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i couldn't help but notice your pretty description of your future tattoos... hehe it just so happens that i have one of which you described... the vines on the foot..hehe. anyways you have an interresting diary. and if you ever happen to walk by that rasta sexnympho give him a well handled punch from me. blessed be. carine:*

from sarahsundae :

Oh-you go girl with all those men! woohoo!!

from shanmeid :

Your update was exactly what I needed. A very good friend of mine has recently being diagnosed with BP and I've been trying to understand what made her walk out the house, leave her kids and husband behind and disappear for a weekend. She decided, on coming home, drunk and very confused, to book into a clinic and thats where they told her she has BP. You just gave me greater clarity and more of a reason to stand by her and not let her down. I've been a bit afraid to go visit her, but I shouldn't be afraid. Imagine how afraid she feels. Thank you... here's to many more updates!

from neurosciguy :

Hey there! I just accidentally bumped into your diary. My mom has bipolar and eating disorders as well. I have some bipolar myself, but nothing serious. Just thought it was funny to have accidentally bumped into someone with similar problems. Leave me a note if you want to caht sometime. Cheers, Pat

from imabrat2 :

I'm so sorry about princess. **hugs**

from sarahsundae :

Oh honey, I am so sorry to hear about Princess. Ferrets are the best. I wish they lived longer. We have loved and lost a few, so I know what you are going through. //hugs

from sarahsundae :

Hope the date went well.

from sarahsundae :

I�m glad you updated my sweet. I have been thinking of you.

from me-destruitt :

I guess if one must have an addiction, clothes would be a good choice. Glad to see you back, Chica. You've been missed.

from bella-aura :

YAY! youre back!

from imabrat2 :

Welcome back!! I missed your entries. I hope all is well.

from sarahsundae :

I'm so glad you are back!! //hugs I missed you! Job? Do tell!

from sarahsundae :

I like your new layout. Know that i am here for you sweetie. //hugs

from luxelady :

you SHOULD feel liberated!! what an ASSSSSS! (that's ass with SIX s's!!) you go on with your bad self!!

from pornoviolent :

She-Monster: Starred in the 1962 film "THe AStounding She-Monster". Her special powers are that she can glow. And when she glows she can kill you with her fingertip. She also walks backwards out of rooms and is bulletproof. I guess you could say "low-budget" special effects, but still definitely one of my favorite movies. Just watching her walk around glowing turns me on. She eventually is killed when a man throws acid at her, but she lives in the hearts of americans.... i don't get this journal.

from sarahsundae :

//hugs

from sarahsundae :

you DO look cute! good luck sweets!

from sarahsundae :

yeah for the interview! good luck! btw-everyone should have an earl-that is my hubby's name. =)

from sarahsundae :

how long have you been on the Lamictal? Did you have any side effects? I'm thinking of starting it. I dunno.

from sarahsundae :

dave is god to you-scott weiland god to me. i can totally see how that is. if i knew someone who looked like scott i would be in big trouble. BIG trouble.

from sarahsundae :

oh hon you are not alone with the wacked out messed up family things. I have 4 sisters. I share a dad with 2. Share a mom with 2. My Mum left my sisters Dad for my Dad. Alcoholism? Oh honey-I know all about that, too. And drug issues. That is a big thing. Oh and my oldest sister is 13 years older then me. //hugs

from clashluver :

I have fibromyalgia too. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. I'm sorry you're stuck with it too. -Mikaylah B.

from sarahbum :

Hey. I just wanted to tell you that i added you to my buddy list if that is alright. If it isnt just tell me and i will take you off of it. Sarah

from sarahsundae :

//hugs

from comfortm :

i had to lock my diary. heres the username:thiscantbe password:life please keep reading!

from sarahsundae :

welcome back sweets!

from ghostofgor :

All I learned from that flipside site was that there was glitter, and shaven monkeys. How does one not leave a trace with all that fucking glitter? I personally would burst into flames upon he sun hitting this skin. but the idea of diffrent people indulging in things other than societies bitchyness is a good thing. Even if I wouldnt so not fit in.....have fun.

from sabathine :

the spider is still unfound! but you could be right about the gender... such a powerful spider might be female afterall..

from sarahsundae :

don't be jealous-the wellbutrin thing wears off after awhile, trust me.

from sabathine :

hi there, thanks for adding me, mine if i read your journal?

from summergrrl :

thanx for the support babe!! :)

from xperi-mental :

Thanks for the note, I love your template! *hugs*

from krugerpak007 :

Go girl! :-)

from sarahsundae :

better pretzels then candy. //hugs

from jazzyana :

Thanks so much =). I took it to the car shop this morning, and that's what they told me too. But I didn't believe them. Two opinions are better than one !

from imabrat2 :

Hey, at least you trade one for the other. Sometimes I drink, smoke, binge and purge, binge and not purge....all in the same day.

from ghostofgor :

As wonderful a compliment it is, I can only laugh when I think back to the eHarmony personality profile, and that no one could be matched to me. Ironic isnt it?

from imabrat2 :

Cute shoes! I'm shoe crazy too. At last count I had 73 pairs. Kind of crazy I guess, but they make me happy. :-)

from miss-k2 :

I hope it's enough sometimes for you to know that there are people who don't even know you, who care.

from sarahsundae :

We bipolars only understand each other. My husband has such a hard time with me. I hate how I drive him crazy sometimes.

from jazzyana :

Cool shoes chick =).

from icomeundone :

i thank you for adding me. please keep in touch and let's be friends. i am adding you as well. be strong darling <3

from bluerelic :

RANDOM! http://quotebook.diaryland.com/

from imabrat2 :

You could have been talking about me in your 2nd entry on 2/24 and I too ask myself that same question. I am doing better but it is a struggle every day. Good luck. :-)

from emptyempty :

Hey there. Umm sorry to bug you but I just noticed you'd put me on your list, and apparently it looks like you have me mixed up with comfortm cause on the description you put something about a parent passing away and all- and that's not me that's her.. just thought I'd let you know, don't mean to offend or anything! :)

from perfectnever :

I just spent a nice chunk of change on some pills myself. *sigh*

from sarahsundae :

obese? come on! you are not even close to that sweetie.

from sarahsundae :

i've never been friends with my Aunt Flo either. Probably because she started visiting me so darn early in life.

from jalepee :

I hope you don't think me forward, but I think you're such a beautiful being and a very feeling soul. Chanced upon your diary as you were updating it and couldn't stop reading since! (Well, I had to stop since it's 3 in the morning now and I'm really outta sorts. :D) Don't stop writing! I'm too big of a blog voyeur. Oh yes, and I completely agree with you about how the perfect guy needs to have great eyes. Mmm, in my books, they should have gorgeous looking hands too. ;)

from luxelady :

hey congrats on the new piercings!! i always love it when i get something new done - enjoy!!

from laura-ly :

It must be really hard knowing that you no longer love him, and V-day will inevitably be awkward, but just hang in there. No woman deserves to be disrespected, nor live with the things that he did, but things will get better. You're a good person, so everything will work out in the end. Love ya.

from sarahsundae :

Mood stabilizers, huh? Being bipolar, I should be on one, too, but don't want to be that zombie person again. I'm up, I'm down, I'm up, I'm down..I can't function without my Wellbutrin though.

from ghostofgor :

not to sound cliche, but you just freaked me out. Not an hour after clicking one of your banners, by sheer chance, you added me to your list. Scary,l but then again thats the story of My life. Best wishes, GOG

from oceans-depth :

You write beautifully and your real interesting too<3 Deja

from the-olny-one :

thanks for droping me a note, and thanks for the uplifting words, i needed it

from luxelady :

hey girl congrats on your decision! you can stand on your own two feet and you'll rock doing it too!!

from imabrat2 :

Your latest entry sounds so much like me. My first marriage was so awful I haven't even written about it yet. Check out my 1/21 entry to read about my second. I am on number 3 now...I guess I just don't know when to give up. You deserve the best, don't settle for less.

from sarahsundae :

oh hon-I know exactly what you mean. I need to be saved from me, too.

from jazzyana :

Hey Perfect! I just wanted to say you should be proud of yourself for recognizing what you need, and putting yourself first. Marriage can always always wait. Just make yourself happy! Love comes eventually... Love Jazzy!

from imabrat2 :

Thank you. :-)

from imabrat2 :

When I update on a network system computer can people actually get into my diary?

from sarahsundae :

when is your birthday, sweetpea?

from sarahsundae :

oh yeah, the bipolar moods SUCK if you ask me. I had been manic for so long that when I came down, I crashed. Now I'm up again and hope to be for a long time.

from clubbehavior :

Hey, thanks for adding me to your faves :) I am flattered.

from clubbehavior :

I like your diary. I don't know why, but it appeals to me. Like a bowl of... potatoes. Hmm, random. I must be hungry. Anyway, I shall add you to my favorites.

from comfortm :

hi i noticed i'm on your friends list...i had to lock my diary for personal reasons for a week or so so i am giving you the password etc... username: thiscantbe pass:life keep reading thanks.

from cactustree :

Deeply moving diary. Keep talking -- I'm listening.

from sarahsundae :

Get off the Effexor! I am telling you it is what is driving you mad. I was the same way, even though I was only on it for a few months. Yes, it did take away the depression, but it fucked me up. I was a zombie. I did nothing. I cut myself to feel myself. I hated myself and wanted to die. I know you want to get help, but maybe the Effexor is not the anti-depressant for you sweetie. It wasn't for me.

from angelkitt65 :

Hey I just started reading through your archives. I used to go to UT and hearing you talk about Texas makes me think of the good times (lol all like 5 months i was there) I am now in Indiana and I was wondering what part your family is from? In one of your entries you said something about people living off of Applebees and some Chinese place and that sounds exactly like the town i live in (which is columbus btw) Take care!

from laura-ly :

I've been vegan for 3 1/2 years, and while I don't crave meat, I dream (more like have nightmares) about eating it. And in my dreams it's like I don't realize what I'm doing is odd. Really disturbing.

from sarahsundae :

oh honey. i hate to hear that you are trying to get rid of your food again. //hugs

from sarahsundae :

mood swings are the worse. Since I started the Wellbutrin I haven't had any.

from sarahsundae :

omg! Skinny guys freaking me out, too. My husband is around 50-60 pounds heavier then me and I like him that way. I think it's because my father was a big guy, too, you know? Have a great holiday sweetie. You deserve it. I will miss your posts until Monday.

from laura-ly :

I have the same exact problem. I always had regular bowl movements until my first brush w/ anorexia...at one point when I was restricting at my "best", I literally didn't go for over 2 months. Now it seems no matter how much fiber I eat, I don't go more than once a week. What I think it is is that our bodies are in "starvation mode" and keep the food as long as possible; suck out every last calorie before it gets rid of anything. I hope you find something that works for you soon! Let me know if you do!

from sarahsundae :

oh honey-I hope you feel better. Isn't there something your doc could do? I have issues sometimes as well, but I found by eating plenty of fiber and having my coffee (it works as a great laxie-really) I can keep regular. //hugs

from xemowhorex :

hey not to be a stalker or anything but what city do you live in? see i have a friend in martinez, ca who is doing an aprentice type thing with a massage therapist out there. and i was thinking that if you were in the same area she would probably hook you up for reall cheap if not free just for the practice.

from sarahsundae :

hugs sweetie. I am here for you.

from sarahsundae :

//hugs to my sweet pb! So-we are both bi-polar, huh? Dancing naked around the fire sounds fun. I would enjoy that I'm sure.

from sarahsundae :

i hope the hospital helped. And I know exactly what you mean about having to go to the er. I spent a night at a hospital once and to do that, I had to go to the er as well. //hugs

from laura-ly :

I hope you get all of your medical problems taken care of soon...you are in so much pain and mental anguish, I really do feel for you. I've actually considered hurting myself simply for attention because people couldn't see how bad I was and I knew they didn't understand. My dad has a thyroid problem, he literally doesn't have the gland at all, and without his daily medication he would die. Before he knew about it he was extremely sick all of the time, overweight despite how little he ate, and very irritable and depressed. I know you have other problems, too, but I'm sure you'll feel much better once you get that under control. For my dad it took awhile to get his meds just right and for him to be able to function properly. BTW...always nice when someone shares a pic...nice to get to put a face with these letters on a screen. You're adorable! Good luck and take care.

from sarahsundae :

you are so cute and pretty! tiny tiny tiny!

from sarahsundae :

hugs honey! Thanks so much for being so sweet. I hope this feeling never ends! I love being happy all the time. honestly! BTW-my husband calls me Mama all the time and he isn't hispanic. LOL! Just know I am here for you if you need anything.

from drowningblue :

Hey, I don't think I've ever left you a note but I've been keeping up with your diary for some time now. I just wanted to comment on how you said that Brian mentioned going to see a psychologist to help "deal" with you. One of my good friends is actually in the same kind of position he is in. Her fiancee is bipolar and she started going to counceling to help her understand it and everything. It has improved their relationship like 100 percent. it has helped her to get some perspective on what to do when he gets depressed or manic and how she should react. Before she would always get so frustrated and everything, but now she has some understanding that it's not his fault and not something he can snap out of. People who have never felt horrible depression like we have, have no basis to understand. It's not possible to relate because depression is so unimaginably horrible. Anyways, I'm not sure if this makes sense but I would really consider maybe having him go. Oh well, I hope you are having a good day! you deserve it! xxxooo

from sarahsundae :

Congrats on not eating any of the food at work. That is something I deal with everyday. I'm part American Indian as well. About 1/4 or something like that. It's from my father's side of the family. Black Foot actually. I look 100% Irish though.

from sarahsundae :

The song is by Matchbox 20. Sorry to hear about your ferret sweetie. We lost one to the same thing.

from sarahsundae :

hugs and thanks for the birthday wishes my friend.

from sarahsundae :

//hugs

from jazzyana :

Helo ! It's good to have you back! I really enjoy your postings! Good luck getting yourself and the new cat back into shape! =)

from sarahsundae :

Congrats! Oh I am so happy for you honey! You sounded like you had a great time on your trip! Congrats on your engagment! Oh that is wonderful! Thank you for the postcard, too. You made my day. I am so glad to hear you had such a great time and all. Don't worry about the weight thing. You know you can lose it. I gained, too and I know it will come off in time. I am so happy for you! New kitty! Woohoo!

from sarahsundae :

eeeeh! I was just thinking of you and you POSTED! I was thinking about how i missed you! I hope you are having fun. I emailed you back but I don't know if you got it in time or not. I am glad you are having fun. I am jealous! Miss you my friend!!!! And you won't be fat. You aren't fat. In the back of your head, you are being carefull, if not just a smidge. Miss you! Can't wait to hear more! //hugs 102903

from toshchaya :

New: tiny/again.

from toshchaya :

The username/password will be help/me when I get around to locking it. Thanks for asking!

from toshchaya :

Have fun on your trip!!!

from jazzyana :

Have fun in Scotland! I'm jealous! We will miss you!

from sarahsundae :

Oh! I will miss your updates! I love your diary so! But have the BEST time on your trip. I am jealous. Our trip to London was the most amazing thing last summer. Have a blast. Don't worry about food. I didn't. Enjoy yourself. Have fun. I look forward to hearing all about your time there. 101703

from bootlckr :

My fiance loves his computer, too! It's ALWAYS a fight with us. So I definetly know where you are coming from. By the way, I am ed-nos, as well. I have my bootlckr journal which my fiance has access to. My other one is coldburn, it's my ED one.

from jazzyana :

I just found your diary today and I have really enjoyed getting to know this part of you... I think you are interesting and strong. I am ana as well, I'm a 20 y.o. Accounting student. Well, I just wanted to say hi.

from sarahsundae :

WOW! I wouldn't want to take that either. I am so afraid to go up to 150mg of Effexor because I am so scared I will gain!

from sarahsundae :

I hear you. I know what you are going through. I have the same issues, as you know.

from fat-ana :

Yeah, I know what you mean! Its scary to think about how our bodies need these pills! I read up on all these new articles in Psychology Today about how Effexor and Paxil are the most addictive anti-depressants. And I started taking Paxil first! Ahh! I don't want to take any pills at all.. were better off without them. Take care of yourself.

from fat-ana :

do you get dizzy and theres an electric-shock type feeling in your body when you forget to take effexor? i'm just wondering, because i've been taking effexor for awhile now, and i get like that. i wondered if you did to. <3

from krugerpak007 :

I get the exact same way when I forget my Effexor. I hope you are feeling better!:-)Kathy

from sarahsundae :

*****hugs******** [email protected] if you need to talk hon. you are so NOT huge! But I know what you are going through. Thank goodness we have such great men to help us through, huh? i am here for you should you need me.

from sarahsundae :

WOW! I just read your diary and can I just say we have so much in common! I added you as a favorite. Thank you for adding me. I am in awe right now. I just started Effexor a little over a month ago and although it has helped, I know how hard it maybe to stop (my sister is also on it). And the skin picking-I have been doing it for along time now but lately I have been really bad with it. Picking my scalp until it bleeds...but I am happy to have "met" you!

from breakthemold :

oopsi! i meant PURGING down below. lol, not binging - cuz you sure didn't. either way, binging is bad, too. heh. good for you when you don't do either! lol

from breakthemold :

i admire you for stopping yourself from binging. it was very strong from you, and you'll beat this thing yet. ;-) xoxox

from krugerpak007 :

I am so proud that you managed to stop yourself. You are doing well and managed to control yourself which is great. Take care of yourself! Kathy

from toshchaya :

Thighs are my worst enemy or best friend ...Ugghh I HATE sitting down too, and I despise being in the 140's. You have been through so much, and seem so strong. Good luck!

from breakthemold :

you want to help others, but you can barely help yourself. . .boy, can i relate?!

from krugerpak007 :

Take care honey! Glad I came across your diary. I will be back!:-)Kathy

from sylviashadow :

138 is a few LESS then what I way..more then a few..I'm about 145 now..I think you are doing great.--sylviashadow

from tears-drop :

i'm number 2 also. i havn't been in it as long as you have, since i'm only 17.5, but it's been hell since i was 12. i've touched on nearly everything, & now i'm back to ana again. it's really hard trying to hide it from everyone, trying to get them all to believe that your fine when it kills you to lie to them. i wish you luck with it all. -Saitta

from toshchaya :

Your diary is awesome, and what a lovely layout! So many things I could relate to in your diary, and we seem to write about similar things. For example you wrote an entry going over your body inch by inch like I did. That was pretty neat. :) You can have some butt, by the way; I'm a white girl afflicted with a ghetto bootie. :) Think thin thoughts and keep up the good work!!

from a-nymph :

all the best of luck in this endeavor! (http://shrinkodebt.diaryland.com)

from fat-bride-2b :

I love the new look of your diary....Good for you for going gold. Thanks for the advice on the taco bell! I did so bad already this weekend, I want to cry. Your doc will probly tell you your neck paign is due to stress... Last time I complained she put me on paxil for a month...UMMMMM paxil. Good luck. I too hate weekend meals....

from fat-bride-2b :

Hi! I am so glad you are updating more. You are honestly the best diary that I read. I am very interested in your vegan lifestyle! I loved what you said about the apple vinegar (taking it just in case it works)..So funny. I hope all is going well for you and that your trip went well. Hang in there.

from go-ana :

Keep up the good work and DOn't LET Stop-Pro-Ana shut you down!!!

from sharpsecret :

its hard fighting to be thin,i cant stop until im beautiful aswell.takecare though hun x <3 x

from fat-bride-2b :

There must be positivity in the air tonite I swear! Everyone I follow has had some sort of positive thinking today. I am glad you say you have a boyfried who loves you the way you are! Me too....Doesn't it make all the difference in the world? Good luck....

from poshgrrl :

hi I like your diary please jion my pro ana forum http://poshgrrl.proboards13.com

from great-cat :

Hey girlie. Thank you so much for your advice about my womanly problem. Unfortunately I am on the Pill, have been for several years, which is what makes this so weird. I guess I'll have to suck it up and go to the doc next week (ewwwww). Thanks again and I hope you're doing well. =)

from xemowhorex :

dear god woman, how do you exercise so much... i get so exhausted just from and hour at the gym... you are incredible.

from fat-bride-2b :

Ran across your diary and it made me feel like someone finally understands. Good that you get to where you feel comfortable before your bf proposes because look what is happening to me! I am 200 and my wedding is in 7 months! Keep fighting the fight, only you can decide when you win or lose.

from just-fine :

I can relate to some of your thoughts, just reading through random entries...I don't feel like i deserve to eat either. I really hope things get better for you. Claire xox

from sysiphus :

Hello, I was just reading your diary, about the thyroid thing. I just wanted to know... when did it develop and how was it diagnosed? was it hard to get treatment? You see, I've had a lot of problems this year that seem thyroid-related and I just wanted to know how it is for other people, so I can see if I need treatment. P.S. Your diary's cool :)

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