messages to jarofporter:
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from browndamask :
I'm 44 and was diagnosed ASD/ADHD in my late 30s. I also related to much of that list. There is so much overlap between ASD and what trauma does to the brain, not to mention the trauma that comes from being on the spectrum. I had a relatively loving home, but there is something so isolating about feeling 'other' and not knowing why - constant questioning of self that ends up looking a whole lot like most of the symptoms on that list. All that can be done now is to move forward and work on healing. (Easier said than done.) Best of luck to you.
from floodtide :
"...if that makes sense?" Duh. It makes absolute sense, because this is a scenario (an all-too-common one) in which perception IS reality. All the love in the world doesn't matter a damn if we don't feel it/aren't aware of it. Or if it's shared in utterly toxic ways - conditionally, for example, or if it's a love that is instantly withdrawn as a response to unwanted behavior (which can include such sins as thinking or speaking for yourself, establishing boundaries, etc.). The traits in the article are also generally typical of ACOAs. I fit most of them myself, except in that I was always so VERY needy that I managed to "transcend" (or sink beneath?) the isolation or inability to trust. I THREW myself into intimacy, trusted lavishly/foolishly, and more, because I was more desperate to feel close to someone than I was even to protect myself against hurt. BIG can o'worms, and you're articulating it with self-awareness, insight, sensitivity, and wisdom. XOXO
from annanotbob2 :
I'm sorry you've been so unwell. My understanding of bodies and illness is that you really shouldn't work out while still recovering as this will have a detrimental effect rather than a positive one. Unsolicited advice, yet again. Soz
from jimbostaxi :
Hahaha! Yep,! Happy New Year! Thanks for the perfect note. :)
from swordfern :
Merry Christmas, Mr Porter.
from linguafranca :
Nah they’ve all got special diets or are sick or live 10 miles away and would feel weird letting me drive that far just to bring them cookies. I did find one person to bring some to so that’s something.
from catsoul :
12.24.2023. I fuckin' agree totally with your sentiment. =^..^=
from kelsi :
Hey! We learned how to sing Sukiyaki in 3rd grade! I haven't thought about that song since 5th grade, probably, but I used to have it memorized.
from annanotbob2 :
5/12 I'm so sorry to hear about what's happened. A hug from across the ocean is all I have {{{{you}}}}
from kelsi :
I didn't end up using the neti pot anyway because I'm out of the packets it came with and didn't feel like making my own - but yuck, that sounds awful! I have heard some neti pot horror stories :O
from linguafranca :
Thank you. I would, but it’s my mother. 93 going on 94. What’s a good child to do?
from jimbostaxi :
Yeah, I hear you, my friend :) That was an excerpt from a conversation I had with a co-worker. Sometimes I'll post stuff like that as a way of processing information. It was good hearing from you and thanks for the note!
from catsoul :
8.21.2023. Hi there. I always enjoy what you read. I am not bored. I like knowing what you are up to. Take care. Be safe. Peace within yourself. =^..^=
from life-my-way :
8/11 Those emails are, I don't even know what to say. I'm so sorry you're getting those. What a time to be alive. Thanks for your note, I love notes. Let's try to find some joy. K
from catsoul :
8.11.2023. Hey man. I agree, you got to get the endocrine system checked out for sure. Alcohol consumption does affect all body systems. I would think you have done plenty of research to that fact. So perhaps, no drinking, so that when they do some tests the alcohol consumption that still maybe in your system doesn't mask any results. I am not a medical professional, this is only a little old lady fart giving you her two cents worth, so take it with a grain of salt. Onto other things, wanted to thank you for your kind and caring words to me always. Greatly appreciated. Peace within yourself. =^..^=
from annanotbob2 :
Oh God - I read your post about car tax and wondered if mine was due. I checked and it was due at the beginning of July! None of the paperwork was in order - I've had a really tricky time sorting it out but it's done now and I am very grateful for being nudged towards it by you! Hope you're having a good day
from annanotbob2 :
One small step is all you can do and all you need to do. Well done for joining a gym and best wishes from me
from annanotbob2 :
Oh man, that's awful. Hugs
from swordfern :
Time to switch to e-bike cycle commuting :P
from jimbostaxi :
Hey, I hope all is well with you. I hate shopping and I do a lot of my Amazon purchases at night when I'm bored. It's way too easy to over-click when I'm in that state of mind. Then I look at my cart and I'm like wtf? Why is it so much? That part-time gig that's turning full-time will enable me to finally leave the cab place. It's been a struggle the last few months but now I'm glad I stayed strong. Thanks for the note!
from floodtide :
Hey, buddy - thank you for your thoughtful not on my page. I had wondered about kombucha and the "products of fermentation," but the truth is I haven't drunk any of my own homemade yet that's been through it's 2nd fermentation. The batch in flip-top litre bottles currently on my kitchen counter will be the first. The one thing that I was really afraid of was the night the hotel was so full of plastered people that the lobby was full of alcohol fumes. You could smell beer but also raw alcohol: vodka, etc. I thought "I think this could be enough to get me sick." Luckily, I felt find the next day. I'm keepin' on keepin' on. XO
from swordfern :
Thinking of you today. I wish that I could be there to comfort you.
from swordfern :
I’m proud of you for braving the video conference! I know how much of a hurdle that was for you. I’m not sure who actually loves doing them. I think most of us tolerate them only because they are a convenient and generally effective solution to a problem.
from annanotbob2 :
[[[[you]]]] that's the nearest I can do to a hug, but good on you for sticking with the chat.
from kelsi :
Have you ever tried a meal kit like Blue Apron or Home Chef? It's a good way to try new things. I think they're silly and terribly wasteful, but they're also fun and can get you out of the food blahs.
from annanotbob2 :
Happy birthday! I missed that. Good on you for trying again with the Japanese club. Hope it goes well
from swordfern :
Happy Birthday!!! 🎈
from annanotbob2 :
I hope you make it - it sounds interesting. Good luck
from raven72d :
Thanks for the link! Very useful info!
from jimbostaxi :
Thanks! Let's hope this year brings us both good fortune! :)
from jimbostaxi :
Happy 2023! Please forgive me for me being late. The last few days were a bit of a blur,,, caught something. Anyways I hope all is well.
from swordfern :
Hey, my signal isn’t working so I’m messaging you here. Happy new year!!!
from annanotbob2 :
Happy new year - however it goes
from annanotbob2 :
I don't know about all the lifting but I do know cold water. The sea here is a bit colder than 49 - about 44 - but it's much easier to stay in than a shower or a cold tub, I think. When it was raining I tried a cold shower to keep the routine going but couldn't stay in for even a single minute. But I think I'm about 4 minutes in the sea - there's no need for longer. It's good stuff though, isn't it?
from catsoul :
12.28.2022. Thank you for reminding me about Elizabeth and her abilities. I have watched her on Youtube for years. I love Rush's Tom Sawyer analysis. Man she is soooooo good. Peace within yourself. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
Hey, hope your Christmas was good. Over here in Jimbo land, I'm trying to keep my life simple. I'm hoping 2023 will give me a clean slate to work on my life. Wishing you a safe and happy New Year!🎉🍷🥳
from annanotbob2 :
I found that article quite difficult as I'm on the other end - my son has cut me off and so far is not giving me any clues as to why. I send him texts that say 'Thinking of you' with heart emojis but get nothing back. Hey, you're not...
from swordfern :
Merry Christmas, Mr Porter.
from raven72d :
I'm in Hakodate in an alternate timeline. Hokkaido is an old dream of mine, though, and always will be...or at least an alternative steampunk version of Hokkaido will be.
from strawberrri :
Hey! No worries, I only dip in and out of this site occasionally these days, but been here since 2001. Hope you're having a great weekend :)
from strawberrri :
Oh I'm sorry your meal out was ruined by that guy and story :( I'm not vegetarian but try to have meat-free days where possible. I will try even harder as that story turned my stomach too x
from raven72d :
The hunting story was nightmarish.
from narcissa :
dec 6: that hunting story was the worst :/
from jimbostaxi :
Mine was not too bad. Went to queens for an early dinner with my daughter then raced back home to go to work.
from jimbostaxi :
Hope you have a great Thanksgiving!
from swordfern :
Writing down all of the negative stuff may be cathartic/therapeutic? Most of us come here to write when things are tough. And I think that all of us here can relate to imperfection and continued struggles against the same damn things.
from life-my-way :
Thanks for the well wishes, my fingers are crossed. Great cliffhanger in today’s diary—can’t wait to hear.
from annanotbob2 :
I just write because I like writing. Sometimes I go for weeks with no comments but I like reading it back years later and remembering.
from annanotbob2 :
30/10 That sounds great - the Japanese/English language help swap. Hope it works out!
from jimbostaxi :
Hey, I was just thinking about you the other day and was going to write you an email. I caught up on your entries and saw the text and the deletion of her info. I pulled down a couple of numbers last few weeks but nothing to brag about. One I'm not even bothering to message back she has a regular job but thinks she's some kind of influencer. Yeah, I'm like nope, I'm not even wasting my time. The second has a regular job but it's like I'm not that into her so I'm not even messaging her back either. Honestly, I don't even know wtf I want,,, Lol. There was one I met at the bus stop waiting for my granddaughter... I wouldn't mind getting her number. Lol. Thanks for the note!
from annanotbob2 :
Thanks for the note. No, I waited a while before taking my BP but I had recently had a cup of expresso, which may have had something to do with it. If it's any consolation I haven't had sex this century.
from floodtide :
Thought your "thanks and wish you well" note was appropriate and perfectly kind.
from loveherwell :
i have been in and out of dland a lot recently (way more out than in), but thank you for your note (belatedly). i hope you are finding things that make you feel joyful. <3
from misfitstray :
Thanks for your note! I looked at such kind of houses. Yes, they are kind of cute, but as there are too many inner walls with inclined surfaces it's not ideal for me. It's ok to live in it for vacations etc. Plus, I don't know if you'll get a builduing permission in my county for this kind of house. I plan on building a real simple pent-roof, one-story-house with 1 bedroom a kitchen-eating-livingroom area and a small bathroom with a shower. That's all I need. Not more than 60 square meters.
from swordfern :
Even if you are a lost cause, I still like you.
from jimbostaxi :
Never give up trying to incorporate people into your life. I'm from the “go it alone club” and I can tell you that I prefer not to do that anymore. Sure, it's hard for me to socialize and do stuff but I keep trying. There are some things I could write about that are happening but I'm not at that point yet. I will keep dropping in and checking in on you if that's ok.
from jimbostaxi :
Dropped in to say hi and stay strong my friend.
from swordfern :
You're correct - social isolation is scientifically linked with poor health outcomes and premature mortality due to inflammation and other physical mechanisms. I don't know how to help your situation, but maybe it's something to just understand that you are running up against this and to not be too hard on yourself when you observe ailments and issues that stem from loneliness. :(
from annanotbob2 :
10/8 I think maybe you're right. Could you volunteer somewhere? Where you'd be helping others which would feel could but also be interacting with people. Sorry for unsolicited advice, but hugs
from swordfern :
Writing prompt: What would you like people to understand about you?
from kelsi :
I don't know, man - my diet didn't change any, but suddenly one day my gut decided it just wasn't enough. What else is going to happen to us!?!
from jimbostaxi :
Yes, very true my friend. It's the anxiety that warps my view and makes me feel pressured. I'm sorry to read you had a reoccurrence of back pain. My kid suffers from it and it happens all of a sudden as well. I've only been in that situation once when I was injured lifting a passenger. My God, the pain and discomfort I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I hope you get to the bottom of what's causing that Asap. Thanks for the note!
from kelsi :
I don't actually know anything about the Weird Al movie other than that statement he put out, which I love. But yeah, I think it's coming out this year, and Daniel Radcliff is playing Weird Al!
from life-my-way :
Watch (or rewatch) the film. It’s impossibly wonderful!
from jimbostaxi :
Yeah, it was perfect timing. Now if the stars would align and give me the lotto numbers I will be set for life! Lol
from jimbostaxi :
I'm.glad your back is feeling better. I experienced that once and could barely get out of bed. Ugh, it lasted for weeks and I was miserable. Sometimes life is about doing the unexpected,, random good deeds are always fun for me. Lol
from jimbostaxi :
Hey, all the arrangements were beautiful. A lot of people came to pay their respects and followed us to the cemetery. I had to borrow a few Xanax to function as I felt like I was hyperventilating and that was before we even left the house. It was a good thing I was calm because my youngest daughter was distraught and I needed help with her. I know this may be wrong to ask but can you talk about how you felt when you lost someone.
from jimbostaxi :
Thanks, I'm still kind of numb. She was a good person and will be deeply missed. I appreciate you dropping by. I wanted to write an entry but the poem poured out instead. I'm not a poet but I think it turned out ok.
from jimbostaxi :
Hey, it's been ages! Thanks so much for dropping in! God, that was very awesome of you. I could use every lift of spirits I can get right now. I will be stopping by your page to leave notes and say hi in the not-so-distant future. :)
from annanotbob2 :
I'm writing about it in my blog
from annanotbob2 :
The timing wasn't great - talking about the benefit of cold just as the government slashed benefits and more than doubled fuel bills, throwing many people into having to choose between eating and heating. Also there had been a couple of programmes with celebrities doing challenges with the SAS. I did quite enjoy it though and will probably watch it all!
from annanotbob2 :
It seems to be called Freeze the Fear - watching it now - amazing!
from annanotbob2 :
Hiya - don't know if you can get it in the US (or if you'd want to!) but there's a series starting this week on BBC called Superstar Survival with Wim Hoff leading a bunch of celebs through his stuff over a period of weeks
from kelsi :
Yeah, the secret journal is helpful. Sometimes I know I'm being irrational, but my feelings are still real, and it's nice to get things out, you know? I don't write in it much anymore but it's there if I need it!
from kelsi :
It's not a bad idea to clean up your resume, get on linkedin (if you're not already), and find out what's out there, even if you don't end up applying anywhere else. But there is a lot to be said for having an easy job that you're comfortable with and making enough to live on. Even if you could make more money elsewhere.... Also, I've got a secret online diary that's locked, that no one knows about or can get into - it's where I put the pathetic embarrassing stuff. :D
from annanotbob2 :
9/2/22 You're the second of my diaryland friends to make that claim for their futures! Not good
from annanotbob2 :
Just saying hello and waving across the pond.
from catsoul :
2.2.2022. I am glad for you that you had that realization about people. I have done it and have found so much more peace in my life. Good for you. Solitude is nice especially when you choose it, and put yourself as a priority. Peace within yourself. =^..^=
from dangerspouse :
I wouldn't have accepted them anyway. ;)
from kelsi :
Thanks, I'll check out those sites - always good to have some good places to go! I'll try to break my reddit habit...
from floodtide :
Happy New Year, Mike. I'm sorry I haven't said something sooner - barely treading water myself lately - but I think of you every day, feel very happy when I see "jar" lit up in red on my d-land page, and am sending you love and prayers for better things in 2022. XO
from life-my-way :
Happy new year dear porter. I hope 2021 disposes of what you're done with and that 2022 brings in all of what makes you happy--up to and including ice cold tubs. xo K
from annanotbob2 :
Belated happy new year - I don't generally send them to anyone - since losing my daughter I'm not up for hoping anything at all but I would have sent you one if I had been sending them out.
from dangerspouse :
I was away...? Lol - thanks man :)
from annanotbob2 :
It's interesting to see such a different perspective in these articles compared to how I've always understood these things. I've always been led to believe you can't change anyone else, you can only change how you react to them. I had a mean old stepmother who never accepted that she was horrid to me. In her last years, her late 80s, I couldn't bear to leave her completely to fend for herself, but as soon as she said something nasty, I left. I didn't call her out on anything, I just looked at the time and said I had to go now. I hope your Christmas has been as good as can be
from life-my-way :
I adore isolation and, even so, am getting very tired of it. I went to Walmart to get a booster today and actually enjoyed walking around the store picking up Christmas goodies. Hmmmph. Are you on Clubhouse? It's not a panacea, but it is helping me a bit with the isolation deal.
from kelsi :
Brr, I'm going to have to put on extra socks and a sweatshirt in order to read your diary! You're brave/crazy!
from annanotbob2 :
I'm a great believer in the importance of the gut and all that. If you can get live yoghurt you can make your own from a spoonful and carry on like that - you only need to buy it once. There's a guy I like called Tim Spector who reckons that if you try to have some fermented foods (yoghurt, kefir, sourdough bread, kimchee, saurkraut - not all but some) then try to eat a bit of thirty different plants each week your gut should be in good shape. Thirty sounds massive but once you start to add in grains and seeds it's not too bad.
from strawberrri :
Just found out what an Oura ring is because of you - thanks! :)
from annanotbob2 :
Meh to root canals - I was able to not think about it till one of my kids needed one aged about 9 and I had to hold her hand through it. Thanks for you help re pics. I'm building up to it. I really do struggle to make sense of things like that - at the moment.
from annanotbob2 :
Thanks. It's late here now and although I understand each of the words in that note, when put in that order they mean nothing. But that's cos I'm tired so I'll have a go tomorrow. Very grateful x
from annanotbob2 :
Thank you for that concrete help - brilliant. When you say 'have your images stored online' what do you mean by that? Hope thanksgiving is as good as possible for you
from annanotbob2 :
Thanks for your note. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. Stay safe and get that booster!
from life-my-way :
I think your surmise that people who haven't reached out do not care about you is inaccurate--I'm guessing that you haven't reached out to them either, but you do care about them. Our period of global isolation has made the act of reaching out even more brave and daunting than usual--there are people I think of daily without reaching out to them. So I propose that their action/inaction is not about you or your value to them. And I also wish Dland peeps were close enough to gather. Happy vacation, friend!
from misfitstray :
I hope that your back is getting better soon!
from loveherwell :
good luck on the running!!
from kelsi :
How are you liking your Oura ring?
from swordfern :
Remember "Story Follows State"? When you are alone, you write the narrative to yourself that you are different from everyone else in order to rationalize the loneliness. I'm sorry that CC disappointed you again and wish that things had turned out differently with her this time.
from annanotbob2 :
8/8 Hiya - Just read your latest and it made me think of the work I'm doing in therapy, part of which concerns the inner 'critical parent' voice, which comes along a bit too often. I'm being encouraged to think of it as an almost separate character and to argue with it, tell it to shut up etc.
from swordfern :
Sometimes it's only in retrospect that we can determine what was important and what was irrelevant.
from floodtide :
Forgive me, I jumped to the wrong conclusion - thought it was Anna. (Figured it was either her or you, so I had a 50% chance. I lost.) THANK YOU for the thoughtful note. Have been following you and thinking of you with care.
from misfitstray :
I think that I'm going to have my own medical office for psychotherapy as part of being a Registered German naturopath. I'm going to offer hypnosis and reincarnation-therapy among other things after I'm finished with exams and additional classes in those fields.
from swordfern :
Sounds like you need to revise your setup at work. Sit-stand desk? Different chair? Adjust monitor height? You shouldn't have to be miserable at your work station.
from life-my-way :
Is there a CrossFit group in your area? That sounds like a great fitness community and maybe a way to meet friends without hanging out in bars. Stay awesome!
from annanotbob2 :
I heard a podcast yesterday saying, with medical evidence, that a brisk walk first thing in the morning sets you up really well and the early light affects your melatonin and thus your body clock, making it easier to fall asleep, I want to try this but I'm by nature a night owl and I'm trying to leave my phone downstairs at night. Thought I'd mention it.
from annanotbob2 :
Sam, my daughter who died was great on a day to day basis but rubbish in a crisis. Her sister is not much cop until there's a crisis at which point she's a star. There's room for us all x
from swordfern :
Not sure what type of sleeping pills you use, but it could be worth exploring the research on sleep quality related side effects of whatever you are taking.
from swordfern :
"While taking drugs like Ambien may help you become unconscious, sedation is not the same as sleep. These hypnotic drugs can actually restrict the deeper brain waves produced during REM sleep..." https://www.discovermagazine.com/health/what-science-says-about-using-sleep-medications
from kelsi :
Thanks!
from loveherwell :
thank you! sometimes it is rough, but the feelings come and go.
from annanotbob2 :
I don't like Cliff. Years ago, when he was in mid-career, very successful, he played Brighton, the big hall. They always donated two tickets to the unemployment centre, but he refused to let them, the only act ever to have done so, and one of the few boasting of his deeply felt Christianity. But when we were kids and set off in the car for the family holiday we always sang 'We're all going on a summer holiday' and I always have, despite my kids hating it.
from swordfern :
Maybe you need to train for snow shoveling, starting in about November ;)
from swordfern :
'Rest' is a verb. Progress is not linear. Hope that your chiro can help sort things out for you.
from annanotbob2 :
I'm getting notified when you update now. Walking is great, I think. I take photos with my phone to keep it interesting, finding new things along the same route.
from misfitstray :
Maybe the backpain stems from to much working-out? The muscles supporting your spine are fragile sometimes and if they are not strong enough, vertebra segments could jump out. The more often it happens the easier they jump out as the discs get dull. You should focus on getting the back muscles getting stronger but not overdoing it with too much weight.
from annanotbob2 :
Thanks for your note - I deleted you and added you again and this time you showed up in your alphabetical place so I am hopeful! Did you ever get a Christmas card from me? I posted loads before Christmas and no one mentioned them till on Friday I found out one had just arrived in Spain and also one to Chile! Nothing from the US so far... Hope you are well. I started watching those autism videos you posted but I'm too tired right now - will come back to them. Keep safe.
from loveherwell :
i think you're absolutely right. i mean, cliches are cliche for a reason. :)
from kelsi :
The Oura ring looks awesome! I'd never heard of that before.
from loveherwell :
happy birthday!!
from floodtide :
If you don't already know it, check out "The Anatomy Coloring Book"
from kelsi :
Right there with you - so incredibly angry. Fuck that guy.
from annanotbob2 :
Thanks for your note - I wish I could get your diary to light up pink when you update - I keep forgetting to look and now I hadn't read you for ages till I just caught up. I'm glad you bought a guitar - good luck with that. And happy new year - sorry I missed on Christmas Day - I was miserable as shit and no use to anyone, but better now.
from linguafranca :
Thank you for that. Having social distancing as a good reason not to have her over has been a a great relief to me...She’s almost 91 and I feel a moral responsibility to be tolerant toward her as well as to provide certain sorts of care...but geez ya know?!
from misfitstray :
Sorry, that this note comes so late but I don't read on a regularly base here. But here it is. Hope you had a not that bad time over the holidays. Wishing you a wonderful and healthy and a very, very happy New Year!
from life-my-way :
Merry Christmas! But mostly, wishing you the happiest of New Years!
from floodtide :
"Dropping by" to say more than hello. Thinking of you today and so grateful we had time to meet and get to know each other a little earlier this year. - flood
from swordfern :
Merry Christmas, Mr. Porter.
from warpednormal :
I hope you are well!! xo
from loveherwell :
thank you <3 i hope so!
from swordfern :
Hahhahah I'm totally the annoyingly optimistic yoga woman!!! Also, I realize that my perspective on building community comes from my experience as a neurotypical female, which (obviously, I see now) does not apply to you. How can I make any recommendations on building relationships as a male when I have no idea what it's like to be a man? Sorry. And thank you, Flood, for pointing out my blind spot. I should really say what the heart of my comment is: I care about you and wish very much that things would be different for you in this world. (I'm sorry that your fish are dead.)
from floodtide :
Just reread swordfern's note, and I realized what it rubbed me the wrong way: Once the question "have you done anything to...?" is posed, it's all "have you done this?" "Have you done that?" Well, have you? Why not?" Were it worded "Here are some things you might try, and if none of them appeals to you let me urge you to find something, anything you CAN try. You could take an art class, volunteer at a library...."
from floodtide :
Can't believe how vehemently I disagree with both life-my-way and swordfern, two of the most insightful and sensitive people I know, online or off. However some of their suggestions of "involvement" are undoubtedly healthy, at least potentially, they amount to "get off your ass" which to me feels very "well it's all your own fault." I do agree that withdrawing can't be the only tactic, and I believe that talking - even when you don't feel like it, or think you don't want to - results in unburdening, and connection. The only thing I'll presume to suggest is take K up on her offer to communicate. Exhortations meant for your own good - any suggestions at all, really - are much easier to hear and to consider when tone of voice is part of the delivery package. Shannon, I can't help wondering: how would you react if a male said any of those things to you?
from catsoul :
11.16.2020. Glad you are able to write here. It so helps to write. I so, so get about the dog analogy. I am so an animal caring soul. Animals and nature are so very important also for my soul to keep existing and survive here in life/reality. You aren't alone. If you ever need to just talk or sit in silence, I am here. Take Care. Be safe. Peace. =^..^=
from life-my-way :
I agree with what Shannon said below--it's definitely worth trying getting involved in some kind of group or effort or class or cause. I'm awkward af (as awkward as the word "awkward" itself!), but I have connections because of some community involvement stuff I've done for several years. I've even texted Guy asking for your contact, I'd really like to talk with you about my savior (which is involvement, not Jesus). I especially agree with what Shannon said about, if you're considering checking out you really should just blow it out first. That is, basically, what I'm doing right now. My old job and a few other things were incompatible with living and when life was incompatible with living, I decided to try everything I could think of before considering the big and permanent fix. Life still leaves something to be desired (meaningful employment, for instance) but I'm really happy and getting happier all the time, getting used to feeling not awful. Your mileage may vary, of course, but what swordfern said has worked beautifully for me. I care about you and think that the world needs who and what you are.
from swordfern :
You will NEVER be able to deny the core human need for connection. Here's my tough love: what have you actually done to try to build community for yourself in the last two years? Have you taken a series of art classes? Have you attended a gym on a regular basis? Have you taken a language class in person? Have you volunteered your time at an organization that you believe in? Have you attended a professional networking event? Honestly, I don't see you trying. Hiding behind the internet is never going to get you what you really want in life. If you are contemplating ending things, then just get out there and spend your money and live your goddamned life. Take a year off. Go to a writer's retreat. Get a dog and take her to the dog park every week. Do anything but sit around and repeat the same comfortable patterns over and over again hoping for different results. Hire a life coach to help you break through your self-limiting perceptions. Hire a therapist to help you manage your fear. Giving up is the easy way out. You have a lot to offer the world if only you would believe in yourself. https://forge.medium.com/if-connection-is-our-core-human-need-then-why-are-we-so-bad-at-it-a904ae486a48
from life-my-way :
There are D'land people who are interested in being your friend (I know this for sure because I am one of them). Maybe practicing some low-pressure chats with low-pressure others would be a way to start things spinning in another direction. It might not help, but also it might not hurt to try. The world needs who you are.
from kelsi :
Judges are the hardest - yeah, you don't want to leave blanks, but you don't want to accidentally vote for some horrible jerk, but it's hard to know who the better candidate is, etc. And judges should be non-partisan, so they shouldn't be campaigning the way others campaign, etc. It's hard.
from life-my-way :
For what it's worth, I think that's a great start. Breaking the cycle, stopping the narrative, it might even be half the battle. Or nearly so. Good luck, friend, and I hope you write about how it goes.
from annanotbob2 :
Thanks for the note. I have trouble with your blog as it doesn't light up in pink when you update on my buddy list and I have a shocking memory so often go for a few weeks without checking, especially when I've checked a lot and you haven't updated. I've tried deleting you and re-adding you but it doesn't change. I'm glad you are writing again anyway. Keep safe.
from loveherwell :
it would be rather nice, one of these days.
from annanotbob2 :
Thank you!
from kelsi :
Thanks! They accepted my offer! Ahhh!
from misfitstray :
I'll write an email :) Thank you for your note!
from annanotbob2 :
Good, me too
from loveherwell :
your hip and spine feeling better and releasing must feel like such a relief! i am glad improvements are happening.
from swordfern :
On making friends as an adult: I was instructed to join a meetup group or a recurring group for a hobby or industry I was interested in. The catch? I had to go at least 2-3 times. You have to see people over and over again, specifically weekly ... That’s how we build a relationship. “A lot of time we think we’re going to join a meetup group and then we go and don’t find our new best friend, we quit,” Bayard said. “You have to see people over and over again, specifically weekly. That way, you can remember what you talked about the week before and bring it up again. That’s how we build a relationship.” https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/i-hired-friendship-coach-help-me-make-friends-here-s-ncna1141571
from annanotbob2 :
Despite all the shit I've had I remain a ridiculous optimist and I can't help extending it to you and your situation. I don't know what the solution is, but there MUST be one. Or at least a path you can start to move along, however slowly, so there's something potentially positive up ahead and some sense of achievement in the meantime. And who knows, maybe some friends picked up along the way. All I know about your interests is bikes, health (Wim Hof) and art - you bought a painting. I'm sorry, I know you haven't asked for this and one of my resolutions is not to offer unasked for advice, but I'm going to. If you were to choose art, I recommend the book The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, which I did in a group, doing a chapter a week. I did it because I was unable to write, but I came out the other end doing art. You have to do a lot of bad art on the way to doing good art, but it's a beautiful journey and there are masses of online things to do. The same must apply to any other interest - especially since the virus, just about everything has an online component now. I wish you some pleasure in life. Just had a chat with someone about how us Brits end all online communication with x which doesn't happen in the US, but it feels rude not to so have a good day x
from annanotbob2 :
Thank you for that. I just went to bed and didn't do any yoga but this morning it was gone. Creeping back as the morning has worn on.
from lust- :
Thanks for the link. Super helpful!
from annanotbob2 :
Thanks x
from lust- :
Rad that you know and are learning another language! Japanese does sound quite tough. Proud of you for doing that and enhancing your skills!
from annanotbob2 :
Learning Japanese sounds great. I've been learning the keyboard - good to have something to feel a bit proud of
from annanotbob2 :
Thanks for your note. I hope you get to feel a bit perkier soon.
from swordfern :
I want to write something helpful about your latest entry but am coming up short. What does it matter what others think? Generally people project what makes themselves happy onto other people. I think the bigger question is: how are you a disappointment to yourself? (You are not a disappointment to me, not in the least.)
from loveherwell :
ahhhhhh, i see. well, that's an accomplishment in itself. and now you get the privilege to keep on going.
from loveherwell :
happy birthday! (i think?)
from loveherwell :
thank you!! i hope you're still sleeping better.
from life-my-way :
I spend a lot of time thinking about what men have perpetrated upon women; but when I stop to think about it, I also mourn, and rage, at the mountain of shit that men perpetrate on each other. Your entry today (5/30/20--I'm so glad you decided to post it!) reminded me of that. Men aren't as supported to form close friendships and are less emotionally available for that in any event, making it ridiculously difficult to form bonds with each other of the sort that women form much more easily. I'm also here if you ever want to talk (now that I'm in isolation with just my dog my time is pretty open). Peace out. K
from floodtide :
Great - looking forward to your e-mail. Thank you.
from lust- :
Maybe you're a starseed! One of those many things I've come across on my Spirituality path. There are so many different types of starseeds. Pretty sure I'm one, too. Always felt like I wasn't of this Earth and looked to the stars/planets for answers. Sounds a bit different for you but maybe you could find solace in searching for the truth.xo
from life-my-way :
I'm on that rollercoaster with you, if that's any comfort. I think many are at this strangest of times (so far). It's fun to think of you meeting floodtide in Traverse City, as I met him on St. George Island many years ago! XO K.
from misfitstray :
Even if I don't write here often, I do read entries of my favourites (you are one of them). I'm sad that you had that long lasting down before. Your last entry sounded promising but now it's downspiraling again. Man! I wish I could help!
from floodtide :
Would you be comfortable meeting in person if we can arrange it? I'm certainly happy to offer suggestions about places to stay (and eat) and visit in the Grand Traverse area, but I would be grateful to sit and talk with you in person if you think you'd be up for it. We could talk on the phone first, do whatever leads us to feeling safe with it.
from lust- :
Glad you're feeling better and that the weather will allow for you to get out on the bike this weekend! Sending love & good vibes.💛
from annanotbob2 :
I didn't know you knew Stepfie! She lived a couple of hours from me and we used to see each other every few months - she was my first blog friend who became real life friend. Her girls were great - the elder one spoke at her funeral a eulogy she'd written that would have made her mum so proud - a proper chip off the old block - smart and funny, standing tall and biting back the tears. Broke my heart. I'm not even going to speak about L in a public place. I hope to god they're OK
from loveherwell :
i find that, eventually, the hope comes back around. if we give it enough time, it comes back. i connected with your deleted and reposted entry -- i don't know if we ever find or experience a love like the first one ever again. part of me hopes that it is possible, but as we gain experience... i don't know. but the hope is going to come back around for you. i'm sure of it.
from swordfern :
I missed your deleted entry :(
from loveherwell :
i suppose it is something like that -- that inability to see yourself clearly. and you're right, it is frustrating. the lessons we learn take so long to sink in, and we have to spend our lives relearning them over and over again.
from catsoul :
5.9.2020. Man my heart goes out to you. Thank you for being your true self and writing your truth. I have times myself like this. I can't explain why this happens, I just find for myself, I just have to move on, and get busy doing some task. I spend way too much time in my head, plus I am alone so much of the time. You take care. Peace. =^..^=
from loveherwell :
thank you! i have just caught up on several of your entries. we're all experiencing something out of our depths right now and we're all trying to react in the best way possible.
from ahopeinhell :
Thanks, friendo. I still feel like it's a dead stalemate in some ways. I would find it easy to respond if she reached out. Maybe we're both waiting for each other... but I get the impression she's doing fine while I'm still stuck. That's tough to deal with. But... guess I don't have much choice.
from loveherwell :
knowing that someone else understands is always enough to offer up.
from annanotbob2 :
When I read someone's post and it's too real and honest to just scroll on by, but I have no words, I sometimes put xxx to say, 'I hear you' and when people have done the same for me, it's felt good. Hope you are as well as can be x
from swordfern :
Unformed thought about how western society idealizes independence when it's human nature to live in a tribe. Survival depends on security of a tribe. Isolation is horrifying at a primal level due to how we evolved and our resulting genetics. So a combination of society having values/ideals/norms that are in contrast to core human needs and generations of 'independent' people passing on these traditions to their offspring. /end of unformed thought.
from swordfern :
💚
from annanotbob2 :
I wish I'd seen this earlier.Sending hugs x
from swordfern :
The number of comments that you received on your last entry is proof of the power of being honest, vulnerable, and open. This is some of your most impactful writing, and these glimpses of your inner world are beautiful. I don't know what will ever change for you, but I hope that you know that you mean something to me.
from floodtide :
Embarrassed why? For having negative thoughts and sad feelings in the middle of devastating uncertainty and stress? For having the courage and generosity to share those thoughts and feelings? I hope you will reconsider: what you share may embarrass you; I can't control that. But it may also comfort me, and others, who are struggling with some of the very same things but were looking for someone else to find the words I didn't have. "We read to know that we are not alone." You are a gift.
from catsoul :
4.16.2020. Please never ever be embarrassed by your true feelings and your emotions. Being honest with oneself is a way to start healing/understanding/helping yourself through times when it is just hard to get out of bed in the morning. When I read what you write I can so relate/understand who you are. I am so proud of you and your being honest with yourself. Take Care. Be Safe. Peace. =^..^=
from loveherwell :
we'll get through it, somehow.
from life-my-way :
Just wanted to say that I get what you're saying about more of the same until you die of old age, or otherwise, seeming intolerable, and I'm here to advocate for staying open to possibilities. Stay open, eventually actively look for them, and ultimately grow to expect them. It's like in What Dreams May Come (book/movie)--when the wife dies, she enters this realm of worst case scenarios which (though exaggerated) actually represents pretty accurately what my brain is capable of doing to me. Anything can happen, good things too, I hope somehow you realize this. xo k. 4/15/20
from annanotbob2 :
I came here to say what swordfern already said. I can't be doing with the Wim Hof method because it seems complicated and hard. I'm going to watch the interview and will report back.
from swordfern :
One of the main purposes of yoga is to cultivate a deep and steady breath no matter the position of your body. After an hour of focusing on my breath I feel calm, clear headed, loving, and joyful. My understanding is that deep breaths have some relation to the vagal nerve, which in turn is responsible for a sense of well being and safety.
from annanotbob2 :
It's the same here - no one's being tested, none of the people I know who've had it, the figures are scarily inaccurate.
from annanotbob2 :
Good to hear from you.
from loveherwell :
that's very true. thank you.
from life-my-way :
Please write. Life is repetitive, you can be a little repetitive too. The process itself is good, whatever the output, and I (among others) love to read what you write.
from annanotbob2 :
I agree with Swordfern - just write - it's good for the spirit and it does change, slowly but surely and we want to hear how you are. I did look into the Wim Hof thing but I'm OK with my combination of yoga and meditation. It's the breathing that counts. Hope you are as well as can be - painting in the post. x
from swordfern :
Observing and documenting our patterns is valuable. I appreciate an honest diary. Most of us struggle with the same few things over the course of our lives. I don't find your entries whining and repetitive, rather, I value your honesty and am encouraged by your continual pursuit of change.
from annanotbob2 :
Think I sent you an email - let me know if it doesn't arrive!
from annanotbob2 :
Re the sauteed veg - if you'd put those in the oven - the peppers, onions etc with a little bit of oil - smeared all over by hand - they'd have been tastier with less oil and less effort. Hope you have a good day
from kelsi :
Thanks! So after you connect everything and you fly off in the spaceship, it gives you a score! It took me a while to figure the game out but now I'm super good and I only suffocate to death every once in a while.
from catsoul :
2.8.2020. Hi. Smoke the pot. I smoked some pot on Thursday morning at 7:30 am. I was fuckin' high until at 12 pm. Good shit I kid you not. I felt the immediate release of the physical and emotional pain I have been going through. I gave myself the day off. I hope you feel better man. I also agree that, go with the open mic, and sing. Peace. =^..^=
from life-my-way :
Oh wow, I hope you DO play at open mic night in the future. In my experience, doing crazy shit like that contributes greatly to feelings of happiness. Counter-intuitive, but there it is. It's serendipitous, but we're easier for serendipity to find when we're standing at the front of a room with a live mic.
from lust- :
Oh, for sure, I'm not taking it literally. I just thought it'd be nice to spend time with my niece. I used to do a ton of fun stuff on my own and take the piss so I'm sure it'll come easy once I loosen up again!
from dangerspouse :
Yeah, if you can't ride everything else is shit. That's been my experience, anyway. Hope you're back in the saddle soon!
from annanotbob2 :
Also, I just tried to delete your name from my buddy list, so that I could re add you and maybe it would show when you update, but it wouldn't take you off. Your name still says last updated more than three months ago. It makes me quite cross. Have a good week
from annanotbob2 :
Long distance virtual hug {{{{{Jarofporter}}}}} Thanks for your note xx
from catsoul :
2.2.2020. Hi. Read your link. I also feel those feelings at times. I don't have many friends or emotional or other forms of support. I have always been told I am a strong woman. Here's a hug from me to you. I am a hugger. Your dad new you loved him. Please keep writing openly and honestly here, it helps. I hear and feel so much of what you write about your life. Peace. =^..^=
from floodtide :
I second what life-my-way says below: I am among those who read, who relate, who empathize, who care. I so wish we could talk. Your link to the older entry, the one about clinical depression from single digits: Oh, God, that cut close to the bone. I remember leaning against the (ice-cold) brick of the walls of my elementary school during recess. Not remotely interested in acquiring the skills necessary for the football the other boys played, and having learned from experience that if I joined in with the girls jumping rope or playing foursquare I'd be teased and mocked into utter humiliation. Easiest and safest just to withdraw, to lean against that wall, to watch from the sidelines. Fourth grade, sixth grade, ninth grade: I simply stopped functioning. Was incapacitated by what I now know was depression. I stopped doing any schoolwork, didn't show up to take tests. Finally brought home the Ds and Fs I'd been trying to earn for years. When that shit finally hit the fan my folks went to my school to meet with all my teachers. Only then did they learn I hadn't been coming to classes or turning in any homework. Their first words when they got home: "Don't ever to that to us again." Do you see: "Don't do that to US." They felt humiliated because their indifference and lack of awareness had been exposed, I had made them look like bad parents. The fact that I was suicidal, depressed, unable to function: immaterial, I guess. All that mattered was the appearance of things. Oy, didn't mean to turn that around and make it about me. Just wanted to share that I think I understand some of what you're feeling, and I am sending you love and care.
from life-my-way :
It's none of my business, but I'll weigh in anyway...you are so not alone in your contemplation of not wishing to continue being here. My friends are educated and intelligent and I cannot think of a one who hasn't said they feel some version of that at some point. Usually multiple points, Often, it's a white noise that's in the background all the time (as it is with me). You already know this, but you have many friends on here--of which I am one. xo K
from catsoul :
2.1.2020. hi. Thanks for the note. The causes have always been food intake related. It is always a slow go on recovery for about 3 days. It is like slugging through waist high water. You also feel like you body has been in a car accident, everything hurts. It will all pass. Thanks again for your kind words to me. Peace.
from dangerspouse :
Hey, you got it! Good luck with that thing, man. I'm looking forward to reading your impressions of it.
from misfitstray :
Congrats on buying the Volt. Could you post a pic of it? I'm all nosy how it looks. And I like those T-shirts a lot. They would fit to my spirit as well, but I guess it's getting more fat than fit at the moment. I haven't been to the gym since last autumn... *sigh*
from life-my-way :
Those lows, they're the worst, and always lurking even during the easier times. While it's not a reason to care, hang on and wait for that instant when everything changes (because it all does change in an instant, and those instants keep coming). You're intelligent and successful and wise. I hope you'll start writing more regularly again--it's a treat to see your name lit up in red. xo
from annanotbob2 :
Oh I'm cross now that your name still doesn't go red when you post so I only clicked on the off chance, but I'm glad I did. These lows are horrible to endure, but the key thing about them is THEY PASS. Please try and just endure, sit it out, walk miles, watch telly, do whatever and soon your spirits will lift, because they do. Best wishes from the mad UK
from floodtide :
I can't claim it's a reason to care, but I'll try: You fascinate me. You are intelligent, kind, good-hearted. Your pain inspires compassion and empathy in me. The simple truth is I wish I could meet and make a friend of you. I have spent much of the last eight years of my life feeling defeated, but I ain't givin' up yet. I hope you come out of your funk soon, because I know how bad funks can be. Sometimes mine are incapacitating. I suppose all I have to offer is solidarity, which may not help much at all, but it is offered with compassion and love.
from floodtide :
PS: Also, please don't buy or drink Bell's beers or ales. I have known Mr. Bell, and he is a truly horrible human being who would piss on his grandmother's grave if it meant making another penny.
from floodtide :
Finally started reading your extraordinary diary here. I miss being part of d-land, even though I love the look and feel of my new home at blogspot. May I ask what the "Bonus Life" counter is for? Days since a cancer or accident recovery? Some other kind of recovery?
from misfitstray :
Happy belated birthday! Glad I found a new entry of yours!
from kelsi :
Happy birthday!
from dangerspouse :
Hey man, Happy Birthday! I hope your *cough* 39th is a good one, and I also hope you break your resolve to only have 3 drinks. Many more, bud! :)
from life-my-way :
I was so excited to see your name lit in red and miss your updates. Hope all is well and that you know Dland is diminished by your absence.
from dangerspouse :
So...why? Are you tired of this thing? Are you so jealous of my own godlike ability to spin a tail that you're throwing in the towel out of sheer frustration? Do you have cancer of the typing finger? WTF, dude?
from annanotbob2 :
Stay well. Best wishes and thanks for your support xx
from life-my-way :
Thanks for sharing those videos. I relate to those issues and could use the help. I don't write often enough, but I'll really miss your updates. XO
from swordfern :
Merry Christmas, Mr Porter. 🎄❤️🎁
from dangerspouse :
Fuck that grumpy Grumpy Cat. MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS, BUDDY!
from annanotbob2 :
Hiya. Your words resonate with me. I need some help moving a big piece of furniture upstairs and can't get anyone to help. People know my daughter died but no one checks in on me, not even my sister. I have nothing to do for most of the holiday period and it's very hard to not feel like shit about it. I hope you find a way to feeling better soon
from kelsi :
Ha, thanks! Right back atcha!
from annanotbob2 :
My view is that diet is crucial and that cereal is what I call a food-like substance, processed to hell and back with zero nutritional value. As you know, I am a believer in all sorts of non-traditional routes to health, but I think there has to be a foundation of basic healthy choices and diet is vital. Fruit and veg, by the bucketload!
from lust- :
Have you tried making one small promise to yourself? I find it to be very helpful in the day-to-day. You seem to be doing well with your training and your goals for your transportation vessels. I'm sure you've heard many people say that you are too hard on yourself. I am not going to say that. I want you to be more gentle with yourself, though. Yes, you stayed out too late, but that will ensure that you will do better next time with setting a time limit or curfew on how long you will stay out. You got this, friend!
from silver4 :
Sometimes I think, crap I need to post something because I know you’re out there like HELLOOOO lol. I’ll make it a 2020 goal to get back to regular. Yeah it’s shitty and I’m just rolling with it for now. Hopefully it will be all good. I’ll try not to leave you in months-long suspense anymore, and I need to read up on your life and catch up there. I guess I have some work to do!
from annanotbob2 :
Cheers. Your posts still don't show pink on my buddy list when you update, so I'm seriously behind, but hope all is well with you
from life-my-way :
We have a Prius with a salvage title and it's always been fine (though the guys at the Toyota service center are sometimes snotty about it). Congrats on the great find! I'm looking for an electric or hybrid myself right now, so a little jealous.
from swordfern :
I'd skip work and sit on the lakeshore with you. xoxo
from catsoul :
11.28.19. I went out to the channel and mediated for a while this morning. It was 30 degrees out, so I dressed accordingly. Didn't stay too long. I would love to sit by a shore and watch the waves roll in for hours. Peace. =^..^=
from swordfern :
Nice work on the 315# deadlift!
from kelsi :
Java - but we're doing Salesforce, so ultimately Apex.
from swordfern :
Similar but different to your current entry: https://youtu.be/uXG4bBydx8U. This podcast discusses depression as a symptom of lack of connection.
from swordfern :
I agree with Kelsi! (And I've love to see you blushing all day)
from kelsi :
Get the sauna!
from raven72d :
A third Bangor? Cool!
from floodtide :
Thanks for your note. It SAYS updated because once in a while I try to post something. I keep getting a page saying my diary has been moved offline. This was almost six months ago. I've e-mailed Andrew a dozen times, paid money, etc. Heard nothing. I appreciate your offer of help, and would like to take you up on it, but I don't know you at all. Could you e-mail me, please, so that we can "meet" each other? I'm not comfortable sharing passwords until I know more. Thanks.
from kelsi :
My older sister read all the Nancy Drew and Trixie Belden books too, not sure about Hardy Boys although I’m pretty sure we had a bunch of those books too. For some reason I didn’t really get into any of them. And never will, now, because it’s way too scary!
from kelsi :
https://www.cwtv.com/shows/nancy-drew/ - warning: very scary! I'm fine now though, a day later.
from misfitstray :
I would like to see a picture of your new moror-cicle, please. Sorry for not answering on your email. I've been anti-social big time... I'm totally not feeling to speak, write, call with anyone. Until today... I hope you are not angry with me.
from kelsi :
Congratulations on the new bike! Sounds fun!
from lust- :
I like your carpet stain analogy. We all need support in life. Feel free to reach out in email. I'm feeling slightly better, so will try to help as best I can.
from swordfern :
xoxo
from life-my-way :
That comic is super interesting and I'll be saving it! I often describe myself as being "death positive" which means that, on the one hand I'm not pursuing death, but on the other hand I'm not all that helpful with grief/grieving as my belief is something like "all good/better place" and all that. The depression is totally relatable--wish there were something I could do to help you and wish the same for myself. Sending love and hopes that you can stay cool with the gloom. Sometimes that's the best we can do. XO K
from lust- :
Have you considered therapy? Psychology Today has a section on the site where you can put in your location and they show all the therapists in your area.
from misfitstray :
Thank you for your note! It's very much appreciated. I'm ok, though but I don't feel to write anything at all not here not in an email not on any other social media or to any other friend. But Thank You, nevertheless!!!
from swordfern :
I miss you.
from annanotbob2 :
Thanks for checking in on me. I'm gradually getting back to doing things but it leaves me too exhausted to write. I'm OK though and appreciated your note very much. Hope you are well too. I'll be writing again soon. Best wishes x
from silver4 :
I’m really terrible at checking in. I took a glimpse at your posts, but I have tons of catching up to do. I hope you have been well and life is treating you decently. It’s a whirlwind I am sure, as it is for a lot of us. Still have to collect my thoughts and I’ll get back on track.
from silver4 :
Lol sorry, just jumped in again. I’ll get on it!
from swordfern :
I know where you got the link to that article. :)
from catsoul :
5.13.19. Hi. ouch....I would think it would just be throbbing. Take care. Peace. =^..^=
from silver4 :
Hey! Just saw your last message to me 😂. Randomly thought of this site. I’m still around! I’ll gather my thoughts soon and give a little update. Hope you are well! I have a lot of catching up to do!!
from kelsi :
Thanks! I tried it and my throat doesn't hurt anymore - maybe because of that, maybe because of the neti pot, maybe because I had this cold a couple months ago and have some immunity - who knows, but thanks.
from swordfern :
"One may not reach the dawn save by the path of the night." -Kahlil Gibran
from lust- :
https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2017/04/north-pond-hermit-maine-knight-stranger-woods-finkel/
from ahopeinhell :
Hey there, mister. Hope you're doing okay. I read that you lost your grandmother - my deepest condolences. I haven't any grandparents left myself, and last year was rough. I can see I've missed a lot. I'm really sorry about that. I think you're the only one on here who reads anything I write anyway, but I think of you on occasion and I do feel better knowing even in this small corner of the internet someone is cheering me on. I'm cheering you on, too.
from annanotbob2 :
So sorry to hear of the loss of your Grandma. Thanks for the note and the link. I don't have much lung capacity but may give it a go. The doctor told me to focus on emptying the lungs on the outbreath, which is the opposite of what he says so this makes me pause for now as I don't want to jeopardise my recovery. I've tagged it to look at later though, when I haven't just had a meal! Thanks and best wishes
from swordfern :
Happy Easter, Mr. Porter. :)
from catsoul :
4.19.19. Nice task completion Man....Peace. =^..^=
from catsoul :
4.18.19. Thanks for your note about Sadiepants. I appreciate it. As for you, just relax and it will all get better and come together, advice from a grandma. Be kind to yourself. I mediate a lot out in the Woods, just sayin'. It helps me anyhoo. Peace. =^..^=
from misfitstray :
I am really sorry for your loss. It always leaves a hole. Yes, it is a relieve when someone had to suffer. I felt the same with my mother, grandma, aunt, sister...
from kelsi :
Precision in detail isn't the important thing about memories... you're doing okay.
from catsoul :
4.12.19. Sorry to read about your grandma's passing. I agree with what you wrote about not wanting to be in so much pain and are just ready to move on to where there will be no more pain for her. Peace. =^..^=
from kelsi :
Sorry about your grandma...
from lust- :
May your Grandmother's soul rest in peace. Hope you are able to grieve with your loved ones & find more closure of her passing.
from elusive-you :
the more i date, the more i understand it. but it's exhausting to say the least.
from kelsi :
Obviously #9, dude.
from annanotbob2 :
There's a streetlight outside my window too - my sleep was immensely improved by wearing an eyemask - much cheaper than blackout blinds!
from kelsi :
So what I mean to say is, good job!
from kelsi :
As you get more experienced (i.e. you accumulate more crap a.k.a. “running gear”) 11° is okay (although that windchill is rough!) but even that’s getting close to my limit (which is 8° unless it’s sunny and calm)!
from kelsi :
It wasn't Highlander or Crocodile Dundee but definitely one of those movies where they didn't want to expend the effort of writing a whole new script so they borrowed heavily from other movies! I felt like I'd seen already seen it from the very beginning. But not an unenjoyable hour and a half, you know?
from annanotbob2 :
Thanks for your note. I added you to my buddy list but it doesn't go pink when you update. I read you anyway - so sorry to hear of your gma's ill health. All the best to all of you
from swordfern :
I am trying to write you a note and keep deleting everything because no words seem sufficient. I hope that your future self experiences less sadness than your past self. A bundle of sunshine is on its way to you from me. xoxo
from life-my-way :
Failure to contact is not the same thing as failure to miss. I used to be confused (or worse) when people's behavior didn't match their feelings. Then I started to notice how seldom my behavior matches my feelings (I'm full of big feels almost all the time, but am only able to act it out very seldom--practically never). Plus, it takes such a long time to really make friends when you're out of your 20s/early 30s. Showing up somewhere for a single beer daily might be something to consider. Regularity bonds. xo k
from life-my-way :
A courageous choice, not taken lightly, doesn't call for guilt. It's all love and it's all good. Feeling lots of sympathy for your loss and admiration for your devotion. xo k.
from kelsi :
That song's been stuck in your head because it's rad.
from swordfern :
I didn't mention it before, but I heard piano music when looking at your photos. Cool/creepy!
from swordfern :
Winter is a great time to settle into a cozy, indoors weekend. :)
from swordfern :
I hope that your back feels better soon too. :(
from catsoul :
2.4.19. Try putting a large amount of moth balls in your attic. It may make them uncomfortable and will leave your attic. It might be worth a try. Peace. =^..^=
from swordfern :
*pushes away the dark clouds*
from dangerspouse :
Note to self: do not read emails when you're looped out on post-op pain pills because you might accidentally delete your entire Inbox folder instead of archiving it. So, ah, could you shoot me another email? It doesn't have to contain any message other than "Here, idiot", because I did read your other one before sending it into the Void. I just need the return address. (And it might be a day or 3 before I respond, as I'm still kinda floating in and out of a prescription hazes.) Thanks!
from swordfern :
I tried IF last spring. It changed my mornings dramatically - I had way more energy and I felt like a superhero both physically and cognitively. And then my hormones started falling apart. Apparently it doesn't work so well for women. I'm curious how it will work out for you!
from dangerspouse :
Ok, need some more details here. What kind of veggies DON'T you like? Are hot dishes ok, or are you specifically looking for cold salads like that cucumber dish? And most importantly: how good a cook are you? If I said, "blanche and shock some green beans", would you know what I mean for instance? (ps. Feel free to email me if you want more detailed suggestions than would comfortably fit in these notes.)
from swordfern :
♥
from annanotbob2 :
Thanks xx
from dangerspouse :
I'm glad to hear that, and I feel better about it now. Thanks for the note, and best of luck with the pain :)
from dangerspouse :
Don't mean to be a downer, but this actually happened. The orthopedic surgeon who reconstructed my elbows told be that about a third of his practice consists of repairing damage done to patients by chiropractors - mostly cervical curve damage. So, uh...yeah, get some rest.
from swordfern :
I always suffer in my back/neck/arms from snow shoveling... and it sounds like you did a fair bit of that this weekend! I vote for the relaxation option. :)
from dangerspouse :
Holy CRAP is it cold! I don't blame you for not running. Your feet would shatter like one of those roses that Mr. Science used to dip in liquid nitrogen and then tap on the table top. Goddam, you could cut glass with my nipples it's so cold here....
from ahopeinhell :
Hey. I'm still going over here. Sorry I didn't reach out earlier. I thought about it over the break but I just couldn't bring myself to write anything. Heartbreak for me is never terribly inspiring... and unfortunately I'm still living in that moment despite trying my hardest not to. Geek hasn't spoken to me since that day, and Lee has all but vanished too - not sure if I've detailed any of that, but basically she has her own problems and decided to cut me out to fix them. Maybe she needs it. I don't know. I just miss them both. Trying to focus on other things - I have a new job that I really like. It comes with regular hours and everything. I really hope you're doing well. Chin up. I'm thinking happy thoughts for you.
from swordfern :
I read that same article a week or so ago and had still been thinking about it. It's partly why I signed up for ski lessons - to get better at a sport that I am 'alright' at doing. For me the idea of 'intentional' resonates more than 'deep' but there is an intersection of the two.
from catsoul :
1.12.19. Good Morning. I do believe that I would get back to writing poetry every day again. I used to do it, then I don't know, life I guess. This was a good write. It will give me some things to ponder, and maybe I will challenge myself. Peace. =^..^=
from swordfern :
:)
from dangerspouse :
What does it say about me that I thought it said "Gold Shower", and I said to myself, "Oh god, what is he into NOW?" My mistake, but regardless: I will not be joining your challenge either way. Both types of showers sound horrible to me. Still...good luck!
from swordfern :
Yup, stubborn yet loyal goat over here! I`m Dec 23rd... What do you have lined up for your day? Do you have to work? Capricorns tend to get along with each other - perhaps this explains some of our connection. Other topic - Travel. I travel now in my life and believe that it's not something that you wait to do later. Travel expands my mind, allows me to dream, to learn, to see other ways of doing things. It adds a richness to my life to which I cannot assign a price tag. Travel need not be exotic - like, how many national parks have you been to? What about going to Mexico, or Canada? Travel is not for everyone, though. Some people like routine or find it stressful to navigate different cultures and languages. I'd encourage you to listen to your inner guidance - if you're envious/curious of other people travelling, then try adding more travel into your life and see if that feeling goes away :)
from kelsi :
You can definitely get a better price than that. Watch for airfare specials! I managed to get a roundtrip ticket to New Zealand *from my small local airport* for $900. Was awesome.
from kelsi :
Ahh okay. Still, traveling is awesome. (And $4,000 seems like a high estimate!) (Although, yeah, aim high, and get the luxury options! Overseas flights in economy aren't super fun...)
from kelsi :
I've often wondered why you don't do some traveling - if you've got some money saved up and you're planning on dying anyway, why not? Solo traveling is awesome! Watch this: https://youtu.be/H4ar86SzNpo
from misfitstray :
just wanted to write an email, but I don't have your email adress anymore, as my emails are automatically deleted after 3 months, and I didn't archived yours to my regret. I knew, that your emailadress was somewhere in your entries, but as you have a new layout I didn't find it. :( Could you please give it to me again? Please!
from misfitstray :
Yes, I'm still around from time to time. Everything is ok here. Happy New Year to you too! ♥
from life-my-way :
Happy New Year!
from swordfern :
It's a bit early on my side of the continent, but I'm getting into some wine and who knows what's happening next so... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!! :)
from kelsi :
Look into Zoom - I think that would be able to do what you’re thinking about. May cost something though.
from swordfern :
Re: local lady friend. Given the 'local' aspect, I think it's best to respond to the message. I'd aim for something direct yet polite and positive: "Hi Lady! It's neat to run into you on this site! Just to be honest, I enjoy our friendship and would like to keep it that way. I don't feel a romantic connection and don't want to be misleading. All the best, and see you soon!" But I'm WAAAY out of the internet dating scene so maybe there's a different etiquette around this? I am a terrible liar, and if I ever ran into Lady and she asked me about the message I would have a hard time pretending that I hadn't received it.
from swordfern :
I got it :)))))))))
from swordfern :
Your note was a bright moment in my day yesterday. Thank you. Things are rough for me. I haven't updated partly due to being in continual conflict with D and also due to shame of continuing to try to fix things when much of the advice that I have received is telling me to be brave and leave the relationship. Adding to my sorrow, I too have stopping putting in a lot of effort around Christmas, and then I mope around feeling lonely and sorry for myself that I was not given a single gift to open. Changing topics, I'd normally say that talking to the person directly about their side business would be the most neighborly strategy; however the element of illegal activity complicates things. I feel for ya in not knowing the best course of action.
from swordfern :
Merry Christmas, Mr Porter.
from dangerspouse :
I'm relieved to hear your g'ma may be on the up-and-up, discounting the (as you mentioned, rather common) UTI. I hope she continues to improve. And despite the malaise inside your Fortress of 2-Story Solitude, there are people outside those walls who like you, and hope you have a very Merry Christmas. Like me :)
from dangerspouse :
Oh man, my best to your grandmother. Tough old bird or not, that's gotta be unsettling for the family. I hope it works out ok - keep us posted. (Hey, I like the new layout. MUCH easier to read. Great job!)
from catsoul :
12.22.18. hi. I like the grey background a lot better than your black one. Easier to read. Thanks. Peace. =^..^=
from dangerspouse :
Only a real narcissist never questions the quality of their output on occassion (which is why I never do). You've heard of "Imposter Syndrome", right? It's real, and it suck when you're going through it, but you can't let it stop you from doing something you enjoy. So what if on reflection some of your old works were really shite? You enjoyed it at the time, right? Were you expecting those works to last through the ages to be admired by generations to come? C'mon, get over yourself. Write for the joy of it, for the satisfaction it brings at the moment, and fuck everything else. You're not good enough to be worrying about legacy. Just post yer damn poems so we can all have a good laugh already. ;)
from swordfern :
I want to give that boy sitting under the table a big hug and tell him that he is interesting and important.
from swordfern :
I like reading whatever you write. xoxo
from dangerspouse :
Not to belabor the point, but that's a bit of a false equivalency. My diary is a vehicle for my personal amusement. I spin tales for the joy of it, nothing else. By contrast, many others - including yourself - use this site the way its name implies it should be used: as a diary. Nothing wrong with that of course, but it almost necessarily means that there will be a certain repetition across entries. Most lives don't consist of a constant stream of unique experiences, but rather a daily routine puncuated by the occasional anomaly. In the background there's usually some goal that's being steadily worked towards, or some personal situation that's being worked through. Chronicling them in diary form is not "trite", it's just the nature of the beast. I suppose you could strive to alter your style if you think you're coming across as too dry, but if you're journaling to keep an accurate record of your life, your hopes and dreams and happenings...why bother? Don't worry about how you come across to others. This is for you.
from dangerspouse :
Some of us make a career out of "trite". Don't be so quick to dismiss it. POST!
from kelsi :
I mean, you can still go to lunch with someone without presenting, like, a book report of the things that are going on in your life. That was a hugely teenage sentence but what I mean is, spending time with people you like should be about spending time with them and not performing for them, right?
from swordfern :
Thank you. I was depressed and felt worthless until I went back to school. The award is redundant; this career saved my life.
from dangerspouse :
For fuck's sake dude, how DARE you accuse me of being a nice guy! I thought we were friends. Shit. (Lol...thanks for the note. Regarding your entry: it is funny how so many of us consider our D-Land regulars to be "friends" IRL, isn't it? I feel the same way, and wish I lived closer to many of you as well. Hang in there, bud.) :)
from comebacktome :
Hi, thanks for the note, and the article, I really really liked it! I also often direct people to this one: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/to-men-i-love-about-men-who-scare-me_b_9305538.html and more recently this one: https://www.boredpanda.com/nut-kicking-analogy-brett-kavanaugh-case/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic. And then around understanding consent (another thing lacking in society's approach to women) this one: http://rockstardinosaurpirateprincess.com/2015/03/02/consent-not-actually-that-complicated/ (this went viral and was the basis for the cartoons etc later). Thanks for being a great note leaver and all around decent human :)
from swordfern :
I've struggled with similar thoughts over time. Everyone else is so involved in their own lives, and they love to talk about themselves. It's so rare to have someone actually look you in the eye and ask, "How are you doing?" Wish I could be there to hear you out. I appreciate your writing about this. xoxo
from ahopeinhell :
Thank you. I wish I knew what to do... or what I even wanted anymore. I’m sorry I’m so terrible at checking in. I hope you’re doing okay.
from lust- :
Bah humbug! You tell 'em!
from mhscutie05 :
Have you thought of maybe just writing those dreams down? The very lucid ones? Ever thought of sharing one of those lucid dreams in an entry to share?
from kelsi :
Hmm, well, it might or might not be true that the world doesn’t need you (although that might or might not be true for lots of things and lots of people), but one of these guys does need you: http://www.spcaswmich.org/adopt/
from misfitstray :
I'm totally with you on that entry with IIC!
from misfitstray :
♥
from misfitstray :
Thank you! Yes, I'm VERY relieved to have passed that exam. You should go to a doctor and get some medications against your depressions. I'm worreid about you. Seriously! There's no shame in getting help and taking pills to feel better. Please!
from misfitstray :
You are a very intelligent guy! I would not have noticed anything until it would have been too late (not that anyone would have fun with my identity). You did everything to avoid bad things to happen in a very short time after you thought about it and discoverd a potential theft of your identity and everything else about it.
from kelsi :
That guy being a slimeball doesn’t make you an idiot - don’t beat yourself up so much!
from silver4 :
Hey there...I disappeared for a while it seems. Just don’t have it in me these days. I’ll get back on track soon enough, just wanted to swing by and say hi :)
from ahopeinhell :
I honestly don't know how much I have/what to say about it. I think it's a mistake. I keep hoping she'll see that... but I guess at this point I'd better give up the ghost. Somehow moving out became more important than me. I can't really fix that. I can't really fix a week of silence, either, especially when she doesn't seem to understand how much that really wounded me. Silence and anxiety are a terrible mix.
from elusive-you :
it was! but it turns out he's married! so there's that. i hope you start to feel happier soon.
from swordfern :
You deserve better. Without a doubt, you deserve better.
from kelsi :
The eye thing: my contacts have been very uncomfortable and dry feeling, and my eyes have been feeling like they’re burning, and I’d put in regular eye drops and that would help for a few seconds but then it would go back to being uncomfortable. And then all of a sudden out of the blue everything would go smoky. I’ve been told before to put hot washcloths on my eyes, and I’ve been told before to take fish oil supplements, I just haven’t been doing these things, and it’s gotten worse the last month, probably because of the heat. This new eye doctor was the first one to tell me about the oil and oil glands.
from kelsi :
But what if everyone did that? We’d all be sitting around testing each other and being assholes and feeling sorry for ourselves for no reason. Yes yes you have to cut out toxic relationships, yes it is nice to feel some parity in a relationship, yes it absolutely sucks to feel like you’re the only one who ever makes an effort. (I don’t have any answers here and am not necessarily disagreeing with you, just thinking.)
from misfitstray :
Why do we live so far from each other? You could come visit me from time to time or vice versa. To talk. I think, that the idea from "ahopeinhell" isn't a bad thing at all. You'd come into contact with people and would feel a lot better with at least some kind of sense in your life. Take care x
from ahopeinhell :
Hey - this is just a random thought, but I'd be remiss if I didn't mention it. Have you ever thought about teaching a class or volunteering your time somewhere? I know it's a lot of effort, but it might be a nice thing to pour some energy into if you have the spoons for it. Helping other people tends to make me feel like I've got a tiny bit of purpose in me.
from ahopeinhell :
The comic was an original comic from my friend - he basically created a 5pg short about an evil botfly living in someone's back. Gross stuff. Not sure my art lived up to it, but he was happy so I was happy. I'm really sorry to hear about your uncle, my friend. Please do know you make me smile whenever I see a note from you here, and that makes a huge difference to me. Nobody else really seems to check in on me much (not that I post a lot). So, being entirely selfish here, I super appreciate that. You are a good dude. I hope the more recent days have been more kind to you.
from swordfern :
Hi! Thanks for the kind note!!! I didn't realize that you followed me... I'm sadly remiss to have not added you to my list sooner. And, also, embarrassingly, I had to look up K@l@m@z00 on a map. 2000 miles from where I live.
from kelsi :
Thanks. Sucks. Sorry about your uncle.
from kelsi :
Yeah, things might not get better. But they could.
from kelsi :
Wait, this is a Dodge Matador? It wasn’t very old when it stopped being used - what happened to it? Congratulations on getting it running again - that’s awesome!
from kelsi :
I’m calling people choades in my head a lot suddenly. Bummer about the toe! Those dumb things.
from kelsi :
Seemed a fitting word for whoever is responsible for the scheduling!
from misfitstray :
They won't look a lot different. You can see the colour of the new cushions on the pic with the sofa. But as I wrote, I still have to fix the fabrics to the sofa. The furniture will look slightly fluffier I guess ;) I'll post a pic of them when they are finished. (in 5-10 years then, or so ;)
from misfitstray :
Hey I see you are going all Retro-Style with your furniture. It looks a lot like 70's. I recently got a sofa and 2 armchairs in this style like in the pic you posted with livingroom furniture. I got them from the old lady downstairs who died 2 years ago as the daughter didn't want them anymore. She didn't even want a Cent for them. :) I'm still in progress with mine to upholster and put new covers on them. The new covers are dark blue-green.
from kelsi :
Thanks! Hey, a mile is a mile - the hardest part is just getting out the door!
from lust- :
Re: online dating & the unanswered message. The same thing has happened to me several times. I put thought into sending a nice message to someone & it goes unanswered. I honestly think that's just how the dating world is these days, unfortunately. Basically, it's not us, it's them. Hope you made it to today & were able to read this note. Love you!
from catsoul :
So glad Andrew and his crew is working on fixing some of his oops. Peace man. =^..^=
from misfitstray :
I'm not finished with hibernating yet. Don't know why I'm so tired all the time. How about you?
from misfitstray :
I really hope that you will feel better very, very soon. ♥
from misfitstray :
I'm so sorry for your loss. I feel with you. Good that you were able to say good-bye to your little friend and didn't let it die alone among strangers. ♥
from annanotbob2 :
Thank you so much for your kind note. I'm sorry to hear about your pup but glad you were able to give her a good death. My last cat, George, died aged 17, at home, gently like that, being cradled by me and my daughter. It's sad, but also good. Hope your Ma is OK. Best wishes x
from kelsi :
Sorry about your dog., it’s so hard to lose a pet. Dogs are great but someone told me you’re signing up for guaranteed heartbreak at some point. Worth it though...
from catsoul :
5/9/18. So sorry about the passing of your loved fur baby. When that decision is made it is so, so hard. I feel so sad. You did the right thing holding his head. I too feel the soul feels and stays just for a bit more. Peace. =^..^=
from misfitstray :
Hey! :) No, it's not Zwickau but Zwiesel. Zwickau is in the eastern part of Germany, I'm located in eastern Bavaria (Lower Bavaria). Sorry for this. Zwiesel has no castle but lots and lots and lots of forrests around.
from annanotbob2 :
Thanks for that - I didn't know but will use that in future - not that I spend my life talking about canola, but the fields of flowers are pretty wild, so I might
from lust- :
I like this new outlook you have re: cute server. I say go for it!
from lostasyou :
No worries, dude. I never normally die :)
from annanotbob2 :
Brilliant! I wondered what you were on about at first! Hope you had a good evening.
from catsoul :
Hang on man. I don't drink and I so know the feeling. Wish you lived closer, you could help me out in the woods cutting up fallen trees. I mostly when I can have a fire going in the fire pit too. Peace. =^..^=
from kelsi :
Thanks. Sucks. :( But early retirement would be cool!
from dangerspouse :
Haha! "Ugly is as ugly wears", huh? Lol. I'd say thanks for the links, but I already own both those outfits! :)
from ahopeinhell :
I like this image of you chasing a dream in the UK. Why not go for it? What did you decide to do for your weekend? I'm still working, but I'm also doing a side gig - my friend commissioned me to do a 5pg comic for him and the deadline is creeping up faster than I'd like... so of course, I'm making good use of my time and dawdling online.
from dangerspouse :
Deal! Next time I head to the land of grits and missing teeth I'll give you a call. And hopefully, really really ugly pants :)
from misfitstray :
I'm not good in painting or other artsy stuff. I can't write very good, even if I would love to. I think I'm boring. I know, that you like to paint. Could I see anything of your peaces of art? Concerning your thoughts about becoming a translator in Germany. As there are a lot of people with a very good knowledge of English it would be a bit hard to keep your head above the water with all the competition. I guess it would be easier with translating from/into Chinese or Korean or any of the Indian languages.
from misfitstray :
Aaaah, good news then. Do you congratulate to such an event? If so, then Congratulations for selling your house! :) Too bad, that you are not that interested in nature-stuff. Thank you for the link on the about-site. ♥
from misfitstray :
so, this means that your old house is sold, or what? Btw. I loved the little video of this hut-shelter-making thing. It would be interesting, where he made this hut? It wouldn't work everywhere. I learned some essentials at the Trackerschool in NJ. If you ever want to learn something in this direction you should attend this school. They are in NJ. https://www.trackerschool.com/
from annanotbob2 :
If you do, I recommend episodes with Greg Davies - he's brilliantly mental
from annanotbob2 :
Thanks -for you note - glad you enjoyed Bob M - I recommend on same show, search for this: WILTY Kevin Bridges on buying a horse
from dangerspouse :
Don't confuse me with rational solutions! It cuts into my whining, without which I wouldn't get as much attention :)
from misfitstray :
♥♥♥
from dangerspouse :
Haha! My best friend lives in Metamora and he tells me the same thing. The weather there is basically a cartoon :)
from ahopeinhell :
Not bugging me at all! I think you're the only one who reads anything on here. All my strange words... :) Your weather sounds a lot like mine. Stay acclimated.
from dangerspouse :
If you're against kids, you're against kids. There is no "why".
from stormysky :
Yes, we will all succeed...eventually. :-)
from dangerspouse :
Hey man, thanks for the nice note of condolence about Poolie. Much appreciated, as is the offer to converse. I'm ok though, really. But yeah, much appreciated. Oh, and: glad you went out! Sucks that people still think you're talking in code when you're actually typing in code. Go figure ;)
from dangerspouse :
Lol. Ok, you stumped me.
from catsoul :
hi. Don't know what to write exactly. Your last two postings are a mystery. I wanted you to know that life, our lives at times are a mystery. We don't know who or what we are doing at times or why we exist. I feel so lost myself at times, wishing I knew my purpose. I feel for you. I believe in you Take care of you. Peace Out. =^..^=
from dangerspouse :
That's really weird, because lately I've felt like I've been reading peoples' diary entries in a code only I can read.
from catsoul :
Hey Man, just wanted to tell you that you worked hard and earned it. Good for you. I get it. Been there, and still live frugily. Don't get down on yourself. Be proud of yourself and continue to be you. Peace Out. =^..^=
from dangerspouse :
I think that Dream Jarofporter is pretty astute :)
from misfitstray :
Thanks for your note. I hope you are feeling better now! The flu and cold is out here too. It spread epidemic-like in Germany and Switzerland.
from dangerspouse :
Lol. There WAS a lot of orange around in the '70's, wasn't there. Not just in Polaroids, either. If only there'd been some avocado green, the illusion would have been complete! Thanks for your vote :)
from dangerspouse :
Skip the holidays? So you just want to...work? All the time? I'll tell ya what, why don't you hop a steamer bound for NY, I'll pick you up, and we'll do up the holidays the way you like 'em: deep in the woods with no commercialization in sight, and plenty of whisky. That should cure you, if only for a little while :)
from catsoul :
Hi. I agree about the holidays totally. I stopped doing Christmas and for that matter any holidays for the past 15 years. Once my son moved out and on with his life, why put in all the effort. It is much more relaxed and peaceful. A lot of that decision to stop was also due that since my husband works in the medical field, he never seems to have any special days off. Anyhoo, I second the skipping of holidays. No pressure. Peace Out. =^..^=
from lust- :
I don't know what VBA code is. I was talking about formulas. It's mostly just having to use the IF statements and switching back and forth between different worksheets that gets me all confused. No worries. I'll figure it out after some practice.
from lust- :
I'm terrible with IF statements & everything associated with them, such as nested IF's IF/AND/IF/OR/IF/WHATEVER. It does my head in!
from dangerspouse :
An awkward meeting certainly, but you handled it well. Still...I know how that's gotta tear up the ol' heart, at least a bit, to see her with someone else. Hang in there, buddy.
from kelsi :
She made note of what you’re interested in, so what does *she* like, what is *she* interested in? If you don’t know, or can’t draw it, draw something that you specialize in, or something the two of you have talked about. That would be my suggestion. Or some kind of generic holiday/winter thing, maybe. Or a motorcycle. I have no idea really.
from kelsi :
Give her a drawing to say thanks - it’s a nice, thoughtful gift and deserves some kind of nice, thoughtful thank you. (Just don’t draw a macro pubic hair.)
from dangerspouse :
"Very sweet" things and gestures mean more and more to me the older I get (although don't get me wrong, crass consumer goods still have their place...a BIG place...in my cold, black heart). Anyway, that really was a warm+fuzzy gift from an obviously quality person. And you deserved it. I hope you put it to good use now, and that it gives you some succor. Oh, and thanks for the note. I'll take your advice about mold very seriously. Good to see your name pop up in my "Just Posted!" list this morning :)
from dangerspouse :
We all fell like taking a break from blogging sometimes. FWIW, if your words here don't make a difference to you, they make a difference to those of us who follow along. Empathy from a distance, if you will. But do what you gotta do. We'll hope for the best for you whether you're here or not, or whether that means anything to you or not. I'm sorry your vacation does not seem very vacation-y. Peace.
from ahopeinhell :
You're awesome. You don't need me to tell you that, but I'm sure you don't mind hearing it. Good luck with the dating, my friend. It's always tricky. Glad to hear you're doing well, though. :)
from dramathighs :
i think we have the exact same door. which is intriguing to me! your house is adorbs though. and also kudos to you for getting your dating profile going. that is scary as hell and i refuse to do it, so really, i am very impressed. best to you!
from misfitstray :
what's up with that serious health issue you mentioned in the entry before? You are not going to die soon, you here me?!?!
from silver4 :
I like the old house! I'm sure the new one is great, too. Hope your psoriasis is just due to the problems with the old house and not alcohol!
from kelsi :
Your old house is cute! How's things in the new place? And once again, I can't believe how cheap real estate is there. Add $150,000 to the listing price of your old place and it would sell here in three days.
from lust- :
Thanks for the note. I was thinking that may be the case, as well. I don't know how I would feel if I was seeing other people, as well. I don't feel the need to date anyone else at the moment, though. I'm busy with my life and don't want to date, or get to know other people. I feel as if everyone is just going to be temporary anyway. I'm focusing more on the relationships I already have and doing my own thing.
from silver4 :
Hi :) yes still around...been just out of it lately. Somehow got prompted to check in on this...haven't been reading in much but I think I saw a while back that you got a new house, right? I'll do an update soon, it's long overdue!
from dangerspouse :
Hey, that Pleasant Drive clip was pretty cool. I love gritty bands playing real instruments, and those guys were tight. Sorry to hear they changed direction from those bluesy riffs....
from dramathighs :
mahaaaaaaaaaaaah i wish i knew how to update my fav diaries so i would know in the not so distance future when people whom i like update the things that i like. is that a word salad? i think you deserve way better overall and am stoked about your house. i hope it stays new to you for at least a decade, and i bet it will.
from lust- :
If I'm being realistic, it's highly unlikely that I'll be making it out there any time soon. School and work take up a lot of time. The thought is nice. I'll be here for at least til the end of May, so hopefully you can make it over and get your dollar's worth
from lust- :
Yeah, I hope I'll figure it out. If anything, my life is going to be full of tons more changes. Congrats on the house! Hey, I heard Bells got an award for the best brewery in America...made me want to hit it up again!
from ahopeinhell :
I'm sorry I'm the worst at checking in. Thank you for checking on me, though. You're a peach! Doing okay, trying to vent through my ramblings... hoping for sunny days ahead. Thinking of you. :) Hopefully the move went okay too (do you have a new microwave yet?), because your new house is awesome!
from misfitstray :
I don't envy you for moving your stuff. Only on your new home. Moving is never fun. As I already moved like 19 times, I guess I could name myself as experienced. All those heavy stuff to move out of your basements and over several stairs sucks 10x. The pic you mentioned doesn't show the spot where I would like to build my new home. The place where I took the pic is somewhere higher up in the Alps south of Munich. It's just a symbolic picture. I would love to live there, but it would be a pain in the a$$ to drive up and down especially in wintertime with no service at all, plus this area would be non-affordable for me. Everything in Upper Bavaria especially south of Munich is VERY expensive. So, the spot I think of, is the rural area of a small, better, VERY small village near Zwiesel. Have fun, and don't fall or let let things fall on you anymore. Please post pictures of your new home. Inside and outside after you moved in. Or better before and after pictures. :)
from life-my-way :
The pyre, that's intense. Wishing you peace and comfort and lots of happiness in your new house. Everything can change, any time, and seldom in the way we might imagine. It's important to turn the page. Well wishes for the transition. K
from kelsi :
Congratulations on the new house!!!
from misfitstray :
Whoohoo! It really is a very cute house! I envy you for having a house to yourself! Are you excited? I would like to have a house too, not only an apartment. *sigh* I will have one, somewhere in the future ;)
from misfitstray :
You are the only one reading. HaHa. But thank you for reading! The pic you mentioned is one of my favourites too. :) Did you find a buyer for your house yet? How is it going with your new home, with moving and things?
from dangerspouse :
Hmmm. I'm not sure what's up, but I keep seeing in my "Buddy List" list that you've updated, however when I click on your diary it's still the July 27 entry (it's now Aug 1, and my Buddy List says you updated yesterday, the 29th). Glitch, or did you erase an update? Either way, I been readin'!
from dramathighs :
you are not only right on, but also very kind. i effing love the cambridge house, btw. is that the one you are in contract on? i just went though selling and buying, and i don't envy you. but i thought of it as kind of like high school in that its all encompassing while you're in it... and hopefully doesn't impact your life after!
from lust- :
I will be more than happy to help you take photos of your handsome self the next time we hang out (which I really hope will be soon!). Fingers crossed that your house sells quickly and you're able to pay off the house!
from lust- :
Hah. Thanks for that!
from dangerspouse :
HOUSE WARMING PARTY!! Yes! Thanks for the invite, buddy :)
from dangerspouse :
They are cute little critters, ain't they? They're useful too, in the Land of Mice. Yeah, too bad I can't see your pics. I'd print 'em out and plaster them on the ceiling over NewWifey(tm)'s side of the bed :) Oh, and no. The wall project is on hiatus until the Biblical level rains we've been getting for the past week subside. Thanks for the note, man!
from lust- :
That's a great concept! I should incorporate it more into my life. I feel as if I already do in a way. I'm all about minimalism. Need to get more hobbies, though. Thanks for sharing!
from misfitstray :
Well, travel-plans to Canada or anywhere overseas are on ice for the next months/years. As you know, I bought a new car, which means, that my financial situation is a bit tight, so to say. But I'm still super excited for you and your house. Buuuuut tomorrow, I'll win the lottery and than, I'll come over and will help with moving ;) (but not with repairing and fixing your engine-car-motorcycle-thingies)
from dangerspouse :
Hey hey, fantastic news!! As is the news that you invited me to the housewarming party - thanks doubly!!! I'll bring a straw.
from misfitstray :
Whoohoo! Congrats on your new home. I bet you are totally excited. At least I would be. :) A lot of organizing in front of you, but it's worth it. I'd come to your house-warming-party - if I would live in the US... *lesigh*
from lust- :
Congrats! Love the blue exterior and the archways in the interior. You must be feelin' pretty darned good!
from dangerspouse :
Hey thanks man, and it was great to see a note from you likewise :)
from misfitstray :
The house looks pretty nice. A bit like a little castle :) I'll keep my fingers crossed that you'll get it. You'll get it unfurnished, or? Nice to see that you had a good day. Hope the streak goes on ♥
from silver4 :
The place looks great!! I hope it works out for you! Looks so cozy too, and that price is unbeatable!! That's half the cost of my house!!
from life-my-way :
That house is amazing! Fingers crossed that you get it.
from kelsi :
I cannot believe how cheap houses are there. You should buy three of them.
from lust- :
There's a place re-opening here that once upon a time had roller skating servers! If they do it up again when they re-open, you should come by for a visit! =)
from silver4 :
Wow, that "gift of being unattached" is a pretty beautiful read. Thanks for sharing. And hope the bike/life expenses don't set you back too much for the house!
from lust- :
Yep. I understand that. I always understand that.
from kelsi :
Ahh, if you don't know the barf song, you're missing nothing! Nothing!
from kelsi :
What song? The ABBA? Surely not the barf song!?!
from dramathighs :
the idea that the dare could be the truth is the stuff of freshmen high school fantasy. at least in my world. in your world, i think it could hold water and actually really happen in real living life. i don't get why the kid is a killer. killer kids. i don't get anything, though. narratives are great, just not mine! i think we should start every day with both a high and low five. because you never know...
from lust- :
I don't think it's pathetic that you considered overlooking one of your dealbreakers. Compromise shows growth and evolution. You're human and allowed to be flexible in your choices.
from dramathighs :
i hope those are cops joyriding. i would do so if i were a cop. i have no idea how to work this place anymore.
from lust- :
Hah. I suppose I'm fairly transparent! I vote for the guitar. You said you've had your current guitar for 20 years..I say it's high time that you treat yo'self!
from dangerspouse :
I'm actually kinda glad to hear you stayed safely inside (ya pussy). Seriously, that was probably the best call. Good advice on the valve stem. I actually checked it though (I have those caps that have that tightening slot on one side) and it was ok. I'm thinking I might do the old bike trick of pouring a soap solution around the rim and seeing if anything bubbles up from a leak too small to hear. Or I'll just sell another kidney and get all 4, like the wife wants.... :)
from dangerspouse :
So? Did you go out, or play it safe? Hope you're feeling better either way. That was a nasty bug.
from catsoul :
You should pick the guitar. Music is in your heart, embrace it. Buy a guitar. =^..^=
from kelsi :
¿Porque no los dos?
from kelsi :
Thanks for the tip - will look into smart tvs more. But if I decide to hook up my laptop to a tv I'd have to get a new laptop!
from ahopeinhell :
Agh, (expletive), sorry. I should have probably been less socially dimwitted last post and also said: very sorry for your loss and that you've been dealing with so much lately. I'll be sending happy vibes as much as possible. // You're right, of course - and when I'm in a good place, I can see that to be true, but it's hard not to think of it as incongruous when everyone and everything around you seems to say otherwise (present company excluded, of course).
from ahopeinhell :
Hey friend. I hope you're doing okay. I appreciate so much that you always check in on me. I'll try to update more... Things have been mostly good, maybe my mentality less so. But I persevere!
from lust- :
Hah. Truth. Whomp whomp..
from annanotbob2 :
Oh god, thank you. xxx
from silver4 :
Thanks :) no need to want to help, I just ramble in my thoughts and carry on somehow! It's just so hard to try to win or get on top of things some days...or to meet decent people, geez. Hope you are doing well and that life is treating you properly.
from dangerspouse :
I'm with Misfitstray there. My Buddy List says you've tossed a new one up, but when I click it's just your dolorous "drinks, delusions, and singles" entry again. Waddup, dude?
from misfitstray :
I hate it when you delete your posts before I was able to read them! I would love to sit on your couch and chat :) Maybe after the next election - if the USA is still excisting.
from life-my-way :
This song has the impact on me that Corn Pollen has on you. https://youtu.be/UqvjqpI5TBI
from lust- :
I think people are afraid. Afraid of confrontation. Afraid of honesty. Afraid of standing up for theirs and others rights when faced with injustice. Fear is a terrible thing.
from kelsi :
Me, I just try to keep myself busy. Doesn't mean I don't get sad, just means I'm busy.
from catsoul :
3/8/2017 Hi. I hear you. I don't know what to write but I just wanted you to know that I empathize with you. There are so many moments in time, that one wonders about being alone. Being alone is very different than being lonely. I feel the sadness at times when alone and I believe that is what loneliness is. I am blabbling here. Just know I hear you. Peace. Take Care. =^..^=
from misfitstray :
Or how about learning new skills? New languages? Going to school again and learn what you always wanted to learn/know? Have you ever heard of the Trackerschool (www.trackerschool.com) or any other nature-school? Book a course there. Travel there and learn how fun it is to know and learn more about nature and yourself. ♥
from misfitstray :
How about setting some more goals in your life? There seems to be none in yours. Goals that you could reach without needing someone else. How about finding your new home first? How about getting fitter (not that you aren't already)? How about helping others? There are plenty of people who needs help with things. As far as I read so far, you are good with fixing and repairing things. It is very satisfying to help others in need. Begin with little things that brings little joys to the life of others. Maybe neighbours, or the old lady/man across the street, the homeless, the kid from down the street? Friends, may not always be of the same age. Don't look grumpy - smile more often. Don't give up that easy. The right thing will come to you. I'm sure. ♥
from kelsi :
Ahh, well then in that case you could just say you wish you'd been able to make it to the service and have been thinking of her/them, and offer to help If they need anything. You've probably already gotten this figured out by this point though.
from kelsi :
Send a note saying you're sorry she's passed and are thinking of her family(partner?). No need to say anything more, unless you want to add something nice you remember about her. Or you could do nothing, but I'm sure they'd appreciate hearing from you.
from lust- :
Thanks. I was kind of thinking the same thing. A good friend came to visit last weekend. I talked to her about everything, and she kept an objective view. She met him briefly, but had to leave right after so we didn't get to speak more about the whole situation. It's especially hard because I don't have any friends here to speak to. I just hope I'm making the best decision. I had a really good feeling about him, and now I'm questioning my own judgment and intuition.
from silver4 :
Hang in there. We all have these feelings. Let your mind roam and wander and fill itself with the nuisance of clutter, but appreciate and own your thoughts. No need to delete your entries; you don't say anything bad or embarrassing. Haven't scared us off (...yet)! But seriously, we all have negative thoughts and issues. Just let the positive ones creep back in and take over, and do something that makes you feel good. It takes a lot for me to push out the negativity and self-doubt sometimes, and it creeps up frequently, but then I just try to sleep and reset and let the next day be the next day.
from life-my-way :
For what it's worth, I don't think it's you. I have similar experiences with people (not being able to connect, etc) even though I have close relationships with many people. We can attain and maintain surface level connection for a period of time (usually long enough to address some issue or other--as with family or work or the county dem party), but not long enough to explain feelings and discuss them. It may be screens, or food additives, but it really seems like most people aren't able to give that degree of attention anymore. So anyway, you're not alone in this experience. Stay strong and resist.
from misfitstray :
I love Joe Jackson. If I remember right, I even have an LP of him somewhere from the 80s.
from life-my-way :
Those are sweet, sad songs and two of my favorites from back in the day. I'm sorry it's a tough night but remember, many people in committed relationships are also lonely and wishing for someone to talk to. That doesn't help you, but it's something to remember and consider. Be strong, you are more loved than you realize.
from dangerspouse :
Y'know...perhaps I've needled you too much about that. Whether or not you over-think things, your feelings are real. And that counts for an awful lot. Besides, at some point - after trying time after time after time and just pounding your head against a wall after each one - I suppose it's only natural to start micro-analyzing things in the hopes of finding answers. So please forgive my previous flip advice, and just know that I wish you happiness and an end to your lonely yearnings. Peace, bro.
from lust- :
Thanks for your input. I appreciate you. I tried talking to him about it, but it seems that it's an ongoing conversation. All I wanna do is express myself! Also, I have Skype as well. We should figure something out. Take care!xo
from whystinger :
I applaud you for removing all political posts from the facespace. It seems as almost everyone is getting tired of the political bullshit but nobody stops. All that really does is take the eyes off of the real pressing issues. Nobody is willing to have a rational discussion about it, instead preferring to spew hate and poison from their keyboards. That is dangerous, as it will bore people, turn them away from political stuff and not help. Such emotion that was previously passion gets turned into hate and kills discussion and no work is done to solve the problems. It has been there for years, but seems to be getting worse.
from misfitstray :
I should fly over right now and give you some very hard slaps on your head, man. But as I swore to myself that I won't come over to the US as long as this joke of a president is residing in the white house... though, you are lucky as I wouldn't have mercy.
from kelsi :
Oh and also I'll be contacting Mitch McConnell. I don't live in his state so he won't care what I have to say but he's the majority leader so I think he should be hearing from people around the country.
from kelsi :
Right, there are too many huge issues to be able to devote enough time and energy to address each of them. I'll be writing to and calling my senators still, and I'm going to write a letter to my republican senator who voted for Betsy DeVos to let him know that I'm disappointed by his lack of integrity (he received quite a bit of money from her and her family). And I'll keep with it. But I've started thinking it's gotta be impeachment, that's what has to happen, and republicans need to be on board with that, so I'll keep on contacting my republican representatives to let them know what I think. No, we can't do everything, and maybe we can't do anything, but we can't do nothing.
from silver4 :
Ahh.. you and your women...
from dangerspouse :
Er...can we leave you a note if we DON'T think you're an ass? 'Cause I don't. But I sure do think you're perhaps - perhaps - overthinking this whole thing just a *tad* too much. But that's just me. I'm sure you're doing what feels right for you, and I hope it leads to a happy ending. So to speak :)
from lust- :
No need to apologize for the text. I should apologize for not responding. I've been doing this new thing to a lot of people where I read the text, go back to studying or whatever, thinking I'll respond later and then don't respond for days. Did it to my cousin in Malaysia the other day too. I'm turning into a selfish person. Anyway, yeah, I think you know deep down what the GRJ situation is. I suppose you can figure it out more if you actually do end up visiting her next weekend. Hopefully it doesn't fall through! Best.xo
from dangerspouse :
I'd say you understand the current situation in the context of history pretty damn well.
from dangerspouse :
A GOLF GAME! Ok, I'd upgrade from my Pez dispenser unit it I was offered that. But that's the ONLY thing. Lol. Thanks for the shout out, dude. I'm glad my Luddite ways amused you :)
from silver4 :
I still have that same first Motorola phone! I loved it. Ahh the good old days
from silver4 :
I still have that same first Motorola phone! I loved it. Ahh the good old days
from lust- :
Thanks! I think a couple people may take the time to read it, if they're interested in that kind of stuff. And, the people who don't aren't my kinda people anyway.
from kelsi :
You're not the only one. I myself have been watching the first season of the Flash again.
from life-my-way :
You the opposite of suck. You are awesome; you are the light of the world. I mean this and I am correct. Wishing that you could see yourself as others see you and feel the love. Wishing, also, better for us all in 2017. I'm with you on needing some help staying motivated and focused on my solo fitness endeavors; hang in there and keep getting stronger. I admire you devotion to fitness and I admire you. Happy holidays, Bud.
from peggypenny :
EZ way to meet women. Wear a feminine looking ring on any finger except your left marriage finger. Woman are curious and will have to ask why the ring? What does 'it mean?' Be ready with a romantic story of how you lost love and keep the ring to remember how love feels. Tell a real honest story of your past, don't lie.
from lust- :
That's relatable. Oftentimes I find myself thinking the same thing, what's the point if there's no long-term outcome? But, that's with everything in life. Everything is fleeting. Nothing is going to be permanent. I suppose nihilism helps in terms of relationships. Hah. If it's all bound to end anyway, then I may as well try to accept that and have a good time before it does end.
from lust- :
I'm having a hard time defining it 'cause it's not super casual for me. I dunno, maybe I need to start seeing it as that way more to remove my feelings on the whole thing and feel less depleted. Nice to know someone understands, though.
from silver4 :
Lol enjoy your time off!! And no way I could schedule a personal hour into my day. I think I would rather get a patient in haha..it's ok, I have my long weekends to let me catch up. Holiday/vacation travel plans??
from misfitstray :
Sure! I'll mail my address and phone number (if I find your mailadress). I'd be glad to meet you in person.
from lust- :
The mental image of the couch sounds nice. We should make it a reality soon. L-shaped sectionals are so comfy! Have you ever looked into a cat cafe that may be nearby? Would be a nice form of de-stressing.
from misfitstray :
Wishing you would live nearer. I would listen. It would be interesting to listen to you. I can totally relate to your feelings about the judging-thing. I feel exactly the same especially when I'm very depressed, which happens a few times/year. I love birds, btw.
from silver4 :
Hola.. hope one of these houses you like works out soon. The search is so annoying. I gave in pretty early on mine because i really just needed a place, but it all worked out. And only one week left of work this year?? Lucky!!
from life-my-way :
Hang in there, friend. It can all change in an instant. XOXO from Bama
from dangerspouse :
Damn dude, who thinks to check the speedo cable on an install? That sucks! I hope they still honor the warranty. Jesus.
from misfitstray :
Don't you dare give up! Man!
from lust- :
Hi.<3
from lust- :
Maybe you could do something in between the two? If you see or hear anyone speaking or acting upon certain things that have arisen due to the new president, then speak up. Being a white male gives you a platform for other folks to actually listen. Because, fuck, we know that fellow white males and the majority of right-wingers won't listen to a minority when it comes to this whole thing. It's too easy to be inactive. You're better than that. Also, in speaking up and going to protests, rallies and joining groups that are on par with your views, you'll meet people who are meant to be in your life, instead of people who don't share the same values.
from comebacktome :
Just read Dangerspouse's entry, I didn't know. I know you and Stepfie were close, I am so sorry for your loss. She was a kick ass chick, I wish I had known her when I was living in England, I suspect we could have gotten into all sorts of mischief. She will be missed by all I suspect.
from dangerspouse :
Well said, Jar.
from lust- :
Thank you! I'm going to practice the walking meditation later. I'm also going to email you later!
from whystinger :
I know and agree, Sarah's story ended way premature. For me, her story went on at least until her girls married, had kids and Sarah had attended their weddings (her Grandkids). I think I am still a bit in the denial stage. I still think "she can't be gone."
from whystinger :
I see from your post that you received the bad news too. When I got the message I felt like I got punched in the chest hard and that it knocked the wind out of me. I was shocked, sad and angry all at once. She had been on my mind a lot lately and I thought of reaching out to say hello to her, but had a strong feeling that she was having a tough time. The world was definitely a better place with her in it and I know that you miss her as much as I do. I feel bad for her family and I still feel numb.
from misfitstray :
These are very bad news. I'm so very sorry to hear these awful news as I was a diligent reader of hers too. I will miss her so much and when I heard that she got ill again I already expected the worst. Damn, I'm crying.
from kelsi :
Yup, that's the one. Handy dandy little program.
from lust- :
Damn. So sorry to hear that.
from life-my-way :
OMG, I'm crying and screaming over here, too. And thank you for sharing this horror, I wouldn't have known otherwise. Sending love and sympathy from afar, and joining you in the grief. So, so sad.
from kelsi :
I'm sorry, that's very sad news. :(
from kelsi :
Yeah, maybe...
from lust- :
Thank you for asking! You're part of the solution. It's much appreciated.
from lust- :
Look at the woman and say, "Hey, are you OK?" It's as easy as that.
from lust- :
Hey! I'm a new friend..!
from silver4 :
Happy your grandma is doing fine! Hope things are going well for you, too.
from lust- :
Oh. Also. Not sure if I'd be able to do a triad, as it's hard enough to try working out this whole poly thing. I don't know what I want, man! Actually, a good lay at least thrice a week would be nice, but clearly that's asking for too much.
from lust- :
Sending love to you and your fam! Here's to a speedy recover for your GMa!xo
from whystinger :
You missed a great debate (NOT) a lot of finger pointing, insults and petty bickering. Yes, write in vote for Bernie or I may research Gary Johnson (I know NOTHING about him). Trump and Clinton are the perfect running opponents - all the finger pointing and polarizing statements take everyone's mind off of the real issues and they don't do anything to to stop. You were smart.
from lust- :
Thank you! My door is always open to you, if you ever wanna visit. The exchange rate isn't gonna stay this good forever...or, at least I hope not so I won't feel so bad poppin' over the border.
from lust- :
Alright, alright, Mr. Miyagi. Side note: Know of any professional suspension teams in your neck of the woods? I found Urban Rituals in Ypsilanti (how do you pronounce that?!), but am curious if there are any other well-known ones.
from dangerspouse :
I appreciate the shout out (thanks!), but...your 3 reasons for "Why I Will Live a Lonely Life and Die Unloved and Forgotten" are bullshit. You're just rationalizing your current situation, since it means it can't be your fault. That does provide succor, and we all do it. But it is NOT predictive. There are seven and a half billion people in the world. ONE of them has to have low enough standards that you'll meet them ;) . I fully expect to see a post here someday (or receive an e-mail perhaps, if you're too much of a pussy to proclaim it to the world) that reads, "Guys! Guess what? I FOUND SOMEONE!". It may be months, it may be years, but I'll bet my left nut I see it before I die. I know this because I was in almost the exact situation before I met NewWifey(tm) out of the blue. You mark my words. I'm gonna prove you fucking wrong, whether you like it or not.
from lust- :
It's unfortunate that you think there's no hope for you because after meeting you in person, I know that you're rather attractive, well-spoken and charming. All you have to do is get your confidence back, man!
from dangerspouse :
Ah, that sucks wanting to go out, finally having the energy to go out, and...not going out. I hope you managed to find something at least slightly entertaining to do in its stead. (Those two songs were great.)
from dangerspouse :
I was just thinking, I look pretty damn convincing in drag....
from dangerspouse :
She has to be single...?
from dangerspouse :
Good one - and your delivery was PERFECT. ;)
from dangerspouse :
Ahhhh, poop deck. Sorry to hear you didn't get the house. Although if the area is a deal breaker, I guess it's for the best. (Pirate joke: how much do pirate earrings cost? A buck an ear. Thank you, thank you very much.)
from lust- :
Should've asked you to tell me a pirate joke in person. I love that shit!
from lust- :
Ooh. I love the exposed brick and the wooden beams. Pretty rad. Hope it works out.
from life-my-way :
That house looks really great--I hope it works out for you. You're basically getting <2800sf for <1400sf price which is super cool. Fingers crossed that it's as good as it looks.
from dangerspouse :
I used to live on a dead end street and liked it a lot. No thru traffic, y'know? You could work on your car right out on the street if you needed the space, no worries. I like that house. The inside seems like it has a funky interesting layout. Good luck, if you go for it!
from dangerspouse :
Oh man, sorry you didn't get it. Glad you're not devastated by the news, though. Hope you're out riding again!
from misfitstray :
I'll keep my fingers crossed that you'll get this house. Good luck!!! It does look really good!
from kelsi :
Cute house, good luck! I love that toilet just hanging out in the basement.
from misfitstray :
I don't think that you need to be fluently in german, but you should at least speak the german technical terms for you area of expertise. If you are good in your job it shouldn't be a problem to get a job here. Thueringen is in the former eastern part of Germany. I don't know if it would be easy to get jobs over there as there are no real big citeis there. Maybe Erfurt. What kind of job would you need? If you apply over here you would need a work permit. Today I read an article about new studies against depression. It seems that a daily dose of 30mg of saffron would do the trick. Saffron is kind of expensive but I know that there are saffron-meds on the market.
from misfitstray :
Why did you stop taking your supps at all? Did I miss something? *sigh* I'm sorry for my inattentiveness. I remember my own search for the right new home in 2013/2014. It was depressing. I nearly gave up but found mine right then as I gave the apartment a chance that didn't look very good online. But when I visited I wanted it at once. It wasn't perfect. Still isn't finished due to lack of money, but I love it nevertheless. Hang in there, man. The right home will come and so will the woman!
from dangerspouse :
Waddaya mean, "never, ever"? I know things can look bleak, especially after a long dry spell. But don't fall into an abyss of despair and give up hope. C'mon, man, we men aren't like that! You never know what odd twist of fate may befall you when you're not looking. That's what happened to me not long after I finally accepted the fact that I was destined to die a lonely old bachelor. And in the meantime, have you considered a Real Doll? A sheep? Chicken? Fresh baked pie...? ;) Hang in there, buddy. Don't let yourself become paralyzed by anguish.
from dangerspouse :
Man, I hope you manage to finally peg the cause of your malaise. Booze, thyroid, whatever. As long as you know, you can plot a course of action. Not knowing sucks. Good luck, bud.
from ahopeinhell :
Shady about the house. Sorry you're feeling stuck. I'm in that glue right with you, though. We'll get unstuck eventually. :)
from ahopeinhell :
I didn't post about it (until now). Her application got refused at first and then they reconsidered. She was so heartbroken about the first outcome that I didn't really feel like I could be upset she got in -- obviously I'm happy for her. I'm so glad she's getting what she wants. But it hurts, too.
from ahopeinhell :
Hi! Not much is new. It's nice to hear from you. (Hah, rhyming.) Honestly I've not been doing much. Reading and ignoring real life problems in the hopes they will resolve themselves (since I can't seem to). Working on some self improvement (skills). Hoping for the best. I hope you're well too!
from lust- :
Gonna take a sledgehammer to break down those barriers! Someone will be up for it, I'm sure.xo
from kelsi :
Scary porch! How about this one: http://www.remax.com/realestatehomesforsale/566-pingree-kalamazoo-mi-49048-gid600019561790.html
from dangerspouse :
Thanks buddy, I appreciate it :)
from misfitstray :
I don't think that this is a lunge but some kind of measurement as the woman is "lunging" on a measureboard and has a measure stick in her hand on the back. Maybe you can't see it as good as I do on the original flyer.
from dangerspouse :
Of course I didn't catch it. Thanks! (I liked the squirrel analogy. FOOD!) :)
from dangerspouse :
I can certainly identify with the "no pants" part. It's why I went into radio, not TV :)
from dangerspouse :
You're welcome. (Although you should know that my wife DOES pass judgement, the beyotch. I'd tear her a new one if I were you.) Glad to hear the latest tailspin didn't last long. Hang in there, man.
from misfitstray :
Email me, if you like to talk to someone. We could exchange numbers. I think, this house just wasn't for you. Somethng better will come up. I'm sure.
from lust- :
Thanks for the well wishes. I'm waiting to meet the other potential house mate on Friday. Such a bummer about your credit report and the house. Is there no other way around it? I'm having technology issues and have been on hold several times within the past couple weeks with my phone service provider...isn't there someone or several people you can call and speak to in order to get to the bottom of it? I dunno. I'm just hoping there's another way!
from silver4 :
That first house looks awesome!! I wish I looked longer for a place with a pool. What a great price!! Crossing my fingers for you!!
from life-my-way :
That's super exciting news! I love house buying, houses are the best. Fingers crossed.
from ahopeinhell :
Aren't we always curious about what things remind others of us? Heavy metal is not a bad reminder. I didn't know the song (or the band, forgive me), but I appreciate it! "ahopinhell" was picked as a Sandman (comic) reference because... comics. I hope you're well. :)
from kelsi :
Dang, crazy how much lower real estate prices are there! I think you should buy both! So cheap!
from misfitstray :
I'll keep my fingers crossed that you'll get the 1st one for a decent price.
from misfitstray :
+p
from misfitstray :
I like the first house. It has a pool. Man! And it has the better "energy". The second one is kind of - hm, how do I say it, - it's like the walls are crashing in, kind of opressive. Would you get those houses including the furniture?
from dangerspouse :
I can see why you'd like that first house better. Just looks like a nicer layout, with more spacious rooms. (I particularly like the kitchen.) Good, open basement, too. And a sweeeeeet pool! But man, that garage on the second house..... Good luck making your decision!
from dangerspouse :
Hey, getting back into workouts is at least something. Once you lose interest in even that, it's a bad bad sign, right? Hang in there, man.
from catsoul :
hi...I hope your eye is better. As for isolation and the feeling of being lonely, I have that too. I hope today goes better for you. Do you have a pet? Take care. =^..^=
from life-my-way :
What a deal on that 8-track player! I haven't seen one of those in years (decades) and thought I never would again. Such memories...
from dangerspouse :
TWELVE HUNDRED deductible? Dude. Ouch. Well, I hope they at least got the diagnosis and treatment right. Jeez. But yeah, sweet deal on the Craig 8-track! You gonna be stylin', bro. You can finally listen to your Pink Lady and Jeff collection again!
from dangerspouse :
Oh, c'mon. It was a joke, big guy. Of course I've read you enough to know that :)
from dangerspouse :
You better try to nail Libbi before her August exodus or my suspicions of you will be confirmed.
from dangerspouse :
Nope. Can't - or won't - stop laughing at you. Fag.
from misfitstray :
it could be short for Billinda ;)
from misfitstray :
Billy could be short for some kind of girlsname. ;) Who knows nowadays with all those very strange names people give their children.
from dangerspouse :
BABY DUCKS!! NOW it's a ride. :)
from dangerspouse :
Sheesh. Glad you're able to start singing again, but damn. Back problems suck. I'm sorry you're still dealing with that.
from dangerspouse :
PROG ROCK FOREVER! WOOOOOOOO!
from misfitstray :
I did read a VERY good book once in my dream. But sadly it never happened again (reading a book in my dreams). I didn't knew the book but it was awesome and I was sad as I never got to the end. Of course it was some kind of fantasy. But I do repeatedly dream of flying and walking in the air. Hope you are well and that strange feeling you had is gone. Take care!
from silver4 :
Hey, congrats on that adjustment that really made you feel better! Hope it lasts for a long time and you continue to see good results!!
from dangerspouse :
I like the new "pause" lift routine. That makes a lot of sense. Post if you see it making a real difference, willya? I'm quite curious. Good luck finding a house in your price range that still meets your standards. Never a fun search, but it's worth the effort.
from dangerspouse :
How about worthwhile to smell? Post that!
from stepfordtart :
I wish I had a worthwhile comment to make about that! ;-) s xx
from whystinger :
My ex seems to want to get back together and I sure don't! That my be why I responded... and I am watching intently as I get ready to get back into dating and all that.
from whystinger :
It is never hopeless, but it can be difficult. I don't have any experience with dating sites, yet. Most of the folks I know who use them use several. I do agree with Stepfie about dating your ex. While that may be comfortable, it is probably a pitfall and will lead to the same results as your earlier time with them. Hell, I left my wife and even after coming back and working with a couple's therapist, the same problems related. Now this doesn't apply to all, but probably to most. In my case, the working with the couple's therapist and things reverting to shit definitely tells me to stay away from my ex. Do I have friends that dated (and even remarried) their exes and it worked out? yes, but SOMEONE had to change in that relationship for it to work and the three cases, it was the man and the change was to get off drugs or alcohol (for long term) before the relationship would work out.
from stepfordtart :
You clearly live in a crumpet-free zone! I think your parameters are very reasonable, so maybe try a different site? Does your local radio station have a dating site? Ours does and it's really successful..... Not that I can really comment, being blissfully happy in perfect matrimony as I am ;-) xx
from silver4 :
I guess it just depends on your city..if I put those filters on my city, there would be tons of people listed! And at 50-100 miles?!? I have sworn off online dating for the twentieth time. Which means I will probably check it again in another couple months :/
from stepfordtart :
sending cyber chicken soup and OJ. xxx
from silver4 :
All those steaks sound so good...I've been on a steak kick lately and I have yet to curb the craving. And I think I know how you are feeling about going out or not doing so lately, and not drinking. I'm not doing any programs or anything that would limit my intake, but I've dropped it a lot just for my own peace of mind. If we resided closer to one another, I'm sure we could easily not drink together lol
from life-my-way :
They say time heals all wounds, yes? How many decades should it take? So far, all of them. Hang in and hang on you fabulous, amazing genius.
from stepfordtart :
OMIFUCKINGOD, YOU DID IT!!!!!!! That's just brilliant. I'm so pleased for you. And so what if you sang the odd flat note or played a wrong chord - if you were watching any of those artists live, I bet most of them would have done the same. You must email me every little detail, immediately! S xx
from lust- :
You are amazing! Well done on getting up there on your own. I applaud you.
from silver4 :
Thanks! I know it'll be annoying to move, but I'm allll for it! I also cut down on a lot of drinking and I'm really good at staying away from sodas. I actually won't buy any sodas or snacks for home to make sure I don't have to deal with them! Except I cave occasionally when I want a mixer for my cocktails haha... How long was your beard?
from stepfordtart :
I wish you were around. s xx
from misfitstray :
I'm so, so, so totally with you! Damn, I would wish you were here, I would hug you.
from misfitstray :
What happened?
from silver4 :
Stop deleting posts before I get a chance to read them, dammit. I'm not that quick on checking in on here sometimes
from lust- :
Personally, since I don't want kids myself, I wouldn't even think about dating someone who has kids. If you already know you don't want to raise kids then there's no point in dating someone with kids. It's a huge investment. If anyone came into my sister's life and I found out he didn't want kids, I would be pissed because my niece is fucking amazing and it's really not fair to her or my sister if some douche is playing with their emotions. I feel very strongly about these things. Kids are precious and can latch on to someone very easily if they like them. If it's definitely not something you see for yourself in the long term, then don't do it! Well done with the open mics! Wishing you all the best for future nights like that..hopefully you'll work your way up to not needing to use even one drink as a crutch. I know how tough that can be, but you're strong and I have faith that you'll get there. That's super lame about the Singer-Songwriter night. It's definitely frustrating when you go out to hear some good tunes, but you can't even do that because of obnoxious and uninterested people. I feel ya on the wanting to hang out with someone when other plans fall short of expectations. Story of my life! Hope you managed to have a peaceful slumber once your mind stopped buzzing.xo
from dangerspouse :
Fuck. I hate clubs like that. Sorry you didn't get to hear the acts.
from dangerspouse :
I dunno dude, I think you should have left it up. There's honesty in raw emotion. I thought you stated your case quite adroitly.
from dangerspouse :
Wow. Oakland. Looks like the Libertarian Party won there, huh?
from misfitstray :
Thank you for the link! I already own such a device. Bought it a few years back and never used it as it is pretty heavy and large to pack.
from dangerspouse :
This is probably not going to be advice that will be taken, but I'm giving it anyway. If you are going to be doing more gigs where you're using a common microphone, get yourself a big foam slip-on mic cover. In fact, get one of the multi-packs because you're going to forget you were using one once in a while and walk off stage without it. They serve two purposes: you'll block any number of communicable diseases every other dirtbag wannabee warbler has left on the mic right before you, and they'll make you sound better. Aside from cutting down on "Popping P's", and breath noise reduction, it's a good tactile cue. I usually always speak into the mic with my upper lip barely, but constantly, touching the mic guard. This insures I stay at a constant distance, so that my levels are always even. If I want to play around with the sound, I can back off or move side to side. Then to get back to my default level, I just have to touch my lip to it again. There's no guesswork. It may seem dorky at first, but I say this as a professional microphone usin' guy: fuck 'em. Do it. (And if the club's mic already has one, take it off for your set and put your own on. Germs do not respect your pipes, young talent.)
from dangerspouse :
HA! Er...care to share any?
from dangerspouse :
It's what guys do while girls are making love.
from dangerspouse :
We all go through those stretches where Actual Events preclude us from jotting things down. Don't sweat it. Do whatcha gotta do and get back when it's convenient. We'll still be here. Hope you're at least getting laid, though....
from silver4 :
Haha it's one of my favorite words! I have a whole arsenal of vocabulary words that I never get to use at work because I am met with a series of blank stares :)
from lust- :
Thanks for the positive energy! I had a lovely experience. Will write about it soon!
from dangerspouse :
I tend to be rather cryptic when it's a subject I'm on the fence about. Sorry. I'll try to make my feelings more clear next time. Way to go with the plumbing fix, btw. It's hideous when that goes south. I think we should erect an altar to WD-40 and worship it as our god, frankly. Between that and duct tape, there's nothing we as humans can't do.
from kelsi :
Yeah, dogs are usually the last to adapt to language change. The puppy's never said anything about it but I think it offends him. But he doesn't lie down when you tell him to lie down, either. He might just be a bad dog. Hard to tell.
from lust- :
That's a bummer! What a start to the weekend. Glad you were there to take care of it, though. Lucky bad luck indeed!
from silver4 :
Damn..sorry to hear about that leak! But good thing you caught it immediately
from silver4 :
Thank you!! It's about time!
from silver4 :
Thanks :) sounds like things are going well for you! Excited to hear what happens after you do the open mic!!
from dangerspouse :
HAHA! Great clip - thanks man :)
from silver4 :
Lol there's no time stamps, you could've gotten away with it ;) thanks!
from dangerspouse :
I don't know if I asked you this before, but what kind of bike do you have? Either way, glad you got to take it out. And stoked for you that you seem to be back in the groove, with a game plan and everything. Rock on!
from stepfordtart :
I like the Kohls garment hanger best, and I LOVE those salt lamps, too. Oh a different note HOWTHEHELLDIDIMISSYOURBIRTHDAY????? Im so sorry :-( s xx
from silver4 :
Happy birthday :)
from dangerspouse :
You probably, in your ongoing funk, don't want to hear it, but: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRO!! Hope you at least had some cake. Or cake flavored booze. Many more :)
from dangerspouse :
That's the spirit! Lol....ok, ok. I get where you're coming from. I mean, it's your diary. Write...don't write....it's up to you. Still, I feel bad for you that you see yourself stuck in an endless loop. How about making stuff up? Maybe it'll become a self fulfilling prophecy! Or maybe not. Ah well, just know that you've got a lot of people cheering you on, whether you write about issues you've already detailed thousands of times before. It's a diary, right? If that's what happens, that's what you write. You're not trying to write a novel, with a beginning, middle, and end. Hang in there, and best of luck to you if you really do decide to just bag it. I enjoyed reading you.
from dangerspouse :
Damn dude, what's wrong NOW? Still grieving Dan Haggerty's death?
from stepfordtart :
How's your cold (or whatever it was)? Did it turn into anything vile or did it just fizzle out? If it didnt fizzle out then I want my sacrificed goat back. s xx
from lust- :
I think the key is to remain confident that the person is on their way. It may take a while, but he/she is coming! And, when they do arrive, you'll know. Always stay open to signs & such. It makes it easier to 'give up' and continue to live your life and do the things that make you happy. Then, when they do show up, you'll already be fulfilled and not need to depend on them for true happiness.
from lust- :
Y'know that age old saying, "Your partner will come as soon as you stop looking"?? People say that a lot to me. I work with a lot of married women and they're always keen on hearing my dating stories and giving me advice. I used to think that the feeling of giving up and not giving a damn kinda sucks, but I'm feeling comfortable and confident in it. As long as we both have things to keep us busy, so we don't feel so lonely. I'm also going to start meditating. Figure it'll help with the next suspension, too. Sending love & good vibes your way.xo
from dangerspouse :
Happy New Year, Jar! Sorry I haven't kept up with your posts lately, but I hope all the best for you in 2016. Feel better!
from lust- :
You're mysterious! People like a man of mystery. Nice of the owner to let you in free. Hey, I would take it! But, like you, would analyze the whole thing, as well. As for the musician saying you're his best friend, I'd play that off to drunkeness...or, you're probably his best mate from the bar.
from whystinger :
Yes, it is possible for folks to block their phone numbers. Before my recent move, I had a private (unlisted) phone number and it would say either "private number" or "ID not available." Your phone company may be able to prevent those private numbers from getting through (they charge for it). A friend had their number blocked from "private numbers" and I had to call the phone company to get a code to dial to turn my number on when I called their house. Some will even decode the private numbers for a charge, but that option may have gone away. You can do it on most cell phones too, by dialing a code before dialing a number and it will hide your number.
from life-my-way :
I care and here's a hug from way down south. Hang in there, the longest night is behind us and the light is headed our way. Slowly but surely.
from catsoul :
Here's a hug and a zillion more. It is a hug-a-thon. =^..^=
from life-my-way :
Please keep right on waking and waking. You were born for times such as these. Keep the faith, the world needs you; we all need you.
from lust- :
We can take turns being the big spoon. Haha.
from lust- :
Your faith got me through! I had a splendid time! Will email you back soon.
from lust- :
Well done on gettin' shit done! Did you figure out a new style?? I'm digging the current look. (Or, what I think is the current look.) But, y'know, I'm a big fan of beards. I'd be all for it if you decided to grow it out fully. Hey, did you get my last email? I'm pretty sure it sent last week, but I can never tell with my iPod and I was having issues with my gmail account. Anyway, thinking of ya, man. Enjoy your vacay!
from ahopeinhell :
Way to go having a list! I've got one of my own that I haven't been very good at following, but we'll see how things go with the house clean-up.
from life-my-way :
I meant to comment on the looks—they're all great, really. Keep on hanging in there, you. It can all change in an instant, in fact it always does. We just can't know which instant.
from polly-esther :
A combination of 1 and 3 -- no facial hair and shorter hair. :D
from dangerspouse :
Hmmm. Hairstyle. Well, you definitely don't want to go with that first hideous picture of the obviously retarded guy leaning up against the car. You don't want to look certifiably deformed, after all. The next three are an improvement, although only marginally. They're all pretty far up the Troglodyte scale, truth be told, but if i had to pick it would be the one where the guy has the hand over his face. It hides more. Ah, who am I kidding. I'd still do you no matter which style you chose. Big guy.
from catsoul :
good morning, I vote for the hairdo/cut in picture #3, the one with the blue bottle in it. As a person ages, I think that the less facial hair that shows gray the younger you would look. By getting rid of my husband's all facial hair he looks like almost 10 years younger. Just saying. Have a good week. Take Care. Show us the new do when you do it. Thanks. =^..^=
from misfitstray :
I would definitely say without facial hair please. Even Bratt Pitt doesn't look that good with a beard. Well, it's just my taste...
from stepfordtart :
sorry Ive been MIA. I suck. Love you lots tho. s xxx
from lust- :
You'd definitely be a great buddy to have around. Thanks, man.
from dangerspouse :
HA! Good to know you've now graduated (however temporarily) to "moderately complacent 34 year old career woman". Glad the tide has swung a bit in your favor for the moment :) And yes: LEARN HOW TO COOK!! Keep going! Life will be SO much easier, better, and less expensive if you do. And you'll be a better dancer AND three inches longer. If my own experience is any indication....
from catsoul :
hi, suggestion for breakfasts. Eat a 4oz. piece of protein like chicken. You can take it with you and eat cold along the way. Chicken and water. Just saying, it is a thought. Waves toodles. OMG I sound like the Mickey Mouse Club. Off and sitting. Hahahahahha, have a good one puddin' =^..^=
from silver4 :
Things are well, it's simple over here. Nothing too interesting in my world, just work and the usual dramas. Never a dull moment...well, maybe a few. Weren't you going to take some vacation some time in the near future?
from dangerspouse :
D'oh! Don't tell me my memory is going soft TOO?!
from dangerspouse :
Oh Mr. Garrison, you always know what's best for us young 'uns.
from life-my-way :
Because it can all change in an instant, and it does. Sure, the last change was not for the good but maybe the next big change up will be great. You're a smart and very good looking guy, just give it more time. There is an answer and you will find it. Hang in there.
from misfitstray :
I hope you will feel better soon! I do have some leftover pain meds of various fabricates, but I guess shipping them to the US would not be well-tolerated by the customs, I guess. I'd come by and help you with your house if I would live nearer. And for a beer...
from dangerspouse :
Dude. Lay off the NyQuil-and-gin cocktails. They're turning you into a 14 year old emo girl.
from lust- :
I hear ya! May as well do something within the budget, so you have funds to play with. Windsor?! Hah. I have a Toronto Vs. Everybody mentality. We're the centre of the fuckin' universe!
from dangerspouse :
Rib pain sucks, because you can't isolate it like a joint and not move it. Breathing is tough to forego long enough to let it heal, for instance. I hope you just bruised things and/or stretched some tissues in there, rather than a bone break. It's a couple days later now - how are you fairing with the pain?
from stepfordtart :
Inappropriateness is a bit thin on the ground here, too. Dammit. Xx
from silver4 :
Oh no! That sounds terrible! Get some rest for your body and hope you heal up easily
from stepfordtart :
Yowch! Would offer to come and rub some embrocation on that for you...if that wouldnt be entirely inappropriate! Instead, it may be an idea to get those ribs checked out, my friend xx
from catsoul :
howdy...maybe you should at least get your ribs checked? Darn I hate when that happens....you have fallen and can't get the bike up. Take Care. =^..^=
from dangerspouse :
I wish we lived closer. I'd send my wife over. That would at least save you the cost of renting a hoist.
from life-my-way :
What a great looking guy! The car seems a bit needy though.
from misfitstray :
Hey man, what's that stuff in your face? ;)
from silver4 :
Sweet car! Looking good, sir ;)
from lust- :
Oh, hey there, stud! Y'know, I'm glad you've chosen to write more positive entries, if that's what you really want...but, everyone who reads your words definitely doesn't mind when you need to rant. I mean, this is the perfect outlet to do so! I would hate for you to keep things bottled up and explode one day. That'd be tragic. Have you sorted out where/how you wanna spend your vacay days?
from dangerspouse :
Nice pics! Er...which is older, you or the car? ;)
from dangerspouse :
Congrats on the Dodge!! And the Nintendo 8-Bit of the stereo world ;)
from misfitstray :
Man, I hate it when you delete your entries before I was able to read them. Please don't do this!
from lust- :
Well, now you've got me wondering...
from misfitstray :
Where you checked on limes disease? Maybe you pain is caused by this.
from dangerspouse :
Ah, don't be so hard on yourself. Whining about small shit is part of what makes us human - or at least bloggers. Just because nobody you loved succumbed to Ebola doesn't mean other, lesser concerns are not personally trying for you. And hey, if you're really concerned about it just do what I do: make shit up! How would *we* know if your grandmother just ran off with a circus racoon and cut you out of the will because you refused to see her kits? Just write! We'll love you regardless. (And not in a homo way, either...usually.)
from dangerspouse :
How did I know that would be your response? ;)
from lust- :
Haha. Thanks for that. If anything, it provided a chuckle.
from dangerspouse :
Claudia Schiffer was from Germany. She might have a younger sister still there, if I recall. Go for it!!
from stepfordtart :
Ah, Germany. Just a 90 minute flight from jolly old england ;-) xx
from whystinger :
I was thinking of where to go and how to use up some vacation, but it has been predetermined for me. Get the new house up and working for me... Cheers!
from lust- :
Ahh, sweet! I'm not too sure about hotels. I'd suggest getting your Google on and finding anywhere downtown, or close to downtown. Anywhere close enough to a subway station at least, so you can get around easier. Some places do take US currency, but I'd suggest you change over at least a few hundred. Canadian dollar is super low right now so you'd definitely be getting more bang for your buck. You can always throw things on your credit card if needed, as well. Ugh! Tollways, brutal! Let me know what you decide. No pressure, though!
from lust- :
Come to Toronto!
from misfitstray :
Too bad you can't come to Europe!
from dangerspouse :
Porter man! Thanks for the note, and the welcome back. You rock! Sorry I was MIA for a while, but I did go back and read a number of your entries on my return. Sucks you can't afford a new garage, but at least your pirate accent has improved over last year's pathetic attempt ;)
from stepfordtart :
Im back! And even tho Im a shadowy internet person, Im also a real-life friend who cares about you and would hug you so hard right now if you were here - mostly because it would be fabulous that you were here, but also because the hugging would be good. s x
from life-my-way :
I also am sending a hug from a far away ghost of an internet person. Please hang in there. These feelings will change and pass, they will. A few mg of welbutrin have changed them for me (at least for now) which is huge not just because the dark times are not now but also because when the dark times return (and I do not fool myself, they will return) I may be able to remember that they are beatable and that I've beaten them before. Email me should you ever need to (mkklose at gmail dot com). I have totally been there and I would be glad of another ghost friend to chat with.
from silver4 :
Sending you a hug, as one of those far away internet friends :)
from kelsi :
Enter the contest in October.
from silver4 :
Your life isn't meaningless. A lot of us feel the same struggles; you know that I am with you on the love front. It's just day by day. Don't give up, you have a lot of people on your side, anticipating the good things that will come your way. Sending you love!
from ahopeinhell :
CBA - but I hope you get some of your money back. Never feel bad about being kind and generous to others. ;) I hope your ankle's doing better.
from catsoul :
8/15/15....hello...I don't think it is bad to help people who really need the help and there is nobody else. When I help them with money I never expect to be repaid, then I don't feel bad when I don't get any of it back. Besides, you can't take it with you. Take Care. =^..^=
from kelsi :
Unbelievable - that guy even does it to himself. Sheesh.
from silver4 :
Umm that preacher sounds terrible
from misfitstray :
btw. I'd be interested in your detailed training schedule, if you don't mind.
from silver4 :
Well...I kinda do want to date though. I'm just crazy is all!! I just don't reply to the people if I don't see it. There's just some people out there who come across as sooo pure and great and all that, and I know it's all a guise, but still. We all put a certain face forward. I'll give it a shot and talk to people here and there though :)
from kelsi :
Neat record player! I've used a similar one - folds up, detachable speakers, made me want to walk around with it on my shoulder like a boom box, except it was too heavy, needed to be plugged in, and was too awkward/impossible with the turntable folded out. If I could have figured out how to make it more portable I would have been the coolest kid on the block.
from silver4 :
Good choice of music. Journey was just here a few months back for a mini residency, never got the chance to check it out though. I hope somebody amazing and worthy comes along for you soon enough. It's a shitty feeling waiting for it to happen though. At least you aren't alone in this..but that doesn't make it any better. Hope this week brings something wonderful!
from stepfordtart :
Im sorry I havent emailed you back - I am The Queen of Crap Emailers. I dont want you to be alone. You deserve someone. Youre lovely. xx
from stepfordtart :
I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING BASEMENT! ;-) xx
from life-my-way :
Yay for you for setting your snake friend free! She's a beauty and you're a good egg.
from lostasyou :
Haha hello! Yeah the dating thing massively sucks right now, but no use in getting too down about it aye? And there are a few! You really have to scroll back to find the rare teeth showing photos. Everyone says I have a nice smile but I just don't agree so I tend to keep my mouth firmly shut..
from silver4 :
Be vocal and don't apologize! Say what you have to say. That's what I do. I ramble on and on knowing that nobody cares what I'm saying, but it is to my own benefit to get my thoughts out. I'm not complaining with what you have to say :) carry on!!
from lust- :
Dating can definitely be tough and can get disheartening, too. Honestly, a lot of woman receive many, many messages when they're online dating. It's hard to filter through them all. Sometimes, I want to respond to someone, but then I don't right away and kinda forget about it. Terrible, yet true. Can't really reply to each and every single message saying, "sorry, not interested" either. Anyway, it seems as if you still lead a life and try to go out once in a while, so maybe you can attract someone good into your life soon! I'm trying to do the same. Oh & it was definitely interesting to meet his crew. I'm pretty awkward and not very outgoing in groups and warned him about that. He seemed to understand and still made a big effort with me. It was really nice. Thanks for reading and for your notes! I wish I could talk to a friend in person about all of this and I've tried, but it's hard for people to understand.
from lust- :
Heya! So, did the whole online dating thing not work out for you? I hope this doesn't come across as preachy, but I truly believe if you set an intention out there, the universe will give you what you need. I really wanted to meet good people and surround myself with good people and I happened to meet a lot of nice people through my job. I figure going back to the online dating scene will help with more range. I can't really hit on customers. Awkward! Haha. It was interesting, I didn't even do a search for polyamory, but I stumbled across a gentleman's profile and shot him a message. He's currently in a polyamorous relationship and we've been chatting a bit. He said he'd provide me with some poly resources. I can send them along your way, as well, if you'd like? I know Dan Savage is also a good resource for all things poly, if you wanted to check something out in the mean time. I really feel as if something good will come your way soon! Keep your chin up!
from lust- :
Thank you! I need to catch up on everyone's lives! Hope you've been well.
from silver4 :
What city is it? So I checked and it's actually nowhere near Chicago lol, it's effingham where they live. Might go down Labor Day weekend, I haven't booked it yet. I should, just for a vacation. Are you anywhere near there?
from dangerspouse :
Damn, dude. It's been a couple of days. You pulled out of this latest tailspin yet? If you blew off a workout, it's gotta be quite the funk. Hang in there.
from ahopeinhell :
(Cow goes... who? [oh no]). I'm sorry to hear about the house troubles. Seems like I know a lot of people having issues with similar things atm.
from ahopeinhell :
Coal for you this year. ;) Who's there?
from stepfordtart :
Apart from this one - this DOESNT rock! http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-32980354 s xx
from silver4 :
I'm with you on the house purchase front. I've given up my hunt for a variety of reasons, which is very disheartening. At least you are making the best of it!
from stepfordtart :
PS I actually dont really mind snakes too much...just not in my house, thanks very much! s x
from stepfordtart :
Jeez. Poor Viv. I feel like I ought to be offering a fuck-ton of pithy advice but I just dont have any answers. Id like to think that a strong belief that youll get through it helps, but I really dont know if its anything more than luck and I wouldnt want the implication to be that if it beats you its because you didnt try hard enough. *thinking of you* s x
from misfitstray :
That house looks pretty nice for an 80+ year old building. It seems to be in a good shape. I would have run very far away if I found a snake in my basement! It looks dangerous even if it isn't poisonous. It still could bite. All the best for your friend and her treatment. 77% chance is really good!
from ahopeinhell :
I'm gushing, but seriously- great date. If I'm dreaming, don't pinch me.
from ahopeinhell :
Ho-ho who?
from kelsi :
That house is nice! Half that house would cost twice as much here. Good luck!
from stepfordtart :
Holy Mother of Shite! 0_o
from ahopeinhell :
Groan!! All right, who's there?
from dangerspouse :
Yeah, the good thing about brines is that you don't have to worry your pretty little head too much about accuracy. They're generally forgiving. Just keep this general rule of thumb in mind: if you know you're going to be gone for a day or two before you cook it, make the brine weaker; if company is coming over in an hour unexpetedly and you they want chicken breasts, make the brine stronger. I typically add enough sugar and salt that it starts to precipitate out of however much cold water my container holds, and that's that. I'll soak a whole fowl in that saturated solution for as little as 4 hours and as much as overnight. (Realize too that any lean flesh can benefit from this treatment. It's tailor made for shrimp, for instance.) Play around with proportions and soaking times - you may find shorter/longer/stronger/weaker fits your tastes moreso than mine. Otherwise, just go for it as any brining is better than none. Hope this helps!
from ahopeinhell :
A broken pencil, who? :0
from dangerspouse :
I still think it was a euphemism. (Stick the pork and chicken in a brine for a couple of hours: water with sugar and salt, and a fair amount of each. Rinse off, pat dry, and you're good to go. It makes a difference with lean meats, particularly those which have been previously frozen and thus prone to losing more cellular fluid under heat.)
from ahopeinhell :
(*knockknock*), who's there? Hope you've got a good joke for me. ;)
from stepfordtart :
busy week, huh?! Nice to hear /someone's/ getting some (even if its not quite the some they want)! s xx
from whystinger :
At this point, I could use a make-out partner or fuck buddy, but like you I really want a real and good relationship. In my case, I need to stay single-isn and not play until I get enough therapy and healing post-divorce so I don't make the same mistakes again. I feel ya bro!
from misfitstray :
hanky-panky; nice word
from stepfordtart :
Painfully aware I STILL havent emailed you, but you know I suck so I expect youll forgive me ;-). Hope the road trip is fun *thinking of you* s xx
from lust- :
Hey, man! Just wanted you to know that I'm sending tons of positive, sparkly, good, Canadian vibes your way. The vibes are also covered in maple syrup and dripping with bacon grease. ;) xo
from stepfordtart :
Aww, thanks - I know youre there for me xxxx Got a couple of D'landers coming to visit in a week or two and thought it might make things awkward so censored myself a bit. Lets chat/email soon tho - its been ages. Miss you xxx
from misfitstray :
Hope you feel better soon!
from lostasyou :
well heeeey. i never think i have a lot to say until i start typing and it all spills out haha. hmmm. possibly. as ever, who fuckin' knows?
from silver4 :
I feel you. I'm tired of not having anyone either. Hope your day got better and didn't turn out as blah as you expected
from stepfordtart :
Mmmmmm, IPA! It is fucking delicious stuff, for sure! s x
from silver4 :
So I just looked at my notes and noticed that you left me a message forever ago when they came back. I never got an email notification, maybe it doesn't do that anymore and I have to actually check them regularly. Anyways, hi :)
from stepfordtart :
Thats just fucking stupid! I thought it was a given that, if the buyer was travelling a long way, then the seller was usually onto a good thing cos nobody wants to go home empty handed. In fact, Ive sold a couple of cars (and got over the price for them, too!) because I knew nobody wanted to make a couple hundred mile wasted trip. What a douche. Tell him youll only go back if he drops the price. s x
from dangerspouse :
Oh my god, how cool were those push button trannies? DO IT!!
from stepfordtart :
Dont over think women - we are simple creatures. We need only love and occasional flowers....oh, hang on, thats just me! ;-) s xx
from misfitstray :
is the bike like bike or like motor-bike? No matter what, riding in those temps it's like WHOA! Tough! I did that too, when I was still commuting by bike, but it wasn't my hands but my feet like ice-cubes.
from misfitstray :
Thank God there's nothing in that song list with the name of J.B1eber. Never thought of you to be a girlie-song-lover ;)
from stepfordtart :
Is there a genre/type that you think I wouldnt like? Im interested to know what you think is 'my' kind of music (or isnt!) xx
from stepfordtart :
Oh, of course! I thought you meant "if you are a 14 year old girl". I always get those two mixed up ;-) xx
from stepfordtart :
There is nothing wrong with any of those songs! Had to google the TS one as I didnt know it but now I kinda like it :-). My list of embarrassing songs is WAY too long to leave in note form...but I'll have a think about the ones you might find most amusing and I'll get back to ya! xx
from jimbostaxi :
Hey, my fiend I know I don't leave many notes but I do stop by fron time to check out your diary. I've had that feeling of wanting to be gone lifes not fair it was a bleak time in my life but I made it through it and you can too. That guys life is no more valueable than your own. We are all inter connected on this planet every little thing you do affects someone else. So even if you give homeless guy a dollar or help someone change a flat you matter. Start small and work up to the big things you want to do.
from kelsi :
Notes are back but I didn't get an email notifying me that I'd gotten a note! I'm driving blind here!
from stepfordtart :
Looooook! NOTES!!!! Thats gotta cheer a body up, huh? xxx
from misfitstray :
you can write in english too. I don't care. :)
from misfitstray :
Saw your entry too late to say "safe travels" sorry! But I hope you are well ♡
from dangerspouse :
Oh my god - now I don't have to put up with your bullshit e-mails any more! Woot! ;)
from misfitstray :
whoohoo!
from lust- :
Thanks for your input! I'll probably bring it up if we end up seeing more of each other on a regular basis. Will have to think how to word it, though. Haha. A bit awkward. Enjoy your time off!
from dangerspouse :
Pretty nifty musicians you found there in Deutschland. I liked "Mutter Natur", with it's more pop feel and beat. Good luck to them. It's very nice of you to shop their cd around.
from stepfordtart :
I think you gave us one of those cds too - it was kinda cool if I remember right. Maybe that shop could sell the 50 bajillion copies of Inner Space we have hanging about in our shed! :-) s xx PS Glad youre going back to strongman - used to like marveling at your hulk-like strength :-D
from stepfordtart :
Just saw your note! - Come to Corfu and visit with us there. Hugs AND sunshine - whats not to love?! :-) s x
from stepfordtart :
Hahaha! LOVE that tshirt design. That would totally pull you some women. s x
from whystinger :
You are a better man than I. I have been running, but have great difficulty running in the morning before work. I NEED to make that a habit. I also need to get back into running, as I stopped last week due to the flu, but now it is just excuses... Bravo!
from stepfordtart :
Do cyber hugs count? (((SQUEEEEEEEEZE))) s xxx
from dangerspouse :
Hey, thanks for the note, man. I really appreciate it, especially coming from someone who also must love their pets. Seriously, I was touched you'd chime in.
from silver4 :
Hmm...good question. People generally come out to go to the strip and if not necessarily for the gambling, would entertain their curiosity about the bars and clubs. Or the cirque shows are pretty awesome, or any of the shows to be honest. The glitz of the hotels/casinos grabs a lot of attention, and some people are just fascinated with the hotel rooms themselves. Personally, as I am no longer in the acceptable 21ish age group, I stay far away from the clubs if I can, but I like the bars and lounges. I loooove cirque shows though. apparently we have great shopping, but I don't care for shopping so I don't pay attention. The outlet malls are big favorites to the tourists as well. And the dining, there are plenty of amazing top name restaurants around, on and off strip. Downtown is a different personality: bars, music, random concerts, a nice energy. And there are good hiking trails if you are into that, some good site seeing at red rock or can head down to Hoover dam. I guess it's the same as anywhere else, you can find stuff to do that suits your fancy if you just look around
from stepfordtart :
Not so bothered about nascar but the rest of GRJs day sounds pretty appealing ;-) s x
from dangerspouse :
News flash: ALL guys feel and live like 18 year old boys when left to their own devices. Once they strap on a woman for the long haul and their testosterone levels plummet, THEN they adopt the stereotyped grownup lifestyle. So don't sweat it (although I would exhort you in the strongest possible terms to learn how to cook at least a little, as running on crappy factory extruded glop is gonna take its toll one of these days. Plus...it turns the chicks on).
from silver4 :
That's awesome that you are able to save and meet your goals. I have up slightly on getting a house for a while, although I really want one. Too much going on with my office that I just get sidetracked, but I admire your efforts! Once you start looking, I'm sure I'll get jealous and I'll jump back on the hunt!! Good luck with everything!
from stepfordtart :
Seriously, what's not to love about ping pong? s x
from silver4 :
Vegas
from stepfordtart :
Travel!!!!!! If you have a bit of spare cash, go someplace. Experience stuff. Get some sun. Speak a foreign language. Meet some natives. That be what I'd do. s xx
from jimbostaxi :
Lots of time off at the end of the year, ok start getting the house ready for xmas! I'm not talking about a string of lights and bang its over. Im talking major light show something that will take there breath away. When you see someone you might be interested in go outside to fix stuff and start a conversation :0)
from stepfordtart :
Aber deine Freunde in England liebe dich xx
from kelsi :
Wenn man eine Reise macht, dann kann man was erz�hlen.
from hitch-hike :
Hello, thanks for the ad! I've been reading your blog in bits and pieces for a while, so I thought I'd finally stop lurking!!
from manvsdevil :
Get to running! YEAH!!
from catsoul :
hi, this is what I do when I am on the road with my pal, sadness. I just plan to do one thing per day, and sometimes it goes to getting a couple of things done a day. It is tough to feel lonely and blue, it is tough to be alone all the time. Do you have a pet? Just wondering. I don't know what I would do without Sadie and Malcolm who have to be walked. Oh, and try not to overthink your time off. I don't know what else to say, here though I know the feeling of despair and I am still here. Take Care. =^..^=
from stepfordtart :
*waves* Over here! This way! We have beer and blankets and shepherds pie. xx
from whystinger :
I wanted to have a witty response to your entry, but do not. Let me think for a while. Keep working and keep the unhealthy people out of your life.
from stepfordtart :
((((squeeeeeze)))) xx
from stepfordtart :
Dude, 'unintentionally rude' is a hella lot better than 'intentionally rude', surely? Ive met you. Youre actually pretty much alright. My kids have met you. My husband's met you. My parents met you. What, we ALL have piss-poor judgement? Youre a nice guy. s xx
from silver4 :
Wow. That's a lotta crazy there. She sounds like a bit too much to handle. Stand your ground and stick to the texts/ IMs. She's gonna just keep pushing you to sleep with her every time you see each other it seems, so that has got to get old, and obv it already is old. I would get annoyed with that too, and I have pushed people away when they are too aggressive or try to guilt me into spending time with them. It's her own insecurities and her own issues that she needs to fix and address. Don't let them become yours. Good luck!
from lust- :
I work in a cafe and always discuss customers with my coworkers. It's a good way to pass the time. So, I'm sure the sandwich shop girls are talking 'bout you!
from stepfordtart :
Argh. Mentally unstable, in a position of power (you dont want to upset her), has things you want (!)and can use them as bargaining tools. Tread carefully, my friend. xx
from stepfordtart :
Urgh. What a mess. Really feel for you, dude, and want so much more for you. Frustrated that I cant see any practical way to help you right now. Ummm....wanna move to England? :-) s xx
from manvsdevil :
Yo, take it easy bro, no need to linger on these thoughts, they'll only carry you to a dark place and for what? You did the right thing even if she bears her pain for longer sometimes another minute, another hour, another day is what it takes.
from stepfordtart :
Just checking up on you. How you doing? xx
from kelsi :
We're all responsible for our own selves and only our own selves. You're not responsible for the actions of anyone other than yourself. So, don't blame yourself for other people's problems, and don't blame other people for your problems. I've learned this from years of reading Carolyn Hax columns.
from life-my-way :
You were not wrong for calling. You were playing your part in this as she was and how things are as they are. That's such a final solution, and is still there if she ever wants to go that way again, and if she wants you to talk to her on her way out she could ask you fair and square. I think.
from stepfordtart :
Oh, and you weren't wrong for calling. You did the best job you knew how to do. I definitely would have done the same and you know I NEVER make mistakes ;-) s xx
from stepfordtart :
Aww man! So sorry I wasnt able to have been there for you - would have happily phoned you and talked you down but have only just caught up on your entries as only had crappy phone internet while I was in hospital. I do understand what you have said about letting someone go - I guess there's a fine (and blurry) line between euthanasia and suicide, huh? I guess the difference is, without a 'physical' manifestation of the desire to go (terminal cancer/other life-limiting disease etc) its in our nature to want to 'heal' what seems to be a sickness of the mind. Email me if you want to debrief a bit. Im back home now. s xxx
from silver4 :
Sounds like you went through a lot with her in the last 24 hours. Glad she turned out relatively okay and that you were there for her. The ending could've been not as good as it did. Consider yourself a good friend, she just needs some help beyond what you can provide
from catsoul :
10/5/14....hi glad to read that she is where she can get some help. Now you can get some sleep. Hang in there. Maybe you are her only friend. Everyone needs a friend like you, glad you were there for her. Take Care. =^..^=
from life-my-way :
Sending love and hope for a positive outcome for you both. So sorry this has happened to you, to her.
from stepfordtart :
Jesus H Christ! That's all you need. What a bloody nightmare. Sending hugs to you, my friend, cos I got nothing else xxxx
from lust- :
Oh no. You really can't beat yourself up over this. At least you had a quick response and called someone who could get out there and help her. What's going on now?! Sending tons of love your way!
from silver4 :
Lol I'm just saying maybe you two could give it another shot. Who knows!
from se7enchance :
Thank you kindly for the note. It's always a little jarring to know people read, y'know? But it's important, too. Especially when people resonate on the same frequency as you. Thank you, again.
from silver4 :
I may be ever the optimist (for others), but maybe it is not time to give up on her quite yet
from silver4 :
:(
from stepfordtart :
Duuuuuuuuuuuuude! :-( {{{{{hugs}}}}} s x
from stepfordtart :
Youll be telling me you 'cant drive a stick' next! Can you drive or cant you? Us English are used to swapping to the other side of the road when we go abroad - we even have special sticky tabs for our headlights so we dont blind other drivers! And driving my car is SUCH FUN. You deffo should come over again - ideally before I wrap myself around a tree in it! s xx
from lust- :
Thanks for the site suggestion, it IS fun!
from stepfordtart :
Hmm, good point. Hadnt really thought of it like that - apologies. Was my 'inner horny' talking! s xx
from stepfordtart :
Sleep with her, then. Why does everything have to be about the long game? xx
from jimbostaxi :
I think your on the right path, good luck!
from stepfordtart :
Why are pirates called pirates? Because they ARRRRRR! s xx
from silver4 :
Thanks for the clarification ;) got it!
from silver4 :
I may have missed something..why isn't anything likely to happen with KW? It sounds like you are having a good time together. I know what you mean about staying in versus being out where people know you. Sometimes I just need to keep to myself as well
from lust- :
Re: Last paragraph in your latest entry (Sept 18)..I've been doing a lot of that lately, too. Not with the movie bit, but the staring off into space. Kind of odd but I take it as a sign that I (we?) need to stir things up. Some sort of change would be nice, but the real question is how to go about it..?
from stepfordtart :
you posting and deleting? Shizzle says you updated. loves s xx
from ahopeinhell :
Thank you. I need it. Sending you happy thoughts back. You're stronger than you know.
from stepfordtart :
Dude. Cant think of something to say. *thinking of you and wishing you peace in your soul* Would definitely hug you right now if you were a bit nearer. s xx
from jaysthoughts :
Just checking to see how many diarylanders still actually check their notes and stay active.
from dangerspouse :
Welcome back from the brink (again). Glad you didn't fall over the edge (again). Have you maybe considered moving to a place that might allow you to cultivate a proximal support network of friends or some shit?
from stepfordtart :
You're a good friend, too, dude xx
from ahopeinhell :
I need to be brave. I'll keep trying.
from jimbostaxi :
Dropped in to see how things have been, looks like there going well according to your last post yes?
from stepfordtart :
I see you! *waves* xx
from stepfordtart :
Aaaarrrghhhhhh! Does it *have* to be a 'relationship'? Cant it just be some fun? s x
from stepfordtart :
?!?! xx
from stepfordtart :
Every fibre of my 'cuckolded wife' being shouts NOOOOOOOOOO! But there is a teeny little voice in my ear, whispering "FFS, its not going to make you a homewrecker. She knows full well what she's doing and it needs to be on HER conscience, not yours!" Have fun - fuck knows you deserve it! s x
from jimbostaxi :
Avoid the hassle believe me,, .....
from whystinger :
It is a double edged sword. You may be sorry if you don't have her and you may be sorry if you do. Once upon a time I had a married woman chase me, she said she was divorced. After a while, before we do the nasty, I find out she is not technically divorced. I think about it, I go meet some friends, get drunk and make the decision. A week later, we do it. It was great. Later on, I find out I worked with her husband! FUUUUCK! I was dumb enough to not put two and two together. She basically used me to help her divorce. While I am not proud of it, I had friends who were banging married chicks (one had an "agreement" with her hubby) . sometimes I regret it and other times I don't. This happened years ago. Flip a coin, make your decision. It has to be YOUR decision. Maybe she wants to leave him and this can push her. Note: are they separated? If so, she is fair game.
from silver4 :
Haha...I think you already know what I'll say, so I won't even say it ;)
from manvsdevil :
It's a real pickle you got there, don't do it and regret it later OR do it and really regret it later : I think you get my drift ;)
from catsoul :
8/11/14.....You need some joy in your life. I say do it. Take Care. =^..^=
from stepfordtart :
it is BEYOND cool. That is all. s xx
from dangerspouse :
400 is VERY cool. Way to go! I like the idea of the block riser. Deadlifts were always hell on my back, belt or no belt.
from silver4 :
I understand how you feel. Hopefully that isn't the case though, and you will find somebody. It is quite the search, but it would be nice to know that after all this struggle and hoping and trying, that an amazing person comes forth who is absolutely perfect in your eyes, and you the same in hers, and it will all seem like a petty dream from the past. I still want to have hope that my person is out there searching for me, too, and we are just wasting time not being with each other. I find that I am holding on to hope for a lot of things lately (relationship, the practice...), but there HAS to be a give, right? I have a picture on my wall that was actually a hallmark card that I saw in the store one day and snapped a pic of on my phone. There's a picture of a caterpillar in one box, titled "today"; a butterfly in the next, "tomorrow". Underneath, words I live by: "Don't lose hope. (You never know what tomorrow will bring.)" Sappy, but hey, I'm semi emo at heart. You can't give up. Won't let you.
from silver4 :
I love wandering around places that I haven't been :) And I have an asshole barking neighbor dog as well, so I feel you there!
from jimbostaxi :
"The simplest explanation for some phenomenon is more likely to be accurate than more complicated explanations". Occam's Razor I know your post didnt exactly say that but it kind of reminded of that. :0)
from jimbostaxi :
Occam's razor to justify being alone? Hmmm i don't agree. I've been pretty dysfunctional my whole life always on the outside of the "group" And i came to a realization who cares if no one ever likes or loves me, I love my self and thats what counts. With that thought in mind theres no pressure in any social situation I Am What I Am don't like it oh well,, there loss! :0)
from ahopeinhell :
Thanks. I was feeling sweet. :P Hm. Decades, huh? Well, as far as dating goes, my scoreboard's pretty sparse. But I'd like to think that past failure does not preclude future success. Think of it not as misguided hope; know that anticipation of failure is just as insidious. Believe in a future of change if only because the only constant in life IS change.
from ahopeinhell :
Don't give up. Don't ever give up. We're all in this giant, crazy world together.
from silver4 :
Awesome! Glad you took that step! Hope it works out for you
from stepfordtart :
Hey! If you havent been on FB you wont have seen my stupendous sandwich! Go look at it, right now and feast on its visual yumminess! s x
from catsoul :
7/7/14....Sorry to read about your night. Thank heavens you started sipping Gatorade. Gatorade is my friend big time. It almost sounds like to me, what happens to my body at times. I have VVR's(vasal vagal reactions). I just lay flat on my back in bed and use my mind do relaxation. I sip Gatorade when I can. I get these when my body reacts to something it seems to want to expel. I have alot of food allergies. Sometimes it gets really bad, but I won't go into that. Over the years that this occurs, my heart, mind, and soul go along for the ride. Just something to think about, you wrote that you ate out. Hope you feel better, though rest is more important than working out after one of those body experiences. Take Care Man. =^..^= P.S. I liked your one-eyed kitty.
from stepfordtart :
Hey! Happy 'Gettin' Away from Us' day! Can you post/send a pic of your fire thingy? - sounds much grander than ours! s x
from catsoul :
7/4/14...howdy do.....you sound very normal. I too had to find new friends in my life because I stopped what I was doing to my mind and body. I took a pottery making class. I still throw pots on the wheel and have made awesome friends. Are you into creative things? Take Care. =^..^=
from jimbostaxi :
Ty! :0)
from lust- :
It's not just you. Dating is really hard!
from silver4 :
Not the way i would like my final sip of coffee... And you can still talk to your female readers, we aren't too problematic :)
from stepfordtart :
Think of it not as 'earwig' but more as 'land shrimp'. There! Now its not nearly so icky, is it? Either that or 'YOU ATE A BUG!', and now Ive put you off shrimp as well. s x PS Assume I dont count in that 'not talking to women' thing?! xx
from ahopeinhell :
http://jarofporter.diaryland.com/140628_54.html As my father quotes the wonderful Churchill habitually: "You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life."
from ahopeinhell :
I don't think you should ever have to apologise for having feelings, much less having feelings about things I wrote when *I* was feeling... feelings. You feel me? ;)
from stepfordtart :
Neti Pot! Aaaiiiiiiigghh! Take it away! Take it away! *shudder* My head would actually have to be falling off my body for me to think they are a good idea. Qv ear candles and moon cups. Ack. s x
from stepfordtart :
Email me and I'll share all my Cookin' Mama stuff with you, old chap. Youve eaten my food and youve seen me cook - happy to share. s xx
from dangerspouse :
Ok, just for you - since you offered me beer - I'm taking my big white chef's toque out of retirement and giving you some advice: 1. Start brining. 2. If you get really lean beef, try braising for a change of pace. 3. Most people saute chicken breasts too hot, and roast whole chickens too cool. If you are doing breasts, you also want to pound them so they're equal thickness. Doesn't matter HOW thick or thin, as long as they're equal. 4. You wanna know how to grill corn, potatoes and asparagus? Simple. Put corn, potatoes and asparagus on the grill. (You may want to lay down some aluminum foil under the asparagus so it doesn't fall through the grate.) You can make it more complicated than that, and with great results, but the point is that you can do the very most basic thing it those things will still cook just fine. Don't be skeered to just toss things nekkid onto the heat and see what happens. 5. How the hell much do you expect me to write in a "Notes" box? If you want more, or clarification of things like "brining" and "braising", drop me a line. I really did used to be a hoity-toity chef. Hat and everything.
from elusive-you :
if you don't have anyone in the world who dislikes you, then you're living your life the wrong way.
from dangerspouse :
So...I guess the double bock is out? Oh well. Hang in there, man.
from life-my-way :
For what it's worth, I seriously doubt that you can even FIND a bag of dicks...
from life-my-way :
What horrid people. I'm so sorry you've had that experience. Here's hoping for some new and much nicer friends. You're an awesome guy who definitely deserves better friends. XO
from silver4 :
What are you talking about? Why are people talking crap about you? :(
from stepfordtart :
Me! Im gonna visit. And I'll give you plenty of notice, dont worry. Like, about two years notice - how'd that suit ya? I feel like I need to do an Epic Road Trip for a big birthday with a 0 at the end of it. s x PS I love that youre out having fun. :-)
from silver4 :
Nice long entry :) stop deleting, dammit! ;)
from dangerspouse :
Yakov! ("The first time I went to the midwest my friends do joke on me. They point to bull and say 'Go milk cow'. So I did. And let me tell you something...you milk a bull ONCE, you've got a friend for life.")
from dangerspouse :
NEVER MADE A S'MORE?! Go back to Grzlbeckistan, ya Commie. Jesus. What the hell are they teaching you Girl Scouts these days anyway, if not the art of open-fire molten sucrose crafting? Oh well. You find me a good craft Double Bock and all will be forgiven. Commie.
from dangerspouse :
My best friend in the entire world lives in Metamora. Next time I visit I'm bringing my custom monogrammed carbon fiber S'moresStik(tm) and a rucksack of homemade marshmallows and hunting you down. Have beer ready.
from dangerspouse :
A layer of sand in the bottom of a firepit seems like a good idea. Gonna make S'mores? Come on man, MAKE S'MORES! That way you can invite me over :)
from stepfordtart :
Not sure she's your type. You have something she doesnt need at the moment (!)...although, she's not particularly picky either way, as far as I can see from previous track record. She's upstairs now, with her friend Rachel ;-)
from stepfordtart :
I love a fire pit - we havent used ours for a while. Hmmmm, kid-free weekend coming up this weekend, no rain forecast.....*thinks*....YAY! FIRE PIT! s x
from ahopeinhell :
I JUST found your cast list. I feel like I can unlock the secrets of your blog now (in terms of continuity). Am I that unobservant, or is it new/updated?
from ahopeinhell :
You're hardly dragging! I ought to pay more attention to others on here more often... But I'm here rarely. I think that's a major flaw of mine.
from silver4 :
1) phew I got to read the message before you deleted!! :) 2) totally didn't overshare 3) what does "O/L" mean? Can't figure that out for the life of me and I bet it is simple Sounds like you are on a roll and having a blast! Keep up that positive energy, it sounds like you are having an awesome time and meeting some interesting and fun people. Stay open to these potential friendships, and (speaking from my own experiences), don't rule women out simply because they are "taken" (spouse/SO); some of those men have become some of my closest, best friends (yet obv not the most faithful to their others in my situations, but that's just my curse). New, amazing friendships can be created here, just try not to intentionally screw up a marriage if possible. Tread lightly out of respect, but otherwise, sounds like you are having fun! Don't delete! You haven't over shared! That's what this is for :)
from ahopeinhell :
Nice of you to check in. How goes it? All's quiet on this front. But I guess no news is good news.
from stepfordtart :
It happens. Sometimes I cut whole chunks of my life so I dont have to try and document them. I skip straight past life-changing events, just to waffle on about a pair of shoes I bought or a recipe for bacon cake. s x
from whystinger :
I too, have forgotten all the shit I wanted to write about... don't know if I can put one out.
from elusive-you :
thank you :)
from stepfordtart :
I heartily applaud your use of the English vernacular. Can also be abbreviated to CBA (as in "why havent you done your homework?" "Aww, CBA, Miss! CBA") s x
from stepfordtart :
We shall duet on it the VERY next time I see you - I'll take the top harmony. :-) s x
from warpednormal :
you're sweet. If you have time i'd highly recommend reading "the untethered soul" by Michael Singer, "everyday zen" by Charlotten Joko Beck or "wherever you go there you are" by jon-kabatt zin. These books have really changed by perspective in a lot of ways :D
from stepfordtart :
PMA always good and YAY for supportive jams and almost bands and chatting women! s xx
from silver4 :
I like this positivity and this chatter with the women! Keep it up! :)
from stepfordtart :
omigosh - England Dan and John Ford Coley!!!!! Heeheehee, havent heard that song in SO LONG! *sings along* s x
from stepfordtart :
you! s x
from whystinger :
Sheesh! I have a ton I should have deleted and that is why I had to lock up. I once did a web search for a project I was working on with friends of my wife and it took me to my stuff at D-land. I figured that if I stumbled on it, they would too... Still, I thought that post was innocent.
from silver4 :
Haha I post and delete too... I think eh...I shouldn't have said that...tmi, this could bite me in the ass one day...etc. I'm open to meet d-landers, pending they don't try to slap me in the face for all of my described behaviors!
from jimbostaxi :
(In response to your deleted post) Im a bit of a social pariah but I agree with Whystinger that would be cool to meet up some Dland friends someday.
from whystinger :
I think either you deleted an entry or I imagined one and I am responding to that imaginary post. Yep, I would like to be able to meet up with some D-land people some day... I forget what the other thing I was supposed to answer....
from silver4 :
There's no right thing to say or do in these situations. I'm glad you got to talk to her. It's a sad situation, but you shouldn't feel bad about focusing on yourself in the matter. You didn't know what was going on. It would be rude if you did know and then continued to push to hang out, knowing she was having a personal/emotional situation. Give her time to grieve, don't push hanging out because she just might not be there, and just offer your friendship if she needs someone to talk to.
from silver4 :
I have to say, I'm a bit surprised she hasn't responded. It sounded like that was more or less a go ahead! Maybe give it one more shot in a few days and just throw something out there to do, like catch lunch or dinner somewhere casual? I feel like every case is different, and it really is hard to get a read on some people. I think all you can do is give it another try/invite, and if she doesn't bite, just leave it alone and let her figure it out. She may just be teasing or loving the attention. I don't even know what guys say to flirt with me, things that actually work. I would say humor is usually a winner. Just small talk at the bar or wherever you are, find something about her to positively comment on, like her hat or something... Actually, I suck at this, so maybe I am a terrible advice giver! But when I am hitting on guys at least, the body language and focus is on them (naturally, it just goes that way), and I am physical sometimes and touching as needed for emphasis on a story or a point. Or if there is something playing on the TVs, you can always discuss what's playing or if it is a sport? Just go up and do some small talk! If it makes you feel any better, some guys are just as tough to talk to as us women seem to be. Exude confidence! That helps, too.
from lust- :
Yes, technology hiatuses are needed sometimes. Even turning your phone off after a certain time helps. As for the KJ &dating thing, I'd say you're going about it the right way. One more text and then leave it if there isn't a response. I never like it when a guy is too persistent, unless I have a thing for him. I'm honest and blunt, though, which throws a lot of people off. I tell my friends to be the same way, but I know others have a hard time being upfront. Hopefully someone worthwhile comes your way soon. Good luck!
from whystinger :
I forgot to say mention that I agree with JImbo about the follow up texts. Keep it loose and casual. Be slightly scarce so you are "missed." As in "I had fun with the group, now i sort of miss him. Even if she does not respond, because if she misses the messaged, when she finds it she may be embarrassed.
from whystinger :
What the hell is that??? is that a 1960 Dodge Matador? Was that called a Matador Polara? It looks good. Cool looking car!
from jimbostaxi :
Pics look good.
from jimbostaxi :
I would try to avoid follow up texts until the first one gets a response. Sounds like she showed some interest let her follow up in her own time a barrage of texts may scare her off.
from warpednormal :
i did actually! one of the first pieces of reading that has brought me to this kind of thinking..so thank you :)
from jimbostaxi :
Good luck!
from stepfordtart :
Naturally! s x PS Cant type a longer note - fingers crossed makes it difficult :-)
from jimbostaxi :
:0) thanks for the note! I wish i could say something, but i would always be worried about reprisals. Would they throw my mail away if it goes there by mistake? Would they flatten my tires? Etc etc the best I can do is wait until the Moving van pulls in( hopefully soon)and then say something epic :0)
from stepfordtart :
Woop! s xx
from stepfordtart :
I see you! *waves* xx
from stepfordtart :
My buddy list says you updated but I can only see the GRJ stuff. Have you been updating and deleting before I get a chance to read? Bah. How am I supposed to leave sarcastic comments if I cant see your stuff? *spank* s xx
from kelsi :
Thanks! :)
from stepfordtart :
Text her and ask her if she wants to stay over. I dare you. You can take the couch if you have to. s x
from jimbostaxi :
Ahh yes when the head goes in both of them its a bad thing! :0)
from ahopeinhell :
Sorry, I'm slow with responses. It's a bad habit of mine. I'm keeping busy, though. Hopefully I can figure out what I'd like to do next with my life.
from silver4 :
I'm the last person to tell you not to drink. I'll just sit quietly over here :) Good job with not drinking though, you are inspirational
from manvsdevil :
Take it easy on yourself, you won't ever be a true extrovert if you're already a true introvert. Go George Costanza and do the opposite! *wink*
from stepfordtart :
Hate to hear you sounding so down, dude. Sending loves (cos they's all I gots) s xx
from kelsi :
April is National Poetry Month. To celebrate, in 2005, I decided to write a poem every day for the month, some dumb little poem. I didn't quite make it through the month but I did write a goodly number of dumb little poems. Maybe I'll do it again this year. April starts next week.
from stepfordtart :
If not, we'll just have to content ourselves with placeholders for a bit longer! s x
from silver4 :
Yeh...I go out a lot, but inevitably I must return home eventually. Wine is chilling now :) painting the nails in the meantime haha
from stepfordtart :
Aww, God, I fuckin' HATE Steely Dan - you are a mean friend making me listen to that! Actually, it was a quirky little thing...ripe for a cover version, methinks! s xx PS Glad youre feeling a bit better now.
from silver4 :
:( I hope someone special comes your way soon
from silver4 :
Aww feel better ! Maybe just need the rest...that is absolutely ridiculous the amount you have to pay before insurance kicks in?? Is that the deductible? Shouldn't that just be for major stuff, not like office visits?
from stepfordtart :
You DO exist, Truman. I have hugged you. Feel better soon. s xx
from whystinger :
I hope you feel better.
from silver4 :
There's nothing foolish in the way you were in the previous post. It is the natural excitement you get, and I get that way too when i feel a connection with someone.. Heck, I acted upon it, and then I felt a fool! but my situation was different.. I would say to just go up at some point and casually say hey would you like to have lunch sometime? Or something like that. It would be best if there wasn't any urgency, like a long line at her counter, so that you could maybe chat for a bit, too. I hope something happens from that for you!
from stepfordtart :
Wasnt patronising. Just sayin'. *leers in an inappropriate way* s x
from stepfordtart :
Oh, and yes, I am/we are.....but only sometimes :-/ s xx
from stepfordtart :
Hey! I see you, too! Im supposed to be updating (got some photos and stuff to post) but Im just sitting here like a lard-arse, enjoying the silence of an empty house! s xx
from ahopeinhell :
Honestly, no idea. I think my brain was just having a laugh at me, trying to express an idea that someone's work that they loved could be destructive. Probably a weird result of the constant panic school always tended to cause in me.
from stepfordtart :
You forget that I have met you and you are DEFINITELY NOT a has-been. Rowr! ;-) s x
from whystinger :
Dude, there is NOTHING wrong with getting a boost from talking to people. We are social creatures. I think you should sort of pursue both of those gals. Even the one leaving, as she spend time with you for a reason. As far as the gal from the bar, you forgot her name (happens to me too) but let me tell you, that got her attention and she may just work a bit harder to get you to remember her name, such as giving you the catchy way to remember it. She will remember you now and you should also pursue her.
from silver4 :
Looks like we are sharing thoughts again, on this loneliness deal. Sigh
from dangerspouse :
I see the pics, too. AND I HATE THEM.
from stepfordtart :
Yay! I see pictures! I took some of the river last weekend so I'll post em up when I update. s x
from jimbostaxi :
Pics look good!
from stepfordtart :
thats never going to be a fun trip. I think its OK to be less than ok with it. *hugs you* s x
from stepfordtart :
Will brave the elements at the weekend and take some pics. Meantime, check these out: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-26117610 s x
from stepfordtart :
Bad flooding around here (no snow though!) - Winchester all sand-bagged. Will see if I can get pic of the river at the weekend - think youll be surprised! s x
from stepfordtart :
Why not, indeed! s xx
from whystinger :
Sounds like things are looking up a bit
from stepfordtart :
You KNOW how good coffee is out of a 'french press', dude! Although, over here we're cosmopolitan enough to say cafetiere!! If you have a waste disposal in your kitchen sink its no trouble to get rid of the grounds - do you honestly think I'd be able to get L to do it if it was effort? s x PS Please may I have some of your snow? I need a day off work.
from silver4 :
And here I was saddened yesterday because I didn't have creamer for my coffee! Ay, to imagine the coffee maker completely down would be much worse! I'm kinda slacking myself, and I have plenty of things I should be doing. I also am having a crappy time with sleep; got in 3 hours last night, didn't even get home until around 3:30, so I should've been exhausted. I feel we are the same yet so different!
from dangerspouse :
If you're going through coffee makers like Jimmy Savile went through 8 year olds, consider going low tech. Give a French press coffee maker a shot. They work great, and can be had cheap. The only downside: cleaning the grounds out of the glass decanter is not as neat a process as just lifting out a soggy filter filled with grounds and tossing it. Otherwise, it's both stone simple and reliable.
from stepfordtart :
A text would be a good start! :-) s x
from stepfordtart :
Very happy for the bio-meeting and hope that you do stay in regular contact - to widen your social circle if nothing else! Im sure your ma will be cool with it, she would only know about the difference between your relationship with the Bios and your relationship with her if you tell her so, surely? And wouldnt she want you to be happy? Dont put off positive life experiences - you arent directly responsible for how everyone else in the world interprets your actions, dude. *squeeze* s x
from ahopeinhell :
Don't give up yet. I'd miss chatting with you. Besides, sometimes it takes a lot of slogging through the dirt to reach a nice grassy plain... but isn't the journey part of the fun? Smear the dirt across your face like war paint. Come out the other side of it with a grin on your face.
from silver4 :
Sounds like you had a great bio-meeting! Happy for you :)
from silver4 :
Tinder is yet another dating site, but I believe it is specific for use as a mobile app. It links to your Facebook, but not super invasive; it just grabs info like your interests, age, first name, and you put on the images you want. It is supposed to connect you to people in your vicinity based on similar interests, and it will let you know if you have similar fb friends in common, which could somewhat give you a starting point for conversation. But it will mainly display a random picture and a short blurb that the person wrote about his- or herself, and you are basing your attraction very superficially, off of what they portray or display. You swipe left to reject or right to mark that you are interested, and if the person also swipes right, the app will notify you that you both are interested. Then it will allow for the two of you to chat together, but you won't get the flood of emails and messages from randoms; no contact can take place unless you mutually "like" one another. I haven't tried it, but VN showed me how it works because he is using it, and he says it is fun and he has gone on quite a few dates through it. I think I'll maaaaybe pull together a profile tomorrow..maybe
from silver4 :
Happy belated birthday!
from elusive-you :
happy birthday to you! enjoy it!
from jimbostaxi :
Happy bday!
from stepfordtart :
Im not saying bio parents are what's missing from your life but the way we're brought up and where we come from has to shape who we are. I think I couldnt bear to NOT go, to be honest. I am a nosy bastard, I know, but I think there are gains to be made, however the meeting goes. Either you find out they are all shits and you can lay that part of you to rest, or you learn things that might help you grow as a person. Im always looking for new ways to be better than I am (and I dont mean thinner/prettier/whatever, just to gain more of the good qualities that I think are important in me). s x PS Go to the open mic. Some of the people will be more shit than you, I guarantee it. Ask for some reverb on your mic and just GET UP THERE! ((supportive hug))
from silver4 :
If you feel comfortable with it, I'd say yes to meeting him. It's good that you don't have any expectations or anything. It could be fun, get to meet some new family!
from elusive-you :
go!
from lust- :
Haha. I guess I give off the vibe that attracts all the sub-par ones, then!
from whystinger :
Hey Grasshopper! I did a bit of catching up on your diary. Didn't know you are a Steely Dan fan, no matter what Stepfie says, I like 'em too. Never heard the "start your car every 3-5 hours" and I was an auto mechanic in NYS many moons ago (Western NY) so I was in snow country. I got to do some snow shoveling too, over Christmas while in Michigan. Stay warm!
from kelsi :
I live in a place where it can get pretty cold and I've never heard anyone say you should start your car every few hours.
from stepfordtart :
Arrrgh! Steely Dan! I dont think I can be your friend no more! Me and the kids have got snow envy - we have only rainrainrainrain. Went to the river on Saturday and all the paths were flooded (maybe 12" deep). I reckon the river level has risen around 2-3'. Its rained A LOT. s x
from silver4 :
Thanks, and feel free to borrow my words... I know sometimes I feel as if somebody else already said something for me as well. I embrace being a strong person, but yeah... And I do like that quote you put at the bottom. I will have to print that out and put it up on the wall
from lostasyou :
:) thanks!
from lostasyou :
Oh no, I did write it all in WordPad! It's just the photos I tried to upload messed all the coding up and no matter how much I tried to fix it, it wouldn't work! But oh well, a photoless entry has been uploaded now aha. At least my ranting is now aired x
from stepfordtart :
its worth remembering how exercise releases 'happy hormones' before you make running the first thing to jettison tho, huh? As always, JOLLY impressed with your Iron Man feats of strength. s x
from stepfordtart :
Happy New Year! *smooch* s x
from silver4 :
Go you!
from silver4 :
Thanks :) I have my moments...lots of self-reflection and wondering how things end up the way that they do for me sometimes. I always take responsibility or ownership for my situations, but yeaaa..something has to give at some point, right? Must change things up somehow
from silver4 :
Meh, I'd say don't do it if you feel nothing, no connection, empty. Those experiences make it very unsatisfying in many ways. And if you have any mental connection to your experiences, it would be tough to fake it or deceive yourself enough to function. It doesn't sound like you are desperate or anything for sex, and sleeping around just to do it, although not looked down upon (especially by me), isn't a solution; it could just make you feel worse about yourself. Not to dissuade you by any means, it could be just what you need! But just always be true to yourself :)
from silver4 :
:) :) I am happy for you . It's good to make those connections with people, if just for one night or many.
from stepfordtart :
Nope, Im not going to tell you either. s x PS Told the kids you had shaved your beard off and they said "pics, or it didnt happen!"
from whystinger :
Sorry to hear of the issues with your Mom. When she asks, just keep repeating the same exact phrase you used to convey the information in the first place. I learned that from my therapist. My wife will do the same thing, keep asking me the same question, hoping for a different answer. They try to wear you down. If you change your answer, sometimes it gives them hope and they keep at it till you crack. If you use the same answer, it stops the shit after a while. I think your "i told you before, not gonna tell you again" was good too. She once kept asking me a question and the answer was "no." after getting asked about 15 times, I asked "what don't you understand about no?" That drove a point home and she dropped it. Funny, but I learned that from my wife's Dad...
from dangerspouse :
Whoops. Make that "everything THEY do". Sorry. Just woke up. And fat fingers.
from dangerspouse :
You're not wrong. People are still individuals, and just because you're tied to someone by blood doesn't mean you lose your individuality and are in concordance with everything we do. Having said that, go watch the 70's film "Where's Pappa". It not only has a terrible similarity to your post, but it also has the absolute best ending of any movie ever made. With the possible exception of "Bambi vs. Godzilla".
from whystinger :
Clean-shaven, eh? It if keeps working out for you, let me know. Perhaps it is time to lose my grey goatee
from stepfordtart :
I see you, online! Raising my glass of bourbon to you, dear. s x
from stepfordtart :
we're not exactly local, but we love you loads. s x
from silver4 :
Interesting entry. It is sad to hear about the methodical, repetitive, dull way things were for your dad, and the fact that you are aware of it makes it easy for you to ideally not fall into anything similar to that. I think we all have our moments, and the social lives seem to fluctuate on and off in waves. Being alone and having depression obv is a tough deal. At least you get out there and interact at the music events here and there. It really is a tough world/life out there. I don't have good and proper words for you here, but I feel you
from stepfordtart :
yeh, youre much less stupid in real life ;-) s x
from stepfordtart :
stop deleting things before I get a chance to comment on them! I can read at work but not comment and by the time I get home.....aaaargh!....theyre gone! s x
from silver4 :
Lol, that is a pretty cute/funny dream to have!
from stepfordtart :
It wont be the hot water overflow thingy, as L's been up in the attic and fixed it! ;-) s x
from portlypete :
Sounds unlikely that so many things have decided to turn up their toes all at once. I would hazard a guess at a power-supply problem, like I know zilch!
from elusive-you :
nada! what will actually happen is now three AWESOME things will happen to replace the third bad thing, true story.
from lostasyou :
Thank you!
from ahopeinhell :
Good, all things considered. It might be a little better if I had a steady job and/or an idea of what to do in terms of more school/career, but I am enjoying life for what it is and working on a bunch of fun personal projects. I can't really complain about that. :) Glad to be thought of.
from ahopeinhell :
Just thought I'd drop in and say hello, see what you're up to. I'm glad to see you've got (somewhat) regular correspondence going with CC! Must be nice. :)
from dangerspouse :
5
from jimbostaxi :
Snuggling for money what a novel concept!
from dangerspouse :
It's only discouraging if you think she was right. I mean, really, look where it got her: she's dead. Buck up, man.
from stepfordtart :
Dude! Cant get the pics to load :-( Guess I'll just drive around in the car and look at it all in person, huh? xx
from whystinger :
I am jealous, I have wanted to visit Stonehenge FOREVER!!!!
from stepfordtart :
((((hugs you right back)))) s x
from elusive-you :
thank you. pretty sure i'm gonna spend tonight crying in my bed. but so it goes.
from whystinger :
Not my battle and you may not welcome what I will say, but here goes anyway. First, I read you occasionally, so I have no right to comment, but... I will risk it. Feel free to tell me to bug off. Some of what I will say is what I NEED to learn myself It seems like these relationships with the exes are more one way than two way. That is not healthy for you. You get "used" and probably not in a good way (I have this problem with a few "friends" & am slowly weaning off). What I mean by that is you are there for them, they are not there for you. As I tell my wife, if you want a friend, you got to be a friend and you weren't a friend, so they dropped you. In this case you have EVERY right to drop their friendship, since they don't support you. You say you kept the friendship because "Viv" was emotionally fragile. Trust me, if you aren't there, they WILL find a way to do. I learned this when I left my wife for half a year. Things she "couldn't do for herself" she suddenly could do because she had to. Yes, I do pay a psycho-therapist to teach me about this and it is worth it. My wife used to keep me from growing and I fear my friend, this may stop your personal growth. I know it is hard to make friends, as I have moved a lot during my adult life (except for the last 20) Between 21 and 33 I moved 6 times. Find a way to make new friends, it will be worth it.
from silver4 :
Hey if you're ever around Vegas, hit me up! We could have a drink or two :)
from stepfordtart :
Maybe Tuesday? I seem to remember having to take some stuff over to my ex's house for the girls. We called at my parents and then told them we were going to play pool (L was, we werent!). That sounds about right. Although, I thought it was Monday until I remembered the 'pool lie'! s x
from silver4 :
That's so awesome that you met up with someone from dland! I love the relationships we strangers seem to make on here :) glad you had fun!
from stepfordtart :
I think so - was that the day we went to the New Forest (and Carlo's ice cream place!)? Aarrgh, I cant remember :-/ s x
from stepfordtart :
this is fairly accurate: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Working_men's_club s x PS Really strange hearing a traveller's tale that Im in! Dont worry, Im not judging you on what you remember/forget :-)
from stepfordtart :
ich liebe dein benutzernamen (and your poem)! s x
from stepfordtart :
maybe its the *way* you try rather than the actual trying itself? s x ps I emailed you a link to the ska band video :-)
from stepfordtart :
I like that song....but :-( all the same. ((squeeze)) s x
from stepfordtart :
Just got back from watching that ska band I told you about. V sweaty night! Videod some of it on my phone - if its any good, will post it on my diary next time I update. s x
from kelsi :
Gute Reise!
from stepfordtart :
done it! s x
from silver4 :
Have a safe and exciting trip!
from lostasyou :
I'm still here!
from stepfordtart :
HAHAHAHAHA! S X
from stepfordtart :
Yes its true. You will come off as a horrible tourist. Except here in Chigley. Where you will be burned as a witch. Im viewed as a foreigner here because I come from the town which is a full seven miles away. Heehee. You worry too much. s x PS I do that accent thing, too, so with you doing mine and me doing yours, we should end up with one big homogenized mess. PPS The bit about the witch is true.
from stepfordtart :
Sometimes 'not spending time with people who make you feel bad' is just as good as 'spending time with people who make you feel good', huh? s x
from stepfordtart :
There's one at my school that I use sometimes. I have free membership but I'll see if I can get you a guest pass or something like that. There's also one at the local sports centre so I'll make some enquiries. Will email you when I get some news. s x
from stepfordtart :
some of the friends I have here are internet acquaintances and some are proper real actual good friends. I dont care that I may never actually be in the same physical space as them, they are still my friends. There's one or two that are pretty much family and I love them the same as I do anyone else that I love. I also have some IRL 'friends' who mean less to me than some of the friends I have here. While I have to accept that people write what they want you to read here, I think Im getting pretty good at sifting shameless self-publicists and fantasists from people tellin' it how it is. Ive said some things in my diary that I have never said to my IRL friends and have received support, advice and the occasional kick up the arse from my cyberpals. They are real and tangible to me and I am very fond of (most of!) them. s x
from ahopeinhell :
I'm in the ether, somewhere. Sorry. I'm not good about keeping up with things. I ought to keep in touch better. It's no secret, but I tend to draw when I'm happy and write when I'm not, assuming of course I haven't decided to waste a day on watching an entire season of something instead. Anyway... thanks for writing. I'm glad someone gives a hoot about my presence here. That's really nice.
from dangerspouse :
HA! Great link. Thanks :)
from stepfordtart :
Gah! I go offline for a couple of days and all hell breaks loose! Glad you sent the email and hope it all goes as you want it to. Cant believe how soon it is til youre off on your travels! s x
from dangerspouse :
You? Panic?
from kelsi :
Sounds like you could just retool those last two paragraphs and send that to her, yes?
from silver4 :
Awesome pictures :)
from kelsi :
A metrologist? That's cool, that's cool... So, when is it going to start raining? Also, what's the deal with thundersnow, and graupel? ;)
from stepfordtart :
DAFUQ????? You're gonna have to explain that to me in much more detail when I see you next (or when I am less drunk, whichever be the sooner!). It sounds kinda interesting, and kinda complicated, in equal measures! Thanks for answering, tho! s x
from stepfordtart :
Yeh. What do you actually DO? You never talk about work, or people at work. Dont have to name names (protecting anonymity etc) but are you a desk-jockey or do you get your hands dirty? s x
from dangerspouse :
HA! I read your "woe is me someone asked if I was retired post" before you wimped out and jettisoned it. HA! Buck up mate, Groucho Marx had the answer when he said "You're only as old as the woman you feel." Go out and find yourself a 7 year old, and you can extend your career another 40 years!
from stepfordtart :
Youth is wasted on the young, dear! I know EXACTLY how you feel - working with teenagers/young people every day it hits like a hammer to the head when you realise they think you are old, because you feel young like them. I walk a fine line between 'fun teacher' and 'tragic old lady who thinks she's still all that'. We're not old, theyre just self-centred little fuckers. And Im older than you, anyways. s x
from stepfordtart :
EVERYONE likes someone to cuddle up with at night, thats not just you. s x
from dangerspouse :
What kind of driver is it? Thirty dollars is a steal. You could spend that much on tees in a season. Er, week, if you're me.
from portlypete :
I am a futon virgin, and I have absolutely no desire to pop anything in that particular direction but, let me just say, I'd take some professional advice before lifting too many weights (REALLY!!!). Also, I sleep on my side and found a pillow laid lengthways, on which I could rest my arm, helped a lot - particularly during those mid-sleep dreams!!!!! A bit of a downer when you wake to find your arms full of polyester-stuffed cotton rather than a wench of fulsome proportions! That's just a health and sanity warning though.
from elusive-you :
HOW HAVE YOU SLEPT ON A FUTON FOR THIRTEEN YEARS????
from kelsi :
re: being embarrassed to run in the daylight. Have you ever seen someone out running and thought, "God, what a stupid loser!"? I bet you haven't, because most people don't. So what makes you think people would think poorly of you for getting out and exercising? People really only think of themselves, so they'll see you and think, "Good for him. God, I'm a stupid loser. I should be exercising like that guy." I started running at night too, because I didn't want anyone to see me. Didn't work. Saw a snake a couple times, got scared, stopped running. Then, I went through a big quarter-life crisis, stopped giving a crap what people thought of me, started running in the daylight, haven't stopped... Sorry for the long note. Running's kind of my thing.
from stepfordtart :
It will, indeed, be a cool trip ;-) s x
from silver4 :
Exciting to have an upcoming Europe trip! Any exercise helps..I'm not the best at motivation; I am quite the slacker, but I know that it is a great mood lifter along with all the other benefits of course. Hang in there, you will be back in action sooner than you know. I am jealous, I haven't been out of the country in three years! Also, sometimes I nag at myself and say not to end a sentence in a preposition when I am writing ;)
from stepfordtart :
Could you do some other kind of exercise for the time being, while you wait for your shoulder to heal? Swimming seems to be the 'catch-all' for gentle exercise, how about that? s x PS Being the domestic goddess that I am (!), just email me a list of stuff you have in your kitchen and I'll recipe you up with what you can make :-)
from stepfordtart :
Diaryland is like Hotel California. s x
from elusive-you :
you too, you too.
from stepfordtart :
Did you call your psych? s x
from elusive-you :
:(
from stepfordtart :
Umm, tricky question to answer 'on the hoof', but I would say that caring about things separates us from animals and saves us from being just a collection of cells. Im sorry to hear you sounding so down - if I was nearer I would be at your house right now with a coupla beers and a listening ear at the very least. s x
from stepfordtart :
It does, indeed, suck hairy goat balls. s x
from kelsi :
I've felt much the same way for all of my life. Maybe it's an introvert thing, or maybe we're just huge weirdos. Don't know. It can be a heavy weight, though, so stop being so hard on yourself for a few seconds and just let yourself be okay. If that makes any sense.
from stepfordtart :
Hahahaha! That ad!!! Love it. s x PS Cyber-mum says 'rest that shoulder'!
from lostasyou :
Hey there, I got your note about your visit and I'll have to let you know nearer to the time, because it'd be lovely to meet you and the wonderful stepfordtart. And thank you. Sorry that happened :( I'm so sad right now, you know? Blah x
from stepfordtart :
I found it - it looks fine but its still pretty enigmatic. Whats wrong with putting your actual face? Its not as if you look like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle. How many 'hits' are you getting at the moment? I have a GF who does a lot of internet dating and an ambiguous pic can sometimes be seen as 'hiding something'. If you cant face a sensible portrait type pic, why not do a jokey 'duckface selfie' type one? Are you allowed more than one pic? Oooohhh, the possibilities are endless! s x PS Actually, just had another look at the one you have used. Its fine. Ignore me.
from stepfordtart :
Sure - what's the link? Email it to me if you dont want to put it here. I looked back to where I thought it was before but I couldnt find it, did you remove it? s x
from stepfordtart :
Rajesh Kuthrapali!!!!! OMG YES! You ARE him! Hahaha, having a good laugh at that. On a more serious note, your guy didnt say "Yeh, I'll introduce you, she likes weeds" so I guess he must think youd be some kind of a match, huh? s x
from stepfordtart :
OMIFUCKINGOD!!!!!! Thats more than I weigh ON EACH SIDE????? Holy shit - you STRONG! s x
from stepfordtart :
Boo for Vivian - regardless of your history, if you hadnt had a big fight or anything then thats just rude. Re those other girls - you KNOW Im just shaking my head at what a doofus you are, dont you? Now, Auntie Stepfie says 'practice this in front of the mirror' - "*smile* Hello! Nice to see you again! Did you enjoy the show last week/month/year. Im sorry I bailed on you - I wasnt feeling well and I feel bad about that now. Can I buy you a drink to make up for it?" I do feel bad for you, old boy. Its much easier to sit here on this side of the Atlantic and dish out the good advice but, if its any consolation, Im kinds crap in 'new people' situations, too. I cant believe anyone would actually want to be friends with me so I usually just sit in silence while my dumbass husband talks them into an early grave! s x
from stepfordtart :
I googled 'farmers walk handles'. What. The. FuKKKKKKK!!! Are you, like, Thor or something? s x PS Travel plans all sorted now?
from fairybones :
<3
from stepfordtart :
I thought it was really well-considered - if I read that as a prospective match, Id think you were a kind of thoughtful sort of person with varied interests and definitely worth a second look. s x
from dangerspouse :
I'd do ya.
from silver4 :
Hey so I did see your profile before you deleted the link. I thought it was really good and portrayed your personality and it definitely wasn't a boring read! I'm just really lazy with giving feedback. Good luck with the dating, hopefully someone interesting comes along! In reading it, I did see your profile as someone I would exchange messages with, not someone I would quickly ignore and look over. And if you can get me to not roll my eyes, (and apparently I am very picky hah), then you can impress anyone!
from silver4 :
I don't think there's a way to post it and remain anonymous..I tried to think of a way, but I believe regardless that people can discover who you are if they are determined enough to try. Depends on the details provided. If your username doesn't scream out who you are, it helps, but if someone puts a lot of effort into finding the truth, I think they will. Maybe I give people a little more credit than I should, but regarding myself, I kinda believe people generally don't care enough to discover who I am? And if others are lazy like me, or have their own things going on, they just won't expend the energy to try to figure it out? I am the type to just respect the nature of this website and the purpose it serves, but I know others will take that extra jump. Privacy and anonymity is very important, but I think if you give enough details the right person with way too much time on their hands and nothing else to do with their lives can figure you out. Sad world sometimes
from dangerspouse :
Go get an MRI. They'll be able to tell if it's karma or not once they get some pictures. (And way to go, new bike seat!)
from stepfordtart :
Hey! I see you! s x
from kelsi :
Get yourself to physical therapy, man.
from dangerspouse :
Right.
from silver4 :
Meh, we are all failures at something. Just learn the lessons and improve from it all. Per posting, when I write anything out it helps me tremendously, so I say post away, failures and accomplishments! We live, we love, we share. And congrats on the car, sounds awesome!
from stepfordtart :
*waves at you across the atlantic after seeing you're online at the same time as me*! s x
from warpednormal :
Thank you! I will definitely look into that.
from portlypete :
Ever thought it might be 'them' not you? On the alcohol thing, I'd say that one drink is one too many 'cos, in my experience, it never EVER stops at one.
from stepfordtart :
Im cool with you not drinking if its fucking you over. *loves* s x PS The autistic spectrum is broad and wide, my friend ;-)
from dangerspouse :
Hooray for the new truck! BOO for stopping drinking. I thought it was "all for the grog". Is your profile a lie, then?? *sigh* Another one fallen....
from dangerspouse :
Whew. Thank GOD. If you'd said it was the "bicycle" kind of bike instead of an *actual* bike I would have unfriended you. (You can do that on Diaryland, right?) Anyway, good luck with that Toyota! Great truck makers, they are. I hope you get the price you want.
from silver4 :
I have the 2011 equinox. Loooove it! Super roomy and perfect for road trips or on days I can pretend that maybe I'll have my own family fill it up one day. However , perhaps outside the ideal price point
from dangerspouse :
Hooray for vacation! What kind of cycle do you have - pedal, or real?
from stepfordtart :
I kind of remember you saying about that but I guess I kind of thought that it was all fixed and you were broiling and stewing and sauteeing and generally scoffing. Yikes. Hurry up and come here so I can cook you some dinner. And lunch. And breakfast. s x PS That sounds pervy. Usually when I suggest 'cooking breakfast' there's connotations! Hahaha. Apologies!
from sixweasels :
Hope the meeting last night went well. Wow, I've missed a lot not being around these parts much!
from stepfordtart :
Break a leg, dude! s x
from stepfordtart :
OMIGOODNESS! Can you not cook at home at all at the moment? How do you LiiiiiiiiVE???? Thats completely unfathomable to me. s x
from kelsi :
Thanks! It was long, very long.
from dangerspouse :
Oops. Make that "The Goon Show". Curse of the Fat Fingers strikes again....
from dangerspouse :
I'm not ashamed to admit that I caught all the MP references the first time around. As a long time Brit-o-Phile I can quote large segments of "The Good Show", "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again", "Danger: UXB", "The Goodies", and everything else up through "The Graham Norton Show" (but not Jonathan Ross for some reason). Granted, I wouldn't have liked much being a kid in the studio audience of a Jimmy Savile taping, but otherwise, Rule Britannia!
from stepfordtart :
OF COURSE!!!!!! I havent seen that film in ages! Thanks for reminding me *searches for DVD*. s x
from stepfordtart :
HAHAHA! I dont know what that was all about but it made me laugh. Lots. s x
from lostasyou :
Thank you!! I will take that on board :), and I think you're right about the whole it's my life thing. AHH, and well done for reading the entire thing hahaha
from dangerspouse :
Typical bureaucrat. Blaming others for what was your responsibility. Irony is, it was your best post ever.
from stepfordtart :
I see no fault! s x
from stepfordtart :
Hahaha! s x
from dangerspouse :
You wear boots TOO? My god, you are really fleshing out your online persona. It's like I've known you all my life!
from kelsi :
Do you at least wash your socks regularly? That's really the important thing, I think.
from stepfordtart :
Awww. All the sock-based comments have been taken by everybody else. Boo. s x
from portlypete :
You only have BLACK socks? What do you do with your life? You need to have some really dark, navy blue hose. Otherwise, where is the insecurity? Is it blue? Is it black? Wait, let me turn a light on here. Maybe it's a blueish brown ... or a brownish black. But where's the matching one? Damn, that looks a little longer, and the fancy bit at the top looks different. OMG! I can't go out looking like this. Then again, I did know someone who always wore odd socks, but he was an artist so it was allowed. Better take up painting.
from dangerspouse :
All you own is black socks? Wow, and to think I bitch about my life. You don't even have a car, pants, hand crank ice cream churner...only socks. That socks, man.
from elusive-you :
that is fantastic hahaha
from dangerspouse :
Lol! Atta boy! (But seriously: who the fuck cares what color socks you're wearing? Don't you worry about what we'll think of you now that you've sunk so low as to even mention it?) ;)
from dangerspouse :
You think there has to be a "purpose" to your diary entries? You really give a fuck about whether anyone you'll never meet gives a fuck if you never write again? C'mon man, SNAP OUT OF IT! This is supposed to be a refuge from your ridicuous insecurities, not a haven for it. Just drop in with a knock-knock joke, a bland description of your socks, or some totally fictional childhood memory. You opened this diary, so you have a sacred obligation now. You don't want the Diary Stasi to hunt you down and make your skin into an iPod cover, do you? DO YOU? Good. Now pull out of this stupid "I don't have anything worthwhile to say and it's not about a chick anyway and waaaaaaaaaahhh!!!" funk and tell us about your socks! Or, y'know, don't. It's your diary.
from stepfordtart :
I understand 'fat ass' has been rebranded 'bootylicious' these days ;-) s x
from warpednormal :
thank you <3
from silver4 :
Hahaha have no shame in liking that show! I know others who do too :)
from stepfordtart :
http://www.peevish.co.uk/slang/index.htm Everything you could wish to know (and plenty you'd wish you didnt know!) right here, my friend! s x
from stepfordtart :
Email me your thoughts on the non-transatlantic bits. Maybe it would be easier to book them from this end as theyre short flights. Ive flown to Germany and to Ireland from my local airport (rather than from the big London ones) and I think that the 'regional' option is one that a US travel agent might not think to do. If you let me have some idea of what you want to do, Ill look into it for you. s x
from stepfordtart :
Hahaha! Are you secretly English? Watching too much Blackadder, old chap! s x
from stepfordtart :
I seem to have been off the radar for a bit (damn cruddy laptop) so Im just catching up. Do you really, in real life, say "shove off"? I thought that was an English expression. I say it to kids at school sometimes as its a kind of non-cuss cuss. s x PS Where out-of-town? Somewhere exciting?
from silver4 :
I didn't get the Memorial Day weekend adventures memo either. Everyone else is going out of town. I am tempted to make a Cali drive just to get away as well, but meh. I don't get invited because I'm not part of the married with kids crew. Such is life .. Enjoy your weekend, I am sure it will turn out to be wonderful :)
from elusive-you :
that, indeed, is true. i appreciate that perspective. why don't you have that?
from portlypete :
ps If you're checking out Blackadder, skip series one. Much better when Ben Elton was involved in the writing.
from portlypete :
Remember Manuel from Fawlty, staggering from the kitchen having just put himself out (he had been on fire)? They used pads of concentrated ammonia and acid which created the effect of his smoking clothes. On the dress rehearsal, the pads leaked and gave him serious blisters on his back. Like a true trooper, he went out "on the night" and did it all again!
from silver4 :
Why do you think she isn't right for you in the long term, and does she think the same towards you? If you are really good friends at this point, sometimes it is best to just leave the friendship as is and hold on to it without messing it up with anything else. At this point and age in my life, I personally wouldn't want someone to involve himself in a real and emotional relationship with me knowing that I am not who or what he truly wants, just to bide time. I also wouldn't want to do that to anyone either, and sadly (or not so sadly) in some situations it is better to just be alone (yet maintain the friendship of course) than to be with someone simply because it works with her. It's good that you two are comfortable with one another, but if you got back together and she started to develop stronger feelings towards you and you weren't feeling the same (or vice versa), it could put a dent in the dynamic of your initial friendship or relationship that could be hard to recover from. I believe that the best relationships come from friendships, but if you already know that you don't want to be with her for the long haul, it wouldn't be fair to either one of you, and an awesome, solid, supportive friendship with her can be more valuable to you down the line. I obv suck at relationships, but that's my .02!
from lust- :
Sounds as if you're on the right track, health-wise. Here's to hoping you keep at it!
from stepfordtart :
Awww. You sound *proper* miserable. The blogosphere loves you, old chap! s x Ps Ive never been to a bike club so I bow to your superior wisdom that they are douches. The women have got massive arses, too, from my limited knowledge! xx
from stepfordtart :
I might have said the same once upon a time. but when I got cancer, it sure did make me determined to live! s x PS join a bike club!
from comebacktome :
I totally know what that feeling on a bike feels like. Damn do I miss it!!
from elusive-you :
such is the state of our lives, i suppose.
from lust- :
Thanks! Beds are supposed to be delivered today. My friend is being pessimistic and thinks something will go wrong. Haven't had the best luck, yet. Here's to hoping it changes soon!
from elusive-you :
i wouldn't envy me, the dude is moving to colorado and such interactions won't be happening anymore (hah).
from kelsi :
It's okay to be lonely and it's okay to be sad - it's okay to have things that you have to work through. Work through them, don't let them drag you down. And don't let yourself start feeling like you're defective because you have feelings. You're human, and that's okay. Take care of yourself and keep working out and you'll get there someday. We'll all get there someday.
from portlypete :
When things got tense at work due to inadequate effort being put into tugging the rope that kept the firm trolling along, more or less above water - pauses for breath - I found that throwing things and blowing high-pressure steam out of my ears usually got people's attention. The trick was to not do it too often: just enough to keep people wondering when the next eruption might occur, and would they be the trigger. Throwing a few fragile items generally heightened the effect. Well, it worked for me for several years! Later, when my firm was taken over by a cartel of Outright Bastards, I discovered an alternative strategy: not giving a flying f#�k! There is life outside of the daily grind, and actually, if you are good at your job, it's amazing how long you can hang in there playing the system. Not hugely satisfying, but if you can achieve the right mindset, you can survive and even flourish. I should say that my company eventually dived (the bosses pocketing several million apiece), but I went on to a business life that was far more satisfying ( if not quite as lucrative) than before. So, believe in yourself and trust in your abilities.
from ahopeinhell :
Still alive! The trouble is often thinking of things worth writing down. Good pictures! You have (had?) really long hair!
from stepfordtart :
Great pics! Which one is you now? The long hair? Beard? Piercings? s x
from stepfordtart :
Sounds like a fun night! Im trying to update but Ive got the 'back to work tomorrow' blues after two weeks off and the words just wont form themselves into anything entertaining! s x
from lostasyou :
I'm in the process of wondering if I want the diary to be locked or not aha, so I keep changing my mind. Sorry!
from silver4 :
Hm no, I didn't get anything after I sent my long one..maybe double check that you put 2 f's and 2 j's in the email address, people often do just one j
from silver4 :
Did you get my 2nd email?? Hope it was decent-ish info. I was typing it on my phone vs a comp so I didn't put in too much..but if anything else comes to mind I will totally forward you my thoughts!!
from portlypete :
Given a straight choice of "strumpets & grog" versus furniture, I'd have gone with the former too - leaving just enough dubloons over for an industrial strength, extra large hammock. As for "technical support", I think you may have sailed into uncharted territory there: maybe the Golden Triangle, or even The Doldrums. Any which way, I wouldn't hold yer breath matey.
from stepfordtart :
I think the support thingy can be a bit hit and miss. Anything I can help with? s x
from silver4 :
Hm..haven't received it but I'll give it an hour for delay? Technology grrr
from silver4 :
okay i just checked my email thing and set it to forward to it. it says it will take like an hour or so to refresh the system. you can send me a test email when you get a chance. if it doesn't go through, then i'll just give you my personal email :)
from elusive-you :
yes! sorry i totally did, i read it while i was doing homework and just forgot to reply i think haha.
from portlypete :
I can see The picture - you mean you live in a light-house? Where do you buy your furniture?
from jimbostaxi :
Link works.
from silver4 :
I can see the link :) upload away!
from stepfordtart :
Yeh, email it! I'll give it my professional opinion heehee! s x
from stepfordtart :
Ha! Im such a slacker I didnt get a chance to read the dating profile OR use the password! s x
from stepfordtart :
Me too! I am an expert on 'men one should never date' - Ive dated (and married!) a massive selection ;-) s x Ps photo link works fine if I was supposed to see a picture of a boat!
from silver4 :
I would totally give you my input on the dating site profile :) believe me, I've seen a lot of them!! It takes some work to get your message across and portray yourself, but definitely an experience!
from stepfordtart :
OMIGOODNESS! *is impressed*. s x PS I emailed you :-/
from stepfordtart :
you link goes to a general pages, not the actual picture you intended us to see :-( Can you tell us what page its on, so we can find it. thanks dear s x ps Yay for hanging out with the band!
from elusive-you :
yes: i do believe that is worse.
from elusive-you :
it's been such a prominent feeling lately.
from stepfordtart :
An entry written at 20 to 2 in the morning is never going to be full of the joys of spring, but that last one did sound a bit dismal. Whats happened? *thinking of you* s x
from byebeautiful :
I hate friends of circumstance.
from elusive-you :
it's the worst feeling. ps: i think you should continue to have hope.
from silver4 :
I know, I shouldn't fake it. It goes in waves, when they ask, I actually feel okay. When my mind wanders, I feel crappy. I'll be good by the end of the week :)
from silver4 :
Geez yeah, warped's message made my eyes water, as if I'm not already emotional enough as it is right now! Yes..as sucky as it is, I had to take a stand. It's good to get other people's opinions and support, I totally appreciate it <3 all these notes lift me up
from lostasyou :
I'm here :) all is good, thank you.
from silver4 :
Thanks for the kind words :) I hate feeling like this but I can't sit idly by and be ignored and obliging. Just tired of it!
from comebacktome :
Thanks for the add, I like your writing style,you're interesting & not in the least repellant from what I can tell through my computer screen. Bummer about the ticket tho. Damn karma, such a bitch sometimes...
from stepfordtart :
Try it in a different key? s x PS I think I know who youre talking about and I have a bit to say on that subject too. Not sure where to start. :-( s x
from stepfordtart :
Aww man! Major league suckage. s x
from stepfordtart :
Hahahahahahaha! s xxxxx
from stepfordtart :
When you come to England and hang out with me and L, I promise to let you know what makes you so repellent. ;-). s x PS Its customary, on these shores, when we notice someone has had a haircut, to point at them with an arc-ing arm movement and (like a sports crowd) to yell "Hair-cu-ut! Hair-cu-ut! Hair-cu-ut!" until the person with the haircut tells you to fuck off. I am doing it now, so feel free to cuss. xx
from stepfordtart :
informative is good - "said Id let you know when we're at the Dog next. Want me to get you a beer in?". Lighthearted and has a let out clause if she's busy or doesnt want to come along. Worst that could happen is she doesnt show. s x
from callmevera :
I'd go to doctors as early as you can, no sense living uncomfortably if you don't have to. No fun living life sick. Hope you get well soon!
from stepfordtart :
"age appropriate"! Heeheeheehee! At least if you have her cell you can text - a quick "we're at the Dog if youre at a loose end" is pretty non-pressure, huh? s x
from stepfordtart :
Aha! In that case, you are excused! Fortune favours the bold and all that but we all draw the line at cradle-snatching! ;-) s x
from stepfordtart :
Not so, not so! I had an amazingly good looking friend at college who was always complaining nobody ever asked her out because they were intimidated by her - they thought they wouldnt stand a chance. Just ask - if youre already expecting a rejection then getting one wouldnt upset you, and you never know, she might say yes! s x
from lostasyou :
Which email was that? I'm using the [email protected] one right now, so if you email that one, that'll be fine!
from stepfordtart :
Depends how it feels! Sometimes its surprisingly warm and sunny (low 70s)....but sometimes it just rains and rains! England is a funny place for weather. Its never REALLY hot, nor REALLY cold...but it IS a bit unpredictable! s x
from stepfordtart :
Dont be self conscious about depression. Some of the nicest people live with people who have it, and they understand how hard it can be :-/ *hug* s x PS Just go and play. If nothing else its practice. I never heard a musician say "yeh, but I really wish Id practiced LESS"!
from ahopeinhell :
Sorry to hear about your work buddy. I've had a couple of people like that myself who really didn't show signs. It's not always obvious. And, obviously, it has nothing to do with you. I know you logically know not to beat yourself up - good. Now just focus on telling that to the rest of you, too!
from stepfordtart :
Heeheehee! I like the germs one! s x
from stepfordtart :
We love that show! We just started a new series here (the one with Sheldon and the worm hole)and its one of the very few programmes I will actually stop what Im doing to watch. s x PS Awww, Leonard! xx
from stepfordtart :
Haha - Im imagining you with a Santa hat on....and you look exactly like that cat! s x
from lostasyou :
Haha! Helloooo :) and yeah, maybe you should!
from stepfordtart :
Heehee! Thats cute (and very easy to understand, so thanks for that!) s x
from stepfordtart :
Unless the US is VERY different to the UK, she wouldnt have bothered to introduce herself if she didnt like you, customer or not. s x
from lostasyou :
Haha! Good advice :) I'll have to have a think about it all, hmmm..
from stepfordtart :
Thank you! Didnt know you were a Dr Who fan :-). Read the 'lost' entry too. You can get a flight to Frankfurt from our local airport - flight time is about 90 minutes if I remember right. Youd be welcome to stay a couple day with us if you find yourself in the UK. Im maybe a 2 hour drive from lostasyou. This is a small country, its easy to get about! s x
from stepfordtart :
Oooh, gorgeous crockery! I have fancy stuff for dinner parties but out everyday stuff is Ikea which doesnt matter if one falls out of the overstuffed cupboards every now and then! s x
from stepfordtart :
'au revoir' then, rather than 'goodbye'? You didnt tell us why you quit the band. Im gigging tonight and Ive got SUCH a cold. If we decide to cover Lee Marvin's 'Wandrin Star', I'll be SET! s x
from lostasyou :
I think that sounds pretty good. I will keep that thought in my mind. I try to think of things like that but sometimes it can be a bit difficult aha. But I know you're right :)
from ahopeinhell :
I hope you can find something that works! The antihistamines sound like a pain.
from stepfordtart :
Im about an hour from Gatwick or Heathrow, south coast, in the middle. Can collect from airport evenings/weekends. Have couch. s x PS Also about 5 mins from Southampton International, but dont think you can fly in there from many places.
from stepfordtart :
Youre not insane, youre just unhappy. ((hug)) s x
from lostasyou :
Thanks :)
from stepfordtart :
I have my first gig with the new band on Friday. There's some doubt that we're 'gig-ready' but Im quietly confident. Will let you know how it goes. s x
from stepfordtart :
do it! do it, do, it, DO IT! The worst that could happen is that you make a new friend. s x
from lostasyou :
thank you so much for that :) although I feel so crap right now, that did make me smile! Because I know you're right. Trust me when I say that all this DOES sink in, and I do remind myself of all this advice.. but sometimes, well, it's hard to see.. but THANK YOU xxxxx
from stepfordtart :
Crown molding? *googles* Aha! Coving! Put that up first. Even if your cabinets are quite slim, youll not want to be leaning over them with a length of coving in your hands. That way lies damnation (or snapped coving, at least!). s x
from ahopeinhell :
Yes, sorry - still kickin'. I'm getting ready to leave the country for a year which has been keeping me fairly busy (for better or for worse). I hope you're OK. Dental work has never been my favourite. x.x
from stepfordtart :
That last paragraph is about the kitchen, right? If you leave the plinth boards off the cabinets you can tile/laminate/whatever just to just under the plinth line and then when you put the plinth on it'll have a nice neat line. Hmm, that was easier to picture than it was to explain :-/ s x
from stepfordtart :
haha. sorry, but that IS kinda funny ;-) s x
from stepfordtart :
Aarrgh. The dreaded insomnia. I feel your pain. I really do. Nothing seems to work for me. Sometimes I stay awake the whole night. Its torture. Being on the wagon might well be contributing to it...although thats not a good enough reason to be drinking again. Im sure, if that is a contributory factor, that things will settle again once your body gets used to sleeping without the beer buzz. s x PS Got your email - thanks for the kind words! xx
from lostasyou :
Thanks :D got to stay upbeat.. upbeat is the key! Don't let the bastard grind me down! No wasting my time for another 3 months haha, life is too short :) yeah drinking is what I also tend to do when things go wrong.. but I know it won't help. Drinking alone is horrible. Thanks a lot :) I appreciate it.
from stepfordtart :
YOWCH! That sounds horrible. Glad its getting sorted now tho. s x
from stepfordtart :
Dont be ridiculous. I was never in any pain. Putting my back out a couple of years ago was way worse than having cancer, painwise. WAY WORSE. Have you tried Tramadol? Dont know what it might be called over there but it sure takes away pain - youll lose a couple of days, maybe, but you wont be in pain! BTW, there's no 'sliding scale of sick' that you need to place yourself on, according to your symptoms. If youre sick, youre sick. Surprised they arent taking into account your car accident when deciding what might be wrong. ALL my neck/shoulder/back problems stemmed from my car accident (and it took maybe 10 years to work that out). Thinking of you. s xx
from stepfordtart :
Aww Man! That sounds TERRIBLE. Hope you feel better soon. s x
from stepfordtart :
Cooooooooool! s x
from stepfordtart :
HAHA! Unfortunately, when I was a kid there was a guy at the end of our street who had one of those. Sadly, the poor man was a little bit...umm..'special', so, as practical as that bike would be for me, it will always have slightly unwanted connotations! s x
from stepfordtart :
I like the idea of the late night bike ride. Im suffering dreadful insomnia at the moment and it would burn up some wakeful hours but a) Im not really well enough for cycling and b) my bike isnt exactly on top form either!! *sigh* s x
from ahopeinhell :
I should say too that I think you're a pretty wonderful person, from what I've read. Don't let a shitty weekend get to you TOO much. Exercise is good, though. And if you feel like ranting to an unknown halfway across the globe, I'm around.
from ahopeinhell :
I wonder. I haven't made many enemies. I miss the people that dropped out of my life more.
from lostasyou :
I'm not good with words, but I hope you feel better. And here's a cyber heart ♥
from zencelt :
I require a password please. Yes, Yes. It's me. I know it's a shock... Kisses!
from stepfordtart :
Use this user name? Its not traceable and it would only be us (your lovely cyber friends) reading. s x
from stepfordtart :
"The guitarist would keep goofing off playing random licks" OMIGOD HOW annoying is that?! L does it to me all the time, or he'll start playing and I'll start singing then he'll go off into some other tune that has similar chords or he'll decide to play it in a jazz style, or maybe raggae or basically ANYTHING apart from PLAY THE DAMN SONG! Grrrrrr. Guitarists! s x
from lostasyou :
Yeah that's exactly what I've been trying to say, I think :) just.. I want to take control of this situation, IF it comes to it. I'm still not sure if it is hahaha, but I want to have the upper hand this time because I need to have a proper clear mind. But that's what I've been trying to say.. if things go completely wrong then I'm going to make sure that I AM FINE this time around. Just not sure if it's happening yet or not. Thanks for the note :)
from stepfordtart :
I love the red one! But, if I read it right, there's a fairly hefty difference in price. Is that a consideration? Oh, and 4 day weekends? Thats was DIY was INVENTED for, isnt it?! s x
from stepfordtart :
I would definitely say "I didnt know you knew...". What harm can it do? And is IS true! s x
from stepfordtart :
Im glad thats not the actual car - the doors look like theyre made of crumpled up paper! Look! Theyre all rumpled! Mmmm, Audi - nice cars! L has BIG luvs for the R8. Sadly, WAAAAYYY out of our league at the mo! s x
from stepfordtart :
I do like the grey and green. I cant help thinking blue would make it look a bit 'corporate' somehow. Dont *think* youre running a business from your bedroom......are you???? Heehee. Its your room, you must have it however you want it. If it were mine I would get some massive 'chrome' statement pieces in there - a huge floor-standing vase with some lime-green shamrock chrysanthemums in it, or a nice 'fluid' piece of sculpture. Good job I dont live there, huh? Id be costing you a fortune! s x
from stepfordtart :
Oooh, that grey and green in the bedroom is really nice (siting room looks good too!). And OMIGOSH youre WAY better looking than I imagined. PHWOOOOOAAAARRR! Sorry, couldnt help myself. Ahem. *sits back down, slightly ashamed* s x
from lostasyou :
Haha yeah that's the problem.. so many good people on DL but they're all so far away. But thanks.
from stepfordtart :
Stay off the beers if youre taking Zanax tho, huh?! s x
from ahopeinhell :
And remember, remember. I'm impressed that you play live! My friends can barely convince me to do karaoke in a private room. It's pretty sad, sometimes.
from ahopeinhell :
Hey, sorry!! Still alive here. Just got hit hard by exams. Hope you've been well! I think I've got a lot of reading to catch up on.
from lostasyou :
Haha yeah that's what I;m doing. No way will I not touch another drink for the rest of my life ;). It'd just be good to only mainly do it at the weekends, ugh. Not on my own, yknow? I've managed well so far but it's only Monday night hahaha. And thanks :)
from lostasyou :
Oh! I don't even remember what I said now so it can't have been too important hahaha.
from stepfordtart :
Funnily enough, Ive been sleeping a lot better the last couple of days - Im wondering if its the effects (physical or psychological) of having finished chemotherapy now. Im pretty sure I'll have a few sleepless nights before I go in for my surgery, and Im still not sleeping right through the night at the moment but its really nice to be getting at least SOME sleep! Sounds like you could deffo juggle your dose a bit for the best effect. s x PS when do we get to see the pictures of the new glasses?
from lostasyou :
Hahahahah, nooo we're all nuts here :) but thanks!
from stepfordtart :
Suffering terribly from insomnia at the moment - very interested to hear how your melatonin trial works out. s x
from stepfordtart :
'do to' just sounds fucking stupid. Even the BBC think so: http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/learningenglish/grammar/learnit/learnitv56.shtml So does the dictionary - 'due' has this definition From Middle English, from Old French deu (�due�), past participle of devoir (�to owe�), from Latin debere (�to owe�), whereas the roots of 'do' lead you to origins meaning 'to put in place'. Therefore, you could say 'blahblahblah OWING TO xyz happening' and still make perfect sense, but saying 'blahblahblah PUT IN PLACETO xyz happening' just makes you sound like a mentalist. Show me the grammar site from which you got this scurrilous lie, and let me refute it! s x PS Im actually really interested to hear how this came to be - if there is a Latin/Greek root which I hadnt considered than Im happy to be proved wrong on a technicality but Im having trouble believing it to be true!
from stepfordtart :
Why dont you just go? She might have 101 reasons for not calling you up herself. Just go. See her for a while, do something nice, tell her its good to see her, break the ice. s x PS Props on the macho stuff too! Its kind of cool that you just restrained the guy - there's plenty would have just steamed in and given him a battering.
from lostasyou :
Uh oh! That doesn't sound good haha :P I'm going to get told off. But yeah, I'll let you know :)
from stepfordtart :
Project for the weekend: google those songs and listen to them so I can get an idea of your style. Looking forward to finding out! s x
from lostasyou :
Thank you for the luck and the note before, I appreciate it xx
from stepfordtart :
Its just that you seem to be having such a difficult time at the moment and I wanted to say something helpful, but I just couldnt think of any way that I could help you. I had to say SOMETHING because I wanted you to know that Id read what you wrote but I just didnt have anything that I could write down that sounded supportive or helpful or any of the things that I would like to think I would be if I knew you in real life. And writing ((HUG)) seemed a bit ...ummm...not good enough, I guess. s x
from stepfordtart :
I dont know how to comment on that, but I wish I did. s x
from ahopeinhell :
Oops. I'm sorry! I'm a bit stupid with the tumblr interface, but it should work now. (Just go to the same address, plus /ask)
from stepfordtart :
nice blinds - but a bit of a bastard to dust! What colours do they come in? s x
from stepfordtart :
Huzzah for a decent bonus! We're all doing pretty well here, thanks fer askin'! s x
from ahopeinhell :
I can understand the fear of being discovered. Nothing to apologize for. :) If you can send me a message on my tumblr (http://anditisalways1985.tumblr.com/) that would be great. Thanks, cheers.
from stepfordtart :
Have you got another colleague (same level as your boss or maybe one up) that you could talk to? I know you have to be very careful these days but I dont think that its racist to suggest that someone isnt understanding what youre telling them (or that you dont understand what theyre telling you) - its perfectly understandable to miss some nuances of communication that way. Either that, or try emailing your gripes instead of speaking them - that way you get to get your point across in perfect English (easier to translate!) and might get a written reply which might be clearer to get your head around. Dont be miserable - we all still love you! s x
from lostasyou :
Thank you for that note, it made me feel a lot better :) and I'll try to accept it! I also wanted to comment about your son, but I didn't really know what to say at the time.. but I am sorry.
from ahopeinhell :
Thank you for reading. I hope I'll see more of you. I wanted to read a bit of your diary, but I can see it's invite-only. Some other time, maybe.
from fairybones :
wow, the story of your son was heartbreaking to read, i can't even imagine what it must be like to go through something like that. but i am glad you decided to share this story with us, and i think it's really lovely that you visit him every year and that you seem to get so much from it as well (though i know it must still be hard). <3
from stepfordtart :
Thanks for letting me/us know. Thats a terrible situation to find yourself in and (as a parent)I understand completely how it must affect you. ((hug)) s x
from fairybones :
heyyy i want a password but i don't have your email! wait, or do you mean your dland email address thingamadoo? i'll try it!
from stepfordtart :
Im so sorry, I had no idea about your son. Did you write about him somewhere so I can catch up without asking you a load of dumbass questions? s x
from stepfordtart :
"I need an emotional connection for sex to be important" - Aha! I think I see the problem! There's nothing much wrong with you......youre just a girl!!! Heeheeheehee. Seriously though, there's nothing wrong with that statement at all. Without the emotional attachment, sex is a very selfish act, focussed pretty much solely on one's own pleasure. In the context of a loving relationship (or, dare I say it, a marriage) the focus is very much on the other person's pleasure, knowing that they are doing exactly the same to make sure YOUR boat gets floated, too! If we allow for this hypothesis, then the only thing wrong with you is youre not selfish enough for casual sex. I dont necessarily think thats a bad thing, do you? ((squeeze)) s x
from stepfordtart :
Oh for goodness sake! Even couples that are properly 'together' have nights when the fireworks dont go off, no matter how many attempts they have at lighting the fuse. You and Viv have complicated history and you already admitted to reservations about the physical side of your friendship. How on earth was that supposed to lead to The 1812 Overture? Let it go - its not the end of the world and I bet if you spoke to Viv about it she wouldnt be able to see that there had been/was a problem at all. Be a bit kind to yourself. Shrug. Move on. ((hugs)) s x
from stepfordtart :
No Fair! s x
from stepfordtart :
She IS a bit gorgeous, isnt she! s x
from stepfordtart :
The making out without the emotional connection is always going to leave a slight aftertaste. Youve been lonely and there's someone you like, offering what you wanted at that time. Enjoy it for what it was and let it go - you dont ever have to do it again if you dont want to, and if you want to...just keep your eyes open. No harm done as far as i can see. s x
from stepfordtart :
yes. off you go. *tucks you in and switches off the light* s x
from stepfordtart :
Haha! Good job you didnt 'Carpe' as it would have been the wrong 'Diem'! Next time, old chap, next time! s x
from stepfordtart :
Hmm, just watched it again and decided not to! I'll email you the mpegs if you like but Im not sure I want to put it 'out there'! If you note me your email address I'll delete it off my notes straight away after. s x
from stepfordtart :
then the 'bike group thing' is permissible! Fingers crossed for you - the music thingy sounds good. I have a bit of video of a gig I was at at the weekend (I guested for the band that L plays with sometimes) - its only a verse or so and terrible quality - I might post it when I update next. Maybe ;-) s x
from stepfordtart :
Do you really have to do the whole 'bike group' thing? Cant you just ask her if she wants to go have a coffee with you when she gets off work? The worst thing that could happen is she says no, isnt it? Carpe Diem old chap! s x
from fairybones :
you're just a big sweetheart, thank you very much for your little message to me in your entry a few days ago. it honestly means quite a lot to me that anyone would say such things about me, especially when i think back to the girl i was only just a few years ago and how i could never seem to get past those first three or four months in the goofiest relationships and didn't ever imagine myself getting married at all. and then, so randomly, i met james and i got the most awesomely weird vibe, and everything from before was all pushed off my slate and i thought: 'okay, nevermind all that past bullshit! i am going to marry this dude! i HAVE to marry him, and if i somehow cant, then i'm just going to have to become a crazy ol' cat lady because i'm just not supposed to be with anyone else anymore... and gee, i wonder what his name is!' and voila, all fell into place, no need for me to start a collection of dozens of stray kitties. and, believe me mister, if all of this can work out and happen for me, it is more than possible for you too, or anyone else for that matter, and that's just the truth of it. i bet you'll find the right lady when you're least expecting to - it seems to work that way a lot i've noticed. and, you know, the most long-lasting, incredible, true relationships that i've personally known of, are always the ones that sneak up on you out of the blue and often times don't even seem the most likely initially. kind of crazy, but i swear it's true! anyway, i always babble on, but thanks again. i read the other little messages you gave to the others as well and, well, you just really are a great guy, and even though i hardly know you i can tell you've got a huge heart. whoever you're meant to be with, and whenever you do finally snag her, she'll be a really lucky lady, that's for sure.
from lostasyou :
Thanks for the little mention, was nice to see :) cheers.
from stepfordtart :
I see you, online at 01.45! Oh, hang on, thats the time HERE, its probably a sensible time where you are. :-/ s x
from lostasyou :
Oh god, I know all about the overwhelming thing. I'll get all geared up and ready for anything and then overdo and it and be like "well, this is shit" after a day and give up. Slowly does it I guess haha. Thanks :)
from lostasyou :
No problem :)
from lostasyou :
I'd like to read some more so you'll be a new addition to my buddy list ;)
from stepfordtart :
I had no idea you were adopted so, if you did tell me and I forgot then I really apologise. Especially as my comments about going home to family seem a bit moronic now. V sorry if I caused offence. I do stand by the 'we love you too and we want you to be happy' stuff, tho. I hope you find something that suits for NYE. s xx
from stepfordtart :
I dont remember you ever saying that you dont get along with your family (if you did, and Ive forgotten, then Im sorry) so Im just going to say this: Go home. Go see your family. Talk to them. Tell them you are lonely. They love you. Maybe they can help. s x PS We love you too and we want you to be happy. Merry Chistmas : )
from stepfordtart :
Greys would be lovely (and much easier to 'brighten'- with anything you like - than the greens). You should be able to print your scheme out and take it to any paint retailer who can mix colours just how you like them. I hope youre going to post pics of the finished article! s x
from stepfordtart :
The main stumbling block I would say is the unwillingness to try a new one if the old one is still lurking about in the brain somewhere. I think thats an unconscious thing and would always bring about thoughts of 'well, she's okaaaaay, but she's not X'. I think you'd have to really persevere with a new relationship and be absolutely clinical about giving it a fair shot. If you could never have blueberries ever again and someone offered you an orange instead, youd think they were mental: "How can I put this ridiculous orange thing in my muffins? What madman is suggesting cheesecake with THIS on top?" etc etc. But over time, you'd discover the delights of freshly squeezed juice, and sorbet and polenta cake soaked in orange syrup and you'd LOVE them. You might still wistfully hanker for your beloved blue buddy but different things would have filled those gaps in your dessert menu. And thats quite enough analogies for one day! s xxx
from stepfordtart :
Trim is Golden Suede from creams and Neutrals (5 rows down, 9 in from left), ceiling Pale Damask from Creams and Neutrals (3 down, 9 from left), Pea Pod feature wall, on Greens (middle row, 14 from left). Hard to see how theyd look in 'real life', colors on monitor not always accurate!
from stepfordtart :
Try this: http://www.crownpaint.co.uk/colour/610/royal-gala.htm (if you click on 'my schemes' it should load).I lightened the trim right down (to compliment how I envisage your floor) and darkened the ceiling a little but stayed in the same palette as the trim. You could accent rugs/art/soft furnishings etc with a real shocking splash of colour - a purple/magenta would look cool! Or, you can say "OMIGOSH that is VILE!". I wont be offended! s x
from stepfordtart :
I think Pea Pod would be better on your feature wall. The jade has too much blue/white in it, I think, to work with the Gala. I like the dark trim - the jet black seems better than the LBD tho. I couldnt get the link to the floor to work but I think I can guess at it. Do you have anything else you need to match/tone? Bedding? Rug? Are you set on dark trim? And MUST the ceiling be white? I might play about with this again later on - I have a feeling for a light (but not as stark as white) ceiling and an overall 'tone' for the room which has a little less 'contrast'. Gimme some time! s x
from stepfordtart :
Maybe this would help: http://www.crownpaint.co.uk/paint-and-colour/index.htm you can try out colours on a 3d room! Also, One Guinness? Seriously? ONE Guinness? You will never be a professional guitarist, my friend! My husband would consider ONE Guinness to be a cruel taunt! ; ) s x
from stepfordtart :
Yay for cancer that keeps itself to itself and doesnt go all 'making itself at home' all over the place : / (and yay for not having to have that awkward conversation with Viv!) s x PS 2nd hand chair, maybe?
from stepfordtart :
I 'scrunch up' in bed, too and I really notice it in my neck. I have to make a real conscious effort to not do it and to force my neck and shoulders into a more normal position before I go to sleep. I do really have to do a kind of 'is my head supposed to be twisted like this? Where are my shoulders in relation to where they should be?' kind of checklist. Hope the new blankie continues to do the job. s x PS Im kind of OK at the mo - thanks for thinking of me! xx
from stepfordtart :
At the moment I am the Queen of Doing Stuff that makes you feel better and Im sure the sense of accomplishment youre getting from your household projects will make you feel a whole lot more positive about other aspects of your life too. The fitness regime sounds like it will reap its own rewards, too, and playing music ALWAYS makes a body feel good. The drums are a pretty good upper body workout, too, even if you suck! Im sorry about the CC stuff, but feeling good about other things in your life maybe might start to take the sharp edges of the bad stuff? s x
from fairybones :
without even knowing the full extent of your history/issues with viv, i think the cons of her staying in your home outweighs the pros. it's got to be difficult, i know, but don't let your loneliness overpower the rest of your emotions and your will. but, i'd say, definitely do spend some time with her while she's around, but in a neutral setting, like at a diner or in a park, you know? who knows what might happen from there. you might even realise that it's not such a bad idea afterall, and you could offer her a place to crash or just hang out for a bit and you'd have some nice company for a few days. i just feel though that to let her, out of random nowhereness, spend that kind of intimate time in your house, right from the get-go, especially when you've been feeling the way you've been (plus your past with her, plus her new relationship), is inviting more trouble than anything else. and i'd hate for such a thing to wind up making you feel worse and for more reasons than you already do. i feel like such a debbie downer writing this, i'm sorry! but, i don't know, if i were you, that's what i'd do. <3
from stepfordtart :
This is what I would do: Tell her you arent sure about her staying with you (after all, its not just one or two nights) as you have reservations about how you would get along as housemates, bearing in mind your history together. Say you'd like to hang out with her while she's here and maybe review the whole situation after a week or so once you get used to being around each other again. How'm I doing? s xx
from stepfordtart :
Dont be. We all feel a bit like that every now and then. Its what separates us from robots. That, and not being made of metal, with lasers for eyes, obviously. s x
from stepfordtart :
Hey, look at the whiner...getting a massive and all-encompassing cuddle off his English friend (even tho she just got out of bed and is not exactly looking hot at the moment!). Deep breaths my friend, deep breaths. Maybe time to try match.com? No, Im not joking. Meet some new people, do some new stuff? People several thousand miles away are worrying about you. *smooches* s xxx
from stepfordtart :
Aww, man! Come over here - we gots beer in the fridge and clean sheets on the spare room bed and we're always happy to see someone who can play the guitar. Take a BIG ole road trip and chill your mind. s xxx
from fairybones :
yup, stepfordtart is right, i definitely meant you too. see, the thing was, that whole entry of mine was ~magic~ and only truly beautiful souls who deserved a lovely day were able to see it, while those that are ugly on the inside and mean and smelly and deserve nothing but poop continued to see the entry previous to that one. i swear it was magic! so, since you obviously saw it, it applied to you too, always. and if you didn't happen to have a lovely day, well, that's not up to me, but it still doesn't change the fact that you did deserve one anyway, and i'm sure you'll get one soon enough. <3
from stepfordtart :
Fairybones TOTALLY meant you! (And me, for that matter!)Oh, and would you really want to be going out with the kind of girl who spends her time hanging about in bars waiting to meet guys? Even if they DO end up being guys like you! Have you tried asking friends to fix you up? Im pretty sure there's someone out there for you - Ive seen your pics and you look pretty much ok so unless youre completely bat-shit crazy its only a matter of time, surely? s x
from stepfordtart :
Yow! (VERY gentle) hugs to you and your ma! Hope you are both feeling better soon. s x
from stepfordtart :
Why deny yourself a night out? You could have one or two beers and still have a good night, couldnt you? Oh, and whats wrong with going out sometime with waitress girly without there being some kind of sub-text? You guys get along dont you? Everything doesnt have to be about 'long term prospects' does it? s x
from stepfordtart :
DONT DATE MUSICIANS! That way lies damnation, my friend....or at least penury, stress headaches and the risk of communicable diseases. Oh, and you could end up a shadow of your former self...like me! s x
from stepfordtart :
Oh! Were we at the same place, cos that was my evening too! Today's another day, dude. *smiles ruefully across the atlantic* s x
from stepfordtart :
Im sure Im not the only one who reads - Im just the only one who leaves dumbass notes! Surely The Joker is rock and roll enough to not be too concerned about the decor of the boudoir? Get plenty blankets and do the gentlemanly thing yourself if its a choice between bed and floorboards! s x
from stepfordtart :
"thicker"? Does that mean 'a bit less than slender'? Over here, if you call someone "thick" it means stupid. Im pretty sure you werent saying these girls are dumbasses so Im also pretty sure that maybe theyre a bit more bootylicious than you usually go for. If so, so what? My husband usually goes for the tumble-haired English rose, in a flowery flowing dress, ideally strolling in a meadow with a sunhat on. He ended up with a punky haired, fishnet stockings wearing, argumentative bossyboots who can beat him in a fight. Luuuurrve takes no notice of the rules (and Lust isnt too bothered either!). s x
from stepfordtart :
Yay! Cast list! That should make things easier. Oh, and DOUBLE YAY on fixing the furnace thingy!! s x
from stepfordtart :
If you can get the bedframe, or a divan base, could you make the headboard part yourself? You seem pretty handy and then you could have exactly what you wanted (bondage points included ;-)) s x
from stepfordtart :
Haha! Auntie Stepfie knows best! And I think its a guy thing - having a problem with RTFM - women are quite happy to do it but guys always leave it until the situations absolutely critical. Maybe its a question of pride? Whatever, Im glad youre all fixed up now : ) s x
from stepfordtart :
get the bedroom done! you never know when you might pull! s x
from stepfordtart :
Im looking forward to seeing the 'after' pictures, Mr Atlas! ;-) s x
from stepfordtart :
Get some superglue on those shredded fingertips, and play another set, pansy-boy ; ) Ive seen this maniac: http://members.multimania.co.uk/eddieallen_uk/eddie_allen_index.html (a friend of L's)do that when his fingers were practically bleeding stumps! s x PS Surgical spirit is quite good for hardening the skin, too (and a bit less extreme - its what ballet dancers do)
from stepfordtart :
Start a 12 bar blues and see if anyone in the audience has a harmonica - thats half an hour covered, with everyone at the bar just a'noddin' their heads and groovin ; ) Otherwise, get a couple of 'guest artistes' up - I quite often do that for friends of L's who dont have a full set. Usually I do it for free and it breaks the evening up a bit for everyone. s x
from stepfordtart :
Next time you see her, ask her if she finished her homework and then ask her "what are you studying"? If she says one, maybe two, subjects then she's at college. If she says 'everything' or makes some excuse to not tell you....then you're a cradle snatcher! heehee. Just ask her - whats the worst that could happen? s x
from stepfordtart :
*fingers crossed for her being a uni student* s x
from stepfordtart :
(((cyber-squeeze)))...mostly cos youre too far away to hug in person. s x
from stepfordtart :
*stifles a laugh re the making-out pillows*! s x
from stepfordtart :
*frowns* thats ALL you need. Hope you can give her the peace she seems to need, without destroying the peace you need for yourself. s x
from stepfordtart :
L and I run an open mic night at our local bar, its lots of fun. We never mind people getting up kind of 'unprepared' so you shouldnt let that freak you out - thats the whole point of an open mic night. I hope the hosts were supportive - we always big up the acts (even if theyre terrible....not that Im suggesting at all that you were!) cos we know it takes a lot of guts to get up there and do your thang. Yay you! s x
from stepfordtart :
We dont really have any spiders that bite over here - just the one type as far as I know and even then they arent poisonous, so Im not going to be much help with this! s x PS Yup, chips are crisps. Fries are chips. Cookies are Biscuits and Biscuits are Scones. Glad we got that cleared up!
from stepfordtart :
I like it! It has that vague air of Rockabilly to it (thats not an insult!), or maybe Toadfish from Neighbours (that isnt an insult either....OK, maybe a little.) ;-) s x
from stepfordtart :
Oh, and McDs breakfast EVERY day? Man! Isnt there a deli or something near you so you can mix it up a bit? Or maybe keep something in the fridge at work? Fruit? Bagel and some cream cheese? I worry about your digestive system, dude - may you have a working kitchen VERY soon! s x
from stepfordtart :
I kinda like these 'day in the life' thingies, although I dont think I have the stamina to write one myself! s x
from stepfordtart :
Huzzah for small successes! s x
from fairybones :
yes!, do a day in the life entry. it took me forever to type mine all up and put the sequences in order, as i'd been writing all over little scraps of paper the entire day, but it was actually a pretty fun experiment. do it, do it!
from stepfordtart :
If you come to England and dont visit with me I shall be mortally offended. s x
from stepfordtart :
Promise Promise Promise! Now upload the songs dammit! I shall play it/them in the studio for maximum joy. s x
from stepfordtart :
Hey! Sad to hear you're still not feeling tip-top. Fingers crossed for that all to change for you soon. s x
from stepfordtart :
Condolences to you, dear. Sadly, 'rockstars' are rarely immortal, something Ive started pointing out to my nearly-50, hard-living, big-drinking rockstar husband. :-/ s x
from stepfordtart :
No,, you'll never run away, but I think it OK to methaphorically punch yourself in the face every now and then and then to move on. Pretty much nobody stays mad forever and Im sure you can go a-bridge building another time. Give yourself a break. s x
from stepfordtart :
Yeh, we still say 'birds' over here but to be honest its not usually said in a nice way. More likely to be something like "No! Not that big fat bird! I meant her tasty blonde mate!". Although, some older guys would say it for 'good-looking women' - "Yeh, the place was heaving with tasty birds". Come to think of it, 'birds' are usually 'tasty' if theyre nice looking. Hope that helps! s x
from stepfordtart :
Dont buy one! Its just a car shaped hole into which you will throw ALL your money! You will look immeasurably cool, obviously, but you will be SOOOOOOO broke! Look! Mine's here: http://stepfordtart.diaryland.com/060927_53.html s x
from stepfordtart :
I feel your pain on the 'gas guzzler' front, old chap! My car (mazda RX8) only does about 20mpg and petrol/gas is nudging $9/gall at the moment (or �1.38/litre if you want to do the reverse math!) s x
from stepfordtart :
wishing all the best for you in your new abode, dear! s x
from stepfordtart :
Looking forward to seeing how the move affects your overall mood - I think its all going to be positive! Do we get to see pics of the car, too? s x
from fairybones :
i'm a complete d-bag when it comes to pointing out when anyone resembles a celebrity, so take my word for it when i say you look nothing like simon cowell (which is a good thing of course, because he's a wanker)! ps, and thank you for your condolenc-- i mean congratulations, hah! <3
from stepfordtart :
Yay! That worked! I can even see you smiling! s x
from stepfordtart :
What do I need to click once I follow the link? I can only see the 'girls are evil' pic - I cant even find the band ones again, let alone the new stuff. Am I being dim? No, dont answer that! s x
from stepfordtart :
I use photobucket for hosting my pics - its easy as. I can just copy the html from a tab under the pics and all is revealed! Might save you a load of farting about? Looking forward to seeing more pics! s x
from stepfordtart :
Totally NOTHING like Simon Cowell! (but you totally could do with smiling in at LEAST one shot!) Any links to the 'sound' of the band or is it just 'looking' only? s x
from stepfordtart :
Not half as sad as having hair like Simon Cowell! I bet you look nothing like him. s x PS Oh, and you're never alone with D'land : )
from sassymcgee :
Throw away those lists of qualities in women you keep in your brain and just have fun. Go to the bike club even if you aren't sure if the girl likes you(Which she does. Women don't talk to guys they don't know unless they like SOMETHING about them). Have conversations with cute girls without expecting anything to happen. Three CUTE girls went out of their way to talk to you. That alone tells you something.
from zencelt :
Hi! (waving madly, and blowing slobbery kisses)
from polly-esther :
Personally I wouldn't reach out to her anymore. She probably said the friends thing because a lot of people say that and don't mean it. It sucks. Maybe you can get closure by just making a pointed decision not to contact her anymore and just leave it at that, without involving her in it (i.e. telling her you won't get in touch with her anymore.)
from sassymcgee :
Yeah but when are you going to get angry at yourself and say "HEY! I'm a cool dude who plays in bands and rides motorcycles. Chicks dig that. So stop with the shyness already." Or something like that lol. I was shy and finally I realized I needed to get over myself or I wouldn't have anybody. And you are cool. Does she know about your cool factor?
from sassymcgee :
Dude. There's no ring on her finger. Steal her away before he gets the chance to make his move. What do you have to lose?
from sixweasels :
a cookie or a ciggie butt? Nah. But a full moon on a crisp fall night and just getting to sit and look at it? Or something happening that brings that short-lived but real laugh that is so big it hurt? Yeah. That's that kind of happy to me. But it doesn't always make up for the going to work part, if I'm honest : ).
from zencelt :
:)
from sassymcgee :
Ehh. The sex to have sex thing only works so long then you just end up feeling worse than you did before...trust me.
from zencelt :
Any chance of patching/welding the gas tank? Duct tape? Seriously, big hugs dude.
from lust- :
I'm sure she was..
from zencelt :
Good luck!!!
from zencelt :
Well...
from zencelt :
It's a red flag. It signals that you intend to hold back in the relationship/acquaintance, and/or that you're insecure about your age. I don't think that people care so much what age you are, but the fact that you hold back when it's a common point of interest seems off-putting and abstruse. It also signals the other party that you think they're wrong for wondering. And I happen to know how old your ass is, so stop calling yourself OLD dammit!!!
from zencelt :
I'm not quite sure what to say about CC. I guess maybe to early on to insert a possible big life change?
from sassymcgee :
I'm humming the theme to the Twilight Zone now. lol.
from sassymcgee :
Are you making those horoscopes up? I'm calling shenanigans because they are a bit eerie lol.
from zencelt :
I totally see where your ex is coming from, and it may not be a hurt/jealousy thing. It sucks to see people you care about giving up on their dreams for anything, especially romance, because it seems so fleeting. However, you've said that the thing with CC feels different. So that counts for a lot.
from sassymcgee :
Give CC some credit and talk to her about it. It seems, from what you've written about her, that she's a pretty cool chic and not overly emotional.
from zencelt :
Like I said. All I'm hearing is "vacation home in Germany for Zen!" LOL!
from sixweasels :
Yes. Straight guys are TOTALLY allowed to say yummy : )
from zencelt :
Yay!!! Enjoy yourself!
from fairybones :
hmm. i tried emailing the password to you at your diaryland email thing but it automatically sent me an email back saying that the message failed. how annoying. could you perhaps email me first and i'll send you the password that way? my email address is in my profile.
from stepfordtart :
I had to google locks of love but wow, thats a cool thing to do. Im impressed - you really do have lovely hair, before AND after! s x
from sassymcgee :
HA! I seriously thought of using groovy in the post...too funny! Did you notice the title was actually from a Run DMC song? I thought it fit perfectly.
from sassymcgee :
LOL! Well it's good that you're feeling so good about everything...And it's nice that you grew your hair for Locks of Love. Good luck with CC! :D
from zencelt :
Hey, I had adream about you last night. Or, really, this morning. We were hanging out with my nephew, and you were making him toys. Weird...
from zencelt :
Awe! You're so pretty! I like the new haircut.
from sassymcgee :
Kiss her. If you're attracted to her, then kiss her. Women like to kiss men they're attracted to. But if she's hesitant, then I'm sorry to say, you're in the friend zone.
from zencelt :
FINISHING NOTE... everytime I listened to it as a kid. Still my favorite though.
from zencelt :
That song used to make me cry ever
from ninabean :
i wanna say i'm the only "ninabean" that was fanatically around in 2002-2005... sadly im also the ninabean whos memory is her worst attribute.... although the dland name you gave sounds familiar-ish
from zencelt :
Hmmm...
from zencelt :
I would have joined you had you given me more notice...
from stepfordtart :
Go with the flow, dude! Oh, and the full-contact hug? She's into you. Us girls do a 'shoulder and arms only' if we're just being polite. Oh, and the other girl - the one that was a bit distant - she was pissed that her friend was getting all the props is all. s x
from zencelt :
Stop analyzing! (kisses)
from stepfordtart :
SQUEEEEEE! Everything crossed for you, dear. s x
from zencelt :
Woo hoo! Crossing fingers and toes for you!
from sixweasels :
awkwardness is highly overrated and there's no reason to feel it here in your place - getting out the good, the bad and the ugly is what these spaces are for.
from sixweasels :
I wish there was something I could say that would make some of it better. Hugs.
from zencelt :
Well fuck. Loneliness sucks monkey balls.
from zencelt :
Maybe you've been crying all along, just not getting wet.
from stepfordtart :
squeeeee!!! Well done you! Lets hope its the start of something big. s x
from sixweasels :
Keeping my fingers crossed for you, on all fronts!
from stepfordtart :
Ref the possible new job - is there any way you could do maybe some of it remotely, from home? Just a thought. Nice to see a big fat update from skinny ole you! s x
from zencelt :
Stepford Tart cracks me up... Hey Porter - You know, I think it might be the biker boots that make you look like a big guy. And you do have that big guy posture, walk, aura, etc. Hmmm. Yeah, that's it.
from fairybones :
oh don't worry about me, i had a bit of a temper tantrum and decided to take it out on the internet, but everything is fine. thank you though. ps... i just took a peak at your most recent entry and i am very flattered.
from stepfordtart :
Oh, Golly! I just went and had a look and she IS jolly beautiful. I almost have a crush on her myself (when Im not being jealous!). s x
from sixweasels :
nope, hadn't given up on you : ).
from stepfordtart :
It is indeed a saying of ours and no, we hadnt given up on you, just presumed MIA and about to come back with a crackin good story for our delectation... s x
from zencelt :
Well, arse yourself back up and tell us what's been going on! Even I updated a couple times this year...
from stepfordtart :
pictures, pictures, pictures, pictures, pictures, pictures. (pleeeeeeeeeeeeease!) s x
from sixweasels :
Let me know when/where you put the pics, dude!
from polly-esther :
You should join Facebook and post pics there!
from stepfordtart :
Whoaaaa!! There is no need for anyone to be that bendy. No. NEED. s x
from zencelt :
I'm pretty much ruined by Gerard Butler...
from zencelt :
Super Jar!!! Where's the shiny polyester cape? No kidding, way to go. That's very cool.
from zencelt :
Hey! Remember me? Whassup?
from sassymcgee :
Me too! It is cheese-tastic! I remember LOVING Michelle Pfeiffer and singing the songs ALL the time--even when I didn't QUITE understand what they were saying.
from polly-esther :
Thanks for the info. I looked through the program files and didn't see anything that shouldn't be there so I think I'm in the clear..?
from zencelt :
Hi Sweetpea!
from zencelt :
Any thoughts on my last post? I need direction. Yes, I know, I'm pathetic...
from zencelt :
So...what's up?
from zencelt :
I knew the bastards would come crawling back... Cool! Have a Merry not Christmas tomorrow!
from stepfordtart :
"find happiness with such apparent ease". No we didnt. We slogged miserably along and then got lucky. Some of us are still pinching ourselves. Your time will come. s x
from stepfordtart :
there's something strangely appealing about a soft-hearted man. s x
from zencelt :
I'm glad you at least got a decent settlement from the fuckers, so you have soem breathing space. It's funny how all of your connections to that place have been cut at one time, huh? Why don't you consider consulting work and traveling around for a bit? That way you can experiment with different companies and locations till you settle on a place to...settle? Or just come on over to the east coast so Six and I can see a little more of you. Big bear squeeze hugs!
from sixweasels :
I am so sorry I don't know what to say. It's like a fricken' epidemic of suck these days. You know I speak for both myself and Zen when I say we're here if you wanna talk. And let me know what I could do to help with a job search, too. Big giant hugs across the miles.
from zencelt :
Holy fucking shit! They laid you off?
from zencelt :
I'm off between x-mas and New Years. Is there a cool place to meet between me and you? Maybe Six will come too... Ya'll can pov together.
from stepfordtart :
wanna come to ours? we got beer! s x
from zencelt :
Sweatpea... Just because he was a cat doesn't mean you're not in mourning. It whacks you out, and you'll probably be whacked out for a while. And hey, the vehicle shit doesn't help either. I just poured 700 in to my car and its only 3 years old. Including replacing the battery. It's really pissing me off, because I've never had a Honda go bad on me. And this is number 5. Of course, you know me, I didn't exactly pay it out of my savings... Bad Zen. Big cyber hugs and kisses to you. I'll send some healing energy your way.
from polly-esther :
I'm sooo sorry to hear about your cat. I've been through that and I know how devistating it is. I still miss my Cali, who passed away seven years ago. :(
from stepfordtart :
Get down to your local music shop and check out the notice boards. If they're anything like ours there'll be plenty of bands/artists looking for people to jam and gig with. I hated living on my own. It sucks big hairy goat balls. 'Signs of depression' is another thing thats on those courses I teach and I have never met a person yet who scored less than 7 or 8 out of 10 so I wouldnt let that worry you! And anyways, you have ussssssss! If that doesnt have you reaching for the noose I dont know what would! heehee. s x
from zencelt :
I can sooo picture it. I'd freak if a mouse crawled thru my hair. And mine is almost as long as yours now. Sorry your corpse pose didn't work out as intended. LOL!
from stepfordtart :
Heehee! I had Tom and Jerry music playing in my head the whole time I was reading that. s x
from zencelt :
I've been staying at my mom's being sick and missed your posts. I'm so sorry to hear about M. I really enjoyed my time with him. He was a truly great cat. Even when he put his butt in my face. I know you're more the suffer in silence type, but I do have a phone. I'd tell you not to beat yourself up, but I know it would be futile. You're gonna do it anyway. Just try to go a little easy, OK? Let some of it go. Big hugs. Wish I were there.
from sixweasels :
I'm so sorry. Hugs.
from stepfordtart :
Just for a change, it gives me no joy to find out I was kind of right. Poor kitty. And poor you. ((hug))s x
from sixweasels :
Hope kitty is ok -keep us posted!
from zencelt :
I'll do some long distance kitty cat Reiki. Give him a smooch for me.
from stepfordtart :
Ooch. Poor kitty. Might be kidney problems - she's the right age and symptoms sound the same as my last cat. Hope all is OK. The reduction in caffeine might well be helping your 'calm' sort of mood - long may it last! s x
from zencelt :
Just went back and read some stuff I missed. Sorry about the financing, yes - get physical with the DJ - just set expectations, and for heavens sake don't let that damn house or the experiences within hold you back from gathering positive energy. You'll be out sooner than you think.
from zencelt :
How about the library? Toasty warm, comfy chairs, smell of old books...
from sixweasels :
Even though our challenges are different, I needed the reminders you put in your last entry as much as you did. So thanks : ).
from stepfordtart :
I dont have electronic (ie emailable) copy but could mail you a photocopy if you have a PO box address or similar. Email me? s x
from stepfordtart :
As part of my job, I run course for people who are caring for a loved one who is sick or disabled or earing the end of their life. Funnily enough, one of the sessions in the programme deals exactly with "negative inner voice" in just the way you decribed it. If its any consolation, it sometimes takes people a really long time to grasp the concept at all, even with my fabulous facilitation (!). That you came to it all by yourself and are prepared to at least try to address the balance...well, I take my hat off to you. love s x
from stepfordtart :
Meh. s x
from stepfordtart :
Actually, I CAN see it, with my special transatlant-o-specs. Cmon porky, get on out there wid yer new hairdo. Yes, the house is holding you back....but not for ever, huh? ((squeeeze)) s x
from stepfordtart :
Pray for rain. That way you have a legitimate excuse to drive to a bar. You can drink soda all night (cheap and healthier) as you cannot drink and drive, you can meet with your friends and still get home with wallet/brain/judgement intact. I do it all the time and our local bar is only a five minute walk from our house! Either that or you'll have to start taking evening classes - Community based ones are often free to join. Best of luck s x
from zencelt :
So when do you find out about the new house? Crossing fingers and toes... It sounds awesome!
from sassymcgee :
Good luck with the house! My fingers are crossed for you.
from sixweasels :
I may be a sentimental dork but you almost calling her and then her texting you a little later when neither of you have ever done so before seems a little "karma-ish" to me : ).
from stepfordtart :
Phew! I take back all that comforting stuff I said, then. heehee. s x
from stepfordtart :
So. You had a few scoops. I expect that the people you were talking to knew that and will have made allowances for it - after all, the cops werent called at any time, were they, so it/you cant have been that bad. File that one under "whoops" and have one less next time. Nothing bad happened. Honest. I went over there myself and checked. Stop beating yourself up. s x PS Actually, one of those last bits was a bit of a fib but I dont think anyone will have noticed. ; )
from sassymcgee :
I heard this quote in a movie(surprise surprise lol): "Everyone lives the life they truly want." So I'm deciding I want to change it. And I will. I'm stubborn that way.
from polly-esther :
I think your profile is straightforward and honest -- you're laying out what you're looking for. It might yield fewer responses than an ad that was less specific about what you want in a woman, but that way you don't have to weed through all of the crap replies you'd get. About your age, what's funny is that I know how old you are. You told me a long time ago!
from zencelt :
You are so freakin' adorable... You know I think the age thing is annoying, so no comments there... Your write-up works really well. It sums up the persona you like to go out with, if that makes sense... There's much more to you, but at face value, you hit all the high points. About all you can do in a summary. Very cute, not too cute, honest, pretty open. Good.
from stepfordtart :
I'd date you!....although, you're a bit young for me - I like em a bit more crusty! Seriously tho, I think you did a pretty good job there - interesting, without writing an essay. s x
from stepfordtart :
My first instinct would be to say 'be honest' but if you really are open to a wide range of ages then maybe the outrageous lie/photo combo would work for you. When I first met L he had a 'stage age' - he said ALL the musicians have one. They dont. Just the vain ones! He stayed 39 for about four years and then I told him he had to stop - I was his 'picture of Dorian Grey': I was getting older while he stayed the same age! Bizarrely he now adds on a few years cos he thinks 'pushing 50' and having people go "No! Really?" is better than saying 47 and having people believe it! s x
from sixweasels :
And I like sassy's idea of putting up the pic too - that should definitely nix any "creepy old dude" worries. And the thing is, if it doesn't work, you can always adjust your profile to give your age later!
from sixweasels :
Yeah, honesty is the best policy. But how about just saying the age range you are open to and saying that your age is somewhere within the same range, and will be revealed as you get to know someone, and not because you're trying to hide it but because you think its more fun that way. That's just as honest as giving your age, and more honest than making up a number.
from sassymcgee :
Hey that's cool. I do tend to think that I'm fricking hilarious so hopefully you will too...even when I'm venting. Feel free to tell people that I AM super-duper awesome and hilarious(I need readers). Seriously, thanks for responding back and hopefully you DO enjoy cyber-stalking me lol.
from sassymcgee :
Put something outrageous for your age(like 900) and say that you don't care so much about age. Or say something about how you want them to guess your age. If you put up a pic then chicks will see that you're not the creepy old guy lol. It will make you seem witty and MIGHT intrigue some of them. Hope this helped. Good luck!
from polly-esther :
Would you say in your profile that the age you're indicating is not your real age and that you don't want to reveal what it really is? To be honest, I'm afraid lying about your age or keeping it a secret will really turn people off. I wouldn't tolerate that kind of coyness! Think about all of the weird people in the world of Internet dating. Do you want to be one of those strange types? I know that you're not like that, but you don't want to put people off. If you don't want to be honest about your age, maybe drop off 2-4 years then when you meet in person, you can be upfront about it.
from stepfordtart :
Hmm, tricky one. I'd say it got to be healthier to have ones emotions at least NEAR the surface though, isnt it? I mean, God forbid if everything we thought or felt was utterly transparent to even the most casual of observers but I think other people are better placed to make a connection to you if they can at least identify with how you're feeling. If I was just up the road Id come knock your door for a beer and a chinwag. s x
from zencelt :
I'm not going to say any obnoxious things like congrats, or way to go or anything. But going to see your sis' kid was huge. Way huge.
from sixweasels :
Lots of positive vibes coming your way. Hugs.
from stepfordtart :
Morning! s x
from stepfordtart :
have you already been through all the gals in your state then? Im impressed! *wink* s x
from stepfordtart :
Hey. That was brave as hell and you did a fine thing by going. Im sure your sister appreciated the efforts you went through. s x
from sixweasels :
Hugs. I am like crazy proud of you right now.
from zencelt :
Oy!
from stepfordtart :
Hmm. My bad. Shouldnt skim-read whilst pretending to be working! s x
from stepfordtart :
I dont have a problem with you not saying Congratulations - its better than saying it and not meaning it. And yeh, three weeks is a BIT early to go blabbing it around! s x
from polly-esther :
Ah, OK, that makes much more sense!
from polly-esther :
Did it!! Thanks so much. About the three-week-pregnant thing, who goes around telling people they're pregnant so early on? That's so strange.
from zencelt :
Ummm. A congratulatory email might be in order. Seriously. It might make someone feel good. Did you end up working out?
from zencelt :
Make sure you new place "feels" good to you. That may be more important than other considerations. It'll encourage your good energy to expand and shrink the negativity and darkness...
from sixweasels :
You are taking the right steps - I know exactly what you mean about not feeling as "bad" but not sure you are feeling "better" because you aren't looking forward to things either. It seems like a move in the right direction though. I remember catching myself during my divorce year saying "I'll work on liking my life again when I get through this" instead of counting up all the moments that were good even while I was in it. And I've been catching myself sliding into that thinking even now, only it is "My life will be better and I'll be able to work on me when I get out of this horrible work situation." Like your house search, that is taking much longer than I hoped, and I realize I have to look at the good stuff I live every day even while I'm in the miserable job. One day at a time ... onward and upward. Hugs.
from zencelt :
Don't forget about all the good stuff you think about, and do, and say...
from sixweasels :
Hey - I miss you too. Just catching up on your posts and I alternate between worrying about you, thinking parts of it sounds like something I could have written about myself, and just wishing I could have a beer with you and give you a hug. Mostly, like Zen, wish we all lived closer.
from zencelt :
No matter now hard you run, you're always you. I've been toying with that thought lately. I've tried so hard to change, then just lost interest in everything altogether and went into hibernation, then just recently, I've gone full cirle. I like being the me I was better than some me I think I should be. At least for today... (snicker) Anyway, I wish you were around the corner so I could pop over and have a heart to heart. You're so good for my state of mind...
from zencelt :
Blah, huh? Me too...
from zencelt :
So, have all your entries since 10 days ago been negative, because we haven't heard from you... Come up for air!
from zencelt :
Dude! I haven't been here to see what's going on lately because I've had my head firmly lodged up my ass. Let's chat this weekend! I might even drunk dial you for old times sake.
from stepfordtart :
Holy shit! Houses are CHEAP round your way, dude! Even without kitchens! s x
from stepfordtart :
Well, there's nothing wrong with your perception - those were, indeed, crappy platitudes about being happy. I donthave the answer to what being happy is all about - I find happiness in the stupidest little things. Ive had a hellova week but I got home from work tonight and my daughters had spontaneously (ie without being nagged) tidied their rooms. Cue instant happy! Ive just sent them out to buy an icecream. Happy mummy, happy girls. I wouldnt strive too hard for a complete happy overview if I were you. Life isnt really like that. Just try and find a little bit of happy each day (if that doesnt sound just as crappy as all that other stuff we were so roundly rubbishing!) s x
from stepfordtart :
Im impressed that you actually did it! Not being able to be arsed to do anything about a problem is a common malaise, why else did a perfectly sentient being like me stay in a job I absolutely hated for seven long years? But even recognising your own 'cant be arsed-ness'can be counted as 'doing something about it'. Im pretty sure that sorting out the house stuff will make you feel a bit more positive and then you might actually feel just a little bit like dealing with one or two of the other things that are bothering you. Stick with it, dude! s x
from stepfordtart :
Being a whiny little shit is what Diaryland's all about! Thats why we're here! So we can offload all our gripes and (aside from the odd 'stop yer bitching' comments/notes) we can just move on with a lightened heart and less danger of committing damnable and bloody homicide. I dont know you so I cant say if you should go back to counselling or not, but I sure as hell would explore the free option first. Here we are...and we're all ears! Tell us. Your friends wont judge (and those who do can just go on living their perfect lives, cant they?)Here! Have a ((squeeeeeze)) s x
from sixweasels :
Well I'm excited for you! I so get your need to move away from a place that represents unhappiness to you. And your plans sounds like a workable way to cut your losses, stand proud, and be free. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.
from stepfordtart :
I do! I wish you all that you wish for yourself - you seem like a nice person who has got themselves into a bit of a scrape. I hope you find the best way to deal with it. Im also astonished that ANY kind of dwelling can be bought for $30K. You'd struggle to buy a decent new car for that here! My first house cost around $150K and that was in 1995! s x
from stepfordtart :
Where's your friend from? Anywhere near the south coast? s x
from sixweasels :
That poem could describe where I'm at with writing now to a tee. Could - hell, it does! I had other stuff to say but now I read Zen's note and I'm wondering what she got arrested for at that apartment by the sea ... I just can't focus these days LOL!
from zencelt :
Hey! I had a dream about you last night. We got this really old apartment together, somewhere near the sea, and I ended up getting arrested. Don't know why... Anyway, your pre-dream sounded like a really cool meditation. Have you considered trying to get there every night before you go to sleep? Oh, and, with the age thing, I think you can be very mysterious, even if people know how old you are. It would annoy me if a guy kept his age from me. If course, it would probably entertain you to annoy me endlessly... Kisses!
from polly-esther :
Do you have to put an age in your profile? I've never done online dating, but it seems like most people stretch the truth from what I heard. It would probably be harmless to knock off two or three years, but anything more than that would probably be too dishonest. I'd be pissed if I liked someone and found out they lied!
from zencelt :
Whew! Just got caught up on D-land and firstly - that was a cute little poem. Made me giggle. Secondly, good luck with the realtor people, and kiss the girl dammit! A nice snog does a body good.
from zencelt :
I think I could live with the minor pond in my basement as long as I had air conditioning. I hate summer...
from stepfordtart :
Golly! Thats a big step. Over here that takes some real cajones and I wish you well in whatever you decide (and I think its OK to think about people naked - I do it all the time!). s x
from zencelt :
I think that welcome attention from the opposite sex always makes us a little bi-polar... Its the high we get. Sounds like your trip to you sister's was fruitful though. Fun!
from sixweasels :
I'm so sorry this happened. That sucks!
from stepfordtart :
Die toten Hosen?! Heehee! Ask your friend if he remembers a song by Markus called Ich Will Spass (around 1981/82). I bet he cringes. If he doesnt know it, I'd be delighted to sing it for you....or maybe not. Its dire. But in a good way. Sort of. s x
from stepfordtart :
Unexplained weight loss? Count limbs! s x
from stepfordtart :
Thanks for indulging nosy ole me! s x
from stepfordtart :
What sort of band is it? And what's in your set? As a musician's wife (and a 'retired' vocalist!), I like to know this kind of stuff! I kind of know what you mean about 'wasting' money on a vacation. I always get a kind of hollow feeling afterwards when I think what else I could have done with the money. At the moment Im trying to get my redundancy payment to cover a new bathroom AND a family holiday - its gonna take some SERIOUS budgeting I think! s x
from stepfordtart :
Duly re-sent to jarofporterATdiarylandDOTcom! s x
from stepfordtart :
A good clear up/clear out always makes me feel more positive too. Onwards and upwards, dear! s x
from stepfordtart :
I emailed you some suggested reading - lemme know if it doesnt turn up, I have a habit of turning into spam as I cross the atlantic! s x
from zencelt :
I finally got your care package all packed up and it's headed your way via Post Office. Yippee!
from stepfordtart :
Hi! I caught up a bit now, so I shall add you to my list so I can keep an eye on you! Are you still looking for interesting reads? I could put a couple your way - let me know what you like: humour? thought provoking? silly stuff? There's quite a few UK-based d'landers if you want more Brit-trash? s x
from stepfordtart :
Hello! I noticed that you added me to your buddy list - thanks for that! Im guessing that it was you making my stats tracker look so impressive yesterday too! I'll take some time to rootle around in your archives so I 'know' you better and then I'll add you, too! s x
from zencelt :
Ever feel like running away? I do... I always see things clearly when I get away from the me I box myself into...
from sixweasels :
Dude, I so get this feeling. I have it oftentimes too when it comes to the "family" thing, when I think about myself 20/30 years from now. Yes, I have a good relationship. But I had one before at one point too. I get what you mean about that. And in some ways, being in a relationship with someone who DOES have those family ties (i.e. children) when don't and know that I won't, mostly through my own choosing, highlights the differences for me. Don't know if it makes you feel any better to know that you aren't alone in those feelings, but you aren't.
from sixweasels :
I know it doesn't necessarily make you feel better, but I believe it for you : ).
from zencelt :
Happy, gooey, sloppy vibes out your way baby!
from sixweasels :
Lots of good and happy (is that like good and plenty) vibes coming your way. You're gonna be fine - thinking of ya!
from stepfordtart :
::happy vibes:: ::happy vibes:: ::happy vibes:: There! How was that? Did you send the text? s x
from zencelt :
Are there any community accupuncture places out there? I'm going to one here and I'm sleeping like a baby, and my spine has been adjusting itself beautifully. Community or SUFI accupuncture is done in a room with others, so they can charge less. Usually 15-40 bucks, depending on your finances.
from polly-esther :
I probably wouldn't reach out to her. It was a group invite, anyway. It would be different if she specifically asked you to be there, then you'd have to respond. You know?
from zencelt :
I'm in the "let it be" camp. I'm trying to let the past rest in the past these days.
from sixweasels :
See if you can draw out information about her. Thing with a lot of bartenders is, everyone wants to talk to them about themselves. Its part of the job. So someone who actually seems to want to know more about them - real stuff like interests and beliefs and common experiences (and who can do that without seeming creepy or too personal), often stick out in their mind.
from zencelt :
Send me your addy (again, I know...). Six and I have a care package for you.
from zencelt :
I think its time to face the fire. Just the presence of this person in town could be the catalyst you need to make the shift. Gimme a call if you want to chat. Its been a while! I miss you!
from sixweasels :
Hmmmm ... I think it's probably somewhere in the middle of "looking for love" and "not" that you find it. You go about your life not looking, but with your eyes wide open in case it happens by?
from zencelt :
I went to my chiro earlier this week, and it did help my sinuses! Way cool.
from sixweasels :
Best analogy I've read in a while - I sooo get what you're saying.
from sixweasels :
Sometimes a little time off, and a little freedom to feel what you need to feel and even wallow in it a bit so that you can move past it, is exactly what you need.
from polly-esther :
"Seriously, I feel like a hack, like a faker who pretends to be the next american idol, but doesn't realize he's william hung." You are SO hard on yourself!!!!
from zencelt :
Weird? Yes. Poor cat. A delicious mouse so near, yet so far...
from polly-esther :
Aww...that's cute that you have him set up with food and water. Do you have a park or a field where you can let him go? Good luck at your audition!
from zencelt :
I so know how you feel... It would be nice to have someone at my back. I have done my taxes though...
from sixweasels :
If it makes you feel any better, I haven't done my taxes yet either, for the exact same reasons as you : ).
from sixweasels :
Keeping my fingers crossed for you!
from zencelt :
Looks like me when I'm left to my own devices... Talking to dust bunnies on the wall... I thought it wss pretty funny. Hey, have you ever tried Bach Flower remedies? Rescue Sleep homeopathic spray is pretty effective. You should also avoid exercise and TV/computer within one hour of hitting the sack. Maybe if you read or maybe write in a journal (book not on-line) for an hour before you turn out the lights?
from sixweasels :
Dude, I can NEVER sleep for at least 2 1/2 to 3 hours after finishing a workout. It gives me too much energy. That's part of the reason I switched to working out in the a.m. - I was having a hard time getting to bed in time to catch 6-7 hours of sleep when I was going at night.
from zencelt :
Maybe he thought you were coming on to him? LOL! Just kidding...
from zencelt :
Not much of a runner, but I'll stand on the sidelines holding out bottles of Propel!
from polly-esther :
I wish I could run. With my asthma it's just really hard. Good luck with the 5k! As far as new reads, I like blazingstar on DL -- she's my newest find.
from sixweasels :
Dude, I get to be the first note! Unfortunately I'm lame and don't have much in the way of "new read" recommendations since in my current workaholic life I barely get to keep up with my old faves. But the race thing .... too cool! You're really getting out there and doing all sorts of stuff, which is awesome. Wish you could be in Baltimore this weekend for Sullyfest!

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