messages to for-you-only:
(click here to add new message):

from narcissa :
3-17 - oh yeah, i absolutely knew better than to see Pan's, altho everyone said so many great things about it and the visuals looked stunning. So - was it worth it?
from mostlydead :
I found this not available. Mine was too. I added an entry and it's available again. Hope all is well.
from papersails :
Thank you for welcoming me to the obsessive diaryring! :)
from shoelover192 :
Argh, no, you're leaving :( Good luck with everything, drop me an email whenever, gem192@hotmail.co.uk. I know your writing meant so much to you, there must be strong reasons for you to stop. Thanks for all the entries that gave me food for thought over the years.
from curiouoso :
Now's your big chance to read me then give me advice! ;) It's been interesting reading you over the years. Curiouoso*
from curiouoso :
Why do you let yourself be trashed like that? Remember I read you now and then way back when, when you were just a school girl. I figured that you would grow up and show and use the intelligence you showed thru your writing. Then you grew up more, life still isn't easy and never will be a fairy tale. It seemed you were making better choices and developing a path for your life. What's wrong? you are stuck again? Use the street smarts you developed in school, etc., and apply your innate intelligence! Do what needs to be done so you can move on to a real life with the job money and happiness you deserve! Get with it girl....your lifes awaisting! Curiouoso* with advice you didn't ask for but I would want in your situation!
from fuck--that :
YES! You are fucking awesome! I'm so beyond happy that you've finally realized it! If I wouldn't have found my soulmate, I'd drive to Buffalo and seduce you. ;-) Much love, doll! I hope this attitude lingers. I hope you're dancing!
from fuck--that :
You're beautiful! Just thought I'd let you know. Much love, doll, I'm sending you good vibrations.
from lorshad :
Its been a while since I came through here. Seems you have gone through some changes. I hope they were all for the best. i will visit again soon.
from shoelover192 :
I know what you mean about listening to your own advice. I always had such strong morals, and I knew what I would do in any given situation. But that was when I was young and life was easy. Now I'm faced with the situations I feel like I'm falling away from myself. I'm doing what I don't want to do, what I know I wouldn't have said I'd do...does that make sense? How do you feel about the abortion? Let me know when it is, I'll thinking about you.
from fuck--that :
Wow! We do have an eery amount in common. To be perfectly honest, I can hear myself screaming through a lot of your older entries! I think it's awesome that you got a job, even if it does suck right now! I hope things get better and that your boss lightens up, but half the fun in having a job is hating it. =) I bet you'd fare a lot better than you think in the country! It takes "city-folk" a while to get used to it, but there's a certain melody to life out here that you can't find anywhere else.
from shoelover192 :
*sigh* yeah, it seems all men have issues, even the ones that appear not to, or say they don't. Or maybe it's just the type of men we go for? I read your diary when I was in the process of deciding whether or not to split up with my ex, we were in a horrible dead relationship, but it was familiar and I had always thought he was The One. Now I'm with my bf, who was also an ex, and our relationship is fiery and exciting and amazing...but I can't help thinking I'm in too deep, and that he has too much of a hold over me. Anyway, I was reading you then and really identified with a lot of the things you were saying about agonizing about whether to stay with Corvier or not. I know you think you aren't coping with the split, but it was such a big relationship for you and you were together for quite a while, so don't pressure yourself. I think you're doing really well, and the most important strength isn't physical :)
from shoelover192 :
I just watched your video of Corvier and Jeremy on Myspace, it's SO surreal seeing you all...in real life? Which sounds weird. Oh and for the record, I totally support and identify with why you split up with Corvier, I think you were totally in the right. But I just want to say, OOOFT, that man is purdy. Well done lady :) Aaand don't listen to your stupid boss, as long as you know you have did enough then her blindness to what is going on around her doesn't matter. Unless she fires you. Then that'll suck lol. Hope you're doing ok :)
from fuck--that :
I don't know how to say this without sounding harsh, but I want you to know that it's coming from a deep caring (and understanding) of what you're going through: You're never going to find completion in another person, Rae. You need to be single. You say that all there is in being single is misery, but you're not seeing the big picture. It is hard to be alone, very hard, but that's what turns you into a stronger person. The lonliness drives you to do things--to get your mind off things--to move, and to grow. I'm so beyond proud of you for giving serious consideration to becoming a nutritionist! You are too fucking smart to attatch yourself to the first man that will drop the L-word. Stop settling for men without jobs, men with anger issues. Stop settling for abuse and neglect, and stop missing it when it's gone! You need to sew yourself together and get on with your life--leave these men in the past. There is a reason you broke up, and reconnecting will only bring those things to a head. Nostalgia makes it easy to look back on things fondly and with a sense of longing, but it's never as sweet as you want it. Please, pursue an education, a job--anything that will give you independance, anything that will better yourself. Men will not complete you--only the right kind of love is capable of filling in that missing peice. Please God don't miss out on the amazing things in store for you because, at such a young age, you're scared to be alone. I hope this finds you well! Even though I don't know you, and you don't know me, I love you. You're in my prayers.
from and-darling :
... I've missed so much since I've been gone... It's... Well, I actually kind of regret it because I know how I've felt about the things that happen inside of your life, as you in mine. I still promise you that one day we will meet each other face to face. I'm sorry for disappearing on you.
from and-darling :
Do you meditate, Love? I think I'm figuring things out and it's doing things to me in return. Our bodies are so involved with our souls that it's easy to forget which one should drive which sometimes, and why things happen when they do. I think that's why... I could be wrong, though.
from fuck--that :
Haha, Iowa is amazing! You just have to look at it the right way. It's all about parks, and camping grounds and star gazing. Silly things.
from fuck--that :
I hope that being with Jeremy is really what you want. I worry about you! I know it's strange, but I just hate the idea of such a beautiful flower letting herself wilt. You deserve someone who wants only you. I understand that love is blind, and deaf and dumb, but please just remember that relationships come to an end for a reason. You say you're no good at putting yourself out there and making friends, but with as much compassion as you have, I just don't see it! I just think that you're so much bigger than the life you're living. Don't be scared to spread your wings.
from takemychains :
I understand, sort of. But at the same time, you shouldn't allow him to cheat because once upon a time 4+ years ago you cheated on him and then with him and blahblahblah. This is now and you guys should be trying to do things different. He shouldn't be allowed to "have his cake and eat it too." I'm just saying; You should be filling enough. You should be all the cake he needs, regardless of how things might have went back in the day. I just want to see him appreciate you to the fullest, and in my opinion, that isn't appreciating you at all. You are way too use to abuse, and this may not be physical, but you're still allowing someone to belittle you and disrespect you.
from tater-fay :
It makes me smile to know you are with Jeremy. I think he is a good guy and you SO deserve to be with a decent guy, obviously! You seem so much happier...I'm glad!
from takemychains :
Well...as far as i'm concerned, Jeremy cheated...and you need to make it known that that's NOT okay. It just isn't, at all. Just because he left her for you or whatever doesn't mean he can go back and try it out any time he wants. He LEFT her for YOU. He shouldn't want her any more, at all. He shouldn't even be visiting her anymore. He should be completely satisfied with you and only you. That is extremely selfish and not fair to you at all and I feel really bad that you are almost accepting it like it's nothing. Yeah you've thought about open relationships before with corvier and stuff, but they didn't work out. If Jeremy wants to be yours then he needs to be yours completely and fully and not turn back to her whenever he feels the need. Ugh. This almost makes me sad. I don't know what to say now.
from lawliiet :
Lol, good. Cause that was pretty harsh. xp
from lawliiet :
Man, I hope you didn't actually send that letter to that Janet chick...
from curiouoso :
Good luck in the future, you deerve it! You should be reading me lately! See ya, Curiouoso*
from takemychains :
So...I'm trying to get back in touch with this thing. You are back with Jeremy?? Wow! Crazy stuff, lol. But kinda cute. I read back a few entries, to the letter you had started for Corvier and stuff so I'm kinda in the know about everything now. Also, I have a suggestion: I think you should update your cast/about me pages. *nod*
from endthelies :
I'm really glad you're out of that relationship. I think you're free to be happy now.
from fuck--that :
God damn! You are fantastic! I'm glad that you're doing better... I'm also thrilled to see your goals! As stupid as it sounds, a part time job is going to be good for you! I hope you manage to get something you enjoy--like that Web Design gig. It's surprising just how much confidence you'll get by putting yourself out there a little more! I can't imagine why someone as fabulous as you are has trouble making friends. =) I'm so glad you're realizing your strength. You really are a Phoenix.
from fuck--that :
I wish there was something I could do to ease your mind...and your pain. As hollow and as empty as it sounds, this will fade. The initial longing is the hardest, and you'll notice in time, that the good things are the only ones you remember. Allow it to happen like that, remember Corveir the way you want to. Remember him loving you, remember him bringing you tea, remember drawing together. You just have to know that, at the end of the day, you had a love beyond comparison--that without bias, wishful thinking or knowing better--you two loved each other completely and totally. There's nothing else you could've done, Rae. You're walking away from this relationship knowing with every bit or your heart and soul that you tried to save it, you tried to save him. I'm so happy for you! I cannot begin to imagine the kind of love waiting out there for a girl who is as beautiful and extraordinary as you are. The aches and pains will go away, taste will come back to food, pleasure will come back to life. I'm so thankful that you got yourself out, but I'm worried about your physical condition! I know you're going to make it through this, and I'll be here writing you all the letters of support you need. You're marvelous, babe! Never sell yourself short for a man again; sew yourself together, and don't let anyone pull at the threads. You're way too fucking smart to rely on a man (really, another person in general)! Your happiness should come on your own terms. Find your bliss and follow it! I hope this finds you doing well! <3
from fuck--that :
You doubt, you worry about missing him, because you are a beautiful girl full of love that she's dying to give away! You're just giving it to the wrong person. Reading your diary, the one thing that spoke to me, was the intense love and adoration you felt for all of your boyfriends, even as far back as Jeremy. Your capacity for love is something that is truely awe inspiring--you're the kind of woman that I want to be to a man--the kind of woman any DECENT man would be blessed to find. You haven't found him yet, Jeremy, Corveir, Tre, none of them were good enough for you. None of them loved you the way you needed to be loved, the way you loved them. Love isn't all self-sacrifice, Rae. Love is finding someone who gives something back. You could be happy with Corveir, maybe. I mean, you're driven enough to find happiness in the darkest of places... But wouldn't you rather find someone who can't live without you? Someone who remembers your favorite books, movies, foods? Someone who doesn't need to buy your affection with laptops and gaming, someone who's content to spend hours drawing with you laughing with you, laying with you. If you have any love for yourself, you'll get out of this and find someone who can see how beautiful and remarkable you really are.
from curiouoso :
Hello dear "Atara", I'm sorry it's taken me so long to thank you for the email wishing me a happy new year. Thank you kindly, but at this point I'm not so sure it's going to be wonderful, but of course it isn't over yet and the fat lady won't sing for a few more months. I'm a bit depressed these days. I really miss the companionship of of a partner each day, the sleeping next to someone in bed and the occaisonal hug and squeeze lovers share. It doesn't really have much to do with sex, though that's nice, just the experience of not doing everything alone. Restaurants, movies, activities, really boring alone. I just stay home after work, read and other solitary pursuits. I don't drink wine alone, I don't even watch tv. boring. I see you are about to transition to single life now....much as I supposed and suggested so long ago. Who needs tearing down and physical danger in there life? truly, though I didn't say anything and it probably won't be welcomed now, That guy was pure ghetto, every way you described him. Theres a lot of people who think that lifestyle is so cool....Disrespecting women and aspiring to be ghetto????? Most people would like to improve themselves and have a better life, what ever that means to them, but ghetto is not usually a step up!! You deserve much better, and that's the last you'll hear from me about that. I'm sure you'll do much better than me in the "single" life. After all, you have friends that will be there now and when you finally want to try again, maybe as equals next time. I on the other hand am still tied to my wife, she's just not here and so I have no freedom to start again or recreate any kind of relationship. Good luck to you, you've come a long ways since I first read you! Now you are an intriging woman, geting more so every day! curiouoso*
from fuck--that :
Would it sound incredibly aweful of me to say yes? I just think that he's holding you back, the sooner you get him out of your life--untether yourself--the sooner you're free to live just for yourself and accomplish your dreams. I stayed with my ex for way too long, because I was jobless and living with him. At least you have the upperhand in this situation. Change really is terrifying, but that's what makes it so gratifying! If it wasn't hard, it wouldn't be worth it.
from fuck--that :
Oh, honey, get out! Anything that requires weighting odds and options this much isn't worth it. If you have the slightest inclination that it won't work, then get out! It's better than wasting more of your life. The longer you wait, the harder it'll be. You could be so much!!!
from fuck--that :
*Meanwhile I’m calm-faced, and calm-voiced and thinking; “This is not how I want the rest of my life.”* Totally one of the most relatable things I've found in your diary! I had so many moments like that with my ex! Actually, I've just had a lot of moments in my life like that, haha. So, are you guys done then? It was a little vague! I hope you're doing all right, keeping busy is always a great thing!
from fuck--that :
And HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (Beleated, of course)
from fuck--that :
I'm so happy you could relate so much to my diary! I'm also sorry that it took me so long to get back to you, I'm still trying to get the city wired. =) I've done a lot of reading on your diary, and, wow! You seem like an incredible person! It kills me to see someone as beautiful and creative as you are wasting away in such an unsatisfying relationship! I hope for the sake of your life and sanity, you have gotten out of it! I adore your art, by the way! You're marvelously talented!
from loopykitten :
I'm in Chicago now so if you wanted to stop by on your way to a road trip it's still cool. Me and Nigel would be more than happy to have you over, you would have to sleep on the couch, but it's basically a futon mattress so you would be ok :)
from tater-fay :
Happy Belated Birthday..I will go and read your new health site. I'm SO glad that it is over between you and Corvier (or I THINK it's over...I'm a little confused)...I hope he moves out soon..it is hard living with someone like him!
from lawliiet :
Man, Im sorry is has come down to this but better to get it over with rather than let it waste any more of your time. I know what you mean when you say "Amazing." in regards to turning 20. You look back on the life you have led to this point and are amazed at both how far youve come and how far you have to go. Ill be 25 this year and Im not taking it as badly as I thought I would at 20. As long as Im happy, I dont mind the hours passing. Thats the key to life, eh?
from loopykitten :
Oh and by the way, I don't have the ability to read your diary anymore since you locked it...
from loopykitten :
Stargate is fun, go for it. I would watch it again. There are always little details that you might have missed that are fun to catch.
from asfastasican :
I've gotten a LOT of compliments on your art! In fact, a couple friends have asked if I could get them some larger prints or posters. Let me know when you get things listed! You're extraordinarily talented, keep it up!
from tater-fay :
And on a cheerier note:): Happy Holidays! I enjoyed looking at your pictures. You look SO much like an old friend of mine..it is uncanny! The day after Xmas always feels anti-climactic to me..what about you?? We went to Larry's grandparents house and had dinner. That was it. We didn't have any Xmas decorations..we bought no gifts for each other or anybody else..mostly cuz we are really struggling financially, but I didn't mind. I had a nice day anyway:)
from tater-fay :
Yep..I pretty much still disagree with you. Why should my sister's murderer get to live in an "elegant" room? My sister wasn't able to live in elegance. Many prisoners have it quite cushy compared to what prison USED to be like (read about American and European prison systems in the 1800's and early 1900's!!!)
from asfastasican :
I loved loved loved loved loved loved your Christmas note-cards. I hung a few on our house bulletin boards and a couple on the fridge. You're a doll!
from tater-fay :
Sorry, but I don't tend to blame "society" for my sister's murder. I blame her MURDERER! I am sure he needs counseling. I am also sure he needs to be exactly where he is: IN JAIL. He is a violent, violent man. He is already serving a sentence for assaulting 3 other individuals in various ways...he hasn't even gone to trial for my sister's murder. I understand where you are coming from to a degree, but I find your whole argument (esp. if it applies to violent offenders) to be offensive, personally. You might feel differently if one of your loved ones was murdered. Though one thing I can say..I was against the death penalty BEFORE Sarah was murdered and am still against it.
from and-darling :
You hold onto all of those thoughts-- I'll come back to reply to them, but I have to head out at the moment. And I want to eventually meet you-- I think it'd be great! Talk to you later, darlin'. (P.S. You should look up SKYPE. It's a program that allows chatting and webcam for free-- all over the world).
from tater-fay :
Have you seen "King Corn?" It is a really fascinating documentary. They talk a lot about high fructose corn syrup, amongst other things..I think you'd really like it!
from tater-fay :
Thanks for the postcards..you guys are really talented! When my sister was first murdered I used to think about violence a lot. I would ask myself "WHY? How could he actually have done that?" I don't ask "Why?" anymore because I don't think there is an answer. Actually, if there is an answer..it is because he is mentally ill. That is about all I can come up with. Though I don't necessarily agree with "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"..I sort of relate to the saying...It take A LOT to start doing major healing after a major trauma (such as losing my sister and mom) but I feel like I am stronger than most people BECAUSE I have had to go through those tragedies.
from leaveten :
i really do respect you as a person- i didn't say too much because i don't think it's my place to. you didn't ask me personally for my opinion, so i wasn't sure if i would be offending you by giving it to you. it's weird to me how well you can know someone online, like reading about them and never actually talking to them, so you know so much about them but you don't really KNOW them. so its just weird to me to sit here and tell you all these things i think you should you, when i don't really know you. i said as much as i felt like i could without perhaps offending you or making you think i felt like i'm better than you, i definetly don't. i actually have bipolar disorder. i could tell you about it, if you're ever interested. i really do think you're an amazing person, and i don't know your boyfriend, so i feel weird saying this, but from what i think, completely based on what i've read, i think you can do better. i also think you'll know whats best for you better than me. that's all.
from the-clan :
NINJA: Well thank you so very fuckin' much! We here at the Closet Industries wish you and yours some very happy holidays as well. Realz, dawg, ya' made our night. Kids've been hopin' to get a note on our diary-thing for a while now. They're real happy now n' blow you kisses n' stuff. May this next year bring ya nothin' but kick-ass shit!
from punkedupqt :
ah maam! merry xmas and a happy new year to you too! soon soon. obviously u cant wait to get into the season spirit :]
from and-darling :
Oh, well, that's not for another few weeks, my dear. And can I ask a silly question? If I was all "My darlin', run away with me and forget about your home and your lover, and all of that other stuff" would you? I mean, it's all theoretical and all. I wouldn't share you with Corvier if I could come to you and we lived together.
from tater-fay :
I love Muse...one of my fave bands! Just thought I'd throw that out there!
from for-you-only :
username: read password: me
from leaveten :
i think he's an asshole. i think you don't think enough of yourself to realize he's not good enough for you. i think you need time being single, to be on your own, almost all of your entries are about guys- life is more than that. i think you need to spend time getting to know you to see it. i think you should see a therapist (not a bad thing!). i think your sexual fantasies might be damaging, and have some underlying reasoning. i don't think you're bipolar, because you don't show any signs of manic activity. i think your codependency on men isn't healthy. i hope you don't take any of this as an insult, i don't mean it that way. i read every single one of your entries. i've spent the day doing so. from 2003 to the most recent. if i meant to insult you, i wouldn't put that much effort into it. that's really all i have to say. i wish you the best of luck.
from and-darling :
You've been writing about him an awful lot lately... Ever talk to your mom about the jerk? I'd bash his face in for you if I was your neighbour. I'd be all "hey, you dick, treat your girl better before I cut you into tiny pieces and feed you to the fish!" Or something equally threatening... Anyway, I hate seeing him do this to you. I know you've been together for quite some time and you love him and all that jazz... but honestly, he doesn't sound right for you like he did before. Even you think that-- believe it or not. Ah.., Darling, I wish you lived here with me. Here there are people who would treat your right and love you unconditionally. They're just as quirky and weird as you, and they love the subculture you do, and share the same fears about sugar. I'd have a spot you'd fit right in and not have to worry about assholes. <3 Ayian
from maliger :
Hi, I haven't visited your profile in like, over a year. I've started blogging again though. Wonders if I should dig up the pw in my old emails but wouldn't know where to search. My new email is poetsespresso @ gmail.com Last I remember I think you were one with some drama going on, and I might have offered a little advice just on how I felt those things would likely turn out and what choices you could make lol. Anyway hope to hear from you.
from and-darling :
Oh well... I know I should quit. When I go back to school I think it'll cool down a little more-- I need my head to study anyway. Weed and mushrooms are probably my most favorite vice... Better than sex, even.
from for-you-only :
I'm alive guys, I'm alive.
from tater-fay :
10 days and now up-date? I hope that means things are going so well that you haven't had time to write (ha ha!) Or maybe you've started on your trip w/your dad!? Anyways, just in case you haven't read my diary lately..I'm about 5 weeks preggers..Larry and I are SO happy. I feel pretty good so far. I'm glad I've been taking pre-natal vitamins for months instead of just starting them now..I think it helps me feel better!
from sweetmiser :
It's okay. I read a lot until around the 5th, anyway -- I took a week-long trip and have just arrived home today. I hope to resume your review shortly, though! Thanks so much.
from tater-fay :
hope you are doing ok! I hope you guys either resolved everything OR that you've broken up and it's for the best!
from newlywedblis :
you've locked again? Are you writing here anymore?
from tater-fay :
your diary is locked again and damn, I can't remember the pass word..email me or leave it my guestbook or notes and then I'll erase it!
from urbanbones :
I was reading your poetry reviews. If I'm not mistaken, I believe "falloficarus" refers to, well, the fall of Icarus. You know, when he flew too close to the sun with wax wings?
from sweetmiser :
Hi, I noticed that your diary is on the pending list of lime-reviews, which hasn't been updated since 2005. I've established a review site, myself, but I haven't received any requests, and I was wondering if you'd allow me to review your diary. If so, you can drop me a note, and you'll find the review site here: (http://paperglass.awardspace.com/), but if not, I understand. Thanks!
from curiouoso :
Remember, I only know what you've written the occaisonal times I read you. Anything I might write is onbly to get you to think from perhaps another perspective. I can't really give advice, I don't know the real you, and I haven't walked a mile in youe shoes. It just seems really good that you're finding ways out of where ypu are/were and have goals and dreams that seem to be attainable and starting. Remember I'm just "some old guy" that r5eads you occaisonally but has a slight emotional connection which is pleasing as you continue to gain respect for youeself and your own self esteem. I have "no dog in this race" so to speak, but as with my own two "childrem" I only wish the best for everyone else. OK, this has gooton a bit corney, so leave it at the fact others root for your success and you can always think about that when things seem tough. Your friend, Curiouoso*
from punkedupqt :
yea, ida prolly put a sock in it by telling him that i very much would go out and find another man with connections, punkass hoe. fuck that shit about barbie gone emo.
from punkedupqt :
oh god i love u for leaving me notes. i am SO frickin bored!! i wish i could just be like "will you come smoke with me?" and u be like "yea sure ill be right over" haha. :D but anyway, its cool u like that song. its my fave by brand new. and yea, the template...idk if ud ever want to use it, since its pictures of me haha. a la original de meredith! oh and my playlist isnt going anywhere. i love having my music on my diary :]
from punkedupqt :
i admire u drastically. u are quiiiiite hott! :]
from curiouoso :
You've come such a long way since the first time I read you some years ago. You have obviously matured a lot, but from the sound of your latest pages, you haven't left the old people behind. Sometimes that's good, sometimes it holds you back. Especially when those people haven't changed with you, and you are still emotionally tied up with them. Think about what you want from life (not who) and then think how you are being held back or helped by people you associate with. It sounds to me like you definately have a good sense about how to plan out a path to your future, but being upset and wierded out probably won't help much. I think You are the Best, and Know you can do anything you want to accomplish on your own, without distractions that hold you back. Go For It! (and remember, I could be full of shit!) Curiouoso*
from and-darling :
After a relentless amount of time trying to be someone I obviously should never try to be, I decided to come back. Thought about you. Miss you. I hope things look up for you, Darling.
from beatle-nut :
Hey hun! I've moved my diary again. This is where i am now, i'd love to keep hearing from you! Hosanna (aka baby-worms, aka crazychookie, and now aka beatle-nut)
from vermillion26 :
Thanks for the UN and PW. After reading your last entry, I am so glad that you are feeling happy and fulfilled in your love and, subsequently, in your life. Never settle. Love makes the world turn. I am so happy to hear that you are loving and living to the fullest! Cheesy? Maybe. Sincere? Absolutely.
from takemychains :
Thanks for giving me the UN and PW. =) Sorry I haven't been commenting lately, I've been really busy and haven't had enough computer time to hardly do anything since moving in at my sister's...but I do still read your diary when I get on here and have the time. =D
from enurta :
thanks for all the comments. i've actually seen spirited away :) forgot to mention it in my diary. what kind of anime do you like? have you seen death note? about the food...I am trying to stop eating sugar, but since I stopped smoking, I crave it ALL THE TIME....it's really frustrating. i eat donuts, and candy every day. today i purged. hopefully tomorrow will be better. i will really try. i've gained a lot! 45 lbs in one year, anitpsychotic medications make you gain weight. i can't blame everything on the pills but i am always tired because of them, all i do is eat and sleep. kind of pathetic but i can't do anything about it. i have to take my medication, if i don't, I won't know what is real
from and-darling :
Hey there, beautiful. I think I'm back to writing regularly-- or at least trying to. It's been awhile. How have you been?
from tater-fay :
Oh, and I have the perfect thing for you to track your periods (and it will help to predict your ovulation which you can ALSO track)..this website is free and very awesome: www.mymonthlycycles.com
from tater-fay :
it'd be fun to meet, unfortunately, our house is totally being remodeled and we can't accomodate people to spend the night (there is no place to sleep)....Larry would also be a little concerned about people staying here that are strangers (we haven't met in real life, though I trust you, Larry doesn't know you from Adam)..still, if you get down here to Eugene, we could go to dinner..that'd be totally fun:)
from tater-fay :
fucking "comments" section...Diaryland is so slow sometimes..so I'm posting my comment in your notes: Despite it not working like you'd like it to, I agree with Alan in that this is a good learning experience for you! Just keep your chin up!!
from tater-fay :
I really watch my sugar intake and I don't overly consume bread (and I NEVER eat white bread)...I think more likely..I'm not drinking enough water and my dry mouth is the culprit....Anyways, you were talking about how much you like rain. Maybe when you guys are older (and have some money to move and feel like a change)...you should move to Washington or Oregon..it rains SO much here. It gets old sometimes but it makes everything so so so so green! You'd fit right in here with your love of organic foods and being health conscious and being a healer, etc....It's very liberal (and cool) in the Pacific NW:)
from tater-fay :
Oh, and I forgot to mention that I loved reading about your binding ritual. It reminds me A LOT of things I have done in the past and I SO agree with you in that you have to make it all your OWN ritual and not just follow something out of some random book of Wicca or whatever (though that stuff is good for learning in the first place)...I've been doing some chakra work myself..Mostly on my 1st and 2nd chakra and the heart one (4th) as well. I've been using appropriate stones on these areas and have been meditating with them. Good stuff:)
from sharon--- :
haha yeah, those are always sure to rock. Personally, I love it when you're reading something and you have no idea what's going on. When the picture is so lucid but somehow it goes blurry in your mind. And then you're stuck there trying to grasp onto it, and it's in your reach, but for some reason you can't stretch your arm out far enough, so you're left ignorant. I could get off on that feeling. I don't know, I'm weird.
from sharon--- :
thankyou. i'm not sure if i'd call them poems myself but hey, it works.
from tater-fay :
THANK YOU!! I really love what you sent. My favorite was the turquoise ring. My mom used to wear rings like that when I was little and it reminded me of her. It is now sitting on my new altar. The Anime girl is so cute, too! Oh and I like the "love potion" bottle and ingredients..really cute!! Thanks for thinking of me:)
from takemychains :
Well, I'm really glad he seems to be trying harder, and I hope he sticks to it! He needs to learn how to just tell his friends "yo man, I gotta hang out with my girl tonight." I mean, basically it's your feelings or theres, and i'm guessing they won't take it all that personal if he turns them down. Good luck to you guys future and Merry Christmas! =D
from karbonphyber :
hey, i wandered back to diaryland today and noticed you left a note some time ago. read a couple of your entries, best of luck with the boy.
from tater-fay :
Yep...I'm still at the same address:)
from loopykitten :
Living in Chicago now. You can always come visit when you feel like it hun.
from momma-at-17 :
Nope still here, just a lack of internet to make it difficult to update. Now that internet is up and running again I should be updating again. I plan on writing one when I get home from work actually... ~*♥*~
from the-clan :
NINJA: Multiple or not, ya gotta love Fight Club! And as for not getting along... well, we tend to drive each other nuts sometimes. Okay, all the time, but in the end, we really love each other. We're family, see? At least most of us feel this way. I'm not sure 'bout the past lives thing, but we *do* tend to get spiritual n' stuff. We mostly talk to each other out loud only when no one's around. Not even our father knows we're a system. It's just that we're real big on not having anyone feel sorry for us n' shit. But enough about our shit! We noticed you like a lotta the same music we do. Especially Linkin Park. Ain't they the shit?
from mnowicki :
Quite.
from mnowicki :
That is splendid news. :P
from the-clan :
Actually, I completely agree with you on that one. There's multiple systems out there that *I* don't even believe are really multiple. It's like they flaunt their suffering to get attention. And can you believe it? I mean, some of them even keep PUBLIC DIARIES n' shit. Er, wait, scratch that... (But seriously, some people do fake it. And that's a disorder all its own...) Anyhow, I'm off to bed now! Not that it's relevant or anything, but I really do suck at ending notes to people.
from and-darling :
Love, I'd say your dream is about fear and obstruction on your path in life. You said you couldn't breathe in the water which suggests you're not ready to go to this place. You know the ocean bottom provides one of the closest places on earth to its core? That's the heart of the planet, my dear. Maybe you're trying to search within yourself-- a vast ocean of emotions, of thought, and wonder. Maybe you feel as though that itself is sufforcating you? Sometimes I want to be a fish. Just throwing that out there. P.S. Don't do that swing thing if you have doubts about these people at all-- even before you really meet them... In the end, after you do it, it may (like you said) create complications... And one more thing: I wish you were my girl next door. <3
from enigma1111 :
Phenonimal diary you have, Yor writing is so concise and precise. I couldn't believe how young you are! Good thing you make up for it with an old soul..
from hilthethrill :
Hey, just surfing around and came upon your site and I am blown away. Thanks for being you, sincerely. Thanks for sharing so much of yourself. You remind me of myself at your age, exploding with creativity. Good for you. Rock on. Don't lose that spark. Hil
from and-darling :
There isn't a single doubt that one day I'll end up face to face with you-- in person, in flesh, and bright red blushing shy. Don't go away and keep in touch until one day we truly can.
from falloficarus :
I don't know if you do it anymore since it's been months, but I chanced upon your poet review site and was interested in you looking at some of my stuff, since I've been wandering around your diary recently and find that I might enjoy your opinion, regardless of what it was. I hope you take the time to venture around and give your opinion (the links to my poems are on your poet review notes), and perhaps you could do more venturing and who knows. We could become friends. You're just so interesting. I don't agree with everything you say, but I must admit that I am drawn to it all. Hopefully we'll get the chance to talk later. I'd really love to do so.
from nationalepic :
So I found your diary by chance, after banners for it kept popping up whenever I wanted to edit an entry. I wish I'd chanced upon it sooner; you're an amazing writer.
from flicka :
love your photos :) I liked the music that you had on your old site. I'm glad to re-find you!
from and-darling :
Thank you for the advice, hun. It makes a lot of sense being auras-- you're brilliant. Haha. And, I'm sure if I was near you, I could probably feel the difference you are compared to 99% of the population of the world. It makes me smile.
from and-darling :
You're an amazing woman. Truly.
from and-darling :
You're a sweetheart, and gorgeous too. It sucks that Corvier is being a bitch-face! I do hope things get better, my dear. You deserve to be a content woman. <3
from poolagirl :
I love your group! Must browse more! Arrrgggh!
from whtlunalycan :
thank you for the kind note. I'll add you to friends list if you don't mind. I'm still adding lots of extras to my site lol I blame it on the fact I'm out of things to do lol
from dinosaurorgy :
Ooo. I officially love your 'serious' entries. Something about those ones give me the urge to send you a comment or two thousand.
from redsilk :
What a beautiful, beautiful diary!!! My God, I am so damn impressed - I mean it! And someone as gorgeous as you, as intelligent as you and as deep as you WILL find happiness, believe me. Frankly, if you were my daughter I'd be proud!
from valkyrie1223 :
I know this is random but you want to know a reason I enjoy your diary? All of your links work. Every things place is set. You have a structure and you've designed it all. You've worked hard to keep it tidy dispite the mass amount of entries you have. I figured you wouldn't mind someone noticing. Hope things work out with Corvier.

back to for-you-only's profile
recommend this diary to a pal?

Other diaries starting with the letter:
a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

Back to Diaryland

Recently updated
News
update April 6, 2020: Sorry, we just had 8+ hours downtime due to a server problem. Restoring from backups took soooo long, but everything is back and no data was lost. Ay yay yay! Anyhow, hope everyone is well with the virus stuff.

Sign up for paid membership if you want!

Users online