DiaryLand members area

I had a friend and when she had cancer she always dreamed of soldiers, guards, sentries on these hills and they kept watch over her. She always knew that as long as her soldiers were there, she was going to be alright. And then she started having dreams that the sentries were gone, or drunk on the job and she knew she was dying, she knew it wasn't going to be alright anymore. She had a strange calm and sense of peace about the whole thing. And a few short weeks later she died. - Zu

from aliannmil :

I can only provide virtual hugs. Things will change, that you can be sure of and down can only lead to up (there is no other place to go). Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something. (can I be a half a friend?) ~ I wish you Peace.

from zuzus-petals :

Oh pumpkin.. chin up. You manage WAY more than 1.5 friends.. because i've counted several on my two hands just thinking about that. You're not failing anyone or anything... I think you're doing amazing stuff with your life right now.. just sit back and let yourself celebrate all that. Glass half full. - ZuMe!

from zuzus-petals :

I'm not so good at being nice to you as I am at poking fun at you. Even though I doubt that cheers you up, it always cheers me up tremendously. There you are in an internal rage and I see you turning things over like a mad butter churn on a mission. I have an idea... take off your shirt! - Zu

from aliannmil :

Peaceful thoughts on the way~alison

from siriosa :

it's a meme because it's internet-vectored. i'm in. but then, i suspect i was already in.

from zuzus-petals :

I don't understand how that's a meme.

from zuzus-petals :

You said in an email to me that you'd updated, about your class last night, etc... but nothing here, nothing there... however will I be voyeur to your life without a text to peer in on??

from zuzus-petals :

Oh pumpkim that SUCKS. Do you have a work email address? - ZuMe

from zuzus-petals :

I think mostly the point is that while on the one hand I'm doing things that are INDEED healthful (hikes, bike rides, etc.) on the otherhand I'm a good deal in denial about what I'm eating (chocolate, ziti, etc.) and whie on the one hand I LIKE the Ziti and the chocolate, how it makes me feel in the aftermath isn't half so nice as say a big salad with all the things I like in it. - Zu

from zuzus-petals :

That's so frick'n cool! - Zu

from zuzus-petals :

that email link isn't going to work.. push it see.... it's got the (at) and (dot) but it opens in one's email program... so it will invariably frustrate the sender. Better to just put in text, not that link... - Zu

from zuzus-petals :

I LOVE it!!!

from zuzus-petals :

That's how Secret was with the Greenie at first... indifferent, curious, covetous, and then once she'd eaten a few - realized how fun the EATING part was.. well.. it was all over. ONLY one a day, however.. and for Penny it should be the small size if she's eating it! - me

from siriosa :

i am so feeling that: so many things beckon, it's hard to set out in any one direction. i'm doing some world-class spinning-in-place myself lately. hope you can come to the reading sept. 5...

from zuzus-petals :

Welcome home!!!!

from zuzus-petals :

you're not a very dis-urning young lady now, are you?

from zuzus-petals :

An urn in the hand is worth two in the bush, and four in the urinal, urninal, bleck...

from zuzus-petals :

She used to be my best friend until I realized she was never very urn-est.

from zuzus-petals :

Is that an urn in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? - Zu

from zuzus-petals :

Heh.. I must admit that i have a knack for dealing with assholes.. I do get very cool and centered in the face of injustices. It's these callouses, you know.. thick skin (wink.) I love you and you can cry if you want. - Me

from zuzus-petals :

they're evil and you're good. They're wrong. You're right! You're the best and they're very, very, very bad (that's the affirmation and esteem boosting part.) Now this will bowl you over like a feather, once again, you wholly surprise me re: your sensitivity to these things. I mean, why cry? Do you really feel like you did a "bad" job selling urns and other trinkets to vulnerable and grieving people. YAY for the co-worker for making a point and sort-of standing up for you. In your shoes I'd probably sit down, mano-a-mano with the manager and tell her that you didn't want to say anything at the time, becuase ambushing people with criticism in public is RUDE, but what she did, by ambushing you with performance criticism in a public venue was completely uncalled for - that it's that kind of unprofessional and thoughtless management style that will lead you to look for work elsewhere. If she's interested in providing you withe professional feedback, she can set up a performance review and evaluation - then sit quietly and listen to what she has to say - wait for a response. Don't mention ANYTHING about the urns, whether or not you agree or disagree with peddling their fucking wares - just hit to the meat of it. If she brings up the urns, remind her, again, that if she wants to set up a performance evaluation with you, she's welcomed to, but you're here because of HER unprofessional behavior and that's all you're interested in talking about today - what's HER response to that (the beotch.) Ah.. that felt better now didn't it? - Zu

from zuzus-petals :

YAY, YAY, YAY!!!!!!

from zuzus-petals :

TOTALLY COOOOOLLLIIIOOO!!!!!!! - Zu

from zuzus-petals :

I'm sorry to hear she's still spinning. Thinking of you. I'm off to LA tomorrow on an unplanned/unexpected work thing.

from zuzus-petals :

That's wierd.. I was just looking at their website last night. How random is that? - Zu

from zuzus-petals :

Dear Cassie-Monster. Attached is a lifeline. I made it out of the threads I took from the loom you bought in order to make your own fabrics so you could sew a nice frock. It's beautiful. It leads right from you to me - the lifeline. And then it leads to a web of friends, little people, big people, who love you. And it keeps winding back round your heart and sometimes it's all put together just rightly and it holds it like a hammock... other times it gets all twisted up and feels a bit stiffling. It's always there, however.. one way or another.. hard as sometimes you feel you work at those knots. Attached is a lifeline. Here. Look harder. - Zu

from zuzus-petals :

That's so beautiful!

from zuzus-petals :

You just made me cry. I love you too! - Zu

from zuzus-petals :

SEE! It IS spring! I think you and I met in Spring. I remember it just like you wrote. Love you! - Zu

from zuzus-petals :

You didn't even get the half of it. What about eating those puppy-penis-barnacles? What about walking across Spain on the El Camino in flip flops with the acoustic guitar, rocks wrapped up in your headress, singing Diamonds and Rust at the top of your lungs? What about spending $70 to buy a rock? What about the whole Marzipan's chicken thing? -Zu

from zuzus-petals :

How TOTALLY FUN is THAT!?!?!?

from zuzus-petals :

Ed looks WAY more evil than YOU do! Ha! And the real reason in the eyebrows. While in fact I used the exact same eyebrows in different colors for you and I, your hair hides the downward arc of them, just making them look like they go up and that leaves you with the APPEARANCE of being evil, when really you're very cute. grin! - Zu

from zuzus-petals :

It's beautiful... you should get the damn rock back! - Zu

from zuzus-petals :

For as intelligent, articulate, charming and inspiring as CW can be, she sure does fight about the dumbest things. I understand arguing in a relationship... yogurt? A window of time? What's the problem, she have other plans?

from zuzus-petals :

WOW! That sounds great! Do you have plans to meet again? - Zu

from zuzus-petals :

And invisible Splano ate your flirtation with Irene. Damn Splanos.

from zuzus-petals :

Foiled! - Zu

from zuzus-petals :

More, more, more! Ed told me on Sunday night that you stopped by a Saturday - then he apologized for forgetting to tell me and so I thought I better apologize too... I didn't check the answering machine. Sorry I missed you.. because I miss you! - ZuMe

from zuzus-petals :

I know you've been expecting Mary's death.. but still.. how you doing? - Me

from zuzus-petals :

I had a dream last night that I was in a magical and foreign place. There were animals called "Pijou" - they were shaped like pug dogs, but with even shorter legs, they were stripped like zebras, they had fangs like a lion, they were small like a pug... they were vicious little creatures in the cat family. They'd coming running about to cause mayhem and suddenly they'd be devoured by a magican invisible creature called a Splano. (There was a list of names on a whiteboard and I would ask a person, a woman, who seemed to be hanging around merely to answer my questions, "WHAT just happened?!?!" She'd explain that a Splano just ate a Pijou. She'd point to each word on the white board as she said it.) After a time I realized that there must have been tons of these Pijou-devouring Splano's around as quite often a rogue Pijou would come running by and then simply disappear as it was eaten in three swift bites. I asked, "do these Splano's ever eat people, what about dogs!?" (because of course the Honey Bee was with me.) "Oh yes, they have been known to eat people and I suppose yes, they could eat dogs too." SO I crawled into bed, undercovers and held the Honey Bee tight, trying to protect us both from the invisible Splano's while we slept.... - ZuMe

from zuzus-petals :

Pick up James again.. I can feel "my Tina" glowing in this entry and it makes me so happy. - Zu

from zuzus-petals :

Little did she know St Mary's rest at the foot of her stove, and such a very short trip from Manhattan at that! - Zu

from zuzus-petals :

Oh yeah.. I had a dream.. a dream I was in jail, and Ed too...we were both in jail and it was a TOTAL frill'n drag. It was awful and it was a mistake. You know how everyone who is in prison is really innocent? Well we were no exception.. but it seems we had a bum lawyer and landed there and it totally sucked. And Elizabeth (Emmy and Casey's mom) was in jail too.. but somehow, because she lived on the far side of Tomales Bay.. and the bay became tropical and clear and blue.. they let her stay under house arrest given they felt it would place undue burden on her to stay in prison. So there she stayed in this spectacular mansion on the water with her dogs.. but she had to eat bad food - the same miserable prison food as we did... and I just realized I liked her prison more than my own. - Zuzu

from zuzus-petals :

It helps. Scrapper or scraper? I think of you always. - ZuMe

from aliannmil :

Congrats on the new job. Don't worry about the rest, you will know when you know and until then you should live and let live. Tomorrow does not exist and when today becomes THE day you will do what is right for you. Welcome to the workforce. You should do something nice for yourself, you deserve it. ~alison

from zuzus-petals :

I don't think it's unfair to anyone but yourself. I don't like it that decisions are levied at you like verdicts as opposed to jointly discussed and made. - Zu

from zuzus-petals :

And I think that your parents reaction was perfect. I think it's so like you to feel like it's not being deliberated upon with the weight and seriousness which it deserves - and there's something almost comically beautiful about their jovial spirit (e.g. "New Mexico?" Sure!) It seems to me it's your subconscious saying don't think too deeply, don't deliberate so heavily - pretty much anywhere is fine, good and safe - get on with it - take the cheap way, take the expensive way, it doesn't much matter. There's someone who you don't even know who will stay on the phone with you and comfort you - take the edge off - walk with you, reassure you. I'm NOT suggesting that this dream means that you should leave CW - only YOU know if that's the right thing for you. I hope you know, from me, I only wish the best for you - and the best is whatever you chose today, for if you could chose better, you would and so would I. Today is always the best we can do. I believe CW has been great for you - Like I've said, I've seen you blossom and grow for this relationship. I don't know her that well, only through you - but she has evoked brilliant pieces of you. True - those are yours to claim regardless of what you choose to do re: CW. I read that you mean to take from the dream that it's time to move on from CW - that you're proverbial foundation is crumbling and you're frightened and to some degree feel you've no place to go. But I don't think that's what the dream is saying necessarily. It might be saying that there's no need to feel trapped, the world is yours, you can go wherever you like, whenever you like and even if/when your foundation crumbles you perhaps worry more than you need to - it always works out - you've someone on a spiritual phone line walking with you and a little elfish jovial spirit prodding you along, telling you not to take things too seriously despite your insistance on being so serious some of the time (not Most of the time, even.) - Just a thought. -MeZu

from aliannmil :

Since you ask, I have found through my own experience and the experience of my friends that it is best to be out right with it. All three of us were allowed to take the time fro proir commitments as part of our hire in. In the second interview you can bring up the fact that you have already scheduled this seminar, the training, like this job, will help you to acheive your ultimate goal of providing counseling and therapy to ease the transition from life into death. I'll bet they won't have any problem working around it. BTW I think it is wonderful what you want to do. More attention should be paid to this so important aspect of life. Your favorite(?) lurker ~ alison

from zuzus-petals :

At the end of the interview - after everything has gone fabulously and they ask you if YOU have any further questions - after you've asked whatever those additional questions might be, you add in one point. I do have one upcoming issue you should be aware of. I have a three-day committment on BLAH dates - if I were hired would the Society be able to accomodate for that? Something like that.

from zuzus-petals :

I think it's a good sign that it was short and quick. They didn't have suspicions and concerns that they needed to work out before inviting you to a second interview - you were simply a shoe in for the second interview. I think that's good. Thanks for the call yesterday, by the way! It was a strange day. I nearly passed out - was going under fast - at A's doctor's appointment. They had to take her off the exam table and put me on it. We finished off the appt with ME laying down.. heh. Then I felt pretty nauseous the rest of the day. HOw to explain how this is all Jerry Rice's fault... but it is. Trust me on that. - Zuzu

from zuzus-petals :

I saw them too! I saw them too! There were HUNDREDS at Bolinas the first day my brother and I went. They were travelling in a large pack - maybe feeding? But not jumping and they didn't attract a Pelican feeding frenzy (which, if they were feeding, would seem likely.) It was AMAZING! I'd never seen them there before - though this woman we passed on the beach swore they're there occassionally... I like to believe it was a once in a rare while event - special - and we were just all there to witness it (o/` so long and thanks for all the fish! o/`) What a wierd and happy meeting with the brother. - Me

from zuzus-petals :

Okay.. I was getting bored with that last entry.. or rather, the one before last. Hi, hi, hi! Things better - I imagine the sinks unclogged and all is once again set right with the world. You may leave her, you may not.. it really depends. I'm sorry it was a frustrating day. I have those too. My brother's visit was wonderful. We hiked and/or went for bike rides daily. Even left Secret behind (yikes!) one day and did the Steep Ravine trail... wow... it was breath taking... and not just because of those steps... I remember why it's my favorite trail (but I did keep thinking what a waste of a walk without the Honey Bee... and despite wearied knees I did have to come home and walk her.. that was rather tough..) - Me.

from aliannmil :

I must come forward and admit I read your diary as well. I have been awaiting your update checking every day to see if you have stopped by. I think it is wonderful that you have a plan and you feel drawn so strongly to something, I miss that passion myself so if you please forgive me if I live a trifle vicariously through you. ~I wish you peace~alison~

from zuzus-petals :

OH pumpkin pie, what a terrible exchange! I know you'll think better of leaving go your time with the three-lettered one. While it's true we create our own reality, sometimes I think I create at least part of yours - like you don't really get to create ALL of your reality - only about 60% and I get to create the rest. What's that got to do with icky-people you might ask? Well, you're right, I think it was predictable - only because you didn't wear thongs on El Camino - I have some ideas - we'll talk about them tomorrow! - ZuMe~

from zuzus-petals :

Cool! I like the fool too. Somehow you've lost that link to your profile, however - how would someone get to your profile from your diary page? Did you know Joni Mitchell started smoking when she was nine (I never responded to your JOni Mitchell being from Canada comment... I love her too... she's the bomb... I so relate to her experience with addiction... so many people talk about needing to learn to enjoy smoking - how they didn't like it when they first did it and they learned to like it in order to "be cool" and then became addicted. My experience was more like Joni's - which is that after she had her first cigarette her thoughts were clearer, she saw things more clearly.. there was order in the world. I think we have the nicotine addiction gene....sigh.)

from zuzus-petals :

Thanks! I'll check 'em out - I book marked them both and will peruse them later. - Me!

from zuzus-petals :

Oh yeah.. and by the way.. waiting, waitin', waitn' on your new MiniSaga... where's that stroke of brilliance I've come to rely on from you? - Zu

from zuzus-petals :

Me, me, me.. my turn! Jin me!! - Zu/Zume/Xoom/Zooma Zooma Zoom Zoom Zume....

from zuzus-petals :

WOW!!! Awesome job!! Very proud of you and happy for you and simply YAY! - ZuMe

from zuzus-petals :

Whoa! COLORS!!

from zuzus-petals :

I keep reading your MiniSaga and the more I read it the more I love it. Love it, love it, love it. It's simply brilliant. Love it. Love it, love it. - Me

from zuzus-petals :

Does that mean I have to treat you like normal if other people do? Because if I do, well, I just can't do it. (grin) Loved the dream! - MeMe/Zuzu

from zuzus-petals :

Must have collage book. Must have. Take from H. and deliver to Zuzu. Must have. ((Can you believe that stuck up butthole never returned my email or nothin'! What a snot head... )) - ME

from fightn4life :

Loved your entry about the little pup and his friend the cat. I too hope the little guy don't jump back out the window. I too am an animal lover. More so than a people lover. Thanks for sharing your story. Sandyz

from zuzus-petals :

Thanks for the Spring Card with the Buckminster Fuller stamp. We puzzled over how it was delivered on Sunday. It's a nice card even if it's several weeks late. (Happy pre-birthday!!) Love you too! - Zuzu

from fightn4life :

Thanks so much for the referral on the book, "Ageless Body, Timeless Mind" I have a stack of books I ordered that Zuzu has recommended to me. I read them one by one finding indebt inspiration within the pages. I went to Amazon.com and ordered the book you suggested and another Zuzu had told me about. Also one that was talked about in Scott Peck's book, "People of the Lie". I appreciate you taking the time to leave the kind insightful comments and the book referral. I also have enjoyed reading your diary. Sandyz

back to indigomonkey's profile
recommend this diary to a pal?

Other diaries starting with the letter:
a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

Back to Diaryland