August 31, 2005 - 11:10 a.m.

Hollywood

Because I was given bullshit instructions on how a task was to be completed, the last hour of my life was wasted. While it pays the same, having to re-do something really and I mean REALLY pisses me off when it could have just been done right the first time. I also get crabby at how nonchalant it is to say �well you just are going to have to do it over, /shrug sorry that I wasn�t clear.� As my lips curl back into a biting sneer.

So because my time, paid for or not was so insignificant, I will now waste the following hour doing my personal shit in retribution.

Went to acting class last night. I was almost immediately sorry. My co-worker finally broke under the relentless never-shutting-up nagging and went with me. After we found the class (late because the door was marked CPR Training) the Teach had us sit in a circle on the floor and one by one asked us to talk about ourselves. It was cozy enough that I kept looking for a joint to be passed my way.

Everyone had all this clever experience, some sort of artsy background. Although the experience was not�. created equal let�s say. A couple of the girls had been cast in fantastic plays, and one of the guys acted in Shakespeare in a piss ant town, population about 10. Thus, while both were �actors� heh�. it�s not quite the same.

I was the only one to announce zero talent. Those who hadn�t acted, had been in choir, dance, school for acting, etc.

�I�m here because one night I was getting really drunk and the bitch sitting next to me thought it would be a groovy idea.�

/beat.

�Ok,.,,, next person.�

I almost instantly liked everyone in there, expect for maybe two people. One is the type of person who forgot she�s not an A-Line celebrity actress sitting on the floor at Community College. This bitch acts like she�s waiting for the letter from Hollywood and expects it any day now. She is (whether intentional or not) condescending in thinking her talent is off the charts, and she�s annoying to me (intentional or not). I�m proud of myself and shit, but I never act like I�m better because well�..fuck�. no one is better that anyone else unless you have like a couple extra arms or legs or something. If that were the case I would totally concede.

�Two extra arms? Damn fucker, you�ve got me beat on that one. I bet you can sort mail like a god damned tornado huh?�

The other person I don�t really care for chomps gum and doesn�t look up often. She snowboards and is taking this class because it�s required.
Then there is everyone else:

Dude 1 � has a very odd hair growth pattern. He�s got a tuft of red in the front, then nothing for a few inches back, to meet a flurry of wiry fluff in the back. His glasses are odd. I can almost guarantee he�ll be one of two things in ten years: A type of nerd who will someday have a good deal of money. Or a type of nerd who lives with his mother and builds model airplanes.

Dude 2 � Long hair, needed combing and a good amount of shampoo. Vaguely illiterate and quiet. Joined the smokers outside, but didn�t smoke.

Late chick � young, hot and I won�t lie and say I didn�t take a peek at her tits. Very nice. The tits, not her. Well�.. naw she was nice enough, just nervous.

Couple other people, but I�ve picked everyone apart enough for one entry.

Then he made us do improv. Now, I LOVE me some improve but not so much with invisible props, but rather an unscripted banter. In the same circle, after some yank stretches that no doubt I performed looking as though it was the most unnatural thing for my body to do, we passed around invisible props � some people far better at it than others. I swung my invisible baseball bat for too long, and some kind soul finally screamed out �fishing pole� for the sake of moving on I think.

After a break, we came back and he asked who was comfortable reading an excerpt. My arm was possessed by demons and it shot up while I stared at it thinking �You better plan on using sign language for that shit fucker because I�m not going up there with ya!�

I jest a little, I was bold�.. stupidly. I went first and was given the most absurd jumble of words that in no way made sense or context to me.

If was a paragraph I was to perform in character as though I was reading it at an audition. People�. This fucking thing I read about like:

�I don�t know if it was because they were gay, or if it was because I reminded them of some other bitch.�

Deja-fucking-vu anyone?

It was really hard and I sucked better than a Bunny at the Moonlight Ranch. That�s what I get for going first.

In a couple of weeks we take a field trip to the Arts Center that I was banned from a few years ago. I know. It really wasn�t my fault. I had been invited for a showing of my art and upon seeing it they basically said it was nothing short of pornography. It made me a lil angry and I said some choice phrases such as �since when is a female nude upper torso porn? I don�t see a cock between her tits you uneducated bastards!�

I was asked not to come back after that, and after I�d written some letters to the newspaper and generally just made a giant fuss. So that should prove interesting. I have a photo essay planned, but later for that.

All for now.

-DM

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