returning departure
Wednesday, Aug. 25, 2004
1:22 p.m.
damn.... it's been a good minute since i've been on here.... like a good minute.... sorry all.... i think im gonna not be writing in here for a long time again just because i have too much on plate for the time being so that wont be leaving too much time to update. but while i do have time i'll let u all know what's going down.
so im up here at Cal State Northridge visiting the big homie tasha... it's going well, definately had fun.... except there was one downside.... my ex is an ass. like he's literally on the shit list with me right now..... long story that i dont want to type, but yeah im almost at the point where i'd hit that nigga with my car if i had one...
moving on....
i've decided im going back to hampton.... like i really didnt want to go back, then i said i was gonna go, then i said i wasnt gonna go, but then my mom paid for the semester so im going..... but most likely im transferring after this year.
what else.
speaking of hampton.... i have big plans for the school year... really gotta put the pedal to the metal, academically speaking of course. oh yeah, and im changing my major to broadcast journalism.
woohooo!
my mom and i are doing really well. i like how our relationship is going right now, and she does too, so thats always a good thing....
i love my daddy still....
and thats about it.... so this might be my last entry for a while. so in closing i'd just like to say...
thanx for making me feel like i had someone to listen to me....
luv ya lots,
-amelia
there's a smile on my face!
Tuesday, Jul. 13, 2004
7:59 p.m.
joy joy joy, i still have a man!
hahahahaha.
yes diaryland, you heard me right i am still officially, "mrs. my man keeps me SO SATISFIED"
so i had to think things over and came to the conclusion that things weren't really as bad as i thought, so i didnt need to be complaining about something that didnt need to be fixed.
and then i talked to my friend(s) about it and they really helped me out alot too. i was a mess. it just wasnt a good look at all. laying in the bed listening to Tamia and crying like a big baby.
but as i said.
all is peachy now.
moving on...
my dad leaves tommorow.
(devilish grin, random yin yang twins song begins to play in head)
hahahahaha
got some punch, got some hennessy, got some food so i dont fuck up my stomach.
it's goin down!!!!!!! oh yeah and i have some whip cream to use if Mr. Man comes by.
hahahahahahahahaha!
(devilish grin widens, songs in head switches to Get It Wet)
oh yeah and did i mention that there's about to be a culinary revolution in my house, cuz i do some of my best cooking when no one else is around.
Darn, the homie is on the phone so i'll return and finish updating when i get back.
luv ya lots,
-amelia
why am i crying at 12 in the morning.....
Monday, Jul. 12, 2004
12:25 a.m.
so, um, yeah..... im coming on here this damn at late at night because i need to get my feelings out...
i think im just gonna retire from relationships. aaargh i hate this feeling so much. it's like i can't win. when im single i always feel happy at first cuz its that new freedom but then you get lonely. then when you finally get back into a relationship it's nice at first then it's bad and then you dont know what to do because you dont want to be alone....
so now that brings me to my latest dilemna.
i don't know what to do with our relationship. it's nice it's just sometimes i feel weird about it. sometimes i don't think he feels the same way he did when we first started talking. almost as though he taking me for granted.
and then i get scared that im getting to be like i was in past relationships.
cuz i like him alot.
i love him. not that obsessive fake love or anything like that. like i really love him. i didn't expect it to happen, but it did, and i think that's why i feel bad now.
cuz i almost think it might get to the point where even though i know we're not gonna work out, i start doing extra things desperately trying to make things work. like i'll start blaming it all on myself...
i don't wanna be like that.
i dont want to be weak.
but then i don't wanna fuck things up on a whole "i am woman hear me roar" power trip either.
aaaargh....
it's just i really wanted this one to work.
and it's funny cuz the way im feeling right now is exactly why i had reservations about getting into the relationship in the first place.
cuz i feel sad. like really really sad cuz i feel like i could have done something that would have prevented what's happening right now.
and on that note, im done.
-amelia
school, grandma, is it over, jail house .......
Thursday, Jul. 08, 2004
1:01 p.m.
Before i begin, i would just like to apologize for my hiatus... i was having family problems at la casa jones, so there wasnt much time for me to write in here... but since my day at summer school has been cut short since my teacher didnt show up for class here i am updating.... Yippeee.
okay, how bout i start from the beginning...
started school on the 21st... alot happened on that first day... this girl told a guy that i was her girlfriend.... that guy came and started talking to me.... blah blah blah... he became a new buddy.... a new buddy who wants to be more than a buddy...
yeah man.
he told me if he could steal me from my man. but then said that he wouldn't because he respected me too much... but then he added, "i would like to know how you taste though." yeah i had to just walk away from that one...
by this point Mr. Man and i had reached a truce after all that arguing we had been doing.... i told him i didnt want him telling me about that girl, but alas, he continued, so u know that fucked stuff up eventually....
but i'll get to that later...
so monday comes.... i made my first peach cobbler... i was wonderful, and me and fam are sitting in my room watching farenheit 9/11 a la bootleg, when my little cousin grace comes in the room and whispers something to her mom... then her mom said, wait, what'd you say grace i didnt hear you... and then i turned down th volume on the tv and she said grandmother eleanor died....
i buried my face and my pillow and cried.... but it was weird because i wasnt crying only about my grandma, i was crying about everything that i'd been keeping up inside me... all the family fears, fears about not having a relationship with my mom... aaargh.
and then it was weird after that because one minute i'd be cool and then the next i'd snap on someone.... i almost cussed out the kids next door for hitting my window with a basketball... so i went to sleep and then hampton (mr.man) called me. i was talking to him but he was DISTRACTED by his lil friend in the background, then that girl
wait no, ima call her a BITCH cuz she's starting to get on my nerves...
then that bitch sent him a text message.
he tells me the story surrounding the text message after he put me on hold to respond to her bitch ass. so i was a bit pissed that he fuckin around like that and keeping on the phone while he's bullshittin...
so i got off.
then later that night he called and then i got pissed at something stupid that he said.... oh yeah and i told him why the hell doesnt he just stop talking to her.... it's funny how he can start trippin over a certain friend of mine but im bring unreasonable for trippin over his freakin ex.... a bitch who he KNOWS is only tryin to holla. at least in my situation we're strictly friends, but his is totally different... see, im getting all upset just typing this..... but to make a long story short, i think he's gonna break up with me soon.... i think it's cuz of that girl, cuz he wont stop talkin to her and cuz he's startin to change.... like in the begining he was all sweet and stuff, but now it's like he just says some things, like im some regular girl, not a girlfriend....
damn.... that makes me sad....
okay moving on before i get to sad...
the dude from school hasnt been there in a while...
i'd been wondering where he was...
he's a jail...
but he's calling his sister to then have her call me on three way...
it's one of those situations i used to laugh uncontrollably at, but it's sad.... i feel so bad for him....
and that is my update.... hope that it doesnt take to long before i update again, but with me you never know....
luv ya lots,
-amelia
QUICK writings to be QUICKLY read
Sunday, Jun. 20, 2004
9:39 a.m.
i just stopped by to put in some quick typings before i leave for church....
i start summer school tommorow. they messesd up on my scheduling so they're during the day, so now i can no longer work dring the day, i have to work at night at some crappy job..... if i can find one.....
things are goin well with my boyfriend.... we sorta hit a snag last night, just cuz.... well actually it's a long story, i'll probably end up explaining on a day when i have time.... but yeah things are going well with my sweetie-pooh and me...
hahaha i have a sweetie-pooh
dang... there's so much i wanna write about.... but alas i dont have time...
so as a parting thought.
have u seen that britney spears concert...
the new one...
at the onyx hotel...
that heiffa is soooooo nasty.... so so so so so so nasty.
but that's all i have time for...
i'll holla when i holla
luv ya lots,
-amelia
a quick one
Tuesday, Jun. 15, 2004
9:51 p.m.
im so sad that the lakers lost..... i was really on the verge of tears. so so so so sad......
moving on to a topic less depressing in nature.
I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!
hahaha. go me!
im sprung. i can tell cuz i get all funny when im around him and when i start thinking about him. and then i start smiling like im back in 4th grade on picture day.... (you know u remember that smile)
it's so cute....
he came and met my dad on sunday and we watched that tragic laker game.... he would've met my mom but she was asleep cuz she wasn't feeling to well.....
but yeah it was cute....
and he's so damn sexy.... (sigh and shake my head)
but yeah it's a really good look going right now....
go me, I HAVE A SWEETIE NOW!!!!!!!!
what else...
saw my cousin rhonda this weekend..... i haven't seen her since neveruary... so we'll probably go to a club some time soon.
my little cousin is tryin to teach me this lil dancing thing where u make ur arms go really fast. but i look like a big retard so i decided to just let that go and work on poppin my booty as well as the girls in the young buck video...
im almost there...
My sweetie is on the phone now so ima have to holla back later.
counting down to five o'clock
Thursday, Jun. 10, 2004
3:55 p.m.
wow. didn't even have to wait to put an entry up this time.... awww ray charles died... now that's something im sad about.... he was cool.
reagan on the other hand. why is it that the only dumb asses goin to pay their respects to him are white. you don't see any black people... you don't see any latino people....you don't see any asians either.... was he just a president for white people....
so that brings me to my next point, since it's mainly only the whack ass white people who like bush, are they gonna do the same thing when he dies? (im praying for Osama to D-Block his ass)
hahaha.
such harsh words.... but there is one good thing about reagan being dead, it means i dont have to work tommorrow cuz the stock market is closes cuz it's something like a national day of mourning.
HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!
what else is new...
i think hampton is gonna come have dinner with me and the fam at the lil celebration dinner im making for my cousin.... wither that or he's going shopping with me on saturday...
gosh darnit... i miss him....
moving on again....
im feeling very bubbly and i'm hoping no one stands too close to this desk anytime soon, or their gonna get a rude awakening.... (damn mexican food from yesterday)
and with that being said im about to go back to reading and feeling bubbly....
i'll holla when i holla...
luv ya lots,
-Amelia
oh yeah...
LAKERS BOUT TO WHOOP SOME PISTON ASS TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!
pre bathroom typings
Wednesday, Jun. 09, 2004
3:50 p.m.
im mad that the follow up entry i put on here yesterday didn't post..... so looks like i gotta try to remember what the hell i was typing about.....
damn, this is tough...
and it's not working either so yeah i'll just start over....
um, i guess mama jones is done trying to act stupid... she saw the error of her ways and learned that crack is whack so now she's talking to me. she came in my room yesterday trying to act all "mommy-ish" asking how my day was, how i like the people at my job and stuff like that. so i guess that was her way of making ammends.
so i'm having second thoughts about hooking up with hampton.... im starting to get mad at myself because i keep coming up with one thing after another that's going wrong between us. i really have commitment phobia now... i guess you could say im sceptical about the success of my relationships, and so that just makes m come up with things that will possibly go wrong even though the chances that they'll actually happen are very slim.
but anyways back to my fears.... if he and i decide to hook up, what if i rarely see him, what's the point of us being together when im rarely going to see him... if that's the case we could just be friends with benefits.... and that has me irked out the the Nth degree right not. it's like i really really really wanna hook up with him, i just keep having all these doubts. i dunno whats wrong with me, i think my emotions are going haywire.
MY BLADDER IS ABOUT TO BURST!
i know it's bad to hold your pee, but i get scared to ask people to sit here while i go.... so yeah that's what's going on here at work.
i'm fixing my cousin and his family a clebration dinner on saturday because he got a promotion this week which is super cool.
that brings me to my next question.... receptionists can't get promoted can they????
damn.... that's what i thought...
ok i really gotta go to the bathroom now so i'll holla when i holla.
luv ya lots,
-amelia
pre-lunch
Tuesday, Jun. 08, 2004
11:46 a.m.
in these thirteen minutes before i leave for luch i will try to write something adequate and deserving enough to get me put back on butta's fave list....
So why the heck don't i know the password for your locked diary so-called best buddy.... i think you're writing mean things about me in it.... but oh well im not trippin, if u dont want me to see im not gonna trip.
Hampton is probably gonna become Mr. Amelia Jones in like 2 weeks..... yeah it's about damn time, we've been talking for a month so by then it'll be like a month and a half, which is good...
let's hope i can continue to practice abstinence.
but that's probably not gonna happen...
(mind begins to wander, leg begins to tremble)
yeah man... that's going to be very interesting cuz man..... I WANT TO.....
and recently i've been listening to random slow jams just anticipating, then i start hyperventilating.....
got me all twisted....
ok while im on the topic of sex...
i think slow motion might be a nice song have sex to.....
wait...
naw.... nevermind.....
moving on TO SOMETHING LESS SINFUL IN NATURE...
one of my friends told me that her man wants her to have his baby before they get married. he doesn't even have a reason, that's just how he wants it to be.... and then the nigga said that he wants he to be a stay at home mom......
wait...
looks like ima have to cut that nigga quick to get his mind right.....
yeah u would think since the nigga is a member of that 1906 gang he'd have his shit together, but alas, the nigga has decided he wants to smoke the limited edition whitney houston crack too.....
ok really about to leave fore lunch now so i'll finish up with part II when i get back...
i'll holla when i holla,
-Amelia
boredom kills.....
Monday, Jun. 07, 2004
9:56 a.m.
yippeddy doo da. finally im able to post.... once again im here at work, being bad. actually i dont think they mind me getting on the computer, just as long as i'm not on it all day long and i'm still able to answer the phones....
but it's cool here.... i guess.....
so last week i got a pay check of 53.83 for that one day of work i did two weeks ago. this week is should get 380.00 which will be very very nice.... so hopefully they hire me full time and then i'll be a happy camper. my brother told me that when they hire me they might pay me less, because then it's like im a contract worker or something like that so, that got me to thinking.... damn.... i was really anticipating that 500 a week, but i guess, wait lemme calculate 8/hr 8.5 hours a day, 5 days a weeks....330 a week isnt bad at all either.... it's better than 0...
so yeah moving on...
i guess since Mr.New is no longer Mr. New but rather "Mr. Month-Long, I Really Hope This Works Out", i can talk about him by name....
His name is....
Hampton
and he has official "sweetie on the verge of being a boyfriend" status...
so he's turning into my Mr. Wonderful version 9.0.... really really good feeling about this..... YIPPEEE!!!!!!!!
but it's funny how i was supposed to be taking a timeout from relationships this summer and then i met him and then that all went down the drain.
awwwwww.... got that funny feeling in my stomach....
did you see the harry potter movie this weekend? did you or the person you went with falll asleep? did you wish they put more details in from the book?
if you're me, then the answer IS YES...
but it was still cool.
moving on to another topic cuz i want these 8 hours to pass quickly today... My mom isnt talking to me or my dad because i guess she thinks it's an us against her situation (or so my bro says...)
im not trippin though, she's not gonna drive me crazy with her foolishness, cuz if it gets any worse than this ima move out and live somewhere.
i'm probably gonna be losing weight these next couple of days because i've basically spent all my money from the lil 53.00 paycheck adn my dad doesnt know and im sorta afraid to ask for money so im gonna go get a small chicken bowl from yoshinoya for lunch today and maybe starve tommorrow or bring a one of my frozen entrees with me......
gosh.... money is so horrible....
oh yeah and Hampton's b-day is next Saturday, so i think im gonna make a picnic for us and fix some really good food or somehting.... i dunno, i'll try to fix non-girlie food to go in it.... like a bomb ass roast beef sandwich.... ooooooh yeah go me...
and now i finally think this entry is long enough so i'm going to depart until i get bored again later today...
i'l holla
luv ya lots
-Amelia
something to pass the time
Wednesday, Jun. 02, 2004
9:33 a.m.
im being very dumb and writing this entry while im at work. oh well, there isn't much to do here, and they gave me a computer with internet access, so i guess they won't mind.
im a receptionist at an investment firm!!!!!!!!!! go me, CUT THE CHECK! hahaha bout to have my lil 401K plan all set up and be sitting pretty.
but truthfully, it's dull here.... did i mention im the only black person so i have to use my, "Hampton University Young Black Proffesional" voice. I think im just here as eye candy..... that's what all the women here are.... they're all assistants and they all look really pretty.... i mean, i hope im not jumping to conclusions, but hey i couldn't help but notice that they all look a certain way....
but yeah so today i was on time... I felt so horrible yesterday becasue i was was late.... 30 minutes late to be exact.... and i left out the house an hour early trying to make sure i got here on time..... STUPID LA TRAFFIC...
moving on to a more important subject....
MR. NEW!!!!!
hahaha that's just a funny situation to me.... so he jokes around alot, i guess i have to get myself to appoint where i can tell when he's joking and when he isn't...
so saturday, best friend and I were going to be out towards his way cuz we were gonna go to this Omega party.... so i told him while i was on the phone with him and then he was said, " you shouldn't go to the party, you should just come hang with me"
......ummmmmm..... how bout no....
see that would've gotten me in trouble because best friend would have been feelin like 3rd wheel, which isnt cool... so i told him that wouldn't be happening so then it sounded like he was tryin to act funny cuzz i was gonna be in his area but not stop by to say hi....
at that point i needed to get off the phone.... so we said our goodbyes...
i ended up not goin to a party that night and instead we (me and best friend) decided we would go out sunday night....
so sunday night im on the phone with him...
again he says the "what are you going to the party for" routine....
im like, obviously cuz i need to get out.... so yeah we got of the phone before the party sorta actin funny towards eachother.... he sent me the cutest message during the party so you know i had to call him when i was done gettin buck wild.... so we're talkin on the phone while best friend and i are on the way to her boyfriend's house (ICE COLD!!!!) and so then he's acting funny then too... so then he says, " what are you doing tommorrow" to which i reply, " eating and getting thick" then he says "so that means you hang out here for a while." so i'm all excited and i say, " you're gonna come pick me up?"
you know what that nigga said....
NO
so then im like.... "how am I supposed to get out there?"
so then this nigga says....
WEREN'T YOU COMING OUT HERE YESTERDAY....
HOLD THE HELL UP....
Verizon's reception must be bad, and you must not be "IN" because i'm not hearing you straight..... it sound like you just said something stupid.....
so you know i almost said something stupid.... but i didn't.... i just said i needed to get off the phone...
so then he says...
WHATCHU GETTIN OFF THE PHONE FOR?!?!
wait a gosh darn minute....
how bout you take that damn bass out your voice....
so then i said.... yeah i, really need to get off the phone, then he replied," if that's how you wanna it to be," to which i replied, -click-
so i was mad..... really really mad.... didnt answer the phone when he called me later... was mad the next day when he did nothing..... so i was just about through.... but we smoothed it out... so we're good now....
he's still on Official Sweetie Status
so if all goes well.... hahaha.... i'll just leave it at that if all goes well...
but that's it, i'm about to go on my lil 15 minute break.....
on that note....
beep me 911 or call me on my cell phone, i'll call you back to see what you gonna tell me....
and im about to to have mucho dinero!!!!!!!! YIPPEE!!!!
luv ya lots,
-amelia
randomly written
Friday, May. 28, 2004
10:11 p.m.
As my buddy Tasha aka KEY THE CAR says... i'm so over it.... hahaha
yeah im not gonna get myself all worked up. yeah i like him, yeah i like him alot, but i get too involved in things like this, so yeah im over it....
so i just came on here to just put some thoughts down, cuz im hella bored.
has anyone seen Beyonce's Dangerously In Love video, that live version. why does she look like she trying reallly hard to make herself look like someone who can sing really really really well. don't get me wrong, i like her, it's just that this video should have been left on the cutting room floor. all those pilate-like movements just dont work..... especially not in that dress....
what else...
Do you watch The Best Week Ever on VH1...
that show...
omg it always cracks me up....
puddy daddy is suppposed to be hosting a debate between Kerry and Bush... hahahaha....
i haven't watched music videos in so long, man i sat down and watched a few today and wowzers....
the new Young Buck video... i watch it on Access Granted and i actually liked what i saw.... watching the girls pop their booties in those lil flouncy skirts made me stand in front of my mirror in a short skirt and see if i could the same thing.... i couldn't so i think the video had special effects.... hahaha...
all these girls are basically doin psuedo-porn like music videos.... all that orgasm like twitching.... that Christina Milian video trips me out, how does she fall like that...
THE T.I video...
OMG!!!!!!!!!!! hey lets get away and get a room on the other side of town.....
i love the song, but the chocolate girl in the video who is hangin on T.I. needs to buy a bigger swimsuit top.... melons were all over the place.... and thats the things she didnt look like she was anything big, i'd place her at a 36 C on a good day, but her swimsuit top was like a 32 AAA which isn't a good look at all.....
i'm getting my tattoo in two weeks...
beautiful in arabic really low on my back.... it's so pretty. i'm so excited.
anything else i wanted to write about.....
i watched emeril and saw him make general tso's chicken so im gonna try to make it sometime this weekend or next week after my first check comes....
HAHAHAHA that has a ring to it...
MY FIRST CHECK!
and on that note.... (damn that makes me think of him)
luv ya lots,
-Amelia
a late night quickie
Thursday, May. 27, 2004
11:48 p.m.
so i should've followed my instinct and not called him....
but as we all know... IM STUPID...
i called and didnt alk to him too long, and then his phone was about to die....
see that's what keeps me all bottled up, this unavailable stuff. now if i would've told him how i really felt and then the phone died i would've been sitting here feeling even worse than i do now cuz i be wondering about what he thought.....
thinking about whether me telling him how i really feel gives him the upper hand....
thinking that maybe he's think he had me sprung and then he'd start acting funny.....
but im not gonna trip over that, i just gotta keep being smart....
i have another temporary job... i'll be working as a receptionist for this french furniture design company for the next two weeks. IT PAY 12/hr!!!!!!!! so working 8:30-5:30 will have me ending up making a nice lil sum of money....
someone told me the only reason im getting placed is cuz im pretty....
in a way it made me feel good cuz i doubt how pretty i am, but then i was thinking is that ALL i have going for me?????
i hope not...
i can type 60 words per minute...
im pretty ok with excel...
better than nice with word...
however i dont know a darn thing about how to use powerpoint...
but do receptionist have to use powerpoint? i dont think so....
any other news????
tommorrow is the master's track meet...
im probably gonna go out and support the kiddies, see who ends up making it to the state meet.
okay im running out of stuff to write about.....
he hasnt called back either...
and im trippin over that...
but wait, he likes me more than i like him, right....
see.... this is why.... nevermind. ima just go to sleep...
alrightie, on that note...
luv ya lots,
-amelia
if he only knew....
Thursday, May. 27, 2004
10:05 p.m.
HAHAHAHA GO lakers!!!!! my dad was sippin that Laker Haterade so i'm glad we laid the smackdown tonight....
I think this entry is goin to be devoted entirely to Mr. New. i know i've been writing about him alot lately, i can't help it it..... there's something about him.
So..... he says that he likes me more than i like him....
that's interesting.
I dunno if that meant he was getting fed up with me or what. I hope not, I really like him, it's just that I can't come all out and be saying, "oooh i like you so much, i think about you ALL THE TIME, and I DONT GIVE A DAMN about daytime minutes either cuz i wanna be on the phone with you all the time." cuz if i did, he'd look at me like i was crazy and leave me standing all alone lookin like a chump.....
but that is how i feel about him....
we haven't been talkin during the day cuz of daytime minutes so i've been finding myself plotting on a way to win the lotto to buy him a verizon phone so he could be "IN" and then we could talk WHENEVER I WANT....
such a goober....
don't laugh....
okay wait...
now you can....
but it's weird cuz he gives me that feeling in my stomach.... i start thinking about him and i start smiling. then i start planning summer days taking walks on the beach looking at the crazy people do tricks, going to the mall salivating at the sight of new prints at victoria's secret....
if he only knew....
and i like looking at him....
he does the kobe lip....
he can dance, though i think HE THINKS i can't...
he's a fool sometimes and that's good when you can make me laugh...
AND HE CAN KISS!!!!!!!!!!!!
we were kissing and he stopped and i was still leaning in..... (yeah losers do that) and that's how i really know i like him, because most times it's me running the kiss, pulling away.... (tryin to get the dude sprung) but this time it's him.....
awwwwwww.
makes me think of SAY YES by FLOETRY....
side note: he has me playing my slow jams ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!
yeah but he thinks he likes me more than i like him....
if he only knew
and on that note...
im out
luv ya lots,
-amelia
