messages to girlsmad:
(click here to add new message):

from coldandgray :
An incredibly beautiful tribute. I am so sorry.
from abhorgod :
i thought we were supposed to be like best friends yo!
from nightmare54 :
Do me a favor and tell your sister I said Hello.
from hiijayxx :
A good read: "Veronica decides to die" by Paulo Coelho, my favourite author.
from hiijayxx :
Do not be stupid. Life is beautiful. Take it easy and keep moving, working. It will all pass if you want it to, get better. Never give up. Do not let this life bring you down. You are stronger than that. Others will miss ya, do not destroy their lives by taking yours. Thanks. Ciao.
from abhorgod :
they should tipe stamp messages. 12-23-2008 - sssssup
from insanegerbil :
hook me up with a copy.whats the title
from abhorgod :
dude its been so long. probably dont remember me, and mayeb you wont even ever read this message but whatever. your last entry was pretty fucking good, i might even read more. actually ill just get drunk and not do that but hit me up on AIM sometime anyway - aidpatient (no aids, sorry)
from insanegerbil :
how is everything with you?email me: purplexhair@mail.com
from insanegerbil :
my life is all work and all play now....no time to go online..no time to sleep either really.i can't seem to catch up on shit..it's like i love working, and then i love going out before and after work so it doesn't feel like all work.which leaves precious little time for anything meaningful...damn, how badly i've wanted to paint a picture.thats my goal for my next day off...it'll be for you.
from newmillenia :
Hey, been browsing through your diary for a couple of months or so now. I don't know you in real life or anything, I just find what you write interesting. I'm wondering if I could get a pass into your now locked diary. Thanks.
from inherentgoth :
damn... you hadn't updated... I was getting worried. You're an amazing girl. I'm just sad now I can't read... well... oh well. If you added me that'd be darlin, just stay strong hun
from keepingme :
Well stranger... it's been awhile. Member me? Lol. <3 I really should start writing again. This xanga-phenom bullshit had sadly taken me hostage. Ew... so, instead of pouring myself out, I write... blah. Shit. The words don't come as easy and eloquent as they once were. =( Um... yeah. o.O I'll see you later, I hope. Take care of yourself. <3
from clarity25 :
Sis..I cut into my finger deeply, straight through the nail last night..I'm in pain, I was bleeding like a stuck pig. pity me. Oh and stop doing coke Damnnit! Don't make me fly back home to NY and kick your ass. I miss you girl, I love you. Okay..it took me an hour to type that short message with one hand. I'm logging off.
from insanegerbil :
cocaine makes me dyslexic.the words dance around and i can't read anything at all.that's why i type.
from clarity25 :
"A prude ass slut virgin whore?!"
from nozzle :
there is no spoon.
from insanegerbil :
reminds me of my overdose last year.hope you have better luck with your revelation.
from cagedfreedom :
i love you so much. thank you for that entry. i needed to read it, i needed to hear it from you. i need to see you:( wish i was there. it was beautiful. truly the most beautiful ever.
from clarity25 :
Oh my god, girl..I´ve been through some hell today, We missed the train to the airport. (Not MY fault..I assure you). then we had to bang on our bosses bedroom window at 2 A.M. to borrow his car! Then when I reached here I was pulled off the line and searched..and..Okay, this is too much to put in your notebox. I´m in a free internet station at the airport, waiting for the plane..Can't wait to see you, girl! I love you!
from superlashes :
you make my eyes moist. it seems like you feel more than others, I believe that is a good thing. your pain is magnified , but also your compassion. what is it like to feel deeply? well I am late for my uneventfull life.
from bitemee990 :
well i jst join this shit is it worth it or did i jst wasit the past 20min of my life
from insanegerbil :
you'd have to cut from your wrist to your elbow, not from thumb to pinky.
from insanegerbil :
fangs are hot.get both sides peirced.
from clarity25 :
whoah..soft porn descriptions with another girl AND you're making out with Isaac. You little slut! lol. So what's the deal with you two now? Or is this going to be a repeat of last time? ..poor guy.:)
from insanegerbil :
hahaha."bitch, you did lemon extract".hahahaha.i use that shit as a booster in my cocktails.it's one of the few alcoholic "beverages" that ensures i'll be fucked up later.anyways, yeah.about that other shit.you're just gonna have to send me that info again because i'm horrible with remembering where shit is and i don't have a boyfriend to remind me anymore.
from clarity25 :
Holy shit!! I can't believe you guys are actually coming to germany!!!! I just got your E-mail, I'm so psyched, we're going to have a blast, girl!! I miss you like crazy!
from clarity25 :
So much for my last entry cheering you up. *sigh*, I miss you girl...
from dizzigemini :
my favorite part of nikki's entry is this...."what the fuck.can you not see i'm sitting at a fuckin computer, minding my own goddamn business, probably busy writing something that requires my full attention? not to mention the fact that i'm about 9 inches too tall to classify as a "shorty" and i'd assume that since i'm not wearing any black, it would halt any dumb questions or comments about whether i'm "goth or some ish" geezus.my nails are even french manicured, all preppy like."... she makes me laugh. luv that grrl.
from insanegerbil :
yeah i will.
from lovecats- :
i like your most recent entry a lot. it really made me wonder.
from elephant72 :
your fingers smell of stale tobbaco ,my finger has a burn where the cigarette kept burning down , alchol
from scubafreak :
The best advice I can give anyone in your "predicament". You must, must, learn to say "FUCK IT". You put on a happy face and go through your day, all the while saying "fuck it, fuck you, fuck them, and fuck this. Before long, you really believe it. While it may be destructive and unhealthy, so is what we're doing, in which case, fuck it.
from takexmyxhand :
thank you sweets
from takexmyxhand :
i wasn't aware that you are still here. how are you?
from insanegerbil :
email me at that adress i gave you again.i had to delete your last ones.anyways, hows school and shit going.whens your next break or vacation and are you still gonna be there or are you going home to visit?lemme know.i should've gone to meet you back in july.
from clarity25 :
P.S. Oh and your stories..*with pictures* had me cracking up. I miss you guys!
from clarity25 :
"so me an my girls we had this dog named snow white" lol! omg, I was cracking up. That's one wacked up dream, sis and what?.. It has a soundtrack?!
from cagedfreedom :
flattered. truly. ugh. way to poke at my insecurities aurora. i bet it was tough to chose whether to compare me to a frog or a pig. eh, hell. i love you anyways. ps. WHEN IS URE MOM GOING TO STOP TALKING TO HERSELF???
from starwhore :
thanks. i like yours too. ♥
from whosaysthat :
it's good to know someone can relate.. it took me a while to figure out how to write exactly what i meant in that entry. i liked your latest entry too. you summed up my thoughts on love quite well. take care.
from clarity25 :
oh man, Sorry you had to endure one of the party of Mom's friends. Don't you hate having to keep that artificial smile plastered on your face the entire time and making small talk? It's not for me either..haha, Too bad you don't like tequila, I have a New Years tale that involves alot of it too. I'll call today..
from clarity25 :
Let this be a lesson to you, sis. Always type your entries in a word document and paste it in. D-land has no insurance on lost words. tsk..tsk.. Schizophrenia, snoop dogg and fruit loops, eh?
from insanegerbil :
the answer is simple:act like you give a damn. don't see why that should interfere with your lifestyle.just smile and fake it.that's what i do.stop buying drugs.it's easy to get them for free, and when you do succeed, get high.if you can't score a bump here and there, fuck it.just stop paying for it.as for the drinking-don't drink alone.if you have to pull someone down with you, do that.maybe seeing them constantly fucked up will show you how constantly fucked up you are, especially if you're the only one they get fucked up with.
from lonelylatina :
hey mad girl i really do hope you are able to turn things around. good luck. wishing you the best.
from clarity25 :
What?! I find that very funny..COMING FROM YOU! (man, I wish I could make AIM work right now..)
from clarity25 :
No, it's more like you're 18 and you've been to Europe twice. You've experienced more fun and parties in life than most people your age could only dream of and now you're going to college in Manhattan. You've made a few mistakes a long the way, but you're young. You lived it up and now you still have your whole life ahead of you. You can straighten up and know that you really experienced life to the fullest, girl. Seriously. You didn't mess up, it's not over. It's just beginning. (Listen to me..lol, I sound like dad's inspirational tapes!) But really! It's never too late to turn things around.
from insanegerbil :
write at insanegerbil@mail.com and take a picture to send me please so i can know who you are.i'll destroy it right after, i promise.
from insanegerbil :
nope it's not.i don't think it will ever be because my mom refuses to pay the phone bill because she has a cell and it doesn't effect her.i'll be damned if i pay the bill because i only used it for the internet connection, and my sister won't pay it even though she's the only one who used it for speaking, because she knows i'll get aol again.JUST FOR SPITE.biznitch.and it's only $40 too.haha.thats the crazy thing.meh.
from insanegerbil :
haha..'you can always call if your drunk and lose your local numbers'.thats exactly what happens too.anyways, yeah.christmas is for the kids.it just seems like a pointless excuse to see people now, blowing all your money on presents that nobody'll remember 2 months from now.
from sicklullaby :
Just wanted to say I started reading your diary and couldn't stop. You say you have nothing to live for but your life's interesting, like a book, and your writing is beautiful.
from insanegerbil :
do you have a picture on line somewhere so i can see what you look like?theres a link on dizzigeminis profile in her comment for me if you wanna know how i look
from insanegerbil :
i just figured out who you sound like and it's that actress mia krishner i think her name is.shes in that movie 'new best friend'(kick ass, by the way).anyways that last entry, pure good times.it's just so awesome, even with the utter shittiness of the situations, its still a great report to report.thanks for that one.oh, and yeah...about that college.you're such a slacker.hahahaha.i hope it works out for you though, i really do.either the people you networked with will make you successfull without a degree[fame], or some miracle will happen and you'll be able to keep your scholarship and concentrate on showing up to class more.
from concious :
nevermind...
from concious :
could i have your password?
from insanegerbil :
how's life...?
from acuttersedge :
i would say be careful but i hate when people tell me that. in order to be careful, you have to care. hope you got good shit though. nose bleeds already? shit, it must be good.
from clarity25 :
I love you, sis. I'll call you tonight. I hope you're home.
from clarity25 :
You're trying to kill me, aren't you??? Just when I thought things couldn't possibly get ANY worse...
from nora555 :
beeeutiful,funny how you can write just a few words and them have such a profound effect.
from insanegerbil :
tsk tsk.you are sooo not going to die young.you're in college.
from drunk-tears :
Major-huge-fucking-hugs!! I've missed you. I'm so happy things are going good. <333 Ish keeping me... Lol I've changed my diary like 3 times since you left.
from acuttersedge :
i have missed you. just as powerful as before.
from suggest :
Hi! You've been suggested as a great diary :)
from acuttersedge :
alright alright, back so soon to the old diary? I knew that you would miss me. Speaking of which, I miss ya. I hope all is well. Party hard. Play mean.
from clarity25 :
Ahem..?
from takexmyxhand :
Password please, lovely girl
from abhorgod :
NYC?... LETS HANG OUT BABY
from acuttersedge :
I love you. You were my first "real" person who left me a note. Thank you. You encouraged me to keep writing and living in this world of hell. You are amazing. I wish you all the happiness in the world. You are truely a speical person, friend, and gifted writer. May god be with you.
from nora555 :
Hey thank you for the note, I really love your writting and your honesty. You have a bright future ahead of you, and i truly hope your family is in good spirits, i've been throught all that with my own brother Letty
from starlight42 :
I read your sis's diary, so I decided to visit. I was blown away by your writing! You truly are a gifted writer. I know you're all going through a lot, I hope it works out soon for you all.
from moonman77 :
I will miss your thoughts. A great loss to diaryland. Please drop some lines, if your life is changing. I guess a lot of members would like to be informed about your further life, even if they were just only silent observer till now.
from baby-bebop :
i've been reading your diary for a while now, your writings have helped me and have made me think. i am sad that you are going to stop writing, but if you feel you have to than you should. anyway, thanks for all the reads. i hope someday to read something of yours again. bye.
from insanegerbil :
nothing stays the same...change just happens so slowly.that's the real problem.
from clarity25 :
I'm your bestfriend, girl, the hell with that alcohol. Hopefully you'll realize that fully in time. I'll always be there for you.. Why am I writing to you in your message box when you're right in the other room?!
from insanegerbil :
"Can I taste your glassy lips?"....i know what thats like..your brothers court date and shit.all the times my brothers been in prison, and it still doesn't get easier.it's horrible and it's a shame they didn't let him go, but someday and i hope it's soon for your sake.
from clarity25 :
Man, you were cussing in my notebox like a drunken sailor, girl..I couldn't stop cracking up. I took them out because I know in the morning, you'd look at them and say "SHIT!" did I write that?! fuck! lol!! I'm counting down the hours till we're together again! I need to sleep now..
from clarity25 :
"I never want to care again" (?) because the pain involved in caring about someone or something and the fact that you might lose it? You can't go through life like that, girl. We'll talk more about that later. I can't wait to see you again, only one more day! Thanks for your note, sis..but I just need to clarify one thing, You're absolutely beautiful. There is no "beast" looking back at you in your reflection. Far from it. I think you should take a better look in the mirror. You're worse than me!lol..or maybe we're too similiar. I love you.
from damnedguitar :
Don't be sarcastic. Lol. And by the way, I kind of like beer. But out of the bottle, cause it tastes like crap out of a can. And warm beer does taste like piss. But if it's cold, it's good.
from damnedguitar :
You can't tell me the movie wasn't at least half decent. I liked it.
from clarity25 :
Hey write me a note..We're on at the same time. I'm taking a cigarette break.
from insanegerbil :
your mind is sexay.
from lintpickle :
I go the other way. I put myself out there for other people to murder and beat up and insult and berate. I let someone else do the job because I'm too weak to do it myself. But then I blame them for my damage and I don't thank them for doing exactly what it was I wanted them to do.
from insanegerbil :
"murdered by nature".gorgeous.i luv the layout.
from clarity25 :
Your last entry was really beautiful, so poetic, I read it over quite a few times. Damn, I wish I had your talent with words.
from damnedguitar :
*rolling eyes* It's gotten really good reviews, though. Hey, it's either that or Harry Potter again or A Cinderella Story. Don't you just want to run in line for that one? *smirk*
from insanegerbil :
sunflowerseeds take forever to eat a single serving, because they are shelled.you have to crack them open one at a time.so even though its 190 calories for a cup, it takes you hours to eat that cup.so if you spend all day doing nothing but eat sunflower seeds, you still won't consume a full 50 cent bag.i've tried. Also, they are full of protien, so they keep you feeling full and you won't overeat like you would eating "healthy" stuff like fruit or pretzels.because really...fuck anything that has more than 40 calories a serving.
from damnedguitar :
Ok, I don't know what I'll be doing on Sunday until tomorrow, cause I might have to go upstate for a wake, but I'm not sure yet. If I don't, it shouldn't be a problem to hang. Oh, and since when do you actually *want* to go see a movie? And a love story at that? ;)
from insanegerbil :
yeah, you'll end up a fatty if you keep that shit up.time speant wasting is not a waste of time.wasting time wasted works too.if you're gonna eat all day, eat sunflower seeds.
from clarity25 :
Okay, I see you're having a bad day, and you're plotting the destruction of the insects in your room..but can you do me a favor? Can you tape "I love the 90's" for me. I've read about that in about 5 different diaries, everyone is watching that shit and here I am in Germany feeling pissed off because all I have is "Golden Girls" repeats with dubbed over German voices. btw, you're not going to be a fat ugly whore by the end of the summer. Lol..What are you on?!
from suicideinc :
i LOVE your writing style. even though i don't know you, i hope you are able to work everything out and just feel better over-all.
from insanegerbil :
oh, and about that nutmeg.yeah i'm guessing thats definately why.try putting it in eggnog(i didn't do this, but hell..nutmeg is a main ingrediant, so why not).
from insanegerbil :
holy.fuckin.shit.don't you ever ever ever drink that poison again, goddamnit.its POISON.you are so fuckin extremely lucky to have fuckin survived, and you don't even realize it.you wanna puke up your food and NOT gain weight, and preferably LOSE it, you've gotta eat everything in less than 10 minutes, and have it all up in less than 20, no more than 40 minutes total, because by then all the calories are absorbed and you're only puking up the solid remains.GEEZUS...i hope you're hearing me.death by internal bleeding and burned esophagus is so not romantic, especially when you've got shit and vomit falling out of your body. and to clarity:that was soooo not bulimic. that's called last resort to suicide.thats what chicks with eatting disorders do when they are fed up with their bodies and want to die with a low weight(because your body gains 3 or so pounds after you die).it is POISON..!geeeeeeeeeeezus...my god.i can't bu-leeve it.fuck excercise, but fuck ipecac too.if you can't gag yourself, drink baking soda dissolved in a big cup of warm water.it'll do the trick.and also, puking shouldn't make you retch.if you make a noise while doing it, the calories are already absorbed(see:pointless to puke)..thats why so many of these fake bulimics gain weight.they don't know this shit.
from clarity25 :
Are you going to turn Bulimic on me now?!
from insanegerbil :
damn, i wish my lil sister was way young.when there's only a 1-3 year age gap, its not the same.
from smokin8balll :
7/11/04---About the gift certificate. Yeah, you should try to sell it for $35. Somebody would buy it. I used to steal shit from Walmart and return it, but since i had no reciept they give me a gift card. And then I would stand outside and sell the gift card to buy drugs. lol.
from smokin8balll :
7/11/04---Yeah, I always kinda felt that way about beer too. It just takes too much of it to get drunk and too many calories in the process.
from keepingme :
Hey! I found some of far's songs... it was difficult without bearshare... but I found it! [insert clever laugh here] I feel so accomplished. It sounded kinda muffled, but they sound awesome to me. ^.^ I hope you have fun and find some sleep. Much love. =)
from insanegerbil :
i've been wondering this for awhile, but how the fuck did you fail art?i thought art was like gym...you only fail if you don't show up.
from damnedguitar :
Hey! I got a question (I would call you, but I forgot your number and really too lazy to look for it). Do you think you could give me a ride home tomorrow? (Tomorrow being Saturday the 10th--partay, baby). It's actually on the way to your house. I think. I'm pretty sure. Later, doll. xxx, Julia
from insanegerbil :
that card'll come in handy in college...you should hang on to it.vodka is basicly free if your friends(or their parents) drink.alcohol is like pot-you shouldn't pay for it.
from insanegerbil :
OMG, THAT IS SO THE BEAUTY OF THIS DISCOVERY!!!! They always hide the NA beers, but nope, you can buy them.completely legal.only the problem is they have no alcohol but if you're drinking for flavor, wtf does that matter.and it just absorbs the lemon extract.sure you can taste the lemony-ness, but its not ghastly cuz its beer.mmm.good shit.
from insanegerbil :
my mother used to do that type of shit to me all the time...call me into her room to turn off the light on the table right next to her bed.
from insanegerbil :
i've never poured a shot of extract, but i have consumed 4 bottles in a row...rather, 3 and a half without chasers and it just kicked my gag reflexes like the very first time i drank it.i think my bodies grown accustomed to the stuff though, like it knows what to expect.i suppose if it wasn't straight up, you could do lots of shots, like 80% extract, 20%soda.i will say i was feeling like i just chugged a liter of 35%(70 proof) vodka after those 3.5 oz though.
from clarity25 :
you're old and awkward! That might be even worse than Rich and Yucky..
from insanegerbil :
freedom.its nifty.
from acuttersedge :
Thank you. I have to say that out of all the birthday notes that I have gotten, yours ment the most. Thank you for the warmth.
from insanegerbil :
hahahahaha!!!!"my barbies had sex".o lord.
from keepingme :
I've never heard of far. Do they have a site?
from insanegerbil :
why do you keep removing your peircings?
from comaflux :
hey i love your entries, it reminds me of when i was young..(not that im all that old now)cept for im a pussy id only make it 5 shots of vodka, nothing slose to your 13? awesome!
from insanegerbil :
chasers!no wonder it took 13 shots.best way to drink vodka if you don't wanna taste it is to fill a waterbottle about 60% with flavored vodka, and top it off with water.then chug it like you're dying of thirst.taste like druity water, with a warm kick in your stomach.
from clarity25 :
13 shots!!.. You know if I were there I'd be prying that vodka bottle out of your hands right now. Okay, I'll spare you the annoying older sister lecture. Well, this might cheer you up..remember that "fishbone" black hooded sweater you fell in love with on your last visit. I just bought it..It was the last one and it was on sale. I'm sending it to you.
from f0xfire :
Did I ever tell you how stunning you are?
from clarity25 :
I Loved your last entry
from insanegerbil :
drugs don't change a person, they just enhance what was already there.how do they split siblings up?
from insanegerbil :
so jaded. meh.go register to vote.take advantage of adulthood.its the only perk of turning 18 besides buying cancer.
from smokin8balll :
Hey, I had never been to your diary till today. It's great. So basically you need a friend like me. I'm 21, have a car which hopefully I can drive legally within a couple weeks, and all I wanna do is party and have a good time. BTW, how old are you?
from insanegerbil :
omg, you are so right. that's exactly what you need. just stay away from drugs that aren't free and don't make aquaintances with drug dealers. you'll be ok. learn from my experiance.
from dangelic :
hey, i love your diary. Mind if i add you? <3 katie
from dangelic :
hey, i love your diary. Mind if i add you? <3 katie
from lintpickle :
you love him more because he's not here. absence makes the heart..blah blah. don't forget that.
from concious :
http://girlsmad.diaryland.com/040627_13.html ...i don't know exactly why yet, but i've been thinking about it, and i absaloutly love that entry.
from clarity25 :
I'm with you on that one, girl. Someone has to put her in her place. seriously . Oh guess whose E-mail isn't working again. Thanks for the HTML info..wish I could access it.
from rockchicken :
Oooh, your German boy sounds so lovely! My boyfriend can speak fluent German and it makes me melt. Even if he says something like, "You are a silly chicken" I'm all "Take me, take me now!"
from insanegerbil :
that just sucks ass @ prom night. just.sucks.ass. I didn't go to prom either time, but thats because i had better things to do with my friends. as far as i'm concerned, prom is a waste of time and money, being stuck in a hotel with people you could care less for, and a bunch of teachers chaperoning.fuck prom-you didn't miss shit.you're 18...have a good year.its summer time.go live it up while you still can.
from clarity25 :
By the way..Beautiful song. Love the ending, I couldn't stop laughing. You can't even make it through an entire song without someone bitching at you to do something. E-mail coming soon.
from clarity25 :
Hey girl, you're not missing out on anything with the prom. believe me. I blew 75 dollars on my admission, stayed for an hour only to realize how lame it was. Jim and I left with our friends and we had our own little party. Spending all that money on a dress, corsage, you're hair being done up and admission only to become painfully aware of the stupidity of the entire affair. Highschool is over, life begins. Who wants to look back? As the years pass, you'll realize this with more clarity. For now, all I can say is trust me on this one.
from acuttersedge :
mmm Thanks.
from acuttersedge :
I hate when shit like that happens. When you know that they will never understand what you mean even if you shake the hell out of them. Good luck.
from operaticblis :
tha poem u have in ur profile i have pasted to my wall, i found it during first semester last year.. its wonderful, i love ur diary its a lovley read. scar'd kissez, L
from bellhead :
That was a sweet entry. I read it over like 10 times.
from takexmyxhand :
Boys, they do that, don't they? ["make me weak"]. He sounds lovely
from lintpickle :
just saying hello. don't know why. there were some lines I really love: & she wants you for her self, One less condom on her shelf, & as I hear you went ahead, A new found love is dead. hit me good n solid. thanks for those.
from clarity25 :
I wrote you an E-mail
from clarity25 :
Where did they go?! Where did they go?! put them back! those were my favorites!
from eloquent- :
we just need your name & email address and you can also suggest a short quote we can use on the members page. =)
from damnedguitar :
THANK FUCKING GOD WE'RE DONE!! WE SURVIVED! Can you believe it? I think we deserve huge prizes, don't ya think? *Does happy dance* Oh, how was Longwood on the last day? My school played some really old song over the loud speaker. Gay-ass mother fuckers.
from eloquent- :
We found your diary because someone recommend you to us. We'd love to have you as a member of "eloquent"! <3
from girlsmad :
entries are so played out.
from girlsmad :
It's funny, I just got an email telling me to update my stupid diary & I thought "hey I think I should too! why haven't i more often" I now remember, while writing this in Microsoft word, diaryland's been really bad with the bandwith & every.fucking.time I try to add an entry I get that consititution of shit justifying why it sucks so much. Instead of a FAQ they should just put a list of fuckers who are using diaryland right now & you go knock out the closet one to you, then resume your entry on their computer. Whatever, I'm over it. I'm a tad bitchy from a little too much bubbly last night. (Moet, motherfucker) & screwdrivers while playing "schoooooools out for the summer". God I'm so glad. GLAD, & feelin naturally high that i'm DONE with that shitty ass place that I've contemplated suicide in several times. I think my time has come, I can't write anymore I never feel inspired. What's there to write about? I mean come on WHAT THE FUCK WORK YOU FUCKING STUPID ENTRY SHIT. FUCK IT.
from insanegerbil :
and yet, you still aren't free because you've got college.
from takexmyxhand :
GOd, you are fucking amazing. Have I told you that lately?
from takexmyxhand :
True,love. I don't know what I would do if he was that far away. ♥
from takexmyxhand :
thank you love
from insanegerbil :
do this:write a letter to yourself about your current self, and then tell this "self" the shit you hope its accomplish.basicly cuss your future self the fuck out.then seal the letter in a envelope and stick it among your things.in a few months or weeks you'll discover it and wonder what it is, and then read it and yeah..well, it helps to know where your mind was and it motivates you to get your shit together if your still doing the same things...
from lintpickle :
I might know what you're talking about. It's hard to be in someone else's head, of course. But it occurred to me that part of who I was, was that I was a little bit of everyone else. And that's what makes me individual. And in any case, I'm still figuring out what makes me, well, me. I guess I always will. So don't think you're weird just because you can't pinpoint anything. You probably never will, and that's way better than having yourself pegged at an early age. Because where have you got to go if you've already gotten there?
from lintpickle :
I'm 28 this week. I've been an actor since I could talk. I couldn't understand why, for so long, I couldn't figure out who I wanted to be or who I was or what kind of person I was, and then it dawned on me, not that long ago, really, that I am all people, all kinds. Type A and Type B. Neurotic and calm. Intelligent and stupid, ugly and beautiful, wild and tame. You name it, I was it. I am an actor, and I always will be, no matter what profession I'm paid for. Dig?
from clarity25 :
Hey, we're logged in at the same time, How often does that happen? Anyhow, I just wanted to say my E-mail address is back up, so write me. I miss you.
from insanegerbil :
*sigh*...18 was so great the first few weeks.wait till the depression hits.it happens to everyone-check around diaryland if you think its escapeable.teen angst just doesn't compare to the blues of being legal. When are you gonna see your grown german bed buddy again? I think the infactuation is so cute. Must have been a hell of a night.sweetness.
from clarity25 :
Beautiful poem, girl
from theghostgirl :
so perfectly expressed... I'm glad you are awakening from your coma. Mine has been hanging on for 20 years.
from takexmyxhand :
Love, you are stunning. that has to be one of the best poems i've ever read. ♥
from rockchicken :
You STILL have the best diary ever and you are awesomely. I just realised you're a nirvana fan, TOTALLY ROCKIN DUDE. Umm, i swear there was something more interesting I was going to say.......... nope there wasn't. Bah! Love from me.
from cupid69 :
Thanks for the not, Here is the passcodes for Cupid. user:kill Pass: meNow
from feelsnothing :
For better wording: Do you think I think I'm a pro?*
from feelsnothing :
Well I'm definately not a pro, and am quite embarassed if thats the aura I give off. Sometimes (since I am always around food with work and my family being my family) it's so hard to think rationally, and stop the bingeing, plus the fact that I starve myself into a binge mode of thinking. Anyway, thanks for the advice....I am going to try it. (But do you think I act like a pro?)
from dylanwashere :
Just make sure your tongue doesn't bleed. I keep thinking of a Kill Bill scenerio, when I read that.
from feelsnothing :
very nice ;)
from ncl432 :
I LOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEEE Foxfire i can't beliave you know of it. Like everyone i've ever meet has never heard of it. Do you like any other angelina jolie movies. If you like foxfire have you seen gia
from feelsnothing :
p.s. I love your layout where did you get it
from feelsnothing :
haha, your cute yeah hes four and hes been asking for one: he'll be soo surprised! :)))
from clarity25 :
Hey, did you forget about Elliot?
from rockchicken :
You moved from Germany? That's awesome, Germans are sexy. Oh yeah, and i'm pleased to say that i'm not a 15 year old Evanescence fan who likes to cut. Yay!!
from fai3x5 :
ohh, you visited.. sorry my bad! i'm not a big germany-fan, i prefer france, italy and the UK. But where does she life, berlin?
from fai3x5 :
Hi, so you moved from Germany to NYC; on what occation? I wish i moved there, Where do you life, and there did you life? Tschüß,
from takexmyxhand :
niiice layout. And good luck with the not drinking thing, be nice to Elliot.
from fai3x5 :
"I've decided to name my liver. His name is Elliot."
from fai3x5 :
"I abuse him a lot, but I love him dearly because without him I would surely die. So tomorrow is Elliot appreciation day, and I won't drink all week." LOL, that's brilliant!!
from keepingme :
I know someone like that. She likes all these depressing bands, but doesn't know shit about them. She wears short sleeves to reaveal tiny pink scratches and complains that her boyfriend took all her saftey pins. What the hell are saftey pins going to do? She doesn't even b l e e d, because if she did, she would have scabs and fucking purple scars where you could see the depth of the cut... and she sure as hell wouldn't be flaunting her scars like she does. She walks around school in pink peppy clothes, a black hoodie, and black eyeliner saying fucking pity me, my life is so shitty. *Rolls eyes.* .......... Um, ok, wow, sorry. I didn't mean to steal the whole page, I just get annoyed sometimes. Lol. Take care.
from kissmyass-x :
Oh. I think they're awesome. I take it your very into ska music, right? Same with my parents. My dad use to be what they call a 'skinhead' and my mom was too. my parents are like little kids, lol.
from kissmyass-x :
What's wrong with Evanescence? Lol.
from acuttersedge :
Like I said in my diary entrie. Coke made me drool. And than after that fact, I felt kind stupid. lol. But I did like the numbing effect that the coke did to me. It isn't worth the cash though. To me anyways.
from clarity25 :
your last entry made me cry. You write so beautifully. btw, Guess who was asking for you at the party I went to last night? CONAN. Brings back memories, doesn't it?
from anti-project :
merci & ditto miss. ♥
from killingyou :
i had the same thing happen to me today. except i didn't come up with as good response.
from insanegerbil :
pigeon?hahaha!omg. Jurassic park scared me...et did too, but I forced myself into pretending i liked him cuz it was the trendy thing to do
from feelsnothing :
amazing essay
from takexmyxhand :
awesome paper.
from fadedmind :
http://www.livejournal.com/~___razorcandy
from keepingme :
When I first saw that movie, I felt so sorry for that ugly, freaky little creature that I wanted to just give him a huge hug. =) Lol. But then I quickly realized just how ugly he is and I didn't want to get slime on my shirt. It's awful, I know... =P Still love your diary and your piccies. ^_^ Muah!
from clarity25 :
I laughed my ass off when I read your E.T. entry, I can't believe that movie still freaks you out! Although,I have to admit.. you DID find a pretty wacked-out picture of him.
from autumn-death :
But I heart E.T. He's my little reeses pieces eating buddy. I still love you diary, even if you don't love E.T.
from concious :
I'm adding you to my favourites. good work!
from takexmyxhand :
yr welcome & thank you. i'm blushing
from takexmyxhand :
yr a fucking rock star. happy [late] birthday. i am tempted to get drunk with you...exoh
from feelsnothing :
Oh yes and Greenday is AWESOME!
from feelsnothing :
;)Thanks!
from clarity25 :
I just wanted to say that I really loved your last entry. Made me all teary eyed and happy. I miss you, girl.
from insanegerbil :
Omg, is greenday not the most versitile damn band in the world? happy, sad, whatever. It's good stuff. I'd have never figured you for a paleontologist. Good luck with it-go discover some new species.
from mydarkmind :
I made some people mad by...well...not doing anything, they just wanted to blame me because they don't like me. Anyway, somewhow they found my diary and were reading it so I couldn't write anything personal or anything mean. One entry I wrote how I wanted to kill them because they were being bitchy for no reason. They were showing it to everyone and getting really pissed off at me, so I have to write only notes and stuff till I get a new diary. People can be so fucking mean.
from insanegerbil :
happy birthday, doll.
from mydarkmind :
Hey, I dunno if I left you a note but I added you as a favorite and I just wanted to say sorry bout your puppy/dad/brother. I hope everything works out. :)
from cupid69 :
just felt like saying that i read your diary and i love it.
from damnedguitar :
I got your message. Well, I got it this morning from my brother, who forgot to tell me last night. I'm sorry, hun. Ingrid filled me in on everything. I can't get out of work (I'll get such a shitty pay this week), but I'll be there by 8:30pm and I'll crash at your place. Sound good? I'll call you later, hun.
from insanegerbil :
3 letters at once. Do you still like him now that he's showering you with excess attention?
from lintpickle :
so where do I get to see a picture of your beautifuckingugly face so I can form my own opinion? For some reason I'm not taking your word for it that you're hideous. I promise I'm not going to leave you some big fucking note about "honey, you're beautiful if you could only just see it" etc. I just want a face to the words. In the meantime, I'll keep reading you.
from insanegerbil :
How can you be so nonchalant about everything. You should at least be worried about not being worried. Theres not enough alcohol in the world.
from insanegerbil :
Quite the contrary. 'Fuck' evokes.
from insanegerbil :
Oh....my god. Sugar looks like my Roxy darling...!well, blend it with Sharon Osbournes "Mini" and add a pink heart to the center of the nose. I miss my doggy.
from feelsnothing :
haha yes...
from feelsnothing :
haha your hilarious
from dotgirl :
thank you. it means a lot to me. really.
from killingyou :
i must say, in regards to your latest entry- right on.
from takexmyxhand :
its so fucking frustrating. i have words pounding around in my head..i just can't write. grrr. still think you rock hardcore. exoh
from clarity25 :
three questions: "1.) What is your most treasured memory? 2.) If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? 3.)If a crystal ball would tell you the truth about any one thing you wished to know concerning yourself, life, future or anything else..What would you want to know?
from insanegerbil :
1)SPECIFICALLY, what feature of your face bothers you the most? 2)Who is Kenzi to you? 3)Why are you alive if suicide could easilly end it all..what's your reason.
from geeked-out :
Okay... 1) If you were to be stranded on a planet inhabited by giant lobster-like beings, and could only bring one type of fruit, what type would you bring? 2) What colour of nail polish would be the best to wear when invoking a goddess to rescue you from a colony of man-eating mountain monks? 3) If you were going to hold a dinner party for five deities, which deities would you invite, and what kind of pasta would you serve?
from insanegerbil :
So what color is your hair now?
from fuckedvirgin :
thank you doll ♥
from feelsnothing :
i know i know.....at times fasting can actually lead to gaining weight. I only intended on lowering my calories with my "fast" and not ruling out all intake.
from feelsnothing :
haha
from insanegerbil :
damn good times...
from kittyleopard :
Nice diary.
from takexmyxhand :
i still think yr fucking stunning. congrats on getting into yr college of choice..i've been horrible with notes lately. xoxox [heres hoping the plane won't crash]
from tragiceyes- :
i added you. i'm cool now. thx for the compliment about my layout. took me forever to fix it up the way i like it.
from lintpickle :
I think I've seen your face before, in my mirror.
from tragiceyes- :
you. are. amazing. mind if i add you?
from renigin :
so speaking of salvia...that was the first time i had done it and i'm feeling spaced out still, kind of hung over-like when your body is moving slow and every now and then things just spin. is this normal?
from insanegerbil :
So did they finally deem you ok or is your mom starting to see that it's a waste of money?
from mydarkmind :
Wow do you write amazingly beautiful. I wish I could write like that. :)
from insanegerbil :
Girl, doggies should never smell. Give CM a bath and then spritz him with body spray. He'll love it.
from blue88 :
What is Poland spring water....Vodka? Actually, that entry made me laugh (it is kind of funny when you see it from the outside.)
from blue88 :
I'm totally open to criticism, It's hard not to care about people after reading their diaries. I'm terribly facinated by women, have been all my life. (This is where you think, Pedistle, he puts all women on a pedistle... that's the real problem here, does he even know what he's doing driving us all away. Because we're too afraid to be able to live up to this kind of worship.) Can't help it born to a military/nurse family and I understand love as something you recieve for doing. You just can't Be (In my world. ) and be deserving of love. An act of giving has to happen. It's just that I remember giving and giving when I was in love with Wendy and still it didn't work. So, I find myself at an impass born to understand love as one thing yet unable to keep it in my life and becoming afraid of the searce in vain. Romantic tre terrible, this forlourn hope. I have to believe in just being and letting someone love me just for the gift of me. While I'm truely celibate this kind of works, I spread the love out sort of. Through work friends of all sexes in a plutonic way. But, the celibacy I think is an emotional cul de sac. I don't really learn there about the opposite sex. This reading of diaries, or supposing about women I haven't met but kind of know about some what is voyuristic to say the least. (Which is probably why I should and usually donot directly comment on other peoples diaries I made that mistake before.).......................... Watching is only one thing and doing, grasping at the possiblity of love (Or not,) is what I lack in experience......................... And every year my niece gets older and I fear, Possibly with an emotional gap making her father away from us (Me, my Mom, Dad.) and that she'll be lost to drugs like my sister. And that thought scares me. If something happened to my parents I offered to be the next guardian and my parents squashed the idea ellecting my elder brother as the person if, on the basis he was married. But she likes me, or did I'm not sure now........ And all of that's sort of where I was comming from..... Criticism from any quarter, especially women might actually help resolve the matter of how much to care, a bit.
from rockchicken :
Hi. I randomly came across your diary and i just wanna say that it's very interesting and you're a great writer. seeya
from blue88 :
Congrats on the Acceptance from college.... WOOOO HOOOO!!!! Do you know what your going to major in?....Actually that's not really that important now. College, the great escape, your salad years. to be surrounded by people who see all the things in you that you haven't yet. Where there's a glimmer finally that your day dreams of the future might see the light of day. So, many times when I wish I could go back in time, I want to got right here instantly. Not to do anything differently, just breathe it in again and take more chances.
from insanegerbil :
lmao@the last entry and khols.."go away and die".
from blue88 :
By the way what's the lemon extract for. I read it on another persons diary which is on your list. She took it with Traz (I know trazadone....Evil stuff, glad I've kicked it and replaced with cycling.)
from blue88 :
Hey, are the photos in photogogo yours? the ones of the tree and sky are really cool.... And the little girl?
from insanegerbil :
You never fail to entertain. Oh, and your story kicks ass. Why'd you take the link down?
from blue88 :
Grade 7...... I was Linus in the Charlie Brown christmas pagent. That year was 1980.... O.K. so I had some lines..... The best actors usually are the ones who come from the back rows of the spear chuckers. they have the drive to make it to centre stage. The ones that start in the limelight burn out quicker. Think of Gary Coleman....he's a security guard when he's not on reality T.V. Honestly, the world isn't up from where you are. We all trundle along through valley's of our own making. Long island, (a bit of a trip I guess, New York City maybe being a day a way by car.?) might seem like a prison at this moment in highschool. Still, you can probably get to the big city easier than I can get to Seattle. (You have no idea what it's like to cross into the U.S. anymore....we really are treated like dope terrorists when we hit the Peace Arch crossing. Yes Virginia, there is a city where you can smoke pot on the streets in between bar hopping. Welcome to Vancouver, take a joint. ) For me, a trip to New York would probably cost me in excess of 3 grand Canadian for a weekend. (About 2300.00 bucks U.S.) And thats staying on peoples couches I barely know, from tours that grace my city for a split week, at age 37. You are far, far more lucky then you know. Yes, living in America thease days has a stupid bush running it. But your so achingly close to the centre of the modern world when it comes to....EVERYTHING!!!! Christ...... Broadway......WWWWWAAAAAAAA.... Please remember as a young American you can work anywhere in the 50 states, and getting a student working visa to the country of your choice is mostly paperwork and your money is always worth more (In fact, you don't even have to trade it in for our monopoly funny money with the old lady on it when your here. Same with Mexico.) The world is such a big place with wonderful people in it that will spur you on to your dreams....Just outside your door. The epicentre is you. It's the fear of leaping that stops you, it pauses all of us. Regardless of where we are, who we are and how much we already know. Sorry, I'm diatribing.... Take the world, don't let it take you.
from feelsnothing :
yeah...unfortunately my pessimistic side gets the best of me.....ALWAYS
from blue88 :
By the way...where in New York do you live and why are you so down when you live in the centre of the earth?
from fuckedvirgin :
thanks love, oh i really like your photography, and ur template rocks my world too
from insanegerbil :
I feel labels are shit, but if you must know, you are a Writer.
from cupid69 :
Hey, I just felt like leaving you a note for some unknown reason. I love your diary and i guess it helps to know someone is semi going thought what I'm going thought.
from blue88 :
Selfconcious? You have to be an actor then.... We all have it. (I'm a Stagehand now , janitor to the stars really.) I froze while playing Fagin in "Fuck I always forget the Musicals name" due to the fact that I was so bummed out that I didn't get the role Of ferdinan In The Tempest which the the school was doing a studio production of. (I really wanted an excuse to kiss Darlene Arsenualt, ahhh memories.) I kind of became an actor by default in Highschool it was the only place to hide from the jocks and my teacher was the math teacher, one of who found me beaten to a pulp the year before. So, she let me hide and passed me in Algebra while I built sets. I ended up being the best in her class and she told me I should keep up studies as an actor. Went to college where I found myelf in a class of the best of every highschool drama class and the self concious thing happened again. I hate to say it, but S.C. ness haunts us through life. It just lessens a bit as we surmount our problems or, take that leap of faith and find courage in moving away from things we wanted that turned out badly, that we can't change. Problem is, people like us think too damn much as apposing to going with our gut instincts. But I'd rather be a selfconcious thinker than the old idiots who were young idiots I meet today. Don't let fear take you away from your dreams, they're worth more than that and so are you.....
from blue88 :
I stayed up too late and but, I couldn't help reading your diary and it made me realise again after so many years that things haven't changed. That yes, school fuckin sucks. (I'm old, its been a long time, but the nightmares are still there.) All through grade 11 and into 12 I was mocked, hounded, chased and eventually beat up in the gym showers and left for dead by a bunch of jocks because I was a punker in suburbia hanging out with a girl and her friends who were Pakistani, not white (This was the 80's, eons ago.) The guys who beat me up kept calling me a fag (I was dating a girl and I am very straight, jocks are just stupid or in denial.) and they told me if I never told anyone about this, I'd get to live. I lived alright, in fear till the end of high school. Years later I ran into one of the guys who beat me up and threatened me that day. And he congradulated me on having the courage to be gay and in the open and then told me he was sorry, because he to finally realized he was gay. Why am I relating this to you? School sucks, but it ends. If you find courage, hold on, all of this will come back to you in strength apon strength to your soul year after year. Theatre's what kept me sane in school and it's my career today. Find something that keeps you here. A future dream like returning to Germany after you graduate, art, a belief, a dream, another destination, someone, anything. Don't get lost to such a little world that really has hardly any meaning after it's over. Your your only perminant record....
from feelsnothing :
HAHAH! Wow,I didnt even think about it in terms of my charges but that is pretty damn funny....and unlucky.
from feelsnothing :
Haha...glad to know its not all in my head....at least someone else knows....
from insanegerbil :
bwa-HAHA! "Soup Kitchen class"... Oh..and Jon Davis used to look good, till he started going bald.meh..all that scalp between dreads is so disturbing(Queen of the Damned dvd).
from girl-razor :
♥ thank you. ♥ velvet underground too btw. x
from girl-razor :
no reply pour moi?
from clarity25 :
loved the entry on crushes :),..still don't understand your thing with Jonathan Davis. But hey, to each her own. Then again, you saw my list, who am I to talk?
from uncoiling :
You get what?
from girl-razor :
It's good someone does. I enjoyed reading your diary. I'm leaking empathy right now.
from insanegerbil :
"...wondering Am I extremely intelligent? Or is everybody else just really fucking dumb."... My sentiments exactly.
from insanegerbil :
I love the rhyme scheme of that poem. It just goes over and over in circles.
from wtf- :
You didn't offend me at all. I was just wondering how fucked up your scale of normalcy could be if you said there was nothing wrong with me.<br>Anyways, yeah. I like the way you write, may I add you as a favorite?
from insanegerbil :
I love my white boys skanky. Jason's on "Cracking up"(Fox Friday nights). I thought Mickey Rourke looked hot too till he pulled out the fake teeth. Still a sexy bitch with the cowboy boots.
from emo-panda :
i recently found your diary, i'm glad you have decided to stay on. i love your writing. take care... emo-panda
from wtf- :
yeah, i completely agree on the subject that anti-depressants change people, and taking some random medication from someone you can't exactly trust is sketchy... but really, how can you say that i'm perfectly fine the way i am? it doesn't take a fucking doctorate degree to see if someones fucked up or not, but you really don't know me at all. that was a bit extreme, what you said. just thought i'd leave a note about that. later.
from takexmyxhand :
i can not tell you how happy i am that yr staying. ♥ ♥ [[dont ever leave]]
from feelsnothing :
whoaa....Germany. I am soo jealous! I wanna live in Europe. Amd yet so sad.
from clarity25 :
you can't leave. I enjoy reading your writings too much and it seems like I'm not the only one.
from killingyou :
take care. i'll miss your writing.
from insanegerbil :
"Nothing is worse than being out of alcohol. nothing"...being out of cocaine is the worst thing ever. Nothing is worse than crashing. People do crazy things when they run out. At least the buzz from alcohol will last for awhile before it's gone. The serotonin dip from coke is shit.
from feelsnothing :
Haha! Good! It will be an orgy. Haha, not literally speaking, of course.
from insanegerbil :
It's no wonder they're "idiot" reviews... If you wear a red shirt, is your face totally unrecognizable from the time you wore a blue version? I doubt it.
from idiotreviews :
Hi. This is Danielle of Idiot Reviews. I recently read the note you left for us and I would like to comment on it. I know you were upset about Insanegerbil’s review, but it specifically said in the rules, “If you change your template, you will receive a zero.” Here’s the email I sent to Insanegerbil. “Insanegerbil- I just read the note you sent me, and I would just like to comment. When I said change your template, I meant, change as in color, completely new template...that type of thing. Do you know how annoying it is when you start reviewing someone's diary and then you come back and they have a whole different template? Color can change the template so much. You could feel something different with black, than you would with white. I hope you understand where we are coming from. But as it also said in the rules, you can re-request when ever you please. Thank you for your time, and thank you for following the rules and commenting in the notes. It is very appreciated.” I offered a re-review and I explained too. I don’t know what more you can ask of me. It said in the rules, IF YOU CHANGE THE TEMPLATE YOU WILL GET A ZERO. It specifically says that…http://idiotreviews.diaryland.com/rules.html if you want to check for yourself. Thank you for your time. And thank you for leaving a comment. Although it wasn’t positive it is still nice to hear what people think. Sincerely, Danielle
from takexmyxhand :
from amber-darko :
Hi! My name's Amber and I'm 23. I am writing a book about my personal account of self hate and self harm. I'd like to include some personal stories from different stages in healing, different sexes and different ages to show that no one is the same, but we all are hurting in ways that we are unable to convey. I do not intend on printing names, there is no length restriction and I will not censor. I have decided to also include poetry or just general opinions. Please email me if you are interested. amberwilliams43@sbcglobal.net
from takexmyxhand :
awesome fucking layout
from sublime09 :
hey-thanks...is spun really good? the movie. is billy corgan good? is it worth renting? see you later
from clarity25 :
cool new layout
from insanegerbil :
hahaha! I used to do that...say the pets scratched me. People will believe anything because the truth would never occur to them.
from insanegerbil :
Since Jan.2004, I'd say at least 23 of the 2 oz, and way more of the 1 oz. I'd count my collection of bottles to be sure, but I can't be bothered. This month, theres been 4 so far, and it's only the 10th. Then theres the other forms of liquor... damn government with it's legal poison.
from killingyou :
i've been reading your diary and i just thought i'd let you know that i love everything about it. the photos are really beautiful. especially the one of the little girl. xox
from van8 :
hi! just a note to let you know that the long awaited video tape of the Pixies gig in Athens (Rodon club May 1989) is now available for delivery! Duration: 50 min - offair recording from Greek TV . If you are interested please send an email for more details about delivery methods. ATTENTION: It is a VHS tape in PAL format
from insanegerbil :
Who knew alcohol led to breast cancer...they should stick that on the bottle.
from moongazer17 :
nope, not running from the FBI. just dont want everyone to read my crap:) what new attitude?
from insanegerbil :
Gold Account lets you upload a picture to stick into your profile so people can see what you look like. You can make some entries in your diary private so the general public can't see if they're too personal to share but you still want to remember them. You can let people add comments to your entries IN the entry instead of on your notes. You get to see the stats of people on your page and all that goodness. Oh, and the best part(I think) is you can make your own diaryland surveys for people to answer.
from insanegerbil :
Clay Aiken's a fuckin fag. And he's ugly. And he still can't dress. I've got no pity for the geeky bastard. He's suposed to sing these emotional sad songs, but he does it with a goofy grin on his face. I want him dead. You should totally try to publish this diary in addition to your memoir. Alot of people like reading diary books..
from insanegerbil :
bless that boy. I totally know what you mean. hope kenzi's not mad at your rebel ways still.
from acuttersedge :
Think so? I never know if my small victory is worth the beating that I take for it later. ...Wonder if I get my point across. I see that you are close to getting 200 entries. That is exciting. It scared me when I hit 100. Didn't think that I had that much junk in my soul, I guess I needed to purge it all out.
from insanegerbil :
Ha... Bloodhound Gang... good luck with that nipple shit. Score on the beer. kick ass.
from nuntobe :
Right now I am on Risperdal, Depakote, and Lexapro. They keep changing them, so who knows if they'll get changed again on friday. God Bless.
from insanegerbil :
"In heaven all the interesting people are missing."~Friedrich Nietzsche.
from takexmyxhand :
thank you, sweet girl. your comments..just thank you. ♥
from takexmyxhand :
there are NO words to describe how fucking stunning you really are.
from insanegerbil :
"terri kill: but i hate when i see one cause then the girl attached to it is all stuckup and 10 pounds of makeup"....haha..that is so not true, 80% of the time.
from clarity25 :
your recent entry "fucking hell hole mother fucking shit" was brilliant. just thought I'd let you know. Such a true testament to the public highschool experience. I was laughing my ass off.
from insanegerbil :
Nothin like it? You've never worn the D.A.R.E. shirt smoking a blunt rolled in a page torn from the bible then.
from insanegerbil :
Kick ass memoir presentation. Keeps it nice and tidy... easier to get it edited and shit when your all done.
from nozzle :
glad your show went well.
from frosted-fae :
I'm with you on that one: Fuck the world.
from feelsnothing :
Ha, but no one even seems to understand the hatred. "Why would you hate yourself?" BECAUSE YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER!..NOT EVERYONE HAS A REASON TO LOVE THEMSELVES.
from insanegerbil :
yeah i do wanna meet you.you seem cool
from insanegerbil :
we're going to nyc to do the tourist thing in china town and shit. then shopping and such.interested in meeting or would that be too weird?you live in ny right?
from insanegerbil :
Hows that therapy workin out? Have you guys accomplished anything yet?
from breakme21 :
That's exactly how I felt today. I'm counting the days until I never have to go back to the living nightmare of school again. Thanks for adding me to your faves. *Blushes.* Talktya later...
from moongazer17 :
your attempt at poetry was pretty damn good...
from acuttersedge :
You are right. I am a bit scared to die as well. I think that is something else that keeps me holding on. Yesterday was the first time that I have the urge to cut threw my veins in my arm. Somehow I don't think it would be very pretty if I did. Thank you for the note. Nice new bra collection, btw.
from moongazer17 :
sometimes, the smallest things can make you so fucking happy. & i love the photos. amazing.
from asitwere :
Love that you stole the shit.
from burnthisgirl :
meow. i went... i didn't go anywhere. doll x p.s: you like jack off jill? yay!
from moongazer17 :
obviously i;m glad you don;t have the guts to kill yourself. please stay strong; there;s so much more to life than just dying. [i;m done preaching now]. ♥you
from abhorgod :
you tried to kill yourself, haha, you know that makes me want you.
from moongazer17 :
darling, have you ever read przac nation? don't take this the wrong way..but it reminds me of you. maybe you should read it...?
from nozzle :
i have a scar on my belly that itches like crazy when it's cold. also, i am sleepy.
from breakme21 :
Jesus fuck! I love your photos!! I wish I were that talented. I think the one with the noose is fricken awesome. The one with the mouse and then one with the fence and rope are awesome too. Just thought I'd share... Bai! <3Ellie
from acuttersedge :
Forgot ... thanks for the heads up about the extract.
from acuttersedge :
I don't think that I have any connections to get "real" acohol. *grumbles*
from abhorgod :
did you block me on line because im bad at cyber sex??????????????? i bet you did. i saw a porcupine masturbate with a cactus once, it was pretty sexy.. shit, i just came... sorry about all the premature ejaculation
from acuttersedge :
Figured that you might say that. That would be something that I would have said if I was responding to me.
from acuttersedge :
Glad your still alive.
from insanegerbil :
once you've got permission to do something, it's no longer as fun.
from acuttersedge :
Where have you been? Been kind worried, your last entrie and then you not updating for 5 days. Anyways, hang in there.
from acuttersedge :
Eh, I know. I have been late all week because of it. Yesterday morning I got yelled at by my teacher because of being tardy too many times. I talked to the teacher after class--didn't help. It is driving me crazy. I mean it is already a huge struggle to get to school and want to go to school. Tacking these scriptures onto it doesn't give me any desire to go to school.
from moongazer17 :
you know what? i think youre a fucking genuis
from acuttersedge :
Fucking hell! You have been screwed over by the system. God, it makes me so mad just to hear about it. Want me to kill her? I would get ahold of that list if I were you. Might help in case your mom does try to call those places. A few years ago, a therpist did the same thing to me. I felt like I was raped by the system. I often threated suicide and then later. I closed myself emotionally from people. I became like a clam. I have learned that until your 18, don't tell exactly what you are feeling or thinking. Just tell them what they want to hear. Good luck, hang in there.
from moongazer17 :
exactly. fucking exactly
from acuttersedge :
Ha! I got my wisdom teeth out today. They gave me two perscriptions for pain killers that I can refill twice. I won't be feeling anything for awhile.
from veronica-- :
Thanks for your note! I'd leave a better one than this but I'm still too bitter being back in america and these bullshit laws. So I'm going to have a cigarette, becase apparently I'm allowed to give myself cancer before I kill my hypothalamus. Thank you, 'Land of the Free'!
from acuttersedge :
True True, well spoken. I raither them not know. A perscription for pain killers would be nice! I saw that you changed the comment about my diary on your favorites list. I was reading back at my diary and I couldn't believe that I put that together. It is weird how sometimes you don't remember writing certain things, ya know? Sorry, just made me think about that.
from her-noise :
thanks! :)
from acuttersedge :
From some werid reason I think you got Vodka. *shrugs* =oP
from moongazer17 :
can i share some of that vodka with you? please?
from moongazer17 :
holy fuck, what a bitch your therapist is..
from moongazer17 :
♥ ♥
from insanegerbil :
explanations suck more than the people who need them.
from rainyday43 :
I love your diary. Your writing is awesome. We have a lot in common. My email is strawberrygashes21@yahoo.com <3Rainy.
from trashpunk :
that entry, and the ones following it, are things that happened to me a year ago. actually, exactly one year ago. if you're going through what I did, then you have my deepest sympathy, and please let me know if there's anything I can do to help. don't do what I did.
from new-review :
"http://trashpunk.diaryland.com/021229_97.html"... It made me think of you. Read it. You might like it.
from moongazer17 :
youre so welcome, sweet girl. i also relate to much of what you say, sometimes i feel as though you're inside my head and writing down my thoughts...
from moongazer17 :
you're one of the most honest people here at diaryland. as odd as this may sound, i admire you. i think you're fucking beautiful. i heart you, girl. hold on and be strong. [i know you hate this mushy shit...but oh well].
from insanegerbil :
"I have a serious fucking problem that needs to be dealt with now"...exactly. They are so blind, so busy trying to apply the same proceedure to everyone. Morons. You'd think after all that 'education', they'd realize depression can also be a SYMPTOM of things rather than a trigger.
from her-noise :
honey i know what your going through. i'm here for you whenever you need someone. this world sucks so much, i know. you'll be ok. *hugs* <3
from acuttersedge :
I got up this morning ... realizing how honest I was with myself last night. I also noticed that I hadn't writen much about my father. It don't know what it is, but somehow ... being hit by your own parent really gets to you. Normally families protect you, not hurt you. Ya know? Thank you for the note, btw. You hang in there.
from her-noise :
hey, i know what you mean about lack of sleep and my dad calls me a vampire too. i hated it the first time he started. he thought it was cute and funny, but it pissed me off because it's not like i stay up all night for kicks. i would like to get a good nights rest. now i just ignore him and that usually pisses him off. lol, well take care. <3
from insanegerbil :
you do coke,and slicing your wrist will be the LAST method of suicide to cross your mind-if even.it's a bad habit to start
from her-noise :
thanx, i love the way you write too. i read all the time. <3 <3
from moongazer17 :
you kick some serious ass, lady. it looks like you and i are in the same boat regarding our fathers. oh well, mine isnt worth the worry. i still find your words intoxicating. ♥ ♥ Crystle
from her-noise :
thanks for the note. you are also a lovely writer. i just read your entry, i know how you feel, but things will get better. take care. <3
from acuttersedge :
I wanted to see Bad Santa, thanks for the review tip. Sounds like you held pretty well to the Christmas cheer with family. Thanks for writing me the note, it made me feel better to know I am not alone. -Lindsey
from insanegerbil :
fuck tongueing them.just refuse to take them and tell them it fucks with your head.they'll just keep changing it till you get sumthing fun for recreational use...
from moongazer17 :
you are fucking beautiful. and if you need to be reminded of this every day, i will be the one to do it. ♥ ♥
from xmydemisex :
heh. i was looking through your quiz page and was doing some stuff offa there. i guess we both live the same kinda lifestyle :)
from insanegerbil :
you're not curious if your mom was gonna say sumthing else about your father?something you might have blocked out of your memory cuz it wuz so bad?i dunno.i guess i'm paranoid,but my mind would have been racing.
from nozzle :
i want to kiss your forehead and tell you everything won't be okay but it'll work out and that's all that matters ... in a completely non-lesbian sort of way.
from broken-face :
Uh huh uh huh uh huh uh huh ooo
from theanswer- :
yes, it's shameless self-promotion but you and i both know that you need answers...
from acuttersedge :
I have found that if I think of a "happy place" while I drink down the extract that it isn't so bad. I dunno, just a little trick that I have come up with.
from insanegerbil :
i think the orange extract is easier,mainly cuz its not as acidic.but lemon extract in the coke-by far the best..3/4 cup of soda,a bottle of extract..lemon does good in the orange too.nasty as all hell,but less bitter.
from acuttersedge :
Great thanks. I did get a kinda of buzz off of it. Since I have never drank before I think my system kinda reactted funny. *shrugs* lol Thanks though. I will report back to ya when I do it again.
from acuttersedge :
1 fl oz. Did I screw up? Damn.
from acuttersedge :
I know. I think its odd how we do that. I feel like a freak sometimes. Thank you for the note. You hang in there. I tried the Lemon Extract. I wrote all about it in my last entrie.
from insanegerbil :
besides taking it to a photo place,i mean.
from insanegerbil :
how do you develope film?i mean,do you know?if you do,could you tell me?
from acuttersedge :
First off, thank you for giving me some tips on the extract. Second, know that I know how you feel. I know how much pain life is. I sometimes ask myself also, does this get any better? Some how I look around and people are happy. So, I guess it does get better. Or I could be lying to myself also. But what are the odds?
from insanegerbil :
"I just want something to happen, or for my own self to die already. I'm sick of waiting"...me too,me too. ♥
from moongazer17 :
dollface..i hope you feel better real soon. seriously. i wish i could just give you a huge hug..♥ Crystle
from dylanwashere :
Hey, there is something definitely so true about the things you say. I have to come back for more.
from cayin :
Thanks for liking the new lay-out ^_^ Like the new entry 'Never more'. It's quite sad (don't mind that, I say quite all the time, it annoys people immensly). It's sad that it turned out to be so crappy. Most things do... xxxCayinxxx
from pink-pills :
haha, so very true. Depressive personality disorder, don't like 1 in every 4 americans have depression?
from xdyingsoulx :
thaxks for the note! :) i like your diary too! especially the quiz page since i'm obsessed with quizzes. don't know why i just am. ;)
from xmydemisex :
thankyou :D ...wish i could write my words like you do... <3
from acuttersedge :
Hey there. You left me a note a bit ago. I have been reading your diary. I hope you don't mind. You have an increditable mind, if I might add. You also have a great way of writing, I am raither jealous. lol. I believe you asked what glass was, its similar to cyrstal meth but it doesn't give you such a big high. It more makes you not eat or sleep for a couple days and you clean everything. I would like to know more about that Lemon extract (if thats the name). Keep writing and Thanks for writing me. -Lindsey
from damnedguitar :
Dude, Becks is too hot. Lol. And Skeet Ulrich is fucking hot as well (which we've established time and again). They got you worried over stupid cap and gown? You should've told the fat bitch to stuff her cap, gown, and the slip of paper up her already abused ass. It would've been funny to see her bug out.
from insanegerbil :
that is so fucked up.knowing me,i'd have cussed them out,and left the school before even checking to see what the note wuz about.(explosive temper)
from nozzle :
heh, that's funny. i *can* relate to your entries and it makes me not want to read them. oh, and i mean that in the nicest way possible.
from insanegerbil :
you are so right about laughter.the only one i can stand is britney murpheys.and thats true about the 'sounds like they look good' thing.that happened today.the chick turned out to be a hippo with rosacia and HORRIBLE acne.but her voice..damn nice.
from moongazer17 :
PS: i checked out your "vegetarian" link..how absolutley horrible. I was left speechless. :(
from moongazer17 :
Youre welcome, love. I have actually read the book to girl interrupted, and i didn't like it. i thought the movie was much better. it's all Angelina's fault..Crystle
from insanegerbil :
hey,your right.i do.
from empty- :
heyys=)
from bellhead :
thanks babe! It's nice to get a note from unexpected visitors! cheerio
from moongazer17 :
Yes, what they said (points to the notes below) you are beautiful, and you say all the things that I'm to afraid to say.
from nozzle :
you can't run away. then i'll only have one other person on my cramps diaryring.
from pink-pills :
Running away won't change anything, one day. You'll be free, until then. Wait it out, you can do it, & the prize will be all the more rewarding when you do.
from insanegerbil :
please don't?some of those entries are like,my favorite.
from empty- :
heyy=).takecare
from insanegerbil :
o god..it's like i'm reading my history everytime you update.burning won't do if you wrote in pencil anywhere(and it take for-ever,even if you use gas)..unless you make sure everything is charred dust.easiest way to destroy journals are blenders.rip out a few pages,stred them and stick it in a mixer with warm water.turns it into papermache goop-not even recognizeable as paper.and it takes seconds.
from pink-pills :
I <3 you
from moongazer17 :
you've added me, i've added you. thanks for letting me find you...i'm in love with the way you write. xxCrystlexx
from moongazer17 :
wow yourself, little lady. youre amazing!it's crazy how your thoughts mirror my own. don't let me forget you, i'm adding you to my favs. [[i'm impressed]]. xxCrystlexx
from damnedguitar :
Damn right, LET IT SNOW!!!! But, of course, it doesn't happen on a school day. What's that shit? What good is it to us otherwise? *Smirk*
from xkillthisx :
hi. ummz... thankyou. i like the content in your diary too... you got a new daily reader :)
from insanegerbil :
i wuz on sumthing with a complicated name that i forgot,lexapro and remeron(sp?).eitherway..if anything,they make the situation worse.i say,if you can't get any joy from skipping around walgreens with a stuffed animal tucked under your arm,MEDS WILL DO NOTHING.
from raven72d :
There's something to be said for being there quiet and alone in the dark at 0300...
from insanegerbil :
fuck anti-depressants.they don't work.
from damnedguitar :
Yeah, that's true. But you got a brother who really cares about you. What does mine do? Do you remember that one time where he had, like, a spit-fest? Well, that was fun, wasn't it? *Rolls eyes* And one day we'll both laugh about how stupid and embaressing our bros are. Just not anytime soon. :/
from pink-pills :
Beautiful words. I know how it is. Wonderful as alcohol is when it comes to escaping problems, youre left with more. I hope you get better & find out what to do about your project.
from insanegerbil :
yeah.i think thats my biggest problem-i never learned how to just DEAL..blah@life.fuck it.it's always black or white,yes or no..never a gray area or a maybe.
from self-harm :
sure :-) <3 xxx
from insanegerbil :
kill yourself like marilyn manson killed brian warner..thats so edgar alan poetic.
from damnedguitar :
Hey, doll! I know you're probably not going to read this tonight, seeing as how you're traveling, but I know you'll check your stuff when you can. You don't *have* to move your diary, hun. You can just make it a locked diary, if you want. And only the people you want to read it, can read it. You only give out your password to specific people or people who ask for it. Hope you're having a good time in Rhode Island and I'll talk to ya when you get back. Take care. :)
from insanegerbil :
ooo..kick ass.congrats on the permit and shit.i hope nobody gives you shit about not eatting turkey on thanksgiving.when i wuz vegetarian,people used to shove it in my face.sucked ass.
from insanegerbil :
girl interupted..i've seen that movie so many times.i luv britney murphy..that poem thing is 'rivers are dammed'...not damp.cuz if you toss yourself into a dammed river,you can't be banged against the rocks and fall over the edge and shit.you just wash over the twigs,and end up not drowning.
from insanegerbil :
i used to do that same shit in school.i still do it.its a bad habit.you end up zoning out when they say sumthing important.i do that shit when i go to court and the judge is talking.it's not good at all.
from raven72d :
Thanks for the note... And I believe this planet is the assigned hell for anyone from Neptune's moon Triton.
from stainme :
thank you dear... i can say the same for yours...
from raven72d :
Your diary is a delightful discovery.
from stainme :
hey....who is this?
from suicidewish :
thanks =)
from damnedguitar :
Yeah, I know I'm never online anymore. Please don't hurt me! Lol. But I'll be at Cole's and I'll try my best to entertain everybody with asinine stories. Yeah, our dad's suck. How many times did we establish that last year while Skittles was MCing behind us in lunch? ;)
from audrea :
Thanx for the note. Homer & the stones do kick ass, and qualtagh's always make me nervous! ;D BTW, you are definetly correct in your conviction... Jennifer Aniston SuX Majorly! Ciao for now... :) stop by audrealand, anytime.
from insanegerbil :
it's also the first person you see when your leave your house on a special occasion.use whichever definition fits your project best
from insanegerbil :
haha..qualtagh is the first person who steps foot in your house on new years eve.
from insanegerbil :
yes,yes,OH-GOD-YES.the key word is realist.its the facts,without the emotional baggage.the truth is like the sun,nobody wants to look at it,and barely anyone glances.then you get the blunt retards who stare into the truth without seeing anything but the light~damn optimist.the pessimist focus's on the effects of the sun.but the realist..they-they actually take notes and observe and learn..they see the big picture.bless them.~~on another note,it's kinda freaky that our hair keeps going thru the same changes..the purple..and today mine turned orange and red.
from insanegerbil :
you should totally be writting your memoir right now.you've got such a gift for rhetoric,it'd be a best seller...but then again,do you really want the whole world reading the story of your life,then greeting you,thinking they know you personally..?
from insanegerbil :
wow...lemon extract eh?thats pretty damn intresting.how'd you even discover that...?the high alcohol content in a moment of desperation made you experimental?
from deadpainting :
hello, lovely. thanks! and you are as well. heh, im sorry about your psychiatrist problem! eeek.
from insanegerbil :
blah.adding favorite entries is such a tedius task that takes more than a few minutes.first you need to find the entry you like.get the URL(address).example:your reading DABGUS diary.the entry address you liked is http://dabgus.diaryland.com/112211_29.html ......so you save this information in notepad(or a different window).then you fill out the favorite entries form.in the first text box you put:DAGBUS in the second text box you put 112211_19.html in the third box you put your comment on the entry explaining why it deserves to be a favorite.~told you it wuz tedious~
from insanegerbil :
i totally luv you!!wow.we're so damn similar..ok,maybe you wouldn't think so/know so.but its true.ah yes,drugs are bad.i totally know what you mean though about the music.thats how i started appreciating britney spears though.exactly how.her voice,i just got to thinkin how everyone thinks shes shitty,but nobody could ever sing like her,her voice is so unnaturally clear,enunciation is perfect,and shes always in tune---and its NOT computer generated either(well,voice overs and background are..but whos isn't) but yeah.i agree.i'm totally gonna take sumbody off my favorite diaries list for you soon.just keep updating
from insanegerbil :
i heart you.you kick ass.
from girlsmad :
i hate you
from deadpainting :
grey is my fav colour. heh. and requiem is the god, so is sylvia plath. have you heard of her movie coming out soon? gweneth paltrow plays sylvia. heh, i cant wait. nice diary. farewell. love, Miss Takes
from damnedguitar :
Hey, hun. Site looks great. Who helped you? ;)

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