messages to clarity25:
(click here to add new message):

from mozangeles :
Clarity, I wrote you a couple emails at your yahoo address. I didn't want to overwhelm you there, so I'm overwhelming you here. *smile* I'm so sorry...for everything. I know there's never anything "right" to say in regards to these matters, but I think the countless notes, emails, and check-ins to D-land over the years from your "old" friends is a good indication that you are very much liked, respected, and loved. I wish you all the very best, and I'm just an email away (or 6 hours by car if you're still in CA) if you need anything. xoxo - Jess
from all-on-paper :
I'm so glad to see you are starting to feel a bit better, Clarity. I sincerely hope that you continue to heal after such a painful, difficult year. Best wishes.
from readnglst999 :
If you're trying to go stealth you might want to choose less recognizable screen names genius.
from beckers-j :
Hey. Again, I'm so sorry you've had such a rough year and so much heartache. I've wondered about you. I hope things get better. That said, I'm moving on from this. I figure that if you'd wanted to keep in touch with me, you would have. I'm not saying you needed to or that you owe me anything. You don't. But I don't feel I've ever really known you, and there's no reason I should. I wish you all the best. Really, the very best. I'm sure you deserve it.
from luna-obscura :
Clarity, I logged into my old diaryland account today for the first time in years, and was shocked and saddened to read your news. I'm so very sorry. I can't imagine how you are managing to get through each day. Please know that I am thinking of you, and wishing you all the strength and courage in the world. Love, Luna
from lerin :
Oh, Clarity... You are the only reason I still check DLand now and then. I am so sorry to hear about the unimaginable grief you've been through. So much tragedy in such a short time would shake anyone to the core. I'm glad to see an update from you... but so sad to see the content. Love from a constant friend in Houston, Lerin
from beckers-j :
Clarity, I'm so, so sorry for all you've been through. I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel. I've been thinking of you off and on since you last posted, wondering how you've been, and I hate to realize now that you've been in so much pain all that time. I hope things get better from here. I hope you'll begin to feel more like yourself again before too long.
from coldandgray :
A hundred thousand sorries.
from portia12 :
Oh my God. Words cannot express how sorry I am. It is so unfair. I will pray for you and light a candle for you. Thinking of you.
from yelayna :
Oh my angel. I can't even begin to imagine how you feel so am just going to send you some *hugs* which seems horribly inadequate. If there is anything I can do from here, let me know xxx
from acornotravez :
Oh Clarity, I'm so heartbroken for you. It's such a mad world.
from nilliem :
I'm so sorry. Its just impossible to say how much I wish you peace and strength. You have all my thoughts of that and hope for some time to gain a measure of normalcy. Its never gone, but it gets less....less of what is making it so hard to function. If I can do anything - even all the way out here - let me know.
from xanti :
I hadn't logged in in over a year, and had just come back to shut down my diary when I saw you'd updated. I know it's months late, but I am so sorry about your brother. I hope, circumstances considered, that you and your family are doing well. ((Hugs))
from lerin :
It has been soooo long since I stopped in here, and I was also happy to see an update from you. I am just so sorry. You still have a community here if you want it!
from reynedecoupe :
Clarity, I am rarely here these days, but was bored and checked in. I couldn't believe you had updated! OMG! I have lost the password to your diary, if you care to, could you shoot me an email at j.(lastname)@hotmail.com? I would love to catch up with your goings on. (I'm assuming you remember the name ;)
from alicefalls :
My heart swelled when I saw you had updated(rarely check in here these days) and then it just broke into a million pieces for you and your family's loss. I am so sorry. I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
from acornotravez :
Clarity - I'm so so so so sorry.
from poopiebitch :
Oh my god. I am so, so sorry. I don't even know what to say. I'm just so sorry. You are loved by many people.
from kiosh :
My dearest Clarity, I am so sorry to hear those terrible news. There's not much I can do being so far away but know I am sending you all the positive energy and luv I can. I hope you all soon find comfort. I don't know what to say but know you are very much loved. You have a friend in me no matter time or distance! You can reach me at www.twitter.com/bunnehstar (I am following you) or at kiosh at diaryland dot com
from beckers-j :
I tried to leave a comment, but it didn't seem to work. Sweetie, I am so very sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. Feel free to email me if you need anything at all. I'm local and happy to do anything I can to help. I'm at rebeccajschmidt@live.com
from yelayna :
Oh my lovely - I know no words can ever console you but I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you a huge hug and all my love to you and your family - if there is anything I can ever do let me know. I hope you've been keeping well whilst you've not been here - you flit through my thoughts every now and again and I had been wondering how you were - I'm so sad to see you return in these circumstances. Huge, huge hugs, yelayna xxx
from portia12 :
Oh Clarity. I can't believe it. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
from kristoli :
So horribly sorry, no words :(
from all-on-paper :
Clarity, I'm so sorry for your loss.
from nilliem :
I'm so very sorry Clarity...strength and peace to you and yours. And a hug just because
from coldandgray :
no, no, no! What is happening in the world? I am so sorry, Clarity. Oh my God. Wishing you strength during this unbelievably difficult time.
from sbellem :
I am so so sorry. I can't imagine how this must feel.
from pink-fairy :
Nice to see you back. What an awful ordeal to go through. Good luck with the apartment, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you xxx
from moonfaeryy :
Hey Clarity...I'm still writing at moonfaeryy, but I've started a locked private blog here on Dland, but I'd prefer to keep it quiet, so if you'd like, I'll sign you up for a un/pw, just shoot me an email (frogstar14@yahoo.com) and I'll give you all the info! Glad you are back, and I'm keeping the fingers and toes crossed that you guys get your own place!! :-)
from missdahling :
I have not talked to you for a very long time. Just wanted to catch up and see how you were doing. Take care!
from coldandgray :
I simply cannot believe it. I am so sorry.
from yelayna :
Glad you're ok - I was only thinking about you this morning as I realised that I only have long stripey socks now :o) Missed you - will have to catch up with your photo blog. Have got everything crossed here for you xxx
from bluecharis :
Hey Clarity! I hope everything's going fine and will keep my fingers crossed for you! All the best to you, Eric, and your family!! Hugs, Charis :-) PS: Will you be moving back to Germany?
from swimmmer72 :
nice to hear from you - thanks for the update!! i hope court goes well for your brother. you'd think they have bigger fish to fry. anyway, good luck with that and everything else and i hope we hear from you again soon! :)
from nixtress :
Happy Easter!
from kiosh :
Hello dear! It was a pleasure sharing another year with you. I hope this 2k7 brings you and Eric only good things: Happiness, love, peace, health, good books, nice music, passion and light. Big hugs and much love! =0)
from nixtress :
Happy New Year, Clarity and Eric :)
from falo :
Hello Clarity. Here to wish you and Eric a happy and prosperous 2007. Thank you for being a bright spot and for your artistry. Happy New Year! Best, O.
from acornotravez :
Merry Christmas!
from pink-fairy :
Just dropped by to wish you a very merry christmas, hope you have a good one xxx
from nixtress :
Happy Holidays, Clarity. Thank you for the Christmas card :)
from hungry-hippo :
hey, can I have your password? You can send it to me?
from nixtress :
Have a great Thanksgiving!!
from zkandaloza :
Hello! Its Lety (old diary:mzletty). I'm glad I found you again. Could I have your password?
from coldandgray :
yup, blank page. WORRY!~
from ironic-lips :
ditto what the others before me said. all I'm getting is some blank page. :S
from theflyingrat :
Hey... something's up. I can't see your index page, but I can access your older entries. I was just wondering what happened and if I'm the only one with the problem?
from lerin :
Hi Clarity! I was looking forward to hearing all about your dad's homecoming, but your site just keeps coming up as a blank page! Is this purposeful or something wrong with my browser? Hope all is well! :)
from alwaysmuted :
Would it be ok if I added you and asked for a password? Do you remember me?
from ashnwesten :
Hi~ I found you through Lerin and would love to read this diary and claritynew (?? I think that's what your other one is!). My e-mail is ashleybrooke83@hotmail.com if you decide to let me in. Sounds like a good read!
from lerin :
I sent my password to you at 9:00 this evening. Let me know if you didn't receive it!
from chakra-chick :
Hi sweetie! Sent you my username and password via e-mail.
from thehour :
hey YOU. thank you SO MUCH for your comment. it was so incredibly sweet and really made my day. of course, i think munchkin is beautiful, but it's nice when others see it too. :) and how i WISH i could make a living out of doing portraits... i love doing them. only moreso when people don't know i'm doing it, you know? spontaneous pictures are always the best ones. anyway, thank you AGAIN. really... that meant so much coming from an artist such as yourself. you have no idea how flattered i am. and if you decide to do that oil painting??? snap a pic and email it to me.. i'd LOVE to see how it turned out. ♥
from vla :
thanks for that note! I haven't been focusing on writing coherent entries lately, so i'm glad that you like them anyway... My life might seem a little exciting at the moment, but I've always so admired your relationship... I'm looking for a love like you've got. :)
from beachbride06 :
hey girl, i need to get caught up with your life.. i havent been reading up in ages.. i dont remember your password and how to get into your diary.. if you are ok with givinjg m,e that info, i would love to catch up! Thanks for the nice note on myspace!!! much love!
from danddteacher :
I'm so sorry. Hugs from NC...
from xanti :
I'm sorry things are not going well, especially with your brother's girlfriend. I would hate to be put into such a situation as well. And moving back in with your family after being out on your own is never easy, because you've changed and I think oftentimes they expect you to stay the same. Plus, we all know family members know exactly how to push each other's buttons. You two will make it! September is one month closer! :)
from candidreview :
I tried to click through to your site a bit ago, and found that you were locked. I'm sorry to inform you that Candid is no longer offering reviews to locked sites. You will be removed from the queue. I apologize for the inconvenience.
from littlelove4 :
Hi, I would love to read your journal if you don't mind. My email is scoob00@hotmail.com.
from krugerpak007 :
Please, please, please can I have your passwords? mlevitt@hotmail.com. xoxo
from thehour :
i sent ya another email. if it's not in your inbox, check your bulk/junk/whatever. i hope you are doing well. ♥
from nixtress :
I'll miss your updates. So sorry to hear of the turmoil thrust upon you. Makes it tough, especially under the circumstances. I'll be thinking about you.
from chakra-chick :
Hi sweetie! I just wanted to tell you that I was thinking about you and Eric whilst watching the Germany / Poland match last night! So happy Germany won! Have a lovely weekend dear!
from ecstasia :
Hello, we used to have a correspondence, but I have been away so long that I have forgotten your password, I would love to read your words if you are sharing - please email me. Loves
from pink-fairy :
I have posted a pic of a fitball in my diary :) xxxxx
from princesse69 :
Hello. I've lost the passwords to your diary. I would be eternally grateful if you could mail them to me. My email is devalls1980@yahoo.com Hope all is well with you x x x
from beckers-j :
I posted pics of me and the Percy mug and t-shirt I bought! Check 'em out! ;)
from beckers-j :
Tell Eric I say "hey" right back. So how was the sauna? ;) Thanks for the comment!
from vla :
o, Clarity, I would love to hang out with you! I've totally had that thought too. Thanks so much for that note. It brought a big smile to my face.
from lerin :
I could write a whole entry on this subject myself... Adam and I have had conversations like that. I threw my letters/photos out from other people, but his mother has some pictures of him with girls (who seem to be "better" than me) throughout the years fro proms, graduations, family holidays in college... I read a note from his first fiance (with his permission) and I don't know why I did it. It made me SO upset. Funny how we can be retroactively jealous... but I do like it that we're so open with each other. It can cause some pain, but I love to know everything about Adam. Does that make sense? Anyway, yuou're not alone and your reaction is completely normal. "Normal" as I define it, anyway.
from lilpeanut80 :
When i got married i decided to trash the letters from a previous serious relationship. One reason was i didn't want anyone else to read them. When we were first married (6 years in May!) i struggled alot with knowing my husband had 'been with' 2 other girls, and i was a virgin. i was really jealous and cried alot and when i saw some of their pictures at his moms house i felt like i would vomit. I never met either of them until after Jonas was born we randomly ran into his highschool love. I think part of the jealousy and anger was that i considered myself so far above them on the evolutionary chain (ie. one of them worked at HOOTERS!) i couldn't believe my husband would have onced loved a girl like that. After much pain i learned to stop asking questions that i would rather not know the answer to. I have to logically remember not to take it personally. It wasn't against me, you know? We hadn't even met. It was just life. I had been in love before, too. We can't change the past, but we can have a wonderful present.
from thehour :
reading your diary is not like a car crash. we CARE about you and want to know what's going on so we can smile, laugh, cry, offer support, etc. what you and eric went through was very brave. i am very jealous about things with K. what it boils down to (for me) is fear. fear that i will lose him and my life as i know it. i'll be keeping you and your father in my thoughts. i hope he gets out of there soon and SAFELY. ♥
from smedindy :
Awww! Yeah! I've been buddied on the main diary. Hugs to you, as always, and a mix set is yours if you email me! (I know you are moving around a lot - but I'll get 'em to ya!)
from vla :
thank you so much for that last note, clarity. that meant a lot. and it was really good to get your experience, you perspective. I get so stuck in my own head sometimes, so it's really good to hear what other people have been through. so, thanks. I hope things are going well for you too. I know this is a totally crazy time for you as well. I am thinking about you too! I hope you can see the light at the end of the tunnel at bit at this point. And I hope your earache is feeling a bit better. love, love.
from yelayna :
Hiya hun, thank you for your kind note. I know really that lots of people are in much worse situations than me, and I know that I'm verging on crazy as somehow it doesn't seem to help. Still. Feeling much better today. Hope things are ok with you, *hugs*
from new--clarity :
I am so *sorry* you have to give up your DVD box sets. I hope you and Eric find work real soon.
from betchy :
i am crying and crying here Clarity. i am in despair that i cannot read you and i cant get you to e mail me your password coz its a work email and i'm not at work. could you possibly e mail it to my Lisa at hotandready79@hotmail.com she probably wont use it, but i will. i really wanna know how you are. i'm worried coz you're locked :(
from thehoneypot :
hi clarity,, its me carter ,, i did get your new un and password and it worked once .. i cant get it to work again.. i sent you a email ,, but didnt hear back and not sure if your email changed ... can you please email me. with UN and password ,, but more important.. how are you doing?? ,. starguide@yahoo.com
from heydomsar :
hey clarity, dedicated a song to you in the latest mix cd for download. <a href="http://heydomsar.diaryland.com/dedicate.html">dedications.</a> hope things start looking up soon for you!
from culotte :
ohmygod! What is that Pug magazine your sister is reading! Please send me a copy!
from mzletty :
i sent you an email.
from beckers-j :
Well, I guess being in Germany would have severely limited your ability to enjoy all the trash in American theaters these days. But you should definitely try to catch Brokeback and Walk the Line while you're around. Wanna get some chicken wings, too? ;) Hahahahaha!
from beckers-j :
Well, I guess being in Germany would have severely limited your ability to enjoy all the trash in American theaters these days. But you should definitely try to catch Brokeback and Walk the Line while you're around. Wanna get some chicken wings, too? ;) Hahahahaha!
from all-on-paper :
Thanks for your note. When all else fails, whip out the camera and write about your pets, that's what I say. By the way, I have pugs in my dreams thanks to you and Culotte. Ah, if only.
from missdahling :
Hey, just wondering if you'd mind emailing me the passwords for your diaries? I emailed you, but I'm not sure you ever got it. Thanks.
from lettynow :
Woman Email please.... and if your on east coast time and I'm on west why aren't you ever online... do you have me email addy.. message me on my space or something....
from candidreview :
I was about to begin the review you requested, but was startled to find that your diary is locked. If you would still like to be reviewed, please contact me.
from trancejen :
Sorry you had to lock. :( Wanted to say that my comments are working - they're in the graphic with the pill bottle under the entry.
from yelayna :
Ooh, commenting and noting at the same time, how exciting :o) I'm getting quite nervous now in a way that is not really befitting a girl of our age when faced with an exercise class. I don't think it's helping I don't really know Alison well, and she said, "You might want to take a towel as some of the girls get quite sweaty". I'm filled with horrific visions - Will I need the towel to shield myself from their flying sweat? Will I become some terrifying dripping monster (in general I try and avoid ever getting hot enough to sweat, as I get cranky in hot temperatures)? Will I be sent home because I have the wrong gym kit, or black soled trainers, or will someone try and make me do things from that near on porn video tot he call on me song? Arrgh!!! </panic> Of course, I'm sure it'll be fine, but, right now, pure terror.... :o) Hope you're ok and bearing up with recent events, lots of love and hugs xxx
from goldieknox03 :
oh sweets, my comments were not meant towards you:) your lovely, and im astounded you even comment at all:) your much busier than I. I hope that things get better for you soon and that you get your passport and everything cleared up soon!:)*hugs*
from marzipanmind :
<ramble> Hi! Normally I'd use your comments section but it seems appropriate to respond to a note with a note. Yeah, German pronunciation... mine sounds fine to me, which of course means that really I'm making a proper mess of it. I could ask my mum, who grew up in Berlin and still speaks to her parents in fluent German and Italian... but you know, it just doesn't happen. Though when I last asked her, aged 12, about my pronunciation, she said I sounded "cute" (nothing sexy about an Aussie accent). Anyway, I got a Kodak Easyshare Z730 - 5 megapixels, 4x optical zoom, 4x digital zoom, 32mB internal memory, Li-Ion battery (rechargable), lots of options as far as I know (full manual mode being one of them), can take video. I got it from a store that also sold me a 512mB memory card, and they gave me the lot for $438 (AUD), I think equivalent to about $330 US. I don't know much about cameras but this one seems pretty decent, and because it's not the latest model it's probably a cheaper option. Thanks for the advice about Photobucket, they're awesome, and in fact I already have an account with them - the header image on my page is hosted there, as was my stuff at my old d-land blog. Sadly I can't post photos often because our home computer, whilst I love it dearly, is in technical terms "a heap of rusted old junk" and I’m not sure I could trust it to open a digital can of beans that was already open, so it just can't cope with peripheral devices like cameras. I'll try to get on to someone else's computer and upload some pics to Photobucket though, because my desire to share the contents of our loungeroom with the world is overwhelming. Take care! </ramble>
from xeroxjunkie :
Hi Clarity, Can I please please please have your diary name and password? I emailed you a few days ago but haven't heard back. Will try your Yahoo IM. <3
from ameliorating :
Hey, its Jen (formerly Tigerlily21). I've moved and finally have a first entry...just wanted to let you know! If you could please take Tigerlily off your buddy list, I would really appreciate it!! Thanks!
from wordsofmine :
Thank you for stopping by and leaving me a note. It was good to hear from you and I did have a good holiday season though quiet and that was okay by me.
from foolosophy :
hey thats ok, i havent had much chance to read but hope to catch up soon! glad u like my diary, its a bit up and down and all over the place, hasnt been the greatest of late, but i hope to one day make it back to decent writing heh. i did indeed have a fantastic christmas, i hope you did too :) thanks!
from puter-chique :
Just responding to your last comment. Glad you liked the entry. And I'm glad I could help a little. I didn't know what else to do from over here. But thats what friends/strangers/internet-aquaintences are for. :)
from vickithecute :
Of course you can have the info for the pink one...except....I need your email address. Couldn't find it on your diary and you didn't leave it in the comment....email me at vicki_thecute(AT)comcast(DOT)net and I'll share. Love ya, honey
from meg-in-love :
Thank you so much for your sweet note. Everything went fine at the doctors. Now I only have to worry about my grandfather...
from nixtress :
Happy New Year (early)!
from smedindy :
I sent an email asking a couple of ? about mix CDs, et. al. Did you get it or did the ol' spam filter eat it?? Just a wonderin'. Hope all is well!
from princesse69 :
I'm sorry that your Christmas was stressful for you too. It must be hard being apart from family at this time of year. I'm relieved now things are getting back to normal too. I do love Christmas but this year I had such high expectations of it being the perfect family Christmas. Anyway I hope you're ok now Sweety. (((Hugs)))
from imaginekm :
It's comforting to hear someone's tried this before- and succeeded! Thank you for your note-and thanks for reading me.
from kimmikers :
Hi! Just found you through Gentry and found that you're currently in Hamburg. I lived there for a while as an exchange student and took an immediate interest in your diary. It's so nice to see a German Christmas. So where in H'burg are you?
from la-blue-eyez :
I hope you have a Merry Christmas and a very happy New Year!
from princesse69 :
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you! x
from teranika :
Back at you with those Christmas wishes! Hope the embassy visit worked...
from beckers-j :
Merry Christmas to you, too, Clar-belle! ;)
from nixtress :
Merry Christmas (early). I hope everything irons out for Eric to accompany you!
from jellehbelleh :
I love your new look! Jelleh LOVES pinup art!!!
from teranika :
Hi clarity, my fiance is also moving from Germany to the USA in the coming months. We will have to rent a container to ship all his things to NYC. If you don't mind waiting a little while, and you can get the furniture to him (~400km from you), we'd be happy to include Eric's grandmother's antique piece in our shipment. K has offered to keep Kermit, too...;-). Let me know.
from jellehbelleh :
I added a house to your "neighborhood" :) Probably the most fun I had all day.
from final137 :
I have had a number of different pseudonyms on dland over the years..but pleased to remeet you Clarity.. hope you guess my name.
from final137 :
Merry almost Christmas.
from coldandgray :
I am crapping my pants over here, I keep checking to see if you have updated. Oh my gosh! I am really hoping for the best with all my might.
from krugerpak007 :
Hi Clarity. I have been the worst diaryfriend lately, I know. I have been reading mostly but just not commenting. So I wanted to just drop by, see how you and Eric are doing. I hope you are less stressed, that the project is over and you are gearing yourself up for a good, relaxing weekend. Take care, Love Kathy
from puter-chique :
hi clarity. i'm so glad the comment helped. i thinkt thats one of the longest comments i've ever posted. thinking happy thoughts for your upcoming move!
from teranika :
Hi again, Your experience on the Gutrud Circuit is soo funny. I think I encountered these types of conversations, but never compressed into one afternoon at one house! My friends had a theory that Germans (and Swedes - I lived there before) simply take time to warm up to you, but one you are IN, you are IN. I was also touched by the outpour of affection at my departure. Good luck for your Christmas away from your family. May the gift of being together soon be enough to sustain you, and let you enjoy your last, hectic weeks to their fullest!
from mzletty :
Speaking of photobucket How can I use it on my diary. I have an account but now wat?? Whenever you get a chance. Love, Letty
from falo :
New wrods at falo alert! Thanks for the nice note! And for the needed nudge to write anything at all. Plenty to say, never sure of how much I can actually get away with. :-) O.
from la-blue-eyez :
I emailed you at the yahoo addy I have for you. I'm not sure how often you check it or if you even have that account anymore?
from smedindy :
Oh, Clarity. I saw your comment in Acorns diary. I need more than 11,500 songs. I have to cut down what's in my iPod everytime I go buy something. But I have the music in me...
from ladybugge :
I hope it was easy and painless. I have a mouth full of silver, and I just had my first root canal - I was as freaked out as you are over the filling. It was pretty easy though, really. I hope you never get there. :-)
from mzletty :
Some revenge is sweet but most of the times are sicking! I know. Have a good Weekend honey! Lety
from beckers-j :
Massive erection! Hahahahahaha! That's awesome...I mean, awesomely awkward.
from heydomsar :
thanks for your recent notes and i'm glad you've got a handle on this tooth problem. when i was young i was playing tag and the kid i was chasing closed a metal gate on me and broke my 2 front teeth so they needed root canals and the novacaine shots were painful but necessary since they were drilling out my nerve endings. so be prepared for the novacaine shot to be painful itself, if you end up getting one. but then you're fine.
from drgeek :
I know what you mean about Christmas being tougher as an adult. I like the Christmas for both religous and cultural reasons. There are so many beautiful things about the holiday and the traditions in my life that go with it. I like blown glass Christmas tree ornaments. I like my mother's fruit cake. I like the food and the fellowship. I like the smell of evergreen trees. It's all so much trouble when you have to do it yourself though. Still, it's worth doing... which is why I do it every year.
from beckers-j :
I'll still be updating - I'm just not going to worry so much about trying to update every weekday, which is what I usually do. Thanks so much for the tips on acrylics! I really know absolutely nothing about this stuff, and I don't want my poor brother to suffer the consequences of my ignorance. ;)
from jane-dreams :
I emailed you the new information. Thanks for your note!
from teranika :
Hey clarity - you've inspired part of my last entry. I hope that you are not too freaked out about it - I promise not to stalk you or reveal any details.
from nycboy77 :
Hi Clarity, Did you know that there is actually a new RENT stage production in Germany going on... It´s in the English-theatre here in Frankfurt- and their prices are ridiculous compared to b´way, here is the link: http://www.english-theatre.org/ -and have a nice 1st.Advent
from drgeek :
Regarding Eric's friend's query about women in their 20's these days, let me recount my experience. I found that yes, there were a lot of women who talked a good game about wanting someone "emotionally available, nice, and mature" but who chose men that were completely the opposite. Eventually I met some who were more frank about it; they just wanted good sex and some excitement with reasonable conversation before and after. Being the "nice" guy that I am, I did not often appeal to either sort of woman... much to my frustration. I tend to think that many members of both sexes are just trying to comprehend the different possibilities while in their 20's. This often leads to a lot of clueless exploration, and discovering a lot of pitfalls and warning signs. I found that a lot of the women worth being with eventually do grow up... just like a lot of men grow up... and it all gets more sane. Just my two cents.
from teranika :
Hi again Clarity - thanks for your note. I can't help but to write again. Your entries and pictures make me homesick for the beautiful Weihnachtsmarkt! I played clarinet in one of those oom-pah bands and each year the band director tried to get me drunk on gluehwein (not difficult). I am also away from my families this year - but I still feel close to them even without being to touch them. I'll have a special thought for you, your brother, your father, and your NY family, if you raise your Gluehwein glass just once for me!
from wanders :
Thanks for the note. I likewise am enjoying reading your entries also. The backdrop of Germany sounds absolutely beautiful to me. Reading about Satan, a.k.a. your landlord, cracked me up. I've had my share of bad ones, but nothing like that!
from teranika :
My god, where DO you LIVE? I know about the mopping (we had to do it once per month), I know about carts. I encountered the turnip-headed screaming ladies with fake red hair...but NEVER to this extent! And my landlord NEVER behaved like this. I hope, oh hope, that you find some cool old people (as opposed to indignent old screamers) before you leave.
from sandandfog :
I had forgotten to say so but I absolutely loved the painting in your last entry. Please don't take it down!
from moonfaeryy :
http://www.glittergraphics.us/ this is where I got my sparkly name! If you are so inclined to go get some sparkly things yourself!
from teranika :
dear clarity - I found your diary through cold-and-gray. I lived for six years in Germany before having to move back to the USA. I also taught myself German - in pubs. I also cultivated an unbelievable group of lasting friends. It is hard to move on. It is hard to go back to Starbucks and automobiles and bad television...I guess one should feel lucky for the chance to try on a new life as if it were a series of warm coats. Some fit better than others, and some just need to be broken in. Good luck with your new life - I hope that you always keep the best part of Germany with you, as I still do.
from third-person :
I mentioned in a comment the other day that I was feeling particularly annoyed with myself. If you check out my entry, you'll see why. No need to comment if you don't have time, just knowing you read it is enough. I need someone to know and accept me anyway.
from pansycline :
yeah, and I think when they do mean and bad things (like leave their wives for other women) it makes me more angry because I think, not only are you way too rich, and weirdly good-looking, and so wrongly a role model for millions of people, you are a JERK! With no respect for your WIFE! And now all the wannabe celebrities are going to treat their trophy wives or girlfriends even more terribly. Just great. Thank you St. Pitt.
from f-i-n :
i like the picture of that bare and bony-looking tree on your last entry. Did you take it?
from smedindy :
Don't worry - you may already be a winner!
from nicim :
11/15/05 Link away darlin' girl!! Or copy it as a guest entry - or tag me and I'll put it in. i love links - and thanks for reading! I've added you to my buddy list cause I gotta catch up now!! XXOOO N
from beckers-j :
Hey! I don't mean to tease - and you least of all since you've been so very open. I started the private entries because - despite my love for Ted - I've been having some mixed feelings lately. Those feelings are in regard to someone from my past who really has no bearing on my present, but I can't seem to get him completely out of my head anyway. ;) I just don't want people judging those feelings and thinking that they undermine what I feel for Ted. They don't. It's just so much to explain, and it's not something that anyone else can really help me with anyway. That's all. It's nothing terribly deep and dark. :P
from ava-reborn :
Thank you so much for your note over at Chakra-Chick's!! It meant so much to me!! I'm so glad you liked my sketch on Kathy's diary too!!!
from mzletty :
Thanks girl for your lovely comment. It really means a lot to me. Sure I know things will get better thats the good part. By the way I'v been out of diaryland for a while and I know MUST catch up but so When did you come back to the states? hmm! And your still with your husband? >>NoSEY<< Take care sweetness! XOXOX -Lety
from sweet-cynic :
hello clarity. i've been meaning to tell you that i really enjoy your creativity in your writing. always have. so insightful and so UNIQUE, your style. i just didn't know if i should comment to YOU on someone else's guest entry. also thank you for making me feel normal. i was freaking out that i was just... evil. callous maybe. selfish definitely. thanks for the note. ps. love the days of our lives concept!
from janetplnetoc :
of course you can link me. I never mind a link. Or you can copy and paste the entry as a guest entry. Either way is fine. Thank you.
from yeahimadork :
Ok, I did your calculator, and I am 11730 days old. Man, that's old. At least I only feel 10500 days old, and that's what it's all about, right? ;)
from alongcameme :
Absolutely...being new to this, I don't know how to do all that "linking" stuff - but I'd be honored. :) Thanks again for helping me get out some of my thoughts during this week.
from swimmmer72 :
clarity, you can link to me any time and any way you want. in fact, i'd be honored. i'm glad you like what i did with your idea. there have been an amazing number of very good guest entries following the same theme and i can only figure that excellence breeds more excellence. thanks for the note!!! it truly made my day. :)
from alongcameme :
This week I found myself helping a friend through a hard time - a relative was diagnosed with a terminal illness. I spent most of the week thinking about my life - and came across your guest entries and just wanted to say thanks...it was just what I needed to remind myself of the blessings of each day. Just felt the need to share and say thanks.
from bluemeany :
Just want to tell you I love how you've orchestrated all the guest entries -- the days of life idea is great! Rock on, chick.
from starlight42 :
Yay- I got tagged!! I will write somthing and post it tomorrow. :) thanks!
from meine-kleine :
Oh my, Clarity. I can't actually edit my entry or anything, and I had no idea how the blockquote would do on your layout. I'm twitching to fix it. Haha.
from milomilo2 :
Thanks for the note and tag. I would have loved to add an entry but I'm just technologically challenged! Through guest writers, I do like learning a bit more about your readers' backgrounds or whatever they have on their minds at the moment. As a result, there were a couple that I'll probably drop by their sites. The last subject matter was quite timely and a bit revealing for me as to what transgressed over the years.
from heydomsar :
hey clarity. thanks much for the note. you and eric are like d-land celebrity or royalty so i felt honored that you decided to stop by, read me, and say hi. i know you'd probably say i shouldn't feel that way, but i'm relatively new here and haven't really felt part of the community yet, besides a couple of good friends that read me because they were offline friends first. so thanks for helping to bring me into the circle. i get the feeling from reading your archives that you're pretty welcoming like that. and thanks for the complements on my template. i made the header in flash, i'm sort of an aspiring web designer. i'd be happy to make you something like that if you ever needed it. and yeah, i had postsecret up on my favorite blogs there. i love that site, it's so raw and honest. kind of like yours. i hope you keep going and know that you've touched a lot of people.
from chakra-chick :
Hi! Thanks so much for your comment...you are so sweet. Hope you are having a good day. ~smooches~!
from lettynow :
I'm finiding my self not quite attracted to gerard way but let's see.. Hmm Drawn to him.. It's sad cause I'm way to old for that.
from plopphizz :
Congrats, one of your Halloween entries has been quoted: http://quoted.diaryland.com/HW_quotes.html. Thanks for the great writing. -- Ploppy.
from vicola :
Hi Clarity, just wanted to say thanks very much for the lovely note you left. It was probably the most difficult time I've ever been through and only my genetic stubborness stopped me from quitting, that was what they wanted so it was exactly what I wouldn't let them have. In answer to your quation in your diary, I haven't told any of my family or friends that I keep this diary so I can be completely honest without fear of any comeback. It's nice to get the perspectives of people who only know me through the diary but I wouldn't neccesarily want those closest to me to know exactly what I was feeling and when. Not sure if I explained that very well but it's the best I can do!!
from lilpeanut80 :
i love your diary. You remind me so much of my brother's girlfriend. She is impossible to dislike and can do anything she puts her hand to, and extremely cute and thin to boot. I will definitely be comming back. I also am excited to find another "expat" in diaryland.
from vicola :
Just read your entry in Jenn's diary and you're right, everyone does have one of those times. Thinking about mine it still makes me want to knock her out do I don't think I've quite as good a grip on it as you. But it was bloody miserable, weird and frankly hurtful. I've never worked out why people do some of the things that they do to each other.
from jane-dreams :
I loved reading your guest entry in Jenn's diary. You are a fantastic writer, you really drew me in with your words, and you are so insightful. I'll be back to get to know you better!
from augustdreams :
I would love to have a guest entry from you sometime. I had forgotten to add the 25 to your name on my list but you're in there now. Also... I loved the posting-while-intoxicated pics! I just updated - and there are now multitudes of wuzzly Aphrodites in my diary!
from vicola :
Hi Clarity and Eric!! Love the rambly drunken entry, it was fabulous. I'm going to put an entry on the next time I'm drunk too (before I reach the "I love everyone and everything is so beautiful it makes me cry" stage) and Eric, your halloween pumpkin drawing is veru impressive. I can't even draw recognisable stick men so I'm very impressed by you two as you're BOTH artistic. By the way, thanks for saying the photo was cool Clarity, my firnds just laughed at the fact that a)we'd got smashed and passed out on Jason's sofa and b)Micah had about 4 square inches of sofa while I had 4 feet and was stretched out! If you ever want any drunken pictures for inspiration I have an attic full of them, just let me know!!!
from lettynow :
Isn't that sooo cool... It's taped live for the east coast fairly early here like at 6:30 or so so I should be home on time to see it on TV!!!! I'm so excited
from meg-in-love :
Hello dearie. Thanks so much for your understanding. I really appreciate it. And as far as religion goes, being Pentecostal, I believe that the important part is the relationship, not all the trappings and legalism that usually comes with religion. If the relationship is there, then the way I see it, you should be able to live your life for God because the desire to please him will be there. For example, you love Eric very much. You would go to great lengths to please him. If you do something that hurts him, it hurts you as well. That's a bit how I view my relationship with God. Lol...now I will get off my own proverbial soapbox and leave you good people in peace... ;p
from yelayna :
Hello lovely, just wanted to say hello and that I had a good evening, dispite my random entry tonight. Thinking about removing it... far to much me there. Just wanted to say I'm guessing we all know how it feels, in one way or another. I might go Bridget Jones next entry, depending on how I feel. It's been a while since I wrote like that on purpose!
from missdahling :
Hi Clarity. I am really sorry about not writing my guest entry for your diary the other week. Now that I lost my job, I no longer have access to the internet every day. This is the first I've been able to get online since the last time I updated. I just wanted to apologize. Hope everything is good with you!
from wistful-blue :
Ooo! Please do take the survey! I'd love to read your answers. Before I started, I thought -- It would be cool of this one "made the rounds," because I'd love to see what everyone has to say. Then I got 1/4 of the way through answering it myself and realized: "This is waaaaaay to long and involved for many people to wanna take it on, dang it!" And absolutely you're on my favorites list; yours is still one of the best diaries in existance! -cat
from vicola :
Happy Birthday to Eric!! Hope you both have a great day. Was just catching up with your diary and am very amused by the masterbation debate. As my dad says when my brother calls him a wanker, "98% of adult males are and the other two percent are liars". Quite.
from yelayna :
Happy birthday to Eric! Hope you both feel better soon. Love and birthday hugs xxx
from wistful-blue :
PS Der, was so busy commenting on today's entry, I forgot to say thank you for the lovely note you left on my last post. So: thank you. :-)
from justamephit :
I've been catching up with my life post-funeral, but I've finally got the time to catch up with other people's. I'm looking forward to settling down with you diary tonight. I just wanted to say thank you for your note, I was very touched. Although you write so very beautifully and sincerely and passionately and sensitively yourself, I have no idea why you'd want to write like me :)
from i-never-said :
Thanks for the note...My old username was chained-soul, but I decided that it didn't suit me anymore, so I changed it...I can't remember how I stumbled across your diary, but I'm glad I did...
from acornotravez :
Great trip!
from wistful-blue :
I *just* came across two quotations which made me think of you and I wanted to share them: The First: "We must not allow the clock and the calendar to blind us to the fact that each moment of life is a miracle and mystery." -- H. G. Wells Well, the first part of the quotation doesn't really apply, but the second bit, about realizing that "each moment of life is a miracle and mystery," that made me think of you. And The Second: "Be faithful to that which exists nowhere but in yourself - and thus make yourself indispensable." -- Andre Gide You already have the former, and you're already indispensable...it's just a matter of realizing it. :-) -cat
from beachbride06 :
Hey girl. its JENN as in Jennlynn24... i started up this diary months ago and had you linked, so i thought...and i thought, wowi havent read her in 3 months.... but i realized tonight that your name was linked as clarity.. not clarity25.... i am so excited to have your back in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
from theflyingrat :
Also, please tell Eric (your testosterone supplier) that I said "thanks" for the comment. For some reason I get more nervous about men reading my writing. It never occurred to me that Eric would have ever read anything of mine. Okay. I'm leaving you alone now! ♥
from theflyingrat :
Well I've posted my guest entry and now I feel a bit queasy. Don't tell me if I get bad reviews, haha. ♥
from bluecharis :
Hey Clarity! Sorry it took me so long to answer your note. I was glad to hear that you didn't feel like I was imposing... it's just one of things I think I learned over the years and I'm glad of how it all turned out... Well, I live in Kassel, which isn't too far away from B.... anyway, thanks for dropping by, love to hear from you again, Charis :-) PS: Tell Eric I said hi!
from missdahling :
Hey Clarity. Saturday sounds good to me!
from acornotravez :
too funny!
from missdahling :
Hello. In regards to the last note you left me... I just thought it was so weird to go to a place where noone judges you. Weird because it seems like everywhere you go, there is always someone criticizing. It was nice not to have to worry about that for a few hours. And I love pugs. I want one of my own someday; a black one. Whenever I go home to visit my parents, I think my sister's pug does a double take because she thinks that I am her (we look similiar). And if we say to the pug,"Go find Megan! Where is Megan!?" the pug goes around the house looking for my sister who is away at college. It's so funny, but kind of cruel. Anyway, I'd love to do a guest entry for you. Just let me know when. But I was wondering; what would I write about? I am really flattered that you asked me, btw.
from vicola :
Hi Clarity. I am very impressed with your restraint! The green eyed monster is something I have a bit of a problem with. When some tart started trying to get off with Micah in a club I had to be talked out of rugby tackling her at the knees by my best friend. Probably just as well, she was at least 3 times my size and I'd have got absolutely slaughtered. You're very tolerant, I'd love to be that calm but I don't think I'll ever acheive it to be honest. Germany looks beautiful, I've never been but my mum was born there and she says rural Germany is stunning.
from thekirks :
So glad you are writing again. Sounds like you have had a good time in the last few days and I'm so happy for you. Wonderful pictures as always.
from clrmehppygrl :
Yay for the NOT locking up! And yay for you realizing that this one crazy person doesn't represent all of those that do read your diary. All of the pictures you posted are beautiful. And even though you kept saying how long the entry is, I read to the end.
from jemimap :
Hi! I look forward to reading your diary whenever I log on. It was sad to hear that you're leaving d-land, but good to know that you'll post occasionally. You write so incredibly, with such eloquence and passion. You've had me laughing while reading your entries and at other times crying. (Which gets a little embarrassing when you're in a University computer lab!) You are an amazingly strong person and I know you will be alright. Things may seem very hard or upsetting at times, but while you have your own strength and such unwavering support from Eric, you'll make it through. Take care, Sally :)
from startender :
Hi Clarity ... long time reader, yet have never posted ... your response to take the high road in all of this is a lesson that everyone has to learn. There will always be people such as this individual that have to project their anger onto innocent people. It's sad. It's pathetic. But if we were to let it get to us, there would simply be no progress. Eric, three cheers for you in standing up for your wife. May all of our partnes act with the same loyalty and kindness. All the best.
from heelandlass :
Thank you lovely friend. It's horrible news, and I too have to be thankful for the people I have in my life who are still here. I am so sad for my brother and his family though. It's hard when you know someone you love is so sad. I feel so sad for everybody concerned. Anyway, enough of that. Are you doing okay?
from vicola :
Well said Eric! And also congratulations on a grasp of English that most English people don't have, that's impressive. So troll is a woman? I assumed it was a man because it used the word 'pussy', not commonly used over here. Some women really are sad, bitter twisted creatures and Troll really is a boil on the arse of humanity. With any luck she'll have now given up on you and gone off to crap on someone else's day. If not, you can spend your time feeling smug that you have a husband who would use his time and energy to write something truly honest and eloquent in your defence, while she is probably sat on her own in her dirty old trailer being laughed at by local children because she smells of cat urine.
from meg-in-love :
Thanks for the note dearie. I look forward to your updates. Although I really wasn't expecting the latest message... O_o Lol. Hope you're doing alright. Much love, Megs
from clrmehppygrl :
*standing ovation for Eric* Thank you for that! Coming from someone who greatly appreciates the bits of Clarity that she decides to show, this troll is totally out of line. I've yet to read anything that they've said, but anyone trolling Clarity is wrong six ways to Sunday. There are a lot of us that love her out here... But good for you, Eric! Good for you!
from vicola :
Hi Clarity, it's great to have you back and I'm so pleased you're feeling better. I think you're exactly right about the internet troll, after all it's important not to take too seriously the opinions of someone who is probably married to either their sister or their horse. You should sympathise with them really, they don't understand crying because after generations of inbreeding they were born without tearducts. It's a shame. Anyway, lovely to have you back and I have to say your husband is very nearly as gorgeous as my fiancee!!
from clrmehppygrl :
Thank you for coming back to us! *smile* And I'm really really glad that you are in better spirits this time around. And the certificate for the troll was funny, and just about the best way I think you could've handled it. Welcome back girlie.
from third-person :
Hey Clarity, Just wanted to thank you for your note and let you know that I've finally updated my journal after my summer hiatus. Missing you, hope to see a new entry this week.
from atomicbuddha :
Hey there! I've been away for a while and have only been able to read few entries here and there but I wanted you to know I've been going through some shit too lately...and all at once too. I thought I would seriously lose it there for a while. The few things that have helped me are these: remember that everything good in this world has a beginning and an end, even people that we love. In fact, that is what makes the good things so special. I find that things really do happen for reasons that may not be revealed to us right away, it is part of the interconnected-ness of the Universe. These difficult situations make us beautiful and give us charater...like water slowly carving out stone. The trying times also make us more apt to appreciate the simple beauty of the easy times. I'm sure there is more I culd blab on about...but I wanted to let you know I am thinking of you, lighting a candle for your darkness, and that I care.
from clrmehppygrl :
*comfort* I hope having a week off does you some good. I'm worried about you, but only because I care and would like you to be happy. I mean, really happy, not pretend happy. Take some time to yourself and your hubby and relax. See you next week!
from vicola :
Hi Clarity! Sorry things seem to be so rough for you at the moment. Sometimes you just have a period of time where everything is going horribly wrong. I know what you mean about worrying, my grandmother is dying of cancer at the moment. Every time you visit you know it could very well be the last and it's very very hard to keep smiling and being positive. One day soon though, you'll wake up and things won't seem so bad so just keep going along as best you can and wait for then. Good luck and remember there are a lot of people out there who care about you, don't be scared to lean on them if you have to.
from thekirks :
I know you will find the strength to get through this. I will be thinking of you.
from clrmehppygrl :
Thank you so much for your note. Has it been 2 years already?? Wow. And being "proud of me" doesn't sound cheesy. I appreciate it a lot. You are one of the truly kind and wonderful people I have met through Diaryland and I treasure your thoughts. Thank you.
from drgeek :
Mrs. Geek and I have also been fielding inquiries about when we're going to have children (see my entry of 27 June 2005.) It's annoying... but I think the ability to choose when and how many children to have is the business of two people, and two people only: the couple themselves. We wanted to wait a little while to just enjoy being married for a little while and let the financial dust settle a bit before bringing anyone else into our little family unit. We're both in our mid-30's -- so our time to wait isn't unlimited, but the choice when will be ours and ours alone. You have plenty of time, Clarity to choose what to do. Don't let someone else pressure you to do other than exactly what you want.
from dandlioneyes :
and the verbal dueling/swordfighting? i LOVED monkey island. i really did. absolutely hilarious.
from heelandlass :
I have always been intrigued by the Sims game but have never got round to looking into it properly. I have got a brand new lap top, it's a Toshiba and is pretty powerful. It plays DVDs and things - do you think that would work for it? I didn't try that moove thing in the end. I started to download the bits and then just couldn't be bothered. I'm not that into chatting to random strangers (and definitely not if they're sex slaves!!) so I didn't think there was much point. I don't have enough time to speak to real live people in my life!! I'm up for the Sims though. I'm going to go and look into it now! xxx
from milomilo2 :
I see everyone has a different phoenetic spelling of the manamana song. In short, "it rules!" Nammana na na na na! Manana nan na na! (The part were the puppet goes off on an uncontrollable tangent) Second, like dating I don't kiss and tell, hence I can't reveal the new diarist until I'm completely sure of her. I had a pre-mature add to a buddy list recently which was completely off base. I have to ease into this new journal! Thanks though for the comment. Oh and lastly about a baby, at least you don't have people keep inquiring as to when I'm getting married -- maybe people just want singles and those without kids to be just as misserable as they are...the married with kids. You're doing just fine but you already know this.
from yelayna :
Hello gorgeous. I have spent the last ten minutes just humming manumenah doo doo doo doo doo... to myself. My colleagues think I'm nuts, and are now starting to join in. You're reduces a workplace to sillyness. Well done :o) ooh, and I have an email brewing for you :o) xxx
from moonfaeryy :
Girl, you will absolutely become addicted to Nip/Tuck! I'm glad you are going to get it! For me, it would be one of those, watching it the whole weekend kind of thing! I could blather on about it....but you get my drift! Hugs
from calimae :
Hey, thankyou :) I felt like I had to leave a message, your diary is one of my favourite reads - I completely envy the way you write, s'beautiful! And it's sad you're leaving, but thanks for sharing what you have ^_^
from milomilo2 :
"Dammit!" was my response after reading about your departure becasue your my time spent reading your journal was an activity woven into my life. To be honest, I was looking forward to reading about your move and next life facet because the dynamic now shifts to Eric being a foreigner as well as about your renewed relationships with friends and family and struggles with finding work and place to live, etc. By the way, "The dammit" response is a good "dammit" because it was evoked out the recognition of losing something valuable. Needless to say, I've enjoyed my time spent reading about your life and, although selfish on my part, I hope you update more than once every six months or so.
from vicola :
Hello!! Me again, taking yet another little break from doing a job of such mind numbing tedium that I can only think it is some sort of karmic punishment for once drowning a spider in the bath or something. Was wondering if you would let me have the password when you go? If not I will completely understand and not be in the least offended (if there's one thing you learn in my family it is the art of being thick skinned!). It's just I like your diary! Anyhoooooo, it's up to you, just thought I'd ask.
from vicola :
Hi Clarity, Am gutted you're closing your diary down!! I love reading your entries, they're so refreshingly honest and bull-shit free and it's lovely to hear that someone else has similar problems and feelings to me, coz sometimes it can feel like you're the only one. I think you should carry on, but then that's just me being selfish!! 'Unamerican' my arse. I think someone out there may have missed the point of democracy and freedom of speech. I'm British and I think that our government is a group of egocentric, power hungry lunatics who couldn't run a car boot sale successfully. Does that make me less British? Does it hell. I would say that perhaps George Bush has stumbled on your diary and left you a comment but I have my doubts as to whether he can read and write.
from drgeek :
The popularity of diary can very much be a double edged sword -- it is a phenomena that is at once gratifying (a lot of people read your work) and damaging (a lot of people are able to comment on your innermost feelings), as you must know. This is something that I am struggling with myself, at present. Do I attempt to promote my diary beyond its current limited readership? Do I take it off diaryland? Do I give up on it entirely? The answer is not an easy one. Though I am a relative newcomer to your readership, I too will miss your musings. Keep in touch if you wish, I know I'll enjoy hearing from you from time to time.
from kisskeri :
It will be saddening to see you go but I understand your reasoning behind it. I haven't had my diary as long as you have had yours, yet I know where you're coming from about making friends,and sharing stories. It wouldn't be a lie to say that the idea of an online diary/journal it's a little addictive. I also understand your concerns about "putting too much information out there" hense the reason I locked up. I wasn't comfortable with just anyone having access, but I love the outlet of the journal, with the opporunity for specila people to give their input and share their own thoughts and feelings. Again, even 3 months early, I'm sad to hear you're leaving, but I'm excited for you, and your move back "home" and what lies ahead for you. I do hope you will allow my access once you've locked up, just to hear how things work out for you. Although we haven't been buddies long, I read your journal each day, and am so intrigued by your life. As strange as that may sound. You inspire me, someone I've never met. It's weird how that works. None the less, I'll continue to read you until you do lock up, and wish you all the best from forever ago, until forever ahead :)
from vicola :
Either Barbara Bush's brain has been shortcuited by 50 odd years of heavy hairspray abuse or she really is a pathetic bigoted old fool with no idea what goes on in the real world. Either way the PR men really should keep her well away from the press because she's a publicity nightmare and frankly rather offensive. What has happened is a total nightmare and my heart goes out to those poor families who've lost everything they had. What is a great shame is that here in England all you hear about now is how George Bush and his administration responded so slowly and don't care about black people or poor people and how people there are looting, raping and killing. You hear nothing about how the ordinary Americans are giving time, money and compassion and how New Orleans residents are trying to help each other. To me, the lack of recognition for these people is another tragedy.
from candoor :
*HUG*... I've tried to tear myself away from the news and am getting there, but it's not easy... having lived through four storms last year and with the season still not over, the collective consciousness all around me is an inch away from the panic button... still, I will remember how to babble on about next to nothing soon... I love your heart... just thought it was time to tell you again :}
from imaphatpig :
http://dollywould.blogspot.com - don't say you weren't warned.
from drgeek :
Mrs. Geek and I are out of words to describe what we feel about the Katrina disaster except four letter explitives. Just to give you an idea of where things are now: you won't be seeing too many more pictures of corpses, because FEMA has announced that it doesn't want the media taking any more pictures of them in the devestated areas. Reporters are being turned away at check points. In order to preserve its "morning in America" view of the world, the Administration is trying to sweep the whole disaster and its incompetent response under the rug.
from drgeek :
I really liked your entry about airbrushing. It's always interesting to take a step back and look at societal standards of beauty. That site you linked to with the before/after of the woman in the bikini was an eye opener; having used Photoshop and similar tools a little myself, it is amazing to see what a professional can really do with them. Yes, the tools can be very useful to correct deficiencies in lighting and flaws on the photo itself, but that transformation was too much. I liked the untouched photo better in many ways -- still a very beautiful woman, but not the "goddess" that the retouching made her. The retouched photo had the removed, idealistic quality of an ancient Greek statue or work by one of the classical portraitists. All that said, let me also say 'nice abs' regarding your photo today, if I can say that without sounding cheesy. They're probably my least favorite feature in my own physique, and I can't help admiring anyone who, through nature or nurture, is able to do better.
from vicola :
Hi Clarity, Love the airbrush thing! I won't feel quite so horrific next time I'm shuffling round Tesco with a hangover, searching for bacon wearing scruffy tracksuit bottoms and the remains of last nights makeup, knowing that the perfect girls staring accusingly at me from the magazine racks aren't quite as perfect as they look! And I know how you feel about the cash thing, I've got £57 to last till the 28th. Beans on toast for me for the next 3 weeks. Bugger, that's actually quite a long time away isn't it?
from krugerpak007 :
Gosh, I am so sorry about your Ipod, I can only imagine how devastating that must be..you have every right to moan...so moan! As for the finances, I so hear you. I had to take a loan now from work to cover my minus in the bank..Gosh it just doesn't end. Hang in there. xoxox (Your comments section keeps telling me I am banned..:-(()
from smedindy :
Hey you! Thanks for the comment. I'll admit I just DON'T GET Weezer. As for the RHCP, what happened was that I dug out "Freaky Styley" and the "Uplift Mofo Party Plan" to put on my iPod, and when I did, I was rather disappointed, really. It's all a matter of where you are in your life, and I wasn't that adolescent male then. Cheers!
from sexykitteh :
Hi back! Thanks for reading my diary. I enjoy reading yours very much. I look forward to reading it each day. I love the way you write and also your talent for taking pictures.
from vla :
thanks for the note, Clarity! I am just taking a little break from DL. I am still reading though! I will start writing again, I'm sure. Glad your return trip to germany was, um, safe. :)
from heylee :
I couldn't get through in your comments section :(, so I'll just copy and paste it here: I get carded for anything and everything!!! At the casino, for a beer, for a lotto ticket, and even those cans of air used for cleaning. The funny thing about it, when Brian and I go places together, he is NEVER carded. Only me and we're the same age(23). I've been meaning to ask you if I could please get the password to the locked diary if you're comfortable sharing it. Take care.
from thekirks :
Your haloscan comment didn't go through, but I got your guestbook note. Thank you so much for your support, it means so much! It was hard to write about but I wanted to. Thank you for making it easier for me. I figured you might have already taken that survey but I'm not too familiar with some of my other buddies on my list yet, so I thought I'd try ya! No problem!
from acornotravez :
Coincidence alert: I was making banana pancakes this morning, and Wade put on "Banana Pancakes" by Jack Johnson! (Dude, congrats on the plane ride naughtiness!)
from yelayna :
Glad you're back safe. I'm developing a severe taste for Jack Jonson myself too :o)
from clrmehppygrl :
Hey hon. I tried to get into your private entries and I either forgot the password or you changed it. Would you mind sending it to me again?? Thanks hon! send it to: clrmehppygrl@bellsouth.net
from head-unbowed :
Clarity, my darling...Well, I'm fine. I'll write about it in my journal...but wanted you to know. And by fine I mean that I'm so not pregnant. Thank you for your notes. I'm sorry I've not been commenting more. Your entry about your brother elicited a little TOO much for me to be able to say anything. I am reading however. Loyaly
from vicola :
Hi Clarity! Just wanted to say that your photos are fab! Mine are always of drunk people doing stupid things and usually have a thumb on them somewhere. I'm equally bad with a videocamera. Also, although a stranger has never crashed through my roof, a plumber once came halfway through the ceiling of the downstairs toilet. Very odd. All you could see was a chubby pair of legs in rigger boots wafting about. Come to think of it, that would have made quite an entertaining photo.
from yelayna :
Glad you are having/have had a lovely time. *hugs*
from cornflake1 :
Hi Clarity, just a note to let you know I've locked my diary. Please email me if you'd like the password - vis@seneschalonline.com. Thanks :)
from betchy :
my darling Clarity.....i wish i had the time to catch up with every single entry of yours that i have missed but i really really dont. which makes me sad!!! we have to find a way for me to keep up with you....maybe you could email me weekly updates or something. but that would be a lot of trouble for you wouldnt it? hmmmm, i dont know, but i need my dose of Clarity!!! i also wanted to talk to you about something....well not talk, but you know!!! i think you will be able to help me with this particular problem, as everybody else seems to think its silly. and i cant write about it on my diary. anyway my babe, i will e mail you soon. enjoy the rest of your time in America. dont forget about me!!!!
from drgeek :
Wow. Your outing to Montauk Point sounded TREMENDOUS (well except for that awful restaurant experience.) Mrs. Geek and I did some travelling this summer, but something always seemed to prevent us (some intermitent back pain for example) from enjoying the trips with the spontaneity and passion you and Eric seem to enjoy. Color me a pale, pale shade of green with envy. ;-)
from thekirks :
What an AWESOME time you had!! Even with the bad meal and karaoke! Loved the pictures! I hope you get plenty of time to sit and talk with brother. I know you miss him.
from thekirks :
i say romantic beach getaway!
from workcrush :
Yes, feel free to link me, that would make me very happy :-)
from kristoli :
Curses, I totally missed half nekkid thursday and only turned up for deleted picture friday, sorry about the sushi :(
from thekirks :
You look great!! But I know that doesn't aleve your worries:) Hugs!
from thehoneypot :
i went into NYC and passed exit 35.. i waved.. did you or eric see me .. the city was sooo lovely
from theflyingrat :
Thanks for the comment, you're too kind! And Kent says thanks for the compliment. I swear his head keeps getting bigger and bigger (figuratively of course). I hope you're having a great time. ♥
from beckers-j :
I e-mailed ya. ;)
from smedindy :
Thanks for a comment on my entry! I hope you enjoy your homecoming! Wah-wah!
from beckers-j :
You're so sweet for saying you'd miss me. :) Guest writer? I have no idea what you're talking about, but I'd be happy to give it a shot once you eplain yourself, woman. :) Still got my e-mail address?
from lettynow :
Moral support is just as important as monetary... Just knowing I have people out there that wish me well is an awesome thing.. So son't worry about it. In reality I tried to chancge thoes options but it doesn't let you the starting dollar amount is too high.. THanks for stopping by and take care...Hope you have an awesom time with your family!!
from thekirks :
So glad you made it safely and are having a great time!
from theflyingrat :
Hey. Just wanted to say that I hope you're having a good time in America. I miss you! ♥
from candidreview :
Hi, I'm the new mod of Candid Reviews, and I wanted to know if you still wanted a review. Please let me know.
from ladyvaduva :
p.s: I had no idea it was ur b-day lol.. till reading the note below mine.. cheers and I hope it was grand.. I must add u to my fav's list to keep up lol! cheers
from ladyvaduva :
I worked in an alzheimer's ward as a volunteer actually.. for a few summers.. hardest thing to be in.. so I do understand.. painting a mural tho.. wow.. u must be uber talented.. that's awesome.. its hard tho to watch the people with alzheimers' suffer.. they can remember so much of their past and yet they can't actually remember what they had for dinner or breakfast or who they just talked to.. that must've been quite the experience for you tho.... tatoo's eh? oooooo how many do you have? we should exchange pictures of them lol! cheers
from sapphyr :
HAAAAAAAAAAPY BIRTHDAAAAAAAY TOOO YOOOOU! Hope all is well on your journey home! Hugs, ~Sapphyr
from yelayna :
Ooh, and I always get called a girl. Having said that, when shop assistants call me madam, I get completely freaked out and look for my mother...
from thekirks :
Happy Birthday Clarity!! Enjoy your birthday and have a safe trip to America!
from yelayna :
Happy birthday gorgeous! Have a lovely day (I'm sure whatever the delectable Eric has planned will be great) and enjoy being at home. Take care of yourself, you two really deserve a break. *big hugs*
from clrmehppygrl :
I took that "Who would want to bang you" quiz and got Brad Pitt! *swoon* I could handle that. Sorry you got Bob.
from sapphyr :
Hi, Clarity! Just popping in to say "hello." I haven't forgotten about you and all of my other faves but this ankle thing might be worse than I thought. Anyway I am glad that you worked out your disagreement with Eric. Your friends sound so fascinating. I may not have a chance to drop in much while I heal but I am still reading. Take care and thanks again for the note! Hugs, Sapphyr
from twangry :
Hello back. I really do like those socks (I'm a sucker for stripes). Feel free to peruse my archives, I don't mind. :)
from beckers-j :
Yeah, I don't know where Ted gets his ideas about movie kissing. It's not as if he watches a lot of films from the 1950s. :) Thanks for your comment, and I'm glad you like the dialogue. That's so funny that we go to the same Planned Parenthood. I'll be on the look out for you next time I go there. I certainly don't blame you for wanting to stock up on OC while you're in the states. :) I don't know how you feel about meeting people from D-Land, but feel free to get in touch if you want to do anything while you're in the neighborhood.
from thekirks :
I've never really thought about it, but I guess I've always been referred to as a girl, also. Hmm..interesting.
from thekirks :
Thanks so much for your support and your help. I tried to use Haloscan and for the life of me, can't get it figured out. I've html code for awhile but it always takes me awhile to figure it all out. This one has me stumped! Thanks for the advice though!
from clrmehppygrl :
Thank you so much for your comment. It means more to me than you might know. As much as I'm loving my life right now with these two people, I don't know about writing about it here so much. It's not really something truly accepted by a lot of people. I feel like I'm alienating my readers a bit, and it means a lot that at least a few are still here, and happy for me. Thank you!
from imazook :
Hi there...I've been reading you for quite a while and was wondering if I would be able to get your password for your locked diary?...unless you don't give it out of course. thanks:)
from candoor :
I hope your day was full of sunshine (or rain, if you enjoy the rain) and beautiful moments... and I hope your night is full of love... you are a smile and inspiration every time I read your words, see your name, or get a message from you... thank you is far from enough, but thank you :)
from ladyvaduva :
found you on heelandlass's page.. and was always interested in stopping by.. I read your wedding storey.. and honestly it was beautiful.. if I ever get the chance to get married.. what u had sounds like a dream.. unbelievabley wonderful.. I'll definetly be stopping by more often.. Im officially hooked! cheers
from singlegirl :
Wow - and you say you can't cook. I love to cook, but cannot imagine trying to make sushi. It sounds very time consuming and very difficult. If I ever attempted it, I would probably only end up with one or two good pieces. You must really love it to take the time to make it:)
from missdahling :
Thanks for your note and your concern. That alone, is comforting enough. :-)
from xquzme :
Thanks for the note! I'm your 193rd fan! (I have 22. Smell ME!) I love your stuff, and I might have a crush on Eric. Not to worry about who started what -- I was just begging for attention. Question: is that a picture of you on the top of your diary? Okay, off to find more drunken entries...
from tigerlily21 :
I went to Amazon to see if I could find that book.. not only did I find the Book of Answers, but she has also written Love's Book of Answers, Literary Book of Answers, Movie Book of Answers, Soul's Book of Answers, and Mom's Book of Answers.. how awesome! Hope everything is going well! *hugs* Jen
from beckers-j :
Hey, you might actually like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory! I say that because it seems that there are many people who love it, and then some people like me who didn't particularly enjoy it at all. That was just my opinion. Oh, and my middle name is Jean, which isn't particularly exciting but managed to drum up that Google image because it was supposedly of "Jean d'Arc". Interesting that I don't remember dear Jean riding a horse nearly naked, however. :)
from clrmehppygrl :
I took the test, and apparently, I'm an Emo Kid. *quirk* Thought I'd be a hippy though. But it seems Emo Kids and Hippies get along... I knew I liked you for a reason!
from clrmehppygrl :
Those dreams are the worst! I had one, once, where hubby and I were laying in bed, and he tells me he's having an affair. And he's smug and laughing at me the entire time. It was so real I woke up crying. Those kind of dreams are just horrible. I'm glad it wasn't real!
from missdahling :
Thanks for your note. Me too, I feel bad about not spending time with my friends, but they understand, I'm sure. I think everyone gets that way from time to time. Everyone needs time to theirself once in awhile. I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better about things. I understand how you feel.
from sapphyr :
Hi Clarity- It's just like you to drop a get well note to me when you are going through a tough time. Thanks for being so selfless and compassionate and I am always sending good vibes your way! Hugs, ~Sapphyr
from justamephit :
Thank you for look that up in your book for me - hmmm, not entirely convinced by the answer though. I hope you're feeling a little better, sweetie.
from f-i-n :
Yay! I love 80s movies!
from ventichai :
Ooooooooooooooh! I have a question for the book of answers!!! "Will Clarity and I ever be financially stable enough to go off the Ramen diet for good???"""" lol That seems like a dream come true, huh? xoxo
from nightmare54 :
I have lost the ability to email you cause my lap top died, so I was wondering if There was a possibility that I could have the pass word to the locked diary....I know I'm a big dumb animal.
from heidiann :
I must admit, I do enjoy being blonde! And thank you! =)
from lauralgood :
Hey beautiful. I missed yesterday's entry but I send you great thoughts and hugs and know you have the strength to get through whatever it was. laural
from acuttersedge :
<3 your in my prayers.
from chillier :
Wow, I was totally blown away by your Memories entry about Eric. So vivid and it created a feeling of suspense, of dying to know what happened to make the friendship become more. I'm going to look through your archives to see if I can find that story but maybe you can point me in the right direction? Or write about the first time you and Eric shared a "real" kiss if you haven't done it already. I love learning about your history with him, going from best friends to a couple.
from untamedwings :
((((Hugs))))
from acuttersedge :
hmm... i don't remember if i write an e-mail to you about asking the yoda book thingy or if i can just simplely write you a note...? well, i suppose i will give writing you a note a shot first. here is my question... will our baby be born healthy? thanks clarity, i adore ya! keep it up girl!
from heelandlass :
Ah, I just realised that you put my answer on one of your entries, sorry I totally missed it! It said 'trust your original thought' and my original thought was no, and seeing as I can't get that cable for the scanner now, it seems that my original thought was right anyway. Cosmic book! I should really ask if those nasty thieves will ever get what they're due for nicking Mabel's back wheel - you don't have to publish the answer in an entry, just look it up for me and let me know. Evil thieving pigs!
from yelayna :
Wow, how did I do that?!!!
from yelayna :
A couple of people I know have thought they were ok directly after the film, and then a couple of days after had nightmares. It's quite good in that the scary stuff is the bits you don't actually see, if you know what I mean? It's not like the lod one, but it sticks to the spirit of it, rather than the actual - we al lthink it should have been remade in Woking like before, which is just up the road :o) *hugs*
from yelayna :
A couple of people I know have thought they were ok directly after the film, and then a couple of days after had nightmares. It's quite good in that the scary stuff is the bits you don't actually see, if you know what I mean? It's not like the lod one, but it sticks to the spirit of it, rather than the actual - we al lthink it should have been remade in Woking like before, which is just up the road :o) *hugs*
from drgeek :
I read your recent entry about the diary describing how you and Eric went from being friends to soulmates with some interest. I thought for a long time that I would very likely be "just friends" someone before before becoming romantically involved. It didn't happen that way for me when I met Mrs. Geek, but I came close to the sort of transition you describe with someone before that. Reading your entry evoked all sorts of warm, sentimental memories of those days... the constant confustion, the sense of possibility, the frustration created by the ambiguity of the relationship. I think you and Eric had a depth of feeling in your situation that was missing with every woman I met before Mrs. Geek. Still, it was a nice walk down memory lane. Thank you.
from rivergoddess :
Thanks for the note, yeah I accually started rewriting the begining, I didn't like how it started.
from kisskeri :
Thanks for the note! I'm looking forward to reading you more! If you'd like to, feel free to read me as well the login is your own user name and the password is "used". Thanks again!
from thehoneypot :
just checking in and making sure all there is ok with good things
from kisskeri :
Hi There :) I came across your diary from Jenn (theflyingrat) and have been reading you for about a week or so now. I hope you're doing better, passing out is never a good thing so you take care hun! Anyhoo, just wondering if you'd mind if I added you? I'm really enjoying reading your entries. Thanks! =Þ
from theflyingrat :
That IS scary. Actually that same thing happened to me a couple of years ago (although it happened at work and not in a mcdonalds) and it was because I had heat stroke. I hadn't been drinking enough water and had spent too much time in the sun. I don't know if that's what happened to you, but I do hope you're okay! Do go to the doctor if anything like it happens again, it can be very dangerous. Thinking of you. ♥
from clipchick :
Thank you for taking the time to say thank you! I hope it pans out for you-please let me know, as it's always nice to know if it worked out or not... I have some Scottish heritage myself-although it's so far back it's not as easily traceable as yours! Scotland is a beautiful country, one you should definately try to see soon... Thanks for the pictures of your lake trip-looks wonderful, excepting the leeches aspect...
from thekirks :
I hope you are feeling better now. I had a similar experience one time at our local library. I got up to check out and everything started to go black and I was really hot. I ended up passing out and smacking my head against a glass display case behind me. I hadn't eaten yet that day(no breakfast) and had planned on eating after I left. It's not that I never ate..just I ate at the wrong times. I think I waited to long and my blood sugar was low. Anyway, I hope it doesn't happen again. Great pictures in your entry too and glad you had a good time:)
from clipchick :
Thank you for taking the time to say thank you! I hope it pans out for you-please let me know, as it's always nice to know if it worked out or not... I have some Scottish heritage myself-although it's so far back it's not as easily traceable as yours! Scotland is a beautiful country, one you should definately try to see soon... Thanks for the pictures of your lake trip-looks wonderful, excepting the leeches aspect...
from bitterwineuk :
is it too late to ask "The book" a new question or 2? (Not my first question I hasten to add :) ) but 1, Can I regain the trust I've lost in him? 2. Is it really possible to make it work after all our difficulties? Thank u oh wise ones, Becca
from fridayfilms :
Dear Clarity: how on earth do you upload audio clips onto your diary like that? Please email me and let me know, if you have a spare moment. Many thanks! --Friday
from alwaysnaive :
OK, here is my question for your Book of Answers: When will my husband and I be able to move out west?
from justamephit :
Tee hee - Loris and I used to flick through those books in Borders. I think they have a book of love answers as well - except that one is bound in sickly magenta velveteen. Okay, he's my question: am I wasting my time with Orlando?
from la-blue-eyez :
Hey girl! I did a search for your RITMO pencils, and the very first site I pulled up has them in the EXACT way you said. RITMO HB Charcoal Drawing Pencil (And they do NOT have the FILA logo). They sell them for 1.50 each and they have a quick ship option. I'm not sure if they'll ship to Germany, but if they don't, I'd be happy to get them and then mail them to you. Here's the link. Take a look and tell me if those are infact the correct ones and let me know if you want me to order them for you. http://www.artsuppliesonline.com/catalog.cfm?cata_id=9091
from bitterwineuk :
Hiya, only been reading you a short while but I like this diary alot. Your hubby sounds a decent guy. I must say I also have a liking for "slogan" t shirts. My fave one is "A man is like a penny, once you've dropped it, there's not a lot of point in picking it up again." Erics entry reminded me of that. *:0) Take care. Becca
from acuttersedge :
OMG. y'all are just the cutest things ever!! *says in a hick-like acent* I adore you clarity and I am glad that you have found someone who treats you adoringly. He seems totally sweet (not to mention funny) but y'all are so perfect for eachother. Anyways, I am sure you have heard that 10000 times but I just thought that I would let you know one more time. <3
from krugerpak007 :
Thanks for your comment. Hope you are ok and having a good week. I am already missing you. xoxox
from cwriter :
... Wow. I just read your POY entry for entitled "Online Friends" ... and it's amazing. Seriously. I was going to comment.. but... I had no idea what I was doing.. (^^;; haha.. *nervious laugh*) so... I decided to send you a note instead. By just reading that one post... I would have to say that you are truly amazing. That may be jumping to conclusions... but that's a seriously amazing story. I have a story that's similar to your first one--- not the stalker one. I knew that it is possible for people to find your phone number from your adress... but still, what he did to you is seriously creepy. You probably could have had him arrested. I knew that that happens to people.. but it just seems so.. extreeme... that it's odd to be writitng someone that it's happened to. You read books.. hear stories.... but.... actually typing to someone that has had something like that happen to them...? Wow. My online friends mean the world to me. Some of them, anyway. I think... you have inspired me to write in my d-land (O_O! Wow. I usually use xanga... diaryland is for the more... private ... things...) about this. Read it if you wish. Either way, I just wanted to let you know that I read that. And... it was amazing. Thank you for sharing it with the world ~Rem
from theflyingrat :
I've never tried sushi, I don't ever WANT to try sushi. Haha. Not even the kind that doesn't have raw fish. Yeah, I jumped on the flickr (I always want to type an 'e' when I write that) bandwagon. It's easier than uploading & posting a new picture every day, haha.
from kristoli :
Cheers for returning my note, best thing about having to go on germany trips, coffee and cake oh and bratwurst (with proper german mustard). Actually I'm a Scottish girl, so he moved here to be with me, his english is fabulous, my german is atrocious (I will have to put more effort in), I'd love to have enough money to have a base in both countries, I think that would be the best for both of us, ah well I can always dream.
from aussielvr498 :
I just wanted to stop and leave a note because I don't think I've ever actually told you how cool I think you sound. I know this is probably a random weird comment...but I figured that if someone thought I was cool, I'd want them to tell me. --**--AShley
from coldandgray :
Why does this one freak me out the most?: "In "Silence of the Lambs", Hannibal Lector (Anthony Hopkins) does not blink in any scene."
from clipchick :
Thank you for the nice comments and the great advice. I hope one day not to be so html challenged. Hey, I can dream, can't I? I look forward to reading more of your entries and seeing more of your wonderful art.
from portia12 :
Hi Clarity, thanks for your nice note. I've been catching up on more of your diary entries and I know what you mean about not being able to sell yourself and your art. I am awful when it comes to that. I would like to get into doing portraits for people. I've done a few and gotten paid, but then I need to put myself out there more. But at least you are working with art everyday! It is your job, but it must be so cool! I am jealous. You must have had a great time at art school! I went to a smaller college for my art diploma, and their one theory was that paintings that looked like something were not as much "art", and it was all about your concept. It makes me realize that it depends a lot on people's certain philosophies. You are an awesome painter and I love how skillfully you do hands and eyes. Bye for now.
from candoor :
I think you'd be a wonderful mom :)
from la-the-sage :
Hi! Thanks for letting me know you've been by. And for the lovely compliments. Wow. I write diary crack! Cool. I'm looking forward to doing some archive diving here, sounds like you have a very interesting life. ~LA
from frogmom :
how rude about the mothers ignoring your comment! I thought it was common curtusy (i know I spelled that wrong) to thank you for your kinda comment on their child! Motherhood has changed me. I really dont have the same friends I had, well not all of them. But the friends I have arnt really new friends, friends who have had children.
from missdahling :
Thanks so much for complimenting my writing. I sometimes feel like I ramble a lot. And I know exactly what you mean about being part of the clique of mothers. Seems like there is this unsaid club for them. I do love children but I don't seem like the type of person who would so I am usually given the cold shoulder by mothers. I want kids someday ... someday far away ... I just don't think I'm ready for that kind of responsibility yet. So yeah, I can def. relate.
from kristoli :
Hi, followed heelandlass to find you, my partner is also german and instead of me moving there, I persuaded him to move here, I do love the country but some of your experiences do ring bells with me from our trips there to see family etc. Really this is just a note to say, great diary and I'll definitely be back again if you don't mind.
from heelandlass :
Oh my god! Good luck C! Mine hasn't arrived yet - end of the month I think, so I'll let you know how it goes! I was going to say I'll be thinking about you but that's just creepy! I'm sure it will go down a storm xxxxxxxxxxx
from frogmom :
Thanks its was super hot! Ok it felt super hot it was 80 degrees!
from goldieknox03 :
hope you didnt take my comment offensively. its just a difference of opinion is all. I typed it quick before rushing off, so i may have come off harsher than i meant. I am sorry.
from la-blue-eyez :
Let me know what you think about that song. I've noticed we have similar taste in music. Anytime I hear that song I automatically start moving to it without even thinking about it.
from clrmehppygrl :
I miss you hon, I hope you decide to come back soon. I hope your life is moving past what one creep says and into a place of joy, which you duly deserve. My love is with you.
from thehoneypot :
i miss your thoughts
from justamephit :
Awww Clarity - I know you said you didn't post what you posted for sympathy or to create a drama but I hate it passionately when people see fit to comment negatively on other people's journals. Sometimes I run across stuff I don't like and I don't agree with, but then I just stop reading. I would never ever trample over someone's private thoughts. It's the equivalent of standing on somebody's flowers. I just wanted to reiterate - as I'm sure I've said so many times it's positively boring - that I'm sure I speak for a hell of a lot of Diaryland when I tell you how much your diary means to me. You write beautifully and sensitively and I absolutely love reading your thoughts, the frivolous ones, the angry ones, the tender ones, the profound ones, the confused ones ... the downright smooshy ones. You inspire me, make me smile and make me think, and I am thankful for your writing and your pictures. So. Um. Yeah. See me with the gushing. I love the picture as well, by the way, I think it's terribly romantic. I love the completely vulnerability and abandonment of her pose, and the way he protects and embraces... </smooshy>
from candoor :
you are still one of the most beautiful people writing on the net because you do expose your vulnerability and reading you is an experience in feeling... those who are afraid of feeling might run or strike out, but that's their fear, not a reflection of you... you are wise, you know this, but still, we feel... empathy is a double edged razor... I shall miss you if you take a break and shall look forward to your return with hope that your life grows in inspiration, love, and strength to carry your and express your sensitivity without taking the fear or doubt of others upon yourself (heck, we have enough of our own, ya know?)... may this note leave you smiling as much as reading your words widens smile, my mind, and my heart :)
from sapphyr :
I read your entry a while ago and was very angry. I have said it once and I will say it again, this is YOUR journal. You should not apologise for being yourself and sharing your gifts. Why would someone feel the need to be so rude? I understand and appreciate critique, in fact in my work critique and review are everything and when I go into the doctoral program I'll be a lamb to the slaughter. But if I decide to post my writing in my journal it should be respected as MY space. I am sorry this happened to you. You aren't a "fisher" for praise. You don't deserve that. All of my good thoughts are with you! Love, Sapphyr
from dinky-creek :
Criticism does hurt, but if this person keeps coming back to read your diary and to look at the work you produce, there must be some form of perverse jealousy there if they feel it worth their time to come back over and over again just to put you down. You're a great artist and there's nothing wrong with the latest picture you posted (I never really had much chance to get into arty stuff but I always enjoyed charcoal - I found it easiest to manipulate and I liked how it created such a dramatic effect). Also, thanks for the sympathy about the car stuff. My bank account is - shall we say - somewhat deflated right now.
from acuttersedge :
I am one of the many people who adore you, Clarity! I think your artwork is so beautiful. I didn't think your piece was sexual. I just saw it as real, raw, and bare. I loved it! And actually was going to post a "good work" comment but I had to make dinner and didn't have time. Don't let her/him get ya down! You are loved and admired. =o)
from drgeek :
To paraphrase the old maxim, "I don't know if I could tell you what is art and what isn't, but I know it when I see it." I loved your drawing... I found it to possess a certain artful erotic intensity. I tend to subscribe to the "If you can't say something nice and/or constructive about a diary, why bother?" school when it comes to comments. But then again, my own personal attitude is that we all kill our own snakes, just as we all find our own salvation. Any attempt to foist either on others in some misguided sense of personal or emotional conformity ultimately leads to trouble for the person doing to forcing. Ok... it's official: I'm babbling. I guess my point is, don't take it too seriously. You know who you really are; the vast majority of your readers don't.
from timespace :
Sorry about that jerk. I love the drawing.
from clrmehppygrl :
I'm so so sorry that someone who is ignorant and mean-spirited has affected the way you journal online, or at all, for that matter. But I understand it. I've been doing this for going on 3 years now and I have had my share of put-downs. After my second robbery when I was having a hard time dealing with life I was told to "Just get over it". Get over having a gun shoved at you twice in a year. Okay. There are mean people everywhere unfortunately, and Diaryland is no exception. For me, at least, thankfully, there are more sweet, supportive individuals to outnumber those whose hearts are cold. I wish you wouldn't go away, but I understand the desire and the need for it. Hope to hear from you soon, hon. Love, One of your original homegirls
from firestarfae :
I know it's hard to avoid discouragement when some ignorant bastard leaves a critical comment, but just remember that it is their opinion, and their's alone. Also, this person is somebody you don't care for or even know... what they have to say isn't important. Just be you and don't care about what anyone thinks or says. I've dealt with this kind of thing my entire life... being a scary-dark-death-dork (or goth, if you will) tends to bring on negative comments, but you will learn to ignore them and move on... don't let somebody's stupid comment get in the way of you documenting/sharing your life in your journal, that just shows that they've won... fuck 'em! BTW - I'm due Nov. 6th and just found out it's a GIRL!!!
from heylee :
Sure Clarity, I'll send you another email right now. Hope you're doing ok...
from frogmom :
Thank you! She did have a great birthday! Coleen will be in my thoughts and prayers! I hope she recovers from gallbladder surgery as quickly as I did. Oh and I dunno how often you talk to her or what not, but none of my doctors told me I couldnt have iceberg lettuce. My friend told me and I didnt believe her, I learned the hard way! I had the worse pains from it!
from goldieknox03 :
thanks for your note. I think I'll use a penname when i write the book. Too timid to use the excuse of "semi" autobiographal, when its pretty obvious its fully. anyhoo, I think the testimonials on that panty site are soo funny. If you take away the first part of the web address it will send you to anouther site full of funny links. Good times. have a great weekend
from wordsofmine :
Thank you for your kind compliment of the quotes I like. I like them too and I also use quotes in my hard copy journal as a place to get started. Happy writing.
from politiko :
Thanks for your comment, Clarity, and for linking to me. I'm glad the entry inspired you to write a touching love note to Eric. Beautiful.
from yelayna :
Your drawing is beautiful. And you're lovely :o) As is Eric. I love you guys... *mush* The weather has broken a bit here and I'm decidedly happier and more together. Funny how weather changes your mood! Have a great weekend *hugs*
from sapphyr :
OHMIGOSH! You should have had a Kleenex disclaimer! That was so bloody beautiful!*sniff* Tom and Katie (or TomKat as the tabs are calling them) really could learn a lesson from you and Eric. Thank you so, so much for sharing!
from sapphyr :
HI! You are just going to love "Batman Begins." It was very well done. I am so glad that the list worked out well for you! I am glad that your art event was a smash, not that I am surprised...you are amasingly talented! Don't apologise for being in love, it is such a wonderful feeling. What you share with us is beautiful because you talk about the good and the bad and the balance of the two. Be as gushy-mushy as you like! :~D Take good care! Love,~Sapphyr
from clrmehppygrl :
Clarity, your talent truly amazes me. I love when you share your art with us because I appreciate how much time and effort each thing takes. Not to mention I'm terribly jealous of your abilities, because painting/drawing was always something I wished I could do. And I'm glad that you have a relationship so open with your husband. I'm lucky to be part of that club too, isn't it great?
from goldieknox03 :
your illustration friday was so so beautiful. Ill say it time and time again, You are so talented. I am jealous. Look what i found http://www.livejournal.com/users/prolificpanda/97966.html#cutid1 . Sushi jewelry. :)
from missdahling :
In response to the last note you left me, Yes, I really do know what you mean. It just seems like so many relationships fail rather than have a happy ending. Couples who I've known and thought loved each other dearly cheated on one another, broked up, or whatever. Like you said, it's sad when you look at the statistics. That's just the thing; I don't want to be another statistic, but you're right. You can't live thinking about those things. It isn't healthy for anyone in the relationship and I've finally realized that.
from yelayna :
You're very welcome :o) I want a copy of that playlist now! Though less than convinced about that Damn frog... Glad it all went ok for you, and congratulations on the painting! xx
from dinky-creek :
Had a think on the drive home about music with personality... Smells like Teen Spirit (Nirvana), Mad World (Donnie Darko Soundtrack), A Little Less Conversation (Elvis vs JXL), Stuck in the Middle with You (Stealers Wheel), 8 Mile theme (Eminem), Hey Jude (Beatles), probably some Jamiroquai (the soccer guys I know seem to like it), some U2, anything by Michael Jackson... and I still can't help you with dance music. Try http://top40-charts.com/ - it has links to top 40 songs & albums worldwide.
from dinky-creek :
Had a think on the drive home about music with personality... Smells like Teen Spirit (Nirvana), Mad World (Donnie Darko Soundtrack), A Little Less Conversation (Elvis vs JXL), Stuck in the Middle with You (Stealers Wheel), 8 Mile theme (Eminem), Hey Jude (Beatles), probably some Jamiroquai (the soccer guys I know seem to like it), some U2, anything by Michael Jackson... and I still can't help you with dance music. Try http://top40-charts.com/ - it has links to top 40 songs & albums worldwide.
from dinky-creek :
Queen usually seems to go down well - maybe "Bohemian Rhapsody", since it's the most well-known. Personally I'd go for "Fat Bottomed Girls" though. Also maybe some Oasis ("Wonderwall" or "Don't Look back In Anger" - the anthem-type ones)... uhm...Stevie Wonder ("Superstition"), ooh and maybe Spiderbait's "Calypso" and probably "Song 2" by Blur would go well. I'd like to suggest Primus but somehow it seems inappropriate. I have no idea about techno or dance music but I'm sure someone out there in Diaryland could help. PS I hope your nerves go away. You'll do well.
from sapphyr :
WHOA! Okay, I love music and these are my five picks for current, crowd pumping songs: "I PREDICT A RIOT" by the Kaiser Chiefs,"CLUBFOOT" by Kasabian, "BREAKIN" by the Music, "E-PRO" by Beck and anything by the Killers. You won't go wrong! I hope this helps. BTW- thank you so much for your last note. I'm glad to know that you are better and that your dad is home and safe. Take good care and good luck with the song list! HUGS! Sappphyr
from penutgallry :
breathe, breathe. Everything will be fine. You're a GREAT artist! At my college football games, the "DJ" always played hard rockin' songs from the 80's and 90's that everyone knows. That would get the crowd pumped up. He'd play "Back in Black," "You Shook Me All Night Long," and "THunderstruck" by AD/DC especially. They have great guitar riffs to get people going. Also, any Guns N ROses-- like "Welcome to the Jungle" or "Live and Let Die" or "Sweet Child O' Mine." Okay, now I'm just going to throw out names from my winamp--- do with it as you wish. Keep in mind, I live in the midwest, don't get a lot of exposure to non-mainstream music! Any obnoxious frat-boy rock by The Offspring, like "Why Don't You Get a Job." Okay, this one is out there, but Stevie Wonder's "Uptight (Everything is Alright)." Could throw in some funk, like "Play that Funky Music White Boy" or "Funky Town." FatBoy Slim's cover of "Magic Carpet Ride" (or the original, by Steppenwolf!). Whenever I played "Luv Me Luv Me" in the bar when I bartended, people would start dancing. "Crosstown Traffic" by Jimi Hendrix, "Shine" by Collective Soul. If you want to throw them for a loop, "Rough and Ready" by Trace Adkins for some in-yo-face hillbilly fun. "Honky Tonk Women" or "Start Me Up" by the Stones. "STP" by Sublime. "Ramble On" by Led Zepplin. "Are You Gonna Go My Way" by Lenny Kravitz. "Camel Toe" by Fannypack. "Celebrity Skin" by Hole. "Gangsta Mac" by OutKast. "Almost Had You" by...someone. A couple of those ubiquitously catchy songs like "Hard Knock Life" by Jay-Z or "Yeah" by Usher or "Hey Mama" by the Peas. Okay, back to work. (PS--I'm sure we'd all love to see the final playlist!)
from milomilo2 :
scratch that recommendation...none are "party hits"...maybe Blondie's "Dreaming" though will pass, though.
from milomilo2 :
For the 35 to 45 crowd who happen to have american taste in music. Throw them a bone or two...Blondie's: "Dreaming" or "Atomic" for the an 80's focus. Also a Pretenders song..."Don't get me wrong." or "kid" 90's -- A song I haven't heard forever was from Melrose Place, "Here and now" by Letters to Cleo. Those are my somewhat obscure references that will may get people to talk about memories or past times. Acts kind of a pop culture reference. Germans...don't they have diffent tastes? Wasn't there popular sung by a little girl about a crocodile called, "Schmecky" or the sort?
from yelayna :
Ooh! And The Lion Sleeps Tonight by Tight Fit!
from yelayna :
Thank you for your note, it made me feel better. I think I was just having a bit of a day of things: I was tired and then had an offer from the past that just really messed with my head. How do you say no to something you really, really want? I kind of have a bit of a history with this guy as well, which is very much could of, would of… I think I have it sorted though. Well. A bit. Ooh, the way she looked in the film is… http://victoriawinters.net/sheltonsincity.jpg. It’s a mental image I had! Oh, and the sleeping with a friend thing: my best mate and I do that when we’re very drunk – I once got accused of being her newest ginger lover! *hugs*
from portia12 :
Hi Clarity, I am a 27 year old, new teacher from Canada, cat person, with an art background. I would love to live in Europe. I can relate a bit to your culture shock as I lived in Ireland when I was 16. My bf is also European, from Hungary. I've been reading you for a few weeks and was wondering if I could have the password to your private folder? If so my email is babyblueaudi@hotmail.com.
from candoor :
leaving this note to remind myself to return :)
from frogmom :
Thanks! I saw thw template and just had to have it! We had a great time camping
from fridayfilms :
Hi, I was referred to you by my friend oladybug0. I read your entry on Amsterdam, and was a little surprised to find that we had very similar experiences there. It's been over ten years since I've been, but I still miss Europe very much. Two months was not nearly long enough to see everything we wanted to. What part of Germany do you live in, if you don't mind me asking?
from hothead :
ahem. so glad you're FINDING something good in the chaos. jesus. :)
from hothead :
hey! just wanted to say thank you for your *lovely* note. SO glad you're something good in this chaos. :)
from pisceanlore :
Hi. Good on you for the dog thing. One thing I've noticed about animals is that they do know when we're afraid. Bad dogs will take advantage of that, but good ones will try their best to show you that there's no reason to be afraid. I'm sure that's why he was hanging around with you all night. My cat has been known to force herself on non-cat people until they bond. It's funny. Oh, and absinthe is illegal in the States, because of its hallucenigenic properties. One of the kids on my London trip last summer got into it, and it was bad.
from la-blue-eyez :
Thank you so much for your comment. There's so many times that I want to say something about things you're experiencing with Colleen and your dad as well, but I get so emotional about it too I don't know what to say or how to say it either. I do care though and my heart goes out to you. And thank you so much for telling me about that song! I don't recall ever hearing the English version (until just now), but I think I like the original best. I'm just glad I know what they're saying now! :)
from la-blue-eyez :
I thought that was an actual photograph of Eric. My goodness your work is truly amazing! I have a strange request. I was listening to some 80's music today and came across a song that used to be one of my favorites. It's 99 Luft Balloons. Would you translate the song for me or can you show me where I could go to translate it? I've always wondered what she was saying.
from inebriated :
u r very talented. it's a beautiful painting. really captures a coveted sensation. i would love the password to your private journal if you feel comfortable. cheers, ineb
from milomilo2 :
Damn, nice painting. At first I glossed over it, thinking it to be a photo but, damn!
from alwaysinhim :
I know I haven't been leaving any notes lately, but I have been reading, and you have been in my thoughts.
from sapphyr :
Just feel better. All of my good thoughts are with you! The painting is breath taking. So much detail and love. Take sometime to give some of that to yourself. Hugs, Sapphyr
from acornotravez :
It takes so much to forgive, takes a very big person. (BTW - are you passing out new passwords?)
from rkwj1 :
You are really an amazing artist. The detail is really amazing. God I wish I could do that. You are very talented. I can't wait to see more of your paintings. later,ROB
from yecats79 :
Hi Clarity! It's been a hundred years since I've been around here, and I got back and was reading some entries and realized I really missed all you crazy diary people! Hope you're doing well.
from geekgurrll :
yes - that was me who left the email. Sorry, forgot to put in my user name. Thanks
from third-person :
Hey Clarity. I was reading your entry and you said that you and Eric would have noone but your family when you moved back to the States. Well, if you're moving back to Long Island and you don't mind interacting with a fellow diarylander, I'm sure my boyfriend and I would love to befriend you two! Then you can do that portrait of me you mentioned wanting to do :)
from chakra-chick :
Well, I haven't seen 'kids; so I don't know, but you should definately watch 'thirteen' - it's quite disturbing, yet insightful. You really haven't heard of Michael Rosenbaum? Wow, Germany is really sheltered, hey? You should see him in 'Sorority Boys'-it's really funny. Hope you are having a lovely day
from sapphyr :
WHOA- if you think you are getting old, imagine how I feel! I was in college, living in Mexico and central America, graduated and married BEFORE the 90's were over. All of the things that you mentioned were popular during my twenties! UGH! Thanks for the fun memories, I think I'll dust off my Docs and try to find my baby doll and spandex shorts with matching tank top and crank up some Smashing Pumpkins! Take care! Love, Sapphyr
from heylee :
Hi Clarity, I just sent you an email with all of the info for my diary. :) Take care.
from princessreva :
I know! It's almost creepy, except I'm pretty sure my mom only had one of me seeing as she has told me many, many times about my birth and it was a solo event. I do dig your writing and it makes e feel a little less insane;) Thanks for adding me!
from inscrutably :
Hey :) I was wondering if I could have your password for the other diary? And how do you do that notification thing? Email me at thegurl@gmail.com -Lily
from thehoneypot :
*singing* "getting to know you" ...i was wondering your birthsign and saw your a leo.. i would never have expeced it ,, erics right
from yeahimadork :
Hey! About the password info for the other diary, I can't remember your email address. Email me at AndriaL24@aol.com and I'll send back the info. :)
from blazingstar :
Haha I know, right? And "how many times did he look at your hands?" What??
from scubafreak :
I did the telemarketing gig for a while, too. You made it far longer than me. I made it a week...4 of those was training. My last shift was a monday night. Oh yes, Monday Night Football. You think people are pissed when you call them during dinner? Nuh-uh. I still just hang up on them though, because I think that's easier than making them go through their "client-must-decline-your-offer-three-times" horseshit.
from moonfaeryy :
Clarity, yes, you really should try beading as a new hobby. I have so much fun doing it, and it's great to be able to put your energy and thought into something, and then when you give it to someone, how much they appreciate it, it's wonderful. So give it a try when you need a break from the grind! <3 Sara
from yelayna :
I wrote you a letter :o)
from sapphyr :
HAHAHA! Thanks for your boob contribution and for giving me the coldandgray link-it sounds like a must-read. Keep on smiling:~) Love, Sapphyr
from beckers-j :
Thanks for the comment. I haven't ACTUALLY written anything in a long while, so that was sa little rough. Your encouragement is much appreciated. :)
from imaphatpig :
Oh man - if you liked the pictures? You would LOVE them for real! They are a total riot. I wish I could let you borrow them! Lucy keeps trying to climb my easel. She will take a running start and then try and catapult herself up as high as possible on it - usually only 3 inches and then she slides down it. And Annie will sleep with me through the night but Lucy will be up running around like a crazy woman. This morning I woke up and Annie was laying next to me staring at me. I sat up and called for Lucy and then I heard this scampering behind me and they I felt claws. Lucy tried to take a running start and then climb up my back- like, HA! I scared you! Too much. TOO MUCH!
from sapphyr :
WOW! It is one thing to read someone's journal to get a glimpse into a life but you offered us a visual record of your life with narration! You are truly an amasing journalist! Have you ever thought of submitting work to PRI? At any rate thanks for sharing I really, really enjoyed this entry and I am very glad to know Colleen is doing better! Hugs, Sapphyr
from thehoneypot :
welcome back.. you were missed by many ..i really enjoyed this photographic "day in a life"
from goldieknox03 :
i loved the photo day log thing. And also the painting was spectacular. YOu are so talented.
from thehoneypot :
you havent updated in a while .. everything ok?
from theflyingrat :
Hey thanks for the comment. It's funny, when I was doing that survey I thought it seemed like something you'd do. Haha. I liked the quarter idea for your age. You're a great painter, too. I thought that picture was of a person on first glance. :)
from retailharlot :
Hey yo, just wanted to let you know that your astrological profile thing is up. http://retailharlot.diaryland.com/clarity.html
from geekgurrll :
I just wanted to say that the comment from Fed Up was a little harsh. Although I don't know the person, so perhaps he/she has his/her reasons. I think I'm pretty diligent about the pill, but have also checked with a pregnancy test any time that I am late. It can be a day or two, but if I'm late, then I want to know what's going on. Especially since I go out and (gasp) consume alcohol...so I don't want anything bad to happen. I think it's fairly responsible. Anyway, maybe if Fed Up had shown some concern and not such judgement, it would have been a different situation.
from beckers-j :
Thanks for your condolences. I'm afraid that many of us foresaw the demise of the Jeepers Creepers. It was a long time coming. :) Hope you're doing better!
from theflyingrat :
Thanks so much for your comment. You know, when I found out you added me to your favorites I was shocked. Haha. I kept thinking "She's so talented, why does she want to read my drivel?" :) I understand needing a break from diaryland. I did that not too long ago. Only for a couple days but. Anyway. I hope you're doing okay and I'll keep you in my thoughts. ♥
from moon-blood :
I agree with a lot of your movies,and i had a kick listening to the most recent cllip, but i went back and read the "fed up" entry that i had missed... and that's when i just burst out laughing! You see, you're addictive! :D even fed up keeps readin' (probably at gun point). As you seem to be linking more and more entries into your private folder... may i have the password? nicole
from frogmom :
Thank you so much for the kind words Clarity! It really meant a lot to me! It was actually really fun doing the photo thing, I liked your idea about the quarter for age! Thank you about the beautiful comment! Very flattering! I dont think I am at all but I guess that all goes along with having no cofidence in myself!
from imazook :
Thank you so much for the note. I cried when I read it! It made me think about some more things too. The words were so encouraging and kind...just what I needed to hear. What I didn't tell him isn't much of a big deal, but it did hurt him. Thanks again.=)
from clrmehppygrl :
I was all about to write a whole note here about how I would name almost all the same movies you did. But then I read the "fed up" entry and almost laughed my ass off. I'm very "vigilent" with my birth control and I still have scares. I'm on the patch, therefore can't really screw it up. I got pregnant with my son while on the pill. You're a married woman "for crying out loud", I think you're allowed to be a little willy-nilly with the birth control. It's not like you're out boinking any man that looks at you with an eyebrow wiggle. Oye! For Crying Out Loud Clarity! How dare you enjoy your life with your husband! Damn woman! *wink*
from scubafreak :
Many of your movies would be the same as mine, were I inclined and not too lazy to make a list. I would add "ET" though. In other news, I found myself taking a pregnancy test the same day as you. At least "Fed Up" might find some solace in the fact that you are actually MARRIED and not just whoring around like the rest of us, as this obviously concerns them quite a bit.
from thekirks :
omg..someone else that loves My Girl! I have always loved that movie along with several others you listed!
from missdahling :
haha, I really despise pregnancy scares. A few years ago I thought I was pregnant so I took a test at my friend's house. It came up negative but I was still paranoid so I made her check her trashcan for the next month just to make sure it didn't change. The first time I asked her to check it she said,"What?! You want me to root through my garbage to look for a stick with your piss on it?!"
from sweet-cynic :
i've missed a few entries, i see. HI CLARITY. i've missed your journal.
from la-blue-eyez :
You know what annoys me? The fact that people seem to piss and moan about what YOU write in YOUR diary. Heaven forbid if this was actually a place for YOU to document YOUR memories, thoughts, fears and excitements. Screw them Clarity. This is YOUR place and if people can't accept the fact that YOU want to write about things YOU experience then maybe they should do some research and learn what a diary is meant to be used for. Geez! People can be so ... Out there sometimes.
from mentalimages :
Sure thing: melissa.y.matthis@saic.com email me!
from falo :
Hi Clarity. Thanks for the heads up on the vid not opening for you. I replaced it with a link which has the song name on it. It is Nelly's Tilt Ya Head Back. My first thought when I heard the melody was "Superfly!". You may know that song being the music aficionado that you are. And hey, btw, I think you will make a great mom. (and I have yet to hear a couple tell me that the perfect time had arrived re: money, time, home, job, all of the circumstances that people typically want to be there when the baby arrives) Best, O.
from imazook :
Thanks for the note.=) I haven't read a whole lot of your diary...just a few entries here and there. I hope to get more read. The religion thing still baffles me. For 12 years of my life, I had the bible and all it entails shoved down my throat. It gets confusing. Hopefully, I'll figure it all out someday!
from yelayna :
Hope you're ok. *hugs*
from taneruk :
Hi there. Thanks for leaving a note in my diary. At first I thought I was seeing things when it said I got a note from clarity25 on there. I've been reading your journal for the past few weeks, and there's a whole funny story as to how I found your diary in the first place. It actually started last spring, when I was trying to find pictures of german telivision shows for a class project, and I came across your entry that described some of the reality shows. I read the entry and was drawn in, so I read a few entries ahead and back, and finally started at the beginning and read through til the end. Then college started, and I have just recently found time to come back and pick up where I left off. I'm not 25, in Germany, or an artist, but there's something in your writing that I think speaks to anyone who reads it, and I feel that I can relate to you on some level, even if it is just the small things. (I got a good grade on the german project, by the way, so thank you for your help, however indirect...)
from frogmom :
Thanks, I ended up having a better day except for starting my period! Hell yes I would trade placces! LOL Hope everything gets worked out for you!
from candidreview :
of course i have time! i'll do it as soon as i can. --adrianne.
from scubafreak :
mavis beacon taught me, too. hadn't thought of that in years though!
from third-person :
Hey Clarity. I know I haven't written in a while, but I have been keeping up with your journal. Now that I have some more time on my hands, I'm ready to jump back into the world of diaryland. Both you and Colleen are in my prayers.
from imazook :
Hi! I had to stop by and see what your diary was all about. It seems like no matter whose diary I stop at and read or just browze through, you are on their buddy list. I know I've come across your name over 15 times on different lists. I've read some of your's too(Hope you don't mind) and you are an amazing writer. No wonder you're so popular!;-)
from frogmom :
thank you for your comment on the pictures! I absolutely LOVE the beach, anything about the ocean! We are lucky enough to live only about 25 miles from the ocean!
from clrmehppygrl :
Oh, and my layout was designed for me by my friend Alix. She's really talented, huh?
from clrmehppygrl :
You will make the decision that is right for you. You are a wonderful woman to even THINK about doing this, much less fighting for it, or going through with it. I understand Eric's worry, but not to the point of fighting over it. But I'm not in your marriage, either, that's your hurdle. I support whatever the outcome will be, doing it, or not. I admire you for this.
from imaphatpig :
i just tried to send you an email through diaryland? don't know if you will get it but i said some important things to say that just aren't right in your public forum. Let me know if you don't get it but want it and we can figure out a way for you to get it more privately - like you can email me if you feel okay with that and I can email you back from there - if the d-land way doesn't work.
from imaphatpig :
thanks for the vote of confidence. i needed that. there are few people here in the land of diaries whose opinions really carry some weight for me but yours is one of them and it means a bunch to me that i'm not alone with this stuff. by the way, if you haven't guess by now - and it has seemed quite obvious to me thus far but rete and beckers say i have been way cryptic - all of this stuff? all relating to that beautiful and horrible thing called love. *sigh* that's love for someone, love for me, love for what i am trying to break away from and do for the rest of my life, and love that i have yet to experience - maybe because i'm afraid to just plunge? i'm kind of sort of maybe a little bit of a mess right now. but... i'll live. y'know - i'll live!
from yelayna :
Probably, I suspect, because everyone cares for you so much and they are afraid you'll get hurt, or sick, or lose you. *hugs*
from moon-blood :
wow. it's a really great thing you want to do for colleen. when and if you feel you're ready, remember she loves you as much as you love her, so have a good talk with her and make the decision. whatever that is, just take care of yourself, remembr there are a lot of people in the world sending all their love, support and good vibes to you. nicole
from yelayna :
I you know, I don't know what to say. Apart from have a really big long talk to Colleen about it all. Only you two can really make that choice between you, and any of us reading here are in no position to advise you s we don't have the full picture. Just be careful and look after yourself, and, well *struggling to find what I want to say* you're incredibly brave, and an amazing friend. Good luck, and all my best wishes and thoughts are with you often. *massive hugs with very long arms to germany*
from dinky-creek :
Hey, don't let my Inner Disgruntled Nerd stop you from seeing the Hitch Hiker's Guide... it's probably not too bad. I was really disappointed with Shrek 2 at first but on second viewing it was great fun. More seriously, you are a great friend to Colleen for even thinking about this. I think that if you feel the courage to go ahead, and if you can find out what the chances are of success - including any threats to your health (you should probably go to a doctor and get a *really* thorough checkup) - then you should do it. Better to try and have it not work than to do nothing and regret it for the rest of your life. Hope that helps at least a little...
from sapphyr :
You and Eric are amasing people. Whether you are able to be a donor or not, the mere fact that you even CONSIDERED giving Colleen a kidney is truly a great and selfless act of love. BTW-saw Star Wars (I am a fanatic) cried, loved every moment! Take good care and I'll continue my good thoughts for you and your friend! Hugs, Sapphyr
from special-one :
hey i added to the survey late, so i was just telling you incase u werent going to look at the results again.
from theflyingrat :
Hi. I noticed you link to a private journal quite often and I was wondering if I could have the password. I haven't been reading all that long and I'll completely understand if you refuse. But, just in case, my e-mail is Kida29@msn.com.
from clrmehppygrl :
Wow. This is a huge huge huge thing you're tackling right now. And I have no idea what I'd do if I were in your shoes. But I have to say that I'd like to think I'd do the same thing. Yes, you're afraid, but all bravery is, is feeling fear but not letting it stop you. You have to make this decision on your own. No matter what anyone says, if you really want to do it, you will. Keep us posted, though, okay?
from blazingstar :
So true...it's just really tempting, knowing someone's password and knowing that there are things going on that you want to know more about. But snooping around like that would NOT be ok. I just need to have reminders sometimes so I don't do anything silly :)
from thekirks :
Be strong and I know you'll make the right decision for you. You are a wonderful friend.
from heelandlass :
Yay! I'm so glad you went for it, it's the perfect high for you - you're so in tune with your surroundings anyway that I just knew you'd experience it in a really unique and beautiful way. We were going to have some mushrooms at the weekend but we didn't get it together in time, but after reading your entry I think we need to get our act together for this weekend. Brilliant. So happy you're feeling on the up Clarity. Sometimes it's the tiny little simple things in life that fill us with the most joy isn't it? xxx
from coldandgray :
spaghetti ice cream? neat!
from untamedwings :
Hugs my dear. I'm glad you are in such a wonderful emotional place.
from yelayna :
So many things I want to say to you, and such a small box :o) Firstly - I love the peach hair. I personally liked the red, by the looks of it, but then I suppose maybe it was just a massive shock to Eric and people who have got used to a blonde you! Also... I just exchanged on my flat and I was dying to tell you :o) and I had a terrifying dream that I killed someone the other day, completely in cold blood, which was really, really frightening. Caught me out completely, and still wrong foots me when I think of it. *massive hugs* all round though for your dream and everything with Colleen – it’s horrible when you know the inevitable is going to happen and you’re helpless to deal with it. But hurrah for you and Eric. It’s lovely when you get back to being in that just you two state of warm happy stuff. Oh, I’ve rambled incessantly here… *hugs and kisses*
from jennlynn24 :
You are amazing, simply amazing. Thanks so much for the compliment and the advice. It is all about love, and that is what I cant ever forget. I dream about the what ifs and oh my god is this going to be the right thing. You rock and thanks so much Clarity. Have a great day! :)
from pisceanlore :
Thanks for the note. Hopefully I'll have things back in order soon. I'm cautiously optimistic that at least one thing may be heading in the right direction now.
from theflyingrat :
Hi. I just wanted to give you the diary for my pregnancy journal. I don't know if you got the link from my regular diary or not but it is ababyforme.diaryland.com - I unlocked it to make it easier for everyone. Except maybe me, haha. :)
from dinky-creek :
I wish nobody had to go through the pain of watching loved ones suffer. What you described in that dream reminded me of something I went through... my uncle died of cancer last year and at his funeral, half of the people there were wearing the same uniform he used to wear for his work. From behind, they all looked just like him - so much so that I kept thinking "oh there's uncle Frank, he'll cheer me up"... I kept having to remind myself that he was the one in the casket. I don't think there's anything anyone can say that could make everything "all better", but I hope you find resolution and peace.
from acornotravez :
I love you,.
from clrmehppygrl :
Okay, I've typed and erased things here about 3 times trying to figure out what to say. All I can do is give you a *hug* for the hard stuff and one for the good. I'm glad you and Eric found each other again. I've been in that "day to day" thing and it's not fun at all. But what IS fun is when you do find one another again. It's almost like make-up sex without the fighting. *smile* Hope you two have fun together.
from poopiebitch :
hey babydoll, glad to hear things are looking up and you have some much-needed time off coming to you. Oh, and glad Eric likes the new hair! I was wondering if you'd send me the password for your private entries? If not, that's cool. poopiebitch@diaryland.com Thanks
from missdahling :
Thanks so much for the nice note you left me. I'd also like to ask for the password for your private diary if you're comfortable giving it to me. My email address is ohsodarling@hotmail.com If not, just say so. Hope you have a great weekend!
from reynedecoupe :
Thank you, sweetie :D I wished I had seen your picture before it "expired", but then, I already know you are beautiful.
from clrmehppygrl :
I want to see your red hair picture but diaryland won't let me... wahhh! Okay, now that I've let that out.. *smile* Your voice entry was really cool. Even my husband stopped and listened. It was nice to have the transcript too, only because my speakers aren't that loud. Thanks for being cool and doing something that I would never think of. Oh, and a seriously belated thanks for the Mother's Day wishes. That meant a lot.
from rivergoddess :
Haha, I <3 my dolls. And only one of them is creepy and gothic all the others ones look normal, for dolls I guess.
from superlashes :
Hi. Thank you so much for your note. My birthday was a joke, but that's what I get for having high expectations and deciding to be sober on my 21st birthday...I don't recommend it. Oh yeah...if you don't mind I would love to read your private diary. You can e-mail me at cankles33@yahoo.com. If that's something you don't want to do then I completely understand. Your recent diary with your voice notes is very amazing...it's always kind of a trip when you hear a persons voice for the first time. Always, thanks for your notes you will never comprehend how much they mean to me.C
from singlegirl :
Oh, I always miss your photos...that's okay. I cringe when I post mine too. Great idea for the audiofile. I would do that, but people probably wouldn't be able to understand me. I am a SUPER FAST talker - I used to stutter when I was little and instead of slowing down to stop stuttering, I just speeded up my speech so I couldn't stutter. When I hear myself on tape, I can't understand myself - my friends and family are used to it, but when I first meet people they are like, "Whoa - slow down." :)
from betchy :
hey you, might be able to tell me. what is the ovie "Requiem For a Dream" all about? everyone on here has it listed as a fave movie and i've never even heard of it, but i am curious. so many people have it on their profiles it must be good!
from thekirks :
I really enjoyed your audio entry and your pic is awesome! Love your hair(even though I know it probably won't stay that way long):) Hugs to you!
from snoozie-girl :
i LOVE your new hair color. that's exaclty what i want to dye my hair. my hair naturally has a little bit of a red tint & in the summer it comes out in the sun. i want to dye it again hmmm....maybe this weekend :) and that M guy is dumb, don't listen to him. hope your eric comes back soon i know you miss him lots!
from beckers-j :
Ha! I'm glad you got a kick out of the "boobs hang low" song. :) It just popped into my head as I was thinking about the Beave and her problem, so I had to share. I'm also glad that my comments helped, even if it was just a little. :)
from jennlynn24 :
Post a pic of your new hair!! Smile.... its the weekend... :)
from yelayna :
*hugs* I know how you feel - I'm struggling with a work colleague of Laurences and though I know really it's fine I want to go in there and claw her eyes out and chop her fingers off till she stops contacting him out of hours. Ooh. that came out stronger than I meant it to... And what's more... M is clearly an out of date random things. If Eric can go out, so should you. Eric would hate it, I guess, if he thought you were going to stay in because he wasn't there. So just do your thing. I'm reckoning hes jealous of Eric :o)
from penutgallry :
Yay! I've heard from a friend that used to live there that Tunisia is bea-yooooo-tiful. I am so excited for you! also...do you allow others to read your private entries, or are they for your eyes only?
from frogmom :
thank you for the note about maddie! The porn thing...well um I dunno how I would have reacted!
from blazingstar :
Wow, your porn story is hilarious! What is with guys and porn these days? Yeah, a pig was being eaten, almost exactly the way you imagined it but without togas. I really don't understand it either.
from la-blue-eyez :
I'm sorry I'm late saying this, but Happy (belated) anniversary! Eric's entry was beautiful! You both are very lucky.
from clrmehppygrl :
The fantasy... it had me giggling. I remember you writing about that, but it's just funny. I'm glad you guys had such a wonderful time, and I'm really happy to see two people so much in love. Proof that marriage doesn't exactly have to be boring!
from blazingstar :
No problem, I sent you the password. Thanks so much for reading! I really admire your writing. Happy anniversary! That Eric, he's a keeper.
from dirtyliberty :
Thanks for the note :) Congratulations on your anniversary! I think it's amazing how well you and Eric are doing, and that entry he wrote, although really lovely, REALLY confused me at first...I was checking I was reading the right diary, when it insinuated a girl had kissed the narrator. I thought, "Hmm, Clarity got completely smashed and got involved in a wacked out game of spin the bottle"...but then I fliced to the bottom and saw "-Eric". So that settled my confusion. Haha. And Oliver Kahn? I thought you'd taken a picture of some bad guy from a movie and put it to characterise him...I can see how that team might win, with such an intimidating goalie...hope you and your sister have lots of fun this week! octavia
from bohemianlife :
Hey honey. Thanks for the notes, and for being so understanding about all that stuff. You are amazing...but you know that already! And I'm glad you got the link...how great was that? *huge sighs*....Oh and I forgot about the stupid image hosting, i switched and forgot the diary pictures were on there...so i've moved them, but thank you! love you and hope you have a wonderful weekend!
from coldandgray :
I use that anti-google search code thingie in my template out of paranoia about people like me. I think it is in the Template questions section in D'land help.
from yeahimadork :
Clarity, oh how I love you!! Empire Records is one of my favorite movies. I have seen it a million times. "Not on Rex Manning day!" And Hackers... don't even get me started. It will live on my tivo forever (or at least til I get it on dvd). Jonny Lee Miller is so dreamy. "Are you the punk that's been invading my turf?" Oh, I love that damn movie.
from beckers-j :
Yeah, my brother is such a good guy. :) Thanks for the birthday wishes!
from yelayna :
I have so many things I want to say to you today, I've managed to forget most of them! My favourite socks are hte same length as yours, but red and black, like dennis the menace :o) I'm also a bit worried about the pope (just kind of figure he's so old already maybe it won't be so bad for so long), Happy anniversary, your Eric is gorgeous and so lovely with it. Oh, and I think I'd like to see a picture of the thing you most want to show of your life that no one has asked you for yet, and your desktop on charlie! Hope you're enjoying the company, Love and hugs xxx
from comma-abuse :
Wah, and when I'm in such an entry slump! *laugh* Well, thank you for your kind words as well, and I hope my incredibly boring moping doesn't make your head explode.
from warcrygirl :
Didn't see an email addy so I thought I'd leave this here: http://www.snopes.com/computer/virus/gotemail.asp Be careful!
from comma-abuse :
Hello, I just wanted to leave a note and tell you that I've been reading you for a long, long time. Every time I read it's a bit of an emotional experience, both because of your writing and because of the homesickness for Germany I get when I read it. I just wanted to congratulate you on your anniversary, even if this note is late. Your writing is absolutely wonderful. I've been so much more serious in this note than I wanted to be, haha. I hope many of the future anniversaries will be recorded here on diaryland, too. Congratulations!
from atomicbuddha :
Thanks Eric, I'm all teary now. That was beautiful!! Congrats to you both. I'll raise my glass to many, many more!!!
from brunette99 :
That was BEE U TEE FULL!! Happy Anniversary to the both of you!
from clrmehppygrl :
Wow. To Eric: That's beautiful. I was almost in tears over here. To Clarity: You are one lucky woman! Hot AND sensitive. You married well. *wink* Congrats you two. Enjoy it!
from justamephit :
Mighty fine socks! I'm so glad for your sake K moved out - it sounded like hell, actually. I hate having people invade my space.
from dinky-creek :
Firstly: happy anniversary! Secondly: oh my gosh I have those socks!
from third-person :
Happy Anniversary! I wanted to tell you that my punk rock band name is The Complacent Nickle. How cool is that? Anyway, I'm still awaiting my e-mail from you, girly.
from acornotravez :
Happy 3rd! (We're not doing anything either - lack of funds, yea!) Maybe I'll make him a card... :)
from pixie-grl :
Happy Anniversary, Sweetie!!!!! I know how you feel with the butterflies still. Aren't we getting a little old for this????? lol xoxo
from beckers-j :
Wow. That's really disappointing! Even the Germans dislike him? I'd read that he is extremely conservative, but the way you described him is even worse! Well, I'm glad I'm not really a Catholic anymore. Then again, you don't even have to be a Catholic for the Catholic church to affect you, right? Argh. Hopefully he'll just be a transition Pope for a few years.
from rkwj1 :
Thanks so much for that note. It really made me feel a bit better about things. Now I'm looking forward to those better times. Thanks for that. later,ROB
from younameit :
**1.) Thank you for taking the photo of your sofa. Overall, your apartment is much nicer than I had imagined it. Of course, my imagination was based on my inaccurate impressions of German apartments in general and on your occasional statements regarding your relative poverty. :-) **2.) If you still have a day or two all to yourself in your apartment, maybe you could rent an English-language version of "Roman Holiday" (with Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck). It's the kind of movie to watch when there are no distractions. Besides, it would be a nice way to use up some of your "lonely" time. It really should be an English-language version because many of the subtleties of the dialogue might be lost. Have fun.
from clrmehppygrl :
Okay, are those two ladies' hands waaay oversized, or is it just me?
from imaphatpig :
So there! Exactly the perfect way to end the note. Thanks. Thank you thank you.
from brunette99 :
I've told a few people about my diary, and 99.9% of the time they've all asked me if they could read it...of course I said no. They also ask what my sign on name is....and of course I don't give it to them. I pretty much respond to them with "If you really want to start up your own online journal, then here's the website...." But that's all they get. I know exactly what you meant when you told that guy that you wouldn't give it to him. It's just kind of weird that way. :)
from poopiebitch :
Thank you for your last comment, it made me feel a bit more normal. I'm SO GLAD I'm not the only one who does those things. :)
from blazingstar :
Yeah, I never know what to do with myself when I'm left alone. I always think I'll spend my alone time doing all sorts of crazy things I wouldn't want to do with other people, and then I end up just sitting around missing people. Especially the boyfriend. Sigh. Thanks for checking out my diary!
from dandlioneyes :
hi from goettingen just 2 hours away from where you are. thought i'd drop a note since we are in the same time zone for a change!
from yelayna :
THank you for the note, and I'm realy sorry to hear about your wanky landlord and unpleasant neighbours. How rude, especially when you've made an effort. *massive hugs* PS, if it's any consolation, I ended up as Toxic too, and will die at 64 becasue I'm so average, apparently!
from enondoiel :
Thank you so much for your incredibly nice note, it made my day :) I love your layout, by the way, it's gorgeous! You live in Germany, right? I hope you live in Berlin because Berlin is just one of my favorite cities and I LOVE IT. Have a beautiful day!
from chakra-chick :
Hi sweetie! I'm sure you know about my stupid 'firewall' issue at work, so I was only able to read all your lovely comments now-here at home. I just wanted to thank you for all your wonderful words and great advice over the past week. Hope you are having a good weeked! ~smooches~
from pixie-grl :
I hear ya about the whole room-mate thing. Not that its going badly, but its just so different now. I never thought that I would miss being naked as much as I do. Now its just weird..... Hope things work out for you guys!!! xoxo
from blazingstar :
I just found your diary and wanted to tell you I love it! Seems like in every entry there's something I relate to, or something I wish I could express as eloquently. Have a good day!
from dinky-creek :
Wow. I really wouldn't be coping too well with that crap at all... I can't believe you have managed to not simply snap. I guess I should be in anger management classes or something. Anyway, at least you have America to look forward to - and possibly a surf lesson :)
from clrmehppygrl :
Okay, not much I can say when it comes to psychos in your life, but... *hug* I hope it gets better.
from imaphatpig :
Awfully insightful of you - about the the whole dilemma with what to call the new man of mine. *sigh* I cannot even believe that I am admitting this AGAIN today but earlier my sweety Retey and I were discussing and I accidentally used the "L" word but not in that way, more like (maybe verbatim), "See? You love someone for their details and that's one that is right up there on my list." *deepbreath* The thing of it is, we agreed to take things slowly. That's what it is. But for the record, HE dropped the "L" word himself WEEKS ago as in (though I'm not confirming this happened *shhhhh*) "Do you wanna make love here in front of the fireplace or upstairs?" My gawd. MY GAWD. I swear that I don't swoon around him as much as it might seem - however, I do fear that sometime when we are drunk around each other I might just maybe just might just use the "L" word not as in ILY but in some other fashion and then promptly slap my hand over my mouth and look embarassed. Does my life suck or what??? *Haha*
from dirtyliberty :
Cor, that land lord sounds like an asshole. Talk about being irrational and rude. Tree Thief. And your neighbours! Talk about mean. But I guess they just have their issues, but still. And talk about strength of character, I probably would have caved into annoyance and been rude to those who'd been rude to me. Thankyou for the note too, and I hope the atmisohere changes for ya. octavia
from sapphyr :
Okay, that by far was the funniest bloody entry in the entire world! I am laughing so hard I am in tears! Can't recover, still laughing! Thanks! :~D Sapphyr
from heelandlass :
I think we just updated at exactly the same time! We should instant message one of these days it would be fun x
from heelandlass :
I'm nearly caught up with you Clarity! Thank you for your special request on my holiday - it took me to a very nice place indeed. If you're still up for taking photos, please take a photo of the following for me: 1) the first thing you see (after reading this) that makes you smile. 2) the first thing you see that makes you think of someone you love 3) a sneaky photo of a complete stranger. Eric is really brave about his dad. I haven't spoken to my dad in 7 years and I don't think I've seen him in about 9 years and I am so mixed up about it I envy anbody in a similar situation who can make a decision (regardless of what that decision is). Tell him I wish him lots of luck and strength. He's a brave man (and not just around bees!!) xxx
from untamedwings :
PW is on its way :)
from insanegerbil :
as someone who has been homeless a few times, i can tell you that being homeless is the GREATEST THING EVER.sure, having a home is nice.but the only bad thing about being homeless is that it's so hard to be clean, and be fed.but other than that, life is fuckin sweet without a home.you have freedom to get up and go.you get to see the sun rise and set.and you meet the most fascinating people.i hope you're never in that situation, but if you ever experianced it, you'd see it truely isn't that bad at all, especially if you can keep yourself cleaned up.i bet that woman would probably agree with me.or maybe not...i mean, it's not like she's homeless in america.
from darktruth :
Just looking at that picture of the bee gave me the jibblies. I can't handle that. Many rounds of applause to you, Clarity.
from xanti :
RYN: Not necessarily gay. He may possibly be bi, but, yeah it looks that way. I still have Austin and the Hottie. :)
from heelandlass :
Ah - I'm so glad you were doing the 'and I missed you, like the deserts miss the rain' rather than the rather less inviting 'I missed you like crazy, I missed you like crazy, every time I think of you, something something tra la la la' one. That would've had me un-nerved to say the least! Yours is the last diary I have to catch up on Clarity. Saving the best for last and all that. Big Love and good to be home xxx
from starlight42 :
Thanks for the very sweet and kind note :) It really makes me feel good to know that you have nice things to say about my writing- since your diary is one of the best written. Your entries always inspire me to write more and write better.
from pixie-grl :
This type of thing is the reason that I don't come here much anymore. People are so petty and immature and I don't want to deal with it. If it weren't for people like you, I would have left a long time ago. Thanks for your note, its nice to know that there are still a few genuine people out there. xoxo
from beckers-j :
Thanks so much for your note. It really meant a lot. :) You're absolutely right about everything, and I'm sure these feelings will pass eventually. Also, happy belated b-day. :)
from younameit :
You outdid yourself with your "homeless woman" entry, Clarity. Really. Furthermore, there must be something in the air this week that affects good-hearted people such as yourself. I was quite surprised when, just now (10:16 PM, 4/11/05), by sheer chance, I read the following diary entry (only a few hours after reading yours): http://poopiebitch.diaryland.com/050411_44.html -- WOW! Luckily, I stopped writing this note long enough to read the rest of "poopie's" entry before finishing this note to you. It appears that you have already read it! Wow. Very, very small world, figuratively speaking.
from clrmehppygrl :
Don't get me wrong, "Sin City" was very well done. It was a good movie. It stuck directly to the comic books. I mean, have you read any really adult ones? Have you seen how violent they are? Well, the movie is non-flinching when it comes to being true to form. I think it was more the subjects tackled in the movie that disturbed me more than the movie itself. From kidnapping, child abduction, sexual abuse, prostitution, murder on a grand scale, to cannibalism, being eaten by a wolf, and the electric chair. It's just a disturbing movie. I don't regret spending the bucks to go see it, it was worth it, and I will probably buy it when it comes out on DVD. It was just very.... different.
from sapphyr :
Hi! Thanks for your last note I am glad that I am not the only one shy about sex-talk. I would like to get over it. I can talk about it clinically but the moment it comes to the erotic I am useless. Hopefully, I will be able to write some great things after this weekend ;~) *smiling devilishly* Seriously, your last entry gave me goosebumps. I believe in angels. I believe that we have certain encounters for a reason. That woman may have had no possessions but she has something that so few of us possess.She shared that with you and you have shared it with all of us! Thank you. ~Sapphyr
from beckers-j :
Hey! Yeah, the sex toy party was great! As for Angelina, I do think she's hot, but her lips kind of bother me. She gets an honorable mention. :) BTW, I also read your entry about that guy approaching you about your diary, and I think you did much better than I would have. Wow. That's something that had never even occured to me, that someone would come up to me and say, "Hey, aren't you beckers-j?" Eeek.
from loner-blues :
Oh dear, I'm afraid Mephit's going to create a frenzy with that note! No, no worries. I'm not leaving D-land for LiveJournal. I set up an account there so I could read the diary of a young girl who once kept a diary here. (Some strange thing over at LJ won't let you read locked diaries unless you too have a LiveJournal, so I signed up for one). I really don't like it at all over there. Yech! Can't seem to get a handle on the set up. You're welcome for the note...it is completely understandable to be unnerved by a stranger coming up and identifying you by your online diary name. I think you handled it beautifully. The emoticon is from unkymoods.com, it's this great sight, designed by a cartoonist and it's free. All you have to do is zip over, set up an account, choose a mood, then paste the code on your page. The great part is, once the code is there, all you have to do is go back to Unky and change your mood. No reposting the code because it's done for you. I love it. Ooo and he has this new feature which allows users to suggest moods. I'm thinking of asking him to add "forlorn." :-) That's how I felt when I lost all my websites, but t'wasn't available as a mood. Oh well. Hope to see you're Unky-ness on display soon! -cat
from clrmehppygrl :
How completely strange that must be. The only person that I've seen face to face that reads my diary is an old friend from my middle/high school days. I read hers as well, so I suppose it's not as akward. But wow. Just some random guy coming up to you... interesting. I just hope it doesn't change how you write. As one of your "original homegirls" I'd hate to see you censoring anything. And I'd definitely echo the sentiment that there is some serious jealousy that some random human gets to meet you and your loyalists don't. *laugh* Okay, that sounds kinda stalkerish, let's forget I said that. Interesting day. Between you and Kris, I wonder who I'm going to run into!
from sapphyr :
*in my best Keanu Reeves* WHOA! What else could ANYONE possibly say about that?! Amasing! ~S.
from younameit :
And please do not start editing or censoring the content of your diary (any more than you already have)! Not even subconsciously!
from younameit :
You think you're in a strange position, Clarity? What about those of us who are your regular, devoted readers? We have to balance our total envy of the "tall, dark, handsome stranger" (would t'were that he were one of us!) with our total empathy for you. I suddenly and vividly imagined myself both in your shoes and in his shoes. How confusing is that?!?! :-)
from dirtyliberty :
Woaaaah! ZANEY. Well, my best friend nur has a diaryland (queenof1ight) and we met in secondary...but now she's in Malaysia. But I guess that doesn't count. I have met two people off the internet. Kath and Chrissie...We were all (me, kath, chrissie and nur) good friends online, and though it was impossible for to meet up with Nur as well, the rest of us lived in the UK. So we did, and it was a little weird, but not as weird as it was for you...Because even though we did read each others blogs, we talked on MSN and sent emails etc. Although we don't talk so much anymore...People just grow apart. I might write about when I met them actually. I've never really thought about people reading my diary...I guess because I've kept a blog so long, telling my life to strangers comes naturally. Although, I guess it might be a little weirder for you, given that far more people read your diary. As far as I know only you and Nur read mine. That entry has now provoked a lot of thought and my head is swimming with them (thoughts, that is). octavia
from pashiesplace :
Oh. My. God. How overwhelming that had to have been!
from jennlynn24 :
that is soooooo crazy!! i dont know what i would do ifi met someone who reads me, i think i would be in total shock bc its true, u disclose your life, where you go, what you do in everyday life.. and you dont think you will run into someone frokm here. WOW! Great entry though girl! have a great one!
from warcrygirl :
Thanks for the note; I'm glad you liked my witty observations even if they did involve bodily functions. :) And thanks, too, for letting me know my comments were out of whack; apparently Andrew finally got my email on wanting my money back even though I changed my mind a week later. Oh well, I've got Haloscan now so no biggie. Hope you and Eric have a great weekend!
from acornotravez :
no way
from acornotravez :
Heya, now that you put me on one of your diary entries, my daily hits have increased from 10 to 11. Just like in Spinal Tap. Thanks for that, man. You say all the stuff about your husband that I need to say about mine, I just get selfish when I update and just talk solely about myself. Anyway, did I tell you that our anniv. is this month also? 420, man. (April 20th.) You should take a pic of the inside of your fridge, THAT I'd find interesting.
from dirtyliberty :
Now, maybe I've misunderstood something here, but who exactly is going to cycle on the lake? Did the sign-makers do that just to tease people..."Ah yes, but there is ONE place you can still cycle" "Great! great! Where?" "The lake". Cor. Although I'm pretty sure I've just got it wrong. I loved your room mate memories, and yikes about Alice. The project for Colleen sounds really nice...and funny. I remember a card I got from my friend on my thirteenth. Part of it said "Now you're thirteen, you can start thinking about getting LAID!" Always funny when I bring that up. thankyou for your note, too :) octavia
from beckers-j :
Yeah, I definately get carded for everything, so you're not the only one! :) And cows in the city? What's up with that?!
from insanegerbil :
hha.i always wondered about your couch too.anyways...um.shit.i forgot what i wanted to ask you.OH YEAH.when is your birthday?
from younameit :
I cannot believe that no one has asked you to take a picture of your sofa (couch). It is the first place that came to my mind after you started sharing pictures of your apartment. Of all the locations mentioned in your diary, it seems to me that you have mentioned it the most. That is where you and Eric seem to be most often during illness, hangovers, TV-watching sessions, entertaining, etc. Next comes the kitchen stove, where you have often gone to cook and/or "hide" from visitors. :-)
from third-person :
I loved the story of how you and Eric met. Makes me want to recount my own story of meeting John. Now I want to hear the first kiss story!
from third-person :
Hey clarity. I love all the signs you posted! It was my reason for suggesting it. I wanted to see if I could decode them. You never gave me 3 things you'd enjoy seeing from my life, so if you have anything let me know. By the way, I was listening to this song by Marybeth Masiaraz (I think I'm butchering it) and it made me think of you. I think the line is "And clarity comes, and clarity goes, but for all these epiphanies I'm still lost.."
from firestarfae :
yeah, i'm still around d-land every now and then. thanks for the note. lupus has been hard to deal with, even though it's on a much lower end of the spectrum than your friend. and affects me in much different ways... but it was the reason that i miscarried in the past. and makes getting pregnant that much scarier.
from dirtyliberty :
Sign #1: asking for kids to hold their parents hands while they cross the road. sign #2: Stop doing something... sign #3. trespassers forbidden? private land? sign #4: stop? sign #5. I give up. No idea. I think it would be unwise to ever go to Germany without someone that knows the language. I'd get lost and end up on the borders of scandinavia. Laughed out loud when you said "This was the picture I took right before he started coming after me"...it provoked mental images of a small bird chasing, at full speed, a grown woman. And O_O at that picture of the ride...and maybe Eric does realise about all that stuff, but sometimes even when you know something, you have to fight what you think is expected of you... octavia (ps. still laughing)
from candoor :
you inspire me every time you find another way to let your light shine through... I tell myself to stay loved and loving and keep hope alive (even when I don't believe it, it's a mantra I've carved into my psyche)... you inspire me to continue :)
from la-blue-eyez :
I've worked around the system for now. You can access my diary with the username ninja and the password turtle.
from yeahimadork :
Thanks for the add! I look forward to going back and reading some of your older entries... :)
from darktruth :
Thanks so much. If I used emoticons, one would go here: (insert emoticon here). But thank you, really.
from bohemianlife :
Oh my god I think i have nearly the same exact jeans, and they are my favorites too... I gotta do that picture thing you did a few entries back. Ok, so here's the question, even though I know you are not feeling 100% back to yourself - are you up for a little reading? You know what I am refering to. If so let me know and I'll send it to you. Who knows, maybe it would cheer you up?! ♥ kris
from daze-of-rain :
clarity, I cannot tell you how much your words mean to me. Thank you so much for the kindness you express constantlty. You are an amazing person and I feel very blessed to have 'found' you. And even luckier to actually have the opportunity to get to know you. Your support is priceless. Thank You. I'm sorry you are grey...I am here to talk. - Love You, Des
from beckers-j :
Yeah, your comments aren't working, but I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for pimpin' me out. :) And you and Eric as just too effin' cute for words. I LOVE you guys.
from coldandgray :
hmm...I cannot leave a comment for some reason. I wanted to let you know how sorry I am about Colleen. It is such an impossible choice when thinking about quality of life vs continuing the fight. I feel so bad and hope for some way for things to get better. You are a wonderful person & friend, do not forget it. Thank you so much for linking me in such a cool way.
from starlight42 :
So sorry to hear about Colleen. I guess there's not much else to say, not much anything anyone can say that would make anything better. Sucks. On a different note- you guessed Fleetwood Mac right! The other guesses were close, One by U2 is a good one...
from superlashes :
just so you know I didn't write that poem, it's a song by the one, the only...jack johnson. He is fabulous if you haven't listened to his new CD IN BETWEEN DREAMS..check it out. Thanks for your notes....seriously thanks!
from pixie-grl :
Ok, I guess you can call it 3 week long writers block. You ever get in those moods where you go to add an entry and then you find yourself just staring blankly at the little white box? This has gone on for 24 days now. However, today I feel a little gabby, so who knows, I just may update!!! I miss you, too!!!!! xoxo
from geekgurrll :
Just a quick hello...I'm still around...just trying to clean up my diary before unlocking it (someone in my company was reading it, which felt a bit weird). Hope you're doing well.
from beckers-j :
Hey, thanks for your note. I'm glad you got a kick out of my Seinfeld tits comment. :) I feel the same as you about the Pope (also being raised primarily Catholic), but his death saddened me as well.
from la-blue-eyez :
I sent an email last week, did you get it?
from dirtyliberty :
Hey back. The major dissapointment was from it that it was amazing, but because I couldn't convince my friend to come with me and mosh (her mums friend had gotten us the tickets as a favour, so I couldn't just go off on my own) so I had to spend about an hour and a half standing. Which pissed me because it was amazing, I was just exhausted. And I guess so...but what surprised me that is he(trent) is so MUSCLY. By the end he probably had to do some serious showering. He was drenched all over. Good thing...bad thing? Hah. Hope you're feeling better. octavia
from bohemianlife :
Love you honey...and glad to hear from you I was starting to worry. And I meant everything I said - anything, anytime. ♥ kris
from third-person :
Hey Clarity. I just want to say how sorry I am about Colleen. And how I can identify with what you're going through. One of my best friends from childhood has Spinal Muscular Atrophy, a disease that will eventually prove fatal. I often feel that I'm not the friend I should be, and I know how easily the guilt can take hold. Just know that you and Colleen are in my thoughts.
from sapphyr :
I read your entry when you first wrote it and it made me cry. I cried because I feel awful for you and Colleen. I cried because I am in awe of her courage and your love for her. There is no love like that of a friend who has been your rock, even in the face of her own struggles. I have no words of comfort because I no there is nothing to say that will help ease your pain. Just know that I am thinking of you and Colleen and I will light a candle for her and keep you both close to my heart. Remember the care and keeping of yourself too, Clarity. ~Sapphyr
from younameit :
It really is hard to improve upon what dirtyliberty says in her note. You're only human, Clarity. Don't hold yourself to an impossible standard. Whether you've spoken to your friend on a regular basis or not, a million bucks says that she knows how you really feel about her. Besides, I can assure you that you are handling the situation far better than most people would if they were in your shoes. The entries you've made in your diary are proof of that.
from loner-blues :
I'll spare you the long story; can't unlock diary, so until I can -- USERNAME: fucked, PASSWORD: over. How are you doing? -cat
from moon-blood :
I agree with dirtyliberty. I felt the need to leave you a message, but I'm speachless. I just want to tell you that you are a great friend, I'm sure coleen remembers every first you had together and every experience that was better because she had you to share it with. Including her illness. My prayers for both of you... nicole
from dirtyliberty :
I kept on typing and retyping this note, because I got completely stumped on what to say. Everything I typed sounded so...just..bleurgh. That's a shit thing to happen, and you know, I don't think she'll think you're a bad friend for not returning those calls. She'll think, Clarity has helped me fight through everything and now, I don't want to fight, and she's been great. Look at those guys, who just decided they couldn't hack it and broke up with her, but you stayed with her, right? So that definitely counts for something. And she would want you to be living that life, having fun, she'd probably only feel bad if you didn't. I personally think you're amazing for handling this kind of thing so well. I'm not much of a prayer, but I do hope you both get better. octavia ps. I know it won't help, but last night I went to Nine Inch Nails, couldn't mosh, and now it hurts to sit down...plus about 5 forty year old shirtless goths rubbed against me while getting to the bar...be glad not to have had a night like that ;)
from candypop23 :
I just came to work stressed about thing that now seem so unimportant and stupid.I'm trying to hold back my tears.I don't know what to say..I'm so very sorry
from pisceanlore :
I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. I don't think there are words for this. You'll both be in my prayers tonight.
from thekirks :
I'm crying just reading your entry. I don't know what to say. I'm just at a loss. I am thinking of you and Colleen...I wish I could do more.
from whereibegin :
Clarity, I'm so sorry that you're hurting right now and that Colleen is not doing well. My thoughts are with both of you.
from insanegerbil :
no, no.that's not what i meant.i know you were joking. i ♥ you.you rock.
from insanegerbil :
you have 150 subscribers!and i bet there are at least 100 people who bookmark yours.i've got 25 regular bookmarkers, and i only have like 40 subscribers. YOU'VE BEEN DUMPED BY NOBODY!!!!meh.you'll get plenty of mentions like dizzigemini does, cuz 'what would clarity do?' is a constant mantra.
from bohemianlife :
You can come ask about him anytime! Or if you want to be more discreet...you can email and ask! And by the way - safe another week! Ok, the writing thing - if i ever manage to get it typed since most of it is in notebooks, and gather up every bit of courage i can borrow, then i'll send it to you. It's so weird cause I've been writing my entire life but this is so different, it's strange to write something FOR yourself. And to not be concerned with whether or not it's good, just if it's....well, *working* for lack of - wanting to say something crude! haha. I actually had thought about letting you read it before you offered however, which is kind of a big thing. I said I've written this stuff before but I don't think, with the exception of one guy friend of mine, that anyone has ever read any of it. Sometimes I wait literally like minutes to just put certain things ON the paper - imagine my fright of someone reading it! But it's always good to do things that scare you, right? And it's just for fun, it's not my lifelong pursuit to write this stuff! But I wouldn't mind decent at it! But that's a power thing and whole other issue...and the husband/art thing? What can I say, there's no solving it I guess. I'll write you later - love, Kris
from sapphyr :
Wow! That song really is great! I loved seeing your flat. It looks cool. Don't worry about squealing, I'm over 30 and I still squeal. Problem is I am older than most of the musicians that I like. Oh, well. I'll grow up one day ;~) Oh btw, cute navel!
from bohemianlife :
hey honey. just wanted to give you your weekly Con update. he did amazing last night, he sang Bonnie Raitt's 'i can't make you love me' which seems odd but was fantastic. all the judges loved him, even Simon believe it or not! So we find out his fate tonight! Keep your fingers crossed. Oh and I'm going to ask you the picture questions just trying to think of good ones!
from la-blue-eyez :
I have a couple of questions I've been wanting to email you. Either I'm blind and I don't see your email on your diary or it's not there? Either way, would you email me (my email is on my diary) so I may reply back with my questions?
from beckers-j :
Aw, shucks. :) Thanks for the compliments. You're a sweetie.
from beckers-j :
Aw, shucks. :) Thanks for the compliments. You're a sweetie.
from beckers-j :
Aw, shucks. :) Thanks for the compliments. You're a sweetie.
from betchy :
i Love funfairs!! have you ever been on a ride like the one that turned Eric green? i did once i was about 9 or 10 and it was at a steam fair with my Auntie and Uncle. i love rides, the scarier and faster the better, even at that age, but that one was too much for me. i hated the feeling of not being able to move! i wouldnt rule out going on one again though....just to see! loved the chinese paper lamp, and that "Boulevard Of Broken Dreams" picture is a classic. my friend had it in her house when i was younger and i used to spend hours staring at it....i didnt even know who James Dean was then! look at me telling you all these stories in your notes page.....i guess its because your entries are always so inspiring. every one makes me so grateful that you found me on here, so that i am able to share all your experiences with you. Love ya Clarity x
from sapphyr :
Michael Jackson "Bad" showdown?! LOL! That by far is my favourite obscure reference of all time! :~D Thanks for your last note. It made me feel better. Isn't it funny how a connection to another person can be so powerful? AAH, the joys of being in love! Thanks for sharing the pictures! They were great. Love, ~Sapphyr
from beckers-j :
P.S. I think we're posting notes for each other at the exact same time. So silly. I'm glad you liked my picture suggestions, and I certainly plan to get a pic of Tedders and I in my diary some day soon. Stay tuned. :)
from beckers-j :
I feel like such a dunce for not recognizing that the IP address was probably my own. Duh. I'm glad I'm not the only one to be so flakey. :)
from dirtyliberty :
That actually seems like a good way to do it...not to sleep until it's resolved. I mean, the alternative must be just lying there thinking about whatever started it all of...haha. showmeyourwounds...I once knew a site a bit like that, and one time for science we had to make posters, so I went on it and got pictures from it...I wonder if they ever put up my posters. They really were grusome. I hope you have fun at Easter and... 1.the first thing you see when you wake up 2.the first thing you see when you walk in your front door 3.the album you've been listening to most, recently. octavia ps. Is it just me or does that Meg Ryan picture remind you a little of Avril Lavigne?...meep.
from loner-blues :
Thank you! I wish I could take credit for the layout but I'm still all thumbs when it comes to writing code. "Some day," she says. "Some day, I tell ya." I'm so looking forward to your book/movie/music suggestions! Hope you survived the weekend. *Fingers crossed* -cat
from candypop23 :
I tried the comments page but I think that it isn't showing so I'm posting it here: First of all, thanks for your wishes although it is not yet Easter here!!As for the photos, I loved the idea but I just found out that all my suggestions were already taken.Anyway.. 1. a picture of you, 2. a wedding picture and 3. your favorite item of clothing
from myownjourney :
Hey Clarity, I believe the embed tag is pretty much the same for movies as it is for sound but too make sure that all the browsers can read it you can also add an object tag. You can go here, http://www.oreillynet.com/pub/a/javascript/excerpt/learnwebdesign_chap22/ for a fairly simple tutorial on it. Hope that helps and I hope your fingers doing better.
from fallmode :
oh my god! yikes about your finger! i am so sorry. and, thank you so much for your note! i needed it. it's good to know i am not the only girl in the world to be disappointed by my man at times. and, i guess i am a bit ashamed, which causes me to think i am a bad fiance'. stupid boys! :o)
from justamephit :
Sweet Clarity - I've been meaning to ask for a while and not quite known how to, but would you consider trusting me with a password to your private folder ... if that is, the folder is private in the sense of available to some, as opposed to completely private. If it is completely private or very very exclusive (which is entirely understandable), then I'm sorry if I've asked for something you'd rather not give and I don't mind at all. Um yeah. Obviously I don't want to pry into your personal stuff and would exercise all necessary tact and discretion and so forth but I do love reading you, and I would value the opportunity to know you better. There's a linke to an email address on my diary if that's any help re communication of password, should you chose to entrust me with ... and absolutely no pressure to do so. Phew *pants for breath*
from sapphyr :
If for some reason, this shows up on your comments page I am sorry. It seems that the note I wrote there didn't post so I am writing what I said here: I dearly appreciate your note about my last entry. You are right about a jerk in every group. Thank you for your comments about having a "look" that others can't place. It is nice to know that I am not the only one that it happens to. Sometimes it seems that way. Thank goodness for happy endings (for you too)! Well, if it isn't a bother, I would like to see pictures of your creative work space, your favourite pair of shoes and your favourite place to sit and unwind. I will make certain that I see "In the Cut." My master's minor is women in film so I never listen to critics :~D Thanks for being a wonderful and supportive friend! Happy Easter! Love, ~Sapphyr
from sapphyr :
The tampon cozy thing was bloody hysterical once I woke up from my fainting spell having read about your finger! YIKES! That was not a knife, that was a sword! My finger hurts just looking at that thing! Please be more careful and I do hope your finger feels better soon. Incidentally, I shall no longer complain about paper cuts...:~D
from pisceanlore :
Wow, sorry to hear about the finger. Hope it heals up quick for you. I get the feeling it's just a matter of time before I do something like that to myself, as I am often not paying attention to what I'm doing.
from dirtyliberty :
Okay, first of all...OWCH. OWCH OWCH OWCH. Horrible. Sincere deep sympathies. Once when I was young I was at someone's house playing Had, and somehow my finger got trapped in a door..and cracked the nail. Eurgh. Weird, though, I don't so much mind wounds or blood, but as soon as someone starts to describe certain experiences, my knees feels sick (don't know how THAT'S possible). Also, if you feel like burning some time, check out: http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/archives.php weebl and bob. genius. esp. look at: germs, captain and band. or: http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/47/ . I love being privvy to such things ;) octavia
from bohemianlife :
I KNOW!!!!!! CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE IT? WAIT TILL YOU SEE IT BIGGER...YOU WILL DIE!!!! DIE!
from bohemianlife :
Geez, I nearly forgot...he made it! Yah, and if they post a video of the results show you MUST see it. I'll tell you why later, people will think i'm nuts if i say it here, i already look crazy!
from superlashes :
Sie geben noch eric Schmetterlinge in seinem Magen, der selten ist. Dank für das Kommentieren mein Tagebuch. Ich schrieb meinem Freund einen Brief gerade auf spanisch und dieses ist ich erhalten weggeschaffen mit dem on-line-Übersetzer europäischen julia roberts=hair unter Armpits und Stolz. Die kombinierten reines Chaos der Gleichgestellten!
from sapphyr :
Wow! You should be sainted for having sat through that! I am not sure that my insecurities would have allowed me to behave properly in that instance! I miss writing here. Ever since the big crash, I haven't been able to read until now. Let's hope I can update soon! I have to tell everyone about St.Pat's! Oh well, thanks for inspiring me to be more patient! I hope I can be like that when I grow up! Hugs, ~Sapphyr
from jennlynn24 :
OMG i totally do that "in bed" thing.. i got it from my parents saying it and now, well i do.. its too funny "GREAT FORTUNE yada yada IN BED" isnt jealous an awful demon, it makes me sometimes get really really scary crazy.... i guess its teh beast in all of us. you are beautiful you have NOTHINg to ever worry about! love ya!
from younameit :
Your note to me beat this one to you by just a few seconds. I was just writing the following to you: See, Clarity? Sometimes saying a certain thing simply and matter of factly produces the greatest impact. Case in point: "Sometimes I wish I had pepper spray or a big stick." I laughed so loudly that they probably heard me across the street! That is a comment that would make an hilarious scene in "The Simpsons" -- for instance. :-)
from la-blue-eyez :
Ok, I'm a day late, and I'm not sure if you're still looking for ideas or not, but... Here's my 2 cents. :) Your personality is very warm and calming to people (me). You come across as someone very heartfelt and compassionate. So, when I thought of what a good painting would be and I thought of you, I imagined a body of water (lake, ocean, pond, ect..) and a pier going out towards the water. A generational picture (like a mom and child) sitting at the edge of the pier with their feet dangling in the water. You can only see the back of them. Mom has her arm wrapped around the child and they're looking at each other as if they were engaged in a heartfelt conversation. Maybe it's a sunny day, maybe it's at sunset? But anyways, that's what I thought.
from bohemianlife :
Ok, Ok, one more link to add to your collection for viewing tonight...the link for the video of this week's performance...you gotta see this one! http://www.idolmedia.tv/americanidol4/top11.html Have fun, and let me know what you think!
from pashiesplace :
Isn't it something how we know our husband has a past, has known & been with other women but it needs to stay "back there". I don't want to put names to faces because then I put faces to bodies and bodies to actions that I'd rather not think of. Hugs.
from bohemianlife :
I know I have such an addictive personality, the last thing I need during the end of the semester is this mega crush invading every part of my life! Yesterday in Art History, what do you think we looked at? The portrait bust of the Roman Emperor Constantine! It's haunting me! I feel like such a nutcase, but I know I'm far from the only one...all the girls I chat with over at the band's boards are all my age or older. They said on the show he has a big 'girl fanbase'... more like a big 25-30 yr. old women fanbase. The entire country is hypnotized and under his spell! I'll be lucky if this doesn't kill me before May! It's exactly like you said - I feel like a junkie! At least voting scandal resulted in me getting an extra fix this week! God do I sound like a raving lunatic or what? Somebody please help me! But you know I don't really want to be helped ;)
from dirtyliberty :
Thanks for the notes. It was strange...I remember when I titled my blog "carpe diem" it was a very concious moment where I almost named it something else, but didn't. And I almost didn't see your note. I looked back a week later and realised someone had left a comment. I am glad that if someone found my diary it was you. When I read your entry archive there were cases where I thought Wow...because you would have articulated something I hadn't managed to. (Eg. Fading Away With Time) ...It was funny you mentioned the male/female stereotypes in your entry, because I'd read something about that earlier. "apparently in some australian study they found that women are more emotional than men. that we feel things deeper." - from a message board. I mean, part of it is to do with society, but it's interesting in general. Logically, men and women must have started out equal in when they were "cavemen"...And for the painting? Think about the music you've been listening to...It helps. You know those lines that always stick out and you feel so affiliated with, think about why and how to make it visual...My friend's mum who I stayed over with yesterday is redoing her portfolio cover (she's a photographer) and I'm helping her. Her main thing is that she wants it to be personal this time. In other words, fuck trying to please anyone else. So like she's putting on her cover "love into the bread you bake"...do something that spirals from something you love, and it'll taste great. (Excuse the imagery, I've had very little sleep.) ;) Octavia
from krugerpak007 :
I don't have a lot of time on the internet here in hospital so I havent really managed to catch up on reading, but just wanted to say thanks for the note and to let you know I am missing you and hope to be able to catch up with all the reading soon! xoxox K
from younameit :
Is my newest entry (3-23-05) showing up in your buddy list? In order to post an entry, I had to paste it into my previous entry (thanks to the server crash and the very slow renewal of service to those of us who have free accounts). By the time you read this, though, things may be back to normal.
from clrmehppygrl :
Hmm, as far as figuring out what to paint. If it were me buying the painting, I'd want something original, I mean, something you just don't see very often. The way you paint seems very real, so maybe paint something that the admirer feels like they can just step into. A garden path if you do that kind of thing, or a person with eyes that go on forever. I don't know. I'm not an artist, but you asked for ideas. Good or not, there they are!
from yelayna :
I just wrote a really long note and Diaryland ate it! Um... I think I said that none of my exes have driven, and neither does laurence, so I don't know what that says about me! Also about porn - I think I have more than Laurence, though I found some comic porn once that made me laugh as he's such a comic geek that he even fantasizes about them! I there seems to be a massive difference between the attitude in the states to these things - I heard (though how true this is I don't know) that you can't show nipples on US TV, whereas they're all over the place here - on page 3 of most tabloid newspapers in fact - and no one bats an eyelid!
from drgeek :
Regarding nature vs. nurture where gender roles are concerned, I know a couple who adopted fraternal (non-identical) twins - one boy, one girl. They were determined to try to raise them both with as few gender specific cues in toys as possible (no "war" toys for the boy, no Barbies for the girl.) They quickly discovered that the boy was using carrots and sticks as guns, and the girl was having tea parties for her stuffed animals. So, this anecdotal evidence would suggest that gender roles come into play early and are not necessarily brought about by the toys themselves. Just a thought.
from bohemianlife :
Ah yes the Con stuff. Glad you enjoyed. And Tuesday has rolled around once again, so I'll be sure to let you know how it goes this week. It's so sad that I'm like living for Tuesday's now! Count yourself lucky that you aren't here, you'd be wasting all your time obsessing over this just like I am! Will write you later tonight! ♥
from xanti :
RYN: No, I haven't read Jane Austen's "Persuasion" yet, but I'm reading it for my class after "Emma", which I'm reading now. I'll let you know how it is. ;) And you're very welcome for the note! Thanks for yours, too. Take care!
from beckers-j :
Thanks for the congrats! And I'm glad to have inspired bra-buying in others. :)
from daze-of-rain :
I always find it funny when brian refers to me as "wife" and I have his child. ha. As for the stash...Brian's 'secret stash' pissed me off. Then again it was under the seat in his car and it wasn't as innocent as it should have been. Fucker. But, I too have little to no issue with it...my biggest thing is honesty. He totally lied when I 'caught' him. ugh. Hell, I have a stash that puts his to shame. ha
from clrmehppygrl :
Not going to comment too much since it was a private entry, but trust me, I never thought married life would be this much fun either. You're not the only one that thinks the way you do. And I've been married over 3 years. I feel the same way you do about the DVD. No big issue. Glad you had fun! Much love!
from goldieknox03 :
hey. what if i crocheted this http://www.crochetme.com/issue_1/sushi_tp_cover.html . Check it out. Pretty funny. I may want one too.
from girlsmad :
you're 26, shut up. When you're 36 you're gonna look back on yourself 10 years & say "wow, way to waste my youth worrying about being old when i was far from it."
from drgeek :
I've tried "the whisk(e)y cure" using single malt scotch (my own particular poison of choice) and the mileage was varied -- I felt better, but it wrecked my throat. As for getting older, life is full of reassessments. At 25, I finally felt like an adult but also recognized that my life wasn't unfolding quite as I expected. At 18, I thought I would have a "real" job by 25, and probably think about buying a house by 28. At 30, I felt horribly incomplete because I had no life and I was still in graduate school after nine years... with no fixed stopping point in sight. At 35, I was out of school and finally got married but it seems like I'm entering the "grown up" world of home buying, insurance, and retirement plans oh-so-very late. The only bit of wisdom I've managed to pick up is this: chronological age is just a number, a label that has nothing to do with who you really are or when things happen. Yes, it can limit or influence your choices, but it does not define you or the events in your life.
from heelandlass :
I'm so glad you tried the mashed egg in a cup - with the Clarity twist! It's a winner I'm telling you. Mums are funny aren't they? xxx
from bohemianlife :
Yes, he's still in! He sang "You make me so very happy" because it was 60's theme night. He finally SANG and showed of his beautiful voice. As soon as the video is up i'll send you a link to it. Even Simon liked him this week! I'll email you, got some very nice new pictures too! ♥
from loner-blues :
Thank you for the note you left about the "private notebook" entry...I was really uncertain about posting it, especially without any editing! Eek! :-) -cat
from goldieknox03 :
So I looked at the picture. TWo main things come to mind. 1. Was that a brown purse and if so do you want your purse to be a nuetral color, And the hearts on it; Should i put more hearts, or stars or flowers or are they optional. 2. Is that your tummy i see. Hot dang. You make me sick. Im verry verrrry jealous of you now. Oh and also Id be happy to send along a tampon cozy, no takers on the penis cozy though?;) and Ps. Girly, i never meant this as a exchange, I just want to give you a present, I dont want anything back. ITs just a feeling I get when i give something ive created. So never ever feel obligated. K?
from candypop23 :
Hi!!Thanks so much for the note!You made my day!I know exactly what you mean but I really think you are doing very well.Everyone has the same fears and insecurities no matter how many things they 've accomplished.So, it's good to know that we did the best that we could and that we will keep on trying.. And also one more thing to put on the list of the things you've done is that you've touched many people through your writing and you've really made a difference..
from pisceanlore :
Hiya. Thanks for the note, I think I'm completely over the plague now. I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better as well. Your most recent entry reminded me of a conversation with a friend in England a couple of weeks ago. She was astounded by my lack of urgency to get up at the crack of dawn every day to go see everything there is to see in and around London. My response was you can never see everything there is to see, and there's no sense in making yourself crazy trying to do so. Anyway, just a thought that popped into my head. Later on. -t
from yelayna :
Thank you for the congratulations :o) I hope you feel better soon *hugs* I think when you're poorly it makes the bad things feel even worse... *more hugs*
from sapphyr :
Your last entry was wonderfully bittersweet! I hope that you feel better and I hope Eric doesn't get sick too! Thank you for your note of encouragement. I will remember to breath! Big Hugs to you! ~Sapphyr
from goldieknox03 :
Do you wear scarfs or hats? I also make crochet'ed purses lined in whatever fabric you'd like. OR a covered pillow, etc. Pretty much anything actually. I also sew blankets. Email me your address janeknox01@REMOVETHIS hotmail.com
from bohemianlife :
oh wait and constantine...you know he made it to the top 12 of course. the first performance of the top 12 is tonight and we find out who the first kicked off is tomorrow night...i'll keep you updated. oh and mario quit so nikko took his place, some big controversy!
from bohemianlife :
Oh I will never lose my want for real romance, it's just the fake stuff that I've seen that I'm over. And the Greece thing? That sounds amazing! I hope you feel better soon hon. I think you need a care package! Even though you just got home from the states, it could never hurt! Let's see...I'm going to burn you some cd's so you can put some new music on your Ipod...anything you're itching for? music wise, book wise, candy wise? I guess you could email me with your answers. But I really want to send you some stuff. chicken soup & hugs ♥ kris
from heelandlass :
Clarity, you always understand what I mean and I really love that. Sometimes I write stuff and read it over and think 'nobody is going to get this, why can't I write more clearly'. It's nice to know that even if it is garbled, there's still someone there who just 'gets' it all. Thank you. Now - you need to get well soon, I can't believe you're so ill again. If you email me your postal address I will send you a CD to make you feel better. In the meantime, get Eric to make you my mum's number 1 feel better food - mashed egg in a cup. 2 x medium boiled eggs, peel them and stick them in a cup. Add a blob of butter, some black pepper and salt and then with a fork mash it so it's like egg mayonnaise. Eat it with a teaspoon lying on the sofa with a blanket and a good film on. You'll feel better I promise! xxx
from alwaysinhim :
Thank you dearly for the encouragement.. but sometimes, others being able to understand isn't enough. I just want it to go away. I don't want any evidence of it whatsoever, and I definitely don't want other people to feel this way. Thank you though.
from dirtyliberty :
I get what you mean about buying stuff just cause it's cheap and you end up thinking w.t.f?! I'm a sucker for things that are on deals. I once bought 3 dvds for £20. One I'd never seen, and the other two I didn't even like that much when I'd seen them. And I've seen bags like that! In Camden there are ones that are like coffins...They're nice and all, but how on earth are you mean to fit anything in? I think if they made Santa bags or something, you'd be able to fit a lot more in. I read your entry "shizzolaated" too. Couldn't stop laughing for a good long while ... ;) octavia
from snoozie-girl :
"So Eric is in Germany, clubbing, drinking, partying and getting hit on by hot girls..and I'M getting chatted up by some Napoleon Dynamite look-a-like at Walmart in the electronic's section" - that's a great quote! i know exactly how you feel!
from thekirks :
Have a safe trip back, Clarity!
from candypop23 :
After reading your diary for a while, I would really want to just tell you that you are AMAZING!I have so much more to say and I'd prefer e-mailing you but a note will do for now.Could you please send me the password for your private folder?My address is hello_kitty_395@hotmail.com.Hope you get well soon!
from goldieknox03 :
Im sorry you feel awful. The wax guys looked so real. WOW. Oh yes, and i feel like making you something crocheted. Would you be ok with me sending you a present?
from xanti :
Some of those pictures are eerily lifelike, particularly Jessica Simpson...I can't believe how much it looks like her! Also, I'm sorry you're sick. :( I hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself!
from pixie-grl :
You would think that with all the time and detail they put into those things, that they wouldn't make them so damn shiney and plastic looking.....lol
from somuchsugar :
oh my god, those photos from Madame Tussauds in Times Square are so realistic!! very creepy. i love those pug photos in your previous entry too. from one sorta-newlywed (4 years) to another, you are a gifted writer.
from justamephit :
By the way, Percy the Pug is adorable. I have a secret weakness for pug dogs - it's something to do with those funny little wistful philosopher faces I think. And the cat (not the satanic one) is living proof that's have never forgotten they were once worshipped as gods - it's beautiful. Dammit, I would worship it now.
from justamephit :
Hmmm...I think Hugh Grant looks the most convincing, but possibly because he kinda of looks like he's made out of wax anyway (sorry, not a big Hugh fan, in case it isn't obvious :) ). And Albo E. looks like he's on some serious drugs maaaan. I think it's the eyes. To be honest, I find the whole waxwork idea kinda spooky... ghosts of the living *shudders*
from alwaysinhim :
lol.. I have to say that I found the "real" wax figure part to be intriguing, and I would still going in there. Anyway, I hope you get better soon. Get some good rest!
from all-on-paper :
Well, its good to know I'm not the only one obsessed with my passport. :) (Hope you're feeling better soon.)
from acornotravez :
You may consider trying "Airborne". It's this stuff I heard about on Oprah that is a mixture of herbs/vitamins/minerals that helps prevent airborne illness contracted from other people, like when you're in a crowd. It was developed by a teacher who was getting sick all the time from her kids. I work in a hospital and used to get sick ALL the time, but don't anymore. You can get it at Walgreens for $6.99 for 10 doses. Get the Lemon-Lime flavor, it tastes good.
from sapphyr :
Your last entry was so touching. You and Eric have a beautiful love! I have to confess, I have never watched American Idol...I don't think that I will. Oh well, take care! ~Sapphyr
from coldandgray :
Clarity, don't bother with the Miami or NY knock-off versions, the original CSI is the best.
from girlsmad :
tis true.
from beckers-j :
Thanks for the bird sympathy. :) Yeah, this cold and ice is nuts. Everything is covered. Eeek. I (heart) NY and all, but seriously!
from younameit :
Regarding my lack of new entries, I have finally made a successful, albeit temporary, escape from the sensory deprivation tank that is my home in western Nebraska. :-) I have been visiting with relatives in eastern South Dakota for the past week, and I have enjoyed every minute of it. As for your most recent entry, you would be amazed at the brisk pace of life in Sioux Falls, SD. It definitely has rural Pennsylvania beat, at least as far as your description of it goes. I think you would be pleasantly surprised. ]] Also, I hope to update my diary as soon as I return home in a few days (if not sooner). It has been impossible to do so, thus far, with relatives monopolizing every minute of every day. In the meantime, I am honored that you have missed my presence. You are, as ever, a very classy young lady, who always manages to make my day much brighter than it would normally be. ]] …Which reminds me: I’ve been meaning to say that it is great to have you on the same continent finally, even if it is only for a little while. I regret the fact that I haven’t been able to keep up to date in reading your “American” entries; but this is good in the sense that I have something to look forward to.
from heelandlass :
You can always rely on me to smuggle you out of the house and get you boozed up. If only there wasn't that huge distance between us! As for Bandito being naked on a snowboard - it was in reference to the entry I wrote on Saturday - 'techno tackle'. I meant to link to it but forgot! Yes, the Village was rubbish I wouldn't even risk watching it again to see if it made more sense sober. Don't you have wine with your mum? We just guzzle wine, it's terrible really! And I'm glad that you got good things out of visiting your brother, sounds like this trip is exactly what you needed Clarity. Are you missing Eric (award for the most stupid question ever asked no doubt!) xxx
from pashiesplace :
I live in Pennsylvania LMAO. It's not all like that though, truly. What you described reminds me of the Poconos which is very slow moving- on purpose. People commute to work into NYC but raise their families is this weird rustic area. Western PA is scary redneck land. Most areas in between are very normal. I'm 2 hours from NYC & Philly & here it's fast paced. A few minutes from nice neighborhoods with ridiculously priced homes. 5 minutes from all things hip & cool. Barnes & Noble, Starbucks, etc are 5 minutes from my house. The countryesque stuff is nice for about an hour of an afternoon, maybe one a year. Otherwise I'm kind of the trendy, cool mom that is always running and wouldn't be caught dead buying Country Living!
from clrmehppygrl :
Two things that I feel I have to comment on... Willy Wonka movie with Mr Depp. Yes, it's coming out on July 15th, I believe. You can find trailers for it if you search on Yahoo, I believe. Although it has the most beautiful man alive in it, he looks funny. Made up. Not quite sexy IMHO. Napoleon Dynamite... We haven't seen it either, don't feel bad! And I'm glad you got to see your brother and that he was at least a bit more positive. Much love, hon!
from bohemianlife :
Oh i love you! You have me so cracking up right now! I told you...and no he is not by far the best singer (i think Anwar probably is) but there is just something about him. I'm going to have to give you the links where you can see the performance from the last couple of weeks. Last week he did "hard to handle" and vocally it wasn't as great but performance wise - it was virtually unbearable, and i mean that in the best possible way! he just knows how to work the camera so well...the stare, or as some of the girls on the livejournal board call it - "the bedroom eyes"! haha. we all know he's not the best of the group, but we can't help but vote just to see him again the next week! love, kris
from loner-blues :
Then get yourself over to that library asap! Two of my favorites by Harris are CHOCOLATE and JIGS & REELS. I also love Natalie Goldberg's memoir: LONG QUITE HIGHWAY. -cat
from dirtyliberty :
Hey thanks for your note :) And I hate when people in public start up a conversation. I mean normally it's okay, but you're there for one small thing, or maybe if I'm daydreaming on the train then people I'm with think, oh we have to talk, so we have an awkward conversation it's just...Very grrr. I'm glad you're brother is doing well. Also, something else you may not have heard about the movie world...there's gonna be a Ring 2. I'm guessing it's either going to be really good, or really crap. The caption on the poster says "Fear comes full circle"....hmm. ;) octavia
from bohemianlife :
Oh believe me unless something has drastically changed from last week, and the week before, and so on...you'll swoon! He's not even the greatest singer or anything but he does this thing when he's singing where he stares right into the camera...makes me weak in the knees as they say! Not to mention he's tall, long hair, cute personality, he's from Brooklyn...you get the picture. You'll love him. And then you can tell me how much you love him!! Ahh, it's too funny, me acting like this. And thank you about he private entries, which we'll talk more about later. Hope you're enjoying your time at home. ♥ kris
from orlith :
http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0367594/ here is a copy of the link (you might have to cut and paste it) to the release of info about the movie.
from akasha90 :
hey, thanks for writing to me. i think its nice that you actually took the time to read my answers and my diary.
from thekirks :
Love love love the animal pics! I'm off to share some of my own. Aww..poor puppy looks sad. Give him lots of kisses!
from darktruth :
31. Do you know how to pump your own gas? Do I look like Paris Hilton? AHAHAHAHA. Fantastic.
from augustdreams :
I meant to tell you how much I loved your Return to the 80's entry! Brought me right back to watching Penny and Brain do their stuff. And the Smurfs. You know, I always thought Gargamel was a girl! I saw the Smurf Christmas special last year with my little cousin Dave and wondered what the heck was the matter with me. Heh. And Rainbow Bright! I had a stuffed Lurky Dismal! :D Imagine what that would go for on eBay if I still had it. *hugs*
from sapphyr :
Your last entry is wonderful. It reads like a film! It sounds as if you are having a wonderful time. Thank you for you comments about my diary. It is really important to me to notice and acknowledge all of the small gifts that I get each day! Thanks for noticing! ~Sapphyr
from simplymine :
"Flashback: 1996 2004-12-14, 10:02 p.m." Clarity... probably one of the saddest, but true, stories I have read in a long time. You made me cry. xoxo
from bohemianlife :
Hey girl. How long are you home? If you are home on Monday, try to watch or tape the guys on Idol so you can see the new love of my life - Constantine. I want to see what you think of him! But you can't tell from pictures, you have to see him live. If you do you have to let me know!
from beckers-j :
Thanks for the words of encouragement re: my car insurance crisis. :) I took care of it. Now I'm paying twice as much! Yay! But it's only for six months, and then I'll shop around again. I just couldn't deal with the stress of shopping around earlier since I was in a NEED INSURANCE IMMEDIATELY kind of situation. Sucks. Anyway, thanks a bunch. :)
from oladybug0 :
Welcome back to North America! As an aside, I would be totally flattered if you used my photos on your site, so please feel free any time you want!
from lettynow :
the autobon!! THats so cool, can you really go as fast as you like?? Welcome Home!!!!!
from jennlynn24 :
Im glad you got HOME alright after all the obstacles.. You made me cry though of hapiness when you arrived at the airport and there was your mom!!! :) YAY!!! I have a random question.. how much is a EURO? You said 7 Euros per gallon of gas or something like that... i am so ignorant abuot those things! :) I need to get a passport, I will learn from you! :) HEHEHEHE HAVE FUN IN BACK IN "THe states"!!!!!!!!! P.s. WHy couldnt ERic go with you?
from sapphyr :
I am so glad that things are on the up swing for you! I was really concerned. I am glad that you decided to come home. reconnecting with our loved ones is so important. I am truly happy for you! Enjoy your self :~D Hugs, Sapphyr
from poopiebitch :
I'm glad everything worked out in the end and you made it home okay! Enjoy your stay, and be safe.
from thekirks :
I'm so glad after your exhausting journey, that you are home.
from third-person :
You're back on the island! You're not more than 30 minutes from my house! Trippy.
from bohemianlife :
Glad you're home honey. I hope you have a wonderful time. I only wish your home wasn't so far from my home! If I still lived in Jersey we'd be all set! ♥ Kris
from clrmehppygrl :
Welcome home honey. I'm glad to hear your flight was safe. I hope you start feeling better now that you're here.
from snoozie-girl :
damn you have a lot of notes. took like an hour to load! (ok a little exageration). just wanted to check up on you and make sure you're ok. i know you've been overwhelmed lately and feeling down. hope you feel a little better :)
from third-person :
Hope you don't mind that I stole the whole "winter of discontent" thing. It just completey encapsulates (is that a word?) my current feelings. I'd have other stuff to say, but notes are too public for my liking at the moment.
from girlsmad :
hey girl, I'm sorry for worrying the fuck out of you. But I don't think I ever will again. I had a real wake up call. I love you an I hope i can see you tomorrow, i'm so fuckin excited!!! ps:Isaac wants to visit me from weds-thurs so you might get to meet him..wooo!!
from cruel-irony :
I love the Seven Deadly Sins entry. Very interesting. I didn't know they came with proscribed punishments.
from justamephit :
My sin is definitely lust, although it was a close run thing between that and pride. I was surprised about the amount of moss-gathering sloths out there. At least lust is the sin with, y'know, the most *fun* attached to it ;) I loved the entry about the seven deadly sins - I'm so going to 'steal' (with all due credit and adoration naturally) it and write a similar themed entry over the next couple of days. I just wanted to say thank you for your note - it didn't make me laugh, as such, but it made me grin like an idiot. You really are too kind. xxx
from wordsofmine :
Hi there! As much as I can putter around the house, I was definitely a slothful person. I think I kind of like that. Good entry by the way.
from younameit :
Here is how I scored on the "Seven Deadly Sins": Sloth 50%, Lust 19%, Envy 19%, Gluttony 19%, Wrath 13%, Pride 13% and Greed, 0%. Believe it or not, I've always been really proud of being a sloth, too (which might lead some people to wonder why my pride isn't running a close second on the sin scale... hahahaha!) I chose "Power" as the eighth deadly sin, with "Addiction"running a close second.
from dirtyliberty :
I got gluttony! I'm not entirely surprised about that one. I remain ever amazed that rats haven't started to use my mugs as beds. For some reason, I just prefer mugs to glasses. And sure you can use Bricks anytime in your blog. Also, recently I was considering reading the bible. I know someone who is exceedingly religious, and I can never debate with her the way I want because I'm not sure of all the facts. No idea if I have the stamina to read the entire bible though ;) octavia
from thekirks :
Have a safe, safe trip home, hon!
from culotte :
Dante made up the different levels of sin (cardinal, venial, mortal) as well as the different levels of hell. It's not in the Bible.
from dirtyliberty :
hey it's good you're feeling better. (i have to stop starting messages with "hey". Although Hello is very formal. Hah. What ho! Something along those lines perhaps) Those pictures are really beautiful. For some reason I always imagine the place you live as really squashed up with cobblestone alleys and so on. Strange. Also, I wrote "Bricks" :) octavia
from darktruth :
"Hello, you've reached the winter of our discontent... Oh it's some guy named Michael."
from pashiesplace :
I love those pictures. Makes me want to explore Germany, now. Life is hard plain & simple. The grass is always greener on one side of the fence & dead on the other. You feel what you feel. Be grateful for that & allow what you feel to just be there. Hugs.
from angelic7626 :
lol. Yeah it fades... :)
from goldieknox03 :
I know exactly what you mean. I do hope you feel better and know that its ok to be upset, angry, sad, whatever you need to be to feel better.Its ok. And write all you want in here, we are here for you. :) do take care.:)
from darktruth :
Well thanks. And thanks, too, for the card. Or the "card" if you will. Thanks again. That's three thanks, but whatever. You deserve it. <3
from singlegirl :
I hope your sister is okay - in every way. I am thinking about you and your family and I send to you my prayers, strength and thoughts.
from third-person :
Hey clarity. Seeing your journal entries about your brother jogged my memory. For some reason I remember hearing about it...maybe reading about it in the newspaper? It must've been on my mind because I ended up dreaming about it after reading your entry. And I woke up with a profound feeling of sadness. I've been told that my gift in life is my "heart for the hurting" and my heart hurt for your brother. I felt all big sisterly (maybe getting that vibe from your entries) and wished there was something I could do. It's funny to think I'm so close to where it all happened, close to where you used to live once upon time...and yet there's nothing I can do to help. Sorry for the ramble, just wanted to show you I care.
from alwaysinhim :
I know it's know where near as much as yours, but my heart aches, and my prayers are going up for you and your family.
from younameit :
Having been through my own total nightmare for the past two years (DiaryLand is my escape from it), I know there is nothing that I can say to help you. Regardless of that, just know that you have the sincerest well wishes of nearly one hundred-fifty DiaryLand friends, including me. That is a lot of positive energy.
from milomilo2 :
You have my prayers and are in my thoughts.
from vickithecute :
Oh sweetie....my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family now. (((Clarity!!)))
from ticktrix :
I wasn't going to comment on today's private entry because, really, there's nothing I can say to help. So I logged off and went about my unemployed day, but CANNOT get you off my mind. I'm not a prayer either, but today I will pray for you and your family and send good thoughts of healing. Much love and many hugs, Andrea
from elephant72 :
whoops-link is http://abbeyroadster.deviantart.com/
from elephant72 :
Posted some photos here and other work as abbeyroadster, you might like .
from pixie-grl :
I know you have already heard this a thousand times, but you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. If you need anything.... I'm just a click away. Hang in there, sweetie. Things will get better for you soon!! xoxo
from ilmomof3 :
I just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you and am sending strength and prayers.
from fallmode :
oh my gosh! i am sooooo sorry! on a side note, it's so weird... right after i read your entry, only hours later, i found out my BEST friend, since 7th grade-- her brother is now in jail (and a good chance it'll be prison). except he did something pretty bad. but, he is like family, i've known them so long. it was just so weird how that happened only hours after i read your entry. also, can i get the link/password to your private diary?
from clrmehppygrl :
There is nothing that anyone can say to make things better, I know that. So all I'm going to say is that you're in my thoughts and that I'm hoping things get better. *hug*
from alicefalls :
Ive been exactly where you have been right now, well not in a different country but far enough away from the happenings that I couldnt get there fast enough. Im so sorry you have to go through all this so far away. Ill be keeping you in my thoughts and hope all turns out well.
from sapphyr :
I am thinking of you and still keeping good thoughts for your family. Take good care, Clarity and never forget your capacity for strength. I'm pulling for you! Hugs, ~S.
from cruel-irony :
I've not been in the situation you're in, so I can truly understand how devasting it is. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
from darktruth :
I understand more of what you write than you know. I hope everything works out (it will) and I hope you still smile at people that walk by (I know you will) and I do wish you the best (it will happen). <3
from dirtyliberty :
hey. sorry for not leaving a note before, but I was in a down state and I didn't want it to affect notes I wrote. from what it sounds like, you and your family are doing all they can to fight your brothers case, and I can't imagine what it must be like for him, but I hope it's not so bad, and your brother must understand and appreciate you for your strength. Also, when I read your entry about being a mother, I figure everyone must feel like that at one point or another, and they normally have time to figure out why, and from what it sounds like to me, you and eric would make really good parents. octavia
from thekirks :
I can't pretend to know how you feel, but I know when I think about my brother in prison, it sends a jolt of fear through me. I have you and your family in my thoughts. I just want you to know that, because there are so many of us, across the world, that are hoping for you, that your brother gets out of there soon. I'm so sorry that it had to happen.
from lettynow :
HEy there, keep your head up. Your Family & yourr brother are in my thoughts. I really do hope everything works out for you guys, your brother seems like a wonderful person. Your family just seems so awesome. Thinking of you -lety
from fallmode :
uh! no caramellos? i'd be lost. but, then again, that would probably be a good thing for me!
from darktruth :
Yeah, but I got a milkshake, which makes me satisfied. I like it.
from third-person :
You've probably said this somewhere in your diary, but I've got ahuge Physio midterm to study for so I don't have time to go back and look. Are you originally from Long Island? Cause technically so am I..
from dangerspouse :
I really liked this particular entry! Maybe because it confirmed my long held suspicion that Germans can't throw as well as even American women, since they grew up kicking balls with their feet. Hooray for being mistaken for a pre-pubescent, you Lolita, you!
from clrmehppygrl :
I swear, I'm so NOT stalking you in your notes. But something you said made me feel like I had to come in here and say something. My husband had NO experience with children at all before ours. He had never even held a child before our baby shower. But when I was laid up in the hospital bed from my c-section and couldn't get out of it without going through excruciating pain, he was the one that got up in the middle of the night to feed, or change, or just hold, our newborn son. He also never had a father-figure his entire life, so he had nothing to draw from. Saying this, he is an amazingly loving father. The discipline part could use some work, but he loves our son, and is never hesitant to show it. Something kinda kicks in when you have a kid. When they're new, there's not much to do, so as they grow, you learn with them. You two will be fine whenever the time comes. And don't worry, we used to live off of Ramen and Nutella too. *smile*
from justamephit :
Eeek! *intimidate by all the wise and profound messages on the subject of motherhood* Being a 22 year old with absolutely no maternal instinct, I'll keep my mouth shut on this subject in the face of much better advice from people who have a clue :) I've been so busy that past week or so that I've sort of fallen behind in my diary-reading - catching up on entries always makes me appreciate a writer anew (not that I don't anyway) - guess I just wanted to leave a nice message :) By the way, sort of unrelatedly, the bus incident is really scary ... especially becuase Diary-connections are simultaneously so intense and yet tenuous. Makes me worry for all those writers who just seem to stop without warning. Sorry, macabre thought there. But, yes, take care and just thanks for writing. Dear me, I'm all gushy tonight. I've been reading a whole whack of moving entries from here and there.
from pashiesplace :
I don't think you're ever ready for motherhood. I was 28 when I had my first, was always around babies & still I spent the first 2 weeks feeling like the babysitter- not a mom!We planned our second daughter, spent a year trying to conceive & when the test was positive I paniced just as I did with my first. It's a life-altering moment. I know I'm a better mother now then I'd have been 10 years ago (mid-20's)so waiting was best for me. If you know that you need time then listen to that because it's true. You'll know when your ready- when the good thoughts and expectations of having a baby outweigh the fear and apprehension.It is very hard not to get lost in motherhood. After you have a few kids you spend so much time juggling their needs that you need to consciously make yours a priority as well. I found this out the hard way. I literally woke up one day and had no idea where I, Tania the woman, had gone. When it is your time remember to be good to yourself. Trust your instincts now, they are the same ones that will enable you to be a great mom when you're ready.
from third-person :
I've often wondered if there was something wrong with me, because my maternal drive hasn't seemed to kick in yet. Having a child just seems...unfathomable...at this point. I don't know if it has something to do with my age (23) or the fact that I'm pursuing a doctoral degree (making having a baby in the next 3-4 years not a priority). Maybe I'm just terrified of the responsibility. Nevertheless, I'm hoping my biological clock will kick in eventually. And I hope yours will too, when you're ready for it.
from younameit :
Biology (that instinctual, primitive force designed to ensure the preservation of the species) really messes up a person's common sense (practical view of reality). With regard to your desire not to have a baby yet, maybe you are one of those rare people whose common sense is immune to the deceitful trickery of primitive biology. In other words, you have your priorities straight. Your biological clock certainly isn't dead. You are just very good at regulating it. It will, however, probably blind-side you at some point. Until then, just relax and enjoy the freedom you still have. Someday you will be eternally grateful that you did (this last statement has been told to me by many, many parents over the years). P.S. - Just for the sake of argument, isn't having a baby FREE in Germany (or nearly so) and very, very expensive in the United States?
from clrmehppygrl :
Ah, the questions of motherhood. When I was pregnant, I regretted the timing, then I was told something that kind of made me okay. "There is never a PERFECT time to have kids." It's always something keeping you from doing it. Biologically, 27 is the peak of your fertility. That is when all your eggs are healthy and virile. After that, slowly, very slowly, getting pregnant will be harder. But not impossible of course. I wasn't one of thos mothers that was instantly in love with my child. I wasn't happy about it for a long time. He was probably almost 2 before I really fell completely head over heels for him. Don't get me wrong, I loved him, but not the way I felt I was supposed to. I regret having him before I was ready, yes, but if I would've waited, would I have had the same child? It's not an easy choice you have to make, but when you do, it really is a journey unlike any other. Good luck, hon!
from thehoneypot :
i was 35 when my first child was born.. my wife was 31 ,, he was born after 8 years of marriage.. we didnt miss out on anything because of waiting.. and my little 3 kids are all grown up now .. there is nothing wrong with waiting till your both ready
from insanegerbil :
"children come through you, not from you".. it's a gamble, especially if you guys one day decide to go back to germany.moving around when you're a kid isn't as bad as it is when you're a teenager, but it sucks either way.still, do you want to be an old mother?
from wordsofmine :
Hello! Thanks for leaving me a note. I'm glad you liked my anniversary entry. It was fun to write and to reread these entries. It's a blast to have my own motorcycle but I feel it's something you have to be drawn to.
from vickithecute :
Hey, I'm going to ask something but if it's not cool with you, that's cool with me - so either way it's cool, cool? Do you share your private entries with your readers or is that just for you? And if you do, may I have the UN/PW please? And if not, feel free to tell me to flush myself down the toilet, I won't be hurt. Thx!
from younameit :
You're awake at 4:30 in the morning? Are you just getting up or going to bed? Or are you living on American time just for old times' sake? :-) By the way, I was going to leave a note yesterday. Xanti is right. That Q & A session with Eric was hilarious. Encore!
from xanti :
That convo between you and Eric was freaking hilarious! I also backed up and took that quiz...I was Celine from "Before Sunrise". :)
from acornotravez :
Hi! I liked the quiz, was surprised by the results. I was Celine from "Before Sunrise". Your convo with your man made me laugh very loudly.
from pixie-grl :
Thank you for the note! Things have just seemed so strange lately. Haven't felt much like myself, but all you guys have really pulled me through. ****Muah!****
from heelandlass :
Just knowing that you know exactly what I was talking about in that entry made it easier to write. It's great to read about someone else who goes through the same emotional rollercoaster every now and then, like I said before it's made me realise that my marriage is normal! I don't know where I'd be without you! xxx
from pisceanlore :
Hiya. I really liked your pop culture quiz. Highly amusing. And I even got 7 on the German one.
from sapphyr :
HAHHAHHA! That was a blast! Thanks for the chuckles! Sapphyr
from cagedfreedom :
hey!! well, i think we both know how i feel about spiders..but as for the boy/girl thing..jay's a pansy when it comes to that shit too;)haha. I was Celine in the quiz, i was honored. i'm still dying to see that movie. Thank god for eric saving ure life. what a guy:) miss you!
from yelayna :
Acid burn... Hmm.... :o) Any requests of genre for the next bout of postal love?!! So pleased to hear about your cheque :o) xxx
from heelandlass :
Ah, Clarity - thanks for your note, I must admit to being slightly tipsy last time I wrote to you. Ahem... Anyway - your valentine really made me smile. Big Thanks, friend! I don't know why but ozzy accents are so hard aren't they? All accents are really (although I secretly think I have a couple of US accents sorted but Bandito doesn't agree!) So Eric does a good sean connery accent does he? Or is that just something Eric thinks? Tim Tams are biscuits, they're okay but nothing special. Biscuits are cookies in case you're wondering! Well, this is confusing! As for steak fajitas during a tea night, I've obviously confused you even more! When I say tea in that context I mean dinner. As in breakfast, lunch, tea. It's the evening meal. I have no idea why it's called tea but it is. 'dinner' used to mean 'lunch' when I was a kid in Scotland but that seems to have moved on. I love the way different cultures use diferent words. If you're inviting someone for tea you're inviting them for food in the evening usually. Unless you just mean a cup of tea, but then it would be a cuppae. Thanks so much for your kind words on my entry about Jen. My buddie pollymagoo (who I think you'd really like) noted me the same thing and it meant a lot to me. I never want to see a friend go through that again, but in reality I know I will. In reality I know I'll go through it myself at some stage and that's just awful. Anyway. A garbled note I'm leaving. Sorry! Glad things have clicked again with you & Eric. I am so glad I have your marriage to read about to know that mine isn't the only one that's a bit nuts from time to time! Big love x
from darktruth :
I was Lelaina from "Reality Bites." Also, I'm scared of spiders just as much as you are. I couldn't even look at that picture of the spider you had posted on your diary. If you've seen Big Fish, you know what part of that movie makes me almost cry because it scares me so mcuh. If you haven't seen it, you should because it's a wonderful movie.
from beckers-j :
I took your quiz, and I'm Celine from "Before Sunrise", which I would love to think is 100% accurate (as you say). :) I believe it is to a certain extent. As for spiders...YUCK!
from rkwj1 :
I'm not affraid of spiders but snakes creep me out. I have a friend that is horrified of frogs. He can't even watch them on television. He liked the movie magnolia with Tom Cruise until it started raining frogs and he had to leave the theater. Funny how certain things affect certain people. Later,ROB
from dirtyliberty :
It's not just you. Once, at a year six adventure holiday, I was on the trapeze tower, and I was about to climb onto the little box and jump onto the trapeze, when this bloody HUGE daddy long legs crawls round the corner. I started screaming and I jumped off and starting flailing wildly. Thank god I was on the security ropes, but at least my dorm got five points cause I made everyone laugh(amused by this I was not). Although I'm cured of my fear of spiders. One time my class went to this place where we could hold these bugs, and I held a tarantula. So now I'm okay with them. I am not okay with lying in bed late at night hearing this little scratching like there's one in the room, but I've no idea where it is. :| And I did the quiz. I'm Celine from Before Sunrise. Never heard of the show, but I'm fine with being described as having an underlying innocence. Haa. octavia
from clrmehppygrl :
Just took the test, I'm Celine from "Before Sunrise". Okay, I've never seen it. But I like the desc, so that's cool. And about the spiders. They creep me out, but I'm not terrified of them. Frogs, on the other hand, will send me into fits.
from wordsofmine :
Good evening! Thanks for stopping by and leaving me a note. Yes, that dinner was something else. I'm amazed I didn't even consider bringing home a doggie bag.
from insanegerbil :
i get those dreams all the time.ever since i saw that movie 'the fly', i've just been subconsciously paranoid of losing my teeth.
from dirtyliberty :
Woah! Freaky. It is kind of profound, the things that happen, that no one would know about in our lives, if people on diaryland didn't sit down at the keyboard and write about them. So I'm glad you're okay. Also, I saw the movie "Closer" and I think it was amazing. Although, it was kind of, well "interesting" to watch the more mature scenes with my dad sitting next to me. The awkwardness was palpable ;) octavia
from fallmode :
awww, thank you!
from beckers-j :
Thanks so much for the compliment regarding my writing and for the sympathy re: my current love life situation. :) I found you through imaphatpig, whom I read very regularly. You've got a great writing style as well, and I'm very impressed with you. Particularly since I believe you're about my age and seem so much more together. :) Anyway, thanks again, and I'm looking forward to your future entries.
from clrmehppygrl :
Thank you for your note. I really meant a lot. I'm feeling much better now. It was just one of those days, you know? It means a lot that you're thinking of me. Thank you!
from goldieknox03 :
How terribly scary! Im so glad you didnt get hit. Also thanks for the cheer up note. We're all better now. We just both had a bad night i suppose.
from thekirks :
So glad you are safe and sound.
from atomicbuddha :
I don't think that last note of mine sounded sincere enough when I said I'm glad you didn't get hit by a bus!! Seriously, I'm relieved as hell. Close calls have a way of waking us from our slumber don't they?
from atomicbuddha :
Firstly, congratulations on surviving your first near-bus-accident! So glad you did! I had one of those too!! In college I was lost in thought, crossing my usual street when suddenly I felt someone push me violently from behind. I fell forward onto the curb, scraping my hands and tearing my jeans and a young man promptly landed on top of me forcing my forehead into the cement, hard. A total stranger had catapulted out into the street and pushed me out of the way of a speeding Huskybus. (my alma mater's mascot was a husky dog). He pulled me up, asked if I was okay, and I, in a daze, never got his name. I will never forget him though and searched for 2 years after that to find him and thank him properly. He never answered my ad. Secondly, I am honored to be included in your list of Main Home Girls! I think I shed a tear!
from clrmehppygrl :
First of all, thank goodness you are alright. The last thing I want to hear is that you've been hurt... or worse. And yes, near-death experiences will kind of put your life into perspective... I've had 2, I know. And secondly, about the teeth dream... what I've heard is that mostly women have this dream, and it's about losing your beauty, losing your attrativeness and youth and your fear of it. Hope you and Eric stay close hon, I know it's hard after a fight.
from bohemianlife :
Oh good lord! Well thank god for miracles. I can't believe it. Maybe that IS why everyone always says bus, maybe it's the most frequent freak accident. Well I am glad you are ok and I guess we could all use little wake up calls once in awhile...just hope next time it will come in a slightly less deadly form! ♥ Kris - Happy Valentine's Day
from elephant72 :
Thanks for what you wrote. Its just part of life. Id meant to leave you a note about your friends entry. I really liked it. It was nice what you wrote. It was things id been thinking about kind of aswell so it answered some questions . From what i remember from some dreams book , losing teeth is a classic anxiety dream. Glad you didnt get hit by a bus. i remember that line from Hill Street Blues "be careful out there"
from candoor :
I agree with Eric about commercial holidays, but hopefully it won't push him in a colder direction just because the world says he's "supposed to" be all loving (who's in control, the world or your heart... hear me Eric?)... ironically, when I am in a relationship, every day is a day to celebrate love, but when I am alone, I send the world love whenever the world might be receptive to it... wish someone love on most days and you might get a strange or suspicious look, but V-Day or Xmas, well, it's ok... so Happy V-Day dangit! (I am determined to be loved, aye :)
from dirtyliberty :
Woah. The way you described the distance between you and eric for a few days was so, well I can't think of a word, but I'm really glad you guys sorted it all out. The dream? Well had you taken a large amount of illegal stimulants in the 24 hours before having it? Haa it sounds hilarious and completely frightening. My analysation? definitely something to do with feeling powerless, but also losing the will to fight for something, not being able to find answers within yourself and going to someone else for help. Also, I agree with you about The Ring. As soon as it finished I ran out of the room screaming at my dad "DAD! I'M GOING TO DIE IN SEVEN DAYS! DAD! UNPLUG THE TV!" For the next few days I avoided the living room. I shit you not. octavia
from girlsmad :
YAY GERMANY BOUND. i can't wait to see you, holy shit
from wordsofmine :
Oh I love the sketch of your friends. I'm envious of your artful abilities.
from clrmehppygrl :
I still like these notes better, but maybe I'm just a Diaryland snob! *smile* Happy Anniversary babe! And I'm a homegirl? Wow! I feel honored.... completely serious! I would totally give you a hug right now. I sorta was confused by the retro layout, I'd almost forgotten about it, but I do see it as fitting. Glad you're sticking around chica, I really enjoy having you in my reading. Muchas smoochas!
from penutgallry :
Your entry made me think of something one of my students always says: "Hey guys, we're all on this friendSHIP. . . let's row." It's pretty funny. :) Also, you're 80s entry came right at the time when FLI and I have been discussing Plinko, Happy Days merch, and Sea Monkeys. Too wierd!
from pixie-grl :
Happy Anniversary!!! Muahhhhhh! We love you! XOXO
from dirtyliberty :
"Merciful zeus!" that was what my the voice in my head said when I saw your new template. It's so weird seeing such different colours and so on after ages (well, ever since I started reading your blog ;) ) Thanks for the notes, and it is crazy...the whole idea of people who are putting themselves out there on the internet...Also, congratulations on the d-land anniversary ;) octavia
from ladiebug :
WOW, you drew that??? like, with your hands and stuff?? ;) but seriously, i am floored and brimming with envy!
from candoor :
ah, back in the days Atari made home computers... reading you was the best thing I could do this morning (home with a cold)... nostalgia is addictive... and thank you for your uplifting and reassuring thoughts to me (eventually I catch up, appreciating patience too :)
from sapphyr :
WOW! Your '80's entry gave me big hair flash backs... Thank you for your last note! That means a great deal to me coming from you!
from wordsofmine :
It's good to know I didn't miss much by not having a Patch doll. Thank you for all your kind words and that you like the new template. It was a hard choice but it's growing on me. I have another waiting in the wings when I'm ready for another change. You're like me in some ways, I go and read other's journals but don't leave a note.
from xanti :
Okay...I did that survey thingie. I don't have anyone to tag, though. But I filled out the other answers. :)
from hungry-hippo :
That was awesome. She-ra was great! But you forgot the Thundercats! And did you know my cellphone ringtone is the Inspector Gadget theme? Everyone who hears it loves it. :) Carebears, pound puppies, cabbage patch kids. Wow. that entry did cheer me up. :)
from ablossomfell :
I loved the carebears as well! The picture of your electronic drawing pad was interesting. I had no idea they had something like that.
from betchy :
love, love, LOVE that entry for several reasons. 1) He-Man and She-Ra. loved them but, they were actually supposed to be(drumroll please) twins! in The Secret in the Sword you find out they were seperated at birth and one of them grew up in Eternia and the other in Etheria (God i am a nerd). 2) Good Luck Bear. i love all things Care Bears, and have loads of Care Bear stuff all round my flat (you can clarify this with liesal1979). but Good Luck Bear was the one i had when i was little and he remains my fave. 3) Michael Jacksons Thriller. i still love MJ, and have all his albums and video's including the making of Thriller. God he is amazing. i loved your entry for many reasons, i love going back to the eighties. being an eighties child was great. actually i think i have an email about it. if i have still got it i will send it to you!
from insanegerbil :
"double your pleasure, double your fun.that's the statement of the great mint-doublemint gum"....*sigh*,those were the days, back when commercials had jingles.hahahaha.anyways, check the ground while your walking to work.you might find some money.
from vla :
Oh, Clarity, that entry was just what I needed right now. That was awesome! Or, um, totally rad. I luuved Penny and also had that very same cabbage patch kid--the one with red hair. That was a very cool trip down memory lane. thanks!
from goingloopy :
Dammit...now that stupid Inspector Gadget song is going to be stuck in my head ALL DAY. And I totally loved the Smurfs and Fraggle Rock...so if Gadget ever exits the head, there are two more catchy little theme songs just ready to take their place...Oh, and a Cabbage Patch Story. My aunt & uncle ordered one for me, and when it came, it was an African-American. They really wanted to send it back. I refused. Ahh, my white trash family...
from lauralgood :
thanks for your words. Things are ok. I am just learning to let things happen as they do. smiles. love laural
from heelandlass :
I don't think Clappers made it very big in the UK but I remember seeing one on Roseanne and really wanting it! I thought it would make me really posh to have one. That and one of those pulley things you get to close curtains! I didn't want for much!
from wordsofmine :
I liked the walk down memory lane and singing along to the songs. . . until. . . you let it be known. . . you owned . . . a Cabbage Patch Doll!!!! I wanted one so bad and never ever got one. The closet I came to a Patch was my Ragedy Ann doll.
from sweet-cynic :
thanks for the sweet trip down memory lane :)
from xanti :
LMBO! I'm totally picturing a kid screaming at the top of her lungs while all the lights in the house flicker on and off. No one in my family ever had "The Clapper", but my aunt had one of those lamps that came on when you touched it and got brighter the more you touched it. I sat and played with it one day until the light bulb blew and she screamed at me. It was funny. Thanks for the uplift!
from jumblygiant :
For the record, I still have my SIMON game, and it freakishly still works. Occasionally I pull it out when I'm at my mom's house. And amazingly, I'm still just as bad as when I was 9 years old. Thanks for allowing me to reminisce!
from snoozie-girl :
cool 80's stuff. can you believe how corny some of that stuff is now. and thatnk you. "Glycerine" - Bush, i have always liked that song & have heard it but didn't know what he was saying or who sang it so thank you finally after years i know what it is!
from rkwj1 :
Great entry. I have been feeling a little nostalgic lately and that entry hit all the right spots. As corny as the eighties may seem on the surface, they were some really great years for me. Thanks for helping me remember some of those years. Later,ROB
from fallmode :
oh, people tel him that, but i don't really think he does. but, i guess sorta... anyway, if you ever wanna see pictures, i posted quite a few on my "other" diary. (i am sure you have seen me write the email adress before) it basically is one i started for my friends and fam. i have people email me for the link 'cuz #1-keeps weirdo-s like i spoke of today away, #2-don't want the fam/friends to catch the link and read fallmode.
from retailharlot :
Oh man, I just remembered the old Double Trouble doll. It had two faces, and you could spin the head around. My parents got me the whole collection of little action figures from that show when I was 4, but Double Trouble scared the living shit out of me. I hid her in my mother's huge box of shoes, and we didn't find her until I was 7 -- at which point, I still found the doll creepy and didn't want it in the same room with me. Yay for the 80's!
from vickithecute :
Oh my gosh, I was so totally playing California Games on the Sega Master System just the other night!! And thanks for the soundbytes...of course, creepy coworker Rob is complaining that he now has the Inspector Gadget theme running through his head....
from mentalimages :
Just wanted to let you know that Maya the Bee is actually from Yugoslavia. Maja is the correct spelling. My boyfriend Mladen, who is from there, named his younger sister Maja, after that very cartoon bee. Just wanted you to know! How cool is that?
from xanti :
Those were some awesome pictures! I'm sorry you and Eric had a fight. :( But you did get to see all the festivities. And, hey, free chocolate! It can't be all bad when free chocolate is involved! :)
from betchy :
wicked pics! love the Spongebob Squarepants at the end. he is quite possibly my fave cartoon character of all time! please do post the pic of you in the pink wig. pics of you are great, you have such a distinctive, striking look!
from chakra-chick :
Hi dear! Thanks for sharing those beautiful pictures with us- hope you do post the picture of you in your Pink wig! I'm glad you had fun at the carnival, but at the same time, I'm so very sorry for the fight between you and Eric - but you know what they say about fights; the best part is the making up! Have a wonderful day further sweetie! *smooches*
from kiosh :
(1 of 3) Hello luv! Thank you for your feedback on my booklist! It's really nice you've decided to read all of them, makes me feel good I inspired someone to read more (especially since you are an avid reader, too). Woo hoo! Though you will probably have problems finding some of them! I was thinking I could make a special list for you of the absolute must-reads. Certainly, you could start with the top 20. On a side note let me tell you that you were in part the inspiration for me to post that list because a while back you posted your list of books you've read that stand out (and I remember you had Flowers in the attic).
from kiosh :
(2 of 3) The catsuit entry made me laugh because it's a nice and candid moment and it's a funny entry. It also appealed to those situations that you probably know by now. He he he. The carnival entry provoked such a mixture of feelings in me, your narrative has the right balance of description and emotion and insight. I can't help thinking that it is a touching but shocking story. Thank you for always sharing your stories and opinions with such honesty! Hey, your audience claims for you: We want to see pink Clarity! =0)
from kiosh :
(3 of 3) Your notes are a bit of sunshine, so thank you for always adding an extra sparkle to my notes page! Wonderful Clarity! Hope all the joy and magic is cast upon you (and your loved ones) by the Universe! Receive many orchestral mix hugs and may the gods above bless you in your travels and your conquers and your queries... Love, K.
from sapphyr :
Oh thank you for your good thoughts! I feel much better! The pictures that you shared were wonderful. I am sorry about the incident. I can't say that I blame Eric in a sense. It is so sad that people feel that it is okay to brag about being ignorant. To blindly excercise an important right such as voting is like giving a child a loaded weapon. Ugh! Well, perhaps he made her think about her arrogance. I'm glad that you two made up. I would love to see the pink wig ! Hugs, Sapphyr
from blueavenue :
you know, i think simple apologies are underrated. it's amazing how much better it makes you feel. i'm glad you feel better, and the carnivale sounded so cool! i am dying to see Europe. aghr. what part of new york are you from? and where did ya'll go to school (if you don't mind me asking)?
from clrmehppygrl :
I have had a fight with my husband like that once, and only once. My husband is a very large man and could hurt anyone with just swipe of his fist. He was frustrated at a totally different situation and went off on me about it. I have never threatened sleeping on the couch before or since. It's scary, but sometimes it makes you stronger. I'm glad you enjoyed it for the most part, though. And yes, PLEASE post that picture with the wig!
from cruel-irony :
The Carnival... how fun! I'm glad you went - notwithstanding the dramatic moments - while you have the opportunity. My father and stepmother lived in Germany for 20 years and often went to traditional celebrations. I visited twice and really enjoyed things of that nature.
from fallmode :
as i was reading your entry---lovin' the pics--- i kept waiting for one of you in the get-up. you should definitely post it! (sorry things didn't turn out quite as hoped.)
from daze-of-rain :
you know...that's part of being with a passionate person...the passion doesn't always stop when it should. And as for the fear...I understand it. No parent doesn't...or anyone that has loved intensly. "You're OKAY? GOOD...Now you will get the dressing down of your LIFE" I am impressed by his ability to apologize...and so effectively. Brian lacks that talent.
from snoozie-girl :
sounds like you had quite the interesting experience. too bad that you & eric had some problems. now come, on let's see you in your pink hair. :)
from jumblygiant :
Hi Clarity - when you get the chance, email me at ktpie1 at gmail.com, and I'll send the invite.
from vla :
Clarity! Those pictures were amazing. That whole entry was really fantastic; you described everything in such great detail... You *must* post your picture! Especially now that I had the guts to post mine. :) I’m glad you and Eric worked through your fight. And I must say, while I could totally see Eric's point, I agreed with your perspective. There is a time and a place for political conversations/arguments and that just didn't seem like it. Plus, that girl was obviously clueless, so how fruitful would that conversation really have been? Anyway. Gorgeous entry!
from dirtyliberty :
hey the carnival sounds amazing. especially all the costumes, and the atmosphere. plus johnny depp is...amazing. if you haven't seen one of the film's he's in; chocolat, you should, it's really good. octavia
from insanegerbil :
that is so cool(carnival)
from loewenzahn :
Maybe we were sitting in the same train yesterday....I was in Bi last week and went back to Basel yesterday morning, I took a train to Cologne and had to wait at the station for one hour to get my Anschlusszug. People were really crazy - already in the trainstation, but it must have been much better on the streets. I wish I could have stayed in cologne, but I went to the Karneval in Freiburg yesterday night, and actually did not sleep till NOW. So I`m going to bed - good night. Hope you liked Rosenmontag
from chakra-chick :
Hi sweetie! Hope you had fun at the carnival and took plenty of pictures! I also watched 'Catwoman' over the weekend- you are so right - Halle Berry is so working that catsuit! She's absolutly gorgeous. Have a wonderful day further luv, *smooches*
from sapphyr :
Your last entry made me laugh so hard I nearly fell off my chair! Johnny Depp LOL! Yeah, I think Angelina is pretty but she is hit or miss. Sometimes she looks amasing and oter times she looks rather ghoulish. Halle looks fantastic all of the time. Good call! Oh by the way, clowns freak me out, too! Especially the ones that you pictured! Yikes!
from ladiebug :
i have a fear of clowns, too (even santa when i was little, because he kinda looks like one)... in my/our defense - that first pic is pure terror! they look eerie and dead-like with no eyes, who wouldn't be afraid of a mass of them coming your way?
from jumblygiant :
What a great opportunity! I'm sure you'll remember the madness for the rest of your life. I can't wait to hear about it.
from warcrygirl :
Mmmkay, my friends and I have never had that conversation. I must say, visualizing myself making out with another woman grosses me out a bit. I love No Doubt, thanks for the audio clip. And what the hell is it with Angelina Jolie???? She has a great bod but she's just not that pretty. Halle Berry is definitely the more "attractive" of the two.
from ocean-front :
I'm sorry, but you won't see me on carnival. I don't like that kind of celebrating. But maybe we can meet some other time. I guess you don't live that far away from me. I live in Gummersbach.
from culotte :
Not just clowns...but creepy German clowns from Köln! I'd love to go, but it's the Köln/clown combo that keeps me away. Can't wait to see your photos.
from inebriated :
holy slice. when i was in cologne for carnival we were sauced from 9 am. till the next day. i remember smoking hashish with some crazy guy talking about flying dutchmen. hope you have a great time. can't wait to hear your take on it.
from daze-of-rain :
to your private entry...I've said that more times than I can count "I'll get over it...I always do" Ugh. I miss my mommy too...it doesn't get better does it? Know what trips me out the most? Now I'm that person to another little person. Freakish
from krugerpak007 :
Have a great time in Cologne! xoxox Kathy
from third-person :
I loved the entry entitled "One." I've often wondered if any attraction to other men will spontaneously disappear once I'm married. Thanks for answering a lot of questions for me.
from goldieknox03 :
could i read your private entrys. Looks like there may be a part thats intereseting to me (re: your entry a few back about date)
from kiosh :
I forgot to say that you're a true inspiration to us all. You're wise and sensitive and a smashing writer. Thank you for sharing your life with us and putting out so many interesting and great things. You're a star C!
from reynedecoupe :
Thank you for the kind note. I have been reading you for a while now, spending lots of time poring over your entries. I relate to you, not in the sense that our lives have much in common, but you have a way of articulating things, a way that few possess. Your writing is beautiful, as is the soul you reveal in your journal.
from kiosh :
"One" is a beautiful entry. I mean, you write many great entries but this one left me with a very nice sensation and got me thinking about so many things, very in tune with my "Unsent" mood. You're lucky and you're wonderful... Remember what I told you about the story turned to a book? =0) I hope you're feeling better now. Glitter feathered sparkly hugs! Love you lots Clarity!
from elephant72 :
jus hope thats johnny cash singin and not u2 (ive no sound) love is a temple
from goldieknox03 :
can i get a password to your locked diary? PS. I really loved the stepford wives entry. That was lovely.ANd thanks for your concern about my hideous scar. I really appreciate it. Thanks for reading me.
from jennlynn24 :
hey girl, how can you go back and look at your private entries.. i just wrote one, of course take a look if you can figure out how to read it... but how do i access it? the password if private entries need passwords is the same one i use whenever i lock my diary.. hmmm :O)
from atomicbuddha :
Your "One" entry truly was beautiful. True too, marriage does ebb and flow...and I think that scares so many people, but it's just the way marriage, or any relationship, is. It's natural, our feelings do the same thing about almost anything if you think about it. You are very wise to have figured that out this early in your marriage, it will serve you well. I wish more people could understand and accept that, then maybe divorce rates wouldn't be so high. People tend to put such unrealistic expectations on their most important relationships, not realizing the relationships are living things, dynamic things that change and morph. It's good that you, with such a big audience, put that out there. Also, feel better!!
from ablossomfell :
"One" was such a beautiful entry.
from dirtyliberty :
hey sorry I couldn't leave a message before, but I hope you're feeling better :) also, you talk about how you've written about most the bad things that have happened, but you also describe some of the best moments too. Marriage is a funny thing. I remember reading your "fading away with time" entry and it was crazy, because I have a fear very similar to it. My friends and I have been discussing it recently and I say I don't want to get married to someone unless we've been together for at least five years. I read this drew barrymore quote about how the guy she's with have been together for two years, but she still gets excited when they go out...Which I'm afraid will stop happening when I get into a relationship...but your entries just show me that it doesn't always happen. So thanks for that. (I just read over this, MAN I'm only fourteen? what on earth? Haha.) octavia
from rkwj1 :
Simply put, Great Entry. And you're right, Life is so much more simple and beautiful than it seem when you really look at it. Thanks for that entry. It really made me think about some things in my life. Later,ROB
from imaphatpig :
That was excellent. Thank you. It's a great comfort knowing that someone who thinks just like that (like you) is out there. Lately I have been wrestling with what "marriage" and "commitment" really is. Lucky for me, there is you who can repeatedly put it all into words so that it makes sense. Thanks a bunch. Hope you feel better.
from krugerpak007 :
Wow, for a minute there at the beginning it was me. It was my thoughts and my words and everything I have been going through for the past, well past long time, thats all I can put it. Thats why I keep wondering whether I am making the biggest mistake of my life. Trevor is here looking after me for the weekend, since I have been so down and right now he is sleeping, and boy have I missed seen his beautiful face under my covers. I am definitely not perfect and nor is he. It just scares me how I so easily gave up something like that. You and Eric are perfect for each other. I can feel it in your words. I can feel it in the way you desribe your feelings. I hope to oneday find my Eric and become more of a Clarity. Thanks for your wonderful, thought provoking, "real" entries. I am glad I found you. xoxo Kathy
from chakra-chick :
Hi Clarity sweetie. Glad that you are feeling somewhat better. That entry was really so sweet. You are lucky to have found each other. ***smooches***
from all-on-paper :
Hey, thanks for listing me with the dland gems. I'm very flattered. I have to admit I caught myself saying "Eek!" when I saw it. :P
from daze-of-rain :
You may not be perfect, Eric may not be perfect...but it sure sounds like you two are perfect for each other. You are very lucky. The both of you. And yeah...there is no switch...unfortunately...or maybe not?
from xanti :
RYN: I'm glad you liked the story. Actually, when I finished posting it, I had the same thought about maybe turning it into a novel...We'll see what develops. ;)
from cruel-irony :
Thanks for the kind words. I'm glad you found me because I'm enjoying your diary.
from gumphood :
I'm talking serious like big thought out entries and good points. Mine is ridiclous...or not serious. I liked alot of what you have written. how is your german now?
from aussielvr498 :
Thank you so much for the password to read a private entry awhile ago. It definitely encouraged me in the fact that bad things happen to everyone....and that doesn't mean our life has to be defined by them. Yours doesn't seem like it has been defined by any one moment....the only definition you keep is the one your soul whispers to you. --**--Ashley
from xanti :
I completely agree with what you said in this entry! It's crazy how we don't realize we're playing into these stereotypes because we think that's what we're supposed to be. But I, like you, am not giving up make-up. It's too much like second nature. I assume you're feeling better since you updated, and for that I am glad. Take care!
from inebriated :
yes, yes, yes about the body. it's actually great to hear that people don't marry until after 30, deep breath, i have another goregous year!!
from goingloopy :
Hear, hear! I agree with you 100%. That's part of the reason why I don't like the idea of getting married, or even living with someone...because when you do, no matter how liberated you were before, the two of you start falling into these societally prescribed roles and then shit just gets fucked up. Hope you're feeling better...I mostly do, but I sure did miss my nap today :)
from jumblygiant :
What a wonderful entry. I often feel ashamed when I am slapping on some makeup, that this particular act gives me confidence. I definately feel less confident when I don't wear it. As a young girl I couldn't wait to wear makeup. Sometimes I think that I should stop wearing it altogether, as sort of a test. But I can't bring myself to do it. I can't wait to pick up The Body Project, sounds like a great read.
from cornflake1 :
Hope you're feeling a little better today. BTW, I wrote an essay on some of those issues for my Visual Culture project last semester - the more I researched, the more I realised that the "ideal woman" (or wife) image is completely unobtainable for most people. Take the ideal hourglass figure... how many women are naturally skinny with huge breasts? About the make-up... I had a similar moment when waxing my legs a couple of years ago. I thought: "why am doing this to myself, why am I ripping my body hair out of its follicles with strips of hot wax?" (I went back to shaving after that.) Anyway... I didn't mean to waffle, that was just an interesting read for me. Thanks.
from fallmode :
i know, i loved that workplace thing! isn't it funny a teacher sent it to me while we were here at work, through school email! ahhh.... the things us teachers do that kids have NO idea about. and to think our teachers did it too! weird.
from darktruth :
This has nothing to do with any of your entries, but I was thinking maybe it'd cheer you up and get you feeling better. Take care. http://www.orapois.com/br/arquivos/01122005120941567g.swf
from vla :
Very interesting entry, Clarity. I've stopped sometimes as well when I was getting ready to go out and wondered: the hell am I doing? I totally get your point & agree. But also, make-up is fun. It's tactile and pretty and sparkly and sometimes I feel bad for boys because they don't get to wear it. (Although some obviously do! But you know what I mean in general.) I also am fine *not* wearing it; I often don't. But I know women (my mom, for one) who is very uncomfortable if she has to leave the house without it on. So it is a sort of means of control. As are uncomfortable shoes, which I am more opposed to myself, just because I like to be able to run after cabs, trains, busses. An aside: I am so glad I found your diary. You’re such a fantastic writer. & I hope you feel better soon.
from clrmehppygrl :
My husband and I have had conversations like this all the time. He and I have a very flip-flopped relationship. He's very much the "wife" and I'm very much the "husband" in our marriage. He's the one that cooks, cleans, waits on me, etc. I'm more the bread-winner, etc. I don't shave, for the most part, and I almost never wear make-up. I constantly ask my husband if he's alright with me, how I don't do all the "female" things, and he's fine with it. There are societal pressures everywhere, but you really have to do whatever works within your marriage. I'm sure my husband would be considered "whipped" or whatever, but we're happy, and that's what matters the most.
from warcrygirl :
My husband is the same way; he tells me he doesn't have to unload the dishwasher because "that's why I have you". So I've decided to stay traditional all the way: I'm never going to work outside the home! Seriously, I never listen to anyone when they start talking like that. I married at 28 and had my first child at 30. All the other mothers picking up their kindergarteners are 10 years younger than me. March to your own drummer, sweetie. As far as German custom to feed their guests, it's the same way in the South (or at least you offer them food and drink).
from nightmare54 :
Wow I should move to Germany and give lessons. My Girl hasn't cooked a single thing since our third date 2 1/2 years ago!! And I don't care what people say behind my back...No one has the guts to call me a Wussy, OR Whipped to my face! But I understand what your saying and I have been a big proponant for natural beauty, and no make up for years. I think that the 1% of the population who are the "Pretty" people have too much influence on what society thinks. I wish I knew how to break the chain of womens self loathing and lack of self esteem. I would love to transform our society into a matriarchy. Just like it used to be pre-christainity. GO PAGAN OR GO HOME!!
from yecats79 :
Clarity...it is so bizarre that you just wrote that entry because today on the drive to work I was thinking about almost the exact same thing (with a more personal, to me, twist) and planning in my head to write an entry about it.
from krugerpak007 :
I have to agree. You always make me think too. That entry today was amazing. Hope you are feeling better.Thanks for your comment. I have been missing you... xoxox Kathy
from katm6 :
Excellent entry today, Clarity. You always make me think. And particularly apropos as I was sitting here thinking about how fat I am and how I should have worn my new body-shapers to hold my stomach in, but they're a bitch to put on!!! And per your Thanks from last week, you are most welcome!
from heelandlass :
I do have brown hair and a Scottish accent! Something tells me I'd enjoy chugging beers with you and partying! I'd love it in fact. In a strange twist of random dreaming, last night I dreamt about Satellite Bob! Maybe our sub conscious minds are trying to unite us all for real! I haven't read your latest entry yet - it looks like a goodie, I'm going to save it for lunchtime! xxx
from blueavenue :
wow. that was a really great entry. it really DOES make me think...hmm.
from xanti :
I'm sorry you're sick. I hope you feel better soon! Ear infections are always the worst. Don't forget the orange juice and chicken soup!
from alicefalls :
wow! thanks for putting my entry up! I too have no clue how to add favorites. I hope your feeling better, keep warm and drink lots of tea!
from coldandgray :
Oh good. It is relieving to know that I am not the only one who has dreamt of d'landers.
from heelandlass :
Haha, you dreamt about me last night! That's hilarious. I dream about Diary Land quite a lot too. What did I look like? I hope you're getting better Clarity, your ear ache sounded agony. Have your antibiotics kicked in yet? I get quite bad ear infections too - the last one lasted nearly a year. I couldn't hear anything, apart from the inside of my head - swallowing, breathing, coughing. It drove me crazy. Fingers crossed yours goes away in the next day or two xxx
from chakra-chick :
Hi Clarity sweetie! Thank you muchly for the mention in your journal today. You have no idea how happy that makes me - I feel like a celebrity! I have never had an ear-infection in my life, so I cannot say I know how you feel. I have, however, heard that the pain can be pretty unforgiving. I'm not helping, am I?! I'm glad that you are feeling a bit better than yesterday, though. Just look after yourself and take your antibiotibs and pain-killers. And of course, it wouldn't hurt to be spoilt by your sweet hubby too! Take care dear anh I hope you will feel better speedy soon! *smooches*
from brunette99 :
HI!! I added to you to my favs. I've been meaning to do so for a while, Letty has been getting on my ass for not doing so. So tonight, on our drunken state of mind, we were reading your entry, and she reminded me to add you. So I have!! See ya!!
from blueavenue :
hey now. you are free (i give you permission, in fact) to whine/bitch/moan whenever you please. i just HATE that feeling, like your head is going to implode; the throbbing. ugh, i feel for you. the list of fave entries is cool, i'm gonna have to jump on some of those. here's to hoping you're back in action soon...
from alwaysinhim :
Thank you for the mention in such a way. I'm honored. I'm glad you're feeling better, but shouldn't you be sleepy silly? I think everyone would forgive you for not writing anything at all (but only cause you're sick =P)
from yecats79 :
I totally agree with you about Saved! I was apprehensive, but so glad that I saw it. It was such a smart movie, not at all what its critics think of it.
from sapphyr :
You can't be sick! I feel as if I transmitted my cooties to you electronically! (Although I know it is beyond the realm of possibility)I TOTALLY understand your pain and I hope that you have a swift recovery! I REALLY hope that you don't have the strain of flu that I had (have?). I am sorry that you have to put up with M.'s narrow mindedness. :~( At any rate, thanks for your last note. Yeah, I guess I was in a bizarre mood that day (dolphin/sea bass). Take good care! ~S.
from kiosh :
Clar, sweetie, I hope you feel better soon! Tons of healing vibes and mango-raspberry smoothie hugs sent your way! I know it sounds pretty obvious but, yes, you miss your health so much when you're sick... On a side note, what you mention in your entry has always been a conflict I have with religious fundamentalists - Their intolerance, their bigotry, their hatred! And they use god as an instrument to promote hate and discrimination! Ugh. Ok, I'm ranting again, sorry! Ha ha ha. Oh, and I promise that as soon as they invent those big CDs you'll have that soundtrack! Or I could make a box set for you, he he he. Lots of love and may your life be full of music! =0)
from warcrygirl :
UGH! You poor dear, I hope your ear(s) clear up real soon. I've never really had a bad ear infection (knock on wood) but I hear they suck. Feel better soon!
from daze-of-rain :
Ahhh yes, I had my first earache in YEARS last year. I had honestly forgetton how badly they hurt. Then poor Mr Man came down with bilateral ear infections (in each ear)...he did so well for a little guy. I hope you feel better soon, babe.
from firestarfae :
saved is one of my favourites! i love the part when the girl (welcome to the dollhouse) walks up to the prego girl and says, "sorry about your boyfriends faggotry." so funny. sorry about your ear, feel better!
from starlight42 :
M is just a jerk!! For him to judge you like that just shows his ignorance. Hope you're feeling better soon!
from vla :
Oh, Clarity, I am so sorry that you're sick again—you were sick around New Years too! It’s not fair. I remember having terrible earaches as a kid; they were the worst. But I think they get better pretty quickly once you're on antibiotics. So I hope you're feeling better as soon as you begin the meds. And here are some comments for when you're feeling better! In regards to M, ke also has a friend that I don't click with all of the time; I try to avoid him and act fake pleasant mostly. Also, I've been wondering this: is it more of a German thing that the wife cooks when there are friends over? Because you've mentioned it a few times--that Eric's friends come over and you feel like you should cook. I know I never really feel like that with ke's friends (maybe I’m just a bad g.friend!). If they’re his friends, either ke will cook for them, or they'll cook together, or they'll order out. I was wondering if maybe it's still more woman=cook there, you know? Anyway. Feel better, darling!
from ilmomof3 :
I just watched "Saved" this weekend too, and also loved it for much the same reasons you did. I thought the acting was fabulous and loved that it didn't knock Christianity, really, just zealotry and lack of introspection.
from goingloopy :
Ear infections blow the goat ass. I'm glad you're going to the doctor. Make them give you some painkillers, too...I'm glad my favorite time-wasting activities amused you for a little while, at least. And as for M...he probably has his own set of pre-conceived notions, and hopefully, time will help him get over them. And you're right, some people just don't get along. Thanks for your e-mail. Feel better, girlie. My BFRB has had all that crap all week, too...and I think I'm getting it. BLECH.
from thekirks :
I hope you feel better soon, hon!
from dirtyliberty :
hey firstly, I was uploading drawings I'd done onto deviant art, and it hit me one drawing I'd done just reminded me of how you described yourself.. http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/14630924/ Strange. And the all nighter...I've had those. At first it's tiring, but then you just get, like you said, giddy. I got into a state of "Must tidy room" Around 8am, I sat on the chair and thought, I'll just rest my eyes...and fell asleep. and oh god...the embarrassing moment. I've that, when someone thinks they're doing you a favour, so you can't be mad at them, but it's so humiliating. I've blocked of my other bad memories out, really. Plus, I definitely see the appeal about Trent Reznor. Yum. octavia x
from aussielvr498 :
could I have the password to read that entry you wrote about in "on a somber note..."? My email is crocstralia@sbcglobal.net, thanks! --**--Ashley
from inebriated :
i'm so sorry about your dad. i was irritated with mine, and this thought took over, life is too short for anger. all i can believe is that everyone is doing their best and i can simply choose love. that must be difficult. i just started to read your diary and i like it. i lived in germany for a bit in college. :*)cheers.
from firestarfae :
thanks for the note. i just try to keep my head above water, because when it rains, it pours. i know it's cliche, but so true.
from insanegerbil :
my favorite closer quote:"she loves you like a dog loves it's owner, and it's owner loves the dog for so loving"
from insanegerbil :
about the happy marriage thing....i know alot of happy couples.the thing that usually happens is the guy loves the wife more than she loves him.some chicks can deal with that, but others can't, so the main reason those marriages end is because of the wife.sure, the man may cheat, but it's because his wife isn't there for him emotionally.even on jerry springer, that's the common complaint.as long as you're husband is still in love with you, and as long as you're happy with that fact, your marriage will be ok.
from orlith :
Big **HUGS** to you Clarity. Thank you for sharing the article.
from betchy :
hey sweetie, sorry i have not left a note in a while. firstly i would like to say thank you so much for the note you left regarding my memories entry. i am glad you enjoyed it, just remeber that YOU inspired that entry, and yours was far superior. mine was the watered down copy :) secondly, wow! those different faces are so cool. the third one (i think it was the third one) looks like Marilyn Monroe. i think you are just beautiful. and lastly, i watched Farenheit 9/11 last night, and admittedly i dont know much about US politics, and i would never claim to. but i have to say i dont blame you fro not wanting to return to America with that guy in office. he really hasnt got a clue. saying that, i would never judge your country on who the president is. i mean our Tony Blair is a complete spack. i think you are so loyal and wonderful to still defend your country, even though you were so dissappointed with the result of the election. it still must really hurt to be foriegn in a country and hear the natives totally slating it. so i applaud you. anyway, got all that off my chest. i do hope you are feeling happier soon, and if you dont mind giving it to me, could i have the password for your private entries? love to you xx
from chakra-chick :
I'm so sorry that things are not going too well for you at the moment sweetie. Chin-up - things can only get better! Thanks for the comment dear...I fear that you are right - men are nothing but 'horny toads'! Perhaps I am completely dense, but I cannot seem to find an e-mail address on your site. I would love to read your article on date rape, so could you please provide me with your password? My address is fazb@webmail.co.za. Have a fantastic day further *smooches*
from krugerpak007 :
Shame sweetie everything does seem overwhelming for you now, your dad, your work projects, not nice things to deal with. I am not exactly sure what to say to you just take care and feel better. Thinking of you. xoxox Kathy
from blueavenue :
so this week i was wondering why i hadn't read you in a while, and i thought, hmm. she must not be updating lately. i just realized i never added you to my favorites. yeah. a little slow sometimes. lol. oh well. now i have to catch up. =)
from sapphyr :
As a mother and an older sister of three younger sisters I thank you for your last entry! So many people are so dreadfully unaware of sexual assault against women and girls. You are so wonderful! Remember the care and keeping of you! ~S.
from all-on-paper :
Hey, I was wondering if I could have the password to your private diary. I happen to be between 14 and 24, and I swear I'm not male. Thanks.
from darktruth :
p.s.s I think I deserve it more than anyone else, anyway, being that I fall directly in the middle of your 14-24 age bracket. I win. Everyone should have to send me money.
from darktruth :
It's nothing really to be jealous of. Now I have to buy new holders for them. P.S can I have the password for your stuff and thing, stuff?
from bloggingdi :
Hey, Clarity! I feel really dumb; I hadn't ever noticed this link to leave comments before... I'll be sure to comment from now on. :P Diana Seeking Clarity
from acornotravez :
I'm 30. Can I still have a password?
from whereibegin :
Clarity, thank you for sharing your story. That takes a great amount of bravery. Perhaps one day, I will share my own story too. I don't think I'm ready yet, but one day. Your courage is inspiring to those of us out there who have not yet found our voice. Thank you.
from byebyekitty :
hi clarity, i just wanted to say that i've been reading your entries for awhile and that sometimes I feel that i can completely identify with you, sometimes not, but alot of the time i do. i was really shocked by the statistics that you listed about date rape and was wondering if I could have the password to the private entry. (I am a 21 year old female) If not that's fine, thanks.
from xanti :
It's understandable that you would be worried about your father given the situation. Just try to keep it from hurting your health. I hope he's able to call you soon. Maybe that would help ease your mind. And I have heard that about "Supersize Me." I haven't watched it, and really, I have no desire to. Anything in excess is unhealthy. Um, if you don't mind, could I get the password to the private entry? If not, that's fine. But I happen to fall into that age group and, of course, am a girl. ;) Anyway, take care! I hope you get some relaxation time this weekend!
from lettynow :
I just read your private entry. I don't know what to say. You are loved by all who read you and for you to have the courage to put all that out there is so awesome and courageous. I'm so sorry that that happend to you and Im so sorry you've kept it bottle up for so long. Clarity you are such a strong girl. just know that.
from insanegerbil :
omg, thats exactly what i thought clarity would do too.wurdness.you're perfect.(by 'perfect' i mean your balance of ethics and morals)
from warcrygirl :
I'm sorry you're depressed right now; I know how you must miss and worry about your father. At times like these I never know the right thing to say so I'll just say this: I appreciate the sacrifices anyone in uniform makes for their country. I'll keep you and your father in my prayers. *hugs*
from alwaysinhim :
I would like to read it, if I may. My email is under the "Contact Me" link of my diary.
from singlegirl :
I know you are trying to get better at cooking, and one website that helps me is www.allrecipes.com. You can size recipes to fit any serving and people review each recipe and talk about them. Plus the nutritional information is there and most of the recipes are easy. Now, cooking is something I enjoy and I'm getting pretty good at it.
from drbigbeef :
Regarding, Super Size Me -- I liked the movie, but I had several problems with it. First of all, at the same time he starts eating McDonalds he also stops walking. His weight gain would have been less had he not eliminated excercise at the same time as he starting McBinging. Also, no one in their right mind would eat McDonalds 3 meals a day for a month. I would compare this to drinking. If you drink six to 12 beers a week, you won't feel any ill effects. If you drink 6 to 12 beers a day, you will definitely gain weight and experience liver problems. Moderation people, moderation. I'm off to have a cheeseburger and many beers.
from pixie-grl :
You pictures were absolutely beautiful! You looked like an angel in the one. You suck! lol And I know what you mean about the baby picture, it looked like a possessed baby. Vey frightening! XOXO
from dawnoftheday :
I can't write about this here, But I'll call you.
from dawnoftheday :
Holy shit.
from coldandgray :
Your Dad is the only person I "know" over there, so I am always thinking of him & your family when I watch the news. I feel for you. And thank you for your other post today, too.
from sapphyr :
Hi! Thanks for your caring concern as always! I feel better although I wish I was 100%. You take care and try not to let anyone's ignorance get you down! ~S.
from blueeyedmoo :
Hi Clarity! Thanks for the note. It was refreshing to hear someone who is also honest about their feelings and that's why I loved reading your diary yesterday. I struggled in the past to acknowledge my mental state because it's one of society's great taboos. I don't talk about it to my family much or to my friends... I have a few people online I can talk to it about. My family would break down too if I did something about the way I feel at times. People like perfection and they like you to pretend that everything is ok... denial of the situation runs rife it seems. I feel much better for using my diary as a forum for expressing the truth of how I feel... even if it is sometimes very dark reading material!! BTW I loved reading your entry about your first few months in Germany... was surprised to read what the older people are like, but it was very interesting as I've never spent time there... usually I go to Switzerland. Anyway, I will quit wittering on! Mooomoo :)
from goingloopy :
I did that face thing too...but I only liked one of them. The other ones...well, I just looked like I had been beaten with the ugly stick. Hard. :) I think you showed admirable restraint in not going off on those ass monkeys. I probably would have. Especially if I was hungry, tired, and cranky. Hope you can get some R & R this weekend...sounds like you are in serious need!!
from dangerspouse :
DAMN YOU AND YOUR SECRETIVE WAYS!!! Ok, fine. You don't want to admit that you burned Cheerios somehow. I guess I can respect that. But only because you left a virtual blowjob of a note over at my place. Luv you too, Snookums!! *kiss kiss*
from younameit :
I question your taste in women, Clarity! :-) Whether you were hung over or not, I think your Boticelli version is pretty classy. On the other hand, that scary baby face sort of reminds me of a somewhat similar face I saw on TV when I was a kid. I may have to write an entry about it sometime.
from sapphyr :
I am sorry that you had to put up with that! Yikes! I am very disturbed by what people abroad think of Americans. For the most part we are progressive and forward thinking.Did you know that there is a guy producing shirts and other items for Americans that say, "I'm Canadian." Canadians are OUTRAGED to say the least. I just can't believe that is has gotten this bad... On a happier note, those pictures were great, you were right about the baby! Thanks for sharing! ~S.
from fallmode :
just an fyi... my computer may be acting up, i guess i don't know a ton about this stuff, but when i went to this site, my anti-virus wear wouldn't let me in. it said my computer was being attacked by somewhere in san jose, california... which is weird b/c that address says uk??? anyway, i didn't get to do it!
from fallmode :
oh my god! that baby one made me crack up so hard when i saw it! that's great!
from xanti :
That website where you can get your face changed looks pretty neat. I should try that. Maybe post the results next time I write. Thanks for the get well note, by the way. I'm not all the way better, but I'm getting there. ;) I don't blame you for walking out of McDonalds. I wouldn't want to hear that sort of conversation either. In fact, I'd have probably caused a nasty scene on my way out, so kudos on the self control. I'm not a big Dubya fan, but I, like you, feel we shouldn't be judged on our president alone. Anyway, take care!
from dirtyliberty :
man, those movie cliches were hilarious. Especially the irony of it all. If I were on my deathbed I'd just be coughing, and trying to think of something profound to say. I get what you mean about not wanting to sell the painting...sometimes people ask me to draw a cartoon for them, but then I end up liking it so much I want to keep it, so I end up making it a little worse just so I won't like it. octavia p.s. I'd be mauled by a mob of midgets.
from blueeyedmoo :
Hi, I just discovered your diary. I love it!!! I have been sitting here reading it for ages.
from heelandlass :
Eric looks delicious Clarity! I know that you put all your heart & soul into your paintings (which is why you want to hold onto that particular one so much I'd imagine) and I don't mean to sound flippant when I say this but can't you try to paint that picture again? I know it won't be exactly the same but would the client notice? Then you get to keep the painting you don't want to lose AND get the cash you need/deserve? The client need never know that he doesn't have the original picture. Just a thought. xxx
from kiosh :
Post script: Didn't I tell you? Since you did the quiz it's growing popular! Thanks for the publicity! *Wink* -0- To Clarity's readers: Please let me know if you take it! Thanks!
from kiosh :
Konnichiwa! Ogenki desu ka? Thanks for the email, I kind of imagined the two had a relation but I was puzzled anyway. Hey, I like Eric's new look, he's very rockstar-ish! When are we going to see more pictures of the beautiful Clarity? Aaah, the movie clichés, they are so true and so much fun! Seriously, I laughed for 15 minutes with the mouthy prostitutes. He he he... XOXOXO!
from chakra-chick :
Great job with Erics' hair...it looks great. I sometimes also have dreams that leave me so shaken- it seems so REAL. I hope you don't have to part with your painting...maybe the person will choose another one - *hold thumbs* Have a wonderful day further dear.
from krugerpak007 :
Those cliches had me in hysterics. So true, so true. Eric looks great! Take care and have a good day! xoxox Kathy
from milomilo2 :
Thanks for the note and it feels good to be missed and welcomed back!
from dawnoftheday :
I like that picture of Eric, The bleached hair works on him, but then again..he's been every color imaginable. But blond was always the best. I miss you guys! Oh, yeah, I agree with the note underneath, quit watching Tsunami news! Cool list of cliche's too.
from goingloopy :
QUIT WATCHING TSUNAMI STUFF! Hehehe. The worst dreams always seem to be the "almost awake" ones....where you don't think you could possibly even have fallen asleep that fast, but you did. Oh, and I took the test (I'll probably post it tomorrow, for lack of anything more interesting)...I'm going to be crushed by a falling meteor. Or something. :)
from lettynow :
I love that painting, that must be hard to want to make a living at something you love but at the same time you have to give that stuff away so to speak because monatary compensations not everything, but at the same time your doing something you love. Hmmpph Well that is the best painting when you posted it i remember thinking I knew that lady, its so beutiful i can see why some one would want to buy it. Alos Why's eric so hot, go got your on beckham right there, but for some reason i remeber you saying that eric hated beckham. But that is who he looks like sorry but beckhams hot!!! Not as hot as eric!!! Love Ya girl Letty
from myownjourney :
Heya Clarity. I appreciate your 2 cents worth. And I think it's actually worth a lot more. Doesn't mean I don't disagree with you on some things but I appreciate the things we do agree on.
from ablossomfell :
I don’t think a lot of people these days view marriage for what it really is, a lifelong pledge to be together until death do you part. I remember a recent interview with Brad Pitt where he said something like, “I'm not sure if it really is in our nature to be with someone for the rest of our lives.” Another Hollywood couple, Reese Witherspoon and her husband Ryan Phillipe seem to have what Brad and Jen didn’t, a lifelong commitment. Reese mentioned that they go to marriage counseling because ever couple will have their problems and their determined to make it work. They seem to have the right idea. So many people just give up when the going gets tough. Anyway, that’s my 2 cents. I like your new layout! Ps. those goggle searches are odd!
from cagedfreedom :
thanks for the note clarity. i just need time to figure stuff out. I would say more, but don't know what to say anymore. I hope all is well with you...
from elephant72 :
view my illustrations here if ya want , might make you laugh : http://drawing.artwanted.com/artist.cfm?artid=17504
from younameit :
Just in case you don't check your email right away (actually, I hope you will): Be sure to rent "Roman Holiday," not "Sabrina" (by all means, an English-language version, if possible). Also, be sure to choose a time to watch when you are sure you won't be interrupted by unexpected guests. :-) Enjoy!
from deezr :
clarity - you don't know me and i actually just signed up to diaryland so that i could leave you a quick note of THANX for the quote from AtomicBuddha. i've been struggling more than usual lately with my 5 year-old son's heart problems and this quote just resonated with me so strongly and i feel like i am a bit closer to figuring out something for me personally. so thank you and thanx for writing! it makes a difference :)
from dirtyliberty :
Your entry reminded me of part of a program I once saw, where this so called scientific genius was explaining how we're attracted to certain people purely for the purpose that we want good genes for our offspring to carry on...Which is kind of strange, and seems also a little narcissitic(sp?). I also agree about the celebrity thing...here in UK it's particularly bad (something a lot of people comment on), I mean not only is the press doing it's best to be horrible to celebrities, people are buying these magazines and believing all the rumours and condoning the behaviour. my generation sucks. hahaa. Also I don't think it matters who's having a happy marriage in a way, because everyone has difficulties, and plus this world is getting lazy. Half the divorces that happen (not necessarily all of them), happen because the partnership aren't able to find a way to work through it, which you and eric seem to do pretty well. octavia x
from elephant72 :
Thanks for the message , to navigate the diary just use the archives button , should work, Theres no significance to elephants other than i keep seeing them appearing all over in one form or another , an i just split up with somone who had a thing about them , it was just a start to my journal though , one entry says , forget about elephnat s and then the realere stuff starts . I read a bit more of your diary and its good , last time i only looked at the photos, interesting stuff about mariiage and love and all, I guess most dont work because people just dont put the work in or , there partner isnt the main focus in there life, but i guess also people are witgh each other as long as they are meant to be to learn what they have to learn , . Id recommend a book for you Marriane williamson. "A path to love" you might like it you might not , check it out though she has a website , its a bit spiritual . formerly blue eyes photo is cool too , looks pretty dark though .......
from gumphood :
you have a serious diary.
from goingloopy :
I'm sorry I've been such a neglectful, non-noting, non-emailing buddy. I've been reading (which you probably figured out when I swiped your survey)...and your last few entries have been great. I'm sorry your brother is having heartbreak on top of everything else...you should completely believe in and treasure what you have with Eric and not worry about if it's going to end. A lot of the time, people focus so much on what's going to happen and how horrible it could be...so I think your idea of living in the moment is the way to go. :)
from krugerpak007 :
Thanks again for your amazing e-mail. I have saved it and keep reading it. I never thought I would be divorce statistocs. trevor and I only had good times and were so in love. I loved him more than anything. I am still trying to work out where it all went wrong. What went wrong, how it went wrong and whether it can be fixed. It is sad, and it happens all the time. Part of life? I hope so. I don't want to feel like a freak....I agree with you about the Brad story. They are human beings. Why publish those kinds of things about them. hurtful. Only those in that position know how damn hurtful it is. Anyway I just wish you and eric all the best. You are my favorite couple! xoxox Kathy
from heelandlass :
As usual, you summed it all up perfectly. I knew you'd experienced that before, just because we're married doesn't mean we've had a lobotomy. It's all part of the rollercoaster that is wedded bliss! And the Jen & Brad thing, I felt sad about too, they really did seem to have it sussed. I read the other day that 1 in 2 marriages have to deal with adultery at some point. That's such a mad figure and it adds even more kudos to your theory. Sad but true. xxx
from lettynow :
I love that freaking song. Okay and you know what else. I believe in love! I just do. THere are poepl out there that you just look at and say look at them, they are in love. IT happens. Love the new layout too
from kiosh :
BTW, only until you made and posted it, the Kiosh quiz became popular. Thanks for that! =0) If you see someone else who has done it (apart from goingloopy) let me know so I can add them to the index! Merci!
from kiosh :
Clar, luv, that email made me smile! Grateful grapefruit I am! Wise and wonderful you are! Woo woo, la la la la... (Am crazy, LOL). Love the new look on the diary! Hope the gods above grant you with the best things because you soooo deserve them. As always, acoustic drum-a-pella hugs for you! =0)
from chakra-chick :
Hi sweetie! Thanks so much for the comment (",). Mmm...it IS strange that our little sisters are similar. I know exactly what you mean about marriage. A few years ago, in the community where I live, divorce was a total no-no. Now, it's sorta become a trend - people get married just to get divorced. There was a girl in my class that got hitched straight after high school. She was not even married for a year, when they called it quits. She got married again about a year afterwards and now she is separated from her husband. Thats so scary...shes 24 and teetering on her 2nd divorce. I guess thats why I have not gotten married yet - I know that nothing is Iron-clad (especially relationships), but I want to be sure about the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with. Have a wonderful day further dear! *smooches*
from clrmehppygrl :
*raises her hand, jumping up and down* I'm happily married. Very happy. It's only been 3 years married, but we have made it through the having the kid part, which strains a marriage in very interesting ways, not bad, but interesting. My husband and I have talked about polygamy, etc, and we are very open with each other. I think the issue with a lot of marriages going sour is the lack of communication, honestly. You and Eric seem to communicate very well, I think you'll be alright. *smile*
from lauralgood :
thanks, you beautiful woman you! Love laural
from warcrygirl :
I've been with my husband for 10 years, 8 of them married. I can't imagine anyone else touching me intimately and I know he feels the same way. How? Because if he was going to cheat he'd have done so by now. I'm not easy to live with and this man has the patience of Job. As long as you two connect like you do you'll be happy for many years to come.
from daze-of-rain :
Be glad that you can say "we are" and look around and find no one. In so many groups there is ONE happily married couple...and YOU'RE it. Lucky ducks, you are. My best friend is happily married. Many in my family...But the fact is you don't know...not ever. Could he cheat? Maybe. Could you? sure. I never thought I would or could. And I was NEVER going to stay if someone cheated on me...and things change and you make the best out of what you have. But, here's the thing...what you and Eric have...it's special. it's HONEST. and TRUSTING. and OPEN. you two TALK to each other. and COMPROMISE. I believe in you two...and I think I have good reason to. You have what it takes...now it's just up to you two.
from fallmode :
thanks so much!!! for the entry! :o) and, about what you said on marriage. my boyfriend and i have been talking a lot about that lately. my family is really the only place i know people with happy marriages, too. i think it does have a lot to do with how you were raised to value love.
from vla :
Seriously, what is *up* with those google searches? So weird. Anyway, your entry today kind of hit close to home for me. (per usual.) Trust is a difficult issue still for me sometimes, and I wonder if that isn't what's holding ke and I back from taking the plunge into marriage. Anyway. There is something to love, real love, that also includes risk. You love Eric so much, your heart is so on the line, that you would be crushed if he were to hurt you, left you, cheated on you--but at the same time, that's what makes it so intense, so beautiful, so worthwhile. Do you know what I mean? Hmmm. It's interesting. Also, you must see the movie Before Sunset. I thought of you when I watched it.
from pixie-grl :
Would it be so hard for men to be monogomous??? Why is it that it is in there nature to spread their seed and ours to settle with one mate? Not too fair if you ask me... But here is to our marriages being in that other 50%!! :)
from penutgallry :
I am so glad that I'm not the only one saddened by the Brad/Jen breakup news. I felt kind of dumb feeling bad about it, so it's a comfort to know someone else shares my feelings! BTW, my parents have a very happy marriage. So does my best friend. :)
from retailharlot :
That second google? That was me. Ah ha. Kidding. I'm jealous. Nobody ever fucking googles me in cool ways.
from weymouth66 :
Alas, Closer's run on Broadway was a few years ago, though maybe the success of the film will spark a revival for the play? Thanks for listing me! I'm glad you liked my new template. Sorry if you're disappointed that I've gone back to the old one, but I should explain that the new one is themed after the reality TV series Big Brother. That template only goes up when there's a UK season of Big Brother on, and we've just had a Celebrity Big Brother show that ended last night. Never mind, though; there'll be another regular series starting in May, so the template will come back then. Love Jess xx
from pisceanlore :
Hey, I just wanted to say thanks for the note you left regarding my last entry (a few days back). It's always good to hear that others know what you're going through, yeah? I'm glad you got your mini-drama straightened out. Hopefully someday I'll be able to deal with things as well as you seem to be able to.
from elephant72 :
I love the photographs. i miss photography .
from nightmare54 :
At least it was your FRIENDS! My ex used to do that exact same thing almost 3-4 times a week. I would be cooking a "romantic dinner" (read just dinner) but I was making enouh for 2-3 with some leftovers, and she would come home from work and inform me that her parents, brotherhis wife AND 3 kids were on their way over, as well as her sister, and her boyfriend. So my cooking skills were often streched into your basic short order cook. Thank god I used to be one of those. But after a while I got the upper hand and would just call them up and invite them over. That seemed to piss the ex off more, because I think she liked to create drama for no reason, so when everything was going too smoothly, she threw me out. And I'm pretty excited about that because now I have My Bouby and life is AWESOME. I'm glad the evening wasn't a total loss, and the Lead was George Peppard, also the leader of the A-Team. Funny huh?
from xanti :
I'm sorry you two got in an argument, but everyone will argue sometime. At least you were both able to laugh about it! Someone wise--can't remember right off the top of my head--once said that humor is the best medicine. ;) Take care! ((Hugs))
from lettynow :
imagine me saying this in the best latina voice ever "aye mami" don't worry about a thing we've all beeen the crabby wife. Luv Ya!!
from dangerspouse :
Awww, what a cute widdle spatsy-watsy! Yeah, sometimes it sucks not being a lesbian, huh? Guys and their friends, it's a real racket. No matter what YOU have planned, we expect you to drop it and become Server Wench if our buddies drop by. You'll get used to it...or you'd better, since this was just the first salvo in what is bound to be a long, drawn out campaign. Hey, not to get off the "Men Suck" track, but - what is it that you were attempting to make and then burned?? Foodies everywhere demand to know! (Great entry, btw) :)
from younameit :
"Roman Holiday" (1953), with Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck, is one of the greatest romances of all time (116 reviewers at Amazon.com agree with me). It was Hepburn's first leading role, and she won an Oscar for it. Pay particular attention to Gregory Peck in the closing scene of the movie (in the royal reception hall), when he meets Hepburn's character for the last time. Watch his face very closely throughout the entire scene, until the credits role. Very intense, vert subtle and very true. It was deja vu for me.
from thekirks :
Thanks so much for your note. Just feeling discouraged right now:( It was nice to come home to everyone's notes though:)
from bohemianlife :
Don't worry dearest, I'm not really going to jump ship, this whole thing just bugged me with it being down. I don't know why it bugged me so much, but it did. I think there is just other stuff going on and I took it out on the diary! How ridiculous is that? And don't worry, you're my d-land best friend too and i would miss everyone here, because I know most wouldn't follow me over there. And about the spat with Eric, no offense to him, but he should have been more considerate of your feelings and the plans that you two had made for the night. Sure people have to be flexible, but I think maybe it was him and his friends who were being rude, not you. But i'm glad you guys made up...me, I hold a grudge, which is childish, but I do. And I love Breakfast At Tiffany's too...and Roman Holiday, and Sabrina, and My Fair Lady...anything with Audrey Hepburn is a winner with me! Talk to you later. ♥ kris
from daze-of-rain :
Clarity, It's funny that you two have been together so long and this is the first spat like that...Brian and I started fighting right away. should have been a sign. lol Anyhow, I'm sorry you can relate to these entries...It's not fun being so damn confused. I'm here to talk always.
from dawnoftheday :
Hey by the way, my diary isn't working. Not that I update much, but how can I fix it?
from dawnoftheday :
Yeah, I like Breakfast at Tiffany's too, It's an awesome film! In regards to your "spat", I have to confess I was laughing. It reminds me so much of me and chris. But honestly, You weren't being rude. THEY were being rude. Just to show up unannounced and take over. Eric should have told them to leave cause you guys had a nice night planned. But whatever, that's just my two cents. I'm glad you guys sorted all that out. You really are perfect for eachother, I always knew that. I'll call you, if we don't get to talk though, have a cool weekend. Oh and Stacey needs to tell you something. I don't want to ruin the surprise, so just call her.
from heelandlass :
Clarity, I feel like we live a parallel life sometimes! If something's happened to me, it's happened to you! I'm hoping the guy was just trying out a new camera or something... likely? Hmm. I can't stop thinking about him/it. Literally, it was the first thing I thought about this morning. Why can't life be simple? I have an amazing husband, yet my mind is wandering...hopefully not for long. AAArrghghghg.
from vla :
I have an embarrassing confession to make: I have never seen Breakfast at Tiffany’s! I know. Terrible.
from acornotravez :
thanks :)
from juddhole :
Interesting links. Strangely enough, my mood is the same right now.
from daze-of-rain :
Clarity, I find it sad that you have to ask not to be judged to harshly...First off, there was nothing to judge in your entry. It was honest and parts were painful. parts were relatable...and overall...It is everything that brought you here. What you and Eric have is beautiful. I envy you in the best possbile way. And I thank you both for giving hope where sometimes there is none. You let him know he gives men a good name. So many guys don't.
from kiosh :
Yay yay yay! Your answers to the Kiosh quiz! Whoo hoo! It was great reading them for many reasons that you probably know by now... Besides, it's always good to read what you say. Thank you for answering it! On the other hand, the Where did the time go site IS freaky but interesting... Much love and many tundra hugs! - Hola Eric! Hablas español! Cómo estás? Espero que todo vaya bien por allá. Te mando un saludo y abrazo!
from la-blue-eyez :
No problem. It'll take a little time before that stops ALL search engines from finding you. I think it took a month for mine to totally stop (Go0gle being the last one).
from pixie-grl :
yeah, it did change. sorry :( the new one is pixiy_grl@yahoo.com drop me a line, i can't find what i did with your new email address. xoxo
from la-blue-eyez :
To get the search engines to stop finding you, put <META NAME="ROBOTS" CONTENT="NOINDEX, NOFOLLOW"> in the <head> of your template. I never get hits anymore from search engines. If you need more help with it, just let me know.
from loewenzahn :
Hi, I really liked your photo series 1 +2 about Bi, which is my hometown. You made it look really nice on the pictures, I even felt a bit homesick. I`m living in switzerland now, and so its nice to read about weather (hailstorm?) up there. Oh, and Cafe Wunderbar is also my favorite one, I go there since schooltimes. Viel Spass noch....
from xanti :
I do a lot of what I call "futurevision" where I'm always waiting for the next thing to come along. I'm trying to get out of that, but it isn't easy. I think everyone does it sometimes. Enjoy your time in Germany while you have it. You could move back after a while if you're not happy being back stateside or visit on vacations. Maybe not right away, but it is a possibility for later. Anyway, good luck with your boss and enjoy your time in Germany! ((Hugs))
from alwaysinhim :
Sorry if there are two notes from me.. I thought the first one didn't go in.. and it looks like the second one didn't get in, but I'm not sure, so I'll wait and see.
from alwaysinhim :
I know what you mean about the waiting and the curbing. Most probably a lot of people's discontent (my discontent) comes from waiting for the morrow instead of living the day. I wait for life to become what I want to be.. "and then I will start living" I think to myself, when I should be making life what I want it to be and finding some way to enjoy and grow through those things over which I have no control.. So yeah, I hope you enjoy your live as it is.. (and I am trying to do the same for myself).
from alwaysinhim :
I know what you mean, about the waiting and curbing. I realize that probably a lot of discontent (my discontent) comes from the fact that I only wait for the morrow instead of living the day. Part of that is waiting for what will never come (the "perfect" life), instead of making life what I want it and/or loving it the way it is.. So yeah, I hope you enjoy the life you have for what it is.. 'cause it sounds like a great one to have (and I am trying to do the same for me).
from moon-blood :
hi clarity! I completly understand your feelings on "closer", i saw it and felt the cuts on my soul. Enjoy your 11 1/2 months left! those memories are forever. nicole
from vla :
Your living in the moment realizations really resonates with me, clarity. I am working on that stuff too, or trying to at least. I think I’ve always been so caught up in the past or the future… It’s so hard to stay present to each moment, but I’m working on it. And I relate to the whole compromise issue. I feel as though ke and I are grappling with that on a different scale with our moving issue, financial issues, touring (distance) issues, you know? So much of a relationship becomes about compromises. It’s hard and scary and annoying, and sometimes I find myself thinking: damn, if I lived alone I could choose for myself. But then again it’s excited and wonderful because *we’re in this together* and nothing beats that feeling. I can’t imagine how the issue is intensified when moving countries though; I imagine it’s fraught with a whole lot more emotion.
from betchy :
i know what you mean about always wanting to be at a different point in you life. when i was 11 i wanted to be 16 because that how old the Sweete Valley High twins were. when i got to 16 i thought "this is crap, i wish i was 18 so i could go out clubbing" when i finallt got to 18, all the shit hit the fan with Jason, so that year was terrible because i was put on anti-depressants (the stress, however, did wonders for my weight, i was the thinnest i have ever been, eight and a half stone!), so i just wished it was far down the line and i wanted to be 21. i got to 21 and thought "i need to lose weight" having crept up to 14 stone. now i am 23, i still need to lose weight (hovering near the 15 stone mark now), and i wish i was 18 again, but without the grief. so, do you prefer America or Germany? are you just used to Germany now because you have been there so long? doesnt your heart really belong in America?
from goingloopy :
I'm glad you're going to get to come home, but I know it's going to be hard for him. I'm so happy you've decided to enjoy the rest of your time there, and that you can really speak the language. You can always go back to visit...you have friends there so you can do it cheaply. Life is about compromises, and I have no doubt that things will work out they way they are supposed to. Thanks for the linkage yesterday...you & your inner slug (I use slug, not sloth, but the point is the same.) :)
from krugerpak007 :
I can always relate to your entries, especially this one. Enjoy these 11 months. It will be hard to leave. Good luck for telling your boss. Regards, Kathy
from heelandlass :
Ah, me too. In fact I think that 'Smoke' is my number 1 favourite film. If I was forced at gunpoint to choose, that's what I would say! I know what you mean about enjoying things now because one day they'll become a distant memory, it's natural to look forward though. It's really hard to savour the here and now. Good luck with that xxx
from katm6 :
I shall miss sending packages to Germany. It actually made going to the post office less of a chore, for some reason. It's a hard decision to make, and there's nothing to say that at some future point, you can't move back, although things probably won't be the same, they rarely are. It's funny that you have no trouble picking out girls' names whereas I've never found a girl's name that I love. Good thing I don't want kids. ;-) And you'll cry when you leave Germany. I know I did when I left San Francisco. I wasn't happy there, but I was going to miss my friends, my brother and my bar (not necessarily in that order - you can put brother first). ;-) I don't regret moving there or moving back. I have faith that you and Eric will be fine, and happy wherever you are, as long as you are together. *hugs*
from nightmare54 :
Well..I think and this is just my personal opinion so take it for what it is worth(less) But I think that the two of you need to embrace the fact that you DO have a strong family and friends network that will support you in anything that you decide to do. Whether or not it is where you live or if you decide to become a dog groomer in south Africa. The fact that both of you are a wanted commodity, and have such love and feelings for your "people" gives you MORE options then say the wandering gypsys. Because their support will carry you into any endeavor that the both of you decide to take on. So rejoice that each of your friends and family WANT the both of you close to them because it is better then the other option where someone doesn't like the spose and could care less where you are. I think the two of you should set up shop in the grand caymans. or even better Austriala...kinda like a neutral ground deal and equally far apart. plus then people coming to vist have a great vacation spot to go to!
from yelayna :
That song always reminds me of my friend Dom, and being at school, and sunshine... *smiling* Going back to the states... That's a big decision... Fancy meeting up before you go?! Sometime later in the year perhaps?! I'm really quite frightened of aeroplanes, so will probably never make it stateside, but Germany I can do! :o) xxx
from krugerpak007 :
Wow, your journal made me so nostalgic. I miss trevor, or something. Its horrible been lonely! A trip back in Feb, great news! I am excited for you. Nothing like going home for a while to be with the family and having a total break. And February is very soon! xoxox Kathy
from chakra-chick :
What a beautiful story - the way you related it...felt like I was there too! I think I need to have a weekend like that too - but first I gotta get myself a man to share it with! Take care sweetie and have a fantastic day further. *smooches*
from wordsofmine :
Well, I love that song too but what a lovely love story. I love the conversation about naming your children. What fun.
from clrmehppygrl :
Wow. First off, I love that song as well. I wasn't too into it when it first came out, but once my husband and I got together, it held new meaning, especially the blue eyes part. *swoon* And you're coming back to the states?? Wow, that's so huge. I'm happy you two have found compromise and can deal with it. Oh, and I never got the password for your private stuff, if you don't mind giving it to me my email is: silntpoet2080@cs.com - Thanks!
from lettynow :
so happy for you!
from xanti :
I love that song...That was a really nice memory it brought up. I love how songs can do that. It's amazing. Also, I know you'll be glad to be back in the 'states for a while. :) Take care!
from pixie-grl :
hey, i never got your password for the private stuff!!!! i just kind of noticed. hope all is well! and congrats on the early return, i'm so excited!!!! xoxo
from kiosh :
Wow... 1999, that was such a blast of a year for me. Your entry made me think of my own 99 and smile... Your entries: Always a pleasure.
from aussielvr498 :
Oh wow, the decision to go back to America....hefty. Sometimes when I read your diary I feel like I'm reading what my diary will say in 5 years.....I just felt that way reading this entry and thought I'd share that. --**--Ashley
from lauralgood :
hugs! I am so excited for you! Love Laural
from insanegerbil :
hahahahaha.omg, i didn't notice i said that.you know what i mean though...you're laura's big sister.haha.but anyways....what WOULD you consider lunch?and what position do you sleep in?seriously.that sounds like a creepy stalker question, but fuck it.take it as a compliment and answer please?!
from tigerlily21 :
I'm happy and sad for you both. Heelandlass was right..embrace both and make the most of them. And for a silly question (my husband just had to know, so I told him I would ask you)..on manual transmission cars in Europe, is the clutch pedal still on the left, or is it on the right? Ok, I asked :) Hope you have a great day.. and I'm glad Eric is feeling better! *hugs*
from scubafreak :
So much for that note :P
from scubafreak :
Good lord. I could <i>swallow</i> a marble with my belly button.
from heelandlass :
Wow! Beginnings and endings. Both so powerful and exciting. Embrace them both - and make the most of everything. How about a quick trip to Scotland before you go?
from dandlioneyes :
big changes coming up in your life. i wish you all the best. you sound happy about it!
from weymouth66 :
I love that song by Donna Lewis. When I worked long night shifts in London, the station I listened to then played it all the time, but now I'm back in my home town the similar station here never has it on :( I'm going to have to put in a request now! Great news that Eric's fine with you wanting to go home. Love Jess xx
from vla :
Oh, Clarity, I'm happy for you! That's great news.
from augustdreams :
I loved your entry for that day. Hearing that song brought back memories for me, too. Music is so powerful. It's the closest thing we have to a time machine. I'm really glad you're coming home. *hug*
from snoozie-girl :
I just updated my diary like 2 minutes ago & saw that you did too. So i read yours & we must of been on the same track. The beginning of your entry is almost the same as mine! :) Have a nice day!
from insanegerbil :
I DID THE SAME THING WHEN I SAW THAT MOVIE.jane blew my mind."alice".fuck, thats good shit.
from rapunzal :
Hi Clarity. I can't get Closer out of my mind. I was so pleased when Clive Owen and Natalie Portman won Golden Globes for their performances in that movie. My latest entry talks about Closer too, amongst other things. Have a great week :-)
from blueavenue :
hi! thanks so much for the sweet note. that really made my day, especially 'cause i love what i've read of your diary so far! i'll be back soon...G
from clrmehppygrl :
I have a picture up if you want to check it out. Click on my "photos" link at the top of my diary, and then on the "tattoos" link on the left side of the album. It's the last one, on my arm.
from betchy :
I am so sorry i didnt even think about anyone else wanting to see it! shit! anyway Faz assures me that this part happens but its not the ending so i havent ruined the ending for everyone. i am such a badass. Closer sounds amazing. the ads for it are really raving about it, so i think i may have to take myself along to it. sorry again for ruining the end xxx
from chakra-chick :
Hi sweetie! Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. I'm still trying to pick up the pieces. It is definately one of the worse experiences someone can have- but I know, with the support of my family and friends, we will get through this. It means the world to me that you care so much...thank you again for your kind words. By the way, thanks for the review on 'Closer'- now I will definately go and watch it! Have an excellent day further. *Smooches*
from goingloopy :
Shit, now I have to see this movie. :) And I agree with Eric. Everyone in your life comes there for a reason, and some people you "click" with. Couldn't have said it better myself. :)
from dirtyliberty :
I've yet to see "closer" but it sounds really good. Also it's strange you mentioned Eyes Wide Shut cause I've wanted to see that for a while (especially since in Da Vinci Code it mentions it, I think you've read that). I rented it last night and it was really good, although a little confusing. Maybe that's cause I was really tired when I watched it. Haha, so I'll probably rewatch it. octavia x
from yecats79 :
Hey Clarity....I was also very affected by the movie Closer, but unlike you I would not see it again. After the movie ended I felt very hopeless.
from weymouth66 :
I'm so pleased to find someone on here who was as deeply affected by Closer as I was. I take it you never saw the stage play? The movie is better anyway. You're right, it has a clear message "if you're in a good relationship don't fuck it up" - I took a more narrow view of what its moral was, as you can see from my latest entry, but you're right. And yes, it is a must-see movie. Shame about the casting of Julia though :) Love Jess xx
from girlsmad :
Why does the sun go on shining? Why does the sea rush to shore? Don't they knowwww it's the end of the world cause youuuuu don't love me anymore...
from long-ignored :
Clarity, thank you for the note. I am so happy to hear that there are things I write that you can relate to me. It lends itself to knowing I'm not so alone. And to say it's poetic is very flattering. I appreciate your kindness very much. And please, feel free to comment on whatever...I don't get near enough feedback.
from krugerpak007 :
After reading about "Closer" in your journal, I desperately want to see it, although I am scared. I don't have Trevor anymore and sometimes I think he is all I want. But I still have to see it... xoxox Kathy
from penutgallry :
Hey, I get into reading you from daze-of-rain. Anyway, I keep meaning to leave you a note and just haven't--I really like reading your journal, and I'm a picky journal reader. :) You are so cool and yet so real. I also wanted to comment on the road not traveled entry-- I'm 24 and sometimes feel a little bummed about not being married by now. All my friends are married or engaged, and it feels like some kind of fun club I'm left out of sometimes. So it's refreshing to read entries like yours and remember that the single life isn't so bad. :) I guess we all wonder about what we don't have.
from dawnoftheday :
I just saw "Closer" tonight with Chris after reading your entry. Man it was awesome! That break up scene was brutal between Julia Roberts and that british guy. When he was yelling at her and asking her all those messed up questions. damn!! I didn't get the ending though. wtf(???) Stay away from writers I think is the message. hahaha. Okay, I'm drunk. bye
from pisceanlore :
I thought Closer was an interesting film. I was even able to get past my dislike of Julia Roberts, for most of it. I had never thought of it in terms of soulmates before. I think we are all born with multiple soul mates and it's the choices we make in life that help determine which one is "right" for a specific time period, whether it be a month, a year or forever.
from vla :
That was interesting. I haven't seen Closer, but I am a *huge* Six Feet Under fan too. When I watched that episode, that sound clip you posted totally stood out to me too. Anyway, I want to see that movie now!
from daze-of-rain :
I have always believed that a soulmate comes in all shapes and sizes and fits...its not even always romantic, sexual...sometimes it is in the way of the sex opposite the one you are romantic about. I've met female soulmates...and loved them dearly. Just not romantically. But when I met them it was instant connection...
from lauralgood :
I will see it too, then. I need to hear a message like that...love you. Laural
from jennlynn24 :
hey girl, whats your password for your private entries? :) if you dont mind... Love ya!
from blueavenue :
hey there! i saw you added me to your claritynew profile, and i just read quite a bit of your 'about me' links. really really interesting diary. i'm definitely liking it. have a good weekend! --G
from fallmode :
wow. sounds like a great movie. i really need to go see it. what you said about being more than one person out there for you; i soooooo feel that way--- exactly what i have been feeling about my ex and my boyfriend!
from xanti :
Okay, I have to go see this movie at some point! It looked moving on the previews and watching the Oprah thing with the cast, but now I really want to see it. It's funny how smetimes a movie can bring up so much stuff that you have to talk about or it will just bubble over like your hugging Eric and staying up all night talking. :) Anyway, take care!
from kiosh :
Hah... The "Clarityness" I like so much: The artistic beauty! The amazing words! The smashing girl! *~*~* Thanks for making this world a brighter place. Babe, you're loved! =0) *~*~* By the way, I just realised that "Let's talk about sex part 1" was written on June 06 2004 - My birthday! He he he. *~*~* Frozen diamond hugs for you!
from xanti :
I've been catching up on the last three entries...I am with you on the self-imposed PG-13 most of the time. I suppose that comes from the way we were brought up...Ah, Balance. It's so fragile...That was a nice sketch, by the way. ;) And from the latest, you had elementary school boyfriends too! I had a few back then. Those are always cute. :) Anyway, take care! ((Hugs))
from yelayna :
Firstly: the things you said about balance made me just want to say... you and me both :) and I love the way your entries start *grin* and, to thank you for the remote champagne popping, Something might be winging it's way to the post office this weekend.... :)
from krugerpak007 :
That entry in memory of Jim was wonderful and sai and poignant just like all your writing. I am not sure what happened to Jim but I can understand that you have been through a lot of heartache. Yet you are still a wonderful, brave person.It embarrasses me because I have not been through a loss like that and cry about the most stupid things. It simply puts me to shame! Take care my dear, enjoy the movie and have a good weekend. Love Kathy
from rapunzal :
Hi Clarity! A few months ago I watched that season of Six Feet Under, and I'm still thinking about it, even this morning, which is weird. I'm happy that I'm not in a relationship like that. Too bad your guy had to go through that with his Ex. My BF had an ex-psycho who was similar too. Have a happy weekend!
from goingloopy :
That chick on Six Feet Under is completely psycho. I don't watch it that often, but when I have...she's nuts. And your story about refusing the rose reminds me of how mean I was to a boy who had a crush on me in 5th grade...sigh.
from coldandgray :
I completely love your drawing. I thought my stat thingie was busted and was getting freaked out that all these hits were linked from your page, and then I read your entry. haha. Thanks.
from betchy :
my dear Clarity i had no idea you were so beautiful! you're stunning! and your watercolour was gorgeous. as for my sex life being exciting, it wasnt that exciting really. there is something deeply unsatisfying about loveless sex. its good at first, then it just becomes a habit. saying that i would not change a single thing i have done in my life. i dont think you should ever regret the things you have done, only the things you havent. everything i have done has shaped the person i am today, and at the moment i actually like myself, and its taken a long time for me to do that. yes, i am probably the fattest i have ever been, i havent got a boyfriend and i live by myself. but i can do exactly what i want, and live my life how i want. whoa, going off on a tangent in your notes there - sorry! maybe i should be writing that in my diary! but anyway, yes you are a stunner x
from geekgurrll :
"Balance" is fantastic! Honestly, if I saw that somewhere for sale, I would buy it. I love the feeling of it. And thank you for your happy birthday wish - the day did get a lot better and I had one of my best birthdays yet. Have a lovely weekend. x
from all-on-paper :
Wow, thanks for adding me. And uh, could I have the password to your "secret locked vault?" Please?
from oladybug0 :
Great painting!!!!
from thekirks :
That watercolor is wonderful! How much do you want for it:)
from nycboy77 :
hi,the drawing is just great, can´t believe you did that in 5min...btw- your diary is some interesting stuff. I wish my time wouldn´t be so little. keep on rockin´...
from warcrygirl :
Loved your drawing dear! I wish I had a talent like that. Very thought provoking, provacative...balanced! LOL
from daze-of-rain :
it's funny to me how reflective you are over the things you read...how easily influenced in the most positive ways you are...and I really thought I was the only one. This is why self help books are so good for me. I can take so much positive away from them...and you clearly are the same. I love that about you. [smile]
from irishblueyes :
Oh...can i just tell you that I feel like gushing every time I see your art. I seriously do. Because aside from my photography, which I feel pretty good about my abilities in, I'm not really much of an artist. But I love art, I adore it. I think I could spend everyday in a museum looking at at. So I truly admire and appreciate your talent. You're just amazing....just thought I'd let you know that, again! ♥ kris
from goingloopy :
I totally agree with not fighting the situation...or at least with knowing when it's important to fight and when it's better just to let it go. And I love your sketch...it's awesome. Finally, you are gorgeous, and you DO look like Claire Danes. So don't take your picture down, m'kay? :)
from dawnoftheday :
Damn, that drawing you did had so many layers of meaning in it. I guess I just related with it. The bottom being gone really showed the vulnerablility and I like how her arms are crossed over her head. I wish I came up with something like that after 5 minutes. When are you getting back? I want to call you tonight
from vla :
That drawing was lovely. Clarity, what you just wrote about letting go, letting yourself be right where you are, and letting yourself feel your emotions was *exactly* what I needed to read right now. Thanks.
from alicefalls :
Congrats on 200!! How does one get the password to the secret diary? Ive seen all of those movies except the spanish one!
from coldandgray :
Congrats on 200!!! What a great way to commemorate the occasion.
from singlegirl :
Have you heard the statistic that over 45% of American households have given money towards the tsunami relief? I thought that was a pretty impressive number. Also, Jeremy has repeatedly asked me for a lap dance and I've been too scared/embarassed to do so. I would love the password to your personal folder - if you give it out. My email is evanland50@hotmail.com. Please don't feel like you have to give it to me - it is a PERSONAL folder after all :)
from clrmehppygrl :
On sex and movies: See "The Secretary". It's kinky, and a little disturbing at points, but really delves into some interesting parts of S&M stuff. Good movie. On sex and marriage: Yes, I've noticed that the sex dwindles after a while in marriage. But we also have a toddler that usually ends up sleeping in our bed. BUT, I don't think we've EVER gone 8 months. That's insane. I think we did 2 months once. But we do it about every other week mostly. Don't be too afraid, if you two don't want it to happen, it won't.
from chakra-chick :
That entry was pretty awesome...I enjoyed it. Thanks so much for the comment and the birthday wishes for my sister - she says thank you! I haven't watched many erotic movies. I did watch 'Original Sin', though. Was a good story, and of course - Antonio Banderas was great. The survey is...interesting. You think YOUR sex life is boring? Well, I have news for you - mine is worse! Hope you have a wonderful day further. *smooches*
from younameit :
One of the most erotic movies I've ever seen is "The Lover" with Jane March. It bears repeated viewing (that's an understatement), even if the plot leaves a lot to be desired. Give it a try, if available in Germany.
from heartscars :
can i please have a username/password to view your private entries?
from whereibegin :
Hey Clarity... I realized today I never asked... may I view your private entries? I'm debating about setting up some private ones myself... there are definitely things I don't write about because I'm not sure I want the world to know. Perhaps you and irishblueyes are doing it right... hmmm...
from dawnoftheday :
You go! I loved that sex entry!! 9 and 1/2 weeks was my sexual education..Yeah, scary right? I saw it for the first time when I was 15. I agree with what you said about the sex and body image completely. The idea of going without sex for 8 months is scary. That's why I'm never getting married. I hope you avoid that fate..But I don't think you guys will run into that problem! haha! I'll call you tonight.
from vla :
Ooooh! That was such a good entry! Especially the part about body image; that was right on. I loved High Art too, but, man, I hated Eyes Wide Shut. Haaaated that movie. We can agree to disagree on that, because I think almost all my answers on that sex quiz would’ve been the same as yours. That thing was hilarious. “I think a blogger orgy would be ... Interesting.” Um, right.
from goingloopy :
You go wit' yo' naughty self!! :) And as for movies...watch the scene in "The English Patient" where they have sex right outside a party...of course, most of the rest of the movie isn't sexual. But that's why they invented "rewind" and "fast forward"...
from daze-of-rain :
Clarity, it is NOT true...I promise. It's all about the effort you make. If you two make a concious decision to remain sexually active frequently...then it will happen. I mean, the sex is so infrequent here but 8 months has never happened...mine went down hill two weeks after marriage...it was circumstancial. My parents (mom and first step dad) were married for sixteen years and other than the few nights they spent apart for work or what not they had sex EVERY night.. EVERY damn night for sixteen years. This is a conversation I've had with my mother in awe...But, it can be done. It's all about what you want and how you feel about it.
from orlith :
Thanks for the note and the kind words. I honestly think you have more strength than I could ever hope to come up with. I know there is very little way I could handle being plopped down in a foreign (and seemingly very brusque-rough, the older population at least) society, and even hope to be able to function properly. You are an inspiration for many people. Thanks for sharing your experiences with us.
from betchy :
well well, i am glad you enjoyed it! it was quite emotional at some points looking back at all those exes. but fun too. i really am a slut hee hee. anyway, just wanted to ask, am i being really thick, or are there any photo's of you in your diary? i really am curious as to what you look like
from heelandlass :
Sorry this has taken me so long Clarity - HAPPY NEW YEAR my sweet. Thank you so much for your touching (as always) notes. I know you've experienced great sadness in relation to what I was writing about and for that I feel honoured you wrote to tell me how sorry you were. I think I am seeing my friend in the next couple of weeks. Will need a huge amount of strength for that one. I am very emotional and will have to try not to sob all over her! Anyway - with all the best wishes one could possibly wish another I hope 2005 is a great year for both of you. And I'm looking forward to getting to know you loads better (in a non psycho way!). Love Abi xxx
from krugerpak007 :
Wow. I could so relate with that entry. brilliant, like always. Take care sweety and feel good. xoxox Kathy
from long-ignored :
Clarity, thank you so much for the add...and welcome to my more private thoughts [wink]
from younameit :
You're welcome. You're a very lucky person, Clarity, in more ways than one.
from xanti :
Awww...It's nice to hear that you're happy where you are. And it's perfectly natural to wonder what could have happened if you had taken the other way. As for Napoleon Dynamite, there's one of my friends--out of all who've seen it--that didn't like it. He said he just didn't get it. I thought it was funny...Doesn't really have a definite plot, but it's funny and cute, in my opinion anyway. General consensus here is that it's a movie you either love or you hate. Probably not very helpful in helping you decide whether to watch it or not. Anyway, take care! ((Hugs))
from warcrygirl :
I've never lived alone either but I've been alone for awhile while Hubby was working out of town. And I've been alone with the boys for a few days here and there and I prefer to have someone with me. If you've been responsible for your own bills and such that's the 'alone' all you needed to be.
from vla :
Clarity, I did the quiz. My brain hurts now for some reason, probably because it's the end of the day when I am not supposed to be thinking about anything, even really simple questions, like 'what's your favorite song?'
from ladiebug :
if you've ever seen and loved "welcome to the dollhouse", then you'll probably like "napoleon dynamite." i just got the dvd for xmas from a friend and have watched it many times over already :)
from goingloopy :
Yeah, being single is kind of like that...but it has its downside, too. Tune in tomorrow, because I think I just got inspired. :) And as for cooking...remember. If it's not in a box, you don't need to cook it. Hehehe.
from goingloopy :
...the pictures are beautiful, and I'm glad you guys had a cool walk "moment." But you're killing me...because I want to ask about what you said not to. I won't. But I can't help that I want to. :) Thanks for your nice comment yesterday, by the way.
from lovemydox :
So you're taking pregnancy tests, too. Strange little game, isn't it? I know how you feel. My husband IS 31 - so I guess he's all waited out. Like your blog and your style!
from xanti :
Those pictures are beautiful! And don't worry about things not having changed. Sometimes change takes time, and sometimes things occur in spite of any changes you make. It'll all be okay. ((Hugs))
from dirtyliberty :
thanks so much for the notes! I checked out girlsmad and rivergoddess and they both seem really interesting. Those photos are so beautiful. I might include the one of the road/pathway in a graphic if that's okay. Also about the bit where you were considering how you had a second chance and hadn't changed your life...I'm thinking maybe it's not a matter of what drastically changes, but what happens in small ways, little thoughts that without your knowing, if you hadn't had that idea, you would of gone about something differently. if that even makes sense...octavia
from singlegirl :
I love Reality Bites. In college, someone stole my well-worn VHS tape and I haven't replaced it yet. Now it's 4 years later and about time - I don't think I've seen the movie in that time.
from orlith :
I'm glad things turned out for the best for you. Your area is BEAUTIFUL... is it a big tourist spot? I know you've mentioned it's a small town, but do you ever have tourists come in?
from katm6 :
What a beautiful place to live, Clarity. If I lived there, I'd like to think I'd be out walking all the time. It's hard to get excited about walking outside when all there is about you are sidewalks and houses and nothing beautiful at which to gaze.
from betchy :
your photo's are absolutley beautiful! and also, can i ask how old you are at the moment?
from krugerpak007 :
I don't know how you know if you are ever ready, and if you even ever know. Trevor has been nagging me for the past 2 years and I just kept feeling like I wasn't ready. but maybe you never know. And only once you are pregnant you know and you learn? Anyway I am glad the results were to your favor. I love to read your diary. You take me to another world and I forget my problems for a while. It is such a pleasure to read it, thank you for the privilege. The pictures are beautiful. Thanks for sharing. Take care Clarity. xoxox Kathy
from long-ignored :
Thank you for your kindness...A little pick me up on a really difficult night. Thank you
from pashiesplace :
6 years ago today I took one of those tests at 28 years old, not at all ready to parent the child I had in late summer. Funny thing is 2.5 years after having my first I desperately wanted another. Took a test, saw 2 lines and even though it was planned, the same panic sets in! Who knew that would happen? LOL. My point, even when you think you're ready, part of you never is because that 2nd line is truly life altering. You just sort of go with it and have faith. Sounds like you and Eric had a wonderful few days together.
from cagedfreedom :
that time you and eric spent together sounds so beautiful. i'm truly envious. i'm so confused clarityy!!! help!
from scubafreak :
Your town looks absolutely beautiful. It is enchanting. Thanks for sharing it with us.
from lauralgood :
Baby girl look for a few entries in the OTHER diary very soon...smiles. love laural
from myownjourney :
You know, Reality Bites has some of the best lines of any movie for 30 or 40 years I think. Next to The Breakfast Club, it's one of my faves. Anyway, thanks for sharing that. - Ricky
from daze-of-rain :
You're waiting for the desire all thru you that makes you long to hold a baby that's yours. I think it's good to wait until you're ready...as long as you aren't you'll wonder why you aren't...but once you are ready you won't bother asking why. And trust me...had that other line appeared...you'd feel ready. If not today in a month or three...and most definately once the baby started to move in you. That's the beauty of loving the man you're with...no matter how prepared *or not* the knowledge that it's the two of you that created the small miracle makes it so incredible.
from rkwj1 :
Hey Clarity, I'm glad you're not going to go. You know some people are just not happy unless they make other people feel bad. For whatever reason it makes them feel good to knock you down a peg. And just because you drank? Anheiser busch did almost 15 billion in sales in 2003. And thats just anheiser busch alone. So believe me you were'nt the only one drinking. Oh God forbid you have a couple of drinks during the holidays. Whoever sent you that note is a fucking idiot. She must be a blast at parties. Probably a high maintenance, frigid, humorless bitch who looks down here nose at everyone she see's. There is no room in the world for people like that. She should just check out and do us all a favor. Anyway, enough from me. I'll have a few drinks tonight for you. Maybe a drunken entry in the making. I havn;t updated in a while so maybe thats a good idea. I love thae drunken entries. later,ROB
from katm6 :
Welcome back, Clarity!! I'm so happy to see you updated. I had been worried about you. Eric's scarf is done. I hope to get to the post office on Friday!
from ocean-front :
I'm totally glad that you didn't give up in diaryland. There will always be people out there who are intolerant and judge you and critisize you. I love your writing, please keep on with this. BTW, as I'm german, I know those old wives tales. I think they are mostly all 'humbug'.
from betchy :
i am so glad you didnt leave! good god, if someone thinks you're a lush for drinking NYE and xmas eve, send them over to my diary and see what they think of me!
from chakra-chick :
Thanks for the note sweetie. I know that there are no 'normal' guys around, but I just thought a bit of optimism would change that sad fact! Ah well...and the search for normalism continues...
from lauralgood :
Love you. And hell! if you ever go away because someone is rude to you It will be our loss! Fuck them. Shit they are just jealous that you have a life. hugs. Laural
from candoor :
now there's some wisdom... when you forget the beauty and value of your creativity and intelligence and beauty, let Eric and friends who know you remind you and try to remember that those who judge usually do it to distract you from their own fears and insecurities and feelings of inadequacy... for when we feel secure and content, we have no need or desire to judge anyone, no less judge negatively... realize that those who set themselves up as judges are showing us their weakness of character and uncertainty about their own value... tolerance, forgiveness, acceptance are strengths that we only achieve when we are wise enough to focus our energies on the positive within instead of the negative outside... applaud yourself, you deserve it (and when you forget, listen to those applauding you :)
from fallmode :
i just found your diary and think it's great! i am glad you didn't leave!
from yelayna :
I know what you mean about the negative things sticking in your head - when I was at school, and had lost some weight and was starting, for the first time to feel a little bit foxy, some little shit called up the sixth form block stairs "big isn't beautiful you know". And I can still hear that little runt in my head when I look in the mirror, to this day. At least I know these days that it's not important what some short arsed spotty little 13 year old boy thought, but it still echoes round my head on bad days. And that was 9 years ago now. So I’m glad you're staying :o) I'd miss you terribly. :o)
from kiosh :
Hah! I just remembered some quotes I want to share with you with lots of love. ~*~ "What do I care for their opinions? I never truckled. I told them the truth." -Frank Norris ~*~ "Be silly. Be honest. Be kind." -Ralph Waldo Emerson ~*~ "For me, insanity is super sanity. The normal is psychotic. 'Normal' means lack of imagination, lack of creativity." -Jean Dubuffet ~*~ "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." -Albert Einstein ~*~ "To be nobody but yourself in a world that's doing its best night and day to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle anyone can fight, and never stop fighting." -Edward Estlin Cummings ~*~ "Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself." -Harvey Fierstien ~*~ "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." -Robert Frost ~*~ "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye." -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry ~*~ "Seize it. Taste it. Enjoy it. Learn from it. Savor its fleeting essence. Life's journey is short... Live the moment." -Ruby Bayan, OurSimpleJoys.com ~*~ "In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." -Albert Camus ~*~ "Everything flows, nothing stays still." -Heraclitus ~*~ "Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace." -Amelia Earhart ~*~ "The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls." -Elizabeth Cady Stanton ~*~ "It isn't what you have, or who you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it." -Dale Carnegie *~*~* I'm going to stop now (I could go for hours) but remember something: Clarity, you're a star!
from kiosh :
Hello luv! Your diary never fails to inspire and make me smile. If you were to leave I would miss you so much. Yay for Clarity staying! Eric is right, you're brave! Don't forget you have the right to talk -or not talk- about anything that you feel like! You have tons of friends/raving fans/listener-readers that love you a lot and will never judge you. Ever. On the other hand, don't let anyone give you shoot; remember that song by TLC: "It's my life, my life, and I believe it won't affect nobody else but me..." ~ Thank you very much for your note, it made me smile knowing you're there and I have to say, one of the best things from 2005 was meeting you. Thanks also for that last email, it meant a lot to me. I promise I'll write soon. ~ Say hello to Eric and thank him for the note, it was great! ~ All my love and best wishes for this new year, may it be better than the previous one! =0) Many many many sparkly blue gem hugs for you!
from dinky-creek :
Europeans are weird (I say this with the authority of coming from a European background). Things like "don't put coat hangers on the bed" (or else someone dies or something); or if you find a coin on the street you have to spit on it three times for good luck (I spent a whole aftenoon giving my mum a hard time about that one); and best of all, "don't put shoes on the table! It's bad luck and it means there's going to be an argument in the family". No kidding. Usually said argument goes along the lines of "arguments? Because of shoes? That's stupid." "No it isn't!" "Yes, it's ridiculous!" ...and thus the prophecy is fulfilled. When I was little, mum used to pin a red ribbon and an Italian good luck charm on my singlet to protect me. Anyway, glad you decided to stay on Diaryland. Your daily philosophies are inspirational.
from wordsofmine :
I'm glad you're not leaving. I love your writing, though I mostly lurk and not leave notes. But I did love your music on your entry today. It made me want to get up and dance!
from xanti :
I'm so glad you're not leaving! ((Hugs)) I know that there are a lot of us here who would miss you. Also, you are very welcome for the note. *toasts* To marching to one's own drummer: don't stop! :) Take care!
from pisceanlore :
Hiya. Glad you're sticking around, I really enjoy reading your take on life. I have to admit that I'm looking forward to the day someone comes on here and tries to tell me how to live my life, so I can tell them to piss off. But maybe that's just me. In any case, to quote a good friend of mine, don't let the bastards get you down. Peace. -t
from acornotravez :
Dude, you know you're not going anywhere! Thank you for being you. Like Kermit, except not green. -Amy
from alwaysinhim :
I am both relieved and pleased to hear that you're not going away.. you would be sorely missed.
from jennlynn24 :
You cant leave (NOOOO!!!! Think ace ventura in the bathtub with his hands curled up to his body and his naked body crunched down, after he found out finkle is einhorne.. einhorne is finkle.... ) ok, i didnt mean to go off like that!! :) Anywhoo you cant leave diaryland, we (ah-hem JENN loves ya!!!) thanks for the nice note! oh and i never ever light a cigarette off of a candle because "you kill an angel" and i have to many angeles watching me up there to cause harm to them ;) Happy weekend girl! post more pics!!!! Lets see pics of you and eric! :) you always put pics of eric, but not the two of you! :) have a grrrreat day!
from ablossomfell :
I had the same sort of experience, although I chickened out and fled to a private livejournal. It can be rewarding writing publicly online, sometimes I miss it. Glad you decide to stick around :)
from tigerlily21 :
Glad you are feeling better and especially happy that you are deciding to stick around. I have often thought about closing my diary, but then end up with the same conclusion as you..its my diary and if you don't like it, shove it! Much love to ya.. and don't let those wankers get to you! You are a beautiful, talented person and we are all so lucky that you shed some of your joie de vivre on us! *hugs* Jen
from daze-of-rain :
although I missed the note that caused the uproar...I recieved a rude one today...random really...And I just kind of shook my head. It's one of those things...Some people aren't satisfied being miserable alone. And I just really don't care. I have enough real life bull shit to come to terms with on a daily basis (and yes...I do bring plenty of it on myself) that I really don't allow myself to feed into it. It hurt my feelings that someone would be so randomly ignorant and rude for no apparent reason. I try to refrain from being cruel...Always. But some people...they don't. And as everyone has already said...Good for you. And more than that...Good for Eric for knowing you so damn well and looking out for you so much. Happy New Year, Clarity.
from imaphatpig :
Oh. My. Gawd. I am so gullible that I actually looked back to make sure it wasn't you! Wow. I suck. Big Time! But at least it gave me something more to do. YAY FOR THAT! Keep it comin'.
from vla :
I'm glad you decided to stick around, clarity. I think some people just get off on leaving critical/judgey notes or emails; it's just a power trip for them. So, um, don't trip! And purty please keep writing because obviously the rest of us care about you a great deal.
from warcrygirl :
Look Clarity, it's like this: YOU pay for YOUR diary so you can write whatever the fuck you want. If they don't like it they can: 1. stop reading, 2. go fuck themselves and 3. piss up a rope. These trolls are just looking for attention; the best way to handle them is to ignore them. Completely. Please please don't let one random fucktard dictate what and/or how you write. Okay, I'm done. I think...:)
from goingloopy :
Yay! I'm glad you decided that a collective fuck you to the judgmental assholes was in order, and that you're updating! I'm glad you liked my last few little rants. ;) I am also happy that you have recovered from your illness of bloody death. And those Santas? That's even creepier than the 3/4 size talking one at Wal-Mart...which to me, is on the creepy level of the clown in Poltergeist.
from dawnoftheday :
Thank god..I was worried for a second there. Seriously, don't leave. I really look forward to your updates, how else will I know what's going on in your life? I miss you! I loved the song, it reminded me of college. That picture had me laughing. It looks so much like you. Those santas are weird. Germans! I'll call you!
from imaphatpig :
Slap my button away! Did that one person think that pic of Cameran Diaz is you? Whatever. Run with it. That's awesome! I am going to put up a picture of Don Knotts in mine and see if people say the same thing about me. It made me wishful thinking but hell - I miss 100% of the chances I don't take, right?
from coldandgray :
You reach a lot of people, even the weirdos, even the assholes, but mostly the nice ones who have grown to love you.
from singlegirl :
Is that a picture of you? I don't know if I've ever seen a full on photo - you always seem to take them down before I can put a face to a name. I understand though, somehow putting up a photo makes me feel more vulnerable than opening up and spilling out my deepest thoughts.
from imaphatpig :
You can not shut down. I repeat YOU CAN NOT SHUT DOWN. Seriuosly. I am so fucking bored right now at work and I just saw that you updated and that made my whole damn day (so far, at least). And also, the personal statement that you made in the form of chumba wumba - that was awesome! It made me dance in my chair and bob my head for the rest of your entry and I DON'T EVEN LIKE CHUMBA WUMBA!!! You can't shut down. EVER. Because what the hell will I do then? Huh? This sounds selfish but it's not. Trust me. But you just can't shut down - for me.
from dandlioneyes :
thnx for your note. i lived in germany as a child (in bielefeld) for five years, and grew up bilingually, which certainly helped. then i had two years in berlin as a teenager, and then last year in göttingen, which i adored. cute, small town. anyways, it was nice that you dropped by. where are you living? later!
from krugerpak007 :
I locked my diary because I couldn't handle nasty comments. we all love you, and no one should have to censor themselves on their own diaries. It's our privelege to be able to read your diary. It's a privilege and I have no idea why people would want to leave nasty notes or make people feel bad. even if you do have judgements. It is not the right thing to do to write nasty things. Sometimes I read a lot of diaries which I sometimes don't disagree with but I have the privilege of reading about these peoples lives and would never dream of leaving a nasty note. I think encouragement is what all us diarylanders need. Encouragement and good thoughts. And thats what I am sending your way. Because you are a beautiful person. So have a wonderful 2005. Love you. xoxox Kathy
from cagedfreedom :
i don't know how anyone could criticize you after reading your diary. There are so many things wrong with that concept i can't go into it. That bitch must have some ulterior motives or some shit - don't let her get ya down. Anyways, you have no idea how closely i related to that feeling you had lying there in the dark.....sigh. feel better. glad my entry made ya smile atleast:)
from yelayna :
And that I can't spell criticise....
from yelayna :
Good lord. I feel so angry at that person - It's none of their fucking business. What on earth gives somebody who doesn't know you the right to critasise you and your way of living? and even if they did, They have no right. Why would any right minded person go out of their way to be mean to someone randomly? It's not even as if you live in some sort of drug dealing crime ridden den of iniquity and behave like a slut: you're living with your husband and occasionally going out for a drink and a laugh and living, like any other normal person of our age. I hate to think what she would make of my life and the things I have done. Ignore them sweetie, and send round the posse to deal with it ;o) I hope you know you've done nothing worng, and you;ve probably done more for more people than you ever could realise. You can tell by the amount of support you get here - and from the length of my rant. I'm stopping now.... *hugs*
from atomicbuddha :
I meant to say THEIR lives...duh.
from atomicbuddha :
Don't let her or anyone else get to you. It's YOUR life and there is nothing wrong with drinking to excess on NYE or any other night that you need to let loose. Remember, people that lecture on morals and values usually have something going on in there lives that is totally out of control, so it probably wasn't even about YOU. Don't let her or anyone else stop you from keeping this diary. Hugs to you.
from xanti :
For every large group of open-minded, supportive people there is always one who feels it is their duty as a moral superior to set the rest of us straight and call us on our mistakes or what they perceive as bad decisions. I've had a couple people write me upsetting messages, but I wouldn't let them stop me from doing something I love (writing here). It happens to a lot of diarists. Even the extremely g-rated ones who never seem to do anything wrong (like one of my friends who received a harsh email from a jealous girlfriend because she was spending a lot of time with this guy studying for a class they had). Just do what you think is necessary. Take care of yourself, and if quitting is what you want, then do it. But you do always have the option of locking, too. Anyway, I hope 2005 is a great year for you and that you get over your cold! ((Hugs))
from pixie-grl :
Thanks for the um, exotic dancer! You know, I was all excited that I was going to see some action on my b-day. Thanks anyway!!!!! lol xoxo
from katm6 :
Clarity, I so hope you do not let one woman turn you off all that is good that you found here at diaryland. You are a beautiful, good person and it's none of her fucking bloody business if you went out drinking on NYE. For heaven's sake, I can think of nobody else in this world that I know who deserved to go out and tie one on on NYE than you! You have been through a lot this year and you so had the right to send 2004 out with a bang. Please remember that you truly are a beautiful person and don't let one prig change that. *hugs*
from vla :
I hope the positive support you receive here out weighs the bad, Clarity. (And for Christ's sake, it was New Year's Eve. What a tightwad.)I imagine that I’d be affected if someone came down on me because of what they read in my dairy. It is an odd thing that we do, that we write such personal things and then open it up to mere strangers. But it can be such a cool experience too. Take care, and know that your words have power and weight and touch hearts across the world; that’s a worthy and wonderful thing all by itself.
from drbigbeef :
Why are Sex on the Beach so expensive in Germany? The pineapple juice? It's a two shot drink, it shouldn't really cost any more than a normal drink.
from dawnoftheday :
Don't let one person's negative opinion destroy something beautiful, Clarity.
from sarabellem :
It's YOUR diary and your life and there isn't room for other people to judge you. Don't let others sanctimonious attitudes get into your consciousness to fester. Sounds to me like jealousy pure as poison. You are such a sweet and wonderful person don't let the bastards get you down!
from girlsmad :
Jesus Fucking Christ, Clarity you drink WAY too much. What's wrong with you?! WHO DRINKS ON NEW YEARS EVE?! I know who, CLARITY DOES, cause she's THAT much of an alcoholic. Haha, what a cunt that bitch was. I'm the one that deserves the "stop drinking" speech...ooo ooo send her my way! I've always wanted some one with nothing to do with their life to read my diary & take it upon themselves to push their opinions on me. I think it'd be hilarious.
from culotte :
I just donated 50€ in your name to the Croix Rouge. Don't beat yourself up. You're not in the financial position to help the whole world and you're not expected to be Mother Theresa.
from dirtyliberty :
ugh, i know that feeling. it happens sometimes when I sleepover at someones house, and most people are asleep and suddenly, there's this void of silence and it's this strange sadness. also I think it was wrong of that person to say all that stuff, I mean just because a certain person has a way of thinking how life should be lived, doesn't mean everyone should live by those terms. Also you shouldn't feel bad for not donating more, since you donated some and that makes all the difference. hope you wake up and feel better. octavia x
from irishblueyes :
People should REALLY learn to mind their own business. I mean I can honestly not fathom every reading something online and taking it upon myself to write that person and lecture them about their life choices. Who does that? Seriously! If you are worried about these problems than just lock your diary, give the password to your friends and that way you can be yourself, and not have to worry about outsiders putting their two cents in. But I would hope you wouldn't stop writing, not only for the sake of the people who read, but just because I think you are like me and writing is theraputic for you. It helps you to see things in a better perspective and work things out in your head, that's why you explain and rationalize things to your diary, you're really just working out problems in your own mind. It's good, I do it too. I wouldn't know what the hell was going on in my head half the time if I didn't have somewhere to write about it. Anyway, hope you feel better. Love, Kris
from warcrygirl :
Sounds like you've got yourself a troll. Ignore her; she ain't the boss of you. *hugs*
from oladybug0 :
Sweetie, you need to disregard that person. Anyone who thinks reading an online journal entry about a fun-filled New Years Eve is an open invitation to a full out critique on your life is obviously troubled. And as for the would-be date rapist you met at the bar- as someone who has myself had to fend off the unwanted advances of more then one drunk man- don't EVER blame yourself for the inappropriate sexual advances of strangers. Please believe me when I say it is never your fault.
from thekirks :
Please please please don't leave! Your journal is one of my favorites to read! Don't let one bitter person, bring you down. Hang in there.. Hugs!
from pixie-grl :
People just love to give their input to things that don't concern them, don't they? Hello?! You are 26 not 66, if we weren't suppose to be drinking and acting crazy on new years, what are we suppose to do at this age? If you leave, I'll hunt you down! Don't be crazy!!!! XOXO
from ilmomof3 :
Interesting... I recently found myself defending my life choices from someone who had a glimpse (not unlike a journal entry) and drew a lot of conclusions. It hurts and it sucks. ::hugs:: And as for the feeling of being absolutely devastated while someone sleeps on... several times over the last year. Another owie. ::hugs::
from myownjourney :
You never need defend yourself in diaryland. You drank on New years. It doesn''t make you an alcoholic or a bad person. It makes you pretty much normal. In fact, I'd say your about the most normal person I've seen..... er .... read. :) So, in the immortal words of Ren and Stimpy: "happy Happy Joy Joy". i know, I have very random comments sometimes. ;)
from bolashley :
Please don't leave DLand! I do say that for purely selfish reasons however. Your diary is one of the most beautiful I've found, truly moving and you inspire me to be more adventurous. I can see though that you have been in a pattern of sadness lately and I hope that it gets better regardles of if you continue to update. I think you're incredibly strong for doing so well in a strange land with only one person there for you. (And most young healthy people get pretty loaded on NYE! It's normal! Sounds like that person may just be jealous.)
from yelayna :
Happy New Year Gorgeous! I love the fact you have sound! That was how my New year sounded too :o) We do tequila with salt on the backs of the hand here in the UK too - how on earth do you do it on your wrist?! Hope you feel a bit better now, xxx
from goingloopy :
New Year's sounded like a blast...and if you felt like ass before, then you don't know whether to attribute the ass-feeling of the following day to illness or partying. It sounded like you needed a night to be partying and free...so no regrets!
from coldandgray :
Oh, you had such a good time, I am glad. Hey, I took your quiz and did miserably. I stole your idea and did my own one. All the best to you & yours in '05.
from vla :
Your New Years Eve sounded amazing!! By the way, I'm totally paying for my midnight kiss right now; I'm totally sick, but it was all worth it. And hey, can I have your password for the top-secret entries? If so, my email is vla_76@yahoo.com. Hope your cold is all better by now.
from pashiesplace :
I'd recommend Yoga for sure. Instant gratification, your muscles pop a bit, you can move better & you feel relaxed!
from dawnoftheday :
I LOVED your New Years entry. I felt like I was right there with you! Glad you decided to party despite your sickness, you guys needed to get out. As for your resolutions, don't change TOO much. I love you just as you are. (that sounded incredibly sappy, didn't it?) I'll call you.
from vla :
hee. I'm a wee bit hung over today, too. No better way to ring in the new year, right? Glad you got a kick out of my drunken entry. lord... I should've known better than to get on the computer. I'm glad you had a good night despite your cold. My boy was keeping up with us too, kleenex in hand. I had to force him to make out with me as it struck midnight. I hope I don't get sick, but it was worth it! So, Happy New Year! I hope 2005 is filled with great things for you and your family.
from candoor :
save your diary offline before you delete anything (please do not erase your life story... I know I mourn every word I've lost along the way)... and I hope you're feeling better, a little, at least... vitamins, daily... and rest and fluids and exercise and whatever it takes to relieve the stress (that's the only way to a healthy immune system)... you know all this, but I'll hen-peck a bit anyway... after all, you praise me so well (thanks :)
from dangerspouse :
Another note from me - time to squeal again! Hey, thanks for YOUR note, kiddo. I had no idea your husband had such low standards, but I'm flattered that he reads me anyway. I enjoyed going back and reading some of your older links. My favorite factoid gleaned from them: you wear an underwire bra. Woo hoo, boobies! My New Years celebration is now complete. Hope you guys had a good one too!
from younameit :
I sincerely share the sentiments of all the well wishers on this page, but..., DON'T YOU DARE delete your diary!! It is now a part of history (an excellent part of history, at that), and it is just plain immoral to delete history from the public record! I say this as an historian, so trust me! :-)
from dirtyliberty :
hey! 12.08am, so it's happy new year! i hope you feel better. i remember once i was so sick, and it was the kind of sick where you're lying in bed and you keep changing positions but it feels like the colours orange and pink are personified and battling it out in your head. horrible. hope you feel better than that :)
from dirtyliberty :
hey! 12.08am, so it's happy new year! i hope you feel better. i remember once i was so sick, and it was the kind of sick where you're lying in bed and you keep changing positions but it feels like the colours orange and pink are personified and battling it out in your head. horrible. hope you feel better than that :)
from oladybug0 :
Have a great New Years and feel better- lots of vitamin C. If you end up staying in at least get yourself a bunch of greasy junk food to eat.
from krugerpak007 :
Shame sweetie I hope you feel better. Here's to a good 2005 for you and Eric. Love you lots. xoxox Kathy
from goingloopy :
I too understand your desire to start fresh...but I do think that you should at least download or print a copy of everything so that you'll have it...or, just lock your archives. I think it would be a shame to lose all of your entries...they're beautiful, and you will want them later. Get well, enjoy the video game, and think of this as an opportunity to relax and recharge your batteries rather than running them down further by partying. Happy new year! :)
from jennlynn24 :
Happy New Year to you girl!!! feel better!!!! :) Bye Bye 2004, bring on 2005!!!
from vla :
Clarity, I’m sorry you’re sick; so is ke. What a bummer. Anyway, I loved this entry! Since I’m relatively new to your diary, most of those were new to me. And I for one hope you leave your old posts up, because I’m still catching up with all the stuff from your past… Your writing is beautiful and I’m really enjoying those older posts; it’s fascinating to me to read about your experiences in Germany in particular. Anyway, I understand your desire to start fresh, but I thought I’d toss my 2cents in. Hope you feel better & Happy New Year!
from sapphyr :
LoL! :-D It isn't very hard to trip on Nyquil in any form! At least you are able to have a sense of humor about it! I loved your year end review entry! Thanks for the good wishes for 2005! Take care!
from alwaysinhim :
Oh! and thanks for the sympathy, lol... as much as I wouldn't wish this fate on anyone.. I'm sooo very glad I'm not the only to have to suffer.
from alwaysinhim :
A blessed and fulfilling new year I wish you as well.
from thekirks :
Happy New Years clarity!
from atomicbuddha :
Happy New Year to you and Eric! That was a fabulous entry with all the links...and I hope you decide to keep your archive for those who have yet to discover the Clarity of 2004...but if you delete it, I totally understand too. You've got to do what's right for you. You've been very brave putting yourself out there and I think that really helps others to see that they can do it too. It's such a healing exercise to write about one's life. I think your diary inspires others to do that. Anyway, Jason and I and the doggies wish you and yours all the best in 2005.
from dawnoftheday :
and HAPPY NEW YEARS!
from dawnoftheday :
Okay, don't delete your archive until I'm finished reading it. I'm heading out to see my family but I'll be back this weekend to check out those links. They better still be there.:) I'm sorry you're sick, sweetie. I hope you feel better soon! I promise "I'll party hard for you". Don't you know it and sorry to hear about your sister killing your cat. haha
from girlsmad :
Hey sis, uh your fucking cat just puked on my shoes ( the new ones) . I stopped myself from breaking his neck when he spilled my grey goose, but...he just crossed the line. I just thought I'd let you know, michaels life will be ending as soon as I submit this note.
from alwaysinhim :
Okay, I'm sending stronger get better vibes your way. So I hope you're getting them this time lol... and thank you for another beautiful entry. Going through your entries has been a pleasure.. and in the entry about the meaning of life.. I say you are the meaning of it: another glorious living breathing version of it... I want to thank you for sharing it.
from sapphyr :
Whoa...cough syrup tripping! YIKES! I hope that you feel better and I hope that the new year brings you and Eric much happiness! Thanks for being great!
from goingloopy :
Being high on cough syrup rules...just not enough to make up for how bad being sick just blows. I'm glad you at least had a few moments of happy today though. One last thought...I had a moment kind of like yours, but I was the younger person. And I was 20, and found out a girl in one of my classes was turning 30. It totally opened my mind up. She's still my friend...(BFRB2 in my diary)...and she's the first person who made me realize how valuable it is to have diverse perspectives in your life.
from dawnoftheday :
I hope you feel better, that sucks that you're sick just before New Years. But maybe you and Eric can have a quiet romantic night together at home, with wine. There's always next year. Your description of the musical on the street had me laughing. you have to lay off the cough syrup! haha I love that Dave Matthews song
from ablossomfell :
I hope you feel better soon. It seems like everyone I know is sick and I was fighting a horrible flu virus just last week. Take care of yourself. -mk
from chakra-chick :
Thanks so much for the comment sweetie! In my opinion, a gift like a portriat means more than anything expensive...I wish I was creative enough to do gifts like that! Heres' to a promising 2005 (",)
from chakra-chick :
Hello my dear! Strange - I'm feeling pretty depressed too...and it's not only due to the South-east Asia disaster. I just cannot pin-point where all my depression and sadness is stemming from. Ah well, hopefully with the New Year looming, we will have fun and feel more positive about 2005... Hope that you fell good again sweetie! *smooches*
from irishblueyes :
hey honey, just wanted to wish you a happy belated holiday while i have a few minutes where i feel better enough to sit at the desk! just wanted to say i'm thinking about you and can't wait to catch up on all i've missed this past week or so.... ♥ kris
from pixie-grl :
I was reading your entry and had to laugh out loud at one part. The similarities between us sometimes are so funny. Bobby is always on my case because I keep things in for hours and stew on them. He always says that he has to ask me 20 times whats wrong and then finally 3 days later he hears, "There's something I've been thinking about..." Apparently he can relate to Eric on that one. Girls. We're a funny breed, aren't we???
from justamephit :
Green-eyed monster indeed but, oh, reading that made me cross, on your behalf. God, I can't stand women like that ... if we don't treeat other well, how can we expect men to treat us well? Still, I'm glad your husband saw right through her. And next time you see her, slap her :) Belatedly Merry Xmases by the way :)
from singlegirl :
Thank you Clarity. Not to sound cheesy, but you inspired me to make a donation as well. Like you, I didn't have much to give, but if everyone gave what they could, we could all make a world of difference. Thanks.
from vla :
I'm curious why Eric didn't just say those things about her right after the encounter? And, yes, everything right now seems to be colored by this terrible event. I keep thinking about it too.
from girlsmad :
"a new image will be coming soon". "soon" passed 3 weeks ago..cmon now girl.
from mzletty :
Underconstruction? omg! how? Happy New Years
from snoozie-girl :
want me to poke her eyes out for you?? ;)
from xanti :
Oh, my gosh! That was so unbelievably rude of her! I don't think I could have exercised that much restraint. I'd have had to at least make a snide remark. You're a much bigger person than it seems a lot of people. Good for you! Also, thanks for your last note. It made me feel a little better about it all. :) ((Hugs))
from cybil-522 :
Oh my GOD! Like one of your other readers said, you have much more self-control that I do! I would have looked her up & down & said, "I see...you MUST be an EX-girlfriend!" and then just laughed in her face or maybe like someone else also said, PUNCHED her in her stupid face! lol
from ilmomof3 :
Argh! What a ... not-nice-person! Can I come knock her down a peg or two?
from girlsmad :
"It's like being trapped in a boring independent foreign film without subtitles" haha. Ahh I loved your last 2 entries. I miss you so much
from goingloopy :
Women (and men) do that kind of shit because they are insecure. Let's face it, you're there with your hottie HUSBAND and she's clearly still single & looking. However, I don't blame you for your reaction. It's a respect thing...at some level, you wish Eric would have cut her ass off at hi, but then again, he did introduce you, and she went home alone. This reminded me of your entry about the guy hitting on you at the grocery store when this "perfect" chick was right in front of you. "Perfect" screams high-maintenance and fake...you are beautiful and real. Have faith in that, girlie. :)
from atomicbuddha :
I forgot to add that a similar situation happened to me within my first year of marriage with an EX of his and afterward I had a talk with Jason and NOW he understands how rude it was of him to not stop the overt flirting and to not work to include me in every ounce of the conversation. I asked him how he would feel if he was in the same situation and he saw how hurtful it must have been for me. I think the most self-confident girl on the planet would have doubts about herself and her relationship after an incident like this.
from atomicbuddha :
You have FAR more self-control than I Clarity. I would have decked her, seriously, what she pulled was just wrong. That negative experience would have stood out in my mind too. You have every right to be upset...and if Jason would have acted that nonchalant about it afterward, I would have been pissed at him as well. Seriously, it was rude on both of their accounts. (and I'm NOT trying to criticize your hubby, believe me, he probably just didn't have a clue what to do about it...but still...)
from scubafreak :
Jealousy is a funny thing, isn't it? Amazing all the self-doubt that comes toting along on its tail. It doesn't sound like you doubt your relationship with Eric, which is good. It shouldn't. The fact that it made you feel the way you described is natural. NO ONE would react differently. That chick was a bitch, and it appears as if Eric enjoyed the attention for the moment it lasted. I've been there before too (I think we all have), and this will most likely come to a head before it will move behind you.
from vla :
Oh, clarity, I got pissed off just reading that! I've been in situations like that before and it sucks. That woman was utterly out of line. I mean, who does that? If you ran into an "old friend" and found out he was married, wouldn't you be thrilled for him? And really want to meet his new wife? And what do you know! She's standing right there! So obviously her only intent was, um, non-friendly. So obviously your claws were out. I don't think that makes you jealousy exactly; I think it makes you human. And no offense to Eric, (who is obviously wonderful!) but I think sometimes boy tend to play dumb in situations like that because they feel uncomfortable and don’t know how to sort it out, you know? So instead of being direct and addressing the weirdness, they’re like: What? Are you jealous or something? And make it about us.
from pashiesplace :
What a witch she was to do that. Even moreso, disrespectful. I agree, Eric should have at the very least shortened the chat because she was disrespecting his wife. Your reaction was on target my dear.
from pixie-grl :
Fun having a hot husband, isn't it?! Don't get me wrong, I love having a guy like Bobby, but shit! I think we could do without all of the girls oogling all the time. You think? XOXO
from warcrygirl :
Eric should have put a stop to her nonsense after introducing you. It's inexcusable for her to behave like that and for him to allow it. I wouldn't worry too much tho, she does sound a little desperate for attention.
from chakra-chick :
Jealousy...'tis a finicky emotion, hey? Well, whose got Eric? You do sweetie and don't you ever forget that! Guess we all are prone to the green-eyed monster of jealousy - we are, after all only human. *smooches* Have a good day further
from rkwj1 :
Thanks for the kind note. That really meant a lot to me. I hope you're having a great holiday. Fröhliche Weihnachten! later,ROB
from lauralgood :
Hugs you. and don't be jealous...who did he go home with? She wants YOUR husband not the other way around. Hugs and Love. Laural
from lettynow :
Im not done catching up! Im barely reading your last entry!! I wish I sould have stopped you! ALEXANDer is the worse movie ever made!!!! Oh tobad Im reading this to late Iwould have saved you three hours of your life!!
from chakra-chick :
Glad to read that you had such a great Christmas. You are so lucky to have someone like Eric in your life...he seems really sweet and wonderful. I wish you nothing but happiness in the future, dear Clarity. *smooches* Farzanah
from clrmehppygrl :
Don't you love when your husband completely surprises you like that? One year, for my birthday, the first one after our son was born, we couldn't afford anything at all. I was dreading my birthday. And that morning, after I'd moped around, I got in my car to go to work, and there was the latest Ani Difranco CD, and a card with plans for dinner. He'd put aside money from his checks for a few months so that I could have a happy birthday. I cried too, don't feel bad. I'm so happy to see that your Christmas was still full of joy and love. I knew it would be! *wink*
from sapphyr :
I'm glad that your holiday turned out lovely!
from goingloopy :
THAT'S SO COOL about the I-pod....and I love your Christmas tree. Festive, yet easily disposed of if needed...plus, it's little, so you could keep it a while and it wouldn't be in the way. ;)
from insanegerbil :
you're the perfect big sister.not a goody two-shoes or aloof snob, or utter fuck up.
from dawnoftheday :
Listen to you speaking German! sounds good to me, although..I had no idea what the hell you said! oh and I liked the picture in the other entry. You guys are so cute together, I miss you both. That's so cool about the Ipod! Eric is awesome. I wasn't as lucky with my guy, he gave me this lame pink sweater and then he ditched me on christmas eve. Yeah, it's over with us now. But my Mom is doing better, So christmas was okay. I'm glad you guys had fun and made the best of it. I'm thinking about your family.
from cagedfreedom :
hey!! so glad u had a wonderfulll xmas. Yay for sweet guys right? U gotta tell me how u like ure Ipod! Jay had diane get me this necklace with a diamond "J" pendant so i "won't forget about him". Gosh! so sweet. Anyways I wanted to thank u for the TJ Maxx present, oh man you KNOW i can't WAIT to go! And now i'm off to make some sims 2 people!! lol:) yeah me and aurora are really official losers now. talk soon:) love you!
from dirtyliberty :
it's great you had such an amazing christmas despite everything that might make it a bad one ! christmas time in germany sounds magical, and eric sounds really nice! have a good new year
from nightmare54 :
Merry Christmas!! Steph has a new Ipod too and just loves it! I was so tearing up reading about your love for Eric! (Ever see a fat man weep...pitiful I tell ya) Anyway, I believe the song Eric and Peter was dancing to was AC/DC "She's got the JAck...She gave me the Queen She gave me the King She was wheelin' and dealin' Just doin' her thing She was holdin' a pair But I had to try Her Deuce was wild But my Ace was high But how was I to know That she'd been dealt with before Said she'd never had a Full House But I should have known From the tattoo on her left leg And the garter on her right She'd have the card to bring me down If she played it right She's got the jack, she's got the jack She's got the jack, she's got the jack She's got the jack, she's got the jack She's got the jack, she's got the jack She's got the jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack, jack She's got the jack Have a great new Year!!
from tigerlily21 :
I hope you had a wonderful Christmas! Thank you for the note.. Have a wonderful week, and if I don't say this before then..a wonderfully Happy New Year!! *hugs* Jen
from vla :
Oh, I loved your Christmas entry, Clarity! That was great. It was so cool to hear your Christmas wishes in German. And you got an ipod! Even better, an amazingly sweet husband.
from alwaysinhim :
My prayers for you and yours said.
from pashiesplace :
I don't think I've ever told you just how much I love your entries. They always put me right *there* beside you, feeling as if I'm living the experiences with you. Hugs & Merry Christmas!
from colorgrey :
Can I love Eric too? I already love you... Merry Christmas, friend.
from xanti :
Sounds like you had a very nice picturesque Christmas! That was very sweet of Eric to get you the i-Pod...I would've cried too. In fact, I almost cried reading it. :) I didn't get to hear the voices though...My parent's computer is going screwy. I'll listen to it when I get back to college on my own computer with functioning speakers. Take care & merry Christmas!
from culotte :
Clarity...your accent is adorable. But Eric, is he Bavarian? xo, -G
from dangerspouse :
Hey babe, thanks for the nice note - and I loved YOUR picture, too! Kick-ass scarf :) I hope you have a wonderful, Merry Christmas, with presents and wursts under the tree...well, as many as a 1-foot tall Charlie Brown tree can hold. Ciao, Bella!
from candoor :
it's great to see the support you give each other (as someone spending too much time alone I say - please know how lucky you are to have each other)... it can be a challenge, but there is something good to be found or done in just about every moment... keep the spirit through the new year... perspective is everything and I hope you continue to grow into your positivity about life, where you are, and yourselves :)
from myownjourney :
Heya Clarity. Merry Christmas to you too. I hope you have a great one. :) - Ricky
from kiosh :
Hallo Eric! Ich möchte gerade sagen, daß ich Sie viel schätze. Vor diese Anmerkung schrieben Sie mir für mich einige Zeit Mittel soviel, danke für das... Auch ich möchte wünschen, daß Sie frohe Feiertage haben und dieses 2005 Ihnen Lose Glück, Frieden und besten Sachen holt. Empfangen Sie viel Liebe und Umarmungen! Lächeln! Sagen hallo zu Clarity! (und entschuldigen Sie bitte mein defektes Deutsches!)
from pashiesplace :
Merry Christmas!
from lonelylatina :
thanks for the idea on how to dress 70's style...Merry Christmas :)
from vla :
Thanks for your note, clarity. And yay! A christmas bonus! That's cool. I hope you & Eric enjoy your holiday together... We're doing it pretty low key this year too. I hope you're able to enjoy yourselves. I know it must be so hard to be away from your family; I think it's so great that you want to be with them so much though, you know? A lot of people don't. Anyway, cheers!
from coldandgray :
Thank you. Merry Merry!
from kiosh :
Howdy! ;0) Please tell Eric that his entry was great, I enjoyed it so much! On the other hand, it's great that you're in a joyous mood and enjoying what the holidays are all about - Having a good time, sharing with loved ones and having love and wishes of peace in your heart. Thank you for your email for many reasons... By the way, I love that picture of you and Eric (are you guys gorgeous or what?!)... One of the best things this year was meeting you and having your friendship and all. You're special and important for me! I want to wish you a Merry Christmas and a wonderful 2005, full of happiness and peace. Tons of extra special silver diamond covered hugs and lots of love! =0)
from snoozie-girl :
glad to hear you are happy for christmas now. is it cold over there? it sucks over here -21F this morning. yuck! i have a question & maybe you can help. how did you get "Carpe diem" at the top blue bar of your diary. mine just says my web address. i wanted to type something up there. have a merry christmas & you already have the best present - your boy!!
from betchy :
i am so glad i can make you smile *pats self on back* yay me! i really hope you have a fantasic christmas, you have very quickly become one of my favourite d-land buddies. i am glad that you found me or i found you, or we found each other! whichever way it was. enjoy the holidays, will be thinking of you. loads of xmas hugs and love xxx
from alwaysinhim :
I am glad that I can contribute to your well-being in some small way. It gives me something special to do. and I like doing something special for special people like yourself. You are always more than welcome.
from chakra-chick :
Hi sweetie. I'm really glad that you have decided to 'get into the festive mood'. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas. Much Love, *smooches* Farzanah
from clrmehppygrl :
*does the happy-joyful-yay-for-Christmas-bonuses dance of glee* I'm so thrilled for the two of you! I've noticed that somehow, some way, things work out during the holidays just like they should. May not be as planned, but still happy. I love the picture of you two, also. Very cute. Merry Christmas, Clarity.... you deserve it.
from katm6 :
I'm so glad you are going to attend Christmas parties after all! Enjoy your time off and let people be nice to you! Fabulous scarf, if I do say so myself. ;-) *hugs*
from xanti :
Yay for the Christmas bonus and the little tree! Have fun at the parties! ((Hugs))
from dirtyliberty :
sorry if the whole reading diary thing freaked you, if it made you uncomfortable i wont read your diary...have a merry christmas anyways
from thekirks :
Have a merry merry christmas hon!
from atomicbuddha :
Have a VERY MERRY Christmas. Isn't it nice sometimes to not have to do family things and buy a bunch of presents but to get back to the simplicity of the season? loving, laughing, being? Great picture by the way...you REALLY look like a blonde Claire Danes in it...you both make a beautiful couple!!
from goingloopy :
YAY for Christmas bonuses that render you at least partially solvent (I was thrilled to get mine, too!) You guys have a great x-mas, and celebrate like hell with your friends. BUT get your work done first....hehehe. Love, Loopy
from drbigbeef :
Thanks for the note. When I first saw Run Lola Run, I rented it from a Blockbuster is South Jesus. The woman who checked me out said "You know this has subtitles, right?" Uh, yeah, you may have a problem reading, but I've almost got that skill mastered. Cheers, DBB
from dawnoftheday :
Eric, I always enjoy your guest appearances, you should do that more often. That was very informative. Dont worry, I don't hate Germany. I'm still planning to visit you guys next year. who is Mr Important?
from culotte :
great entry Eric. It should be required reading for uninformed americans. tschüß, Gentry the Germanophile
from wordsofmine :
Thanks for stopping by! Ah yes, the holiday insanity. This year is seeming to be the easiest yet since we are choosing not to participate. So other than having to wait in lines at the stores or deal with the traffic. I'm smiling and this is a good thing. Have a wonderful holiday.
from insanegerbil :
doodle your friends a personal christmas card.they're your friends, they'll understand the cash thing.anyways, a real friend gives without expecting anything in return.they sound like real friends.
from xanti :
My family has always done the present opening on Christmas Eve, so that really doesn't shock me. That's neat how they do it though. By the same token, it's fully understandable in your financial situation to not exchange gifts. ((HUGS)) <--Those, however, may be freely exchanged. As for the thong, that would embarrass me enough to make my face red for the larger portion of the day. That is a difficult feat to accomplish. Wow. At least it wasn't lying around in the hall all day. Take care!
from cats-corner :
-fact: My family has always celebrated Christmas "the German way." My maternal grandfather was full-blooded German, and when Mom married Dad, they just kept up the traditions of her family. It's funny because I've always viewed X-mas Eve as "the big day" and Christmas Day as -- well, the big let down!
from lauralgood :
Darling! I just saw before sunset too! it was awesome. Todd (Picseanlore) told me about it and i got it the same night! oh god do let me live to fuck both of the stars in that movie...smiles. love laural
from goingloopy :
I'm not saying that all Germans are rude, but some of the descriptions you give about how they treat their fellow humans make their over-the-top Christmas celebrations seem rather ironic.
from goingloopy :
One day of Christmas is bad enough. It's funny that the Germans celebrate for three days, when they're so rude the rest of the time....and the undies story rules. I thought my occasional dryer sheet in the pantleg was bad. ;)
from sapphyr :
*LoL* The thong story is priceless! And no, you don't look like an emaciated gelfling! As far as skipping Christmas, I understand. It seems to be so far from the meaning these days. Isn't Christmas supposed to be about love, kindness and caring? Take it from someone that has had lousy and lonely Christmases, as long as you and Eric have each other that is the most important thing.
from culotte :
Clarity, I love reading your entries. And I laughed out loud about The Thong Incident. This is a terrible holiday for me too. I keep reminding myself that "it's always darkest before the dawn."
from pisceanlore :
Hiya. I'm glad you liked Before Sunrise and Before Sunset. Those are my 2 favorite movies now, I just discovered them this month. I did an entry on them a few updates back if you want something more in-depth about my feelings there. And I agree with your feelings on Christmas. My family isn't doing much this year, we don't even have our little midget tree up yet.
from dawnoftheday :
I wish I could have seen your expression when your boss handed you your thong! I agree with you about christmas being commercial and stupid, but I can't believe your skipping it all together. You can't do that! I know your bummed out about being away from your family this season, but keep your chin up, clarity. I know your christmas is going to be wonderful regardless of how little money you have. By the way, I loved before sunrise. I haven't seen the second one yet. I have to rent it now. I'll call you on christmas!
from jennlynn24 :
I jsut read your entire entry and even with the xmas marathon in germany and the thong thing.. what i took out of the entry was THE DARK CRYSTAL.. i LOVE LOVE LOVE that movie.. havent seen it since highschool... random yes..... but i blame it on the wine-o! ha! i loved the sketch and have a very merry christmas clarity! post more pics, will ya!!!p.s. what did you get ERic for xmas? What do you think he got you? :) Smile Ms. BahHUMbug! :) I love ya!
from grngrl75 :
No matter how you spend your holiday...have a merry christmas.
from coldandgray :
I love that drawing of you. Can you shrink it 100x100 to use as your profile image? I had to wait NINE years to see if the couple from Before Sunrise got back together...
from coldandgray :
Inspiring post. I am excited for Colleen to vist (that is my name, too).
from katm6 :
I'm so glad that Colleen is going to get a chance to visit you. Thanks for your prayers for Erich. He's out of the hospital and doing well. I shall pray for Colleen to get her wish of a day (or even more) w/o pain, and I'll pray for a miracle. *hugs*
from candoor :
a hug for all you left behind, a hug for the challenges you face... a hug for all you've yet to find, a hug for the dreams you chase... a hug for the challenges you overcome, a hug for learning to appreciate... a hug for your heart and the love it sends (for love is never too late :)
from all-on-paper :
Wow, thanks for the note. I'm very flattered. And yes, Jon Stewart *is* the funniest. I go into withdrawl if we forget to pay the Directv bill and lose Comedy Central for a week or two. After reading only a few of your entries I had to add you as a favorite. Especially after reading Flashback: 1996... Great writing.
from kiosh :
That's the right attitude hon! It makes me happy to hear you're feeling better. You totally inspire me with what you write. You're great wonderful & smashing! Hope you got my email! Remember I'm always with you. Much love and cherry cola hugs! =0)
from kilowatt :
“I can live for two months on a good compliment.” ~ Mark Twain ~ I am shocked, amazed and so extremely flattered regarding your level of appreciation for my meager attempts at creating an online presence. “A compliment is a gift, not to be thrown away carelessly unless you want to hurt the giver.” ~ Eleanor Hamilton ~ I am honored by your words of esteem for my diary. I thank you for your considerate nature, exquisite generosity, and for making the time to read my words. May your day be filled with ceaseless beauty, wonder, and amazement.
from lauralgood :
growing up and becoming an adult...we are both doing it! I am so happy you can be happy for what you have. it is a gift that you can give to yourself. I have been trying to give it to myself, too. I am going to follow your example. You are a wonderful role model for us all. Laural
from goingloopy :
YAY that your friend is well enough to travel & is coming to visit...reading that entry about her made me cry. And I'm so glad you've decided to get over the Christmas funk. It's just a day, dude. You & Eric can just enjoy the day off and be each other's present... ;) At least you did get to spend some time with your family, whether or not it was quite Christmas yet. Actually, that was probably preferable. (At least in my dysfunctional little world....hehehe.)
from dawnoftheday :
I really liked your last entry. It was kind of a wake up call, I was so caught up in all the christmas bullshit..thanks for putting things in the right perspective. that's great that Colleen will be visiting. I miss you.
from sapphyr :
*Slapping forehead* Whoa, FERBY! That is a blast from the past! You are a brave woman to have lived to tell that tale. There was a riot here in Ohio at Wal-Mart where two women got into a fist fight for one!
from starlight42 :
Last night sounds like a lot of fun- rhymes & drinking! Also, wanted to wish you Happy Holidays & much happiness for you & your family in 2005.
from dirtyliberty :
it's always so weird looking through old diaries and notes...makes me remember so much, even though everyone tends to block out a lot of stuff. and sorry about your leg, occasionally i get sudden spasms up my arms and its owchowch. i hope you feel better and christmas will probably be much better than you think .. and thanks for the notes :)
from juddhole :
Coincidentally enough, I've had my fair share of Tequila tonight. Kat's right, whomever you're mailing will certainly do handsprings no matter what you send or when, trust this.
from clrmehppygrl :
I'm sorry to hear that your holiday is feeling so crappy. If I could mail you some cheer, I would do so gladly. If you don't want to update, don't. I think you and Eric just need to spend a day, alone, together, not leaving the apartment, and just revelling in each other's company with a good bottle of wine, or steaming pot of hot chocolate. Something. Spend the whole day naked in bed, even! *smile* I just hope you feel better.
from katm6 :
Completely drunk off my ass, not that you're not used to that, but ;-) Sweetie, anybody here in the U.S.A. will understand if you don't spend four bucks to send a freaking Christmas card. Tis the season and all that. Anybody to whom you are sending a card will be thrilled to get it whenever you can afford to send it. And you know what? If they have e-mail, they'll appreciate a nice and free e-mail card just as much, because you know what, it is truly the thought that counts. Love you, Kathleen
from nightmare54 :
I was doing an install for my company a couple of years ago, and we were driving around Oakland CA. looking for a place to eat lunch, when out of nowhere, this compound popped up. I yelled at the top of my lungs to "stop the fucking car!!!" Yes it was the gates to the illustrious PIXAR studios. I will email you a picture of the front gate I took, to serve as motivation, and to remind you that you are in total control of your future. DAMN THE MAN!! Keep smiling, the world will wonder what you're up to!
from cats-corner :
I'm really sorry about not being able to mail your packages Clarity. I'm sorry this season is sucking so much...I'm sorry you're so busy at work...I'm sorry about your brother and your dad... :-( I just wish there were some way to make things better. *Hugs* Love, cat
from coldandgray :
I truly wish I could skip xmas altogether. I am with you: it is HARD! oxox
from sapphyr :
Tequila? Ahhh, fond memories of the Pacific coast of Mexico...good job! I'm sorry about the packages and cards. Maybe she's wrong about shipping. Don't give up I've sent international packages and they've arrived within days. But the olives, that made me smile. Hugs to you!
from pixie-grl :
Hey, if you leave us again, I may just have to get my lazy ass on a plane and hunt you down! Do me a favor, if you don't mind, email me where I can send you a Christmas card. I have one put aside for you and Eric. Cheer up, old chap! XOXO
from lauralgood :
Extra olives! Capital idea! I love you. Keep smiling as much as you can. Laural
from vla :
I don't think you're whining or pitiful at all. And I like reading your entries so much even if you think they're depressing or what ever. They're about life, right? And it's not always roses for any of us. It's relatable. Plus, I miss you when you take breaks!
from singlegirl :
I'm sorry that you will be missing your family over the holidays. I imagine it will be hard. But, just think - the holidays will be over soon enough. And don't worry about whining - everyone has hard times in their life, expressing how you feel in your diary (whether it's private or not) is what you're supposed to do.
from daze-of-rain :
Michael Jackson moves? Ummm Clarity...You aren't hiding a seven year old boy in your flat right? OH!! DANCE MOVES....lol right right. As for this survey...you are so going to have your loyal readers disliking me for causing such stress. lol
from goingloopy :
I know how you feel...I'm sure it's close to what I experienced after two days of step aerobics. Icy Hot sleeves (they're really for your knees, but whatever), Aleve, and stretching. A massage never hurt either, Eric. ;) Hope it gets better soon, chickie.
from heelandlass :
I only ever get cramp in my calves and I only ever get it in teh depths of night. It starts as a nice tingle and then attacks you. It's really horrible. I just stick my leg right out and grab my muscles and massage them as much as I can. It's truly horrible - the first time was the worst. It doesn't get any easier either. Maybe just try to remember to stretch off a bit if you've over worked your calf muscles - I get it a lot if I walk in really flat shoes, or stand up doing something.
from nightmare54 :
The quickest way to get rid of a cramp...and this is goingot sound crazy but I promise it works better then streching. You have to hit the cramp as hard as you can with either your fist or something heavy, like a hammer, or rolling pin, or a big stick. Yes it hurts like hell, yes I have cried from the pain. Yes it works and the cramp won't retun like it has a tendency to do with just streching. I don't blame you if you don't want to try but I have convinced a lot of football players, just by doing it to them while they rolled around on the ground in pain. I would just make a fist, watch their face for the shock of what I was about to do and then the smile after it quit hurting almost immediatly. I swear as god as my witness this works. and on a side note...a train compartment? NICE!!
from chakra-chick :
I know how your legs must hurt. I had a similar experience a week ago- I overdid it at Gym and pulled something in both my calves. It took about 5 days for me to start walking normally. Just try to stretch them out as often as you can handle it. Hope you feel better soon dear! Take Care *smooches*
from imaphatpig :
I heard bittersweet symphony on the RADIO last night (that NEVER happens in my experience) and I thought of you. Just thought you would like to know that.
from lettynow :
Okay, I took your quiz, thats cool!!!
from lettynow :
Clarity, you are an artist in the true sense of the word, You make people feel. I cannot believe you wrote all that when you were what 16!! You just have a way with words. Your bad
from alwaysinhim :
amazing.
from lonelylatina :
what happened to him? why did he feel that he had to take his life?
from cats-corner :
It could be the fact that I'm in a highly sensitized state of emotion...nah, I still think it's the power of your entry. Beautiful and heart-wrenching at the same time. Much like life, no? -cat
from nightmare54 :
Wow you never cease to amaze me with your writing. Quite the tear jerker. And if you've never seen a 6'2" 300lb man reduced to tears because of something so beautiful as what you just wrote...well it is a sight on to itself. You astonish me at every single turn.
from coldandgray :
That lump in my throat just got bigger. That was a real special entry, Clarity. A perfect tribute.
from pixie-grl :
You're discription of Jim reminds me a lot of Bobby. Down to every last detail. I have never lost anyone that close to me before, but I can imagine how the pain sticks with you for an eternity. My thoughts are with you, sweetie. Sending hugs! XOXO
from goingloopy :
Beautiful entry, girlie. And what do you mean, you're not as descriptive? You're the most descriptive D-lander I know. You've inspired ME to be more descriptive....and by the way, finding a note like that would have just ripped me apart, too.
from katm6 :
Yes, I'm a firm believer that men and women can be friends. I think it depends on the maturity level of the man and the woman though. A lot of men will say NO NEVER because the man is always thinking about having sex with the women, but I think that's an indication of the type of man they are. I have male friends with whom there is nothing but friendship. In fact, a few years ago, this woman who was supposed to be dating a friend of mine told the friend that he should date me. We both had the same response, Eeeewwww! It's not that we thought the other person ugly or unattractive, it's just that we had never considered the other person in that way and still haven't to this day. And yes, a single man can be friends with a married woman - but it depends on his motives.
from betchy :
you're welcome for the note, i just didnt want you to go on thinking that Alexander was the victim after what he did to you ((hugs)). loved the entry about the movie of your life. i love all your entries actually. you are amazing x
from weymouth66 :
Thanks for the note! I've just checked out your film cast - love that you chose Brittany Murphy to play yourself, she is one of my favourite film actors. Re casting your little sister, I have the perfect actress - Rachel Appleton, who played Young Lara Croft. She looks like the photo of young Christina you posted, and she is the right age now! Love Jess x x
from kiosh :
Hello hon! Aaaah... I enjoy your diary so much! ~ I made your quiz and got a 70! Yay! I must confess some questions were easy and some others were a bit hard... Mind if I copy your idea? ~ I strongly believe in the platonic shadow, blokes and girls can be friends without any other intention. Three of my best friends are girls! ~ I was checking the cast for your movie and I think it would be a killer movie. No matter what you say you have an interesting life. Brittany would be great in the role of Clarity! I see it as a very artistic and touching movie with some vintage touches but very modern... ~ Never, never supress the light and beauty inside (and outside) of you because of others. You have a sparkling soul so never let anyone make you feel otherwise. You're wonderful girl! ~ Thank you so much for your note! By the way, you owe me the Kiosh quiz answers! *Wink* Ha ha ha. ~ Lots of Homogenic hugs!
from jennlynn24 :
I should have held off on taking your personal quiZ, YA "Walter" just stopped by.. i started doing well then its like i panicked (i always hated multiple choice questions in school... lol) Love yA! :)
from cats-corner :
Thank you Clarity, I deeply appreciate having your support. *Hug* Love, cat-a-log
from miss-shirty :
Just wanted to tell you how touched I was by your note:). Oh, and I have a close male friend who is married... and I sort of believe that we can be close freinds without alterior motive BECAUSE sex isn't in the picture. There are no mixed feelings or awkward tensions to create barriers between us. Anyway, I guess it's kind of one of those age old questions. -miss shirty.
from dawnoftheday :
Man, Eric cracks me up. "Caviar?" "Russia?" "a prositute?". That was fun..What's up with the last question?! this is news to me! But you know, I could almost picture it..ALMOST. Glad you got all that cleared up with the car, can't believe you're skipping christmas though. I wont allow that. and concerning men and woman being friends. In your case, NO! It's not your fault, It's just how it is. Guys just want more than friendship with you. It's a compliment, really. I Miss you
from weymouth66 :
Hey, I'm a single fella and have several dear friends who are women, all of whom are either married or in LTRs. Trust me - When Harry Met Sally doesn't mean jack. Loved reading your diary, I'll defo be back. Lots of love, Jess x x
from dirtyliberty :
thanks for the notes! man I hate certain parties where you feel so out of place. I sometimes get shy with people but they interpret it that I'm a snob. Grrr.ah! just got 90 on the quiz. good thing about the car being fixed too. xxx
from scubafreak :
I understand what you mean about money not buying happiness, but it is still something I'd like to prove myself! I think that men and women can be friends. If there's an attraction between the two, and you are calling yourselves "friends" as a matter of situation, then no, it will get ugly. My best friends are guys. The relationships are lighter, involving less drama, and fulfilling in an entirely different way.
from cybil-522 :
Ok, I took your quiz. I did horrible. I really do read your stuff. I knew the sushi one! Ask Nightmare, I just have a super crappy memory! Sorry, sweetie!
from goingloopy :
Well, I thought Bad Santa was funny. But then again, I was mega-wasted at the time, so probably ANYTHING would have been funny...if there are any other options available, pick one. But if not, just get super-drunk first. :) And I have NO IDEA why I get these bizarre google hits....
from pixie-grl :
The men & women thing, nah can't happen. Not in my experience anyway. Even if your significant other is fine with it and feelings don't go past the amicable line, people talk a lot of shit. So glad that the car is better now! I was starting to worry for you. Isn't it ironic how things happen like that right at the most inopportune time? Don't you think??? XOXO
from goingloopy :
I do think men & women can be friends...people are people. I think having a diverse group of friends is important...it gives you a different perspective on so many things. Also, I'm so glad the car got fixed and Gutrud didn't freak too badly. ;) Finally, I suck at quizzes too. I did accidentally click the wrong thing once, though.
from daze-of-rain :
I have to add that, of course this requires a trusting husband and good intentions...If I could trust my husband and he'd not proven over and over that I can't...He'd be more than free to have female friends he hung out with.
from daze-of-rain :
I agree...men and women CAN be friends...if there is an attraction on either side it becomes more difficult...but it IS possible. Some of my closest friends are men. And even since I was married...And although some of those situations are muddled and complex and...even messy...Some of them are easy, relaxed and just plain good.
from vla :
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say yes, I totally think men and women can be friends without there necessarily having to be something sexual about the relationship. But I think the boundaries have to be clear upfront, I guess. I think oftentimes the friendships that workout best like that are ones that started out when you were younger, you know? I guess it seems more difficult to start one off when you’re both adults… It seems sad though. It seems like we should get to be friends with anyone, but we’re afraid of what it may look like or be perceived as, you know? I don’t know. It’s kind of a tricky issue because you could begin to lean on another man or woman in a way that you really should be leaning on your significant other though… It’s complicated.
from ilmomof3 :
While I totally understand why Europeans feel the way they do about our government, I think it's crappy that they make each individual person who happened to be born in the USA feel like crap without bothering to check in to see if our "representative" government actually *is*. I really work hard not to buy into stereotypes; I consider it my work as a human being. It's too bad that doesn't seem to be universal. ::hugs::
from katm6 :
I have to agree with Eric on the Kevin Spacey/Beckham issue. While Beckham is undeniably HOT, Kevin Spacey does have depth and is an amazing actor. And I find him extremely attractive - not HOT, but something more profound which strikes a more important chord than just hotness.
from chakra-chick :
Hi there... Thank you so much for the note. I'm so pleased that you enjoyed my list-I enjoyed compiling it. You recent entry is so cool...I'm actually doing that with my cast page- but I'm more concerned with 'characters' rather than appearances (because there are no actors/actresses of the 'Indian' nature that many people will know!). Have a lovely day further Farzanah
from augustdreams :
I love your movie-of-your-life survey! I'm going to have to borrow that one. I think Claire Danes would make a good Clarity, but she's not as beautiful as the real thing. :) I don't think I look like anyone famous. (Ernie from Sesame Street, maybe. We've both usually got big, happy smiles over silly things like our Rubber Duckies. Heehee!)
from xanti :
Oo. The movie thing was neat. And I agree with you. David Beckham does look more like your hubby than Kevin Spacey...Of course, when in doubt one could always call upon the talents of Johnny Depp and dye his hair blonde. :) Anyway, take care! ((Hugs))
from schmutzie :
I was browsing through diaries and came across yours. I really like the way you express yourself. I'll be back!
from girlsmad :
but i completely agree with the rest of the cast.
from girlsmad :
dude. i don't look like fucking gwen stefani...holy fucking shit. Now I want to kill myself even more than a did a second ago.
from warcrygirl :
Thanks for adding me to your favorites! Loved your entry, I look forward to reading your other entries.
from lettynow :
That entry was so good I agree with you about beckham, Sorry eric!! As for you claire daines deffinately!! Amber I had already imagined as wednesday before I scrolld down! Loved that Good luck with the car thing lett know!!! Luv Ya
from krugerpak007 :
I have to agree with the peron below.... I loved your movie entry. thanks for making me smile. Thanks for your encouraging notes. Thanks for being you clarity dear. Take care and have a good weekend. With Eric. lots of love Kathy
from heelandlass :
It's 3.26am here in Scotland and I've just read your 'film of your life' entry. I have yet to read an entry of yours that doesn't make me smile/laugh/get teary. Maybe all at once. Great entry, you're an inspiration you know that?
from sapphyr :
I loved your last entry! It was so fun! Good luck on Sunday! ~S.
from lauralgood :
oh wow! I wish i resembled the beautiful Ms. Joplin...I was just listening to her last night and thinking how hot she was...smiles. you made my day! love laural
from jennlynn24 :
You are so amazing! i am glad you are "back".. have a great day!
from juddhole :
Hey, thanks. I hope you know that Matt Damon would be kicking the shit out of Christopher Walken and protecting the lovely Pink, if he had the chance. Good luck with that dude, btw.
from irishblueyes :
That was such a great entry, i was going to do it last night after i read judd's entry and will definately do it now...you are so right about laural looking like janis, it's weird, but you're right, prettier. and i take no offense to looking like katie holmes, i was a mega dawson's creek fan when i was younger, and i never thought about it, but there is a resemblance....now i have something to do for the afternoon!
from pixie-grl :
Super model, huh? Wow thanks!!! You're such a dork!!!!! :)
from lonelylatina :
i applaud eric's choice. kevin spacey is a great actor. i believe claire danes should play you but i'm sure you are much more beautiful. i love the idea of christopher watkins playing alexander, that's great casting :)
from cats-corner :
I'm really sorry everything is so difficult for you right now. *Hug* -cat
from imaphatpig :
I feel for you and the whole Alexander situation. I used to work in a mental hospital where people would be at their worst so I know how bad it can get. I dealt with them all the time and I know how taxing it can be on your emotions and your mind. Good luck with it! In my experience, the best way to handle it - and this is both good and bad - is to interact with them in "their world." This is good because it can really calm them down but it's bad because it can REALLY encourage them and that's not necessarily a good thing to do. Still - it can buy you time and courage to deal with them. Good luck!
from goingloopy :
Thanks for the linkage, girlie. It sucks that your instincts about Alexander were correct, but if he permanently fucks off, that will be a good thing. I've had those days too...go home after work, have a big drink, and sleep.
from xanti :
Yep. I've had those kind of days before, and they suck. I'm sorry you had to go through another run-in with Alexander. Just thinking about facing something like that scares me. Hopefully you can avoid him. ((HUGS))
from dirtyliberty :
hey thanks for the note. and i always hate when i pass homeless people but i have no money, especially when people walk by and laugh, because granted some do it for a job, just pretend to be homeless...which i hate because they only have to PRETEND. they don't know what it's like. and about alexander, don't feel bad for trying to get away from him...and i don't think anyone can save alexander but himself. octavia xx
from betchy :
i loved that entry it really made me think. i also went back and read that entry about Alexander. honey, it probably is his fault he's schizophrenic. where i work i have to dael with people that have mental health problems every single day. i have been on courses about it and all sorts, and do you know that 94% of all schizophrenics have been heavy drug users in the past? whether its pot, heroin, acid, whatever. 94% is extremely high. no-one forced him to take drugs when he was younger, so it is his fault. and dont think that you are wrong to not feel sympathy toward him. people with such a severe condition as him are a danger to themselves and others. you shouldnt feel sorry for someone who chose to get completely off their face and is now suffering the consequences. do people feel sorry for you when you have a hangover? no. they say its self inflicted. its the same sort of thing, just on a larger scale. oh and thanks for the note about the film yesterday, i really was satring to think i had made it up in my head!
from katm6 :
Dear God, Clarity, my heart is pumping madly away with fear and I'm in the States. I'd say you have every reason to avoid Alexander and that does not make you a bad person. Most people don't see a homeless person and think "There, but for the grace of God, go I." And it seems like it's always the people who can least afford it who are willing to give to those less fortunate. You are a good person and don't let anybody tell you otherwise. I hope the trip to the post office wasn't hellish! *hugs*
from krugerpak007 :
My sentiments exactly. Where has all the love gone? I hope you guys manage to have a happy Christmas anyway. At least you have each other right? You are such a wonderful person. Never for get that! xoxoxo Kathy
from darktruth :
Thanks, Clarity. Even just a little thing like a note of encouragement in the middle of a horrible week can make things seem inherently good, even if just for a few minutes. But it's definitely worth the effort. Also, I read your entry today and thought what you did was sweet. So anyway, thank you again. Brett
from daze-of-rain :
I understand how you are torn about Alexander...But truly, you did the right thing. He has no reason to expect anything more from you. If he actually IS on medication and apologetic for his past behavior he'll be understanding if you see him again...If he is angry about it...then that shows he's not stable anyhow and you most certainly did the right thing. Mental illness is sad, and it is scary...and I understand your compassion...but the point is that it IS illness and it cannot be controlled by the person who has it. You did the right thing, I state again.
from clrmehppygrl :
It's so nice to come home from a day of dealing with difficult people, and read your entry about being compassionate and being understanding towards your fellow humans. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one that FEELS anything anymore. I know Christmas is hard. Hubby and I are skipping out on gifts for each other until after the holidays so that we can get everyone else things for under the tree. And we got one of those Salvation Army Angels and bought gifts for him. Chistmas is about the ones you love, not the "things" you want. I know you know that, but once and a while, life has to bop us over the head to remember the simpler things. And about Alexander, I don't think you did the wrong thing. He has threatened you, Schitzophrenic (sp?) or not, a threat is a threat. Don't feel bad.
from goingloopy :
I have a slightly different perspective on the homeless, given the neighborhood I live in. However, what the guy did to that poor woman was really unnecessary and hateful. You can say no and be polite about it. As for the Alexander thing...there is a line between feeling sympathy and self-preservation. You have every right to avoid him. There is no reason to put yourself in a dangerous situation. He needs to get help, and if you know he's medicated and willing to make amends, and you are NOT ALONE WITH HIM, that's one thing. An encounter with as many variables as the one you described...not a good idea. You did the right thing.
from nightmare54 :
Don't sweat it sweetness, it is only money! and you and Eric are destined to change the world! I guarantee it! Besides if you would just tell everyone that you're now accepting paypal I bet you'd get enough cash from your readership to pay for the car repair and have enough left over for a sushi feast! Just a thought. But if you take me seriously I'll be the first to help out a struggling artist(s).
from grngrl75 :
I, too, went back and read the story of Alexander. You have/had every right to be afraid of him. You shouldn't feel bad about that, even if it isn't his fault. It doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you human.
from xanti :
I went back and read the story about Alexander, and it was so chilling. I don't blame you for running, no matter what it does to him. Your gut was screaming at you to leave, and it is seldom wrong. As for the homeless lady and the freezing salesgirl, I feel like such a bad person. I've been worried about what to get for my family for Christmas when I really can't afford anything because we don't know how much longer Dad will be without a job, and now I read about people who have it worse. I wish I could help everyone who needs it...In a perfect world. Anyway, thanks for the note you left earlier. And ((BIG HUGS)).
from vla :
I went back and read the story about Alexander. It was chilling. I'd be freaked out too, seeing him so unexpectedly, being afraid that he might turn up again at some point; that certainly doesn't make you a bad person. Sounds like you're going through some hard stuff at the moment. Take care.
from oladybug0 :
I came across this site called Illustration Friday and thought of you. It's like photo friday but with illustrations. Anyhooo, the link is http://illustrationfriday.com/
from augustdreams :
Darn notes! That was supposed to say "I keep giggling every time I look at Aph wearing my reading glasses." :)
from augustdreams :
Awww, thank you so much. :) I keep giggling every time You know what? My friend Tim calls me his Mermaid! And I've got a collection of Mermaid pictures. So I'd love that. Especially created by someone with your amazing talent. *kiss*
from sapphyr :
You have great taste in movies! :~D Good luck with the car situation...I'm cheering for you! ~S.
from acuttersedge :
Spun is a good movie. It has britney murphey in it. its about tweakers. anyways, the car bit... sheesh, this life is crazy. good luck!
from cats-corner :
Eric rocks! I agree completely with his assessment of ROMEO AND JULIET. Our family Christmas movie is THE REF...we laugh ourselves sick over it every year. -cat
from nora555 :
Looks like some one has already suggested elf!! Its my fovorite DVD right now! I love it I have seen about 8 times already. Dodgeball come out on DVD tomorrow. Have you seen Old School. Then there are the old funny movie. Dazed & confused. I loved your dispription of dont be a menace to south central while drinking your juice int the hood! That was the best. And as for the car. I'm mexican we do that type of shit all the time I never even seen an auto shop til I bought the car I drive now, we always know some people, who know some people who, fix cars, shingle roofs, heck they'll build a house in your back yard. Any how. Im sure this underground guy is the best bet you know?
from xanti :
Oh goodness! I'm so sorry about the car! Yikes! I hope stuff works out with that. (See me sending plenty of positive thoughts your way.) As for movie recommendations, have you seen "America's Sweethearts" with Julia Roberts and John Cusack? To me it's a funny movie.
from grngrl75 :
I'm so sorry about the circumstances with the car. I hope it all works out for you both. I'll keep my fingers crossed! Hope you get to feeling all better too! I love so many of the movies you had listed.
from daze-of-rain :
Elf is not only funny it's cute and sweet and feel good for the holiday season. I laughed my ASS off thru the whole movie...In fact, I just bought it. And I'm much more a cd freak than a dvd one...You should check it out...Will Ferrell is quickly becoming King of Comedy...
from pisceanlore :
Check out Super Troopers, it's one of my faves. Also Mallrats, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, if you haven't seen them already.
from darktruth :
I DEFINITELY recommend that you see Anchorman, if you haven't already. I've never laughed so hard in a movie theater, I think. Keep writing, I read it often even though I never comment. We're like distant cousins or something. Third cousins twice removed, even though I never knew what it meant to be "removed." Oh well.
from cagedfreedom :
I think what is so amazing about your writing is your ability to find the deeper significance in the everyday. You think about and examine your life. Most people don’t take the time to do that. The fact that you see beauty, pain, and hope in these occurrences - the fact that you realize them to be noteworthy and you share them – that is what is so perfect. The unexamined life isn’t worth living right? i'm sure a million other ppl have told u this same thing...but i really do admire it. i love and miss you both. Tell eric I said hi, you guys are wonderfullll:) don’t worry too much. You have each other…an thats so so special.
from coldandgray :
Your kissing story makes me want to make-out.
from betchy :
so you like Ben Stiller then? i lve theres soemthing about mary, and meet the parents. they are very very funny films. i loved the romeo and juliet entry. i have put it in my fave entries.
from pashiesplace :
I absolutely love Office Space. it's funny every single time you view it & all of the characters are written well.
from clrmehppygrl :
Um... uh... I think you have my stapler. *laugh* Office Space is about the funniest thing there is. I didn't like it at first, but after watching it again as I've gotten older, it's gotten funnier. Hot Topic has a bunch of Office Space shirts... My second favorite line is "I'm going to be showing her my 'oh' face" *giggle*
from dirtyliberty :
hey it's good you're back! hope the car/cash troubles are sorted quickly. oh yeah - check out www.charlottemartin.com/#SEEHEAR ... you might like her music.
from clrmehppygrl :
Thank you so much for your note. I do appreciate when people write something from their heart. The Dire Straits song you quoted about Romeo and Juliet is one of my favorite songs. It's stuck in my head now.
from xanti :
I'm glad you're back. The car thing and financial problems will work out. You'll make it. I like the Romeo and Juliet thing, just exactly the way you explained it. They're two people everyone commonly associates with love. Great stuff. ((Hugs))
from lauralgood :
Hugs, friend. Hugs. Life continues, doesn't it? Your photo of Eric made me smile. Jeeps. That boy is hot. Love Laural
from sarabellem :
So glad you are back! Hang tough girl, the car situation/money thing you can work out. These things always do even though it sucks so bad when you crash.
from daze-of-rain :
Insightful always makes me chuckle a bit...Lord, I never feel that way. Thank you so much for thinking so however...It's amazing how much this gives me though...Just sitting down and writing it all out...It never stops surprising me that people actually READ it...lol I am sure you know what I mean about letting it all out though...as you seem to use your journal for much the same thing.
from drbigbeef :
Thanks for the note and the compliment. Right back at you... enjoy your weekend, DBB
from sapphyr :
I don't know what happened to the "I was happy to hear from you" part of that last note... Oh well. That was what I was going to say.
from sapphyr :
Hi! Thanks for the note. I was you gave me quite a chuckle about the reaction to Eric's haircut! :~D I'm so sorry that he is sick now. I hope he feels better soon. You take care, too! The last thing you need is to get sick also. Get rest and vitamins! ~Sapphyr
from vla :
Thanks for the birthday note. I'm so glad you're back to writing; I missed you while you were away.
from alicefalls :
Im amazed by all the things in BOLD, I havent done many of those things. I cant help but think how full and exciting of a life you have had so far. So is Dayquil kept behind the counter? I gather that it is. J is sick right now too, hes at home curled up with a dog and cat acting as nurses.
from irishblueyes :
Ok, I can totally see you being a Vermeer painting...but I was not expecting Gone With The Wind...although ironically I just watched it over the holiday weekend for the first time in ages! When I was younger my best friends and me used to rent it and watch it all summer. How dorky is that? And I read every single page of it when I was in like 4th grade. Hope Eric's feeling better by the way...oh, and laural's right - the short hair cut is hot, even though the long is good too!
from krugerpak007 :
Gosh, you have been back. And I have been in hospital and didn't even know. And I have lots to catch up...I did however see erics haircut. WOW! I thinks its damn nice. I prefer it! Anway dear Clarity, I am glad to see you are back (I had just sent you e-mail) and I will be back this evening to catch up! Love, Me
from heelandlass :
Thanks Clarity and welcome back! I have been so busy lately I've not been reading anybody's diary and thought 'oh well, at least I've not missed anything Clarity did'. Hah! I've got about 8 entries to read of yours! Plan to do it this afternoon. xxx
from scubafreak :
Oh! Dear me! Tick for tack, or tit for tat? Funny how you don't really know how it's said until you try to write it. haha. Thanks for the link, i'm sure it will make my hits climb exponentially! At least for that day! Then they decide that I suck and never come back. *Self-deprecating sigh*. i'm going to write you
from coldandgray :
I will skip xmas with you. I don't believe you have never alphabetized your records.
from ilmomof3 :
I am so glad you're back. You wrote in your last post that you're "not a writer"... maybe so, but your writing manages, I think, to convey something of who you are, and I really enjoy knowing the parts of you that you share in your journal. Your compassion and insight are as inspiring to me as your art. :-)
from retailharlot :
Your husband is positively dreamy. Sorry, I have a thing for short-haired dudes, especially when they are that good-looking. And I'm not even all that into looks! Geez. As for Christmas... I've been through a number of giftless christmases. If you decide that you're going to celebrate without gifts, you can focus on other aspects of the holiday and build traditions that you'll have for years to come. And thanks for wishing me luck on the interview... I was actually offered the position, and am going back in on Monday to either accept or reject it. Decisions, decisions.
from clrmehppygrl :
Your husband is stunning, but it's not like you didn't already know that! Big difference with the haircuts. And listen, my first Christmas with my husband (the day after he drove all the way to Florida from New Hampshire) we traded gifts, a video for him, and a beaded bracelet for me, and just enjoyed our holiday together. Get some spiced cider and watch some movies all day. Christmas isn't about gifts.
from grngrl75 :
Thanks for your comments hon..I'd missed reading your journal while you were away.
from coldandgray :
Dear Clarity, You have to be the most sincerely genuine person on the planet. You are so full of love & kindness; it is hard to believe someone like you exists on this planet earth, but I am so glad you do. The fact that you took the time to catch up on the many (mostly inane) entries that you missed while visiting with your folks & made the effort to make such wonderful comments is astounding. You have the sweetest heart. Thank you.
from lauralgood :
hugs and love. I am not feeling so wonderful physically today. But hey I am feeling better since I know you are back! I am glad that you and Eric are doing well. I hope that you have a great night! Laural
from goingloopy :
Yes, there really is a show called that...and I'm addicted...and I hate TV, especially reality TV.
from irishblueyes :
you're right, but i decided not to change the layout after all...so feel free to read away in the archives...and i'm so glad you're back.
from rkwj1 :
Nice to have you back, and as far as the writing goes, I think you're great at it. You have a way of expressing what you're feeling that makes it really easy for me to relate to. The point always comes across very clearly for me. Your writing provides clarity. Sorry......I couldn't resist. Later,ROB
from miss-shirty :
So glad you're back sweetie!
from pixie-grl :
Welcome back, stranger. Just wanted to thank you for making me cry at work while I was catching up on your entries. ;) Drop me a line when you get the chance! XOXO
from cybil-522 :
I am glad you are back too. I am sitting here @ work reading your "Back to Reality..." entry and literally sat here & cried. You are a hell of a writer! I wish you and yours the best!
from sapphyr :
I am so glad you are back! Isn't it funny how people who have never met can connect? Nonetheless, I missed you and I am glad to hear that your time away was healing. Big hugs to you! ~Sapphyr
from nora555 :
I missed you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Letty
from scubafreak :
dammit! why you gotta go and make me cry!
from acornotravez :
Yes, I'm glad you're back, too. You're diary is full of emotion, truth, and an earnest quality that's not seen often in D'land. Thanks for that.
from clrmehppygrl :
Yay! You're back! I was just thinking about you today and I was going to come here and just leave a little "thinking of you" note for you to see when you came back, but you came back before I could do it! I'm glad you got to see your dad, your whole family, but especially him. And I'm glad that you've pulled yourself out of your funk, I knew you would. Welcome back, chica, I missed you.
from alwaysinhim :
Girl... you may not think you are a writer.. but you sure are a damn good expresser/story teller/purveyor of wonderful experiences (or whatever name you can think of to call it so that you don't have to call it being a good writer)... and a wonderful liver. and no, I don't mean the organ. You say that you don't write for an audience, don't write to entertain, and aren't particularly "funny, witty or particularly poetic," but I think if you live it right.. then all those things come naturally. You don't have to write any special way because that's just how it really is. Naturally special. naturally something that awes, inspires and addicts people... and sometimes even bring them to tears: I enjoyed reading every line of your halmark moments. See, even if one doesn't like "sappy" sentiments.. you expressed something beautiful, something everyone can appreciate.
from alwaysinhim :
car accidents and crazy driving everywhere.. there must have been a full moon or something.. Anyway, I'm happy to hear that you're doing better, and I will happily catch up on you as well. I know what you mean about going through previous entries and seeing such a big change. Sometimes, I want to hide it, but then I realize that it's just as much a part of me.. who I was as what/who I am now. So, I keep it around.. as a reminder to myself I suppose. There are somethings that I am glad have changes, and some I wish would not have changed. so I suppose it gives me somewhat of a goal in striving to be a better person. and yeah. I pray that things just continue to look up from here for you.. and if they don't, that you will better know how to handle and unpleasant things. (and now I will get down to reading all the open links lol)
from lauralgood :
OH my i am glad you are back. I loved those cat posters by the way...hugs and love. laural
from coldandgray :
Awesome. You ARE a writer, I don't care what you say. I am so very glad your Dad was able to come visit afterall, I know it meant so much to you. Made me yearn for my own family. Glad ytou are back, Clarity!
from firstgirl :
I'm glad you're back Clarity! You were definitely missed. I'm also glad that you are hanging on... it sounds like your love for Eric is a great thing to hold on to. :)
from pisceanlore :
I just wanted to let you know that your entries here are among the most thoughtful and interesting I've seen. They may seem mundane to you, but your perspective and insight really set you apart. After all, you're an artist and what is writing if not another form of art?
from goingloopy :
Wow...sounds like your last few weeks have certainly been eventful, girlie!! I'm so sorry about the exhibition, but don't you DARE stop painting. You are so talented, and the whole idea behind art is expressing yourself. Your paintings are like your diary...a reflection of what you see and what you feel. Glad you are back!! :)
from betchy :
hey you, so glad that you are back i really missed you! i have had a shit few weeks, but last week was the worst. i had to delete most of my last weeks entries, but i have them saved so if you want to know what went on i will e mail them to you if you want. if not dont worry, because its not something i intend to talk about anymore. anyway am really glad you are back dont leave us for that long ever again!
from irishblueyes :
Ok, I see. Well I'm so glad you're back and I'll have to spend lots of time reading all the back entries you posted tonight. But I'm glad things are well...drop me an email later if you want. And you're right...the template is changed! ♥ kris
from starlight42 :
Glad you're back...hope things get better for you. I loved those cat posters by the way! Duh, since I love cats :)
from clarity25 :
Unlocked now..sorry about that.
from irishblueyes :
hey honey, did you change the password from the one you gave me before? it doesn't seem to work. love you, kris
from mentalimages :
Hey kiddo...hope you're okay. I would like to ask you a specific question about your housekeeping, but not sure if i should post it here...do you have a diaryland email?
from clarity25 :
Yes, My diary is temporarily locked. It will be unlocked again in 15 minutes. I'm Housecleaning.
from xanti :
Just so you know when you get back, I've been sending good thoughts your way. I hope everything works out! BIG BIG ((HUGS))!
from pixie-grl :
Was just sitting here at work and Crimson & Clover came on the radio. Just wanted to say hi and hope all is going well!!! XOXO
from firstgirl :
Sending you a big hug and lots of hope for the better. See you around the bend!
from katm6 :
I shall miss your writings, Clarity. Please take care of yourself and Eric and your Mom. I will pray for your dad's safety and I hope he'll be able to visit. *hugs*
from cnotefwb :
I'll miss your daily insights while you're sorting things out! But I hope everything falls into place and that you return with happier thoughts. I'll keep your father in my prayers.
from yecats79 :
You'll be in my thoughts during your d-land absence. Take time to get everything worked out, we'll be here when you return.
from goingloopy :
We will all be thinking of you, and hoping that everything starts to look up. Even though this sucks, you are self-aware enough to learn what you need to learn and come out on the other side stronger. Take care of yourself, chickie.
from lauralgood :
I love you clarity...all will be ok. Laural
from alwaysinhim :
may your absence be fruitful and rewarding. we shall eagarly await your return.
from clrmehppygrl :
I can't say anything that everyone else already hasn't. I hope things sort themselves out and you are in my thoughts. I'm glad you're taking the time you need, because you and your love is more important that any journal. May your journey be blessed.
from daze-of-rain :
good for you for seeing what you need to do for yourself and DOING it. You'll be missed...
from sapphyr :
I'm going to miss you terribly, but I understand. I do hope that things get better for you. Please try to enjoy your visit with your mother and my thoughts are with you and your dad. Take Care! ~Sapphyr
from ablossomfell :
I'm sorry things in your life aren't great right now. I hope it all works out clarity. Much Love, Melia
from oladybug0 :
Adding to the chorus, please do take care of yourself. I think there are a lot of positive wishing coming at you from around the world through the people who have gotten to know you through your journal.
from rkwj1 :
I'm going to miss reading your diary everyday for the next couple of weeks. Good luck and I'm sure everything will work out. By the way , I thought the painting looked amazing. Later,ROB
from pixie-grl :
I'll miss you! If you need anything don't hesitate. Talk to you soon, sweetie! -"God only gives us what we can handle." -DC
from vla :
I hope everything sorts itself out, clarity. I just found your diary, but I've become attached quite quickly. Take care & hurry back.
from ticktrix :
Take care or yourself, Eric and your mom. You are so strong and I know when you make it through this you will be back with your wonderful wisdom, wit and positive outlook. You'll be in my thoughts.
from tigerlily21 :
*hugs* Take care sweetie. We'll be here waiting for you when you get back. I hope your dad gets to fly in to be with you. My prayers and thoughts go out to him and his fellow soliders in Iraq. If you ever need someone to talk to..I'm here.
from retailharlot :
Good luck.
from ilmomof3 :
::many hugs:: Take care of you.
from acornotravez :
I loved the painting. Also, sending good vibes your way - hang in there, it all works out, you know. You're a strong chick. I'll miss you. Acorn.
from whereibegin :
Clarity, honey, I'm thinking of you. I know whatever is happening in your life right now, you have the strength and the power to get through it. I'll continue to send good thoughts your way... if there's anything I can do, don't hesitate to e-mail and ask. Much love...
from cats-corner :
I'm sorry things are so difficult right now Clarity. *Hugs* Oh and a trip overseas sounds fantastic! :-)
from clrmehppygrl :
I'm so sorry. I wish there were words for the pain you and your family are going through. I'd hug you if I could. You're always in my thoughts.
from ladiebug :
that entry crushed me. i'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through right now. :( i will keep you in my thoughts. love, anna
from kiosh :
Sorry for the duplicated note! Something happened... Bogie woogie hugs!
from kiosh :
With all honesty I have to say that the painting turned out perfectly. It provokes emotional landscapes in me. And the card of the hanged man! There's this story I have to tell you about it... Do you take comissions? I'm gonna have to ask you for one so I will be able to pick it personally and give you a hug and tell you how wonderful you are. You're totally special for me! On the other hands, I'm praying to the gods above for your father and your mother and for you, also. Things will turn out well, keep your head up and smile. Your name fits you well, you're light...
from kiosh :
With all honesty I have to say that the painting turned out perfectly. It provokes emotional landscapes in me. And the card of the hanged man! There's this story I have to tell you about it... Do you take comissions? I'm gonna have to ask you for one so I will be able to pick it personally and give you a hug and tell you how wonderful you are. You're totally special for me! On the other hands, I'm praying to the gods above for your father and your mother and for you, also. Things will turn out well, keep your head up and smile. Your name fits you well, you're light...
from alwaysinhim :
Here's a hug from me as well dear.
from vla :
That's horrible. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry. I hate it all too.
from ilmomof3 :
::hugs:: That just sucks -- I'm so sorry!
from coldandgray :
Oh God. I am so sorry about your Dad not being able to visit. DAMMIT!! I know you were looking forward to it and I was too, to tell you the truth. I am thinking about you.
from coldandgray :
spectacularly beautiful awesome talentedly perfect. You are so GOOD.
from sapphyr :
They would be absolutely mad not to select your work. I am not nearly as developed as an artist and people enjoy my work(I think to be polite). You have an AMASING gift. On the 17th I'll be waiting to read all about the acceptance and not rejection!
from officechick :
I love the painting. It is so real and lifelike and just beautiful. I guess I don't have the right words to describe it because I am not an artist and don't know a lot about art at all really. I just know that I like it and if I were to see it in a gallery, I would want to have it. You are quite talented and blessed and should be very proud of yourself!!! I love reading your entries because it's like reading a book or famous memoir. I am very fortunate to have come accross your diary. I really like seeing the world through someone elses eyes. Have you ever thought about writing a book someday? Take care!
from culotte :
your work related entries are not at all boring...to me at least. I totally identify (and find great comfort!) Küssens auf Paris!
from betchy :
thanks for the compliments honey! i think we would very very drunk aswell, but its all good! its about the only talent i have. you have your art, i have my ability to drink vast amounts of alcohol. i think we're about equal. you should come to England and specifically Weston-Super-Mare, where i live. its the drugs capital of Europe, more so than Amsterdam, but that only adds to its charm. he he. the painting is beautiful my dear sweet Clarity, and you are bound to get in. if you dont, give me the address of whoever makes the decisions, and i will go round and sort him out!
from clrmehppygrl :
What I wouldn't give to live a day in your life, honestly. I know we all have our burdens to bear and that life is hard for all of us. But from my point of view, you have an amazing life. Painting is something I'd always wished I were good at (that, and singing) so, reading through your journal, seeing the things you've created, brings joy into my life. Thank you for sharing it.
from paperclipy :
Hello Clarity. I saw your beautiful art as I was reading your autumn entry. I liked it so much I linked to you in my latest entry. Happy fall!
from sarabellem :
It is a beautiful piece! Be proud of yourself and keep your chin up girl!
from dawnoftheday :
Man, you and I are so different. If I painted that I'd be like "Yeah baby! I'm getting in the show!" and you're depressed. It's a great painting! The private entry made me almost cry, yeah I'm a big sap like that. Justin was a player though, seriously. It made me think of my past relationships, I should write an entry about that sometime.
from f4sakndauter :
that portrait of the the african woman is absolutely stunning.. and the one you just finished has character as well.
from lauralgood :
Have I told you that I have an intense crush on you? completely sexual don't worry! hhhehe. i love you. great job on the painting. Love laural
from irishblueyes :
The painting looks great! Oh, and you know what's weird...i have that same kind of wedding ring. It's not the one he gave me, its one i picked out a few years ago, although mine's cheap and not platinum, but it's a tibetan prayer ring, the middle spins and the insides of both (he has one two but they aren't exactly alike) are inscribed with something tibetan....that's so weird that you have the same thing. Oh and I totally get the private entry, obviously. love, kris
from katm6 :
I'm no artist, although I wish I were, but the painting looks amazing. Keep up the good work. *hugs* I hope you are able to work through your depression, but I know that exact feeling you suffered at the party. I hate that feeling of being all alone when in the midst of a bunch of people. It's so crushing. When you have a spare moment, send me your address. I'll have the CD this week. Take care!
from irishblueyes :
thanks so much for the compliments on the photography, it means a lot coming from you. And i meant to tell you how much i love your painting for the competition, it's so beautiful. and about the private folder, if you want to put a link to it on your main page, you would just want to link to http://clarity25.diaryland.com/private/older.html and that link will take people to basically the archives of your private entries, that's what i have. oh but they won't be able to see that archives page without the password either. hope that helps...love, kris
from kiosh :
Hello darling! First and foremost don't forget that you're a very talented artist, even if you don't win the important thing is that you enjoy what you do because you have a gift many people would like to have (me included). Also, remember you have a massive amount of love behind you, we're all here chering you up and supporting whatever you do and Eric and your friends are there, too. That painting is wonderful, I love the perspective and the small details like the clothing and the hair. Trust your instincts and pour all your spirit in that painting and it will turn out beautifully. I'm praying to the gods above for you and sending positive vibes your way. Remember you're loved! Say hello to Eric! Drum n' bass hugs!
from snoozie-girl :
hi, one of my friends had you on thier list. you're painting is really awesome. i'm very impressed how you can paint it from that angle. and i just red your "weddign story" it made me cry, i hope one day if i ever get married it will be as special as yours.
from xanti :
I hope things go better this week, less drama. I also hope you finish your painting to your satisfaction. ((hugs)) Take care & thanks for the note!
from clrmehppygrl :
I'm no artistic professional or anything, but I think your painting is beautiful already. You say it's not finished, and I can see why, but even though, I think it's beautiful. You paint very realistically, and she isn't realistic yet, but it is very beautiful. You may have more of a chance than a snowball. I think you are wonderful. I hope you get out of this funk soon honey.
from betchy :
hi, thanks for your note. dreams really are the most bizarre things ever, it really upset me! never mind. your painting is absolutely fabulous (and i dont mean the tv programme). you are incredibly talented. i wish i had half your talent, i cant really do anything at all. ooh, except i know a lot about sharks. but thats not really the same is it? anyway its a great painting, take care babe x
from jennlynn24 :
You are so damn talented girl. I am sorry you are in a low place, but well.... You are an amazign person, I havent written notes lately bc i have been so busy, but i still read.. i love ya girl! keep ya head up... and your beautiful inside and out and f-in talented as hell :) Have a great night chica! p.s. did you smoke any of that joint, or what? (hehehe)
from alwaysinhim :
I wish I had something constrictive to say, but I don't. I don't don't know enough about picture art. All I can say is that I like the painting. (and I pray that something comes along to lift your spirts soon).
from lauralgood :
god you are such a great artist and i dont give that praise lightly...hugs to you. keep working it will help you through it all. love Laural
from culotte :
Rhapsody On A Theme of Paganini. mmmmmmm.
from goingloopy :
I love your painting...don't be so hard on yourself, chickie!! Oh, and listen to Norah Jones "One Flight Down"...it describes the piano playing perfectly.
from mentalimages :
You are an amazing artist. You have a very real talent that many of us are just blown away by. I am very lucky if i can paint a stick figure. And i've tried. I haven't read all your entries, but i assume you went to school to learn how to do this. The woman with the tarot cards is lovely. Very wonderful image. I noticed nothing off about it, as you are still in the middle of it. However, i did see that her eyes are vacant. And if she drew the hangman, then she would have a more intense look. That's my only critique. Not sure what's it worth, but so far it looks great. Please post the completed project...
from vla :
Hey, you used my new favorite word (cacophony) in your entry! I loved your painting, and I really wish I could see it close up... I wonder if you have other paintings posted throughout your diary? I’m going to have to go back and look. Anyway, I really liked it a lot. I hope you post it again when it's finished.
from dawnoftheday :
The painting is awesome! Sorry, you're mood is so shitty. I feel the same way lately. I'm sure you'll get in the exhibition, stop being so low on yourself all the time! cheer up, girl! You have so much going for you. I don't know what's been going on lately with you since you didn't call me back this weekend. But remember, I love ya!
from alicefalls :
I kept staring and staring at the painting, looking for something to be off, but couldnt find anything obvious. Iam amazed at how lifelike it is though a bit freaked out really, the jeans and the shading in the shirt! Id love to see some of Eric's work if you think hes better than you!
from coldandgray :
Love the painting. The tarot cards (especially the Hanged Man) will be a perfect touch.
from nightmare54 :
OK it has been three days since you let us peek into your life and frankly I'm getting a little annoyed here!! How do you expect us, the people who live vicariously through your art and writing to be able to wait 3 whole days for an update! OH I know you have work to do and a fabulous boyfriend to attend to, and all of the parties and stuff! WELL WE CAN"T WAIT ANY LONGER!! Jeeze, it's not like we have lives of our own here! I mean c'mon on! My trip to vegas where I won a 1000 bucks isn't near as much fun to write about some little angry german boy smoking!! Throw us a fricking bone Lady! Yeah Ok I just miss you. Get done with you faboulous award winning art project, and then come back and tell us all about it, with maybe a sneak preview. BIG GIANT CARNIVOUROUS HUGS MW
from betchy :
sorry about your great gran. my nans brother died in june, and i didnt feel sad, even though i knew him, but didnt see him much. it wasnt until i realised how sad my nan was that i felt anything. she still hasnt come to terms with it, and she is still so sad all the time. i wish there was something i could do to cheer her up but there isnt. anyway, i keep meaning to ask you this, is that brittany murphy on your layout?
from krugerpak007 :
I am sorry about your loss. Its even harder when you don't them them so well, and you wish that you had more chances to. I remember that song. I lovd it...(and I am not embarrassed to say it, hell I even love Kylie Minogue and listen to all her old stuff all the time...)Your wedding story was beautiful. Really sounds like an arty movie. Just like you and your entire life sounds to me. Something different, and exciting and fun. Anyway sweetie, take care, have a wonderful Sunday. And thank for all your lovely notes and comments always. xoxox Kathy
from xanti :
I'm sorry about your great grandmother. :( ((hugs)) I know how you feel being snowed under with work, too. No fun. No fun at all. Take care! :)
from alwaysinhim :
thank you kindly dear. I hope she gets better too. the eye twitch is kind of weird. I've been stressed before, but never had an eye twitch. I'm probably not getting nearly enough sleep.. though I know it does no good to stay up and worry. meh. I think it's cool that you got to meet your great grandma. I met mine, but I was a baby. From what my grandma tells me, she sounds like she would have been an interesting person to talk with. that's probably the thing I miss the most... being able to hear the stories of older generations.. their tales of worry, love, pain, and laughter. (my condolences for your loss--I perscribe lots of hugs from your hubby). Oh, and good luck on the painting. While it may not be a masterpiece to you, it will be wonderfully artistic and imaginative, I'm sure.
from goingloopy :
Thanks so much for the 80's flashback. Now that stupid song will be stuck in my head for the next three days. (At least I hope it's only three days.) And home videos are always embarrassing. There is one of my aunt and I singing "The Twelve Days of Christmas" (complete with choreography of sorts), and she has the tape. Because my father threatened to send it to America's Funniest Home Videos.
from cats-corner :
Dear Clarity, thank you for saying nothing I've written qualifies as crap. As for the photographic interview, I *fully* intend to post a response...I just need to have enough money in the ol bank account to have my photos developed. :-) Maybe later this month. -cat
from kiosh :
Babe, I know these are hard times but remember that the darkest time is before dawn. Also remember all the good things in your life and smile. You're talented and lovely and have a wonderful husband... I send you lots of love and don't forget that I'm with you always! Ska pop hugs for you! =0)
from suicideblond :
sigh. i hear you. it hurts. but i do hear that new zealand is gorgeous, and people there are actually really accepting of americans.
from betchy :
you are welcome for the note. you are rapidly becoming one of my most fave diaries! i deal with a lot of customers with the same knid of mental health probs as mr b, sometimes they are even nastier. the hardest is when they are having a go at you and themn totally change the subject and you really dont know what they are talking about. you just dont know what to say. but its part of the job i suppose. i hope you feel happier soon, lots of love x
from lauralgood :
darling loved talking to you tonight! Hey you...send that picture you did of me soon! I was not going to ask but I want to have it. When you get a chance do send it. dont push yourself though I will wait unitl you have time...would not have asked if you did not say you were going to send it...hope that you enjoyed your night. send an email if you wish and tell me about it. Love L
from xanti :
I'm sorry. At least after THIS term he can't be reelected. And hey, people may even have him impeached. Take care!
from lauralgood :
I love you sweetheart. I am thinking of you. Love Laural
from starlight42 :
Ya...it's a disappointing day. I had a sense that the rest of the world was watching. It scares me to think what Iraq and other terrorists will do to retaliate against Bush being voted in for another 4 years. It sucks to be the hated American. I can only imagine how it is for you oversea's!
from pashiesplace :
Oh my. I didn't mean you at all! Your entries are always so honest & well thought out. Just you being your wonderful self. No disrespect taken or ever meant towards you. Hugs.
from daze-of-rain :
You do not cry alone...not even close...And I wish people were not so damn short sighted...they would open their eyes and SEE how much our country is resented and hated and possibly feared...not respected. Our president is a joke, a villan...with good reason...and this is such a sad day.
from clrmehppygrl :
My thoughts are running the same line that yours are. We worked so hard for this campaign and now it's all gone. I feel so let down. All the work that SO many people did is just gone down the drain. I'm heartbroken, for me, our country, the world, and people like you, with loved ones tied up in it all.
from dawnoftheday :
I wanted to kill myself this morning too when I saw the outcome of the elections. Wish I had something to say to comfort you, but I'm pretty fucking depressed too. I'll call you.
from ladiebug :
that's eerie... after writing my entry, i read yours and almost teared up and was about to write a note (to find that you wrote one for me)... your sentiments pretty much jive with what mine, ggb's, and 99% of my friends are... i adore you, your life, your writing... you inspire me to remain optimistic (outside of this political b.s., i mean) and loving and good-natured, through how you live your life. thanks for that... i'm glad i was able to discover your diary. much love, anna
from katm6 :
Now to comment on your entry. Everybody here who voted for the present administration (this and/or last time) should be the ones who hang their heads in shame for giving into a climate of fear and hate and faux family values. I was going to take my Kerry-Edwards sticker off my car today, but right now I want people, all people, to know that I, at least, got it! I understood that the rest of the world HATES us and this was our chance to show them that it was just the Bush Administration that deserved their hatred and wrath, not the American people. I hate the feeling that there are people out there who hate me just because of the leader of my country (I won't call him MY president) is a complete jackass.
from katm6 :
Thanks for the note, Clarity. It's good to know that there are other clear thinking people out there. Too bad we are all in mourning for our country this morning. I had to laugh at tigerlily though because I call Dubya and all the idiots who voted for him fuckheads, as well. Your comments section has given me a little hope. I still want to cry, but I'll wait until I go home. I didn't wear waterproof mascara.
from coldandgray :
I am so sorry, Clarity. I had hope, too. What the hell happened?!
from krugerpak007 :
Sorry you are feeling so down about the voting..but I have a good idea. Move to Israel and be with me! :-) Take care and cheer up. Thanks for your lovely note. xoxo Kathy
from ubergrrl :
I just read your entry after I wrote mine. I am embarassed, shocked, and disgusted with this country. But I think there is at least 45-50% of us who all feel the same way. I am not only saddened by the presidential part.. I'm pissed about the republican take-over of our government as a whole. I'm embarassed that the biggest issue seems to be same-sex marriage, and everyone can turn a blind eye to an unnecessary war, and the fact that most people I know are financially in worse shape than 4 years ago. *sigh* There is still 50% of us who have a clue. I just hope the rest of the world can look at the election and know that it wasn't a unanimous decision. <3 <3
from goingloopy :
Right on, sister. This whole thing just makes me ill.
from tigerlily21 :
I'm shocked and disgusted. I can't believe these idiots would actually vote for such a...fuckhead. I can't even imagine the dire straights we are going to be in over the next four years. I had hope too. Now I have nothing but hatred and pity for those who got duped by him. Have they not seen the damage he has done to families? Have they not been paying the outrageous taxes and gas prices? Who the hell are these blundering idiots?? All I can say is that I will do everything I can to make sure that we get a good Dem next time. What a freakin joke..why did we even bother to vote? We knew all along that he would wrangle it somehow to his favor..bastard! Sorry for the depressing note..just letting you know that us in America are just as sad and mourning the death of our country.
from ilmomof3 :
I just got back from a gathering with a woman who has nine brothers, all but one in the military. She lost one of them on 9/11 in the Pentagon. She lost three more in the years following. She lost one this past week while she was at the gathering. There are still three in Iraq. She knows what it's like to have a family on the line and she hates Bush. I keep thinking of her this morning, thinking that on top of losing her fifth brother last week, now it looks as though the American Idiots (Green Day sure has it right) may have elected Bush for four more years. Who wouldn't cry? I just want to slap a sticker on my car that says, "What the Fuck is the MATTER with YOU PEOPLE?!" Canada is looking pretty good right now.
from cornflake1 :
Your entry echoes what my (American) best friend has been saying for the last four years. I know that she, like many others, is going to be devastated today. I'm so sorry sweetie...
from sapphyr :
I feel awful, too. I have been crying all morning and I have been awake for 48 hours. I felt the same as you. Bush has alienated us from the world community. I realise Kerry isn't a political saviour but I too was holding out hope. I am very, very sorry if this means you will not be moving back here, but I really don't want to be here anymore. We will get through this but we all have to work together, now more than ever. Take care, ~Sapphyr
from betchy :
honey, i am sorry you feel so bad. even though i am british, i have been rooting for kerry. my colleague jo has been checking the bbc website every 10 minutes. we all want kerry to win. i'm sorry it has made you feel so bad. maybe you should move to england, although the state of our prime minister is not much better x
from grngrl75 :
I feel sick too..i'm waiting on pins and needles but feel the outcome is already decided. If so, it will be a long 4 years.
from ilovegwen :
i cried too
from tigerlily21 :
Absolute and of course! I can't imagine a person who wouldn't want to vote!! GO NON-GW CANDIDATE!! (heh, trying not to be *too* political in your notes..)
from insanegerbil :
dude..is that you there on that template pic...?looks like you.yeah i'm slow cuz it's been up for awhile now, but still.
from nora555 :
clarity, i know that feeling, hmm what exactly do i feel so bad about? replay the night. Okay it wasn't that that or that. you'll be fine. You had fun and if you did some abnormal things f-it you only live once, you know! Luv Ya Let
from xanti :
I know what you mean about your mind being all over the place...I've been feeling that way a lot lately, and I don't have a hangover. It's odd when you feel like something needs to change, but you're not sure exactly what. You'll figure it out, though. As for this weekend and the things you wish you hadn't done, don't worry about it. It's experience, and besides, it isn't like you can go back in time and re-do everything. Feel better! Don't forget to take your tylenol and drink some coffee! ((hugs))
from nightmare54 :
I think that I will need to be the judge on what is racey and what isn't! So go ahead and email me those pics, I'll see what the hub bub is and get back to you. And what your feeling is a combination of old age, liquor, homesickness and the desire to erase some, but not all of last weekends memories and try to remember some, but not all of the same memories. My suggestion to you is to take two asprin, wash them down with some left over flat champange, call your sister, and have some food on a stick. (food on a stick is fun, just go with it!) and if that doesn't work, read some depressing russian poetry. It always makes me feel better about myself! HUGS***MW
from lauralgood :
hey love. the pixies sang that song at the concert!! and i am thinking of you. here if you need me...love laural
from coldandgray :
I think the overseas absentee voters are truly going to make a difference. Fingers' crossed.
from katm6 :
I think, to a certain degree, it takes more self-confidence to leave the house not looking your best. Or that could be the perception. The woman in front of you could be exceptionally self-assured or she could cover her insecurities by appearing to be so perfect. And what a nice pick-me-up for your self esteem to have the cute cashier express an interest.
from under-yuki :
Just started reading, going to read more... I can speak German! I miss home, it's nice to see someone love the country so much. And yes, German is perfect to yell at people with.
from ablossomfell :
I'm currently trying to figure out what to do with my diary, i've been writing over at livejournal lately. Check back in a few weeks, I might turn it into a photolog of sorts. Anyway, hope you have a happy halloween! :)
from xanti :
Oo neat. You and Eric going as police officers, that is. I'm going to be a random elf from Lothlorien in Lord of the Rings for Halloween. :) I love Halloween, too. It's the best. As for the little kid smoking, that is disturbing. Someone should take a picture and send it to the tabacco companies. Shame on them. As always, take care! ((hugs))
from nightmare54 :
I'm glad you liked the Ideas!! I still think Jackson Pollack and a splatter painting would be funny too! Anyway make sure we get to see the final costume!! We need pictures!
from artofliving :
thank you so much!! you're so awesome! oh, todd's brother is in Germany. He got there yesterday and he's been drunk ever since!
from cats-corner :
Thank you Clarity, I'm glad you liked the poem. As for being a "socially retarded geek" I can only say, you didn't know me in high school. Hehehe...yeah, I've hung out with "artsy" girls before, trust me, I'd be sitting there *wishing* I was you. You're right, we both have big time self-esteem issues! Bad, bad, bad girls. -cat
from singlegirl :
My friend went as a greek goddess one year. She bought shoes that had straps that wound around her calves (you could do this with gold ribbon that's not attached to the shoes), a short white dress that looked like a toga (it was only on one shoulder - I think she made it), and gold bracelet around the top of her arm and a thin wreath around her head. She wore her hair down and had on glittery goldish makeup. She looked really good and it didn't cost a lot of money.
from geekgurrll :
Thanks for your note & I feel for you re: your dad too. It must be v. difficult to worry for him. Having a better day today, but you're right, it's bizarre what triggers these things sometimes. Have a lovely weekend.
from ablossomfell :
I added you to my buddylist, I hope you don't mind. I think your diary is just fabulous. The entry entitled 'Alive' especially struck me. You are a great writer.
from grngrl75 :
I like to sit and people watch and I what you did today constantly. I like to imagine what their life is life...and usually I found out I'm way off base. It's still very fascinating. Congrats on the compliment:) Life surprises you sometimes doesn't it?
from insanegerbil :
thats so true about the original paintings....everytime i get a blank canvas, all i can think to draw are my precious pomeranian, or marilyn manson.unless i'm in the mood for it, my creativity just isn't there.
from alwaysinhim :
yes... I look at people a lot. Sometimes, I just want to go up to people and ask them their life story.. just because.. even if they look like people I wouldn't normally like.. because one can never tell from the outside.
from xanti :
Wow. The cashier was going to ask you out, see! Maybe to him, your lack of attention to dress conveyed that you had enough confidence to avoid hiding behind the fronts of make-up and expensive clothes. For some odd reason I'm learning guys like us better a little mussed up. It apparently makes women more approachable and appear more self-assured...Like, "I don't need make-up and expensive clothes to feel sexy." Wow. I'd have had to go around smiling like an idiot the rest of the day, too. ;) Take care!
from lauralgood :
what wonderful story! I loved it! I hope you do know you are beautiful and many people envy you for not only your bravery but your gorgeous looks! love laural
from irishblueyes :
That's so weird, I do that all the time. I'm obsessed with people watching. I could probably just sit at a mall for hours and examine people. I always make up those little stories in my head of what the people are like. Of course I'm sure I make some stereotypical judgements about them too, but I think it's only natural.
from pashiesplace :
Thanks for such a sweet note. If you were a weird kid then so was I! I still have most of my SSC stuff from 20 years ago. i did the babies room in vintage Strawberry SC(curtanis, blankets, ragdolls,etc) Believe it or not, the dolls STILL smell :)
from coldandgray :
ooh, a slinky shirt, how cool.
from betchy :
Do you know, i am so glad that you found me and listed me. and i am even gladder (is that a word?) that i took the time to read you, because you write some of the most thought provoking entries i have ever read. another amazing one today *mwah* i wuv ya!
from nora555 :
Goes to show that you never know... Your such a doll an you dont even know it, the way you articulated that; I felt that i was there. Your such an awesome witer, I love glycerine!! Love ya let!
from justamephit :
Oh wow ... you write the most amazing diary. I've only had time to read two entries and they both absolutely fascinated me. I love the way you watch the world, and the way you seem to think about this. Sorry, I'm gushing. I'll be back!
from heelandlass :
Thank YOU for stopping by and leaving a note at my place. Very unexpected, but much appreciated. I know what you mean about Six feet under making you address your mortality. It's bigger than I care to think about most of the time and then I tune in to a tv show once a week to be reminded! I am now off to read more of your diary. xxx
from pashiesplace :
Aw, nice ego boost for you there. I think it's amazing how people often see us so differently than we see ourselves. That woman doesn't sound happy to me. She's probably far to busy keeping up appearances to ever let go & just *be*.
from clrmehppygrl :
I've been that woman in front of you in line, unable to express herself because of a job, or a place she's "supposed" to fill in her life. I would give anything to be an artist, with pigtails and painted jeans. Beauty has many faces, and sometimes the simpliest one is the most stunning.
from cats-corner :
I don't know, but über-suit woman doesn't sound as though she's very happy. And maybe it's just me, but I always wonder what women who pile on pounds of make-up are hidding. I mean, why not put on as little as possible (or none at all) to let your natural beauty come through? One more secret, I don't *usually* feel too envious/insecure around women like über-suit...most of the time, the women I feel like a completely socially retarded, ordinary geek are women like you, Clarity. I liked what I head Dr. Phil say once to one of his guests: "Now, you're comparing *your* inside with everyone elses' *outside*, and you know you're never going to get a complete and accurate picture of who someone is just by lookin' at them for five seconds." So painfully true... -cat
from nightmare54 :
I'm glad the cashier set you straight in the self esteem department! Women like the one you describe generally have hopes and dreams that they could be more like you, beautiful, creative, and artistic, but they are afraid to embrace those dreams for fear of ridicule, and failure. They also have very little humor in their lives, if you can't stand in a check out line and find something to smile about, you need to re-evaluate your posisition on this rock. It takes less security to dress like she did then to be yourself and shine like you do. Oh and the inspiration...relax, it will come and when it does it will be like a floodgate opening. Personally, I can't wait to see it!
from krugerpak007 :
I am the same. I love sitting at a coffee shop watching people go by and making up stories about people's lives. But you know what my favorite is? (And this is between you and I)I love driving or walking at night, passed peoples houses that have their curtains open. Looking in, looking at their furiture and imagining who lives there, and if they are happy, and whether my life is anything like theirs...Weird hey? Anyway you should know you are beautiful. We have seen photos. And not only beautiful. A special and wonderful girl too. Kathy
from betchy :
thanks for your note, i am glad you enjoy reading my diary! your note totally make sense, i know there are no rules and i think i did come off sounding like i was a completely innocent party in the whole thing. i wasnt at all, i know it is wrong to go with someone elses boyfriend, i was just trying to prove the point that i wasnt a cheater if you get my drift. but i think i made it sound wrong. i have written about it again today and i think i have made myself sound self-righteous again! and id didnt mean to. oh well. thanks again for your note it means a lot x
from cats-corner :
Oh Clarity, I think that is a *wonderful* idea! I can't imagine your teacher would be anything short of thrilled to hear from you and to know you have a career as an artist. Not to mention the stellar, outstanding quality of your work! I've included the poem in tonight's entry...hope you like it. :-D -cat
from goingloopy :
...what was that about not stopping clicking? I had just read a few of your entries, and liked them, but now I'm hooked. You do remind me of me, in some respects, but you also remind me a lot of my sister-in-law. (That is a compliment, I love her.) And I agree...life needs a soundtrack. And mean old people suck. And okay, I'll shut the hell up now. :)
from artofliving :
You have no idea how flattering it is to know that you enjoy my diary! Yours always has this amazing way of making me a little bit happier than I was before I read it. Sometimes I almost live through you vicariously with all of your gorgeous stories of life.
from xanti :
The memory entry was amazing! And the pics from the previous one were gorgeous. I wish I had a digital camera so I could post pics from where I am. It's pretty here, too. And I love NIN's "Closer." It's awesome! Take care!
from betchy :
wow. that entry was just.....wow! loved it. to my faves you go!
from alwaysinhim :
I was touched. And I too would like to add this entry to my favorites. They are precious memories.
from cats-corner :
Such an exquisite post Clarity...it's already on my list of favorite entries. -cat
from daze-of-rain :
That was a lovely entry Clarity. I don't think you should lock it away...it should be added to your "about me page" because it has so much about who you are.
from betchy :
thanks for adding me, i love when that happens! *mwah*
from rkwj1 :
Great entry, I have a lot of memories that are similar. Loved that entry. Later,ROB
from coldandgray :
Beautifully sweet
from heelandlass :
that was obviously meant to say 'that's the first thing I've ever read that you've written' rather than the donkey way I did write it! Sorry about that.
from heelandlass :
I am so glad I got the chance to read this entry before you filed it away. It's the first thing I've ever written by you and it's made a big impact on me. I love indulging in memories like that, it takes a lot of courage to let your mind wander through your life. I don't blame you for wanting to store it away. xxx
from atomicbuddha :
Great entry, as always. Wonderful moments, sad moments, real moments. I'm glad you shared them with us.
from krugerpak007 :
That entry simply blew me away. I don't even know what to say... I need to read it again.
from pashiesplace :
I've been reading for awhile but haven't left a note until now. Your writing is wonderful & this entry is truly precious.
from grngrl75 :
what a wonderful entry... enjoy your day, week, month, year, life.
from krugerpak007 :
Sounds like me and my Hebrew. Trevor only speaks to me in Hebrew when he is angry with me. Mmm. Which is quite a lot lately. :-) Anyway I am just so embarrassed with my accent. I sound like such an idiot...Those photos are lovely! Thanks for sharing. hat club sounds great. Gosh, I feel like going out and dancing. Its been such a long time!Take care sweety. xoxox Kathy
from kiosh :
*Blush* Oh b*llocks, I wrote "you're" instead of "your". I apologise for that! Ha ha ha.
from kiosh :
Oh babe, I'm sorry but I don't really speak German. But you're right, it IS kinky! Actually that note I left you a while ago took a long time to get done, he he he... Thank you for your comments on the profile, I feel really flattered, coming from you! Oh yeah, I laughed at the "So I find myself motioning frantically like a mime" part because I totally feel that way when I'm trying to speak French; either that or I end up making up words in EngSpanJap-lish! If you do take the Kiosh's quiz, let me know because you're answers are ones I would really really like to read. A drum n' bass hug for Eric! I don't think I ever thanked him for that note he left on my guestbook, I absolutely loved it. I'm a grateful grapefruit! The deepest of my appreciation and the best of my wishes for you, darling Clarity! Punk jazz hugs for you! =0) *Kiösh
from retailharlot :
Here's a brilliant German-to-English translation, brought to you by the folks at Lycos: "If you not immediately which tighten then must I unfortunately your crack Po bite. Your back puts on me in such a way that I verschmachte here, if you me vernascht not immediately." Very nice.
from daze-of-rain :
thank you so much for the add...I did the same...As for Brian...lets just say this...he falls very very short of "wonderful" but most certainly has some wonderful qaulities...Then again...if you are reading my archives...you've probably seen that yourself [smile]
from cybil-522 :
I loved your "Quirks" entry, ask Nightmare54 about his girlfriends food quirks! Maybe now he won't think I am so crazy! POWER TO THE PICKY PEOPLE!!
from krugerpak007 :
Wow, that surprise party sounds amazing. Well done. I loved reading that entry. I felt the nervousness and the rushing and the wrrying, and then Eric's happiness, and how he spun you around, and it makes me want to cry. You are a wonderful wife. And I guess you both really deserve each other, and I wish you only the very best. Also I wanted to note that your writing is amazing, I love reading your updates, and hearing what is going on in your life. I am humbled that you would return to read me... Have a good Sunday. xoxo Kathy
from krugerpak007 :
Of course! Drop me an e-mail at krugerpark007@hotmail.com and I will send you the details. I will be back to read your updates a bit later. xoxox Kathy
from aussielvr498 :
I'm so glad you don't want to lock your diary anymore!!! I really love reading about all your little adventures and thoughts on things! Germany is somewhere I'd like to go someday, but I don't know if I can imagine moving there. --**--AShley
from sapphyr :
Kudos on the surprise! I am so glad that you were able to pull it off! I am also glad you are feeling back on track. Surprise parties can be SOOO stressful but in the end, it is usually worth it. You're right about getting out and celebrating for no reason. Funny about dreams, isn't it? ~S.
from nora555 :
My very first entries revolve around me throwing Dave his surprise, B-day party. For his BiG 3-0!! I remeber how hectic it was, the secret phone casll to family & friends, and the planning, it is quite a task. Also thanks for your note and I'm so happy for you, I'm glad you guys had a great birthday and a great time! You're such a bad ass!!
from acuttersedge :
(to Eric) HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! you are almost as old as dirt, congrats! *coughs* (back to clarity) Brillant!! I not only envy your surprise birthday pulling-off-skills but I envy how you write. I felt like I was there, standing and experiancing everything for myself. It appears to that writing comes so easy to you and it is soo amazing. I think you should write a book. I would buy at least 100 copies. (said in a non-stalker tone.) lol.
from alwaysinhim :
*does a little happy dance* (for one: a very successful party put on by a very competent young woman; and two: no fear of missing out on such wonderful thoughts as yours)
from lauralgood :
just to let you know...i read faithfully...love laural
from p-o-y :
Great submission! I love the fact that you got your Hubby involved.... And just so you know, you were in absolutly no danger of losing your membership here at POY. I don't expect everyone to submist to every topic. As it stands right now, my shedule has been so hectic lately that I'm the guilty one for not having updated POY as often as I should. :(
from chicagojo :
Clarity is definitely cute! Loved the quirks entry!
from krugerpak007 :
Eric and you are amazing... And I love you and your quirks! xoxox Kathy
from cnotefwb :
I gotta give a big round of applause to Eric for this whole entry...but specifically for this sentence, "I don't just find her quirks cute or endearing , It is far more that I feel, I give infinite thanks to the universe for each one of them because each one of those quirks is nothing less than a finger pointing to the deepest truth of who the other person is." I really hope one day I can have something like the two of you do.
from atomicbuddha :
Bravo to Eric!!! What a fabulously beautiful, endearing, and sweet look at your quirks and quirks in general. It kinda makes me glad I'm tending to my own little garden.
from sapphyr :
Thanks for your note and well wishes! Yes, I was pretty, out of it that is for certain. Your "Quirks" entry is now one of my favourite entries. It made me smile. If ANYONE appreciates quirks, it would be yours truly :~) You and Eric have a beautiful relationship. I hope Muse and I grow toward that kind of appreciation! You give me hope. ~Sapphyr
from insanegerbil :
oh yeah, can you PLEASE be a dear and email your sister for me?tell her i'm a dumbass and forgot to get her number so can she send it again because there were 3 times i was going to call and realized i didn't have it on me and now i really want to talk to her.
from insanegerbil :
he makes you sound like a freaking nut case.wow....but i too pick a food i like and eat it day in and out for months.and i've done the jawbreaker shit myself.i just don't believe in eatting food just to eat it.but about the quirks in a relationship...i don't get it.i don't even stress that stuff because i realize theres probably something i'm doing too.
from xanti :
I'm sorry I haven't kept up better with what's going on. I've been a bad, bad noter, and for that I'm sorry. I used to worry a lot over every thing under the sun, but I have recently learned to stop it. My Intro to Counseling prof calls it the "Supreme Being Complex", where we think we have to take responsibility for everything because we're the older sibling/best friend/counselor/roommate/etc. Something that might help is listening to some relaxing music before you go to bed and cuddle up with the Hubby. ;) At any rate, take care of yourself. ((BIG BIG Hugs)) And if you do lock your diary, could you please send me the password? Send it to xantiarta@hotmail.com. Thanks!
from alwaysinhim :
I always thought it was odd how a good nights sleep could sometimes really lift my mood. And I think that's because when one has a good night's sleep, then their body heals and takes care of itself.. and not just the body, but the mind as well. (So my wish for you is to get a really good night's sleep. I know it won't make all the worries go away.. but with a mind and body that are rested up.. it's that much easier to endure/go through anything). Anyway, the entry by your hubby was fun to read.. I enjoyed it. Laughter is one of the best medicines available to man kind.
from lauralgood :
I want to say it was a great entry, Eric! I must request now that you start your own diary...think it over! Hugs to you both. Laural
from dawnoftheday :
Oh my god!I was cracking up! Eric nailed you dead on! He should make guest appearances more often, I wont bother telling you that I'm going to call tonight..because you're not going to pick up, are you? You guys are so perfect for eachother! But then again, I told you that from the beginning! Happy birthday Eric!
from nora555 :
Loved that entry!!!!!!!! Love Eric!!! Love you guys are so sweet!! You love eacjother so much!! OMG!! That was so cute... Letty
from heartscars :
Clarity, Could you PLEASE contact me. I have a picture of my daughter that I would LOVE LOVE for you to sketch and I was wondering if you do things like that. I've saw your work and it is simply breathtaking!
from katm6 :
Clarity - the fun, silly moments of life are what it is actually about!!! At least that's my opinion. Never give those up! I can't believe that you are required to mop the floor of the hallway!!! The superintendent of my building hires one of the more destitute tenants to vacuum the hallways. Hell, I have trouble vacuuming my own place regularly! Take care of yourself and Eric.
from coldandgray :
Hugs, sweetie. Did you get an absentee ballot?
from cats-corner :
Dear Clarity...oh sweetie, I'm so sorry about your father and your brother. I won't even pretend to understand the pain and uncertainty you're dealing with. Please know that if you ever need to vent, my e-mail is open (cats_corner_77@yahoo.com), of course, I also understand if you'd rather not. I just wish with all my heart, I could do something to help. :-( Please, if there *is* ever *anything* I can do, tell me. *Hug* Love, cat
from dawnoftheday :
Okay, Before you go into lockdown mode. I think I can explain why your stats look scary. I tried to call you last night, but you weren't home. I "accidentally" told Kevin about your online journal, and he read the entire thing. He loved it and kind of freaked out over it. So he called Patrick. (I know you want to kill me right now, but wait) Patrick read it and needs to contact you. He's inspired and wants to do something with it. Something amazing! I can't tell you more, but you'll be getting a few phone calls tonight. Don't be angry at me. okay? It's just that you have all this talent, and you express your life experiences with such beauty and it just touches people. love you and hope you feel better.
from sapphyr :
Please remember to take care of you, that is what is important! ~Sapphyr
from lauralgood :
i am here...hugs. love laural
from officechick :
Funny about the landlord...just thank your lucky stars that you don't live in a very small town in the State of Wisconsin, because there, the neighbors call your parents!!!....even if you are in your 20's......ha! Yes it's true...this happened to my poor brother once upon a time, not to me thankfully...I moved a bit further away :-) And your happy mood is contaigous - thanks!
from alwaysinhim :
yeah... some older people are really weird... but anyway, glad to hear that you're in good spirits.
from coldandgray :
To your landlord: OH MY GOD! To your good mood & inloveness: AWESOME!
from lauralgood :
I love you. Really do. Hugs. Laural
from acuttersedge :
your life is beautiful. those little moments make all the difference. glad your better!
from tigerlily21 :
No, don't ever "grow up"!! Your fun, loving, spontaneous nature is part of what makes you such a wonderful person. I can't imagine you ever being old, stodgy, and boring.. c'mon now! Enjoy being who you are! Trust me, I wish I was more "child-like"..I always feel like a boring, run down old person who never has any fun. I hope you have a wonderful day and I hope Eric feels better soon. Oh, and thanks for all the info on Germany.. I will never ever live there.. I can't even remember to mop my own house every week!
from starlight42 :
good luck with quitting smoking! I know it's hard, but I've seen a lot of people kick the habit recently. Now if only Dave can do that...
from nightmare54 :
Inspiration? Look around you! Look back to the pictures you took and shared with us there are some beautiful things there that have inspired many of us. Even if it a warning lable that inspires you to quit smoking...it is still inspiration..hell Warhol made a career, nay, made a life out of painting soup cans. And personally I think he was a hack and you have more talent in your big toe then he ever had! Stop thinking and let the forces of nature take over. ..then of course let us see it first! Glad your feeling better!
from lauralgood :
hugs and hugs to you. i am here is you want to talk....you know that. I need to send you an email as well...time oh time...love laural
from coldandgray :
Yes, you do seem to have such a big heart, I wish you never had to worry about something like that. Also, I am a victim of cigarettes & proof of how lethal they really are. The warning lable is right.
from clrmehppygrl :
I never had to do something that extreme with anyone I love, thankfully. I'm sorry you had to experience anything that has to do with suicide or the likes, it's hard to understand. It's hard to figure out why anyone would want to do that. But thankfully, even though you were terrified, and he was fighting, you did the right thing. You're a strong woman, and you should be proud.
from katm6 :
What a horrible experience, Clarity. I'm just glad you were there for Celine and "Dan." And money just doesn't matter (to a point) when it comes to a beloved four-footed member of the family. Continue to take care of yourself. And yes, you should submit some artwork to the juried show!!!
from cats-corner :
Hi Clarity, I just wanted to let you know that I'll no longer be reading my "notes" page so if you have a comment on an entry or you want to get in touch, the best way to do so will be via e-mail. I'm sorry if this causes you any inconvienence. I'm glad to hear you're improving and I'm terribly sorry Eric has to go through his own bought! Same advice for him: no booze, no cigs and no late night parties. *Hugs* -cat
from ilmomof3 :
I got chills reading about your trip to the ER with your friend -- that's a hell of an association to have with that place. I have been very fortunate not to have to deal with a suicide or an attempted suicide up close and personal. Anyway, feel better soon, both of you!
from nora555 :
Congrats on the new clients!! Hope you feel better. Thanks for your note. As for your experience in the emergency room, your so barave and thoughtful.Hope Eric feels better too err thats so cute!!Letty
from nightmare54 :
LOL you closet pedophile! Thanks for the note I'm happy that you feel better, I hope Eric gets to feeling better soon! I had to tell Steph that I was a pedophile last week cause I saw a girl who was very hot ans scantily clad and when she turned around she was like 14! I was stunned! what the hell happened to the girls? they all look like 12 going on 35!(I also posted this note on my own notes for some reason! I think I'm retarded!)
from alwaysinhim :
And thank you for your note. It is comforting to know that others can commiserate with me. In fact.. it cheers me up, it does! =)
from augustdreams :
I'm so sorry that you and Eric have both been so sick. {{{Warm Hugs}}} Are you sleeping with a humidifier at night? It might help with the congestion. Take a long, hot shower and just standing and breathing in the steam may help, too. But I know sometimes you're too sick to even think about standing up that long. Feel better soon. Thank you for sharing your ER story with all of us. You're absolutely right about friends. They're so precious. Everything else in life dwindles to irrelevent when compared to the people we love. My loved ones (fuzzy and non-fuzzy alike) are my moon and stars. Your entry reminded me how grateful I am for them. And I'm grateful that you and I can share our lives through our words. *kiss*
from cats-corner :
Good girl Clarity. *Cat pats Clarity's head and puts a lit cigarette in her mouth* For all your efforts, you deserve a reward. *Pops open a lager and hands it over* Okay...I could get really frustrated with you over the fact that you're so certain your submission to the exhibit will be rejected, but I'm not going to. I will wait and gloat after you tell us you're one of their featured artists. :-P The username/password will be at the top of every post porny entry but in case you don't see them they are UN: morgaine and PW: gwydion. I'm not entirely sure I'll have the guts to post anymore... :-\ I'm trying very hard to reign in my panicky reactions, but so far I'm not doing very well. It's stupid, I know. I gather from the notes preceding mine, you're feeling better so, YAY! (But I'll have to go read today's entry to be sure). -catbert
from alwaysinhim :
I'm glad to hear your little one is better, and I shall continue to you pray that you and you love get better as well.
from lauralgood :
darling so glad you are feeling a bit better, thoughts now move to eric...and percy is well! horray! hugs to you, friend. Love Laural
from atomicbuddha :
Also YAY for Percy...soo glad he's better. Domi the Giant Pug of Doom sends him many slobbery kisses and snorts.
from atomicbuddha :
Wow, what a traumatic ER experience. Hopefully that felt good to write about, get it out... What matters is that Dan is still alive and you are a major reason why. Also E.R. (the show) rocks. I watch it religiously. This season so far is fabulous. I swear I almost always cry...and that hour goes so unbelievably fast. Feel better!!! Damn that german flu!!
from cnotefwb :
Hey! Thanks for your note. Although I don't know how you could like my diary after reading just a few entries of yours! Girl - you are sooo cool! (Please excuse my childish admiration). You have such a cool way of looking at the world and really seeing it. I can't wait to read your archives! Oh and the 50 things about you that your husband wrote was beautiful. He seems to really "get" you.
from dangerspouse :
How the HELL do you manage to type so many cogent words while nursing a 112 degree fever and staring at a plate of ricey dog food? When I have the flu and try to make an entry, it always goes something like, "I'm dead. Leave a message and go away. Watch you don't slip on the snot...." Jesus, if I churned out a novel like that while in the grip of some Ebola clone, my wife would be a widow by the end of the day (and a very happy one, I might add). My hat's off to you kiddo, you're a better man than I! Your dog too.....
from lauralgood :
hi darling. I am glad you are feeling a little better! and the dog too! I have been thinking aobut you. possible Rejection is the only way you can get acceptance as well...If you get what i mean. love laural
from kiosh :
Hello darling... It makes me sad to read that you're so sick. I hope you get better soon and I'm sending you healing vibes and positive vibes. ~ I've seen some of your work and I think you're really talented, go on, submit something and you'll do great. You have all my support. Good luck with that! ~ Girl, your journal is wonderful, I love it. I don't know if you noticed but I added a button-link on RS&C to Clarity25... ~ Say hello to Eric from me, he's a great guy. ~ By the way, what happened to your notes system that it's all stretched? ~ I send you a big hug and much love!
from cats-corner :
YAY! I'm thrilled you're going to submit a piece to the exhibition. You are a *FUCKING BRILLIANT* artist Clarity. I can only dream of posessing the talent you have. I'm so sorry you're still sick...although, I *completely* understand the desire to avoid doctors. Blech! On the other hand, I would *never* want anything to endanger your health, so I'm glad you plan to brave the white coat brigade if you're not improving by Monday. Oh, and I'm sooooooooo glad Percy's getting better! I was worried about him...his illness sounded so similar to what necessitated putting Sugar to sleep. It was two years ago today that we had to do that. I'm relieved that Percy's alive and wagging! *Hug* -cat
from cats-corner :
All right I give in! I believe! I believe! I'm not worthy! I'm not--oh wait...shouldn't be using that one, should I? :-D Joking aside, *you're* quite an amazing person yourself Ms. Clarity...and *I* will keep telling *you* that until you believe it too. -cat
from alwaysinhim :
I love reading about people in love.. It's so beautiful and awe-inspiring. Thank you.
from tigerlily21 :
Go for it!! From what you have posted online, I can see that you are a wonderful artist and you shouldn't have a single doubt about getting rejected! You and Eric have something really special, something like that doesn't go away, it grows into something more each day. Cherish it and know that you are one of the few that get someone so special to spend their time with on earth!
from officechick :
You're welcome. I think your diary and your writing is so beautiful. I just read your last entry, again beautiful. You and your husband have a beautiful relationship (let's see how many times I can say beautiful here :-) Will it last and always be like that you ask...I think it can; at least that's my goal with my husband. But I feel if I keep believing that and thinking that -- it will. It does get harder when you throw kids into the equation, but it still works for us. And no matter how long you've been married, keep dating each other.
from lonelylatina :
hope you get well soon
from alicefalls :
Reading this entry makes me realise how special my own 5 year relationship is, I mean how many people are willing to gallop around the house with you? rename every animal with secret spy names? and make up stories about weird sounds? Seriously Id be floundering if I didnt have J. Thanks for reminding me. Having only seen the one painting posted here a while back I can only say that if they dont accept a peice by you they are obviously insane. Ever since that painting I keep wishing I had someone capture me like that, so maybe Ill just have to commission something from you!!
from nora555 :
You guys love eachother soooo much!! It's so sweet, it's actually inspiring. Well as for that exibition, Clarity your diary is art, your photos are art. The painting you do post are awesome. I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS! You are so bad ass!! You are truly gifted in ever sense of the word. You make me and other laugh, cry, feel, I cant imagine what you could do on canvas. Can't imagine. Really.. You better not chicken out! JUST DO IT!!
from krugerpak007 :
I want to cry when I read about the two of you and your relationship. Its beautiful. I wonder where the hell I have gone wrong! It's wonderful to hear that marriages can be like that still. I guess I have a lot of work to do...Your husband sounds wonderful. But then you do too, so I guess you both deserve each other! I hope you feel better very soon. That you manage to relax this weekend. And to do some painting. You are so talented. You can do it! xoxo Kathy
from coldandgray :
So damn sweet, what you wrote about Eric. I am excited about your painting for the exhibition, so cool!
from ilmomof3 :
I am so with you on the fear of rejection thing. At least once a week someone tells me I "should publish something." And maybe someday I will, something beyond poems in obscure magazines, anyway. But thinking of sending something out and getting the inevitable rejection letter, now that strikes serious fear into my heart. Hope you feel better soon!
from coldandgray :
Hey Clarity, I am just catching up. I hope you are feeling better & I am thinking good thoughts for Percy. I saw that film, My Life without Me & liked it as well. One thing bothered me about it though. When the lady was telling the story about the siamese twins, she said one was a boy & one was a girl. !! That distracted me for days!
from bolashley :
Thank you for your note and perspective on “living in the past.” I think I’m looking at it in a more cheerful way now – like, why *not* enjoy those memories! Hope you're feeling better, too. I’ll be thinking good positive thoughts for Percy. Poor baby.
from atomicbuddha :
Thanks, I grew the Husband myself. I'll tell him he's a hottie, he'll get a kick out of that. He honestly has no idea. It means a lot coming from you because you have such good taste in the men yourself (i.e. your hot husband!). Glad you're feeling a tad better...hope it progresses to feeling fabulous by tomorrow!!
from sapphyr :
Hugs to you! I hope you feel better soon! I hope your doggie gets better too! ~Sapphyr
from scubafreak :
Sending you "feel better" vibes.
from girlinshadow :
Thank you for adding me to your favorites list. I appreciate it. -Shadow PS: Hope you feel better soon.
from lauralgood :
poor thing. I wish I were there to make you some chicken soup. I will be thinking good thoughts for you. I sure hope you get well soon. Love Laural
from alwaysinhim :
I hope you and your Percy feel better soon.
from girlsmad :
um...i do recall YOU telling me i looked like them...
from dawnoftheday :
One of the Olson twins?! I laughed so hard I nearly pissed myself, I wish I could have seen your expression. Don't worry, you don't look like Mary Kate at all..but Ashley..well. From the side when you smile, haha! Just kidding, Actually you look alot like Joss Stone. So that cold is still kicking your ass? You sounded like death last night on the phone! I hope you feel better and Percy too. I know you're sick..but don't go bashing "Pretty woman"!
from special-one :
i've been told i love like the olsen twins too. well that's what my uncle said, but i really don't think so. thanks for the advice. hopefully i won't have to be patient much longer though.
from atomicbuddha :
Here's hoping you feel better. I'm sending healing blue light your way, can you feel it? It may take a while to reach Germany. I am also sending that same light to Percy...poor little puggy. And about that whole not feeling grown-up thing....I am 32 and I STILL feel like that most of the time, you'll get used to it.
from nightmare54 :
Sweet Jesus! you sound like you are evil sick! I hate that, well I hate feeling bad but I love missing work. and watching TV. I have a high tolarance for pain and sickness, so I always just play like i'm real sick! Anyway I have to disagree, the pic I saw had nothing olsen like in it. I think you look like a young Debbie Harry, but then again I bet I get a lot of people telling me I'm retarded...but thats my opinion and I'm sticking to it! I hope you feel better! BEAR HUGS!
from katm6 :
Clarity - do they sell Alka-Seltzer Cold & Cough there? If so, invest in some. It is the greatest stuff in the world for a cold, I've found. If not, I'll mail some to you when I send the CD. Erich said I could tape it or he'd send another CD to me, so I'll get you a copy of the Clarity song sometime soon - in theory. I'm so sorry to hear about Percy. I will pray that he is okay. I went through the death of a pet last year and it was one of the worst days of my life, so I hope you don't have to endure that. And thanks for expressing your feelings about Christopher Reeve. I cried when I heard it announced Monday morning. I remember my aunt taking us to see the first Superman when it came out. He was an extraordinary man and his legacy will be long-lasting.
from krugerpak007 :
I agree with the person below...I hope Percy makes a quick recovery and that he will be ok. poor thing. And you. I hope you are being spoiled! Take care of yourself and feel better soon lovely! xoxox Kathy
from bolashley :
From the picture you posted I don't think you look anything like an Olson so don't go slitting those wrists yet - you're much much much prettier.
from milomilo2 :
Thanks for the note. I'm still finding my writing style and probably should have put a little more effort into it but I was still feeling the wine. Dog love...unconditional and constant...nothing better. I understand your attachment to your dog and hope the best in his recovery. As always, I look forward to your daily writing. Milomilo2 (Bob)
from lauralgood :
I am praying for your Percy. Love Laural
from myownjourney :
Thanks for the comment and I hope you feel better soon. Also, I'm a little sad about Christopher Reeve myself. - Rick
from singlegirl :
No fair! I wasn't able to access my computer since Friday. I missed all of your lovely photos of yourself. I feel left out:)
from special-one :
i hope you and Percy get well soon
from scubafreak :
Feeling your pain on the puppy front
from starlight42 :
Awww- I hope Percy is ok!! He's too cute. My mom was sad too about Christopher Reeve, she was a big fan- even more recently. You've got to give the guy credit, he sure had a lot of courage & heart.
from cats-corner :
There is no satisfying you journal junkies is there? :-D I'm so sorry about Percy. I'm keeping my fingers crossed in the hopes that he'll be all right. I agree with you completely: pets are as much a part of the family as any humans...most of the time, I prefer my "animal" relatives over the humans. And I'm sorry you're sick. :-( Please take good care of yourself. I wish there was something I could do...besides say: no booze, no ciggies and get lots of fluids and rest. :-) There, I may never be a mother, but I can step into the roll every once in a while. *Hugs* -cat
from girlinshadow :
I don't mind at all; in fact, I'm flattered that you want to add me to you list. :-) -Shadow
from dorotka :
you really do look like Gwen Stefani :)You are an awesome writer and I look forward to your entries everyday. I think that my life may look somewhat like yours in a few years (and I hope it does!) so it's all the more facinating to read. take care :)
from krugerpak007 :
I absolutely agree with you about Christopher Reeve. Go and read the entry of catz-eyes. He also quoted a beautiful e-mail he received from someone, and it bought tears to my eyes too. Very sad. Anyway sweety, I hope you feel better. I know it sucks feeling ill, so far away from home. Just take care! And also I hope your doggy gets better. Holding thumbs...Take care! xoxox Kathy
from nightmare54 :
I'm sorry to hear about your dog. We have been having problems with our Rottweiler too, I know how disturbing it can be. As far as the photography goes, I majored in Photojournalism for a couple of years when I was fist in college, but now I'm too scared to try and make a living at it. I also would have a hard time charging people a lot of money for something that comes so natural to me. and easy. I know I'm a weirdo.
from clrmehppygrl :
Thank you for posting about Christopher Reeve. I feel the same way about him. I feel like he was introduced to us as this strong caring man, superman, and that's kind of who we all saw him as, even after the accident. I cried when I heard about his death. It's just not fair. I just hope he's walking now, whereever he is.
from atomicbuddha :
Love the pictures. Your studio looks a little like an illustration studio I used to work for. Good memories. Also nice to see a pic of you. I have to agree, you are quite stunning (and on a bad day too). You look like Claire Danes a little in that pic.
from ocean-front :
You think your life is boring? Than look at mine *sigh* And you look pretty good, even if you say you look like shit. *anothersigh*
from nora555 :
Hey you, Oh my god its a picture you can actually focus on!!! Yaya Clarity!!!Well you are absolutely stunning! If that's shit?? Hell i'd hate to see what you'd look like good!! Well as fot me flat iron my hair for an hour twice a week and 20 min makeup job.. Otherwise I look like shit, but shit not clarity shit:) Well girl that entry is so good, I liked it. I've been wanting to walk around my home town and take pics but Im afraid I'll get shot.. But I think Im inspired. Okay you haven't emailed me!! Hello.... But uggh watch ill email you!! You wouldn't believe!! Peace out.
from cats-corner :
I'm glad you like the new layout! I love it. I used one of Steve Hanks's nudes in my other diary...it's gorgeous. And s'cuse me! But I *never* bullshit people. :-) If I didn't think that you're utterly beautiful, I wouldn't have said one word about the picture of you. I *NEVER* say things I don't mean. No rush on the sketch, I know you and Eric are crazy busy. I really appreciate that you're creating the painting for me. I'm sending you more books...don't argue with me! (Hehe). I saw them, just sitting on my shelves and thought: "I bet Clarity would enjoy that." So it's no dice trying to dissuade me...at least I know it would be much harder to send a big ol' box back! :-) I'm so glad you like "Elegance" enough to reread it! That was one of the title I wasn't sure of. YAY!! *Hugs* Love, cat
from jennlynn24 :
Ya girl, you a hottie:) how come some of those pics didnt show up.. whats up with that? :)
from sapphyr :
I wish I looked that great when I look like "Shit." :-) ~S.
from grngrl75 :
Beautiful pictures!
from irishblueyes :
you are beautiful.
from dawnoftheday :
You DO look like shit, girl..hahaha! just kidding, but your eyes looked pretty swollen, Glad you're feeling better this week. I liked the pictures..but half of them don't work. Fix it! I called you last night..no answer. Just the annoying answering machine and I can't understand what you're saying because it's all in German! Oh and while I'm bitching at you..Can you hook me up with a new layout? and write me a note already!
from alwaysinhim :
The pictaures are lovely, and the link about the wedding... that was awesome. Being able to trust each other is what build the best relationships.
from mentalimages :
Not sure if it's just me, but i can't see most of the pics. There are some that aren't uploaded, just a little tiny non-signifgant X where your lovely photo's should be. The one with you without makeup and such is beautiful! You are a lovely girl. Enjoy it, cause beauty tends to diminish over the years, and what we may find as unattractive now, looks like model beauty to us years later. You'll look back on that photo and say "Oh my god, i was gorgeous! Why didn't i know this??!!!" Repost them if you can...i'd like to see the others.
from yecats79 :
I think that picture of you is gorgeous. I hate pictures with fake smiles plastered on, they're so posed and unnatural. The only pictures of me smiling that I like are taken when I'm drinking because then I'm not posing, I just can't stop giggling.
from cats-corner :
So...that's you without make-up, (alleged) bags under your eyes and dressed in your painting clothes? May I please shake you vigorously for not knowing how fucking beautiful you are? :-) -cat
from starlight42 :
Oh-la-la love the pics!!
from krugerpak007 :
I need to go back and catch up on your entries...But before I do that, I just read the last one and I loved it. You are beautiful! Thanks for sharing those stunning photos with us. I hope you are well and that you have a good week ahead! xoxox Kathy
from katm6 :
Welcome back, Clarity. It is a fact of life that sometimes life begins with a death. I'm very sorry about Eric's best friend's mother. There is no rhyme or reason to life or death, but we do the best we can. May you always keep the image of that little girl spinning and singing in your mind's eye for when you're down.
from cats-corner :
Hi Clarity...I would have sent this in an e-mail, but I can't remember your address. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I'll be getting a refund on all the shrink visits I've been paying for over the last two years, which means I'll be able to send you another box 'o' books! Yay! *Happy dance* I'm just curious to know if there are any genres you're interested/not interested in. I was going to send a copy of "The Book of Q," until I read in your archives that you're really not into books along the same lines of "That Da Vinci Code." So if there's anything in particular you want/don't want, just let me know. :-) I hope everything's going all right for you and Eric. *Hugs* -cat
from clrmehppygrl :
Sometimes it takes something like death for us to remember that we're not permanent residents here. Destinies cross, and someone in your circle of aquaintinces passes away like this, it's tragic. I'm glad you could take something positive away from the entire ordeal. I'm glad you're moving out of your slump and realizing that life isn't about regretting or pining away for someone else's life... it's about looking at what you have and enjoying it as much as humanly possible. Much love to you.
from rapunzal :
I had a similar experience once. In the fall of 1998, I was emotionally paralyzed. I just stopped feeling. I think it was partially my way of not dealing with my grandfather's death, who I was very close to. He had died the summer before. At the time I was only 19, and so I was fortunately not very accustomed to death at all. The weird thing is that I felt ashamed for feeling sadness or any type of "self-centered" emotion, since the world was full of so many tragedies. It was strange. So it's the fall of 98, and I haven't cried in months. This Priest I know calls me one morning to tell me that this other college girl that we mutually knew had died. He asked if I wanted to attend the funeral with him, and I told him I'd get back to him. I barely knew this girl at all, and so my first reaction was nothingness. I barely even sighed. Two days later I came out of it. Not at her funeral, because I didn't go (I was too afraid), but on my own. I was lying in bed, I had just woken up, and it was like my body couldn't take it anymore. The catharsis came, and I realized that the way I had been living was barely human. I began to feel things again...true bliss, sadness, everything, the whole package. This person I had barely known helped me wake up.
from alwaysinhim :
It's odd how it always takes something deeply moving to get us going. Like, we have to have our legs horribly severed before we realize that we indeed wanted to walk and do things with our life. ... And I know what if feels like to sort of get a wake up call about some way you've been acting or thinking. I sort of had such a thing last night (although on a much lesser scale than yours). While I didn't like all the tears, I am glad it happened though. (well, I appreciate what I got out of it anyway)
from lauralgood :
love you lots. I hope i can start living in the moment as well. love laural
from freed0m :
"We spend our life chasing after money and possessions but you never see a hearse being followed by a U-Haul." Oh, so true and so well spoken. I'm glad for you that this experience has opened your eyes to all the good things in life...
from starlight42 :
Thanks for the bday wishes. Sorry to hear about the lady who passed away. You're right- death has a way of splashing cold water on us and waking us up. Also, I was about to say- both P Tang & Swept Away didn't look very good...I laughed when I read down to the end where you found that out :)
from ilmomof3 :
I found your journal through cat of cats-corner and enjoyed my read. I was particularly touched by your entry about your best friend. I lost my ten-year-old daughter this year to complications of a lung transplant (she had cystic fibrosis). I'd like to add you to my buddy list if you don't mind...
from girlsmad :
I got friends in low placessss where the whiskey drowns and the beer chases mah blues awayyyyy. just drink till you can't feel anymore, then pass out, wake up the next morning and you're so busy wondering what the fuck you did the night before that you forgot all about what upset you in the first place. :) I love you though, seriously call me. I miss youuuuuuu take care girl.
from katm6 :
Hope you are feeling better, Clarity. I finally heard from the Clarity songwriter. He has nothing on-line yet, but he's working on his website. If you want I could tape it for you, if you have access to a tape deck, and mail it to you. e-mail: kat_m6@yahoo.com Take care, dear.
from yelayna :
Just wanted to send you a *hug* as I feel you need one as much as I feel I need one at the moment! Thank you for your note the other day, it was much appreciated. *more hugs* Offer of books still stands.... and I think you have my email further down here if you want them!
from special-one :
*hugs* i'm sorry i haven't been reading your diary enough. it's so good that i'm deffinitely going to have to again. i hope things get better for you.
from clrmehppygrl :
I know there's a high probability that nothing I say is going to make you feel better. But I couldn't just NOT say anything when I saw the slump you're in. You're a beautiful woman, Clarity, and I've never even seen a picture. You'll get out of this soon, and life will go on. Your husband will still love you, you will still be more talented than most people ever dream of, and you will still be a wonderful human being. Much love to you until this is over.... well, even after that too.
from myownjourney :
Hey, thanks for stopping by. We are probably very different as far as politics and probably personalities go, but I added you as a favorite because after reading a few entries, I saw that you were someone that was smart, spritual,deep and just struggling with the things the way we all do. In other words, you are very interesting. And like you said, politics doesn't make us who we are, it just determines who we vote for. This is kind of long huh? Sorry, guess I'm in a bit of a talkative mood. Anyway, good-luck and I'll shut up now. :)
from lauralgood :
your note made me cry. thank you for saying such nice things. I love you, lots. Laural
from artofliving :
additionally, love, i'd just like to remind you how amazing you are. keep me updated on this slump; if it keeps up, i might just have to fly you out here for a re-celebration of the 21st.
from alwaysinhim :
here's a hug deary. *hugs* And interesting survey.. I think I might steal it from you and fill it out.
from artofliving :
have i ever told you how much i love your notes? no matter how long or short, they just make me happy. you're SO the cat's meow!
from nightmare54 :
Thanks Hunny! I will be sure to snap a bunch! And if you need to talk, or more importantly have someone stand in front of you while you pummel them with you mighty fists of fury! I know it helps remove tension!! (and I'm big enough to take it too!) But remember that you have a whole network of people who listen better then most, and almost none of us will try and fix the problem, we'll just be supportive...well I will probably try and fix it , I mean I am a guy, and guys are notorious fixers! Just keep in mind.."Shared Pain is lessened, and Shared Joy is heightened"
from singlegirl :
I'm sorry to hear you are having a rough time lately - it's no fun. I liked that survey though. Isn't it amazing how much our lives change year-to-year? Even when you don't think there is much change, there usually is. Makes you wonder what the future has in store for you. What you will be writing about this year, one year from now. Feel better soon:)
from ubergrrl :
Hugs and kisses. Thanks for your note last week. I know how it is to be in a funk... And I know you don't really want advice or pity, so I'll give you some unsolicited advice.. ;) The best thing to do is just give yourself permission to be where you are. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, even if it is funk. So many people get down on themselves for being in a funk, like they shouldn't ever do it. And shame on them.. or whatever. Allowing yourself to feel things, even if they aren't so pleasant is so much better because it means you aren't in resistance. Resistance breeds persistance. Sorry this all sounds cheesey, but I just wanted to send you a quick note to tell you that I love you and you're in my thoughts even if I don't get to read and leave notes as often as I'd like. :)
from katm6 :
Sorry to hear about your funk, Clarity. I wish there was something I could do or say to make you feel better, but I know when I get in those moods that nothing helps. The CD is by a band called PlanetUron from their album Guess What? done in 2002. I got it from the drummer/songwriter and I'm not sure if it's on-line anywhere. I'll ask and let you know. Take care of yourself.
from cornflake1 :
(((((gentle hugs))))) I hope tomorrow is better, and the next day even better than that.
from katm6 :
Nice to have you back, Clarity. I was thinking about you this weekend. I have this new CD and one of the songs is called Clarity and some of the lyrics are "seize the day." How weird is that?????
from coldandgray :
SA-DA-TAY! I Love Pootie! Hey, Clarity? I would buy your art, I am sure many others would too. You are too dang talented to be going hungry at the end of each month...
from firstgirl :
I just read your entry today. The way you write really sucks me in. Reliving similar feelings of my own past. Sometimes, we have to learn the hard way, we women... I wonder whatever happened to Ashley.
from alwaysinhim :
so much depth (your words.. all of them.. none of them have yet to not affect me), and unfortunately.. truth. I've never had the chance to cheat on anyone (although I would hope that I wouldn't if that chance should ever arise), but I've been close to people who've had to deal with that kind of thing.. and it is not pretty. It hurts a lot to even have to see that kind of thing. (please forgive anything that doesnt make sense. I seem to be awake at 4 in the morning).
from cats-corner :
Been there, done that with the quarterlife crisis thing...I guess my brain decided it hadn't tortured itself enough 'cause we're right back where we were a year ago. I'm afraid I'm going to spend this year's birthday, alone in my room, sobbing and wailing: "I DON'T WANNA BE 27! I DON'T WANNA BE 27!" You have my deepest sympathies. Oh, and thank you for the lovely note you left regarding my last entry. And here I thought everyone would think it was a steaming pile of cow plop. :-) Who knew. *Hugs* -cat
from artofliving :
AAAAAAAWWWWWWW!!!! THANK YOU HONEY BUNNY!! you're wonderful!! i'll update soon!! <3
from acornotravez :
About (not) being athletic - as you get older it gets much harder to start a routine workout regimen - keep it up while you're young so you won't lose it. Last Jan. I hadn't been very active for almost 2 years, and since then I've been active. (Biking, jogging, basketball, yoga, but not at the gym - I hate gyms also.) But I was amazed at how long it took me to get back to where I was 3 years ago, took me months. You just can't give up. (And then you hit 30... ouch!)
from alwaysinhim :
heh, I know what you mean about the quarter-life crisis. Depending on the person of course, I think people experience lots of crises during their life time. I did right after I graduated from college with my two-year degree.. it was like.. "ok.. now what. I have no idea.. and everyone else does." but anyway, yeah.
from hopeandpray :
When I read the title of your latest entry "Pootie Tang vs. Swept Away", I thought you were referring to the USA Presidential Debate. : ) I agree with you on your assessment of it though. I'm happy all is well, and it is regardless of how much wealth you have! Love & Peace.
from oladybug0 :
Crimson and Clover has been my favorite song ever since being about 14. It is just such ambient music and creates such a deep sense of place and time and feeling. There are certain moments which are just Crimson and Clover moments!
from singlegirl :
Welcome back. You were missed.
from dangerspouse :
Hey, welcome back! You're that chick from Germany, right? Yeah, I remember when you used to post stuff way back when! Hey, too bad about that fire. Shame a residence burned down and not the Church (just a personal editorial there). Good job alerting the insensate locals, though. Boy Scout badges of Merit all the way around! Of course, you also get THREE demerits for causing that fucking Shondelle's song to play non-stop in my head now.As the song says, "over and over...." AAUGH! Thanks a lot.
from krugerpak007 :
Thank you for your sweet note. I will be back in Israel in a week and a half to catch up entries. I hope you are well. xoxox Kathy
from milomilo2 :
I'm happy that you decided to continue write about your life whether if you make your entrees private or public. In the end, I think you will be happy that you decided to continue. You're writing a history about yourself.
from lauralgood :
oh yes! Do get the IM set up! I would love to talk with you! Hugs. Laural
from artofliving :
By the way, Although I would have supported any decision you make about what you do with your life, I would be honestly sad to not be able to have contact with you. It's odd but you really have become quite a good friend to me.
from artofliving :
The tattoo I'm thinking of getting is actually a painting by an up-and-coming asian artist. I've found it online and I'll e-mail you a link tomorrow so you can see it. Actually, if you're interested, I kinda need that image altered a little...if you feel like doing it, let me know. I'll send it to you tomorrow and tell you what I'd like for it to be if you're up for it.
from suggest :
Thanks for suggesting a great diary :)
from nora555 :
I read your update before i checked my notes. Thank you so much for all your encouraging words, it really means alot to me. But I'm so glad your back and everyone must be reading you because i cant get in that link to the song. Love Ya Letty
from nora555 :
Yay your back!!!
from lauralgood :
I loved that song forever as well...to me it is one of those songs that could be made today or tomorrow and it would sound as awesome as it did...well close to it...i can't listen to it enough. welcome back, love. L
from cats-corner :
I'm really glad you're back. I missed reading your entries. -cat
from alwaysinhim :
I am most pleased to know that you've decided to stay. I shall have to try back to hear the song.
from miss-shirty :
yay, you're back! I'm completely there with you in re: d-land. It has become this amazing ritual in my life where everyday I catch a small glimpse of the human condition, in a way that is so open and free and diverse. anyways, always, -miss shirty
from lonelylatina :
woooohoooo you're back!!! man what a trip...i just heard that song on the radio this morning and was telling my friend what a cool song that is(i've only heard it a few times)...then i go to your journal and you're talking about it...it was weird..the way you feel about 'crimson and clover' is the way i feel about 'blue bayou'sung by linda rondstandt...can't get enough of it
from acuttersedge :
Well, I am glad she is happy. She deserved it. I hope all is well with you. And I hope you return quickly.
from scubafreak :
I miss you already.
from starlight42 :
I read a few of your sister's entries once, she is a talented writer! It sucked, because when I stopped by to read, she was saying how she was leaving Dland...There's nothing like a sister...
from katm6 :
Thanks for the nice note, Clarity. I really appreciate knowing that you're at least reading my drivel. Please don't stress about the dream/nightmare. I'm 99% certain that dreaming about sex w/someone other than your husband is not an indication of anything. I'll try to remember to check my dream book when I get home. And take your time about posting, but know that we will miss you. *hugs*
from candoor :
wow... dreams :)
from coldandgray :
It always tweaks me out when I dream of diarylanders, too. I'll miss you, sweets.
from alwaysinhim :
Thank you for your note. It was much needed... and thank you for taking the time to give me a read through. I don't think many do (not that I can blame them).. but I've been reading some of your entries too.. the one about the german party... I laughed so hard that my roomie wanted to know.. so I read some of it to her, and she laughed too. (and we "awwwwwed" at all the cute sweet things about your hubby.. both of us are unmarried and wistful.. so yeah). And I am amazed about your wedding story.. it sounds incredibly touching and meaningful, even more so because of the restraints on it. (did you ever find the missing ring?).
from nightmare54 :
Yeah I have that effect on a lot of women!! Take all the time you need, We'll just make more! But please hurry back. I like living my artistic /creative side vicariously through you.!! Email me if you just need to unload on a stranger...this time without the bus trip!! Many cool thoughts floating your way..M
from clrmehppygrl :
I've had dreams like that, but usually they're not so pleasant. It will be a less exciting day when I come to Diaryland and don't see that you've updated, but I understand the need for time. I hope you're well, as well as your family and loved ones. See you when you get back!
from pixie-grl :
Hey girlie, hope all is well. "Overwhelmed" must be the feeling of the day. Is there going to be a full moon or something??? Well, you know I am going to go crazy without the updates, but.... you just take it easy and get in all the Eric time you can. E-mail me if you need anything. XOXO
from cats-corner :
Thank you so much for the note you left on my latest entry Clarity. *You* amaze me. I feel blessed to know you. *Hugs* Love, cat
from nora555 :
You are my first real person, the first to add me to their buddy list, I'm sad, take all the time you need and know that you can email me if you need to. I'm here. I'll miss you!!!!-Letty
from krugerpak007 :
Take all the time you need, but remember you will be missed. Alot. Kathy
from lauralgood :
I will be waiting for you when you return. You have my email if you wish to talk while you are away. I love you and wish you happiness. Laural
from cats-corner :
I will miss you while you're gone. :-* Love, cat
from krugerpak007 :
I forgot to tell you how amazing that sketch you did was. Indescribable. That entry on your sister was beautiful. I am going to have to go and search for her diary. I always wished I had a sister. I have a brother that I haven't seen for 3 years. We are on opposite sides of the world. And it's so sad. I wish that I had money that I could send you guys so that you could go out for a nice meal together. A sushi meal or whatever it is you feel like. I can offer though to send you a CD with Israeli music? I made one with all my favorite songs and have been sending it out to my special people. So let me know. Otherwise you and Eric take care. xoxo Kathy
from cats-corner :
God Clarity, I feel terrible knowing you and Eric have to go hungry for the next week and a half. :-( I wish I had money to send right now...would it be better to send $ instead of those books? (The art books, I mean). I mean, at least with money you can get something to eat. Books...pffffftttt, what are they good for when you're hungry?! I'm just so sorry...I wish I had enough to give so that you and Eric would never have to worry about money again. *Hugs* Love, cat
from freed0m :
Thank you for your note -- it's always fun to have a new reader! I'd love for you to join my realwomen diary ring. Have a fabulous weekend...
from retailharlot :
Dude. It's probably topic non-grata, but have you ever looked at really old German people and wondered how they behaved when Hitler was in power? I mean, hell, I'm curious and I've never even SEEN an old German person. I want to know if they lived in fear of Hitler, and if they knew about the concentration camps, and how they felt about THAT... etc. I also wonder the same things about old American people with regards to racism... So many of them are overtly, cruelly racist, especially out here in the country. Anyway. *shrug* That's my two cents.
from girlsmad :
i love you!!! Check your mail n call me. I finally got the balls to ask one of the people that work here what my fucking number is.
from drunk-tears :
Hey, I just wanted to say I love your diary. And your layout is awesome. I found you through Aurora, how is she doing btw? <3
from augustdreams :
Yeah, I don't know what's in the Geritol over there but my money's on mind-altering drugs! It's like a scene out of 'A Clockwork Orange' only in reverse. *shudders* I'm so sorry you guys are having a hard time. Is there any special sort of snack that you miss? Something you can't get in Germany? Let me know and I'll fix up a care package for you. And YES, I am making you a care package. It's no good telling me no - I'll just pick out goodies myself if you won't tell me your favorites! And... oh, crap. Um... may I please have your snail mail address? *winning smile*
from alwaysinhim :
wow.. that is an amazing sketch. very life like. And she is adorable!
from nora555 :
Thank you so much for your note. I really needed it. I'm just a little topsy turvey right now, your note made me cry. I'm so happy to hear about your sis. I've wondered what happened to her, let her know she's missed. Letty
from cats-corner :
I'd like to make a pre-emptive bid for passwords rights if/when you decide to lock up. That or I'm going to have to get the lead out of my ass and jam through your archives! :-) -cat
from coldandgray :
I love that picture of your great-grandmother. Also, a good relationship with a sister can make all the difference in life. I used to always play 'Spit' with mine, too. Good luck to Aurora.
from krugerpak007 :
I don't know how I managed to miss so may entries. You are so talented. That baby picture is absolutely beautiful! Glad Eric had a good reunion. I don't fit in with any of Trevor's school friends. And since they all grew up together here on the kibbutz it does get uncomfortable at times. They all talk about the past and I feel like a total loser. Anyway sweetie, I hope all in all you are ok. Have a good weekend. Kathy
from acuttersedge :
Hows Aurora doing? Writing must run in your family. Both of you are quiet a flare for words and the explination of life. Beautiful.
from lauralgood :
I love that photo. she was beautiful. love laural
from jennlynn24 :
password is charlie... had a hug meeting today, everyone got warned about computer/email/internet usage, this time the warning, next termination.. scary!!! nothing on this computer at work is private.. they see all. .scary! :) thanks girl for the nice note!! my bf looks crazy there though he shaved his head, i mean BIC'ed his head, straight razer and all.. hehehe
from yecats79 :
Had to commiserate with you on The Sims. It is totally addictive. I've weaned myself from it somewhat, but I used to spend hours and hours with those little people.
from augustdreams :
You're such an amazing artist. The drawing of Kristina's little girl is beautiful. I'm simply in awe of your talent. Would you do a sketch of Aph for me one day? I can't think of anyone in the world I'd rather have capture her unique little essence.
from jonquill :
Thanks for the kind words, and I hope the journey through my back-log is at least equally entertaining. Just as a note, the locksmith charged me $65 just to show up at my door before doing anything. I don't know how the exchange rate tussles that number around, but I was just as pleased. I started looking around your site, and after reading the first entry and pieces of your introduction, I'm going to have to dedicate a little time here. You have me intrigued.
from milomilo2 :
Thank you for your note. Jokingly aside, reading these diaries are my version of the Sims but without the game graphics. Just as you've become addicted to Sims, I've become addicted to reading journals to see what people are doing and how they approach life. Just your appreciative reader. Milomilo2
from elgan :
I found you on coldandgray's favourite's list and popped in for a read. Although we appear to have nothing else in common, I too have all my wisdom teeth and my favourite ice cream flavour is mint chocolate chip. Amazing!
from nora555 :
Love your new picture. your so optimistic, only soemone as brilliant as you can find humor in ramen noodles :) Might steel your survey- thats what i do. Steel other peoples ideas - Love Ya Letty
from artofliving :
Darling Clarity. I cannot remember at this moment if I have ever told you that reading your entries makes me happy to be literate. Does the outpouring of gorgeousness ever stop, love?
from scubafreak :
Thanks for your note. I found it so odd that you would write your sympathies on that topic. Somehow, you have integrated yourself into my daily thoughts just by reading your diary. Unrealistic, I know, but I feel like I know you just because you write so candidly. I'm sure you have many readers the same way. I was surprised at your note though, because of the way you talk about you and Eric's relationship, I envy you. It appears as if there's never any doubt about being with him, just stresses from being out of your country and away from your friends and family. In a way I look up to you even though we've never met and never will. Kinda weird, but I guess that's what this game is all about.
from yelayna :
Thank you for your thoughts-I've been so slack recently! I know everyone goes through bad patches but sometimes it feels like I'm in one that never seems to end! I'm sure you know what I mean, with all the stuff that's going on with you too. I just wish sometimes that I had more time for the things that I want to do for *me* as opposed to other people. That's kind of my own fault for letting them though.... Hey ho! Hopefully things will start picking up now I've realised! *hugs*
from freed0m :
Wow, you are a very talented artist. I'm impressed! Thank you for sharing your gift...
from candoor :
every time I stop in here, I am more amazed by your talent... it would be great if you put up a site of all your artwork, but then, you deserve to be paid for your artwork... so do you have a book yet? :)
from clrmehppygrl :
Thank you so much for the note. It's the hardest thing about parenting, when you can't do everything you want and need to for your child. We're going to have to float some checks to get him into the doc, but you gotta do what you gotta do, right? I really do appreciate that you left me some encouragement. And I meant to tell you that the portrait of Irishblueyes little girl was amazingly touching. I loved it.
from artofliving :
thanks honey bunny! I'm glad that you don't think I've lost my mind. Additionally, I couldn't be happier about how things are going with you. Overall, you dealt with the fight very well. It was rough but you handled it. Good Job, sista! Now, if only my fight could have gone as swimmingly!! =)
from nora555 :
Hey you!! Just catching up, I'm so sorry to hear about your fight and i'm glad you guys worked it out and as for your most recent entry I'm glad you feel normal again. I can't wait for that to happen to me. You drawing was so beutiful. Love Ya- Letty
from tigerlily21 :
What a beautiful sketch! Your artwork amazes me! Anyway, don't you just love Sims 2? Thats all I did this weekend..didn't even leave the house, how pathetic. I barely even scratched the surface of the game either in all my hours..ah, fun!
from whereibegin :
Clarity - WOW! Your portrait is beautiful! I especially love your attention to her eyes... such detail. Amazing!
from cats-corner :
I would absolutely love for you to created a painting for me. I have a photo in mind...I need to take it over to Kinkos and make a copy. I will send it to you asap. Thank you so much for doing this...you have no idea what it means to me. Truly. *Hugs* Love, cat
from lauralgood :
Love! Of course I still want your gorgeous art work! But don't go to any trouble for me. i know how hard it is to get to the post office. Trust me. I do appreciate you sending to me whenever you do! Love Laural
from cats-corner :
Clarity, I swear to the Goddess you are one of the most talented artists on the planet! You are beyond phenomenal! I had my mom come up and look at your drawing...her mouth dropped open, she was so blown away by your talent. Like you, I was a misfit in high school...unlike you, I never found a group I "fit" with. Those were the years in which I perfected being invisible. Geez, even thinking about it now makes me choke on the sadness. Also, I was allowed to opt out of graduation, as I plan on doing with my reunion next year. In truth, I'm just *waiting* for someone to contact me so I can say: "Oh I'm so sorry, but Cat was killed in a freak corn-threasher accident shortly after graduation."
from lauralgood :
oh love that drawing of kris's baby is so beautiful! by the way...my ten year reunion is this year...not going either...yuck. love laural
from krugerpak007 :
I see myself in you a lot (Gosh, I hope that does not insult you too much...) I know how you feel about realising that you have nowhere to go to. That happened to me a few times in the beginning when we fought. These days though we don't fight. Or if we do, we just manage to ignore each other, in the house. Me in the bedroom, him in the lounge. I guess it has come to that that neither of us have the energy to actually even leave the house. Ok, now I am just taking over your notes section...Sorry. I am glad that you guys made up, that you sorted things out, and that all is well. It is definitely not easy living in a foreign country. Be very proud of yourself. And take care. Kathy
from coldandgray :
I hope you are getting some sleep, or at least giving lots of credit for adjusting so well to everything.
from lonelylatina :
I had to add you as a favorite. You are such a great writer and the love that you and your husband have is very inspiring. I must go and finish reading your past entries so I can catch up on what's been going on in your life. Take care.
from dangerspouse :
Thanks for the (well deserved) cheers, babe! Swell of ya, as always. You brighten my days, too :)
from cats-corner :
Geez girl! The first part of that entry scared the hell out of me! I'm so glad you two talked things out and now feel closer and stronger than before. Phew! My "light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel" couple is okay! Seriously though, I'm so happy you two are all right. *Hugs to you both* Love, cat
from lauralgood :
Hi darling. Thanks for the kind thoughts. Things are ok, you know? Love laural
from dangerspouse :
You're obviously very inexperienced at fighting. Here, let me help spare you some heartache for when future misunderstandings occur: 1: Drink more alcohol. You will either become so enraged that you'll get into a real bloodbath of a fistfight, or you'll fall asleep. Either will avoid prolonged, painfully dramatic episodes of heartrending pathos. 2: Cultivate a talented, discreet fuckbuddy. 'Nuff said. 3: Put on a DVD of 'South Park'. It's hard to sustain real anger when you're laughing at a retarded kid in a wheelchair. or 3A: Call me on my cellphone for a dirty joke. Serves the same purpose. I have to say though - despite your naivete about Real Relationship fights, that was a cracking good entry. Touching, sweet, sad and happy, all at once. Bravo! I really did enjoy reading it :)
from clrmehppygrl :
That sounds so much like my hubby and I when we fight. I'm so glad you two worked it out though. That right there is the true test of love. The hot anger subsides, and you realize that you truly love each other and the fight was silly. Good for you honey.
from augustdreams :
Oh, sweetie. I'm so glad everything worked out between you. Just remember that you're *never* alone. I wish we lived closer but if you ever need a virtual shoulder mine is always here. You can write or call anytime. I loved your entry, and it sounds like you're both so good for each other. Take care and get some sleep now! *hugs*
from geekgurrll :
you're lucky to have painting to turn to. thank you for adding me to your list. Your writing style is so clear and you manage to convey so much emotion in your descriptions. I know how hard it is to be in another country and feel alone like that. Feeling alone when you're with someone must be one of the most awful feelings in the world. Sounds like you handled it beautifully though. I'm off to catch my flight home now. It's been 9 months since I've been there, the longest stretch of time so far. I'm looking forward to so many tastes of home. Take care.
from ocean-front :
Next time you want to get out of your house and home for a while you can come to my place, if you want. I guess it's a bit far away, but it's nearer then the US. If you need a place to stay you're very welcome! Leave me a note if you need the adress.
from atomicbuddha :
First of all, thanks for your sweet note you left the other day. Second, your Falling entry made me cry. Yup, sitting here at my desk at work crying. It struck a chord with me because I've been there. Your relationship with Eric really reminds me of the early days with Husband (Jason is the Husband's name). We had a similar relationship...and honestly, it DOES change over time, but it gets better, deeper, and more faceted. We hardly ever fight either and when we do, it sucks because it is so painful...but inevitably we needed that fight to get to the heart of the matter...and we always do get to the heart of it and we are always stronger after every fight/disagreement/serious talk, even if it takes a week or two to realize that. I DON'T know how it feels to be living in a foreign country though and that makes me hurt for you sometimes...being so far away from your friends and family...but you always get through it and are stronger for it. You should be proud of that fact.
from cats-corner :
Aw Clarity, I'm glad I could help. I know how hard it is when the person you count on to be your "rock" is depressed themselves. It's so hard to put into words all the emotions you feel when that happens. Impotance, because you can't make them feel better; upset, because they feel upset; guilty because you want/need their reassurance at a time when they're not as capable of giving it; and even a little bit of resentment and anger because it feels like *your* needs are being neglected. (And of course, the twinge of guilt that comes from acknowledging you're frustrated with someone who's going through their own difficulties). It's so hard...but all of it is okay to feel sweetie. You're human and we all feel this way at one time or another...or some folks (like you and me) more often than we'd like. I think you and Eric are an incredible couple...I don't even have to see you two in person to know how deep your love is and how strongly you're bonded to each other. It's beautiful. *Hugs* Love, cat
from ladiebug :
wow - your layout and words have been the most captivating i've seen in awhile. i'm so blown away...
from starlight42 :
I love cities as well, that pic is great. Is that pic you have of Winnona Ryder from Edward Sicsor Hands?
from cats-corner :
Dear Clarity...oh sweetie! Gosh I'm so sorry you and Eric are down. :-( It's difficult and painful when the person you love most, the one you look to for comfort and validation is feeling troubled themselves. I wish I could hug you...although I'm sure you'd prefer a hug (and much more ;-D) from Eric. I know it may not mean much when I say this but I truly and *deeply* admire you. Please don't feel like I'm trying to put you on a pedastal because I'm not...I know we all have our flaws and moments when we can be beastly, but you are a wonderfully talented, insightful, awesomely cool chick. I feel extremely lucky to be able to count you among my friends. I understand how Eric feels too...birthdays tend to make all of us take stock of our lives and (unfortunately) the "milestone" birthdays often lead us to believe we haven't done "enough." I hope you're both able to find comfort in each other, because you're both wonderful, special people. *Hugs* Love, cat
from artofliving :
I do not doubt that this work will be as stunning as all of the others. You are an AMAZING artist and shouldn't doubt how talented you are. You are an inspiration.
from mentalimages :
Thanks so much for the interest. I added your diary cause i found you through a mad loop of random diaries. It was a rabbit hole worth traveling through. NOTE TO ANYONE WHO APPRECIATES SUPERB STORYTELLING: Please check out Clarity25. She writes beautifully and i'm stunned that my potty mouth entries are amusing her.
from nora555 :
Thanks for the note, really I have no idea what dave's doing in that pic... He won't stop and pose so we's stuck with funny faces on the internet and it's his fault. Carlos Isn't he cute?? He's like 6 feet tall too..Yes he's already a chick magnent it makes me ill and girls his age already have boobs and stuff Uggh teenagers.. Yes hangovers doooooo get worse with age, it sucks.. Let me tell you..I bet you'll do that painting just fine...Letty
from sapphyr :
*GIGANTIC EXHALE.....* Thank you so MUCH (as always) for being so caring! It REALLY means a great deal to me. I have wanted to write that entry for months and it feels so good to use pronouns again (smile). I avoided the use of them in my journal entries because I wasn't so sure people would remain friendly, this is a public journal and people have their opinions. It feels good to be vulnerable and it turn out okay. Life has not always been as such. Thanks for being here! ~S.
from irishblueyes :
Thank you so much for your note. I know how right you are about being in the present and trying only to focus on where you are in life right now. It's so difficult for me when there seems to be all this chaos swirling around me in every direction. It's tough to be the calm center. But I know that things will work out because I have a theory too - I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. I don't always realize it when its happening is the problem. It's almost impossible to see the pattern of events except in retrospect. But I'm hanging in there and trying to keep focused on school and on the good things as much as humanly possible! love, kris
from darktruth :
Especially in light of recent circumstances, everything you said does make a whole lot of sense. Thanks, Clarity. You never cease to amaze me.
from cats-corner :
I'm sorry Clarity :-( Neither answer was correct...you're welcome to guess again though. (And for the meds, I'm only counting prescriptions). As for including you in the group who would be in Hell I just asked myself: If I were stuck in Hell who would I want to be there to make trouble with me? Of course, I would much prefer you go to Heaven...I just thought it would be fun to drive the devil crazy with you in my posse. :-D *Hugs* -cat
from freed0m :
Very insightful entry. I too try to live in the present, to appreciate the things that are good while they are good. But it's so hard.
from starlight42 :
I took the test for fun- since we're planning on having a baby next year or so--it says I'm ready. :)
from starlight42 :
Glad to hear that everything worked out for you with the pregnancy scare. Hope things are back to normal!
from tigerlily21 :
Thank you for the birthday wish! I love your POY entry. I think that so many people forget to live in the present..and end up realizing when its too late that its not about the future, its about today, this moment. Thank you for reminding me of that today :)
from krugerpak007 :
You know, I always feel guilty about worrying about stupid, silly things all the time, when I see such horrific things going on in the world, and all the pain and suffering some people go through. And the huge problems people have, and deal with. And I wonder then, how brave I would be if faced with a tragedy. I don't know if I would manage. I guess each person's problems and worries are big for them. And we should try not to feel guilty for worrying. Or dealing with mundane problems. Because for us they are big. And hard. And difficult. Gosh am I making any sense? Your entry really made me think. I am so glad your dad was ok. And I feel so awful for everyone's losses. Take care. xoxo Kathy
from artofliving :
When you take your pills irregularly, it can throw things out of whack. Also stress and poor diet (like eating too little) can make it a little screwy. If you don't have one next month, we need to see a doctor. In the meantime, try to relax a little. Things have been a little wild for you lately and I'm beginning to get concerned about your stress level if you don't get away from the madness for a while. Perhaps a day trip or something? You've been so good to me, how could I not be a good friend to you? <3 Go take a break.
from oladybug0 :
Thanks for the comment about the photos- I really love taking them and playing with them but it's not something I am overly confident about yet so it's really encouraging to hear you like them. As for the effect you referred to with the beach pic and Mexican restaurant pics, it's a mixture of using a polaroid camera which allowed me to play with the emulsion before it was completely developed and photoshop magic. All other ones are mostly due to the wonders of photoshop. I was doing some diary reading catchup today and was so glad to hear your scare was a false alarm. Having a few days like that can really put life into perspective (I speak from experiece). Take care!
from grngrl75 :
Thank you so much for your comment...I appreciate it so much.
from clrmehppygrl :
Things are a lot better now. And that long note you left me really put a smile on my face. You really helped to brighten this day. Thank you.
from jennlynn24 :
You always make me feel better and I someday soon you will move back home, caues you know you gotta friend over here in good ol jersey!!
from clrmehppygrl :
For one, it took all I had not to just scroll to the bottom to see if you were or not. For two, good for you. Nothing wrong with wanting to wait and being excited by a negative. I think that's great. I'm happy that you are happy. Congrats, hon.
from irishblueyes :
I'm so glad everything worked out for the best and they way you wanted!
from coldandgray :
HUZZAH! Man, Clarity, you should write for television, you had me on the edge of my seat with crazed anticipation! I actually screamed and then hooted. Luckily I am at home & not in my tiny work cube. Have a fun & fancy free weekend.
from sapphyr :
PHEW! I was sweating that one out for you! When the time is right you'll know it and when you and Eric decide to become parents, you will be GREAT!
from whereibegin :
Hurrah! I know this is what you wanted, and I'm so happy for you. When the time is right, I have no doubt you will be a wonderful mother. Congrats on the single line!
from artofliving :
Sweet clarity. I'm happy that everything worked out well. I can understand your fear but for a moment, let me harp on you...TAKE YOUR PILLS, HONEY! Thank you. Anyway, I love you to pieces and I'm really glad you are happy. I am amazed more and more every single time I read you how marvelous you are. Go have fun this weekend, you deserve it.
from nightmare54 :
You have more support here then Milton Burle's Truss! I find the out pouring of well wishes as well as the "You'll make a fine Momma" outstanding. Not that it hasn't been said before but that it needs to be said again, You are going to be a brilliant Mother, just as you are a brilliant Wife, and Sister, and Artist and Writer. So this is a time of exhaltation, go out, show everyone exactly why life is worth living, and as my good buddies Bill and Ted say, "PARTY ON DUDES!!" May (insert Diety of choice) Bless you and yours and cradle you in his/hers/theirs arm(s) forever. and as always thanks for the writing, my day is complete.
from cats-corner :
I'm glad you're happy sweetie. You and Eric *will* make fantastic parents when the time comes. *Hugs* Love, cat
from grngrl75 :
I'm so happy you got what you wished:)
from singlegirl :
I'm happy for you and Eric. I hope you have a nice and relaxing weekend.
from nora555 :
I loved this line "No, I just want to play with it or sell it for double the price on the black market". Have a great weekend!! You guys will make great parents one day whenever that is.... Love Ya Letty !!
from katm6 :
Glad to hear it, girl. I hope you had a wunderbar ;-) Friday night.
from tigerlily21 :
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. You had me sitting there, rigid, in my seat wishing I could read faster. Whew.. I'm glad that you are truly happy. I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
from katm6 :
Clarity, I can't add much to what the others have written, but don't stress. I've never had children, but everybody I know says the same thing - it's the most amazing thing in the world and you'll be surprised by the amount of love that you will have for the little one. You will be fine, whatever happens. *hugs*
from pixie-grl :
If you are, I'll make a deal with you... I'll get pregnant too so we can bitch to each other! But on a serious note, if this is when it is suppose to happen, it will. You are only dealt what you can handle, so I have been told. You have an adoring husband by your side, a loving family, and a bunch of wackos that tune into you here everyday. You will hardly be alone in the matter!!! :) Keep your head up, and let me know if you need me to get to work on this end. Ha ha ha! XOXO
from sapphyr :
Wow?! I remember running that same emotional gamut when I confirmed (deep down I knew at the moment of conception) that I was pregnant. The worst was my friends and family were acting as if I should have been instantly thrilled when actually I was TERRIFIED! No one understood that although I was married (and happy back then)and pretty established, I was still scared. They didn't seem to get that. I know you have family and friends but if you need me you know where to find me! I'm thinking about you. ~Sapphyr
from nora555 :
Clarity, You are such a strong beautiful person no matter how old you are or how scared you are, you would make a great Mom. SO what ever the outcome is I know you can handle it. You would totally make a cool mom Like me…. Just kidding. Well You hang in there and know that everything will be alright. Thanks for that little blurb on your entry. I needed it. Luv Ya Letty Tell me why I’m crying!!!!!!!!!
from cagedfreedom :
hey clarity:) sorry i havent updated for so long but i've been readin ure diary. i'm keeping you in my heart and I miss you. I know you and eric will be wonderful through anything you face...i know how scary it is though. i love you guys!!! let him know that too:)
from coldandgray :
WOW! Look at that outpouring of love and support, you are beloved. I wish the best for you & Eric. That is definitely a heavy thing to have on your mind right now. Good luck with the test and everything else. Take lots of deep breaths…
from juddhole :
Not a whole lot I can offer that others haven't already. I think you're just wonderful, I really do. Know that I'm thinking of you and giving you a big hug.
from firstgirl :
Like you said... maybe it will be a blessing. I've only read a few of your entries, but I can already tell, you'll be a great mom. Whether it's now or later. Wishing you the best... Lex
from jennlynn24 :
no matter what the results, yu will be fine. i promise. when are you going to take a test? im holdinmg your hand (virtually that is) I love ya girl........
from singlegirl :
I am thinking about you and I know that everything will work out fine in the end - no matter what the results of the test are. Have faith in yourself and in Eric.
from rapunzal :
We have a lot in common, that it's surprising sometimes. I just took a pregnancy test yesterday. Brian and I had been wondering since Sunday about it because for the previous two days I was feeling sick in a way I've never felt sick before. The test was negative and as relieved as I was, I was also sort of sad. I'm 25 too, and just way too young. There's so much more we want to do before having a baby. But then again, starting my own family would be nice since the rest of my family is sort of disintegrating before my eyes as we get older and busier with our own lives. Good luck, I hope it turns out the way you want it too!
from rkwj1 :
I was always the kind of person who said "I'll never have kids". I could never see myself being a father. The responsibility seemed to be too great for me. I mean I had a hard enough time taking care of myself and my wife. Then we had a kid. A beautiful boy we named Sean. At first it was strange. We were like " when are this kids parents coming to get him". It was sureal at first but it didn't take long until it felt totally natural to have a kid. Now I have three and I can't imagine life without them. They are my favorite people in the world. I guess what I'm trying to get across is that it is very scary at first but believe me, if you are pregnant and you do have a child I am possitive that being a parent will come easy to you. I don't know you at all but from your diary I see that you are a strong, caring, honest person who cares a great deal about family. This would just be an addition to all of that. Don't sweat it. You'll be fine. Later,ROB
from clrmehppygrl :
I appreciate the "cool mom" status that you've given me. And I really think that if you are pregnant, it will come to you. I had a really easy pregnancy, I think. A lot of outer demons prevented me from truly enjoying it, but I don't regret any of it for a minute. Finances are tough, but when your little one comes up to you and kisses you and tells you they love you for the first time, every stretch mark, scar, tear cried, and sleepness night seem to vanish into thin air. Don't think of being a parent as loosing your freedom, but more of a rearrangement of your priorities. If you are pregnant, you're going to have the chance to see the world through your child's eyes, and that alone is worth it all. You get to be a child again, in your own right. My thoughts are with you, and I hope things turn out the way you want them to, whatever that truly is.
from artofliving :
omigosh honey!! How could you say that you "hope" to be a cool mom?! You would be an amazing mother! You are compassionate, brilliant, creative and everything else that really makes a great mom. The people on the street were probably having a bad day. Have you been on the pill??
from atomicbuddha :
Hey Clarity, a baby huh? That IS heavy stuff but remember this; you and Eric seem to me to have a deep, wonderful, extremely rare bond...and that kind of bond can only be strengthened by a child (not saying it will not be incredibly hard at times of course). It may not be the right time according to your plans, but it IS the right time according to some Universal plan that you will surely see as time goes by. Then again, it could just be a good scare that forces you to appreciate your freedom even more. Time will tell. If you are with child though, you can get all the child rearing right out of the way nice and early and enjoy your "freedom" later in life. You guys will make it work and it will be wonderful either way!!
from dinky-creek :
I wish I could offer you words that others haven't already. I don't know if this helps, but a friend of mine had a baby a few months ago. She's still only 22 and she was scared to death, but now she says that her beautiful little boy (Flynn) is the best thing that ever happened to her. She keeps a journal of his development (and her sanity): http://www.livejournal.com/users/flynns_mum ... c'est la vie, and the clouds that loom now still have a silver lining.
from nightmare54 :
You do realize that there probably hasn't ever been a girl of your age that wasn't scared to be pregnant, or think they are pregnant. Since I'm a guy and I think the only one who reads this I have to ask, are you sure it's your's? Ok just kidding. I think after reading everything you have ever posted and have seen first hand how you can express your feelings, and desires, wants and wishes, there is no doubt that what ever the outcome you will rise to the challenge and be a better person for it. Oh and after reading the previous entry, I knew. Big ol' "I don't know you, but yet I want to" psuedo anonymous hugs. Nighty
from whereibegin :
Clarity, I have so much faith in you. I know that, when the time comes (whenever that is), you will be a wonderful mother. And Eric will be a terrific father. If you are pregnant, I know it's not what you planned or what you wanted, but I KNOW you both will make it work. I'll be thinking of you all day today.
from grngrl75 :
If what you wish for, is to not be pregnant right now, I hope that is what happens for you. If you are, you are right, it could be a blessing. No, you won't be the couple arguing over a crying, red faced baby. That is only a single moment. I think you would be a wonderful mother. Good luck and everyone will be thinking about you!
from imaphatpig :
wow.
from krugerpak007 :
I totally agree with Cat. She wrote that beautifully. What I wanted to add is this.You do eventually want children. Like me. I just don't feel ready. And I don't think I will ever feel ready. Actually I don't know if anyone ever feels ready. Maybe it is a good thing that it happens. You of course will be crazy about your child when he/she is born, and you won't even remember the confusion you had that it came a few years to soon. I am not sure if I am making sense. But you could also try and look at this as a blessing in disguise? Anyway, good luck with the test, and I hope that you and Eric will deal with this easily. Best wishes. Kathy
from cats-corner :
Of course, my normal reaction woul be "congratulations!," but I realize this wasn't something you and Eric expected or planned for so early in the game. Still, if you are pregnant sweetie, think of all the things you have to offer this child. Don't look through the lens of insecurity and doubt...look at what wonderful, loving, creative parents this child will have. Remember all the love between you and Eric...the understanding...the history. Remember your family, how much love they are going to pour on this child. This baby (if there is indeed a baby) is blessed because he or she will have two of the best human beings on earth for parents. *Hugs* You and Eric are in my thoughts and heart. Love, cat
from ocean-front :
I heard that it is totally different to raise your own child as raising your siblings. It#s another kind of quality the love between siblings and the love of a mother. Don't be afraid. Everything will be fantastic. I wish I could say I'm pregnant. *sigh* I'm SO envying you.
from geekgurrll :
Best of luck with everything. xoxo Carol
from cats-corner :
I'm sorry you're so sick Clarity. *Hugs* I hope you feel better soon. Thank you so much for the note you left (ages ago). I'm trying really hard to not give creedence to the nasty things I think about myself. At the very least, I can take comfort in the fact that my parents need me around to buy and show them how to use the new computer. Love, cat
from starlight42 :
sorry to hear about your being so sick!! I sympathize, right now I've got a killer toothache! Feel better soon!
from coldandgray :
Oh man, your illness sounds so miserable, I hope you feel better. I enjoyed catching up with you after the long weekend, I especially loved the post about your Dad; so stripped and honest. I still think your photo answers rule!
from katm6 :
Thanks for the nice message on my Notes page. I really appreciate the positive feedback on my diary, especially since I appreciate your own diary so much. Take care of yourself and know there are others out there thinking about your brother and sending good vibes to him.
from milomilo2 :
I wonder if sleeping on a particular side of the bed is a gender thing? Thinking back to my various houses, I've always slept on the side closest to the door.
from pixie-grl :
Ok, a few points I need to make... #1- Thank you so much for the layout help. You know I am a little challenged when it comes to all that computer jazz. #2- Who said you could be sick?! Drink lots of oj, eat some campbells chicken & stars (do they have that there?), and get some rest! You made me go a whole day without an update. You have some nerve! :) #3- Thank you, again, for the props. You are too kind, really! Alright, with that said, go back to sleep now!!! I need you to be feeling better so you can keep me entertained on here! XOXO
from katm6 :
Hope you're feeling better. And the best medication for a fever that I've found is 600mg of ibuprofen. Just make sure you eat as it can destroy your stomach.
from krugerpak007 :
Hope you feel better soon. I also sleep on the right side...xoxo Kathy
from krugerpak007 :
Mmm. Poisoned salad? Very very weird. And I thought my bosses were a bit cookie!! I am sorry about your pine tree. It really looks amazing. Take care! xoxox
from katm6 :
I love your diary. I haven't talked to my own father in years after spending the first 3/4 of my life trying to gain his approval, which I never did. It's hard because we all know that our fathers are supposed to love us unconditionally and it hurts like hell when they don't. And it doesn't matter that I'm now 40, it still sucks that nothing I ever did was good enough for him. I hope the visit from your father in November is everything you wish and dream it to be!
from sapphyr :
Hi there! Thank you for all of your well wishes they mean so much! I am feeling much better. I'm sorry about your tree. That makes me feel so sad. It reminds me of how much development is happening here in rural Ohio. So many forests torn down and for what? Bloody WAL-MART! Your last entry reminds me of my relationship with my mother. Her emotional distance and her eventual absence all together. The fact that it took her thirty years to finally see me. I wrote about it in my diary. I often felt like as her oldest child she resented me because I was the destroyer of her teenage invincibility and aspirations. Healing takes a long time but trust me it is worth the wait. Your dad will eventually see you for the beautiful, talented and caring person you are. ~S.
from pixie-grl :
Ironically, I know exactly how you feel. When I lived in Hawaii, I used to have this huge lanai that wrapped around my townhouse. Outside of my living room, there was a huge plumeria tree that was just amazing. It was my absoulte favorite feature of the place. In the morning I would open the screen door and the whole house would be filled with the scent of plumeria. One day, I got back from work and to my suprise, the whole damn tree was gone. They cut it all down, not just a little trim. Not only did they take my tree, but they also took a home from all the damn bugs that decided to move in with me. Needless to say, I was a little angry. So, trust me, I feel your pain. :(
from wordsofmine :
I liked your entry today. My Dad was my knight in shining armor although it was actually tarnished most of the time. Thanks for sharing.
from artofliving :
Additionally, your entry today was none other than gorgeous. I know exactly what you mean. My dad was never mean or anything but he didn't show his love like my mom did. He rarely ever bought me gifts and, just like you, I remember every single one he ever got me. Last year he got me this tiny ceramic angel. It's not fancy or expensive but it had this little note attached to it with the sweetest prayer I've ever read. I'm not big into church and angels but it has stayed in my sight since the day he bought it for me. For my 16th birthday, he bought me a balloon that said "I Love You" on it as an afterthought when he went to the grocery store to get my cake. That was my favorite present that year. When all the helium escaped, I folded it up and put it in my scrapbook. Things that my mom mean alot too, but oddly, it's the very small things that mean the most. Perhaps my favorite thing from her is this little box with a painting of (weird...) angels. When you opened it, there was this tiny little frame and a poem that said, "I've taken all the love out of my heart and placed it in this box. Any time you need a little, open the top and let some out. If you ever feel that this box is empty, let me know and I'll gladly fill it again." I don't care that it was mass produced, it means more to me than anything in the world. You're the cat's meow.
from artofliving :
he's leaving at the end of october i think. We were trying to find out if there is anything to do there. Also, the pictures of the base online were really foggy. Was that just bad photography or is it always foggy like that??
from pixie-grl :
Hey, if I send you my password, are you able to access my pictures that way????? Help me before I throw my computer out the window!!!!!!
from dinky-creek :
This may be a tad late, but I fit perfectly into the "Oldest Child" description you gave a few entries back. I've just added you to my favourites list because my online diary is my chance to be superficial, petty and juvenile, but yours is so honest. I've never written my deeper thoughts down. I like to marinate in my thoughts, stew in them, but somehow writing them down feels like taking something away from them. But you... you do it so well.
from artofliving :
sweetness!! yort is going to germany for two years. he'll be at spangdahlem. do you live anywhere near there??
from krugerpak007 :
I am 30. Amd I still feel like a kid, in all areas of my life...Not only with my folks. xoxo Kathy
from cats-corner :
Thank you so much for your note Clarity (the one on "the cool factor"). You're *still* one of the coolest people I know of! *Hugs* Love, cat
from irishblueyes :
Can't wait to see that movie, it sounds very cool. We just saw Garden State tonight and we really liked it...independent movies really are much better. Oh and I still feel like a kid around my parents, I don't think I'll ever grow out of it. Who knows! Hope the rest of your weekend is wonderful!
from cats-corner :
I think the age at which one feels like an adult around their parents is completely subjective. And there are always parents who treat their offspring like children no matter how old they are. (Just ask my mother, who at fifty-two, *still* gets the third degree from *her* mother).
from nightmare54 :
The age is 27 or 28 when you feel more like a grownup then a child, I can't wait to see the movie and I will use your words to describe what I see in your writing; "The conversations, the life realizations, the complexities, the boring moments of life, the brilliant moments, the arkwards moments and the uncomfortable ones. Some of the skits are just strange and off-kilter and some are absolutely amazing." And that is why I read, re-read and share your life with everyone I think that will appreicate it. So does life imitate art? or vise versa?
from sapphyr :
Your last entry was a breath of fresh air! Thanks for making me smile! ~S.
from lauralgood :
mmmm johnny. god yes. Love l
from atomicbuddha :
Johnny Depp's jaw! Chewing! Yes!! My Husband has it too! I agree and understand!!
from yecats79 :
I totally get you on the jaw thing. All the way from the jaw bone to the chin, if defined, can be so sexy. The worst though, is if, apart from not having that sexy defined jaw, the guy also has a weak chin. I feel so sorry for those guys because it seems like they have not chance to be attractive. I LOVED your photo interview, by the way. Just as soon as I get a day off work I'm going to do one of my own. Wow. I am seriously always stealing your journal entries. Oh well, you konw what they say about imitation.
from augustdreams :
I know what you mean, but I'm glad you're not anybody but *you* - 'cause I love sweet, funny, talented, sexy Clarity! Woo! I thought I was the only one who loved when guys chew gum! Those jaw muscles leave me weak in the knees too. Imagine Johnny Depp chewing gum! Um... is it getting warm in here? ;) Glad you had such a lovely time. Take care and send some "Go away Hurricane Frances!!!" thoughts in my direction. *grumbles*
from irishblueyes :
Oh, don't you get weepy cause then I'll get weepy too! And god knows I do enough crying on my own as it is! And I'm glad you like the Bono pics...and I promise to do the photo interview thing very soon too, as soon as I find five minutes to myself. (yeah, right!) love, kris
from lauralgood :
great! and while we are at the muesuem we will go eat lunch at the Degas house! oh what fun we shall have! love Laural
from grngrl75 :
Thank you so much for the words of wisdom!
from scubafreak :
I just made a connection that totally hit home with me. You mentioned in your biography about the verbal abuse of your father and wanting to distance yourself from him. Then in one of your last entries about remembering what it was like to be a kid, you said that you thought he was the greatest man in the world. I sit here and I wonder when that feeling ended for me. It seems like I always wanted his approval and just strove harder to get it, never realizing that I wasn't that bad of a person to begin with. Just a thought I wanted to share.
from nora555 :
Thank you so much for that sweet note at my pad! That was so nice of you. As for the photo interview. I don't have a digital camera :( but i'm getting one soon..I asked Dave already.. And then there'll be so many photos onmy journal!!! But your interview was so bad ass!! Letty
from atomicbuddha :
Yeah, well, OVER is a relative term. I'm over those things only in the sense that I am trying to be finished with obsessing...BUT it's hard not to obsess over them. So much for enlightenment! Ah well, someday.
from dangerspouse :
Yay, I voted for you! (But you knew I would) :) Good luck to both of us - doesn't Kris rock? She fixed my template, too! And I think she puts on a cape at night and flies around saving puppies in distress. Hey - your mom is HOT! Lol...and so is the butterfly tat. Now stop smoking so you'll live longer and write more terrific entries like this!!
from irishblueyes :
Beautiful, wonderful entry! I may have to steal it from you and do that little experiement myself. Oh, and yes it was me who nominated you for the diarist award. I think you deserve it, your diary is really so wonderful and everytime I read a new entry I find myself thinking that I only wish my entries could be as good as yours. You deserved it more than anyone and I really hope you win but even if you don't I just want as many people as possible to read your diary and see how wonderful it is for themselves! Love, Kris
from grngrl75 :
wonderful wonderful wonderful entry!
from freakymandy :
i love your latest entry!! it sparks some ideas to me..hmm, maybe i should do that too! btw, your painting is awesome.
from clrmehppygrl :
That is amazing. I really love your photographs... They're almost as beautiful as your paintings. Congrats on the nomination, guess I'm going to have to go vote now. *wink*
from artofliving :
that may be my favorite entry of yours. have i ever told you that sometimes, your outlook on life makes me appreciate mine more in some odd way?
from heidiann2 :
My god, your photographic interview entry is incredible! You're so talented.
from coldandgray :
I got so exited about sending you a note to tell you congrats & how much I loved your photographic answers that I choked on my mouthful of water. ksjfhw! Anyway, perfectly done!
from nora555 :
You are such an F'n genius!! Im gonna check out that diarist.net thing. Luv Ya Letty
from pixie-grl :
Where the hell is your picture? You're so damn mysteriious!!!!! Ha ha ha!
from atomicbuddha :
Congrats on the diarist thing! Also loved the photographic interview. I may have to do that one too sometime. The first pic isn't showing up for me darn it. But all the others are great.
from krugerpak007 :
What a gorgeous entry. I loved it. I love your tattoo. Eric is cute. Wll done for been nominated. I am a bit down, so I am sorry for the drab note but I am reading and thinking of you! xoxo Kathy
from krugerpak007 :
Hi honey. Thanks so much fr your wonderful, uplifting, perfect comments. At least you know where you are supoosed to be now. me? I am lost. I dont know what is happening to me, what I want, what will be. And it scares me. I am glad you seem quite conteneted in life and in your relationship. I wish you all the very best and lots of happiness. I hope things just get better and better for you. xoxox Kathy
from irishblueyes :
At least you can say for sure that you know you are where you are supposed to be. I only wish I could say the same. I am really enjoying school for instance, but feel like maybe I am being selfish going back and that somehow everyone else is going to suffer because of it. I know that's not logical, but sometimes its how I feel. But I can only hope that it will get better and I know that you will feel better soon too! love, kris
from lauralgood :
it just never gets easier does it? love laural
from coldandgray :
An incredible record of growth.
from nightmare54 :
Dearheart, You aren't lost, I feel that your leading the pack not following.Besides a leader is never lost, sometimes they just chose the unseen path. So keep remembering the feelings and emotions of the past, because without them you become just another sheep...following.
from artofliving :
another stunningly gorgeous entry...you never let me down, honey bunny.
from krugerpak007 :
Sounds like a perfect, "different" day. I am glad you had fun. Really. And I am glad you made a friend. I find it so hard to make friends here in israel. I try but I guess the mentality is different or something. Heres to a good week ahead. Thanks agin for all your beautiful, uplifting comments. xoxo Kathy
from oladybug0 :
Sorry about all that nasty code- I thought it would embed itself and just show the links. Oops!
from oladybug0 :
Hey! Some good books on mediation and buddhist practice are <a href="http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/item.asp?Item=978157322111&Catalog=Books&N=35&Lang=en&Section=books&zxac=1"> The Art of Happiness</a> by the Dalai Lama, <a href="http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/item.asp?Item=978157062813&Catalog=Books&N=35&Lang=en&Section=books&zxac=1">Saffron Days in L.A.: Tales of Buddhist Monk in America </a>, anything by <a href="http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/default.asp?Lang=en&Ntt=Thich+Naht+Hahn&Section=books&Ntk=Author"> Thich Naht Hahn</a> and <a href="http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/default.asp?Lang=en&Ntt=Pema+Chodron&Section=books&Ntk=Author"> Pema Chodron</a>. I am particularly interested in viapassana and loving-kindness streams of mediation and buddhism but what I really like is that it's not dogmatic, no one's trying to sell you anything and you don't have to feel guilty about thought and feeling like you do with western religions. Anyway, I'm rambling. Drink some German beer for me.
from irishblueyes :
Well that sounds like a wonderful and unique experience! But I must say that you are a lucky girl to have gotten yourself a Nemo doll! Lillie is obsessed - I mean OBSESSED with Finding Nemo! She wants to watch it every single day and has two Nemo dolls (one real and one generic from Toys R' Us)!
from artofliving :
oh wow...honey? umm...do all of these people think it's fun to chase after spiders and pigs and shit? p.s. you're totally not a stupid city girl. i would have screamed too when that kid showed the spider!!! blech!! have fun in (what seems to be some kind of weird adaptation of) Discovery-Channel Land
from coldandgray :
Yes, you have got to have good girlfriends! I hope you tell your story about your german woman doctor; sounds SCARY!
from starlight42 :
glad Eric's guardian mother is doing ok. Strokes are very scary. Ah, first day of college for your sister...brings back memories of being so scared of the future and meeting new people...college can be so fun though!
from milomilo2 :
Clarity, Thanks for your encouragment note on running. Photos and journals -- even yet today, I'm personally debating about this issue. (I shortened my note and am just including the conclusion.) I suppose it is an individual decision based upon how one uses his/her journal and the intended audience, oneself or readers. In general, I decided to use a photo if it aids the narrative where otherwise I fail miserably in describing the place, event or person. Your latest entry, "Mirror Mirro," with the little doll in mirror, added to the entry and gave me a chuckle at the end because it was not an obvious choice of your face reflecting in a mirror, thereby leaving a mystery to the reader! Very clever!
from the-book-bag :
Dear Clarity, It's time for me to leave. Thank you so much for all your lovely notes. If you'd like to keep in touch, my e-mail address is pellca@aol.com -cat
from whereibegin :
Girl, congrats on your Diarist nomination!
from anginthebox :
I read some of your journals and I really enjoyed them. My favorite was your entry about capturing defining moments. I think you're a talented artist.
from irishblueyes :
I will definately let you know if the Art Proffessions class is worth anything...oh and you won't have to bug me to post work here...assuming I actually manage to produce any, then I'm sure I will be eager to show it off! And I know the history of rock class is the most surprising thing, and I would never have known about it if i hadn't gone to the bookstore and looked at what books each class had assigned before I scheduled my classes! love ya, promise to email soon! kris
from pixie-grl :
What is wrong with us??? :) I heard some crazy falacy that loosing your teeth in a dream has to do with coming into money. Well.... Yeah, didn't think that was true, either. Have a glorious day!
from kiosh :
Hi! I just finished catching up. Your writing has an extraordinary characteristic: It transports me to the places and the events and provokes nice feelings in me... Keep on the good work, honey! Sweet Clarity, I send you a hug and wish you well. Say hello to Eric from me! Take care and good luck! <Josh>
from cornflake1 :
Thanks so much for sharing your first day at college story. I got a lump in my throat too. I move into my dorm September 18th, and it's all finally starting to seem real now. I'm half looking forward to it, and half petrified. Your entry made me smile... thank you... I hope your sister had a great first day at college.
from krugerpak007 :
I read your entries, and your beautiful writing, and your memories, and I get embarrassed that you actually read what I write. that entry about college was great. Just how I picture a first day at college to be. It reminds me of the movie,Teenwolf for some strange reason..Anyway thanks so much for your comment. It helps to know that someone knows how I am feeling. You have to share your experience with me sometime when you are up to it...I am glad you gave the pig Market a skip. That is quite weird, that whole winning-the-pig story! Have a good weekend. And a great Monday off. I am jealous! xoxo Kathy
from artofliving :
p.s. about the college entry...i know the exact feeling you're describing. you're torn between wanting to be little again and wanting to go off.
from artofliving :
jee whiz. dontcha wish our asses could budget? other than that, i think we're awesome! i'll probably do another one tonight if i get done with my trig homework (blech) because I forgot to say so much stuff.
from nightmare54 :
HA You beat me to the have fun at college entry! I have a little different story though, for HS Graduation I got LUGGAGE!! Momma San was ready for me to get on getting on! and I was sooo ready! I rode the 3 1/2 hrs in a beat up truck with two close friends and we got drunk the whole way there! Good entry!! Email me I have a ? for you.
from imaphatpig :
oh man. I so feel you on the whole back-to-school thing. For weeks now I have been pining to be able to return back to college. I am insanely jealous of all of those damned kids who get to go. WTF? Life is so not fair.
from nora555 :
I wanna go to college!!!!!!!! that was good!!!
from coldandgray :
I never did the dorm thing, but I felt like I was right there with you in your story. You are such an amazing, descriptive writer, Clarity, you put a lump in my throat.
from nora555 :
I wanted to tell you yesterday but, I', swamped at work... I loved you P-O-Y entry. Really, I finally did one and I submitted it.. Yee Hee, ALso i just wanted to let you know that your like this little inspirer. You should know that. Luv Ya Letty PS you still haven't told me when your bday is!!!!!
from special-one :
hey, i haven't left a message in a while. your so talented! i know you probably hear that a lot but you really are. you painting was beautiful.
from krugerpak007 :
I am glad to hear that Eric's guardian mother is doing better. That entry was amazing. Again I say you are so talented! That's one thing you didn't mention that you saw when you looked in the mirror. A talented, wonderful woman. I am glad I that I came across your diary. I hope you finished that project and that you are having a relaxing Friday without work. Have a good weekend! xoxo Kathy
from killshot :
your comment made me blush! but thank you very much, i'm very flattered. i'm just a garden variety suburban girl from the east coast. i do love jane austen, and many other authors of the same period. at this point, any "style" is just the result of my trying to write something that i can (fingers crossed!) read years from now without wincing.
from the-book-bag :
You're welcome. I'm glad Eric's godmother is doing better. *Hug* -cat
from jennlynn24 :
Hey! I know I have been MIA.. I went on vaca for about 6 days.... got back, work slammed me! I dont even have a sec to check my email!!! its freakin insane lots to write about once I get a chance!! I have a lot to read up on too!! Thanks girl for asking! :)
from artofliving :
sigh...have i ever told you just how happy it makes me to see that you've updated? never anything less than sheer brilliance. by the way, Ddot's brother Yort is being sent to Germany for his first base assignment, isn't that exciting?! he's absolutely thrilled! I'm going to show him all of the pictures that you have up this weekend.
from girlsmad :
check yer mail, I left you a lil suh-in suh-in. *nudge* ;]
from the-book-bag :
Please don't ever worry about taking over my notebox. I love hearing from you. :-) Thank you so much for YOUR note and for the advice. And I'm glad you're enjoying the quizzes. Sometimes I feel like such a dork for taking so many! *Hugs* Love, cat-scratch-fever
from darktruth :
Happy to tell the truth on all occasions. :) . . . Okay maybe not all. But most! You really are tremendous.
from artofliving :
i feel the exact same way about you. i'm really really happy that you found my diary that one day. you rock socks, sister! p.s. i'm indescribably proud of your decision to look into getting your masters. when you graduate, i'll take us to the bahamas with all of the money i'll win in 38 days at the casino!! yeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!! i'm a little sad that i can't have my party in germany so that you can come too!
from nightmare54 :
Amazing Portrait!, like I knew it would be. I just finished reading your entire archive, You are one of the most sincere people I have ever "known" I could gush on this for pages. I also wanted to let you know that you have helped me, like you hoped from your "To-do Lists" entry
from geekgurrll :
thank you for your note :-) yes, I do live in London (4 years now) and it is a fantastic place and I highly recommend it. I truely enjoy your writing and now your artwork as well. I am no expert, but I think that painting rocks.
from oladybug0 :
Another note of applause. You are a really gifted artist. Picasso said "Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up." You owe it to yourself to continue creating and not allow adult constraints to take this away- you are way too good for that!
from the-book-bag :
Oh Clarity, you are such a talented woman and in so many different arenas. Please don't sell yourself short. My therapist's mother was an artist and she did both small paintings she knew would sell and bring in money with which she could help support her four children and (working) husband AND have the ability to do her "real" art. Please, please, please don't give up your dreams. You are magnificent. I'm in awe of you. You creativity is such a huge part of who you are, it would be like killing a part of yourself to give it up. *Hugs* -cat
from krugerpak007 :
That pictures is just breathtaking. You are amazingly talented. Your writing and your art. xoxo Kathy
from uurabbit :
wow. that painting is just...wow. The expression in the woman's eyes, the set of her lips. I can almost imagine what is going through her head. It is amazing.
from wordsofmine :
Check out tonight's entry, I've made a list of all the sources for my quotes. Thanks for asking.
from clrmehppygrl :
That picture is beautiful and moving. You really do have a talent that you underestimate. You will never paint like Norman Rockwell, but you will paint just like you are supposed to. What you do is beautiful. And as an avid reader, I would LOVE to see more of your artwork on your site, but that is only up to you. Thank you for sharing what you have.
from nora555 :
Clarity, That painting is so gorgeous, I can't believe some one that I have befriended is capable of doing something so awesome. I can't begin to describe how beautiful that is. It gave me chills. You can look into her eyes and see a soul. Really. By the way whats with the new picture on your template? Who's that? Luv Ya Letty Your so bad ass to be doing something you love for a living... Not very many people can say that.
from irishblueyes :
Oh my dear, you are such an amazingly talented artist.Please don't ever doubt that. I can't even tell you how unbelievably wonderful I think it is that you are actually following your dream and doing what you love no matter what. Your entry has really made me think, but then again your entries always do. Thank you! ~ Kris
from pixie-grl :
well, i was going to tell you how great of an artist you are, but looks like someone beat me to it. Isn't it funny how much we criticize ourselves and our own work? You truly are a gifted artist, though, and should share your talent with us more often!!! :) XOXO -DC
from darktruth :
You are tremendous. That painting looks like a picture, and I love to read what you write.
from cagedfreedom :
hey clarity!! ure not missing much here except amber physically attacking me while i tried to take a break from helping her with her book report. that girls scaaarryy. anyways glad to hear you got back alright. laura is here. she says she misses you and can't wait to see you again:) I feel the same. you should do the soundtrack thingy toooo. love you!!
from singlegirl :
I like the way you see people. I like the way you perceive them and how you capture it.
from augustdreams :
You are an amazing artist. I'm completely in awe of your talent, Clarity. I know how hard and frustrating it is to try and make a living as an artist (My writing doesn't pay the bills yet, dammit!) but your painting could be hanging on the walls of any art museum in the world. Don't ever give up on that dream, because you'd not only be hurting your beautiful, creative spirit, but depriving the world of your talent. And that would be a serious loss to this world. I'd love to see more of your artwork, if you'd ever like to share it. *hug*
from alicefalls :
Please note: you are amazingly talented, DO NOT stop creating for any reason, it is obviously in your blood. That is one of the most beautiful paintings I have ever seen! Alice
from artofliving :
How could you EVER consider another career when you show so much talent? Not many people are nearly as talented as you and they stick with it. All the greats question themselves.
from atomicbuddha :
I feel all of those things...and I have stopped doing a lot of traditional art myself and I HATE that aobut me. Part of me wants to quit this graphic design job and work in a bookstore or something so I can return to my art. Anyway, I can relate. Also, that painting is excellent. You really captured the emotion, which I think is the most difficult thing to do in portraiture.
from coldandgray :
Mildred would have absolutely adored her portrait; you are a true artist. I would love to see more of your work, especially the rest in this series .
from rkwj1 :
Wow, that is an incredible painting. I knew that you were an artist but I didn't know you were that good. I think you really captured the emotion of that moment. You can just see it in her face. Much Respect. later,ROB
from killshot :
thanks for your note! :) i'm new to your journal, but love it so far.
from artofliving :
darling, i think it's a beautiful goal. you're way too brilliant to NOT get your masters degree.
from krugerpak007 :
And thanks a lot for your comment. Kathy
from krugerpak007 :
You live in Germany. Wow. Sorry I have to go back and read more about you, I have only read the last recent entries. Thank you for your comment. It can be very nerve racking when you think who you may be stuck next to for a flight..I always get stuck with really fat, smelly men. Really. And then they try and make conversation. I usually put on my earphones and feign (did I spell that correctly?) sleep.I can relate about been far from home. it is difficult I know. i have not seen my brother and dad for 3 years, and my mom for a year, I am trying to make plans to go for a visit, its just so expensive. Anyway I am sorry about Gertrud. I hope she improves and feels better. I am sure Eric is just thankful to have you there, it does not matter if you can't find the words. Your presence means more. xoxo Kathy
from artofliving :
yeeeaaaa!!! i'm so SO glad you made it home okay!! isn't it so much better sleeping when you can hear him breathing next to you? i love that. i can't sleep well alone anymore. In 39 days when i win the jackpot at the casino on my 21st birthday, i'm going to buy you your own private plane so you can fly back and forth. fuck a passport
from pixie-grl :
so glad you made it home in one piece!!!! xoxo
from lauralgood :
hugs. email coming soon! can't wait to read...love you. Laural
from the-book-bag :
Wow! What an insane plane ride. I'm glad you arrived home safely. And I'm terribly sorry about Eric's godmother. I hope she's going to be all right. *Hugs* -cat
from rkwj1 :
Glad to see that you made it back to germany safely. That's a long trip especially with a cabbage patch kid. Later,ROB
from nightmare54 :
WOW Thanks for the word of encouragemant, I'll try to keep my "meat prefrence" to a small portion of what I talk about. I love reading eveything you write, I stumbled on to your diary and couldn't stop reading, so don't stop writing..ever. and I would love to see some of your art, it sounds wonderful.
from krugerpak007 :
I am sad that I hadn't discovered your diary before. It is beautiful.I have only read a few entries but will be back for more. I am sorry about your brother, and you having to leave your family. I can relate. I haven't seen my dad and brother for 3 years and it does not get easy.. the kitten is beautiful. Take care. Kathy
from the-book-bag :
I always get the sense from your entries that you're searching...but in a positive way. I think you're a person who's seeking a higher meaning and consciousness, and maybe that's a search we're not able to fully appreciate while here. Even though you don't feel like you know who you are, your writing is that of a woman with a strong constitution. I don't say this to unnerve or flatter: I deeply admire you Clarity. I think you're a very special person and I feel quite lucky to know you, even if it's only through the computer. I hope you have a safe trip home. *Hugs* Love, cat-scratch-fever
from xanti :
I can really relate to your entry on happiness. Half the time I really don't realize I'm unhappy unless I'm sitting around actually thinking about what I'm feeling. That's sad. I'm sorry things didn't go as planned with your brother's fiancee's party. =( Whoever heard of a liquor store being closed at 8:00p.m.? That's weird. And the kittens are sooo cute. Have a nice flight back. It seems things are better with your family. Take care! ((hugs))
from augustdreams :
*Hug* I'm sending you love and good thoughts. Awww, and the kittens are adorable. That picture was far too cute.
from pissedkitten :
I miss you.
from coldandgray :
The spider just wanted to give you a hug goodbye. You have helped your Mom immensely; now have a wonderful trip back to the life you have made for yourself.
from starlight42 :
The Shining and Psycho were freaky!! Those are my fav's.
from the-book-bag :
Thank you so much for your note Clarity. You are such a sweet, caring, wonderful woman. *Hugs* -cat
from artofliving :
My gorgeous Clarity, I once read this quote at one of the most miserably defining moments of my life, "Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you sit down quietly, may alight upon you". I immediately put it on every screensaver at work. It's something that you can't really define, you just have to feel it. I know that you feel like your brother's girlfriend's birthday was a failed mission but I imagine it was a great feeling for her to know that someone cared so much about her. You did a fantastic job and you have to stop being so rough with yourself. We are beautiful and fragile creatures. Have you ever read that poem "Desiderata"? It was the fodder for 90% of my daily mantras. Let me know if you haven't and I'll find it and e-mail it to you. Your fantastic-ness never ceases to astound me. xoxox
from coldandgray :
OK, good luck with your trip tomorrow, hope you get some space on the flight. I will keep your brother in my thoughts. Happiness is with Eric right now. Have a wonderful journey!
from miss-shirty :
Just wanted to say hi back... thanks for the note:) It's always a good feeling. Bye the way, Ditto re: your diary. You entries are always thought provoking and fun to read! Alwys, -miss shirty
from dragonflys :
hiya, thanks for leaving me a note. I can't ever resist a cute little kitten pic if I see one :) I just realised that I own all of the scary movies you mentioned... the most recent movie that scared me was Event Horizon. It literally gave me the chills!
from dailywisdom :
Ummm -- I think "The Ring" is pretty darned creepy! :) Watch for "The Ring 2"! :)
from wordsofmine :
I liked your list of scary movies. I've seen the majority of them. The only one that pissed me off was "The Blair Witch Project." I just wanted the gal to shut up.
from xanti :
I remember having nightmares about Freddy Kreuger. I saw that movie when I was five or six and it scared me to death. Ah, The Shining was great...More of a psychological creep factor there. The Excorcist is definitely up there, especially the director's cut. Have you seen The Others? It's creepy. Take care! =)
from artofliving :
thank you so much. xoxox. dont have alot to say...still recovering. will update today
from influence :
I don't really get scared by movies, but most people I talk to site The Ring. I hear the foreign version is scarier. I'm partial to zombie films myself, though they're more technically thrillers than horror I think.
from imaphatpig :
Oh man. Some people miss thing by a longshot but your list is right on! I only would have added The Ring because the first time I saw it I really think it was pretty creepy. Have you ever been to see the steps featured in the Exorcist? They are located in Georgetown in DC. They really aren't that scary though. Just really steep and tiring to walk up - the Georgetown crew team runs up and down them for their workouts! And the place where the Blair Witch project called Burkettsville or whatever? It's in Maryland and I drove through there once. It is seriously out in the middle of nowhere - not that this is worth mentioning but still. I agree with you on everything. That's all.
from rkwj1 :
I'm with you on the whole Exorcist being scary. The spider walk is freaky and the thing that always scares me the most is the face of the demon. They only flash it really quickly a couple times throughout the movie. You know that white face. FREAKS ME THE F*** OOUT!!. In the trailer for the new Excorcist movie they show that face and my heart drops every time. You might want to try "The Changeling" with Goerge C. Scott. A little slow but classicly scary all the same. I love scary movies. I'll tell you My "Shining" story sometime. Later,ROB
from augustdreams :
Did you see 'Jeepers Creepers 2'? There was one scene in there that scared the crap out of me. A girl's having a vision of all these injured kids in a field and one little boy is talking to her but she can't hear anything - just his mouth moving and all these voices whispering. *shivers* I'm going to drop you an email with my snail mail address. :) *Hug*
from nora555 :
Yeah Um, I'll be editing that by the days end. Soon that entry will be strictly rated G. Okay maybe PG-13 Luv Ya!! Letty
from darktruth :
As kind of an add-on to what you said... I'm not really sure about your views on God and such, but He promises us that His mercies are renewed every morning. He only promises us the day that we're in, not tomorrow. Not next week. Live today for today. That dumb saying, "one step at a time" really comes into play when you actually sit down and think about things deeply. I'm not sure if this means anything to you, or if I'm just rambling. But just remember that His mercies are new with the morning. It's a new day. Do something with it.
from starlight42 :
I think I qualify as Gen. X, I'm 28. I loved Reality Bites. My favorite was when they were dancing in the 7-11 and the camera pans out to the parking lot and you can still see their silottes dancing. LOL Ya, I've been on the same wave-length as you lately...I've been thinking alot about how 80's and 90's are now vintage!! Isn't it crazy? I was just saying that in a few more years, Bon Jovi's Slippery When Wet will be considered Classic Rock...oh my god!
from sapphyr :
Thank you so much for your empathy, it means so much to me. These last two weeks have been so tough. I have been through an emotional roller coaster but I'd rather live without her than live a lie. I hope the rest of your time here in the States is helpful and healing. Thanks for caring. ~S.
from wordsofmine :
Hi Clarity25. thanks for stopping by. Yes, I like my new template and feel it's more me than some of the others I've had. Plus, I find it calming. I perused your site and like your writing and your site is very striking.
from pixie-grl :
You know, to be honest, I am scared to get excited about it. I feel like if I start to get excited I will curse myself. I can't wait to be a mother. And the fact that it would be a child that Bobby and I created, makes it all the more remarkable. So, to answer your question, yes this is something that we want at this point in our life. Bobby is just like me when it comes to starting a family. I mean, sure it is nice being the two of us and being able to be spontanious, but it is something we both want equally as much. It would be an answer to our prayers...
from sapphyr :
I've been hiding, but your biography entry was sweet and poignant! You really are a gifted writer. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us! ~Sapphyr
from pixie-grl :
Well, I am a little late. And honestly, I have been so moody and irritable lately that I really wouldn't doubt it. I just can't bring myself to buy a test. I always end up getting one, spending the damn $20, then getting my period right after I take the thing. I'll give it two more days... xoxo, dc
from the-book-bag :
Thank you for your earlier note Clarity...and it's okay, not having words. The fact that you care means more to me than you know. Thank you for being so sweet and so generous, especially when you're going through such a painful and difficult time. I'm glad you're getting to spend a few extra days with your family. *Hugs and kisses* Love, cat
from starlight42 :
Oh, also read your life story. Wow- you managed to get a lot of info and detail into a short amount of space. If I tried, I'd go on and on...Anyway, I enjoyed reading it, it's always interesting to know a bit more about the person you read/talk to online. Your story is inspiring though. You've taken your life and made so much out of it...you always kept on going. That's something to be very proud of. I know you'll always have sad memories of people and things, but I'm glad to hear your life is for the most part happy right now.
from starlight42 :
I like the Winnona pic-is that from Reality Bites? I love most of her movies, that pic looks so familiar. Have you ever seen How to Make an American Quilt? That's a good one too. Anyway, loved the kitty pics!! That poor mama, she looks so tired just layin' there. Also, have a safe trip home!
from the-book-bag :
I'm speechless Clarity. What a life you've had...and you've only just begun! You're an amazing woman, please don't ever forget that. And you are just as talented as a writer as you are as an artist. *Hugs & kisses* -cat
from xanti :
Wow. You've been through a lot. ((Hugs)) And thanks for your note. I feel a little better about things today. Take care!
from rkwj1 :
I loved that entry. I fell like I know you a whole lot better. Later,ROB
from coldandgray :
The biography entry was really amazing and beautifully written. My Dad was also an artist marine who married my Mom was she was 18, but he was 6 years older than her. I am the youngest, but always felt for my sister having to bare the brunt of being the oldest. Really excellent entry, Clarity, Thank you.
from augustdreams :
Thank you so much for sharing your life with us, Clarity. It was an honor to read it, and I'm so glad that I can be a part of it through our journals. I'm sorry the Hurricane delayed your travel plans, but very glad you weren't on a plane during the storm! Take care and could you send me your address in Germany? I'd love to exchange snail mail letters sometime.
from atomicbuddha :
Thanks for the prayers. I loved your biography entry, you managed to keep it concise but chock full of information, with a nice flow too. If I tried to do that mine would be 20 pages long, everyone would be bored stiff, and my head would ache from the effort! Cuuute kitties too in the other entry. I'm glad you got to spend a little more time with the family, it sounds like you all need that. Some good that came out of Charley. Enjoy those moments!!
from retailharlot :
Your entry was really touching (as they always are). Man, I had forgotten all about She-Ra and He-Man. I had a Double Trouble doll myself... Remember her? She had two faces and her head twisted around. I was 4, and so scared of the damn thing that I hid it in a shoebox in my mom's closet. Thanks for the memory.
from special-one :
i loved you pictures of the kittens and of course, i hope you arrive in germany safely.
from sillyreviews :
your review is (finally) up. sorry for the delay.
from coldandgray :
I hope I am not too late to wish you a safe trip. You left me a wonderful comment. Coming from you it means a lot, because you write like a dream. Best of luck you you!
from the-book-bag :
Damn! Now I REALLY want a kitten! Hope you have a safe journey home. Love, Cat
from grngrl75 :
love the kitty pics! so cute. have a safe trip back to Germany and good luck with the passport.
from xanti :
Awww. Those kittens are so adorable! =) Have a safe trip! Take care.
from milomilo2 :
Clarity, Have safe travels and a return. You're extremely fortunate to travel the world, live in a foreign country and have a great family! How are they great? For a family to have so many animals and pets, surely you all have big hearts -- that can't be all bad! Thanks for the diary tip! I wondered if people had difficulty reading the orange text on black background. Check back once in awhile and perhaps I'll have new style by then. Thank you, once again for the comments. milomilo2
from dragonflys :
those kittens are absolutely adorable :)
from lauralgood :
I will be hoping all goes well at the passport stations. I hate goodbyes. Love laural
from imaphatpig :
Well, the Eric situation is getting better. We have a long way to go but we've both made a committment to stick with it for as long as it takes. Hopefully, someday soon, we will be able to reach the level of intimacy that you have with your Eric. That would be the ultimate in my book.
from bloodyjuliet :
Can I just tell you that I absolutly LOVE your diary? It's amazing!
from augustdreams :
Please give the new fuzzy mama a gentle snuggle from me. Can't wait to see pictures! :)
from rkwj1 :
Yeah a pet skunk. Her name was Petunia. When I was a kid there was a dead skunk in the road obviously hit by a car by my house. Just off the road in the woods were 8 baby skunks running around aimlessly. So I gathered them up and we called the state to find a home for them. Ay that age their scent gland isn't developed so they can't spray you with stink. The State de-scents them and sells them to pet stores. They gave us one. She was the coolest pet. She loved to cuddle and be close to you. I was pretty bummed out when she died. Have a safe trip back to Germany. Later,ROB
from pixie-grl :
congrats! you're a big sis, again..... hey, just wanted to see how you were hanging in there. i just realized as i was catching up that you live pretty damn close. weird, huh? well, get back here soon! DC
from xanti :
Awww. That would be amazing...Even though I've had a lot of cats, I've never witnessed one giving birth. Newborn kittens are just so cute. =) And I like Jim Morrison, too. I almost bought a book of his songs and poetry last time I was in Books-A-Million, but I really couldn't spare the cash at the time. =( Take care!
from lauralgood :
congrats to the new kitty mom! and what a scene to witness with your sisters. beautiful. love laural
from the-book-bag :
Congratulations! I got to witness my cousin Caitlin's cat giving birth about eleven years ago. It's quite amazing, isn't it? I'm glad to know Angie and her kittens are doing well. I hope your mom has a nice birthday. I'm sure you and your sisters will make it very special for her. *Lots of hugs* Love, cat
from starlight42 :
Oh, I'd love to see a cat give birth!! Wow...how amazing. I can't wait to see the pictures.
from imaphatpig :
wow! you are so freakin' lucky!
from atomicbuddha :
Also wanted to tell you, yes, I am seeing a Doctor about the palpitations...soon. Thanks for the concern. It feels good knowing so many of my online buddies were concerned. It made me realize, uh, yeah, maybe this is more serious than I tend to think it is and I should do something aobut it. Anyway, just wanted to thank you!!
from atomicbuddha :
Animal births are amazing. I have witnessed quite a few having grown up on a farm. I'm glad it hapened while you were home to witness it and share it with your sisters. Also glad to hear Eric may consider moving back to America early. Situations change and sometimes it's hard to make deals when you don't know what the future holds. It's wonderful that he seems to be able to see those things. I often wish I could move closer to my parents...and in fact may even consider it sometime in the near future, even though that was never really in the plan!
from singlegirl :
Just wanted to say hello. I've been keeping up with you, but haven't left a note in awhile. I'm glad you got to stay with your family an extra week - sounds like you all needed that.
from oladybug0 :
Photoshop is the best- I really want to take a course though because between that and illustrator I am pretty lost on how to use the extras and special features. You don't need to see the first season of 6 feet under to enjoy the second- but it helps. Maybe you can rent them at blockbuster or something although with all you have going on right now I'm sure seeing a television series in perfect sequence is not your biggest priority. I don't think you should feel badly about not calling your friends. You've had a rough time right now and it isn't wrong to want to insultate yourself and take care of yourself and your family. Really, it's no wonder that you don't have energy for friends right now. Have a safe trip back to Germany.
from lauralgood :
Molly is definently the looker...though in smarts well...good things she has looks! heheheeh. love you. Laural
from lauralgood :
I love you ms. clarity. Keep your head up, ok? We are pulling for you as well. Love laural
from harlieskye :
All I can offer is a virtual *hug*. I wish there was more I could do.
from evaluate-you :
Your review: You rock! For an extended version of that, check out the site. Thanks a bunch for requesting the review. It was a real pleasure.
from nora555 :
I keep forgeting yoru in the states email me Im always onlin 9-6 west coast time... Then we can chat... Mexico was crazy, i broke my tequila promise. Whens your birthday??? I got your note... Im f'd up (not drunk but in the head)right now...You don't even know!!!! Luv ya letty!!!
from augustdreams :
Your fuzzy ones are adorable! Please give them snuggles from me. And hang in there, sweetie. I wish I could lend you a warm, sleepy Aph to curl up beside you. She makes a very good dreamcatcher.
from meeshapeesha :
Awww, what cute pics of the pets!
from the-book-bag :
I'm so sorry for everything you're going through...it's perfectly normal to have trouble sleeping and disturbing nightmares. I'm so sorry. I wish I had some advice to give. One thing my therapist has "encouraged" me to do is decide BEFORE I fall asleep, what kind of dream I'm going to have and to spend a few minutes "visualizing" it before going to be. And if at any point while I'm asleep, the dream is headed off-course, I'm supposed to use my logical mind to get it back on track. (I've tried variations on this, without much success, but you never know. It may work for you). I hope maybe it helps you. I just wish I could give you a big hug and take you out for coffee so you could just vent or break down or just quietly sit and sip your drink. You're in my thoughts and heart. *Many, many hugs and kisses* Love, cat
from pissedkitten :
And fiona is not an evil bitch. She's just misunderstood.
from pissedkitten :
You always play with Amber & never me.
from yecats79 :
That picture of your cats sleeping together is adorable! I have two cats, and they never sleep together. The younger one tries, but the older one is a bitch who won't let her near her.
from the-book-bag :
I loved your entry today! I think it's wonderful that you and your family have opened your home and hearts to your pets. *Hugs* Love, cat
from clrmehppygrl :
I went and looked at the painting of you pug and quickly called my husband over... "Picture or painting? quick!" He thought it was a picture. That is beautiful! You are a real talent!
from xanti :
Awww, such cute pets! This is precisely why I wasn't allowed to go in with Mom when we got Max out of the Animal Shelter. I'd have begged and pleaded to bring home at least three cats and a couple of dogs. I love animals. Anyway, take care!
from starlight42 :
loved the pics of your pets!!
from special-one :
hey, i really hope things get better with your family. your family's pets are cute :). and that man, he was at least 25..and i could imagine living in germany. My mom told me that i can't leave her though. But i'll have to see what my life is going to be like in the future.
from rkwj1 :
That pug is so cute. I love those dogs. I have a jack russell named Marley. She is the best. We also had a beagle named hunter or as I called her Monkey. When she got excited she made a noise like a monkey. She died a couple of years ago. And then theres Pete, my families dalmatian. Probably the smartest animal I have ever seen. You could talk to him about the weather and I swear he knows what you're talking about. He is like my little brother that dog. He's getting old so his time is short. I wish they lived longer. Later,ROB
from darktruth :
Well, I'm sorry to hear about that. I know from experience that it doesn't help much to hear someone say they're sorry, and perhaps that's not even what I really mean. I can empathize with you. Maybe that's what I mean. I know I barely know you, just of what you write and all, but I'll keep you and your family in my prayers, okay? Take care.
from sapphyr :
Thanks so much for the encouragement...I really need it these days! ~S.
from pixie-grl :
Hey Sweetie, I am so sorry to hear about your brother. I had no idea. I finally have been slowly getting to catch up on your diary when I learned of the whole situation. You are definitly right though, you are where you belong right now. It is times like this that family needs to be there for each other. And although your mom may seem unconsolable, having you there is helping her 110% I am sure. If you need an ear, I'm just a email away. Keep your head up! XOXO, -DC
from grngrl75 :
Thanks for your note. I'm afraid it's hard for me to express everything in this diary because a few people read that I don't want knowing everything. I wish I could go into more specifics with things, ya know? I'm enjoying reading your diary...and when I have more time I look forward to reading through more of it:)
from clrmehppygrl :
Thank you so much for the encouraging note you left me. That was a really rough night and I wanted to express it as clear as I possibly could. You helped put things into a bit of perspective though. Being myself, sans labels is more important than trying to shove myself into one that I find appealing. It's something that I'm going to have to work on, something not exactly simple, but maybe it's a goal. Thank you so much for what you wrote, again... it meant a lot.
from pisceanlore :
Hey ya. Thanks for the note. My relationship issues really all boil down to me not being in one and getting frustrated about it from time to time. Nothing to worry about, I just blow up every now and then but I get over it pretty quick by now. I liked your church entry. I was never a religious person and never went to church growing up, but I've been to some services recently. I pretty much agree with all you said about it, I'll probably put something into a new entry shortly on the subject. Anyway. Take care. -T
from xanti :
I used to feel the same way about my parents' church...That I wasn't really getting anything out of it. Seriously, most people in my parents' church aren't paying attention. My Dad really likes it, though, so the rest of my family stays. Man, it must be so difficult to be torn between your family and your husband. I don't know what I'd do, or really what to say. ((hugs)) Take care!
from disclosure- :
i see your still in the same torn situation, it must be hard...its not so hard for me because i dont have that closeness with my mum and i havent a father and my partner well hes what keeps me together so for you it must be so much harder *hugs*...as for America my opinion wouldnt really count that much because i myself haven't been. my mother went over when i was 16, i stayed here in england, she came back 7 months later as she didnt like it. she felt asolated and felt the people themselves werent true to themselves, in her words "fake as they come", i mean every one is diferent but it can't be that bad because she wants to go back, but to a different part of America. Her partner who is American feels English people are more screwed up than the American's *shrugs* to me when i think of America, i think fast food, crime, weapons, war...i know thats all theory and not fact, its most probably what i've learnt from the media and we all know the world of media is never real......
from evaluate-you :
I like your diary a lot! I have run across it before but it's taking me a while to review it. So, pardon the fact that I posted another review before yours even though you requested a review before they did. Their's was easier to review - take that as a compliment of your own. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that. I'll post yours ASAP when I am done!
from augustdreams :
You're in my thoughts, sweetie. I wish I could do more for you. I'm sending you warm, tight hugs whenever you need them, from me and all the fuzzy ones.
from darktruth :
I must have missed what happened with your brother. If you want to explain, please do, but if not, that's fine. .. <3
from retailharlot :
I have always been and probably always will be skeptical of organized religion, particularly the more cultish aspects of it, but even I can't deny that for some people, under some circumstances, it's a great thing. Regardless of hidden agendas and hipocracy, it does provide a network of support, and a fear of God or desire to go to heaven instills a sense of morality and "rightness" in people that many would lack otherwise. Anyway, I'm glad your mother has her church, and you, during this time.
from evaluate-you :
Heck yeah, you can be our first review! Thanks for asking, and thanks for the compliments! :)
from cagedfreedom :
clarity, please get an earring with us too, i didn't realize you wanted to be included!!!! figured with your age and wisdom if u wanted one you would have had it already;)if you do wish to take part we must do it before you leave (providing jay is moved to brooklyn by then). yay!
from xanti :
If it were November, I'd say watch The O.C., because that's when the new season starts. It's soo addictive. I didn't get to see Garfield. =( They took it off our theater before I got there. Oh, the lure of entertainment. I'm glad you won POY, I was going to cast my vote for you, but stupid idiot me missed the voting period. Anyway, take care!
from pissedkitten :
beavis & butthead!!@
from oladybug0 :
As far as television shows you need to see (I am a self-professed television adict)- I love Alias with Jennifer Garner, Sex in the City, Six Feet Under... I also love those dorky home design shows on TLC. Ohhh and America's Next Top Model. It is terrible but ever so addictive.
from clrmehppygrl :
Thank you for the concerned note. I'm going to go ahead and go to the doc this week. And you're not missing anything on TV, as far as I know. My husband and I work nights, so we're missing out too. And my son is a Horse on the Chinese Zodiac too, but I forgot, what's your Star Sign?
from sillyreviews :
Your silly review is on it's way!
from insanegerbil :
that birth order thing just doesn't work when you've got 3 other siblings(4 total).well, the youngest child works i suppose...but the oldest child is the one who is most talented in several areas, potential to do anything and they seem to always know what they're doing whether or not they actually do.the second born is a magnifyed version of the first child, slightly less outgoing but still on that same level of intelligence and skill with more intuition.the third born tends to be loveable even if they don't see it themselves.they're always searching for their real personality though.
from whereibegin :
I hit return too soon on that last message... anyway, thanks for the note you left me. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one in the world with a "ruiner." Also, I think you were very brave to discuss moving back to the states with Eric, and the compromise you reached sounds like a good solution for now. It's really tough being caught between your partner and your family - I've felt that way a few times in my life, and it's never fun. Hang in there! I'm still thinking of you and your brother...
from whereibegin :
Hey, congrats on POY, girl! You are awesome!
from starlight42 :
I knew you'd win!! Congrats! :)
from momma-zoe :
I found you thru POY and was browsing around your diary. I somehow came across the entry about your husband's best friend who is schitzophrenic. It brought tears to my eyes. My ex-husband is schitzophrenic, and althought he is rarely physically a threat, there were so many similarities. The stories about being abused in the mental institution, the goverment using the medications as mind controll, the demons..I've heard it a million times before. It's a very sad life to live, and at times I think it's harder to watch. I had to end the marriage. I couldn't handle the anger he lashed out onto me daily, nor did I want our boys to see it. You had every right to be afraid. I can't count the times I was terrified of something.....
from clrmehppygrl :
Wow, yea, I understand this so well and I can feel how your heart is being torn. My husband used to live in New Hampshire and I in Florida. He picked up everything he had and moved here. So, I guess I'm more in Eric's shoes than yours. I don't know what I'd do if I had to move back up north with him. But I think it was more that you sprang it on him like that than anything. Time to think helps a lot, time to plan and figure things out.
from warcrygirl :
HI! Thanks for visiting my diary! I'll come back and give yours a peek, too. :)
from pisceanlore :
Hey ya. That's a rough decision for anyone to have to make. I totally empathize with you on that. I have a sneaking suspicion that I'll have to deal with something similar one day. Hopefully not, but who knows. Anyway. I'd like to add you to my favorites list. To be honest, I've only read a handful of your entries, but I think your voice really comes through strong and I think we'll get along well. Anywho, talk to you later on. -T
from xanti :
That really isn't an easy decision: your family or your husband's happiness. I think you came to a good compromise, though. ((hugs)) I hope everything works out favorably.
from the-book-bag :
Hi Clarity, I just wanted to let you know I mailed the package...but it could take thirty to forty days to arrive! Can you believe that?! And here I was, worried that the box would beat you home. Go figure. Let me know when it (finally) arrives...otherwise I'll be at UPS giving those rat bastards a reaming they never imagined! O:-) Love, cat
from artofliving :
shit!! you're telling me!! i can't think of too many useless organs to give up and i'm going to be in school for the next 6 years AT LEAST!! do you know what degree of hell my body will be in by that time?!
from starlight42 :
I liked your defining moment entry. That sure must have been some day for you. It's funny, how we can all easily get so caught up in a strangers life, feel badly for them...I guess that's also a cool thing though. I'd rather care than not.
from the-book-bag :
Dear Clarity, I don't think you're a "bad wife" for wanting to be close to your family right now, and I'm sure Eric doesn't feel that way either. Even if I had "advice" to give, I wouldn't because this situation is difficult and painful enough without someone else telling you what you should do. I only wish there were some way to make things better for you and your family. Please know that all of you are in my thoughts and heart rignt now. *Many, many hugs and kisses* Love, cat
from disclosure- :
its weird to find someone that in some ways os going through the same as i am and vice versa.. my mum is moving to america and my bro wants me to go to and i partly do but my partner likes it here in england...*shrugs*..being torn is such an emtpy feeling for me, i hope it all works out *hug*
from mzletty :
sorry i never got back to you the last time you noted me! I've been super busy lately and i don't have internet at home no more either :(. but i love, love how you write
from cagedfreedom :
hey big sis, i just read your first entry and i cried at the end due to the combination of it being very poetic and me being a wimp;)between you and elle's diaries im gonna be a bit busy. lots of deep dark innermost thoughts to discover. goody. oh and thank u for your so very nice note:)
from darktruth :
Thank you times a million. It's nice to get nice comments like that. I don't get them often, so I'm printing it out and blowing it up to full size, you know, the wall size, and hanging it over my bed.... Okay so I'm not. But thanks anyway, and keep on doing what you're doing. <3
from the-book-bag :
I'll be mailing your package tomorrow. *Hugs* -cat
from nora555 :
I like that note.... THe one right before mine... Anyway, I'm back I had fun and guess what i went dark too thursday night right before my cruise. But I have two blond streaks. I like that entry in regards to the birth order. I am also that other first born. I'm so glad to see you in better spirits I'm glad you went to the beach, sorry about the waves.. Love the beach!!!! I hope your having fun with your family!!! Letty
from darktruth :
First of all, I just realized that you have (very) good movies listed in your favorites box... So kudos to you. Secondly, your writing makes you one of my favorite people, and I don't even know you. That is all.
from artofliving :
i'm the baby of the family and the description is pretty accurate. my brother doesn't fit the description of the typical first born, he's more like you. Ddot is the typical first born however, and his brother Yort also fits the description of the last born.
from xanti :
I'm a first born, and from those descriptions, I'm like a blend of the typical firstborn and the compliant firstborn. Then, I'm not at all surprised to see that I don't fit neatly into either category...I seldom do. ;) As for discussing moving back to the states, I think you should at least mention it to Eric and see what he thinks. Well, take care!
from yecats79 :
Those descriptions are pretty accurate for me (middle child) and my younger sister (youngest). My brother (the oldest) doesn't fit into either 1st born category, nor does my older sister, who I guess, like me is a middle child. She doesn't fit into any category though, she's very unusual. My half-sister is essentialy and only child (16 years younger than me, never lived with any siblings, the only daughter of my step-mother), and she is the exact description of the only child. EXACT.
from retailharlot :
Was the book written by Kevin Leman, by any chance? I did a lot of birth order research for a paper I wrote a while back, and I've found that overwhelmingly, Leman's theories tend to be correct. Some of the other birth order psychologists are a little off base. Anyway. I just wanted to let you know that I think that you are really strong, and the way you're able to cope during tough times makes you an inspiration.
from atomicbuddha :
Yep, I am an only child as well (I have a brother, born when I was 20 though!) and that fits me pretty much, except for the seeing things in black and white. I see everything in shades of grey but I think I've consciously made the effort to see things like that. Also, that offer from your Mom sounds amazing. You can always bring it up to Eric in passing, like tell him your Mom is so distraught she actually made this offer...etc, etc., and tell him that way so that he doesn't feel like it's something you are really considering but then it might get into his head and may start to seem like a good idea. It's sort of a gentle way to bring things up to your loved one without making them feel insecure or starting a fight.
from the-book-bag :
Well, I'd say the book has an accurate description of this only child. I can't speak for anyone else, but that passage summed me up quite well. *Hugs* -cat
from yecats79 :
I know people say this to you a lot in here, but you really do have a way with words. You should publish a book. Well, maybe a collection of essays. Also, how did I think you lived in Michigan? Must be because you remind me the cool chick I know from there. I started to doubt you were from Michigan when you talked about the beach, but I didn't want to say that because apparantly there are beaches on the great lakes that are supposed to be quite good. I don't know.
from lauralgood :
I am glad it helped you out a bit. It helped me out too. Love Laural
from artofliving :
my darling clarity, how i love thee. i always find myself checking your diary for updates before anyone else's (shhh!) and again, you have yet to leave me anything but breathless from your brilliant writing and in awe of your amazing life. your mere existance on this planet is enough to make the rest of us just a little but more lucky.
from kiosh :
Hi! Thank you very much for contributing with your questions, I like them! ~ Aaaah, I love your diary... Did I ever tell you I feel your name suits your writing very well? Your entries bring clarity to me... ~ Please say hello to Eric from me and send him a hug. A special one for you and all lots of love! Good luck! <Josh>
from xanti :
Oh gosh. I don't know what I'd have done in that situation. ((hugs)) That is just...surreal. Like something out of a movie. Even just reading about it gives me the chills. Take care.
from ocean-front :
Well, thanks for your note. I know that Germans can be a pain in the ass, especially the older and brick-stone-conservative ones. *sigh*. what I read so far sound so good to me. I think you are a pretty lovely person and Eric is a lucky guy.
from darktruth :
Wow.
from nycboy77 :
hallo, it´s even better: there are 5 beach-areas set up here and they run this the whole summer but its all so faked and overpriced somehow. are you in nyc?-you lucky thing...
from starlight42 :
I hate writers block. What I like about pieces of you is that it gets you thinking- and sometimes inspires you. Sometimes it's just hard though to come up with what you want to say. I love seeing what people wrote about the same topic though, get their spin. I'm sure your POY entry will be great, they always are!! Oh- I also checked out your sisters diary yesterday, she's talented as well!
from ocean-front :
Read a few entries of your diary and I'm pretty appalled how Germans behave and how bad their manners are. Besides I'm german myself I really, really hope that I'm not that bad as most of my compatriots are. I love your diary and you will be in my favourites from now on!
from darktruth :
Hey, I happened here. But really, I like it. I like it a lot. If I ever get the motivation, you'll go on my list, but I'm lazy so if I don't do it right now, it won't happen. Yell at me.
from xanti :
Wow. I don't think I could have found the beauty in life after being thrashed around in the ocean like that. That would be enough to scare me so much that I'd be lucky to be thinking at all. You're an amazing person and writer. ((hugs))
from nycboy77 :
hey you interesting one, thanks for dropping a note, so I just took the chance to look at your diary too and btw.I have to say I *LIKE* the story of your wedding so much- that´s how its GOT TO BE...viele liebe grüße und so
from the-book-bag :
You're an amazing woman Clarity...most people wouldn't have gone on to enjoy their day and find the beauty of living at the end of it. I love reading your entries. *Hugs* Love, cat
from juddhole :
Your writing, your thoughts, give me strength. I only hope to offer what I have back to you, should you need it. I sure appreciate you as do alot of other people. Thank you for being you.
from yecats79 :
Hey...probably you've mentioned this before, but from what part of the US are you? In my head it's Michigan, but I don't know if that's I actually read that in your diary or if it's just because I once knew a really cool chick from Michigan.
from starlight42 :
It's always amazing when you get a chance to look into someone's life in such an intimate way, the way you did with that girl. It always reminds me that life is so mysterious.
from pixie-grl :
ok, so how long has it been????? who knew that getting married would be so time consuming!!! how have you been? i had a quick question for you. do you know how to change your screen name? i can't find the link on here to do it and i don't want to have to start another diary. hit me up if you know or could point me in the right direction. i was going to ask kris, but i noticed she hasn't been on for a while. and the "help" at diaryland never responds. hope all is well! peace out, chica! -DC
from jennlynn24 :
I completely relate with the cigarette smoking thang.. My parents "know" I smoke, but dont want to ever "See" ir or achnolidge that I smoke. I like to think they dont know.. So I would be mortified if my mom or dad ever saw me!!! as for your beach story..... It is scary as hell to be pulled under the water, no control, waves have so much control over you... same thing happened to me, so I feel you.. I got swept under by undertowe.. My college roomie and I.. At the same time.. We couldnt get up to gasp for air, the waves kept coming and pulling us under, doing somersaults in the water, underwater. That is scary. I totally am with you, its like a surreal feeling..... I wanna see pics of your hair girl!!! :) I am sure it looks beautiful, change is good. It makes you feel free... Like a different person. Girl, I was talking about you the other day to my friend Jen, and saying how amazing you are! :) You truly are. When are you going back to Germany? I am sure you will be really sad when you return, because you will be away from the fam and all... Remember.. if you are ever in Jersey.... :) Keep smiling and loving life. Have a great day Clarity! :)
from the-book-bag :
Thank you so much Clarity. :') I really don't have anything to complain about...especially when considering what you and your family are going through. You are a very sweet, caring, wonderful woman. Eric is right when he says you're beautiful, because you are. *Many hugs and kisses* Love, cat
from xanti :
I always feel weird when my Mom catches me doing something I wasn't allowed to do when I was younger...Like cursing when I cut my leg in the shower or something. I feel about an inch tall then. Funny how parents still have that power over us when we're "grown-ups". And your little sister's comment about "doing IT" is just hilarious. Kids say the darnedest(sp?) things. Take care!
from insanegerbil :
do i spy....A TATOO?!what's with the butterfly on the tummy?o my.
from ubergrrl :
Clarity sweets, I'm just now getting caught up on the past few days of your diary.. I'm so so sorry about your brother. I hope that your family finds a solution that is just and deserved so that he can get out of prison. I know you are all in a dark time right now, but you are so lucky to have Eric as your rock, and your mom and sisters.. you are strong and if you stick together you'll come through it. Good luck and I'll keep thinking good thoughts for you.
from starlight42 :
I bet the reddish brown is cute, it's probably just such a change from the blonde. It's funny, everyone left me notes after my entry about men not cleaning, with similar stories. Guys don't get it. They don't care if people see their dirty underware!
from insanegerbil :
mmm.so true about the hair.i'm happiest with purple hair i think.i used to think it was the color that made me happy.
from xanti :
I'm sorry things are bad right now and that you feel numb. I know how the numb thing feels. But, hey, going out to El Dorado's and getting the karaoke game seem like good steps in a positive direction. =) ((hugs)) Take care!
from the-book-bag :
I'm so, so sorry Clarity. I wish there were more I could do than just leave notes. If there is anything else I can do (write letters, sign petitions, whatever), just let me know. Thank you very much for the sweet note you left yesterday. You and your family are in my heart right now. *Many, many hugs* Love, cat
from clrmehppygrl :
My heart aches for you so much. I know it's odd for someone who's pretty much a complete stranger to say things like that, but it's so obvious how much pain you're in. I wish I could take it away for you, you're whole family and make everything better. But the only thing I can do is tell you, that, yes, eventually, things do get