DiaryLand members area

thanks for the note <3 I love you & think of you also <3 I'm sorry the father of your child is the way he is...unfortunately I have no advice to give either, because I do not have a baby and I could never shoulder such a huge responsibility. whatever path you choose for yourself and her, I'm sure that when she gets old enough she will understand. I'm sorry about your situation. I can't imagine what you're going through. you are so strong...do whatever is necessary for survival, like you've always done.

from shanmeid :

For the life of me, I can't remember your password... Please send :)

from enurta :

hi sweetie. it's been a while since u updated so I felt really happy that you had written a new entry! u want to see Stockholm, huh? would be cool to meet. and btw, so u have a cellphone? if u do, e-mail me the number if u feel like it. and I can send back mine to you. would be cool to text, sometimes u are away from d-land for very long. anyways, glad u got money. a trip around the world sounds awesome!! <3

from shanmeid :

Happy New Year to you... Perhaps this is the one that doesn't disappear without realisations and no moving forward! I love you! Happy travels, when you get going! <3

from shanmeid :

I love you! *hugs* He doesn't know what he's lost! <3 <3 <3

from shanmeid :

what if's are the most painful... and yes, haunting never goes away! there is no such thing as closure :'( I love you... <3

from enurta :

'Only after disaster can we be resurrected' think of it that way. I don't know what happened but I hope things will be better for you in the near future.

from enurta :

hey hun, I got a new computer so all the passwords are gone....can u send me yours? so I can keep reading? hope you are alright. *hugs*

from shanmeid :

I figured it out! LOL! ;) Your journey is inspiring! I just want to hug you because I need some of that!

from shanmeid :

it's me :) what's ur user/pass? i can't get in :( <3

from enurta :

please don't cut :( do you have my cellphone number btw? I can send it in an e-mail. you can text me anytime, I don't care if it's in the middle of the night, early in the morning or in the afternoon. just know that I care. and that I'm here. love you hun.

from enurta :

if you have that kind of money, you are one lucky lady. do what your gut tells you. But also remember that an opportunity like this might never come again. Love you!!! MWAH!! ps. i hope your kineys get better soon.

from enurta :

thanks for the note. but when *anyone* writes anything kind about me...it feels like they're talking about someone else. I feel so selfish. love you too *hugs*

from enurta :

<3 :) :D :)

from enurta :

thank you for being there for me...it means a lot and I love you too, my sister from another mister :P *hugs*

from enurta :

Thanks for the note�thank you for saying those nice things about me. For some reason though, I only remember the bad stuff people have said to me. I forget all the good. It�s like it doesn�t matter. I�ll always want monster�s approval. I can�t stop loving him no matter how much he hurts me. In the present and in the past. I still love him and it hurts so bad, I wish I could stop caring. Nobody understands. He abused me, molested me, but still I forgive him even though he has never said �sorry�. And I can�t bring myself to hate him. I just don�t have it in me. I can�t hate anyone.

from enurta :

so glad to read you are happy. animals are like angels in disguise. i truly believe that. they have healing power...<3 *hugs*

from shanmeid :

Yayness! I'm an idiot! I didn't even think to check out Bruno's page... duh! I'm glad you're okay and that you're H-A-P-P-Y-!-!-! :) I love you lots <3

from shanmeid :

You've erased yourself :( Please email me. Send me a number or something, if you've got a new phone. I want to know where you are. If you've set any plans in motion. Please, please, please!!! I love you! <3

from enurta :

thank you so much for the support. love you too hun! *hugs*

from enurta :

I'm so sorry about your grandpa *hugs*

from shanmeid :

Ha ha! You made 'The Gorgeous'. I forgot to mention that the recipe is 2 servings! LOL! I'm done with cocktails for a little while. I sort of did myself in on New Years with that Cherry Kirsh. I found another cocktail to make, Cherry Mojito and well, let's just say it took me a day or so to feel human again. :) I tried to phone you and enurta, not realising, in my drunkenness, that I don't have international roaming. :( I'm glad you're having a good time on the road and getting reaquainted with your natural roots. I <3 you too!

from shanmeid :

If it's Africa you want, you know you have a home to come to. :) It might be small, with a sleeper couch, but you can come and soak up the summer sun for as long as you need. If I was single we could do a house swop or something grand like that. Oh the possibilities are endless! I think you'd like it here. It does get a bit hot (okay, very hot) but it's awesome. The first place I'd take you to would be the Wild Coast (Transkei). It's very rural and just long stretches of coastline. Absolutely amazing! *hugs* xoxo

from shanmeid :

It's like an echo, your words, bouncing around in my head. I hate that I know exactly how you feel. I hate that I feel the same way and I don't want anyone else to be feeling that same despair. *Hugs* <3

from shanmeid :

It's so easy to avoid everything and just carry on as though everything's okay. Making decisions is never an easy thing to do. Follow your heart. Sometimes it's okay to just follow your heart. xoxo

from enurta :

I'm glad you started updating again but I wish you didn't feel the way you do...wish I could help. you can e-mail me anytime, if you need to talk. I'm here. and I always will be. love you <3

from shanmeid :

Dream's of 'what if' always get to me. Especially when you can remember them. I wake with a sense loss that will stay with me for days. I wonder why that is?

from shanmeid :

I finally come on here and am thrilled to see an update but I don't have your password anymore :( Please resend it to me. I hope you still have my email address. I've been wondering about you! :)

from enurta :

i've lost your password again :( damn me. or have you changed it? lucky strike doesn't work. can you please e-mail it to me again? I've missed you so much and I'm dying to know how you are doing. my email addy is [email protected] *hugs and kisses /E*

from enurta :

when did you start using? does your bf use too? it's not too late to stop. you can get help. i love you *hugs*

from enurta :

V is one of the voices I hear in my head. He makes all the decisions, he is the one in charge. I hear 5 other voices but V is my friend. I trust him even though I shouldn't....

from enurta :

what kind of drug are you addicted to? can't you get help? you need help if you are in trouble. i don't want to see you get hurt. <3

from enurta :

happy birthday :) and happy valentine's day :) *hugs*

from enurta :

happy anniversary! for how long have you guys been together? or are you married? can't seem to remember...sorry about my stupid question. *hugs*

from enurta :

you really think so? thanks :)

from enurta :

'I am good enough. I do deserve the best that life has to offer, and if it won't come to me I'll just have to go out and get it.' You are SO RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

from enurta :

I'm glad you've decided to take care of your body, eat healthy and take vitamins...that is great :) sorry the trip didn't turn out the way you had hoped. i love you! *hugs*

from enurta :

i forgot to ask...where are u going?

from enurta :

post some pix of your new tattoo!! i want to see it :) and i will pray for you. *hugs*

from shanmeid :

hey love your pics. glad to finally put a face to a name. take care hun'... <3

from enurta :

about getting a new diary, you really should! but don't leave diaryland :( just create a new account. love you! you are beautiful as always. <3

from enurta :

nice tattoo! is it yours? and that pic of your back...is that YOUR back? I think I've seen that pic in pro-ana/mia sites...someone has gotten hold of that picture. did you know? or maybe I am just confused...I don't know. but i am almost sure I've seen that pic before in a pro ana site

from enurta :

shit, n did something to the computer...installed firefox or something now the user/pass to your diary is lost. can you please send it to me again?

from enurta :

hey! who is the mystery man? You should write more about him, I want to know who is making you happy! So if he doesn�t�I can hunt him down and chop his balls off. Love you! <3

from fade-intoyou :

Hi. I don't know if you are updating anymore, but I'm requesting your password. My email is [email protected] Thanks!

from xxplaydeadxx :

I need your flipping password!!!

from enurta :

'-Knowing that at a moments notice I could hop a train, hitch hike, and now even afford a plane ticket to anywhere I fucking feel like it' YAY!!! come visit me sweetie :) come to stockholm, we would have so much fun. <3

from enurta :

Yeah. you're right. but I think I need closure. i need to know for sure if he has changed or not. i don't want to give up on him. i want to give him a chance. i love you too. i miss you. when are you going to send me that letter? i want to see pics :)

from enurta :

it's the same....*hugs*

from shanmeid :

hey... i now u won't b reading this anytime soon, but i am thinking of u. i'm sorry at how thing have turned out. don't blame urself tho' and hurt urself because of what others do... i know it's hard to not let it get to u, but ur 'i don't give a fuck' philosophy is ur best friend right now... don't let others choices and bad habits make u anything less than the magnificient person u are. they have no right to diminish you to nonsense and u have no right to let them. be proud and stand tall because u are wonderful and u are brave. <3

from shanmeid :

Happy Winter Solstice to me and Summer to you! *lol* Joys of living in the Southern Hemisphere. We're practically on opposite ends of the world. <3

from shanmeid :

That's a damn good philosophy... wish I couldn't care, but I care too much! Txs for all the support <3

from shanmeid :

That's right... just live! <3

from shanmeid :

I love it when you get all philosophical! How was the trip? What's alaska like? I've always wanted to go there! <3

from shanmeid :

i'm wishing you all the best... travel safe and please don't be a stranger! all my love <3

from enurta :

Good luck with your journey.

from shanmeid :

good luck <3

from shanmeid :

sorry... a bit late in replying, but what r u going to do? i wish for u that there was a clear cut reason to cut off ties, but u have the best of both world right now and making a choice is terrible. i feel for u... <3

from shanmeid :

user/pass please ;) [email protected]

from enurta :

why did you lock your diary? what happened??? e-mail the user/pass to [email protected] I hope you are alright. I love you <3 xxx

from enurta :

the words you use are beautiful. you're really talented, maybe you should become a writer? many people would read your book. just a thought :)

from shanmeid :

It's a process of finding the root and cutting it out. Getting over past transgressions. Trying to heal yourself. Isn't this why you started this mission 365? To remember and then be able to let go. Sort of a self-therapy. Things happen and we can't always control it. If I had to beat myself up over all the fucked up things I've ever done, I don't know how I'd ever survive. Or maybe I'm just a coward and okay with living with being the horrible person I am. Who knows! But the point is... don't blame yourself for things that aren't in your control. I wouldn't ever want to be on the receiving end of finding out that you're gone. Even tho' we've never met... that is if anyone would even let us know. Imagine how we'd all feel if you just stopped writing... we'd always be wondering and we'd never be able to let go either. *big hugs* O' and pls email me your postal address. [email protected]

from enurta :

I wish you lived here so I could help you. I am so worried and scared. I don't want you to die :( PLEASE, tell someone about this problem. Your family probably would help! Tell your dad or something...someone, anyone who can help.

from enurta :

Hey, I sent the letter 3 days ago. I think you'll get it next week (hopefully). At the end of the week perhaps. I'm glad you've met someone you like :) It's nice to see you happy! <3

from enurta :

Sweetie, please, ask for help! Don't you have any family that can help you with money? Your situation is serious, I wish I could help but I'm too far away. I don�t want you to end up in the hospital! Isn�t there any state funded help out there? Love you, take care <3

from shanmeid :

hi, please leave me your email address and i'll maill you the user/pass ;) missed you! will try to catch up later today. i've also been away for a month! lots of love <3

from enurta :

I love you too! I was really worried when you disappeared. You disappeared in September, you were gone for six months. I thought you were dead but I prayed you were happy wherever you were. I hoped you were alive. And here you are! Words cannot express how glad I am that you are back! I missed you a lot. This maybe sounds selfish but I don't want you to disappear again! I still want to send you a letter. Do you still have the same address as before? (Don't know if I can find that e-mail you wrote me though, it was a long time ago). Can you please e-mail it again? I will be writing today. I want to send you something special! I want you to know you have a friend, even if I live far away. I still care and love you unconditionally. My e-mail is [email protected] I tried e-mailing you two months ago but your account didn't exist anymore :/

from enurta :

just promise me you won't end up like her.

from enurta :

aw. virginia wolf! I love that quote.

from xxplaydeadxx :

and I'm baaaaack. :P Aw man. :( It really is terrible that you went through a lot of shit in the last few months. I'm so fucking proud of you for getting past things and starting over. That's very admirable. I'm trying to get past my problems too right now, and I think I just found new inspiration of you. So if you don't mind, I think I'll think about you and your problems and you working to fix them when things get harder....is that fine by you? Oh god...I am truly sorry that your ovary is destroyed now. But...maybe it's a good thing, in a way. You can do a lot of good for the kids you will adopt. I am right there with you about not wanting to have kids. But I've alwaysss wanted to adopt. And never babies. Older kids, the ones that will be stuck there for years and years b/c they're not tiny little newbies. I think you'd be a great mom. And I'm also glad that you see Jim for how he really is instead of wanting the prick back. Good for you. =D Ok. I guess I'll buzz off now. :) Have a great day, lovey. ♥

from xxplaydeadxx :

Gooood. Glad it made you happy. :) username: stay pw: out. =D ♥

from xxplaydeadxx :

Dude it's about fucking time you came back!!!!! I've been waiting ohsopatiently for you to update. I'm glad you're alive. I'd have to kick your arse if you weren't. :P So how have you been?!

from enurta :

omg! I am so glad you are okay! I thought something had happened to you :(

from enurta :

hey. where did you go? it's been a month or something since your last entry. are you alright? i miss you. i hope you are feeling good wherever you are. <3

from shanmeid :

hey hun', when you gonna send me your user/password? missing out on entries... <3

from shanmeid :

me me... I want to read... [email protected] Lots of love! O' mail me your postal address too when your about it! <3

from enurta :

hello. you locked your diary. may i still read it? email the user/pass to [email protected] if it's alright that I read your diary. i love you <3

from xxplaydeadxx :

i want in!!!! ♥

from xxplaydeadxx :

i wanna see! =)

from enurta :

I wish I could get a tattoo! But I�m too scared of needles, what are you going to get? How big is it? One color, a lot of colors? You should post pics when it�s done!! I�d love to see what it looks like.

from shanmeid :

big hugs hun' <3

from xxplaydeadxx :

no! dammit. you need to STICK AROUND! because i love you bunches. k? k. <3

from purgingme :

girl get your meds worked out. its so important, but you know that. switching them up makes things worse. its good to hear from you though. take care. xo sharla

from shanmeid :

hey hun... your poetry is beautiful. hang in there <3

from enurta :

you are not a loser! <3

from shanmeid :

:D you really shouldn't compare your life to theirs because in everything, at least you've experienced life and it's taught you to be a survivor. Wherever you decide to go to, you will always have to ability to make your dreams reality becaue you'll have the power to fight all the things that stand in your way <3

from enurta :

�So I'm singing songs as loud as I can, dancing around the apartment...I always want to be this way.� your entry made me smile. of course you've experienced and seen more than they will ever do. Glad you've realized that. Be happy. You deserve it. And you are so beautiful, wish I could hear you sing <3

from xxplaydeadxx :

yes, you will be ok. it's good to hear you say that. (well READ, whatever) ;) <3333

from xxplaydeadxx :

i wish i could go give that person that found you a great big hug. =) goooood. she shouldn't blab so much. haha. take care, love.

from xxplaydeadxx :

i'm glad you haven't given up too. <3

from shanmeid :

wtf what? hope everything's ok hun' <3

from xxplaydeadxx :

no you're not. you're nice. and smart. ok? and you can keep going. <3

from shanmeid :

congratulations ;) I am very very very proud of you! *big hugs* <3

from xxplaydeadxx :

it makes me feel so good that you think about me like that. mostly i'm told that i'm 'cold and heartless' which i know isn't true. i love a lot of people deeply...if they deserve it that is. but i also tell people what i think about them. so....yeah. thank you so much for that note. it made me happy. =) i wish better than the bestestest for you. =P take care. <3 you to death. ~danielle

from xxplaydeadxx :

now that's a lot closer to what i want to hear from you! =) just keep pushing. you can do it. i on the other hand feel incredibly stupid at the moment so i'm gonna go (vaguely) write about it. and don't forget that i'll listen if you wanna talk. <3 danielle

from shanmeid :

hey hun' you aren't stupid or lame, or any of the things you say sometimes! wish you lived here and i'd definately hang out with you, almost all the time (if i didn't have to work.) but just hang in there with things you're going thru'... you know you can work thru' them and help yourself! <3

from xxplaydeadxx :

oh you're welcome. i know it doesn't really change anything but i thought i'd tell you that i'll be here if you need me, if there's anything i can do. you wanna rant, i'll pay attention. promise promise promise. and i care about ya. =) my diary is kinda retarded. i leave A LOT of stuff out of that one...hm. anyway, i'll leave you alone now. take care. <333

from xxplaydeadxx :

i just started reading your diary. i really like it. good luck with the jobs and everything else. don't call yourself a fuck up. i know saying that isn't going to make you stop...but...hell i tried. i don't really know what to say. i wish i could help you. i wish there was ANYTHING i could do for you. but i'm sorry...i guess there isn't anything. except to be here if you need me. anytime. take care of yourself.

from purgingme :

congrats on the jobs.thats so great. money, well its nice to have it. other than that i hate it. this is a big great step for you. im so proud. waves as you walk across the stage. thats my girl. xo sharla

from enurta :

hold on <3

from purgingme :

heres my email adress. hope to hear from you soon. [email protected] xo sharla

from purgingme :

have you heard more from your family over seas? update me, if you know anything. you really should put yourself first, take care of you for once. xo purgingme

from purgingme :

just wanted to drop a note to let you know im thinking about you. xo sharla

from purgingme :

sending love and good thoughts to you and your family. god that is scarry. hopefully the violence will stop soon. not soon enouph. xo sharla

from enurta :

the current situation in Lebanon is awful, a lot of people that were there to visit their relatives are now stuck there. no one can get in or out....I just don't understand how the Israeli leaders think, I mean, what has Lebanon got to do with this? they can't declare war against a whole country because of ONE terrorist organisation. we are living in a sick world. i wish i could say i was going to pray for your cousin but I can't, I don't believe in god. but i believe in fate. whatever happens will happen and everything is for a reason. brace yourself <3

from purgingme :

mmm pain killers. send some my way! chin up girl. xo sharla

from purgingme :

i hope you find the help you need. but im sure your doing a great job. dont be so hard on yourself. xo sharla

from shanmeid :

good luck :)

from enurta :

Good luck. I hope everything works out, nice people are unusual these days :)

from purgingme :

i always have your back girl. glad things are looking up. xo sharla

from shanmeid :

mmm... a musician. you never mentioned it before. you write beautifully, you should write lyrics and then write your own music. maybe you'd become a star ;) <3

from purgingme :

i hate the 4th too. have a good day anyways, right? wishing you well as always. xo sharla

from shanmeid :

Hey... sorry I've been distant. Just been going thru' some stuff! ;) Just wanted to say thank you for sticking up to that jackass that posted that horrible note to Enurta. They had no right! I owe you one! You sound so much better love. Life seems to be treating you well! I'm happy for you! <3

from entragian :

at that point, no it wasn't civilized. the first note, however, was.

from purgingme :

i think that you can achieve your dreams no matter what they are. you have to leave these shackles behind you. xo sharla

from entragian :

who said i did it to elevate myself? base your insults on facts, not opinions.

from entragian :

because i told her the truth that makes me a miserable person? i don't care if anyone asked for my opinion. i think i deserve life because i appreciate it. first off, i left your friend a civilized, non-bitchy note that contained a hint of compassion, but her response was ridiculous. "yes i'm emotionally unstable because my life sucks ass" is basically what she said. that is the kind of bullshit that pisses me off. you don't need to defend her. she is obviously not weak enough to control everyone else's lives with her so called "sadness," therefore she can defend herself. i'm not trying to be a bitch, i just wish people would wake the fuck up and appreciate what they have because god forbid there comes a time in their life when they lose everything. i've seen someone go through more horrible shit than just being diagnosed with depression because your parents hate you. it is pathetic, you have no reason to defend her. her life is a shithole because she makes it a shithole, because she likes her life that way. if she didn't, then she would fix it. people who keep a diary reflect on their life because they like their life, despite what they may believe. especially if their is publicized on the internet, that person obviously wants to share their "pain" with the world. she is not sick, as i've said more than once.

from entragian :

there are a lot of words missing in the note left below. i'm not an idiot, despite what you think, it's just my keyboard is messed up...and i'm not hideous. i'm truthful, and i'm sorry that i lack compassion for insecure and selfish strangers.

from entragian :

i'm aware that it was a rotten thing to say, and quite honestly, i don't care. she can argue that her pain is greater than anyone else's until she's blue in the fucking face, but she is a liar, she angers me, and it's people like her that fuck everything up because they just "can't feel good about themselves." it's disgusting. she's not crazy. her pain is created by herself, and she choose not to cure it. you said people love her. then why the fuck is she so damn sad all the time? why can't she go one day appreciating at least SOMETHING...she can't even appreciate her boyfriend or w/e because she always jealous, but of course, her envy is simply "not her fault." it's bullshit. you know it's bullshit, and the only reason you are defending her is because you are her friend, and since you love her, you can easily look past on how pathetic she is. i don't understand why people like her, who don't appreciate their life, just off themselves. if you don't appreciate your life, or one aspect of it, then you don't deserve. i don't think i've ever read a single sentence in her diary that was optimistic, or positive. it's disgusting.

from enurta :

Thanks for defending me. <3 you

from purgingme :

your boy sounds like a fucking controlling jerk. i will be waiting for you if you come to phoenix. things will work out. take care of yourself. love ya. xo sharla

from enurta :

Thanks for the comment. I'm sorry about how you are feeling, I wish I could just give you a hug and tell you that things will get better some day.

from purgingme :

finnaly i can read your dairy. and im sorry to see that your not doing well. try and eat something girl. take care of yourself. xo sharla

from enurta :

You shouldn't be working or trying to find a job, it's obvious that you aren't feeling well. You need help, medications and rest! So you can some day, hopefully, get well enough to live a normal life. Don�t you have relatives or siblings that can help you? & what about Jim? Are you still together? Maybe he should be the one working, cleaning and taking care of you. Hang on, my heart goes out to you. <3

from purgingme :

i have missed you too! but in sad news, the passwords still arnt working. damn. xo sharla

from purgingme :

the password you gave me is not working. how are you? its been to long. still looking for you at the end of the bar, always. xo sharla

from enurta :

why did you change the user/pass, btw? did someone find your diary?

from enurta :

i miss you too <3

from shanmeid :

sweetie... new password? mail me: [email protected]

from fade-intoyou :

Hi! Noticed you're behind a password. Could you email the password to me so I can see what you've been up to? [email protected] Thanks hun!

from enurta :

who is the kid?

from enurta :

I'm glad you can finally see that you're beautiful ;)

from enurta :

I know how you feel, what happened to you has happened to me and N over ten times or something, we always start to fight and I get aggressive and hurt him then I call the cops and they take him away....don't worry, if he loves you he'll understand. just tell him you're sorry when he comes back.

from enurta :

from shanmeid :

o' know... you freaked out! It's all reasonable. Hell, you have every reason to freak out like that! These things happen and it's just how we deal with them that makes us stronger people. Wait til he comes home and sit down with him and discuss this rationally! Tell him how you feel and why you freaked out! Perhaps he'll listen. Good luck! <3

from enurta :

it wasn't my birthday yesterday, it was my sisters... :P

from shanmeid :

sweetie... worried about you! who are you afraid of? is there anywhere you can to for a while? stupid question, considering you don't really have anyone there but think, think, think! mail me: [email protected]

from shanmeid :

so glad you're feeling better... you're doing right the drinking water and eating lemons, but just be careful with the lemons cos of the acidity. Try to eat some dry crackers too, just to get your stomach lined. Big hugs <3

from shanmeid :

hey... have you been to the dr. please go. it's important that you do! worried about you! <3 *hugs*

from shanmeid :

it's crazy how it goes thru' your mind a million times, but you never quite do anything about it, until the realisation literally slaps you in the face... you need better, you need more and you do need to find the find the happiness you deserve. it's not where you're at and I'm glad you realise that! <3

from shanmeid :

o' sweetpea... wish you could come and live by me, but it's way too far away ;) I'd take care of you and help you to love yourself regardless of your past. <3

from enurta :

I�m glad things are working out for you. You deserve it <3

from enurta :

I feel like I don't deserve your kind words. You are so nice to me, people usually aren't. So most of the time after you leave me a note, I'm speechless. I don't know what to say. Thanks for being there, I hope you won't disappear <3

from enurta :

how can anyone hate you? you are sweet, kind and beautiful. where are you leaving? I worry about you so much, I'm glad you survived the accident. can't your parents help you with money or something? it's hard to deal with everything alone. I'm here for you, I hope you know that <3

from shanmeid :

o' sweetie... you sound like me ;) drunken states always get me into the biggest trouble! I'm invincible. I'd probably try to fly if I could climb high enough ;) I hope you get better soon! Just take it easy... *hugs*

from enurta :

<3 <3 <3

from enurta :

Maybe you should believe the guy who is madly in love with you because you are beautiful, what's not to love about you? You need somewhere to go even if you want to be alone. I'm really worried about you, I wish you lived here so I could help you in someway but I can't. Just trust me, I've been in the same situation. Hold on to him, because he might be helpful. You don't have to be alone to survive, nobody wants to be alone <3

from shanmeid :

o' sweetie... I'm so sorry life's been getting to you and the only way you can cope is by cutting... yeah, parents suck when it comes to getting us out of the house. I didn't really have a choice in the whole matter! *hugs*

from purgingme :

shit girl! i dont have your passwords. hope your holding up. send the info my way so i can catch up. cheers. xo sharla

from purgingme :

shit girl! i dont have your passwords. hope your holding up. send the info my way so i can catch up. cheers. xo sharla

from enurta :

from wamsutafairy :

Hi. I would like the password for your diary because you listed the bloodsucking pharohs of pittsburgh on your favorite movies list. (excogitate at gmail dot com)

from enurta :

Aww babe! I love you too <3 Maybe this is a stupid question but how are you holding up? Please, take it easy with the pills. I have finally conquered my addiction and I'd never want to go back to where I was then. I know it's easy to escape reality but it's not worth it. After a while, all you'll be thinking about is pills and when you can get them, how many you can take etc. After that, you'll start thinking that life isn't worth living without pills. At least I felt like that before I tried to kill myself, I didn't have any money to buy more so I was desperate. I don't want the same thing to happen to you...take good care of yourself. And about the scarf, I like purple, green, blue, gray, black, white. Almost any color but pink :P

from enurta :

Thanks for believing in me. I wish I could do something to help you <3

from shanmeid :

Happy Birthday sweetness... hope I'm not too late in wishing you! <3 I hope it gets better...

from shanmeid :

awww. just read your comment about... thank you. sometimes I feel like the most selfish person in the world because I'm so obsessed my own issues... it's nice to hear when others see you differently <3

from enurta :

Don't hate yourself. You're strong, you can do whatever you want. I'm also very poor...but that doesn't stop me from living.

from enurta :

Germany? What are you going to do there? Take care of yourself sweetie <3 I'm thinking of you.

from enurta :

I'm alright <3

from shanmeid :

hi... I lost most of my passwords cos I lost my email, and then lost it again. Please mail it to me again: [email protected] ;)

from enurta :

"This is my life and it's ending second by second." I know the feeling. I feel like I'm wasting my life away, after all, everyone only gets one chance. Seems like most people know what they want. And people like us just...float.

from enurta :

You are always so sweet <3 Thanks. I hope your new work place is better than the last. And please, if working makes you feel even worse. Don't be too paranoid to ask for help. I was like you a year ago, refused to get help. And believe me, getting treatment and not having to pretend that you're 'okay' is good. I can finally calm myself down.

from enurta :

omg! you locked your diary. Why? What happened? Please e-mail the user/pass to me. My e-mail is [email protected]

from shanmeid :

I hope it works out... so glad someone's given you the break you need! Take care! <3

from enurta :

I want to invite you over for dinner so you won't have to starve anymore. Besides, I'm the best cook you'll ever meet! :)

from shanmeid :

hey... good luck with finding the job! I can imagine how scared you must feel... but just hang in there and try to be positive! ; )

from xself-imagex :

Hi. I just came across your diaryland. I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. If you want to check out my Diaryland it's: Username:username Password:fuck

from enurta :

Maybe you're too ill to work? I know I am, and it was a hard thing to accept because I wanted to pitch in and help N but...I couldn't. I panic around people, and I have some fucked shit from the past that I have to deal with. I don't know if I ever can get over it, but I have to start somewhere. Keeping quiet to protect monster and his entourage doesn't seem right. Every time I read your journal, I feel desperation, like, you�re desperate for something to change, or desperate for things to get better, or to get what you want, I don't know. I just know the feeling. Hang in there <3

from shanmeid :

hey... check your mail. I've left you a note! Hang in there... enurta is right tho'... try to get it out! All of it! <3

from enurta :

The loneliness is a part of me now. I don't notice it anymore, I feel alone. When you don't trust yourself, you don't have anything or anyone...that's what you feel anyhow, it isn't necessarily the truth. I've got N, and sweet people here that encourage me through D-land. And my kitten :) Maybe you have a supportive parent? Or both of your parents? Or a sibling? I'm seeing a therapist this Wednesday, so I�m going to get treatment. I've never really had anyone to talk to, face to face, about my problems. So I'm a bit scared, do you see a therapist? Why don't you talk to anyone? And if your bf is using you then throw him out! You don't need negative people in your life, you've got enough to deal with.

from enurta :

and do you know what i say to myself when i get suicidal these days? that so many others can handle the pain, there's so many strong women in this world that go on, every day, for the sake of themselves. so please...don't become a statistic, you're better than that. i believe in you. xxx

from enurta :

please. don't. i would miss you so much <3

from purgingme :

i do hope you get some sleep. the world is much harder to take without rest, this i know, im a cronic insomniac. take care. thinking of you. its to early. xo sharla

from purgingme :

i fucking hate people, but i like you. not that that amounts amuch but i do. xo sharla

from purgingme :

i got your back girl. sorry things are shit, hope things start looking up. fuck all those who try to out do you with thier problems, what is the point of that. and i will tell the girls at school to fuck off, no problem. xo sharla

from enurta :

you had a daughter? you should write about it, get it out. don't keep things bottled inside. i'm sorry about this, hun. i hope you are alright <3

from enurta :

i know.

from purgingme :

we dont need any gawds to punnish us, we do it ourselves. your right this world is an ugly place. and i dont care anymore. its to hard to care, it wares me out. xo sharla

from enurta :

I don't think you can. But thanks for the offer <3

from purgingme :

i love that you quoted John Lennon, fuck yeah. and anytime you want to get away my home is open to you. xo sharla

from shanmeid :

...complacency... I hate the word! I always tell myself that ok, this is the last time someone walks all over me, and it never is! I'm tired of being taken advantage of and then having the shit thrown back in my face. I know how you feel... I just hope that you can find the strength to stand up and say, "You know what? Fuck You!!!" You derserve so much more... <3

from mzletty :

Hi! i'm letty

from purgingme :

sorry its been so long, i have been out of sorts lately. "drink up baby look at the stars i'll kiss you tonight between the bars" i hope you find a job....and a way to ease the pain away without all those pills. sending my love. xo sharla

from enurta :

I agree, it's beautiful.

from enurta :

Good luck, I hope it will work out. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be alive. And remeber; you remain dead for all eternity, but you're alive only for a brief moment... Take care xxx

from enurta :

I am worried about you. When I think about how close I've been to dying all those times I can't understand how I could do it to myself and the people that look up to me and love me. Maybe I don't know you, I just read your diary, I know nothing of what you've been through but I just want to write that you have made me feel better so many times when I've felt alone. I wish I could be there for you, but everyone has to fight their own battles. I'm sorry for this, I hope you'll be alright either way. Take care sweets <3

from enurta :

thinking of you <3

from shanmeid :

why would you want to do that? in one breath you say how you know you can make it and you have so many people that would support you and then you just give up... be honest with yourself. Life isn't so miserable that you have to do that. Sure, it's bad sometimes but it's never something we can't deal with. There is always a way to deal, you just don't want to try anymore... and I know the feeling but it isn't the answer! <3

from enurta :

I hope you survive...

from enurta :

;'(

from shanmeid :

damn right... you tell them off! I can't believe how people can turn around and act like they're so innocent and put blame on one person! It's sick, and you shouldn't have to stand for that crap!!! <3

from purgingme :

ditto girl. i dont even want to fill anymore, at all. take care of yourself xo sharla

from enurta :

I'm glad to hear that my words help you. But how? I feel, I don't know, self-centered. I only write about what I'm going through. I wish I could write something important or help people in some way. I feel kind of useless. And I'm pretty much the most cynical person I know, so how can my words comfort you? I hope I didn't annoy you with my �thank you�, I just wanted to show you my gratitude. xxx

from enurta :

You have no idea how much your kind words mean to me. Thank you <3

from purgingme :

i want to move to portland!

from purgingme :

where the heck are you anyways. xo sharla

from purgingme :

if your even in phoenix again, were gonna get this town blind drunk and show em what hell is! xo sharla

from purgingme :

that thing is inside me too, and im just trying to get it to shut up when im drinking and popping pills. cause you cant kill it without killing you, and you can get past all this shit and find some peace. i know you can. xo sharla oh and last night i was sitting at the bar and this girl comes and sits down next to me and orders a tiqilla and i think woh. i wonder if thats roamany. weired.

from enurta :

beautiful writing.

from purgingme :

damn girl, strange parralels... much the same you and i. i'll be looking for you at the other end of the bar. and if i ever so qausi on a jutebox im gonna play it for you. xo sharla

from enurta :

You are not creepy, thank you for your honesty. It means a lot to me <3

from enurta :

you took the words right out of my mouth.

from enurta :

I love that song. Have you heard 'you look so fine' and 'milk'?

from enurta :

Thanks for the offer and thanks for caring. You are kind to me, I don't know what to say to show you my appreciation. I will never forget about you <3

from enurta :

People who take advantage of others are horrible, they make me sick. I hope he'll get what he deserves, I'm a survivor as well and I want the man who did this to me to DIE. I wake up every morning feeling disgusting, it saddens me that you know what that feels like. Take care <3

from purgingme :

your not alone. many of us fight the same fight. i hope you are well. xo sharla

from enurta :

Thank you for the sweet note and thanks for adding me. I've read a couple of entries and I can relate to a lot of what you're going through. Take care <3

from dimstar :

Thank you. I don't even try to write well, it just floods from my fingertips as if I'm in a trance. I don't even realize whats been done until its in words.

from jazzyana :

Yeah, your right. We're 21, that's reason enough to be silly and careless. That's reason enough to fuckup without feeling guilty. Thanks.

from cdghost :

hey, i enjoyed readin your entries..all the best--thecdghost

from jazzyana :

AMEN! I'm so glad someone said it!

from xemowhorex :

not to burst your buble or anything but i don't think fasting and working out for 2+ hours is the best idea. it seams that you'll be asking to pass out. maybe try to eat a little something before you start working out. i don't know just be carful ok don't hurt yourself for some party.

from anapathy :

Hi roamany. Thanks for your words in my diary. I have also lived on the streets. I left that existence just over a decade ago but the experiences will never leave me. Glad to see you are trying to do better for yourself. XOXO Anap

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