messages to degausser:
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from loveherwell :
it’s never too late [she says, hypocritically].
from loveherwell :
best song.
from punkedupqt :
oh gosh my love, where on a map do you see yourself residing??
from punkedupqt :
oh gosh my love, where on a map do you see yourself residing??
from swallowthkey :
thank you, love. having a real time in life right now but working through it. i hope you're doing okay <3
from loveherwell :
omg thank you!! i will forever remember how to put my darn songs in my darn posts now :)
from loveherwell :
i can definitively say that it feels so much better to either feel like you 100% want to stay or just get out. the ambivalence will kill you. i hope you are both able to come to some kind of consensus soon.
from loveherwell :
i had completely forgotten about a softer world and now you've made my night. <3
from raven72d :
I'll be watching it! Thanks!
from raven72d :
Good entries!
from pyroguysr :
Actually, no... I don't think I have that number anymore! *pouts* Send it to me via Instagram message?
from loveherwell :
that was the absolute loveliest note - thank you. and you're absolutely right. there are rarely clearly defined answers in our world as we get older - there are just choices - and those choices don't necessarily have value judgments attached to them. it makes it harder to move about the world, but it also gives us a world of possibility.
from the-grey-one :
absolutely :) you can email me at lazi_(at)hotmail.com and i'll hook you up.
from the-grey-one :
heeey. i thought i should let you know that i read alll ovvveeer your diary for hours tonight and i really love your writing voice. i am now thoroughly a fan of yours :)
from pyroguysr :
There are some days when you worry me... *LOL* Maybe you should text ME!
from pyroguysr :
As anyone with bi-polar disorder will tell you... "I'm fine." *chuckles* Hope things are better for you.
from swallowthkey :
no response is ever the right response and mostly it's easier to be alone these days. my mom is doing okay, almost done the chemo and then more tests.
from pyroguysr :
*chuckles* Seems like you and I are going through similar phases. And my dad used to do what your BF does - and I hated it, but I loved the man (you can't break up with your parents, though, despite the toxicity of the relationship). There is no arguing when someone is like that, but there is also a need to discuss things far more deeply with him than you have been. Both of you seem to be holding back feelings for fear of hurting the other. They need to be brought to the forefront and laid out before it gets worse. *sighs* I also seem to be going through what your late friend did, though not quite as bad. Be yourself. You're a beautiful person.
from swallowthkey :
Oh love. Sending all of my thoughts your way.
from hiv :
Also, just read your entry about your birthday and the TBS concert.. I totally get what you're talking about when you plan on doing something for yourself and get all your shit lined up for it and then all the sudden you find out other people/friends are going and then all the sudden you start second guessing everything and when you take a step back and look at what you're doing and realize it defeated every purpose of it happening in the first place.. I feel ya. Keep writing! Peace&Love.
from hiv :
Heya! Just had to leave a note saying that I still read / love your diary and I literally laughed out loud to your post "Trying To Make Friends" when you said you just deleted the app and started it over again.. you're hilarious.
from frankie123 :
girl xxxx
from pyroguysr :
And how are relations between the two of you lately? Better? Worse? *gives you a hug either way*
from pyroguysr :
I've learned that sometimes inebriated conversations are more honest than sober ones.
from pyroguysr :
Might be something of a generational thing. But I feel for you. You're still welcome to give me a call anytime.
from loveherwell :
yes yes yes all of that is exactly how i feel right now
from pyroguysr :
Depression is a terrible thing. I know, I went through it and lost a marriage and most of what I'd worked for over 22 years. If he won't seek help by himself, you'll need to sort of force the issue and get him into therapy and get the medications going that he needs. It won't be a fun job and it also sounds like it might be too-little-too-late, but try. And call me if you need to talk about it. It takes a LOT of self-courage and self-motivation to get through a bout of depression. Sometimes it requires a life-crushing change to motivate you (or a stay in the hospital to motivate you - you being your other half). It's called tough love, and it works most of the time... Let me know if you need my number again.
from pyroguysr :
*hugs* (and wishing I could help more)
from swallowthkey :
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/07/unprecedented-blue-moon-in-aquarius-now-or-never/ http://chaninicholas.com/jupiter-square-saturn-horoscopes-for-the-week-of-august-3rd/
from pyroguysr :
Bring video cameras. I want to record the surprised look of lust on her face!
from pyroguysr :
But I WANT to be presumptuous! And risque! And lecherous! And satiated!
from pyroguysr :
Only her couch? I want to cuddle with both of you and I don't think all three of us will fit.
from pyroguysr :
Run away with me?
from swallowthkey :
yep i am the same way, it drives vaughn up the wall. they genuinely have no idea how to help me stay happy when it's always too much or not enough. i love them for trying though.
from frankie123 :
but like for real, actually, doing laundry fucking suxxx
from frankie123 :
hahaha shit i'm sorry
from swallowthkey :
nobody ever stays gone in the world of social media. like it is so much harder to move on from broken friendships or old relationships when you are literally seeing someone's face all the time still, and getting limited (cryptic) updates on someone's life. socially our whole landscape of relating to each other has changed forever... i feel like our generation never really digests meaningful relationships because we don't get any legitimate time away to contemplate our interactions unless we delete ever app on our phones or throw our phones out entirely (which let's be honest is just unrealistic these days).
from swallowthkey :
social media renders our social interactions so bizarre. whole new level of adult anxiety.
from loveherwell :
what a shitty way to end the year! i am really hoping that 2016 is better for you.
from frankie123 :
hello! i think your latest entry was the secret code!
from amidstgrace :
I love your latest entry, it's very honest.
from whystinger :
Isn't taking a break from emotions the same as coping?
from raven72d :
you're right about songs.
from raven72d :
It's hard not just to deal with romance, but to do things like read or learn languages past a certain point--- you've lost that rush that comes when you're young of learning about whole new worlds...
from swallowthkey :
i have dreams often about having affairs. mostly for that reason, it's impossible not to miss that rush of new love, it's an addictive feeling. sometimes i wonder if i would be happier forever just on the brink of falling in love with someone and escaping before it has a chance to become mature (i want to type mundane but that is the commitment issues speaking). it's just hard to want the slow burn sometimes when the spark was so exciting but i am learning that allowing feelings to deepen is a different kind of experience full of wonder. i'm not sure where i was going with this except that i feel your feelings also.
from raven72d :
that feeling of newness is wonderful...and so missed once it's gone.
from jaysthoughts :
Nostalgia is bittersweet.
from loveherwell :
thank you. seriously, thank you, thank you, thank you. i really just needed someone to tell me that. thank you. <3 <3 <3
from amber163 :
So jealous you got to see brand new and modest mouse! I've loved them both since I was fifteen and everything you said about them is so true. I can't remember high school without remembering msn away messages as their lyrics.
from swallowthkey :
25 is fucking weird.
from frankie123 :
happy belated, dude :)
from miss0delaney :
<3
from moonbaby8u :
I do it quite often...the whole rant and raves...miserable eyes in the morning,the whole..im sorry.Its love.After all that time..thats love sweets.
from achmardi :
Oh man, if I could get a degree with Ds then it would be a whole different story, haha. I have to get at least Cs.
from loveherwell :
yeah, i was all kinds of upset over it. blech.
from loveherwell :
OMG CUTE PUPPY
from loveherwell :
OMG CUTE PUPPY
from dangerspouse :
What a good looking dog! AND HE CAN DRIVE!!
from loveherwell :
thank you :)
from cut-therain :
i haven't actually left yet, but it's wonderful. :)
from miss0delaney :
Thank you. I'm really struggling right now, I wish there was an easy solution.
from loveherwell :
me too :)
from frankie123 :
thank you for that note. i don't absolutely agree with what i wrote last night, largely i think i was just in a contemptuous mood and wanted to vent (maybe i resent my friend for thinking she's rising above me; i'm in the midst of dealing with a couple crummy things in my past) but you're right, i'm not broken and neither are you. sex is mostly just this super fun thing that consenting adults do with each other, ya? that's the normal way to see it i think. maybe some people do truly think it's something more at least some of the time (i mean i definitely have a few buddies who see it that way), but i don't know, yeah, "love" is just something i'm struggling with trusting atm, (i am just going to trail this off) ...
from frankie123 :
but bees are so cute! they're yellow and fuzzy! aw. i bet he was hungry.
from swallowthkey :
ahaha i can't imagine a more perfect way for you to get engaged, that's so great. congrats, darlin.
from miss0delaney :
eep it's beautiful! also, i'm going to slightly be a creeper and follow you.
from miss0delaney :
congratulations! you should really post a picture of the ring so i can squeal from behind my computer screen. :)
from frankie123 :
congratulation!!
from loveherwell :
congratulations :)
from jackthripper :
I feel the same way about fall, dear one. Perhaps the summers are spent struggling to enjoy the short time of warm weather that when the cool winds come and we calm down, we remember that time has past and we are now trying to make some sense of those events. You are not alone in those thoughts, dear one.
from miss0delaney :
hey love, this is becca.
from swallowthkey :
(also, did you see the creepazoid that left a note before you? UGH he refers to his wife as TheWifey(tm) .............. excuse me while my insides corrode from disgust.
from swallowthkey :
i could have sworn i left you a note already; perhaps i only dreamed it. in any case, thank you darling; i am equally ecstatic for you and your pending engagement. he had better make that proposal count!
from swallowthkey :
i could have sworn i left you a note already; perhaps i only dreamed it. in any case, thank you darling; i am equally ecstatic for you and your pending engagement. he had better make that proposal count!
from amber163 :
congrats on your (soon to be!) engagement! my husband proposed after i begged him to watch the sex and the city movie with me in bed ha!
from jackthripper :
Hello, dear one. I am not sure I could answer your question in full here. But believe I will spill my secrets. I plan to write more often now, at least for awhile. Thank you for saying hello, dear one. I have missed my diaryland darlings.
from frankie123 :
i dunno, i'm trying this new thing where i don't
from molly1-2-3 :
I dont know when you left that note but I do agree. The present doesn't seem relevant when I'm so caught up in the past. Being unsatisfied is such a circular process.
from loveherwell :
it really is. my little sixteen-year-old heart still loves it just as much, too.
from frankie123 :
oh man, you and i both. (except five years for me, and school around here doesn't begin until next week.) my strategy is gonna be to find whoever's wearing a pocket protector in lecture and to make him my new best friend.
from loveherwell :
yes! when i'm in my mid-thirties, everything will fall into place--i've just got another ten years to wait ;)
from loveherwell :
oh, jesus, i am glad somebody does
from swallowthkey :
once again my life has taken a quite large and unexpected turn, it's true. i am currently living in east jesus nowhere alberta with a girl i met in person for the first time literally two weeks ago and i am stupid in love. like where have you been all my life how have we not known each other for centuries in love. i am broke and unemployed and we are barely scraping by and i couldn't care less.
from frankie123 :
it attacked me for absolutely no reason! i was just walking around when i heard this loud buzzing in my ear, turned my neck to see what it was, and BOOM, the dumb wasp flies right down my shirt! it's obviously freaking out trying to escape and so attacking me over and over, and i'm jumping around screaming like a maniac, struggling to toss off my bags and rip off my top while everybody just stands there and laughs (i have really great friends)
from frankie123 :
ME TOO
from puresunsh1ne :
Me too
from fuckxthis :
fuck. apparently.
from swallowthkey :
there's conviction and then there's convinction. it's so easy to feel like you're sure about something but if the evidence doesn't match up to the feeling, it ends up being another illusion we build for ourselves. all signs point to you being an incredible writer, you don't even need conviction because the evidence is so stacked up behind it. all i'm saying is you know who you are and i hope you stop running from it eventually.
from brain2mer :
adderall and community college go together like spaghetti and meatballs, Crack and grad school go together like fetticini and crack...
from frankie123 :
i am always in awe of those who seem genuinely HAPPY in committed relationships. you people have tremendous strength!
from loveherwell :
yes exactly! i always imagine people think i must be really sad and especially neurotic. it's interesting to think about. (and for what it's worth, from reading your diary i think you're just lovely.)
from shewholies :
Also, after skimming your diary, I just want to say that I get it. Most of it, actually. Going on my 5th year of college (for an associates degree) and married to someone who just won't accept that [occasionally] I am a totally fuck up. Your brain seems like an awesomely wonky and weird place. Kudos on that, friend!
from shewholies :
I'm giving you 1,000,000 cool points for knowing who they are!!! <3
from amber163 :
being married is pretty amazing most of the time, but its something that we have to work on constantly. its definitely not as easy as i thought it would be, but i wouldnt change a thing. lately we have just been fighting about money. i want to go back to school, but he wants us to finish paying of debt. his view is more realistic, but i have been out of college for almost 5 years and it feels like im never going to be able to go back. so dont feel bad that you have been failing, at least you get a chance to.` im sure it will all fall into place eventually.
from swallowthkey :
also what are you even doing in school when you are meant to be writing? not to say your ADD theory isn't legit, but what are you even studying when you already have what sounds like a decent day job that keeps the bills paid? i'm not phrasing this properly, my brain is addled today, but basically i don't understand what use "higher" education is to you at this point when you know in your heart that you are meant to write and everything else is just filler.
from swallowthkey :
thelostpageboys.wordpress.com
from amber163 :
hey thanks for remembering me! its nice to know that not everyone has abandoned this place. good to hear from you!
from frankie123 :
yeah, i think that's why every time i look at mine i get really defensive, like "publish a national bestseller -- ha! that would be such a shitty, short-lived achievement. novelists are unhappy people. maybe i'll just submit a poem once to some magazine." PS regarding failing classes and school: i absolutely sympathize.
from frankie123 :
sure! fire / fly. I like yr diary, you seem awesome
from frankie123 :
sure! fire / fly. I like yr diary, you seem awesome
from brain2mer :
doin dem uppa-dates all dem times..
from dangerspouse :
"...but then you think, 'But they already know what I like in bed and how I take my coffee, and I�m not quite sure how much effort I�m really willing to put into this'." That's why I make things up! ;)
from dangerspouse :
I noticed the same thing. Right around '08 people starting abandoning their diaries. Did they all become Facebook lemmings? Were they spent, finally? Drunk? I took a break too, for none of the above, but now I'm trying to get back. I do miss many of the talented writers who seem to have evaporated into the ether, though....
from puresunsh1ne :
i absolutely understand that feeling.
from loveherwell :
i feel the same.
from swallowthkey :
i just love you.
from cymbals :
sometimes even here i leave out the most important things. x
from loveherwell :
isn't that the worst?
from cut-therain :
yes, i definitely remember you! glad you found me :)
from puresunsh1ne :
Hahahha I really appreciate the note you left me, of course I remember you. Back in the days of good old myspace, Jesus it's been a long time. Glad our diaries have found one another again ;)
from swallowthkey :
not being able to trust my own mind is in itself anxiety-inducing. i really have no idea and i don't know if i want to know. endless states of confusion.
from dangerspouse :
Please fix in your mind the drunken grammatical mistakes and idiotic word omissions of my previous note. Stupid Jagermeister....
from dangerspouse :
Well if it's not roughage, I'm afraid you're beyond this physician's help. I'm glad to hear the relationship is honkey-dorey though. That's something everyone else on D-Land seems to bitch about, and it is a bitch. I hope one day reconcile your previous expectations with our current realities. Best of luck, really. :)
from dangerspouse :
Ok, ok. I guess I'll have admit that my pop psychology and snap judgements about someone I've never met may be in err. Dammit, and that was such a cherished belief, too. Anyway, ok, so he's still able to produce bull semen despite his dotage. What then? Why the funk? How's this: NOT ENOUGH ROUGHAGE! Huh? Huh? Waddaya think? I bet THAT snap judgement is right!
from dangerspouse :
Why? Ok, see if this doesn't ring a bell. 24 year old guy: "Hey, let's go dancing and do some Jagermeisters then head down to the Film Forum for that midnight Kurosawa retrospective! I'll call in sick tomorrow and it'll be AWESOME!" 42 year old guy: "Hey, let's go zzzzzzzzzfartzzzzzzzzzzzz...." Seven Facebook hours later you crawl into bed. No...? ;)
from dangerspouse :
FORTY TWO? Lol. Ok, NOW I know why you're lonely.... ;)
from dangerspouse :
You're 23? Then it's normal to feel alone, because the men around you are 23. Ish. And 23-ish men are still 13-ish boys. At 23 we're still all "What do I want to be when I grow up?" and "How can I get laid more?" Anything outside that gets sucked into their black hole of self absorbtion. Including your need to not feel lonely. But...maybe by 33 it'll get better. Good luck :)
from swallowthkey :
read canguihelm's "the normal and the pathological". he talks a lot of medical jargon but if you can look past that he actually has something really important to say about the way in which we conceptualize "normal" and how it affects us. also read anais nin if you haven't already because she says a lot of beautiful things about love. i was reading henry and june the other day and she was talking about her husband hugo and her lover henry and how she has to have henry (and others) as lovers because it helps her to sustain her love for hugo, because it allows her to live out some part of herself that she can't live within her marriage. she talks about how she is loyal to her love for hugo, in her own way, even though he wouldn't see it that way. like she has to love duplicitously in order to be the kind of lover she wants to be for her husband. being in serious/monogamous/long term relationships always makes me feel like i am becoming a totally different person; i act in ways i would never "normally" act, but i don't know if that is inherently a bad thing - it becomes a bad thing when i start to feel like i'm becoming someone i don't like within a relationship. it's all very complicated sometimes. i still have facebook; i had a hissy fit a while back and deleted everyone but i've slowly been adding people back. find me - alex gilroy
from swallowthkey :
well two thoughts; what exactly is normal and who decides? like is it even possible that there is a "normal" that everyone should subscribe to or is there a normal for you? like maybe it is always going to be normal for you that you love the loves of your past. also i was pondering it the other day because i was thinking about jake and is it that person you love specifically or do you love the moment in which you loved them? like who you were then, who they were then, what it meant that you were together in that moment. would you still love that person if they were standing in front of you? is there a kind of brutality in not being allowed to know the answer to that, and does that in itself sustain the love? i don't know. would you still feel like you were emotionally cheating if you were honest with your partner about your feelings for others? do you see yourself ever being able to discuss that with someone you love & have no desire to leave?
from swallowthkey :
also, i love you and miss you and am duly impressed that you have managed to be monogs for three years. that deserves some kind of trophy.
from swallowthkey :
"deep down, i know i am not trustworthy"... this is exactly how i've been feeling lately. like no matter how monogamous i seem and how much effort i put into not getting involved with other people, i know that at the end of the day i couldn't be trusted in particular situations. and even if i avoid physically cheating, which is the easy part really, i always end up cheating emotionally in some way or another. i cannot think of a single relationship i've been in where i didn't also have someone else on my mind or in my heart. but it's like you said, the thing about polyamory is that you have to be willing to go both ways... like you have to be just as willing to give your partner that trust and freedom as you are to ask for it yourself... i mean that doesn't necessarily mean that your partner would actually choose to do so, but the option/trust has to be there anyway. i know people in open relationships like that, where the one person is monogamous with their partner but the partner is polyamorous with others, because the one person just isn't interested in being with anyone else, but those kinds of things take a lot of negotiation and communication and time spent finding the right person. but it's not impossible, to be yourself. to love the way you want to. you just have to find someone who wants the same things you do. that being said though, if you love the person you are with, i guess that is the sacrifice - giving up loving the way you need in favour of a love that already means so much to you. it comes down to whether or not the sacrifice is worth it, in the end.
from brain2mer :
my life has been reduced (or increased) to Eating quinoa for healthy plasma donation, playing piano, living off foodstamps, permaculture, making beer and livin life like the retired 20 somethin I was always meant to be! Howzitgoin over there!?
from brain2mer :
bottom rot in tomatoes is cured by adding calcium to the soil, dude
from swallowthkey :
hello beautiful, how have you been?
from off-book :
And also, I'm double posting....No big deal...
from off-book :
Hello, Lovely...I'm doing...I think maybe I couldn't write because things were too well put together...So I've done a pretty good job of subconsciously messing things up below the surface, and it's starting to bubble up...How're you doing?
from off-book :
Hello, Lovely...I'm doing...I think maybe I couldn't write because things were too well put together...So I've done a pretty good job of subconsciously messing things up below the surface, and it's starting to bubble up...How're you doing?
from moonbaby8u :
I like beer for lunch.....
from pyroguysr :
CT iiiiiissssss probably killing you! Leave! Go somewhere else... anywhere. You're young! Explore! I'm in Syracuse, btw.
from pyroguysr :
*smiles* I'm doing much as you are... suffocating in a place where I don't want to be.
from swallowthkey :
you and your older men hahaha. well. i moved to a new city for school, the lesbian capital of canada basically and it's been non-stop drama since i got here. my roommates are a mix of passive-aggressive control freaks and people who refuse to clean or contribute in any way so that also has been dramatic. all my friends sleep with each other and nothing is secret and everyone just fights and fucks basically. my girlfriend is all wrong for me and i pretty much debate daily with myself about whether or not i'm actually in love with her and i still have a thing for this other girl who lives 14 hours away from me who also has a thing for me but has a boyfriend. also the boy i've been in love with since ninth grade finally confessed his love to me in the summer and showed up on my doorstep the night before i moved away. i wish i was making this stuff up, my life has been insane for the past nine months.
from swallowthkey :
i know what you mean, my words are few and far between lately and what i do manage to write down is insufficient and unsatisfying. ah well. how have things been?
from pyroguysr :
Are you sure you're not just confusing sex, lust and desire with love? One "definition" of love is when you know you can be without someone, when you know you can be INDEPENDENT of someone, but you still want to be WITH them and you can't really picture your future without them. That means you've developed something deeper than lust for someone. Some of us find it right away, others take a lifetime to find it, others never recognize it until it's too late and love has passed them by. Step back from the sex part and get to know the person first... leads to less heartbreak that way.
from swallowthkey :
lady lady. you never update anymore. what is that about?
from brain2mer :
its still hot as hell with a cool breeze out there..
from pyroguysr :
Follow your HEART and not your HEAD. Don't choose a relationship based on how much it will please others, but on how much it will please YOU. Take it from someone that did the former. And if it doesn't work out, we can still run away together and get away from ALL of it and NEVER be boring! LOL
from pyroguysr :
I know the feeling of the WOW kiss from one and the comfort of being with another. That's why poly lifestyles were invented! *smiles* And yes, OffBookish-one! You went and got hitched; this one is single, so I get to butter HER up now when she's not feeling her best! LOL
from offbymyself :
use your username and your password is: brezze
from off-book :
First of all, WHAT, Pyroman? Just cuz I go off and get hitched, I'm not hot anymore? Damn. I really need to snap out of the "what's he gonna do" mentality when it comes to stuffing my face with yummy cake-y things then. And SECOND of all (and, coincidentally, most importantly) I MISS YOU WIFEY! I do so love you to bits. *le sigh*
from swallowthkey :
Maybe you just need to find a huge amazon woman who can fill those shoes and protect you with giant spears.
from pyroguysr :
It isn't shoes I'm looking for you to fill... What I'D like to fill is... erm... *evil, wicked grins*
from pyroguysr :
Well, I guess now that Wenchy got herself hitched, that made you THE hottest... LOL
from pyroguysr :
I've told you for years that you were OHPOA!
from moonbaby8u :
hey guess what?I guess im pretty hot myself...wanna take some pole dancing classes?ha
from asiwas :
i love you!
from moonbaby8u :
I thought the same..but the more I thought?keeping my pants on was not just good enough.We are all on the same boat.Some boats are rocking and some....are not.Your okay.TRUST ME
from pyroguysr :
*grumbles* I hope I'M not too old!
from pyroguysr :
*pouts* I'm still your special princess, ain't I? *laughs* Come live with me, sweetie!
from punkedupqt :
awesome ^_^! what does 'degausser' mean? its a badass song by brand new, but i never knew it was an actual word...
from punkedupqt :
im intrigued :]
from swallowthkey :
oh lady <33
from asiwas :
i just traversed colorado, wyoming, south dakota and nebraska this last weekend. this week i will be traveling to the other side of wyoming, then up, then utah and back. at the end of summer i will be in cali. you should come with on all my planned adventures. please?
from tarynheart :
SAGE my gorgeous wild lady friend, where the hell have you gone? i miss tales of your most exciting adventures. hope things are alright <33
from emo-facade :
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=508350349 my profile, add me bitch !
from asiwas :
we always talk of running away... we should actually do it sometime. i'll be running away for a while... eventually to cali, you should come.
from herdarlinsin :
what are you quitting on?
from emo-facade :
haha omg ! i hadn't been on this is fucking forever, and i just was bored and decided to lurk. um, what's new, like .. everything i had a baby ? hm. all that drunk-hoe ness didn't work out for me... kidding the dad was my boyfriend. um i'm back in highschool for the rest of the year and next year i'm going to college ! how exciting. just taking general arts and science, but i'm going to go on after that ! how are you ? i really miss you !
from emo-facade :
um, hey stranger? i don't know if you remember me, but i had you on myspace. my names amanda, for some reason i decided to lurk my old account, and i followed links here
from brain2mer :
washing hair is overrated.. i just slept on my hand, dreamt of passing out in a bar that was all yellow. how is it over there? keeping in line?
from brain2mer :
my scalp is scaly, Its like Im snowing.
from pyroguysr :
*evil, dirty-old-man grins* As a matter of fact... I DO have the number! *cackles insidiously as he walks away, rubbing his hands together gleefully, but with a certain ethereal viciousness that belies the humor*
from chiv :
Ah, thanks, ish. You... I don't know, maybe I'll tell you later.
from terrarose :
david bowie in tights, mind you.. mmm
from asiwas :
you know, when i go thru my contacts and cross yr name (it's c-love, by the way) i often think "I should call her... but how weird would that be?" <Br>what i'm trying to say is i'm awkward as hell on the phone. hence why you haven't yet received a surprise phone call... yet. :D be patient. i'm sure it'll happen soon.
from asiwas :
you are so beautiful to meeeeeeeeeee, can't you seeeeeeeeeeeee? yr everything i hoped for, yr everything i dreamed.... ah, i love little rascals. just as much as i love YOU!
from terrarose :
How could one not find such art in a Jim Henson flick? It's all about the imagination - and whatever else a person can get lost in.
from pyroguysr :
I'm fine, gorgeous. More worried about you some days. Maybe I'll get up the nerve to actually call you, eh? *LOL*
from swallowthkey :
AVAST, we prevail! behold the lovely blue.
from pyroguysr :
Oh, love... no one just READS you... they E-X-P-E-R-I-E-N-C-E you!
from swallowthkey :
oh hey hoe, you know i read too much ;)
from swallowthkey :
haha, my sentiments exactly. it's okay, i sent him a dissatisfied email.
from wastecoat :
[email protected]
from pyroguysr :
I've read all 189 and I like you too! LOL... one thing you're not is "boring."
from pyroguysr :
Anal sex
from swallowthkey :
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA HAHAHAHAAHahhahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAhahaha courtney i love you best entry ever.
from swallowthkey :
oh my... love, i think we're in the exact same situation. your booty call boy sounds a whole lot like the viking i am seeing [and by seeing i mean secretly fooling around with whenever possible]. haha.
from swallowthkey :
aahaha nice, you crazy lady you! that poor boy. i'm rather jealous of your unlimited sex drive! i'm good, fairly tempestuous as usual. work is crazy, my love life is a mess, i'm so busy i haven't had time to breathe, but it's wonderful on the whole. [this is where i've relocated to, if you hadn't already guessed. <3]
from pyroguysr :
My dear Sage. You are far too beautiful... both spiritually and in person... to be in this much pain. Come run away with me and we'll be poor and happy and silly... *grins* Your princess
from pyroguysr :
Ahhh... my dear Sage. There are days when I just want to hug and hold you and tell you all will be well; that you will find the love-of-your-life and everything will be beautiful. But life doesn't work that way. You have to work at happiness, it doesn't just happen. Just know that, to me, you are one of the most beautiful women I know.
from tarynheart :
aah miss sage, you're too cute. i miss you! i hope we get a chance to talk soon. <333
from pyroguysr :
*hugs you* I want my old life back too... Love you, hon.
from pyroguysr :
"these energy mints gave me a headache." Don't eat them then! DUUUUUUUH!
from pyroguysr :
*hugs* I still love you, second-wifey! Am I still your "princess?"
from seereason :
[email protected]
from pyroguysr :
You're damn cute for a liar! *grins*
from seereason :
Locked!
from off-book :
Wifey...I miss you. I have big big news, but I don't want to tell you until I'm curled up in your arms, lost in your eyes and a bottle or two of white zin, completely surrounded by bowls of simple pastas and fancy deserts, my dress not-so-ladylike-ly draped somewhere around my waistline. Could you arrange that sometime soon? Sending you loving feelings. *muah*
from brain2mer :
ever since the kooky street kids downtown told me about the flesh eating bacteria in the water, Ive been afraid to go to the bathroom..
from pyroguysr :
I'm tired. I invested a year in someone online and got nothing for my efforts. *laughs* I think I had more of a "chance" with you! LOL
from pyroguysr :
There are days when I just wanna reach out and hug you... nothing more, just hug you. ...and let you know it will be alright, eventually.
from broken-dyke :
Hey Hey! Im actually really good and yourself? Its been so long since I talked to you I barely remember you :(
from pyroguysr :
Some of us actually mature, dear. It just takes a few decades! *laughs*
from pyroguysr :
You need to quit playing with boi's and find a MAN... LOL
from asiwas :
lufluflufluf♥
from deadwater :
i actually remember your password. i was going through all of my old friends on diaryland, and traced you to this. i tried your super old password to see if it was you, and if it'd still be it, and it was. x3 so i hope that's okay. if you want my password, just give me your email.
from deadwater :
wow, i can't believe i randomly found you. you used to be love-fatal, in a galaxy far far away, didn't you?
from inyourmemory :
happy birthday!
from tarynheart :
congratulations, pretty lady. <3
from pyroguysr :
Hmph... I can't get in though
from off-book :
Yes, Wifey. I got your e-mail. And I'm so happy I can read you again! :)
from asiwas :
It's actually good not to want anything. Wanting constantly keeps you from being happy with exactly what you have at that moment in time. Most people don't want to "want" and they try to fight it. Yr already seven steps ahead my love.
from off-book :
[email protected]
from asiwas :
I love you & yr amazing ability to turn people to the dark side. :) P.S. That's a total compliment, so don't take it any other way.
from asiwas :
*sad face*
from off-book :
:( Passwordless...
from lovelysong :
password, please? [email protected] <3
from flippantbebe :
aww!!! dammit.. you locked yours too!?!? can i pleasee get access? [email protected]
from inyourmemory :
[email protected]
from inyourmemory :
mhmm... could i have a password?
from flippantbebe :
oh just in case you didn't notice... i sent you your username and password. :D
from flippantbebe :
had to put a lock on itt just in case my friends see it... i don't want to take any risks since i linked my livejournal somewhat to this diaryland.. and if they everr find this diary they'll rip me a new one... so i hope you have no objections to me giving you a username and password? i found an email address but it looks like kyndra's... is it ok for me to send it to you via there? just let me know. eileen
from off-book :
Just got back from the emotional weekend of a lifetime...to find your book waiting for me on my desk. And suddenly, everything in the world seems wonderful again...Except for the Spanish test I have tomorrow...
from flippantbebe :
a couple of days ago i got your book. and let me tell you. i fucking enjoy it. a long time ago i told myself that if you ever came out with a book i'd buy it. and i'm so glad i did. the only gripe i have is that your name was left off the copy right. i haven't quite finished it but i will eventually. i'll definitely buy the next one. thank you for writing. eileen
from asiwas :
I've been absolutely in love with you ever since I started reading you. So don't tell lies silly. ♥
from off-book :
A tattoo hurts about as much as you would imagine. I mean, considering it's a needle and such. It felt more like a cutting along the lines than an in-and-out-with-a-needle thing though. I had a hand to squeeze and it was small enough that it only took about 15 minutes, so it wasn't too bad.
from off-book :
If you're going lez, I'd love to be invited. I have a new tattoo in a slightly suggestive place to show you. :) P.S. I'm back from Vegas and have just now ordered your book. And I can't wait to scour through each and every page.
from inyourmemory :
things are worthwhile... just a bit hard to realize sometimes, maybe?
from pyroguysr :
You just keep looking at the wrong males. I know one that lurves ya just the way you are! LOL *hugs his Pyrate Lady*
from flippantbebe :
heyyy! i just bought your book! and i can't wait to read it!!! i'm really excited about it! anyway good luck with everything! eileen
from off-book :
Wifey of mine, if I have money after Vegas, I will surely snatch up that book as quickly as I can. (And, now that I know I have something here I need money for, I am sure I will have money left over.) You just have to promise to buy my book when it comes out, too. Remember it will be called, "And Sometimes I Don't Wear Underpants."
from flippantbebe :
i really am considering buying the book.. but could you post up a preview of a page within the book? if it's anything like your work then i'm definitely buying it. no lie eileen
from asiwas :
love love love love love.
from thatgirlx :
are you writing here now instead of chasngghosts?
from inyourmemory :
no kidding. that rule would sure as hell simplify a lot of things.

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update April 6, 2020: Sorry, we just had 8+ hours downtime due to a server problem. Restoring from backups took soooo long, but everything is back and no data was lost. Ay yay yay! Anyhow, hope everyone is well with the virus stuff.

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