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If you want to hang out with him,then you should just do so,I would. If you wanna hang out with him badly,then just throw yourself at him...I don�t see what you got to lose...? I wouldn�t let him have a say in this at all. I think you�re not free if you let him have the control. For me this thing is clearer:I only listen to myself,I ask myself:do I want to hang out-and then I call there,just as long as I get a date. And for me,my experience is that:the more I truly want to hang out,the more likely it is the other one says yes right away. If I don�t actually want to,and try anyway,that�s when the other one is like:meh. But,yeah.I guess your role is the one of the prey anyway,and I don�t know that role. If you want someone to kiss you as a girl,then what do you do? I don�t know. I guess you have to come out with that,admit that you want that,show that you want to be kissed. I don�t know.I would continue sending emails-if you really want him. The only thing that can happen is that you don�t get what you want-and you have higher chances when trying as when not trying at all,so,you don�t have anything to lose. Why should you stop trying. I mean,if you do have a friendship it�s normal to call and to insist on spending time together-well,anyway,he can�t really do anything against that,you know? Maybe he�s lethargic,but maybe that�s just cause he is lethargic. I actually don�t like this at all that you leave him a choice in this,that you give him the control and the power here. Somehow I don�t like this at all,it doesn�t seem tasty to me,uhm,it seems disgusting to me. I think it�s sick when you let him have a say in this. Sorry,but I think that�s really very wrong and shouldn�t be done this way. I think that�s a flaw. Of you,you really shouldn�t let him get into your head like this,or what it is you�re doing. My advice always is:find out what you want and then do that,work on that,go there.Try every day more to do that. So here thefirst step would be:what do you want exactly. Cause,I�m not getting it. You just want to hang out? Or do you want him to act a certain way,too? Well,both times I would give you the advice to continue both things,I mean,what I know for sure is that it won�t make you happy for sure if you stop wishing,if you deny and bury your wishes. I�m also not seeing your reason,you know,why you say you should stop calling him and chasing him and stuff. Like,you don�t sound hurt or whatever-I mean,Phil does sound a bit clueless maybe,but it�s not like he looks down on you,or whatever,right? I mean,I would advise you to stop chasing him if he was a BAD GUY,you know,someone who treats you bad,and,I mean,if he would hurt you and say stop calling,what is this crap,you know,then I would say stop calling,if he had hurt you. If he would be mean to you,then stop calling. But there is no danger;he just seems listless,and not with his feet on the earth or something. Maybe he�s unpassionate. But,uhm,well,I think there is a reason to stop calling him when he HURTS you,when he is mean. Then I would say stop,but,until now there is no indication for this,right? Maybe he is just a lethargic person. You know. Like I am,too,I guess. So don�t give up!! He didn�t even say he doesn�t like you calling.

from finjamartens :

You�re a weird pretzel! A weird gummibear.

from finjamartens :

Great,now I forgot to sign it again. I guess I meant:clothes that go well together,Finja.

from finjamartens :

Hey,when you are RED,I mean,do I imagine this like a t-shirt? Then maybe he could be blue or white and then it fits very well,like some clothes go well together?!

from finjamartens :

Oh,I�m always sucking up your entries and am like:I want more!!! You know,and don�t write a note.

from finjamartens :

Yesterday,Or,Uh,Right,Did I C Kurt. Oh,I meant,Kurt Cobain,in my dreams. You think that doesn�t have to do with anythign you�ve said? Hey,back off,I don�t handle critizism very well.

from finjamartens :

Hey,put that was pretty smart already,when you wondered at the end of the entry:I�m bummed that I always think it�s the other one�s loss-but what about me!! You know-that you picked up that thought,that it�s about you,too,in relationshipships,you know! Relationshipships. You know what I mean. You know,that you get a relationship to have more fun,you know,and not just to work off some energy or whatever! You got a pretty big clue there at the end already! That was so sweet,you know! It�s like your little self is like shining through,you know,peeking through and saying:yeah,wait a minute,what about the stuff that I want!? That was so cute!

from finjamartens :

Oh,uhm.I have control over you ONLY because I fully want you,physically,like:my body wants you. Like chemistry wise,right? I know that,because,I had friendships before where I didn�t want them physically. (Well,maybe we should define that better,cause usually that just means sex,right? So,physically:actually I liked you physically first. Intellectually I thought that you might have the potential and be into everything I am into,and understand what I like to talk about and stuff. So,it was more that I looked at you and and wanted to be your friend because of that! Because of what you look like and how you walk and talk,you know! I mean,like,you can�t look at that ONLY,so of course I also wanted to know if you�re a sane person or whatever,I mean,you don�t want to meet a dangerous person or whatever,that would not be safe. You seem to be thinking I would rather be friends with your mind than your body,well,or,you know,rather with your intellect that your body,but,uhm,no,no! I�d rather be close to you physically,room-wise,space-wise,rather than getting along,or agreeing or whatever intellectually. I would rather be close to you space wise and not be friends(from your part),rather than be friends and not be close space-wise. I would rather have your body than your love! Rather your body,meaning you live with me at some place and are around me all the time or something-rather than have you love me. I want your body,not your heart. You can keep your heart aswell. So,I had this concept before,I was living,feeling like this before,I have been doing it like htis before-but it didn�t work because I did not like those persons physically the same way I love you. And that is why I had no control over them. It�s the same principle like this:when you really want something,then you will use your full body to get it. For example,if you want a chicken from the chicken-stand,and you have no money. If you really want it,you will be able to turn on all your charm,100%,right? But try to get something you don�t really want,like fish. If you think fish is disgusting. Then you won�t be able to tell yourself to use 100% of what you got. I have only control over you because I am true,because it IS real,you know,because I do have the goal in mind that you come here. Otherwise it would not work,you can�t fake this. You also can�t change your wishes,you know. Everyone has the wishes they have,they are the truth,you know,and you can�t go around them! So-well,I think Phil is playing you when he says he doesn�t want you physically,that�s a joke. Just play cool,just act like you don�t mind him not wanting you. Either he comes to you on his own motivation,or he won�t,I mean,if you try to seduce him and then he comes-then you still don�t know if he really wants to come on his own motivation or not. I think he�s playing you,maybe he thinks you�re an attention-whore or something who really needs his attention,so that�s why he thinks he doesn�t have to contribute anything,cause he thinks he can have you that cheaply,you know,by giving you some part of him. Just wait and see what happens-I mean,there�s nothing you can do to make it speed up anyway. You told him already you liked him. Just don�t interact with him for a time at all-then you can clearly see what he is doing,if he is taking part in the relationship or not. I mean,if he wants you,just not physically,well,then you can also look at if you like that,you know,I mean:then it is like oyu tow are girl friends-no sex. Right? Yeah,well,then you might aswell judge him on that:is he a good girl friend,how does he behave there,does he call-do you get anythign out of him,any valueable input or hope or anything? It�s not only his call,right? I don�t even know what he means:doesn�t like you physically. It does sound a little like Phil just don�t wanna commit-but still wants your love! Doesn�t it? I think he will never love you! He is just playing pranks on you! I mean,just don�t put all your hopes on one him,I mean,he tells you he wants to look at others....then what does he want from you? Apparently you two have some kind of relationship. Then I advise you to do nothing for a week,and then look at his actions. Does he call you,wants to hang out on his own behalf? Does he initiate anything? Still,if he wants to be just girlfriends-then you still shouldn�t allow him to treat you like dirt or something! Actually I think Phil is just some parasite who doesn�t want to pay. But,well,it�s your decision of course:Either you will see some day soom that this kind of relationship sucks and gonna throw him out of your life....well,or it�s enough fun so you will hang on to it... I don�t know. Just look at the fun-bill,you know,att he end of the day:was this meeting with Phil fun or not? And if it wasn�t enough fun,well,then just open your heart to better possibilities,whatever friendships and realtionships they may be!

from finjamartens :

Ooh,I really love this diary. So orderly,with the flowers and the blue,andw e know I like big letters,uhm. It�s clear and structured or something,this is one of my favorites.

from finjamartens :

There IS a vacancy to fill though.

from finjamartens :

Phil says you didn�t sweep him off his feet? Huh! Then why did he approach you in the first place? Then what made him do?

from finjamartens :

God,you�re so sexy! Uhm,back to topic,uhm,hey! Isn�t it weird how cats place their feets so accuratly on top of each other? That always strikes me as odd when I see that. Like,exactly knuckle on top of knuckle-and then they leave it that way and sleep. Haha! Yours looks like a little thinker,too,doesn�t he?

from finjamartens :

Hey,love this diary. Hey,with the does-he-wanna-see-me-in-public problem:you have to watch if he approaches YOU. If you don�t do anything,don�t go out of your way,and he still approaches you,then he�s really into you. Well,and if he doesn�t wanna be seen with you in public,dump him!!! I promise you,I believe there�s the right person for everyone. I think it�s mean when someone like you in private but not in public,totally mean is that! I would like you in public.

from sinnergi :

clicked on your profile...where in colorado are you from? i'm from loveland (well, going to school in kansas now)!

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