2005-03-16 - 10:54 a.m.
Divorce: Two Homes/Two Lives: Part III- Email Communication
"I think the first thing any divorced couple learns is that they have communication problems. Their perceptions have overcome their ability to exchange information objectively, especially in person, where habits formed during the deterioration of their marriage rise to the surface when tension comes into play.
After that, I kind of want to say... "Duh.""
-Name of Author withheld at their request-
I've come to appreciate e-mail as an excellent medium for communication between... [Divorced Couples]. ...For one thing, it prevents a former husband and wife from responding to anything other than the information being presented, such as tone, body language or anything else that could be misleading or inflammatory. For another thing, it provides a record of decisions made, plans set forth, opinions stated, and the like. For another thing, it enforces something people ought to be able to do themselves but don't; it holds people accountable for what they say.
This is ESPECIALLY important when a true difference of fundamental opinion occurs between the two households. If one household, for example, believes a child should date at a certain age and the other disagrees, there may be no room for compromise. When it comes down to what one former spouse believes is right and what another former spouse believes is right, sometimes neither can compromise without feeling as though the wrong thing has been done all around.
What can an in-person conversation do then? All it can deteriorate into is an argument in which one side tries to bully the other into simply compromising their beliefs and giving in. That, I believe, is a recipe for hostility.
Instead, one side can present an opinion thoughtfully arrived at via e-mail. The other can read the words objectively, consider them, and respond. That is a pure exchange of information, and thus is communication. It may not end in agreement, but sometimes this is the best anyone can do.
If a person rails against e-mail, I find something out. I find out that the person isn't upset about the medium of communication, but rather the fact that the person isn't "winning". They want more time to keep wearing the other person down, to keep pushing hoping for an eventual surrender from the other side.
E-mail can also be forwarded [and copied], which troubles some. Personally, I think it's another benefit of e-mail. I don't want conversations second-or third-hand ... ...I want the original information, so that I may form an opinion of my own and make some decisions of my own. I have that right...
This entry is actually the abbreviated entry written by someone else. It is posted here because it addresses an issue of concern to me and does so very well. It is posted with the Authors permission but the Authors name has been withheld at their request. It is not my right to question their decision to withhold the credit due to them but I will abide by that decision.
