Well ok then. Damn, I am pleasantly surprised that this thing is up and running. Here’s an update. Christian passed away. He was 3 years, 8 months. I’m still with Jerry, we have a set of twins, almost 5 and a beautiful baby girl, she just turned 3. Scott still basically lives at home and he has a dog, Luna that lives here as well. I am still head over heels in love with Jerry and I’ve never even tried to cheat on him. I have lusted after other married men, but haven’t acted on any emotion. We have been through too much to throw our relationship away. Sometimes I do think about what might have been if I would have chosen James instead of BJ but those times are few and far between. I was talking to Jerry the other night and told him that he ticks all the boxes so there’s no need for me to cheat. I told him about some of the men I was with in the past and he got upset. I didn’t want him to think that I’ve only been with fat, ugly men with small dicks. He is the biggest I’ve been with but not by much. That guy that went to high school with BJ and Steven was both as big. I’ve been with some pretty good looking guys and most of them were tall and skinny. Some were average build and only a few were fat. What has been driving me crazy is that I am having difficulty remembering all of my sexual partners. Even past boyfriends. That guy from Shreveport that tried to teach me dominoes and peed in his closet when we went home drunk, Courtney said he was cute but wtf was his name? How can I remember all these details but not their names? Craig even proposed to me but I can’t remember his last name. I remember what he looked like, that he liked to make fancy coffee and watched pebbles for me when I went out of town. Even that he drove a darango but wth was his last name??? I thought I’d slept with about 100 guys but I can only recall about 30. I checked my old email and that’s been deleted. The messengers that I used to use are gone. I am thankful that I kept such a detailed record on this app, but I wish I did more. Where is my record when I lived in the apartment alone or in hallsville? I definitely wish that I could go back and leave BJ before I slept around and if it wouldn’t affect Scott, I would even rather I save myself for Jerrbear. I realize that everything happened for a reason and maybe I had to hurt BJ so that I’d never hurt Jerry. I would like to apologize again to BJ but I don’t want to drag up the past. I’m going to give myself a few more days to recollect my memories and then I’m going to bury them again and hope that I’ve learned enough from my past to never repeat it. Thanks again for being here with me on this journey.

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Say that again � I implore