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It's been quite a while since I have been on here and browsing my profile. I stumbled across your note you left ages ago. Back in the days before social media really was developed. I mean, I think myspace was probably the only real media back then. I hope you are doing well. I hope you are alive and COVID hasn't taken you out of commission. I hope you're still hanging in there with a much different outlook on life. Be well friend.

from lanienaked :

if you're still with her (as this is in response to something from 4 months ago), i think you should just tell her about the insecurities you feel, and the vicious cycles you've dealt with. you should tell her that you get insecure and need her reassurance. if you can't get there, then the relationship is probably not meant to be. just my two cents.

from misfitstray :

Welcome back! It's not that I'm a regular here, but I do write here from time to time and I didn't delete you on my buddy-list :) Why should I? Hope that people come back here never disappears...

from catsoul :

hi, love yourself first, be at peace with yourself, let yourself be loved for who you are. Let go and accept the love of others. =^..^=

from candoor :

Love pizza, tired of loneliness, hope life suddenly got much less lonely and you've been so busy with sharing fun with someone you forgot to tell your readers. There's always hope (I hope).

from misfitstray :

that's sounds pretty exciting being in Qatar and doing what you love to do. Nice to hear from you.

from misfitstray :

well, I still read, even if you didn't answer my email

from mouseysocks :

I just read your most recent entry. I can't help but notice that I too have felt that way my entire life about my parents. Then again I am adopted. And then again, they fucking half assed the entire raising kids bit. It's a sickening feeling when parents play favorites. I have two of my own now. And all I have to say is that I could never favor one over the other, and I could never in a million years take an in-law under my wing the way I would with my own. Some people. They just, they just fail. Fail at being parents, supporters, family. . . don't be too disappointed. You're not alone.

from misfitstray :

you could use the email which is on my dland site. It's my actual one ♥

from misfitstray :

Wrote an email. I hope it reaches you.

from lollirottt :

Hello. :) i've read a lot of entries of yours. I love reading it but hate when someone feels pain. At the same time it's always nice to find someone who understands what it's like to be depressed because they won't judge you for feeling that way too. I love that you're so honest on here. And I completely understand what it's like to feel depressed a lot then go and pretend I'm just fine around other people. Ok I think I'm rambling so I'm just gonna shut up now... I'm Danielle by the way. :)

from misfitstray :

I so wish happiness for you! Wish I could help.

from fivethree :

there IS someone out there for you to love, who will love you right back in the same way. in the meantime, don't worry so much about the what ifs or the future and enjoy loving yourself! you seem to have a good perspective on everything so just hang in there :) (I'm in the same boat so I'm kind of telling this to myself as well as you, haha.)

from misfitstray :

I'm so sorry that you feel like you do. I'm with you as I most times felt the same in my relationships. It was the beginning of the end. Always. And I never knew how to hold onto love. Sad for me, sad for the other part. Wish I could help you. ♡

from misfitstray :

You go, Man!

from misfitstray :

That sounds so awesome! ♥

from misfitstray :

Whoa. I'm very happy for you! x

from fivethree :

I'm somehow just now seeing your last entry. I hope you are still doing well :)

from misfitstray :

You should go for professional help! Please! This sounds so much like a very serious depression. It sounds like the feelings I had a few years ago and with meds I felt better. I still have those depression from time to time now without the meds but it got better after a year or so.

from misfitstray :

don't you pull yourself down, man! Each of us has talents. Yours is writing or whatever makes you going on and not doing office work. It's not the definition of a useful life to do office work or other crap you dislike to do, but to fulfil yourself and what makes you a satisfied person.

from misfitstray :

<3 <3 <3

from fivethree :

Oh man, hi! It was so fun (and out of the blue) to hear from you! I am so sporadic on this site, I should take more time to update. I always appreciated the notes section on this site but also kind of hated them... No date, no way to respond, no reference to the entry. But that mystery kind of makes it more fun too :) Anyway, I'm going on a tangent. Hope you're doing well!

from misfitstray :

Hope you feel better soon! xox

from mouseysocks :

Alone - I get that feeling sometimes as well. . . it happens. It's a trait of the human genome. I hope you feel better.

from misfitstray :

what's wrong with middle-class?

from misfitstray :

what's wrong with middle-class?

from the-grey-one :

"happiness hangover" - brilliant.

from misfitstray :

then it's all about the definition about being happy and successful, or? If being happy and successful only means what kind of materialistic things you have piled up, then it is kind of superficial, don't you think? But most people think like this, that the more money the more happy you should be. I know that you are kind of not satisfied with your life but it doesn't mean that you have to live the life that your family wants you to live. It's hard to accept, I know for myself, no matter how ofter I say that to myself. I'm somehow glad that there's no family left who has a say in what is good to do and not.

from misfitstray :

Why do you still celebrate those holidays with your family if they don't do you good? Be good to yourself! You are AWESOME!

from alethia :

The difference between someone who is successful in a creative field, and someone who is not, is perserverence. You might think it's talent, but it's not. It's pure bullheaded stubbornness. I should know.

from poopaloo :

your diary is great. you convey depression and weight without being annoying or depressing. the mark of a professional.

from misfitstray :

I would like to read more. The intro is promising! <3

from alethia :

You're totally an artist if you have that shitty little voice sitting on your shoulder telling you everything you make is crap. That guy comes with being an artist.

from catsoul :

hi, you need to do what will make you feel better. It is alright to do that. Peace & serenity to you. Take care. =^..^=

from misfitstray :

as this is your very private and personal diary, YOU can write in it as dark as YOU want. You don't need to please the readers. Or? Your feelings, and if it pleases you it's totally ok for me as well. Take care x

from fivethree :

Interesting about the caffeine; my boyfriend recently cut it out of his diet (for the most part) after deciding that it makes his anxiety worse as well. Good luck getting through those rough patches..!

from misfitstray :

hm - jewish = neurotic? I must have missed something. I have jewish ancestors, but I don't feel neurotic. Just depressed. But that's not a jewish habit, or? btw. I loved your little stand-up comedian thingy. :) I didn't understand everything as the sound was too crappy for my german brain, but I like it nevertheless.

from misfitstray :

I'm late, I know. You seem to be very good in that. I loved to see you!!! Watched you first without sound and I really liked your smile, your gesture and how nervous you were in the beginning. I still have to watch it with sound at home as I'm now at work. Just wanted to say what I thought right now. xox

from lanienaked :

wow i guess i'm the only one that couldn't understand what was said cause the quality on the sound made it impossible... i only caught words and phrases here and there.. made it impossible for me to give you an opinion... although i must admit you seem much more outgoing and friendly on that stage than the brooding stuff you talk about in here.. i guess we are all different in real life...

from fivethree :

WOW, you were awesome!! I have to admit that it was kind of weird to watch... I've been reading eatmorepizza for how long now..!? And after all that time I 1) get to see what you look like and 2) get to see you do something that's almost a complete 180 to your diaryland persona. Fascinating!! Keep it up, you had some great jokes and a great presence up there. Good luck!

from kenny-loo :

I have to say, it's nice to see the "faces of diaryland" nice job! we are close in age. i dug it. Keep it up.

from xnamehere :

hehe "sagitarrius, that's too many... words." totally clicked you at random and was most pleased with your standup. you seem fit for it.

from jumblygiant :

impressive! You looked so comfortable up there! I'm glad you posted that.

from misfitstray :

PLEEEEEAAAAAASE! I'm all in for a little show with you!

from fivethree :

I'd be interested!! ...If you feel comfortable :)

from scullerymaid :

Sounds great! Good luck with the comedy

from fivethree :

"I thought you were supposed to get more sure of yourself as you get older." Amen. One of the greatest disappointments I've discovered about getting "older" as well. From what I can tell, though, our 20s aren't considered old and wise haha. Apparently the 40s and on are where it's at ;)

from scullerymaid :

It's nice to know that there are other slow burners in the world

from snowxbaby :

♥ the username! :D

from scullerymaid :

Try to stick it out with the first girl and don't worry about the second girl. Life is too short to always be thinking about what if

from stepfordtart :

Yay for your success! May the next challenge be equally fruitful - getting up just an hour earlier every day for the whole 29 days of February will win you a WHOLE EXTRA DAY (and a bit!) in which to do something splendid. Something to look forward to? s x

from scullerymaid :

Can't complain too much ;-)

from scullerymaid :

Good luck with your monthly challenges!

from lostasyou :

Just added you to my buddy list, hope you don't mind :)

from kenny-loo :

as someone who is currently very broke and not making much money, i can certainly see your point of view towards your sister and her spending. chin up, we have all felt that way about money, family, happiness. you are not alone.

from misfitstray :

I would do the same as you. I would feel so totally pissed. I hate it to be accused for things you are not guilty for. It makes you feel so very helpless as you somehow can't verify the fact. I'd shot them!

from misfitstray :

I don't know how good your knowledge of the bible is, but it says that those people like that woman who buyed that homeless man a meal and is spreading her good act of welfare around the world already got her reward. She won't get anymore. This is the same as the Pharisees. I wouldn't have liked that either. I like you even more for writing this :) x

from fivethree :

Haha! I'll keep my eyes open for you :)

from fivethree :

Have you tried dating non-Californian girls? (LA girls specifically!) As a non-Californian girl living in California, I have to say that that might definitely be one reason for your lack of success in the dating department...

from lanienaked :

that's surprising. when i went to knott's maybe 4 or 5 years ago, it was still really scary for me. that's disappointing.

from scullerymaid :

Right back at ya!

from scullerymaid :

Recently, my life has been pretty shitty. I didn't like where I was and pretty much gave up hope on everything. So left and started fresh. I know it sounds easier than it actually is, but if you hate where you are...then there's nothing holding you back, is there? There's nothing to lose.

from kenny-loo :

you've got a witty/melancholy sarcasm that i find refreshing and honest. Keep writing, i'll keep reading :)

from jumblygiant :

I've been dating online recently too, and I swear it's making me lose my will to live. It's awful.

from misfitstray :

She'll cross your way. Just be patient :) Easier said... I know from experience. My 1st name is impatience!

from misfitstray :

I read your diary and I really think that you are special!

from pink-sapfire :

8/11/11 You are special. I'm finally getting around to reading diarys on my buddy list as I have been so busy with work and school I haven't had much time to go in and actually read people's entries. Hope you are feeling more special and alive, if not then hugs to you hon. I feel like that often times, a lot more since Feb but I won't go into that lol. I hope things get better your way. I"m here if you need a person just to listen. Take care. jx

from catsoul :

7/11/11...glad you had a good time & broadened your horizons a bit. Have a great week, maybe you will go back to "Montana!!" =^..^=

from misfitstray :

You're not a douche! And I'm thankful that you survived! Please take better care of yourself!

from strawberrri :

I identify.

from scullerymaid :

Fingers crossed!

from chloroplast :

hey! i like your diary :) just a random stranger dropping by to let you know: random strangers drop by all the time. cheers!

from the-grey-one :

no sarcasm! i write more when feeling down, then when i'm feeling good as well. i think thats true for most everyone. i just wanted to let you know that i liked reading your entries, that's all.

from catsoul :

Your statement says it all in a nutshell. Take care. =^..^=

from the-grey-one :

hey, your username is awesome so i felt i had to read your diary. very glad i did. it's so interesting to me to see a little into the mind of a guy with depressive tendencies.

from scullerymaid :

It's nice to see you updating again :-D

from misfitstray :

it's NEVER too late to do/learn something different :)

from fivethree :

oh, and to go off what scullerymaid suggested, click here for some help: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3xd8bXlzeU

from fivethree :

Sounds like you could use someone to talk to... A professional would probably be the best (which you seem to recognize, which is good -- getting help earlier than later is always the best bet), but if you ever need an anonymous friend please let me know. Everyone goes through tough patches, but not everyone deals with depression in serious way that you are so it may be hard for your friends and family to understand. Glad to see you're writing again though :) Good luck with everything -- you'll be fine.

from scullerymaid :

Smile. Just do it. It might sound stupid and silly and maybe it doesn't seem worth doing. Do it anyway. The best thing for me to do when I'm down is crack myself up. So smile until you can find a reason to laugh

from stepfordtart :

The loneliest time in my life was when I was married to my first husband. Two small children at nursery school, husband at work, I spent my days looking out of the sitting room window in the hope that somebody would walk down our street. They never did. May you find positives as soon as they can possibly come to you. s x

from pink-sapfire :

I'm wanting to read more, nice page. I'm adding you if that is okay xj

from misfitstray :

I'm sorry that you feel so bad! Is there something I could do for you?

from tremendo :

So! I'll no longer be writing in tremendo. If you care to follow me look up "fivethree" and leave me a note so I can give you access.

from misfitstray :

yes, I will come again to New Jersey for two more classes at the Trackerschool (www.trackerschool.com) I will fly on Saturday. They offer classes in California as well, in spring, as far as I know ;)

from scullerymaid :

Ha, check your comments. I loved it! I was so excited I even sent you an email with my thanks. Hehe, thank you :-D

from scullerymaid :

Huh. That is an interesting definition of a-wall. Really, the way that people use it around here, that's not how I would define it. Glad to here your summer is going well

from scullerymaid :

Haha, isn't that the purpose of having this thing, so you can go A-wall? Trust me, I feel like all I do is rant here. Life? It's pretty good. Yourself?

from tremendo :

well good!! I'm glad to hear that. I mean that feeling can definitely be a positive one, I just thought of one person in particular when I left the comment. I can't wait to hear about how it progresses, and hopefully it goes how you'd like. take care.

from scullerymaid :

:-D

from scullerymaid :

Thanks. Yeah, 301 is a breeze. I do not recommend 302, though. Crazy thinking... Do you take Spanish?

from bubblebliss :

Thank you for your kindness.

from scullerymaid :

Hi! Yeah I'm a freshman and I'm so glad I'm not the only one who has felt this way. When I go home everyone is always mad at me because I act like I haven't been gone for three months and it's so annoying. Thanks for your note!

from janedoe0 :

Hi There. I'm glad you're writing again. Kind of missed you at d*land.

from janedoe0 :

Only just read ur entry, and I'm so sorry. I don't quite know what so say to make you feel better except that I'm here, nothing else would suffice.

from janedoe0 :

Hey, thanks for the note.It realy means something to me that there is someone out there, willing to read and just be there.Can I ask, what's ur email adress? And I don't think ur a stalker :)

from janedoe0 :

Oh and p.s Have a safe drive o.k?

from janedoe0 :

Hey!Good Luck with the tests!

from janedoe0 :

Hey!Good Luck with the tests!

from janedoe0 :

Just popping in to say hi!, and have a great weekend, before I go! :)

from janedoe0 :

Hi,sorry your feeling grumpy. *hugs* I know how you feel, I'm stuck in this rut and I can't seem to get out. So I'll be here, i'll be grumpy with you.

from janedoe0 :

Hi, ignore my last note, I sound presumtious and pushy!How are you doing?Feeling better?

from janedoe0 :

Hey there!I happened to be online:) I am kinda down, but I'll get over it.Do you have Msn Instant Messenger?

from janedoe0 :

No Prob. Good luck and try keep that chin up!

from janedoe0 :

Hey there. I am so sorry for the loss. I don't think it matters if you were the best of friends or not, the loss of a human life is always unsettling and sad. And I realy hope the two weeks ahead are going to fly past for you. And that it will be pleasurable, and if not, at least bearable. And I'll be here, reading. *hugs*

from janedoe0 :

Hey there. Thanks for the hug...a good one goes a long way. And good luck with the audition, I hope you get a good part, or at least the one that you want! :)

from janedoe0 :

Formerly know as joden...my new username

from joden :

Hi!It was ok, I didn't die so it was ok:) I'm glad yours was better, and I realy hope that the pressure of everything doesn't get you down.(more than u already are:)

from joden :

Hey there. I hope your weekend was nice. :)

from joden :

lol.Oh Good. To each his own I guess...:)

from joden :

Sorry if my swearing offended you :( And I hope everything goes well with the project and show!

from joden :

Yeah, I'm glad I found a place to put it all down. Ain't life shitty?:)

from joden :

Just a note to say: Hi! And i'll keep reading...

from tremendo :

Haha. Yeeaah I guess that last entry kind of says a lot... But I know, I really love reading about lives of people who are really different from me. It's like an escape, you know? Very entertaining. And I take no offence so don't worry. I may not be the best influence but ehh it happens.

from tremendo :

awww yay. congratulations about lexi! I'm glad to hear you are happy.

from tremendo :

hahaha super smash bros is awesome! I'm glad you also love it. and yeah, my life seems to get wild at times but... I don't know, it's just how it is haha. I love reading about people different from me so maybe you will too every once in a while. I'm flattered I got added! take care, and have fun with lexi whether it works out or not. Good friends like that can be hard to find.

from tremendo :

I got ya covered- username: brady, password: pizza1

from tremendo :

I enjoy reading your diary. We are very different, but that's what I find so great about diaryland. And your comment of how you feel you should belong in the 50s reminded me of my ex because he is totally a 50s kind of guy. (While I see myself as a 60s, free love kind of person... maybe why it didn't work out haha). Anyway, good luck with everything. If you are interested in reading my diary, just to know about who is reading yours, just let me know. Either way though, it's cool. Take it easy.

from stepfordtart :

Hello! Just thought Id surprise you with a random comment. s x

from tremendo :

I'm adding you to my buddy list if that's cool.

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