening now, but every time i see your username in my list, i think of this (even though i have no reason to relate it to you!?) - 'Anvil, Hope in Hell' https://youtu.be/9-tNxevH37s :-)
from jarofporter :
typical parental stuff... ignore them and do your thing!
from jimbostaxi :
Work is a drag 100% of the time someone's bitching about something I dread going there. Here's my favorite part of V for Vendetta - It seems strange that my life should end in such a terrible place, but for three years I had roses and apologized to no one. I shall die here. Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch, but one. An inch. It is small and it is fragile and it is the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must NEVER let them take it from us. I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the worlds turns, and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. Valerie
from jimbostaxi :
I hate power struggles they go on all the time at my job everyone's a boss and they all want you to follow orders but there orders don't always match up. If you follow one persons orders your on the others shit list it's a no win situation.
from jarofporter :
damn, that's a lot to go through! glad you've got a good support system.
from jarofporter :
good to see you back!
from unknowntome :
Hey you. You float around my mind a lot. As much as I never visited you working at SS, I feel somehow sad that you're not in there anymore :(
from jarofporter :
hi! wondering how things are going...
from jarofporter :
made me smile tonight - i'm envious, but happy for you!
from jarofporter :
i'm sorry to hear there's bad news, but i think, with the wave of good that's been coming your way, things will work out for the better when everything is said and done. glad to hear things are still good on the dating front though!
from jarofporter :
(cow goes..who? [oh yes...]) "no silly, a cow goes 'moooo'!" (ugh, sorry.)
from movingsands :
All of this feels like a mix of hope and gold in a bowl :)
from jarofporter :
(who's there?)... Cow goes - and glad to hear date #2 went so well!
from jarofporter :
(ho-ho-who?) you know, your Santa impression could use a little work... *grin* .... ok, one more - knock knock!
from jarofporter :
Also, sounds like a great date! Glad it went so well. And a kiss to top it off - very nice!
from jarofporter :
(who's there?) Ho-Ho...
from jarofporter :
"A broken pencil, who?" nevermind, it's pointless. :-P Knock Knock...
from dangerspouse :
"Eggscellent". Groaner indeed :)
from jarofporter :
btw, "(*knockknock*), who's there?" - a broken pencil...
from jarofporter :
YaY! lol good to see an entry from you again. really excited for you on your upcoming date, as well! that was a pretty cool way for it to happen - i'm envious. :-) keep us posted!
from dangerspouse :
Stupid Jarofporter is hogging all your notes. He does that EVERYWHERE. Anyway: w00t! for the new relationship with Geek! I hope it works out :)
from jarofporter :
*knock knock knock* (now 6...)
from jarofporter :
apparently, from the last 5 notes you have, i'm e-stalking you!? just wondering how everything's going, you've been away for a while...
from jarofporter :
notes are working, so... Hi!
from jarofporter :
hi! so, i'm being nosey - did you ever say anything?
from jarofporter :
just saying hey, wondered how things are going...
from jarofporter :
still sending you "boldness" vibes - i hope you can take that step, i usually can't.
from jaysthoughts :
Just checking to see how many diarylanders still actually check their notes and stay active.
from movingsands :
Those dreams...enough of that, they say. The waters are tested, they say. Time to act. Sometimes, it's the only way. Lots of luck! :)
from orgami :
grissom couldnt love sarah....but he felt..
from jarofporter :
just be direct, get it out in the open. ultimately, things will either work out or not, but the not knowing is the worst. from what you've written, i think you're in, and i'll be hoping the best for you & sending positive vibes!
from movingsands :
Aye. Mayhap to keep everyone honest :)
from jarofporter :
but it seems there has to be a point in life where one realizes things will never be, and then "giving up" is just seen as being the wise choice, yes? i mean, how many decades of misplacedmisguided hope must one endure before acknowledging reality? *sigh* anyway, i smiled to read your last entry, it was really sweet.
from jarofporter :
oh, and yeah, i feel ya...
from jarofporter :
"Why have I chased love for so long, and never caught up? How have I only ever caught glimpses from the other side of the wood?" - exactly...
from jarofporter :
ugh. sorry about the last note - i seem to have been overcome by a bout of melodramatic melancholia last night...
from jarofporter :
http://ahopeinhell.diaryland.com/140624_1.html - this made my heart sigh...
from jarofporter :
heh, no, it's been there for a couplefew years, i think. i did just updated it again recently, but i've met some new people, and need to update again! i bet you had a hell of a time figuring out wtf was going on not knowing about the cast list though! i feel like i should apologize! as i think i've said before, i'm torn - i'm glad you're not posting because it means things are well, but on the other hand, i wonder what's happening, you know? :)
from jarofporter :
going well, for the most part! i don't "check in" too often because, as you put it, "no news is good news". when you don't post, i assume you're out enjoying life, and i don't want to drag you back here if things are going well! :)
from jarofporter :
*umm, less the part before the 1st comma* :-P
from jarofporter :
*Please see 1st sentence of previous note* ;-)
from jarofporter :
no need for 'sorry', was just saying hi, hoping things were well! ~.^ so, do you have options in mind, or is the field wide open for what to do next with your life? i'm kind of at the same place now.
from jarofporter :
saw your name in my list today & wondered how things are going...
from jarofporter :
interesting, isn't it, going back through older journal entries and finding things you don't recall. i've got a few like that as well. any thoughts on what it meant to you at the time? just curious, don't mean to pry...
from movingsands :
I guess we all have bottles to break, memories to suck the life out of so they won't suck the life out of us...
from jarofporter :
i'm constantly amazed at how much your entries sound like something i might have written myself. i get the feeling you'll move past the fear soon enough. and btw, when you do, please let me know how you did it, ok? also, thx for another update! :-)
from jarofporter :
hey, good to hear from you. regarding your note, unfortunately, no the journey's apparently *not* part of the fun, or I'd be having some fun by now, yes!? heh... ugh. anyway, thanks for the note, and you know, you really should update more!
from jarofporter :
http://images.sodahead.com/profiles/0/0/2/6/1/7/0/2/9/grumpy-cat-saying-no-105609979308.jpeg ;-)
from movingsands :
and i really like your posts
from movingsands :
yes. it would.
from jarofporter :
hi! almost left you a note a couple weeks ago, but figured things were still going well, since you hadn't been around much! how goes it?
from jarofporter :
well then, i guess it's a good sign when we don't see you too often, yes? ;-) hope the positive streak maintains! glad you stopped in to say hey too. :-)
from jarofporter :
just checking in - you still around? it's been months, hope all's well...
from jarofporter :
who's next, indeed...
from raven72d :
You must become your own white rabbit.
from jarofporter :
nice dr. who reference!
from jarofporter :
the things you write needn't be life-altering, just keep at it until the vibe returns, you know? some of us are interested in what you're up to! :-) as for my hair, it's *was* - been a few years now since it's been that long. debating growing it again, but!?
from jarofporter :
been quite a while, you still around? would dig seeing an update!
from raven72d :
I've been writing here for a long, long time. And I'm always fiercely loyal to friends. I never want to just Vanish out of friends' lives. Well... my plan is to be here 'til the platform goes away.
from raven72d :
I know--- I'm a major Murakami fan. I love all the novels and the short story collections, too. And I hope you will feel like writing more here in the Year Thirteen.
from raven72d :
"Wind-Up Bird Chronicle" is wonderful.
from raven72d :
Happy Year Thirteen! All the best for the new year!
from jarofporter :
or do they just lament their fate, reprobate in their soul, while, as the dawning lights their path, their hearts will never know...
from jarofporter :
hey! you get settled into your new location yet? or are you still traveling? you should update again, if you can...
from jarofporter :
agreed...
from jarofporter :
still kickin?
from jarofporter :
well, i can come to terms with/accept people moving on and forgetting me, but the thought that someone might thoroughly dislike me? very hard to accept. however yes, the ones who just dropped out, i do miss. and thanks, for the offer. =)
from jarofporter :
imo, there is one thing worse than being forgotten, and that's being loathed.
from elusive-you :
thank you for your note! it IS nice to know other people believe the same thing, too.
from jarofporter :
well, if i read that right, i'm sending good vibes your way. positive thoughts, ok? (if not, ignore this message!) ;-)
from raven72d :
I'll have to look around here for an equivalent.
from raven72d :
I love the tea house image! And the Formosa gunpowder tea!
from jarofporter :
...and as thoughts consume the mind, the edge grows more distant, until it becomes as a memory.
from jarofporter :
*taptaptap* anyone still in here!?
from jarofporter :
worked! go check your tumblr... :)
from raven72d :
11 March 08--- atoms are mostly space, and somehow we always remain ghosts, never quite touching. But I think we have to try.
from jarofporter :
nope, just tried it again, with the /ask added - still says "url cannot be found" or some such. :-/ maybe you could email me at jarofporter@diaryland.com? might take an hour or so for it to start working, cuz i just turned my email on...
from jarofporter :
tried several times to message you at your tumblr site - keeps saying "url cannot be found" or some such. anywhere else i can contact you?
from jarofporter :
oh, and btw... http://ahopeinhell.diaryland.com/110819_85.html yep. *sigh* - remember every one of them...
from jarofporter :
hi! sorry i was locked up when you looked - the only reason i did so was i think a someone i know found me, and i didn't want to take any chances... if you'd like to read, let me know where to contact you & i can get you a password! :)
from anhelo :
Hi, randomly clicked on your diary. It's 3:16am where I am. And I am always awake at night. I read your most recent entry Feb. 13, 2012. And I felt like I was reading my own post. Nice to read you.
from jarofporter :
found "Obviously. Feb. 13, 2012 - 11:06 p.m." a bit resonant. hope you don't mind my reading a bit of your journal...
from raven72d :
I hope your heart heals, and that the year goes well.
from raven72d :
do stay in touch next year, and do feel invited to leave lots o' notes...
from raven72d :
happy Boxing Day! I hope Xmas went well... and I hope your Year Twelve goes well, too.
from raven72d :
I like that idea...I'm thinking of sounds and words...
from raven72d :
agreed on that word.
from raven72d :
i'm feeling a bit like that too, these days: disconnected and adrift.
from raven72d :
who is treating you as if you don't exist?
from raven72d :
I'm a major fan of Murakami!
from raven72d :
i do hope you'll stay in touch. i quite enjoy reading you.
from raven72d :
Thanks for the birthday wishes! I'll be thinking of ScarJo as a birthday date... Glad yours went well, date-wise...
from raven72d :
I hope she calls again, too. I like a gentle and romantic mystery. And I enjoyed the conversation. Birthdays are...well...I just feel time passing and possibilities narrowing. I'd never turn down a free drink or two or a kiss from a lovely friend, but I may just go to ground and hide all day.
from raven72d :
My birthday is 22 November... We should commiserate about the sheer depressing soul-killingness of birthdays.
from raven72d :
Thanks! I have degrees in History and Law, and I have taught History. It's just a hard economy right now.
from raven72d :
10 Nov. 11---- good thought.
from raven72d :
self-hatred i know all about.
from raven72d :
eerie story...
from raven72d :
what are the changes you're hoping for? what demons are out there for you?
from raven72d :
i hope that year ends on a good note for you...and i will be reading along.
from raven72d :
good entries.
from jaysthoughts :
I can't believe I read that whole conversation.
from jaysthoughts :
Is that the girl from Final Fantasy 10?
from givememore :
I love your words.
from carameldolce :
I kind of think in the same way... or at least used to. I don't think you've missed your chance... the mistake is to lose all hope...
from raven72d :
I love the 09 Jan 08 entry.
from raven72d :
Lovely layout drawing.
from idieinside :
Contradiction would be an understatement. There are always worse things I suppose, I guess it's not about the value of the thing that I had going for me, but rather that it's gone now and on top of that it's my fault. I don't know, if you do wind up happy with someone, work harder than I did to keep it alive.
from idieinside :
My argument is I'd rather not know what it was like when I was happy and in love, because now when I look at my life and how sad I am, I wouldn't know that there's a better life. I'm not sure there's a solution to your problem, though you might try and seek out religion, if you haven't already.
from idieinside :
Did you read my diary? Go ahead and peer into my life for a second, you'll get the picture. Or, if you were being facetious, then I applaud your sterling sense of humor.
from idieinside :
To your entry on Feb 6th. Don't fall in love.
from unknowntome :
a second clue?? meow??
from ahopeinhell :
You don't need a second clue, do you~? :3

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