messages to life-like:
(click here to add new message):

from z0tl :
do you even exist anymore? needs short update, have no energy yet to keep up with reading anything, hardly have enough to post once in a blue moon and i've been in the deep abysses of zell for longer than even funny, so... could use your ultimate zenze of humor! hope all's well and peachy witcha and i needs me some qool songs, so if you still on soulseek, lemme know when i can suck all your... ummm... collection! much love, your:z
from absolutlau :
i also cheat on diaryland and update obsessively in my other journal. http://www.gotdiary.com/users/cleverbehavior/calendar
from fridayfilms :
Hi. I added you, because HA! and HA! HA! HA! I needed that, and will require it often.
from queen-hearts :
hi. i made eggplant parmesan for the first time tonight. it was fucking delicious and i thought of you the whole time!!!
from life-like :
yes!
from absolutlau :
do you nkow what i have listened to for eight hours? instant pleasure by rufus wainwright. and my grandmother makes me take her delicates to the washeteria.
from queen-hearts :
dance-a-teria types??????? wait, what?
from the-ordinary :
your story about inhaling man powder made me break my worktime mask of indifference, and three people asked me in depth questions about books that i've never read, and another person seemed to just want to chat about her problems. that's the last time i ever smile at work.
from brothasistas :
creative ideas. it's the kind with the little wand that lets you blow bubbles. i havent been using it. awww, poor theresa.
from brothasistas :
i like your music and i like your writing. i just like you.
from cat-heaven :
thanks for the birthday wish, ms sweet tits. i hope you're doing well. i've been majorly slacking off in the diary department. i'm a lazy, lazy gal.
from queen-hearts :
ricockulous...could you use that in a sentence please?...yes..."it's ricockulous how much i miss you."
from kamikazesoul :
this diary fucking rocks, it's so going in my favorites ^_^
from queen-hearts :
Billy Joel reminds me of driving through the boring landscape known as Utah. Seriously. It's still rock n roll to me.
from queen-hearts :
love you. miss you....and goddamn you make me laugh everytime!!!!
from queen-hearts :
yay. you fucking deserve it!
from queen-hearts :
franz ferdinand are awesome! i love them! i've been having a crappy week, too. blah
from queen-hearts :
just hi and miss you.
from cat-heaven :
and you should totally buy the flip flops. i just bought another fucking pair of sugars on ebay. this pair is black with pink kitties with berets on. how could i not? and let me just tell you they are the most comfortable flip flops ever. i will wear nothing else this summer.
from cat-heaven :
ooh, i love you. starting your entry like that and all. it makes me all warm and fuzzy.
from queen-hearts :
that's right. Wheels. he always wore tight jeans with rolled up cuffs and vests. i'm right on board with a freaks & geeks marathon. i just got finished watching the halloween episode. i'm telling you...bill.
from queen-hearts :
fucking pixies aren't playing here. but the shins are so i guess that sorta counts...no, not really. damn you and your pixies!!!
from cat-heaven :
SHUT THE FUCK UP! You're going to be there? Is Queenie? We totally have to meet up and have a cocktail or two. That is some exciting news! Oh, and yea, Sugar does make the best shoes. I'm wearing another pair right now, but not my flip flops because it's so freaking cold outside.
from cat-heaven :
i want the 3some story! or even the threesum story would be fine. i don't know the waitress story, did i miss something? i bet i was high again. you are a total beater of les husbou! or should i say whipper. whipper. i say whipper!
from cat-heaven :
um, excuse me! what is this about jawbreaker related threesomes? you can't not tell me about that. email me if you have to!
from queen-hearts :
scary psychic...i was driving today and noticed how all of a sudden the trees are blooming cherry blossoms and how if i squint my eyes and look at the mountains outside my window i see blurry patches of green everywhere. i love it! snowed here yesterday and it's 70 today...gotta fucking love colorado! btw about past lives, i always have this recurring dream about the elizabethan era so whatever that means. oh and it was you and i who saw blake at the chinese restaurant before they played with that dog at jabberjaw. remember how we got there crazy early and sat on the sidewalk for hours.
from cat-heaven :
awww, your bike does need you. he's been waiting all winter for you! after i read your entry it made me wish i was living in a small town in the summer. chicago is hella hot and humid.
from queen-hearts :
holy mothertucking shit! Do you remember that time I spent the night at your house (jr high, high school, don't remember?) and I saw that "little boy" at the top of the staircase??? He was wearing blue velvet shorts, white blousy shirt, black knee socks and black shoes?? He had brown hair and pale skin. OMG please say that you remember me telling you about this and that I'm not crazy. After reading your entry, it kind of makes sense...
from queen-hearts :
Do I KNOW z0tl? Dave Graves was the one that worked at the crematorium who told me about the dead bodies sitting up and bumping their heads on the ceiling of the incinerators once they start burning. We also have Dave Stowater stories...or rather made up ones involving red cowboy boots and titty tassles. Chin up!
from cat-heaven :
revenge is sweet. and the laughter that ensues after said revenge takes place will reverberate around the world. i'm totally up for faking my death and going somewhere exotic. i say we go to morocco and live a tawdry life while we sit around drinking mint tea and plotting to take over the world. it might be too hot for my lily white ass in the bahamas!
from queen-hearts :
...and the Modern Lovers, baby. Ah yeah!...
from cat-heaven :
fucking a right! i'm all for being kidnapped to iowa away from all these crazy motherfuckers up in this piece. i love wet hot american summer. i love food. i love getting tucked in. i love blake. i love getting high. and we all know i loves me some getting laid! good times. thanks for the note. i'm feeling better, in all ways. keep it up and i might just come visit you girls in iowa someday! how far are you from chicago?
from queen-hearts :
psychic friends network. and we totally just started a sailing team called "fuck your kids". ah, you make me laugh so hard!
from peth :
hoorah for friends! you make me wanna go back to skool.
from cat-heaven :
i have so much to say to that entry right now that i just can't say anything at all.
from queen-hearts :
myfreepaysite.com
from cat-heaven :
i swear i've downloaded all the same porn as you.
from queen-hearts :
triple XXX hot!
from cat-heaven :
hurray! i love the spy wedding story. you looked H-O-T hot! the veil was fabulous, you old married broad.
from popeholden2 :
i desperatly want to go to that same concert. no chance in hell. his name was robert paulson.
from queen-hearts :
dear hot crotch, were there wigs and sunglasses and phony accents and garish lipstick and baby blue suits and pink converse??? xo, two lips
from cat-heaven :
hot pink! yea! i was wearing hot pink converse when i read your note. i hope the festivities are extra fun & ridiculous tomorrow. break a mofo'n leg.
from cat-heaven :
fucking a, right. "bonnie & clyde" by stereolab. you still rule.
from crapstein :
yr getting married??????????!!!!!!???????? Where do I send the blender?
from queen-hearts :
OMG, you're TOTALLY right...it was spandex. How could I forget that? Sweats??? What was I thinking?!?! You and I shall stand alone as the only living 2 people that were disappointed by Lost in Translation. It was missing something...something major. But I don't know what. All I know is that when it was over I sat there, staring blankly at the credits, thinking "oh, well alright then." The soundtrack kicked everyones ass though. And even though I didn't like it, I still love Bill Murray. There's something so inexplicably sad sack-ish about him. And Moz fully shops at Millers Outpost! Didn't some L.A radio DJ see him there or something???
from queen-hearts :
Do you think it would be like that time we went and saw The Specials and they were all wearing sweats??? No. Kraftwerk is so much cooler. Maybe high-tech, euro, sweats? I'm so glad you decided to go with they spy wedding. When we put our brains together we blow the world away! *This note will self-destruct in 30 seconds*
from cat-heaven :
i better get to see a picture of you in a fucking white veil, looking pure as the driven snow. i'll have a few drinks for your new wedded bliss. and of course you're keeping your name, goddammit! xoxo, michelle
from crapstein :
You are forgiven. Vicodin is a glorious, albeit, forgetfull drug, chock full of vitamins. Platteville blows. Good thing you had narcotics.
from crapstein :
You come to the big WI, and don't even stop by, I don't know if I can forgive you.
from peth :
i'll slice off a few fingers for you to snakkk on.
from absolutlau :
your name is lauren? it is like we are the same person.
from queen-hearts :
Hack at them until they look like bird wings. Oh, and toilet paper is totally over-rated...although rough, paper towels usually suffice.
from cat-heaven :
awwww lifey! i LOVE being your favorite slut. xoxo, caty
from queen-hearts :
I WANTED TO CHOP MY ARM OFF!
from queen-hearts :
I WANTED TO CHOP MY ARM OFF!
from crapstein :
Being a fag hag takes talent, poise and grace. Three things I value very highly in my life. Oh yeah and you should also have a knack for drinking a shit ton of cosmos. p.s. when The Baby Shakers put on a show you should come to Madison and cheer them on.
from afoolsdemise :
Happy birthday! Remember to paint the town red as you get so sloshed that you don't even know the colour of your eyes.
from crapstein :
Happy birthday............ do something fun.
from broken-face :
Happy Birthday!
from afoolsdemise :
Squish it! Crush it like the bug it is!!!! Then when your done, have your way with it. Damn ladybirds being all up in your ear! They deserve to die.
from afoolsdemise :
Congradulations on your acceptance. Remember, the first thing you gotta do to your professors is either find the biggest one and make him your bitch, or else become somone's bitch. ... or is that prison? Meh. They're both basically the same.
from peth :
aw man, I love George C. Scott, and his boychild, Campbell. hott.
from the-ordinary :
thanks for all of the car reading suggestions. i had completely forgotten about the existence of banana yoshimoto, but if i remember correctly, her books are quite small and very travel-able (although I am quite sure that I don't remember correctly, since i seem to remember them being like those little tiny books that you buy in checkout lanes at the grocery store, titled things like, "What Your Cat's Tail is Telling You").
from peth :
I must whole heartedly agree with ya, in terms of the lady bleedings and such. I hate the whole thing, 'cept for the excuse it gives me to be cranky.
from crapstein :
More like bloody linings. Ha.
from peth :
oh lifey, that's why I was axing you about the tags...someone's been impersonating everyone on my tag board. they even impersonate me. I can usually suss out which are fakes and which aren't, but not alla ways. oh well....you can send me notes instead if you like...i like notes.
from weeme :
Oooo...we could cut some of the marshmallows wafer thin and craft little ribcages out of paperclips and pin teensy weenie Stars of David to their chests and then my gestapo army could tatoo them with icing and do unspeakably horrible things to them and...and...and...o, my gawd. Look what you've done!!! Will you look what you've done?! You've made me reveal myself for the totally twisted and horribly perverted...THING...I really am! How could you?! Argh! And I was doing so well convincing everyone that i was sweetness and light and little birds help me get dressed in the morning and woodland creatures weave me clothes out of sunbeams and flowers, just, you know...'cuz they adore me and not because I've enslaved them or something with my vileness! crap.
from peth :
oh, lifey, did you just tag my board? please let me know in my notes. i'll explain...
from crapstein :
The Ted Danson joke is not that good, I decided. It just involved talking about his big forehead and shit like that. You know the usual antics....... Oh yeah...By the way do you mind me guessing which iowanian town you live in? is it Dubuque? Or The Quad Cities? Or Iowa City? I must know now. It is veryimportant.
from tastic :
two years back I had some fanatical holiday spirit and was compelled to make a 6 story gingerbread apartment building. it was really haphazard (I ended up using a rasp to file down the mismatched edges) but it was the details like the sugar windows that pulled it together. I'm not one to argue with christmas conscience, (i.e. logical self control--I am prone to having inappropriate or logistically impossible ideas, so I know this too well) but the gingerbread concentration camp would have been ('amazing' smacks of intolerance, so) the greatest gingerbread recreation of one of the worst events of the 20th century.
from weeme :
and I just have to say, for the record, that Peth Rules. Yup.
from weeme :
and not only am I creepy and freaky and just plain weird, I'm also a horrific speller. But I make damn cute marshmallow snowmen. And I've still got my whisk.
from weeme :
o my god. i think i am a freak. 'Cuz 99% of the stuff about the bone is true.
from weeme :
hmmm.what to tell you about the bone.Well, i think it's old. It kind of looks like an antler or something. i litterally tripped over it one day. I'm weirdly attatched to it and am kinda creeping myself out over it. I have long hard muses about where it came from. Maybe it was a little dog that got lost in the park. Maybe it's the bone of a serial killer's victim. Maybe I've read to many true crime stories where the git walking their dog happens upon a mutilated corpse. Maybe the "Lovely Bones" made too big an impression on me. Maybe I'm just a freak. I dunno. I have pictures of it though.
from weeme :
I've also been thinking ALOT about a boe I found in the woods a couple of months ago. I keep going back to visit it. I'm not sure what kind of bone it is. I thought maybe a reindeer. Possibly Comet. Ever notice how no one ever talks about Comet? Anyway, I hung it in a tree, all Blair Witch like and creepy just in case it snows really hard and it gets buried. Then I wouldn't be able to visit it and think about Tragic Reindeer Misshaps over the holidays.
from weeme :
o swoon. I think it might make me evil, but the very fact that it occurred to you to make a gingerbread concentration camp made me fall in love with you all over again. In other news: I made a snowman out of marshmallows and gummy worms today. And I don't knit either. Not at all.
from peth :
you and i are the only ones left who don't knit.
from peth :
I would take that doggy off your hands, except for I am having the many cats now. You are a wonderful person to care for the puppy with such determination.
from peth :
would it be bad to leave my sticky apple core on one of my office-mate's chairs?
from crapstein :
No, becuase sperm is so good to the skin, like baby jesus is to the soul, sperm is to the face.
from crapstein :
Yeah facials are so 1986.
from broken-face :
I feel like an idiot.
from crapstein :
when are we gonna get butt married?
from broken-face :
Haha, Hey-- I didn't say it's true, I just said some people think so. But, I still typed the words, so, *ten hail marys and kisses the headstone (?) of Frank Black*
from broken-face :
Some people think Weezer's cover of Pixies' Velouria is better. I'm not sure.
from peth :
chipped beef, my dad loves that. I'm so glad to be in proximity of tomatoes.
from peth :
I am lacking in balls.
from peth :
oh, i will host yer picture for you. that is, till my dland gold runs out...who knows when that'll be...
from weeme :
and, um. I kinda like you too. Every bit as much as jellyfish, though not as much as giraffes.
from weeme :
mmm.. that peth. always one upping me. And am I the only person on the face of this bloody planet who has no interest in being a library scientist?!!! Good Gawd... let's see, there's you, there's salmon, there's melba, there's Peth of course, there's might and heathnad and Naomiwest ... there's my cousin, Shawna, and my old flame, Lyle and...and...and...Addieplum! and I could go on. I could list practically my entire d-land faves list. Am I missing something? A special gene, an appendage? What? What is it? Is it something I could acquire in a red light district? Do tell.
from peth :
wee likes jellyfish. I like you.
from no-yes-maybe :
You have a very intersting diary and an even more unique writing style...I am so glad I came by here.
from ingerrr :
Remember at the end of the movie the labrynth when she tells david bowie "you have no power over me" and then again with more resove, "You have no power over me." The same can be true for moms.
from weeme :
O and the Lovely Bones is most bloody excellent. Except for the end which I wasn't mad about.
from weeme :
I like Jellyfish. Yes, I do. I like them alot. They're all floaty and translucent and stuff. The stinging bits I could do without, but we all have our dark sides.
from the-ordinary :
farting out a piece of coconut? just hearing that makes me never want to eat again.
from peth :
nay, haven't read the lovely bones yet. i heard that folks who like geek love like it though, and you know that i loved geek love. raar.
from ingerrr :
y'know, biotene makes a mouth wash for dry mouth. It sure is some kind of miracle of sorts.
from weeme :
okay... I just read nine hundred boob enteries and I still don't know... are they bigger or smaller tham they were on the fourth of July? Mmmm...blood flecks. Must go now for to gorge on thanksgiving feaast lovingly prepared by the hubby. Will only pretend to enjoy the brussel sprouts.
from peth :
woah, what's all this then?
from weeme :
you love me, don't you? c'mon...it's okay to admit it. i won't like, you know, ask you to be my character witness in traffic court or anything.
from weeme :
and crab-bacious.
from weeme :
I'm just scabby.
from weeme :
you're scabby, but sexy.
from weeme :
If you're to decipher what the hell I'm rattling on about that is.
from weeme :
um... best start bottoms up.
from weeme :
Can I see?
from weeme :
Have you been nursing nine point bucks?
from weeme :
is it a small pox?
from weeme :
is it a herpe?
from weeme :
Is it VD?
from weeme :
O... just caught up with you and you would not beieve the screaming hell I'm being subjected to over the spider. So I'm just gonna be spiteful cuz I'm like that and leave it up to make you twitch and itch and shit. and it's good luck to have ladybugs land on you despite (or maybe because of) their stink ass scent, yup. And I'd rather be infested by ladybugs than gargantuan grasshoppers and super natural spiders. That's a fact. And why do you have scabs on your breasts?
from crapstein :
Deer raping dog? I need the details... stat!!! Also, is the Carver's you refer to indeed Culver's? 'Cause let me tell you honey, they got the best ice cream this side of the central time zone. For reals.
from crapstein :
Yeah... Gay Butt Sex. It's my new mantra.
from weeme :
Dog? Dog? You have a DAWG?!!!! me too! o... that did it. It's love now. Big wet gobbery love. Liver flavoured love.
from weeme :
O, life-like! Pleasure to meet you. I'm Wee. You may commence with the mad humps now.
from peth :
i could just lean over here like this and from that angle you could just....
from weeme :
while technically I don't think it's appropriate to let the favourite dictate the comment assigned to them, you're right. You're so NOT a wheat grass shooter. I think I'll change it to corn dog fer now, until I think of something better. I just thought you were, you know, completely unique and if you read therough all the other snax, you'll see that the wheat grass shooter is completely incongruous (however the fuck THAT's spelled) and therefore, unique. But yes, you're definitely a fairground attraction and the snax should reflect that. Speaking of which... why the stick comment? Why that? While it certainly sums up about 80% of my day (the rest of which is devoted to throwing balls, picking burs outta my dog's fur, thinking of stupid ass things to call my dog, bubblebaths, reading Eloise and Batman comix, sucking my cheeks in so as to give the illusion of bone structure, staring blankly into space, picking at mosquito bites, mixing high fiber things into my yogurt, and waiting for enightenment and/or my ship to come in (and christ, that ship's been taking its sweet time...) ... I'm just thinking it makes me sound so very lackluster. which i in fact, you know, am and stuff, but I do have teaballs and such and am working hard at cultivating the ILLUSION of grandeur. O man, I don't even know what I'm rambling about at this point... I'm high on Pinesol fumes and you would not believe the greasy grimy furry lifeforms that have been breeding behind my oven.....
from weeme :
I also have a whisk, if that's any comfort.
from weeme :
Apparently, I am your destiny. If peth sez it's so, then it absolutely is!!! It sounds kind of fatal though... are you sure you want to make this leap? Hmmm...
from peth :
weeme is your destiny. And she's got a spatula.
from ingerrr :
if you can pop it like a pimple and after a few days it goes away, then it is just an ingrown hair. if not, you got the VD, sister.
from cat-heaven :
oohh, i can't wait for you to get fired! i want to hear about it in detail. get ready to fuck THE MAN right up the ass!
from cat-heaven :
honey, who DOESN'T need to get laid tonight? i'm working on it.
from crapstein :
you=genius. Yes.
from cat-heaven :
thanks for the note, you bundle of love, you. i am feeling better today and trying to not fall down into a well of self-pity. oooh, poor me! and you're correct, knowing that you're rooting for me is almost enough. once i have a few drinks in me it will be more than enough, i'm sure!
from peth :
I knew.
from peth :
you will be inducted into our sexy librarian cult.
from the-ordinary :
i took a class last semester called "language and discrimination," and although we dealt with many words that served as slurs against various kinds of people, nigger was the only one that we had to tiptoe around.
from nerdgroupie :
"pussy + concentration camp = boner" You make my pants happy.
from peth :
i'm glad you liked the decorating dos and don'ts plus hard wet cocks. and whatnot.
from peth :
Babies? I'll bring the girl-sperm if you'll bring the Southern Comfort.
from peth :
didja see those forehead wrinkles? what am i, 34? oh.
from cat-heaven :
ah, but i love you more! you crack my shit up more and more with each new entry. i anticipate them far too much now. again i have to say good luck with those tatas in all their green pus-y (not pussy) glory!
from cat-heaven :
Do you know that if you DID touch my boobies 4x with one of those Chinese yo-yos and blame it on the person who had the note below yours I would pretend that I didn't know it was you so you would do it again? Then I would take one of those wooden paddle things with the super ball attached to it and bounce it 6x off your supple ass cheeks. I would then proceed to blame THAT upon the person who wrote the note 3 people below mine. It's true, I would.
from shutupmom :
dont you know that you are my newest favoritist?
from cat-heaven :
i hope your tatas feel better soon, tootsie!
from peth :
i've grown tired of these kleenexes...
from apothecary :
I'm all about the fascination with bodily emissions, but I think I would be concerned about the black threads from the lungs. What is that supposed to be??
from peth :
and you gave me that scar, when we had that knife-fight over the lip gloss!
from apothecary :
You damn well better not die! Then your last day would have been spent reading my freaky diary, and that just won't do.
from peth :
hey, mo-donnda, will you go to yoga with me? i'll be your bestfriend!!
from peth :
that's me, macating myself edu-stylee. eating peanut butter and making my neck roll from side to side. you crackle me up!

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