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Mike went on a no pork kick for a while. Apparently it contains this fungus that sticks to your gut and can make you really sick. And not even cooking it can kill it. Bastard Fungus!! But the way i see it, Fungus can be good....sometimes. Right?

from x-plicity :

I think we should start our own party!! What do you say? Small government, cheese burgers, and "NO MORE TAXES". *grin*

from lustykazoo :

way to break the silence ... brava, i needed the laugh

from x-plicity :

Missed you. *huggles* X

from karmacops :

someone who lists the replacements...how fabulous! hi.

from x-plicity :

Happy V-day! *heart* X

from x-plicity :

I was lurking in the hedges, thought I would say hello!

from x-plicity :

From what I understand, Dylan isn't that bad of a speaker. In recent concerts he was very articulate...which makes me wonder why he wasn't in all of those interviews that we now see on television once in a while. I would really like to listen to his show and see how it goes. Of course it will be all of the die hard Dylan (hippie) fans that will stick by him.

from x-plicity :

Welcome to the minority club!!! I still got stuff over you though! I'm a diseased ridden, hispanic female!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!! so...there. LOL *hugs* X

from x-plicity :

A smelly, dumb stump...hmm...

from x-plicity :

You have returned to us!!! Yay!!!

from treedancer :

i love old houses; you know what i'm sayin'.*peers. besides, we have a date on a porch, don't we? {{hugs}} mail *is* coming - just had a lot of stress. later.

from x-plicity :

um....no. That's all i have to say. The horse has at least a couple more races in him. DON'T DIE ON ME MAN!!!!

from third-person :

Hey, I stumbled upon your diary and just wanted to say that I enjoyed it. Particularly the strobe light story.

from kaystale :

Oh how I loved the Strobe Light story! It even brought back a memory or two of that feeling during drunken sex where you're not sure if you might be on the verge of the big O or tossing your cookies, or both at the same time! Thank you, reading that made my day. Luv's ya! p.s. If my Mom is reading this, I was just saying all that to sound cool and fit in. I am of course still a virgin and wouldn't know alcohol if I tasted it, despite being 25.

from x-plicity :

blink blink blink...wow...that is trippy...

from x-plicity :

WOW...It takes guts to write an entry about being your mother. You go guy.

from x-plicity :

The poor dear tomatos...may be in heaven with God. Amen.

from treedancer :

aww, poor plants! not sure what's worse: death by environment, or death by slugs. if they munch my plantings, i'm going to...i'm going to...i'll think of something! ;)

from x-plicity :

Give my love to Britney!

from treedancer :

now see? See?! These are what make *you* truly great. ;) Look out for flying scones...

from x-plicity :

�Voy a batir su asno mudo en la tierra si usted no se mueve! Translation: I'm going to beat your ass into the ground if you don't move your stuff. Add Pinche culerro (peench-a kool-air-o) to the end of that sentence and all will be good.

from x-plicity :

I agree on the Chamomile woman looking like a horse

from treedancer :

"See no one was missing anything worth reading!..." It's *always* worth reading.

from x-plicity :

Hmm...I've noticed that all of my comments lately imply that you possibly partake of certain mind altering chemicals. The truth is that I really DON'T think your are a pill popping druggie. It just seems like your musings contain certain drug induced humor as of late. Something which I find quite amusing!!! *hugs* X

from x-plicity :

Maybe you should stay OFF the meds?

from x-plicity :

Dude...that's deep....So what are you on today?

from lustykazoo :

can't say that i know your taste in movies, but while visiting Colorado i went to see The Life Aquatic & was very much impressed (though i haven't seen a wes anderson offering that hasn't impressed me so i may be biased) with it... maybe give it a try.

from x-plicity :

Amen, brother!

from chaosbean :

My grandmother and dog both died last year. Sad to say, but I was really upset when my dog died. My grandmother? Eh, not so much. But hey, I know my dog went to a better place.

from treedancer :

I will make Yarrrggg! my word-sound of the day. I likes the viking element of it...*grin.

from treedancer :

geeze. if she (i'm assuming it's a woman...) says to you after the weekend, "who has a case of the mondays?!" then i think it is only right and proper to insert her into the paper shredder.

from x-plicity :

Gee-Whitakers, GP! YOu Are so UP BEAT! LOL! Does Irritating co-worker have a Susie-Q out curl in her hair? We'll definitely have to hold the convention during the summer, loin cloths are a bit out of season right now. *grin*

from x-plicity :

Old man. *smirk*

from x-plicity :

Wow, dude. You're falling apart! It must have been all of that booze and rock'n roll in your "younger" days.

from ravynespeaks :

Just want to wish you a very Happy New Year. May 2005 be your best year ever!

from x-plicity :

Just finished catching up with your diary. Hope your knee feels better and um...don't stick Mini GP in the coffee grinder. Not safe. X out.

from groovebunny :

Have a wonderful New Years GPoet! :)

from treedancer :

well y'know my friend, it's not a bunker, but it is possibly better than that. i have a hermit hideyhole that would suit you just fine? by the way, thought your reso. pun was very cool.*grin. "narration will continue" in the morn! ;)

from granolaspice :

Totally understand. I've already offered to have the many babies of my new kitchenaid mixer.

from granolaspice :

but will you do ballet like there's something up your ass? now THAT's something I'd pay to see! glad that you are healing!

from x-plicity :

Now I have to make a jesus t-shirt with him saying "Walk MF'r Walk!"

from x-plicity :

I have to agree with you. 2004 sucked arse!

from x-plicity :

Sending pill popping dittos and well wishes!

from treedancer :

y'know...methinks i should've applied for that Homeland dealio...;) we (you and me) could've ruled the world! ::ahem::

from treedancer :

*peers at huge rubber donut, or stack of extra squishy, comfy cushions. hrmmm. cushions i think? plus, the doughnut should be the other variety and sprinkled in cinammon and sugar! ;)

from x-plicity :

Miss you!! Feel Better!!!

from lustykazoo :

welcome back ;) glad to hear you weathered it well

from x-plicity :

GOOD LUCK!!!!! *hugs*

from treedancer :

Thanks for the note, that would great. :) I have sent you mail, subject "from treedancer."

from treedancer :

the 9th? well, the sooner it's done, the quicker it will be over. heh, i'm sure that sounded just a tad better in my head. ;) {{{hugs}}} to you!

from x-plicity :

Will miss you!!! Take care of yourself! *hugs*

from hamiltonian :

Vote for me diaryland president, just visit my site and vote today...

from irishblueyes :

Brilliant! God I just love Woody Allen movies. Can't say I've watched them while under the influence of wine and meds, but it sure sounds tempting!

from treedancer :

ok, that does it...from now on, i'm letting the damn cat do all my typing....

from treedancer :

distant "shroes??" *boggles at self. ::ahem:: Ocucpations for you? Hrmm. sex therapist? comedy writer? police negotiator? ack-tor? space traveller, wheeee! oo wait, that was mine. ;)

from treedancer :

Consider some sent! Although, I'm sure given the UK postal service (*Snort of derision) by the time they reached your distant shroes, the things would've decomposed, turned to dust and sparked an International Incidient. *pauses...err..was that someone at the door? Suits, dark glasses, talking into their cuffs? ;) Starting good vibe wishes for you & D-Day (disc day!) *now.*

from flufflebunny :

*smiles* I love you American darlings! 'good girlie natter'= a nice talk/chat with female friends. Genrally centers around life and love, and often ends in group hugs and crying. Some liken to a lesbian orgy....hmm. Hehe *hugs* :)

from lustykazoo :

your catchy little ditty made latte shoot out of my nostrils, wasn't expecting the "d" word so early in the morning... ;) thank you so much for starting my day off with a giggle.

from treedancer :

ahh, the vagaries of the language: "illegal cock fight" has an altogether different connotation when one ends up humming the dildo song you penned. *grin. ;)

from treedancer :

aww, I'm missing you already! Hugs to you and to the Sgt.Ot. and positive vibes winging their way across the pond to you. I hope all goes well! I will look forward to when the mighty GP is back on his feet, and back online sharing his insight with us all; and most of all, making me laugh. ;) Take care, dude.

from gumphood :

The Red Sox never do anything with their hair. Its so gross. I love them...I hate them. I am biting off my own flesh.

from irishblueyes :

I hope everythings goes well and I look foraward to seeing the gutterpoet back in full form!

from lustykazoo :

i am SO in on your drinking game... bottle of Jager in the freezer as i type... we were thinking it would be good to drink every time Dub-Ya blinks but decided that alcohol poisoning & group stomach pumping outings aren't as much fun now that we're old ;)

from hamiltonian :

I updated the debates entry...

from treedancer :

heh..I think the only way to make it through seeing anything at the megaplex, is *to* have drugs running through you. That way, you might just not end up killing the huddled masses for having their cell phones go off - during the show- or be forced to listen to their work/partner/shopping rants - during the show. And if you did decide to go on a popcorn spraying spree, smothering a few hundred your wake - well...it was the drugs! Winner whichever way you look at it ;) Drugs != pain, are Good. But also, some guided visualisations can help with pain management?

from hamiltonian :

I zust zee zat zovie...

from x-plicity :

The South Park dudes are Socialist NAZIS!!! Funny Nazis, though. I must get myself to the theater! Feel better, Sweetie.

from treedancer :

it is windy here today, so thankyou kindly for those wishes! :-D

from list-alive :

Hello, I've recently opened a new listing site, and I would like to list you!

from treedancer :

eek! surgery...still: if it solves the current pain then all well and good. Let us know the date nearer the time? :)

from x-plicity :

I missed the debate last night! Oh wel...So does Cheyney have a nice ass??? Ok, so that was just really gross...

from hamiltonian :

There once was a man from Nantucket, Who wanted to sell me a bucket, But he could not, because, There were too many laws, So he threw up his hands and said, "Vote Libertarian!"

from hamiltonian :

I'm voting for Kerry this time, but otherwise would vote for Badnarik. I have volunteered in helping promote bith Kerry and Badnarik.

from grlenamored :

"All hail the supreme rooter." Ohh how many ways that can be taken...

from treedancer :

heh...how are you at telepathically sending me the winning lotto numbers? i'd split it with ya....;) hope the back pain is easing somewhat.

from hamiltonian :

So I take your saying you will be voting for Libertarian Presidential Candidate Michael Badnarik?

from hamiltonian :

Writing about the Human Condition made me think of the films. Have you ever seen them? The Human Condition trilogy that is? Great films...

from lustykazoo :

ahh having the gang from MST spice up the debates is GENIUS, just genius!

from irishblueyes :

Oh is the U2 song really good? I've been nervous about it. I'm such a huge fan and loved the last album so much and you know how it is with a band you really love, they come out with something new and it worries you. But I'm glad to hear you liked it. I still haven't decided whether or not to hear the single before the album comes out...but I'm relieved!

from treedancer :

thankyou for your kind words and consideration; yes, it made perfect sense. {hugs}

from theghostgirl :

Oh, I do sleep better in my bed at night knowing that Cat Stevens isn't allowed to infiltrate the US and possibly sing his pacifist anthems to today's impressionable youth. Damn pity Britney Spears is pro-Bush. She'd create a much better impression on pre-teen girls if she was Muslim though, she wouldn't be selling them all on thongs and mini-skirts.

from irishblueyes :

That's so cool that you opened for them. They're a great band, I'm just hoping this new album will sound like "Key Lime Pie" - honestly if it weren't for my husband I'd not even know they exist. And I haven't every seen them but I did see Cracker (who i also adore) a few years ago and they were great live!

from treedancer :

aww. what is it about our generation that was reared on the "whaddyamean your leg has fallen off?! that's nothing! quit yer whining or else!" i know that tough love is the thing, but really...heh. still, that sort of tough love is going to be nothing to what your physio is going to do to you. ;) if she makes you better in the end, then yes, keep going back. you might wanna have a peek at Peevish to revise a few choice swear words though ;) good luck with the sessions.:)

from treedancer :

{{hugs}} hope you get some peace soon! bloody insomnia. I'm having a bout of that too. So! you have company. :)

from treedancer :

woo, welcome back! best thing for post it notes? origami. yep, there's a book out there somewhere.... ;) just a suggestion.

from x-plicity :

Missed Ya!!!

from treedancer :

where you be, mr. gutterpoet, mmm? *peers. missin' ya. :)

from gypsybrody :

You're longest entry ever was also a really, really good entry. :D

from granolaspice :

I hadn't even THOUGHT about vacations together. They just got back from a super cool vacation in Thailand. Yeah. They're THAT cool. *sigh* Glad you could understand though, cause we were feeling even weirder about it :)

from treedancer :

You're welcome. :)

from treedancer :

*makes dizzy eyed face* - and now! for the link I meant to give you in the last note..umm..book..err..note. heh. Totally understand about annoying Brits. Give 'em hell! Then send them to Boston. *grin. Link is not really work safe -no images, but strong language. Really good utterances depend on context for maximum effect, so more info, and I'll help you out. Of course, a good smack on the jaw as opusshrugged suggests, isn't a bad idea either. Enjoy! http://www.peevish.co.uk/slang/

from treedancer :

heh...yep, point taken and agreed with, re: house of secrets. I guess my opening paragraph about intolerance was all encompassing: religious, sexual, gender equality, medical, slavery...everything - and these things mostly not just confined to the US. No one should be enslaved, but it struck me as I read your entry, time moves on (heh, they really should make a longer day ;)) and yet in varying degrees, I find that really, aren't we all enslaved in one way or another? That's a different topic. You mentioned WW2 - to be honest, I don't think there is any continued feeling about it - certainly not in a detrimental way for sure. The apples and quilts - wasn't an insult. I *like* American optimisim: as I said, without it, I think we are pretty much screwed. ;) Thanks for sharing your perspective with *me*. :)

from opusshrugged :

you hit America right on the nose with your explanatory letter this morning gp ... next time aim a few inches lower & sock it in the jaw, will ya ;)

from treedancer :

Yes, yes: all in the name of humour and all that jazz. But: "priggish" isn't used by the general populace. "Wog" would be a definite insult (heh, as if prig wasn't?)especially in These Times (although it always was an insult...it was merely more popular in the 50'-70's.) "Priggish wog" would not be likely to be thrown together in the same utterance - the registers don't quite add up. I can't help it if my inner linguist runs amok.

from x-plicity :

So...where do I sign up for this brigade thing?

from irishblueyes :

Uh..in case you haven't heard that was bronze star, a silver star, and 3 PURPLE HEARTS! (that's husband and mine's joke now, everytime we hear it we hold up three fingers and yell it) Of course I'm still voting for Kerry, but this is getting ridiculous...and exactly how many shows can John O'Neil be on in th course of a week?

from treedancer :

I dunno about the triangle (not my cuppa tea, but hey) - I think you might need some counselling for the country sound track though..*grin. I jest! I rather liked Johnny Cash. hrmm. That's two for counselling then? Shall I book the appointment? ;)

from x-plicity :

Lesbian lovers dating the same guy...let me get this straight. The lesbian comes on to you, your "girlfriend" is there...isn't that a guys fantasy???

from treedancer :

heh, better she called you "wit" as opposed to the "nit" part, yes? memories get lodged in our brains / bodies for all sorts of reasons, doesn't take much to set 'em off. if they are good memories, then it's all cool. ;) and crooked smiles are cute ;)

from x-plicity :

All I have to say is...yeah!

from vampypoet22 :

I just noticed that you added me as a fave, lol.. goes to show you where my mind is...anyway... thanks and as always... i enjoyed the latest entry... you're very brave... you took the plunge and bid on ebay, congrats...im an ebay virgen... i cannot get myself take the plunge... lol. The whole site just freaks me out, and once went there by mistake... and i was like get me out!! LOL!! :p

from x-plicity :

Pills and booze...I know exactly what you are talking about! lol

from treedancer :

"Lower Gnatsrovia?" *chortle - ahh, Mr.Gutterpoet, you make me laugh muchly. It's a delight. Many congrats on the house, excellent news. :)

from treedancer :

awww. it was so nice of you to write what you did - *thankyou.* I hope your neck/back pain is resolved too. Good vibes winging their way across the pond. Again, thankyou. {hugs}

from granolaspice :

Check's in the mail! Where's my penis? Also? The limp ponytail is just a terrible revisiting of my horrible junior high hair. It just chose to revsit TODAY, while I'm at work. Boo.

from treedancer :

heh..thanks for the explanation. the hedge problem seems to be solved. wheee! *dances.* sorry to read of your cricked neck: had similar here; not down to sleeping on brick masquerading for a pillow, but possibly because of toothache. so. "how're your gnashers?" ;)

from gypsybrody :

Haha. I was right there with you until the Phil Collins song. And then I just had to laugh.

from co5girl :

No...Phil Collins truely is the devil.

from treedancer :

Sometimes I think it would be better if the people who wrote the flashing lights and other such gizmos, actually had a [sick] sense of humour? For example, the air bag deploys: "you're fucked! salt removes blood stains from upholstery" or on the engine light: "that's gonna cost ya plenty - hah ha, sucker" etc. ;) I'm not sure I should ask, but guessing is making my imagination come up with all sorts of horrors. Err, what is a "loogie?"

from miss-k2 :

My grandpa bought horrible polyester paisley stretch pants for a $1.00 out of some guys trunk at the racetrack. We had to wear them to school. My sympathy, I understand your torment.

from treedancer :

welcome "home" gutterpoet :-D

from irishblueyes :

Have a wonderful trip! Make sure to eat lots of good food and go to some of those wild parties...who knows maybe you could find some naughty girls to hang out with and you could end up on one of those girls gone wild videos. That's where they film them right? Ok so I know you're not a girl, but you could stand next to one and then you'd be famous! (Sorry this is rambling nonsense, have a great time!)

from treedancer :

have a fab. time :)

from irishblueyes :

You're right. I have to give it to you when you're right, and you're right. Women are indeed always cold...well until they get into their 50's and go through the whole change thing and then...always hot! Who knows what men do then!?

from granolaspice :

So you picked up on that, huh? NOT a coincidence that the smoking entry came after the interogation entry. Just sayin'. But if you want? You can call me Verbal Kent.

from kaystale :

to quote Janice, can I buy a vowel? Because oh... my...god, that was funny! I find I constantly now look for a fortune post-it. My dear sir, now you're just showing off. The best one of the bestest week ever!

from granolaspice :

Once again? You made coffee come out my nose. You need to stop it, because it hurts.

from treedancer :

heh, I understand. Still, noone said how *long* the aforementioned novel(s) needed to be...*grin. If..(no, no, **when**) you finish just one, I'd like to read it. :)

from kaystale :

Happy weekend my dear friend! Just yet another note to tell you of the joy reading your words are to me everyday. Please don't ever stop! I too would love to hear more of Haydee Farfan.

from treedancer :

a humble request: if you should ever feel like doing so, please continue the next gripping installment of HF, 'tis good. i'm not sure i can cope with the all the possible imaginations if you don't.

from treedancer :

on your drug rant...y'know it's weird, because i had the exact same convo with someone this afternoon. nice to see there's someone else on the planet feels the same way. as for "double dutch doody head?" - heh. i am now in need of a batch of monitor wipes. thanks! *grin.

from irishblueyes :

Oh I can't believe you don't like Edwards. I can't say I know that much about him, but at least he's a really good speaker. Better than Kerry actually.

from granolaspice :

But, it's PROM NIGHT...and the house totally wants it. :)

from treedancer :

"So is mustard gas, but I don't put it in my coffee..." is just awesome. You Sir, are a joy to read. :)

from irishblueyes :

I can't remember the hair in those commercials, but I am guilty of being a Splenda user. I hate sweet-n-low and it's the next best thing...it really does taste like sugar, just weighs like 100 times less. Seriously, you pick up a nearly full box and it feels like it's empty. Weird, really.

from treedancer :

"Can a sardonic, cynic believe in the theory of positivity?" - hell, Yes. *grin.

from treedancer :

it's probably a good thing old people do wear their trousers high up 'cos i'm not at all sure i'd *want* to see an old person with "builder's bottom." on the geriatric thelma and louise? heh..how you told it made me laugh. i'm pleased they were ok though. and nice to see there are some kind / chivalrous people left! well done, you. :)

from kaystale :

It's been far too long since I've gushed in your notes dear sir! Your writing lately has been a tour de force. You turn this girls' frown upside down. Oh no, I didn't just write that. Holy gagamaggot batman! I'm turning into my mother. save me. p.s. Love the new layout pps gush

from granolaspice :

I agree! Let's just escape and hang out with our dogs! I'm on a mission to either always look really busy or have a great excuse why I can't make it out to another lunch!

from irishblueyes :

It's amazing what it takes to get us computer inclined people to sit down and do nothing isn't it?

from treedancer :

thanks for the tips, greatly appreciated. i can't eat anything like that, but if i could, it certainly sounds like it would do the job. ;) thanks for taking the time to leave a note.

from irishblueyes :

Thank you, thank you so much for your note! I appreciate it more than you know! ~ Kristina

from granolaspice :

We may actually be having the exact same day. Spooooooky!

from treedancer :

oo. i like your pictures. :)

from granolaspice :

I bow to thee, king of run-on sentences. But with this condition: that you bow to me the queen of short and choppy sentences! Mmmmkay?

from treedancer :

"happy birthday niki!" ;)

from irishblueyes :

Thank you so much! That's very sweet of you!

from flufflebunny :

Mr.Gutterpoet! *hugs* I did actually email you an email containing lots of random references to British Politics. Then again Hotmail has been playing at silly buggers so perhaps it didn't arrive? Anyway, I hope you are well. Still very much loving and admiring your diary :) How do you get to write so damn well! Hehe...take care mate.

from treedancer :

back pain *sucks* - joints and teeth: don't realise how much you use them until they are lost or out of action ;) as hard as it is, try not to rush your recovery? you'll get it back, doctors be damned! *grin. small steps are often the hardest; sounds trite, but alas it's painfully true.

from treedancer :

eh..we get taxed to hell and back, as well as whilst we're there. bloody government - that's where all our hot air is ;)Joking aside, I don't know how they enforce the license to be honest: I hope I don't find out! *grin.

from flufflebunny :

I realised I had not noted you in awhile - so here I am! I still thoroughly enjoy your writings - and I had no idea you were a fan of the Marx brothers! I am also a big fan :) Sometimes more in common than you think... *hugs* from me and England!

from kaystale :

Very well sir! You answered my query in grand gutterpoet style, just as I hoped. Yes, love the Groucho. Gotta love the Groucho. k

from irishblueyes :

Oh don't you hate those places sometimes? I always tease about the people in those places too. For instance whenever my child looks particulary dirty and disheveled I always say she looks prime for a trip to Kmart...for some reason my image of children in Kmart is of kids with snotty noses and Kool-aid mustaches and dirty barefeet. I am not exactly sure why though...And yes the Fear Bush is an anti-Bush slogan, but your idea isn't half bad, except that being female it wouldn't really work in my favor would it? ~ Kris

from treedancer :

interesting comments about self-esteem. :)

from opusshrugged :

your grandma's words are very wise indeed, they made me stop & think. your whole entry made me stop & think & i thank you for that. & by the way, to answer your question, my Fender, she's an acoustic steel string ... nothing too fancy but she sounds like heaven.

from granolaspice :

I have to say that the sheer volume of entries on behalf of the gutterpoet, in recent weeks, makes me smile.

from treedancer :

heh, no worries! those damn hamsters have a lot to answer for, if you ask me ;) *somewhat dizzy, self*

from irishblueyes :

I think you're exactly right. It's not about creativity for so many people now, it's just about making money in the quickest and easiest manner possible. It's really fucking sad sometimes.

from treedancer :

simon is an arse. I'm pleased we exported him, even if only temporarily.

from treedancer :

"chick face" was hilarious. thanks! ;)

from granolaspice :

Thank you for the kind wishes, Senior Poet (or is it Senior Gutter?). Perhaps we should also address why Rita is always waking around with the same dumb smile on her face...as a child it was very tempting to go all Parker Posey on her, "wipe that look of your face, BITCH"! Ah...childhood...good times, good times!

from irishblueyes :

Oh, forgot to mention that my useless talent is that I have the worst possible instincts when it comes to managing my fantasy baseball team...If someone's going to have a 5/5 day on my team, they will without a doubt be sitting on the bench!

from irishblueyes :

Oh god, don't get me started on Johnny Damon. Who new there was such a thing as Grizzly Adams chic? Personally I think he did it just ot get back at the Yankees broadcasters, who over the coarse of last season continually made mention of his "boy-band good looks", so I think he was trying to escape the pretty boy stereo-type. Personally I think he was more attractive before, but surely the beard will have to be gone by the time June heat hits! I have to mourn my favorite boy Giambi's hair too, another former Oakland boy, but you know The Boss doesn't allow anybody to look rebelious in any way!

from flufflebunny :

*beams happily* ooh you still read then? :) how groovy! Anyway, I think your talents are very useful. You should snap your fingers, at which your insane exes will appear, and at the word 'rosebud' will set upon on the checkout assistant who will be so scared they will move you to the front! You see - you're talentful! Plus you are a superb writer, which is always a good thing. I never fail to giggle at your entries :)

from co5girl :

Man-whore!!! Man-whore!!!!

from parlance :

Guuuttterr.

from irishblueyes :

Chuck Taylor's are always a safe bet, of course being a girly-girl, mine are hot pink! You're right about women though, we've created a whole generation of wimpy ass men. Crying about their problems (especially in my mosted hated genre of music - "emo" - women are 100% responsible for this!) I think men need to be men, and screw the clogs. Men should be like my husband and own the following - one pair of sneakers (when new ones are bought every 6 mos. or so, the old ones get thrown out), one pair work boots, one pair dress shoes. That's it.

from co5girl :

wow...freak. You disapear for days and then you write about coffee? I thought you died! Aparently you've just been having way to much fun.

from granolaspice :

tee hee hee...you said it too! hee hee You'll never fully appreciate all you that you have if you act like a grown up all the time, now will you? That's my theory and I'm sticking to it!

from treedancer :

what's your landscaping comprise of? :)

from irishblueyes :

Great entry. I totally agree. I just wish our government would spend more time realizing WHY everyone hates us so much. I know this is a long shot, but how long is it going to take us to realize that forcing our government and yet denying our way of life to people is not the fastest way to make friends! You know everyone doesn't want capitolist democracy, I think we have to live with that. Hell, sometimes I don't even want it, not in this form. We never try to fix the real problems in the country, we go for the quickest fix-all solution instead. And you're exactly right, 9/11 happens and apparently that can't even get us to stop fighting and laying blame. Will we ever wise up? (Sorry for ranting =)

from angrystarlyt :

I guess that just makes you a metrosexual, which seems to be another up-and-coming thing these days. So you get the best of both worlds!

from granolaspice :

Okay, so in college E was once quoted as saying (when asked if he was a feminist), "hell yeah i'm a feminist...how else is a guys supposed to get laid in college?". My point being that boys that are sensative such as yourself in ways not entirely frat-boy are the most attractive to girls looking for a bestfriend AND a lover. You boys will always have your pick of the crowd of intelligent savvy women, rather than the solely arm-candy fake boobs crowd (although perhaps you can talk the intelligencias into the fake boobs later...just depends on how good you really are!) ~gs

from irishblueyes :

Yeah, I just don't get the JPL fascination...I mean I'm a girl and get lots of unreasonable crushes, but he's not worth the vote for me! Of course I've never actually voted, but I think I may have to start just to save the show from complete and total stupidity when JPL wins the damn thing.

from treedancer :

"coke bottles!" - wheee. *chuckle. agree with your rants on both ATM's and Raymond. we get the show here. ugh.

from treedancer :

heh, thanks for the info. agreed on the damn pollen ;)

from irishblueyes :

I know! I've missed baseball so much that I am actually watching spring training games...how sad is that? Well pretty soon it will be here. Then I'll have not only games, but fantasy baseball as well...even though I think it's kind of weird that I'm a girl with a fantasy baseball team, but hell, blame it on the husband!

from irishblueyes :

Yeah, it helps...but personally I don't so much hate the Mets as pity them, it's really just a sad operation over there. But hey, I'll take any relief from Yankee hating I can get! So, just for interest, what team do you like?

from co5girl :

Grrrr....you are a saucy chap! Congrats on the new grill.

from treedancer :

I like your moon over the mountain picture. Where is it? :)

from soverycherry :

I totally agree with your rant about the obese except for one thing: they totally should be able to just get huge if they want, but once they get to the point where they can't work and *I* am paying for them to be on disability? That's where it should end. Our government is so fucked up.

from granolaspice :

All of the "people of questionable parentage" that I work with are looking at me strangely for laughing so hard! Thanks for that...can't wait for the weekend, and those "tylenol pm's"!

from treedancer :

heh, i don't think there's anything remotely mediocre about you. spring fever melt down, eh? i think i have SAD in reverse - don't like Summer one bit. roll on the icy blasts of winter. wheeee ;)

from treedancer :

happy d/l birthday, gutterpoet. you raise a smile, at the very least. here's to another year ;)

from co5girl :

Your guestbook hates me. If I were Jewish I'd call it anti-semitism! Great entry, I have to remember to wear Depends when I read your diary... The Hannity book is good. It does follow the same format as his show but it is a little more structured. He writes the way he speaks. It does give good information and sources to back it up.

from granolaspice :

Ohmygosh, I live and breathe for baseball. I love to watch anything ESPN...or anything with Dan Patrick..he just cracks me up...and don't get me started on Dibbs! But I'm so excited to watch ball this summer, and not just listen to it on the radio in the living room...so 1940's!

from ikss :

As per the norm, you have cracked me up in a big way this morning...and in regard to the glutton of "get it up and keep it up" drugs currently flooding the market, what I love are the commerails warning you that a 4-hour erection is not normal and if you have one, get thyself to a doctor post-haste. OK, A) someone needs to tell Sting and B) If you don't know that's not normal, I want to meet you this weekend.

from annotation :

The desertpoet scares me....do we really have to cut costs? I propose a rally, ala Farm Aid, in which we have orgies in the gutters and poetry for the masses. THAT would be a win-win......... Please bring gutterpoet back....... P.S. me thinks this is a ploy to see how many fans gutterpoet truly has.........

from granolaspice :

Thanks for adding me to your list! I'm stoked to poke around in your diary a bit (did that sound dirty? sorry).

from irishblueyes :

My personal favorite is Cialis (sp?) because at the end of the commercial it says that "erections lasting more than 4 hours require medical attention"...can you imagine going to the emergency room for that? scary...

from granolaspice :

When people say the word "you-man" it drives me crazy! Thank you for voicing my hatred of the unnecessary silent H. I just found your page through Opusshrugged...I like it!

from irishblueyes :

just wanted to say hi. found you through opusshrugged's guestbook. i figured anything she reads must be good...i was right. so hi. - kris

from treedancer :

bit late with this, but i wanted to say thanks for the note. :)

from bowie-firey :

Ok correction from your guestbook, What's going on about Kerry?

from captvfirefly :

Yeah, my boss came in and told me about the Kerry news. But, he delights in sharing any negative news about Democrats.

from ikss :

Funniest. Entry. Ever. Of course, the main reason it's so funny is because I can totally relate. I have so many of those days, it's not exactly funny anymore. Thanks for the giggles.

from co5girl :

Welcome to the club�I have literature if you want any.

from soverycherry :

Your guestbook hates me, dude. Anyway... Augh! I had just gotten that gd "She Bangs" out of my head (after performing with choreograpy for my sister while she was putting her makeup on this morning) and here you go putting it back in again. That guy RULED.

from groovebunny :

Haha! Sorry you've lost your private restroom, but it had to happen someday. You're lucky it turned out to be the hot young chick instead of the huge, hairy man you envisioned. *hugs*

from laura-diane :

thank you for adding me to your favorites:)

from ikss :

Oh my GOD! Warn a gal, will ya? I was drinking a soda and now it's coming out my nose (not a pretty site, nor is it very fun). That debate post is just the funniest thing. :)

from co5girl :

Wow...sounds about right. I might as well not even watch now.

from ikss :

My, how you crack my shit right the fuck UP! :) Thanks. I needed that.

from flufflebunny :

loved the latest entry. Mr.Gutterpoet - you are a genius! :)

from love-rains :

your diary is so interesting. you never fail to make me giggle or think. I love it. Your words are so meaningful and clever. You should be very famous.

from annotation :

Hmmm, I think I prefer Abtruse Expectorate over Profound Spit....but still, a good name all around. Ah, the 80's they were great - - still digging glass out of my feet. Have a good one poet!!!

from co5girl :

What you need is some hard-ass alcohol. Look to the 3 wise men for guidance: Jose Quervo, Jim Beam and Jack Daniels.

from treedancer :

"the dog doesn't deserve food" - heh! brilliant. *grin. talking of bacon...mmmmm...bacon....MMmmmm.

from grimm0826 :

First: all praise to the mighty Gutter Poet, whose bandwith I am not worthy to lick! Second, I agree. Hollywood has ruined Dr. Seuss. The Cat, as portrayed by Mr. Meyers, is creepy...one of the reasons I patterned my Halloween costume after him. Third...let's start a silent movie drive-in together! We'd make a million, I tell you!!!

from grimm0826 :

from treedancer :

jim carey - *shudder. horrible little man. on free breast views? she'd have probably sued you if you *hadn't* take a quick look. ;)

from treedancer :

happy d/land birthday, gutterpoet. your writing often makes me smile, if not laugh - please continue your writing. as for the void of the white box - heh, you should hear the creative (inventive?) utterances when d/l or IE consigns all to the ether void ;)

from grimm0826 :

Ok, first of all...great karmik rewards ARE headed your way, sir. The animals thank you, and so do I...especially since none of them was a Wombat. (Have I mentioned that I hate Wombats?) Second...get off my freakin' brainwaves! The other night, I ended my diary with "everybody have fun tonight". I then looked for (literally) hours, searching the net for a midi file of Wang Chung's "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" to play on my diary. Is that just a little too weird, or what? They say great minds think alike...so do ours, I think! :-)

from treedancer :

"wang chung" - heh! now there's a blast from the past :) too bad about not being able to get home: just think, the universe might have something immense planned for you (not always a bad thing, either!) - purchased a lottery ticket lately? ;)

from ikss :

Ah, man...that sucks. Sorry.

from morrigen :

Heheheh...unfortunately the political situation here in Australia is no different. Nor most of the generation y-ers. It's all a crock, and I would love to have a "second chance draw" option on my next election ballot. Or at least someone less ingratiating than our current PM. "Oh George, can I be your friend? Really, can I, can I?" Oh gah, I shouldn't get started....

from bowie-firey :

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

from treedancer :

"grumpy" - heh. hope you feel better soon.

from psycocecilia :

hey 14/f/ga. i am a poet also maybe we could talk some time. i live in doraville/atlanta peace (not)

from ikss :

Hee. :)

from treedancer :

I understand what you mean with regards to poetry, have often felt similar. Recall teacher making us write a poem (oh dear) and everyone was in the angst style you mentioned, except me. heh. She said: "...you'll never be an Emily Dickinson* but dark humour works for you." *thank the gods I don't beleive in - I don't want to be like her. The literati need an injection of humour. Keep it up. ;)

from groovebunny :

GPoet! Just wanted to say I dug the Tarantino Poem. Very clever of you as always :) *hugs*

from ikss :

oh yeah and I do have a backup address: [email protected]

from ikss :

Well, I'm glad you forgive me, but will you still give me that spanking?

from groovebunny :

GPoet! Playmate of the Apes! LMAO. Well I'm pretty sure if you were running for office, I'd vote for you. Despite your fondness of seeing two women make out...who knows, people change. I may find myself wanting to see two women make out one day. Have a fantabulus weekend! :)

from treedancer :

thanks for the note and the insomnia tip. as for the tree groovin' - heh, now that did make me smile. appreciated. :)

from grimm0826 :

John Wayne ruled, I agree. But let me give you a little advice, because I think (but am not sure) that you are a little younger than me. I have lived the John Wayne way, my whole life...and I am a lot less successful than you. Sometimes you just have to choke down your principles and live according to what society dictates...that is, if you ever want to make it in this world. Why do you think I'm a writer? I can't make it as anything else, except maybe as a common laborer. Food for thought? I hope so. Don't hit your bosses. Be successful for me, if for nothing else.

from treedancer :

surgeons? eh. too bad you can't shop him for illegal organ selling ;) good luck vibes for the new abode - finally to be in! congrats.

from grimm0826 :

Ummm...it's Obi Wan. Get to the mountain, quick, bwana.

from treedancer :

heh, fair to middlin' is just fine. this tibetan mountain retreat? wouldn't fancy a stowaway on the trip would you?

from grimm0826 :

I think we all ought to go back to smoke signals, anyway!

from treedancer :

you are charged for 911 calls? emergency calls are free here: eh, I'm sure it's only going to be a matter of time before some bright spark in the govt. decides that they should be charged for - add it to the list. Hope your sinuses are less scratchy. :)

from grimm0826 :

Hee hee...let's go kill J-Lo and (I love it) B-Affle anyway!!! Actually, let's leave B-Affle alive, so Kevin Smith can use him in more movies! Thanks also, kind sir, for the flattering words about my diary! I find it difficult to believe that a man of such obvious intelligence would have a problem adding pictures, html, etc. to his own diary...but if you were serious about that, and if you ever get stuck, let me know. If I can't figure out how to add a particular effect to a diary, I can find someone who DOES know how. If I can ever be of service in that manner, you have but to inform me!

from grimm0826 :

Happy golfing...wish I could join you, even in that rough snake-infested area!

from grimm0826 :

Ummm...I have an air freshener hanging from my rear-view. What does that say about me, aside from the fact that I need to quit smoking? :-)

from grimm0826 :

Makes you want to be a hermit, doesen't it? By the way, thanks for the compliment on the latest fairy tale!

from pinkvision3 :

hey! long time no hear from, right? its because things have been completely crazy with my adjusting to college and everything. I just wanted to say that I love your entries and still read them even though it seems as if I am slacking off with my diary. As for this last entry? Pick up the documentary "Bowling for Columbine" by Michael Moore. It was great. Absolutely fantastic. about media coverage and how they are all pathetic idiots...well not all the time but most of it atleast. Enjoy your weekend and trust me, I wont tell anyone else who is a music snob about your relationship with "brit". even though im sure they would enjoy the laugh :-) Bye! Luv~nisha~

from groovebunny :

Leaving a note here cause guestbooks are wiggen again. Hey I didn't know you could speak Homie! How cool are you? :) *hugs*

from grimm0826 :

A three-legged-cat masturbating on ice? How cool is that!

from grimm0826 :

Now, wait a minute...Richard Gere and a gerbil??? I can't believe any self-respecting gerbil would have a part in that! Also...what's this jones'n thing??? My mother's maiden name was Johnson, but you don't hear me saying...um, wait...*looking down*...THANKS, MOM!!!!! :-)

from grimm0826 :

I once heard George Carlin say, "In New Hampshire, the liscense plates say 'Live Free, Or DIE!!!' By contrast, in Idaho, the liscense plates say, 'Famous Potatoes'. I believe the secret of life lies somewhere between these two sentiments." Having seen all the vanity plates and stickers out there, I only conclude that Carlin doesen't drive much...

from treedancer :

good luck this weekend with the new house stuff :)

from grimm0826 :

You always give me such good ideas! :-) Now I'm starting to compose a Seuss-style story. I'll let you know how (or if) it works out! And thanks!

from pinkvision3 :

guttercity sounds absolutely enchanting. I could go for a bad cup of coffee myself in a place that has poe-like fog.

from grimm0826 :

"Love of your life du jour"...heh heh...I like that!

from ikss :

Because guestbook is being tiresome again today, I am leaving a note here...and that is to say I will miss you this week. *sniffle*

from grimm0826 :

Exfoliate? I thought that was trimming trees! (I'm a stupid head)

from girlryanb :

I love the subjectivity of our language. I mean, it can be a big benefit, really. I am what some might say big boned (translation: devastatingly plump). So when I receive a buttload of presents, I can only assume that I am receiving ten times more than, say, Cameron Diaz or others with slight posteriors. I pity them, really. I mean, why get a buttload of anything, if it only adds up to my pinkyload?

from grimm0826 :

***singing*** Round and round...well, love will find a way, just give it time...Round and round...what comes around goes around...I'll tell you why (why, why, why) !!! Heh heh...did you get rid of that pesky song in your head yet?

from girlryanb :

just snooping around your diary. love your insight. personally, i've had that "i'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world" song stuck in my head since the late 90s. god help us all.

from grimm0826 :

Thanks for the kind words. My ego needed that! You're a lot kinder than the last publisher who contacted me. Also, thanks for the linkage. My hits went up, and I think the link was probably the reason! One more thing : you did, in fact, spell 'rigor mortis' correctly!

from grimm0826 :

Yep, sounds like Nikki wised up! The story is now up, and I'm glad I saved it for my hundredth entry. Hope you like!

from pinkvision3 :

thank you for the gracious compliment. You're very sweet. Im sorry i dont say so often enough but your insight into the human condition and your insight into the world always keeps me on my toes and waiting for more. ~nisha~

from treedancer :

heh, knee cracks and cries of "oh god my back" - i know it. ;) As for the girl runner? eh, she most likely leapt out of a taxi just around the corner. *grin

from grimm0826 :

Heh heh...couldn't agree more with the analysis...Oh, the girl who wasn't sweating? She probably started at the 1.5 mile mark. They do that to confuse us sometime.

from grimm0826 :

If anyone can take on the mission of whomping a bar full of people at a trivia game, it would be you...or me, maybe :-) Good luck with the impressions...I hope they are received better than my Jimmy Swaggart impression was, when he was caught with his prostitute friend!

from treedancer :

Thankyou! ;)

from treedancer :

hi: I like your design and your observations about car park people made me laugh. Good stuff. :)

from flufflebunny :

thankies for the note...I try not to be mundane, but even if my life sometimes stuff doesn't happen! lol :)

from pinkvision3 :

hey. thanks for your note about the update. i didnt edit it anything. i just thought it would be a good idea to read all of my good entries over again. and by the way, those boxer tags can be so annoying sometimes. :-) Next time I would check to see if you removed it or not.

from pinkvision3 :

hey you can still find virgins. hell, im a virgin

from pinkvision3 :

i will watch the cubs game just in case

from ravynemyst :

hi hun! you may want to check out Mike Malloy's radio show. He is one of the few free thinkers left on the airwaves! You can listen to it online. Go to www.mikemalloy.com and it will redirect you to his new site (that url is just too long to post..lol).

from pinkvision3 :

hey. long time no type too. I sensed a bit of resentment in your last entry about atlanta. dead people? former mayors? Geesh they need to get a life. lol. sorry. i should be cracking dead jokes like that. just wanted to see how u were. later~

from grimm0826 :

Yes, three jokes are all the Japanese know. And by the way: they invented karaoke, and you spelled it correctly. Karaoke, in Japanese, means "Look at the funny drunk Americans". Hope your Saturday goes well!

from pinkvision3 :

hey. thanks for your note. I know what you mean about the whole break up thing. I havent had the experience because i have never dated in my life but i hear alot of sob stories. sigh. anyway. Ill talk to you later! my screen name is pinkvision3

from pinkvision3 :

i love the way you write. It makes me laugh. oh, and You have the right to remain stupid was pretty awsome. good luck with the whole libertarian thing.

from destinnevaeh :

i love the fact that there is finally a man who can admit that. thank you for making my day:)

from candora :

interesting

from shimmyshimmy :

Down with annoying celebrity activists of all kind! =) I'm not in the mood for anyone's free speech today...not even my own. ;)

from groovebunny :

Hello GPoet.:) Heya thanks for the link. I am truly touched. Yes, I believe you got what I was trying to say. Take away all the controversy for action and for appeasement, we'd still be a world community facing human suffering under that lunatic. Ta!

from aroha :

amen brutha! those truth.com commercials and campaigns piss me off also. not as much as smokers winning law suits against the tobacco companies, but almost! people just need something to be angry at. me, i have stupid, annoying men, some people need smokers. :)

from moongazer37 :

i've never seen the wizard of oz either. nice to know i'm not alone...

from groovebunny :

Heya GPoet. Your take on the whole Simon thing is so right on. We do need a more Simon's in our lives slapping us with a dose of reality. If Paula and Randy want to dance, that's their thing and people expect that of them. But the last thing I want to see is a dancing Simon. Eeek. The visual of that alone just scares me. Oh and thanks on the comment about the flowers. I should be thankful that this person thinks enough of me to want to surprise me with something so wonderful. Have a good one and take care! Ta:)

from groovebunny :

<Dear G-Bunny, Thanks for your wrapup of AI last night. Unfortunately real life invaded my reality TV time last night and I couldn't watch. You know what's missing this year? The Idol part of the name. There are some good singers but no one real attractive or with charisma that you can pull for. Lots of people have a good voice but not all become stars. But now I am just rambling...as always.. date: 1:18 pm - Thursday,February 27, 2003> Dear GPoet. Thanks for adding me as a fave.:) That was totally cool of you. I agree with you that contestants with Idol caliber are just plain missing. The only one who I'm interested in following is Joshua the marine. Guess we'll see how it goes. Ta!

from groovebunny :

Hello poet. I disagree I am great! ;) Just wanted to say I enjoyed your entry on the whole AI thing and these wannabe singers not being able to take constructive feedback. I was watching the show lastnight and kept thinking to myself someone needs to slap a plate full of reality in some of those contestants faces. The only one who seemed to take the feedback with humility was that blond chick who had that weird airy, vibrato thing going on...ummm...think she sang "Touch Me in the Morning". Anyways...I agree with your POV. Ta!

from groovebunny :

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