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2024-04-23 - 8:47 p.m.
I started writing this weeks ago, the day of the eclipse. I didn't finish or edit anything. But I'm putting it here, as is. 04/08/2024 I spent yesterday writing encouraging letters to myself and making lists of needs and wants and things I wanted to accomplish...like, making my brother like me again. Making up my delinquent nature of the last few years to my mother, making up for the shit year I just put my boyfriend through and making up to his mother for all the help she's given me, including a stern talking to she gave me at her dining room table. My intention was to make a little fire this afternoon during the eclipse, fill it with sage to chase away evil and burn all those letters and scraps of paper and let the smoke carry all that through the universe through the sun and moon. It went off kind of as planned. But during a peaceful, meditative time as I was starting my fire...this obnoxious music came blaring from the greenhouse. And then M. popped his head over my fence and said, "what up dood? You wanna watch the eclipse with us?". And I lost my shit. I have a lot to talk about. Anyway, I watched my eclipse in peace and burned my letters and wishes and sent them out to the universe. I was in the hospital again for a week a couple weeks ago. I'll write about that soon. But I'm not quite ready to, yet. Anyway, I busted myself out of the hospital. I called my neighbor and told her to come and get me even though they did not want me released yet. I said, "too, bad." And walked out in my hospital gown and hospital socks, I also took the breakfast that had just arrived to my bedside. When it had arrived I had already taken all the IV's out of me, by myself and set off a bunch of alarms. I also ripped all the beeping things from my chest and arms and was pacing frantically even though I could barely walk. It's no wonder they had a nurse staying in my room at night and most of the day. Anyway, this girl, the second the forced upon them discharge papers were signed, stormed out in a hospital gown and a pair of pajama pants Chris had brought me a couple days prior. I didn't have shoes or anything else. But I ran out that door with my breakfast tray in hand like a crazy person. I slept the rest of that day and a lot of the next and then I went back to work against everybody's wiI haven't had a chance to really gather my thoughts or get my stuff in order. So yesterday I built my fire pit, wrote all my stuffs, made my food for the day and then M called. He's something else I need to talk about because I've had it with him. He asked if he could borrow my telescope to watch the eclipse and he asked if it worked and I said, "you fucking tell me, you're the one who threw it in the trash a few years ago and I dragged it out". Him throwing things away is a huge deal and I probably need to go to a therapist just for that. |
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