messages to mariastuart:
(click here to add new message):

from saudades :
I love and miss you and your blog, Anna! Just thought I'd add something bright to your day. <3<3
from saudades :
That is what I want to say sometimes to people. But in the internet there are so many things going on, it makes me dizzy, and in some cases some diaries are entertainment fiction. :) I wish you who are real would still be writing, but I know life changes so. I send you a big hug!
from saudades :
Oh, Anna. I know what you mean, it is just terrible. Tons of non-flu hugs to you always. <3
from saudades :
My dear Anna, I am heartbroken about your entry. But the best thing to do is to try to stay as calm as it is possible for you right now, because that will GUARANTEE the best outcome. In cases like this, it is very hard to stay calm, but I wish I'd done that in the past in situations. Call the people who have loved you all your life, your friends, and mom, and they will help you see things better. DON'T contact the person in question. I know it is almost impossible to do so, but this is what works. Ought to think strategically especially now. But the good thing is that you are not alone.Don't forget all your friends love you! I love you tons and I'm here for you 24/7, e-mail or chat. You're too beautiful to even think about not being kind to yourself. And one or two glasses of wine, cigarettes, or music usually help. But NOOOO excess. Let it all out in private and then think strategically. Love you tons, Anna. ((bear hug))
from saudades :
I miss you! DL is not the same without you.
from saudades :
That's wonderful! It's wonderful that you are feeling happy. :) I like the way you describe it.
from fifidellabon :
Well, you are right honesty is important. Sometimes I close my mouth and act as if I see nothing. But sometimes I too, don't muffle my style. Sometimes I get so frustrated by negativity, nastiness, rudeness, and I just snap out what I feel at the time. This person, and you assume that I don't know them, may have many good qualities. Unfortunately they don't shine forth as easily. Still, people will be what they will, and we cannot change them. True, I misjudge people from time to time based on their actions, our interactions etc. The difference with me is that I readily admit when I am wrong,and I sincerely apologise when I offend. And I truly love my fellow people. XOFifi
from girle :
thank you for your advice about smiling at people. i'm sure they're not even staring but I am just paranoid. it's a good idea to smile back!
from enfinblue :
YOu've taught me a good lesson about not snapping to judgments!
from enfinblue :
Oh that's wonderful!! I'm sorry if I've misjudged her. It's just seemed so up and down with the things that she's been doing and then the asking for donations from people online thing. It didn't make sense to me. It's great that you had a good time and made a new friend. By the way, you look gorgeous in the picture!!
from saudades :
Anna, that's brilliant. Thank you. I am going to sit down and think about that. :)
from saudades :
: D Excellent, ex-celleeent! There's no better way to get back at life than with a big set of parties! Live it up, Anna! :)
from fifidellabon :
Oooohhhh! Squeal!!! How much fun!!! You have to tell us EVERYTHING!!! How lucky! I was going to meet her (Gen) in NY but I got sick so I couldn't but it turned out that she did as well! Take pictures! OOOOHHH you LUCKY girl!!! Plus the beer and Belgian fries sound delicious. I wish some times to be back in Belgium. XOFifi
from saudades :
Thanks, my friend. I know what you mean about the complexity of these parts of our lives. But we are more than our feelings, and I know both you and I are going to work it out. You're a beautiful and strong person who inspires me to keep my chin up. :) In recent years, I haven't had that "fighting" mentality, but I am considering toughening up a bit to survive in this crazy world, � la Mary Tyler Moore. Truth is I never watched that show, but I like the opening song :) I'm rather cheesy.
from enfinblue :
Dear Anna, That sounds like a GREAT Christmas. I will check out the pizza and the stamps in St. Peters. :) Thanks! Take care and enjoy the holiday!!
from saudades :
Dear Anna! Merry Christmas!!! I am having a wonderful Christmas, and I'm glad you are too. You're so right, we are very lucky.... Many hugs! That description of your evening was lovely. I can just picture it. Feliz Navidad! Xoxoxo!
from enfinblue :
AHHHH THE CELLO!!! BEAUTIFUL. I love that piece. Thanks again for the weather advice today. :) I can't say that I like boxing...but it sounds interesting. Did he win his match?
from saudades :
Thanks, Anna! <3
from enfinblue :
PS I loved your advice about Marco. Today I was even thinking that I might say something to him about it. Either way, I think I need to tell him directly what I want and give him the choice. Thank you. :) Too bad I just can't stand naked in front of him. :) Just kidding!
from enfinblue :
I would love to meet up with you in Paris. It would be so much fun!! Believe it or not, I am sort of thinking of passing through Paris in the spring. If I can take three weeks off work I may pass through Paris for 4-7 days and then on to Florence. It seems like a fun idea to me. I might even end up just coming to Paris. The alternative would be in the fall, e.g. October and November. We will have to stay in touch! :) I'm glad that you had a nice day with your mom.
from saudades :
Ooh, YAY! : D I am so happy you had a wonderful time, and I am looking forward to seeing those pics on FB! Love, -A.
from enfinblue :
Oh that's WONDERFUL! I'm glad you had such a good time. Honestly, I chickened out on the Paris thing. I just wasn't sure if he had written to me that he was in Paris for that long because he doesn't want to see me (I don't think so, but you just never know). I guess sort of my pride kept me from asking him, etc. I have to let go, I'm afraid. :( But thanks for the advice - I think it is generally very good advice!
from saudades :
Oh, I meant to say this earlier, but I hope you're having a fabulous time in the City of Lights! :) Kisses!
from enfinblue :
Thanks! I always enjoy your music links, too. I'm still working out to D@ft Punk! :) I haven't checked out Twitt3r yet but I'm going to. :)
from enfinblue :
:) I think that this is their most famous song (The Stars): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2yJSFHTrgM&feature=related
from enfinblue :
It's true. The news is very sad. :( You know, I am so old and out of things that I do not even know what Tw!tter is. I was at a concert last night and I thought of you. You probably haven't heard of them but they're a Montreal band called "The Stars."
from enfinblue :
Ha ha! Will you be my stylist??? I like the idea of blue boots. What a nice compliment to get!
from enfinblue :
Anna, that sounds good! Why is there no future for you two -I don't understand. It sounds like you just need to take it slowly and build up a relationship with each other. But otherwise, it sounds wonderful!!
from saudades :
That is so good! It reminds me of that upbeat song that goes like What a night! I think there's a French version called Ces soir�3s-l�. I'm so cheesy.
from enfinblue :
Anna, You're totally welcome to comment. I completely agree with you. I think I have to cut it off as well. It is time to move on. :) Sounds like you are doing very well!!!
from saudades :
Oh, I loved the Tristan und Isolde link! Very beautiful and sad, perfect for the mood and it helps me with my paper. :) I fit under the melancholic description for sure!
from saudades :
Anna, you are such a sweet friend. Thank you for your lovely note. It cheers me up so much to have friends like you. I know so well what you mean about the internet factor, though. I wish I could meet you too. If we had ended up in the same city that would have been super to hang out with you. :) When you're visiting New York, though, it is maybe not impossible that I could see you. I understand you only have so much time, though. And there is so much to do and see in New York, it will be lovely no matter what. I hope one day I get to meet you, though. Though I think that may sound funny. But you are one of my friends! OK, now I am rambling too. ;) xoxo
from enfinblue :
It's true! It's difficult to make decisions. Well I totally understand if you are too busy in NY to meet people. When I went to NY last year I had to turn down people as well, because I just didn't have the time to do everything! No worries - I'll meet you in Europe one year. I do wish I were going to be in Paris in early December though. But Christmas will have to do. :)
from enfinblue :
PPS Sorry for the third note...but if you're in NYC at a time that I can come, I'll visit you in NY! I live only 700 km from NYC! Unfortunately though I am planning to be in Florence for a course in April (but the dates are not 100% certain - probably April 9-April 30).
from enfinblue :
PS Hopefully I'll get a job in Paris and then I'll come and visit you in BE. :)
from enfinblue :
Anna! I'm so disappointed. I wish I could meet you in Paris. Unfortunately, the only reason that I could go at Christmas is that we sort of get a "free" week of vacation between Christmas and New Year's. Otherwise, I don't have much vacation time left over. If I could come twice...It would be SOOO much fun to hang out with you!
from saudades :
:)
from saudades :
I've only been there once, but New York is great. I hope you have so much fun!! My favorite American city is Washington, D.C., though, for some strange reason. Nothing to do with the political scene; rather I like the town itself. Probably only because I've spent more time there. But anyway, I will think of something original that I did in New York if I can to suggest something. I'm terrible with maps. I would have gotten lost as many times as it is possible, if it weren't for the then-bf. With only two days and little money, things got complicated, I just walked around a lot. Winter is just fantastic in New York. The best time for fashion, in my opinion. P.S. -- I sent you the password, I hope you got it. If not, let me know.
from crestone :
Oh la la! I bet it would be interesting to compare the two systems. Americans seems to think that more work is always better. The Europeans seem to have a healthier way of approaching things...As far as law school is concerned, I'm sure that both produce great lawyers!
from enfinblue :
AM: I'm so sorry but I keep on forgetting to write to you. My head has been a bit disorganized because I have been so tired! Thanks for your helpful notes lately. I really appreciate them. I'm glad that things are going better for you at work these days. And, as always, don't worry about the boys. You're great. Everything will work out in the end. I'm sorry about the girl who died though. A girl I knew died a couple of years ago in September. She was only 25. I always think about that. Well, let's live and enjoy!!
from fifidellabon :
Oh, I was so meant to write to you earlier! First off, I am so sorry about your mother and grandmother. I do hope that they will become better. As for the job---yes, that has happened to me something similar, but not the same thing, only just two years ago. It is why I got IBS. But now I think that I am better, so time will make you feel better. As for the one who stabbed me, he was forced out less than a year later. Bah to him! Boys? Crazy, that is what they are. This one will or will not work out, but I hope you get the best of it. XOFifi
from enfinblue :
AnnaMaria I'm so sorry! I'm sorry especially about your grandmother and your mother. Don't worry about the boy - if he's not the right one he is not the right one. I'm going through the same thinking about M. You can't control things like that in life, even though it is sad to realize that. As for the job...that is horrible. I am sorry. It sounds like my job. We will both be fine though. Thinking of you. I'll have a drink for you myself. And both of us should take a big break.
from saudades :
I'm sorry about the health problems with your grandma and mom, and that things overall are not going so well. :( Even though life seems to be a constant striving for balance, maybe a little light will soon come through. I send you a lot of positive thoughts, hang in there. Hugs!!
from enfinblue :
Thanks! I will try. It is difficult that it had to be so short, but I will live on the memory for a long time. :)
from fifidellabon :
Well, you keep living real life, and we'll all be here if you need us. XOFifi
from enfinblue :
AM I am so glad that things are going well!! :) Also, I forgot to thank you for your note. I am glad that the things that I write confirm things for you. :)
from fifidellabon :
I totally miss you! XOFifi
from fifidellabon :
I knew it! I KNEW there was something good in the air over in MariaStuartLand! Wishing you the best of everything! XOFifi
from enfinblue :
Thanks a LOT! It was very kind of you to think of me and to stop by. I will have LOTS of fun (hopefully). I'm happy to hear about the air... :)
from enfinblue :
I think he MUST be thinking of me, at least this week. He actually wrote to me AGAIN today. :) How are things going for you? Are you feeling better?
from enfinblue :
I forgot to tell you - I love the new pictures on top! Don't worry about the quiz - it's just a joke. Honestly, I think it's good not to NEED a boyfriend; wanting one, however, is totally fine. Hope you feel much better today and glad that you enjoyed the zoo!! :)
from fifidellabon :
Look at that---I leave the country and look at all of the fun you are into. Pee Ess The pacemaker situation, althoguh not fun, will improve your mother's life so incredibly much, so I am told. XOFifi
from enfinblue :
PS Definitely open the mail!!!
from enfinblue :
Hi AM, Thanks for commenting on my photos. There definitely are SOME nice things here, although we don't have any nice buildings. So we each have something. :) As for the guys and the mails, I think that you have the secret. I am never good at this so I am a bad person from whom to take advice, but I know that the trick is to not waste time and energy thinking of negative reasons. It doesn't "help" anything, as you say. So we skip along and try to be happy. I'm on the fence about dating sites. To some degree you need to stay on for a long time as the odds of meeting a good match are not very high...you need to date a few, I would think. At the same time, I have the same response re. the guys who have been on a long time. When I went back on the other site a little while ago, after being off for a long time, the SAME creepy guys contacted me as had contacted me when I first tried it TWO years ago. Right away I said NO and deleted myself. It's just too sad and creepy. But I also know two really nice, smart people who met on the same site and who got married this year. They are honestly great and smart people. It's really difficult to say. :)
from enfinblue :
Yay! Gold! I love that first song, by the way. It's great! Good to hear that you are enjoying life. I'd say never think about the negative; think about the positive explanation for things like why someone hasn't emailed. Do you know what I mean? Of course there can always be negative reasons, but why even consider them, when a positive one can be true? :)
from enfinblue :
That's so funny! Well, you should do whatever you want to do! Also, I can find you on FB! :)
from enfinblue :
This is very exciting! Have fun! Try not to worry too much about your mother- as you say, it will help her to have the pacemaker.
from saudades :
I am really happy for you! :) Simple, but very true. I was glad to read about your smiling mood. I always think about you and wish you the best. Xoxo
from enfinblue :
Any time you want to come over, C. and I both have extra space and extra bicycles. You'd be welcome! :) C. is cute but he is German - he only moved here 8 years ago. Canadian men CAN be cute, but they can also be stupid (none of them are dating me! :)).
from enfinblue :
AM, I couldn't agree with you more about all that you said about the Olympics - both bad and good. And I love the dance song that you posted!
from enfinblue :
I'm so impressed with how you handled it!!
from fifidellabon :
Oooh! I like the new picture. Very dramatic! Speaking of drama, oh my, what an interesting time with the old boy. I always am very surprised when I get what I think that it is that I want, but only to find differently. Crazy times! XOFifi
from enfinblue :
Hey, Hope you had fun at the festival and that there were lots of cute men there! :)
from enfinblue :
You should definitely ask to be a guest at the fashion show! (That's so funny about Prince Charl3s. To be honest, I had never really heard about Dit@ before G3ntry's diary. I guess it's that I don't read fashion magazines or gossip columns, and if you don't in Canada I guess you would not see her anywhere.) Ooohhh I hope that you get to one of G's burlesque shows. That could be sooo much fun!
from enfinblue :
I know what you're saying. Unfortunately it's not like that. I initiated the emails the last couple of times, and the last time he said he was happy to hear from me and that he'd write back soon with details of his tours...and then nothing. I just don't want to be begging for attention if he isn't really interested in giving it. I think I'd best move on. :)
from enfinblue :
It's normal to be afraid. You aren't a bad friend. I get a little bit jealous of C. when he gets interested in a new girl, even though I want him to be happy. I just want to be happy, too. You'll be OK!
from enfinblue :
This reminds me so much of the crazy guy I met - the only one whose picture I had not seen - who was supposed to be a lawyer (crown attorney) and who also said he looked like Tom Cruise. He did NOT look like Tom Cru!se. He looked like this guy:http://www.ibiblio.org/wm/paint/auth/freud/freud.paddington.jpg, which I suppose does look a bit like Tom Cru!se, and he also was suing the government for something. He told me all about his ex-girlfriend and got really angry and started shaking when I said I didn't want to see him agian. He was WEIRD. REally, online dating is generally bad, in my (albeit somewhat limited) experience. I suppose it works occasionally but there are some very strange people on dating sites. :(
from enfinblue :
That's so interesting. (And I probably agree with you about Paris - it just would be nice to live there for a year or so in order to be in Europe. But maybe I should move to Brussels instead! :) Or London. London would be a possibility. I find what you say about the online dating veyr interesting. It is as you say - if you go to a dating site where there is romance intended it is bad. I think that you've hit the nail on the head - when you meet someone in a friendlier forum, e.g. over a subject of interest or through a diary, you have a much better chance. THat's what I have been doing wrong. I should really just join a cycling club in Ottawa I think, but I have trouble motivating myself to do it as I don't really enjoy organized clubs/groups very much. :)
from enfinblue :
You know, I find what you say about internet dating very interesting. I'm a bit older than you are so I have a slightly different experience of the internet. I've been on for fifteen years, but not for dating. I started using it at work, and mostly for research. The dating thing is very new - the last two years -as before that I would have felt it strange to meet someone online. Obviously I've changed. I've found that unfortunately people are not online -for dating, at least - the same as they are in person. Every single guy whom I've met through online dating has been really strange. Well, there was one who was nice and who was well-adjusted and became a friend. It's not that the guys have all been bad, per se, it's just that they've represented themselves quite differently in writing than they were in person. Also, I have found what you have found with the doctor - quite a few are pinning way too much on a few emails. They think that they can fall in love right away, before even meeting someone. It's a bit of a strange world. I do wonder sometimes if it is that people who end up online to date are "selected" a bit differently, but it's difficult to say. It's all interesting though. I'm so glad that you liked the poem. I really liked it when I read it. :)
from enfinblue :
That was beautiful- thanks for sharing. I remember that you told us about the crack after your trip to London! This entry reminds me of the Leonard Coh3n line I've quoted before: the cracks are what let the light in. :)
from enfinblue :
I know exactly what you mean. When I try to lose weight I always end up eating all day. I feel sorry for people who are struggling to lose a lot of weight. It must be soo difficult to deal with the mental challenges of it. :) If you can, I hope that you can forget about the smoking thing so that you won't feel anxious about it! :)
from enfinblue :
I always think that the slow and subtle changes that we make are very interesting, or at least the changes that we decide to make after a slow process. These are the ones that stick. I understand about smoking - I don't do it but believe it or not I really like it. If I drink occasionally I will have one, but I have only done so a couple of times in the last few years. When I was younger, I smoked more. One thing I've noticed is that the people I like best are often smokers or social smokers (usually artsy people :)). Interesting! Enjoy the FB group and the party!
from enfinblue :
Hey! I don't know how I missed your entry about dating sites. Really, I have only had bad experiences with them. I signed up for one that is more formal and expensive in April, and I haven't used it. I think that it is *better* than most of them, but in general I agree that it probably doesn't work. Or anyhow it is difficult to find someone with high standards. I'm thinking about joining a club or something, but for now I'm just trying to enjoy myself. (PS You don't need to do collages - you take such beautiful photographs! Me, I'm just trying to figure out maybe what I think on a subconscious level, since I'm obviously VERY confused right now!)
from saudades :
Oh, maybe one day we can all go see you in Belgium! :) That'd be the most excellent trip ever. I hope it gets sunny again soon, here it's been sunny and warm. I love summer, except for all the bugs and flies. ;-)
from fifidellabon :
C'est ca exactement! De "ca plane pour moi". Ca me fait deguele! XOFifi
from saudades :
"Looking like you're in a band called Metallica," that's so funny! Yeah, that's not good. ;)
from enfinblue :
It sounds like you have some very interesting things/thinking going on. Your conclusion about JJ sounds correct - you are fantastic and you deserve more attention. :)
from enfinblue :
Have fun at the festival! (Well, I hope that you HAD fun! ;))
from enfinblue :
I agree with Fifi and saudades. Besides, the cutest men are actually cute in their personalities and not in their looks, so we just have to look more into the personalities than at their exteriors. Actually, I would describe myself as more cute in my personality than in my exterior. :) Anyhow, my point is that the guys who don't notice you don't matter. The great ones will notice you as you are lovely and pretty!
from saudades :
oh, I mean his nose* not their noses, heehee
from saudades :
YES! Fifi is so right. Anna, anyone who doesn't think you're beautiful and brilliant can't see past their noses anyway and needs to buy glasses. You deserve a lucid man! And much more.
from fifidellabon :
MariaStuart, you are a beautiful woman and I won't forget that even if you do for a time. If a man didn't notice you, first of all, he might be blind, and second, he just missed out! You are a wonderful and fun person, with a big thinking brain full of beautiful observations and ideas. And you have a smashingly good sense of adventure!!!! Do you know how rare that combo is? If I was a boy, we'd go out for sure! XOFifi
from enfinblue :
Good for you for seizing the day! Enjoy the train. :)
from saudades :
Thank you, Anna, yes I've been a bit depressed, but I'm going forward. So things will be okay. You're so thoughtful and kind, I really appreciate what you said. <3 Have a beautiful time this weekend. :)
from enfinblue :
Yes, yes, and Fifi is right! Fifi is the Sage! You are having so much fun - learning and winking all over the place. It is nice to hear. I love Brugge. I hope that you will have a nice weekend and take some great pictures!!
from enfinblue :
That's such a nice thought. It's so nice to think that we are connected in some small way. :) Have a wonderful weekend!
from fifidellabon :
I love how you are learning always new things! And I think that I can understand the why and what of what you write lately. I agree with Bluey, I think that you will be having a boyfriend very soon. Watch out! You might be married before you know it!!! XOFifi
from enfinblue :
I don't know why but I think that you will have a boyfriend again soon. YOu are feeling good and having fun, little amusements. This is the right way. :)
from enfinblue :
I say just have fun...leave him wondering what *you* are thinking. :)
from enfinblue :
Of course you're very smart - I didn't explain myself. :)
from enfinblue :
Oh, you get me wrong! I love the natural environment of Vancouver. It's just that as a city - with all of the things that one needs when living there - (cost of living, architecture, crime, cleanliness, style, culture, etc.) I find that Vancouver lacks a bit as a place to live. :)
from enfinblue :
Keep it up! I just love to hear that you are so happy and having so much fun! It makes me feel good and inspired, too. Isn't it funny - when you face up with those guys after a certain time you realize that you don't care about them at all. A couple of guys who really hurt me are like that - if I ever see Larry again, for example, I'll likely laugh. More importantly, my first very serious boyfriend cheated on me and really hurt me, and then when a year later he invited me for dinner...I did not find him attractive at all. I felt embarrassed that I ever dated him!
from saudades :
That's such a nice post about the soul. I was glad to read it; have a wonderful weekend Anna! Much love to you.
from enfinblue :
You're so cute! Buy some clothes! I wish I could buy some new clothes - there are no nice ones here. I will save and buy in Italy. :) I agree that many vacations is good. I was just taught to worry about money. Plus my Italy trips are expensive relative to your trips to Paris, because of the airfares. :) I hope you have a great time in Paris!!! Yay! I think you're so cool. I love your spirit of fun. I was actually saying to C. last night that my grandfather said a while back that he wishes he'd done more traveling when young, because now he has no desire or energy. This is something coming from my grandfather because he hates spending his money. Now he realizes that he hoarded too much of it when he shoudl have been enjoying life. I can't wait to hear about what you buy!!!!
from enfinblue :
I don't know Stepho's Souvlakia, but I'll look for it! Thanks! (I'll ask my coach- we are going out on Thursday night.:))
from enfinblue :
Thanks! Of course I'll probably change my mind at some point but that is truly what I feel now. I have to be honest with myself. I do like growing daffodil petals. :) Thanks again!
from enfinblue :
I think I know what you mean, and I think it's good advice, but I'm not sure what I should think in this context! :) I really liked your post. I actually agree with you. As you get older you learn to see more nuances in these situations. And what you said about doing things and then it becoming easire to do them again, creating habits, etc....I completely concur!
from fifidellabon :
It was a good post, and you are right, in America, there tends to be still a Puritanical outrage when it comes to sex. Yet a prurient obsession as well. It is not supposed to exist, yet when the inevitable results happen, well, who is to blame? Usually the woman. See Hawthorne's "The Scarlet Letter". Yes, there is a double standard, you can't think or talk about or see sex, but the media bombards with images of sex. Not all Americans think that way, though. But if one is forthright and frank about sex, one is viewed with suspicion. I could say a Lot more, but I'll end with this, I think of America as an adolecscent, making a lot of mistaks, but learning all the time. It is truly an amazing country and I don't regret a minute of my time here. XOFifi Pee Ess "Nipplegate" was soooo stupid!!!!
from fifidellabon :
But don't you just adore tomatoes?! Well, I know for certain that I would just adore working with you! It would be all the time fun! XOFifi
from saudades :
Yay! That's so good that you found the Nanowrimo writing. I've been in the mood to write something for Nanowrimo even though it's May. I think I might. Anyway, I loved this entry too! And I know what you mean about what you said to the therapist... that must make you so mad, it's just such an insult, but well like I said to EB, we need to use our anger as fuel. Love you tons, Anna. ^_^
from enfinblue :
PS I just loved that entry. I do know what you mean about the Dutch one. I feel that way about my ex-fiance. But he is now forgotten! It is all good. You are good, too. You will prevail! I can't wait to hear more details - I always enjoy your entries. You're very honest and so refreshing! Keep on writing.
from enfinblue :
That is great news! I am very happy for you. :)
from enfinblue :
You are right, as usual! :) I love your happy attitude - it is infectious. And yes, you are mysterious!! I want to know the details!!
from fifidellabon :
And you are soooo mysterious! So much fun!!! XOFifi
from enfinblue :
You are having a lot of fun! That is good! It's so nice to hear you so happy - makes me happy through the page!
from enfinblue :
You're so sweet. You never have to regret or feel badly about anything. SO glad that you are enjoying your life!!
from enfinblue :
You see, I think it all comes when you are sort of relaxed and when you've kind of worked something out. I hope that you know how lovely you are. :) And thanks for the tip about the photos! I used to do that with Claus all the time, but I don't do it so much by myself. Usually when I do it I come out looking like a bug - maybe my arms are not long enough. ;)
from enfinblue :
Sad to say, but I don't have any other pictures of myelf from Florence. I always forget to have pictures taken of myself! And many of my pictures turned out to be kind of blurry. I'm really not a photographer - I need to work on that. Those pictures of you with Fleur were so lovely. Were they taken with your camera?? Also, I want to thank you again for your wonderful supportive remarks. Your daffodil comment was so timely and special. Thank you again!
from enfinblue :
Yes, the cuteness, the cuteness! I am glad that you are doing so well and growing in confidence. And thank you for the welcome back. :)
from fifidellabon :
Oh, the cuteness, the cuteness!! You two are simply adorable!!! XOFifi
from enfinblue :
Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart. That is the best possible thing that anyone could have thought to say. It is exactly right - I'm only a budding daffodil. :) Thank you, my friend.
from fifidellabon :
Well, of course, you could always write it to me at [email protected] ! But I can wait for your time. XOFifi
from enfinblue :
So cool! Of course it was the best thing!! I hope that you are still feeling super-great and happy, my friend. Kissing boys is wonderful, non? :)
from fifidellabon :
Well, your life is sounding very fun these days! I have to confess, I am so curious about the flirting boy and all of that!! XOFifi
from crestone :
17 is way too young to make major life decisions. that's one different between the american and european school system that i actually like. we have time to be go-nowhere generalists for a while before actually making up our minds. isn't it so american to need as many options as possible?
from enfinblue :
Thanks so much!!! You're lovely. And of course I wish all of the same things and more for you!!! :)
from fifidellabon :
Wow, you are having soooo much fun!!! I would have liked to have been there! XOFifi
from enfinblue :
Hope you are having a wonderful trip!!! And don't worry about the other thing - you're a good girl and you're conscious of your choices. :)
from saudades :
Have a wonderful time at the Madonna concert!! It sounds like it will be super fun. Send you hugs!
from crestone :
thanks so much! and welcome back from your holiday!
from saudades :
I really like a lot of telenovelas, so I am glad now I have access to these channels in Spanish. :D There was a big hit about 9 years ago called Betty la fea (Betty the Ugly One), which was about the same theme. She is ugly but falls in love with her boss, then the boss pretends to be in love with her, and finally at the end she becomes more attractive, forgives him, and they get married. It's so addictive! Nice to hear from you, I hope you are well. Besos!
from fifidellabon :
Welcome back! Absolutely GORGEOUS picture!!!! xoFifi
from enfinblue :
AM I'm so glad. You look GORGEOUS and so relaxed. That is wonderful!!! :)
from saudades :
Yay! I'm glad you had such a nice holiday, and that is a very lovely pic!
from enfinblue :
You have a wonderful time!!! :) Lots of daffodil days!
from fifidellabon :
...oh, and have lots OF fun as well! xoFifi
from fifidellabon :
I am so excited for you! Have lots f fun!!! xoFifi
from saudades :
That is a nice coincidence that you were thinking about this too. I also find it's wonderful that you got to do those things you wished for when you were younger, and about the third one I think that it will still happen if you want it! Thanks for your note, I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on this! :)
from enfinblue :
:) It should be easy to call but it is not! I will think about it. I couldn't agree more with you about the Olympics and Tibet. I was actually thinking about it and wondering if my attitude was just because I wasn't myself running in the Olympics, but then I realized that even if were hypothetically on the team and supposed to go, I wouldn't go in this case. I just couldn't do it - I would feel too badly about myself. BUt then again I'm almost 40 and not an 18 year-old athlete who has only ever known training. The whole organization is crooked though. Sad.
from enfinblue :
My pleasure. I say yay about the party! Don't worry about your friend - she's going through the process of learning about relationships, as are we all, and she'll figure this out. :)
from saudades :
This morning I went to check my diaries, and thought Yay! Update from Anna. It's good that you are balancing computer time - I should do that myself. Good idea. Face it, dear, you're amazing. :) And if right now no Mr. Right is in the scene, don't get discouraged because you have so much going for you. You deserve the very best. I can't imagine you'd ever settle for anything less. You are one of my role models. :)
from enfinblue :
AM - YOu're doing great. Honestly, I really do think it is about letting go. If you can get to the point at which you really don't care, and then it's easy to be friendly and talkative and open with guys, it will all start to happen. You definitely don't want to be like your friend. You are trying to be yourself and to wait for someone special - that is great! I have belief in you. I also applaud you for trying to do things that are healthier choices for you, e.g. turning off your computer. Good stuff!
from enfinblue :
Good observation! Let's make a pact to work on this. :)
from enfinblue :
Oh that's so funny - juicy gossip! Have a great weekend.
from enfinblue :
Oh that was so beautiful! I"m going to have to come back to read it again later. You know, I went out for brunch today and I was wearing my bright yellow cardigan with a lighter yellow tank top underneath. I really did look like a daffodil! I don't think I ever wore yellow as a kid, but I will wear it from now on. PS You looked so sweet as a girl. :)
from fifidellabon :
Oh yes, Westemalle is a favourite here. We've been to the abbey as well! Mmm, sometimes I envy that you live there and we do not...xoFifi
from enfinblue :
You go, daffodil girl! :) I have a green purse, too. I just love these spring colours. I've been listening to your music whilst cooking here - you're inspiring me to look up some concerts!
from enfinblue :
Oh that sounds like so much fun!! I'm jealous! Things are very quiet here - we have Good Friday and Easter Monday off, and everyone goes away. I will enjoy the rest, though. Now, to listen to your music. :) Incidentally, I hope you managed to get your yellow purse - whenever I wear yellow I think of you. Have fun this weekend!
from fifidellabon :
I once slept through a Bruce Springsteen concert. Amazing. xoFifi
from enfinblue :
You are right! It is the best stuff. :) I love it, too.
from enfinblue :
You are so lovely - don't ever get it wrong and think that you are ugly. Don't be silly! Oh your evening sounds like SO MUCH FUN! I hope you have a blast. You know, I have exactly the same dilemma/worry re. my sponsored child. But in looking at it objectively, i.e. about the post card from London, I think that she would love it. I think that one of the most magical things in life is to dream, imagine. This is especially if you are a child. I'm sure she'd be thrilled to know that someone is thinking of her, no matter what. I do know what you feel about the poverty. For me, when I think of my sponsored child, I feel ashamed that I have so much. I don't want her to ever feel obligated or grateful to me. Who else *should* be sharing with the rest of the world? :) Have fun!!!! (And don't worry about silly boys. All of these boys are not the right ones. There is someone very special for you...)
from fifidellabon :
You are totally cute! And you know who you are, and you don't let rude dudes get away with it. You are totally awesome and you rock! XOFifi
from saudades :
Aww, that's such a nice compliment. Thank you. :) I just read your entry and about the D guy - he's just rude. Blah to him. But in better news, it sounds like you have great plans for the weekend! Have a wonderful one!
from enfinblue :
THanks so much - I really needed the hug. :) Take care and have a great day!
from enfinblue :
HAH! I just remembered - I have a yellow bag! Only I found mine in the garbage. True story - I was in NYC last year and my friend and I were walking through my friend's neighbourhood on the upper west side. Just sitting there on the curb with some other apartment- type garbage was a yellow bag. So she said, why don't you take it. And I did. I've never used it before, though. You got me to rummage for it. :) I also have a green one that looks like the one in your picture. :) HOpe you feel better soon!
from fifidellabon :
If you would like, I can send it to you, the bag. It might be complicated, but that has never stopped me! Let me know, I live somewhat near a Macy's. It is less than 30 minutes away. XOFifi
from enfinblue :
That's very thoughtful of you! ACK! I forgot about what a wonderful job you do - I wish that I were more like you. To be honest, I feel very frustrated and disappointed in myself. I need to figure out what to do to constructively change what I'm doing. :) Have a nice evening!
from enfinblue :
Hey, thanks, that was awesome! I'm dancing around now. SO glad that your spirits are higher and that you have so much to look forward to!!!! :)
from enfinblue :
Anna, That's so funny! I will say hi for you. :) And I'll give him my best regal wave when he finishes. Yay for nudity! I'm excited now. Well, not about the nudity but about the dance. :)
from fifidellabon :
Oh, mother issues. They are so difficult. I have recently worked through some issues, but not without great personal pain. OH, it is so hard to try to see things in the cold light of rationality. I wish for you the best of luck. Be yourself. Because if you aren't yourself, who's gonna be you? XOFifi
from enfinblue :
I understand your frustration. My recent separation from my mother - we've been talking lately, by email - is because I just wouldn't take it anymore. Your mother is different - the two of you have a special and close relationship - but sometimes I think it IS important to make very clear to the other person what you think of something destructive that they are doing. I'm sorry that you're going through so much pain over this, and sorry that you mother is in this difficult situation. I wish you both the best in resolving this.
from enfinblue :
You're doing so great at celebrating yourself! You are also much younger than I am, so you have many more years to think about these things.:) I think you're fabulous. I guess the thing for me is that I've been learning that my happiness is completely within my own control - it's kind of revolutionary for me, actually. I feel really lucky as well to have met you ladies on the INternet, too, as you've all helped me to feel more comfortable with acknowledging and accepting my honest self. It's been very liberating! Hope you have a wonderful weekend!
from fifidellabon :
There were indeed. And I think that nothing has changed. If we're lucky, dolphins are everywhere! /xoFifi
from enfinblue :
I just read this - I hope that things are lookign up now.
from enfinblue :
You're so sweet. I know what it is like to feel the way that you do, but it WILL end. I'm sure that someone will be interested in you very soon. Remember that only a very few people are a true match, so it is natural that there are many people out there with whom we don't connect. It has nothing to do with there being anything wrong with you! Definitely have fun with your friend - you probably are, right now - and look forward to your exciting vacation! We probably all have the "winter blues."
from saudades :
You know, even if R. invited me, if I were you I wouldn't go, because in any case you wouldn't feel so great after the party. I don't know what it is with men, but we all know something's wrong with them. No need to compromise our integrity as you say, not our cup of tea. Have a lovely time in Brussels; every time I go outside of the city where I live I have such fun. One can discover a lot about oneself travelling, even if it's only a short distance. I would love to visit Belgium one day, it's such an interesting country. Hugs!
from fifidellabon :
Oh! I looove the Atomium!! Brussels is where I was. I love Brussels, but it does feel funny to type it like that. And yes, trout is the word. Here, when people get too much filler put into their lips, it is called "trout pout" because they look just like fish. How can they do that? I'd rahther have thinner lips if they were real! XOFifi
from enfinblue :
Yay! So glad! Have a wonderful weekend, with lots of dreams about your trip!
from saudades :
Have a wonderful time there , Anna! Happy Valentine's day. You're so right, we have to treat ourselves well, and just plain treat ourselves. :) Big hug!
from enfinblue :
You deserve it! Enjoy! :)
from enfinblue :
Oh you're good. I like yours!
from fifidellabon :
I am easing back into it with Clinique's "Wrappings" and also Aromatic Elixers from the same. Mmm! xoFifi
from enfinblue :
YAY! What a great day! You deserve it. I know what you mean about having to build yourself up to do things. But when you do it is fantastic. In a way it is nice to have barriers to break down - it's kind of exciting. :) Your niece is very cute. :)
from fifidellabon :
Ooooh! I am so excited! What fun news! Wheee! xoFifi
from enfinblue :
You're so charming! Do let us know when you finally open your mail. :) I loved your list of songs - I don't know all of them but I'm going to go and seek them out. So nice of you to share that. :)
from enfinblue :
It's one of my favourites, too. I own a copy. :) Have a great day tomorrow!
from crestone :
i hope you enjoy the film. it's one of my favorites--the sort that lingers for a long long time.
from saudades :
I loved that movie, Das Leben der Anderen, but the friend I saw it with didn't like it. I hope you like it. I love the main actress, Martina Gedeck. I'd watch anything with her. I think she's a very good actress, and very beautiful. Have a good sleep and beautiful day tomorrow!! ^_^
from enfinblue :
PS It was really nice of you to leave that note. It is not easy when we have family who do not behave the way that we would.
from enfinblue :
Thanks! It is true that people always have reasons based on their own pasts. This is definitely true of my mother. It's just too bad that she has never decided to grow up. :( I love clothes, too! I always feel guilty but pretty clothes make me feel so happy. If I buys something I really love - like my green dress - I feel happy wearing it for a long time. :) I didn't make it out shopping today but I am going to go tomorrow. I need more pretty colour in my life!
from enfinblue :
Honestly, even if it takes him some time to reply once he has read it, it doesn't mean anything. Good for you! Keep it up. You know, I say throw all caution to the wind. YOu have nothing to lose. My sense from what everyone tells me is that men - and people in general - pretty much never know what is right for them right away. I think we both need to be patient and give people a shot! PS I wanted to tell you yesterday that I was interested in the stuff about Belgium, but didn't have time to. Your diary is always interesting and entertaining!
from saudades :
Mad props, Anna for mailing him! Good for you! And I read that book S. of the W!nd. I liked it. :)
from saudades :
Yes, it's Super Tuesday! But I bet even when I go to sleep all the results won't be in. I get to vote on the 12th of this month for the first time ever! -- Guess for whom? I will vote for the same candidate you would vote for. ^_^
from fifidellabon :
I've been meaning to write to you. Delays, delays...Your entry about your nose was just so magnificent. You are practically noble! But I thnk that your nose is just fine. I've seen your pictures, and you are totally cute! I'll tell you a secret---my nose is totally round on the end, like a marble. If it were red, it might look like a cherry! Well, maybe not. Well, about the meeting boys, well, I understand that well. For me, the first time of ANYthing is sooo difficult, and I always stand in my own way and make it more difficult. But once the first time is over, it's all easy peasy! Have a wonderful day, and I am SO glad that your work is your dream job! I am staaaarrrrving so it's off to breakfast I go. xoFifi
from enfinblue :
Also, wow! the shoes! I love them. You have very good taste. In fact, I think I should learn from you and let my more artistic side come out more in my dressing. Right now I dress like a woman who works for the Ministry of Finance. :( :) I can never do it myself, but I really do think you should go for it in terms of contacting the guys. I do think that you need to take initiative in creating your destiny. I'll try to do it too, only I don't have anyone at the moment in whom I am interested. :(
from enfinblue :
Thanks! It's really all I do well, though. :) I'm impressed with your photography -very colourful and invigorating.
from saudades :
Thank you, Anna; what a nice compliment! :) Je t'adore. Bisous!
from saudades :
I love that! That's so cute, the whole entry I mean. Oh, what have you got to lose? What's the worse that can happen? I'm also shy to contact people. Mmm, so I wouldn't know what to do, but looking at it from that perspective, it's like: give it a shot, the worse that can happen is that you'll be disappointed. I mean, no one will freak. Awww, I love your diary, it's so cool. And you're so cute! hugs
from enfinblue :
If you search for me in Ottawa :) you should be able to find me. I have a picture with me in a pink shirt. I just reactivated my account yesterday, which is why you couldn't find me. :) I don't think I know your surname. Do you use mariastuart as your FB identity?
from enfinblue :
Please excuse the spelling errors...I haven't had my coffee yet today! :)
from enfinblue :
PS Your stories are so funny! By the way, let me tell you, I have a not-perfect nose as well. It's actually quite horrible from the left side profile; it's not symmetrical. But to be honest, I really believe that if you look at other people you are much less critical than you are of yourself. We see the whole package in the other person and the whole package is a jumble of different features of different sizes that become a whole through the way that the person smiles, expreses themself, etc. Who wants to be a Barbie doll? You're definitely a very attractive girl with a beautiful expression; having a perfect nose is irrelevant. In fact, changing your nose would change some of your own beauty. I'm very funny about noses as if I have one feature at all that I would change it is my nose. When I get down on myself I start looking at it and thinking about how horrible it is. But that is never the right way to go in my thinking!! :)
from enfinblue :
You're so sweet. Thanks! It is too late to change careers - i.e. for me to go back to school AGAIN - but I need to learn to make do. And you're quite right that finding a good relationship, i.e. focusing the attention on the rest of my life, will make any job more bearable. Here's to the two of us finding beautiful relationships! (PS I'm glad that you have your dream job - that's great to hear.)
from saudades :
Anna, your nose is fine! :) At least you have a profile. (I have no profile, my nose is so flat). I have a friend who complains about her nose, and she has a profile too! You're cute, believe it ^_^ I do!
from enfinblue :
I couldn't agree with both you and Fifi more. So sad. And yes, you are so cute! You know, I used to wear a black elastic around my wrist all the time when I had long hair. I did that for years. Of course my hair is too short for elastics now.
from fifidellabon :
Oh! You are sooo cute! And yes, it breaks my heart that they used two Down Syndrome women to blow up things. Down Syndrome people are the sweetest, most loving people ever.They were probably so proud that they could go sell in the market, and then...oh, Anna, it makes me cry to think of it. Reading the paper is just so dreadful these days! xoFifi
from enfinblue :
Very interesting! I'd like to know who D is, too. :) By the way, your work sounds interesting. Also, I agree with you that g does things that I would not do. She's an interesting person though and I think on the whole means well. :)
from fifidellabon :
Chavez DESERVES Naomi! Yuck! to both of them. Now, I keep wondering who D is, now! xoFifi
from enfinblue :
Lovely necklace! To be honest, I closed my FB account. I suppose I can reopen it at some point. Also, I think that gentry is just busy.
from saudades :
I love your necklace! Green is good luck. :) I also don't get the hype about F.B. either, but every now and then I find an old friend or something.
from enfinblue :
THanks so much! You are wonderful! That's amazing about the ballet. It must have been heartbreaking to not make it, but only very few do so great for you for trying. I wish I'd done ballet - I love it so much. I don't have the right body type for it though. As for being loud...good for you. It is true - I couldn't compete with this girl. I guess what hurt the most though was that he was obviously simply more attracted to her, which made me feel badly. It seems no one is attracted to me these days.
from fifidellabon :
You are wonderful! Your mother must be so grateful to have you. Also, I always had a fine time in your city! Loads of fun! xoFifi
from enfinblue :
I'm so glad to hear that about your mother. It is not cheesy that you are so close. It is wonderful. And don't worry about mentioning your father. Many of us unfortunately have pain to do with our families that we wish were not there, so you are not alone. Otherwise...I love the way that you write. It's so honest and refreshing. I am definitely an "egoiste" too, sometimes. We all are. And as for people being rude there. I can't say as I haven't been there, but in Belgium in general i found that I liked the fact that the people keep to themselves! It must be the shy Canadian in me. :)
from saudades :
I'm very glad to hear things went okay with your mom! :) Sending you a hug!
from enfinblue :
You take care and good luck to your mother! Definitely focus on the positive thoughts only, as the odds are very, very high that everything will go well. Try not to worry! Thinking of you.
from saudades :
I understand your worries about your mom. I'm sorry. I hope very much that she gets well soon. You're such a good daughter! Hang in there with your job problems. Sending you a big hug. <3
from enfinblue :
Oh my! I'm so glad that you figured out what is going on. THat must feel very uncomfortable. Hope you have a great night tonight and get to see M.! And yes, Fifi is so kind and smart. I don't know why she puts up with me.
from saudades :
Aww, that vertigo must be very unpleasant. It's good that your mom took you to the doctor. Once, I always felt dizzy too, and I had anemia. I hope you have fun tonight! ((hugs))
from enfinblue :
I always enjoy what you write. I love the red picture!
from saudades :
Thanks for the note :) I hope you have a lovely time in Spain once more!!
from enfinblue :
I totally understood what you meant. It made perfect sense - no racist implications at all. This sort of thing happens to me from time to time in Canada, since we have so many immigrants. It's nice. (Aside: You have a tough job. I'm very impressed with people who do jobs like this.) I'm jealous of you being able to fly to spain so cheaply! And PS, if you ever come to Canada, you of course have a free place to stay if you pass through Ottawa. :)
from saudades :
I'm glad you liked it. :) I myself need to follow some of those suggestions; advice like this always makes me think of bubble baths. Oh, and the entry said Thomas got himself a girlfriend, so yay, he will stop hitting on me. ;) --hugs!, -A.
from fifidellabon :
I have the Big Pee's CD and I like it as well! I also did like the boxing many years ago. I have many weird habits as well, but that is what keeps people interesting! xoFifi
from fifidellabon :
Cute haircut!!!!! Cute pictures!!!! xoFifi
from enfinblue :
Well I ended up a bit more as Katie Holmes than I'd expected. It's not bad though; I think I'll leave it for now and see how I like it. :) S
from enfinblue :
Beautiful haircut! I love it. I've been thinking of growing mine to that length, but that will take a long time. It really suits you. It feels quite free to not have very long hair, doesn't it? I had really long hair until last May. :) You're completely right about the gay hairdressers. I'm going to a new one this afternoon, on the recommendation of a friend, who is also gay. I'm really looking forward to it. Well, except for the haircut part. I'd better go and get showered. By the way, I love your picture a day idea. It's a great way to document the things that you love about your life!
from enfinblue :
saudades has the right idea! ;) Besides, anyone who would want you to change is not worth it! Let's enjoy our girl indulgences for now!
from saudades :
Yes! I've read the Alain de Botton How Proust Can Change Your Life. Hahaha! :D That's awesome. As for the men, I'm on the same boat I suppose. But hey, men do come with a price. So let's enjoy those cigarettes and shopping sprees while we can. >.> ;)
from enfinblue :
And PS Don't worry! I really know that you will find a sweet man. I even believe the same for me! YOu don't need to change at all. I've read Alain de B-tton's The Art of Tr@vel and the Pr0ust one. I rather liked them. :)
from enfinblue :
Thanks so much. I really appreciate your kindness and commiseration. I wish you all happiness!
from fifidellabon :
I love your notes and entries! I that think I might have an advantage in being able to translate practically anything, so never worry about that. Your pictures were great and you are sooo cute!!! I know what you mean about travel and The Food. It isn't exactly All About The Food, but it is close! Do you know also I go to the markets to see what food is for sale. xoFifi
from enfinblue :
Those pictures are OUTSTANDING! So sorry that you are ill - I had a flu exactly like that the winter that I was 25. I have NEVER been that sick before. It was horrible. I called my boyfriend and made him come over at one point because I thought I was going to die. :) I'm so glad that you are better.
from saudades :
Those New Year pictures are great, you look really lovely. I'm sorry you were sick, but I'm glad you are feeling better, hope you are all well soon.
from fifidellabon :
Happy New Year to you! I hope that you get every good thing that you wish for! To a great 2008! xoFifi
from enfinblue :
It's really great - you've reminded me of something very important! I've been dancing around to it for 25 minutes! Hope you have a nice evening and feel good. :)
from enfinblue :
PS You rock - I'm dancing around my living room to this. :)
from enfinblue :
Oh my goodness I love it! I wish I could come dancing with you sometime!
from enfinblue :
Hang in there. Keep on doing all of those beautiful things that give you pleasure! :) I'm going to go and listen to the video now.
from enfinblue :
Oops I meant Antarctica. :)
from enfinblue :
That's so cool! I love it! I wish I could go to Antartica. I once had an idea about running the marathon there, but it is VERY expensive. :) It IS crazy about Benazir Bhutto. Sometimes I have to shut off and forget what kind of a world we live in...
from saudades :
Merry Christmas!!!! <3
from enfinblue :
Lovely! Can't wait to hear more about your trip. A very Merry Christmas to you too! (Will take up your suggestion of dancing to silly music. :))
from enfinblue :
Have a GREAT time!! I was wondering when you were going. I'm so envious. And yes, I would stand on one foot for 3 hours to be in the same room with Ewan. :)
from fifidellabon :
Oh, have a wonderful time!!! xoFifi
from enfinblue :
I used to love Twin Peaks, too...Hmm...video store tonight. :) I think that what you feel about the Internet meeting thing is normal. I feel/have felt the same way. But honestly is it any stranger to meet someone through their words and self-expression than through their smile or their conversation at a coffee shop or a party? I'm not sure. I guess the difference is that often people you meet in real life have been "screened" by friends. Still, I think it is reasonable to just have a "feeling" for someone. I had love at first sight once. I think I've told you this. I saw him, he looked up at me, and somehow I knew all of these things about him. All of my "guesses" were correct when I got to know him. I don't know. It just happens sometimes - you discover that you're on the same page with someone.
from fifidellabon :
Ach, the nightmares, how I hate them! If you can find a dream dictionary, it might help. Perhaps it means that you are tired of being lonely, and want to kill the loneliness. I LOOOOVED Twin Peaks!!! Do you know, Ned did as well! We still use the occasional line from it in conversation. In fact, the other day Ned said something about "completely silent drape runners" or whatever it was that that woman said. I remember thnking that Harold was cute...xoFifi
from enfinblue :
Glad you had a great party! (Cute video. :)) Hope that you feel better quickly!!!
from enfinblue :
Yay holiday! HOpe you enjoyed your party and also feel better.
from crestone :
thanks for your good wishes! i realized that i never emailed you for a password and now i know why! i couldn't find your address. mine is: lisalemail at gmail.com. it would be excellent to keep up with your diary too. take care!
from enfinblue :
PS I'm going to take your lead and start going to concerts again! We must just go out and have fun and forget about the men. Incidentally, I haven't smoked in years but so many times I feel like having a cigarette on nights like yours last night. In fact, everything you wrote - includin the Arc@de F!re bit - completely hit home. It's uncanny. But it will work out for both of us.
from enfinblue :
You're such an awesome, beautiful person, from my vantage point. This stuff has to happen for a reason, no? There's someone waaaay better out there for you. And you're enjoying your life, nevertheless. You're strong. My goodness it seems as though we are living parallel experiences! (Really!) I feel for you and wish for you everything that you deserve.
from saudades :
It just makes me mad how some men are so dumb!
from saudades :
Men. Who needs them? I admire you so much, you have worked to get a life any girl with a brain would love. Feelings get in the way, but you're resilient. Don't get down, you deserve ten thousand times better.
from enfinblue :
I can't tell you how much I can relate to what you wrote. It's difficult to believe, but all anyone else can decide is that you're not right for them to love. They can't decide anything about you or your worth. We all have different taste, and some people are just bad (or confused!). It's difficult to believe this. It's pretty clear though that given that he didn't want to go abroad and that he then moved to Finland, he was very confused. Either way, nothing he did in any way reflects what or who you are! (I wish I could always believe this myself; I often feel that I'm not good enough for any guy to want to be with. It's not easy to change this. But do you think that these guys are sitting around thinking the same? (No, not so much. :()
from enfinblue :
Wow, that's such a pretty view. You are so lucky to have such a wonderful mother - what a treasure. I'm sorry that she experiences so much pain. As for the boys...I know exactly what you feel like. My ex-fiance was dating someone about a month after we broke up, and he married her. And the last guy I dated for any length of time basically did what your Dutch guy did. I felt equally like nothing. But I completely agree with you that people like that get what is coming to them in the end. People like that who walk on people can't really experience the true closeness that more sensitive people experience. :) You're right on track. (I hope that you will write to that boy!)
from enfinblue :
Close! It's a pre-Raphaelite but not Millais. It's Waterhouse. :)
from fifidellabon :
You are the dearest, sweetest girl! I'll tell you how it all worked out. Ned brought me in a piece of Chocolate Chess Pie, which his mother had made for Thanksgiving. It totally did the trick. I wish that you could have a piece! When Earl had his first bite ever, I thought that he might faint! That good! Thank you so much for your offer. I do remember all the wonderful Belgian chocolate. The best for me was in Bruges, a chocolatier named Dumont or something very close to that. But you will be happy to know that I have a connection in Princeton who gets me many things from Belgium, including chocolate. Shall I tell you my favoriffic one? Those Cote d'Or elephants, with the red wrapping. Oh, EVERY time! Thank you so much for your note and I am wishing wonderful things for you today! xoFifi
from enfinblue :
Hmm.. I don't know what happened with that emoticon. I meant a simple smile. :)
from enfinblue :
YOu know, I actually don't know Pback. I will explore them! I looove the boots! In fact, I want to buy a similar pair- lovely. And it seems indeed, young lady, that Fifi was correct -there probably are many young men with crushes on you!!! At any rate, it looks and sounds like a lovely life. (Except for the political uncertainty/strife.:9)
from enfinblue :
Thanks so much. :) I definitely need to give it a few days at least. And maybe 6 years. :)
from enfinblue :
Oooh. Cool trip. I can't agree with you more re. Ewan! And also the Millais exhibit - I thought of flying to London just for that. It's a very special one.
from enfinblue :
I meant what you said at the *end* of the entry. :)
from enfinblue :
Oh I understand your position very well. What you said at the entry is poignantly true. Let's both try to have more "courage," or as fifi said flirt more openly to make it easier for the lovely men to have courage. It's such a challenge when you are shy (me too, around men).
from enfinblue :
You're so adorable! A complex but very likeable person shines through in your writing. I must tell you that I went to see the exhibit of that mask three times in 1979! It came to Toronto when I was 9 and I went once on a school trip, once with my grandmother, and once with my mother. I hope that you enjoy it and that it gives you that special connection with your grandfather. That's beautiful!
from fifidellabon :
I am so glad that you are making this visit to honor your gandfather! I do things like that as well. Oh! As for the facebook and myspace, I couldn't agree with you more! How very silly to think that one is making a true connection. Actually, I've never been on either site! I have no use for them but I do see that others use them very often, so each to his own and all that. As for stubborn? Ned says that I can be stubborn beyond all reason and he is correct! A last word, I think that every girl should date someone who is at least 5 years younger, also a very much older one, one from a different country, one very rich and one not so much, before she stettles down. Don't you? xoFifi
from saudades :
Ohh how interesting! What's the name of this novela, is it made in Belgium? Thanks, sometimes I feel like quitting Nanowrimo, but I'm going to try... ^_^
from enfinblue :
Unfortunately that's the thing: I have my last spinning class there on Thursday as the gym is in my office tower and I am moving across town. :( I'm so sad. He is signed up for the class but he is only on the waiting list so he will likely not be there. :( I missed my opportunity. :( (Too many down faces, here. I'm feeling kind of sad. I was a fool!) But you were correct- at least he was there. :)
from enfinblue :
Well thank goodness for fifi! Really, she might be right. :) I don't know exactly what it is about A Rm with a Vw but I really am always comforted by it. :) Don't worry - I have every confidence that you are going to find someone great! (I might, too, if I can stop being so silly and also picky!)
from fifidellabon :
Oh, you simply Must go to the Pole!!! And then later to Alaska. It will be there still, I think. Now as for men, you and enfinblue are both so cute and smart that it is absolutely insane that there are not men all fighting to be with you two! But! Savour this single freedom that you have, it will be different when you are married. It will still be good, but it is never like the fairy stories. This is a very good thing, though! Now, this is just a thought, but I am very often dead-on balls-accurate. I have a feeling that there are men and boys who have crushes on you both. They just don't speak up, the silly things. xoFifi
from enfinblue :
Brussels sprouts are so wonderful, aren't they? :) I have seen them on the stalk at the farmer's market. I think too that you are correct about Mr. B. I was only joking. He is a very, very senior manager so his time is really not his own. I'm just a little bit sad as I will be leaving the department soon and so I may not have another opportunity to interact with him. :( Oh well! There are other fish in the sea. Lovely fish just for us. :)
from enfinblue :
OH that IS so sad about the poor pilot. And what a lovely film you have just seen - makes me think of my beautiful friend Alex the poet scientist. :) Happy thoughts only. I should also tell you that I really like Belgium - I don't know if I've mentioned it but I spent some time there in 2000 and liked so many things about it.
from fifidellabon :
Oh, and of witlof, yes that is delicious, is it not? We can get that here, but it is not just everywhere. I would not be able to order some in, sad to say, but there is enough here that I could get my hands on it. But I would not be in Belgium! (Boo hoo for me!) Also here, with the cheese sauce is cauliflower. xoFifi
from fifidellabon :
Oooh, I'll have to remember. About dreams...I like to think that some of them are a real piece of us meeting with a real peice of others, so that there is some truth to them. Only the good dreams, though! xoFifi
from enfinblue :
You are so lovely! Thanks for your note -men really are NEVER in the right places :). And you are quite correct that some girls are ridiculous when they get boyfriends. :( I will be thinking of you and following the news in Belgium. And I should say that you have greatly inspired me to get out and start seeing some concerts. You do have a very interesting and active life! (Have fun with R and L!)
from fifidellabon :
I think that you are just splendid! Also you get to live in Belgium, so you are very, VERY lucky!!!! xoFifi
from enfinblue :
Oh no! I don't know how I missed the previous entry! What your mother said is very interesting. And things have a funny way of working out in the end. :) I'm sure that they will for you - you're just so sweet!
from enfinblue :
Oh...I just read Fifi's note: I love Leffe too! And Chimay. Yes, Chimay is my favourite. Thanks so much for your note - it means a lot. :)
from fifidellabon :
Westmalle? I think after one half I am drunk! It is so delicious! I have a fondness for Whitcap Pater as well! And Leffe, and...oh, don't get me started! Belgian beer is thee best! xoFifi
from enfinblue :
Isn't it wonderful - though difficult, I know - to like someone?
from enfinblue :
Flynn! :) Ride the wave! :)
from enfinblue :
Very, very cute! Let's do believe in destiny! :) Hmm...and the light lamp sounds like a very good idea!
from fifidellabon :
Oh my! That's quite a man! I hope that it can work out, or even a cuter one! /Fifi
from enfinblue :
PS Facebook: I have an account but I don't use it much. I think I might delete it. The thign is that I feel uncomfortable opening up the pages of even my friends - I feel it is invading their privacy to see what is happening in their relationships with others.
from enfinblue :
You are such a sweet person! It just seeps out from your entries. I feel the same way about culotte, but don't worry - I really feel intuitively that she is getting through this. And it is nice to see how many people care; she just needs to believe that many people do. As for M: I have a good story! When I was younger I was madly in love with the most incredible man ever. (I still believe that he is the most awesome person I have ever met.) I was completely, completely discouraged when he did not seem to be interested in me. In fact, one night, when we were out with friends, he came along and brought the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen who was in his theater group. I was virtually ready to completely give up hope on him. But then my friend who was also with us pulled me aside and said "just relax and be yourself and you'll be in like flynn." And so I just gave in to being completely natural and myself and not worrying about it or thinking about it and do you know what? Of course, I got the guy. He kissed me at the end of that night. It was magical. I'm not saying that for sure you will get the guy, but crushes are magical and connections are magical and the best way to handle them is simply to throw yourself into the wave and let it take you where it will. :)
from saudades :
No, facebook doesn't show who has visited the profile (!) -- as far as I know, but it IS rather obsessive about letting everyone know what you're doing with your profile. I don't like facebook that much; as you suspect it reveals a lot of information about you, such as your real name. I am sorry about your friend, I don't know what's going on, but I hope it all works out... Hugs.
from saudades :
How strange... someone had access to my diary from the same city in Haute-Normandie (right?) when I had locked it. :S
from enfinblue :
Thanks for your note! I hope you have a great party, and that your special person shows up. :) And thanks for sympathizing re the ticket. I felt so stupid crying but I was so tired I just couldn't help myself. :)
from saudades :
This will probably be an excellent party, so don't worry...! or at least, try not to worry too much... though the Netherlanders with weed bit does sound worrisome. I hope you have a great party, though. You deserve it. As for Nanowrimo, I hope I can finish it... It will be fun, I hope. I have tried to write stories before but never had an incentive to finish them.
from saudades :
Happy Birthday dear Anna! 30 is not old!<3
from enfinblue :
30 is so exciting! 30 is wonderful! Be happy and have a great birthday!
from enfinblue :
ACK! I can't believe I missed the SOKO entry. You're so beautiful! Love the hair! And also I love the SOKO bit, thanks so much. :) As for the the other stuff...I completely understand. It's not easy. I'm going through the same thing, and have been doing so for a while.
from fifidellabon :
I lived in Brussels for a while. I miss it often, the whole country, that is! /Fifi
from fifidellabon :
Oh! Comme vous etes belle! And I am enjoying so very much your archives. I see someone from Antwerp was reading. Was that you? We loove Antwerp. So many wonderful clothing designers there. Actually, I miss Belgium more than I can tell anyone! So it is so wonderful to be reading of your diary! /Fifi
from saudades :
thanks, Anna, for your note. I really am starting to realize that. I thought I had it all under control, but then this happened. My perspective is starting to get more rational as the days go by. Hugs back at you!
from enfinblue :
I forgot. Cool about Soko! :)
from enfinblue :
I love your diary! Thanks so much for the password. And good luck with everything going on in your life right now. :) (And yes! life does begin at 30, and again at 33, and again at 35!!! :))
from enfinblue :
Also, a completely infectious song...I think I'm going to be singing it all day. :)
from enfinblue :
Yes--good song! :) I'm going to send you a note now re. the password. :)
from fifidellabon :
Already I LOVE.Your.Diary! I am yet only in 2000, and I love every word. So I've added you to my list! Now I'm off to go read more! Dank u!
from enfinblue :
Gee, I should have specified "three, single *male* communicators..." Gosh, that might be wishful thinking in itself. I seriously just. don't. understand. what is so difficult about being honest with other people...
from enfinblue :
Hi ms...So sorry that I haven't yet written you a note! And thanks for your note today. Honestly, there is no mystery greater than why a man (especially one over 40) cannot simply communicate directly. I ask men over and over why they can't just say to a woman, "I think you're nice but I'm not interested." Or something like that. Instead they always skulk away. And the same applies when they are actually interested--they need often to skulk away, at least for a time. BUt do you know what? I've decided that enough of men who are poor communicators. I'm going to look for one of the three single good communicators left in Ottawa and then will date one of them. ;)
from enfinblue :
Oops I just noticed that you are locked. No worries. :)
from enfinblue :
Nice to meet you! (I have no idea whether there is a rule. :)) It does seem as though we have quite a bit in commmon. I look forward to reading your diary. :)
from warland :
Where did you go? I miss reading you! Hope all is well. Come back sometime. Maybe?
from crestone :
Thanks! I'd love to hear about your law experiences sometime. It's been a while since I've read your journal and now I know why! I forgot to ask for your password. May I have it?
from claudiaspot :
ok...I deserve this, since I haven't been around for ages...but can I have another chance pretty please? The password? :-?? (miticla @ gmail.com)
from saudades :
yay! congratulations on live earth tickets! hope you have tons of fun. :)
from saudades :
Thank you for recommending me that Italian movie. I promise, as soon as I find it somewhere I shall see it!! And I love Before Sunrise! *kisses*, Ana
from saudades :
Hi- I noticed you have locked the diary. I am not sure if you would like others to have the password, but if you don't mind giving it to me: my e-mail is gajendra879 at yahoo dot com. I hope that you are well!
from saudades :
Yes, I am reading Du c�t� de chez Swann in English. I remember when you wrote your thoughts on Proust a few years ago. That's great, I want to finish the first volume. I am reading it rather slowly, but it's worth it. :)
from crestone :
thanks for the nice note. how are things coming with hebrew?
from saudades :
hi! you can access my myspace site at www.myspace.com/naoko73 can I see yours? you can e-mail me if you like. *a kiss!*
from saudades :
thank you! :) I got it a free layouts site. *lol* I didn't know it was Aeris from Final Fantasy -- I think. My sister plays videogames and she identified it for me.
from saudades :
I know what you mean. I also experiment, I tried to open my eyes this time, but it took a long time to work! It's very weird. I don't like having dreams like that, though there other more pleasant types of vivid dreams where I've flown. But usually I have dreams in which I feel weak or can't wake up. ^___^
from saudades :
you're welcome! ^__^ I am glad you had a nice birthday.
from outoftime :
Happy Birthday! I hope you have a great day with lots of smiling :)
from saudades :
Happy Birthday! Cheer up, many hugs!
from outoftime :
Glad to see a large portion of you Belgians got their sanity back ;)
from outoftime :
Thanks for your note. I'm still alive. Even got a job now. I start next week :)
from saudades :
good luck in your first day at university tomorrow! how exciting! :-)
from when :
if ever you need a hand with jewish studies matters, please feel free to ask me!
from saudades :
Thank you so much!! :) XOXO
from saudades :
Wow!, Wish you the best in going back to university - and that's great that you will earn more. :)
from saudades :
it sounds like you had a nice weekend, i'm glad :) hey, I know what you mean, things are fast-paced these days. I kind of don't want it to end, -- it keeps the boredom away, but we will see. best wishes! - from me, Ana
from saudades :
Yes, I have read it, in Spanish though. It's such a timeless concept that line :)
from saudades :
Really?! You've been through the same? Wow! Thanks for your note. I know... it feels so good to be able to read. I know that in part it's mostly 'cause I've read the author (Haruki Murakami) before and loved his books way back when....but still! I'm actually hopeful this "disease" of not being able to read will go away. Now I can read another one, and see if it does. :) Thanks again. (hugs)
from saudades :
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! (Hugs)
from beltwaybelle :
Hi! Thanks for adding me. Do drop a line or leave a note if you'd like the password to the private folder. Cheers!
from saudades :
thanks :) wow, i'm surprised you are still reading the diary. you're lovely, big hug~!
from candor :
Of course you're getting a password. You being overseas and all.
from ayco :
Oh, zijn we gesloten op zondagen? Of voor wat langer? -ayco-
from saudades :
I was really surprised you locked your diary. I really hope that you are okay. <3 Hope you come back soon.
from outoftime :
Hey, alles in orde?
from soka :
It's been awhile since I have read your diary. (I don't know if you remember me from about 3 years ago, but I am back now at diaryland). I remember that I loved reading your diary, so now I'm trying to catch up for lost time. :)
from tofugirl :
Hi! I loved reading your diary.... And I have link on my page.. However, your diary is locked now. I do hope that everything is ok, and it will be unlocked soon. If it is staying locked, may I have a password? I couldn't think of another way of contacting you, since I don't know your email address, I thought I would leave a note on diaryland. -tofugirl
from kateinlove :
Hello. I'm just letting you know that you (well, i think its you) are a googlewhack. "existentialist marjoram". Well done!
from explodingboy :
i liked the music it went well with the video and weird reflections. Todays eb entry is about crime and law and love. i think you might like it. Hope all is well - eb*
from warland :
Answer to question one. No, but I would like to read every entry. Response to your statement "didn't know my... was so interesting." You must know, because your diary has many fans. I'm just one of many. Please don't lock. You speak from the heart with honesty and sincerity and have the ability to express every emotion with vivid clarity and frankness. I'm very much impressed and not the least bit obsessed. You make me smile and laugh. Please don't be offended, my heart and mind are pure. You (your words) are so refreshing and enlightening. I sense that writing is therapeutic for you. I know reading your pages are for me...a fresh breeze after a rain shower on a hot August afternoon...If you really want me to stay out I will surely abide by your wishes, but with much sorrow and a deep sense of regret that I have in some way offended you. I hope this is not so.
from explodingboy :
if you are locked forever, I would like to request a readers pass. hope all is well. cheers eb* ([email protected])
from jennyj :
Sorry - kind of a mistake! It's unlocked now...
from alain-delon :
oh, hello...it's Miss Jackson if you're nasty
from coffeeadikt :
At first I thought your name was "Martha Stewart" at which point I began screaming like a little girl. You're cooler by a factor of about 13,000 by the way.
from soka :
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
from soka :
Thanks for caring about how I am...I'm okay, and I will try to update more often...I'm just so busy at school, but I will make more time for writing about my life,...it has been pretty exciting. I will catch up on reading your entries then too...miss you!!
from tinkagrrl :
hey, found your diary by chance. Congrats on your graduation (I'm envious) and I saw you like dEUS: cool!!!
from mary45 :
Hi! Are you also a fan of Maria Stuart? At this time I read a big book, in which the story of Maria Stuart is told! Perhaps we can talk about this wonderfull women of the 16th century! my e-mail adress is: [email protected]
from menthe :
I've been wondering all the time where you live... Your life sounds so interesting with all those writer friends and poetry readings... such intellectual... hih... I adore your diary. It is so warm and friendly :)
from strongerthan :
If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it--wait, you're not a Man. DOH !

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