messages to deepest-blue:
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from sasori-gal :
I always look forward to your end of the year reflections. *hugs*
from fifidellabon :
Mel, what have you done? (re:surgery) I pray that it was something that you did for yourself, not for anybody else. I can only read and infer from what you have written, but it seems an uncomfortable place that you have come to. I see a greater degree of honesty coming from you. I hope that you will get the courage to get yourself into a better place in the future. You probably deserve far better than what you have now. I am sorry for your pain. The future as you tell it seems incredibly difficult, especially for one so young. Even one child is an incredible amount of work and effort, which is gladly undertaken if you are the parent. Honestly, (and selfishly), I do not believe that I could raise another's children, not even part-time. I do actually wish you good luck. /Fifi
from misfitstray :
You can't trust any man! If they have the chance to fuck a beautiful woman they do, no matter if they are married or in any other relationship! If there wouldn't be always that emotion called love, I would say, let us live without men. We can do better without them. 'sigh' Everything is so complicated because of those damn emotions!
from fifidellabon :
Why? It's public. If you don't want readers, lock up. Honestly.
from lisasays :
hi! I've become totally addicted to your diary...I love your writing. I'm not sure if you're giving out passwords, but if you are I'd love to have it. My email is [email protected]
from fifidellabon :
Wow. Defensive much? /Fifi
from dana-elayne :
I wonder if you don't see that you TOTALLY deserve better than this. If he did it to her, no matter what his excuses, he will do it to you. He will get bored. He will get frustrated. Marriage is work and it is hard. I hope that he becomes a better person, but zebras never change their stripes. As Fifi said, his current wife knows him far better than you know him right now. She is the one who has been dealing with the children, the house, the marriage alone while he was out and about.
from jimbostaxi :
Good luck and I hope you guys make it. I was the guy who told all the lies to my first wife and tried to keep my secret life hidden. In the end It all fell apart and I told my ex about all my lies because honesty was the best policy, and I needed time to make up more lies . I did eventually leave my ex but the cost to me was great emotionally, mentally, financially and every other which way!!
from sasori-gal :
It sucks BIG TIME being on the waiting side. You compared the situation to waiting for your man to get out of prison. Well, THAT I can relate to. And you're sooo right. It is a horrible feeling, but if you believe that what you have is worth it, that love and devotion will give you the strength to carry on and get through this. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees, but I do believe he has taken the hardest step to be with you. That's a HUGE step and the fact that he has decided to go the honest route says a lot. As you said, he has turned everyone's world upside down (including yours) but he would not have done this if the dream on the other side (you) was not worth it. Love and patience sometimes go hand in hand. Keep believing~ I do!!! *hugs*
from misfitstray :
I'm happy for you :)
from fifidellabon :
You say how she neglects her wonderful, perfect husband and this ideal marriage...yes, that really sounds as if he is not neglecting it, having a bit on the side for 18 months. Sneaking away every chance that he can get, leaving her with all of the hard work. He is apparently not very supportive of her at all if all that you write is true. (And believe me, she DOES know him, far, far better than you do!) And if you do indeed end up with him...suddenly YOU will be the wife, and there will be another bit on the side. And don't forget to get a really high-paying job, because his money will mostly go to support his family. Ooops, I meant to say, his FIRST family. They will never be out of his life, you know. (Oh, and isn't it appalling -note the spelling- that you have met his children? They oughtn't to be exposed to such things and he ought to know better!) Mel, don't you deserve better than this?? /Fifi
from misfitstray :
I wasn't able to do u-turns until I had more practice with my own bike. And I'm still not very good at it as I'm so insecure. But I got my licence without doing the u-turn. I was lucky in my practice test. They didn't want me to do it then.
from misfitstray :
and will you be you, when you do that for him?
from misfitstray :
will I be allowed to read further on? Please! bcrk19 AT yahoo DOT de
from misfitstray :
wished that I could help you on that! I'm feeling with you.
from misfitstray :
well, that's pretty simple: 1. I like how you write, 2. I like what you write, 3. I have similar thoughts, 4. You are so wonderful refreshing open-minded. I slept with a lot of men being in relationships or married. There are 1000s out there who are willing to "betray" their wifes's / girlfriends. Men are different... You'll never know why. You were thinking about a present for him. How about a hot-air-balloon adventure?
from misfitstray :
YOU made my day! Thank you!
from swimmmer72 :
re: not looking forward to it. Maybe that is something you HAVE to look forward to. With all the good stuff your relationship with D contains, you can't and shouldn't avoid looking at the hidden downside, i.e., the fact that D belongs to another and has a family of his own, putting you on the outside looking in. And yeah, this happens during the time periods you would most like to have him around. That's the deal and it isn't going to change. Sorry to be so blunt, but you have to be honest with yourself and ask if this is what you really want.
from swimmmer72 :
re: nasty entry. Well, yeah, I did see it, and I guess all I can say about it personally is that you will have days like this and you have to ask yourself whether they are worth it. Not making a judgment at all as I've been somewhere close to where you are, but ask yourself - what is this getting you? And can you do better? Think about it, for your sake.
from sasori-gal :
sending love, love and more love to you!
from swimmmer72 :
I hope your time off is good to you. :)
from swimmmer72 :
I say this while still sympathizing with your situation, but your dilemma kind of comes with the territory, doesn't it? I can appreciate your love for him, but you still need to be realistic, FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, i.e., peace of mind. Accept that you are sharing him or tear yourself up everytime something like this happens. Sorry.
from sasori-gal :
hey, sweetie...thinking of you and feeling every bit of emotion you've been feeling and writing about. hang tough! *hugs*
from gr8chick :
I ran across your diary, and I wanted let you know that I'm adding you as a fav. We have some things in common...well, I used to be in your shoes. And I still want to wear those shoes.
from erari :
you can never (ever!) get tired of blink :)
from swimmmer72 :
So, the question is: what do you do now? Any relationship (my opinion) with a married person, male or female, is inherently doomed to failure. You almost never get all that you want, and in the few instances that you do, you risk the next version of yourself. When I say "you", I don't mean you, I mean generally speaking since I don't know you. But, it still goes back to the same question - what ends it and when do you walk away?
from boxx9000 :
I don't know how I found you, but I'd like to come back and read more. You are interesting.
from bitterwineuk :
Very well said. You are a strong person and it takes guts to be that honest with yourself. Well done to you.
from sweetabsence :
I quoted something u wrote in one of ur entries. I hope u dont mind and if u do please let me know. Your words just inspire me so much.
from sweetabsence :
my new journal is sweetabsence23.livejournal.com... I am going to continue to read yours as well. =)
from fifidellabon :
Well, I must admit, that's a very mature response to some stranger flinging judgemental remarks to you, unsolicited at that. Wishing you well! /Fifi
from fifidellabon :
Fifi here, I've just read the last parts of your diary. I'll tell you what I "get" from what you wrote. Feel free to delete this. You are soooo young. Not a fault, just something that is. You seem to love the drama. You have had some huge life experiences (your illness e.g. ) and perhaps you feel as if you are owed more. You have latched on to this big affair ( and that is all that it is, no more, no less) as a safe way of having all the drama and exploration that you feel the need for. ( Safe, just as the much older men are. It never lasts and the poor old chappies are so surprised when they are dropped...) He is a man in a marriage that he values, but has young children. Children take a lot of energy, and are a huge, although welcomed responsibility. With you, he can find a small selfish escape from the daily grind, a place where he can pretend to be what he used to be, and he can tell you what you want to hear, whether he believes it or not, but---BUT it is an affair. It is not a marriage. It is not even REMOTELY close to what marriage is. Should you continue with your girlish dreams and end up with him, and a child, you will be where his wife is now. Whether what you are doing is wrong or right is just immaterial. What you are doing is dishonourable. Sure it feels good, but as you've mentioned that your friends have asked you, how will you feel in five years. ( In ten years, no matter what you do, you will feel today's you a complete pratt, just like everyone else!) I can't say that a marriage born of an affair will never work, but in my ancient years, I've seen only two work out. So, what will you do? How long will you drag this out? I wonder. Incidentally, although I must come across as judgemental, I am in truth wishing good things for you, although most likely different things from the ones that you wish for. /Regards, Fifi
from ash3r :
you wrote so beautifully. :) thank you for putting your deep thoughts into writing, and in doing so, touch other people's feelings. :)
from sasori-gal :
I so adore you.
from sasori-gal :
Holy moly... Sometimes I feel like I'm reading pages of my past!! You hang tough, sweetie!
from sasori-gal :
As always, your thoughts, your perspectives and the way you express yourself just touches me. You are one incredible young woman! Here's to experiences without regrets and to the year that was! *cheers*
from sweetabsence :
I am sad that your diary is now locked.
from sweetabsence :
"Rome is away next week, four nights, five days. I am desperate just at the thought of it. It is the third time this year he has gone away without me. Now that the long weekend and our quality time together is drawing to a close, the impending anxiety and depression that was foreseen with his departure is seeping in at the splitting seams. I hate that I am so close to being unable to function without him. I hate the fear that surrounds me when he is not here. I hate myself for being so co-dependant, so unhealthily attached to someone, so desperate for them to look after me, protect me, keep me safe." That is exactly how I feel when Marc or me gets busy and Im unable to see him. Take care this week.
from cera-jeanne :
I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now...I hope they figure it out soon. Hugs.
from ash3r :
hi, thanks for your note! I want to let you know that am still your fan. :) i've got new journal... //doank.blogspot.com see you there :) and you may come across a couple entries where i linked your journal. :b
from sweetabsence :
Thank you for thinking of me and leaving me a note! You sound like you had a wonderful christmas too. Mine went well overall. I recieved a pink kitchen aid from Marc, which is my new baby. It looks like you did well in the cooking department too. Congrats on the commitment ring. I am waiting for mine too... (well, a engagement ring to me exact). ;)
from sasori-gal :
Hey there! I am absolutely LOVING all the photos! I tried posting a few weeks ago in your guestbook, but couldn't get through. You look gorgeous as ever and it's great to see you so happy! *hugs*
from cera-jeanne :
i'm not sure if this is true for everyone, but i think the wanting to forgive is a whole hell of a lot easier than the forgiveness itself. some memories or the emotions those memories bring can only fade and maybe never entirely disappear...i also struggle with those thoughts, even though they aren't even linked to my husband but are from past relationships. i think the mind can forgive but the heart sometimes can't.
from sweetabsence :
Its true. I havent had the time to read anyone else's diary, but I have been meaning to. Im trying to get back into writing about my own life and then I will get into reading other peoples again.
from cera-jeanne :
i'm sorry to hear about your parents....
from shane--s :
Hello,i dont know who you are actually.Today i am searching on the internet .i find you.so i will say hello ./nice to meet you.."lol"hehe ...i come from china.i am 21 years old .i am a university student .If you wanna know me .My e-mail:[email protected]
from fallencupid :
i don't remember who you are?! refresh my memory please!!! i feel so bad....
from cera-jeanne :
somehow in all my years of shopping I have not yet come across Peter Alexander. Thanks for the link, now I have more clothing to daydream about. :)
from cera-jeanne :
yay! i'm happy you're happy. :)
from ejaculated :
u: me p: you (sorry for the delay)
from violet-leigh :
Thanks for the note! Here's my new info (I went public) http://spaces.msn.com/FeistyGoddess/
from oh-organic :
im glad you are still around. ejaculated isnt quite dead, but this is something new.
from ash3r :
hello! thanks for the note. you're an idol. :)
from sasori-gal :
Hey sweetie! I hope everything is okay. If you're sharing your password, you know where to reach me. My thoughts are with you and I hope that you are doing all right. *hugs*
from ash3r :
Hello! May i please please know the password to your journal? I've been reading your journal since last year and you're one of the reason why i still have my diaryland account! Please!! :)
from sasori-gal :
I'm speechless and in tears. You did not deserve any of this. I will try to e-mail soon. I don't know how to make the pain go away, but you have my shoulder if you need a good cry. *hugs*
from o-jasmine-o :
Welcome to the Complex Ring. I'm sorry it took me so long to approve you!
from stella-caeli :
Hey! Thanks for joining the i-love-you diaryring! Nice diary!
from crashintome :
i rarely comment or update my own journal, but i do still keep up with you. much love.

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update April 6, 2020: Sorry, we just had 8+ hours downtime due to a server problem. Restoring from backups took soooo long, but everything is back and no data was lost. Ay yay yay! Anyhow, hope everyone is well with the virus stuff.

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