October 16, 2002
...
A quick note, the mp3 section has been overhauled as I was forced to delete almost a gig of music. -.-*
**
This afternoon, the rain stopped and the clouds broke apart to reveal the most beautiful blue sky that I have ever seen.
I almost resented it, however, because it's a lot easier to feel connected with the world when the weather reflects how you feel...
It's almost amazing how quickly my moods can change. I stopped by Subway on my way home to talk to Emily. While I was there, I felt completely normal and, dare I say it? Almost happy.
But as soon as I got out of the parking lot, that feeling was gone.
Pary doesn't know how I feel right now. I don't think Emily knows. Kerri knows, but she doesn't know how deep this goes. Matt knows, but that's just because he's the one I whine to.
So either they don't know or they don't understand. How lost I feel. How lonely I am. How angry I am under the surface. How sick I am of everything. How much I cry myself to sleep. How un-needed and unwanted I feel...
They don't know how many times a day I think that nobody would really miss me if I was gone.
listening to: Epicentre - VNV Nation
talking to: no one
feeling:
cloudydowns at 9:12 pm