messages to koorikaze:
(click here to add new message):

from koorikaze :
Hello, everyone. I will possibly be coming back after I clean up my diary here. Until then, it will remain locked because I don't want to open old wounds. I am a new person.
from glorycloud :
Glad your back-keep writing-marriage is a blessing-peace
from musikoid :
Funny I thought about you two days ago and was going to write, then saw yesterday you had updated. Just read your entry. Glad you're pulling through, and that you got a vacation with hubby. Stressed at the moment - more later -- great to hear from you, Neko.
from writergrrl88 :
Whatever has happened, you deserve it. You're friends with that awful ogawa (formerly enurta, located in Switzerland) and that's poison enough.
from musikoid :
I wrote to your new email and was told it was a permanent error . . .
from musikoid :
I pray for you every day. Hang in there, old friend --
from minstrelite :
That makes sense, koorikaze, if you want to do a diary that way. If you're writing on a text file, it might make it more easy for you to open up and not be concerned about how people reading you may take it. I remember long before the days of the Internet, I always kept diaries in those little journal books or notebooks. Anyway, I'll write to you soon. I wish you the best.
from musikoid :
Hey - if you were among the recipients of a really weird email (or two emails) sent approx. 11/11/13 - I am very very sorry. There's no way I can explain that behavior, something comes over me at certain moments, I honestly don't know if I even sent it to you, I think I sent it to about ten or fifteen people, it all happened so fast. I told myself it would be the very first thing I said to the new therapist this morning but I was so sick and delirious at the time of arrival I couldn't handle the multi-question form I was supposed to fill out before entering her office. Most of the questions didn't pertain to me anyway, except for the ones that pointed to PTSD. I rescheduled the appointment for Monday at 8:30am, so please pray for me. I really liked this therapist at the intake, and I don't want to blow my chances. God bless you, Koorikaze.
from musikoid :
I prayed for you last night at around two or three in the morning, when something told me to. Just thought I'd say. Thanks for being such a great friend throughout all my insanity. God bless you so much.
from musikoid :
It sounds like things are going pretty well for you. Glad to hear it - thanks for updating.
from tobehis :
Glad to see an update! Was afraid you'd fallen off the face of the earth. :-(
from musikoid :
I have to admit I was hoping you would answer the question for me. Thanks, Neko. Here, at least there's people who care.
from musikoid :
That's okay. I was in a weird low space for a while, and putting out a lot of negativity unknowingly. I'm better now.
from jondavid2010 :
Miss you. I'm taking a break from Diaryland now until at least September 7.
from musikoid :
This may sound weird - but I just remembered the situation that was happening before your last entry About Moi. I am sorry if I said or wrote anything while I was angry that prompted you to have to clarify like that. I think I did not mean that your life or anyone else's life was anything wretched or awful, I was probably just hurt because I felt like somebody had been judging me - although I don't remember that as coming from you really - some other people - and even then, I was probably wrong. They probably weren't trying to pass judgment, but only were concerned for me as friends. Anyway - I am sorry if I hurt you, and I'm thankful you still read. God bless you.
from animejournal :
Sorry I haven't chatted either! OMG been sooo long. But I'm adding Nightwalker to my list. If you have any other suggestions, just throw them at me!
from musikoid :
That's funny - I was just thinking about you and praying for you yesterday and the day before. Good to hear from you, Neko.
from musikoid :
Just reading your note again. I haven't exactly left the cottage - I paid rent and then took off after somebody in the dark drug world tried to kill me by planting toxic substance in my bluejeans pocket after breaking into my house when I was in the hospital. I'm trying to put everything together now, and very distant from Stockton, wondering why God would challenge me to the extent that He did after the first time I was able to get indoors after nearly two years of homelessness. Why was the neighborhood chock full of tweakers, why could I not escape them, why did the church turn out to be so bigoted and worthless to me, why was I left feeling completely unloved, unlovable, and unloving? Nothing makes too much sense right now, except for that I am happy not to be surrounded by a combination of methamphetamine addicts and religious bigots, with no in between. Wondering why I ever left Berkeley in the first place, but I suppose I'll remember if I stick around long enough. But I probably won't.
from musikoid :
Hey friend. Just to let you know, I've received and comprehended your note (for which I thank you) and am about to update. However, because I am on limited time on a public computer, I'm not certain I can prioritize a complete DiaryLand entry. It is, however, my priority, even over an email check. Basically, the fellow Mark whom I told you in an email I had befriended (the thief), destroyed my computer when I foolishly permitted him to use it. (Turns out he's also a hacker, total computer whiz, knew exactly what he was doing.) The only data I lost was worth burning, anyway. Yesterday morning I tossed the laptop into the nearest body of water. I guess I could tell you more -- but suffice it to say that I am where God wants me to be right now. Praise Him.
from jondavid2010 :
Hey, I haven't been reading for about a month. But I'm back, I caught up, and I'm reading regularly now.
from musikoid :
This note is to be plastered on my Notes page and on the Notes pages of all my friends. There are two ways that I know of that can give my daughter a rough idea of what's going on with me. Everything else is conjecture. (1) she can go to my Notes page, or to the Notes pages of any of my friends. (2) She can read the titles of my entries, which in some cases are quite morbid. Other than that, I have no solid evidence beyond vague speculation that any of my emails or Facebook messages to her have been opened or read. Kindly delete (as best you can) any and every note that could possibly be a source of pain for my daughter, or a deterrent to my Number Two priority in life, which is to ensure, though any means within my capability, that there is face to face contact between me and Echo before I die. This is also necessary so that the longstanding and ongoing disconnection between Echo and me will not be a deterrent to my Number One Priority of complete abstinence from drugs and alcohol for the rest of my life. Thank you.
from tobehis :
I've always had bad allergies, and I can attest to your doctor's statement. It always seems to lead to a cold/sinus infection. I've never heard of ginger broth.
from pink-sapfire :
Been a while since either of us has been by the other's page. I'll come and have a look around once I get my school work caught up. Talk laterz!
from illusionless :
I'm sorry you got mixed up in this Koorikaze. It's not fair that you and Ogawa are paying the price for me speaking up like I have been. Please forgive me. If you want the link to my new journal then feel free to e-mail me. It's much more hidden shall we say.
from stepfordtart :
Thats strange! If its the one call "Im Back", it does look like its there (its listed in your archives) but it wont show. Everything else is there. Re-post it and see if that works? How's your dad? Mine is sick at the moment but not seriously so....I dont think.....*goes to phone* s x
from musikoid :
I'm praying for your dad. Let us know.
from musikoid :
I think it's the rock bottom thing, like you said. I've never been at that place before. Right now though is a new place for me, and it's definitely not about feeling good. The meeting is in about a half hour, and thankfully my bicycle is fixed and I can get there. They seem essential to me now. Those people understand. Thanks for sticking with me. You're an incredibly compassionate and understanding person.
from ogawa :
Thank you so much for the note. I love you too, you are my closest friend <3 but hun, are you alright? you haven't updated in a while, oly in the other diary and you didn't write much there. i am a little concerned. going to e-mail you later to see how you are doing. thinking of you! give the little one a big kiss on the cheek from me, okay? :) *hugs* you are awesome!!!
from ogawa :
oh no! :( of course I'll pray! take care of yourself sweetie, love you <3
from musikoid :
praying for him right now
from musikoid :
Thanks Neko. I will always love you, my sister in Christ, through thick and thin, as well.
from musikoid :
Oh God Neko I am so sorry. I'm still in the hospital but online finally. It was so horrible -- how could I ever forget how awful it was? I just don't know what makes me behave so self-destructively, when things are going so well! I must never smoke pot again, if it would lead to all that other stuff. I'm so sorry I haven't been here for you.
from ogawa :
love you! :)
from glorycloud :
[25] At that time Jesus answered and said, I thank thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes. [26] Even so, Father: for so it seemed good in thy sight. [27] All things are delivered unto me of my Father: and no man knoweth the Son, but the Father; neither knoweth any man the Father, save the Son, and he to whomsoever the Son will reveal him. [28] Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. [29] Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. [30] For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11
from ogawa :
thanks sweetie. i wasn't really myself when i wrote that entry. i love fb most of the time. i post pics and talk to ppl i actually *like*. sometimes i just feel down for some reason and everything seems so upsetting. i started to cry because i had to take a shower - it's beyond logic. anyway, i hope you are alright. you are a good person! the most caring kind beautiful woman i know....remember that you are Loved. *hugs*
from illusionless :
Please be okay. God will save you from this darkness you have been feeling and you will be stronger for it! Sorry to hear that Stevie has entered the 'Terrible-Twos' But it will pass. It's all part of growing-up. If you need to talk I'm here for you.
from musikoid :
The cottage just reeks of marijuana right now. I'm trying to find A.G. to pay him the $400 rent because I'm holding that much cash on me, walking about the neighborhood.
from glorycloud :
Pray for light to the Light, the Truth and the Way.
from ogawa :
oh no :( what's wrong? <3
from musikoid :
I love you my dear sister in Christ. I'm praying for you, for the Lord to lift you up out of the remaining dark pit.
from ogawa :
love you <3
from musikoid :
Praying for you -- will send you an email now...hang in there, sister.
from ogawa :
sorry to hear little stevie is behaving this way. but it is natural, we call it 'trotsåldern' here. it basically means 'The Defiant Age'. can't the in-laws take care of him for a day or two? stay strong. he is a good boy, this is just a bump in the road - a necessary evil. love you! <3
from musikoid :
I think that the hard part is the consistency. It's also what makes it effective, because then the (strong-willed) child becomes conditioned into knowing there will be a specific consequence for any specific action of his in which he attempts to assert his will over the will of his parents. Although I myself was not good at this, when I had two kids and I was much younger, I've seen parents who are, and I've seen how good their kids turn out. So -- just saying.
from musikoid :
Maybe discipline him a little more? Not that you probably don't, but just that -- if he's bawling because he's not getting his way, and then you acquiesce, and he's still complaining -- then that little tyke is learning that he can get away with stuff, and always get his way. Spare the rod & spoil the child. Not saying corporal -- just that you have to find a way of getting a clear message to him that if he defies his parents' will and favors his own, there will be consequences. (I speak to myself because I never did this with Echo, and now look at where it got me.)
from ogawa :
<3
from ogawa :
<3 you're 30? I am turning 30 soon too...haha. we are kids at heart 4ever :D LOL. i wish I could draw so I could draw you as a cute chibi you are (and always will be) :) xoxo
from tobehis :
Doing life is more important than spending a ton of time online writing about it. Good to see you have your priorities straight. ;-)
from musikoid :
Yes, what you wrote is true. Jesus will not forsake me -- He promised to be with me till the ends of the earth. But I'm just now becoming my normal self again, after then being shafted with the flu, on top of everything else, and going into deliriums. I'm sorry if it seems I have deserted you. I'll be online for a while now (Tuesday night) and maybe we can connect. God bless you.
from ogawa :
thanks for the uplifting note. love you <3 i hope the fact that you aren't updating very often means you are doing good :)
from musikoid :
Oh I get it now. It was neither of the two ways I was taking. A break, yes. You both need a break - this is true, I believe, as well...lol
from musikoid :
I'm a bearer of little brains at the moment. Did you mean, a break from each other? (You and your husband.) Or - a financial break? (I couldn't tell from the context.)
from musikoid :
Glad to have seen your new post. Also, once I got your email, and realized that the friend was alluding to things that had happened long ago (not right now) - it changed something for me. But I was too off-set by my own episode at the moment to respond by email. I am, however, feeling more convicted and confident than I have felt since 2004. God is good.
from ogawa :
<3 love you hun. I always pray for you. you don't even have to ask :)
from jondavid2010 :
Praying
from musikoid :
Praying for you right now. Email me if you need to.
from tobehis :
Thanks for the encouraging note. Sounds like you had a great Christmas. What is mata ne?
from ogawa :
yay! you're getting along with the in-laws lol ;) *hugs* you have always been a ninja, sweetie!!! so cool! OH I just haaave to share this link with you: http://www.jlist.com choose 'snacks & food'...... i've orded stuff from them a couple of times. totally worth it. doesn't cost a lot either :P
from tobehis :
A new TobyMac fan??? YEEEESSSSSS!!!!! Isn't he just amazing? :-D (And you're welcome.) Whenever I'm in a funk or bad mood or something, Toby can almost always get me happy again. :-)
from ogawa :
thank you for the prayer :) i just came home and it all went well :) love you! glad you updated <3
from jondavid2010 :
Email me at [email protected] I can probably call during the day on Tuesday. Be well. ⚕
from tobehis :
It was good to see an update. I'm glad you're feeling better. Enjoy every day with that precious little boy.
from musikoid :
You know yourself very well. :)
from musikoid :
Before I forget to say it, that Scripture from Nehemiah somebody quoted below has gotten me through a lot of depression and pain. The joy of the Lord is our strength. It sounds weird but His joy encompasses so much, and embraces so much pain. It's not like the passing, fleeting feelings of pleasure or delight or excitement that the world values. His joy is a much deeper thing, and draws and grows upon the soil of human suffering. I'll email you.
from jondavid2010 :
Merry Christmas, sister. Looking forward to your return. Be well, friend.
from jondavid2010 :
Yes I am praying for you
from ogawa :
it means a lot when someone says I'm strong. it makes me want to fight even harder. V always says I'm weak. and sometimes i believe him. it has been an awful day but I felt a little better after reading your note. thank you. <3
from jondavid2010 :
Encouragement on a blue Christmas - http://jondavid2010.diaryland.com/121217_4.html
from tobehis :
Take whatever time you need to feel better. Be blessed, and remember, "There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother," and "the joy of the Lord is my strength." (I need to work on that joy one myself...)
from musikoid :
A hiatus can be healthy, and it looks a though you have made a conscious choice in that direction. I'll miss you here, but maybe I will send an email soon. :)
from ogawa :
*hugs* i hope you update soon. I miss reading about the cutest little thing in the world, steven :O)
from ogawa :
yay! you made it :) I knew you would! sent your gift today :) I'm so nervous...don't want you to hate my present :(
from bombasine :
aw, thank you for the good advice. you're so lovely.
from musikoid :
It's wonderful to hear you recognize how blessed you are, as explempified in the love that you show, and the love that you inspire in people. It's scary to get into that space of darkness. Speaking for myself, the emotional numbness that I feel when I am starting to "manage the darkness" and discern the way back to the light, is a numbness that extends for some time after the visit to the darkness occurs. This is because I am emotionally drained. But the positive aspect for me is that there I can make logical decisions, without the force of my emotions keeping me from coping. So the post-relapse numbness, so to speak ("relapse" as in emotional relapse), can be useful. Also, it does pass, as my energy returns. That's speaking for myself, and it may not be the exact experience. In any case, it's great to hear from you in depth, and that you are on the mend.
from illusionless :
I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time. I will pray for you too. You are such a beautiful person and it shines through in your writing. Fight through whatever you are going through. We all love you! Please be ok. If you need to talk you can e-mail me and even hit me up on facebook if you have one. I use my second life alias for facebook so look up Nate Nakayama and you'll find me. Take care and lots of reassuring hugs.
from ogawa :
oh sweetie. please don't do anything stupid. you are so precious. so many people love you. come on, FIGHT! you can do it! i know you're a fighter. love you. going to text you later. i think it's the middle of the night where u are right now.
from musikoid :
I think I can speak for all of us, when I say that we know that you love us, koorikaze. You show your love in many ways, and you need not apologize when you've done nothing wrong. I'm not a person who loves everybody, despite that it is the right Christian thing to do. You are not a person who is difficult to love; you are a person for whom it is very natural to feel much love, because you are so full of love, yourself. Maybe you just don't always see it...
from jondavid2010 :
You have my email. Please use it if you would like to have a personal contact, phone, email, Skype, or otherwise. Praying for you, sister.
from musikoid :
I can feel that. My experience is that He does listen to these kinds of prayers, and He takes the conditions of His children to heart.
from musikoid :
Is there anything I can do for you? I mean, in addition to pray?
from musikoid :
I'm sorry. I'll patiently pray for the full return of your strength.
from musikoid :
Haven't heard from you lately. Is everything OK?
from illusionless :
Sorry things have been so rough lately. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you either. Get lots of rest and feel better.
from musikoid :
You are one of the finer human beings I've met in life.
from jondavid2010 :
:)
from jondavid2010 :
Well, we certainly would be interested, but I can imagine the shipping may be trouble and a half. Do you know how much it would cost to send?
from musikoid :
I put the address in my diary entry, the one called My Sweet Lord.
from musikoid :
No worries (about your availability lately) - I've been reading, and reading your Notes too. I understand what's been happening with you, and am supportive. But hold off on sending to that address -- it's the HAC address, and it would mean a trip back to Berkeley. I'm on the train right now and will shortly alight 83 miles East of here -- so . . . I'll email you with a different mailing address. I really appreciate your help.
from musikoid :
Nice entry. I can tell a burden has been lifted.
from jondavid2010 :
I hear your voice now when I read.
from jondavid2010 :
:)
from jondavid2010 :
When would be the best time to call this afternoon? (include time zone)
from jondavid :
jondavidbirss.diaryland.com
from bombasine :
gotcha, no problem.
from musikoid :
praying for you throughout the night
from musikoid :
Interesting entry, if odd. :)
from tobehis :
It is a lot more fun working out with a loved one. :-) Mom and I have always enjoyed working out together. I did have a good Thanksgiving. How was yours? I'm sure you're extremely excited to start the process of getting rid of diapers. :-)
from musikoid :
Also, by the way, I kind of wish I could hug you, too.
from musikoid :
pray for me --
from musikoid :
I think maybe you and I both tend to place too high of expectations on ourselves, and so when we let ourselves down, we think (erroneously) that we are letting other people down as well. At least, I think that's true of you. In my case, I think I actually *do* let people down -- at least in how casual I may appear to be about certain behaviors. I'm actually (as I think you know) *not* casual about those things at all -- but it's a fine line, trying to love yourself and have respect and caring for yourself, while at the same time knowing that you are not a perfect human being.
from musikoid :
You are a good friend.
from musikoid :
Thanks for your note. I just don't want you to worry -- but maybe that's not a fair thing to ask of one. I'm sure I will figure things out, eventually.
from musikoid :
Don't freak out if you read my entry from this morning. I just didn't want to lie or leave anything out.
from musikoid :
Man - that's great.
from musikoid :
That's great - congratulations! :)
from musikoid :
Welcome back. :)
from tobehis :
Ditto to the question on Stevie's age... I've never tried yoga. I am SOOO not flexible, and I doubt I'd be able to even begin to do any of the moves. It's never really appealed to me.
from musikoid :
I understand (about the diary.) Running really does help. I've been doing my push-ups again, which also help a lot, somehow. I don't feel quite as "dis-integrated." + Exactly how old is Stevie now? The stories you share are wonderful.
from tobehis :
If I flip the phone to the landscape view, where the keyboard is longer, I don't have very many problems with typos. So I can go to town and write to my heart's content. :-) Facebook doesn't let you flip the screen, though. That really annoys me sometimes.
from musikoid :
Can you let me know what's going on with your other diary? I can't get in again, but you haven't said anything about this.
from jondavid :
Faeria has begun writing again. oct0ber.diaryland.com
from bombasine :
aw, thank you! and i am glad to hear that your mom is okay. i'm in the midst of convincing my mom to go and see a doctor over something similar, which is always such a challenge...*sigh...i'm not grown-up enough for this.
from tobehis :
Amen. :-)
from illusionless :
Thanks for the encouragement. I've dealt with self-harm since I was 15 years-old. It's always been a constant battle. Same thing with eating disorders. But I know I have to keep trying. Congrats on being a winner in the contest. That's great! I will also pray for your parents health issues too. Be well and safe.
from tobehis :
Thanks for the note. I actually am feeling lots better - almost back to normal. The meds the dr gave me really helped. I drink just plain Lipton black tea (decaf). Also recently my mom has been buying apple cider. I drank a lot of that hot while I was sick. Yum!
from pink-sapfire :
Hope things continue to improve for you & your family. Thanks for the congrats, means a lot. Xoxo
from enurta :
*praying* I am so sorry this is happening..... :(
from tobehis :
Will pray for you as I think of you. :-)
from jondavid :
praying.
from musikoid :
Oh I see now. I'm praying for you. Sorry for the sort of duplicate note; I hadn't read koorikaze yet but now I understand how you learned of this.
from jondavid :
Hey fellow parenting journey traveler. Thanks for always staying fourteen weeks ahead for me. An update - Starting today, in addition to updating jondavid2010 daily with new writing, I will also be updating this old journal of mine (notice no 2010) with writings that fill in the gaps between 2004 and 2010. These are the first years of my life with Faeria, who I met on Diaryland, before our twins were born. This will probably be a daily project for a few months, because I've found a lot of old writing. If you want a summary of that period, read the jondavid2010 entry for October 18, 2012. Thanks for reading - Jondavid Birss
from ogawa :
happy birthday sweetie!!!!!!!!!!!! congrats, congrats! :) love you. can't wait to see the pics. <3
from tobehis :
Glad you had a good birthday. :-)
from musikoid :
Can you post pictures here without having a Gold account? If so, I didn't know that. Maybe I'll try now. + I've started praying for your Mom and Dad now.
from musikoid :
I guess I must have missed what happened about the wedding dresses. I think I've caught up with your entries now, though.
from musikoid :
Oh wow - happy birthday! Thirty?? I think I missed your longer entry; I've been distracted lately.
from ogawa :
aww, steven is such a cutie-pie!!! :) and I'm glad your mom's new doctor is good. I'll still keep praying though just to be on the safe side. *hugs*
from tobehis :
"Call her back!" That's priceless. :-) I love toddler stories. :-0
from stepfordtart :
How about www.lightinthebox.com? Reasonable prices for all kinds of formalwear. s x
from illusionless :
I never heard that saying about God before. It's catchy! Thanks.
from stepfordtart :
Haha! Very silly! I love how hardly anybody is taking any notice of him :-) s x
from jondavid2010 :
Very infrequently. They've eaten such a very broad diet from breastfeeding on. They're more picky about burgers and fries than they are about Indian food, believe it or not. But, they are fourteen weeks behind yours. When I saw that in yours, I wondered if maybe it's a developmental stage we haven't come across yet. Or maybe they just aren't picky eaters.
from stepfordtart :
I bet a local dressmaker could make up that design for less than half that price. Its not a complicated design. Take a look at some bridesmaids dressmaking patterns, maybe? s x
from stepfordtart :
30! Awww, I could be your mama! Heehee. I hope there's pictures of the newly coloured bangs. And Happy Forthcoming Birthday! s x
from jondavid2010 :
Welcome back.
from illusionless :
I agree with Tobehis, but if you wish to lock up then I would love to keep following you.
from tobehis :
Girl, your notes don't all have to be happy - and you don't have to feel bad about posting about the drama. This is YOUR diary, the place where you come to post your real thoughts and feelings. Let it all out, Friend! We'll still be here for you no matter what.
from musikoid :
I miss you.
from enurta :
thanks for the notes sweetie. i hope the yard sale will be a success! going to miss reading your diary but I guess I can text you if I want to know how you're doing, hope that's ok? love you. take care. *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
Im pretty sure I have your email, but will you send it again just in case? I'll delete the evidence, naturally : ) s x
from musikoid :
In dwelling on it somewhat, I occasionally alight upon a space where her words and actions toward me cease to bother me. When that happens, it's usually because of what you're suggesting. I can finally see her as good-natured and innocently thinking that the right thing to do is to question me as to how I'm feeling, not at all thinking such an expression of caring could conceivably be construed as invasive or intrusive, especially as the person is out-loud stating that he feels *great* -- I can see both sides, mine and hers, when I get to that place. But it's sort of rare, because most of the time, it just doesn't *feel* good to have to deal with that energy, which usually hits me unexpected, when I'm otherwise feeling good. Then, I have to remember that life is not necessarily about "feeling good, and that, as somebody once put it, "the purpose of life is not for Andy to feel good." If I can take the good with the bad, it will help. Thanks for your note --
from musikoid :
I deleted the last two notes, being as they both made reference to the thing you mentioned. Feel free to delete this note and/or any notes of mine you find to be indiscreet.
from musikoid :
An afterthought. How liberal is liberal? I mean, here in Berkeley it's ostensibly all about freedom of speech and peace and tolerance, but there's no moral compass whatsoever. These people will turn to anything and anybody, except Christ. I wonder if there's a way I can research what it's like in Charlottesville, or study it on line. It seems to me that "liberal" out in Virginia might be "Communist" or Socialist" out here, relatively speaking. If so, the difference would be refreshing, because here it is impossible to escape the conclusion that I am constantly being subjected to discrimination on the basis of a heirarchy that doesn't make any lawful or egalitarian sense in the first place, let alone any Christian sense.
from musikoid :
Well -- it seems like a double-edged sword, if you know what I mean. I don't think I would want to be homeless in the second city you mention, because when a person is homeless they really are an easy target to be marked by local cops and watched and followed. A homeless person is a very visible person, and visible people get tracked. I would want to have my own affordable place to live, which of course drastically increases the chance that I can live a quiet life and stay out of trouble.
from musikoid :
You sound really up in your entry. Congratulations on all the weight loss - I bet you look and feel great now. It was kinda funny because I was down to almost that weight myself, or around 156lb; but I looked way too thin. Now I've been eating better, and I know I've gained, but I don't know how much. People have been telling me I look healthier.
from enurta :
sounds like you had an awesome day with Steven. you're such a great mom :) *hugs* and also, congrats on the weightloss! what changes did you make so u could shed all those pounds? I want to know your secret :P
from talktogod :
Wow. Scary to have a fire so close to home. Glad you're okay. I'm sorry to hear about your Dad. I was diagnosed with type 2 Diabetes several years ago, but I believe I'm beating it by losing significant weight (over 80 pounds this year!). Hopefully, his meds won't cause him more problems.
from tobehis :
I'm glad it wasn't closer to your home than it was...and that you are safe!
from enurta :
omg a fire?????????? I'm glad you and your family are okay! that must have been scary *hugs*
from musikoid :
I'm thinking that some of the sense of innervation might also be just because I'm sick. I keep coughing and my nose is running, plus overall low energy you might associate with having the flu. Every now and then my normal level of energy returns to me, but it's hard to motivate walking around to all of these places when I just feel so lousy and worn-down, physically.
from musikoid :
I've been slowly reading the entries. I'm sorry to hear about your parents' health issues. I had to have a biopsy about three years ago, to check for prostate cancer because of high PSA levels. I didn't have any cancer, though. + I've known a few people with Type 2 Diabetes, and I think it's highly manageable as long as they take their insulin or whatever other medication regularly. But I can see not wanting him on too many meds at once. I think we are as a culture over-medicated in general.
from enurta :
<3
from musikoid :
Thanks for the note. I still haven't gotten to your diaries, unfortunately; but I also haven't been using very good time management skills today. I think that the recent substance use did affect the ear canal and maybe some associated areas in the gums and back teeth near the wisdom tooth. It all seems related, and it also seems to be something that has happened in that anatomical area before, following same. It seems familiar to me, but much more intense. I think it's actually been there, in one form or another, for years and years. So yes, it probably will subside, but it is giving me the creeps in the meantime. Elmer mentioned something about being able to get some U.C. students to do my teeth under supervision from an instructor. I believe there is a school of dentistry on the U.C. Berkeley campus, so I should look into that. I could probably make an appointment, and it would be a better option than going down to the General Hospital and waiting in line all day.
from glorycloud :
thanks for the kind words
from enurta :
'Steven is a great source of laughter and delight to me and anyone he meets' see?? :) why do you think he is that way? doesn't that mean he has an awesome mommy??? give him a kiss and a hug from me after you read this! you are all in my prayers. I know you've hit a rough patch, but many of us are praying for you. you are never alone. remember that. *hugs*
from illusionless :
I'm so sorry about your mom! You and your family will be in my prayers.
from tobehis :
Just prayed for you. <3
from enurta :
i will pray for your mom to be safe. i know how much you love her. *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
*thinking of your mum* s x
from enurta :
sorry for making you worry. I'm alright. going to write all about what happened after I leave this note. thank you for being my friend *hugs*
from musikoid :
I got the note now (not sure how it re-appeared) and I think it might have been a test, but I also think that God might have set it up, knowing I would fail the test, in order to get me to feel the full effects of how awful this thing is. After all, I had become casual with my sin behavior for a long time. Not only that, but I have contemplated other spiritual paths, such as Neo-Paganism and Pantheism, even though I know the Lord, and I know that Jesus died for my sins. I'm not sure exactly when and where I stopped believing in the sufficiency of the Gospel, but I fully believe that this is God's message to me, at this time. I have to give Him all I've got.
from musikoid :
I must have deleted your second note by mistake. Anyway, it disappeared somehow.
from musikoid :
I just got your second note but I have to get off of the computer here. I just heard from my brother, who is supportive of me going to Charlottesville. His perception is that somehow, trying these same programs and services over and over without them working (in addition to trying the same kinds of living situations), has had the effect of recently increasing the likelihood of my using. I think he has a logical point there. I myself am more than happy and excited to leave Berkeley at any soon point. Let me go to the Social Security and see if they can issue an emergency check. (They earlier said they might be able to do that, in lieu of the money that should have been on my card this month.) Then I might have $1000 or so.
from musikoid :
Neko, you're absolutely right on all counts, including both the general and the specific. I have already prayed about this, and I have received that what you are suggesting is what the Lord is setting up. The thing is, I will die soon if I stay here.
from glorycloud :
on understanding Revelation check out this book "The Climax of Prophecy: Studies on the Book of Revelation" by Richard Bauckham
from tobehis :
Don't feel bad about getting the rest you need - when something's off with your body, rest is one of the best things you can do. Which I know is almost impossible with a little one, but...just do it as often as you can. :-)
from musikoid :
I'll be careful.
from enurta :
I'm sorry the receptionist talked to you like that. condescending atttitude towards others makes me so angry! she probably hates her job so don't take it personally. *hugs*
from musikoid :
I hate it when they're haughty when you're hurting. The lady did that to me when I lost my Direct Express card and she was explaining how I would now have to prove my identity by faxing them two forms of photo identification. I haven't had two forms of photo identification in years! But the point is, she made out like I was a criminal. She started to speak in stern tones, as though I was the perpetrator of the crime, and not the victim. That's what burned me up.
from stepfordtart :
Hoping the new stuff does the trick, dear! *hug* s x
from enurta :
yay!! :D
from illusionless :
I'm sorry you are going through all this. I hope these doctors can make you completely better. As for the party situation it was the second time with me, but this girl has been treating them like crap too, so it's far from the first time for them and nobody has forgotten. But it's their lives.
from enurta :
temporarily blind? that's scary. I admire the fact that you can keep your 'cool' - despite of what's going on. you are not alone, God is watching over you. I hope Dr N can help *hugs*
from enurta :
get well soon, okay? so you can have fun with steven and sing and dance and do all those awesome things you do together :) thank god you don't need to have surgery or stay in the hospital. you're a fighter! <3
from tobehis :
Thank you. Just a lot of stress and uncertainty right now.
from tobehis :
Yikes, girl. Hope that medicine gets in your system soon and you get some relief!
from musikoid :
I hadn't been following because of my own very serious issues, but I want you to know that I am praying for you always, and that although I have not been able to truly love and care about too many people in this world; I do truly love and care about you. I am on my way to Detox now. Please pray that I do the Lord's will. I love you Neko, in Christ.
from tobehis :
Well, I agree with you that finding a church is a priority...and it makes sense to try the cheapest solution first. :-P Good luck!
from tobehis :
I would look for a Christian counselor (and a new church, but that's just me). And thanks for the note. :-)
from enurta :
what? wtf? what a bitch! whatever. you don't need her. you can get a better psychiatrist <3
from musikoid :
Oh! Thanks for your note. (I just got it.) I got a little teary-eyed (just a little bit.) I know all about being hard on myself. It's nice when I remember that I am loved, and I feel myself begin to go easy on myself. I really think we (many of us) are hard on ourselves, because we don't believe we are capable of being loved.
from musikoid :
That psychiatrist sounds as though she would either be dumb or stupid to say those things, or else (more likely) have some strange malintent, such as to create drama, or try and trip you up with words. I wouldn't pay her any mind; you're better than that.
from musikoid :
Lord, that food does sound good! I think I just had my appetite reactivated. :) Anyway, I'm glad that the stress is being relieved, on the medical and health-related level. God bless..
from tobehis :
When I skimmed the title for your latest entry, I thought it said "dirty ducks." hehe.
from musikoid :
That's great! I'm so glad. Prayers were answered! You must be terribly relieved.
from tobehis :
God is good. :-) ~ And what I took away from the bit of the video I watched (which is kind of sophomoric, so I'll apologize in advance)...Why do cartoon characters always have perfect boobs?
from enurta :
thank god you are alright!!! yay!! and btw, the video u posted is in swedish. 'karamelldansen' haha
from enurta :
<3 thinking of you. and sending positive energy your way :)
from tobehis :
Wow! What a busy day after the scan. You are a trooper! I would have gone home and crashed!
from enurta :
thank god Steven is okay! yay! :) I hope the CT-scan goes well. *praying & keeping fingers crossed*
from tobehis :
Oh, dear. Take good care of yourself and your boys. I am glad that post was an encouragement to you. It just keeps going through my head over and over and over. Maybe I really do need the reminder. :-P Remember that God will not give you more than you can bear, and He will help you through the trial (Hebrews 13). If it is a trial from Satan to test your faith...remain strong and resist him. "Resist the devil and he will flee from you." (Don't remember where that is, though.) <3
from musikoid :
I think balance is key. I'm going to keep the computer, partly because I realized I was only throwing a tantrum. I hope they can help me with the files. Again, I am phone-challenged, and for some reason can't get the file attached to an email on their email support system. But once I can get through to them, I'm definitely eager to see what they have to say about this. I bet anything the whole conversation goes in the direction of their insisting I upgrade to Finale 2012. I almost did, too -- it would have meant alloting $100 for it, which I ought to have done instead of considering $100 at the end of it all to be "mad money." All I did was buy meals and restaurants and some you-know-what. But anyway, yeah, distancing oneself from computers and the Internet is a good thing. As I was mentioning to Enurta, hopefully I can find places to play the piano. I did play at Trinity last week and the week before, when they let people play on Thursdays.
from tobehis :
I love your attitude. :-) Keep smiling and trusting in Jesus!
from stepfordtart :
Wishes good wishes for your CT scan (and absolutely POSITIVE that it wont be like mine - see HERE: http://stepfordtart.diaryland.com/111220_64.html if you want to see how badly it went! s x
from fan4 :
I don't want to give up letter writing. It's one of my favorite hobbies. I did hear from two penpals two days ago.
from musikoid :
Thanks! Yeah -- it feels great getting into shape. Yoga and Tai Chi will definitely also help, probably for both of us, once I also make those moves. People have been suggesting them for years, but I usually rely on my old-fashioned runner's stretches, and I know I neither get the clarity of mind that Yoga would produce, nor do I adequately stretch all the tight muscles. Health and wellness and fitness are such a trip...
from musikoid :
Do you take synthroid or a different thyroid hormone supplement? I only know of synthroid, and of generic levothyroxine (same thing.) I'm on 50 mikes. Praying for you, you are too wonderful a person for things to get the better of you in life.
from musikoid :
Uh oh -- I wasn't referring to you, and I probably shouldn't do that. It was another reader - I was mainly just trying to make my point, and to make the point involved using an example. You actually *have* been noting me; this is someone who hasn't left me a note in ages, like several months. So I didn't mean you. But I do appreciate your saying so -- I just don't want you to think that you haven't been a help, because you have. I don't identify with some of what I read in my other readers as well, but that's the beauty of the online diary. We can peek into each other's worlds and identify with common human needs and feelings and desires and dreams that we all share as human beings and as children of God. I just sometimes think that my own reality is *so* far removed from that which most people can identify with, maybe I shouldn't harp on it so much. Also, as Jerome was saying, he and I both ought to be spending our energies trying to find our way *out* of this mess, rather than constantly trying to come up with ways to make it work. I'm looking online for rooms in houses now, and just saw one for $430/mo. They want me to call so I gotta find a phone, and it's in a bad part of town, but hey. The price is right. And there are other options that are a lot better than the streets. So I just gotta stay focused. I really do always appreciate your reading, and your support.
from tobehis :
I thought that may have been the direction you were going. But you're right, you need to get your medical stuff figured out. God will give you another baby when His timing is right...and it will be perfect! Yay for the dr. figuring out you were on too much medicine; it's always great to be able to take fewer pills, and it's a plus to figure out what's wrong, too, and know that it can be fixed. :-)
from enurta :
please don't buy any books. it would just depress me. I can never finish what I start, it has always been this way. I give up already. before I even fail. either way, if I *wanted* to study, I still can't. I wouldn't get my money. then I'm totalled screwed if I can't study, I'll have to apply for disability again - and it takes months and months for them to make a decision.....but thanks for trying to help. *hugs*
from tobehis :
OK, your little blurb about a "surprise" has me on the edge of my seat! Did you decide not to share?
from tobehis :
I'm glad you have a dr. who is committed to figuring out what's wrong ASAP. I know that's comforting to you.
from musikoid :
Go ahead and get it from Enurta if you don't have it. (I'm not sure if you didn't get a hotmail with it.) I actually sang the song "You'll Never Walk Alone" softly to myself while I was flying my sign today.
from musikoid :
Wonder if for some reason you don't have my password...
from musikoid :
That is so totally my favorite song -- too bad I can't listen because of my situation here, no headphones or anything, I'm in a public place with like forty people on forty computers crammed close together. It's the words of that song that are so encouraging, I have often been uplifted so much by them.
from illusionless :
I'm not going to the gym yet. I'm still looking into it, but I do get the news letter with exercise tips. I was wondering, how do you motivate yourself to go to the gym or exercise at home? Once I'm there I'm fine, but it's getting to the point of exercising. Any advice?
from talktogod :
Wow. Scary story that turns a bit funny later. But still...creepy scary at the time.
from musikoid :
That sounds like it would have been creepy behavior even for someone who knew you but hadn't seen you for a long time. That is, unless he had been absolutely certain that you guys had recognized him and was just trying to joke around. But that's unlikely because you'd think he'd have been able to discern that you had no idea who he was. Plus, it's still bizarre behavior, isn't it? I feel that way a lot around here, where it is common that somebody who hardly knows me at all will approach me out of the blue and assume some greater level of kinship than the situation calls for. I don't know why people get that way.
from enurta :
I'm so sorry for your loss sweetie *hugs*
from musikoid :
I have prayed for J.B. earlier but came back to see if you'd updated and also to say that it might be hard for me to follow people's diaries for a while, now that I don't have a laptop and am very preoccupied with trying to solve numerous problems, many of which I created out of my own foolishness. But it will be better for me now that I am not living in a house where drug use was prevalent and tolerated. That kind of thing rubs off on me, unfortunately. Hope you are well.
from musikoid :
I only take the synthroid and don't know anything about other thyroid replacement medications. But I think I ought to invest in a good multi-vitamin, like maybe Centrum Over-50 or something. It seems to me I had more energy when I used to take vitamins.
from talktogod :
Wow. That was scary with Stevie. Glad he's okay.
from musikoid :
Thanks for your note. It almost seemed as though the guy had some inner vendetta against me in particular, and he was trying real hard to put me in my place while I was doing my best to respond politely and then ignore him after that. It was pretty unpleasant.
from illusionless :
Thanks for the prayers Koorikaze. I got it checked out this morning and thankfully it isn't serious. I just have ot keep it iced and take Advil for the pain if I need it.
from talktogod :
I love your entry, "a nice day." Such a lovely description of the day.
from fan4 :
Thanks for the prayers.
from tobehis :
I love reading about Steven. :-)
from musikoid :
That's good that you got an informed, attentive professional. About me, I became really manic for a time. I think I have to get the psych meds again, but I need to tell the doctor that whatever I was taking before never did work to prevent these episodes. But I've caught up on sleep and am not manic anymore.
from musikoid :
Hope your appointment with the rehab therapist went well.
from enurta :
xanax is not her problem. it's pot. she cannot function without it. when she doesn't have any weed, she doesn't eat, doesn't sleep, become very rude and mean....I know people say that pot/weed is not addictive. but in her case, it is.
from talktogod :
Ahem. Hey...remember me? I started wondering about my old friends from D-land, so I came over to check on some people. I'm sorry I was gone for so long. I'm writing at Wordpress now.
from musikoid :
I'm just catching up on your last two entries, and just now finished the firs one. That really *was* an insensitive thing for the pastor to say; and also it puts the value or worthiness on the wrong thing -- you know what I mean? It's not *morally* or *spiritually* wrong not to sing particularly well, and singing well doesn't make a person any more righteous. That sentiment is just totally off-base, and that comment was totally out of line. I can see why you responded as you did.
from enurta :
I have no say in the matter. it's the clinic that is especially for people with 'psychotic disorders' ....I have no where else to go. I can't afford a 'private' psychiatric hospital....
from stepfordtart :
Going to church doesnt make you a Christian - no more than standing in the garage makes you a car. But yeh, Id be finding another church - you dont need that sort of people around you. s x
from tobehis :
I'm so sorry you had a bad experience. Christians can be pretty cruel sometimes. But...not all Christians are like that. It is SO important to be plugged in with fellow believers. I would encourage you to try to find another church. God's people need each other.
from musikoid :
glad you're doing better -- that's great about the insurance covering the flood damage :)
from enurta :
your entry made me smile. I'm so happy for you! great news :) *hugs*
from musikoid :
hope you're okay
from musikoid :
Oh, I just caught up with your entries. Yes, I hope your family all returns to health. I know what you mean about freezing on the phone, and I don't do well under pressure either.
from enurta :
that's so sweet! :)
from tobehis :
May your family return to health soon!
from enurta :
oh no...poor little guy! i hope it's nothing. even if it's the chicken pox, it's treatable so don't worry. I'll pray for your family. *hugs*
from enurta :
hi sweetie. i'm glad you're feeling better. sorry i haven't been around, but i'm here now. love you <3 oh and give steven a kiss from me :) I hope he'll feel better soon.
from musikoid :
Yes, get some rest. I'm here for you.
from tobehis :
Be sure to get some rest in the midst of your busyness. Be blessed!
from musikoid :
Forgiveness is indeed powerful and liberating. It really lifts a burden, too. God bless you, Neko.
from tobehis :
Have a nice visit!
from musikoid :
That's so nice.
from musikoid :
:) Smiles, friend!
from illusionless :
The rainbow bangs look cute! I think I forgot to respond to that. Sorry.
from enurta :
helle there cutiepie *WINKS* u look adorable! i want bangs too but my hair is just...a nightmare :/
from stepfordtart :
Heeee! So cute! s x
from bombasine :
the rainbow hair suits you - so charming!
from tobehis :
Whoa, girl, GO! I wish I could burn that many calories in half an hour. In 45 minutes, I usually burn about 350. Sometimes closer to 400, if I use a different type of elliptical. *sigh* I miss the gym. Haven't been in a week and a day due to this stupid cold.
from tobehis :
it would be REALLY cool if it were actually an iPod dock... but it's older than that. The SUV has a tape deck, so I can use a tape adaptor (it's a cassette tape that has a cord with a jack on the end that goes into the iPod where you would plug in your headphones). My Accord doesn't have a tape player. :-/
from stepfordtart :
You sound so much cheerier (washer/dryer trauma notwithstanding, of course!) and thats so good to hear! s x
from tobehis :
Thanks. I'm heading back to work today, but am going to give myself more recovery time before going back to the gym. I'm feeling a lot better, but am still really congested and tired. :-/
from tobehis :
You're welcome. :-) (And I have read the Twilight books 3 or 4 times, so don't feel bad about liking Harry Potter. LOL.)
from stepfordtart :
Very sorry to hear that you arent well and very much hoping that you start to feel better soon. s x
from tobehis :
Last week WAS very stressful. I've been writing down everything I eat since late February, but I haven't actually been counting calories. :-/
from tobehis :
Thanks for the note. I gained a pound this week. :-/
from tobehis :
20 pounds! You go, girl! Keep up the good work. I'm sure you FEEL much better, also. And good for your dad...it's never too late to start getting healthy.
from minstrelite :
Hi - I am praying for your health. I was looking for you but for some reason had assumed this one was locked when I saw that the other one was locked. If it is extended post-partum, hopefully there is a hormone or other medicine that can help.
from illusionless :
Hi! I found this video on youtube. I don't know if you know of it already, but if not it's pretty funny. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cIxYzF-zkQ&feature=related
from illusionless :
Thanks for the note. I hope your father-in-law pulls through. It's a rough time when a family member is in the hospital.
from enurta :
god I'm so sorry about your father in-law. how is your hubby dealing with this? you're strong though, you will pull through, I know it's a difficult situation but please, just take care of yourself first before thinking about others. you are a survivor, remember that! stay strong, your family will be in my thoughts and prayers <3
from stepfordtart :
...and you're in ours. : ) s x
from tobehis :
I'll be praying for you, that the Lord will lift your depression. "The joy of the Lord is my strength." <3
from tobehis :
I'll be praying for you, that the Lord will lift your depression. "The joy of the Lord is my strength." <3
from enurta :
*hugs* i hope u feel better soon. love you <3
from stepfordtart :
see you in a bit then. ((squeeze)) s x
from fan4 :
Shadoe's a very friendly man. I like being e-pals with him for the most part.
from tobehis :
Forget that about asking your husband for help...I just went into McAfee and looked at every little option under the firewall and figured out how to fix the problem! I am SO proud of myself!
from tobehis :
Thanks for the note! And I'm glad you had a joyful day. It's exciting to be able to fit into smaller clothes. Keep up the good work! I don't know anything about firewalls. I have McAfee. Would you please ask your husband what he thinks the problem might be, or how I could fix it so I don't have to keep turning the firewall off? Thanks! Have an awesome weekend!
from fan4 :
Guess you've never heard of "The New Hollywood Squares" either. It's because of that show that he became a celebrity in all 50 states instead of only a few select ones.
from fan4 :
Thanks for the kind words.
from illusionless :
Thanks for the supportive note. I'm sorry that you are depressed and ill right now. I hope you feel better soon. I agree with the note under me about television.
from bombasine :
i think many people who are dogmatic about children and television lack insight into how tv works as a positive, social experience in many people's lives, especially in fandom. there's a big difference between using tv as a babysitter versus bonding over a shared enthusiasm, just like there's a big difference between passively consuming media content and critically engaging with it. i know it's hard to ignore negative comments especially when depression is lurking in the wings, but i think people who react judgmentally are revealing more about themselves than they are saying about you. please don't feel bad about enjoying a cute show with stevie! ps. i'm glad you're feeling better.
from stepfordtart :
would a ((hug)) be useful, too? Here's one: ((((HUUUUUGGGGG))))) s x
from illusionless :
Hi Koorikaze! I was wondering, do you play Second Life? If so would you like to be friends? If not than sorry to bug you.
from bombasine :
nice to see you're unlocked :)
from tobehis :
Thank you, and I hope you feel better soon. I'd rather have a cold/flu than a stomach bug. So miserable!
from tobehis :
Hopefully you'll sleep much better tonight!
from tobehis :
I understand about wanting to exercise but not overdo it. It's a fine line, sometimes. Have fun on your date with your hubby! I'm not married and I don't have kids, but I feel that it is VERY important for moms and dads to have time alone and date nights. Hopefully you and your husband can get that at least semi-regularly.
from stepfordtart :
Got it! Thank you! s x
from stepfordtart :
Hello dear! If youre giving out passwords will you send one to [email protected]? That should get to me ok, or you can leave one in my notes - I'll delete it as soon as I get it so it wont be hanging around on there. s x
from bombasine :
i miss your writing, but i understand why you needed to lock your journal. if you're comfortable sharing, i'd love to have a password - do you still have my email?
from tobehis :
Feel better soon!
from sunnyrain828 :
Hi! I'm a friend of tobehis. I just found your diary via her page the other day. I'd like to keep reading. My name's Stephanie and I'm a Christian, young wife, no kiddos yet. My favorite color is purple and I was an English major in college. LOL...I just said that last bit because I felt like I was giving a personal ad and thought I should add some extra factoids. ;) My guestbook is located at: http://www.freeguestbooks.net/mg/guest.pl?39351::0 and you have the option to leave private message there if you would like to give me your password privately. I can also get you my diary's password if you are interested.
from tobehis :
Oh, and I'm glad you're getting some things figured out about your health. Maybe now that you've got the antibiotic you'll start feeling better.
from tobehis :
Thanks for the password. The email address is one I just created this past week for situations like this (I set it up so it only shows my first name, so it's more private than my main one), so you can delete it or leave it, I don't care.
from tobehis :
I'd like the password, also. You can leave it in my guestbook (it has an option to make the message private so only I see it) or email it to me at [email protected]
from illusionless :
Hi Koorikaze. I would love the password to your diary. I'll send you the new password to my diary if you want.
from enurta :
are u ok????????? im so worried. sorry i haven't been around. you locked your diary, huh? e-mail me the password plz. love u mwaaaaaaah
from tobehis :
Thanks for the note. :-)
from pink-sapfire :
Lol I think we are all guilty of packrat symptoms from time to time. I had way more stuff to get rid of, him not so much because I tend to collect things that don't need to be collected lol.
from pink-sapfire :
As of Tuesday I had a phone again, it was seriously missed lol. Thanks for the words of confidence. Just gotta get the closets set up and then we will be done getting the apt all fixed up.
from tobehis :
I hate to think of babies having nightmares. It's unsettling enough when we have them as adults, but when you're a little guy and it seems so real? *shudders&
from tobehis :
Thanks. :-) ~ Hey, guess what? I'm going back to the gym today, after two weeks off. I'm so excited. :-) ~ Hope you have a great day!
from stepfordtart :
We have a studio, too! Wanna see? http://www.loustonehill.com/studio4_home.html s x
from tobehis :
Thanks for the note. I'm glad you're feeling so much better. I did have a nice time at the shower. :-)
from tobehis :
Be careful about going to the gym while sick...You could really hurt yourself more than help if you work out when you're not well. Hope they figure something out for you soon!
from enurta :
Tom will always remind me of N. He gave me Tom as a valentine's day gift 8 years ago. I honestly don't know how to deal with this. I've never been so scared in my entire life.
from enurta :
have u ever tried camomile tea? it's very calming and soothing. I don't like the taste, but it's okay if you add a little vanilla flavored soymilk or ricemilk. *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
How about something like this: http://www.owning-alpaca.com/celtic-knot-bracelet.html Im not keen on the 'woolly-ness' of it (looks itchy!)but it would be nice in something a bit silkier. Hope that helps! s x
from tobehis :
You're feeling better this afternoon and I'm feeling worse. :-( I've had this congestion and wet cough/body aches for a couple weeks and can't decide if it's really bad allergies or sinus crud. Yuck! That's great that you've lost 2 dress sizes...how long did it take you? Keep up the good work!
from tobehis :
Feel better soon!
from tobehis :
I wouldn't be able to survive without my car. I do good, unless the conditions are supposed to be snowy/icy. We had an early dismissal today from school (I work at a preschool), so I didn't go to the gym...I figured if they were expecting things to be bad enough to dismiss early, then there was no way I was going to go to the gym and spend an hour there before going home. Good luck with those "terrible twos" ... some are more terrible than others. Hopefully Steven won't be too bad. LOL. My birthday is in March, too!
from tobehis :
Is Steven an only child? How old is he?
from enurta :
I had blood work done a couple of months ago. there is nothing wrong with me. it's just all the meds...I'm on 11 different medications.
from tobehis :
Of course! I'm Amy, by the way.
from tobehis :
Thanks! I love it when I find other Christians here. Do you mind if I add you?
from stepfordtart :
Having been a 'stalkee' for many years, I can categorically say, no, I am not a stalker! And Im not big on spam either! heeheehe. Thanks for your note (and the hug!) s x
from stepfordtart :
Two dress sizes! Thats pretty impressive! Yay you! s x
from enurta :
Happy holidays sweetie *hugs*
from glorycloud :
Merry Christmas & happy New Year!
from enurta :
I hope you'll have fun with your hubby <3
from enurta :
I'm glad you and your family are safe. thanks for the note. you are always so sweet to me :) *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
One of my kids used to have a talking doll that would go off at inopportune moments - even when it appeared to be switched off. It used to scare the holy hell out of us! Sometimes it would just sigh, or start crying or say 'I love you, mama'. *shudder* creeeeeepy! s x
from enurta :
yay!!! he's okay!! :)
from stepfordtart :
Glad to hear all is OK. Go get your tests done and Im sure youz twos will be fine too. s x
from enurta :
It's okay hun, I know you've got enough on your plate already. last thing u need is to worry about me. love you. *hugs*
from enurta :
thanks for the note sweetie. your dad will be in my prayers, your mom also. *sending positive energy your way* love you! *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
Thinking good thoughts for your ma and pa, dear. s x
from jondavid2010 :
Hey you. I locked my journal. If you would like to read it (and I'd love it if you did), please email me at [email protected] with koorikaze in the subject somewhere. I'll respond with your username and password.
from bombasine :
Have you seen "Loom Knitting Pattern Book: 38 Easy, No-Needle Designs for All Loom Knitters" by Isela Phelps? There are excerpts up on Google Books, including the complete directions for animal-ear hats by Kathy Norris. I think this should link to the pattern: http://bit.ly/rrfPlT So cute!
from illusionless :
I would be very interested in that link. Please and thank you. :) It's so wonderful to see you so happy lately.
from enurta :
I don't know what I want. Everything I do is for others. But thank you for the note...I hope you get better soon. And I want you to know I cherish you as a friend. *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
If he's starting off like that, then there's a good chance he'll still be turning to you with BIG arms outstretched one day, for a cuddle before bedtime. Jooj (16 in 4 weeks) still homes in for a good old-fashioned snuggle up before bedtime (and usually a "I loves my mumsie" with it to!). s x
from stepfordtart :
Heehee! The "car journey as lullaby"!! I remember that SO well! I can also remember walking round the garden a billion times in the fog to help when Jooj had a case of croup. Thank goodness Im past those days. Feel better soon, dear. s x
from enurta :
wow, you've lost that much? wish I could do that...glad you are doing good! but sorry about the cold and about the little one being sick. I hope you both get better soon. *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
Sorry - no tips! When I had it I just took to my bed and was whiny about nobody looking after me properly! Hope you feel better soon. s x
from stepfordtart :
Yay to good news in all its forms! s x
from enurta :
'Yesterday was our 7 year anniversary' yaaaaay! congrats, congrats!!! that's so cool, I've been married for 7 years as well...our anniversary was back in august though. you haven't updated your other diary yet so I am assuming you are alright. wish you all the best. *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
Happy Birthday from across the pond, dear! s x
from fat-teen :
Go for it. (: I'm glad I could inspire you!
from enurta :
sorry about your mom. my father in-law has the same problem...I'll pray for them both, your entry reminded me of him. *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
***sending transatlantic good vibes***! s x PS I have theeeee best Sarah Brightman story for you...although you may not think so highly of her once Ive told you! When L gets back I will check the details - if Im gonna be a bitch, Im at least gonna be an accurate one!
from enurta :
it's your birthday next week??? omg. i want to send you a present!! can I? e-mail me your address and I'll send one as soon as I find the perfect gift.... ;) can't wait to go shopping!!! yayyy!!! I love buying presents.
from pathofruwen :
Oh, and thanks, I have a feeling they will. Faith. . . . *hugs*
from pathofruwen :
Unpredictability. You just never know. I absolve you (humor). :) It'll be OK. Remember what he always says? Yeah, those four [oft misused, sometimes annoying] little words. Well, let's apply them to ourselves, all of us, here and now. It'll be OK.
from pathofruwen :
How on earth were you the idiot? Can't be. Not saying things HAVE to be his fault, but still.
from stepfordtart :
My Uncle Ken was the set designer for the UK segments of Fraggle Rock! Yup. Really! s x
from enurta :
miss reading your diary....I hope you can get a new laptop soon. love you. & thank you for the note. I hope you're alright. *hugs*
from pathofruwen :
I had a laptop's hard drive crash a little over a year ago. Thankfully, it gave me warning signs. The speakers stopped working, the driver failed or something. Odd lines of colors were appearing on the screen. Startup wouldn't work right. I transferred all my files and just a few days later, it went dead. Dead metal and plastic. I try to keep things backed up or stored somewhere online now. I'm sorry that happened to you. Like you need more to worry about!
from enurta :
lol. i hate english dubs too :D
from stepfordtart :
Saw it on the BBC this morning! Looks like nobody was hurt at all, luckily. A few squashed cars and some fallen masonry but mercifully no loss of life. Huzzah! s x
from enurta :
thank god you are okay!!! *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
Just saw this over at julymalaise! Glad youre all OK. s x
from julymalaise :
I'm glad you are safe too! I read your entry and I was really surprised! It was really a rude awakening. I was on the couch and I felt everything shake! It was nuts!
from enurta :
don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. I love life. love you, thank you for your kind words *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
Found it on youtube! Yay! Thanks so much for that - next time L is whining on about some hideous production job and saying "three days Ive been working on this *sigh*. Well, I suppose you cant polish..." I will be able to step in and say "Oh, but you CAN! Adam and Jamie say so! Now, get to work, slacker!" s x
from stepfordtart :
Would a babysitting circle work for you? I used to run one when my kids were small - quite an easy way to buy yourself a couple of hours peace in the afternoon if you're not much into going out in the evenings. And the sitters tend to be people like you - ie completely used to (and therefore unfazed by) cranky toddlers. s x
from stepfordtart :
I found the episode, but I couldnt get it to play :( Will try again tomorrow and see if I can see it then. I stole the saying from my (musician) husband who often gets 'turd polishing' jobs for clients, s x
from stepfordtart :
Sweeeeeeeeet! (and deleted!) s x
from stepfordtart :
Forgot to say, both mine were biters for a while, but weirdly they used to do it as an extension of 'love'! Like you? you get a hug. Love you? you get a sloppy kiss type thing. REALLY love you? Bite your FACE OFF!!!!!! Usually whilst squealing with happiness. Bizarre! s x
from stepfordtart :
do you have a 'free ads' newspaper over there? Ours is pretty good - you place your ad for free as long as you're a private seller and everyone looks there first if they want to buy something. Otherwise ebay? s x
from enurta :
I'm praying, hun. I'm praying for you and your family. thanks for the note btw. love you. take care of yourself. i hope to hear good news soon. *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
*does* s x
from pathofruwen :
I'm old school. I send }}]]))vibes(([[{{. :D
from pathofruwen :
If it's not privacy issues, it's the crazy people who get on there and harass others, often to do with old friends and old boyfriends/girlfriends and the new wives/husbands who prefer to believe they are the only ones who've ever been in their SO's life *ever*! Hell, all I ever did was tell the new wife of an old friend that he'd been a really nice guy when we were friends in high school. Well, duh, that just made me her public enemy #1! Of course! Naturally! Why didn't I know she would hate me and threaten me just because I told her that 17 years ago I was good friends with the man who's been her husband for a mere three years??? *rolls eyes* Facebook is Hell.
from pink-sapfire :
Thanks. Yeah my bf and I aren't married but she calls herself my mother n law. He's away so instead of livin in our apt wit me she stays here. Hugs back atcha Jx
from pathofruwen :
Don't worry about it. I've been the same. Reading a lot and just not being very active online. I try to catch up at least once a week with everyone's entries, but I can totally relate to not knowing what to say.
from pink-sapfire :
Glad to see things are improving and I hope that continues. Sounds like you've been going through a lot lately. Hope things continue to get better for you and your family. Take care, jx
from bombasine :
glad to hear the good news about stevie! and if you can track down an ice cream maker, homemade non-dairy ice cream beats the pants off every commercial brand we've tried since my husband discovered he is lactose-intolerant. i've gotten very...creative...with my recipes and only one turned out poorly. (i know "make it yourself at home!" is probably not the most practical suggestion for a busy mama, but i thought i'd mention it anyway - an ice cream-free existence is such a sad idea.)
from stepfordtart :
Oh! Yes please, I would. s x
from enurta :
I'm sure Stevie is alright honey. love you. *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
Jooj was like a zombie when she had her shots, Treacle just sailed through them. Jooj is a straight A student and everything I could wish for in a daughter. Treacle is too. Im sure Stevie will be up to his old tricks and full of beans in the morning. Get some rest, dear. s x
from stepfordtart :
Deffo looks wearable to me! s x
from stepfordtart :
Yowser! I once knocked one of my kids out cold by opening a door onto their head. I feel your mum-guilt! Glad your we'en is OK tho.....not sure I can say the same for my daughter heeheehee! s x
from stepfordtart :
I dont think its necessary for you to take responsibility for someone else's bad behaviour, whatever your religion says. You dont have to do anything about this person and the way they behave - you made your feelings known before (and it sounds like you did it in a nice way) and he's chosen to ignore that. Just get on with whatever you want to get on with and let it go. Its the other person's problem, not yours, surely? s x
from enurta :
<3
from enurta :
it's your hubby's birthday??? sounds like fun :) how old is he? *hugs*
from enurta :
You have so much good things going on in your life. Enjoy it! Be happy! *sending positive energy your way* MWAH! (ps. that kiss was for you but mostly for the little one because he is so cute). still waiting for the e-mail with your story though. hope to hear from you soon. *hugs*
from enurta :
I hope it's not diabetes, just make sure to get yourself checked out by a doctor again soon, alright? it's friday so I'm going to light incense and pray, you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers *hugs*
from stepfordtart :
Im really surprised they didnt tell you - Im sure they'd be quick enough to point it out if it was your kid doing the biting! My daughter bit my face once, in a fit of over-excitement - YOWWWWW! s x
from stepfordtart :
Im not sure I can do prayers but you can have all the good thoughts Ive got. Oh, and I'll throw in a ((hug)) if you think you could make use of it! s x
from stepfordtart :
Of course not! In fact, please do and I shall do the same! Thanks for elaborating re the shoes - Ive done the same a couple of times, its good fun, isnt it - I remember a particularly stylish glitter paisley pair I did once, which bled dye all over my feet! I looked like I had some hideous circulatory disease. s x
from enurta :
ýou're not pathetic sweetie, you're beautiful inside & out. never forget that. nothing you do can make that fact change.
from stepfordtart :
"my shoes are almost done"???? What could that mean? Are you baking them? Making them? Finished with them? What? WHAT? Im eaten up with curiosity here! s x
from enurta :
omg cuteness overload!!!! give the little one a kiss from me :)
from journalmine :
WHOA. You mentioned "today" . . . I didn't even know he posted today until just now, like, hours later. I'll go have a read.
from journalmine :
Oh snap. I'm just now reading the 6/23 entry. How did I miss that? But you have described the cycle of interacting with him in a nutshell! It's like he was playing us for suckers the whole time. I just found an entry of his I'd saved in which he said that he didn't believe in God. But then he did, and then he didn't, and then he did, repeat, repeat, etc. Hate you, love you, hate you, love you. Attack, apologize, attack, apologize, etc.
from enurta :
I texted you about 30 minutes ago, I hope I had the right number. I'm sorry if my text disturbed you, I 'guess' it's morning where u are right now....anyway, text me back anytime. I hope you are ok. and thanks for the note. *hugs*
from enurta :
sweetie, I read your new entry just a couple of seconds ago and I'm so sorry he is doing this to you! you're such a good person, I don't understand him at all. he is pure evil. I tried reading his diary but everything is gone. what did that coward write about you? hun, please don't be sad or angry! he's crazy, and you're right, he *should* be locked up. I'll pray. love you. *hugs*
from raen :
I can't keep a good attitude, either. I agree with everything you said.
from journalmine :
That's what I'm gonna do. I'll email you the username and password.
from stepfordtart :
Hi! Dont know if you have stats here but if you noticed a bit of a spike today, it was only me, having a nose around. Bearing in mind recent events with a mutual friend (!) I thought Id better explain myself in case Id spooked you. s x
from raen :
Oh, I should mention that I'm using this username because it doesn't show up in the users lists. - - - I really thought MAYBE he could be civil and we could work this out. But all I'm seeing is crazy. I'm not in league with Satan, I'm not a witch, I didn't contact people in California and set them against him. It's all nuts! Grr!
from raen :
I did send him a Facebook message. I didn't want to play any games. I told him he had my attention and that I'd listen to what he wanted. Basically, I told him to bring his trouble to me, privately, and get it sorted out. I mean, he returns, calls me swine, links to his new journal . . . maybe I'm reading into it, but I don't think so. It seems obvious to me that he was seeking my attention. For once, I directly gave it to him by sending him message, asking to get it out and over with in a FB message. - - - As for the death threats he mentions, all I can say to that is WTF?! And I am NOT a practicing witch! God! He keeps saying that. I am interested in witchcraft, just the same as I'm interested in dreams and ghosts and dragons and vampires. But do I, say, drink blood? No. Damn it all!
from raen :
*facepalm* I've only just now glanced at his latest entry. Dear Lord! Yeah, I'm not touching this one on my journal. Screw it. Guess I'll give it a read, though, just to be aware of what's been said. Ugh. . . .
from enurta :
Thank you so much for the youtube video, the song was really beautiful and the animation was really cool! You’re very talented :) love you. *hugs*
from journalmine :
I think "he" was onto something when he said he was "under crystalline delusion" — as in crystal meth? And so . . . we're swine? What were his pearls in the end? They weren't pearls at all; they were rainbow glass bubbles filled with wax. And his profile . . . what's up with that? To see if what he writes makes any difference? What does that mean? Just A being A again, I guess.
from enurta :
yeah, I know, but it feels like I keep hurting them even *more* by living and harming myself. if I die, it's over. they never have to worry about me purging, cutting, burning, crying, they could move on with their lives. I feel like I'm in the way.
from enurta :
thanks for always being so supportive and understanding. it means a lot to me <3
from enurta :
thanks for the note sweetie. you are right about the comfort thing, whenever I feel sad or lonely, I end up binging and purging. I don't know what else to do. i thought i had gotten better but it seems like I am going to keep fighting against bulimia for the rest of my life. btw, I think it's so cute that the little one has started eating big boy food! I remember when you sent me a pic of him and he was so to tiny and cute, can he talk yet? or can he just say certain words? love you!!! *hugs*
from enurta :
<3
from enurta :
Thanks for the note...you made me feel a little better. sometimes i feel like I'm the only one in the world who feels this way, thanks for reminding me that I'm not alone. don't worry about me, please. I'm okay. I just needed to get all the negativity out. *hugs*
from enurta :
thanks hun. I hope you know I'm there for *you* as well. take care and kiss the little one for me *hugs*
from enurta :
thanks for looking out for me, don't worry. I'm alright. no matter how tempting it is to commit suicide, I would never do it. because of my hubby, my mom, and my sister. and my best friend Tabby Tom the cat :)
from jondavid2010 :
Thanks. My Dad died two years ago. Exactly two years ago. It's an old grief, but the anniversary feels significant and . . . heavy.
from bombasine :
aw, thanks for your concern about my missing kitty. your thoughtful words mean a lot. (i'm sorry you had to lock your diary - i hope life is treating you kindly.)
from fan4 :
Thanks for the note. I'm sorry you had to put Smitten down. *returns hug*
from journalmine :
Count me in, too.
from enurta :
i'd like to keep in-touch! guess u already knew that though :D
from illusionless :
I read your diary as well. Even though I don't comment. I find you interesting to read.
from enurta :
I read your diary. So pelase let me know if you switch. *hugs*
from enurta :
*crosses fingers* :)
from enurta :
please be safe, keep fighting! thinking of you. *hugs*
from enurta :
oh hun, I feel really bad for you. i hope things work out. you'll be in my prayers as usual. love you. take care *hugs*
from enurta :
I'd love to see some pics of your new hairstyle! sounds cool ;) *hugs*
from enurta :
thanks for the note sweetie! wow, steven is walking on his own??? that's great news. he is growing up so fast! :)
from bombasine :
wishing you and your family all the best.
from enurta :
sorry about your grandma, but don't be sad. you will see her again :) *hugs* and I hope little steven will get better soon! <3
from enurta :
thank you so much for your kind words <3
from jondavid2010 :
Indeed! How do you know when they've started saying it on purpose, though?
from fan4 :
Happy belated birthday!
from enurta :
I hope that you will get well soon. you're in my prayers, and so is your grandma. *hugs*
from fan4 :
What's puff paint?
from fan4 :
Did you see last year's Harry Potter film? I wish I didn't have to wait so long to see the last one!
from fan4 :
Get well soon! I'm sorry your Granny is dying.
from try2conceive :
Thank you for your note and letting me know you'd been reading. I'm still hoping that all turns out well, but like I've mentioned a couple times, eve if not, I so very thankful to have this right now!
from enurta :
i hope stevie gets well soon! please don't worry to much. *hugs*
from enurta :
I will pray for you and your grandmother. i hope you both get well soon. take care *hugs* and thanks for the note u left! I am lucky to have you as a friend.
from enurta :
what kind of manga do you have? and how much?? btw, just saw the pic of stevie you sent...hehe, he's the cutest baby I have ever seen!!! :)
from pink-sapfire :
Zumba is gr8 onceyou get the hang of it. I miss it myself, but just donKt feel like traveling all the way to the other side of town to go to the Ymca. I hope to get dvds come next month we'll see Have a blessed day
from enurta :
this maybe will sound stupid but why avoid toys made in china? are they dangerous or something? and tell stevie CONGRATS from me, his first step!! wow!! must be really exciting :) how old is he now? Mwah!
from pink-sapfire :
Thanks, my template took me like 1-2 weeks to figure out.... alot of the sites to get templates these days don't work UGH... I got an A, B, C, & a D in my classes. Not as well as I was hoping but my GPA is a 2.556, so I'm pretty content with it all. Hope all is well!
from enurta :
thanks for the support, you always have a way of making me feel better. thank you for being there. of course I'll pray for you and your parents. <3
from enurta :
thanks! how are u? I miss reading your diary, guess you have your hands full with the baby :) give him a kiss from me! *hugs*
from tsulnagrom :
hey! (sorry i JUST noticed you wrote me a note). it's really cute that my niece and your son look alike. babies seem to look similar which is really funny. did you post some pics of your son yet?
from jondavid2010 :
We read that chamomile was no good for kids under 6 months. Is this true, or just people overreacting?
from enurta :
thanks...but the same goes for you! remember that. *hugs*
from pink-sapfire :
Not at all! Add away, I'm Jasmine :)
from pink-sapfire :
I will be adding your diary to my list. Nice to find a fellow Christian on site
from enurta :
hey...it's been a while since you updated your diary. is everything okay? I'm a little worried about you. Send me a note or an e-mail after you read this. just so I'll know you're fine...*hugs*
from enurta :
my intention wasn't to binge...I just thought 'why not? it's yummy'. that was basically it. thanks for caring. I almost purged, but talked to N instead and now I don't feel full anymore. I'm actually hungry again but I've had enough food today. Going to drink water and later, some green tea. *hugs*
from enurta :
that sounds rough to deal with on your own, does your hubby help out sometimes? or does he work a lot? and tired when he gets home? I remember what it's like ot have a little toddler aound, I was 10, almost 11 when my mom had my sister. me and my brother had to help my mom with the cleaning, dishes, feeding the baby (when she was too tired, she had a c-section too). It was really hard the first months. do you have friends/family who could help out? I know you don't get along well with your in-laws... :( *hugs*
from bombasine :
always nice to see you here - and your new hairstyle sounds gorgeous!
from enurta :
I'm glad do hear (read) that you are doing okay : ) Have fun with your mom *hugs*
from enurta :
thanks for the support. you should tell yourself the same thing :) if I'm beautiful, then you are too. and i'm drinking lots and lots of water (but I cheat and drink diet coke from time to time) :P *hugs*
from enurta :
aww! he's already crawling? how cute :) i hope you have a good time at your parents. Enjoy the weekend sweetie. *hugs*
from killsoft :
as you can see, the snide remarks have gone both ways.
from enurta :
I'd love to get an e-mail from you :) looking forward to read it! I'm glad you and Stevie are doing better. too bad your hubby is sick now though :/ 'I don't care how I think my bathing suit looks on me as long as it fits. I need to overcome these negative self-image issues. They are not good for my health nor for Steven. I want him to grow up confident and to do that, I need to be more confident.' so true! and you are beautiful my dear, so you SHOULD feel confident! you deserve it, girl! *hugs*
from enurta :
it's been a while since you updated, I hope everything is OK, I'm a little worried. sending positive energy your way. *hugs*
from enurta :
so sorry about stevie! I hope he gets better soon. I will pray for his and your whole family's safety. *hugs*
from talktogod :
Sorry I have been around lately. I find myself very short on time in the mornings before work. I got caught up today, though. Glad things are going well for you and your son is progressing well. Hugs!
from jondavid2010 :
It's been a while. It's been hard for me to be online for any period of time recently, for many reasons. I tried to catch up with your writing today. It's exciting to me to read aout Steven's development and imagine Grace and Eli there in twelve months. Please include me if you lock up.
from talktogod :
Sorry to hear about the cat. We get very attached to our animals, so I understand. Of course, I would like to keep reading if you would send me the password. [email protected] I think you already have that somewhere, maybe.
from enurta :
ops. sent the note twice...sorry for bothering you :(
from jondavid2010 :
thanks 4 da encoorajments.
from bombasine :
i'm sorry about your kitty.
from enurta :
I always smile whenever I read about Stevie. I'm so happy for you. He really is a blessing. I'll pray for you & your family to be safe and happy. <3
from talktogod :
First solid food. Those moments are so very wonderful. I can still remember the day that our oldest daughter discovered her toes. :-)
from bombasine :
it makes me smile when you write about your son.
from enurta :
artificial sweeteners? Do they make you gain weight? I use it when I drink tea, and I always drink diet coke which contains a *lot* of sweetener. Birth control always fucks up everything, I was on it a while (years ago when I was 17) and it gave me terrible mood swings. What is your goal weight? Mine is 140 pounds. That’s a ’healthy’ weight for my height. Were you really thin before getting pregnant? I was underweight until I started taking meds (4 years ago). Since then my weight goes up and down, the most I’ve weighed is 220, the lowest 96 lbs during these years I’ve taken meds. <3
from enurta :
I weigh 165 lbs. And I haven't had a baby! You shouldn't be so hard on yourself...how tall are you? I'm 5'3. wanna be my diet buddy? my plan is to only eat 1600 cals a day, and take long walks every day. there no 'forbidden' food. i can eat whatever i want as long as i eat under 1600 cals. want to join me? *hugs*
from enurta :
I'm so happy you feel that way! It's a good thing to be thankful, grateful for what we have. Sometimes life is so hectic that we forget the ones that mean the most. I just want to say I'm happy for you! Love, /M.
from enurta :
may I read your other diary too? I love reading your words. I really like you. you're so kind.
from enurta :
who are these dumnb, stupid, ignorant people who are saying those mean things to you? I really want to know so I can give them a piece of my mind!!! stupid fuckers. just ignore them hun, they are nothing. don't lock up, because that is what they want....they want to take offense. just think of them as annoying ants. step on them. they are nothing. love you! *hugs*
from enurta :
I'm so sorry about your friend! But you will see her again...she is with God now. Please, don't be sad...I know it's hard but...try to see it like this; everybody dies. It's a fact of life we cannot ignore. Just have faith. I will pray for you and your friend. Please take care. <3
from jondavid2010 :
The most difficult moments of Eli and Grace's life so far have been concerning my mother, and her relationships to this family. Boundary issues. It's so, so hard. And it's very hard to be a husband and son in the middle. I'm sure you've talked to him about it. Anyway, you are Steve's mom, and you're a good one. Don't let your mom-in-law undermine the truth of that.
from enurta :
If you ask me, I think 'weight challanges' are stupid. You should stop doing it, and try to lose weight on your own without competing with anyone. I would *never* be able to handle the pressure of competing with others, it would make me bonkers. please, take it easy. rest. you can lose the weight later. you have a baby you have to take care of, just that is hard enough. you don't need stress yourself out over your weight. how many pounds are u overweight? nobody is perfect. i understand that u want to lose weight, because u gained because of the pregnancy etc....but please, put yourself and your family in first place. losing weight isn't everything. take care and god bless. <3
from talktogod :
Don't compare yourself to anyone else, especially in the "weight loss challenge." If you've lost five pounds, celebrate that. If you compare yourself to others, there will always be somebody better, and that leads to, well, feeling defeated. You are your own person, and you do what you can at your own pace.
from enurta :
thanks for believing in me. it means a lot. god bless. <3
from talktogod :
Hurray for second opinions!! And good parents who will take the time to get them!
from jondavid2010 :
Well, I read all your entries since Steven's birth. Thanks. They're encouraging. Any advice for supporting a woman with baby blues?
from enurta :
cupcake earrings?! I'd love to see a pic!! :) *hugs*
from talktogod :
Haha. Rolling babies. Good luck keeping up with him now...LOL. They are SO precious!! Savor these days, my friend.
from glorycloud :
before you know it your baby will be walking-children are a blessing-peace
from jondavid2010 :
Thankyou. It looks like you're a new parent, too. When I get the chance, I'll read you. I can't promise it'll be soon, but I will.
from jondavid2010 :
Thanks for the prayers.
from bombasine :
i am glad to hear your cousin is doing better, and your little guy is in my thoughts. enjoy your date night!
from talktogod :
Thank you for your kind comment. I'm glad you were encouraged. By the way...how is your cousin?
from enurta :
oh and i forgot to write, thank you for the note! unfortunetly, I do not use yahoo messenger :( I use one that is only for hotmail. but thanks for the offer! I'm lucky too :)
from enurta :
don't push yourself too hard. why not start with something easy? like taking power walks or jogging? if you want to lose weight, taking a walk before eating breakfast helps. <3
from enurta :
You are not a loser! You are a smart, beautiful and kind woman. Don't say negative things about yourself. You deserve so much better than that. I'm sorry your baby is sick. Most formula have soy in it, I remember when my little sister was a baby, my mom couldn't breast feed and she had to give my sister formula. The formula made my sister sick, she kept puking it out, when she saw a doctor the doctor said she was allergic to soy. Which is a common ingredient in formula. so try to find a formula without soy, it might help. back in the day, (this was over 14 years ago), there was no formula without soy. so my baby sister had to drink cowmilk but it worked out fine. it was just for a couple of months. anyway, i hope things will work out. you are in my prayers. i'm trying to send positive energy your way :)
from enurta :
<3
from animejournal :
sorry I haven't responded! DDR is awesome! Love them! In fact I have so many of their songs!
from talktogod :
So sorry about your cousin. That's horrible. I will pray for her recovery.
from enurta :
I'm looking forward to seeing The Last Airbender too! Dev Patel is one of my favorite actors. have you seen the tv show called 'skins'? it's brittish, quite good. Dev Patel is in it, it's about a bunch of teens. it's really interesting. <3
from talktogod :
Hey, friend. Check out www.sparkpeople.com It's a free website/community that deals with having a "healthy lifestyle." Accountability, nutrition tracking, fitness tracking, literally thousands of recipes, and motivation. I've been on it for a couple months, and I've lost almost 20 pounds. If you decide to join, my user name is "bickleyhouse."
from talktogod :
Praying for you and for your husband to get a clue! >:(
from enurta :
thanks, and the same goes for you. i'm here if you need to talk. thank you for being my friend. it means a lot to me. you are a good person.
from talktogod :
I know about feeling insecure. I've been struggling with that so much since I lost my job. There are days I can barely drag myself out of bed, and then when I do, I hardly get anything accomplished at all. But then there are other days where I'm fine and I work hard all day, looking for work and doing house stuff. It's unpredictable, too. But what I keep right in front of me the whole time is that God is in control. Even when I'm feeling depressed, I know that this is true, so I know that, eventually, I'll get out of it and move one. But right this second, I don't feel worth much.
from talktogod :
*whew* Huge sigh of relief. Thank you, Jesus, for protecting this dear one. *HUGS*
from enurta :
I pray for you every night, no matter what. I pray for your husband and your baby too. so don't worry. <3
from talktogod :
Lord, please don't allow this to happen. Please let this dear girl know how much you care for her. I don't know what else to say, friend. My heart goes out to you, and anything I say would just sound like cheap rhetoric, and I don't want to do that. I do know this, though, that God cares for you. That's not rhetoric. <3
from talktogod :
I will certainly pray for you! You've got me worried.
from animejournal :
WEIRD AL IS MY GUY! HE WAS SO awesome back in the day!!! Amish Paradise was hilarious!
from bombasine :
take good care of yourself and your little guy! i'll look forward to seeing you here again when life lets up a little.
from talktogod :
That's right...I've heard you talk about doing DDR. I was going to suggest the Wii Fit. It's actually quite fun and a good exercise tool. Unfortunately, I'm too heavy for the balance board.
from talktogod :
Do you have a Wii?
from talktogod :
It's always good to hear that things aren't as bad as you thought. Praise the Lord for that. And I hope you have a nice trip.
from fan4 :
I hope you have a good weekend too.
from fan4 :
What are copic markers?
from fan4 :
I sometimes played DDR when I attended the University of Washington. I hope you like your roadtrip. I went on one in 2008.
from enurta :
thank you for being so supportive. I hope you have fun on your trip <3
from enurta :
I care about you a lot. I think you’re inspirational, the fact that you were bulimic and then got better and had baby…it makes me happy. It makes me feel like nothing is impossible <3
from enurta :
What you’re going through breaks my heart…but I’m sure the little one will be alright. He will pull through. I’ll keep praying. xoxo
from enurta :
I'm so sorry this is happening. You, your husband and your baby are in my prayers <3 I hope things will get better.
from enurta :
may i ask how long you've been married? I'm married too, we married quite young, when we were both 18. now I'm 24 so it's been 6 years. how old were you when you got married? I'm glad you went on a date, green tea ice-cream sounds delicious! wish I could try it. my hubby wants to travel to Japan with me. the food there is supposed to be awesome. have you seen this site? http://www.jlist.com/ it's really interesting! lots of yummy things to buy... :) anyway, itte irrasshai :) *hugs*
from talktogod :
It's great that you had a date night. Also...I don't think there is any other type of parenting course than "crash course." Haha...Sure, I know, there are books on it. But nothing can really prepare you for the real thing when it happens. You guys will be great! Your hearts are in the right place.
from animejournal :
I hope you will be okay! Don't worry hubby is just a little frustrated, but he'll be happy again! Feel better.
from enurta :
congrats! <3
from tsulnagrom :
congratulations! i'm so excited for you!
from talktogod :
I'm almost in tears reading the account. Praise God, and congratulations!!!
from bombasine :
what exciting news - i will be thinking of you all day tomorrow!
from talktogod :
Will be praying for a safe and healthy birth! God bless.
from enurta :
Thanks for your note, thank you also for the offer. May I send you an e-mail? I think it's great that you got cured. Even if you feel the urge to purge sometimes...it's so damn hard to let go of an eating disorder. It feels so safe. Whenever something bad happens, I turn to bulimia. This time it went too far though. I want to get better, I just don't know how. And getting help is scary. I don't want anyone to tell me how I am supposed to eat, because it would feel like I was not in control of my own life. and that scares me. I think I'd rather die. anyway, sorry for talking about myself when you have so much going on in your life. I will pray for you and your baby :) *hugs*
from talktogod :
You are not a hypocrite, my friend. We went into our first childbirth, my wife declaring that she wasn't going to have any pain drugs. As soon as that back labor started, her countenance changed and she said, "Give me that epidural!" Just because your ideals aren't met doesn't make you a hypocrite. Things just didn't work out the way you hoped they would. Oh, and after almost 21 years of parenting experience...that keeps happening, too. LoL!! Just warning you...HUGS!!!
from talktogod :
YAY!!! That is so exciting!!
from enurta :
that's great news :) I'm happy for you! <3
from talktogod :
Father of Life, I pray urgently for this dear sister. Help her to see that she is NOT a failure! She is a precious child of yours and needs your hand of encouragement on her life right now. God, lift her spirits and send someone special to her right now to help affirm her life. Bless her, Lord, bless her mightily!
from talktogod :
That's interesting news...my wife had a vaginal birth for our second daughter, after having a c-section on the first. There was no question about it at all, and it went fine.
from enurta :
I will pray that your baby gets better. I don't know what else to say...i can't even imagine how you must feel <3
from talktogod :
I suffer from occasional cellulitis. It's no fun, that's for sure. Mine is in the calf/shin area. Mainly caused by my weight and type-2 diabetes (which is also mainly caused by my weight). You would think I would get motivated and do something about that...
from enurta :
Thanks for shedding some light on the situation. You are right. Thank you.
from talktogod :
I understand your hesitancy to upgrade. I'm seriously considering moving from Diaryland to another blog, because there are others that don't cost. Only problem is, I've got a couple of years worth of devotional journals over here.
from talktogod :
Whew. That's a relief. Thank you, Jesus.
from talktogod :
Oh no. Dear Lord, please protect the baby!
from bombasine :
yay! i've looked through my yarn stash, and i was wondering if you have a preference on (1) blue or neutrals? and (2) cables or no cables?
from fan4 :
I'm not a morning person either.
from talktogod :
Happy New Year! I wish you joy and peace in the coming year, and great health for you and your new baby.
from fan4 :
My voice came back around the 30th. of December. I had missed being able to talk. Yes, I did have a good Christmas. I recieved early Christmas presents from a friend, on-time Christmas presents from my parents, and a late Christmas present from a former celebrity. (I had ordered a book from him, and it happened to arrive the day after Christmas.) In 2008, I wrote "Christ is the reason for the Season" in all my Christmas cards. I still used the saying last year, only I didn't write it in all the cards.
from fan4 :
Did you have a Merry Christmas? Guess I have a lot of catching up to do. I didn't know you were pregnant. Congrats!
from eco-mama :
Happy Holidays to you as well!
from fan4 :
I don't have tea, but I have been drinking water. I've also taken airborne. Thanks for the note.
from talktogod :
Merry Christmas, my friend!
from talktogod :
"The American dream...has been ground to dust." That was amazing!! I might write a song with that in it. Or I might just say I'm going to and never do it. That's probably more like it.
from bombasine :
i was wondering if you would like some handmade things for the baby - once i've finished my holiday knitting, i won't have any projects on the pins, and i'd be happy to make something to suit your color and style preferences. (now, if the idea of getting stuff from a stranger on the internet is not okay with you, please don't be afraid that my feelings will be hurt if you say no. otherwise, i am sure we can find a way to get things from me to you in a way that doesn't cross any lines with regard to privacy.)
from fan4 :
I start working on my cards either on Thanksgiving or the day before. That helps. Thanks for the note. :)
from talktogod :
Lifting up prayers. No matter how much we struggle with our own problems, there is never so much that we can't stop to think about/pray for others who have needs. That's what this "family" is all about. <3
from bombasine :
i will keep you and your family in my thoughts. hang in there.
from talktogod :
Thanks for the nice note.
from bombasine :
it's awful to feel like you're a burden on everyone - i've been there and i know. but there may be a particular grace you can find in it. i mean, allowing other people to practice their values in being of service to you is...very humbling, in a way that is not necessarily very comfortable.
from talktogod :
Praying for you today!! I don't have any great words, but pray that God will heal your hurts.
from enurta :
thank you for your kindness. I'll keep that in mind <3
from bombasine :
...mind if i add you to my favourites? i don't want to compromise your privacy...
from bombasine :
happy birthday! all the best to you.
from talktogod :
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
from talktogod :
Have fun at the beach! *jealous*
from talktogod :
Yay! That makes me happy. Funny...I just figured that out yesterday. *doh*
from talktogod :
Wait!! Are you...?? I'm so confused... LoL! Thanks for the encouraging notes/comments!
from enurta :
thanks for the note. you are probably right. and you seem really interesting! I love manga and anime too. do you have a myanimelist.net account? If you don't, you should get one. my name is deadpassive over there if you'd like to add me. have a nice day. xxx
from fan4 :
One of my friends has a home version of DDR. Her pads didn't want to work correctly though.
from fan4 :
There's a DDR Extreme game at the UW (located in the HUB's game room). I can only play beginner mode though. (I tried light mode, but didn't do too good.)
from glorycloud :
I enjoy receiving notes-peace
from animejournal :
Thanks for adding me up. I have to agree with your latest entry. The world is changing, and cartoons back in the day were amazing. These kids have a bunch of junk.....
from fan4 :
I've seen selections from the CCS manga and anime, and like the anime better. I haven't heard of the two mangas you mentioned in your note.
from fan4 :
Do you have a favorite manga? Mine's Yu-Gi-Oh!
from fan4 :
TV show wise, I like Cardcaptor Sakura and Sailor Moon. Movie wise, I like Spirited Away, Kiki's Delivery Service, Pokemon 2000, and My Neighbor Totoro. Can't yet comment on Ponyo, since I haven't seen that film in its entirety. (I wanted to, but kept being distracted by the people around me. Reached the point where I walked out of the theater to calm down.)
from fan4 :
Do you have any favorite anime shows and/or films?
from fan4 :
I like cats too.
from fan4 :
Thanks for adding my diary to your favorites. :) I'm going to check yours out now. :)

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