DiaryLand members area

Do you know much I wish I lived near you? So very, very badly! I feel exactly the same way and its frickin' torturous. I'm trying. But I have that deadline now - next December. 30th birthday bucket list time. If I still feel like this then I'm on a plane. Maybe, if you feel like it then too, you could drive into the unknown with me? Even if its only for a while :-)

from thruthecrowd :

Thank you for the notes, it means a lot to me when others let me know their thoughts, esp. when I'm having a rougher than usual go at life. And I hope you get to see Maleficent! :)

from julymalaise :

Thanks, missed you!

from sevenmagpies :

My password/log in thingy isn't working! I'll email you Tuesday if I haven't heard from you. My mind is too buzzed on coffee and red bull right now - dissertation time!! (Oh, this is Rach by the way - new diary!) Xx

from loveherwell :

you changed the password? :(

from loveherwell :

it seems as though you won't be satisfied if you stay. is it more important to you to make someone who can't give you what you need happy? or to make yourself happy?

from athenyx :

I really wish I could take some of this euphoria I'm feeling and send it in a bottle across the sea for you. You deserve happiness, don't let any feeling or person tell you otherwise. Strive for the future you want and it'll happen. Sending love and hugs your way Xx

from loveherwell :

well that's all it takes :)

from loveherwell :

it's not selfish for you to want love. and it's not selfish to want it from him considering the way he treats you. that kind of attention typically segways into that.

from julymalaise :

I know, I agree with you one hundred percent. I miss it too. I remember that sometimes I would not be able to post an entry, due to many people trying to post an entry at the same time, and I would get that message saying "wait a few minutes and try again." Those were the days. Yeah, you are right about it being a watseland. Diaryland is like a ghost town ...

from julymalaise :

I know! Whenever I am stressed or whatnot, I just need a good hug, so I can just have a moment to forget all of the worries and stresses of life and just sink into the warmness of a hug. Thanks, Rachie for the virtual hug! *virtual hugs back*. :)

from loveherwell :

thank you! yes, it seems it is already starting to fade :) xx

from julymalaise :

Thanks for the comforting words. My mother bought the special food to treat his diabetes and he looks a bit better. Yeah, I dunno why 2 years old love Thomas so much! What is it with those trains?? Lol. And ugh, so not looking forward to the wedding. It has been causing unnecessary stress and drama with everyone in the family. And yeah, there are so family problems, ugh!! Right now, I just need a pause and rewind button on life! Hope everything is well with you!

from julymalaise :

May I have a password please, my dear friend? If you are not issuing out passwords right now, I understand and respect your privacy. Have a lovely day!!!

from athenyx :

There is something seriously wrong with my notes notifications *sighs* lol. It's okay that we won't get to see each other, it will happen one day soon - i'm determined to be back in the next few years to concentrate on the West coast and you'll be much closer then! :-D I wondered where your Facebook had gone! I'm no longer Rati*nal Racc**n - it let me change my name back yesterday - i kind of miss it now though :-( Definitely add me - or i'll try and add you!! Xx

from athenyx :

Can i get the password please sweetness? Xx

from athenyx :

Ah!!! I only just got your note - Diaryland didn't send me an email when you wrote it, major suckage :-( I'm still at camp until August 21st sweets, but i am going a bit south for my travels after camp! I'm heading first to Atlanta, then New Orleans, then Houston and then Memphis before going North to Chicago! It's still miles from Arizona though :-( and alas i am majorly poor and will be living off crackers so i can see the sights....Gah!! It would be so cool if we could meet up, but it's okay if we can't - i'll be back to do the other coast hopefully next year and then i'll be much closer!! Xx

from jaysthoughts :

Never deny yourself a beneficial pleasure. Life is too short for that. Never lie to yourself about a harmful pleasure. Life is too short for that..

from athenyx :

Guess which glorious country i find myself in for the summer? Yep...the USA. I'm in North Carolina! I've been here for 6 weeks now and i feel the urge to write so badly! I won't be going home for another 10 weeks, so if you have the urge to meet up or do some travelling then let me know! Xx

from jaysthoughts :

^ Certified hugger and experienced Rachum snuggler.

from jaysthoughts :

I guess that's why your plan is to continue to pretend I don't exist for a few more weeks until it's true. I'm sorry. For everything. Maybe they're right. Maybe it is karma.

from jaysthoughts :

Yeah, pretty much everyone knows you have a sex life. You're obviously conflicted about it and you still love yourself and you want to be allowed to be a whole person. Well, that's wrong. Hahah.. Let me put it to you that way because it will shock you and make you take it the wrong way because it's coming from me so I know you're awake for the actual explanation- it's the wrong angle altogether. Never wait for anyone's allowance or permission to be who you need to be. Live the life that you can live with. To ask anything else of yourself isn't just off, it's unreasonable. Stop being so hard on yourself, but be honest. End of unsolicited advice.

from julymalaise :

I read your latest entry and I must say, I can totally relate to what you are trying to convey about technology. I mean, as much as technology is useful and easy, there's no romantic flair to it. At all. I mean, getting an email from a boyfriend is not romantic, however, writing a letter is! And I feel as if I can live without technology, I mean, it would not be bad if I didn't have those things, like a television or whatnot. And I totally agree with you with the photo album, I love looking at old pictures and imagining how life was like back in the days and wondering about it. It's good to know that great people are still old-fashioned and can carry out these traditions like photo albums instead of just looking into a Photobucket account.

from jaysthoughts :

I intended to be gone for good. Just didnt turn out that way. I only told you because you're the only one I wanted to know.. the only one I thought deserved to.

from julymalaise :

Happy belayed PI day to you as well!! And that is cool your friend's birthday is on that day. Did she by any chance had pie? Hahaha, someone should make her pie for her next birthday!, Haha, that would be swell, indeed!! And that is good you are giving something up for Lent, and sadly, I did not have any pie on PI day!! :'''(

from melodymetuka :

I myself am considered 'morbidly obese' by the medical types. So I know where you are coming from. I'm not sure why people think it is acceptable to say such things behind your back, but there are always people like that. It is possible that if you were to confront your co-worker that she would be properly ashamed and abashed, it could change the behaviour if not the person or the situation. Not that you need to, just a thought. I know that it is somehow socially/politically incorrect to mention this, but 'fat' is not a dirty word. There are plenty of people the world over, men and women, who see a person who is large as more attractive, more sexy, more desirable. Since leaving the U.S. I've been fortunate to live among people who really appreciate a woman who is large and strong. Not relevant to me personally, but when it is a part of the general culture one can't but benefit from the lack of atmosphere which is prevalent in some places. Even in the U.S. there are people who do not see fat a perjorative, granted they are harder to find and tend to keep their opinions to themselves. Nothing, absolutely nothing, excuses the behaviour of the people who write such things on the internet or behave in such a way to your face or behind your back, but while they are the most vocal, they are not all people. I don't know if you can do it, but if you can look at yourself in the mirror and see that you are beautiful, then those other people do not matter. They are just small, nasty little people. I'm so sorry that those awful people got you down. They are not entitled to make you or anyone else feel bad. I hope you can hold your head high, and know that you are worth more than any of their garbage.

from athenyx :

I've read your last two entries and they just about break my heart....mostly because i understand, you know? I really do. One of the things that scares me most in this world is that i don't think the majority of people are able to see beyond the superficial. They take one look at a fat person and that person is no longer a person...they're fat. It's like every facet of their personality disappears because they're not slim. Sometimes i don't even think it's intentional...they just do it. They see you, and they see you as fat. And i really wish i could change the world, so so badly...but i wanted to let you know that not everyone is like that. There are rare individuals who see you for you, regardless of your weight. And sometimes i wonder if it's because we shine brighter somehow? Maybe we feel like we've got to make up for something so we're more ourselves than anyone else? I don't know....i'm just throwing theories around. Not so long ago i was lying in bed feeling sorry for myself and Noodle came in and dumped himself on my floor, "What's up?" he said, and i told him nothing. "That's the biggest load of shit i ever heard. Now come on, tell me what's up?" So i frowned a little, and i took the time to form my words, and i blurted out..."When you see me, do you see me? Or do you see a fat girl?" And the look of shock on his face was adorable, but he smiled me at me and he said "I see you Rach. My Mum was a big woman and i only ever saw her for her. I see you." And it was so sweet, because i could see the honesty in his words. So there are people out there who see you for you regardless of your weight. There will always be nasty people who pick on the most obvious thing to taunt you with, and they're not worth the tears. It's easy enough to say (like everything) but they're really not. Resorting to pathetic weight taunts hides an insecurity they're hoping you won't discover if they damage your confidence enough. People like to detract attention from themselves by calling attention to other people, and it's so very sad but true. Maybe one day the world will wake up and realise that it truly doesn't matter...or maybe it won't. Those of us who recieve the taunts can either forget about them, harden the shell or do something to make sure they don't happen...it all depends on how YOU feel about how you look. Noone can tell you what size you're supposed to be, only you can make that decision, and if you're happy, then everyone else can just be damn happy for you too. I love the person you are, regardless of how you look, but just for the record, i think you're beautiful too.

from julymalaise :

Hello, I read your recent entry about the New Year's thing. I think that guy was being such a majorly dick, as well as a arrogant jerk who has no respect for anyone. Whoever says those immature comments about girl and their appearance is not actually a mature person, so he's still acting childish, which is quite pathetic. And he's not a gentleman at ALL, because he is definetely not courteous or polite at ALL. He's just an adolescent boy stuck inside a grown man's body and someday, he'll learn the hard way. I feel bad for the girls who accompanied him because they probably had to put up with his stupid shit. Rachie, you shouldn't worry about that guy because chances are, you'll never see him again and that is the good thing. Besides, people are always goin' hate, but it's best to ignore them and make fun of them for their dumb commentary. It's what you think and nothing else matters, whatsoever. People are always going to be rude and pathetic, remember that? Because it is good to just keep your head high and be proud of who you are!

from melodymetuka :

Bravo! All of it! If you need to relocate to get to be who you truly are, then go for it. I had to leave where I was for exactly the same reason, to get away from all the people who thought they knew me, and it was a long rocky road but so worth it. In any event, just to share some experience, when I finally decided that being myself was more important than having people around, a funny thing happened. Once I'd let go of all the people who were wrong for me, some people who were right for me started to seep into my life. It's a pretty wonderful thing. Go you! :-)

from jaysthoughts :

I'd call but I don't have your number. Id message but I never see you on yahoo, so.. The general consensus seems to be you should postpone thanksgiving a bit. Please agree.

from jaysthoughts :

I think it's a shame that you've already decided how things would go with someone you've admitted you don't even know.. but I understand. I will probably keep hoping we can hang out and be friends some day anyway..

from jaysthoughts :

So not an actual monster just the most charmless hurtful ass hole you've ever wanted to know less about. I'm glad we've cleared that up. Sweet dreams to you.

from jaysthoughts :

I guess that's because I DO think you see me the way you talk about me- as a charmless person who has done to you "more horrible things than everyone else combined." This being true or not (something you decide, in this case) and this being something I want to hear about years after the fact.. are very different things that we've already talked about many many times. If I knew you read my journal and would just respond to this.. and this conversation would go on even longer.. I don't know. I'd have just.. done something else. I don't know. But yeah. I believe you still see me as a monster. That you think the worst of me even though you don't know me and have no interest in learning otherwise.

from jaysthoughts :

You don't sound sorry. You sound like you're trying to minimalize the "offhand" comment you repeated in at least three different forums.

from jaysthoughts :

That was a really. really. long time ago when we were both other people. I was actually just coming to say.. that when I hear you laughing in the other room, my soul bubbles. To know you still have such happiness made me giggle irrepressably.. to know that the pain I sometimes remember causing you is gone from you. I wish it was. I was .. I don't even want to think about what I was. You are the most amazing cheeseburger ever. <-- Try to remember THAT instead.

from athenyx :

Aww thank you. That was a really sweet note. Your happiness is usually infective to me; it's nice to know what you're always talking about :-) I really hope the next three years work out too, lord knows i've had enough dud ones x

from julymalaise :

You're welcome and yeah, we're okay here, but I got a little bit freaked out when my mother told me that story. But I got over it. But I thought it was strange that I had the dream the week before she confesses to seeing a shadow in the house. And man, I wish I could ride a bicycle. I don't know how to ride one, but it's my fault because when I was little, I never wanted to ride a bike, so yeah... lol.

from julymalaise :

I'll keep your birth mother in my prayers, hope everything will be well. Just think positive.

from julymalaise :

I'm glad someone else agrees with me on the subject. Yeah, like it's so frustrating and I don't get why everyone looooves these shows, like they are so fucking dumb, and like you said, unorginal and not creative. They probably don't have enough money to make a decent script, so they just base their stupid plotlines on dumb stuff that people would be SO amazed at. Not...

from athenyx :

You make me want to treat my diary like a person, does that make sense? Like all along i've either been talking to myself or talking to the world, when i should just be talking to my diary because it's my closest friend x

from athenyx :

Ello back at ya munchkin :-) Facebook message me (or email if you know that) your new address pleasums xoxo

from jaysthoughts :

Even you can't stand to fight to see the good in me anymore.. your words. Maybe there is none. Maybe there never was.

from jaysthoughts :

There's so much I want to say to you.. and today would be the worst day of all to say it.

from melodymetuka :

Knowing how painful the letting go period is, all I can do is to pray for you and hope it passes relatively quickly. You're right, it's not so bad, but it's not so good, either. Too bad he was such a shmuck as to not appreciate you.

from jaysthoughts :

Yes, little buddha. Change is the nature of Life. =)

from jaysthoughts :

Yeah.. if it was worth taking the effort to do that it should have been worth the effort of talking it out if you mean anything to him. I can see how that would hurt too. I can see both sides.. mostly though I hate to see you hurt any more.

from jaysthoughts :

You must get of course that Roach is protecting himself from the hurt of the back and forth, of not knowing when or if or how many times he'd have to lose you to moving away or to finding out you did something with a virtual stranger that no one ever thought you would do- that this is not for no reason.

from athenyx :

You never know. I hope you do find something that easy; but it's like you said, you can just introduce yourself as Becca and that will be that :-) x

from athenyx :

That sucks. I applied online - added my second middle name, switched my surname, paid with my card - next thing you know the certificate came through the post. Once i'd signed, i'd agreed to never use my old name again. Quick and painless. I don't regret it for a second - it's amazing how quickly you get used to it as well x

from athenyx :

Rebecca is my cousin's name :-) I always thought it was pretty. Do you not have a deed poll service in the US? It cost me �33 to change my name legally x

from jaysthoughts :

Yeah I was trying to say I think I deserve to be in your life. I think you understand that. If you don't agree, that's fine. There's no reason to be snippy.

from athenyx :

Heya Girly. Happy 24th Birthday! I hope you have a really beautiful day; you deserve it. xoxo

from almostrachie :

No, I don't say. I actually say, "People who deserve to be in your life will do whatever it takes to stay there." But all smart-assedness aside, I didn't feel the need to put an asterisk after that note and include in small print: "provided it is still a safe and healthy place for them to be." because I think that part should be able to go without being said.

from jaysthoughts :

"People who deserve to be in your life will do whatever it takes to stay in it." .... Mm, you don't say.

from jaysthoughts :

This made me think of you- "She was twelve years old when she told Eddie Willers that she would run the railroad when they grew up. She was fifteen when it occurred to her for the first time that women did not run railroads and that people might object. To hell with that, she thought�and never worried about it again." -Atlas Shrugged

from jaysthoughts :

And I agree with about abortion or any other issue in this- you should make value judgments, not person condemnations. *nods*

from melodymetuka :

Wishing you only sweet, sweet dreams.

from jaysthoughts :

So long as the cause of divorce was listed as something benign like irreconsilable differences or something you have no worries about the divorce. Please don't stress over that. I have every intention of helping you move on in that regard.

from melodymetuka :

Good luck!

from jaysthoughts :

Um wow.. the level of anger you have towards me regardless of my attitude towards you, the length of time that passes, or my actual choice of words sometimes sucks utter ass. I'll get them this time. I normally don't check my mail that often at all unless I know I have a package coming and I've just been busy but I'm checking nearly every day now and can reimburse you as soon as I'm not in debt myself. Alright?

from melodymetuka :

It seems to me that most people don't 'choose' to be uncaring - they just don't think. They don't care to think or think to care. It IS sad. People like you who (seem to) care more than most aren't pointless, they are necessary to keep this old world from becoming an even more hellacious place.

from jaysthoughts :

The great thing about these last few years has been that as I've continued to grow so has my dad. He's never been a stagnant person. To be able to tell each other we Love one another and to have a real connection and understanding there, it's something I never had growing up I felt and I'm really grateful for it. Suffice it to say I know what you're going through with your mom but because of my dad's maturity I always assumed that's just the way it was with parents and would always say "Well when you're both older I'm sure you'll become best friends!" But I think this is just her. Losing out on an amazing daughter.. and that's a shame for both of you. You have so much Love to give. To Connor. To your mom. All you want to do is Love and put happiness and goodness in the world. =) And I know no one can stop you doing that. Peace.

from jaysthoughts :

It wasn't a rebuttal. I wasn't trying to change your mind. I was trying to tell you why I was shocked and crushed. Honestly I don't think if I had told you the truth.. that I feel shattered and it's hurt my trust in everyone.. everyone I know seems to be paying for my reaction to this emotionally and I feel like shit for that..thinking god, does the world always win?? Does it eventually turn every Amazing person..into another normal one? It was like losing you all over again..maybe worse. Like knowing the whole world was losing you, maybe even you. If I would have told you how it broke my heart I still even now doubt it would have affected you as much as those six words from Roach. I think you're more likely to respond to ANY phrasing I put forward on the defensive just because it's coming from me. And to hear how upset I've made you now.. that I still even from this far away this carefully even when expressing concern can't Love you right.. fuck. That.. sucks.. I'm sorry.

from jaysthoughts :

It's not because I feel better than them. It's because I think when someone is that far down the only way to lift them up is to bounce them off the bottom. If I were to say to those girls.. hey, I care about you..and they were in a self destructive place, which yes I'm assuming by their career choice that they are- I suppose it's possible they're being held there at gunpoint off camera or something..they can't receive that care.. but if I say to that person "You are trash." something in them arises to prove me wrong, and if that's the only thing I can do to kickstart them striving again, I will do it. I know that sounds backwards. It is backwards. But it's sure as fuck not an assumption. It's the fruit of knowing, from quite a god damn bit too much experience of years of trying to lift up exactly those kinds of women only to be dragged down by them instead. If I express resentment at it know that no one hates something that much that they don't care about. When I met you I was so glad that I could Love you straight. Not backwards. That you actually wanted what was best..were such a striver of amazing spirit- but don't in your admirable desire to see all people in a positive light assume that all people are like yourself...I Love you. I know I've failed you a million times and pretty clearly angered you in a thousands ways. Maybe I'll never connect right. Always Love more like House than Robert Frost. But I.. egh.. fuck.

from athenyx :

I have to say it. For the 30th, actually no, for the whole entry...You Go Girl!! I would have facebooked it, but i'm taking a hiatus! x

from omfggwtf :

hellooo! i just clicked on here and would like to add. may i? :)! x

from athenyx :

I had the two same things pop up on my facebook over the weekend. I don't usually participate in anything like either of them, but i changed my picture to Ickis - only cause Ickis rocks :-) But i didn't do the number game, mostly cause i don't want people to tell me what they think of me and i don't really want to have to tell people either...that sounds really mean now that i read it over. But i always go with the policy that my opinion of myself is the most important one, then my family and closest friends (and i already know what they think) and of course i don't always think nice things about people, i'm too rational and honest, plus i over-analyse, so i'd more like confuse or upset someone this way :-) Right now facebook is flooded with X factor nonsense...but i won't complain, each to their own. x

from athenyx :

I'm 66 days older than you. Eeek. 24 soon x

from athenyx :

Maybe you're soul mates?...if you believe in that sort of thing. I'd like to think i do, but i haven't found mine yet. Maybe you've found yours and that's why it hurts so much to be seperated? After all, you don't have to be in love with your soul mate you just need to have a connection. x o x o

from athenyx :

Don't do it. Remain optimistic. Shiz always works out okay in the end, no matter how sucky it's gotta get in the mean time x

from julymalaise :

You are so right about the whole attraction thing, Rachie. Looks should not matter, the only thing that does is that you are in love with the person they are, not for his biceps, or whatever (Though it is okay to love them..) but besides that, personality should be stronger than physical appearance.

from julymalaise :

We kinda share the same beliefs about kindness and seeing the good in people. I try not to see the bad in people, and to see the good, even though some people do not act good. But I try to, and even though it is hard, I don't give up.

from julymalaise :

Nice layout, hon!

from julymalaise :

Wow, I never knew you were married, or where you just saying that to make your point? I do support you one-hundred percent, sometimes people gotta out of people's business about things, some people get divorce for a reason, for like serious problems, like abused or forced into marriage. But sometimes, people DO take marriage so lightly, marriage is a big commitment. You have to prepare yourself for your future with the one you will always cherish. By the way, I'm sick of all of those annoying groups on Facebook! They irk my soul!

from julymalaise :

That's a very creative thing to be for halloween, flip-flops. And I heard Savage Garden make cool music to listen to! I have a question, have you ever been to Tombstone, Arizona? I'm just asking becuase you live there, but I want to go there! Mainly because it is a town filled with ghost from the Wild West. Stay strong, Rachie, you've been going through a rough time, I imagine. The best way to be okay is to just look at the positive things in life.

from julymalaise :

That dream sure was something, I was so amazed by it and that is cool you looked it up and it told you answer. I really hope everything will be okay with you and it is sad to leave something that you miss.

from julymalaise :

Hope all is well with you and I'm sure you will make it well!

from julymalaise :

It's okay, hahah. School is great actually, I love it, well I am beginning to love it, so yes. Yeah, Luna's awesome as hell, she can draw a very cool-ass drawing of something you would like to draw, like no llie. Thanks for the link, and I do think you are real, not a fake-ass person like a lot of people I know, so hooray for you girl!!! I'm sorry to hear that you have gotten laid off, my dad got laid off when I started school, and he is looking for a job now,

from julymalaise :

Hey, which entry was it that you said you were appreciated me calling you "real?" I think I might of missed that one. And you are welcome, and it's true because you are real, you are not fake, and yeah I totally agree, I do not get why guys go for the fake chicks and not for the real ones, the fake ones who are constantly worrying about everything BUT their boyfriends, you know? You are right, men are confusing.

from julymalaise :

Hope you feel better Rachie!

from julymalaise :

Sometimes it is hard to change, but at the same time, it is worth it, but it's okay, I know you will get through. Noone said it was going to be easy. but it will be all better soon. Keep your head up, Rachie!

from julymalaise :

Wow, seems like you have a lot in your hands, my friends. But let me assure you, maybe it will pay off and something good will happen after it is all over.

from julymalaise :

Oh... that explains it, so that is why... but when you do not have the gold member anymore, you just go back regular font and like that? Hm... that seems to be cool. Thanks for explaining it to me.

from julymalaise :

Cool layout, Rachel, love it!!! Yeah, I recently read "The Secret Garden.", the book is good and the movie is good, although I don't remember it very well, the movie, I mean.

from julymalaise :

Oh my goodness, I remember that too. Like I would try to post an entry and then it would like "I'm sorry, you can't." like you said, diaryland used to be so heavily populated, now it is like a wasteland, which is sad to say, but that is why it is turning out to be. Ever since LiveJournal and all of those other journal websites came out, diaryland became less populated. Yeah, I hate those fake diaries, they are sooooo irritatiing the hell out of me.

from julymalaise :

Hopefully, they will reply back and you're welcome! You're the best!

from julymalaise :

Hello Rachel, I would like to say that the director is very blind! You seem to be a great person with a potential, so why won't they let you play the leading part and instead cast you as a pig?!? That is not right! Injustice! Well, I suggest, like you said send a email to the director and tell him you are not comfortable playing the part and maybe there is another part you can play. Are their more parts in the play?

from julymalaise :

Oh yeah, the bus is like annoying also. Wow, thanks for telling me about your adoption, that is cool. Wow, but at such an early age. I didn't get to see Harry Potter.. YET, but I will. This sunday or else.... lol.

from julymalaise :

If you don't mind me asking, were you adopted? Because you were talking about how you met your birth mother in eighth grade. I hate airports, they're a hustle-n-bustle, but hey it's gets you somewhere eventually. Are you going to see the Harry Potter movie in theatres?

from julymalaise :

Thanks for addding me and I'll deff. add you too!!! Love your diary!

from julymalaise :

Hello, can I add you please? Your diary sounds lovely.

from missy6971 :

Is final137 your husband? He left me a note but it says his diary doesn't exist...

from missy6971 :

Just wanted to let you know.. I DO still read your journal. Hope everything is going well for you, and I hope you had a happy holiday and new year :)

from final137 :

yeah..we need to talk.

from missy6971 :

I'm still reading :)

from liastnir :

Hi Rache. More than a few of us have been trying to send our love. Unfortunately, I know not much of it has gotten through. So, I'm trying the shotgun effect. e-mail me sometime? [email protected] CJ

from wifemotherme :

Please contact me with your email address. I am hoping you can help me with an issue I have. Let me assure you I am not a broken hearted teen, nor do I know any of them.

from pink-circle :

Hi. I noticed you're not on the Circle News Letter. Would you like to be? If so, note me your e-mail address. Also, there is an important update posted on the circle website, please read it. Don't be shy to add an entry! ~Pink

from pink-circle :

Hey! Just because you don't have any recent inspiration doesn't mean you should cut The Circle from your life until you do. Not only do I want you to feel free to post your poetry, art work, photos, or creative writing, I'd also like to see you read others' posted work and add an entry about your thoughts for improvment or thoughts in general. (I'm writing everyone this, don't feel too special, lol.) ~Pink

from missy6971 :

I wish you wouldn't leave diaryland :( I actually still read your journal every time you update! Well anyway, if you happen to get a new diary in the future or something, let me know!

from guardiand05 :

omgsh yay! im so happy ur happy! peace 'n love hun!

from guardiand05 :

omgsh yay! im so happy ur happy! peace 'n love hun!

from pink-circle :

{Reminder} Hello Circle Member! Feel free to add your poetry to the circle, or your short stories, or even photos... :) Are you on the newsletter? I forget who is and who isn't... If not, note me your e-mail and I'll add you. ~Pink

from savedbyjesus :

hi, i don;t know if you remember, i left you a note ages ago, well i've been reading your diary still and stuff and i want to say dont be scared, and i will pray for you. this probabaly doesn't mean anything to you cos u dont know me but i will pray for you anyway. xxrachiexx

from pink-circle :

I'm not sure how active you are with diaryland since it's been 13 days since your last update, but when you get this, know that there is a new circle event going on, you should seriously check it out. ~Pink

from digitalroses :

you know who it is... ;)

from fan4 :

Here's the URL for the review I did: http://critiques.diaryland.com/almostrach.html

from fan4 :

You're welcome for the review. :) I'm happy Diaryland let me post it today.

from savedbyjesus :

Well done on the whole trying to stop cutting thing, im trying at the moment also, and it is difficult. but hang in there!

from fan4 :

Not-so-plesant experiences do tend to ruin stuff....

from fan4 :

Why do you hate carebears?

from pink-circle :

Hey, I'm going to be starting a news letter, to receive it, I need your e-mail address. Please leave it in my notes. :) ~Circle Council

from savedbyjesus :

hi, just wanted to say im sorry u are feelin so bad, well, wrse then bad, (i guess i cant really describe how u must be feeling exactly cos no one feels the same,) and people dont seem to understand, but im sure people wish they could help you. there just not sure how to mayb? i dont no. And "abnormal" wasnt really the best choice of words, but maybe your mum didnt no how to react? its gotta be quite a shock, when my mum found out about my self harming she was shocked and didnt react in the best way either, but i tell myself that it must have been quite a shock because then her reaction is explained if ya get me. well thats wot i tell myself. just hang in there, im not sayin u no, tomoro there will be sunshine and candy and ur life will be perfect, cos thats not reality, but give it time, things may get better. I hope that you feel better soon, just as i hope that i feel beter soon, because one day things have to get better, thats what im hoping anyways. x

from almostlaura :

I found your diary while just browsing the recently updated section. I was drawn to you because you have a username like mine "almost". I just want to say that there is a point to live. Do not kill yourself. Please. I've been where you are, many times. It is terrifying and peaceful in the same breath. You are worth much more than you believe. You are a lovely woman with so much to give. You cringe at the word "abnormal" but I'm telling you, we are all fucking abnormal. Normal doesn't exist. Just breathe, and remember that your life means something, even if you don't realize it. Hell, you have affected me and all your other readers. Remember you are not alone. Give yourself a chance! Take care. -Laura

from missy6971 :

You're welcome :) I hope you take me up on my offer to chat someday!

from omnipre5ence :

No problem. :)

from pink-circle :

Hey, are you interested in working on the collaborative story? If you are, note back and just let me know. :) /collab.html explains what is going on so far. :) ~Pink

from missy6971 :

Hey there.. I've been reading your diary for a little while now, and I just wanted to lend a hand and let you know that I'm here for you if you ever need someone to talk to, vent to, bitch at, cuss out.. you know =) You can IM me if you have AIM at MISSY6971.. or e-mail me at [email protected]. Take care, Rach.. there are people who really care about you.

from savedbyjesus :

hey, i was readin over some of your old entries and i wanted to say your not alone, everything you said is everything i think to, its weird, i read your diary and parts of it was like you were saying exactly how i feel, if you get what i mean, well on the random offchance that you want to read my diary email me at [email protected] and ill send you a pwd. bye luv rachael xx

from pink-circle :

WOW! I am very very very impressed with your bio. You are the FIRST and ONLY person that I did not have to edit the bio of. Everyone else has made big errors, or lacked a link, or never mentioned their screen name. But yours is PERFECT! w00t. ~Pink

from pink-circle :

Welcome to the circle! Congradulations on the joining of the ring, and offcially becoming a member! To make your bio/home page, go to the right hand part of the screen in this diary, and you'll see an option that says "before you add an entry." Read that, and procede to the link under it, "add an entry." Things to include in your bio; your name, links to your diary or diaries, and a poem or a sample of your writing. Hope you have a good day! And welcome again. :) ~Pink

from omnipre5ence :

=( My mum's not very great either..I feel your pain.

from pink-circle :

[I like the title to your diary. :)] I'm glad you're interested! To join, simply join the diaryring called circle. For constant updates on new events, check by this diary. The closest event is tomorrow, 8:10pm, diaryland chat-rooms chat. If you have not tried the chat rooms before, I advise you test them out first - some browsers need certain settings to make them work. Thanks again! ~Pink

from pink-circle :

{Circle Invite} Hey, I've noticed you're shown interest in poetry. The circle is a writers group, and we would like you to join. If you are interested, check out the site, and leave a note to this account. Thank you for your time. ~Circle Council

from willow-rain :

Your writing is beautiful, and you are not alone, not weird. It's hard to be different in this world, but I hope you learn to see the things that make you different as sparkling jewels. You will make it through this. I used to do the cutting too. With all the pain and numbness I felt inside, the cutting helping me feel something very real and very sensual. It was a way of reaching that passionate life force I knew was somewhere inside of me. And my mother never got it, never got me. She saw the pain, but didn't know how to reach me. Thank you for sharing your story. I feel honored to read it.

from spindlz :

hey... i just realized you have me listed on your favorites list. cool. so my diary is locked right now... who are you?... would you like a key?

from guardiand05 :

yay! ure alive! wuts ur deviantart name? i think i have one there. goingthrulife or something. <3

from teenageriotx :

it's not that you made the wrong decision.. i think you should have just told the guy who asked you to prom the truth. i don't think you should have to sacrifice your SENIOR PROM just because you told this guy no. it's senior year just have fun and don't worry about these problems, once high school is over the problems stay behind as well. these problems may seem huge, but a year from now they'll seem so small and you'll wonder what the big deal was. you should definitely read an Anthony Robbins book titled "Notes From A Friend". it's a good book. it should help you out, it helped me. :)

from ariaofpoetry :

well I just wanted to say... Hang in There :)

from dtreview :

As soon as diaryland decides to stop being stupid, your review will be posted.

from guardiand05 :

man thats a tough question. ive thought of cutting before. many times. never have though,never will. how do u get it all out? how do u deal? i mean well music helps. and you find someone. someone you trust, someone that you're willing to talk to, and then you talk. i mean people have their own ways. but cutting isnt the answer. and you know that. luv ya hun

from guardiand05 :

oh man rach im so sorry. yo im me on aim(if u got it). im so so sorry. i no what its like to lose a friend. im not sure what to tell you right now. i'll probably leave another note later when i can actually think.

from guardiand05 :

dude, woah. like the entry. ure beautiful <3<3

from kyraga27 :

hey pretty girl <3 shira

from critiques :

I need you to link Critiques before I can put you on the pending list. Let me know when the link is up. Thanks.

from guardiand05 :

yeah i no wut u mean. i feel like somethings missin a lot to. nuthin to give me excitement rly.

from guardiand05 :

i totally agree. i have some gay friends and i luv them. they are totally cool awesome ppl and i totally agree wit u.

from guardiand05 :

hey rach where r u? u havent updated for like 4 days........

from guardiand05 :

woah-thats a harsh letter. i bet he deserved it though.

from guardiand05 :

read ur entry. man i no the feeling. and the whole 'ignoring u on purpose thing' my ex-bf did the samething and also wouldnt rly admit it so much. blah i hate men screw then all.

from guardiand05 :

my email is [email protected] or also try sending it to [email protected]

from guardiand05 :

hey can i have the password to ur rachie05 one? and im guessing u have the 05 cuz ure graduating in 2005 like me. lol.

from guardiand05 :

hey hey got ur note. thank u much. sounds like we got a lot in common. lol if u wanna see my diary username:ocean password:peace. check it out. lol. ttyl..... im gonna go read some of your entries.

from cdghost :

enjoyed reading your words

from opinionshere :

Here's the deal: At one point the pending list got deleted so I made a new one. As I was checking the guestbook to the reviews that had been completed your name didn't come up as a diary that had been reviewed or as a name on the pending list. You can do one of three things; 1. leave me a note telling me that you are on the pending list and still want the review, 2. you can leave a note saying you no longer want the review or 3. you can ignore this all together and sooner or later your name will be taken off the pending list.

from skatyr-gyrl :

i really like your diary...plez check out mine sometime too, if you get the chance...have a nice day!

from solaris99 :

Greetings! *wave* Thanks for adding me to your favorite diaries list!

from nihilistbear :

Okay it's all unlocked and fixed up now! Thanks for being patient!

from nihilistbear :

Hey there... I locked my diary for a short time so I can do some major maintenance... it'll be open again in the next couple of hours... sorry!

from daekar :

*hugs rachel* Hey. Don't think i've forgotten about you rachel. Hold in there okay. It all turns out good in the end. email me or something please, just to let me know your okay. Krister.

from taintedviews :

Your review is up at TaintedViews, be forewarned.

from lc-revues :

Hi Rachel! Your review has been posted! Thank you for requesting a review from LC Revues. I really enjoyed reviewing your diary. -- Rachel

from librarychick :

I wish you wouldn't. Cut that is. I have friends who do and I'll never understand why. Please talk to someone....a teacher at school or a cool librarian (if you can find any:-) ) or some other cool person who can help you get the help you need. Please.

from grace02 :

Don't you just love helping out friends?

from takhomasak :

Hello, you've joined my Hoosiers ring, and I'm just checking everyone's diary to see if they are following the rules and such. Where's your links page at? Have a nice day!

from grace02 :

You have a beautiful layout! And thanks for signing my guestbook!

from roxymarie02 :

Just wanted to say that I saw your waffle diary on top sites and I thought it was neat and I clicked on this and it was mighty interesting as well, keep up the good work.

from anniesf :

happy holidays

from dandelionkat :

If you want people to read your diary don't hold back, because that's just what it is, a diary. It's suppose to be where you include your thoughts about things and if you don't include everything people will not be as interested. Knowing that you holdback a part of yourself from it doesn not encourage someone to read it. I know. When you read a diary it's the best when they tell everything, every emotion, every feeling, every detail. So, I like your writeings- yes. But more people means more the REAL you. kat

from belle-tn :

Hi...I happened to click onto your diary tonight by mistake. It was highly interesting to me. I have run into the same thing about falling for someone I chat with. When I tried to sign your guestbook it took me to the DiaryLand main screen. I thought you might want to check into that so that visitors can reach it....Belle

from munchkin02 :

Hey there pal...I was just sitting here reading through your older entries because I felt guilty that you were reading my Journal but I wasn't always up to par with yours...I'm sorry...but I'll try harder from now on! You go girl! Amost Rachie is the next best thing to Rachie05! -MuNcHkIn

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