Three weeks after August 9, 2012...
A few things I have learned on this journey since August 9...
The pain sneaks up on you. When you least expect it, and when everything is going well, it just sits itself right down in the middle of your chest and squats. It can be for a tearful fleeting moment, it can be for several numbing days.
There's no rhyme or reason. It just does whatever the hell it wants to do.
And it's just as lonely as the first day. Maybe more so. Because it's somewhat accepted to explain tears by saying, "I had a miscarriage yesterday."
Less acceptable to say, "I'm crying because I had a miscarriage three weeks ago."
I have also discovered a few things NOT to say to someone who has lost an unborn child:
1. "There was probably something wrong with it.".. And so he had no right to live?
2. "God's timing is perfect. You can try again soon." Having another child will not replace the child that I lost.
3. "You should be grateful for the two you already have." See #2, above. Grieving over a miscarriage is not ungratefulness. It's grief.
One of my dear friends found out she was pregnant only a week before I found out about my little bundle. Every week, I hear about how big her baby is now. How it has eyelashes this week. And ears next week. And how she can't eat certain foods. And how she feels her stomach stretching. And in a couple weeks, she will know if it's a boy or a girl.
And I will still be empty. And I love her. And I love her child. But they are also a constant reminder of what I have lost.