10:15 a.m. - 2018-09-04
Tao
Reading past entries, hung over today. One bottle of wine last night then snuck out of the house to get another. And that was after feeling so good about running one and a half miles earlier in the day. Got up to drive the kids to school still felt woozy . Now the panic feeling again as I lay in bed. I can’t sleep feel dehydrated I am sick.
Overall my life is better in so many ways compared to those previous entries. I had nine months of Sobriety under my belt and Gave it up thinking I could be a social drinker I missed the color of the lights in the bond at sometimes gave me with Dan. The truth is it causes more damage than fun in our relationship. Sometimes will go out and sit at a gleaming bar and enjoy drinks and conversation and it’s wonderful. Other times I can’t stop and I always want one water and one more and one more and they end up saying terrible things and doing terrible things and I regret it the next morning. I told him I wont apologize anymore. if he’s going to be a part of my drinking then he gets the jeckyl or the hyde. but really I owe it to myself to quit again. Perhaps going to meetings is really the way to go.
In terms of comedy I’ve been stretching my legs with 30 minutes at and it’s been going fairly well. I’ve decided that I don’t want my comedy to be mean or vulgar. I want it to be clever I want it to be insightful I want it to mean something. I got booked for a week in Las Vegas and I’m very excited about that. I’ve been listening to Wayne Dyer read the tao and I’ve been trying to absorb and practice some of the lessons. I’ll read more today I reflect on it with this hangover subsides.
Taking a leave from teaching this year which I am incredibly grateful to do though also feeling nervous about the money but I should know by now that everything works out it always does. I come from the greatness I attract greatness I have greatness inside of me I will never abandon saying the greatness inside myself or in others
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