messages to barank:
(click here to add new message):

from miss-k2 :
Nice to hear from you it's been a long time I hardly update any more. Hope you are doing well. losing control
from wordwhore :
if you give me yours, too, of course ;)
from wordwhore :
i know, sad, right? i think wordpress happened. or facebook. or something. anyway, you can read. just send me an email at [myusername]1 at yahoo dot com and i'll give you the login.
from raven72d :
are you still out there?
from miss-k2 :
I lost your userid/password when my harddrive when tit's up. Mine will always be losing/control if I lock it up again. http://losing-control.blogspot.com thanks Janet
from second-love :
:( Im sad for those little girls...hang in there...k? I def understand the frustration and upset you are feeling on all accounts.
from x-centricity :
That woman needs to be put away somewhere away from little girls. Period.
from second-love :
OMG thats so awesome!!! What happened to cause the change? Im thrilled for you though. And ummmmmmmm WHO was the sex with? Have i missed something???
from x-centricity :
I am so proud of you. *hugs*
from x-centricity :
I'm worried about your nieces being around your mother. Do you know for certain that she hasn't been inappropriate with them? I don't want to worry you but I would think that your sister would be a little more responsible and not let that woman near her children.
from fightn4life :
Hi, my computer crashed and I put in a new hard drive...I lost everthing your pass word & user name. :( ozarkdrm@gmail.com :) Sandyz
from shoelover192 :
Hey I hope you're ok, and doing good in Texas, hope to hear from you soon! Missing you!
from shoelover192 :
Aww YAY! I can't wait to hang out with you, we'll have way too much fun :):)
from shoelover192 :
Wow, what a powerful entry. I think there's a LOT more to happen here as well, can't wait to read it! Take care :) <3
from x-centricity :
*hugs*
from shoelover192 :
Heey :) God I know, you think I should try a new layout? Aww thanks for that about my pics, you're too kind :) Things are...alright, she isn't drinking but i keep getting paranoid. After effects i suppose. haha "mum" i am proud =]=] You take care with those boys now, and everything else and remember i'm here any time :)
from sazzle182 :
hey-ya, just leaving a note to say merry christmas!
from iamlearning :
hey darlin'... i started posting again. i don't have the user id or password anymore. pretty please?!?
from neeeeek :
Thanks fro the kindness, i love you too : - )
from x-centricity :
*hugs*
from second-love :
OMG hahahahaha i loved the story about the dime AND about the bag **poof** - dusting her off of ya - LOL
from x-centricity :
Love you!!!!
from outdated :
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! since I'm your #1 fan on all 3 sites, I had to say it on all 3 sites. teehee. ;)
from shoelover192 :
Haha *blushes* thank you for your note! :):):) Yeah, that is me, posing away, it was soo nice of you to say all that :) There are more pictures, I will do a photo page with some more =] Hope you're doing ok, remember: Everything will be ok in the end. If it isn't ok, it isn't the end :)
from x-centricity :
AND I am so glad you had a good ending to your away trip. I was worried about you. *hugs*
from x-centricity :
The only thing necessary in the recipe is the nut butter. Everything else is just for texture or taste. You can but just about any dried fruit or nuts in it. Whatever floats your boat. *grin* Oh! And I would love some Purto Rican recipes! I can always change them up a bit to fit my diet. *huggles*
from fightn4life :
I loved this entry; I feel the same so many times. It would seem everyday would get easier, but each day the pain intensifies. I wish you peace my friend. Sandyz (Sanitary)
from sazzle182 :
I'm alive, big entry bring you all up to date with what I've been up to :) Thanks for the concern :) xx
from second-love :
It would be hard to have all that change all the time. Hang in there hon!
from shoelover192 :
Thanks, hopefully this time this is it :) Yeah like 152 lbs, not so good for my 5ft and a smidgen frame :p Keep cool! :) Gem x
from shoelover192 :
Hey, thanks, I like it too :) Can you email me with your password? gem192@hotmail.co.uk Gem x <3
from shes-dying :
Sorry i've been gone so long, i've been... everywhere really, off the rails, on again and off again. Whirlwind of things. Hope you're okay. Helen xxx
from sazzle182 :
Thank you for the comment, made me smile which was something I needed to do today :) Couldn't have sex :( it would affect the results of the test I'm having done today... But tomorrow... :D
from krugerpak007 :
I don't know what to write..I know that I tend to over-analyze every little thing that people say-men don't. We take everything they say and think about it over and over again. Why did he say that, how did he say it, what did he mean...I dont know what I am trying to say. I am not trying to make excuses for him, because he definitely could handle things differently. I dont know what is going on in that mind of his. Maybe you need a break sweetie. From turning all of this over and over in your mind. Shame sweetie, all I can say is I am thinking of you. x
from outdated :
lol. i'm a 'tard. i just read your note!! yes i would like your password. i didn't want to be nosy. lol. but i guess i am so why deny it. you can email me at: latesongliv@hotmail.com if that would be easiest. :)
from outdated :
hi, barank i used to really enjoy reading your diary. any way you would want to give up the username and p/w? if not, i understand. hope all is well for you. :)
from ava-reborn :
Oh sweetheart!!! I can't believe he's gone straight back to his old ways after spending time with you!! What an arse!! Seriously!! And he's denying he remembers telling you he loves you????? Fucking arse! Go for SHG, and enjoy every second!!! Tried to leave this on your comments, but it kept telling me I was spamming!!
from sazzle182 :
One of Ireland's more famous dishes embracing the best of local produce - bacon, sausages, eggs and breads. Primarily a breakfast dish but popular at any time of day with a few additions like chops, steak, kidneys, liver, tomatoes and mushrooms. What makes the Irish fry distinctive from any other fry-up is the addition of farls, potato cakes and usually a scotch pancake, therefore much more emphasis on carbohydrates. A typical fry for one person will consist of: 2 sausages 2 bacon rashers 2 slices black or white pudding 1/2 farl and/or soda bread potato cake scotch pancake 1-2 large eggs It will often be accompanied by toast too.......... just in case the fry-eater should feel a little peckish! I got that from the internet. I had mine with vegetarian sausage and bacon and a soda farl as well as potato bread and an egg! It's heaven on a plate with red sauce / tomato ketchup.
from sazzle182 :
Ah... crap.
from krugerpak007 :
Is evverything ok? Can I please read? Take care. x
from giggle-more :
hello? password please? are you ok?
from shes-dying :
Hey, i'm sorry for worrying you, i'm still alive and well. I'm alive, thats about it right now. I know i'm not on d-land alot right now but if you want to email me, i'm online a ridiculous amount of the time. stormangel45@hotmail.com If you feel like it, kay? Thanks for caring about me :) xxx
from krugerpak007 :
Can you please send me your email address? Is it barank@diaryland.com?
from krugerpak007 :
I am thinking of you. Thanks for your amazing comments.They help me so much. Still in hospital, not doing great but trying... Have a good week and I hope to catch up with you soon. Miss you
from shes-dying :
Thank you :) I was so surprised almost certain i'd failed, nerve racking experiance. It's so weird not sitting in the car with someone though, but it's a ncie weird. :) xxx
from breakthedark :
Stopping in to say hello :)
from shes-dying :
Self hatred doesn't help anything. Sadly i could preach about this all day, but since we both know that i'm drowning as well it wouldn't really work. What i can say though is this, you're a lovely, caring person, you have problems and you are trying your very best to get through them, you've helped me smile despite everything from you're lovely notes. Try not to go under darling, i'd miss you sorely if you were gone. Helen x
from shes-dying :
:) You are such a lovely person, how's canada? I always wanted to go there. I live in merry old England. Just in case, things are going quite well right now, it's so nice to have a break one in a while. ^_^ I hope things are well on your end too xx
from anonymous69 :
haha even though you like to write about all sorts of things, i always find your venting the funniest. example: "Yes, that’s right he went to bed in his room! I was furious! Talk about fuck and run. What an asshole! Wakes me up, knows I have to get up early, keeps me awake for a few hours and then says he wants a good nights sleep so he needs to sleep alone? WTF?" I actually laughed out loud when I read that. lol so thanks for the laugh and thanks for the great read.
from shes-dying :
You know what you said for me also stands for you... "it will not be like this forever" thank you by the way. xxx
from geeked-out :
I don't have the dream dictionary with me right now, but I did look up snake dreams and guess what? It's not good. When I get home later I'll let you know what it said.
from iamlearning :
you are too kind! ♥ and smooches... maybe you should get a partner in crime and come to vegas in july... we could meet then!
from anonymous69 :
i LOVE to read your diary (or journal? some people prefer the word journal.. i know i do). you write with a shitload of wit and sarcasm.. 2 fine ingredients to make a fine Journal. keep up the great work.
from lettynow :
I went back and read your archives, because I just started reading you a few months ago I never knew you were set to run a marathon. I think The cancer & Lymphoma Society has a huge minimum requirement. Mine was only 1500.00 I only raised 1250. I owe like 250. I know another friend who was gonna do a triathlon here in Cali and had to raise 2400.00. I mean I know I'm staying here in Cali but 4500 for a half marathon is alot. I think. I'm sorry things didn't work out. But you raised alot of money for a good cause. You raised mor than I did! Ihave to say though I kept the linmk on my website. I swear half the money came from D-landers. Well I thinkyou did awesom in regards to fundraising, just awesome. That in itself is enough to be proud of.
from geeked-out :
Anyone that says they don't touch themselves inappropriately is lying. And I never lie. How could you not?
from rotted :
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!
from geeked-out :
Gah! It was because I hadn't changed my address. THat does suck. You on the other hand do not suck! You are so awesome =)
from thekirks :
I just started reading your journal and I hope you are safe and sound.
from fightn4life :
I pray all is well with you. Up-date soon so I can stop worrying. Sandyz
from sazzle182 :
Because I'm a crazy paranoid person I can only send you my password through e-mail
from rotted :
you are worthy of love. YOU ARE!!! you need to forgive yourself the past and move towards the brighter future. you are not a bad person and you are more than deserving of self-love. what you need to focus on... since you know what it is you're dealing with... you need to focus on the stem. the birth of this growing hatred. you are a wonderful person. you've got many redeeming qualities. why hurt yourself over and over again? you do not deserve that and you need to learn to love yourself in spite of your flaws. everyone is flawed and this coming directly from the horse's mouth! every day you need to wake up and think of one of your positive qualities. every single day you need to tell yourself that you are a good person worthy of love, respect, and devotion... especially from yourself! **hugs** ~ nikki
from fightn4life :
I believe there is a form of addictive behavior in all of us. You know yours therefore, it is your choice to continue the cycle or break it. Life can be as wonderful as the choices we make. Only you can judge yourself as we all have our own cross/crosses to bear. I pray you find peace…many of us are searching as well. Sandyz
from fightn4life :
You're not an ass...your a women is that such a bad thing??? I really hope things work out… Sandyz
from second-love :
hahahahaha omg that last entry was hilarious :))
from fightn4life :
Phew...so glad you updated, I was getting worried about you. I hate to be the one to break it to ya...but I think this is not a dream. Sorry. So glad you are back to writing, I've missed your entries. Sandyz
from rotted :
you are not poison! you should not settle for someone that isn't what you want/need/ache for... that said, if it cheers you up any go look at http://www.onlypaperdolls.com
from second-love :
Oh thank God... i thought you were dead :)) CB is sounding like a real "player". If it smells like a rat - it probably is. But for your sake, i hope not.
from rotted :
where you at girlie?!? e-mail me and let me know you're alive at the very least!
from second-love :
I miss you:))) hope you are doing ok! 19 days without an update!! naughty girl!
from second-love :
yes its rude and they ALL do it. If you read me and ava-reborn you will see that all the men in our lives think its ok to blow off emailing or anything else despite our heartfelt attempts at contact. You have every right to be pissy.
from rotted :
i like the layout change... very nice! now you just have to get rid of that orange all together. you're making the right decision regarding cb. know this with certainty... your being the bigger and better person. hang in there...
from second-love :
I like your perspective on this. We DO want them, would love to have them all to ourselves, but we want them legitimately and we dont want to be the one responsible for the demise of a marriage. A new relationship can never begin on a good note, when a relationship prior ends because of it. And its hard when they admit their ongoing love for their wife. *sigh*... but you are doing the right thing by hanging back because you WILL be hurt if you dont. Take it from me. I wish with all my heart that i had withheld my feelings from Sam... he and I (emphasis MAINLY on "I") would be much better off right now if i had.
from ava-reborn :
Good luck lovely!
from ava-reborn :
Thanks for the note. The rook is an inner ear section. There's a photo of it on my photos page. I'm sure it's not as exciting as the place you were imagining!! I don't think I'd be brave enough to get any piercings there!!! lol! Ears, face, stomach, tongue, yes, down there.....no. ;)
from ava-reborn :
Thank you for adding me! And for your lovely comment!!! Thanks for being so sweet!! Just for the record, I don't consider myself a mistress either! I'm Dave's true love. His first love. His life-long love. His real love. We've been in love since we were 14. He only married his wife because he got her pregnant. So, I see our relationship as beyond an affair! It's different. But aren't all affairs explainable? Aren't all mistresses more than just a "Mistress"?! Being in the situation makes you realise there's more to it than meets the eye! *hugs*
from second-love :
One thing i've learned... you cant jump to conclusions. And CB sounds especially difficult to read. Hang in there... and i know what you are feeling...been there, done that
from second-love :
well DAMN... you sound GOOD!!! whats your secret??? can you pass some of that "feelin good" off on me???? and im thinkin you need to post a pic of your tattoo... i wanna seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :)
from geeked-out :
It's always nice when roads that "don't exist" just show up. I'm glad you had a good trip. =) I'm jealous
from ava-reborn :
Wow, you handled that with real class! You're a strong lady! I found you through Second-love and read quite a few of your entries over the weekend. I know what you're going through. I've been having an on-off affair with a married man for 2 1/2 years. As for your childhood, wow you've had a tough time of it! Yet you seem so together. Quite an inspiration! I added you to my favourites. Can't wait to hear if there are any more CB developments. Take care.
from second-love :
ahhhhh... i DO know your pain. Its very familiar - and i am often confused and ANGRY, then loving him in the next moment. Its a tough thing... hang in there.
from luciangrey :
Thank you for the addition.
from second-love :
bud :))
from second-love :
i stumbled on your diary through a banner... read the whole CB story... man... thats tough
from fightn4life :
I got home tonight from a two week trip to PA. So many prayers are coming your way. My heart is with you. Sandyz
from geeked-out :
Guys are so dumb. I like you but umm I'm married. I feel your pain on that. Everyone that likes me is married. I'm about to become the other woman just so I can get some.
from rotted :
THANK GOODNESS! i was worried about you!
from rotted :
it's a damn good thing you didn't let your preconceived notion of this guy get in the way. see... don't judge a book by it's cover miss thang... i'm glad you're having fun and are happy. don't start worrying this into the ground tho'... i want you to STAY happy!
from geeked-out :
Vicks Vapor rub. Oh my, that is so sexy.
from rotted :
holy shit
from geeked-out :
err Recurring...I can't spell.
from geeked-out :
I have this reacurring dream where Dan Rather steals my hands and uses them to point at people and objects while he's doing the News. Okay yes so regardless...heres to dreams of devils!
from rotted :
oh darlin'... i'm sorry about your... ehem... lower issues... i have to admit that i chuckled at your misfortune but not in a mean way! i swear! don't worry... your body is simply not used to the bike riding... next time don't go so far until you are used to doing it... walk instead... with the dogs...
from fightn4life :
Hey there...Please reconcider your thinking about taking your life. I know from experience how the loss of a life has a ripple effect you have no idea how and who it may effect. I so believe all the pain we go through we learn from. I don't have the answers but taking your life is not the intended cycle we must go through. Please seak help. Support groups can help. Others that understand your paint that can connect with you will help give you the courage to take another step. Live one day at a time. Lord knows I do understand living seems more painful than the thought of death at times. I also know a time will come you will wonder why you ever allowed your mind to wander in that direction. Try to hold on to some kind of faith. You are not alone. Life does get better. I care about what happens to you. I know you are a child of God and I know he loves you. Life has delt me some horrible hands many times during this life...I am still trying to come to terms with yet another family tragity. But...taking my life and adding more saddness is not the answer. Ask for help...and know you are not alone. Caring so much about you, Sandyz
from rotted :
s... i want you to have a good christmas in spite of your loneliness... you deserve that. you are a good person with a good heart. you need to find a support system for your pain and anger. i don't mean going to your church either... i mean find a support group for people with abusive parents... a survivor group of sorts. you will then have more people to talk to and have support that you can touch and see. i know that i try to be as supportive as you are to me but it's not the same thing as something tangible... ya know? thank you so much for all your wonderful words of love and encouragement! you have helped me tremendously over the past few months... you are a godsend... do not ever doubt or forget your worth... you will surely be missed if you are gone... KNOW THIS!
from rotted :
you're not an idiot
from fightn4life :
Your diary is now locked? :( Sandyz
from rotted :
maybe he's gay. if he is and hasn't dealt with it yet then it would make complete and utter sense... the way he's behaving. ya think?
from rotted :
i'm sorry
from rotted :
have you told him what you want? it's not fair to either of you if you do not voice your desires and expectations from a relationship. what if he isn't willing to be there for you in the ways that you need and deserve? you should not settle for someone who cannot (or worse doesn't want to) be what you need and desire. first and formost you need to look out for you and talk to him clearly and concisely about what you want/need EXACTLY.
from rotted :
i am smiling from ear to ear for you...
from rotted :
WHAT?!? you can't just leave me hanging like that! i've not heard from you in eons and finally i know you're alive and well and that's what you leave me with?!? e-mail me the story lady-jane.... what the hell?!? welcome back... :)
from anonymous69 :
hey barank sorry for the long wait for a message. i suddenly forgot how to send them. how long *was* that wait.. a few months for sure. hope everythings going good for u. and no she didnt call me, and i still havent heard from her. u know how people are, one day theyre in love with u and the next they barely know you.
from luciangrey :
...Thank you ever so much for the addition.
from fightn4life :
Weird as it seems I feel the connection as well. Maybe because of all the things you listed on your note to me. We never know what or who we may stumble upon us on the path of life. Or why. I feel you are going to be fine. Look inward and up. All the answers are right there. Sandyz
from s-w-o-p :
"When does it stop hurting". It doesn't. Never, not really. The pain, it will live on. It will twist and change manifesting it's self in different way's. But you will likly always feel the pain some way.
from arc-angel666 :
Hi: I just read your last entry. I am sorry to hear of your lost and I understand how you feel I lost someone very dear to me, if you get a chance read my September 19th entry. I am sorry for all the sadness in you sweet sister's life.
from coldandgray :
so many care for you
from rotted :
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME IT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY?!? HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU... HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST STEF..... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!!!! you should have told me... and you are beautiful... you need to remember that all physical beauty fades with time and that what's truly important is the kind of person you are. you are smart, kind, caring, understanding, giving, and physically beautiful. just don't hold onto the physical part... it fades in time. i've been dealing with that for a bit now and i know it's hard... keep your chin up! there is someone out there for you to love and be loved by... do not give up on that! it will come in it's own time. you need to believe in that and live your life as though you know this to be true.
from phatgrrl :
"how quickly the false fall" I liked that part, it's a diamond. You shouldnt wait on happiness to find you or for someone/thing to give you what you need. Take it for yourself. Give Voltaire's "Candide" a read, it'll help you out. It's short and not as intimidating as you may think.
from rotted :
i am VERY VERY happy for you!
from rotted :
go on a date with the guy... what can it hurt? not everyone on the planet is beautiful and sometimes the best people and the ones you end up loving the most grow on you and you see them for the beauty that they truly are! good for you! i'm glad you got proactive and did something about your feelings and situation. go you!!!!!!
from rotted :
where are you?
from rotted :
be safe....
from rotted :
thank you kindly...
from rotted :
it is possible to lose 12 pounds and not notice... losing water weight... and toning up can happen and you might not even notice it. sadly for me... my weight stays pretty much the same and i can't seem to be happy about it. i want to weigh less but that doesn't fit with the being stronger and building muscle. since muscle weighs more it seems to me that i will likely be gaining weight not losing it. *sigh* i guess i have to pick a new magic number.... good job on the walking! keep it up! ;D
from lovely-freak :
everything's a mess... someone sent b my journal when we were in the hotel yesterday. there are no more secrets anymore... my journal is dead. i'll e-mail you or call you soon...
from geeked-out :
Hah well I leave my AIM on all the time. I use it mostly when I'm at work. Internet is down at home. My gold membership is up but I still plan on updating. I just haven't been able to the past couple of days. Stupid job...they actually expect me to do work. I mean what is that? Well talk to you later!
from lovely-freak :
i hope that i didn't hurt your feelings or step over the line in the e-mails... it certainly wasn't my intent. really... you just need to stop. take a deep breath. then TAKE CARE OF YOU... fuck all these others who don't see your value... when you stop looking that's when the love of your life will smack you in the face (not literally) ***sending the best vibes your way***
from banefulvenus :
still waiting for my magic too... ;)
from candora :
something so familiar...
from lovely-freak :
thank you

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