Another sleepless night. [ Wednesday, Mar. 02, 2005, 2:48 a.m. ]

Well what do ya know. Here I am at 2:48 am. My insomnia hasn't left me yet, which is very unfortunate because I feel so sleepy during the day, especially at times when It is impossible for me to take a nap (example: class, work) and yet at night I just can't fall asleep. I need to get up in 3 hours again. The worst thing is that I feel so inspired and hyper right now. I guess I have become a night owl lol... I don't mind classifying myself under such title, but it gets a little lonely considering the fact that everyone is asleep. I've just IMed some people on my buddy list, they probably won't even be surprised tomorrow that I IMed them at 3:00 am because that's the weirdo that I am. It's so quiet and peaceful.. just me and my thoughts, which makes a dangerous combination. Ok so let me throw some random thoughts at ya:

Well first of all, we had a fire over at Shitland over the weekend. There's always something happening at that place: if not cars driving through the window, then burlap getting caught on fire, or random old people coming in taking a shit right in the middle of the store. Yep, that actually happened. Ok, so the fire. Yes, it was a big deal, noone got hurt though but the fire department came and everything, and the whole place was filled with smoke. I came out of the office because I have heard my lovely coworkers running around rambling something, and that's when I noticed (and sniffed) all the smoke that was in the store... Not even knowing the extent of the seriouness of the situation, I took a look around and the first thing that popped to my head was: where's Mr. Personality ? I saw all the other guys running with fire extinguishers, as well as C....l wobbling towards the door, but Mr. Personality was nowhere in sight so I became very worried all of a sudden. I didn't want to ask anyone if they had known where he was because I didn't want them to know that I still care. I thought about it over the next 2 days and realized how pissed off I am at myself for still actually giving a shit about this idiot. I thought I had buried all the feelings for him somewhere dark where I wouldn't be able to find them again, but the fire seems to have brought some of them up again, which is very ironic (fire... bringing up shit that was buried lol.. see the logical connection here? I didn't think so lol). I can't believe I still cared enough to even wonder where he was during the fire.. I can't believe that I was actually worrying about him. Ofcourse there was absolutely no reason for me to even worry about him, he came back about 10 minutes later after talking to his girlfriend... It's not that I still love him, it really isn't... but unfortunately he still manages to make me worry about him and care, which really pisses me off. Sometimes I wish I was a cold-hearted bitch and wouldn't give a shit, but unfortunately I'm quite the opposite, and the worst thing is taht it actually turns people off. Take Gorgeous for example. He told me that I have such a good heart and stuff, and that he actually doesn't deserve that and shit... So it doesn't matter that I have a good heart, because that's still not enough... and I always thought that It SHOULD be enough.

Anyways... Mr.ImNotAPlayer IMed me today. I was very surprised, I thought he was done playing his little game with me. He tried to totally turn everything around and make me look like the bad guy by saying that he feels bad that I haven't returned his call. He's so full of shit. He knows damn well that I called him back and yet he still plays this... I thought that eventually guys DO grow up and stop playing games, but apparently not... I thought that If I start seeing older guys I'd have a better chance of actually meeting someone normal, but noooo. It's a little sad too, because I actually did like Mr.ImNotAPlayer... for a little while I wished things had turned out differently. I don't know what's wrong with him, he must think that because I'm 5 years younger than him then I'd be stupid enough to be fed his bullshit...

I was going to write a lot more, becuse the voices in my head are giving me so many new ideas, lol.. However, the process of this entry has actually made me feel tired, which is good, because I need to get up in exactly 2 hours and 44 minutes, so I guess I'll go hit the bed now, and I'll continue to spread my random thoughts on you tomorrow.

[sunset] -~-*-~- [sunrise]