messages to xinashadowx:
(click here to add new message):

from jimbostaxi :
Just dropped in to say hi, ever hear of PIKESVILLE? I have some family down there maybe one day I'll look at in person and not just on a map :0)
from chalkstain :
oh. i just sent you an email. and now i've realised that your notes page is working. oops.
from theaterlife :
i've written 3 new posts since you've last been on! UPDATE, UPDATE! :o)
from chalkstain :
you haven't been here in ages - i hope things are well. i'm sorry it's taken me so long, but i want to congratulate you on your engagement love ♥
from chalkstain :
i just hated having to write hidden behind a password after having been found. i feel so much freer this way. hope you're well, love.
from chalkstain :
ally, i've had to move. remember cheekyash?
from just-m :
It has been ages since I've been here, and I feel bad about that. Your situation with your parents, how you feel responsible for them, sounds frighteningly familiar. Right now, my parents live with ME -- it bothers me, because I'm so anxious to live my own life, but so worried they can't deal on their own...it's really too much responsibilty to take on...for me and for you. Hope things get better soon!!
from theaterlife :
my dear, for the millionth time - it's not your responsibility to take care / keep you parents together (in all definitions of the word - as a couple, as individuals, mentally, etc etc). you have to live your own life at some point and stop hiding behind your parents and your fears. you're one person - and the issues they have - have been building for a long time. I know you want to take care of everyone and keep the peace and that's honorable, but your parents have to want that for themselves as a couple and as individulas...you can't make that happen. i love you, hang in there
from theaterlife :
my dear, for the millionth time - it's not your responsibility to take care / keep you parents together (in all definitions of the word - as a couple, as individuals, mentally, etc etc). you have to live your own life at some point and stop hiding behind your parents and your fears. you're one person - and the issues they have - have been building for a long time. I know you want to take care of everyone and keep the peace and that's honorable, but your parents have to want that for themselves as a couple and as individulas...you can't make that happen. i love you, hang in there
from theaterlife :
"Whom the Lord loveth He chasteneth"~ Hebrews 12:6 ...the fullness of life is in the hazards... i love you, hang in there :o)
from cheekyash :
sorry i've taken so long to write back. i've found myself not caring about anything lately. it's the worst i've ever gotten. my eyes aren't even focused writing this, sorry if there are lots of typos. thanks for caring. you don't really have to, i know you know that. so thanks. when it comes down to it, even if it doesn't seem like it at all, i really do appreciate it.
from cheekyash :
you're too good to me sometimes. i swear you actually manage to make me smile. not that that's a rare thing, just that i don't often smile when reading things. i feel it in my head, but it doesn't show on my face if that makes any sense. i hope you're alright darlin. you haven't written in a while. you need to, if not for your sake then for mine hehe (kidding)
from theaterlife :
Hey, I gave you that motto :-P hehe. I know God has not left us - there's an answer to all this just waiting around the corner. We just have to be patient and trusting enough to know that it will be there. As for that "option" I wrote about in my last entry...it's going to help but not very much. I was really discouraged at first, but I think we might have found an "option" that will work...I'll keep you posted. I still haven't heard ANYTHING about you....what's going on?? Miss and Love.... ~Me
from theaterlife :
..ok, now it's YOUR turn to update :-P (for once it's not me :o) YAY). hehe. how are you? ~Me
from cheekyash :
how is it possible for some people to be so happy with exactly what we've got? i don't know how to appreciate as i probably should. i just want everybody else to be so happy, your note just about broke my heart. i hate that your relationship with your boyfriend isn't perfect, i hate that you're not alright. just take care of yourself ally. be selfish for a while x
from ataret :
Hey Ally, It's been a long time since we've talked! I would lvoe to email you and catch up, I will try to do that tonight when I can. I wanted to write you though real quick here to tell you something. It's been a while since I've been able to get on diaryland and catch up with you, but I tried to read up and get current on what's going on in your life, and Ally, I wanted to tell you, YOU are important and worthy or love and respect. I read some of the things that have been up with Bob and you, and you know what, you don't have to be afraid of anyone dumping you, if someone says they love you there is no excuse for disrespect. You said you feel like a peice of trash, but you are not. And don't tell yourself you are. God created you perfect, and beautiful and worthy. You know what else? Don't do things you don't think are right just becasue someone else may think they are. How much physicalness is too much?? if you wanna talk about foreplay, what happens before you have sex, where is the line drawn between innocence and sin? Do you feel like you need to sacrifice who you are and what's important to you to make someone happy, so they don't have to think about what it truly right and wrong? I wanted to tell you you are so much more than a pioece of trash because i read what you wrote in someone else's journal: "I think you need to be loved, understood, treasured, appreciated... Even a complete stranger can tell you deserve it." You made that statement, and I make it to you. You are a precious precious jewel in God's site, and yes you will always feel empty without Jesus, and no guy will ever fulfill you. Don't feel bad because another guy in the past hurt you. You were wronged - it's OK to accept that. You don't have to punish Bob - but you don't have to do things that sacrifice your convictions. In a Godly relationship, both of you are to love each other and do what's best for the other. And him respecting you is essential. It is possible for guys not to do those things, and not to go too far. I have been in situations with both. Does it make you want to cry? Does it break your heart? Shoot me out an email soon please. I'd love to talk to you more. I've been in rlsps with christians who cross those lines and apologize over and over....it's a rut. You can't get out alone. An addiction. I know because I was a user in that case. Don't settle Ally, don't settle. Your sister in Christ XOXO AMber (PS you can delete this note when your done reading lol)
from cheekyash :
i haven't done all i can. but i have done enough. in a way, that thought comforts me. and thank you. i hope things are still okay x
from cheekyash :
and all i have to say is that i hope you can be happy. so fucking happy.
from cheekyash :
no ally, that wouldn't be strange at all. thanks for trying to be a hero, you have no idea how much that means. i often love strangers much more than the people close to me. you said that that note was insignificant. at the moment, my heart is just about bending and breaking, unsure whether to lift or drop because of what you just said. i'm amazed to think that what somebody i never knew said can make such an impact on me, yet broken at the fact that it took you to really remind me what i am. thank you so much. i'll never forget you. ever. i hope you're happy angel ♥
from alannablue :
Thanks for the shoutout. :) I don't have much to say sometimes because lately it takes me a long time to focus my thoughts. So don't think I'm lame for not saying something profound here. I just wanted to say thanks for your nice words.
from cheekyash :
he's an old friend of my dad's. something along the lines of family.
from nascent-hope :
I was genuinely shocked to see a note on my account, since I haven't updated it or even checked it in a while. I'm really glad you appreciated my posts. I had to go back and re-read the post "Saying Doesn't Make It So" since I had *no* recollection of it at first. Eerily enough, my close friend reiterated several weeks ago the whole "using words but changing the meanings" and "not any one thing is off, just the whole feel of it" comments I made here. Glad it helped. Perhaps I'll write more in a while. Certainly going through enough. Hope this finds you well.
from cheekyash :
i added you back, and if you're not okay with that, well, tough. maybe you should update more often, just for me ;)
from cheekyash :
hey there. thank you so much i guess (it seems stupid to say but there's nothing else i can really think of to say). seriously, i love those little random notes from people. i started through some of your entries too, you seem so sweet. your latest entry, just that paragraph where he mouthed that he loves you, it was a heartwrenching sort of beautiful. i had to giggle when i saw your hates said 'insomnia'. i wrote a whole entry of 'i fucking hate insomnia' there lately hehe. anyway, just hope you're happy sweetheart. you're an angel ♥
from theaterlife :
yes, three of my pieces were accepted. i am always surprised by which ones they accept - my favorites didn't make it while the ones i was so-so about did. weird! either way, it's a compliment, right? <3, ME
from theaterlife :
ALLY ALLY BO BALLY!!!!!! YAY FOR THE KISS :-* SO SO SO EXCITED FOR YOU - YAY (again) ~ME
from theaterlife :
ally ally bo bally, don't freak over meeting the parents, yet, lol. i am very very different from my in-laws and we've made it work (trying as it can be from time to time). you are wonderful everyone you know knows it - take some confidence from that. Then remember God loves you, We love you, and therefore nothing is wrong with the world ;) working on the update :-X oh, got a MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/savytheaterchic HUGS, Me
from theaterlife :
ok, got cutt off...any who: i've missed you BUNCHES and i am SO glad you are back. HUGS ~ me
from theaterlife :
Ally!! (so excited i forgot the nick name: insert here _____ . hehe) So glad to hear you are alive and so happy that you are back. work is a loooong story and no I haven't (read newest update) again looong story. As for your parents: it's not so much that people are fooled as much as we buy it because of our need for emotional "safety" and lack of courage to face reality / the truth. As for your sister: what you are feeling is COMPLETLY (and I stress that again) normal. I felt that way why I was waiting for Seth to purpose and my friends were getting married. You will get to where she is! you will! ONE STEP AT A TIME
from theaterlife :
ally allly bo bally...you haven't been on in over 2 months, I hope you're okay. Just worried about ya, hun. how was your christmas / new years? I hope the new year brings you all the best. I look forward to talking to you, i miss you. best wishes and prayers....Me :)
from theaterlife :
ally allly bo bally....I finally got around to updating. It's a long one! There are parts that might be a little "edgy" - you'll have to read it when you find some free time and lemme know what you think?! I miss you and hope all is well. Take care of yourself....ME
from theaterlife :
ally ally bo bally, yes he came home, but very sick. we took him to the vet friday and they have to preform a "small procedure" and we had to leave him there over the weekend. I just got him home and he seems to be doing alright, now he just has to stop hissing and growling at Oscar...this should be fun!? - i'll keep you posted. Thanks for asking and keeping me in mind ;) you're fabulous!
from theaterlife :
ally ally bo bally, so sorry i haven't written / replied to your e-mail yet. lately it just seems i can't find words (or time for that matter) to write. but, as you always so, just because i have been "MIA" doesn't mean I haven't been thinking of you ;) how true how true! I just updated (you should check it out) :-) and I will e-mail you soon. Take care of you ;) miss ya, blair
from theaterlife :
ally ally bo bally (sensing a nick name forming...?!), that numb feeling is normal after an accident ~ you're not going to make with total turn into the sunshine child (and who would want you to? we like every day ally!) - maybe you feel like you should be the walking posterchild? Maybe you've expected that of your self you awhile and this just brought it to your attention? Either way, I'm glad you're okay and home safely. Don't push yourself...Love Ya, Blair
from ataret :
Hey Ally, I'll send a prayer out for ya. School has been crazy. Check my most recent journal entry with the Zoegirl PLain lyrics and the music that is playing on my journal is also that song. I just want to say, that it made me cry...the lyrics are so awesome!! I just wanted to say, believe it about yourself, cause it is so true!! XOXO Amber
from theaterlife :
ally ally bo bally, never say that you are nothing ever again! shhhh, but nothing, i don't think so! You are an amazing friend and beautiful woman. You're a gift to the world that is slowly unwrapping itself, a little bit each day, so that it can truly be seen. I miss you too. xoxo....ME :)
from theaterlife :
ally ally bo bally....hey you! I was wondering where you dissappeared to?! I'm sorry you're stressed, but don't let it get to you. You'll do a wonderful job and pretty soon you wont be nervous at all. I'm glad you liked my "poem" :-D and as always thank you for your beautiful response to it, I really appreciate the imput and greatly respect your opinion. I, too, LOVE the layout, it was time for a change! The Bridal shower sounds like great fun, good luck and enjoy. I miss talking to you and hope that I will run into you online sooner than later. Keep your chin up ;) ~ME
from ataret :
Hey Ally, Well I just got back to UT, and things are kinda sad. It's a new campus because I am back 1st time as a 3rd year, but it's old cause I've been here before. Sounds off cause I turned the instant message sound off....I've grown up at this place, because I have grown so much, and technically school stole my family, because I don't get to see them as much as normal, and my dad died when I was here, being here means I cannot live at home and have everyday conversations with my fammily, but God says this world is the worst it will get because I have heaven, and one day I will be there and I will overcome the sadness of this world, just as my Dad has. Sorry, that explanation is still a bit sparadic...but I hope it helps! XOXOX AMber
from ataret :
Hey Ally, Wow! tell your brother that encouraged me!!! That was awesome! XOXO Amber
from theaterlife :
*cough,SOnotbetterthanaj,cough* - and that's all i have to say about that ;) -- not to mention he actually came into the crowd waiting to see him :-O!! hehe. Sorry you didn't get to meet Kelly babe - all in good time ;).
from theaterlife :
mwahahaha....isn't that a fun way to start off a message? :) No, I didn't think you abandoned me, but I did miss you. I was wondering where you wondered off to. I understand space so take you time and enjoy it. We both know the other is always there ~ which is FABULOUS. You're a great friend - I hope to talk to you sooner than later, but until then...take care!! :-D YAY, Blair lots of energy can you tell? hehe.
from ataret :
Hey Ally, Man I wishI had words to comfort you. I know life sucks, but just keep truckin'. I'll write me when I get time. Jesus knows what's up with you, rest in him tonight! XOXOX AMber
from zsivhawk :
P.S. on a lighter note, does it seem that I am the only guy who has posted? strange...
from zsivhawk :
hey girl, all I can say is "just keep stepping" things will find a way to work out, or someone will find a way to work things out. just remember your a child of God, and don't ever let anyone get you to the point where you think nobody cares. because God cares, and we care. I don't know what else I can say, other than if you ever need anyone to talk to, you can e-mail me, and we'll get you taken care of. now take care, God bless, and remember to keep the faith and never give up. you can fall down, but you've gotta keep getting back up. sincerely, Jedidiah Bird (home)[email protected] (work)[email protected] P.S. if I've violated any rules posting info in this comment, I apologize, I created this account solely for the purpose of letting somebody know how special they really are in God's kingdom, so I don't know the rules here.
from ataret :
hey no....none of us can update.something is up with the servers. blah! lol
from ataret :
No! Breaks from Ally = not cool! :-) Well, yes that entry I wrote for you. I hope I hit the nail on the head, but I wasn't 100% sure how you feel, but I was trying to empathize. You have so much beauty in Christ, you just don't see it! He is always growing us, so be encouraged Ms. Ally! Hava great day! XOXO AMber
from theaterlife :
YAY!!!! :-D You are back, I missed you bunches too, my friend. :-D Sorry work's been so hectic - and it seems all the "crazies" come in when you are working.....BE CAREFUL!! I hope to "see" more of you but until I do - take care!
from theaterlife :
yes my dear, I am doing well, surprising but true :). Worried about me? I could say the same about you...I couldn't get into your journal for awhile (as I said it was locked) so I had no clue what was going on. I missed ya! I usually talk to you or read a posting once a week - I was a little thrown off schedual, hehe ;). It was WONDERFUL to hear from you and I will be in touch again sooner than latter. TAKE CARE of YOU, Ally, ya got me! :) Always an e-mail away...Blair
from iamso123 :
Hey Ally, This is AMber, (this is my roomate and my joint journal) I am praying for ya girl, seek God and His scriptures. I know its hard. You sound sad; I hope things will begin to feel better with His peace and grace. XOXO AMber
from theaterlife :
hey, I tried reading your journal, and it was locked?! :-0. ?? Hope all is well, Blair
from ataret :
Hey Ally, Thank you for your note, I have to admit, every time you leave me a note, it reminds me to read your journal, and then i feel compelled to leave you a note about your journal. lol The diaryland circle of life. SO, about your last entry, I decided, that I have so much I want to say about it, I am going to write you an email. I know this haunts your life, but have hope. Lately, I have reverted back to high school, and have been writing in permanent ink on my wrist to make a bracelet of words...and right now my wrist says "He satisfies the thirsty" it is from Psalm 107. Keep seeking Him. He can heal those wounds. XOXO AMber
from ataret :
Hey All, Yah it was my email, but school has been nuts so I couldn't write you back. Someone read my journal and commented to one of my friends behind my back, it made me feel kinda dumb. But i decided my journal is a facet of me, so the world can live with it....so i unlocked it. thanks for your encouragement, AMber!!
from ataret :
[email protected]
from ataret :
Hey Ally, I locked my journal so I can give you access if i have your email addy. SOme of the boys commented on it around here, and I just want to make sure they talk to me about it and not other behind my back...silly boys. Amber
from ataret :
Hey Ally, I read your last email, I assume the girl was you. Wow. I am sorry to hear of your pain. To tell the truth I was in an inappropriate relationship, somewhat sexual, and it has left so much pain in me. Sometimes I feel tainted. But I am so glad that Christ sees me as beautiful and 100 pure because I am forgiven. It has taken a few yrs, but falling into love with God has just shown me how much he cares, and how much one guy, if I desire it, how one guy will feel about me some day. (Granted some girls aren't meant to get marriedn, but I think God meets our desires also) I apologize for the pain you have dealt with. I will be praying for you. And you now what? Don't let the fact that your sister has had many b/f get your down. Yah that guy might have treated you badly, but you have not been around the block with someone on your own accord, and some guy is going to be so happy that you are his best friend, and saved yourself, even if God is the one who allowed you to save your emotional and spiritual and physical self for him. Take heart. Be strong. Even beautiful flowers have to close sometimes because the sun gets hot, but in the evening time they open up and brighten the whole world. Job 42:2 XOXO Amber
from theaterlife :
glad to hear you are well and I hope that I didn't get to annoying with my little messages from time to time. take care. ~Blair
from x--drifting :
I hope things get better. Just... Try to hang in there. (This is take-chances by the way). <3
from hamiltonian :
Hi!
from forever-24 :
I just checked my notes, haven't been on here for awhile, so I don't know when you left the note, but thank you for the note and the comment about having good tastes in music. Also, apologies for my diary being lock, had some privacy issues. And although I do not know you, I do hope everthing is alright. *hugs* from one Clay/Kelly fan to another.
from theaterlife :
I haven't heard from you in awhile and I've read your last couple entries (of course) and I just wanted to say I'm here and I miss hearin from ya. My prayers are with you, but you already know that. I hope life's not being too overwhelming - if so, you know where to find me ;)
from ataret :
Hey Ally, Thanks for the long note...er...letter, hehe it was great! Wow your friend and I have a lot in common, well my dad didn't buy me a present, but my birthday was about 11 days after he passed away, that was rough. Oh, well tell her my prayers are still with her. I read your entries about your fam...bittersweet. Stay strong, Lady, and remember whatever doesn''t kill us makes us stronger - that is kinda bittersweet too huh? AMber
from ataret :
Hey Ally! I have been w/o internet...so happy late CHRISTmas. SOrry to hear about the fam. I hope it gets better, sounds kinda poopie :-( Good luck, lady! Amber
from ataret :
Hey Ally! I have been w/o internet...so happy late CHRISTmas. SOrry to hear about the fam. I hope it gets better, sounds kinda poopie :-( Good luck, lady! Amber
from ataret :
Hey Ally, Just wanted to encourage you and say I understand and empathize with the everything-is-kinda-crappy-right-now feeling. Also, you close at night? That is kinda scarry, is there anyone guy (you trust) that can be there when you are by yourself to make sure nothing happens? I am a big safety-girls-shouldn't-walk-in-the-dark-by-themselves freak. I got to the University of texas in Austin....so it is kinda an imperative attitude to have...bad stuff happens to good people ya know...Anyways, be careful. Also, to your friend, tell her I said I also empathize with her, and this world sucks a lot, but (if she is a believer) this world is as bad as it gets, and we have somehting better to look forward to. Losing a dad is tough, but if she is strong she can make it. Tell her I will keep her in my prayers, and that no words can make it better, and no words can bring either of our dads back, but God's Word is a comfort, and God will hold her through her pain. I am really sory to hear about that. A few hours before my dad passed I had written a poem for him, and I thought about calling to tell my mom to get online so she could read it to him, but I decided to wait till the morning....my dad passed before I woke up....so he got to hear it in heaven, we read it at the funeral. My dad believed in Chirst's blood. Be string Ally, life is crappy sometimes, but it makes us strong. Again, my regards to your friend.:-'( Amber
from notworthless :
Thanks a lot. :) My e-mail is [email protected]
from ataret :
P.S. sorry on always spelling horribly, my fingers type faster than my brain thinks....or visa/versa, whichever one causes bad spelling, lol...and I get sloppy, and forget to check the spelling!
from ataret :
Ally, Don't worry you weren't making me feel uncomfortable we all have addictions, your is just visible on the outside. The great thing is that we can trust God to help us through them...Yay! lol XOXO Amber
from ataret :
Hey Ally, Actually I was wondering just becasue I have been thinking about the ways people relive the stress and pain. I just always compare things. There is another girl who has left me notes and she cuts herself, and I guess in a way i don't understand, but at the same time, I know what I have always done to relive my stress, and that is rely on my boyfriend, instead of God. (Which is not what I am accusing you of BTW)I guess I was just wondering. SOmetimes I even think about how we eat "comfort" food, and I wonder if that is pleasing to God, to be trying to ease our pain by physical attempts. I was just wondering. I feel helpless sometimes, and it is a struggle for me to entrust my life to him, even the little things, so I just wonder in general. Well, I am sure I wrote enough again, lol have a fantabulous night. AMber
from just-m :
Blah. I said "then-girlfriend" because they ended up getting married last July and are now months away from their first child. Luckily, I haven't seen them lately, so my jealousy hasn't reared it's ugly head haha
from theaterlife :
Ally, Hadn't heard from you in awhile and I just wanted to say hello and give you a :-). Hope all is well. I've updated my journal recently - just thought I would let you know. Take care.
from ataret :
Hey Ally, I just caught up on your recent journals. Sometimes i feel kinda crappy about the way life is treating me with guy, I have friends who have Godly relationships and it makes me sad becasue I am not a horrible person and I wonder why someone doesn't care about me. A friend of mine however was telling me of a good book called "Lady in Waiting" by Debby Jones. I can't tell you about it really but the little bit my friend read to me was great. I think I am going to read it this holiday maybe. You can find it on Amazon for like 5 bucks. Anyways, I would love to know what you think about it if you read it. It is about developing your life in God before you get into a relationship, and being single, and othere things. I also wanted to ask you When you first started cutting? Its ok if you don't want to answer. I will be praying for ya this week. Good luck with the situation with your sis :-( Bye lady!
from just-m :
Hey, thanks for your note and sweet words! I've been reading your diary, and you are so right. We COULD be twins. I felt the same way about my cousin and his then-girlfriend as you do about your sister. I'm going to add you to my favorites!
from notworthless :
Sorry my last note posted 2 times. But yeah. Only 2 people know about me too. They both care. Just not in the way I want them to. I think the hardest thing for me to get over is that I don't know what I would replace cutting with.........
from notworthless :
Thank you for your note. Just a few words like "hang in there," can completly alter someone's day. You hang in there too. In the end it will be worth it.
from notworthless :
Thank you for the note. Just a few little words like "hang in there," can make all of the difference in someone's day. You hang in there too. In the end, it will be worth it.
from theaterlife :
Thank you very much for your sweet note ~ it was a lovely surprise. I am also glad you liked my journal I have a lot of fun writting and I am glad that shows, wouldn't wanna be boring now would I? ;) I am about to go check your out journal right now, but from the other notes left I am sure I will be just as delighted as the others. p.s. - you weren't rambling!
from ataret :
Hey Ally, thanks for your note, that was very encouraging. It seems like you express your emotions and feeling through your writing, and you do that well. When I was reading your diary, my heart went out for you. My dad passed away about a month ago and my b/f of 3 yrs broke up with me this summer, so that is what pours out of my poetry. This verse is really cool though: Zephaniah 3:17. I love it! Also, my roomate and I are both Christians at the University of Texas and our theme song for this year is "Come to Jesus" by Mindy Smith http://www.mindysmith.net/photosmusic.asp Thanks so much for your note, that made my day!! Amber
from aiken4clay :
Thanks for your note! I enjoyed your diary and your poetry. It's always nice to meet another Clay fan! ~Linda
from take-chances :
Your poems are awesome. <3

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update April 6, 2020: Sorry, we just had 8+ hours downtime due to a server problem. Restoring from backups took soooo long, but everything is back and no data was lost. Ay yay yay! Anyhow, hope everyone is well with the virus stuff.

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