My Bait And Switch Life

This is not the life I was lead to believe would be my future. I was raised to think I would be taken care of, nurtured and loved. A Country Club Wife, that was my mother's vision for me. A house in a good neighborhood, financial security, a loving family, these were supposed to be mine. Unfortunately, my parents, bright but crazy as they were, have a clue of how to give me or my sister the tools to achieve these goals. As a result we are both now floundering, self destructive and still searching for what ever it is we are supposed to be doing with our lives.

What I've ended up with isn't even close. Now here I am, mid 50s, unemployed, alone, wondering what went wrong. I started this diary as a casual exercise but now I am working on some of the personal issues that are getting in the way of my being as successful as I want to be. This diary is the place where all the gunk in my psyche seems to be ending up.

Keep reading, I may make some process. If nothing else, your life might look better in comparison.

There is a link to my photo website on the bottom of the page. They are probably more revealing than I realize, if you are interested in knowing more.


I'm finally working again. It's my second job in two months. The first one ended suddenly after just a few weeks. I was really bummed until I checked my voice mail and there was a temp job that was a lot more interesting. I've been at this second job now for four weeks, almost a month. It's not what I want to do for the rest of my life.

This journal is where I go around in circles figuring out what I want to be when I grow up. I'd better hurry, I'll be 56 on my next birthday, one I share with Spiro Agnew and Carl Sagan.

My favorite diaries:

My favorite music:

My favorite movies:

The World According To Garp
comments: The first time I saw this movie, I watched it three times in succession. It is that good.
The Razor's Edge
comments: Maughm is another of my favorite authors. Bill Murray at his serious best.

My favorite authors:

Ann Tyler
comments: I love how she cuts to the chase and with her spare use of words says so much.
Alice Walker
comments: I've thought I'd crawl over broken glass to read this woman's laundry list.
Summerset Maughm
comments: Another author whose effective use of language and imagery is inspiring.

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last updated: 2005-01-04 01:31:14
this user's total entries: 189
user since: 2002-12-05

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