DiaryLand members area

Hi! Like you I'm returning to Diaryland - after a break of 18 months, pretty much. The occassional entry has been tossed this way, but nothing more. I just want to do what I used to loved to do without the Bling that is FaceBook or YouTube. That said some short films I directed are there at jj27vv. Good luck chasing the theatre work - friends in London end up working in the sales or marketing departments rather than getting on stage. I'm just going to make micro films on a shoestring with local actors and clip them online until something gets noticed.

from chuffnutt :

After so long, I've scanned my favourites. Your "Nature" entry is still my favourite one because the explaination of love rings so true to me. I have to print it off sometime, after copying then pasting it onto my notepad. Hope you're still around. I noticed your last entry was over a year ago. Hope life treats you well, well, better than well.

from desa :

its time for life to happen. i am so envous of u for going to college and having the fun of people, parties and even studing. u never really think of how it was until something has changed.

from jonathan :

Loved the way you expressed the move you would have liekd to have made on the girl at the theatre. And welcome back to the Diaryland habit. Don't kick. I'm back from a 16 month break.

from love-is-pain :

"remember how I said this diary wouldn't die?"... I hear you, I read you... always... This entry really summed it up for me. Yes, you have an audience - still.

from desa :

happy birthday. i dont know if u will get this..but here it is.

from sunnibear :

i, too, have turned to the dark side that is lj. damn it and it's addictiveness, and it's nice filters, and just...damn it. >_< hugsnotdrugs4me is my lj username. if ya wanna add me, or not, whichever. :)

from yo-bitch :

and i'm wearing my glasses because i think it makes people more likely to hire me because i look really cute and businesslike in them. pay attention. THIS IS IMPORTANT, GOD DAMMIT. i think i have an astigmatism or something because when the boy put the glasses on he said he saw the inverse of what i was supposed to be seeing. also when i put them on or take them off i can feel my left eye, like, moving around, and it's hard to focus. i bumped into like three people this morning on the way to my classroom, and they all gave me really mean looks and i pointed to my face and said, "new glasses," as if this would explain everything. they still gave me mean looks. it was horrible.

from yo-bitch :

also it's been for like ever. sorry i've been bad about uh everything, which the keeping in touch thing? i've had no internets at all. it is my fondest wish to die in my sleep. i am posting this from the ftcc cp lab which is exactly where i am not supposed to be. i burned myself in my microbiology lab today.

from yo-bitch :

WHAT. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? can i have the thing? the thing, which is the thing of the thing in which you write? where you do that thing? with the thing? could this possibly be anymore confusing?

from sunnibear :

*hugs*

from sunnibear :

*waves*

from z0tl :

yes you do, but you need to buy me a gold d*land membership first to repay me (somewhat) for all those books i helped you buy.

from desa :

hey..i might be able to go. give me a call and well see. i have some errons to run antways. welll later

from z0tl :

hope you're doing well, i finally have some energy to do more than post in a blue moon and just navigate the deep abysses of zell, so i wanted to say hi. hug:z!

from desa :

hey how goes it?+

from f-i-n :

i love rolling down grassy hills too....

from joelholden :

thanks for the note... I noticed you like Cake and the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind... great band and movie... I think you should read Catcher in the rye by J.D. Salinger.. you'd like it.. I"d give you a hug to if I could!!!

from joelholden :

hey.. I'm bipolar too.. cool diary

from atnight-lake :

Hey, it's myspace.com/blueMETHOD.

from sadandsorrow :

hi i really like your site it intersests me alot um i was wondering if i could ask you a question without intrudin into your life and your art. um i relate to your readings and i ya wana ask a question or two so maybe if you coulf email me or ya @ [email protected] that would be nice thanks

from f-i-n :

great site...i had fun reading

from decieved :

Hey, do you still have the second disk for Thousand Arms. I can't remember if you gave it back. I finally found this box of games that disappeared and I wants to play. Later. Good luck.

from desa :

right on for u..down with system of limitations and ideals...that are rarely ever met. go with ur flow and fuck the rest. (one day u will realize i am poet..nah j/k)have with it.later tater (hahahaha)

from yo-bitch :

i am mostly giggly on the subject because i cannot tell you what you should do or how to make your situation any better. just because i'm giggly and all "awww" all the time doesn't mean i don't understand, you know. you know i'm bad with words and most especially advice and shit. i'm sure i'm about to throw myself into a similar situation anyway, only this will be with a girl. oi oi oi. at least we can hang out sometime, hmm? muaha.

from yo-bitch :

i think the drinking alone bit has a lot to do with your reason for drinking alone in the first place. if you're drinking because you feel compelled to or with the intention of getting drunk, then yeah, it's something to worry about. but if your reasons don't have anything to do with a desperate need to drink, then i don't think you should worry just yet. certainly, it could develop into a habit, but i doubt your self-control is that far gone. ♥

from yo-bitch :

yo. wanna talk?

from social-bfly :

Great tat, it's unique that's for sure.

from atnight-lake :

hey, i really like your tattoo design, mad props.

from desa :

hey crackhead...i dont know if u figure it out but u have the password for my locked diary. its a clue.i wasnet sure if u got te email or not. i dont think u did. so here i am syaing "hi" and read me. and yeah. ok later.

from opheliatl :

horray for hopeless romantics. but also, i like your high-heels diagram.

from atnight-lake :

Hi, thanks for all you've said. I'm only locking my diary for a short time. I've just got it locked right now so that I can write exactly what i'm feeling rather than editing it over and over, worrying about what other people might think of it. The entries i'm writing while it's locked will still be there once i've unlocked it, though. I'm fixing to check out your diary now; I don't believe i've ever read yours...Bye for now!

from volksfturm :

hi i want a g... shit i forgot what its called and im kinda lazy so im not gonna go back, but im sure you know what im talking about the email thing and assuming you get my email then you will know the addy

from miss-shirty :

Wow... great poem!

from gods :

remember, it's important you give me the names of the textbooks that you will buy with the money.

from gods :

listen, please give me your email address & tell me how much your books cost & some bloke will pay you for your text books (if it's not outrageously much :), but please list the titles in exchange. you can sell that ebay stuff to someone else, i don't need anything in exchange for helping someone buy books. btw, your spelling is crystal clear sometimes. to at least one other bloke :)

from miss-shirty :

Believe you me, I totally get the whole bi-polar thing. Life is full of darkness and light, but listen, no love, no passion is worth hurting yourself over. I don't mean to get all "after school special" on you or anything but you should know that you aren't alone. Life isn't about being happy either, life is just this. Anyway, good luck.

from typelove :

awww, i'm sorry it didn't work out. i guess it wasn't meant to be. thank you anyways, and take care. <3

from typelove :

hello. i saw your link on the online love ring and i was wondering if you would like to join my diary. it's a place for people who are involved in online relationships to write their feelings and support each other.

from miss-shirty :

Sounds cliche, but... nobody's perfect. In fact, i believe, imperfection is what makes life interesting. Bye the bye... i think your diary is great

from avantbedroc :

these headaches wont go away

from avantbedroc :

hello luvie! What do they [where you live] call the packaged Macaroni and Cheese meal by Kraft????

from sugar-artery :

been there. once tried to go a whole day in high school without saying anything, to see if anybody would notice. and nobody did, and proving that to myself didn't make me feel any better. and you hate being that kind of person, you know, but you can't help it.

from avantbedroc :

you don't need to do anything to get my attention xox

from gods :

z0tl says he cares, but what difference does it really make? perhaps buying you something off your wish list will temporarily solve the problem? "where do we go from here? what are you feeling?"

from gods :

wile e coyote?

from avantbedroc :

its so very funny- so many people on line had a shit valentines day. knowing that we all had a shocker makes me feel better.

from jinx1 :

45 favorite readers now. I wish only that your writing was more clear, more carefully proofread. It's well worth the effort though, I thoroughly enjoy it.

from avantbedroc :

45 favorite readers. would be 48 but diaryland only counted one of my 4 votes

from gods :

the only acceptance you will evah need is from yourself.

from avantbedroc :

damn, why don't cool ppl live near me.

from urcrepuscule :

you should update more often... just a thought :)

from bitch-haven :

Hey! Feeling bitchy lately? If so, stop by and give us a visit! You can even post anonymously!

from urcrepuscule :

i like your writing :)

from fuckedvirgin :

placebo kics ass... <3 brain molko

from spen-got-up :

I am so thrilled that I stumbled upon this girl's diary. She is a wonderful writer and has excellent taste in literature. Keep it up.

from chuffnutt :

I've listed this link, http://bi-polar.diaryland.com/030425_46.html, on my favourites page.

from pinktaco :

HI I'm 16. And i also love to write. And I have a weird mind. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone. we're a rare species. So i'm writing a book... well not really Anyone who wants their words in it can. I like your words They flow well. I want you to be in my book. Its about girls. Real life girls. The minds of real girls. Crazy girls. So write something to me. about you or anything. anorexia, cutting, love, friends, family whatever you want jsut make it real life. and please get the word out. anyone who has something to say please respond. my email address is [email protected] and my diaryland name is Pinktaco. Please please respond. thanks

from xerodigit :

Hey don't be so upset about the "love" thing. It's not too realistic to find true love in high school. If you realize you don't NEED love then you'll find it so much easier. Peace

from soandsotgs :

yeah that's pretty much the idea, but i only send it to people i think will enjoy it.... not "just anybody" as you so ignorantly stated

from soandsotgs :

hi i saw your diary and i wanted to show you this website.... i found it really funny, and i think you might find it humorous as well......... leave me a note and tell me what you think http://www.outpimp.com/?x=165657

from dannii :

am sorry to hear about your uncle..hope you and your family are doing well

from low-light :

i'm sorry about brad.

from thecritic :

Sorry to hear about your loss. I'd send you my condolences but I seem to have left them in my other pants.

from squidge :

The origin of love brought me in, the words made me stay. Keep your head above the surface. *S*

from i-died-4u :

darling your words cut like razorblades. please keep writing. bless your soul. take care

from mighty-melly :

(keeps on singing lyrics to Origin Of Love from Hedwig because that's how I got here: Top 100 diaries) that's the pain, that sends a straight line down through the heart, we call it love. So we rapped our arms 'round each other, tried to shove ourselves back together we was makin' love..makin love... Yea aanyway...I like your diary it's an interesting read.

from gods :

turn the cycles into a line, walk it, you are something else, you aren't just another drowning insect, if you were, you wouldn't wonder about it, you woulda been stepped upon already, good luck...

from lithium07 :

Oh darling, you are so lovely and your writing is beautiful. Stay strong, my dear. I love you. <333 Sarah

from crazeedevil :

you're diary is beautiful. I wish I could write the way you do. Such sadness, I can feel it in every sentence. I wish I could give you a hug. take care

from gods :

the notes don't matter. it's your guestbook that does the trick :)

from gods :

that z0tl punk has been banned from writing notes on account of harassing peeps, so he says to tell you he was happy to hear you're working on being happy without associated guilt :)

from girlwcurls :

hey :-) i got here pretty randomly, but i'm glad i did. i enjoyed reading, and i'll be back again.

from lost-mistake :

Hey, I like your diary layout...and i've never really said hi to you...even though I read your journal. So I just wanted to say hi.~Rachel~

from z0tl :

it's nevah too late to spress gratitudd and think bout it, the dairy was called fakeitsoreal, but you knew all that haha jes huslin me as alway:z

from mngchic :

hey..u have a very cool layout! i llike the drawing of the angel! its really pretty!

from ediblmercury :

Tracy (fakeitsoreal) had you on her buddy list so I assume you know who she is at least a little. Please read my latest entry for news regarding her. Thank you.

from z0tl :

read anything, it's all pretty.

from notam :

definately agreed about grafiti being the most raw art form. it posesses a honesty that most other art doesn't.

from your-fat-man :

hi miss bi-polar! twas you who inspired me to start my own diary! were both fat and spell badyl! it would be nice to discuss philosphy with you sometime if youd like to!

from gods :

hella kewl.i'ma bipola | unipola level vi maybe

from steel-glass :

Heh.. =) Thanks.

from raven72d :

I do hope to hear from you again...

from love-is-pain :

P.s. I sure as hell hope a-rainbow doesn't read my diary cause then I'll get one of those long as notes. *groan* Oh the horror!

from love-is-pain :

:) Always checking in on you. Still one of the most beautiful souls I know K. *hugs* Hang in there and continue to tell those know-it-alls-with-always-something-to-say where to shove it. Damn straight it's your diary. You can't help it if other people are full of shit and you tell it like it is. Always with love, Kaila

from steel-glass :

Hi. I hope you don't mind me adding you as one of my favourite diaries. You just, remind me of me. A lot of people on here do... Sort of scary. *Shrugs* I'll quit bothering you now. <3

from a-rainbow :

Please takea couple of mins to read this, and if possible email it out to your friends and family, raising awarness and having people understands can make such a difference to the quality of our lives... ME Awareness Week 2003 May 12th - May 18th - sent to you on behalf of all the members of the international online association 'BRAINFOG!!' - The following piece of writing was written by Vikki George. She is just 18 years old. Although she has had the symptoms of the illness ME/CFS for much of her life, she has been officially ill for 9 years. For someone so young, she has endured so much but somehow she has managed to keep going. She is a remarkable inspiration to so many of her fellow Brainfoggers from all around the world who are also living with this isolating and debilitating illness. She wrote this powerful piece of writing as a way of conveying her life to those who believe this illness is just about fatigue when it is in fact about so much more! For many people, this extreme degree of ME is a reality and not one that we often hear about, as communication at this level can often be impossible: Can you imagine? Can you imagine waking up not able to move, not even a finger, Wiggle a toe, move an arm or a leg? Can you imagine laying there not able to move, but vomiting, Being too scared to breathe, choking till your parents roll you over? Can you imagine being so ill you can hear the voices of your parents but not know who they are? Or hear English but not understand a single word? Can you imagine going months on end without seeing anyone outside the family? Not a single soul, not even a milkman or a passerby. Can you imagine being in so much pain that you just want to give up? Feeling like there are thousands of hot pins sticking in you? Can you imagine going years and years with a continuous migraine, Not easing for a minute or a second of your life? Can you imagine going over a year without sitting up or being propped up, Feeling so dizzy that you can't see straight? Can you imagine feeling like you are moving, falling over backwards, And at the same time rotating sideways all the time? Can you imagine going 6 months without going downstairs in your own house? Not seeing the living room, kitchen, garage, or garden? Can you imagine life like this? I don't need to imagine, after all, I live like this every single day. Still think ME is just about feeling tired? by Vikki George - Feb 03 ME Awareness Week - 12th 18th 2003 ME Awareness Week coincides with the birthday of Florence Nightingale, who after returning from the Crimean war spent a long period of her life housebound whilst displaying the symptoms of ME. Until now there has been little acknowledgement of the devastating impact ME can have, despite it being around since at least the 19th century. Now for the first time in history, the UK Government officially recognises the illness. The Chief Medical Officer, Sir Liam Donaldson issued a major report in January of this year describing ME as 'a disease in the wilderness '. He also conceded the terrible prejudice, which has afflicted the lives of the thousands of people who develop the illness each year. What is ME? ME (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis) / CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) is an incurable chronic condition which has many symptoms, commonly including pain, exhausting fatigue, sore throats and swollen glands, difficulty in thinking clearly, and an overwhelming malaise which has been described as a feeling of being "poisoned". It is an extremely debilitating illness, which leaves many people with ME, bed or house bound for many months and in many cases for years on end. The causes of the illness remain a mystery despite years of research which has shown many anomalies in the immune, nervous and endocrine systems of sufferers. The best available estimate is that it currently affects 240,000 people in the UK, 40,000 of whom are children. Because of the mystery surrounding ME, there is widespread ignorance and misunderstanding about it on the part of the general public and sadly of many GPs. This increases the difficulties facing sufferers. A recent report by the Chief Medical Officer (CMO) has done much to validate the illness, and the Medical Research Council (MRC) have now finalised a Research Strategy. But this is only a very small drop in the ocean. The only thing that is really known about it is that it has ruined many thousands of lives across the globe and will continue to do so for years to come unless Awareness is heightened and more is done to fund Research so that a cure can be found. What is 'The Brainfog Association'? 'The Brainfog Association', www.brainfog.org is an international online community founded and created two years ago by Ally, an ME sufferer from Sussex, England, now 27 years old. It was designed specifically to offer support and help to people worldwide with the illness ME through fun, friendship and understanding. It is named after one of the common symptoms of ME - an inability to think clearly. Brainfog currently has over 700 members, who rely heavily on it to provide crucial social contact in the isolated and lonely world of the chronically ill. Although it is quite clearly a website for people with ME, there is one obvious difference from many other online ME support groups; this is clear from the motto of the website: 'BRAINFOG!! - Keeping the lighter side of ME and life, well and truly ALIVE!!' If you would like more information about ME and the website Brainfog, please e-mail Ally on [email protected] or visit the 'The Brainfog Association' at www.brainfog.org Alternatively, if you feel you are in the position to offer a donation to 'The Brainfog Association' to help fund the ongoing development of the website / forum, please e-mail the Brainfog Treasurer, Fiona Sanderson at [email protected] for details. Useful references BRAINFOG !!: http://www.brainfog.org/ Action for ME: http://www.afme.org.uk/ The ME Association: http://www.meassociation.org.uk/ 25% ME Group: http://www.25megroup.org/ AYME- http://www.ayme.org.uk CMO Report: http://www.doh.gov.uk/cmo/cfsmereport/index.htm MRC draft research strategy: http://www.mrc.ac.uk/index/public-interest/public-press_office/public-press_ releases_2003/public-1_may_2003a.htm

from z0tl :

even tho i believe in religionz & self-judgement & don't give a shit about any hell, i hurried to comply with your request & submit my textoid to wretched king minos' ruling: i scored as follows: very low 0 repenting, very low 1 virtuous, very high 2 lustful, moderate 3 gluttonous, low 4 prodigal & avaricious, very high 5 wrathful & gloomy, high 6 heretics, high 7 violent, high 8 fraudulent & malicious & panderer, moderate 9 treacherous. overall, i go to level 2, with visitation pass into 5, 6, 7, 8. no worriez, we be partying together in dante's hell as well :z

from beagle47 :

hello, and thanks for adding me to your favorite list. i love penguins, so i imagine being bi-polar you spend a lot of time around them. ;-) hope all is well. peace. (and i really mean that).

from ataintedlove :

i agree with your thoughts on love... a complicated subject, but it's true what you said about how we love someone for how they make us feel. that is also true about the bad ones.... i'll check out more of your diary later. :)

from fakeitsoreal :

how gorgeous is that !! write and write and write some more.

from mannas-angel :

Don't hurt yourself. Please. Don't hurt yourself.

from z0tl :

layouts (and spelling for that matter) is for weenies who got shit to say, so you just hang in there, because you're doing good and now i'ma go kill that mofo grizalozapaloza because the moment is structured that way :z

from fakeitsoreal :

wow, i just came to leave you a note and saw grizadora. isnt s/he a sweetie. yes, its from fat boy/ fragile flame. i know your story. i could tell some of it myself. hang in there.

from grizadora :

How can someone like the writing of someone when someone else is needed to decipher it because a six year old autistic kid could spell better? It's the meaning behind the bad spelling, I guess. I suppose you can't help it, but try reading stuff over. What's with the layout? I could piss in sand and it would look better. Is that supposed to be art? If you consider yourself an artist, then I must be some Minor-Goddess, and I know some people that very well are Supreme Beings in the field of "art". Miss bi-polar, you give bisexual self mutilators a bad name. You're the type of person that makes other people think that people cut themselves for attention. Is it something to be proud of? To you, I guess because it gets you pity. You want attention. Stop your fucking whining about every damn thing. You're like a twelve year old. When I was twelve I acted like you...Oh wait...no...I actually acted overly happy, when I really wasn't because I didn't want people to know I was sad because I didn't want pity. I would rather people hate me, than pity me. People feel sorry for your ass because you make them think you're going to kill yourself. You make yourself sound suicidal, so that they compliment your shit. All of the people that 'love' your diary have equally crappy ones, by the way. Am I gonna make you cry? Awww...poor you...go slice your arms then wear short sleeved shirts so that the world can see how much you need their sympathy. I would bet my life that more people think the same things about you that I do, only I have the balls to tell you.

from fakeitsoreal :

wouldnt it be nice if i could melt myself like ice or outrun my skin and be just pure wind?

from gods :

wallow in self-pity before i kill you again, aragjag! and again, softly this time around, because you've been a moth 3 times in a row already *8*

from r0see :

you've joined bi and lesbian rings... i'm confused!! were you bi and then turned lesbian, or were you lesbian and decided to simply go bi? or... do you simply not even care anymore?!

from mynameismatt :

the lyric you list from placebo is actually from their cover of the Smith's 'Bigmouth strikes again', isn't it? don't know why i felt the need to inform you - i suppose if you haven't heard the original you should because it's beacoup good shit.

from z0tl :

you are like a sweater to an arthur :)

from sad-doll :

you are like a crow amongst doves.

from z0tl :

say hi to aragjag for me!

from z0tl :

haha, one of my canned introductions, pleased to have tickled your funny bone. the 50% evil part entitles you to become a zotl honoris causa. should you choose to accept this, it comes with no dues, no duties, and no rights (except bragging which is largely useless). i'll be back to talk to you about walking the thin line.

from z0tl :

welcome to no ring! to be removed, simply do nothing. to join, same thing only with emphasis on the noth. good luck in your future, present and past endeavours :z

from darkfairy13 :

Ai Yazawa, Wataru Yoshizumi, clamp?! I think i've met my new friend. Paradise kiss , marmalade boy, chobits, oh my goddess, kare kano (masami tsuda), I could go on. Plus Daria is on "noggin", a stupid channel but Daria is the good thing on at 9:30pm and 10

from darkfairy13 :

Cooooool diary, also a splendora and mystik spiral fan, you must love daria no doubt! "When the wind comes down, when they nuke the town, we'll still be freakin' friends"- Mystik Spiral

from unmistakable :

Every thought and emotion you feel, I swear I have felt it too. I hope you feel better. :T

from justlaugh :

i like this poem and i can diffently relate to it

from heartshaped :

this is beautiful. <3

from keryanna :

I have kinda have the same problem. I'm overly empathetic. I feel your pain.

from jrcitizen :

mood enhancers may be the thing if you find your feelings of distance and sadness as chronic or debilitating. Don't rule it out.

from haloofcurls :

It's not your fault... you've obviously got some big anxiety issues... and it has nothing to do with you being stupid or inept or anything. Don't feel bad, please.

from bi-polar :

hey sweetdream you dont have a profile set up so i couldnt leave a note to you in response, hopeully you will look here, i was just wondering why you said that . . .

from sweetdream12 :

Your diary made me very depressed. So depressed I overdosed. Thanks so much.

from love-is-pain :

If you can't talk her into getting mace, do what I do, grab a can of mini hairspray (The type that fits in your pocket, purse, etc) and carry a liter. Need I say more. . . Simply light and spray - it's fast, it efficient, it's self defense at it's best. . Seriously girl, I'm still here if you wanna email me. I just read from a far, you know me, I'm not always the most conversational person but I read you all the time and I care about ya. Kaila.

from justlaugh :

nice words

from blinksalot :

http://blinksalot.diaryland.com Please come and get reviewed today!

from love-is-pain :

^_^ Fab. layout (as always!) *jelous pout* lol. Love the geisha! I have this thing for geisha girls - they just rule! :)

from darktwilite :

ok. i guess your rite on some aspects...but i really didnt need a history lesson! lol. anyways, thanks for the very informitive note. lol...see ya!

from love-is-pain :

Happy Hollies grrr. :) Again, you take my breath away! I mean, today entry is *bffff* - just blows me away. Touches me deep. I know how you feel. I think my dream lover is all I have. 24 years old and not one prospect - and not sure I want one. Anyway, beautiful entry. (sorry, I'm not logged into my email). You know me, lazy till the end. *huggies* Much luv, Kaila

from xero-by-xero :

Merry Christmas, KF, and happy new year. Good luck coping with your family. -Xero

from kornyfreak :

word to listnen to placebo... woot!

from kortnay :

I stummbled across your diary, because I like the name.. I like your site too. Rock on.

from justareject :

hey there nice profile...ummm...yeah, so, write back.

from ster-oid :

my parents thought i was bi polar once

from sunnibear :

(Cat said this in her diary, and wanted you to know this, just passing the message along as she wishes) I'm even sorry for pushing KF(bi-polar) away...(she probably doesn't read this, but I'd appreciate it if someone told her that I'm sorry... for everything...)

from incoherence :

hello dahling!i had you on my buddy list,so just letting you know if you wanted to, that ive moved to: livejournal.com/users/hypnotic_gaze

from xerodigit :

I just wanted to say i'm sorry.I was having a bad day and lashed out at a buncha people, even though they didn't deserve it, including you. I don't hate you, it's just that we don't know each other any more... It's probably best for us if it stays like that, but i don't hold any grudge against you...

from xerodigit :

sorry about what i did,i'll give better apology as sson as i can

from xerodigit :

sorry about what i did,i'll give better apology as sson as i can

from love-is-pain :

Hiya. :) I just locked it until I could put a new layout up. It looks kinda the same but I felt so depressed that I had to change. Read your entry today "Hate" - I know how you feel. My dad says things that piss me off and when I try to tell him that I don't think its funny he gets all hurt looking like he wasn't serious but then 2 day later he is "joking" again. Thank god our generation is not like our parents huh? Still a lot of hate but at least we are trying ya know? ^_^ I still don't know html but I used Yahoo pagebuilder, lol. Oh well, I'll never be a pro I guess. :) *hugs* Peace out, Kaila

from invisibledon :

thanks for playing in the neighborhood

from agentfatman :

I love your writing.

from agentfatman :

I love this, even the lettering, I know it's not your fault but I still love it.

from xerodigit :

Re: "Soft"- The first poem was fairly good, better than some I've seen published, & the second was noticibly improved, save for the underlining. All in all, w/ a little polish, you could be a very accomplished proffesional writer. On an �entirely different note, how do you engage word wrap on your diary page?

from love-is-pain :

Never back down - kick the bastards in the teeth and smile with blood dripping proudly down your chin! *smile* Just kidding. I know what you mean (of course) - including my mother drilling that crap into my head from infancy. I've come to the point in life where I figure, "hey, no matter what shit I have to deal with, no matter how much I scream and lash out at the world, the world has made me who I am today - and dammit, I like me. Even when I think I don't." - Much luv as always, Kaila

from agentfatman :

Nice diary, love the survey answers.

from incoherence :

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! an another note, i likes your diary, and am adding you to my favorites. xox

from love-is-pain :

Another note from psycho gurl: Kati, you really worry me. You not only read my mind but think the same thoughts around the exact same time I do. I just had a vicious argument last night with my "rational" brother trying to argue me down that he isn't ruled by "emotion". Omg, what shit. I told him I pitied him that I'm younger and I have always realized that the mind and heart are not seperate. They dictate to each other. They both govern our actions. We don't choose one over the other as if (You said it PERFECTLY) they were tools to use for convenience. Like a wrench or hammer! I'm going to show him your entry but he's sulking because I told him he needed to stop living in his bubble headed existence and stop running from his emotions. They are there, repressing and denying them only makes life worse. ^_^ Kaila (Wondering why I always write notes instead of emailing you, lol). I will next time, I promise.

from love-is-pain :

lol, that is funny (about your little cousin and his "boobies") Oh by the way, I nearly died rereading my note below. Holy shit, I sound like a stark raving psycho, too funny. I don't know what I was smokin that day, lol.

from mia-xxx :

beautiful diary. i recluse too...

from love-is-pain :

I'm wearing a look I cannot describe, but deep down I know it to be good. I'd just written and felt so dejected and though I've found a new type of peace I still felt an aching sense of disquiet. So I wanted to read your diary as I usually do to help sooth the pain and I stopped breathing. I could believe you wrote for me. I couldn't beleive you knew these things and what to say, and who I am, and how I feel. People I've known all my life could read my diary and still have NO IDEA as to who I am and you know. You know and I wanted to cry. I know I should be typing this here but I can't stop the outpour of emotion long enough to click your email link. Everyday I think how odd it is in life when strangers are closer than people you've known and loved all your life who have know me but never seemed to understand me, even if they do love me in their own way. A way I cannot see nor grasp. I read your last entry and was about to contact you because again, you have read my sould when you wrote: "We each have pictures in our heads." - "but my dream . . my dream has become very solitary and very practical, and somehow it holds a sense of adventure for me, the idea of being so far away, and beign so alone, so blissfully alone. no white picket fences, no comfy desk job, and no one to come home to." I just want to find a house, a shack, two sticks and a matchbox out in the middle of no where so I can be ALONE. I feel like I can't get away and I try to make do with what is around me and what I have to deal with but I'm always fighting for the freedom to GET AWAY. To be free. I get so lost in the sea of faces and the lives of others and I lie to myself and say that I'm not enough for myself when I KNOW I am. I'm all I need. I don't even need the cat. Sometimes I think of a love, the possibility of a love, of a connection. A Guy, A Girl, A Canary, It doesn't matter!! *sigh* Now I sound trite and pathetic but I don't want to receive love, I want to give it to someone who wants to take it. They don't even have to be near me, I'd prefer them not to be, just to know they exist is enough for me. I just want them to exist. Anyways, reading that entry, knowing some one cares is nice. But when someone you care about cares about you, that is deep. I hope that doesn't sound like some type of weird stalker like devotion because I don't mean it like that. I just mean I love every word you say, I can understand every emotion you've expressed, somehow, I feel that sense of comfort finding a like-mind can bring. That on a deep level, beyond trite words and the hollowness of love, meeting you and knowing you has made me feel as if I've found "the" someone who cares that I've been dying to know exists. I thank you for letting me know you exist Kati. I feel like I can let the search go and go back to being me again. Just knowing is enough. I just needed to know. To feel it, and I do.

from sunnibear :

Hi, it is Amy. I know that I haven't talked to you in a while, and we're not that close, but you are being missed. Your diary(and poetry!) are excellent work. Keep it up! :-P

from bipolargirl :

i like what you have to say and the way you say it

from held :

what you said today was so beautiful to me. thanks. -a.

from lost-faerie :

Hey! Your diary is soo cool!! I love it! Just had to say that + you goin on my faves! :)

from lost-faerie :

Hey! Your diary is soo cool!! I love it! Just had to say that + you goin on my faves! :)

from bpd :

hey, sounds like we have a lot in common.

from pixydarling :

Your diary is so well written! You are truly a natural talent! YOur profile is straight and to the point and totally kick ass! HAve you ever thought of publishing?

from desa :

"Damn Those greeks had incest comming out of thier asses". " Holywater clouds my thinking" look into ur heart if u see a peanut don't eat it" Fookie to alls ues out theirs in earles univsite.

from velvetfrost :

hi, i really liked your diary, especially your test page. I love taking little quizzes like that.

from mulletlady :

I hate when i leave these messages, I sound like Ask Abby or Judge Judy. But You explain yourself in such a way, that I wish I could express myself through those words. "oh, and one thing: please don't tell me I dont udnerstand, or that 'everyone goes through that' because i don't belittle your pain, so dont do that to mine."-The truth is spoken, and admired. Thanks for your comment about my diary- want to read something freaky-my twins sister has a diary-Ieatglue. Its craziness= -peace out

from girlzero :

I used to have a Daria site, but yours is much better. I miss Daria...but the final movie airs on MTV Jan 28th, I think. And that's the end.

from jeskasentari :

(1/7/02) Very well put, and very true.

from angstrom :

welcome & thanks for joining my SHELUVSMENOT ring. im sorry about the moths...

from wintersheart :

hi there bi-polar, im a fan of your writing and was wondering if you would give me permission to write some of your poems into my poem book,(under your name of course) i think people would really like them?

from schizogirl :

hey--thanks for leaping into the accelerator!

from loud-meow :

Hey Honeybun!, I just read your entry about beauty and how you wished to be beautiful. Katibear in my eyes you're one of the most beautiful people I have ever met. You have a gorgeous-blissful personality...if I could kiss you right now...YOU KNOW I WOULD! I wuv ya honeybear n ya just have to up ur confidence bcuz you dont have to reflect beauty to be beautiful as u put in other words in ur diary. *muaH*

from scratchnsnif :

Hey! We're in a lot of the same rings, so I just stumbled in here. Not sure why. Anyway, I enjoyed reading your diary and will probably come back for more. :) By the way I CAN fly.

from love-is-pain :

If your turtle died accidentally due to an unusually high amount of nitric acid in his tank, then either your a stalker or your just as sick as me. Either is acceptable but I just like to know what I'm dealing with. What's with all the "welcome to the -*- diary ring"

Damn, I didn't get any welcomes. Guess nobody likes me. boo-fucking-hoo.

from erica2175 :

just wanted to say hi...er, hi! okay, but seriously, welcome to the paranoid diaryring! =)

from march-hare :

welcome to the kevin smith diaryring and thanks for joining!

back to bi-polar's profile
recommend this diary to a pal?

Other diaries starting with the letter:
a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

Back to Diaryland