DiaryLand members area

Sorry to hear about Fergus. Sounds like he had a good run though, all things considered, and all thanks to you. He's probably up there playing with Miss Hiss now.

from cocoabean :

My condolences.. *hugs*

from life-my-way :

So sorry about the loss of your dog-friend. If only their lifespan were more in line with our own. Wishing you comfort in your grief.

from dangerspouse :

Awwww. I've got a wobbly old dog who sits in the sun next to me, too. "Dog's lives are too short. Their only flaw, really." (A.S. Turnubll). Thanks for the supportive note at my place. And good luck getting that job! :)

from annanotbob2 :

xxx

from cocoabean :

You can't drop a bomb like this with no other info! email me if you can, drkchoclover at gmail!

from ladyluck92 :

I'm sorry for your loss. *hugs*

from stepfordtart :

How can that have happened??? I cant believe it! Oh, Feefs, some more details please if you have any. Email to [email protected] if you arent updating would be great. *feeling very sad* s x

from raven72d :

Those are always key.

from raven72d :

She may have meant "balling" = "playing basketball" in current parlance. Which is actually scarier.

from dangerspouse :

Ha! Yeah, y'know, considering it was a Real Housewife, "balling" may indeed have been technically correct. I would like to make the argument though, particularly based on your previous entry, that railing against vocabulary and grammar gaffes is futile. It's shaking your fist at the tide to stop it coming in. Many of the things we see as incorrect today will be the norm come tomorrow. Common usage determines the rules, not the other way around. Frustrating as they are, these "peeves" are the natural effect living languages have always had on the Olde Guard who desire linguistic evolution to stop with them. Just gotta except it, sistah ;)

from raven72d :

I can become very, very Lecter-like when I see "per se" spelled "per say".

from raven72d :

Inspiration? You're certainly welcome... and I hope things are better for you these days...

from ladyluck92 :

The post about language, by far is the laugh that I needed today. I'm also Sorry to hear about your Father-in-law's passing.

from cocoabean :

I'm so sorry for your loss, Fifi.

from cocoabean :

So glad to see your name in red! I missed you!

from raven72d :

Libraries are wonderful, and your life sounds like things are better.

from raven72d :

I'll be hoping things stabilise and that you'll post again--- and that Spring of the Year Thirteen goes well.

from raven72d :

And how are you, Ms. Dellabon?

from raven72d :

Looking forward to your 2013 entries!

from corposant :

Thank you! The novel has been an all consuming passion for months, I feel a little giddy in my freedom from it. Your secret poet reminds me of this thing I used to do called Poetry in an Unexpected Place, leaving poems around town in odd places. Maybe now I'll have time to do that again.

from raven72d :

Battleship tour! Yes!

from deareddie :

Hi Fifi! *waves excitedly*

from ladyluck92 :

I totally love the word grumpapotamus. Thank you for adding that to my vocabulary! Love the pictures too! Keep up the good work!

from melodymetuka :

Just wanted to say hi. "Hi!"

from cocoabean :

Change is good... it proves that you are learning and growing! And the comments don't work for me either.

from enfinblue :

Fifi, the comments still seem to be turned off. Love the photos!! XX

from cocoabean :

Wow, that was a long one! Yes, Fifi, the world is filled with hypocrites... people who will look you in the face and say there is no problem, then stab you in the back when you turn around. There are a lot of them around....

from raven72d :

you're always invited to come read.

from raven72d :

Nope--- not 'til 22 November! But...many thanks! (And I always enjoy finding notes from you)

from raven72d :

Yikes! Hope you're doing better!

from raven72d :

"unenstagnate" is great.

from raven72d :

My dear, ask away. I always enjoy hearing from you.

from raven72d :

How is the snowy Halloween?

from raven72d :

I will need an optometrist soon, so I do sympathise about the eyeglasses.

from raven72d :

Hope the post-storm clean-up goes well and that you and yours are all doing well.

from lostasyou :

It's okay :) I am er.. Well, not that great. The usual haha. Been a bad few months but oh well, I'm sure it'll pass. Yeah this is my new diary now. Needed a change of scenery. Hope you're well :) xx

from raven72d :

Gin an tonic... yes!

from lostasyou :

Was it your birthday? Happy birthday! Ex "omfggwtf" x

from corposant :

I have been told that the kitty is a she-cat (it's been a long time since I've owned a cat!). She has not found a home yet. The responses (very few) to my ads have come from troglodytes who can barely communicate. I am planning to give Temp-Espe-Hello Kitty (we never found the perfect name for her) to a local animal shelter this week. With a heavy heart.

from bedbunny :

Hey Fifi!! Thanks for the great ideas for the surplus morning glories-- really brilliant stuff! Just stopping by to catch up and such =) ttfn! !xo! bedbunny

from sassymcgee :

Lol Sorry I meant I haven't heard from you in my notes...

from sassymcgee :

Hello? "Where O where has Miss Fifi gone? O where O where can she be?"

from sassymcgee :

I know I'm not really. I've just had a bit of a hard time lately trying to get my crap in order and it's starting to wear thin how much I have to work for the simplest of things...even "sparkly" people like me fizz out once in awhile. I'm better today...especially with this nice, warm weather. Thanks.

from swimmmer72 :

re: busy. Yep, I'm re-posting N-2 in LJ whilst just getting started with N-3 on DL. Mostly because it has been so long since I wrote N-2, plus it is helping me reconnect with where I've been with it. The ending will require some of those details to be fresh in my mind. I'll probably have N-s reposted by the end of April and I have no idea about N-3 with being on the brink of festival season. Thanks for reading! XO :)

from raven72d :

Suggestions---- Yasunari Kawabata, "Snow Country" or "The Old Capital" or "Beauty and Sadness"... All brilliant books.

from raven72d :

what books is the Club reading...or even writing?

from swimmmer72 :

Yeah, I know the feeling.... XO

from raven72d :

anytime, bella. glad you liked it.

from annanotbob :

Has a cardie-related parcel not arrived?

from sassymcgee :

I've actually never had anyone describe me as sparkly lol.

from raven72d :

why, thank you!

from deareddie :

Oh, Fifi, this is what feels like the bazillionth time I've tried to leave you a comment on your diary. It says I already have, even though it keeps rejecting me. Sigh. Just letting you know that I'm still here, love.

from sassymcgee :

Well I'm glad I got rid of that two-timing bastard if he has other girlfriends. What a dick. LMAO!!

from raven72d :

the little Hello Cthulhu stufflings are adorable, and Lady Gaga says they're her very favourite Little Monsters. (She lets them call her Steffi) And they are most spiffy in little scarves and jumpers...and steampunk dandy attire.

from sassymcgee :

Good for you. *virtual pat on the back* And Biba will be fine. She just witnessed someone being a good friend and standing up for them without being mean about it. As for N, sounds like they need to grow up.

from raven72d :

i know i don't drop by often, but your entries and thoughts are a delight.

from swimmmer72 :

BTW, her new CD came out the day of the show. "Blessed" - I highly recommend it! Very soulful and beautifully done! XO

from swimmmer72 :

Lucy's show was a very relaxing, intimate two hours of acoustic music. I'm probably partial to her wild/untamed tequila driven festival shows, but this was truly special, too. No pics or vids, per her request, and that only meant I got to enjoy her whole show without distractions. I'm glad you didn't flood - I can see where that would be a real pain and living next to the river, you probably have to deal with it quite a bit. Hope your show goes well!! XO :)

from corposant :

I'm pleased with it. I had lindworms on my mind & I got to use them as a metaphor, yay.

from omfggwtf :

yeah i think i'll be feeling better soon enough. once i'm out of this stupid break up rut then all i have to sort out is my routine and not having a job then i think i'll probably feel a lot better haha. i don't want to drink because i feel sick and it doesn't help my mood much but i'll probably have a few 'cos that's what us weirdos do. but i'm proud of myself for finally getting out of my house and keeping busy, even if it is just for a week. better than staying in here 24/7. it'll get better soon :) thanks x

from sassymcgee :

I had all these lovely things to say to my friends, but none of them could spare me even a half hour...by-atches. lol

from sassymcgee :

Well you don't work on a college campus either lol!

from sassymcgee :

Thank you Fif! Where do you live? You never know...it could happen lol. I mean, I can do whatever I want. It's not like I'm married or anything. Oh and I never said men weren't awesome...that's what gets me into trouble LOL!! They just smell SOOOOO good. Hee Hee!!

from sassymcgee :

Ha! You would SOOO fit in with my other friends no doubt. Oh and the man I was talking about? HE was the friend I stood up that other time...and he didn't think anything of it, was even glad I got my friend home safely while I was worried I had insulted him. Men. LOL!!!

from omfggwtf :

haha! yes, it's annoying when they can say and do things but when we do it, we get scolded. bleuggghh! i don't mind the bossiness, it shows people care, and want the best for me. but i never listen to advice and just find out things eventually. maybe one day i'll grow a spine and do something good! x

from omfggwtf :

i don't know.. it's only been about two days, i am feeling hurt and don't want him to just disappear. i'm aware that he will eventually, i just would like to see him for now. blaaaah. i feel okay though. he seems more upset than me at the moment. oh well. i appreciate the help though but i guess i am one of those idots that always find out the truth the hard way haha x

from omfggwtf :

ha oh god. i get so nervous about doctors and things. i THINK it's just a really bad period.. i won't be able to go to the doctor over the weekend, so maybe in the week. ohhh i hope not! i just want to be slightly more normal for once ha. and thanks x

from omfggwtf :

i suppose next time i'll have to say something! x

from raven72d :

i always look forward to your entries...

from omfggwtf :

haha! yeah i guess it would be quite rewarding after all that hard work.. and ooh, an ice lolly! sounds fine aha x

from corposant :

"Your invitation to the strand" was instigated by our last exchange of notes, when you said it must be fun to be inside my head, which started me thinking about the places that live in my brain. I've seen bits of the poem in my actual dreams: the hangar filled with broken glass and iron, the cobbled street, the horse-drawn cab shared with someone famous, walking through a peridrome and barefoot over pastel-colored tiles. Once that train of thought started, it just barreled along with exuberance.

from corposant :

Thought you might like to know that my latest poem "Your invitation to the strand" is at least 50% percent your fault.

from corposant :

I have occasionally dreamed myself in a place that seems be equal parts amusement park, waxworks, museum, ruined warehouse, junk shop, used book store, and a Guillermo del Toro movie. That might well be my brain.

from casa-rosie :

ause I love you, and I know that you love Irish music, I'm sharing my favorite performers with you. As bands do, they have broken up, reformed, and broken up again and again, but they are currently posting a bunch of their old recordings on FB at this site: http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Paradise-Street-Band/358648664203 The best (IMHO) songs are "Sheebeg/Sheemore"(Yeah, I know, it was spelled for folks who don't speak "Garlic") "Come to the Bower", and the song written by Jim called "I Remember Erin". I do hope you enjoy!

from goose-girl :

Thank you for your lovely, encouraging comments! :)

from swimmmer72 :

Key sent via dland - please let me know if it doesn't work. I couldn't do it the way I wanted and may have to re-do, but it is in place for now. XO :)

from nikkifoofoo :

Why thank you, my dear! Mrs. Nesbitt is our resident deer mouse. I raised her and her two brothers from pinky pups over the fall. She's the only one still with us. The boys are running on the big wheel in the sky. Therefore, she's very pampered, as mice go.

from omfggwtf :

haha. i really don't think i want to do that. sometimes i want to go crazy and just be done with it, but then i really don't.. because when it's good, which it pretty much always is minus these weird arguments every now and then that get out of hand, then it's really good. oh i dunno. i'm not interested in doing anything else with myself, i'm content with the way it is already, bleuuugh i dunno. i'll have to see, i suppose. thank you for your concern though haha x

from sassymcgee :

Of course I went. It was such a grown-up thing to do. And I plan on doing it again. And again.

from sassymcgee :

I'm still here. And I never lost power, the trees still look like trees instead of crystals, and I had to go to work yesterday. No blizzard here. It was more of a crazy wind storm. Stupid worrying about nothing lol.

from vetanda :

Hey Fifi - I just wandered back here after waking up with a growling stomach. Thanks for saying I *can* write poetry. I'm sure most "real" poets would beg to differ with you. I spew out what I can, when I can. Have been drifting through a few of your entries - quite cheery indeed. Still trying to grasp your reality...

from vetanda :

Thanks, Fifi. I read a *little* bit of you -- quite interesting so far. :)

from vetanda :

Hello Fifi, Musikoid here. Thanks for your appreciative note. You probably read my profile, explaining that this diary contains my feeble attempts at poetry. For some reason, I switched from "musikoid" to "vetanda" and why don't you go ahead and read me there or even add me. I only have one friend as it is, and she's the person who designed the template and gave it away for free, which is why I switched. I forgot to take down the profile blurb, and you probably won't be able to pull up the Musikoid diary even by perseverance. I mean, go ahead and persevere, but it won't do any good lol. Yeah, there's weird poems there. My name is Andy. Stay happy.

from deareddie :

Who loves FiFi? I DO, I DO! Just sayin', because you really do mean so very much to me. Thank you, dollface.

from omfggwtf :

eeeeeep! thank you :D xx

from sassymcgee :

Who are you referring to? Because I was mainly thinking of someone who's name begins with Sarah and ends with Palin. Just to clarify lol.

from sassymcgee :

You have NOOOO idea! My stupid teeth have been a pain in my...arse for most of my life. I am pretty much back to my level of awesomeness...I just need to stop sounding like Sylvester the Cat lol.

from omfggwtf :

oh but i hate staying in bed :( it gets so boring! and i've been getting way too much sleep! bleugh x

from sassymcgee :

Thanks Fif! Things are picking up. I had a partial plate put in. It's something I have to get used to...I have to figure out how to chew, when/if I can eat certain foods, if this plate will EVER stop tasting like weird plastic lol...

from raven72d :

love the kefta kebab, love the tea!

from omfggwtf :

:( i know i know but y'know. sometimes you can't fight that green eyed monster hahaha. thanks though xx

from raven72d :

Happy Year Eleven!

from omfggwtf :

have a lovely 2011 :) xx

from omfggwtf :

hahaha! ahh i wish i was drunk. hmmm whenever i think of kate bush i think of that scary music video where she's all like, swaying around with wide eyes and flailing her arms around.. is that the same woman? and thank you ;)

from omfggwtf :

haha! was that note meant for me? you said nikki! :O

from corposant :

Thank you, sweetheart. If you like zombies, you may very well love Shain Erin: http://www.shainerin.com/ or search his name in Google Images.

from omfggwtf :

Haha! That did make me giggle. Yeah I know you're right, and it's all very logical.. But god, life can be so bloody annoying and it don't help that I have to live with my crazy, unpredictable mind 24/7. It would be lovely to have all the anwsers and a manual, sigh! I try so hard to kick back and RELAX because most of the time, before I even realise it, i'm already getting into a mood. Grr.. One day it'll stop, i'm sure. Thank you for the kind words and advice xo.

from omfggwtf :

do more of what in one minute? :O

from swimmmer72 :

Merry Christmas, Fifi, and a Happy New Year for you and your's!! XO:)

from sassymcgee :

You are NOT shallow Fifi...trust me. I know what I be talking about.

from sassymcgee :

I agree. Which is why I went ahead and did them. I would give everyone I knew a present but my name is NOT Trump so I'll have to stick with cards lol.

from omfggwtf :

haha yeah.. when my head is (slightly) screwed on, i do think maybe the people i'm "jealous/envious" of probably aren't as confident and as happy with themselves as they seem.. and they probably get as hung up about themselves as much as fruitloops such as myself do.. if only i thought like that ALL the time, oh well. thank you anyway. and yeah, bless them boys.. cute, well, some of them xo

from omfggwtf :

thank you :)

from nikkifoofoo :

Psst... ignore that last note. *wink*

from nikkifoofoo :

Absolutely, Miz Fifi! Is there an email you'd like me to send it to?

from omfggwtf :

thank you! wish me luck aye? i'm feeling quite optimistic, it'll be alright this time i'm sure. xo

from raven72d :

wuff! thank you muchly!

from sassymcgee :

Hey Fifer! Long time no message! :D

from raven72d :

lists... lists are always good.

from imalex :

I know it's not how much I weigh. And he needs to realize that, because the way he describes things... how he is waiting for the 'one', it sort of makes me realize how little he knows about love, and girls. The skinny thing is more me just beating up on guys who seem to only notice one body type. I would never change myself for a guy, it just hurts when you know there is nothing you can do to try and change their mind about it. Sigh. I'm not really sure I am making sense now.

from nikkifoofoo :

I like you too, Miz FiFi! I will definitely keep you posted.

from raven72d :

thanks, Ms. Dellabon! Much appreciated!

from sassymcgee :

True. I am ALL that lol. I think people too many times judge people unfairly and those people don't even realize they are doing it. It's unfortunate but every once in awhile you find people who TRULY love you regardless of what you look like on the outside. And that really does make all the difference. So to paraphrase my rambling...tell those negative a'holes to suck it! Put up all the pics of yourself you want.:D

from nikkifoofoo :

You followed that correctly. He had it done six years ago, right after our second daughter was born. He's one of the rare cases of having complications after a vasectomy, and to this day, he has never had a clear answer from any doctor/surgeon/urologist as to what is causing the pain. It isn't constant and we have yet to find any trigger. He says it's getting worse as time goes on. That makes me sad and all that, but I can't help but laugh when he's laid up in bed looking cute like that. He's like a cranky eskimo!

from sassymcgee :

No actually they haven't. I was watching TV this morning and there was this couple who allowed cameras to record their counseling session. Well the dude cheated on his lady and the stupid therapist started to ask the wife what she had done to get him to the point where he cheated...like it was all her fault that he couldn't keep it in his pants. I became a TAD irritated at that...Hence the lovely entry from moi. I'm glad to see that you feel better after my rant. Glad to help lol.

from swimmmer72 :

Remind me, Fifi - who is Andy????

from annanotbob :

Well how exciting - please please do not be discouraged. As soon as the site is back up, post those pics!! Yours, in anticipation, xxx

from annanotbob :

I can't either - so at least it's the site. Hope it comes back soon xxx

from sassymcgee :

Ummmm planting something in "The Fertile Crescent"...are you REALLY talking about garlic? Sounds dirty and raunchy to me.

from sassymcgee :

WOO HOO!!! I made it into fifer's diary. Na-nana-na-na! lol

from imalex :

I used to be so relaxed, but as usual a boy has to come along and make me crazy. But relaxing is exactly what I'm doing. He'll notice me eventually :)

from goose-girl :

Hi, I just wanted to say I appreciated the notes you left. I'm not so sure I'm as articulate and non-fail-y as you seem to think, but it's encouraging to have someone disagree with me! So thank you. :)

from corposant :

You have got to be the sweetest person in this sweet place. And you write the best mash notes.

from sassymcgee :

Oh fifers...it's cool. I appreciate honesty. If you can't speak the truth then don't speak at all is how I try to live my life. Now I don't know if you know this, BUT I'm a bit of a storyteller. Don't be anxious--I am in a MUCH better place than even 5 years ago. I am and will always be my own worst critic. I just have bad days like any human. It's just hard to see yourself getting winded by simply going up the stairs when I used to be slimmer. I'm on this journey called life and it's great you've decided you want to know about it. And yes we WOULD be friends in real life...you recognize awesomeness. No need to be worried. :)

from justsanguine :

Thank you! thank you! xox Its good to know I'm not alone. :)

from sassymcgee :

Thanks! And you're quite witty yourself. "Fifi Della Bon Bon if you're nasty" and "Cruise-azy"...good stuff. LOL!

from sassymcgee :

Why thank you fif. It's true I'm quite hilarious...thanks for noticing.;) As for the pic of me in your head, let's see if I can help. I'm a woman with hair. Hope that helped.

from sassymcgee :

Oh definitely. I just realized this the other day...it completely explains my lack of sleep and inability to feel comfortable. The more I think of the idea of my own place I get more excited. So that's ANOTHER goal to add to the list. Geez am I ever going to stop with the goals? lol

from winteranfang :

XO Fifi

from sassymcgee :

Oh I didn't make the deliciousness, the cafeteria at work did. I haven't cooked bacon at home for at LEAST a year. I know I would eat all of it lol

from sassymcgee :

I know right? Didn't ANYBODY learn anything from Footloose? lol

from skjaadi :

Hi Fifi :) Thanks for leaving me that note that says hi. Sometimes I try to run away from reading e-mail, so it's always good to have notes on a Saturday.

from skjaadi :

Hi Fifi :) Thanks for leaving me that note that says hi. Sometimes I try to run away from reading e-mail, so it's always good to have notes on a Saturday.

from justsanguine :

Thanks Fifi! I think you are right! Besides it sounds better! ;)

from sassymcgee :

OH!! Thanks for the reminder!! I need to email Tart so I can get some of that deliciousness!!!

from justsanguine :

Thank you my dear... :) Feels good to be back writing again.

from swimmmer72 :

re: never fear. Don't worry, I don't - fear, that is. Like I said the other day, it's all about trust and you have mine. XO :)

from corposant :

The poetry's still there, but according to the way Diaryland works, it all goes into hiding when I start a new page. You probably already found it by clicking Previous or Contents.

from corposant :

I love the idea of making your own soap. You can avoid any of the strange chemistry that might be found in factory-made soaps. I use an oatmeal soap by Sappo Hill, a little luxury that I never want to live without.

from winteranfang :

Hi, the password's posted. :)

from winteranfang :

Dear Fifi, I'm standing somewhere undiscovered. (Not literally.) Apparently you like The Village. I've read about your favorite things before; suddenly, the Village is a surprise for no reason. Seems that you would like something good and tasteful, of course. So, I watched it about 2 or 3 times. Hmm, I'm still thinking. What is the beast about? Seems we did that too much in College. Too many Indian movies, I'll say. I think the point is how are you.

from swimmmer72 :

re: the girls. No, not twins. About a year and a half apart, I think. Two years, school-wise. Justine (the older) is in a six year program while Ali is (so far) just a four, so they'll graduate together. Very close - after taking pictures of them for 4 years now, I see the interactions between the two and almost know what they are thinking. Interesting dynamic! XO :)

from deareddie :

Hi sweets! My post (since removed) was about the end of a friendship. I never got closure or a reason for it-- and I know one should have SOME idea of what they did, but honestly I'm clueless. Maybe that's why I feel as though it's still following me around, and worse than any dating breakup. I'm very lucky to have found amazing friends, and reconnected with old ones I'd lost touch with, but that one still haunts me. We used to talk about being little old ladies on our porch swing together. Thanks for reaching out to me, *big hugs*

from winteranfang :

That didn't make sense. Writing just comes so second nature to me, I don't pay attention anymore. That's a bad habit I have.... But anway, what I meant to say is that your friendship is good. I think friendship is based on tolerance, and you're extremely tolerant to me. Sometimes you tell me what I'm doing wrong. I think I know you don't get affected so much by what people say. But since I'm an extremely linguistic person (I think), I get affected without even meaning to. And so, I think about what you say on friendship often enough. My views on friendship are always changing. They're not precise. But I know that I like people to like me. That's basic. And I feel that you like me, so I like you very much.

from winteranfang :

Oh by the way, you don't know this, but I think about what your views on friendship all the time. It is an incredibly powerful view. I wish I was that strong, but humans get to me. I'm going to not start giving a... what they say.

from winteranfang :

Dear Fifi, as always thank you for being there. Maybe I will never know you personally, but that doesn't matter to me. Your words give me courage and strength. Thank you.

from winteranfang :

I'm sure Ned is a brilliant guy. I know I am obsessed, but at some point in my life soon I'm going to get over it. 'Cause at least I want to get over it now.

from swimmmer72 :

Re: memories. Do you remember this? Almost exactly two years ago, you commented that not everybody is meant to have a long friendship (or words to that effect). You were right, of course, and you call ME wise? Hmmmm. I also believe the converse to be true and feel fortunate that I have gotten to know you! XO :)

from swimmmer72 :

Re: I think the reason we understand each other so well is that we both thrive on our ability to be ourselves, warts and all. Well, I have warts; you call yours what you want. We are each the same in our own different ways and don't make too many apologies for it. And, I don't think either of us would have it any other way! Not odd, you're Fifi!!! XOXO :)

from winteranfang :

Thanks for your words, Fifi. I find them very comforting, and kind -- kind like you. XO

from deareddie :

It was about a loss of a best friend that I was much grieved to lose. It'll go away, since it was foolish, but I hoped my old dear friend might find this and know how I felt just in case my selfishness and caustic nature belied my faith in her.

from winteranfang :

You're right, Fifi, as usual. You are very wise. This morning while I wasn't thinking about it, it just came to me.... but I'm afraid I'll jinx it, so you will find out later in the blog. Love ya!

from winteranfang :

Good morning, Fifi! I see your name is lit up. :)

from winteranfang :

Fifi, thanks for your note. I think your system makes sense. Swimmmy is very kind-hearted, I will tell him so. But if I tried to figure out why Moritz left me, I'd probably go insane again. Who understands men? Certainly not me. XO!

from swimmmer72 :

Found it, Fifi! It's in the "misc stuff" section of "Help and FAQ's" at the bottom. Now, I just have to figure out what they are telling me as their description of what SHOULD be on my template isn't exactly accurate, and if I've learned anything, it is "don't fuck around with the template unless you know exactly what to do." You want to know how I learned that? Yep, the hard way... XO :)

from swimmmer72 :

Thanks, Fifi! I didn't know it existed and didn't really worry about it too much until now. Most googles on my site are hitting on the same 5 or 6 specific things, one friend I've mentioned (Katie), and a couple specfic pictures that have evidently been scarfed up by some stinking picture thieves. I'll dig through dland FAQ's and see what I can find or maybe just ask Andrew. I really don't want to lock, and that would probably alleviate the problem. XO :)

from swimmmer72 :

Thanks for the perspective, Fifi! 2nd hand it may have been, but it was a valuable look at how things are not always (completely) as they seem. I still have my concerns, but if I keep doing what I always have been, maybe it helps satisfy her needs. Yeah, without getting me or anyone else into a serious mess... You are a very understanding person, Fifi. XOXO

from winteranfang :

Ohhh you got to see the picture before I took them down. Thank you for your sweet comments, Fifi. I really appreciate that.

from winteranfang :

I totally love the Twenties, Fifi!! Anything vintage from that era rocks! <3 Thanks for your note. I love studying history... actually what I do at school is a pre-law major called "English/History." I'm glad you approve of my field of study. :) :)

from winteranfang :

Thank you, Fifi, for your kind words of wisdom. I know I have my complexes, but you're right. I need to conquer them now so that in my thirties I am a lot happier. Xoxo!!

from corposant :

I once met a woman who feared poetry because of the way she was taught to read it, as if poetry always comes with a test and essay questions. She refused to read poetry for fear she wouldn't get a passing grade. I'm glad you like "Tented Field", it's one of my current favorites.

from swimmmer72 :

I agree. I think a band should have a name. First, in order to develop an identity between band-mates and then there are always financial/marketing considerations. I'm friendly with bands that tour on a regular basis and also those that do it more as a hobby. Tiger Maple falls into that category, although even they have sought gigs outside the norm. 10% Wild Card? I can't comment on that. It is an interesting enough name, but only you can say whether it is a fit or not. I think your merry band of musicians are a lot like the tightly knit intermingled group of musicians I'm a part of. They all have their own band but they are always playing with someone else, just for fun and because they are friends. I'd still LOVE to see you play someday and I don't really care what you call yourself as long as you call yourself something. How about Fifi's Fiddlers? As far as my Tubes, they aren't going anywhere; in fact there are more of them every day. AND, I dare say, some of them are pretty frickin' good, if I do say so myself. But you'll have to be the judge of that. Eventually... XOXO :)

from corposant :

That gladdens my heart to hear. I do something like that with a project I call Poetry in an Unexpected Place--I leave poems on small pieces of paper in places where people may come upon them, like Easter eggs out of season.

from corposant :

I adore whimsy, btw. You make me lol.

from corposant :

Only people who fear or scorn poetry (and they really do exist) can be morons about poetry. You may claim a certain degree of ignorance, if you wish--you'll be in good company among some of the wisest people.

from swimmmer72 :

Feel free to ask questions. I'm assuming you read the "n" entries - keep it mind some of them go back six or seven years. I should probably re-read them myself. Anyway, go ahead and ask - email would probably be best. Enjoy your evening and your vacation!! XO

from swimmmer72 :

What happened in Buffalo HOPEFULLY stays in Buffalo, although I thought for a while it would follow me to Erie, too. I'll explain some of that someday via email, but some of the simple answer can be found in my Nicole entries. Every year, it is a little further away, but at times, not far enough. Thank you for being a friend, dear Fifi. XOXO :)

from swimmmer72 :

re: forest fire, teams and helocopters. Fifi, did you sneak a peek at Nadya Three? Because it contains all of those. Anyway, yes, the helocopters are integral to the last part of the story, which I haven't gotten to yet, BUT, I think that (thanks to you) I have just invented a NEW CHARACTER. Something like a Scottish rescue copter pilot... hmmmm... maybe I'll name her Fi... XO :)

from winteranfang :

Oh, I forgot to give you hugs: XO!

from winteranfang :

Oh, thanks Fifi! I think a lot. Sometimes, it is not so good, but at least I can't complain about having a bad mind. ;-)

from winteranfang :

Fifi! Good morning, I am here at six in the morning and I see you on the box to the side.

from winteranfang :

Much love to you too, Fifi! I am improving on that worthlessness issue, but I'll be sure to post about it when I get better at not ragging down on myself (is that a correct verb? ) Oh I love that new word bushwah!!! :)

from winteranfang :

Dear Fifi, thank you. The work is not my own, but that of the template designers. :)

from swimmmer72 :

re: 240 miles away. That would be the FingerLakes Grassroots Festival, and sadly, it will be the one festival I will miss. It's a monster - expensive, 70-80 bands, multiple stages, off-site camping, situated in Trumansburg, NY, about 10 miles north of Ithaca. I wanted to go this year, but couldn't justify the hassle and expense with 3 other great (albeit smaller) festivals in my relative backyard. Maybe next year, and definitely if you're going to be there playing Tam Lin Reel!!!! XOXO :)

from raven72d :

so what kind of dancing?

from saudades :

And I think they are such cute, good mountains. :)

from anne-surly :

thank you fifi, you and beanie have been so wonderful to me. as i told her, i'm still a DL virgin, so i'm working my way around the site and figuring out the bells and whistles...

from saudades :

You know, Fifi....you are welcome, and I was thinking about your comment, and I forgot to tell you something. I tell this to a lot of my friends sometimes, so I might have told you before, but thanks sooooo much for believing in me and not giving up on me , I mean, at least as a reader. Thank you, it does really mean a lot to me.

from swimmmer72 :

Have a great trip to Ireland!! Stay safe, happy, and having fun!! I hope you have plenty of stories for us when you get back!! XOXO :)

from saudades :

Happy Easter Fifi! Saudades always is deleting her things, but one thing that never gets deleted is the power of love; God bless you and yours always. <3

from deareddie :

My jokes are terrible. That was a goth one, btw.

from deareddie :

Oh, Fifi,I tried to go back to my last comment to you, and it Has been That long. Bad Sarah. Many hugs for the interveining times.

from justsanguine :

Thank you fifi for you comments! I'm new to diaryland, so I am impressed that I found how to send you a note! :) Now if I can figure out how to follow you back I will have impressed my self twice!

from saudades :

Hey Fifi! Though there is a great world of things to admire in you and of you, guess what? I have to give kudos to all girls that can work a sewing machine, particularly with such poise. So: you go, girl!!

from swimmmer72 :

As much as you have left me several great, funny, supportive comments (and I treasure every single one), your last comment was one of the best. Especially the last part - you are right. Instead of thinking it is all about their own well being, it makes more sense to understand that we are only as well off as the poorest among us. Fifi, as always, you have the right idea. XO :)

from ladyluck92 :

It seems to me that you and I seem to have the same type of thought process. I was trying to figure out some things about you too. ;-) I haven't had a chance to get through reading all of your older entries yet. I've been trying to figure out your age as well, and what area of the world you live. I remember reading something about someone asking you if you were Irish or American and vising the American Girl Head Quarters in NY. So for some reason I was assuming that you lived somewhere on the east coast of the US. Am I way off?? I have to say you are good, you weren't off by much on guessing my age... off by a year! But I like your answer better!

from ladyluck92 :

So if we both think of men and sex a lot does that make us rank up there with men? Don't they say men think about sex every 20 seconds or something like that? It's all good... a lot better than taxes for sure!

from saudades :

She has been so rude lately. I hope that after she grows older she finds a more peaceful attitude!! xoxo, Fifi!! :)

from saudades :

Hehe! :) Thanks Fifi, and the cat is so lovable. I'm so glad to have her. I like to sleep, but I also love bright mornings --- and she makes sure to wake me up when she wants to be entertained.

from raven72d :

I love Wonder Pets!

from saudades :

Oh well I had to google her; oh my goodness, HAIR IS FUNKY.

from saudades :

Twens have been a headache, but I find your words comforting. I'm just going to roll with it, and thanks for your hopes for good things coming. XO to you too!

from ladyluck92 :

I agree with you totally... I only tell the world what I want them to know too. I don't totally dislike technology, but there are definately things that I can live without. How are the fingers doing? You never know how much you use your hands and finger until one of them gets splinted. You forget they are splinted and go to do something normal, then smack right into the table. It hurts like a mother!

from swimmmer72 :

I do indeed know what you mean! I don't remember exactly what I did, but I had dinged up my right hand somehow and had most of it bandaged up. Yeah, made me a "left-hander" for a while and I didn't do very well at it! Especially writing, but it also made me realize how right side/left side oriented I am. Get well quickly, Fifi! Sharp dressed men and wit? I'm betting you handle that just fine!! XOXO :)

from swimmmer72 :

You should probably check to see if stitches are necessary, Fifi. Cuts that deep can be dangerous - infection, nerve damage, etc. Best to have a doctor look at it. At the very least, it would heal faster. And, Fifi, please stay away from sharp objects!!! XOXO :)

from saudades :

Yeah, Fifi, I can walk away from it now. There is nothing I can do regarding all that drama after all this time. But you're right, and I can see now that I'm normal enough and nice enough too. xoxo!

from ladyluck92 :

Thank you for your wise and wonderful insight. You made my New Years Eve! Feel free to read and comment anytime. I enjoy your thoughts. Happy New Year!

from swimmmer72 :

and ooops, a second mistake - I meant to say there may NOT actually be a..... Let me check to see who this note is being left for... XO :)

from swimmmer72 :

And, of course, I accidently noted myself first..... I'll blame it on the shiraz. XO :)

from swimmmer72 :

Oh Fifi, there may be actually be an actual JERSEY accent (although manhattanites would say they can peg a jersey resident blindfolded before they have three words out of their mouth...), but we both know it's an "across the pond thing" anyway and I REALLY wish dland came with audio, which would make this just so much more interesting.... You make me smile, Fifi. XO :)

from swimmmer72 :

Clever AND amusing, Fifi! It wasn't like I EXPECTED an actual return addy - no, you are much more circumspect than that - but I was still hoping to reciprocate (which I just did - you'll see when you check your email) in kind. It was still very thoughtful of you and I appreciate the spirit in which it was sent! XO :)

from swimmmer72 :

Thank you, Dear Fifi, for the beautiful Christmas card!! I have sent you one, using the return address you used. You should get it a couple days! XO :) :p ;)

from saudades :

Fifi, what good-hearted wishes in that beautiful, beautiful Chritmas card. It is so pretty and comforting. Thank you so much! ((Love!))

from saudades :

I'm going to put it in my board here where I can remind myself of nice people like you, in my life all around. I have a strange feeling that Christmas will be special this year, too. And, all right, I'll stop berating that Ana now. :-)

from saudades :

I miss my grandparents too. <3

from ladyluck92 :

I believe you make a really good point! Thank you for the note. I didn't think anyone read my thoughts, but it's nice to know someone out there listens to my rants. ;)

from idontpretend :

Thanks FiFi.

from loopykitten :

Thank you darling! Nigel and me being not an item anymore is actually a good thing. And thank you for the tip with the bowing hand, I will remember that ;)

from swimmmer72 :

Thank you, Fifi. I really appreciate the comment! XO :)

from saudades :

I've never heard it called java, either. Or cup o'joe in regular conversation. I call it my vice of choice sometimes, but not very often. But talking about another vice that is very unhealthy, I hear "cancer sticks" and "smokes" a lot. .... :s

from saudades :

I'm all about espresso! That's what I did today, drink a lot of it. I'm still going to sleepy in a cozy manner though. :) These days I find so many activities, and I have fun. :) Different from when we met here on Diaryland, and I hope you like the new page. Babelfish involved or not. I'll still be on DL though.

from swimmmer72 :

SIL is my doctor, as I am her BAD PATIENT. I used to get my annual physical every 3 years and she'd throw the book at me and send me for every test imaginable, some of which (mostly the heart ones) would require temporary caffeine abstinence; all of which I passed with flying colors. Now, my work requires an annual physical and I usually ask for the tests I should be having, so it isn't a big deal, BUT, I hate hospitals and usually just deal with the annual cycle. This year has been no different. "sigh..." XO :)

from saudades :

:) I think: so are you, Fifi

from enfinblue :

Fifi, I think you're probably the funniest woman alive...I nearly spat out my drink. :)

from saudades :

Where do you find them?! So interesting. Last night all the entries I read, random diaries, were about ... well, sexual life. And not suitable for kids! >.<

from saudades :

Fifs, guess what? I tried to leave you a comment, but my mouse is not working for one. Anyway, I loved your entry about what you did in Vermont. Believe it or not, I wanted to travel there since 10th grade English class. I'm sure it's lovely! Send you tons of hugs, bear hugs or Ana hugs, whatever is most acceptable! :) Okay, tab, enter, and back to square one on the screen :)

from somaserious :

Nope, no one as cute as me ;p... I was on moderate bedrest all weekend. Go to my somaserious.blogspot.com blog to see what happened! Better now! Going to the beach to lay in the water all day. I'll have to check out the toast! Love toast. xoxosoms

from somaserious :

fifi! You were in my neck o the woods! You Vermont tourist you....I've never been to that Dutch Mill restaurant and have always wondered....now I know! I just played VT tourist with my BIL and his fam last weekend. did you get to see Shelburne Farms? That's such a beautiful place. Glad you had fun. xoxoxosoms

from saudades :

Thank you, Fifi. XO

from swimmmer72 :

I guess I should explain my entry. It isn't a matter of being sad - I'm not. Or lonely. There are times when I feel an infinite weight, for lack of a better way to describe it, and it's in those times that I realize at least part of my journey isn't meant to be shared and I'm on my own with it. And, rather than be saddened, to rejoice in the ability to learn about life from it. Yes, and to be thankful in knowing that there are people out there willing to leave notes of encouragement. So, thank you, from the bottom of my heart - your notes are appreciated. Maybe it is because of the support I feel from so many of you that I am able to carry the weight so well. XO :)

from saudades :

Thank you for your words, always. It does help to read them, and despite not feeling well yet about my own problems, I am glad that you do!! I really am. XO to you too.

from raven72d :

9 July... Lovely entry.

from idontpretend :

Ty, I hope so too.

from sorbet-baby :

Hello! :) Where in Wales are you/your family from?

from enfinblue :

Right back at you, Fifi. You're the vereeee best. I mean that.

from saudades :

Cool beans, Fifi! Thank you. I don't know what the deal is with family protocol and the ideas of my extended family sometimes. Sigh. Such is life I suppose. A big hug to you.

from enfinblue :

Fifs: I just hope you don't think I am disparaging mothers! I admire so much what you are doing with Biba. If I had had one I would have liked to have had the kind of relationships that you have with her. It's just that it wasn't in the cards for me. I also have a lot of irrational feelings about the situation, because I still have buried anger and hurt from the way that my mother treated me. So a big XO.

from saudades :

from swimmmer72 :

re: picture. Nope, not David Cassidy, although I also remember him from "Partridge Family" fame. 70's, I think, not 60's, but early seventies. He is the lead singer/guitarist from "Entrain" - a group out of Massachusetts, Percussion based dance jams - very good. I don't know if they ever come to your area but they are worth a listen if they do. I used to camp all the time, but got away from it. Maybe this is simply a year of changes. XO :)

from swimmmer72 :

re: Nadine. Thanks for the comments, Fifi. They are appreciated. I think I'll find her, too. I was hoping for sooner rather than later, but it's apparent time will proceed on its own pace and not mine. Probably telling me to calm down and get this right. Or not. Either way, she's a woman who seems to be on my particular wave length and we'll just have to see if I'm right. XO :)

from swimmmer72 :

Fifi, it was my pleasure. You remain one of the reasons why dland and the people I have met here are such a positive. You always do your best to be supportive and I'm simply offering my two cents. I'm glad you found them helpful. XO :)

from swimmmer72 :

Well, Fifi, I do like the Dakotas, too, especially Badlands and a couple other parts, but in some places, they are the emptiest acreage I've ever seen anywhere, and I've been driving back and forth through this country's midsection for a bunch of years now. Just wide open NOTHING and it takes a certain mind-adjustment to appreciate that. Kinda pales in comparison with Utah, I guess. It's something I'm working on! :)

from deareddie :

Fifi! How I adore thee. :)

from enfinblue :

Thanks for your note, Fifi. I am sorry if that entry seemed pretentious. I'm just trying to justify my abnormal and slightly pathetic existence. (I only mean that half-jokingly.) It just seems wrong that everyone else on the planet, for the most part, ends up with someone...and I am cursed to eternal rumination! :)

from manfromvenus :

Thanks Fifi. And don't worry about being articulate. I do 'inarticulate' pretty well, myself. I understand what you mean... intellectually, anyway. My subconscious just snuck up on me at a bad time. Thank you so much! Again! (I promise not to keep blogging about this, honestly...) Love - Jx

from enfinblue :

Thanks, Fifi. I completely agree. Glad you're back. :)

from enfinblue :

Fifi, You ROCK! I'm so glad that you are doing your own art! I'm not very good; I just do it because i love it. I think I might just be an aesthete. Or maybe I'm just a hedonist. :)

from swimmmer72 :

re: Well said, Fifi, as always. Have a Happy Easter, you and yours! XO :)

from swimmmer72 :

re: That you prefer to be a mystery woman is just fine with me. I deffo like that side of your persona. Me? I'm just a guy from Buffalo and I'll always be a guy from Buffalo no matter where I live. 2nd: Thinking of it as "spicy meatloaf" definitely works for me. I'm not sure how authentic samples I've had have been, although I am partially Scotch as a part of the overall northern European mutt thing. And 3rd: I will always be your Swimmmy. :)

from enfinblue :

Fifi! I wanted to say in the entry, "Fifi is another such woman." You've helped to build my confidence, not by gushing at me but by telling me the truth and being a genuine person. Thank you!

from saudades :

That's too bad. I was already imagining what it would be like to invite you to coffee and if you accepted. Even though I'd be nervous meeting you and other diarist friends, I think. :) I hope you have a good Easter weekend, Fifi. Many XOs.

from swimmmer72 :

"Hey you kids, get offa my lawn!!!!" Fifi, thanks for my first LOL moment of the day!!! :)

from enfinblue :

GOod luck at the dentist, Ms. Fifi!!! That's funny about the trainwrecks (or not so funny). I do feel sorry for people. I may be boring but I think that aside from an excess of worry I am doing OK. :) Take care and have a nice day!

from enfinblue :

I would leave a comment in your comments section - I totally feel your overload (and I'm sick, too) - but just in case that thinly-veiled comment from swimmmer was in reference to me, I didn't want to leave a mark there. Hope you feel better soon. Stay wrapped in your plaidie. :)

from somaserious :

Oh, you write just the right things. Thanks... I know what you mean about shaggy brains. I'm in it 24/7 these days! yay babies! lots of xoxoxoxsoms

from annanotbob :

Thank you so much for help with campers. My brain is broken again at the moment so I can't ... ach, you know, I just can't. But I'll be able to again soon and thank you, darling girl xx

from annanotbob :

That dog is brilliant! I can't leave a comment as today I can't read the code that comes after. Hugs xx

from raven72d :

I so miss snow.

from saudades :

I didn't think too much about that; thanks Fifi. There must be a way to deal with this. Hugs!

from enfinblue :

Thanks Fifi! Oh...if anyone can screw up a career trajectory it is me. Honestly, I picked the worst possible sequence of positions and got screwed in each of them! Doh! BUt you're right - I do hear you on avoiding some of the poo! I'll keep on planning and facing forward and smiling!

from somaserious :

Griffyn is very excited and very curious about that little peanut growing inside his mommy. Thank you so much for the well-wishes!! xoxoxsoms

from somaserious :

Wow, that couple...truly gems. Thanks, fifi! It's actually quite exciting, although the tough times are really bringing out the hormone-induced emotional breakdowns. Yay me. This was not really planned, although we have been talking about it. Oops, but that's just fine. Everything will work out okay and I feel so much better about things. xoxosoms

from somaserious :

Behoove, such a fantastic word... You know, my great-great grandfather was one of the people who put the protective coating on the Liberty Bell. He was a chemist (and also met Sitting Bull during one of those long ago American wars), and to keep his concoctions a secret, he would TASTE them! Needless to say, he died on Christmas morning suffering from stomach cancer. Crazy! I've never seen that bell... xoxosoms

from raven72d :

I need someone to use that formula with me. I need that. And I need to be as good as the girl at OftenAbsent.

from loopykitten :

:) I was in a woe is me state last night. Things are not that bad, really. We have all of the money to pay rent, luckily. And I get paid every week, sometimes every end of the day. So for instance I get paid on Wednesday afternoon after working with my little guy that I teach french to. So we'd only really be going without any money until then. And I might also ask to be paid at the end of Monday night as well. That would leave us with barely a day. And believe me the fridge is WELL stocked, that seems to be the one thing, neither Nigel and me can avoid, we love food :)

from annanotbob :

I love Biba - she is a wise child. It seems I will head towards you around the end of the second week in April and I am going to hire a car. am I mad to have to drive down the New Jersey Turnpike? I know it's just a road, but it features in my favourite film - being john malkovich. I'm wishing I could pack my tent and all my camping gear. I might at that. hugs xxx

from annanotbob :

I will make it - this was just a bad day - but whether I do or not I hope you will find your way to Casa Notbob when visiting your cousins. I would so love to cook you a meal and share maybe one teeny tiny drinky poo. Or a couple...

from cocoabean :

well I just meant that internet people don't always get along. Talk to Rosie about that....

from casa-rosie :

Well, I don't do beer, but I'll take the pork loin and everything else! Re:trainwrecks...drop me a note at casarosie at gmail dot com and we can compare notes...

from saudades :

Oh Fifi, you both are so welcome. I am so glad she feels better, and I didn't realize pirates don't brush their teeth (or floss, I suppose!) :O

from mrbilly :

Hey thanks for the note. Tres true re: Budweiser. I think that's why I drink it (or don't, as the case may be)... you need to knock back about 20 of them before you start feeling drunk!

from enfinblue :

PS Fifi, Good advice re. Marco. I hadn't thought of it that way. I'm not sure what I should do then when he writes to me. I'm pretty sure that he will write when he gets back from his family vacation. I guess not write. The whole thing makes me sad. It's partly my fault, as usual, as before I left I emailed to him that he'd be welcome to call when I was there but no pressure. Stupid. MY friends kind of think that the problem is that I haven't told him clearly how I feel. Not sure. Either way, it likely DOES not matter and I have to move on. Difficult. Really difficult. I hope that something else intervenes to make it easier for me (or someone else...who likes a girl in lilac boots :)). Have a great day!!

from enfinblue :

Oh, Fifi, Biba sounds like such a dream. You did win the lottery!!!!!! I'm glad that she is doing well. Little girls are tough cookies. :)

from annanotbob :

Ooh, exciting! What are you planning? What did you get? I'm right in the doldrums with all that, but my class starts up again soon. I was inspired by awittykitty - xoxox

from raven72d :

Merry Christmas, Miss Fifi!

from saudades :

Dear Fifi, Merry Christmas to you too!!! I hope you're all having a wonderful Christmas day. Is it snowing there, also? XOXOXO! :)

from enfinblue :

A very happy Christmas to you, too, Fifi!!

from enfinblue :

Fifi, That sounds great! I wish I had a Ned! Are you feeling a bit better?

from enfinblue :

FIfi, I was so sorry to hear via Anna's that you are sick. I wish I could help. :) Merry Christmas, by the way!

from enfinblue :

Right back at you, Fifi. I wish you all good things. You're the best.

from raven72d :

Thanks muchly, Ms. Dellabon!

from swimmmer72 :

re: That's exactly what it is - a log. Actually, one of my early woodworking projects, well before I became good at that type of thing. I'm not sure that there is even anything inside. UPDATE: I got curious and had to look - nope, it's almost completely empty, just there because I haven't figured out any other place to put it. :)

from somaserious :

fifi! I can't read you! Would you pass along the key? I'll send you an email to the gmail. xoxoxo,soms

from enfinblue :

Yeah, I think I know what you mean. :) SOoooooo....what's my letter???!

from loopykitten :

Awww thank you :) He is my special little yeti guy. Oh and I want to participate in the Letter (favorite things)! Sorry I've been gone for so long, hope you are doing well :)

from fling-poo :

Thanks for your note Fifi! You're the best!!

from enfinblue :

Aw, Fifi, you are a star! But the question is, of course, do I give up on him if he doesn't do it? :)

from enfinblue :

Thanks, Fifi. I mean it though - you are a rare, glittering gem. As for me...one day they will like me, when I have more confidence! :) It's coming along.

from enfinblue :

I adore you so much, Fifi. Just thought I'd tell you that. Just thinkign about those wonderful churches had my heart just SINGING today! :) Thank YOU!

from enfinblue :

Fifi, can you believe it? http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/Most-Emailed-Photos/ss/1756;_ylt=An7.Heb6HSbekjjw5Ytdo4lsaMYA#photoViewer=/081205/ids_photos_wl/r1719219460.jpg

from enfinblue :

Fifi, you are the kindest most fabulousest person. You really are an angel to me, and I thank you so much. Thank you. I know that things are getting better for me. I'm just acting out like a little baby because I had hoped to get one thing and I can't have it this XMAS! Ha! So I just told the truth! I know that there are guys here that I could have. Three yesterday. I just can't find someone who really appeals to me. ON some level I think it's going to work itself out. I will meet my M. who is actually here and available. I just haven't done it yet. I think I should go to Italy for Christmas - why ever not - just the idea of sitting in those churches makes me so happy, but I always SUFFER over decisions. Thanks again. OH! I love your Dear X letters. It's such a great technique. It should be therapy or something! I shoudl try it myself. But then again I would only ever write to the senior economist and that would get very boring. I want to tell him now that he is losing his hair rapidly and that the thick layer of gel that he is using is only making it much WORSER. ;o

from enfinblue :

OOps, I meant ambitious. :) Any way you slice it, I need to figure this one out for myself. And it is difficult. I feel a bit of irrational heartache.

from enfinblue :

PS If you can believe it I was just looking at tickets to Dublin. I probably should just stay at home, and go to Italy in April instead. :) I think that it would be ambitius for me to go to Italy looking for a husband over Christmas. :)

from enfinblue :

Oh fifi, I don't understand your most recent entry, but I'm sorry! Thanks for your note, my friend. I'm afraid I've chickened out this time. I'm not sure why. I think I was just surprised that M. is not going to be there. I guess I just sort of thought he'd likely be there for a day or two at least. And now I'm not sure what to do. Stupid me. :( I know it shouldn't be about him.

from enfinblue :

Fifi, I just read your note to Anna, and as always you give the best advice! I wish I had your way of seeing things.

from enfinblue :

Ha ha! So good to be in such FINE company with at least one of my CDs. :)

from somaserious :

I love to swear. Love it! Here's a good one: shitfuckpisscockcuntwhore. Works everytime. That's a great deer story. I love those magical moments. And I know what you mean about being at everyone's beck and call. it really seems like that sometime. Someone's servant. Sucks! Keep on truckin', fifi. xoxoxosoms

from enfinblue :

Thanks, Fifi! You're so sweet. I'm totally fine. I just had to laugh. I think I found the one patch of ice in all of Ottawa. I used to run on SOLID ice all over the place and rarely fell. Oops! I'm getting old! And not so agile! :)

from enfinblue :

EXACTLY!! :) And YOU'RE the one who rocks!

from enfinblue :

Fifi! Of course I figured that you must have either found a VERY good sale, or that you had to dole out more $. If you have it! :) I DID watch the video. It looked cute but I'm not convinced that this sort of a show would make money. Not sure. And of course you never know if she embellished the story. (PS I think that someone should tell her that she does NOT look 22. :)) I mean, I look young for my age but I am not delusional enough to think that I look the same as early-20s people.

from enfinblue :

That's so funny, Fifi! Actually, I love loosey, flowy things - so pretty - but when I put them on I look like a little girl in a nightie! It's not that I don't have bazoomies - I'm about a C now - but that I have quite a narrow bone structure (small shoulders, small rib cage, etc.). So I find that looser things often overwhelm me! Still, I wear loose shirts with a tailored cardigan, say, or loose menswear trousers, or a flowy skirt (occasionally!) It sounds likely that your purchases were pretty and creative! How I miss creative - I think that my job has dulled my style significantly of late. :( I can't wait to go to Italy next year and throw on the colour!

from idontpretend :

/Tendles

from idontpretend :

I have no idea what you just said. =D

from idontpretend :

Oh snap! I had a lot on my mind when I wrote my note, completely forgot the question. xD I just turned 33. Why do I get the feeling yer French? =]

from idontpretend :

Hi there Fifi. Thank you for your note. I read back a few of your entries and you seem like a very interesting person. =D

from enfinblue :

Fifi, I just love that you said you are an egotist, even though you are not! Also, I liked what you said about also being shy and thinking you don't exist. Probably it is something that most people feel at times, just as you say. Hello Kitty humidity...here I come!

from saudades :

Fifi, thank you for what you said in your note. It means so much to know people as centered and wise as you have some faith in me. It means a lot to me. I am glad you had a nice holidette. I have no idea what Pikesville(I was going to type out Peskeville, but I went back and checked) Rye is. And why can you only find it in Maryland? I'm always learning new and sophisticated things in your diary.

from fling-poo :

Thanks for your note Fifi! Nah, didn't think you were yelling at me at all and I really appreciated your thoughts... I actually think about them quite a bit. If more people were gave constructive comments such as yours the world would be a much better place!!

from enfinblue :

Fifi! Hi! Hi! HI! I hope you don't think that I meant that I haven't appreciated your advice SOOOO MUCH over time. Your advice has always been so wonderful and helpful. I like you so much. What I was writing is just that for a little while - a few weeks, months, not sure... - I've realized that I need to take responsibility for myself and take more bold steps to get the life that I want. (Or soft steps, if these be required.) I think you know what I mean. It's about figuring out what I really want and how I want to get it. :)

from saudades :

Hi Miss Fifi! Well, I understand what you mean about the cold winter weather being refreshing. It's been colder than normal for this time of the year around here, and it definitely cleans my lungs. Other than that, so nice to have some refreshing drink and merriment. On weekdays too. ;) Reading your diary is always exciting. It's like being the invitee inside the world of the song" Magical Mystery Tour. "Like my sister says, "Kawaii!"

from enfinblue :

Fifi...You've been so kind to me through the ages that I get so much comfort just from thinking, "What would Fifi do in this situation? What would she say?" Honestly, I wish I'd collected them all together and made a Fifi guide-book to fun and frivolity, and most of all friendship! You are awesome. I will be back again soon, but I need to shake up my brain and, well, take a "life coffee break." :) You're special.

from enfinblue :

Thanks, Fifi. You're exactly right. Do you know what it is? It's quite simply that I'm incredibly lonely. M. reminded me of what I'm missing, and now I know that it will be a long time before I have someone to talk to on a deep level again.

from raven72d :

I always loved Branford and Madison...

from enfinblue :

PS I doubt that you are a spoilt brat - everyone sometimes needs just a little window of space to oneself...and then everything else regularizes itself. Don't you think?

from enfinblue :

Fifi! I have to say that I owe you a great debt of gratitude. For it is you who finally got through to me. Honestly, the just loving yourself thing has eluded me for so long...because I was seeking a body of evidence to demonstrate that this was reasonable. You completely dispelled that. I really trust and believe what you say. Thank you.

from enfinblue :

Well, especially, I would like to be more like you. You really are a deeply, deeply intelligent person, whatever you say to the contrary.

from enfinblue :

Thanks, Fifi. You're right and I agree: I'm not broken! I just have moments of panic, I think, in which I think I'm different from other women and wish I could be more like them. :)

from saudades :

Thank you Fifi. Yes, she is younger, but you wouldn't know it from the way she treats me most of the time.

from enfinblue :

FIfi, Your advice was so wise that I have to read it again. It's very rich and unexpected in a way. I wish I could follow through. It is difficult to remember to not be the same all the time, i.e. to break bad habits. :) Sorry that you are still feeling so tired. Hope you are sleeping well today.

from somaserious :

Of COURSE I know what you mean, dear! And it's so true and bothers me to no end. Everyone seems to "forget" that we have an end. It's not pretty to think about, but you might as well be as prepared as you can. Thank you so much for the note. Hope all is well in your life. xoxox,soms

from enfinblue :

Fifi! Thanks! It's funny that I could not see it, but I really am completely smashed to pieces. There has been too much going on lately, and my brain has been running on high. I need to relax. DOH! Hope you are having a great weekend.

from swimmmer72 :

Yeah, you have that right! I usually BUILD into obnoxiousness, and, to be honest, that isn't really an obnoxious topic. I'll work on that for you! :)

from enfinblue :

Oh Miss Fifi, I am afraid that I cannot see Biba's pick! But that is great about the communication realization. That is so important. I had some revelations today, myself. I am sorry about staying away from your comments, but I have to admit that a certain person gets on my nerves. My apologies.

from enfinblue :

Fifi!!!! First, I love your pictures. It is wonderful that you are sharing these pictures. They actually remind me of what I love about North America! And second, thank you as always for your completely BRILL note! I struggle so much. I have to learn to keep the mindset of feeling beautiful no matter what I look like. I know that that is the secret but I just cannot seem to sustain it!!!

from saudades :

Thanks Fifi, you flatter me.

from enfinblue :

Thanks, Fifi. I think you can imagine how devastated I feel. But it's a stupid feeling and I'm too emotional. It was a nice moment in time back in May, and you can't hold moments in time forever. And he's been writing to me every day whilst on tour this week and sounded genuinely happy to hear from me today, so it's not an, "I never want to see this person again." Whatever it is, it shouldn't matter. I wish I didn't feel otherwise. But I will get over it.

from swimmmer72 :

Thank you, dear Fifi, for your very nice comment. It is especially meaningful as I've never known you to say anything you don't mean. Your spirit and willingness to just be yourself definitely endears you to many, many people, both at D-land and elsewhere. You are absolutely one of the reasons I stay here! XOXO:)

from enfinblue :

Fifi, Thanks for your note. That was very kind. But are you suggesting that I'm going to play with young men (or old men!). I did at least register for an art course in order to cover my tracks. ;-)

from saudades :

Fifi, I so agree with you. I hope I can make a clear decision on election day. I worry about the future of the country, since things are so rough today. You know what I thought about? Maybe you can bring BiBi some chocolates or other munchies one day and see if she spends more time eating them, instead of yapping. But I bet that'd be a chocolate factory to achieve that result... ;)

from saudades :

Hi Fifi , I sent you the password. Let me know if it still doesn't work. Love, Ana.

from enfinblue :

Dear Fifi, I haven't read your entry yet, but I take it from BoXx's note that you have a headache. Sorry to hear it. Feel better! You are right (yowza! - you make me laugh!), I had a good time. Honestly, people always think that I am an extrovert, because at a party I am actually very lively. I guess I figure that if I'm at a party I might as well have fun! :)

from boxx9000 :

I tried to leave you a comment, but it keeps saying I am a spammer! Sorry about your headache. I used to get migraines. Do you know what causes yours? Mine were ruled by my cycles which was also the first f the month when the mortgage was due. I used to say they were connected to having to write that check. hehehe. Sometimes caffeine helped, sometimes drinking LOTS of water helped. Usually, they just had to run their course once they started. 3 days in a darkened room, puking and wishing I would die so I could get some relief. I hear doctors have some good meds these days tho. Have you tried any prescription meds? I hope you are feeling better soon. FISH PICS, YES!

from deareddie :

I will never be as entertaining as I wish I were. Hallo, fifi. Housesitter is all nonsense. Sorry. Get cheese and chocolate and... blast. You can't come over to drink new co-op wines with me. I was even being daring and going against all snobbery with whites. Albeit, organic ones. Nonetheless, you may picture me waiting under the apricot trees on the patio next to the lilacs. (None of which are in bloom, but thankfully we have plenty of imagination.) xoxo

from enfinblue :

OK, you made me laugh AGAIN! Only you would think of canaries! You're SOO imaginative. I wish I had your lively mind. It's a wonderful gift. And THANKS! A LOT! I think I'm going to get drunk now myself. :)

from enfinblue :

Fifi! It was so kind of you to tell me that you cry at Orkplace sometimes too! Thanks. :) Though I don't want to hear about you crying. With me, I just feel like it is some deficiency with me. I'm too sensitive. I always interpret things as me being undervalued. I'm going to try to do better! I love peanut butter! Biba must like it, too. It's a GREAT comfort food! I think I overdosed though. By the way, I forgot to tell you that I LOVED your renaming of the quarters. THAT cracked me up.

from lumenatrix :

Thanks so much for the kind note, Fifi. I hope you have a wonderful vacation. :)

from saudades :

I miss you Fifi! I hope you get the computer sorted out soon, and that you're doing well.

from somaserious :

Ha! Now go crap your hands and don't forget to check out the store that has tested to tinkle your heart. Apparently if you go to the website engrish.com there are many more lewd views. I plan to go today!!! Your adventures are grand, m'dear. Keep writing about them so that I may live vicariously thru your elation. That's quite a sentence... xoxo,soms

from enfinblue :

That's wonderful - we're happy to share. :)

from enfinblue :

I was just teasing you. :) I must say that my eyebrows need a lighted set of tweezers! They are too strong, though in a way that is kind of good. They used to be even more like caterpillars, but it is true what they say - they never grow back fully once you really go to town on them. :)

from enfinblue :

Fifi, I totally understand what you're feeling. I think of it as simply being out of equilibrium. You had a tough weekend. You'll reequilibriate again very soon! I'm glad that you are at least getting some sleep. I have not been getting enough (bad me!). I'm going to close my eyes and have a Ginestra daydream. :)

from enfinblue :

Oh Fifi, there must be some bad water in the universe or something. I had a panic attack an hour ago, because C. hadn't responded to my emails today, or to the call to his house. I went over there to see if he was OK and he was just taking a nap! (And mad at me for waking him up.) But I always worry about someone when they change their routine and I don't hear from them. I was so scared! It really made me think about how lonely I would be without my best friend. Anyhow. I am glad that you are doing well. I think that thinking is mostly good, but it can sometimes bring on great, great misery. :(

from enfinblue :

I'm glad that you're doing better. It sounds like your weekend would push everyone over the top. :) Happy wishes for today. And PS it's "dill." EEEK

from swimmmer72 :

FYI: Fifi, I don't know if you remember, but back when you were asking about perennials, I had mentioned Stargazer lilies and you had replied that you weren't familiar with them (or something like that). Anyway, MzBoxx has pictures of them on her site this AM - the big pink and white one. Very fragrant and will come back year after year! Just in case you're still interested. :)

from enfinblue :

Fifi, I know exactly what you mean. Last week or so she was talking about not being able to pay her cell phone bill over the phone with her credit card. About a month ago she was talking about how she no longer had any credit cards. Who knows! But still...

from enfinblue :

Did you see that a certain someone is doing better??? She seems to have finally figured out that you have to take responsibility for so many things. All I can say is...I feel so much gladness. I hope that she will be healthier from now on! I always feel so happy to know that people can figure things out, that things can be better. We can choose! Choice is delightful, non? :) xxx

from raven72d :

Thank you, lovely Fifi!

from enfinblue :

It is a lovely dress. Perhaps I'll use my new sewing machine to make it. Then again, maybe there'll be a sale in Italia! ;-)

from manfromvenus :

Idiosyncratic rather than bizarre, eh? Is that like how poor people are mad, but rich people are eccentric? One day I hope to have made amassed enough loot to qualify as eccentric... Of course, if you're going to have your own planet, you can be as unconventional as you like! (Put me down for a pleated pink spacesuit.)

from swimmmer72 :

I agree completely. Sometimes, there is a volatility involved that makes an expiration date a foregone conclusion. Not an if, but rather, a when and how. And, you're also right about loss. A loss usually will transfer into a gain somewhere else. That's definitely the case with me, but it helped that I was ready to accept it for what it was. Thanks for the note, Fifi! :)

from enfinblue :

That's definitely a double-dog dare. You raise an interesting point. In fact I just heard some guy on the radio with some postal service who is trying to get permission to wear a kilt all the time to work with his uniform, since when he is driving a truck everything "bunches up." Honestly, I'd just like to be fast. Tour d3 F fast. I would LOOOOOOOVE that. :) (Your garden and Biba's cheery attitude are so lovely to hear about. :))

from enfinblue :

Thanks, Fifi. You're an angel to me. xx

from manfromvenus :

My patented Fabometer features a single scale, labelled from "sucky" from "awesome". You just broke it, the needle flying off the scale and embedding itself in the wall to the right. Thanks so much. Love! MFVx

from enfinblue :

Mme. Fifi you never have to write my endless entries. :) I always enjoy touching base with you though. So glad that you had a good night. (Have never had a sloe gin fizz though I know I've seen one before.)

from manfromvenus :

One good add deserves another... about time we stopped just reading each others' diaries and started to converse. I suspect I was just being terribly English about the whole thing, and waiting to be introduced!

from saudades :

I know, there must be hope! Some of the problem in many places is that people don't think things can change. And that's a defeatist mentality, and that doesn't work for a better future. But... Oh, I will go vote in November and hope it's for the best! <3

from haloaskew :

Awww...thank you, thank you! And I love the nickname "Skewey"! MWAH, darling!

from enfinblue :

Oh my lord, you totally make me want to start calling myself "person!" I mean "Person!" :)

from saudades :

You're welcome, Fifi! Three hurrahs for a happy day. :)

from saudades :

Fifi, Fifi, you need some time for yourself. Everyone wants to spend time with you, though. :) Of that I am sure. I'm bad at leaving notes, but I just want to say I'm thinking of you and sending you many happy vibes. Hopefully soon you'll have time to spend with yourself that you will enjoy a lot! <3

from manfromvenus :

Ah, so it's you that caused the massive spike in page views for today? Well, I hope you enjoyed all 25,000 words of it. And thanks for saying I'm sane... it means a lot to me! MFVxx

from manfromvenus :

Hi, fifidellabon! I hate to admit I remember such dross, but... "A writer writes, always" is a line from 'Throw Mama From a Train.' (Billy Crystal plays a writing class instructor, and we see him at work.)

from enfinblue :

Ahhh THAT town! I've never been there but you must go - the people there must be *vibrating* with positive energy! Whheeeeeeee! They occasionally do pieces on the CBeeC about towns with unusual names, though I can't remember how this one was named!!!

from enfinblue :

Yay about the ferries! You know, I'm quite envious of you - I think that next summer I might just have to take a similar trip myself. I think I'm being obtuse but I don't know which town?

from enfinblue :

I will definitely show a pic of the pirate dress when it arrives. :)

from somaserious :

I'd hate to see what would happen if you were really bored... xoxox,soms

from enfinblue :

Yes, I figured that you would know. :) I do love commenting. And I do love your dog puzzle. So cute. I hope you are well and not feeling so burned out at the moment!

from enfinblue :

Thanks, Fifi. I will try to hold off on selling the bicycle. It is true that I might want it more next year. :)

from saudades :

Awesomeness. What a great poem. <3

from somaserious :

My dear, drunk fifi. You've a special place in my heart and I must see what this House Dress looks like! At least give me a pattern already. You've inspired me to make clothing, although I have yet to break out the sewing machine. Clothes are so much fun:)BTW, we just had a lady deer right in our back yard! Took a picture and will post it soon. drink well and run those stairs! xoxoxo,soms

from raven72d :

Small hawks are named Ozymandias; small marmots are named Esquival. And little prairie dogs are named...Smaug. It makes them feel vur' dragon-like.

from raven72d :

High cathedral windows with stained glass... I like the doves' name.

from enfinblue :

Fifi, you rock!

from enfinblue :

Well, we'll see how long this lasts! Hope you are well...now to go and read your entry. :)

from boxx9000 :

I'll send you my snail mail addy but I don't have your email addy. My email is [email protected].

from saudades :

Love to you, too, Fifi! I hope the day gets better. So here's a ((bear hug)) from me to you.

from enfinblue :

Fifi, I'm so sorry to hear that you are sad. I'm doing OK - just frustrated that I can't figure out the next step, what to do. :) On balance though everything is good.

from saudades :

Thank you Fifi! You're a dear! If you're bossy, then I'm bossy too. Hehe. I miss my cat Saxophone - he used to walk me to school in the dark!! He would have liked meeting Pat the Cat. Two smart cats.

from enfinblue :

Fifi! No, you know, I really do think too much. I think that I think instead of do, especially as concerns getting involved with other people. I keep myself apart, because I find it more pleasant to observe people than to let them use me. :) Oh and the red shoes are too clunky for angels - peep toe wedges. But they have flowers on the inside! Really, the linings are prettier than the outsides of the shoes. :)

from enfinblue :

Fifi, how eerie!! I just woke up and had dreams about grandmonthers, not even mine. I was going to write an entry about it. Gee I love that there are others like me. I think it's one reason why I don't like my job - I really don't like being on the spot. Interestingly though, I'm quite good at giving speeches, presentations. But I think that that's because in my mind those things are about the *information* and not about me. Plus, I like to make people laugh. It cracks me up. :) Hope you have a great day!!

from enfinblue :

Fifi! You know, we all want bodies that we do not have. I would love to have a body like yours - all curvy and feminine. I have horrible, dreadful breasts. Really. I feel so unfeminine sometimes. It's on account of the running. And I have no hips! I find that it is quite young women who make comments to me and give me looks, and I feel sorry for them because they have been made to feel insecure about their shapes. :( I'm sure that you're a super-fun dresser! I want to have more fun, sometimes, but then I also can't stand to be the centre of attention. It's something I don't often tell people, but I really do prefer to go unnoticed. It's one of the reasons why even if I were to get married...I'd never have a wedding. I can't stand to have all eyes on me. :)

from enfinblue :

Fifi! Really, I don't dress THAT well, and I don't think my figure is that great. I think that unfortunately women think that there's a certain body that is ideal. It's not their fault. I wish that a curvier woman were more the ideal.

from saudades :

I can't raise my eyebrows one by one, either! I also can't move my nose. But I can close one eye and have the other one open without blinking. Cool, huh?

from raven72d :

Aha! I try to appear magically... And I love Sazeracs.

from raven72d :

"Self-involved is the new mauve..." I can't recall where I heard that, but I love the line. I'm listening to David Sylvian's "Brilliant Trees" right now... What are *your* weekend plans?

from enfinblue :

Low blood sugar and inadequate sleep! Did you get a star on your h3llo kitty calendar last night?? Well, I'm going to telepathically send you some jolly today. You're probably just on the down side of a big high from last week. :) Hugs!!!

from enfinblue :

Fifi! It's so great that you've been filling up with new music - I admire your consistent growing!

from swimmmer72 :

Thanks!!! May I NEVER bore you!!

from enfinblue :

PS Could it have something to do with job classification? :) Oh and congratulations to Biba on her achievements! :)

from enfinblue :

Thanks, my friend. The dress makes me feel so powerful!

from somaserious :

Ooo, fifster, you're so very secretive!!! I love it! That sounded like a fabulous party. That's one thing I miss, parties. When we move I shall have lots of them, of course if we have the room....and a backyard... xoxo,soms

from enfinblue :

Fifi! You have no idea how much I adore your wonderfulness! Yes, that was a very boneheaded thing to do! Let the fun begin, indeed. I hope that you have a delightful weekend. :)

from raven72d :

Thanks muchly for the kind thoughts, Ms. Fifi... And I hope you will go back and re-do the memories of moons and skies. No one ever needs to be shy around me.

from swimmmer72 :

re: two cars. Both cars serve different purposes. The Supra is my summer-only car, and despite being an '87, it's in good shape as I take it off the road in the winter. The Saturn is my all-purpose/road trip/winter car, and since I put less than 5K miles on both, my thoughts are that it is cheaper to maintain them than to buy a new one. I haven't had car payments since 1988, which would be my justification. Besides, I've been through so much with both, until they literally fall apart in my driveway, I'm not getting rid of them! :)

from enfinblue :

I totally agree -- would be a bad idea to intervene. I wish just send her positive vibes re. standing on her own feet! :) Road trip it is. I just ran with C. and he thinks that we should do this.

from enfinblue :

Well, honestly, I feel badly for being uncharitable. It is very clear though that her life history has led to a very distorted picture of what relationships are about. I just hope that somehow she can heal. :)

from enfinblue :

Honestly, I am very tempted instead of the nice person notes I've left to encourage her to leave a tough-love note saying, "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!!!??"

from enfinblue :

Oh my goodness...now I know that she is completely mad. She's talking about being a victim to some guy because he *should* be giving her *his* money because he said both that he would and that he loved her (on the second date?!) even though he didn't, this being some guy she has known for, what, four weeks including guy avoiding phone calls time...um...I hardly know what to say. I feel so sorry for that woman. She has no grip on anything but how to be a victim. That is so sad. So sad. I really don't feel that badly about myself at the moment.

from enfinblue :

Oh I see now. Sorry for mentioning the name! Yes, I believe that G is a bit of a trainwreck, if only because she doesn't seem to want to learn new patterns. But then I know a bit of this, as it is so difficult to change one's thinking for good! :)

from enfinblue :

Oh what a divine attitude! Make something crummy useful for you! I should do the same in Ottawa! :) I just love stair gasping. It really does make one puff like a locomotive, but what a great feeling to get to the top! I should climb M@chu P!cchu next year. Or some year. :)

from enfinblue :

Thanks, Fifi! You know, every time I look at your diary page it makes me smile. ("Yap yap yap!" :)) I think that C. is right though that I'm too obsessively neurotic about these things. I really never stop thinking, and it's hard not for me to constantly question and try to find greater happiness. I think he's heard me debate too much over the years. He actually had good advice about not overthinking this and just letting things go. I think that a good balance of thinking and letting go actually *will* help me to work this out. :)

from annanotbob :

I like Betty Macdonald - 'The Egg and I', anything by Monica Dickens, especially 'The Fancy' xx couldn't read the words to leave a comment xx

from enfinblue :

But thanks though for caring! I can get so paranoid, unfortunately.

from enfinblue :

Fifi! DOn't scare me. I feel better now and am doing fine - was at work all day, am not dizzy, etc. I can't go to a clinic tomorrow as I have to be at a programming course. I don't think I'll go to a doc unless something changes.

from raven72d :

Are you a Jack Chick aficionado?

from raven72d :

Simon Raven. You must read Simon Raven. And Chas. Finney's "Circus of Dr. Lao"...

from raven72d :

And what are your favourite obscure books?

from raven72d :

Thunderstorms! We need more of them all summer... and more obscure yet delightful books.

from enfinblue :

PS Fifi, it is hotter than hades in Ottawa! Unfortunately it was really chilly in Vancouver though (less than 50 degrees and raining, mostly). Ugh! Here it is humid and 90, as it usually is in the summer. And my apartment doesn't have air conditioning so it is HORRIBLE!

from enfinblue :

Thanks, Fifi. Really though I didn't finish a lot of things, I've figured out mostly now because I didn't have the confidence to realize and accept that whatever I could do was good enough, if I was doing my best. I could never face being average or not perfect. It is reall horrible. I lacked the confidence to just psh through, expose my real efforts. I wish so much that I could change things. BUt now all I can do, now that I am stronger, is to try to learn from this and not repeat the pattern. Hope you have a daffodil day!

from enfinblue :

Thank you for offering comfort to me, dear Fifi. I did seize as much fun as I could at the conference - in the form of flirtation with many many old friends, and lots and lots of wine. (Practising.) Still, it was a difficult and trying weekend (starting and ending with mind numbing hours of travel with the senior economist ;-)). I am home now, however, and -shockingly - I am likely to NOT go to work tomorrow. :)

from saudades :

Chaperoning kids in a zoo? Oh, brave one! Glad you had fun. :)

from enfinblue :

Somehow I'm guessing he didn't mean the car. I'm mostly done packing. Phew. I really hope I don't have to sit with him on the plane. He always wears his pants too tight. UGH. Anyhow...I need to go and apologize to Basil again. Maybe I'll sing to him.

from enfinblue :

I didn't mean it that way. :) Sorry!

from enfinblue :

Oops! Now I get it - you feel like me because I update all the time! It's true, I update too much. I just have too many words - I feel I need to release the pressure or my brain will explode. :) Thanks for the reassurance - I will call it "journey pride" and will get excited (or medicated). :)

from enfinblue :

By the way, Fifi, I forgot to mention that the pool from a couple of days ago is called an infinity pool. But I like your take on it. :)

from raven72d :

Everyone should travel with a small Pembrokeshire Welsh Corgi or a vur' wise little basset hound. Alas, though: there's no chance of being around attractive persons of the desired gender and not feeling pressure...envy, competition, and depression are just built in. And what, pray tell, is La Scopa?

from enfinblue :

Oh yeah! I almost forgot. I think that the SE has an even more annoying thing about me - he wants to feel that I think he is hot. I actually don't think he would ever dare to hit on me. Objectively, he actually is quite good looking...but my goodness is he too much of an idiot to be even remotely attractive to me.

from enfinblue :

Fifi, you really are the most special person. I know that you care. :) Do you know what? Cilantro hasn't always been my favourite! When I was younger I thought it tasted like soap, but I quite like it in things now. Your garden must be incredible. I can't wait until I can have one. Maybe I should take the inspiration and plant a proper window garden/garden for my balcony. Hmm...

from raven72d :

Indeed I did...

from raven72d :

I'm a SMWA member, so I make a point of buying their bottlings...

from enfinblue :

Fifi, no worries - you never have to respond to my entries! Glad you've had such a great weekend. Church was nice. I will have to go back again to test it out a little bit more, but it's a start. Perhaps I should also try a couple of others, too. :)

from raven72d :

We must discuss single-malts soon... Are you a Tomintoul fan?

from somaserious :

I do love a good ramble....that part of the "nut" on the hand, just below the thumb, is called the thenar emminence. Ooo, how geeky am I? It's so beefy! Or nutty...I'm updating today! xoxosoms

from raven72d :

Corona bottles...many wicked stories...

from raven72d :

Never had Dallas Dhu... I'm a fan of Dalmore and Isle of Jura... But good wishes are always appreciated... Do feel invited to explore the archives...

from enfinblue :

Excellent! I am in full agreement. I am going to book it. SOOOOOO excited.

from enfinblue :

Thanks, Fifi! Did you catch the pics that I added? Maybe I should make a new entry! :)

from enfinblue :

Oh Mme. Fifi, you are far too kind in your assessment of me. :)

from raven72d :

Easthampton... I remember Easthampton...

from raven72d :

A girl who quotes Renault gets many points from me...

from raven72d :

I'd love cinnamon toast tomorrow morning...

from enfinblue :

Oh but I thought your note was gentle and truthful. I'm sure that she won't believe it but it was a good note.

from enfinblue :

Oh no no, I don't think I've called you exquisite. To be honest, no matter what, I can't help but feel sorry for her. She is not willing to take the time to build her own spiritual calm, her own security...so she is going to end up with a loser. I hate to say that, but no matter how you slice it he can't be cool. She's too vulnerable to attract the right guy right now. And I haven't had a boyfriend who could get away with telling me to change my body in any way since I was 23, and we all know how pathetic my taste has been in men in recent years. :) Sigh. I just see another crash coming for her. A serious one. I keep hoping with every one that she will stand up and try to build the kind of stability that she says she wants, internally - not by having someone else magically appear and donate it to her. I do feel sad by it.

from raven72d :

Indeed: studying History. And Int'l Relations. You? Were you a...Stiles girl? A J.E. girl?

from enfinblue :

I wish I could. :) I ate 300g of chocolate between last night and noon today and it is all gone. And I finished off all but three of my strawberries when I got home from work today. I'll try that out this weekend though - thanks! PS I'll be sure not to call you "exquisite" in future. :)

from raven72d :

What were you doing in NHCT? I miss iced coffee at Naples...

from raven72d :

Dear God--- I miss Durfee's and Clark's. I miss Clare's... I miss Naples Pizza, too! Mamoun's...I can't imagine that it moved: perfect place for late-night Levantine food... What were you doing in NHCT? Do we both have a class ring from there?

from enfinblue :

Well, to be fair, a friend had made it for him for a birthday celebration (probably a joke) at work. But he kept it! ICK!

from raven72d :

i hope you will e-mail me one day soon...

from raven72d :

I used to travel... I seem to have developed a phobia about flying (and about airport security)... I think what I mean is that I'm convinced I'll never have the money again to do hotels and room service. A PhD plus a law degree, and I make less than I was fifteen years ago. I can't imagine traveling again...or staying in a hotel, let alone with room service and courtesans...

from enfinblue :

PS Fifi - loved what you said to saudades about what makes a good life. Lovely.

from enfinblue :

Oh there's never really anything to worry about with me. I just have a few problems that cause me to dip every now and then, but that I always swing back from quickly. Call me a yo-yo if you like. I just need to feel a bit more confident I think, and then all will be good. :) Can't wait for the post!

from enfinblue :

Thanks for sharing your secret! (ALthough I do wish that I also made oogabs of money! That would be nice. :) Then I would move to Italy to open an art school. Of course I would need some qualifications first. Or maybe some people with qualifications. One day... :)) I really like that "royally intercoursed" expression, too. It is a good one!

from saudades :

Fifi, I love your definition, it's so true; sometimes I forget about the relationship with God, which is so important (for me). Brings so much peace, thanks for saying this to me!! :D Big hugs.

from raven72d :

Hmmm... "Ravers"... Actually, I always use what an online Japanese Name Generator assures me is my Japanese Name: Eduardo de Guzman, or Eduardo-kun.

from raven72d :

Hmmmm... what cultural references are you missing? What is ahppening in the rest o' the country that you're missing? One day I must inquire into your own history...

from swimmmer72 :

royally intercoursed? I think I've been there, too, except it felt more like heathenly intercoursed at the time... You do great notes. :p

from enfinblue :

Oh Fifi, how embarrassing. I really lost it last night/this morning. Let's call it post-Italy backlash. I want to change and yet I fear doing it. I have never been good at asking for what I deserve, which is why I never get the things that I deserve. It is difficult. I saw this in black and white today. And it's the same whenever I date. It's so sad. I always why anyone would ever be nice to me. Not nice. Hope you had a great day!!!

from raven72d :

I want a club sammich (no cheese, no tomato) and an ice-cold Dos Equis from room service. It has to come from Room Service.

from raven72d :

Belinda Carlisle--- yes!

from raven72d :

As we learned from "Cowboy Bebop", small corgis are excellent at spherical trigonometry and interplanetary navigation.

from raven72d :

I want a puppy named Spot--- or a small corgi named Burton.

from raven72d :

To a Latin Mass, I hope.

from raven72d :

Tell me about the books in Magyar...

from raven72d :

Actually I'm...German-Scots-French-Catalan-Slovene... But according to an On Line Japanese Name Generator, my Japanese Name is...Eduardo de Guzman.

from raven72d :

I do French and German and bits o' Hungarian and Russian and Latin, but I used to tell students that there were only two languages: English and Foreign ("Gibberish"). Well... also Japanese and Volapuk. Everyone needs to know Volapuk

from enfinblue :

You make a good point, DMacD! For sure, I am grateful that he feels that way about me. I can feel a certain clarity about my own feelings as a result. As long as I am realistic about the limitations of such feelings. You are correct though, as always, to take these things as gifts, and also harbingers of the potential of the future! I've been thinking quite a bit lately about what you said about forgiving yourself just before you met Ned. I think I'm trying to do that. For sure I am trying to get in touch with the side of me that is the best in any human being - that which can accept and love others and herself without thinking! (Without being too heavy or losing one's sense of humour or willingness to get drunk and silly often, of course! :)) Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

from raven72d :

Everyone should of course speak English, though with an accent to indicate Foreign-ness...

from raven72d :

Drunk is good. Yes--- I am complex... And what is your first language? (I'm far away from the smoke...)

from mariastuart :

Fiddlehead ferns, Can you believe me that I had to google it? I've never heard of it before!

from swimmmer72 :

Well, thanks for the compliment, even if it was originally meant for another! Does that mean I'm NOT actually on the good list? :)

from swimmmer72 :

re: Pee Ess Too - Yes, I completely agree!! And Pee Ess - I LOVE your alcohol enhanced entries! :)

from enfinblue :

Fifi-o-riffic, you crack me up! What are you still doing up? Oh yeah - same as me - enjoying a drink. :) Have a great night!! (Can't wait to see the drunk post.)

from raven72d :

Glad to hear you're doing well.

from somaserious :

Cold-cocked is definitely the right word, although I believe it's used when you surprise someone with a punch. Even better, I say. Thank you so much for your words. In fact, I've gotten so much positive feedback. I feel so enraged right now. In karate speak, he stole my chi and that's not okay. I feel so violated and knocked down. That is not how your dojo mates are supposed to make you feel. There is so much respect in our dojo and to have this man come in and disregard not only our style but how he trains with us is unwarranted. The thing is, it was a power thing. After that episode he just kept picking away at me and I got madder and madder and just fell apart. I wanted to badly to take him down and put him in an armbar, but felt that wasn't the right way to go about it. Now, I believe I would have been absolutely right in doing something to knock him down, both physically and mentally. I'm going to set up a meeting with this man in my Sensei's office to have a chat. Maybe then I can knock him down a bit. Although vengence is so unhealthy! Bah! xoxoxo to the max, soms pee ess, you can come up anytime to saw off his balls with a rusty spoon. I'll even show you how to make him submit!

from enfinblue :

I hope that it is not going to be years! :) Thanks!

from all-on-paper :

Thanks for your comment. Luckily things have calmed down and everyone finally left. It just needs to stay that way for a few more months, at least. ;)

from enfinblue :

Fifi, thanks! I appreciate the encouragement. I don't know what is going on today but I wish you luck with it. Hugs. xoxox

from enfinblue :

Yeah, it's really amazing how stress can kick the digestive system. In a way I'm quite grateful that I did the experiment of going away, because I was starting to think that there was something really wrong with me. But my gut was perfect there. Hmm...So obviously yoga or something might help. Have you tried that? I'm so sorry to hear that your proximate cause is the same as mine. I thought that you at least somewhat liked your job situation. And at least you are paid well. :) No joke though - I am sorry that you feel the same way. It is not pleasant. Life is too beautiful to be squandered on stress. :)

from mariastuart :

Oh, you are too sweet :) Thank you for your picture comment.

from deepest-blue :

So, hi. I don't really have a whole lot to say in response to your note but thought I should acknowledge it. Your judgements/opinions are welcomed but not taken onboard to be honest... many people make the mistake of making judgements based on the small part of my life that I choose to share on my blog. I also disagree with a couple of things that you have raised, but that's of no consequence really; we all have our own views.

from enfinblue :

You're so beautiful, you Euro-mutt. :) Yes, I will try not to be sad. I'll now turn to worrying about my flight. :)

from saudades :

Thank you, Fifi. ((Hugs))

from somaserious :

Ah, fifi, yer poor belly. You seem to be sick a lot, or is it just me? Yes, unique adventure indeed. And perhaps the last time I venture into the poopy truck with an open window...Hope to see you hurl-free quickly. The intercostal pulls can be rather nasty...put some ice on it. xoxoxo,soms

from enfinblue :

Oh I know. I have never met a Canadian dude who quite had what I was looking for. This guy is so open and emotional and so...frank. And even when he was looking "casual" oh my how hot. Those Italians know how to dress. Oh it is delightful. Anyhow. A great little adventure. Let's hope I don't start to get so depressed when I get back to Ottawa to the dudmeisters there. I don't know if I wrote about it yesterday but some accountant who asked me a bunch of introductory questions about my "financial prudence" had the dating system send me a "nudge" pressure thing to respond to him. I'm sure that there are some nice NA dudes but it seems that so many of them simply don't understand that life is to be lived. I cross my fingers, nevertheless. Take care and feel heaps better!

from mariastuart :

I can imagine that you are a bit curious, I'm still thinking about how I can tell the whole story on a way that it doesn't sound too "wrong". Don't worry, I know myself, I won't be able to keep my lips sealed forever :)

from mariastuart :

Lovely isn't it, all those entries of our diaryland friends! I hope you will feel better soon! BTW:Nightmares aren't fun at all, I have them a lot from time to time. We need crazy and lovely dreams so we can wake up and smile the whole day!

from enfinblue :

Thanks so much, Fifi! I'm doing my sad sack foolishness today, and already I feel stupid about it. I need a bubble dress! I actually went shopping today after the Bargello and I couldn't find anything except the hottest black dress ever. I decided against buying it though because..really, do I need another black dress? And I don't even think black looks that great on me anymore. Oh well, I still have a couple more days of shopping. You know, every time I tip a drink I think of you. :)

from enfinblue :

You're so lovely!! Yes, it has been so funny. I am the unlikeliest of enchantresses! So funny though but the s3x-soaked Italian landscape had me out today to buy the skimpiest cute-tastic white and yellow top with straps and the cutest flower thingy. It won't translate to Ottawa but whilst in Italy...I'm going to Italian it up. Gosh I love this place. And re. the Americans - I really do love Americans, it's just that sometimes they make absolutely no sense. Frankly, they were putting such a downer on my lunch! I had sat down at that end of the table - we were a pretty big group yesterday - because, well, I can talk to anyone. And I ended up having a reasonable conversation with the girl next to me, who was not associated with the group - although, frankly, it did puzzle me that she had come to Florence to study English writers in Florence and when I started to discuss with her she seemed to have only read two books all semester :) - but the other ones really were the stereotypical sadly dumb North Americans. It was rather pitiable. GAH long note. Anyhow, thinking of you and hoping your eye is much better! You're lovely. Have a daffodil day. Oh and GREAT about the saying no. I totally cut the Australian loose today. I am on my own. He canceled his trip to Rome but he leaves in a few days anyhow and I am off on the bike tours tomorrow and the next day. Ciao bella!

from moncapitaine :

Thank you so much for your sweet note! It means a lot to me that you feel that way.

from annanotbob :

Gah! I have been trying to leave comments but it says 'you have typed the words wrong try again' when I haven't, over and over. Cross? Moi??? So sorry about your eye and so glad it's healing quickly.

from saudades :

Dear Fifi, I'm sorry about your eye, and I hope it heals soon. Send you a big bear hug.

from teranika :

I hope that your eye is better soon! (I haven't read what happened, just from bluey that you were injured!) Wishing you a quick recovery my dear!

from mariastuart :

A quick message: that's painful news about your eye :( Get well very very soon and that the pain will go away very fast! Big hug!!

from saudades :

Happy birthday to Ned!! :D Please tell him this reader sends happy birthday greetings! Have a lovely day, Fifi and Ned!

from enfinblue :

I was just joking. How about people who are simply good at *imagining* that they are trainwrecks. To be honest, my favourite diary ever was *m3tonym* about three or four years ago, but the constant negativity just got very sad. She is incedibly brilliant though.

from enfinblue :

Well that's very interesting. Yeah, my concern for her might be that she is irreparably broken by life experiences, if they are true. And yes, that's why I got so upset when she started asking people for donations to go to that audition. I guess the basic point is - and I've tried to tell her this before - that you can't get anywhere really unless you can be proud of yourself and how you got there. Lesson one: You've got to be honourable. I don't know how I learned this but I've always known this. I know it's the way to build...too bad it takes so much time! Bwah! You're so lovely - I'm soooooo glad you found my notes, too. And by the way, I'm still waiting for a list of trainwreck diaries! :)

from enfinblue :

I didn't know that she had "screwed you over." I always trust people but I believe that she did me too - said she shipped something that I paid for but I never received it. And I just can't believe that Canada Post would have no record of the parcel. I chose to believe her, but I think she is very desperate and so I don't really believe her. I do, however, feel very, very sorry for her. Because as she is going she will keep on yo-yo-ing back to the same place or even worse. I am not perfect, I know, but I do believe that I am on the right path now. I have much greater understanding and insight than I did before. I'm lucky! Oh HOW exciting about the dress and the other thingie! (I wish I had the other thingie and thingies!!) I received three postal cards today but it was too late to get to the post office...so I am waiting with baited breath to see if I will receive my daffodil dress in time for the trip!!! xoxox

from somaserious :

Thanks, fifi. I know it sounds serious. That's why I'm calling the therapist today so that I can talk about it with someone who can see it from the outside. Most likely things will work out just fine. For some reason we've been just stuck in this cycle and it's wearing us down. I don't think we're finished. I asked him that the other day, but he didn't answer me. He's just been working so hard and we haven't seen much of each other and it's been a strain on our relationship. Okay, that's enough. Thanks for your thoughts, they are always welcome:) xoxosoms

from enfinblue :

PS I'm going to lock up just for the day, but will likely unlock tonight. I just want to be sure that someone ork-related hasn't found it. xoxo.

from enfinblue :

Oh yeah, and I'm impatient! I'm going to have fun on my trip though. Do have a wonderful day, you lovely human being. I'm glad to hear both that Earl is doing well and that you are feeling better.

from enfinblue :

Good advice! I couldn't agree more. And that's the one that I chose. To be honest, I do think it's a bit of fear. OK, a lot of fear. It's sort of work-related, travel-related, me-related. I'm good though. And I think I'm struggling with spring allergies!!

from loopykitten :

Thank you so much ! I'm glad you enjoyed them. As for the pillow... I literally stole it one night after a lot of drinks with my friends... from a hotel lobby. It was horrible, but I couldn't resist the fuzzyness!

from enfinblue :

Ha ha - you crack me up. Enjoy your apero. Very good insights into church. Of course, that makes perfect sense. Thank you!

from enfinblue :

I love it - Fif-a-licious! Perfetto! My friend Dan always says, "Have a Dan-tastic day!" Makes me smile. Oh my goodness, I could not have gone to church today. I am surprised I did not throw up. I think I was drunk when I woke up. It was horrible. :) But my own fault. It was a good night though; a really fun night. Glad that you had one as well, and hope you are feeling "smooth" by now. Oh, incidentally, I think I am going to start going to church on Sundays. I think I'm ready to start raising my "joyful voice" again. There can never be enough joy, non? :)

from enfinblue :

Fifi, That's so interesting! I remember you saying before that you had forgiven yourself before Biba was born. I think I've been doing the same in other ways - with respect to how I feel about my mother, blah blah. But I honestly hadn't ever thought that I would have to give up Andrew! But doh - it might be true! I might have to give up Andrew in order to move on. :) I'm such a fool. It is true that it is all about someone being a girl's soulmate and not a woman's soul mate. I mean, he was a very special person and had all of the qualities that I would find attractive in a person. But he also had an inability to cope with many things as well, to let go. I can't know if he ever let go. He wasn't strong like some people. He wasn't strong. So there you go. I think that there's a message in that. So interesting that *both* you and Ned had one. I just love this whole process of forgiveness. Incidentally, I met a guy last night whom I think I would actually date - the economist lawyer dude who works for the competition bureau. On the surface he seems like everything that I dislike, but after a few drinks I was completely quesdtioning all of the things that he wants to do (an MBA among them) and we had the most hilarious conversation. He was a little bit underdeveloped in terms of his analysis :), but relatively dateable, anyhow. :) Oh life is funny! Enjoy the festival today if it is continuing!

from enfinblue :

It's normal, my friend, though I am sorry you are feeling that way. But don't beat yourself up. It's great that you are honest about your feelings! You're wonderful. And of course, if you ever want to email me, please feel free! marathongirl9 AT hot... (and if you do, don't forget the 9!) It's funny - when I first got that email address a friend of mine told me that I should contact marathongirl and tell her that I'm the "real deal" one and that the address should be *mine*. I told him that I'd have to fight eight other people first. :)

from enfinblue :

Fifi, I hope you are having a daffodil day. I'm a bit worried about you but I know you will be fine! :)

from jeannedark :

Hello! Didn't know you were reading, welcome! And thanks for the congrats! I'm hopeful, happy and excited, just as a (no longer blushing) bride should be.

from somaserious :

I like Shew Holies better.... yay song! xoxosoms

from somaserious :

Well, just tell the Rooks, "suck my bobbins"! Now's your chance, don't delay! Lice, eww. My sis is a school nurse and deals with them on a fairly regular basis and Rooks abound in her school! Parents just don't get that you have to actually make an effort with lice, not just shampoo and rinse. And sickness! She also has parents who dump their sick children off regardless of health. Of course the single parents don't have much of a choice...I feel for them, it must be really hard. But those others! Bah! xoxosoms

from saudades :

Hey Fifi! Well, I had a bit of a cold, but other than that I am ok! hehe, just disappeared there for a few days. But keeping up with the diaries as best as I can, much love to you Fifi! Have a wonderful day! :)

from nightnurse :

Thank you for your kind comment regarding my entry ( http://nightnurse.diaryland.com/). You wouldn't believe the crazy stuff I've seen over the years! Nightnurse

from enfinblue :

Oh my dear Fifi, these things are all relative. Today I had to do something for the third time because I wasn't paying enough attention - daydreaming you know, which one is not supposed to do with the nation's tax base :) - and then I literally was watching my watch between 4:15 and 5:30 wanting to go home. Sometimes I am a lazy doglette! :)

from enfinblue :

You're so sweet, Mme. Fifi. I'm not really that tall - 5'7", but because i usually wear heels and am pretty small people often call me "tall." It always surprises me. :) Hope you're having a great weekend. I'm having the most excellent day - the light and open windows are bringing a little bit of Italy to me in the big O today. :)

from swimmmer72 :

Hello Fifi! Thanks for the note. No, not stultified - that would be a word I've never described myself with. Merely exploring the mind of someone who I also noticed leaving hilarious notes to a mutual buddy. Please do stop back and explore my archives to your heart's content, stultification being a non-issue! :)

from mariastuart :

Thanks Fifi :)

from enfinblue :

Dear Fifi, Your kindness as always means a great deal to me. I will pursue such an option. I am very grateful to you for your thoughts and caring. :) Please don't exercise an excess of concern on me - I really am a daffodil! I just need to be conscious of it. La vita e bella! It's a good evolution that I'm going through - evolving to the person I've always wanted to be. And I have Italia to look forward to in 2.5 semaines!

from enfinblue :

Thanks, Fifi. I'm OK. I have figured out what left me with the lump in my throat today - obviously it is not about him - it's that I have to suppress all the time the feelings of loneliness that one gets from not having affection and stuff (so that I don't think about it), and today a hope or expectation that had magically arisen got dashed. That is all. It is completely true that this is his problem not mine. It is also true that there are a lot of postives in this - the guy was obviously really attracted to me. So, all good. I'll move on to the next one. :) I just wish to goodness that there were more of them around, and that at least *SOME* of them possessed class and a moral compass. The other thing that I'm kicking myself about is simply that I just don't have enough opportunities to meet new people. I feel a bit angry with myself that I can't figure out what activities to do so that I can get more exposure, so to speak. ;) Thanks again, my friend. Have a great evening! xo

from somaserious :

Ah yes, control. It's a funny thing that just doesn't let one get much done sometimes. Sounds like you worked through it, though. That not letting go part...I commiserate. You are a wonder, fifi, just remember that. lots of love, xoxo,soms

from enfinblue :

Oops I said daffodil day twice. Hope that makes it twice as good.

from enfinblue :

Oh no no! But I agree - it makes me feel happy to know that you are out there somewhere. :) You too - a daffodil day. I think I shall make a couple of playground visits and ride my bike like you wrote Biba did. That's the life! Oh, and I'll make something with my H3llo Kitty apron. :) A daffodil day to you, too.

from enfinblue :

PS And of course if at all possible I will continue drinking Guinness copiously. Lately I've been drinking wine. Thank goodness wine does not have gluten. :)

from enfinblue :

I meant idol in the simplest possible way, not as an example of perfection. Wrong word choice, of course. :) I just think that you are a lovely human being - not shallow at all, but focused on what matters. (And of course I must do some dating with nothing other than fun in mind. That is what I must do!) I found a link re. Guinness and its gluten. It doesn't have wheat, but it does have barley, which apparently has a protein that acts similarly to gluten (although that causes more mild reactions http://www.wheat-free.org/is-guiness-safe-to-drink-on-a-wheat-free-diet.html). I do love Guinness so much. Thanks again for the great advice and have a great weekend!

from enfinblue :

It's me again, as usual. Just wanted to say I think I forgot to thank you again for being SOOO supportive. And thanks to Ned, too! I hope that Biba is feeling better. :)

from enfinblue :

Fifi, you really are more kind than anyone deserves. Thanks! :) I think I've had a breakthrough. And, really, I must admit that it felt rather good to leave that dude to make himself to look bad. I shouldn't admit that...

from enfinblue :

Thanks, Fifi! You are too nice. I feel stupid about writing that entry, now that it is the bright light of day. I was being silly. I guess I had to get it out. I'm definitely feeling anxious, but now is the time to simply get a handle on it, turn the switch on how I react to certain people and places. And my mother? It's time that I forget about her. :) I can't help her negativity and her fear. That's her way of dealing with things. Have a GREAT week, too! Hope that Biba is better.

from saudades :

Aww, poor Biba! Hope she feels better soon. Oh, and by the way, I am about the most squeamish person ever!

from loopykitten :

Yay for packages, yours is leaving tomorrow. As for Native American, well I haven't really been influenced by one tribe or another so far, although I think that I relate to the Cherokee since I was a kid and read "The Education of Little Tree".

from somaserious :

It's quite true that most CF people like children. The blogging community is full of people with opinions, and sometimes those opinions are very extreme. The CF culture (I guess it's a culture, hmm?) is good in it's own right. It's a choice like any other I suppose and I have no problems with it. It's the ones who ruin it for the rest that I detest (ooo, rhymie). Thanks! Now back to fluff and peanut butter. xoxo,soms

from enfinblue :

Hey Mme. Enjoy your lunch! You deserve it. Yes, the first week of May comes up tulips, doesn't it? :)

from enfinblue :

Oops I think I meant "complimentary" tutoring. Gratis, that is. Blame it on the red wine that I poured myself half an hour ago. A girl needs help to think. Lordy do I ever! :)

from enfinblue :

Excellent advice, my friend. I've just spent the last hour or so focusing in on Florence, to be honest. I've found some nice day-tripping bike guides and stuff so I'm thinking that I plant myself in Florence and take some day rides through Tuscany, maybe a train trip to Lucca one day. Keep it simple. I do love Rome and I've never seen Paris so those are also good options (as would be the walking tour in Catalonia), but doing something that I can really savour could be lovely. And you're right - I really have earned it. It's been a struggle of a couple of years. :) But charge 90 bucks an hour for tutoring? I like the idea but I think I'd lose all of my new friends in that event. :) I'm prepared to offer complementary tutoring, as long as it is sensible and minimal. I'm a very efficient tutor in the sense that I focus in on the best strategy for securing the grade that the individual wants. She wrote the test last week and achieved a score at the 30th percentile so I can't work miracles in four weeks - it's up to her. :) Thanks again - you're a doll. And yes! Shoes, beautiful shoes!

from hissandtell :

I've enjoyed the two notes below, Fifi. Lest anyone think I'm just a horrible old child-hater, I should divulge that I taught High School for 10 years, Early Childhood for seven years and was a Primary School principal (in a dreadfully low socio-economic area with nil employment and dysfunctional and abusive families abounding) for five years. I love most kids and I enjoy being around them; I find lots of kids funny and cute and endearing and interesting. Kids like me too, and I know that as a gifted teacher I have a special talent in bringing out the best in them. ("I believe the children are our future..." blah blah) My words (and rage) aren't directed at normal average parents who are trying to do their best but are having a bad day or a bad week or a discipline problem (or twenty) with uncooperative or downright rebellious kids. But I've seen too many children leave my schoolgrounds exhibiting perfectly acceptable behaviour but who start throwing tantrums, schoolbags and punches at their parents before they even reach the car. And I've been in too many social and public situations where parents stand by blankly while their kids scream, fight, kick, bite, break things and behave like savages. And seen too many kids coming to school starving and overtired and clothed in rags while their parents piss their generous welfare payments, maternity payments and baby bonuses up against the wall of the local pub. (Now I AM sounding cranky and crotchety.) Sometimes a horribly-behaved kid really IS the parents' fault -- sometimes they really ARE hopelessly inadequate parents -- and sometimes (as I had to do many, many, many times as a principal) the kindest thing for everyone is to call Children's Services to remove kids from hideous domestic situations, try to set grownups on the right track and remind them that, while it might take a village to raise a child, people who've chosen NOT to have kids and have had absolutely no say in someone else's choice to have kids ought not be held accountable -- financially or otherwise -- in perpetuity for their discipline problems, their bad manners AND their upkeep. Love, R xxx

from somaserious :

I saw you were online as I posted! Thanks. Yah, cuteness abounds (slight sarcasm to be noted there...). Your post on the whole child-free hoohas was great. I read Hiss' notes and I know (and have heard from others) it's a hassle when childless people have to pay for children in their taxes. Especially when it comes to education. The way I see it is they are paying for the future of our world and without those said children there would be no human race. What some perceive as unruly is most likely a child being a child - full of energy and full of life. I had this horribly acting child (mine) in Lens Crafters as I was desperately trying on frames as we waited to be serviced (hee, hee, I said serviced). While Griffyn lay screaming on the floor I got the comment, "Oh, somebody's tired" and wanted to slap the woman. Childless people just don't get what children can be like and when a child acts out they blame bad parenting. That is so unfair! It drives me absolutely mad. Before children I would get so annoyed at crying/screaming children and now when I hear them I have total sympathy for the parent(s) having to deal with the situation. The sideways glances, the whispering, argh, I want to beat those people. Of course I practice restraint and glance malevolently (I'm not sure I spelled that right...) in their direction, daggers on the ready, daring them so say the wrong thing. Yes, there is bad parenting, but not all parents practice those skills. I, too, refrain from placing my child in situations where I know acting out will happen, but sometimes it's completely unavoidable and you just have to grit your teeth and move through it. Phew, seems as if I, too, have written a novel instead of a note. Cheers to you! xoxo,soms

from enfinblue :

Hey Fifi, You're mahhhvelous! You know, it's not a bad suggestion. I suspect it's more that these dudes all have fragile egos, and I threaten them somewhat. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because, believe it or not, on the surface I show no reaction to them. It's inside and later...I'm kind of trained in this. As for being controversial, I think you have a right. You of course have a right to an opinion, and it is a reasonable one. My view is that as long as one questions why one wants to express something, and tried to crush malice or inflated ego as much as possible, then all is good. And you're a wonderful person and I'm sure a delightful mother with a right to have opinions on the topic of children. Sorry for the book but I was quite interested in Hiss's comment below. Quebec has tried some experimentation with these incentive policies and I actually expect much more in future given the demographic shift. Either that or we're going to start increasing our immigrant intake from 200,000 a year to a couple of million, encouraging those with 12 children only to apply. :) It's a hot area. Well, actually, the hot area in my work is figuring out how to keep the aging geezers in the workplace. Australia is doing that too. It's quite a game. Funny to be in the "bust" generation. xoxoxoxo

from chaosdaily :

Thanks for the comment! You are not an unwanted reader, this week my sisters-in-law have been reading lots of entries, even after I asked them to stop. And the word neeener... well, it's all in fun, keep reading, you will figure out why we use it!

from hissandtell :

Thanks for your wonderful note, Fifi. It's not only "taxes" as such I was referring to, though -- it's the Maternity Payment ($5000 one-off cash payment for EVERY child born) to actively encourage people to breed, whether married, single, in a relationship, employed (and regardless of income), on the dole or other; the 30% Child Care Tax Rebate; another "Family" Tax benefit; the Baby Bonus (which can be claimed for every child every year until they turn five); legislated parental leave and so on. These policies are intended to increase fertility rates (and thus population levels) and offset the parents' expenses associated with birthing and rearing a child! Frankly, I find pronatalist policies like these -- especially in a country like Oz which is neither over-congested nor under-populated, given its resources -- offensively selective in the extreme, and nothing more than blatant government interference (i.e. bribery) in the private decisions of individuals -- most of whom would be having babies, and bearing the associated costs themselves, anyway (as bloody well should be the case). And increased fertility rates NOW is a sharp poke in the eye for intergenerational equity in future, since childless (and presumably "non-family" by government definition) people like me are paying for it now AND will still be paying for it later. (And I'm still waiting for a fabulous array of non-maternity non-child care non-rebate non-leave incentive benefits to be bestowed on babyless old me...) Love, R xxx

from hissandtell :

I tend not to frequent the sorts of sites (diary and family-friendly social spaces) you refer to, but I suspect I am slowly evolving into one of those crotchety old crabs whose tolerance for the thoughtless disorganised parents of small unruly mannerless children is negligible. My fingers itch to pinch them, and my palms itch to slap them. However, my wildest rage is reserved for our federal government whose sole definition of "Family" seems only to be one with children (i.e. more than one) and parents struggling nobly to pay a mortgage and education costs. I find it offensive, repulsive and antiquated and I despise the implication that my role in life is to partially support other people's children financially, by offsetting their (not inconsiderable, admittedly, but then that's a choice they made, no?) living and household expenses. I chose not to have children for a number of reasons -- and quality of life was a biiig factor -- and I get bloody cross at having to pay for other people who blithely chose to have kids but then realised -- oops! -- that they can't handle them, can't discipline them and can't afford them. Love, R xxx

from loopykitten :

Let's say two pie birds for one plushie? Or we can just do one for one. The goose one is interesting. I have one weird cat with green felt eyes, 2 rabbits, and a lion right now.

from loopykitten :

Oh I would love to work out some kind of exchange for the pie birds. I know that they aren't really useful, but seriously, neither are my stuffed animals. What would you like me to make you?

from enfinblue :

I agree - what is tiresome in people sometimes is when they are not willing to at least make effort to change or make things better for themselves. Otherwise, I have no problem with kvetching! I was thinking just this morning what a shame it is that you don't have today off. :( Nevertheless, I hope that you have a great day.

from enfinblue :

Oh my dear Fifi, you misunderstood me. I'm perfectly well. I just sometimes get up on a soap box about things. I remember once I mentioned this to teranika, but I find my diary to be quite different from how I am in real life. In real life I'm generally cheerful and winking. It's a funny thing. In my head, however, I am thinking all sorts of things, some of which I write down here. It's interesting. And don't worry about writing about poo. Frankly, given that I think I likely have IBS as well, I completely understand where you are coming from. It's dreadful! And it's an important bodily function. :) Otherwise, I tend to follow my intuition and I have a problem with needing to be completely open and honest with people. Happy Easter! (Mine was great - glad that yours is combined with great company, food and drink. xoxoxo)

from saudades :

Happy Easter, Fifi!! :)

from raven72d :

Really? A guy? Hmmm... I doubted some of the social-class issues, but I always took Zelda as female. Oh, well. I do miss her writing. And a girl called jangela, too.

from raven72d :

I utterly miss Zelda. Her last blog-- the last one that I knew of --ended in January 2005. She was on her way to some party at the Inauguration. Got in trouble with airport security goons somewhere. I so miss her sardonic humour... How did you know her?

from enfinblue :

Biba sounds like such a delightful girl. You are a lucky lady! :) Have a wonderful Easter.

from raven72d :

Hullo--- and many thanks for the note. I always liked "Mask of Apollo"--- vur' much. And please do feel invited to read along/explore archives. (And I do like your shopping list)

from saudades :

I do hope the best for your friend Earl! You're so caring. :)

from somaserious :

Go to zuzuthedestroyer.blogspot.com!

from somaserious :

Ah, Terry Pratchett, wonderful author. Although I've never read a word but take the word of dearest hubby who swallows his books whole. I'll get around to them someday. You SHOULD read "Good Omens", a book he collaborated on with Neil Gaimen (another great Brit author!!! Much fun, though not as amusing. More serious fantastical. Take "American Gods" for example.) It's SO F'N FUNNY!!! Basically about the anti-christ and how the devils mix-up who he's supposed to be parented by at birth. Apocolypse and all. Read!!! Good to hear all is well in fifi land :) muchxoxo, soms

from mariastuart :

"Things that might not be normal" :) What a title for a list! But those just make you as wonderful as you are :) I agree about the sleeping everywhere. It's so weird because I've a huge sleeping problem but I can sleep almost everywhere, except in my bed. The best nap I ever had was during the support act of Alanis Morrisette at at stadium where 7000 people were. I was so surprised that I actually fell asleep while a man was singing and playing his guitar :)

from enfinblue :

Good idea to read some new diaries! I need to refresh my supply as well...Always interesting to learn about new people. :) Fifi, really, you are quite amazing. I wonder at how someone can be quite like you. Hmm... I guess that's the point - we are all unique. :)

from somaserious :

Before I saw your note, I just KNEW you'd comment on the Fritos! Good luck! Happy St. Patrick's, too. The cornbeef is already in the pot. I love cornbeef/cabbage/potatoes/carrots. And then the next day I scramble them all together with butter and a good mustard. Yum... Have fun playing! xoxo,soms

from saudades :

Good luck Fifi ! :D

from vintagejunk :

yeah, the lack of intonation is a problem for me :D i'd really really love to learn to speak without it but it gets the better of me sometimes.. oh yeah, this vintagejunk is a fairly new username that i'm using, had to change the address because my brother found my diary, so.. if you're interested in my older diaries, my previous username was callmepearl and the one before that was hippie7 (started it in 2002 but deleted the first year's entries because of some silly reason, was probably ashamed of my bad english). :)

from azzweepay :

I actually took the name from a character in a skit on Saturday Night Live. The character's real name was Asswipe Johnson, but he pronounced it Os-wee-pay.

from saudades :

Thanks Fifi!! You're so awesome. :)

from enfinblue :

And PS, thanks for the new tips re. interesting diary reading! Always appreciated. Fifi land is quite broad and interesting. Do you know what, I do think that I should take a page from Miss Hiss's book and start focusing my writing efforts on the absurdities of life. I could never be a Hiss, of course, but there's an important message there. OK. Off to shower and go to the workplace.

from enfinblue :

Fifi, as usual, you are so kind. I wish I had a sister like you. :) YOur advice is very, very sound. I particularly appreciated the rabbity part, because as you suspected that is something that I have historically been inclined to do. This is why I have been so troubled by the idea of leaving this workplace - because I am trying to commit to sticking something out. It just turned out that I ended up in an unsuitable fit. Oh well. Honestly, in the light of day I do feel much more rational about it. I *will* figure out a plan, and I *will* move forward, whatever that takes. I want to return to the funny me, the thoughtful me. This me is boring! Really though, I feel so honoured to have your advice. You are incredibly wise and kind. I really don't want to drain you or obligate you to advise me again. Incidentally, I completely agree with you that boneheadedness is almost required for success. I've often wish that I had *more* of it!! Yes, more!

from saudades :

Dear Fifi, don't let them get to you or treat you unfairly. I would be angry too, grr. I hope you're feeling better today! Hugs.

from somaserious :

Fifi, my dear, anger is nothing to be upset about. I feel that anger is the absolute truest emotion that should be expressed whenever it rears it's head (and it's definitely NOT ugly!). Sounds like there are some issues with the Ork, or you wouldn't be calling it Orkplace (?). Hope it resolves itself, whatever it is. Sucks nonetheless. Go angry Scot go! Vent away, we will all listen. xoxo,soms

from enfinblue :

Oh no, dear Fifi. I'm sorry about your bad day. I'm sure that you will find a wonderful place to work - you must be the life of every workplace. (I would be, only they've muzzled me at Line Dance. No more ninja economist moves. :( Gosh I miss my colleagues with whom I could be funny. :) Have a great night!

from somaserious :

You know, being a mommy is the hardest job, and mostly because you are constantly second guessing yourself. Thank you for your lovely words (it seems your notes are all full of thank-yous...) and advice. There are days when things are smooth and days when things are bumpy. Much like life. The birds are singing right now and it's sunny!!! If that doesn't lift a mood, I don't know what will. Hope your day is fab! xoxo,soms

from enfinblue :

THanks Fifi and Ned! That helps a great deal! I know that I'm not alone. And, really, it is just a job. And a vache. :) All is well. I just need to find a new direction for myself, since this one isn't yielding satisfaction - I'm straining at the bit to really jump into something and to feel passionate again. It's been a while. Hope you are well. Can't wait to read the next list!

from enfinblue :

Thanks, Fifi. Fortunately I don't think it's too serious - just badly bruised. It'll probably be good to go in a week or so. Lucky me! :) Sorry about your knee injury. I don't know what I would do if I were healing for six months!

from enfinblue :

Hey, thanks for the tips! I do love white dresses with sprigs. If I had time I would order something cool over the 'net. Unfortunately the shopping options in the big O are sorely limited. And I only have tomorrow night. After my hair cut I will slip over to the mall to see what I can find. I do agree that white and cute would be fun! Don't worry though - no dating for the S-meister for a while. I just want to have fun. :) And I didn't know that it was AGB's birthday! I was just thinking about my grandmother's expression- it was rolling around in my head. So I googled it. Funny, that. :) Have a good sleep. OH PS: I totally laughed my head off over the reprehensible woman at the meeting needing a new bra. ;)

from saudades :

My mom loves birds, too. I don't know their names , but I'm trying to learn. :) Love and optimism are good, thanks Fifi!

from enfinblue :

Fifi, Do tell me that I won't need to go through another Ninny! :) I can thank you a great deal for how I feel these days - you've helped me in becoming more comfortable with what is true for me. It's very nice and cool - thank you. And muscular thighs are AWESOME. :) Glad you're better!!!

from mariastuart :

Are there dolphins in Ireland? Or am I missing the point :) I really didn't know that..

from saudades :

I'm very glad that you are feeling better! I love snow too, except for gray, months-old snow. Here's to health! xoxo

from enfinblue :

Gee, now I must see Waitress! It sounds wonderful. Oh and like the two below, I have one horrible hair that grows out of a mole on my chin. It is so coarse as to be horrifying! :)

from somaserious :

I have these three lovely hairs that grow out of a small mole just below and to the right of my mouth. If they aren't trimmed on a regular basis they could poke someone's eye out! As long as you feel you have zazz then the zazz will never leave. It's all about how you carry yourself, how you feel on the inside that shines on the outside. Oh fifi! I just finished watching "Waitress". What an amazingly wonderful movie that was. I want to laugh, I want to cry and I'm so sad that Adrienne Shelly is no longer here to make more movies that make you feel warm and cozy on the inside. A great movie to watch when you're under the weather. xoxo,soms

from saudades :

Fifi, that zazz that you saw in Jim at the party is related to the quality of 'poise' that my mother encourages me to develop. Oh, and don't worry about the black hair; I have full-blown hirsutism. I have to constantly get rid of several hairs on my chin and neck, it's horrible. I read somewhere that people who have this need to check it out, because it can indicate bigger problems. :S So, dear Fifi, I am sure your zazz and poise make you a very attractive woman. And hey, navel-gazing ... Oh my, I do that too. Too much thinking about myself. That is when writing diaries helps. :) Have a good night.

from enfinblue :

Ah Fifi, you have no idea! In fact, the girlfriend was moving this weekend and he was helping her. They are taking a break when she goes away for two months on business, starting next week or something. I don't expect that they'll be back together again afterwards...unless he's gutless. What a wreck! But yes, I'm great! I do hope that you feel well today!!!!!

from college-kid :

Why thank you very much! I do try to stray away from telling the events of my day in chronological order. I very much appreciate it, though. =)

from somaserious :

You've mentioned before about LMN and how you watch it when you're not feeling "up to par". I remember things like that, and I, too, get sucked into the silliness. So much fun! Really happy to hear you're feeling better... xoxoxo,soms

from mariastuart :

Oh, poor you! I hope you will feel better very soon! BTW, I had to search for a while until I found the Flemish word for what you are having. Here it's called the "bof". Funny word isn't it. Get well!!

from enfinblue :

I meant "advocate." Can you tell that I've poured myself a glass of wine? :) Wine with my whine. :)

from enfinblue :

Thanks for the note, Fifi! I can't imagine you having a fit! :) I'd love to have a fit. One in which i tell he guy to get. out. of. my. office. I kind of did do that today - I was rude to him for the first time. But I was on my way out to French and he was standing in my office badgering me. So I simply said, "See you later!" And I left. I needed to get out of there. I'm going to talk to him tomorrow and tell him that I need him to leave me alone to do my work, and that if he has an issue with my work in that he thinks he should be doing it instead of me, he should speak to our boss. I'm just plain tired of his constant interference. It's like being in a conversation and not being able to get a word in edgewise. Anyhow. I'm really not a confrontational person, but I definitely advocated constructive confrontation. I'm also not afraid to speak my mind. I'm surprisingly diplomatic, even when my insides are burning with caustic fire. I guess I'm self-interested enough to know that honey works best...

from somaserious :

Ooo, fifi, that's not at all nice and fun :( I hope you figure out what's wrong. At least you have the Lifetime Movie Network! lots of xoxoxo,soms

from saudades :

I'm sorry to hear you are not feeling better. Hang in there, and I hope the doctor prescribes the antibiotics. Good wishes for better health soon!!

from enfinblue :

Thank you, thank you, for confirming my suspcions. Or agreeing with my sense of what is right. I would never never never just be with someone if I didn't "want" them. In fairness to him, I understand why he needed that. But to be honest, it's not a standard that I can tolerate in a person. I have another male friend like this - Alan, the diplomat - who has off and on been interested in me for YEARS. I've never dated him because he was always so wishy-washy about ending relationships. He never seemed to know or respect his own feelings. How silly and boring! No, I need someone WAY more swashbuckling and yet values-centred than that. I'm that special so so should a guy be for me. :) :) I'm so full of myself. On to more important topics. Comfort food if my mouth hurts is tricky. I usually just drink lots of herbal tea. I love clear-broth soups though - miso, hot and sour, old-fashioned chicken rice. Nothing tastes nice when you have that sore throat and weird taste in your mouth. Are you sure that you don't also have strep? By the way, I hope that Biba's right as rain now. Hmm...I wonder if the miso would be too salty. If my mouth can take it then I always like clean, spicy food like a good vindaloo. I'm sure you'll think of something. :) Feel better!!!

from enfinblue :

To be honest, that's exactly what I think. It was pretty clear to me from the beginning that he was never "hot" for his current girlfriend. When he was talking about her he would always talk about how well she treated him, etc., that he enjoys her company. (I feel as though I've written this before, forgive me.) I think he's known from the beginning that he was not really into her in a forever way, but he needed the comfort and attention. So in a sense I think he's been cheating her out of something that she deserves all along! Horrible!

from enfinblue :

I'll write about it a bit more later, actually. I always wish people lived up to a higher standard of behaviour...

from enfinblue :

My dear Fifi, you do always get right to the heart of the matter! :) There's definitely something to what you say, but there are certain things abou this behaviour that are really sticking in the craw, so to speak, particularly the way that he has strung along his current girlfriend. I just on the whole don't think I like the way that he thinks it's all so "easy." He got her to be crazy about him and now - and she hasn't even left yet - he's putting the moves on me. I don't like it. :)

from saudades :

Oh, no! Being sick is no fun. Get well soon, dear Fifi! Hugs!

from enfinblue :

I know, I know, the gangrene she is good! So good! You're so nice. :)

from enfinblue :

I second saudades! And I also have to say that I think that mothers with spirit and individuality are the best. :) By the way, I don't own any CDs but I am not repelled when I hear J@mes Blunt sing. Except when he sings private universe. That he does too quickly. :)

from saudades :

Happy Valentine's day!! You're beautiful, Fifi! Hope you have a great day!

from somaserious :

Ah, yes, missing pieces...my love doesn't go for the perfume, either, and I so agree with you about there being too many good smells in the world! I love the smells! My nose is THE sharpest and most of my memories are triggered by smell. Why do we let those things go? And does the other make those small sacrifices as well? Yes, another post about that, perhaps. xoxoVD!!!soms

from enfinblue :

The "he" of course being A., the awkward scientist. :)

from enfinblue :

Fifi, You are truly the "goddess divine." And Ned sounds lovely and charming. I do occasionally consider a drink for breakfast, myself. ;) If there is anything that I love it is unconventionality! I think it is all good. I am not impatient. I am definitely not ready for anything right now, and he as he is is not ready enough for me, either. I am leaving it all in the hands of fate. And perhaps - likely -there is yet someone even better out there for me. I still have some things to work through yet, but I am happy right now. :)

from enfinblue :

Oh Fifi! How I wish I had your talent for accents. (And I'm sure that your vocab is just divine - you are too modest. My vocab varies between odd (montgolfiere is not a very useful word, but I persist in remembering it) and functional) I agree with you about not dressing down. It is true - his problems are his and not mine. I deserve to feel beautiful just for myself! (To me the Irish accent is absolutely charming. I just love it. I heard Anne Enr!ght interviewed last week and it was very entertaining. I love the idea that the Irish are almost compelled to be storytellers. :))

from deareddie :

Oh dear. It's been far too long since I've come by. You have, by far, the most interesting comments I've read, perhaps ever. Perhaps sometime a lovely boozy chat soon? I have a white that I've saved (valley-speak)FORever. And yes, I'm still alive, although I have no refined butterfly stroke, it's more like a molting chihuahua. But I think of you and smile.

from enfinblue :

Incidentally, I've been meaning to tell you that I'm feeling so cool with dating and on the right path and everything thanks in no small part to you. Honestly, you are a beacon! And you're funny. I can't believe you took your underwear off on the path. :) The dating profile I actually took down momentarily following my little burst. In any event, it is true that the men here are obsesssed with self-describing as "simple" and easygoing. I've tried to explain to more than a few of them that there's an important distinction between liking simple things and actually BEING simple ("simple" connotes slow here, too :)). The truth is that the whole thing kind of ticks me off, since in most cases I find what the guy means to imply is that he will date only "simple" i.e not complicated (a la Larry ) women, meaning essentially a woman who will let him have his fun and then will turn into a beer and a pizza at midnight as the story goes, or get up and make him a sandwich as he sleeps...yadda yadda. :) Irksome men with low standards here! :)

from somaserious :

BTW, I had no idea you were such an ornithologist. Knowing accipiters from buteos, you astound me. I love mergansers. Besides all birds raptor they are my fave. Oh, and besides the tufted titmouse...love that one! kiss,soms

from somaserious :

fifi!!! I updated on this Friday last! Everything is just fine in my world and I promise to update more, because I love to do it! My week last week was absolutely crazy. Suddenly there are all these people wanting me to give them a massage. Crazy I tell you! I will write more in the next few days and hopefully that means today. cheers and all that, xoxoxosoms

from saudades :

Wow, I confused Scrapple with Snapple. I had to look these things up right now. Haggis is boiled in the stomach of the sheep, then? Wow, it sounds liked an acquired taste, but the person who wrote the wiki article also says it is tasty, despite the way it sounds. You're so awesome, Fifi, thank you. I am thinking of the exercise; I like to take walks also, but I haven't done it in a very long time. Have a lovely day, off I go to class. ^_^

from saudades :

You are such an awesome mom! Adventures with you must be so fun. And, I've been meaning to ask you, what is Haggis? I'm ignorant. ;)

from mariastuart :

You and your entries are so funny! The best way to pass a boring afternoon at work, waiting for phonecalls.

from mariastuart :

When I sit on the tram to go to work I write these super interesting entries in my head about the things I see or about what I dreamed that night and then I come at work and then I've forgotten everything! In just one second all those very detailed stories are gone. Crazy isn't it?

from enfinblue :

And again you did it! You gave me lots of confidence. It is true, I think, that "the one" sneaks up on you. :) I hope. :) Maybe I'll sneak up on him.

from enfinblue :

Fifi, I keep on meaning to tell you that the comments that you make about finding Ned always mean so much to me! I really do want only to be with someone perfectly matched to me, and not just "someone." I know exactly what you mean, and heartily agree. :)

from saudades :

Aww, thank you Fifi. I understand! Yes, saudades, all that nostalgia and longing. I was a teenager when I made this name. :) I had saudade for days past.

from enfinblue :

Oh dear Fifi, I totally understand where you are re. pop music, although I don't have your musical experience or understanding. So much popular music grates on me! And otherwise, I was thinking about going to church one evening this week, to give myself additional brain peace. I think you've inspired me. :)

from saudades :

Thanks Fifi ; I hope you have a wonderful week too! And ::blushes::, I 've never seen Felicity. It's a show, right? Hehehe. And she is a lawyer? Sounds like you had a nice party. I am glad to report that my week so far is going nicely, hope yours is too! Hugs!

from enfinblue :

Thanks, Fifi. I'm sure you're right. I just feel so miserable right now. I think maybe I need to throw myself back into something like athletics again, i.e. something that has never let me down. I just feel so disappointed in my life at the moment. Oh well. I have a ticket to the ballet tonight, so that is nice! Have a great party!

from saudades :

Hi Fifi! Hugs right back at you. Thanks so much for the ecouragement...And you're right, maybe this is a period of gestation. I hope you're having a good day. Much love!

from saudades :

Yeah, I know what you mean, Fifi. Poor guy.

from enfinblue :

Fifi, You're so sweet to write (And Ned to comment). I couldn't help but write that stuff down when I got home last night, since it has been a recurring theme for me. But I make my living being an analyst :), so I suppose it's all good. After I slept on it, thought about it, I came mostly to yours and Ned's points. I'm definitely not overly critical (in a negative or destructive way), so that is good. I do need to work harder at self-acceptance. I guess I was just surprised that I turned out to be more serious than cheerful in Dan's estimation, because I think I'm pretty cheerful! Realizing that you just have to be yourself is both good and frustrating at times. I hope you have a wonderful weekend and a fabulous time at the spa! I'm off to spinning, which will undoubtedly be outstanding. (Wish I could come to Burns night!!!!)

from enfinblue :

Thanks! (And thanks for sharing about your purging of regrets!) It helps a great deal! You're so right about the boneheads and blowhards...they always get ahead because they don't care about others and because they don't doubt themselves. :)

from haloaskew :

OMG, OMG! Thank you for telling me about Curly Wurly bars! I had *NO* idea there was a Marathon type candy bar still on the market. I have a friend in Australia where Curlys are sold...I'm gonna ask him to send me some!!!

from saudades :

Thanks, Fifi. It's hard being objective about one's own life, but you're right. I appreciate your encouraging words and thoughts. xoxo,much love!

from somaserious :

Ha!!! You crack me up. Actually, Burlington has a HIGH volume of lez, so I can just soak it up wherever I go. It's a tad frustrating to have the lesbian side of you peek it's head out every so often when you're married, but you learn to live with it and move on and hope that is doesn't get too frustrating. Thanks for the validation. I believe the town is organizing as we speak. My sister spoke with the real estate agent who sold the house (she lives next door, too) and sobbed the whole time while this woman told her she couldn't discriminate against buyers. WHATEVER!! I'm sure there's a loophole somewhere that states, "In the event of a potential child murderer buying a house..." I really shouldn't say that because they haven't found a body, but still. Anyway, your town sounds wickedly fun. Honorary lesbian, hmm? smooch,soms

from saudades :

Hi Fifi! Yes, they do that a lot here too. All of those, except I haven't heard Valentime's; that takes the prize. ;)

from enfinblue :

And PPS Your spelling is just great. Incidentally, I always use words like worserer. :) I have to stop myself from using them in my diary.

from enfinblue :

Fifi, that woman sounds dreadful! Hmm...I do hope that the situation manages to resolve without any additional trials for you! As for the hair...I will probably post pictures once I'm used to it a little bit. As all of the short layers are still growing, it's not quite a bob yet. I may go back to short in a couple of cuts but I thought it might be fun to at least see if a bob suits me. I always had bobs when I was younger, but they were more blunt-cut bobs as was the style then and I was never fully satisfied with how they responded to the texture of my hair, or vice versa...you know what I mean. :) My hair can be wavy, although I love curly hair - lucky you! As for the relationship thing...I know that they're not all gumdrops and roses. In fact, if they were, they wouldn't be real or as special as they are. I'm pretty contented right now and I'm sure that things will work out for me just as they ought. (Finally, a good feeling!) :) I love mariastuart's cut, don't you?

from somaserious :

White fatties! I love it. You should see some of them that we have around here...posts for days I tell you. Neighbors can be so funny, both in the "ha, ha" way and the not so laughable. We used to have these across the street...oi, makes me shiver. Glad to here your chipper these days. Date night! I love date night where you can be adults and talk about whatever you want without having to censor for the child. Hope you have a great day, fifi! xoxox, soms

from enfinblue :

You really do give me such a lift every time I read your diary and your notes. And the Yap Yap Yap gets me every time. The world needs more Fifi!

from enfinblue :

Hi Fifi. My note was so rushed this morning! But I just wanted to say - in case it didn't make sense - but you both made me laugh and warmed my heart with your note. Thanks again. I appreciate knowing that other people understand what it's like to be in this situation. I am, however, going to fix it!

from enfinblue :

Hi Fifi. You're so kind, and one of the funniest people around. (And I mean that in a subtle, flattering way.) I have the solution, and I'll write about it tonight! I just struggle so much with the yo-yo cycle when I'm not getting any encouragement or validation or anything from my work. Oh well. Must go!

from twominus1 :

Here's a belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Years. Thanks for all the support and such over the last months. They really do mean a lot to me :) Michelle

from deareddie :

Fifi, you are fabulous. Thank you for your support and messages...

from enfinblue :

Oh Fifi, good note! I unfortunately failed last night at adequate sleep. I went to bed way too late and woke up too late! Awful! I made it one day! Next week I MUST get back on track, so that I can be fully *on* at work. And the immune system thing is perfect! Actually, sleep is good for so much -mental function, weight regulation. I need all of this at the moment - am feeling tired, bloated, mentally slow. :( Not good! But don't want to be grumpy! I'm going to an art gallery opening tonight and going shopping for a few decorative apartment thingies with a friend tomorrow. Sunday I'm supposed to be taking bagloads of clothes to a charity, if my ride comes through. :) You? Have a great day!!

from saudades :

Fifi, your note left me with a big smile. And who can't use more of those? Thank you. Aren't grandmothers just the best? I will friend you to know when you update. :) I hope you don't mind.

from teacherlady2 :

Thanks for caring enough to check up on me. I am back and truly appreciate that you care about me :o)

from somaserious :

Thanks fififi!!! Have a great new year, too. Thing with the son is, I always have to use pictures in my blog that are from the waist up since he's always naked! Too cute... Hope you have wonderful new year celebrations!! smooch, soms

from enfinblue :

Thanks, Fifi. You're very special! A very wonderful New Year to you and yours. :)

from enfinblue :

Oh Fifi, so sorry about the tickle! Feel better! (I've been fighting a cold for a few days.) And you are so perceptive!!! I put that exact paragraph into a dating profile, with a few additional short paragraphs! And of course I will enjoy the dress. I felt guilty initially because I spent a lot of money this year, having not had money for a long time given that I was in school for so long. But I will wear the dress all the time. It looks great and I feel like such a lady in it. It couldn't be more perfect, so thank you for the encouragement to buy it and feel good about myself. I'm just always trying to sort through reflexes that I've developed, when I write about stuff like that in my diary - I find it very helpful to confront feelings and to try to discern why I have them .:)) Take care!!!

from mariastuart :

A lovely Christmas Fifi!! xx

from enfinblue :

Happy Christmas to you, too, wonderful Fifi! Thanks for delighting me and offering kindness and caring so frequently this year. I look forward to being amused and delighted by your writing again in the New Year!

from enfinblue :

Fifi you are BRILL! (And I love this word.) Thanks so much. It's a mismatch between my overall skill set and personality and the job and environment. I know that I am skilled and bright; I'm just not sure that the click is going to be there with this particular place. But what can you do? I will hang in there and will consider the options in a few months. If I need to move again I will move again. C'est la vie. More interestingly, however, I am going to employ your "Aaaand..." strategy. Frankly, because of my personality I suspect that I am frequently on and off people's "idiots" lists as well, so what do I have to lose??? :) In any event, it is the holiday season...a season that did not come too soon. Hope you're having a wonderful day!

from enfinblue :

SO true, dear Fifi. Who knows if I will even decide in the end that it is the best decision for me! I wrote about his comment because it never ceases to amaze me how many men will say things like this to me - even very well-educated men - and not seem to realize that it is a very hurtful and rude thing to say. Anyhow. No matter! How great that Hiss updated, huh? :)

from twominus1 :

I meant that Jean and I finally were over. But it didn't last long. We broke up a week ago, but over an hour ago I kind of realized for the first time that he was really 'gone' from my life. But thing's have changed, I'm going to explain in a minute.

from enfinblue :

PS And I think my fun thing tomorrow will involve the consumption of a great deal of alcohol. :)

from enfinblue :

I so agree about venting feelings. It's true. We need to vent. And then, in my case at least, figure out why the feelings happened and then try to change the response! I will sleep and try again tomorrow. :) Have a great weekend!

from enfinblue :

Gee, I hope that made sense. I am rather pumped up on cold medicine now. :)

from enfinblue :

Ah Fifi, you're such a doll. YOu know, I haven't even seen animal house!! I must do something silly though. I always feel so embarrassed after I ventilate such feelings. I should be celebrating - tomorrow my friend Claire is coming over for a Christmas cocktail and then we are heading to a Christmas cocktail soiree held by the woman who held the brunch a couple of weeks ago - in other words, good women! I focus too much on the immediate disappointments, instead of rolling along. Thanks for the comfort and advice. :)

from enfinblue :

Anyhow. That was all just an attempt to express my random opinion on the gym environment. My favourite exercise, if truth be told - apart from running up a mountain trail - is to dance like crazy to music that I love. :)

from enfinblue :

ACK! And I forgot an important note. I meant to tell you that - and I don't know how much training you used to do, you said you used to be a runner - but I've actually discovered that when it comes to exercise less is often more. I think I've probably done serious damage to my immune system from all of the hard training that I used to do. And really it has to be fun. YOu probably have fun all the time, in all of your activities. I've never seen the point of going to the gym to hang out on machines, unless one is the particular type to love that sort of thing. I'm definitely not. I like the pool, but that's about it. The spinning bikes are fun because they feel like the real road, and I like the music and the drama provided by teh teachers...and the cute butts of the cycling dudes! :)

from enfinblue :

Oops. I shouldn't have put the FGT thing directly in the note. My oops. I'm quite oopsy these days.

from enfinblue :

Fifi, I laughed so hard at your note and it COMPLETELY MADE MY DAY. I'm so serious. I absolutely love being called an Alcott heroine. Too, I completely agree about the dudes. Larry doesn't matter, but I do know that he kept on asking me to go out with him for coffee AFTER he got the new girlfriend, because he missed talking to me. So I know for sure that things are not black and white. I honestly don't wish anything about him - that he's unhappy, that he's happy. He has nothing to do with me. The problem remains inside of me, that I react by creating negative thoughts about myself as soon as confronted with something like a sighting of the ex-boyfriend's best friend shopping with an attractive woman. I don't need to feel badly about myself; I create that. :) Ah well. Seriously, you are so funny. I sometimes think that I am funny, but you are downright hilarious. You know, you and Hiss are one serious empire of funny. I just clicked on her diary and saw that she has a quote up from Fried Green Tomatoes in her description page. Completely cracked me up. (I loved that scene.) Ah well, I should go and eat something. :) Thanks again, a million!

from enfinblue :

PS Yes, it is absurd that he would try to kiss you after that! But then you have to give him points for bravado. Or maybe no points given stupidity. Hmm...not sure.

from enfinblue :

Fifi, I laughed at the idea of you being garrulous. I actually LOVE that word; it really has the wrong definition! I like loquatious too, though. Hope you have an EXCELLENT weekend. Will look forward to reading your update when you return. And don't worry...someone will come along on Monday to enhance your willy, I'm sure. :)

from mariastuart :

And about Harold, yes, he was a bit creepy but also cute :) I so didn't like that James and I still don't, such a puppy-boy! (I can't find another description)

from mariastuart :

Oh, Ned talking about the "completely silent drape runners", HILARIOUS!! This made me laugh so hard :) Dream dictionary, I've one, very good idea. I'm going to check right now!

from teranika :

Oh yes! Secret of Roan Inish always makes me long to visit Ireland in summer. Now that I am in Vancouver I can no longer imagine the sensation of freezing nose hairs!

from enfinblue :

I hate to think that I took you away from your family! Thanks for your advice - it's GREAT advice. I'd never thought of those things, but really they are perfect. I have spent xmas alone before too, but more because I wanted to. This year I will not be alone for long, though - only a few days. Not so bad. And filled with beautiful things! Great, great, kind advice, as always. :) Hope you're having a great time.

from hungryghost :

Hey, I just wrote you a thank you email, but it got bounced! So anyway, thank you thank you! That was unexpected and lovely, and I'm touched that you would impulsively give me such a nice gift. I'll be reading lots more of you, too. It seems that, for one, we share a lust for sugar...

from somaserious :

Merci, fifi. Validation is so powerful. I'm already feeling much more confident about the whole thing. Once you put your worries into writing they magically seem to handle better. Thanks again!! xoxosoms

from enfinblue :

Thanks, Fifi. You totally rocked. I needed that! I just had a completely shitetastic day, if you'll excuse the vocab. I'm going to go for a run and then pour myself a massive glass of vino. :)

from somaserious :

Ach, enfinblue beat me to it! Fifi, I just want to say that you rock! You're so wordy and funny and often make me smile. Hope your day was fantabulous. xoxosoms

from enfinblue :

Sorry, that was so super long! Thanks too for your note and kind words. :) You're always so lovely. And you charm and amuse me so much. :)

from enfinblue :

I think the girl just has a chip. There was no way that she was up for my job. C. actually thinks that it might be about a bit of insecurity stemming from the fact that she's a policy person and I'm a quantitative person- a quantitative person can certainly write briefing notes but a policy person won't be programming any empirical models any time soon. I do not look down on pure policy people but C. thinks that it might be a bit much for some women to deal with me. Ah whatever. I'm friendly S who runs numbers and can analyze policy. And if they don't like friendly S. that's their problem! Me don't care! I don't love the job yet - I still feel like an utter moron! at it, and the people do. not. laugh - but I'm sort of growing into it. I'll survive. And in any event xmas is coming! xmas is coming! (I think I need to take a holiday.)

from enfinblue :

The girl at work seems to be OK with some people, but with me she seems to have a chip on her shoulder. Who knows! As for the other one...I feel badly for I feel as though I do not quite trust what she says. I am quiet for now as a result. You are a much better person than I am.

from enfinblue :

Fifi! I liked what you wrote to you-know-who. I can't believe though that you would beat yourself up. You are awesome!

from mariastuart :

I love it when you say that you are hungry!! Nice to hear there are other people too that are very hungry, I'm hungry all the time! I could eat a whole cow if I could :)

from enfinblue :

Fifi, Those are both outstanding!!!! I like them!

from enfinblue :

Oh my goodness I had to look up diamond cutter. So funny. New vocabulary! Yeah!

from somaserious :

I absolutely adore lights and feel that we should keep them up all the time. Last night as I was driving home from Burlington there were so many wonderfully decorated houses. It made me smile big! There's just something about the way they twinkle... xoxosoms

from enfinblue :

If I were your sister I would be so happy to have such a lovely person in my life! It's too bad that your sister is not a nice person and so not able to enjoy her family. Sad for her. Oh well.

from somaserious :

Ah, yes, the orange yolks that stick to the bowl. I cannot eat store-bought eggs anymore, just use them in baking if I have them. You get spoiled, but it's so worth it! And her chickens have the best eggs around. As she says, they are happy chickens! xoxoxosoms

from mariastuart :

Good you had your chocolate pie today :) It's weird but I almost never eat chocolate (I'm a person who is more salt orientated) and when I do, I only eat Cot� d'or, the best!!! You have great taste, it even didn't surprise me :)

from mariastuart :

About the chocolate: as I live in the chocolate country of Belgium, I can send you some chocolate! Just give me a flavor, if you like nuts, something with cream etc. I think you have my mail, just ask :)

from enfinblue :

Thanks, Fifi! Yeah, it will get better. In a year when I move back to my old department. :) For now, I am a tax wizard! Anyhow. THat is great about Earl. I wish you and yours the very best and happiest Thanksgiving!!

from enfinblue :

And PS Don't ever feel obligated to respond to my notes.

from enfinblue :

Fifi - It's true that you need to take care of yourself first. It can be draining to keep tabs on so many people, and to check in more than once a day! :) YOu're wonderful. I love April Corn3ll, only I can't wear it as my bone structure is too small. But the fabrics are so lovely...

from mariastuart :

Fifi, you are just the best :) Thank you for your lovely words a good advice, they mean a lot to me.

from twominus1 :

Sorry. :/ Life has really just gotten super crazy lately. You can read about it in my new entry. Though it's a little depressing, I suppose.

from enfinblue :

You totally rock, too! Totally! :) Yes, mothers are an issue. The thing that I've realized more and more though is that you just have to work and work and work to see through their lens. I will never completely understand or trust my mother, but I can strive as much as possible to see things from her perspective. Sometimes I just wish that she would wake up and "see the light" though. :) Anyhow. I must work. EEK. :)

from somaserious :

Thanks, fifi. Besides the emotional eating my eating habits are borderline obessive/compulsive. Mostly organic, low on the red meat, etc. Lots of veggies and fruit and grains. There are just those times....you know, just like how you reach for the red wine! I do miss that... xoxosoms

from enfinblue :

I don't think that word enquiries exists! I made it up. It's an enfinblue librarianism! I meant etymological expeditions, really. ;) I would hope that some guys would enjoy my interests and daily tasks...but it does seem that few are taking the opportunity to experience them these days. :( Oh well. I just need to be patient.

from lumenatrix :

oh my dear fifi, thank you so much for the visual. :)

from enfinblue :

Oops...I meant bodhran. :)

from enfinblue :

Oh dear Fifi my first thought was a cross between a perambulator and a rumble seat. Maybe a rumble seat for a pram? ;-) Funny thought, that - babies out in the elements. It also sounds like an action verb of sorts - maybe a kind of a stumbling way of walking when one is inebriated (we could try that out, non? - perhaps it's the best definition of all). VERY cool about the bohdran!!! :-)

from enfinblue :

PS I have actually seen brussels sprout on the stalk, but I did not know that about squash seeds. Yummy. Gosh just thinking of yapping made me chuckle. I yap all the time, too. Sometimes I'm even told that I'm funny when I do, although sometimes I'm waaaay too yappy for Benoit. Which then is funny for me! :) It all works out in the end. Hmm..drumming. Good idea. That must be so invigorating.

from mariastuart :

Hooray indeed :) Hmmmm, cauliflower!!! Also one of my favorite vegetables.

from enfinblue :

PS my type of town - love the pictures. I'm a sucker for Victorian architecture...

from enfinblue :

Hi Fifi. I will write to you soon! I've been a bit preoccupied. But thanks for your note. Bring on the snow! (I bought a super-long parka so I can't wait for it. :))

from enfinblue :

Synchronization over the Internet? Why not? :) I am a planner as well as a worrier, too. This can be good and bad. Well the worrying is clearly bad. :) But I think that being able to wing things is really wonderful. As for GDeeP...I am thinking only good thoughts for her but I am not going to participate anymore. She and I had a number of email exchanges last weekend and I did the best I could to offer support and the benefit of my experience. (I know about crappy families, intense sadness and even despair, and about being stuck in a position of measuring myself against their perspectives.) At this point she has to take the ball and run with it; for sure she does not need to change herself but she must reframe her position in relation to others or she will never be able to shake this cycle. I think she's starting to get that and I fervently wish her all happiness and success in moving forward. :)

from annanotbob :

No, Fifi darling, I wasn't being snitty, but I was in a rush so I was perhaps a bit too brief. I think one of the features of mental illness is unpredictable, irrational emotional responses coupled with total self-absorption. I don't know what it takes to remain close to someone who is going through all this. I know most of my friends stepped back as they just couldn't handle it. They were variously sad, ashamed, felt guilty etc, but it was too much for them. I do have an extra depth of love for Marion and Sarah who did stick with me, but think no less of Jane - we are close again now. I also know that I cannot handle other people when they are in this kind of crisis, apart from Mrs G, who I'm going to blog about later. I really wasn't being snitty, I think you are making the right choice - too many think they can save others and only end up getting fucked up/fucked off themselves. Hugs xxx

from enfinblue :

PS I must email you at some point as I have a little story to tell as well.

from enfinblue :

Quickie 'cause I've got to rush out to meet the girls for some Hallowe'en boozing (wish you were here!). :) I totally agree - thanks for the heads-up - I had been feeling that for the last few days. But given other circumstances I thought I'd still try to lend support. I'm giving generous distance now, as well. Take care!

from enfinblue :

And rational!

from enfinblue :

PS Biba is very clever! :)

from enfinblue :

I thought about the Isabella situation as well. At any rate, I am thinking only positive thoughts for her. I believe that she is capable of getting better. :) As for the other stuff..yes, snow! Although it is not staying. It is gone. It's early though; the earliest I remember it coming previously was on Hallowe'en. Hmm...Good that you will get some soon, too!!! :) This reminds me that I've been meaning to tell you since I found out that you were born in Oslo, that I've always wanted to go to Norway. I have two Norwegian heros: Ingrid Kristiansen and Grete Waitz! They were/are incredible. I met Grete at the London Marathon one year as she was there as a coach. What else? Oh yes, baldy. The problem is that he is the director general of an entire other directorate and there could not possibly be any ruses I could put forth in my last few weeks in that building to have a meetin with him. Alas. :( But I will corner him on the stairs or something like that. He's a very busy man. And as I wrote this week, probably married or something anyhow. :( But a new online profile would be super-great. I know exactly what I am doing wrong: I am too intimidating. I sound like I expect too much. And I think I do, on the surface. I want to find someone smart, well-educated, classy, energetic, witty...you name it. But I think that some great guys probably read from this that I am likely high maintenance, which I actually am not. Tricky to convey the correct message.

from enfinblue :

Interesting what you said about manipulation. It is quite true. And I appreciated your sensitivity in noting that this is natural to that situation. I keep on waiting for the realization that blaming others and looking for rescue from others simply reinforces old patterns and so leaves the root situation unchanged. But what can one do?

from enfinblue :

Hi Fifi, I don't know if you exchanged emails with C today but I wrote her a few and she wrote back. My impression is that she is really hurting but that she is also hoping on some level to be able to make a big change this time. I am still hoping and praying for her, and cautiously optimistic.

from enfinblue :

Oh and I forgot. I meant to tell you that I appreciated what you said about Earl. It must be terrible for him, but it's brave of him to keep going. It's so terrible to have to get over such a loss. :(

from enfinblue :

Good point about the medical companion. I had exactly the same thought, particularly since she went through the process earlier this year of getting some sort of disability status given her illness. I'm not sure what to say. I just wish I had someone over there who could check in on her, give her a laugh. What I meant and what I'm hoping is that she will have a similar epiphany to the one that I had - i.e. finally put the family things behind her as terrible but not a weight around her soul. And I hope that somewhere inside of herself she'll realize that she can build everything she needs within herself, and that when she does find peace...even more good people will flock to her like flies and she will have the support network she needs. Hmm... Pumpkin is SOOOO my favourite. Pumpkin bread pudding sounds lovely. I will have to do something nice this weekend. I am not sure what I am craving. (Good...no, great! about the spa morning. :))

from enfinblue :

G sounds better! I really think that she will get through this. I think she's starting to come around. Or at least that's what I sense. I feel this for the first time in several days. This time, when she recovers, I think she will have finally made it past some of these demons. I believe this.

from enfinblue :

Fifi, You totally rock. You have such good energy. If anyone can provide positive and effective prayer for Gentry it is you! I want to kick Gentry's butt, too. I'm frustrated. She's too smart to not see that caring about what her mean parents do or which guys are not interested in her is the opposite of what she should do. In fact, it's called aggressive self-sabotage. As I said, she's in a mind loop, and unfortunately only she can *choose* to get herself out of it. She has all of the power within her but for some reason she is unwilling to exercise it. (And I'm speaking as someone who understands depression. :)) I am hoping against all hope that she will find this knowledge in herself somehow. (And oh thank you thank you for the cuteness comment to me :))

from somaserious :

Nope, no Tiffany Colter requesting anything from me. xoxosoms

from enfinblue :

Hi Fifi, Glad the notes helped. I totally understand what it is like to be a sensitive person and to sometimes be strongly affected by other people's unthoughtful behaviour. (If that is the problem.) You really are such a cheerful person by my impression that I hate to hear that you are down. (PS I thought about doing the quiz last night but I was slightly short on time so tonight! :))

from enfinblue :

C. and I are not together because...C brings me down. He's the ultimate pessimist whilst I am the ultimate optimist. I love him to death but he makes me crazy. And he's hyper-controlling and stubborn...but in a good way. I've never been attracted to him. :) (Plus he has terrible taste in women. :) I should write about that sometime; I've tried to keep out of it.)

from enfinblue :

Oh no! Don't tempt me over the bald guys! And the sex! Actually, I have no problem with bald (or hairy, no matter :)). I think it was just that when this guy first started noticing me it was too reminiscent of the bald guy boss I had in my mid-20s whom I looked up to immensely, until he very creepily started to sexually harass me. This harassment has continued even into the present, at least as a reminder; the guy emailed me in September! Eew. Have a drink for me, will you? The poet scientist asked me out for dinner and his girlfriend is away and so I don't want alcohol to make it fuzzy, if you know what I mean. I may be lonely but I would never flirt with someone else's boyfriend. :)

from enfinblue :

Thanks! Enjoy the parties, but do get some sleep eventually. :)

from enfinblue :

PS I've been told in the past that one of my problems is that I am intimidating to some men who like me and otherwise would ask me out. I think it's because I don't flirt. :( But I assume that these men wouldn't be good for me, anyhow. And, really, I don't think I'm intimidating at all. I'm quite silly, really. So, as I said, activities first! :)

from enfinblue :

Thanks, Fifi. I loved your note. It was very helpful. In part I am indeed wondering if I am ready. At the same time I'm pretty happy alone so I sort of have that down. But I think my life could be much richer with additional activities so I will conquer that first. Have a wonderful day!

from enfinblue :

You're so awesome, Fifi. Honestly, it's the family life and the close-to-the-land thing that I envy enormously. That's my idea of bliss. I'm happy with what I'm doing right now - it's a stage I need to go through - but I aim for a life more like yours. And I completely agree with you about mismatched stuff. I will eventually replace some of my stuff as it is pretty shabby, but in general I am more interested in people and experiences than in hyper-decorating. Though I do like beautiful, high-quality things. :)

from enfinblue :

So true. I trust that she has a great deal of good sense, but it does seem that she is running out of strength. You need both sometimes. I think that she needs to simplify things and rebuild one step at a time (speaking from experience :)). I'm thinking good thoughts for her.

from enfinblue :

Well, I think you're lucky to be so amply endowed. As for colours, yes it is antiquated, although I can't figure out at all half of the time what colours look great on me--I'm often convinced that none do but brown, and then my friends tell me to stop. wearing. brown. Seriously, a friend did that last year. So now I'm into green and sometimes pink. :)

from mariastuart :

Yes, I'm the one from Antwerp! So you know my country and even my city? You've great taste :)

from somaserious :

Thank you, fifi!! It was quite the evening of physical discomfort and mental acuity. What a combo...sorry to hear you're feeling blah, blah, blah. If I could, I would send you our "secret stash" of pain meds we keep around in case of emergencies...chin up my dearest! smooch, soms

from janedoe0 :

Hi!!! Thanks for your note! It made me smile! :) And I have to be honest that I have popped into your diary every now and agian. Unfortunately I am not with dland anymore but you are welcome to email me and I'll send on the new adress!!! :) [email protected]

from enfinblue :

You just might be onto something! Glad that you had a great trip! S

from twominus1 :

I suppose I've gained some control. I doubt I will go to rehab like my parents want me to, I think they can see that being so close to dying scared me out of it. But Jean... well we never actually broke up. He just hasn't talked to me. Bah. It's just so hard to say sorry to someone who won't listen.

from twominus1 :

Well, I'm not doing so well right now. :/

from mariastuart :

Nice to hear you like it. Wow, you are even reading things from 2000? Still a long way to go :) I've been reading your diary too, lovely!! Yes, you are in my list too!

from twominus1 :

Oh. Erm. Sorry, I hate making people cry. I'm not really sure what she would say. It's been so long, nearly four years. If she was alive though, she would probably be doing it with me. She was the soical butterfly out of the two of us. That's what I think. Nice French by the way ;) I am proud to say Jean has started to rub off on me and I can understand French a whole lot faster than I did before. Yah!

from enfinblue :

PS Have a great day.

from enfinblue :

Hi Fifi, Yes, "yikes" is a great word. :) (Your enthusiasm reminds me so much of me.) Sorry about your finger--ouch! The sad bit about S is that I *had* written a note to him noting that I hadn't quite been myself and could we start with a clean slate. He wrote back and said "sure," but then *that* is when he pulled back. Anyhow. If that is all that it takes for him to get set off course then clearly I don't want to be in a relationship with him, anyways. I wasn't at my best but I really didn't do anything terribly wrong on Saturday.

from enfinblue :

ACK! I just realized that I forgot to write back to you today. Thank you again for your kind counsel! You are so wise. And so kind. :) I'm currently sweating over a hot stove on which I have curried cauliflower soup cooking, so I must get back to it...:)

from somaserious :

Thank you so much, fifi. Sometimes you get so bogged down by "stuff" and just can't see any shining light anywhere. I know that we'll work through this, eventually, but right now it just isn't fun. Life is hard, relationships are hard. There is a need from both parties to work and sometimes I feel like I'm the one being blamed for all of our problems. Anyway, before this gets any longer...thank you again for your words. It's nice to hear from others. Guess that's why I pour this stuff out here, to get some validation. kiss, soms

from twominus1 :

Haha. I will definitly enjoy this.

from somaserious :

Ugh! I feel the same way, fifi. It's like there's this weight that just won't lift. Maybe it's just gravity getting stronger or just a collective world depression. Either way, it must be gone!! smooch, soms

from enfinblue :

Thank you! :)

from enfinblue :

Fifi, you didn't! Gee, what a sweet thing to do!

from somaserious :

Ah, oooo, Burlington. Such a fun, fun place to be!! I'm glad you had a wonderful trip. We won't be getting up that way for a visit until September :(. But, hey, we're moving 20 minutes away in April! And the cows...Griffyn loves the farm, especially all the motorized equipment. He goes there everyday since we have one that's not even five minutes away! But the smell!!! And I could never, ever be without VT maple syrup... smooch, soms

from somaserious :

Thank, you, Fifi. My mind has been on that lately and sometimes you forget about letting everything go for a minute or two. Our brains so get into our way...

from somaserious :

BE-ing. Like it...Ooo, finished the book. I'm only on page one hundred and something and can only read it before I go to bed. So, it should take me a while. Part of me wants to get right through it and the other wants to savor every word. DO NO say anything about it!!! xxxooosoms

from enfinblue :

A Chimay float sounds divine, actually. I will have to make a note to try that..after my hang over passes, that is. :) Too much Guinness last night...

from somaserious :

You know, with some people it's all about the control. I'm referring to your previous entry and not today's, just in case you're not reading my mind. They seem to be in that scary place where if they don't have control and belittle others to make them feel more powerful they no longer have control. Get it? They really, really suck! Whenever I'm around someone with those attributes I mostly just ignore them. I used to let them walk all over me, but no more, missy! It's not worth the time and a little shot to the head could do them some good...xxxooosoms

from enfinblue :

I'm really sorry about your sad news, Fifi. But I'm glad likewise that things are relatively OK now. Don't feel pressured to write an entry about flowers... :)

from enfinblue :

Thanks! You're so sweet. I'm actually OK--I'm just frustrated with myself for digging myself into a bit of a hole. I need to focus on more interesting things than my burdensome job for once! :) Have a great day!

from tampaxofdoom :

i have NO clue what's wrong with hiiiimmmmmm....argh. lol

from tampaxofdoom :

It was the best concert I've ever been to. :D

from somaserious :

fifi, you brave girl! Exorcise (exercise?) those old demons. You go girl!!! So, my sister overheard this funny when her 8 year old son's friend was over: "So, if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?" Ha!!! I laughed so hard I practically had tears. what color does a smurf turn?!!!! smooch, soms

from tampaxofdoom :

lol uhm...thanks? you seem...interesting....too? XD lol

from enfinblue :

PS I unwittingly post to my own notes frequently... :)

from enfinblue :

You're so funny. Drunk blogging is A-OK in my book. :) I wrote a poem whilst at the bar last night--with my eyeliner :)--and I'm curious to now read it and see if it holds up. Thanks for the backstory. I have only had one stalker in my lifetime and that is more than enough, thank you. Poor you to have had the experience with greater frequency! Thanks, too, for the compliments. My life seems dead boring to me, which is why I enjoy a pint or two or three of stout or apricot lager or a few glasses of Pineau des Charentes every now and again. ;)

from enfinblue :

You're enormously cute and amusing. I don't know the back story to that entry but I was greatly entertained. :)

from enfinblue :

You are too kind. I never read my old entries; they embarrass me too much. I just read a few now and I'm struck by how humourless they are (not to mention weakly grammatical :)). It's an interesting exercise--reliving parts of yourself you almost don't recognize. Hmm...Thanks for inspiring me to do it.

from enfinblue :

PS Love the tone of your diary. Very amusing. :)

from enfinblue :

Thanks for your note! I'm afraid that I'm a rather boring diarist, unlike Gentry! (Yes, I do adore her--she's delightful.) I'm going to enjoy catching up on your diary as well--nice to meet someone new. :)

from deareddie :

We never manage to be apart for more than a few days... We're doing fine, now, though. Hugs!

from lumenatrix :

yeah, my grandma taught me how to cross stitch when I was younger. I usually do the counted patterns. It's not that much harder, it just takes a bit more focus.

from lumenatrix :

Thanks for th note, fifi. Mostly what's happening is I've finally had a chance to stop everything and realize that I really did like this last boy and that it really is sad that it ended. I've sort of been able to ignore that until now. It'll be fine, I'm just sort of working through it a bit later than normal. :) I also bought three cross stitch patterns to keep me busy from here on out. That'll set things right.

from somaserious :

Thanks, Fifi... I'm over the "poor me" crap... smooch

from somaserious :

You know, we Americans are too damned out of touch with anything that resembles reality. Or should I say too in touch with reality shows? Argh, I'm right there with you on that whole thing. It's pathetic, really, and we must feel sorry for all those poor souls who have no depth. Yay for us! We of the deep...anyway, hope all is well and cheery.. smooch, soma

from deareddie :

Hello fifi, just toddling by to toast you-- It's Sunday, so we're having champagne...

from somaserious :

Hello, dearest. That's pretty darn freaky. It must have been such a damper on your life to have those two crazy people constantly after you, and I don't mean that jokingly. Argh, some people should die, that's just unconscious knowledge (line from a Jane's Addiction song). Anyway, you're now bright and happy and living a wonderful life. Yay you!!! xoxoxsoms

from somaserious :

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? ART! What do you call a man with no arms and no legs swimming (?) in the ocean? BOB!! I love those jokes. Fififififi, you are so cute when you are drunk! soms, xoxoxo

from somaserious :

Yeah, it's definitely a control issue, but it's still scary...maybe I should just learn how to fly! I have to tell you that your drunk posts are extremely entertaining and I look forward to them. Ah, silliness. It's a beautiful thing. And, your writing is never stilted...

from somaserious :

Well, we are moving up to Richmond, Vermont, not Virginia. It's about two hours from where we live now. The house we are in now is just a rental, and while it's really cozy, it's too damn small for the three of us. Plus our friends are up there (it's just outside of Burlington, very cool town) and to Geoffrey his friends are his family. He's just not happy here in my family's territory. We moved here after we got married because I had the better job. I will, however, be working here still for a while. My clients are just too important to me and I have a really great massage practice. Starting over up there sounds incredibly daunting and I'd rather do it slowly. There are A LOT of massage therapists in that area and it will take me sometime to get a good client base. And, we are going in on a house with two other couples. They are already in the house, but another couple is leaving and we've been asked to join them. My husband is building on an addition this summer. Man, this is getting long. Anyway, I'll write more about it in my diary, don't worry. hugs, soma

from deareddie :

Thank you for the concern. As you say, things are rarely as over as they seem... We've been talking again. I'm never very good at finding fine lines, and the one between "calling it a day" and "giving up on love" is eluding me. Perhaps I just need cheese. Havarti Dill is a particular favourite, toasted on crackers.

from somaserious :

mmmm, Meunster cheese. That is so yummy. I do miss a good wine, I must say. That's the only downfall of not drinking anymore. Wine was my all-time favorite, especially the reds. Hyperextension!! That's a great word, and I hope you haven't hyperextended anything lately...

from somaserious :

Oh, fifi, you are truly wonderful. Thank you so much for the gift. With luck I will be able to pass along something nice for you one day...that was really, really nice of you. Okay, I'll stop my thank you vomiting now. soma

from annanotbob :

Glad you survived the flood with no need of pea green boats, beautiful or otherwise. Garden=British yard=American, I say in passing xxx

from twominus1 :

Thank you for the kind words. Most people aren't sure how to react when they find out that I've lost my twin. And I'm not too sure how they should react either. I really just take every day as they come. As much as it hurt to loose my sister -it still does- we all had our time with her, as she died of cancer. We were all able to accept it before she actually died, and we just made the best of the time we had left. But I do miss her a lot, and I hope that it will all get better. Thanks, again. Michelle

from twominus1 :

Thanks, I don't actually speak french all that well, but with the online translator I understand :) I hope I do well too, and thanks again!

from annanotbob :

It sounds bloody lovely where you live. I especially envy the front porch, with people passing, music... Are you a Brit? I've been trying to work out what makes me think you aren't American, but I can't pin it down. You don't read like one, I guess. Best wishes x

from somaserious :

I wonder if the person who made that up is making a lot of money now. My first reaction was, "mmmhmmm, this must be a late April Fool's thing." But, something that silly has to be real!!! I'm in agreement with you, something that takes that long, well, just eat carrots!!! Good idea. I've actually lost some weight and am thinking the craziness feel will most likely subside in time, hopefully. We keep dark chocolate, good dark chocolate, in the house at all times, so that usually does it for me. I love truffles!!!! That would work, too. Thanks for the routine. I'll have to give it a go, girlie! soma

from somaserious :

Thanks, fifi. I just love that name! If I ever have a girl... What a punk you were. I'm sure some of that juicy past life is still residing somewhere inside of you. What fun! Yeah, things are okay. G and I romped yesterday!!! It was very interesting...with the sore boobies and all. But, very successful. Thanks again...soma

from lumenatrix :

Hi there! Well, if you go through my archives I hope I don't lose you during the boring parts. Feel free to skim. ;)THanks for adding me, I'll be cruising through your past entires in the next day or so too.

from somaserious :

You can probably imagine how many of my women friends said, "Hey, could you save some for me? Just a little to puff them out a bit?" Yeah, it's pretty funny. But, it's a little weird when your father says, "Why don't you give some to your mother"!!!! Eeek! Tell Ned to ride the sweet Percocet wave :) I'm not really taking much anymore, only at the end of the day. smooch,soma

from somaserious :

fifififififi!!! Everything is going swimmingly. I have been very sore and tender, but it's all worth it in the end! I'll update soon. It's harder to do with the little man running around, climbing on the desk, playing with the sharp thumbtacks...soma

from deareddie :

Oh, I suppose I should answer your questions while I'm recklessly noting around. 1. Yep, American. I'm not sure how I feel about being referred to as a Yank, it sounds as if I'm some sort of sex worker. 2. Baby Blue became expensive and slighly scary (things like working brakes and engine are important to me, I know, how shallow.) So I now have Delores. I have been seduced by her cupholders, working trunk, sunroof and air conditioning. I feel very cheap and slightly dirty for my abandonment of Baby Blue. But the cupholders... *sigh* Heaven.

from deareddie :

1. I agree with the previous, the poem is simply genius. I find myself at odd times of the day returning to read it again. 2. I'm slightly obsessed with cheese too. All the best people are, I've noticed. And goats, but most especially fainting goats. Look this up immediately on YouTube, it's worth it. Just don't pee yourself laughing. 3. Thank you for the note, I look forward to reading you as well!

from i-never-said :

Thank you so much for the compliment about Dylan!...Yes, I am staying here, we have been working on our marriage and making time for ourselves...It's hard, we've been married 13 years and been together for 14...You are welcome to ask me anything you'd like, it's ok with me...

from i-never-said :

That's ok...I don't have any kind of tracker or anything like that...Please feel free to read whatever you like...My old diary is chained-soul...Take care!...Ali

from hissandtell :

You'll enjoy this one: "How to Sex a Dinosaur", by Patrick Winstanley -- Tyrannosaurus rex/Has enormous pecs/Whereas Tyrannosaurus regina/Has an enormous ... tiara x

from hissandtell :

You are simply the clevereverest poet in the whole universe, Miss Fifi. And that ornithorhynchus poem really needs to be published, pronto. It puts Spike Milligan AND Patrick Winstanley AND Ogden Nash to shame! (Also, you will note -- and perhaps thank me -- that I did not include "queefy" as a rhyme-word for your fine name, although I did think about it. [Including it, I mean -- not being queefy. Icky.]) Lotsalurrrve, R xxx

from somaserious :

Ah, Fifi, you tricky thing you!!! It's so lovely to see you writing again. You are such a trouble maker!!! HA,HA,HA,HA!!!! Thanks for the note.smooch,soma

from hissandtell :

Yay! I was going to write a poem in your honour, to celebrate your phoenix-like symbolic (cymballic? Yes! Let us clang!) rebirth, but instead I offer these words that rhyme with Fifi and invite you to write your own: leafy, beefy, reefy, ornithorhynchus (although the last one may be a bit problematic, and also not really very rhymey). But do see what you can come up with! Love, R xxx

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