messages to heckafresh:
(click here to add new message):

from mckay68 :
Such a long story. But here at the transitional house where I live, I just unearthed two cds you sent me, Heckafresh mixes, back in like, 2002. Still Rad. I'm over at mywhore now. Hope you're well, Eli.
from chiv :
Argh!
from nibbleofcorn :
i live in constant, nail-biting fear that you'll never update again.
from complexlust :
i just read your last entry and i have to say.. i heart you completely. lol
from nibbleofcorn :
Update, dammit!
from mr-onion :
Yes, I've been following your diary THAT closely that I can predict exactly what you will talk about and eat! *hmpf* I was in San Francisco this summer and almost convinced my room mate to go to a casino while we were there; you make it sound so glamourous. Your city rocks! We met more mental hobos in 1 wk in SF than ever before...but maybe that's just Market Street. http://mr-onion.diaryland.com/050804_19.html
from mr-onion :
Effin Steve. Spray the bastard with some Lysol Green Apple Scented.
from jenny215 :
Thanks for getting me going on this. You rock, and you aren't a half bad poker player either..not as good as me, but then you knew that already. You little hottie you! Smooches!
from cello :
holy shite who is the jackass??
from beotch :
:)
from aphelion8 :
so glad you're still writing after all these years. -the fran(ita) : )
from illanabanana :
do you know where i can buy a hardhat?
from mr-sparkles :
you said RANDY........hahahah
from djarumgurl :
Ohmigod, quit it, you are killing me. Biting lady bugs. That's the funniest fucking shit I've heard all day. Love you, love your show...(formerly *worldgurl*) Mwuh!!!
from zantimisfit :
Dude, I lost your email address. Email me at [email protected]
from lushkinky :
Thanks for reading still. Although I don't update. How have you been?
from nonce :
do not...under any circumstance...ever watch daytime tv again... how is it that Jerry Springer gets to stay on TV after Janet Jackson's boobgate? But ER and America's Top Model get censored?
from silleehed :
ha ha ha! i mean. the virgin part is funny. sorry to hear about your hand cuz that totally sucks. you should try the unemployed route. it's fun. xoxoxo
from poked2x :
just wanted to mention that the tee hee was not directed toward the injury. that's a sucky thing. hope you get better and stuff! :)
from peth :
oh, hecka. thank you for that. you are utter sweetness.
from silleehed :
that was like, the most amazing story. i'm hooked. i'm going to read it again because the pictures wouldn't download becuase of lack of memory on my silly computer. but...anyway...long time reader. first time noter. hi. xo
from mr-sparkles :
Well, it could of been worse, you could of saw old man Withers strokin' the tallywhacker or something.
from suckaskitty :
Mmmm... you and your past entries just killed enough time that I no longer am able to vacuum, and instead may proceed directly to going out. YAY!!!!
from moz :
where you been? just droppin a line to say hi. i saw aceyalone recently..wicked.
from octobergirl :
why is it that everytime i think i'll take a quick peek at your diary, i end up spending 20 minutes reading through past entries. hmmm, you are very absorbant, eli. :P
from knotlady :
I can't say that I agree with everything you write but I'm glad I get to read it.
from apathee :
hmmm. i thought i had a lot of things to say. but you win!! -a
from pitty-sing :
sorry about the loud sex. Chuck and I will try to keep it down from here on in.
from rainyday6 :
Hi! Just wanted to say happy new year!
from ray-andrew :
Yay for Del lovers, everywhere!
from mr-sparkles :
I was wondering, can you read my web page now?
from zippytheclam :
you are a sick twisted little man but i guess thats why you are soo cool.....eli he's so hot right now....eli, but really i got some good sibling rivalry ones too...maybe ill put them in my diary...u should read it...its a sure laxative...better than metamucil
from piehole :
Hahahaha! I would pay to see you sing "My Girl Likes To Party All The Time"... Lots and lots of money. Or maybe lots and lots of Nutter Butters. Or Jell-O. Or maybe Pokemon cards.
from dpentacles :
dude...check this website"supernigger(not sure how much blackness he wants to)" This guy is awfully insane.....hilarious in a way.
from btchelicious :
I've decided to refer to you as "LL Cool E" from now on.
from worldgurl :
Ohmigawd! So it's like 5 minutes to 5pm. On a Friday, might I add....this means the end of the work week is over. I'm killing time til I get outta this cubicle farm, and I click on my buddylist at diaryland, and you write this shit about Pete, the peeing drunk guy. And it's all I can do to NOT laugh aloud, and alert the other employees that I'm off task. Yer too funny, maaaaaaaan!
from knotlady :
Happy Birfday Dahlink!
from lushkinky :
I'm feeling the need to converse with you. I was driving down my street today and I thought of you. Let me know if you'll be around. Or write me some words. Something.. anything
from nekono :
Look, hecka, I dont need so much toast and sex with a dash of cilantro. I need some political commentary on that fired congressman's HAIR.
from peth :
sextra.
from btchelicious :
You can't fool me. I know what is going on. Now that you have a girl, you will forget all about us - your adoring groupies. What will we do now?? I suppose you think we should just get on with our lives, but we won't be able to. We've spent so much time creating shrines to your wonderfulness in our basements that now you are a part of us. Don't foresake us!!! We are still here if you need extra sexing.
from nekono :
Hecka, I have to go play Bingo now, when i get back you better have left me a scathingly lewd note!
from pitty-sing :
I might have to take up cutting to get over you. And knowing my hygiene difficulites, this spells infection.
from worldgurl :
Is her name reeeeeeally Bianca or is that a psuedo-name?
from worldgurl :
Is her name reeeeeeally Bianca or is that a psuedo-name?
from nekono :
I didnt know you were dating barbarella.
from dpentacles :
Hey, what's up man? Things are looking great for you. Just keep low key and take your time with those positive signs knocking on your door. Oh by the way, I know that you haven't been blessed with height but you surely have a big wonderful heart.Take care.
from btchelicious :
You never see on AIM because I am a big lame-O. Actually all my time at work is spent surfing the net so when I get home I am disinterested in the computer. And unfortunately AIM is blocked at my work or I would do that all day. Well, sometimes I am on AIM in the evening, when my husband isn't beating and forcing his cock in one of my various holes...
from btchelicious :
That is all fine and good. Now comment on cloning an gene splicing they are doing to cure diseases.
from nekono :
I do not know why people choose to leave guestbook messages over notes. guestbook messages you have to insert your name./email/ and other inconsequential crap. Notes you just write and run and i like it much better that way. Did you know in 8th grade I was the ping-pong champion of my class? i was i was!!!!
from nekono :
I do not know why people choose to leave guestbook messages over notes. guestbook messages you have to insert your name./email/ and other inconsequential crap. Notes you just write and run and i like it much better that way. Did you know in 8th grade I was the ping-pong champion of my class? i was i was!!!!
from knotlady :
sorry, I had to lock down again. I will let you know when you have access again.
from shutupmom :
well, my hippie headed friend, you better hurry up because i got a few leads on some pretty brilliant prank calls. winner gets....i havent decided what the winner gets. but it'll be something real shiney. i asure you.
from peth :
Your wishes are beyond my capapbilities. I am reading an article about sex-change doctors in Thailand.
from knotlady :
:) I'm still reading
from hangthedjx :
three nipples is nothing. I met a kid with four placed irregulary and assymetrically on his chest. And to think you call yourself a freak!
from pitty-sing :
oh, my sweet shit-pellet, I ate a stale burger while reading about your sweating pectorals. I swooned. Will you spot me?
from pitty-sing :
ask and ye shall receive.
from nekono :
it's valentines day, and i'm catatonic.
from pitty-sing :
i push you UNDERWEAR buttons? I'm glad for this. My shedding female parts are glad for this as well.
from ludicn :
*blushes* thanks... I forgot to get that picture from my house.. doh! I'll try to remember tonight.
from deadeyedick :
I shall live vicarously through your quittage.
from peth :
POOT. i just wanted to say that.
from ludicn :
oh, oh, how I hate you.
from ludicn :
ACK, you're such a bastard! What a wouldn't give right now for one of my gram's fresh rhubarb pies! (jam works too) I hate you!
from peth :
oh, hecka, i like your kind of bad news. I would have emboldened the word your. but i can't.
from peth :
i'm sorry. the diaryland gods have taken away our skull banana joy. we will have to subsist, you and me, on the memories.
from knotlady :
*smile*
from ludicn :
And what exactly are you trying to say about Canada? I was born there, you know! I still have this deep rooted loyalty for some reason.
from ludicn :
I wasn't aware that excessive dorito consumption affected your grammer. Thanks for the tip.
from peth :
that's better. larger than i intended. none dare call me saavy.
from peth :
Oh, shit!
from peth :

I pass on the banana love to you.
from knotlady :
Small Gods by Terry Pratchet :)
from chiv :
*frowns* i think your profile just hissed at me.
from ludicn :
You were right.
from nekono :
Hecka, next time i call out of work I am planning on saying "i gots me a damn crazy case of them shingles" I have no idea what shingles are, other than what Peth almost had on her wall, but I think it sounds scary and believable. dont you?
from angstisfun :
thanks. :)
from peth :
I do believe I smell rather good today. Like burnt oranges.
from knotlady :
:)
from chiv :
*notes here, because it's less busy and intimidating than the guestbook has become*
from ludicn :
haha, that's great! I really dig your diary as well. You have so many interesting things to say. I found you randomly, I think it was from that guy realjesus's diary. His was funny for a second, but yours is the one that keeps me reading religiously. (pun intended) Take care, Asha
from knotlady :
Why don't you just take the train? :-)
from outloud :
hey, haven't said that to you in a while. Things seem to be shaky for you right now, but I'm confident in your heckafresh ability to recuperate and even more so confident that things will be better. That's just how things work. And thank goodness for it, right?
from knotlady :
keep writing :-)
from worldgurl :
Long time no notes. How ya doing? I loved your entry yesterday about your release from Jane. It was awesome. I totally knew what you were talking about. And today's about the homeless lady. You are so right. WHO does have it better? You or her? I love your words. ~Worldgurl
from knotlady :
*KOTC*
from chiv :
that sounded crap, didn't it? i've been drunk/distracted recently. heh..ach, well, there's conspiracy theorising to be done *wanders*
from chiv :
erm, all apologies, i had been missing beer. as for..that entry..you'll tire of that, eventually, right? i'm not going to begrudge you your black clouds, but, um, i'm watching you, and i'm perfectly prepared to..talk in upper case to you, if you get too used to negativity. again, i could probably make more sense.
from knotlady :
howdy darlin'
from cancergrl :
alot of my good friends in high school were leos, which is odd as we're not supposed to be compatible. the boy who is currently driving me nuts however is a scorpio; any astro predictions i make seem to go bunk. ever had a chart done?
from cancergrl :
im on a big astro kick lately and i'm probably wrong...but are you a scorpio?
from nekono :
i am so confused, you are suddenly moving out and breaking up with jane? I need details, these entries are not lurid enough. Get to it!
from lucky-starz :
What do you mean you don't believe anybody. List of liars? Im not connecting things yet. I just read all of dope-sicks entries. I was like...what the fuck?!?! How do two people live in the same city and have such different lives. And why do i have a smack head on my buddy list? Then i connected...oh yeah! Cool! hehe
from angstisfun :
thanks for note... response: k - so thinking my sadness is brought on more by my dependance on someone for happiness... not being capable of it without them.. i think if someone Helped make me happy, but didn't make or break the happiness meter, i'd be ok with it... or maybe i'm delusional and self-contained happiness is impossible. who am i to know such things?
from joe-average :
amen brother! testify!
from anamlabodis :
Oh, serendipity. Or whatever. Just last night I was thinking about how to remove that part of me which knows all too well what nerve to pluck in another person... what wound to stick my finger in, to hurt them back..or before they had a chance to get me good. So, I won't leave you. We should, however, join a support group together perhaps? :)
from warm-veinity :
"Eye of the storm, make the energy transform and convert, introvert turn extrovert. Assert myself to eliminate the hurt" beautiful lyrics, aren't they?
from mckay68 :
I think I missed something - are you left-handed? (I am). Anyway, "the truth hurts...because the truth is all there is". I'm still smiling over your kid photo and your rawk-ness. Cheerio.
from knotlady :
(((((Heck)))))<---e-hugs We appreciate you!
from cello :
thanks heckafresh :)
from unemployed :
heckafresh, i notice you now have heckafresh2. you best add russ and i to that favorites list as well, as we are clearly fan whores. thanks.
from bigglesworth :
i have a hang nail
from sinthetic :
Very nice, I quite like Victoria, though I've never been to Waterloo. I was born in Toronto.
from sinthetic :
I was just cruising through diaries and saw yours, too cute!!
from knotlady :
Sorry, darlin'...youse still funny. *WEG*
from heeeybooocha :
Hey can I help it if I'm the cuter more talented younger brother. While you gotta depend on three other fun-boys and a drugy I got enough talent to go solo against the world and shaq resulting in a record of 2-0. Beat that monkey boy!
from knotlady :
heckafresh2 CUTE!
from knotlady :
check your email
from knotlady :
Can I trust you?
from knotlady :
ask me
from nekono :
heckafresh, i was just writing about jesus myself when i read yours and realized that you indeed ARE the great One. Thank you for touching my diary, you have been an inspiration. Read my latest entries, i think you will appreciate them.
from unemployed :
you are nifty.
from unemployed :
we have ten of the same fans. damn 41 now, ey? catching up. did you forget about that "great email" all about sacramento and stuff that you accidentally deleted but said you'd rewrite? i'm still waaaiting..
from knotlady :
Life is raining roses on you!
from q-n-a :
nice one-on-one interview (that wasn't meant to be sarcastic)
from unemployed :
I WILL FIGHT WORLDGURL TO THE DEATH FOR YOU.
from opiuminjars :
Your gbook is being "E-tarded" I'll have you know. That's why I'm leaving you a fucking note. The Powerpuff Girls, on the other hand, are NOT "E-Tarded"--They are CLEARLY Superheros who NEED to have extra large pupils, so that they can see as much as possible, like criminals (before the criminals see them). Duh. My god, man, sometimes you make me wince.
from worldgurl :
thanks for the compliment. Wanna have sex? *heh heh*
from harmfull :
i always eat the lime wedge. i like limes.
from knotlady :
I won't even tell you what I thought "Top Down" thinking was before I got to the end of your latest entry :-)
from molzo :
just so you know, I think we should get married...it's all 'cause your layout rocks, dammit! marry me?
from outloud :
Happy and Adventurious New Year's to you, Heckafresh! May your life bring more witty and amusing diary entries for us all the read in the upcoming year! :o)
from unemployed :
noticed a lack of fans/gbook entries lately? i have. i've been stuck at 56 for like 2 weeks. this blows. am i talking to myself? if you read this, come be my fan, i'm friggin' hilarious. thanks.
from knotlady :
My new year's resolution is also to seduce as many people as possible. Call me.
from outloud :
heckafresh- you rule! i think i've personified my emotions before, too. acceptance is a marvelous thing. As the Queen of Mood Changing, just enjoy it now. Glad to hear you're feeling better!
from gopgirl :
thanks! ugh, i don't know why i was so goopy and girly today. i was just thinking about it last night. why do we always wait for the boys to talk to US, you know? (us girls that is, not you and i...since i presume you are probably straight..heheh)
from unemployed :
two people picked up on the freshness all up in heah in a day, hecka. you're gaining 'em faster than i can get more. ok thats a lie! i had a big surge but i think it was plateau again. oh, i got your email finally, 2 days late and i laughed so hard so once my email is working, i'll write back.
from notyourbitch :
mmm bananas, i like. you make me laugh, thanks.
from unemployed :
HOLY. that was fast. schweet! PLUS I WANT MY EMAIL. I AM GONNA CRY, HECKA, CRY. ;.;
from unemployed :
YAY! BUT I WANT MY W#%()*#()%*)#($ EMAIL.
from unemployed :
i can't get my email. why does it do this to me so often? i want to cry. that is all.
from outloud :
you like me, you really like me! Thank you for all the kind words you've left on my guestbook/notes. I'd sign your guestbook, but bravenet doesnt open on my computer because dave and i share a network. It's an honor to be put on your favorites. :-) P.S yea, why SHOULD you take yourself off your list? you rule!
from worldgurl :
To date, I have yet to find a M A N who has a brain and a talent for writing. You are really clever. Love the writing. Love yer mind. *I have to admit that I've clicked on your abs picture more than once. *you complete me* (or at least looking at yer body does..henh!) Stalkingly, ~Worldgurl
from unemployed :
emo IS TORTURE!! and heckafresh, i looove your new design! please don't forget about me, thanks bye.
from ferchrissake :
what's emo?
from knotlady :
Wow!
from unemployed :
hecka!! i lost another fan. what in the bloody hell!? yell at people for me!
from outloud :
i'd like a guy who does, in fact, own a pair of argyle socks. I guess it's my way of seeing if he has a sort of old school/indie streak in him, which me likes a lot. :-D
from outloud :
haha..i didnt mean to take you off my favorites..it was a slip up. you still rock.
from deadeyedick :
I read the interviews site once too. They inteviewed disco, who i really like, and I was thinking "hey, it would be awesome to be interviewed!" Then I read about the cursing thing, and I'm a caustic motherfucker, so I figured I wouldn't be interviwed. So I wrote some snobby thing in their notes. Damn, I suck.
from unemployed :
haha, putz. boy, did YOU look dumb.
from unemployed :
heckacoo, i get to be little joey mcintire? suhhweet! do i get to wear one of those hats with the top cut so my boyish curls can poke through?
from unemployed :
hecksmoof, we have the same fanbase. we might as well combine forces and take over the world.
from gopgirl :
see what you do is, you give a trusted friend your password and that way if you die they can update for you. "Heckafresh was eating a banana when a giant ape came and took it and hit him on the head and he died." Oh and tell unemployed that i also got booted off a list today and i sat there for 20 minutes trying to figure out who it was. i still can't. but it wasn't you so that's okay. ;)
from unemployed :
what is up with people taking me off their favorites list? little fuckers. they don't deserve my hilarity. you're so close to having the amount of fans i do and i've been around a lot longer. god dammit. we have nearly the same fan base too if you noticed.
from gopgirl :
you made me laugh so much i choked on my caramel chai. *narrows eyes* I will have my vengeance.
from unemployed :
you got like 80 fans in a day. i have a goddamn homemade insult generator up and YOU GET 80 FANS. it is so clear that i rool the skool yet no one takes notice.
from heeeybooocha :
What up fresh, glad I got ya thinkin about the important things in life. I'm surprised you didn't mention the green fuzz factor when the water pressure goes down: when you accidentaly start mackin' on the dirty ass spiget in search of cool refreshing H20 then look down only to see that you've ingested some slimey green vegetation that would make a technicolor mini golf course look like the world healthiest lawn. And as to your blueberry dilema, it would sound a lot sadder if it was oreo cookie cause everyone knows fruit shakes are only for there name sakes! HeeeeeeeeyBoooooooocha!!!!!!
from mckay68 :
..for the love of pete, ate there actually people out there who think 27 is OLD? (Turns and weeps quietly into bottom of coffee cup...); I am your older sister by 6 years. I was tearing up the sandbox while you were just putting in your first appearance. I remember being 18 and thinking 30 was unattainably old; I'm almost a decade older than my boyfriend. Why am I going on about this? This is not what I came to do! I came to laugh about your brother signing your book and you puffin up! That was hilarious and well put-together. You seem to come from a long line of humorists! Hey, I live about an hour away from Windsor, where cigarettes are the price of a pension.
from ms-m :
I'm proud to be a people like you Heck A Fresh! Bring on the tie wearin' baboons! Yee Haw! Have a Food Stamp on me, little buddy.
from worldgurl :
yoooooooooouuuuuu! I love notes. It made my day to get your note. I think it makes everyones day, if they are nice. Which brings me to a topic that I'd like to dicuss with humankind. All humans love attention. I think it is a basic human desire to know that they were thought of, that they are not alone in this big old world. Thus people (like me) get excited about emails and REAL mail and voice messages. To know that someone thought about them. So thanks for reading my entry and thinking of a sista! ~Worldgurl
from kungfukitten :
Hey, at least he didn't call you a meat eating fiend. ;) Isn't it interesting how family knows what buttons to push? heh heh.
from unemployed :
Dear, dear Heckafresh, I was busy today, I am sorry but I will respond asap tomorrow. I am sorry, do not be angry with me or I will take you down. TAKE YOU DOWN TO CHINATOWN!
from heckafresh :
WHY YOU LITTLE!!!! It was my little brother Matty! I taught that punk too well!
from heckafresh :
Ahh yes, the anonymous diss. Classy. Since you have left me no recourse but to use my own notes to reply to your comments, I'll do just that. First, I am Canadian educated. Canada is where real humour comes from, though your attempts were cute. Second, most internet surfers would shit their pants with glee at the opportunity to read my musings on apes in various states of dress rather than complain in such a cowardly manner, so we are both indeed ingrates. Third, since you have not even left me with the opportunity to read eight of your diary entries in order to place you in a catagory with "people like you", I don't know you enough to do so. Unlike you, I won't pretend to. And last, if being amused hat wearin' baboons is a crime, write me the ticket. I'll gladly pay it with the welfare and food stamps and college loans and unemployment insurance I plan to collect (and bitch about when it ain't enough) post haste.
from heeeybooocha :
Wow, your writing is so moving, I find my self moving my cursor to close the page... but I persevere... because I know that anyone who was educated in this great country of ours can't continue with prose that leave room for so much more... but I digress... the true purpose of this communiqué is to relay my feelings as to your jobless state... it is people like you that drain the morale and resources of this great land, while feeling sorry for your self as your only option is a job and an income that would make most inhabitants of this world pee their pants with joy... I added that last bit of excremental humor to capture your attention as I'm sure that so much reason and insight has already sent you in search of monkey dressed like people... I bid you farewell... and please, please, continue on your journy for the style and substace that would marginalize most of the monkeys you so fondly adore... you're almost there.
from worldgurl :
For the love of Al Gore, I signed mckay68's diary, and referred to you as gurl. Cuz your voice was so hip and fresh, like a sistah'. But alas, hecka, you are a male. I guess I don't know any males who would want to babysit young humans. You are a nice male. Ha! Kay. Going to check out your page. Have yet to do this. ~Worldgurl
from cello :
good luck, may the shwartz be with you
from unemployed :
CHUNK FROM GOONIES IS ON TVLAND ON THE FACTS OF LIFE RIGHT NOW. OH YES OH YES.
from unemployed :
ELI - I updated, are you happy? But, you haven't. This relationship isn't going to work if you put no effort into it, babe. Come on.. for me?
from deadeyedick :
27 isn't old!!! One of my friends is in a hip band and he's 28, I think.
from unemployed :
Uh yea, its official. I claimed this turf. Oh, and my crush on you is consuming me. Quick! Do something stupid!
from unemployed :
Do you even realize that I am madly in love with Bruce McCulloch? He rocks my world. I'm gonna marry him.
from unemployed :
Oh my god.. you're kidding. I'm in heaven. You should come over and watch it with me. Bring junkfood.
from unemployed :
You an' me baby ain't nothin' but mammals. Hmm.. yea, that was a hell of a lot funnier in my head. Ignore that.
from unemployed :
It looks like I am claiming this one. 'Lucky-starz' knows what's up, yo. Matt is dreamy.
from unemployed :
Which Matt? Wanderingminds.org Matt or Everfrost Matt? I am confused.
from unemployed :
What the hell? When I took that test, it simply showed me that I a completely fucked up individual. I got moderate for like 90&. Bitches and hoes, I tell you, bitches and hoes..
from unemployed :
I STILL KIND OF LOATHE YOUR GBOOK. But, I was reading your profile and you listed Bug Juice. I saw that at like 4am or something on Disney which I seem.. to be getting for free unless they're giving a two week long preview. Anyway, it was hilarious. It really is Real World Jr. Its so funny.
from lucky-starz :
Just a note to say :). Cuz im in a good mood! I think this should be rachels page, cuz i have way to many notes on here! BTW-mr.unemployment man-Kids in the hall rocks. ta ta
from unemployed :
HEY! Are you too good for signmyguestbook.com or what? Whats this outside gbook shit? Its not even up! Now I had to use notes! NOTES FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. No, really your gbook entry cracked me up. You like the Kids in the Hall, I like you.
from lucky-starz :
Thanks for the note. To understand whats going on with my entries, you have to know me. This stuff happened almost 9 years ago. So dont feel bad. Im so happy that im actually letting myself express what i feel. Its nothing to be sad about. :)
from lucky-starz :
Ok. Youre also in SF. Probably why you know Marz. Weve probably been at the same parties, because i always go to see Mars. And Spacegirl and DJD.
from lucky-starz :
Hey there. In all of diaryland, we are the only two people who list Mars as theyre favorite artist. I cant understand why so many people dont recognize him as the greatest dj ever. So i felt the need to say hi. :)

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