messages to lissacakes:
(click here to add new message):

from melle-belle :
Bub, don't know when this message is from, but very, very occasionally I will to be weird and sentimental. I write a teensy bit more frequently at melle-belle.diaryland.com.
from bubaloo :
Hey! Are you still writing here? I am lost...
from kelsi :
The Fates are a council of, uh, at least 20 but maybe 50, uh, stars or, you know, beings. They observe us and decide on things, and things aren't set in stone, you know what I'm saying? The Fates have been watching you and rooting for you and perhaps they have changed things around based on what they think you need. Even though I kind of make up everything about the Fates, I still totally believe it. They do have a sense of humor, but they're on our side. Know what I'm saying? No? Well, I need to go to bed.
from kelsi :
"Is there anything more adorably preppy than cute, brunette, thin, tall boys in pink?" Oh the question of the ages. Answer: no, oh my god.
from kelsi :
Haaaaaaaaaaa. Ms. Cakes, we're stalking each other all over the place tonight.
from lissacakes :
Like kissing boys!
from kelsi :
Bad bad things like WHAT?
from vade--mecum :
Right now I live in the absolute center of downtown, which is fun, but I'm ready for a change -- I will miss being within walking distance to all the best restaurants and such, but there are so many other good neighborhoods. I'm thinking that I will probably move to either Ballard or Fremont, maybe Greenlake . . . I'm not sure yet, it will just depend on the housing situation. Oh, I meant to ask you before -- will you email me your new address, pretty please?
from vade--mecum :
I wasn't sure if I could comment on blogspot, although I didn't even try, so that says something in itself. Anywho, you're getting a comment on here -- so there! What you wrote about creating drama is completely true. I know it's true but I'd never thought of it like that before. Things really are pretty simple, but then again, for people like us, it wouldn't be worth living without the grandeur and tragedy. Even if we have to make it out of nothing.
from vade--mecum :
Oh yes, it's confusing, I know. IOA is back from California -- that was just a weekend thing. Yes, Kiwi is a psychopath -- it's like the more perfect I think someone is in the beginning is directly related to how psycho they turn out to be. So absolutely perfect = absolutely psychotic.
from vade--mecum :
You will find a sense of lightness (is that a word?) that you can't even fathom. I'm so happy for you that you decided to do this!
from vade--mecum :
Thank you for bringing me back from the brink of insanity! You are so right and I'm just goint to let this thing flow -- who cares if things don't look exactly the way that I want them to? What day are you leaving Phoenix?
from vade--mecum :
It's happening!! You're moving!
from bubaloo :
Hey sweets! Just getting caught up on your diary. Wow! You have turned back into the tortured suffering person you were when I first met ya, except now you have money! I am not one to gloat in another's suffering, but it really brings out this side of you that I just eat up. Maybe it's just empathy. Bring on Baltimore!!!
from bubaloo :
Ummm, I don't remember my password. Do you think you could send me it?
from lulublu :
Yes. Cavorting is a word. And yes, we've been cavorting as it were for 6-7 months....but only official for 6 weeks....I feel like a loon. A sappy one, but still a loon.
from lulublu :
I'm so proud of you!!
from vade--mecum :
Exactly. Bastards.
from vade--mecum :
Woo-hoo!! You tell 'em!!
from vade--mecum :
You're totally right. I just can't quite figure out what I want, although after thinking about it tonight I have more and more reasons to NOT stay with him. Although at the same time, I'm not sure taht I'm ready for the finality of what that entails -- and I'm sure that he is one of those break up and never talk to you again people, so I have to be sure when and if I do it.
from kelsi :
Totally awesome. Please keep us informed of all the details, however boring you think they are.
from lulublu :
I love you and I think you are fantastical
from kelsi :
That's so awesomely hilarious that you forgot to call in. I'm laughing about that. Good luck! I hope you get the good news!
from kelsi :
I don't know if it's a much, much better book or not... I wasn't feeling very critical when I read it, I just liked it a lot, and the whole bee thing was very interesting to me. And peanuts in Coke.
from vade--mecum :
You're going to love it -- even if there are tears. It is a strangely happy sadness. I know it sounds weird now, but you will understand. So go and overpay for a tiny shoebox apartment and buy yourself flowers to put on the coffeetable, and drink that cheap wine. it will be the best tasting wine ever. I am so excited for you!
from kelsi :
Yes, a month, three and a half weeks. Have you read The Secret Life of Bees? That's why I want to be a beekeeper.
from kelsi :
Congratulations, this is exciting!
from vade--mecum :
I did have a good time in FL, but with Ray, even though we had a lot of fun at first, eventually it turned back into the small talk, forced conversation and no amount of beautiful babies will ever cure that. I'm very glad to be back in Seattle. Now it's job hunting for me -- I'm thinking that I'm going to devote a few weeks to finding an artsy job (like 3) and then if I still can't find anything, go for the regular job. It's a really good sign that that company wants to fly you out there, because even if you don't like that one, it means that other companies are probably willing to do the same thing, they just have to find you. You're going to find something terrific.
from vade--mecum :
Yay!! I'm so happy for you!! I hope that if you're there then you're kicking ass and falling in love with the place. (and if that doesn't work out . . . there's always Seattle!! hint hint!!)
from kelsi :
Wait, wasn't today February 3? So that means you might have gone today? You might be there right now? I hope you're having a good time, if you are there, and if you're not, I hope you have a good time when you do go, and also that you're having a good time where you're at regardless of whether it's here or there. You know? I think I got the bases covered now.
from sanetwin :
yay!! thats wonderful they are recognizing your worth! good luck :)
from kelsi :
Your Lolita bit was great. It was a joy to read. Really. You should be writing stuff like that for a living.
from vade--mecum :
I'm really glad that we talked because it made me happy too!
from kelsi :
No no no, Ms. Cakes, you're all confused about my boys, which is strange because I am always so straightforward. (That was sarcasm.) The cute landlord had a room I looked at in September but he never got back to me! But I've kept his number stored in my phone ever since. And the cute boy, well, you know all about him.
from vade--mecum :
For some reason my email is not working, so I figured that you would get my message on here. Sorry I didn't call tonight -- I got in later than planned. I'll call you tomorrow or you can call me when you get a chance -- I have SOOOO much to tell you about how things happened tonight. I'll write partly in my diary about it but it will be much more informative phone-wise.
from vade--mecum :
Yep, we're all gone. Ick. Even though I know that it's nothing I did, it was still just mortifying as hell, and then with the fact that I now have no job. Yeesh. I don't even know where to begin. How did everything go this weekend?
from vade--mecum :
I'm sorry about your grandfather, Liss. I hope that everything goes well over the next couple of days. When are you thinking about moving? Or are you waiting for a job opening? New York would be great! (or wherever!)
from kelsi :
If you need to save some money, moving in with your dad might be a very good thing. I did it, plenty of people do it... just make sure you give yourself a limit, like one year or two years, and then move out when the deadline comes, because you don't want to do it too long.
from kelsi :
Ahh! And back and forth with the poop! That was the fucking most hilarious scene I've ever seen, me and the audience were laughing for like ten minutes and tears were streaming down my face, man that was funny.
from kelsi :
Boys, bahh, are we masochists Ms. Cakes? I've been having huge amounts of emotional turmoil but yes I do in a certain sense enjoy it... at least I'm alive. Bahh. And I see you have a Stephen Crane poem in your profile! Like me! I love his poems!
from kelsi :
Where are you these days? Hope you're fine.
from sanetwin :
Miranda is my favorite too. I identify with her sarcasm.
from askforthesea :
You're diary is locked. I'm dumb.
from bubaloo :
bleh on Damian Rice. Isn't that funny? You don't like Ryan Adams and I can't stand Damian Rice? I'm not big on Jeff Buckley either. Yeah, I'm commenting on some forgotten post from weeks ago. Well, what are ya going to do.
from kelsi :
And you never know what you're going to learn from someone.
from lulublu :
this could be a good thing indeed. Even if nothing ever really comes of it, it's good for you to know you are liked.....I, for one, like you a bunch. but then again, I'm not a boy. Love to you precious!
from sanetwin :
good he likes you?! good he likes you!
from vade--mecum :
I had to lock my diary for a reason that I will explain in my diary . . . your password is just like the one you gave me -- nickname and then real name.
from lulublu :
I go to starbucks. I even worked for them. for a whole 3 days.
from askforthesea :
John Krasinski is in Jarhead. He has one line. It's the best line in the whole movie.
from lulublu :
You crack me right up.
from lulublu :
Ahem. I second the aforementioned veto. I also wanted to share that I have NO IDEA what I am doing with my life. NONE.
from vade--mecum :
Just to let you know, I'm vetoing the "less in here" writing thing. I have been meaning to write you the longest most informative email ever, but haven't gotten a chance yet. Perhaps at work today . . . or tonight.
from lulublu :
There's always "Emotive Gangrene" as an option...
from lulublu :
I'll have you know Missy, That I, am NOT a shit person. I just say "shit" a lot. LOL. love you.
from lulublu :
Don't give up on people. Give up on SHIT people....oh, and I LOVE "Phantom Pain" So good.
from lulublu :
Aww shucks. Thanks dolly.
from lulublu :
so I've heard a rumor that a certain over-worked darling is getting a supposed "raise".... Beautiful!
from vade--mecum :
I think that he is open to moving here, especially because he knows how much I love it, but at the same time, I know that he doesn't want to leave his friends and his family. We talked about it last night because I guess his family was asking him about it, and we agreed that we would just wait a little while to talk about it again. But secretly, I'm really hoping that when he comes to visit, that he'll love it as much as I do and never want to leave.
from askforthesea :
Can you send me your email address so I can give you a password, I just locked my diary. Thanks! seven.day.mile[at]gmail.com
from vade--mecum :
Congratulations!! (This, of course, is a message that you should pass on to the unnamed person who received the raise.)
from wickedcrazy :
holy crap! YOU ROCK! congratulations!
from sanetwin :
CONGRATS ON THE RAISE!!!
from lulublu :
Nor should you have to do everything....fuckers. And BTW, I read your note to lissa: He goes dutch? What a douche.
from askforthesea :
It's a very old Josh Ritter song which I've never even heard but the lyrics make me want to cry. I think he wrote it when he was 23. I'm addicted to Anthropologie because of you by the way. All my reason is thrown out the window because of this store. One paycheck for a skirt? Yeah, why not?! I would seriously have to file for bankruptcy if they had a store in Toronto.
from lulublu :
I am going to listen to both Jeffy and Ryan today, and I will get back to you with a short essay of pretty words. haha
from lulublu :
Ow. I love Jeff and Ryan. A lot. I hope you'll still be my friend. It's going to be rough, but i think we can make it. lol.
from vade--mecum :
Oh yes, I forgot to tell you -- eHarmony is a cult. I have decided this and will defend it with a great deal of gusto. I stopped taking matches even before Ken and I were really seeing each other, just because I realized that there is way too much potential for the exact situation you just described.
from lulublu :
Ohh. man. I've done that before too. And it just makes you feel like Sucky McSuckerton....ya know, we all make mistakes though. You don't like Jeff Buckley? Really? That hurts me a little.....hahah...no but seriously... have a good day darlinlove.
from vade--mecum :
That actually sounds fun!! I think I've lost sight of my artsiness or something, being in a big city where it's all around me and I don't have to try. So good for you.
from lulublu :
Thanks for the feedback! you're not dull! I think you are fun.
from lulublu :
so I read a bunch of askforthesea's entries.....she cracks me up. How you are dolly?
from vade--mecum :
I am the laziest person on earth. Sorry I haven't responded!
from lulublu :
Oh! Oh! Oh! Pick meeeee! Pick meeeeeeee! I want out of Orange County.
from kelsi :
There are probably other coffee shops in Phoenix, right? We could go to those. I just think Starbucks coffee tastes burnt.
from kelsi :
I will consider moving to Phoenix. However, I'm not a big shopper and I don't like Starbucks. Also, you're way more arty than me. It probably wouldn't work out at all. But if I did, you'd probably get a boyfriend the day after I arrive and I would totally be shit out of luck.
from lulublu :
fucking salt.
from vade--mecum :
Oh, I'm right there with you. I wish I had something cheery to tell you or console you with, but I think we both know that cheery comments are bullshit anyways. So, yeah.
from andreeb :
Your mom sounds like my mother. I'm kind of really disliking her and my stepfather right now, so your entry hit home...
from lulublu :
I'm glad you might try again. On love that is.
from vade--mecum :
LISS!!! You absolutely MUST write me and tell me all about Canada and the wedding and and and!!
from lulublu :
Hi dolly. I changed my template. You can now see my witty titles to all of my entries. I know how excited that must make you. I've locked my diary too. You, bubs and lissa are the cool kids. I sent passwords to yall.
from lulublu :
Hi darlingface.
from sanetwin :
why so unhappy in this post?
from kelsi :
Ominous!
from kelsi :
You've had this other diary all along?! I never knew! I could have been looking at pictures of you! Also, I'm glad you're taking care of this Tom Cruise spawn. Ick.
from lulublu :
I'm really sad that I didn't get to see you. That is all. I'm going to go off and continue hacking up a lung now.
from lulublu :
Eh, Nyquil, Malibu Rum, poisonous men, it's all fair game to me. hahah.
from sanetwin :
*breath******** don't abandon us over stress!!! lol
from lulublu :
Hello lovie! I apologize if I was an ass on the phone today....it's never good to try and drown your sorrows in Nyquil. Makes for bad phone etiquette. Honestly, feel free to call me whenever, b/c despite today's hopped-up mess, I'm a pretty bitchin/ listner.....hahah
from lissacakes :
Gasp! ITS. [Lowers head in shame]
from lulublu :
I love that song. It makes me ache. Black eyes and apple pies.
from lulublu :
And upon extracting that escapist apostrophe, I might be too. HAHAH.
from lulublu :
You are perfection at it's finest cupcake. LOL. Yeah, I'm kinda hoping the good will outweigh the shit in this situation, which is scary for me, but what the hell else can ya do?
from bubaloo :
Yeah, great topic. Songs that remind me of who. I'll dive into that. That's good. As far as your concerned, anything by Dresden Dolls.
from lulublu :
You don't hate me. You looooooooove meeeeee.
from lulublu :
Oooooh. Someone liiiiiiiiiiiikes youuuuuu. Okay. I'm done.
from lulublu :
I don't know why we don't want to like him. Perhaps it's b/c i'm emotionally trashed? I think I'm just afraid, b/c I have spectacularly bad taste in men, and I don't want to get attached to someone who is going to fall in line with that same pattern. He seems genuinely decent, but I'm really starting to mistrust my own judgment. I want him to like me before I like him ya know? So of course, I decide to have sex with him right off the bat. There's solid logic for you. He's so cute. The sex is crazy-good. He has intelligent things to say. He makes me laugh. I'm insane. Love to you sweetpea.
from sanetwin :
I think its perfectly natural to still have feelings for Robert and be moving on dating wise as well. ((HUGS)) it's hard though. WHere to next week?
from lulublu :
I've seen that dance live. It was glorious.
from sanetwin :
Go out alone!! Seriously! You'll meet new people and have a good time.
from lissacakes :
I didn't know you were going to grad school Spring semester. Yay. Well, good job, I mean. :) One good thing about school is that it enables one to put off some if not all hard decisions looming in life. And at the same time, you aren't loafing, you're working towards something out there somewhere at the end.
from lulublu :
You could say I'm from Alabama....I lived there from 0-5 and then went back for months at a time....I also lived briefly in Memphis and Ocala...I still have family in AL, but haven't been back in 2 years.
from lulublu :
I'm rooting for you.
from kelsi :
The cute boy and I sat there looking at each other, awesomely awkward, nothing else to say. This had happened countless times before. I sat there wondering if he was ever going to make a move. I sat there thinking, "Should I? Now? I could, right now." I didn't for a long time, and then all of a sudden I did. How can you change the rules? Just do. If that's what you want.
from askforthesea :
Ah yes, there are many things to do and see in Toronto. For museums, the Art Gallery of Ontario (www.ago.net) is an obvious choice. It's currently being torn apart to be rebuilt by Frank Gehry but I believe that most exhibits are still open. As for ethnic restaurants, you can find tons of listings at www.nowtoronto.com and toronto.com. Little Italy is great to see at night when everyone is out. There's a lot of great little restaurants and ice cream places. When you get into the city try to pick up a copy of NOW (look for the green NOW boxes at any street corner). They have weekly concert, theatre, and gallery listings and there's pages of restaurant reviews. I hope that helps. I'll write again if I think of anything else.
from bubaloo :
Crazy as all of US? God help ya!
from manzanas :
Sure I would like a password. Give yourself more credit, m'dear.
from bubaloo :
God, I'm the perfect man for you!!!! Except for the disease part, but I could go out and catch one for you if ya like. I have so missed reading you, you don't know.
from lulublu :
hi punkin! Way to go on the classes and new job horizons. proud of you.
from askforthesea :
Haha, thanks!
from manzanas :
Thank you! You have fantastic taste.
from lulublu :
Hello my lovely sweetface! Ahhh. Our book club.
from wickedcrazy :
oh god, I hate seeing shit like that. Its so obnoxious. If someone ever did that to me, I'd have to say no because obviously they dont know me at all.
from lulublu :
For the LOVE of all that is holy! YOU ARE NOT UGLY. Very cute actually. So shut YOUR TRAP! love you. ps. a married man? Scandal!!
from vade--mecum :
Yes, I started getting matches. Finally. And closing most of them. Today I got 4 new ones. One is really cute and sent me first questions, one is questionable, one had no photos but I've learned to wait a day or two for photos to show up because as I was looking through my closed matches page I realized that I had closed a really hot guy because he had no pictures. And one is hideous. Over the weekend I got one that looked like a wolfman. I'm not kidding. Oh, but there is good news -- I am fully emailing (like our own email addresses) with the hot guy that I really wanted to talk to, and there's another cutie-patootie who is currently in the middle of communication. So, things are looking up. It sounds like you had quite the weekend! Ok, I have to run because I've got to leave to catch my flight in about an hour, and I still haven't finished packing!! I'll try to email you later if I can get internet at the hotel.
from lulublu :
I have always wanted to go....I mean, I'm from the South for goodness sake....anyway, here's something to give you a little hope for New Awlins: http://music.msn.com/music/article.aspx?news=200558
from bubaloo :
YOU are going to VEGAS?!?!?!?! What happened? Oh, and I know this sounds wierd, but I was thinking about you when New Orleans was sinking, I'm glad that you went also.
from lulublu :
No, I agree. You win the "Scorching Heat" heat award HANDS DOWN. I'm just a hot weather wussy. I hate hot weather....
from lulublu :
No that is NOT too much to ask.... I'm asking for love too, and really not getting anywhere.... Someone is dropping the ball. And it isn't me. Or you.
from vade--mecum :
Lunch is tomorrow. I need to call him and arrange it -- I was just going online to look at ferry schedules for tomorrow. And about CA -- only through airports. A brief time outside, but that's it.
from lulublu :
I had a dream I was house sitting for you last night.....kinda odd i suppose....love to you sweetface! I have your very LATE gift. Will be sending shortly....
from vade--mecum :
Yeah, I would definitely say that Kevin counts as a gigantic moron. I love how in the last email he wrote you he said something to the effect of "you should have just told me that you weren't that into me." Hello! That's what the first email was for retard!
from vade--mecum :
I just sent you an email with all the details. Perhaps I sent it to your work email. I'll check on that. I am so so so happy for you! Oh geez. I just realized that I lost a day yesterday because I didn't come home last night. So you went to coffee yesterday. Yes, I think that in the email I said something about it being today. Forgive that. I have a wee bit of a hangover. Ok, so there we go.
from kelsi :
A rebound boy would be good to get your mind off him, to be able to think about someone new. But there are also drawbacks, and it's really just a bandaid covering up the wound, so the wound is hidden but it's still there. But bandaids also keep germs out and aid healing. But they can also get dirty and waterlogged and it can be painful to rip them off. I hope you've enjoyed my extended metaphor.
from vade--mecum :
Haha!! SATC did it to you too!! Wow, I know exactly how you feel. As strange as it sounds, that's almost still how I feel about my ex. How petty is that? We broke up over 2 years ago and I would still take every opportunity to laugh in his face as he came crawling back. But seriously, I think there's something that stays with us from each relationship, whether we like it or not. Sure, it fades with time, but it will always be there. Maybe it's time for you to just go on lots of dates with lots of guys. And then you'll have a clear picture of what you want and don't want, as opposed to getting right into another relationship and reliving all the things about him that you hated. Just have some fun.
from vade--mecum :
That is exactly what I was thinking!! (A cute boy from my neck of the woods, not the bus/train discussion). I have decided (well, kind of) to go and if I'm not having a good time I can always say that I have to be back in the city for some Saturday night activity. And I will just drive because I also would not be able to stand taking a bus, and I bet there probably is a train, but by the time I pay for that, it wouldn't be much less expensive than the oil change my car already needs. So, that is the plan. Oh, and I think that since I'm not a very close friend and the invite was last minute, a nice bunch of flowers from the flower stand, wrapped in crisp white paper is the perfect gift. It shows that I didn't just show up for the free food/possible cute men, and it's tasteful but not too over the top.
from lulublu :
I love that movie....but I agree. it is depressing. Made me cry..... I suck, I still need to send you a bday present... crap. It is waaaaaaaay belated. ps. I can promise you won't be the pastiest of whitest person in Vegas....just work it, and have a good time. pps. I'm a slave to MAC makeup
from vade--mecum :
I have that movie on my Netflix list, but recently I have become addicted to Queer as Folk, so all the movies have taken a backseat until I see every single episode. Wow. I am having a really hard time remembering what I was going to say. Oh yes, makeup talk. I have the best concealer. I get really bad dark circles, and the Almay Wake Up Call concealer is great. It comes in a little tube and lasts a long time. Ooooh, Vegas sounds like so much fun!! You're going to have a great time!
from lulublu :
you crack me up. And yes, now I do want to be your bestest friend..... ps. you're not a loser. But he is....and you know who "he" is.
from askforthesea :
Wow, Lonelily is my favourite too!! I will cry if its not on the new cd. I don't even know why I took 'askforthesea' from Volcano. I don't even really like that song much either. Also, there's a video for his new song 'Unplayed Piano' on VH1. It's a little different, but nice.
from vade--mecum :
For some reason I can't remember what I was going to write. Damn. Oh yes, radio stuff. I am the same way about the radio. Usually I end up listening to the same 2 songs on a CD because the radio is so lame. That's the thing about Seattle though -- good radio stations. And I can actually handle the morning politial talk on NPR even if it isn't particularly stimulating or morning-friendly because I manage to smooth over the words and just listen to the voices. I'm glad that you're talking to someone!! That's so exciting and you are NOT a loser!
from vade--mecum :
That's so cool!! Yes, we will definitely have to hang out if I go there. Keep your fingers crossed!
from vade--mecum :
Huffing and stomping to be precise. There could be a little hissy fit later too.
from vade--mecum :
I just got to reading all my old notes and putting them in as entries. What ever happened to our poor little coffee and bookstore boys? We left them behind! (Ok, so maybe it was just our fantasy life in which we would have actually gotten the cute coffee/bookstore boys, but still!) I miss having my crush on the bookstore guy!
from pixie0323 :
You are NOT a fool. You know all the stuff that you wrote in the first paragraphs? About drinking the wine and him kissing your neck and feeling the rain? You had every reason to belive that that was real. It was -- it is. You cannot feel foolish for believing that because it was right in front of you, all around you, tangible. He is the fool for backing out on that. Because no one would share those things with him like you would. And he is stupid for pushing you away and leading you on and making you think that he was a real, feeling man when evidently he just has nothing to give to anyone but himself. Cut him out.
from lulublu :
Never ever let him amke you doubt/hate/brate yourself. He's a trashy skank, and it breaks my heart that you're hurting so...... Again, I can kick his ass. Trust me. Love you.
from kelsi :
No, he's the fucking fool. Getting burned hot and cold makes you feel like shit but it's the one doing the burning that's the asshole, not you. Also, lissacakes, you're young, and in five years you'll still be young, and you never know what's going to happen next week.
from pixie0323 :
I had been thinking about starting a new diary. Last night I was going back through entries in this one, and it makes me so sad that I might leave it. Like I'm abandoning a tiny puppy or something. I know that it would still be there, but it's just not the same. But as you wrote on the card maybe it's time I said "time to move on!" I'll give it a couple more days of thought. One one hand, I would really like to be that person who says "oh well if they read it -- it's the truth" but I am the person who knows how much brutal truth could potentially hurt those that are talked about in there. (Aside from my own personal mortification if they saw the mindless boy obsessions!) I tried to read Billy Collins again last night (I'm crazy) and once again had to throw the book across the room. I am going to rip out "Vade Mecum," pin it to the wall, and throw the rest of the book onto 6th Ave to be run over repeatedly by cars and trucks and such.
from wickedcrazy :
that was a great entry! And youre right, it never evens out.
from bubaloo :
LMAO! That's definitely one of your top 5 entries of all time. I am in this internet place and trying not to bust out laughing. Fuck those silver spoon mo fo's! You, on the other hand, are indeed wonderful and deserve everything they have. Viva la Raza!
from sanetwin :
Oh man I LOVE Ally McBeal.
from pixie0323 :
And yes, the balconnette IS the most wonderful choice available!!
from pixie0323 :
Liss!! I can't believe what I'm seeing here! You are fun and likeable and wonderful. The only reason that your friends are older and married is that you are simply too wonderful to waste your time with younger people who have no drive and no spirit. I was actually just about to write you when I saw that you had left a note, because I need some advice. I have a couple of interviews set up over the next few days, but none of them are dream jobs. They are jobs that are ok, like I would enjoy and be able to live with them, but they are not fabulous. I have sent resumes to fabulous places, most of which are longshots I realize, but I don't want to totally settle and give in just yet. Is it totally tacky and inappropriate to ask for a few days to review my options if I get offered a job in the next few days by one of the lesser companies? At least 2 or 3 days, just until I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to get a call from one of the great ones. How would I even go about phrasing that, do you think?
from pixie0323 :
somehow we got to talking about how I had just moved here, and he told me that he moved from Alaska, and it turns out that he grew up not far from where my brother is. And I'm not sure why Floridians don't have accents. Actually, northern floridians do, it's like an alabama accent. It's probably because so many North Eastern people move into florida, so there's always a mix of people. That's my best guess.
from kelsi :
I like Blogger. But I'm more loyal to dairyland and when people jump ship I usually don't follow them. :( Um... I think I had something else to say but I've forgotten. I'll try to remember.
from bubaloo :
I'm so happy pixie's back that I had to leave you a note too! lol We could move enmass to a new blog service. That would show 'em.
from pixie0323 :
I'm in! Oh, I love CocoRosie too!!! I heard them on iTunes eclectic radio and i love them! oh, and instead of spending the afternoon looking for a job, I just spent a good hour in Anthropologie! (2 blocks from my apt. VERY dangerous!)
from pixie0323 :
Oh yes, and I'm not sure if I forgot my password or if there are new ones. Could you email me one pretty please?
from pixie0323 :
Oh my. Even though we've emailed, I still feel like I've missed so much!! Anyways, I'm back and I'll be updating!
from lulublu :
I love that you call him your fake boyfriend.....i've got one of those too.....god.
from wickedcrazy :
Diaryland is ghetto is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. classic!
from lulublu :
yes. you spelled it correctly.
from askforthesea :
There's a few mp3's and videos at theweakerthans.org. 'Reconstruction Site' is the name of their newest album and is their best. Their earlier albums are kind of more punk (John K. Samson used to be in Propaghandi) but 'Left and Leaving' has some really nice slower ones. And definitely listen to the CBC session, it's at theweakerthans.org under audio&visuals.
from askforthesea :
Any luck with your Weakerthans search? I'd start with Reconstruction Site. And I'll say this, you will probabbly hate them at first. I did. But now I LOVE them. Also, would you mind giving me the password to your diary? I feel like crying every time I see 'access denied'.
from sanetwin :
I love almost all of the bands you listed. But who is Rachel Yamawhodywhat?
from kelsi :
I believe in love but Pottery Barn is nice.
from kelsi :
Not being able to afford it is just an excuse. Go, I say.
from wickedcrazy :
You would have to pay your own way? I mean cause i could totally deal with going to paris with someone I wasnt attracted to if it was a free trip.
from lulublu :
It'll take some doing, but I'll jump right on that.
from lulublu :
Do you need me to beat someone up for you? I could take a break from my busy schedule of phone answering and coffee making to do it.
from sanetwin :
password? May I still read?
from kelsi :
craigslist! Yes I have a new roommate. I found them both on craigslist. One was a filthy lazy pathetic whore and the other one has been fine. craigslist.org
from andreeb :
115??? Oh dear God. I'd cry FOR you, but mytear ducts have sealed up.
from lulublu :
wow, you argue with yourself just like I do.....that's oddly comforting.
from kelsi :
Ms. Cakes you can find any roommate you want and save money that way. Also, school, ugh, why???
from wickedcrazy :
Love aint nothing but sex misspelled. I totally just ripped that off of Harlan Ellison.
from lulublu :
So I managed to sneak in......MUAAHHAAAAHHA. Okay, really I just have a password now. I won't say that I hate men, But I will say: Why do I LIKE them? Just the way of the world.....
from kelsi :
Boys suck, those morons.
from wickedcrazy :
I wish I could give you some wise advice, but I dated mostly jerks with a few jems thrown in. but mostly jerks.
from kelsi :
Ms. Cakes: first of all, how the hell did you guess my name? Second, I know exactly what you're going through with the email/long distance/(not) writing thing, EXACTLY, and it sucks. Third, does Robert deserve to get to hang out with you? My little sister always gets involved with fat old assholes, and I think if she could see it from a distance she'd never let it happen like that, but she does and it's sad to see.
from andreeb :
I had the same problem when i was single. Never did figure out how to deal with it. But good luck to you!!
from wickedcrazy :
God Bless you my child
from lulublu :
Sooooo, you're day of Glory is on Monday....hooray! Alas, I am lamefully unemployed, so your gift will be late. BUT, never fear, it will get here BEFORE christmas.
from lulublu :
I think you're a great woman.
from wickedcrazy :
Sounds like my marriage. I did quickly realize that it wasnt that he was afraid of losing me cause he loved me, it was because he felt he owned me.
from bubaloo :
I would totally make out with you! lol Hope you are doing well. Those are some pretty odd behaviors from your 3 lovers. Of course, I'm probably tipping the scales the other way.
from wickedcrazy :
Hey, every single thing you mentioned isnt just normal, its a given. EVERYTHING. Obviously, its not you at all in that area. Honestly, I was pretty much pissed off for you, reading that. Those 3 men should be castrated if thats what they consider a healthy sexual relationship. I'm very sorry you had to have your early sexual experiences be that way, its unfair.
from sanetwin :
3people at 24? you're practically a virgin! lol
from wickedcrazy :
I've been guilty of hitting refresh every 3.25 seconds, checking for new mail. Youre not alone there! But if you really want to keep busy, you can come clean my house!!
from lulublu :
You're going to be in CA! That's exciting! You know why? Because it's where I LIVE! LOL! So wait, 2007? What'd i miss?
from sanetwin :
Oh I really need to go buy a bathing suit and the one you bought sounds really cute.
from lulublu :
I heart you.....In the non-trite kind of way.
from wickedcrazy :
hahaha, i'm cracking up over the note before mine. Ask them if they'd be willing to fight each other over you. Ok so maybe not, but it could be fun imagining it!
from lulublu :
OOOOOOOOOHHHHHH. you have a UK BOOOOOOYFRRRRIIIIEEEEENNNNDDD!!!!!!!!!!!! (note the annoying exclaimation points)!!!!!!!!!
from kelsi :
No don't calm down, that's what crushes are for.
from kelsi :
Yay!!!
from spoiltangel :
Hey there, I'm just leaving a quick note to tell you that I'm adding you to my favourites list... I love your writing, and yeah, hope it's ok if I add you. Also, might I add everyone has an annoying friend that just doesn't know when to stop being such a self-absorbed bitch and let you breathe! Have a great week =D
from wickedcrazy :
I'm a sucker for a english accent. Your friend sounds like my friend Tara. We went on vacation once. just once.
from bubaloo :
I feel ya. I want to build a rocket ship and fly it to the moon. Seriously, can't they just leave us in peace?
from wickedcrazy :
I wish they all come true for you. Especially the last one. Those one are always the most difficult. *hugs*
from andreeb :
Those are good wishes
from bubaloo :
Yeah, I'm excited for you too. The last real vacation I went on was with Ron a couple (gulp, maybe 3?) years ago. We met a couple of girls I had been chatting up in Georgia. It was quite the time. Sigh. Oh, we met them in vegas, not georgia. I chatted 'em up in Georgia. LOL
from wickedcrazy :
I am really happy for you and hope that you have a wonderful time. My first real grown up vacation was when I was 24. I stayed on vacation for about 6 months, hahaha. I really really liked it.
from pixie0323 :
You are going to have SUCH a good time. I had never been on a real vacation until I went to Mexico after I graduated from high school. That sounds funny because my parents dragged us all around from birth on, but we never actually had a vacation in which we could sleep in and stay out all night and do whatever whenever. THAT is a vacation. And that's what you're going to have and it will be an entirely liberating experience for you.
from sanetwin :
I'm in IL
from wickedcrazy :
Dear lord Lissa. That dinner sounds incredible. I'm so jealous. And hungry now!
from bubaloo :
You go to the coolest places. In Phoenix no less.
from pixie0323 :
Buying a house? I was looking through your last few entries yesterday and I must have somehow missed the buying-a-house entry. That is so adult! That is one of the things that I would like my single self to do. To have something that big, all to yourself, with only your name on the deed. I think it's great that you're considering it! Oh, and the cycling and pilates -- could you maybe do some extra cardio and maybe a few sets of lower body work for me while you're there?! You are being QUITE productive! Cheers for you!
from lulublu :
Oh darlinglove! I just got your package yestersday! Completely made my day! You are fab! Hugs!
from pixie0323 :
I know what you mean because it is inevitable that 6 months after I start to think that something is cool, there it is plastered all over the place. That's why I'm always so protective of the movies and music and such that I like because all the asses of the world take it over and fuck it up. Wooo -- getting a little heated here! About the EHarmony thing, perhaps. I filled it out with a Seattle zip code, so all the guys are in the city. And it costs money to do it. Like $50 a month. When I get out there and see how my social situation is going, then I will decide. But I promise that I will consider it. I just feel like such a dork doing it. But maybe everyone does. Maybe I'll meet another lush!!
from pixie0323 :
Oh yes, Phoenicians is much better than Phoenixers or Phoenixites or whatever I said. And yes you are hip!!
from bubaloo :
Well, at least Phoenix has you. Thank God. Oh, and you are still so much worth reading, silly.
from wickedcrazy :
great article. thats very similar to my thoughts on pittsburgh. i have a real love/hate with it.
from pixie0323 :
Oh yes, macaroni and cheese and a box of condoms, and I'm good to go (and do!)!!! I feel so special that I have jewelry from a place that was mentioned in the "uber cool" section of the Phoenix article!! And Lux?! You go there! You are the hip Phoenixite! (I'm assuming that that is the term!)
from wickedcrazy :
I almost made it to all the places you mentioned. My ex father in law lives in AZ. We were supposed to go visit and hit all of the places gorilla boy goes to when he's there, but we got divorced first, haha.
from andreeb :
No, YOU are fabulous!!!
from lulublu :
THANX LOVELY! u didn't have to do that!
from andreeb :
I'm from Austin
from wickedcrazy :
damn are we a sick bunch, haha. Lissa, I recognized the type immediately. I suffered through those types of gatherings with the same types of people til i just gave the hell up!
from bubaloo :
All the while, her prescription pill problem forces her to go to veterinarians to get fake scripts for her "depressed" pooch while she sinks deeper into her sick addiction. Not to mention the rare strains of ghonnorea and syphillis that she caught from the "pool" boy. Lucky that her husband hasn't noticed that she's overdrawn her bank account again. Oh yeah, and the wrinkles from all the lounging in the sun. HAHAHAHAHA!
from andreeb :
Oh, yeah yeah! And her child labor operation in Guatamala is failing and her nanny is sleeping with her husband and she has to lunch with her manipulative mother-in-law every week at The Club, where she's never really been accepted.
from wickedcrazy :
yeah what andreeb said. And then picture the other girl in a few years with more rocks on her finger, on her neck, and in her ears... standing there looking out the window with a large glass of vodka in her hand at 8 in the morning, mascara from the night before smeared all over her face, wondering who her husband is with and if he's coming home. I dont know about you but that made me feel better, haha.
from andreeb :
I can understand the envy. But picture your friend in a few months from now -- 2 hours of sleep at a time, twice a week showers, being used as a human milk machine. That'll be me, too. And you'll be sleeping through the night and going to the gym and laughing at us.
from bubaloo :
Have one for me....grrrrrrr!
from wickedcrazy :
If I went to happy hour a 3 pm there is no way I would make it to work the next day. "I've had enough, its time to go home" is on the list of things I've never said.
from lulublu :
Hi honeylove! So I swear to God, I read your "Logical too..." Entry and thought to myself: "Holy Shit, it's Pete!" I feel your pain! Hugs!
from wickedcrazy :
oh ugh. meet me at the bar. I'm in a work is sucking the life out of me mood too.
from pixie0323 :
Ok, I should have read your diary first because it looks like it is very comment-able (just go with me on that one!) Sorry you haven't gotten a letter from me yet. I think it should probably go out on Friday. And yes -- pepper spray. Lots and lots of pepper spray!
from bubaloo :
When I read your last entry I thought to myself, "This could have been a letter from Gracie's Mom to me." Too little. Too late. The process has already started inside of you. I know. I tried.
from andreeb :
Don't know what the bitch part was about either. I suspect it was a reference to me not being bitchy when I want to be. Who knows?
from wickedcrazy :
someone stole your daisies? Thats as bad as someone stealing the little ceramic turtles that I had in the flower bed. Molly picked them out and someone stole them. People really are desperately stupid.
from andreeb :
Are you serious about the arms? I did not know that. I need to get to work NOW.
from bubaloo :
Man, you are a busy beaver! Laser tag? Maybe you can get a concientious objector waiver.
from andreeb :
It's amazing how fast the body will improve with things like cycling and jogging and stuff.
from wickedcrazy :
oh Sunflowers. Worst.headache.ever. I had it too. it was probably the worst reaction I have ever had to a perfume.
from wickedcrazy :
God I am jealous. I would love to do that!
from wickedcrazy :
I bought DKNY Be-Delicious not long ago. I like it but I'm bored with it already. I tried Chloe but I didnt like it on me, T did but it gave me a slight headache. The suitcase sounds great!
from bubaloo :
You are so lucky that you don't have an IM thingie cuz I would so seduce you right now. I am going to frame your last note.
from bubaloo :
OMG I would so laugh and tell everyone I know if you got fired for reading porn and it was one of my entries. Of course, I would feel bad for you and all, but come on! That would be hot! Umm, from now on I will only write you personalized exclusive smut letters to your email so you don't get in trouble. BTW, what are you wearing? LMAO
from bubaloo :
Fortunately, you cannot go wrong with whiskey. Myself, I'm a jim beam man but jack daniels will do just fine. Southern Comfort? Hmm, sometimes a little too sweet for my liking. Clothes? fohgettaboudit!
from pixie0323 :
I think I have 30 days to register and get a new license and such. I'll probably end up doing it in the first few weeks because I will not have a job immediately and should take care of things like that while I have the time and not have to run on lunch breaks and sneak out early from work (I'll save that for a few months in!) I have decided to play it safe in the apartment search and go no higher than $650. Just because I don't have a job and don't know what I'll be doing. I figure that even on $10/hour I would be able to squeak by until I found something better. Although with real estate going at about 1.25 - 1.50/sqare foot, you can imagine how much room I'll have! Oh, and I'll probably do a 6 month lease so that if I hate the apartment/neighborhood/get a job that pays an enormous amount of money, I will be able to move without breaking a lease. I have found SOOOO many great apartments, but I just can't decide which neighborhood to live in. There's downtown, which is central and has great shopping and restaurants, etc., but is VERY commercial and touristy (although very safe). There is Belltown, which is just uptown from the Market, but is either trashy and inexpensive or overly priced and nice. Slightly scary at night. And then there is Capitol Hill, which is probably where I will end up. It is the young/eccentric/gay/hipster part of town. Also probably a little scary at night but I'm not too worried about it. Queen Anne, which is artsy fartsy in a touristy/expensive antiques sort of way. The cheap apartments suck. Or Fremont, which is the real artsy district where artists actually live and work, but is quickly becoming very yuppie. (Think Greenwich Village). So it's most likely either Capitol Hill or Downtown. There are significant benefits and drawbacks to each. I'm just going to go with my gut and not worry about it because after all, I'm renting, not buying, and I can always move!
from lulublu :
I like your advice for poverty-stricken girl....that's sorta the way I'm leaning...lol..I love to decorate with rich hues like reds and cocoas....I have NO IDEA what I'm going to do with that room....I have virtually nothing....My life fits ito a compact car, which is fitting b/c that's what I lived in before I came to live on campus....I always have to move, so I've never really accumulated much....Maybe I'll get a chance to settle for awhile now.
from sanetwin :
hee hee I like the peter pan comment. My new motto.
from lulublu :
I will be living in the grand Ol city of Costa Mesa, in a furnished room I will be renting out of a townhouse, for the lovely sum of 475 a month....Since it is furnished, I'm going to have to be CREATIVE decoratively speaking. The walls are currently a "wicked white" (lol) and the furniture is that Early nineties variety of white wood and plastic. It's definitely gonna be a challenge. There are two guys that live there as well, one across the hall and one downstairs.....it ain't much, but it's dirt cheap, so it's home. hahaha.
from bubaloo :
Man, some pretty interesting notes. Send me an e-mail if you want to let me know what's going on. I can't tell the players without a scorecard. BTW, I think it's a horrible thing that our culture does when someone as nicely proportioned as you are thinks they are fat. I think you're beautiful. So there. Oh, and one more thing, you don't have to turn into an adult. Peter Pan.
from wickedcrazy :
The last book I read was Eleanor Rigby by Douglas Coupland. I loved it.
from lulublu :
HAHAHAH! I love you to death......what a litle tripe.....are we 13 again?
from lissacakes :
The title of the profile... Welcome to yaddi yadda... that was a quote from him. He let me know how sad and boring my life was. I appreciate him in so many ways. Here I thought I was a reasonable adult with so many accomplishments. Thank you for being a beacon of honesty!
from lissacakes :
Turn on your notes, Coward. That's a paraphrase from everyone's favorite Diarylander's boyfriend. I assume you aren't so stupid that you don't understand sarcasm, but just so slow that you couldn't think of anything else to say. I pity you, but I can still hate you, too. So, are you a 17 year old fat girl in high school? Made fun of in P.E.? Or, 30 years old, with no friends?
from sirensleeps :
"Hello!? Welcome to my sad and boring life!" What a loser...
from lulublu :
Fat fodder indeed. Give to me a break (said in Eastern European accent)! you are not fat. I, on the other hand.....
from lissacakes :
Just rereading my notes before leaving work for the day. Thanks, guys. I really needed the attention. Now I feel tons better about myself. That's all I really wanted - to be noticed. You can't see me, but I have a tear in my eye (the right one) and I took a break from typing (with two hands) to clap a hand to my heart. All in all, I come away with this: someone used the word victim and that's PERFECT. Let's mull over the word victim. Here's another one: martyr. It works quite well with the adjective perpetual.
from sanetwin :
*stands up and applauds* well put lissacakes.
from andreeb :
Yoga! I did that for quite a while, then fell off the wagon. Maybe I should go back to it. My friend has a dvd program that was incredibly relaxing. I think it was part of the Gaia series.
from wickedcrazy :
I would love to join a gym. If I could afford it I would. When I could afford it I worked a really physical job and was in great shape from it so I didnt need the gym! Damn Life! Anyway, chubs, hope your butt feels better soon!
from wickedcrazy :
that should be I'll just settle with Youre stupid. Not I. Now I look stupid. Which I'm not. I'm just bored for Lissa. hahaha
from wickedcrazy :
sorry. just having fun. I cant think of any play on the name sirensleep. I just settle with...Youre an idiot.
from wickedcrazy :
woe Nelly
from wickedcrazy :
My love is like woe
from wickedcrazy :
Woe is me.
from lissacakes :
Why is not okay that I don't like her? Why is so that so horrible? I didn't go on her diary and call her names or call her ugly. Grow up. I blew up at what looked to me like an immature girl sticking up for immature behavior and then blaming the world for victimizing her. That's what I saw. Opinion. I apologized for behaving immaturely to Galaxy. But now her lackies... puh-leez.
from lissacakes :
Sirensleeps, you are such a fucking loser. At least when I leave people notes I don't retreat to my locked diary where my notes are turned off. I can picture you now... a big fat slop, sitting in the dark in your headgear, drooling, surfing the net with one hand, while you play with yourself to pictures pretty girls post on their diaries. You can hate me all you want, but isn't it time to grow up?
from sirensleeps :
yes, but HELLO!? this is much more fun.
from andreeb :
Oh for Christ's sake, this is so fucking Lord of the Flies. Will you not be happy until you beat Lissa down with the ceremonial conch? Please, knock it off already. Galaxy's on to other matters, posting pictures and writing fun stuff. Can't you people do the same?
from sirensleeps :
i don't know what ladywoe's problem is. i can hate you just fine.
from lissacakes :
Believe me, if I spit venom you would know. I would tell you all what you really are. Grow up. I'm done as well.
from beautifulwoe :
I don't even know what your beef was with Ladywoe, NOR DO I CARE. I just wanted to clarify that we were not the same person. That's all. I'm quite finished with you. Go spit your venom on your next victim.
from lissacakes :
Before you hop all over that like a starving animal, delirious with glee that you have found a hole in my argument to exploit. Yes, I DID say that I liked her in my note to her. And, yes, below, I did say that I don't. I'm not being a hypocrite. I've reassesed the maturity level of certain parties, including myself, and changed my mind.
from lissacakes :
It's getting pretty fucking annoying, too. I didn't give a laundry list of everything I find repulsive about anyone's behavior. I said that behavior in that instance was questionable. And I said what I thought and still thought about the types of notes she has left to her. I didn't say anything personally derogative about any of the people leaving the notes. I said it looks like the same thing looked to me in high school. I could have kept that part to myself, or I could have said it in a better way. But I am not the devil because I feel that. I think everyone needs to put this shit in perspective already. You don't have to like me. I certainly don't like you. And we can all still live entirely full lives anyway! You came back and told me what you think and I had no problem with that the next day. (I deleted your note because I didn't want more people to hop on the bandwagon, not because you smoked me and I was embarassed to leave it up.) It's the week later (from someone else) that was hard to swallow. I appreciate your explaining yourself. I think it's ridiculous that I was called braindead for what I said, though. Not liking someone's girlfriend does not make me braindead. A little bitchy, sure. Braindead, no.
from lissacakes :
I feel that I apologized for how I reacted, not for what I think. And I didn't take that back. I have nothing insulting to say to you. Yes, you told me why you locked your diary. So, if you were Ladywoe that seemed particularly lame to come back and start shit with ANOTHER LOCKED DIARY. I find it humorous how you keep coming back to my diary. If you are so sick of me, stay away. You said your piece. How did I take it back? Thinking it's lame for Ladywoe to leave me an unsupported note, then hide DAYS AFTER SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED is not taking anything back. Ladywoe did do something lame. I have no problem saying so.
from beautifulwoe :
and as I stated before in a note that you erased, my diary is locked for personal reasons. I'll give you the password so you can spit in my face too if you'd like. It's so cool how you apologize and in the next breath take it away. I'm really sick of your shit now.
from beautifulwoe :
ladywoe, and beautifulwoe are 2 entirely different people. I don't know who ladywoe is, but I am beautifulwoe. If you want to say something equally insulting to me, you can email me at diaryland if you wish.
from pixie0323 :
Well, technically Thursday and Friday were our "reading days," which I usually spend getting drunk at the pool or playing tennis or something. But instead, I used those days to do my paper. This week is exam week, but I don't have one until Thursday, so I have nothing to do. And I shouldn't complain. The weekend of doing nothing was absolute bliss. I love the feeling of having absolutely no pressure. Now that feeling is gone and I will be dragging my ass to the library tomorrow to start studying for the whammy of all African art classes. I think that I will plan a nice little day trip for myself over my vacation. Ok, enough of that. I'm going to go so I can answer your letter (and not write it all here!) There is much to say my dear!
from wickedcrazy :
Chin up that youre not pathetic enough to keep people from obsessing for days over you!
from lissacakes :
You know what, Ladywoe/ Beautifulwoe, whoever, nevermind. I will keep all the very personal and insulting things I had to say to myself as I did even when I wrote the first rude (yes it was rude, I admit) comment. But thank you for proving everything I wanted to say but kept to myself. Ta ta.
from pixie0323 :
Well, the GRE is just boring to me. I think that after studying for the LSAT, which was challenging with the games and whatnot, the GRE is just a repeat of everything. Oh well. Oh, I got your letter today (I love the envelope!)
from lissacakes :
Lady Woe, I like that your diary is locked and your notes are turned off. I sent you an email to ladywoe@diaryland.com. If you don't get it, I'd be happy to sent it again, just let me know to where.
from ladywoe :
you are so pathetic i can't even hate you.
from pixie0323 :
You know, i really think that I was scarred by going to Catholic school. Being the only atheist at school was hard enough (after being outed in the 7th grade by ex-best friend). In high school I began to enjoy arguing with the teachers and priests, so that was entertaining at the very least. But now, after watching the Pope's funeral, I have had a few nightmares. There is something innately creepy about the whole ritual-based thing. Ok, I don't know where I was going with that. Are you going to take a GMAT class or stick to the book? I always just go with the book. And that reminds me -- I really need to get on studying for the GRE. Stupid GRE. It's like the SAT for "grown-ups." At least the GMAT takes some brainpower. Have you set up a date to take it or are you not sure when you're taking it yet?
from lulublu :
So you got a beef with us Born-Agains huh? You wanna take it outside? LOL
from vocalfern :
maybe jewel covered it, but it's a song called a case of you by joni mitchell. i love it, but it is so sad. love across miles and miles. bee
from andreeb :
totally agree. I went to Catholic school for 8 years. Thatshowed me everything I need to know.
from andreeb :
My friend calls the new pope Joey the Rat
from wickedcrazy :
My mother "found" god a few years ago. Its not as bad as it could be but it kills me that people see her as such a devout woman. If they only knew.
from pixie0323 :
Those linen pants sound great. I want a pair of oatmeal colored ones to wear with a chocolate tank top or turquoise or white. I am SOOO ready for summer. I want some big Jackie O tortoise shell glasses and I need to buy some cute little slides. Your trip is going to be so much fun!
from lulublu :
Thanx for the offer love.....that's really awesome of you.
from pixie0323 :
I didn't even hear it from her -- I heard it from Theodore. I jokingly asked if he'd talked to her, and he said something about it and I just KNEW. I could hear it in his voice. I asked and he told me. Ugh . . . I hate her. I shouldn't even waste my time hating her, but it really gets my blood in a boil, ya know? Ok, I am so envious of the red hair! Good for you. Nothing like a hair color change to just change one's entire outlook.
from lulublu :
Oh my love you are a shopping ARTISTE! LOL....I'm excited for you about New Orleans....I have always wanted to go there....Ex-sex is not sleazy, just slightly off color...hahah....Hey, How'd your hair turn out?
from pixie0323 :
I'll let her know that you said so when I call her up to give her a piece of my mind and a verbal boot in the ass. Ugh . . . I should just write her a card that says "You are a disgusting specimen of a human being. You are a waste of DNA. Please do not reproduce and cloud the gene pool even further."
from dirtylinda :
Alas, it was a perfect stranger and not a coworker. My work doesn't even serve coffee! It is a terrible shame.
from pixie0323 :
Ok, I'm not going to comment because I think that Lu and Bub already did a pretty good job of saying anything that I would have said. But I'm curious -- did you write back to him, or are you letting him sweat it out a little? I can see you guys being friends again after all of this is separated. You two have some sort of connection, but maybe it just went a little too far. You never know.
from bubaloo :
There's a guy who realizes how precious a thing he had but is such a selfish cocksucker that he still thinks there's something more out there. He doesn't deserve you.
from lulublu :
Okay, so can I just say how fucking sick i am of the "you deserve better" line. It's a pansy ass muthafuckin' cop-out, not the humanitarian gesture that guys try to dress it up as. We don't deserve better, we deserve them to BE better. GO BIG OR GO HOME fellas. There's no time for bullshit. Love you mija!
from lulublu :
Thanks honey....I appreciate your note so much. I love ya to death girl! ps. You current entry almost made me pee myself.....i needed that laugh, so thanx
from pixie0323 :
I know it's hard but you're doing the right thing.
from pixie0323 :
You know, I really just don't get it. Perhaps he just isn't a phone person, but I am. And how does he expect to have a long distance relationship without the telephone? Smoke signals, perhaps? Telepathy? Anyways. Oh, I got your letter. I'm writing you back so hopefully you'll have it by the end of the week. This is fun!
from bubaloo :
Ya, I like it alot also. They are a san diego local band, how 'bout that huh? Looks like they are breaking out big time. They were in a band called Convoy before they formed Louis XIV. I will start opening my musical senses for appropriate summer styling muzak.
from pixie0323 :
Ohhhh Denver!!! You're going to have SUCH a good time!
from pixie0323 :
I don't think that it was him, but I think it was the realizations about him and the fears of being with someone older (although I think he's only 33 now . . . so not that much older, but seemed that way because of the PhD and such). I also think that if H had never come into the picture, things would have worked out very differently. Oh, and I am convinced that there is a holding pen for artsy boys like Lit. class boy, because there are far too few of them walking around. Perhaps we should start an Artsy Boy Dating Service. That way, not only could we help other women find artsy boys, but we would have FIRST PICK!
from bubaloo :
humph! New Orleans? That is the ONE place in the world that if I was only allowed to visit one more place that I haven't been I would go. "The big easy". What a great nickname. I wonder, with my propensity for wandering off the beaten track, how long it would take for them to find my corpse. Maybe they would just toss it in a swamp.
from pixie0323 :
Ok, i've got you now. Well, when you get the chance, you should go on a trip alone. It is the best thing on earth. Even the eating alone is ok. When I was in Seattle I almost felt like putting on a different accent every night and sitting at the bar looking exotic. But I didn't. I should actually do that sometime. Perhaps if I'm ever bored enough. But really, it's great. You'll have a good time in New Orleans no matter what. And lit. class -- I've been going religiously because I missed too many classes with the whole not-getting-out-of-bed episode and the class is partly attendance based and the professor gave me a note that said he strongly recommended that I didn't miss any more. I'm assuming that you were referring to cute artsy boy, and that is interesting because it was today when I was following him and his friend down the hall (only kind of eavesdropping!) when I found out that he has a girlfriend. It's ok, I think I only like him because he looks like Seattle Boy anyways. Boys suck.
from pixie0323 :
Ok, i must have missed an entry. I thought you were going by yourself. Who are you going with? Your friend from back home?
from pixie0323 :
I am so envious of the list of things you have done. That is the kind of motivation I need. Isn't it funny how when you make one appointment or something and then suddenly you've crossed everything off the to-do list? I love that feeling.
from pixie0323 :
I can definitely see you in San Francisco. Atlanta is dirty and smelly and spread out and I do not like it at all. The only way I would ever live there is if I were married and we had LOTS of money and could live in the Buckhead area, which is ritzy and artsy fartsy. But I don't see that ever even being a possibility. But if you're considering it, definitely go and see it beforehand. I've heard that Portland is nice, and I've looked for jobs there as well as in Seattle. Never been there though. Ok, I'm losing focus.
from pixie0323 :
Yay! I can't wait to read it. I think that we are the type of girls who keep letter writing alive. That is why I always send notes. And you learn so much about someone from their handwriting and phrasing and the way they put words on the page. I am looking forward to it immensely. We'll have to make it a habit. Oh, and I kind of surf. Not the kind of surfing you see in movies, but more paddling around on the board and daydreaming and occasionally catching a wave and then being pulled under and rolled around into a giant scraped up mess and then cursing myself for doing it. But it's something about being out there in the ocean in the first light. I think that's what it is more than the actual surfing. Surfing is just the excuse.
from pixie0323 :
Yes, I suppose I probably shouldn't lump the entire state of California into one beachy town. Florida, however, pretty much is one beachy town. Actually, there's east coast and west coast. East coast is surfers and flashers and pot smokers and general dirtyness, save for a few places. West coast is laid back and full of old people, and I would live there except for the fact that living at the beach would have to involve surfing, and surfing is pretty much impossible on that side of the state because it's on the Gulf of Mexico and therefore does not have good waves. Perhaps I should just move to an island somewhere.
from kelsi :
You get long notes.
from pixie0323 :
Ha. My hair. Funny story. Well, my hair is naturally blond. The kind of blond that is light when one is small and grows progressively darker as one ages (do you like the pompous use of "one" here? I thought it wholly appropriate yet entirely unnecessary at the same time!) So I did not appreciate the wonderful gift that I had received. When I was 16 my hair went from beautiful cornsilk to yellowish to platinum (well, the bottle promised platinum but really now that I see pictures it was what I like to call Freaky Barbie Yellow.) Then I decided to go brown. The brown was actually pretty good because it was a very light brown, like almost a dark dark blond. But was I satisfied? Ooooh no. So I went to a shade called "Hot Toffee," which I'm almost entirely positive that I bought just for the name alone. It was beautiful, but too dark. I let it slowly fade and then it became a beautiful shade of auburn. Once the real roots started growing in, I decided to go to a salon to go back to blonde, and my hair became SOOO blond that I decided I needed some brown in it. So, in went some brown and what the hell, thought the stylist, we'll throw in some red too. Looked good, but proved to be entirely impossible to recreate. So I went back to blonde with highlights and I started letting it grow back to my natural color, which I now appreciate a great deal. I am lucky enough to say that my hair is a color that I would actually wish it to be dyed if it were not this color. It's medium blond with natural highlights on top and at the front from the sun, and I am leaving it just the way it is. Oh yes, bangs can be a pain. I cut bangs last summer for the first time in my life, and I love them. I also had never had layers or anything like that. I really think that finding a good hair stylist is the secret, because I trust mine to do anything. It's great. Ok, aren't you sorry you asked? Try the long bangs again. Perhaps starting at the corner of the eye for the shortest piece and then getting progressively longer, with face-framing layers. It pretty much works on everyone and you can always do the cute ponytail with bangs or you can pull the bangs back and bobby pin them on top and it looks good.
from bubaloo :
Hi Lissa. I'm just getting caught up on your entries. Your last letter to Rob made my cajones shrivel. It was that good. Glad I'm not Rob. I'm sorry that things didn't work. I hope that a whole lot of good comes into your life soon so you aren't hurting much longer. I love ya, bub.
from pixie0323 :
No matter what age you have kids at, you will be a beautiful, young mom. When I imagine being pregnant, I imagine myself looking like my mother did when she was pregnant with my brother and sister in the 70's with really short empire waist dresses and Dr. Scholl's sandals and long hair. My dad took pictures of her sitting on picnic blankets first just by herself, and then with my brother as a baby, when she was pregnant with my sister. I'm imagining that that is probably somewhat of how you think about what you'll be too. You are going to find that wonderful man who will love you and give you wonderful children. You will teach them to write beautiful poetry and fingerpaint and do everything that you could ever imagine.
from kelsi :
I want to go to Savannah, I'd die to go to Savannah. If I could die after I got back.
from pixie0323 :
I'm going to have to estimate that New Orleans is about 12-14 hours from Savannah by car. That is only because you have to cross the pit of the south, aka Alabama, and that takes about 4 years. Well, Georgia is a big mother too, but you know what I mean. But you would LOVE Savannah. It is beautiful and there are crazy people there, walking around doing crazy things. It is great. You should go. If not on this trip, then on another.
from lulublu :
Ya know, the mom in me agrees with Pix....I know you really love him, but you deserve someone who can really LOVE you. In more than just words and frivolous actions. That however does NOt mean that this feels like any less than a beating to you, and that is okay. Corny be damned, you are priceless. Okay, I promise, I'm done......FOR NOW. LOL
from pixie0323 :
You know, there is this thing my mom always says to me about everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) that I always blow off but it actually is good advice (or good whatever -- it's not quite advice). Anyways, I think it could apply here. She always tells me that every thing I do, whether it's a mistake, or some thing that I think is great but doesn't work out, any disappointment, or not even a disappointment, but just something that isn't perfect, it's one more thing that you can know for sure isn't right for you. I'm not saying this to discount feelings that you have for El Toro, even though it may sound like that, you KNOW I would never say that to you. I'm saying that even as much as you love him and he loves you and things could work out and you could live with it, it's not what you want. But the good news is that because you've found him, and made things work for so long, you're that much closer to finding what is really true for you. Just keep looking, get back to your own self and dig around and find out all the wonderful new things taht you can do. You're going to get through this because you're a strong and bright and intelligent woman who can stand up straight and be very proud of herself. (Ok, was that last comment too Mom of me? I think so. Before you know it I'll be calling you a "wonderful, upstanding young woman"!)
from lulublu :
aaww yay! that's my little sister's b-day too! She'll be 18....you're spesh!
from lulublu :
hi! So when were YOUUUU born? ps. the "my body is a temple" comment: Hilarious! And you doubted my judgment.....lol
from pixie0323 :
I am so sorry about Sweatpea. I can't imagine not having my car anymore. I become very attached to things like cars and we've spent 6 blissful years together. But, you will have a wonderful new car to make memories with! Oh, and you are SOOO right about Fai. I was thinking exactly the same thing when I saw your note. I think it was just the excitement of the wedding and then the excitement of him wanting to see me immediately and then the excitement of waiting to spend the weekend with him. I'll stop now to avoid writing an entry in your notes, but I'll write it all in my diary.
from lulublu :
Okay so a few things: You're hilarious, you deserve better(but that coming from a rather hypocritical woman who has been stuck in a roundabout with her own brand of La torita for 6 years who shall remain nameless....hint:ryhmes with googoomu), that bikini is only affirming my wants to be thinner, that said, it is way cute, and are soy corn dogs any good? Love and hugs!
from pixie0323 :
You know, I was thinking about it, and it's a good thing that we're always optimistic. Even though they are assholes. Because we can at least always fantasize that the next one will be different. And then they can turn on their charm, rip our hearts out, and we'll be back to where we started. Gee. That sounded really optimistic, didn't it? I think you're right though. Maybe that's why sometimes I see girls who are with guys who I just can't stand and I wonder what's wrong with that girl to put up with him. I guess we're all just looking for the one that doesn't bother us. It's a hard thing to accept though.
from pixie0323 :
Ugh. Our bodies are always at odds with us. I wish that I had had the foresight that you had to know that sleeping around was not a good thing. Also the self respect that you have. Because even when a person sleeps with someone just for physical reasons, it usually turns out poorly. And while I always said that it was purely physical, I know now that I had just convinced myself of that as a survival mechanism. But now I've learned (or I'm trying to learn -- getting there) and your friend hopefully will too. Perhaps the grossness of the whole lost condom incident will turn a light on for her.
from pixie0323 :
How 'bout I leave you 1000 notes because I'm never through with one but I think I am and click the button? Yes, Anthropologie was close to orgasmic. I really just thought that I might faint. But who wouldn't get choked up over cranberry scented room spray and tiny bags of Burt's Bees Hand Care products? And linen. And bubble bath. And tiny little teacups. And and and the white crackle-painted armoire full of dark pastel lingerie and the bed linens. Oh my. It was in the most amazing mall that also contained Crate and Barrel (where I looked at my blue and chocolate dishes and rainbow-colored set of mixing bowls) and a Williams-Sonoma where I decided that I should just go ahead and find a man and get married just so I could register for beautiful kitchen things that I cannot afford (at least in the massive quantities that I "NEED" them in!)
from pixie0323 :
I found the pic on an Audrey Tautou website because I was trying to find a different Amelie template that would fit my pictures on it, and it was just kind of a chance that I ran into it. I just thought it was funny, but I don't know where it's from.
from pixie0323 :
I love it!! The bottom is so great! I love the way it's put together! And the top is great too! I love halters because they're just comfortable and you don't have to adjust them and it's just so classic. Yay! Lime! I think I'm going to get that bikini from Victoria's Secret. the one with the bandeau top that's white with the little rainbow thing. Either that one or the J.Crew one. I'm not sure.
from pixie0323 :
Ok, this wasn't what I was leaving a note about originally, but I love your new title and picture! Ok, what I did want to leave a note about . . . I went to Anthropologie today. I have SOOO many things to tell you!! You would have died! Is there one right there in Phoenix, or do you have to drive a way to get there? Go! Go now!!! There was a little faux-bedroom set up and it was with a wrought-iron bed with crackly pastel paint and on the walls were old books and perfume bottles. I could imagine myself just waking up there in the morning, customers standing with gaping mouths. I amused myself a great deal, as you can tell. Oh, and a turquoise and brown skirt and a brown dress with a cream beaded sweater!! We MUST online shop!!
from lulublu :
oh sweetpea! I'm hugging you tightly from here! Hold in there.....love to you!
from pixie0323 :
It would be my guess that bub will probably just avoid this one all together. I don't think guys probably even care what color plate their food comes on, as long as it is there. My current thinking is turquoise/persimmon/sunflower. But I really don't know. I think I'm not going to get mugs, but then again I'm not sure. I think eventually I will want a set of nice coffee/tea cups with saucers for entertaining, but I honestly don't do a whole lot of that right now. I have got to go to the store and figure this out!!
from pixie0323 :
I'm not sure how to bring it up. I think that I will just casually ask how the visit was, and if he doesn't offer anything that lets me know that he wants to talk about what a horrible bitch she is, then I will just drop it. There is no sense in bringing a bitchy catfight into a good relationship. I figure that over time he will get to know the truth, if he doesn't already. And plus it just kills her that I am with him, I know it, so being nice and sweet back to her is a better revenge.
from pixie0323 :
Oh, you will LOVE FiestaWare. The original FiestaWare came as free gifts in soap boxes (I think) and now it's a major collector's item. We're talking 75 dollars/piece. But now it's being rereleased through JCPenney. I'll put a link in my diary for you. It's so cool. I need to actually go to the store and look at it and then go to Crate and Barrel, where that turquoise and white set was.
from pixie0323 :
Ooooh, I love love love those star lanterns!! We need a better retro furniture shop here. I went into the one in town shortly after my roommate and I stole (excuse me -- saved from certain death in a stuffy old warehouse) our little squishy burnt orange chairs (which we have since reupholstered) but it was just full of old futons and junk. I was very disappointed. I think that I will probably end up going the vintage route in some manner, but I need to find a good vintage store. The bed sounds wonderful too! I can never decide between having a wrought iron bed or a dark mahogany bed that is very streamlined and close to the ground. See? We can go furniture shopping together too!! :)
from bubaloo :
Nice new layout.
from pixie0323 :
Doesn't that scare the hell out of you? It's like that line from a Harvey Danger song "been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding -- the cretans cloning and feeding . . ." I have had this theory for a while now that America is on its upswing but we're soon headed down because unlike the people from 150 years back, we (meaning the general population -- certainly not you and I -- we will go down kicking and screaming) are a society that cares nothing about education, the environment or true social justice, but instead rely upon a government that is quickly becoming almost fanatically religious and facist in some areas. And the thing that kills me is all the stupid people are supporting it when really, if they were properly educated or could at least spare a brain cell or two, would realize that they are really doing nothing but kicking themselves in the ass. Ok, I'm off the soapbox now. How is life? (Aside from all the stupid people in the world?!)
from dirtylinda :
Why do you stay with your boyfriend? You don't seem to like him so much.
from lulublu :
Hi darlingface! I hope you're feeling better. Don't let shitheads get ya down! I'll kick their asses! haahahhah!
from pixie0323 :
Yes, I was with him!! Sorry you were so upset. At least you know that you are not the only one. It doesn't make it better, I know, but at least you can know that it wasn't something that you did wrong -- it's just someone who cannot control himself. You're doing a great job, so just keep doing the best you can.
from bubaloo :
me too, Lissa. me too.
from pixie0323 :
He lives an hour and a half away. Not too far at all really. And the other night he kept telling me that, but saying "only an hour an a half," followed by "I like to drive," which I'm assuming means that he will be up here regularly. Oh, and he called, just in case you get this before you read my entry. I knew exactly what you were talking about in your note because I was having the same thought tonight right before he called because my brother had called and asked if it was too long to wait a week to call a girl after a date. he's not mean or conceited, just clueless. However, I'm starting to think that perhaps Fai might just have a clue!!
from pixie0323 :
I LOVE that song!!! I haven't heard it in forever!
from pixie0323 :
Liss, you are so much more than your job or your city or your relationship. You are wonderful and smart and artistic in so many ways and you really CAN DO ANYTHING!! Don't let anyone define you. Last night Fai said something to me (I'm going to explain about Fai in my next entry -- just in case you get this before you read it.) We were talking about art and my involvement in art, and he asked if I liked to paint or draw, and I said that I wasn't very good, that I had no artistic talent. And he said that he could tell that that wasn't true and that appreciating art and enjoying it was just as artistic, if not more artistic than if I could paint. He said that I lived life artistically and that was, in his mind, the highest form. My point is that you do that too. Everything you do has your own special spin on it. You are unique and brilliant in whatever you do. When you said that you didn't necessarily want to hang out with creative people, you were dead on, because so many so-called "creatives" are really just creative inside a box, and you are so much more than that.
from lulublu :
that song is from a band called "the postal service", or maybe there's no "the" i forget....you would not annoy the hell out of me, I think that we would tear it up in town! It would be fine times indeed. Jared Leto....MMMMM.
from bubaloo :
You are going to leave ME all alone while you are carousing? Am I going to have to entertain El Toro?
from bubaloo :
I don't want Pix to be lonely when you are off carousing with lulu or El torito. I know your type. Maybe I can just crash on your guy's couch. That would be my normal modus operandi. I'd be like a funny pet. Just don't forget to feed me!
from bubaloo :
Phoenix? Everyone's moving to Phoenix? OK, I'm in. Pixie and I can be roomates. Do I have to root for the humpbacks? I like the Suns though.... If I lived with Lulublu she would have to have an exorcism, and that kind of scares me. LOL
from lulublu :
oh, man. I really want a Fall wedding too! When Pete and I were engaged years ago, we were supposed to get married Oct. 6th....
from lissacakes :
Ooooo, Toronto...
from pixie0323 :
At this point I don't have a clue where I'm going or what I'm going to do, or really where I would like to go or what I would like to do. So you never know . . ! That would be so funny if all 3 of us ended up there, wouldn't it! Or perhaps Toronto . . . someday!
from pixie0323 :
Um, why can't I move to Phoenix so you can befriend me annoy the shit out of me? ;)
from lulublu :
Ummm hello? Do you NOT remember our upcoming Spring wedding? I am truly hurt....HAHAHA. I'm blanking on where in Phoenix at the moment. It's not for Grad school, it's if I don't get into the program actually. One of my good friend's family lives out there and i'm pretty close to his siblings, and they have all tried to talk me into packing up and moving there, so I might. I need a change of pace.
from pixie0323 :
Yes, I think that perhaps both FB and Iowa were beaten with the arrogant-prick stick (you know how some people are beaten with the ugly stick? A horrible thing to say, really, but it's better to say arrogant-prick stick, because they really are arrogant pricks if you think about it). I really wish I had a tape of the conversation because now I feel as if I was a little too bitchy to him. No, I take that back, I could be too bitchy to him!
from pixie0323 :
That is such a good idea to text him back! I never would have thought of that!! I'm going to wait until tomorrow and let him sweat it out a little bit. Or perhaps I should call but do the "I can only talk for a second because I'm really busy" (and beautiful and fabulous). I'm going to have to go to overstock.com now and look for stuff! I love that necklace!
from lulublu :
I agree with pix! Fab!
from pixie0323 :
Oh! That's perfection!
from pixie0323 :
I know what you mean about needing the mulitiple entry page. I should do that to mine because I almost always update a couple times a day. Oh, and your necklace sounds wonderful! I decided about a year or two ago that when I finally have a real job and a little bit of savings, I will allow myself to spend some of it on a right hand platinum and diamond ring. I've always always wanted one, and it's going to be my present to myself for officially becoming a responsible adult.
from pixie0323 :
I asked my mom where he slept and she said "oh, well let me just say that he had a great time snuggling with your teddy bears." She was kidding though and he ended up sleeping in the guest bedroom. They just love to torture me. Yeah, the more I think about it, I'm just not sure about what his deal is. I think that afte this weekend I'll know for sure.
from pixie0323 :
I'm not exactly in backwoods general store territory (that was so funny!) but it's not that great. There's one so-so mall that's good if all I want is day to day stuff. Really when I need to go shopping for something specific or I want to just go and do a shopping spree or stock up, I just go to Orlando. It's about 2 hours away but there are a gazillion malls and lots of separate sections where there are individual shops. I absolutely cannot wait to live in a big city where there is good shopping. Although living with city rent won't exactly lend itself to shopping sprees, will it?! Oh, I'm trying to upload pictures of Seattle, and they just won't go. I left it going for 45 minutes today and I don't know what was wrong with it. Do you use Photoshop to shrink yours down first, or do you just upload them as is? I think I'll have to install Photoshop and try shrinking them down like I would for some emails. Damned complicated computers!
from pixie0323 :
Oh nevermind . . . I just read the "you may experience a lag" thing. You would think that I would learn to read and not just skim the important stuff. :)
from pixie0323 :
Hey Liss. I just signed up for Gold so I could upload pics, but it hasn't kicked in yet. When you signed up did it take a little while or was it immediate?
from pixie0323 :
Ooooh . . . the things you got at Anthropologie sound great! I love that store. Did I tell you about the one in Seattle? It's huge! Anyways, I'm sorry that you got into the accident and I hope that insurance will take care of all of it. It's good that you're ok though. And to answer your question, no. D has not always been like this. Only for the past year or so has he been like this. And since about July it's been really bad like it is now. I think he's just really still hurt over that girl that dumped him and he's just so insecure that he feels he has to overact to get attention. Plus I think that he's made friends with the immature people he works with and he suddenly has been sucked into the whole myth that the only way to have fun in college is to get drunk, screw, and tell everyone about it. And evidently the only way to get someone to have sex with you (well, other than roofies) is to tell them how big your "wang" is. Which, in my experience, what guys tell you about their penis is pretty much always the opposite. Am I right or am I right? So no. I would not have been friends with him for all this time if this is what he had been like. And now I've finally had enough and as far as I'm concerned, he and I are no longer friends.
from lulublu :
I would buy you bling if I was your boyfriend....I really would....not that it helps 'cause I am a girl, hence, not la torita....but still. hahaha.
from bubaloo :
WANG!!!!!!!!!!!! WAHHHHHHHHHHH! Are you physically o.k.? I'm sorry that happened to you. Is it raining over there also? It was a mess on the roads here. Sounds like you got "banged" pretty hard to fuck up your doors like that.
from pixie0323 :
Thank you so much, Liss. I needed a little pep talk. You're right about the fact that it really is time to do something about it. It's just hard to face the fact that there might be more of just my own craziness factored in than I thought. I guess we'll just have to wait and see how much is self-produced and how much is reactionary. You're a good pal. How I wish that we lived in the same city and really could go shopping and bookstoring and boy watching and coffee drinking and such. I'm glad that you're getting some more responsibility with your job. It's crappy that you did all the work and didn't get to sit in on that meeting, but don't fear because you know that you did an amazing job and sooner or later you will be running the place!
from bubaloo :
OMG, I am so like that Lissa. I DO examine and analyze every word that is said or written to me. Looking for what? Usually anything that doesn't match up with what they have told me before. So I can prove what liars they are. Which of course proves that they couldn't possibly care about me the way they say they do. Man, I have got to get a life.
from vocalfern :
i found the list randomly online. did you do it? i couldnt find it! lovelove bee
from pixie0323 :
Oh yes, we could have a grand ol' time stalking cute bookstore and coffeeshop boys!
from pixie0323 :
I left a shopping link in my last entry for you!
from kelsi :
It was a passionate but short-lived affair - I'm sorry it ended so badly.
from pixie0323 :
I haven't gotten the catalogue, but I've been looking online and I've GOT to have the seersucker beach dress (one of the first ones on the dresses page) in the blue that it's shown in to wear with some cute sandals and a light jacket. Oh, and there's a bathing suit that I'm dying for. It's pink and I can't remember the name of it, but it's toward the bottom of the page and they only have it in the halter top and one bottom. I'll have to order a catalogue!
from bubaloo :
Maybe you guys have been in ruts, I thought my life was being plenty dramatic enough. Marriage? I've been married twice. I still love the idea. You are right. It shouldn't be the act, I think it would be wonderful if I found a person that could make me feel like spending the rest of my life with them. Sigh.
from pixie0323 :
I'm so excited about your crush! Yay! maybe we're all going to break out of the boring ruts soon!!! (Because let's face it -- it's been a little dullsville, or without drama as you said). Yay!!! (it is really sad that I'm THIS excited.)
from pixie0323 :
yay! We LOOOOVE crushes!!!
from bubaloo :
Oooooooooooh! A crush! Crushes are lovely things. I'm all excited now.
from pixie0323 :
Don't you love the pill? I swear that when I started taking it, in a matter of about 4 months I went from a B to a D! I'm afraid that once I go off it to get pregnant and then they get bigger during pregnancy but go down afterward that they'll be nonexistent. Or I'll have to search around in my pockets and under the waistband for them!
from lulublu :
JUDE JUDE JUDE WWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
from lulublu :
I would like to have 4 or 5 children, then perhaps adopt when my kids get older....or if God doesn't bless me with pregnancy fatness, I'll just adopt them all.
from pixie0323 :
Liss, there is nothing wrong with you! Stop thinking that. Just stop the internal monologue. You are wonderful and any man would be lucky to even be near you, let alone get to have sex with you. Perhaps you could suggest that if he thinks it's his medication that he talk this over with his doctor and perhaps try something different?
from lulublu :
hey sweetie! I don't want to say I know exactly what you're going thru, b/c i'm not dating la torita but....pete and I have had this off and on thing for over five years, and everyone gives us the whole: "youguysareso perfectforeachotheryoutotallyneedtogetmarriedandhaveamillionbabies...thing. I want to be like: DON'T FUCKING TELL ME THAT, TELL HIM! CONVINCE HIM! LOL. I'm not bitter though......BTW, I'm glad someone's birth control is working to their advantage, mine is slowly killing me. P.S tell pix my password DOES NOT work.. love!
from pixie0323 :
Don't feel bad about that! I think the thing men don't understand about Valentine's Day is that on Valentine's Day, the male-female relationship is supposed to morph into the man as hero, the woman as princess. It's an ugly thing to say, but it's true. Ususally I want to take care of myself and do my own thing, but on Valentine's Day (or any time a guy is really trying to romance me) I want to be treated like a princess. We want gifts that we WANT, not that we need, things that are pretty and just for us (or to make us feel pretty when we're giving ourselves to him) and really have no purpose other than to say "I like you and want to take care of you and give you everything you could ever desire." I shouldn't say "we" but I'm saying "we" instead of "I want". So, there is something very sexy and romantically necessary about a man guiding you by putting his hand in the small of your back or brushing the hair out of your eyes. So you were not out of line in not accepting the haircut. But then again, like I said, I'm sure that most men don't understand this concept, so if he gets you a book, love him for being thoughtful enough to remember. We'll call it baby steps for right now! And one day out of the blue he'll surprise you.
from pixie0323 :
Lissa, you're wonderful no matter what's going on in your life. Remember that.
from bubaloo :
Doh! I forgot that her diary is locked. So much for that idea.
from bubaloo :
LOL, I'm so old I remember him before he discovered rockabilly cool!
from pixie0323 :
Did you get back in? I think I checked your password, but I'm not sure. I loved that conversation you wrote about with the "putting away the china." That was great!
from bubaloo :
Yeah, maybe spring songs? It felt like spring the last few days here. Absolutely gorgeous. Blue skies, a nice breeze off the coast. You know what I mean. The days that remind you of why it's hard to live anywhere else. I heard the song on the radio the other day and the "I'm worth a million in prizes" just kept reverberating through my head. So I felt compelled to post it. Will you please make pixie open her diary, btw? Grrrr. I am totally jonesing to know what's going on with her. LOL
from pixie0323 :
I know. It's weird not to be able to read my own entries after I write them. I guess it's just one more incentive for me to get a Gold account. I told myself that I would do it if I went to Seattle, so I need to so I can post all my pics!
from bubaloo :
LOL, that's the only way you could get me to wear one of those t shirts. When lulublu and lissa are betrothed. I would like to apply to be their dog. I just want to lay on the floor and stick my face in their crotch every once in awhile. Oh yeah, and feed me. Oh yeah, i loved that video and song. gorgeous. I hate when I have those irrational thoughts. Thank God we have somewhere to put them, I guess. I dig. I really do.
from pixie0323 :
Well, if you're going for classic and tasteful, I'd say a strapless champagne sheath or for the afternoon, just to the knees and A-line (that's really what I would want MY bridesmaids to wear). Otherwise, it's all about the seafoam. Well, either seafoam or powder blue. And puffy sleeves. Like my arms won't even be able to touch my body because they'll be so far out. And how about one of those hideous headpieces from the 80's? HaHa! Bub can wear one of those T-shirts with the tuxedo print on the front.
from bubaloo :
Have I ever told you how much I admire your writing? the content, yeah. But you write well. I always love your writing.
from vocalfern :
everything okay?
from pixie0323 :
Elvis is great! I was thinking perhaps Butter or Smudge. Can I be the maid of honor at your wedding to Lulu? And bub can be the best man! Hey bub, keep your hands to yourself!
from lulublu :
OH! OH! I have a great idea! You can marry me! Granted we both like men far too much for our own good, and will have to travel to vermont, but still. It's a solid plan. LOL. Be well, I adore ya!
from bubaloo :
Ummm, you are a girl? It's not your fault. It's genetic. I love you anyways. OMG, I just realized I said I love ya! Does that make you angry? lol (sticking tongue out at you)
from pixie0323 :
Oh, and a funny nickname for the baby too! There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Getting married in a garden with just enough people to be witnesses has started to become my ideal wedding, so don't worry about your 100 guest list.
from kittycake4u :
omg i noticed that you love DAMO. he's amazing and i wanted to tell you that if you go to www.eskimofriends.com it is really neat you can get songs and chat in the igloo all sorts of stuff anyways, maybe i'll see you there sometime. cheers, kasey
from lulublu :
This is a way old topic but here ya go(I just got back to internet): How do I stay so positive? ...That struck me as funny, I always thought I was a negative nelly...lol. Because I have to. I have kids. What kind of example would I set for my lil bro and sis if i became hard and bitter? I believe that there's more out there to life than shit, and I'm gonna find it. Christian University? Yep. Not my first choice exactly, but I do like going to a school where we all pray. It's definitely blessed me...I know, surprise surprise. I'm a card carrying member....lol. It's a long story, really. What can I say. I love Jesus....hahah. My most treasured possesion? I would say what's left of my sanity, or my kids, but i don't think they qualify as possesions, so I'd have to say my CD's. Not the most sentimental or profound thing, but music caries so many memories, that they're like letters or pictures...Well there ya have it. Love to you!
from pixie0323 :
Oh yeah. This is the last straw. Next time I see them or hear them in the middle of the night, they're goin' down! My sister says I should just call the cops, but I think it would be so much more theraputic to kick their asses myself!
from pixie0323 :
How are we supposed to ever let all of that go? Will we feel like this forever? I don't like being that girl who wishes that she'd see her ex homeless or hit by a bus, bitten by a rabid dog, chased out of town by angry pitchfork-wielding villagers, stoned and rolled down a hill in a barrel, etc. But I am. I am that girl. And you know what it is? I think it's more that they just don't listen. You nailed it when you said that. It doesn't matter what you say to them because they'll never hear you no matter how loudly you scream, how much you cry, it just doesn't matter. Maybe THAT'S why I'm convinced that therapy won't do any good. Because unless you are talking to someone who's been through the same thing, they'll never understand it. Not saying that therapists haven't gone through it, but I'm sure that some haven't. Ugh. It makes me sick just thinking about it.
from bubaloo :
You are all of those things, that's for sure! You forgot sexy fine mo'fo', but sex goddess will do!
from pixie0323 :
I loved that entry from earlier when you were talking about how you got up to adjust the thermostat. I love that feeling too, just knowing that you can because you CAN and you want to.
from bubaloo :
Oh, so good to see a post from you! I hate that feeling that your are talking about. The dreaded law of commupance. I've had it unleashed on me before. The dread of it is far worse. I blame it on my catholic upbringing.
from pixie0323 :
I think we've had it all wrong. Maybe our MOTHERS are twins and we're just really cool and freakishly similar cousins! :)
from pixie0323 :
I try not to get upset about it because the fact is that she's just competitive about it because she has nothing else going on in her life. It's always been like this, for as long as I can remember. If I became anorexic got to 90 pounds, she would make herself be 85 just to one-up me. I'm not kidding. It's just her need to be even a tiny bit better than me and to make herself feel better. I don't know why. I'll probably write about this later in my diary. Oh -- that's so funny that you saw that girl. I was kind of thinking about getting a little pixie-ish haircut, so maybe people will see me in coffeeshops as the little pixie girl! Oh, I don't know what made me thinnk about this just now, but in Seattle there was the biggest Anthropoligie store I've ever seen! It was huge! You have to go. I wanted to go in and just try on everything but I made myself resist (because browsing SOOOO often turns to buying!).
from bubaloo :
OMG! you came here? You suck, I take back every nice thing that I have written about you. LOL I'm just kidding! I'm glad that you liked downtown San Diego. Personally, I think it had a lot more charm when I was living there back in the mid 90's. It's been pretty yuppified up the last couple of years. But it still beats most of San Diego in charm by a long shot.
from pixie0323 :
I like #3 on your last list. Hard work. I like it because it's real. No sugar-coating. Oh, and extrapolate is a fabulous word. It's one of those words that I almost always mispronounce and then think what a wonderful word it is because it encompasses so much. Oh, and the sex thing -- now Bub's probably going to be mad that he didn't offer it to you because you were in San Diego and all!! :)
from pixie0323 :
Hey! Can't wait to hear all about your trip to Cali!
from bubaloo :
I had to walk away from the computer for a second after I read your entry about your and el toro's parents. I had some tears coming out involuntarily. Because it reminds me of what I see as destiny as nature's specific randomness. I want it to be so much more than that.
from hrvd93 :
I'm horrible I know! We should do lunch either tomorrow or Wednesday. Gardunos tempted me! I haven't had much to update!
from bubaloo :
Hey sweetie! Just wanted to check in and say hi. California does not do that to all of it's denizens. Do you think that they will exile me to Arizona? Yikes!
from pixie0323 :
I think your friend who is visiting next week may just be the West Coast twin of ex-best friend. I totally understand what you mean because that's EXACTLY how ex-best friend it. And there really just is no way to get around being their friend. I hope the visit is tolerable, well, I hope it's fantastic, but you know.
from hrvd93 :
I'd love to go to lunch but this week really sucks. Maybe Monday or Tuesday of next week?
from pixie0323 :
That's kind of why I've been putting it off. Because I hate having to tell people who thought it was the best book they'd ever read that I think it's drivel. Best-selling drivel, but then again isn't the averge reading level in America at about an 8th grade level? I think I heard that somewhere. I haven't gotten the Lynda Hull yet, but I'm going to get some to save and read in the coffeeshops in Seattle.
from pixie0323 :
Thanks Liss. It's hard to admit that therapy probably wouldn't be a bad thing for me, and you're right that now's the time to go, but it's almost like I'm afraid of what I'd unearth. I'm comfortable now and I know that doing that will put me into a state of discomfort. I've managed to put Band-Aids on most every problem and I don't feel like undoing all of my handiwork. Thanks for saying that you know I'll get everything I want. It just helps to hear that sometimes because it seems like everyone else is constantly telling me that those things are unattainable. About you and El Toro and this weekend -- I hope it was a good thing for you. At least you know that you both care about each other. I think that's important. I hope that that is what you want and that you continue to have as much or as little to do with him as you want to, but most of all that you're happy.
from hrvd93 :
Are you becoming a friend with benefits?
from pixie0323 :
That entire movie was just great. The reason that it bothers me so much is because it's just so real. And I don't think we're used to seeing reality in movies. Like I almost wanted to say at the end of the movie "That doesn't really happen!" I need to see it again because I know that even though I was glued to it the entire time, there was something that I missed. Or a few things. I'm just sure of it. Oh, and your last entry, on #5, the bed thing! It really is scary sometimes how much alike we are. That is SO something that I would do. Do. Whatever. Have a good weekend!
from hrvd93 :
Untie the lame? With a martini in my hand... I might ask some very personal questions: Will start with a softball: 1: Where was the most risque place you've ever had sex?
from hrvd93 :
This is next to impossible while I'm drinking... martinis... dancing back and forth; before I answer I'd like to say that we still owe you a drink (Sunday didn't count). A) A movie: Withnail and I. Fabulous cult classic, I've got a bootie if you need it. B) We the Living, by Ayn Rand... that one will really make you depressed C) Neil Young: Album: 'Everybody knows this is Nowhere (I've screwed up the nomenclature) I can't ask you any questions right now because I have a giant set of lame tied to one of my b@lls
from lulublu :
Book: Blind Assasin: Margaret Atwood Movie: Barbarian Invasions Music: Jill Scott 1. Why don't you have more faith in yourself? 2. What do you fear most? 3. What gives you peace?
from pixie0323 :
Book: Disgrace by J.M. Coetzee. Music: Pieta Brown's album "pieta brown" I guess I could have just said "self titled." Movie: Ma Vie en Rose. Questions: Do you think you'll ever want to just pick up and move out of Phoenix? Where would you live if you could live anywhere? Do you believe in soul mates?
from bubaloo :
Lissa, I have read a lot of things on diaryland. A lot of entries from a lot of writers. Your letter was the what? Best? How do you describe that? Every word was perfect. I'm sure you're not perfect, but El Toro is a fool. A kiss. A sweet kiss.
from lulublu :
I'm very proud of you. I hope that your proud of you. I'm sending hugs your way....
from pixie0323 :
Amazing.
from bubaloo :
It's amazing what pops into our heads when we have been hurt. Another brutal entry.
from pixie0323 :
Wow. Just wow. I wish I could be as honest and as brave as you are. To put it all out there. You did the right thing. You did the YOU thing. Cheers for you.
from for-you-only :
poopies. just poopies.
from pixie0323 :
I heard "Coin-Operated Boy" on the radio today for the first time!
from pixie0323 :
Your last entry sums up exactly how I was feeling that things will end up with Theodore if I did happen to date him. Maybe soul-starved men like him and el toro are magnets for women like us because sometimes it seems like we have too much. But you know what -- I'd much rather have too much and feel like I'm about to explode than have too little. And those boys will suck us dry.
from pixie0323 :
I just don't get it. It's like he had this whole other life before he met you and the life was just sucked out of him. And I don't understand why he won't let you put it back into him. Not that he should expect that -- he should just be with you body and soul and he's not and I don't understand. I'm not saying that you shouldn't stay with him, because that's totally none of my business, but you should just know that you are wonderful and you deserve to be with someone who has as much life and as much spirit as you do. And you will find that person, if you do decide to leave him.
from pixie0323 :
I agree with Bub. You're always fab, but lately you've taken it to a new level. Not that you being unhappy or angry is a good thing, but you know what I mean. I totally relate to your struggle over the hate-love-hate relationship with him.
from bubaloo :
Just really good entries the last couple of days. Anger and resentment become you. Seriously. Not in a bad way. I could feel the venom dripping off the words. Nice.
from pixie0323 :
Thank you, thank you, thank you for understanding me so well. Because that's exactly what I was thinking about it. I know that I'll be able to live with this thing, but I don't know about these rules that I've set for myself. And I'm glad that you understand that because that means that I'm not crazy.
from bubaloo :
Hey sweetie, just wanted to wish you a happy thanksgiving. Starting new jobs suck.
from lulublu :
OH OH OH PICK ME PICK MEEEEEE! I'M A GIRL!! hey.....guys? Hey....wait up.....aww, c'mon guys....LOLOLOLOL! *MUAH*
from pixie0323 :
I hardly have any girl friends either. The only ones I have are the ones who stayed in town after high school and will never leave. And honestly, aside from drinking and gossiping, we have nothing in common any more. So I totally get where you're coming from. I think it would be good if you could be friends with FB.
from pixie0323 :
I know it's great that you got this job and all and you don't have to work in hell, but I miss you! So anyways I hope you're doing well and just wanted to say hi.
from bubaloo :
So nice to see ya. I think giving you your own flower smacks of jackassedness. Just an opinion. Of which I have many. lol.
from pixie0323 :
Hope you have a great first day of work tomorrow!
from pixie0323 :
Ooh la la!
from bubaloo :
Holy shit! I love you so much Lissa! The Dresden Dolls are the fuckin' uhhhh... the what? The coolest thing that I have heard since I first heard PJ Harvey. Thank you so much for turning me onto them. That is some intense music. Fucken awesome.
from pixie0323 :
Eh. I stayed up most of the night writing that stupid paper. I am very disappointed in myself. I had wanted to do a really good job on it, and it turned out to be probably one of the all time stinkers that I've ever written. Thanks for asking though. Oh hey -- when do you start your job? Isn't it in the next few weeks?
from pixie0323 :
I'm so glad that I'm not the only one! I felt so silly writing that entry! Ahhh . . . your wedding sounds wonderful! And those candles sound fabulous! Oh, we ARE silly silly girls!
from bubaloo :
I'm going to have to check out the Dresden Dolls now. They have some excellent lyrics.
from pixie0323 :
Oh, and I love your new quotes at the beginning. Especially the first one! And the fact that you added Agee as a favorite. I just loved that book too. I had to go to a conference with a professor to discuss what to write for the final paper and it was supposed to be something about the south, so I wanted to write on Evans and Agee and my prof was telling me all kinds of stories about how Evans and Agee were having wild sex with one another's wives and girlfriends and mistresses. And orgies. Evidently there were orgies. I think my favorite section in the book is the part where Agee is describing the ride in the car and how their arms would touch and they'd pull away but gradually they'd just let them fall all over each other.
from pixie0323 :
I really need to start listening to the Dresden Dolls.
from lulublu :
Even I think J. Crew is fabulous. IT'S OKAY. We're going to get thru this....lol
from pixie0323 :
I have a terrycloth J.Crew sweatshirt/hoodie thing that I absolutely love. You can pair it with cool earrings and funky skirt and you're good to know. You're taking the corporate out of J.Crew and putting a flair on it!
from pixie0323 :
I'll just start staying up all night to update! Oh, and just to clarify, I wasn't really advocating option #3, I was just was pointing out that there are some things that make it bearable.
from lulublu :
I agree with bubs! I think your spesh....and your not a cow. THAT job is reserved for me! LOL
from bubaloo :
Please, no option #3. I couldn't take it for you to feel like that again.
from pixie0323 :
Well, I'm just going to have to wait for three weeks until I see him again. But I think that if things do go as I think they will, I'm going to go with it. Life is too short to not have a relationship (as short as it will be) with a man who understands my need for bare feet and drinking on the terrace and driving with the windows down and screaming at the top of my lungs in the middle of the night. Oh, it's almost primal. And I can't deny myself anything primal. I just have to get over the guilt I feel about Seattle Boy. I'm not even sure that he likes me, but I feel like I'm cheating on him. This sounds like a previous situation, doesn't it?! Oh lord, let's hope I'm not just repeating history. I guess I am . . . just knowing how it will turn out. But I've waited for this foolhardiness (is that a word!?) with this guy for a long time and I can't deny myself. Oh, and about your situation . . . I don't know which option is best. All I know is that I've been in #3 for many many times, and it sucks but it's a good excuse to sit around in your pajamas eating cake and drinking wine out of a plastic cup!
from bubaloo :
First off, Julia is GOD personified in an italian woman. Second, well, they are an interesting band. Did he play the accordion right there in front of you? That shit's hot!
from pixie0323 :
Oh, and no I don't know who the woman was that sings after Damien. I love the thing at the end -- the "If you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking." I'm curious to see how Julia Roberts stands up in it because it seems a bit odd to me. She's not usually in those types of movies. But hopefully it will be good. I'll have to look for the soundtrack to see if I can figure out who the woman is.
from pixie0323 :
I love Jude Law. I think he is such a sexy little beast. I saw I Heart Huckabees last night (that's where I saw the trailer for Closer) and I just haven't fully come to a conclusion about it. I really want to see Alfie too, but I think that that might have to wait until it comes out on DVD. I will, however, be the first person in line to see Closer. I just kept saying in my head "yes, that's me. that's me!" while I was watching the trailer. Oh my.
from bubaloo :
OOOOOH! Another cow song afer my own heart. I love cow songs! Thanks!
from bubaloo :
yay!
from bubaloo :
Hey, lissa! Thanks for the nice comments. If you guys find the cow song can you send me a link? krazyjoe99@yahoo.com I love cow stuff!!! lol
from bubaloo :
Oh, I have so many comments and I'm half lit from an afternoon at the bar so forgive my typing. a.) I beg to differ. Affairs of the heart are SO much more interesting than my bullshit. b.) bub comes from a girl with cerebral palsy and mental retardation. I used to work with developmentally disabled when I was a teenager. Everytime Lupe saw me, she would start screaming "bub! bub! oh bub! bub!" My friends picked up on this and hence, bub was born. c.) How crazy is it that el toro is an el torita for halloween? Does he know of his nickname? d.) Witches with glasses are tre` hot. Guys make passes at girls with glasses. There's my big drunk statement. I'm out of here. Maybe I can pass out now.
from pixie0323 :
Geez, I keep forgetting things. Do you think I should email him back and assure him that I'm coming in December? I don't want to be too pushy about the whole thing because he just seemed a little distant to me. But maybe that's just the guy thing. You know, how some don't like to talk on the phone? Maybe I'll hold off for a little bit. I just don't have any more excuses to email him with!
from pixie0323 :
Yeah, the name on my hotmail account is Danielle, which is my middle name. I don't know why I put that, because I'm not a Danielle at all -- at least not like any of the Danielle's I've ever known. My username . . . I'm not really sure why I chose pixie. My best friend called me Tink, and then Tinky all throughout high school and even now (this is ex-bestie that I'm talking about, just to clarify). So I don't know why I chose Pixie insead of Tinky. I think I'm more a Pix than a Tink though. Well, and you know the numbers.
from lissacakes :
Well, that's good info from The Woo'er himself. No free agents with drug problems, either.
from pixie0323 :
Ok, I had to reread your entry before I said anything else. It cracks me up that El Toro is wearing a cow costume. And your costume sounds great too! I need to figure out what I'm going to do about a costume! As for bringing in new blood, I'd say that if they've kept you entertained for a year, it's probably OK. I know how you feel though. Gotta keep things interesting!!
from pixie0323 :
Thanks! I'm so excited about it. Good luck with the Bernice situation! :)
from bubaloo :
Good! Take the rain and keep it. When it's raining, I can barely keep my eyes open. It's been like that the last couple of days. Interesting situation you got going on over there, to say the least. Which I'm trying to do.
from pixie0323 :
Thanks. I tried that and I saw that there was a little light gray check in the "archives" thing on that page, and it couldn't be changed, so I think maybe it's just not wired for d-land archives. They're all still there, so I'm sure when I change templates (as I inevitably will) everything will be back to normal. I did what the Help section said as well about taking out the date and time and such, but that made it worse so the page wouldn't even load. Damned technology!
from pixie0323 :
Don't feel inadequate compared to those girls. They were stupid bitchy women. You are not. You are cool and wonderful. El Toro is lucky to have you. Do what you feel is right for you. I think I know how you're feeling about him right now. The last year I was with the ex, I didn't like him. I was attached to him in a sick way. I didn't want to sleep with him, I didn't want to kiss him. I didn't want to have anything to do with me in that way, but occasionally I would give in. I just wanted someone to be there for me. Even when I was so angry that I thought I would die, I couldn't pull myself away from him. Don't let it get to that point with Rob. So maybe it's good that you're going to talk. Demand honesty on his part, and on your part. Don't lie to yourself. Remember that YOU come first and that you have to take care of yourself.
from pixie0323 :
You know -- I just don't understand men. Not at all. I think that if I were in your shoes, I would totally fall for FB. I would go to his Halloween party and perhaps have "a little too much to drink" as an excuse to flirt a little. I don't know what that means. In one way I want to tell you to give him a chance, and in another I want to advise you to run for the hills. I know you said that you didn't really want the advice, so I hope I'm not annoying you with this. I'm just saying that I'm right there with you. Why do infatuation and love feel so damned good? It's like no matter how hard we try, we can't stop it. And how are things with El Toro going? Are they better? Are you considering going to FB's Halloween party? I kind of wish that I could be in your shoes because it seems like you have a lot of excitement going on.
from pixie0323 :
Oh no! What will we do without frequent lissa entries? You're going to have to update every night! promise to update every night! I know . . . I think my password is annoying too, but I think that sometimes it's better to protect whoever might see this thing. Which is stupid because everything I say about them is true, but still. Perhaps when I move away and I don't have people constantly wanting to use my laptop.
from pixie0323 :
Oh yeah, Thailand is definitely on the list. I'm trying to figure out the best way to go about it. There is lots of children's sex slavery/sex work going on, and that's an interesting (albeit disgusting) topic, but I was really thinking of the fact that American businessmen and British businessmen go to Thailand and Cambodia on sex vacations. I find all of this so interesting. I'm going to go into the traffic principles of it all too. There's a big sex trade in Eastern Europe as well, with a lot of child prostitution, in which parents sell their children into it or are in some cases their pimps. It's really interesting. I think these people that go on those trips to have sex with people who can't afford NOT to sell themselves into prostitution need to just be sterilized. Or euthanized, whichever I feel like on that particular day. Maybe sterilization (of the ball-chopping-off, not vasectomy, variety) and then euthanasia. Let them suffer a little bit. Oh, and I totally agree with you about how much it sickens me when guys say that they're "into Asians." What is wrong with these people? This is why I'm writing the paper. I'm hoping that she'll let me present it to the class because I want everyone in there to know what's really going on and how sick it is, yet how prevalent it is. This is something that I might consider doing as a thesis if I ever go to grad school for something related. How cool would that be to interview the sex workers and the johns? Of course it would be hard to resist giving the johns a nice machine-gunning in the nuts, but what can you do? Ok, sorry to take up your notes page with all the ball-squashing talk! :)
from bubaloo :
No doubt. You guys are all sweet to me cuz you don't know what a real jackass I can be. Or maybe you do and like me in spite of it.
from bubaloo :
I'm with you Mel. Let's go take a nap somewhere.
from pixie0323 :
I know! It's like if you even MENTION something remotely related to children, guys freak! Just saying "What a cute kid" or "I want to have kids" does not mean "I want you to lay me down so we can procreate immediately." I love that you call him fucktard. I just think that's hilarious!
from bubaloo :
Yeah, why can't kids be kids! I don't mean attacking other people or bothering them. But if they want to stare and laugh at other people in a restaurant what's the big deal? Kick him twice in the nuts. Awww, now I'm envisioning soft core Pixelie in her victorias secret outfit. Sigh. I'm happy once again.
from pixie0323 :
Yes, I was thinking today that I need the new Victoria's Secret catalogue. I shouldn't even look at catalogues because I ALWAYS end up ordering something that I "need!"
from pixie0323 :
How did lunch with your boss go?
from bubaloo :
Oh yeah, and excellent poem. My favorite.
from bubaloo :
LMAO, Yeah, screw her!!!
from bubaloo :
well, I think that it's pretty lame that he would say that you are better off with anyone besides himself? What the hell does that mean? Is he now shooting for sympathy from you? "aw ya, I suck. You could have been much happier with one of those guys." That's lame. And it's a cop out. He needs to grow a sac. I mean, he sounds alright most of the time, but that's just childish. Speaking as a truly childish person myself, of course.
from pixie0323 :
"Fucktard" -- excellent word. Yes, I'm going to go with Bub on this one. It was uncalled for. And why all the jealousy on his part? It's almost like he's trying to pick a fight with you, trying to get you to admit to something so he can be the more admirable one in the relationship. What is up with that?!
from bubaloo :
No, you are much more like a heroic salmon, swimming upstream. LMAO Whatever the hell that means. It was the first thing that came to mind. Fishing. That's funny. I thought the same thing about my return email to Jessie. WHY in the world did I EVER use her name. Stupid jinx...
from bubaloo :
God, I haven't commented in ages. I've just not been feeling that well. OOOOH! San Diego! I love that place. Well, not today. Today, it's rainy and yucky outside. I guess I should like the change in weather but I don't. Oh yeah, El Torita's comment on FB was uncalled for. There's my two cents...
from vocalfern :
aww thanks baby <3
from pixie0323 :
Yeah, it's a little to Jerry Springer for me. Except that instead of sharing a pull-out couch in his double wide, we'd be waking up in Egyptian cotton sheets and probably being cooked breakfast by a chef. I'm not kidding here. Really, I'm not. Yeah, I think it's just one of those really stupid things that I do to myself. And you know, a guy like him will come along for me. Your entry about STDs and all of that was right on. I wouldn't change my decision to have sex before marriage, but I sure as hell would have been a little more choosy. I'm just lucky that I didn't end up with any of those awful things and that I've learned my lesson. I'm glad that you've made that decision too, but without having to go through the same kind of thing. I know reliving the past sucks, especially when it comes to thoughts of CS, but just think what you're gaining by learning from that past.
from pixie0323 :
You can't stop thinking about him because it's just so exciting to think of him. I've never even seen him, but just your description of him is enough! The guy is dead sexy. And you know that you wouldn't REALLY want to be with him, he's more of a fantasy that just shows up at places you don't want to see him at. Even though he seems like a bit of a jerk, and that he's probably a little too confident, he's pretty. And he was put here on earth for you to look at. So don't fret about it!
from pixie0323 :
Awww! You're my favorite favorite too! (And I still think we were parted at birth!)
from pixie0323 :
Oh, Nathan and Ben are two of my favorites. If I have a little boy I want to name him Davis and call him Davy when he's little. Ok, I shouldn't be thinking about these things. I'm sorry to torture you, but think positive thoughts that I actually get to be with Seattle Boy, (like you always do!) and then when I do I promise I'll put his real (cute!) name down! I think it was Bub's crazy notion that got me thinking I shouldn't name anyone. (Bub!) I just modified it with my own crazy notions!
from pixie0323 :
Yay!!!! I'd made a mental note to ask you about it today, but now I don't have to! I'm so happy for you!
from bubaloo :
Oh Lissa, that is so rad! Congrats on the job. Ha! And you thought it went so bad. You rock!
from lulublu :
oh, honey. I just got caught up.... I'm hugging you from here. All I can say is that I think you're amazing(and you should to), and those who don't can fuck themselves.
from pixie0323 :
Yes, the box will open when it's time. As for Saved, it sounds like you had about the same reaction that I did. It's like if they'd just gathered all the one liners and good parts they could have made the best 30 minute movie in history. I love Randall too, just because he's such a smart ass. Oh, and don't obsess over someone half a country away -- it's pleasant but it's also pure torture.
from bubaloo :
Goddammit Mel! You and I are fucked up in so much the same way that I really feel sorry for you. I mean I empathize with the feelings, but I feel bad because you are way too young to have to live your life like that. People like us are never going to have healthy relationships because we don't believe that anyone in their right minds would find us remotely appealing. They are fucking with us until something better comes along. I think Pixie has the right idea. Find someone on the other side of the country that can't possibly hurt us and obsess (how do you spell that?) on them. I'm not saying that in a bad way. I'm serious. Much less real life conflict that way. #1 was a lot like that. Safe. I'm writing a novel.
from pixie0323 :
Open the box Liss. Open it. Seriously. But a word of advice . . . be READY to keep it open. Be ready to keep it open until you can take every bit of anything out and kick it and burn it and smash it. It took me so long to open that box. And opening that box will lead to other boxes. Eventually, you will do it. You will do it when you least expect it. You'll wake up in the middle of the night and think "Now's the time. Let's do it." And at that point you will be ready. You deserve to forgive yourself. But that's an ongoing process too. I have to forgive myself every day. But it feels good. I no longer feel dirty and shameful, like no one would want me. And you'll get to that point. It's going to get better before it gets worse. Like you have to scrape all the icky stuff out and let it heal and THEN replace it and regrow it with good stuff. (Ok, that was a decidedly gross metaphor.) You can and you will do it when the time is right and when you're in the right place to do it. And you have support. You have a place to vent. You can write 12,000 entries a day if you need to. When the time is right, just do it and don't look back again.
from pixie0323 :
I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. It's the most horrible feeling in the world to be unsure of your love for someone or someone's love for you. I'm not even sure what to say to you, except that I'm totally relating and this will pass. Be confident in yourself and in your part of the relationship. You can't control his reactions or actions in the relationship, but you can control your own. Make sure that you get what you deserve and that you're feeling loved and appreciated. You're wonderful Liss!
from pixie0323 :
Oh, and we're going to be having such copious amounts of sex that birthcontrol will be no match!
from pixie0323 :
Yes, one would be ok, but I have this picture of us in our pretty townhome and two little kids with blond ringlets in his arms. Real life is a little different. Awww . . . maybe you'll get Cooper back one day when you have more room. Or you could have a man pet. I think I'd rather have a man pet than a dog. Ok, that sounds weird, but you know what I mean! Man before anything else. A nice, comfy man.
from pixie0323 :
I'm thinking two kids. And a puppy. The puppy will come first when we've been married about a year. I don't think my descriptions of him do him justice, because he is just about the cutest thing on earth. He's artsy, but not too much. He's athletic, but not too much. It's a strange but delightful combination.
from bubaloo :
Hmmm, definitely not as bad. More of an it's over aching than a "I can't believe she dissapeared" crushing feeling. I wasn't caught off guard this time.
from pixie0323 :
I think it's perfectly normal for you to hate the fact that he took hoe bag up there. And it's also perfectly alright to call her hoe bag. There has to be one in everyone's arsenal. Anyways, hope you get the cabin. You guys can make your own experience and it seems like you're both more suited to one another than any of your past relationships. You challenge him, it seems, and he manages to push your buttons. So, check out the vortex, let me know how it is!
from pixie0323 :
oops. sedona not sodona. damned notes page.
from pixie0323 :
Ooooh, that sounds like fun. Nice relaxing fun. One of my friends is into the New Agey stuff and he went out to Sodona. Evidently it's one of the hot spots for energy and some sort of energy vortex. I don't know how to explain it. I don't know if I'd go there for that, but it seems like a cool place to go and learn about and looks so peaceful!
from pixie0323 :
Oh, I hate that crap too! Don't they understand that it's hard enough to actually force yourself to make that appointment, and that you only want to be there once a year for the smallest amout of time possible? And then they're so reluctant to change or to really help when you need anything. Bastards sums it up nicely.
from pixie0323 :
I'm going to THE bookstore. You know. J's bookstore of course. I will never buy books anywhere else while I live here. Oh, he should have been my "I fell in love with you" guy. Too bad. It's too late now because he probably already thinks I'm a stalker. Although I haven't seen him in a while. Perhaps I'll go tomorrow. In a skirt. Yes. Oh, how I wish that I'd actually be able to approach him for some intelligent reason.
from pixie0323 :
It's a deal!
from pixie0323 :
I don't think my friend is plotting against Iowa. I think he just feels crappy that he was the one that really introduced us and kept up the bond between us until we started talking on our own. And the journal isn't really meant to be private. My friend found out about it because Iowa had linked the address for his LJ to his AOL profile. So I don't think he'll know that I'm reading it. If it really did happen to be a private thing, I probably would have enough self control to avoid it because I wouldn't want him to do that to me. I doubt if he'll even keep this up, but for right now it provides me with copious amounts of things to make me realize how ignorant and simple he is.
from pixie0323 :
Wouldn't it be so great if you could just say what you really felt? None of the games or anything. It would be nice to be able to run up to a person on the street and just say "I love you. I fell in love with you as you walked by." Because sometimes I swear that happens. It's too bad that real life can't be more like the movies. Sometimes it's hard to seperate them. Drama is just more fun! I think you don't have to worry though because you are original and nice and fun and wonderful in your own way. And you do say a lot of what you mean, which is more than most of us can.
from bubaloo :
What if you only create a few ripples? You know, people like me and pix and lulublu that really love your writing. That wouldn't be so bad. You move me, just to let ya know. Thanks.
from pixie0323 :
Oh, we hate Guy #4. Maybe you should write an entry entitled "Sit and Spin, Guy #4" (you know, since Iowa won't really work!) I think I overreacted a little about the LSAT thing. I highly doubt that it will blow my score that badly. If I thought that, I'd go ahead and cancel it. But I do have another chance to retake it, if it does turn out to be horrid. Some schools average scores and some are nice and take your highest. Let's hope I don't even have to find out about that though! Good luck getting in touch with the ING people over the next few days. I have a good feeling about this!
from luvabeans :
thank you, miss lissa, for adding me to your favorites.
from pixie0323 :
I do wish, however, that I could put myself on his level for a few seconds, because it would feel awfully good to put an anonymous comment on his LJ that says something along the lines of "How 'bout a big steaming cup of Go Fuck Yourself?" or "Sit and Spin, Iowa." If only it would do some good. Alas, I think my rude but humorous comments would be wasted on him. I shouldn't really be angry with him. He's just one of the multitudes of frat-boy types that I've picked to do this with. He's just the most recent and probably the epitomy of frat-boy ideals, so it just pisses me off the most. Oh, here I go, writing an entry on your notes page. Sorry, but I just connected the pattern. :)
from pixie0323 :
Lissa~ I can't thank you enough for your last note. You truly GET me and that means so much. I know that a lot of the things that I'm going through may seem really weird to some people, but I always feel like you understand because you're so open to it. You're totally right in that Iowa doesn't deserve even my respect or my time. I just wish it didn't hurt so much. Thank you so much for your support because it really helps to know that you understand me and where I'm coming from. Ok, now I'm sounding like a freak! Hope you do really well tomorrow morning!
from pixie0323 :
Good luck at ING tomorrow morning!
from bubaloo :
Hmm, now that I've gotten the high sign to comment, I have nothing to say. I WISH I had a girl that was like that. When did El Toro turn into El Timid? What's really funny is that he doesn't even have a name anymore. What exactly does THAT infer?
from bubaloo :
rhetorical questions? rhetorical questions? That's not fair. How am I supposed to have a running commentary on your life if you are asking rhetorical questions? Please delete that last line so that I may answer. PLEASE!!! LOL
from pixie0323 :
Oh lord. No pun intended. I hope your interview went well today, but I really hope you get the job at ING. Oh -- I watched Amelie because I could do nothing but think about wanting to see it after you mentioned it, and I LOVED it!
from bubaloo :
Oh, I like my new comment. Much better than that OTHER one.
from bubaloo :
I love that song too. I heard it on the radio today and it just went right through me. Yes, fall is here and I'm anti-love. or pro heartbreak. Sigh.....
from pixie0323 :
I haven't seen City of God or the other one (that you shall not speak of!). Ok, so I've got to put Amelie on my list. Definitely see Saved! Good luck with your cramming for the job interview! You'll do great.
from pixie0323 :
yay! i'm so happy that you go an interview! no, i haven't seen Amelie, but I've been meaning to FOREVER, but just haven't for some reason. It looks really good.
from pixie0323 :
Can you maybe take off an hour early this afternoon and call her back then? No, I don't think my parents are insane. Just overly controlling. It's ridiculous really. I'm sure you understand.
from bubaloo :
lissa, it's not just women. I'm the same way, obviously.
from lulublu :
A sprinkling of stars, and an outpour of anger....all in all, two thumbs up.
from pixie0323 :
I love, love, love the new template!
from pixie0323 :
No, never did meet up with 8th grade bf. I talked to him on the phone once for quite a little while, and we made tentative dinner plans, but it never panned out. I think he was too scared to call me. Just the same as when I chased him down in 8th grade. Maybe some things are better left in the past. As for Graham (valedictorian), he goes to school in S.C., so he's not around very much. He has my number and we'd planned to get together over the holidays. So, we'll see about that one. I totally agree with you, and I'm not going to break the 5 date rule unless I'm SURE that it's really something. And that's not just an excuse. I want to torture that poor guy (but, there will be QUITE a reward for waiting! Tee-hee!;)
from bubaloo :
As far as #29 goes. It's me. I want you to be here. Also, I'm not trying to validate you in any way, cuz you don't need none. You are a rock. You are an island. Great list!
from pixie0323 :
Thanks for passing on the message from lulu. I like your list. I liked the thing about how your mother threw away all the Disney movies because once in 9th grade, my teacher told me that Satan lived in the television.
from lulublu :
I think we should be best friends. lol. Ahh, the joy of acronyms....Can you do me a favor and tell miss pix that my password doesn't work, and that makes me sad.
from bubaloo :
Here's an acronym for ya, LMFAO! I want mangos huh? Hmmmmmm, interesting.... Oh, and I loved your prior entry. You are hard-core...
from pixie0323 :
I keep going into Best Buy and bugging the guys by asking them for the soundtrack but evidently everyone else here wants it too. I think I'm going to just go ahead and order it off of amazon. It was so great! Oh lord, bub is going to crack up when he reads your last entry. I especially liked the SYFCHMF (i think that's it!). I'm so glad that you're going to get to go back to school. Are you going to go ahead with the city planning, or do lit.?
from vocalfern :
no baby i dont have your password to get inside.... ive missed reading you!! xoxo bee
from kelsi :
Hey, thanks for adding me. I love Stephen Crane. I was just reading some of his other poems... they're so great. :)
from pixie0323 :
oh god. i loved Garden state too. i'm buying it as soon as it comes out so i can just bask in it.
from bubaloo :
Start talking about porn, and all of a suden all of your notes are gone. See how you are? As far as the loving him so much or fixating, probably a little of both. At least he's not pregnant.
from lulublu :
How are you my darling girl?

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