jlsdiary's Diaryland diary

7:53 p.m. - 2007-04-07
When a woman makes a descision
There are many times in a women's life when her sanity - her facilities - her abilities are called into question due to her age, physical state of being, the time of month, change of life, puberty, pregnancy, even whether or not the women has been laid lately...At these times her words - her feelings about a subject are are not her own but rather a product solely of her magical hormonal state.
When we are young we are silly little girls - incapable of SERIOUS thought(see the inherent incompleteness or malformation of women a la the Bible, Aristotle, or just about any gynecological journal pre-women's lib.. ...when we are teenagers we are simply just flooded with estrogen - so much estrogen so little time to think - must make babies and all...and then of course there is the onset of a period which allows society to call into a question a girl's sanity for 4-7 days each and every month and really the whole week before that for the infamously invalidating PMS. In our twenties we have ticking biological clocks driving us mad and man-crazy and well if we do get pregnant then it's the
pregnancy in itself talking. Or if the girl gets an abortion - the body - the hormones - the loss - she is out of her mind - does not know what she is saying. Never mind that she was already not knowing what she was saying or doing because of the pregnancy and probably was just confused by liberal propaganda when she decided to abort in the first place. In our thirties we are starting to lose our luster - now not enough estrogen pulsing through our veins makes us desperate - aging - yet another reason what we say doesn't count in the grand testoronated scheme of things. That is the thing isn't it? all of these crimes are simply crimes against testosterone - crimes against man-ness...wrapped up in accusations like "a lack of logic" "high strung" "too emotional" and even "she's just pm-esing" "change of life ya know?"....Back to our sad story - in our forties we still get the pms and the ticking clock but now add the whole "change of life is coming" which makes a women no longer really a women but also not quite as good as a man...something frightening - not a wise women full of life but a witch - she makes no sense - her incoherent babbling fueled by unnamed fluid urges. Our fluid urges - our little black box - the magic of birth - blood flowing between our legs - it all makes us so totally suspect doesn't it? so much so that if we say we have seen an injustice or propose a new direction we are seen as potential castrators - not logical - not an equal pulling a chair up to the table to smoke a pipe and work it all out...no forever relegated to little more than our bodily functions. And then I stop and think of the absolute silliness and chaos that is the sexual anatomy and function of males. How unfair! Men often profess not being able to think of anything else but booty when hard - suffer blue balls apparent terrible mind cluttering pain and most certainly ooze juices...there is even tale of monthly male hormonal cycles and a definitive change of life for men called "andropause" - nevermind all the wild and wiley characteristics that go along with just having loads testosterone flooding around in your body! Yes men are fluidy messes just as much as women and suffer the same fate of being human and being effected by all manner of internal forces including hormones and yet they go around making descision, making statements, or making total asses out of themselves all the time! Does anybody say "oh George Bush is just going through his ANDROPAUSE - no not at all - he gets to own his ass-ness and wear it as a badge of his identity - lucky man. Really, when does a women get to make a decision - a statement - or a have a feeling that's right rather than just another sympton of her weakness? only perhaps in the company of other women who know damn well PMS doesn't make or break your life - perhaps in the company of a sympathetic boy or two but for the most part a women is not given the right to own her decisions they belong to body alone. Would Objectification by any other name smell just as sweet? indeed it does - we can call it menopause - pms - needing dick - biological clocks tick...it all boils down to this...a women's most important role in our society is played out with her pussy - her tits - her foaming uterus - the magical chemicals of her woman-ness...Her brain - her heart - her soul are second at best and at worst buried far beneath her bodily presence. Oliver Herford - an apparent chauvinist pig - there were lots back then - had this to say, �A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.� As ass-headed as he was - i do think he is a little right in that - a wo men grows - a women evolves - a women through her amazing body - not because of it or in spite of it - but THROUGH it has access to a world of connectedness and inspiration that may or may not be available to men but for women is a right of passage. I change my mind as often as a change my outfits but always for a reason baby and you better believe it's not always always about my wet throbbing pussy or my egg laden uterus - sometimes it's to change the world - sometimes just for fun....but yes - oh yes - always a reason behind the color of dress or the words I use - now if only men could look past their own biology - their own erection and see a women for more than her hormonal fluctuations;)

Gretchen Thurman is Justlikestars!
All picture copyright 2007
go see this picture larger
and my other drawings at:
www.flickr.com/photos/justlikestars/
e-mail me at [email protected]!

8:05 a.m. - 2007-03-27
Paint and Powder
In college I took a class called, "Gender Politics" - which is a nice fancy word for the history of women, feminism, and the way our gender effects the directions of our lives. We had to write a large final paper on a "gender politics" issue - I chose makeup. Makeup, at first, might seem too small of a topic to write some 60 pages of analysis on but I cleared the 60 and could have written many more. The lens which I collected and analyzed data was through four makeup moguls of the time - two women and two men. I wanted to know if makeup moguls were for or against women's liberation and expansion of gender roles - to go to the source so to speak. I found that even at the source the questions of makeup and it's "appropriateness" was a hot and contentious one. Max Factor, for instance, really felt that makeup was for the stage. Makeup advertisements from the early 1900's through the 1950's took on of two routes - a flourish of flowers - ultimate sweet femininity or a scarlet mouthed rebellious looking girl with a cigarette. Makeup could help you become the loving wife or foxy flapper - many cautioned against using makeup at all for fear that those just trying to look more like a "loving wife" might go one stroke to far and start looking like a "foxy flapper" and then, of course, since the girl looked that way she would be treated "that way" and she would no longer be wife material. Paint and powder was a contentious issue at it's birth indeed - and for some young women a vibrant symbol of their liberation of constraining traditional roles. Girls that now had jobs in the cities might go out to an amusement park after work and wear LIPSTICK - bright red lipstick in fact...lips that are unafraid to curse, pout, smoke, and dare I say even kiss! One would think that over fifty years later we would have sorted out some of our issues about lipstick,blush and smelly lotion but sadly makeup remains an extremely tense issue among feminists, parents and kids, boys and girls - well pretty much everybody. Feminist are afraid that using makeup means you are walking around trying to please men - I have personally been called out like this...the words were "tool of the patriarchy." Funny that feminism sometimes robs women of their choices if those choices do not fit in THEIR political/philosophical paradigm.
Parents are terrified that if little Molly used magenta lipstick instead of pearly pink lip gloss that everyone will think she is EASY or even more insane that somehow just the application of said magenta lipstick will cause a transformation in little Molly - magically her "innocence" would be whisked away and she would be replaced be a vamperous tramp. Boys - especially boys dating girls who wear makeup look at as a possible constant flirtation with the world...sure makeup looks nice but maybe not on their girl or maybe just at home for him - not out there in the world because what if someone saw it and thought something about it...what if someone was aroused? The makeup is held responsible for causing erections - the girl is accused of wanting to cause erections and all is lost~ So where do we go from here? To the magic of it - because there is some admitting to be done - makeup - paint - powder - scent -
each and everyone do own a certain power. It is a power, partly given by societal rules, norms, and notions and the ability of makeup to tweak and twist these constructions. It is also a power given by stroking oneself - choosing oneself - getting onez hands in color and putting color on oneself. Choosing color - loving color - deciding to glitter even though the world can be kinda sucky. Makeup by choice can be the most liberating, celebratory, and spritually erotic experience a women can ever know - if she is allowed to access it. By allowed , I mean - if she is given the time, the products, and the encouragement to go - go to the paint - find your spirit - draw your spirit all over your face and cover your body in it - love your self by annointing it with beiges, chartruces, and vermillion and when you do so, forget also that it is yourself and feel like a total goddess painting the world...choosing to make the world sparkle and shimmer. As you can see - I get a little excited just talking about putting on makeup and I want other women to get that excited to or not wear it at all because I am afraid that those few pathetic women who tromp around in Vouge magazines latest makeup tips because they are afraid there man doesn't think there sexy enough to take to the sack - these women are ruining for all those totally boadacious bitches who are out there celebrating life and end up getting called a pathetic pandering whore...No doubt there are pathetic pandering whores or all sort and stripes - who are looking to be paid with some kind of validation but believe - no know - that there are many many gorgeous women out there who are on a spiritual path to perfection by way of aesthetic beauty but by no means the end. If done correctly said celebration of beauty will spread to the soul and then - ideally - to all those around you. Funny that Elizabeth Arden and Helen Rubinstein(two of the earliest female makeup baronesses) knew that makeup had this power and used it in their lives everday to make them larger than life and be able to achieve the almost impossible status of women-boss in the ever represseive early 1900's...Sad that they often used advertising that boxed women into suffocating stereotypes...I like to think that they were nodding and
winking - like right right this will make you a more amazing mother(because we have to say this) but look here's is the stuff rebellion and freedom are made of...indeed, at least for this little girl, makeup is one of my badges of womanly honor and pride and i do so wear it well;)

8:37 a.m. - 2007-03-20
every now and then mom is right...
My mother MADE me watch a movie recently - usually this involves Egyptians - the essence of time - or some other such irrelevant intellectual masturbation that I can't make it through the thing but this time it was different. This time it was personal. The movie is called "Carolina"
it stars Julia Stiles and Shirley Maclaine. Maclaine plays a saucy fast talking grandma who has myriads of memorable quotes on all the quotable quote sites but none of the onez that I remember
because they weren't the super funny onez but they stuck - stuck me right in my big fat psod. Here's the set-up:
Carolina(julia stiles) is a young women with her first real career job - she has left behind her family both physically with distance and psychologically by fashioning herself in the most opposite ways of them as possible. Yet she is tied to them - when they need her she drops everything - all the many china dishes delicately balancing- to go help sister, grandma, and auntie whore...it is clear that the girl is cut-off at her heart and head and has no idea where her soul is...(at this point I was damning my mother because I realized I was about to watch myself be revealed). So this Carolina has only one real friend a boy
"Albert" played by Alessandro Nivola. He is a writer - a romance writer but he wants to write something better. Carolina meets Prince Charming - he is dashing - they hang out in her gorgeous apartment with gorgeous dishes and eat out at a gorgeous restaurant in gorgeous clothes - he says gorgeous things...Grandma comes to dinner at Carolinas for Thanksgiving - the whole big crazy dysfunctionally beautiful Southern family comes as well. Carolina's worlds collide. The night is over - Prince Charming left early. Grandma says something like, "Carolina you are living a beautiful life but have you ever wondered whose?"...When I heard that I fell off my big red exercise ball and almost threw up. Is that what I have done - planned my life so much that it became pretend-made-up dress-up...mebbe that's why I can't feel anything. Whew...okay back to the movie...Prince Charming doesn't call - Carolina loses her job - her sister is pregnant...then Grandma dies. Carolina goes home - she wants Albert now but he has moved on after making pleas of love and being treated like he was the part of her life that was pretend...not everything else including herself. Thanksgiving happens at the old house - whores, bikers, and crazy old southern people abound. Carolina takes her grandmother's place for the extremely personal and in your face type of praying that goes on at the Mirabeau table. Carolina radiates having resolved her pride, her fantasies, her foolishness - with her truth which was ever so much ever better than anything she could make up. She starts to pray for the family when Albert walks up behind her - finally she is ready - so ready for him because she is actually her and bang...big kiss...he wants to eat at this table forever...good thing she can stand the plastic tablecloth and picnic tables now that she finally found out everything everything has soul and plastic picnic tables might just have more soul than the finest crystal from Tiffany's...My mother and I never agree on anything - we never concede a point. I did though on this movie. I said I felt like she was warning me about the future...that this whole thing that happened to Carolina was going to have to happen to me...she smiled - nodded and then I told her she was just like Grandma Maribeau and she went off smiling. That was like four months ago and I feel like it is all happening all at once...I figured out the job thing, the art being way more important than anything else thing, the my family is screwed up but I love them I really love them thing and then like dominos I figured out that the fantasy boy is not nearly as good as the real boy. Thank you mom. Thank you kemono. Thank you goddess. thank you thank you thank you. If you havn't seen Caroling watch it - if only to hear Shirley's amazing souther drawl when she preaches this:

Grandma Mirabeau:" [Saying grace at a Thanksgiving's Day dinner] Lord, bless my family. Fill their bellies and keep them warm and safe. And, now, Lord, let's get personal. Please find Georgia a man to daddy that young 'un she's carrying. Give Maine those lottery numbers before she loses her virginity on that rocking horse. Lord, let my Teddy settle down and plant some roots. Look over my sister, Marilyn, who, bless her ignorant soul, is back in jail again. Enlighten her about cellular telephones and credit card transactions both of which are traceable. And, finally, Lord, bless my Carolina's heart for she is the best part of me. Amen. "

I am not going from old to new but co-exsisting old and new. Something I never knew. Always cut-off in at least one way...It's all there - scary black night, pink confetti, silver statue of confidence, hapiness and purity. Centered totally centered - yay!

9:54 a.m. - 2007-03-14
Mijito
My son does not like to "prance like a gazelle" which was a once ago a "Kindermusic" instruction - which he, on his own, rejected and then shortly after threw himself against the door and screamed "let me outta here!" This is not a rant against Kindermusic or Smart Start, library book camp, YMCA baby sports, or any of the other many baby/preschool instructional experiences we have tried out...Here's the problem: My baby has wanted to be a soldier since he could speak. He comes from a liberal family - he knows he has choices but his comfort - his love - his heart is with fighting, helicopters, and hard physical work. That's my nonny stocky and wild. One can imagine that this baby does not so much want to dance around with silky scarves or hold hands or sing yet another song about frogs. This baby's favorite song is "Superman" by Three Doors Down and he loves to mosh. I did not teach baby these things - he came that way. I find it so frustrating that when a baby comes that can pick up a violin and play it like Yehudi Menuhin we, as a society, applaud and give muchos credit to the mommy for having had such a talented baby. Nevermind, that she does not play violin and made no effort to instruct the child in violin - still we give her credit - even if it's really only for having a baby of divine intervention. The world needs to wake up and realize that all children are gifted - each in a different way...if we honored them each like a prodigy then mebbe just mebbe they could reach their true potential - then mebbe we as a world community could meet our potential too...It's not about putting a label on a kid or putting him in a box or whatever it's about really meditating on what that child is all about - the essence. One child is already an intuitive healer - he or she provides others with what they need without being asked - without feeling burdened. Another child is an information collector - they seek it out - it finds them - they dispense it when needed. These children, I think, still can find a place in baby-class and the school system. What about my bull-headed child? my leader - my fighter - mine who would gladly leave this moment and fight for this god-damn country(he tells me all the time "it's time for me to go join the army - I have to help stop all the fighting - don't worry mom I will right every week"). Again - he has not been raised this way - I am a flaming liberal...This is HIS WAY and it just pisses me off that in a country where we want to go on and on about being brave and fighting for freedom those children who have those qualities are labeled as:
"stubborn"
"mechanical"
"too physcial"
"should mebbe play football"
"too distracting"
"the other children follow him"
and of course: "hitting is not allowed"
(even if provoked steadily - you see in PC America passive-aggressive behavior is not only acceptable it is encouraged - so go ahead and stare, whisper hateful shit, untie someone else's shoes - never fear the phsycial kids hands are tied - they are not allowed to get back at you for your mind games - and double bonus for you because one day they will protect you ass from being blown up by people all over the world who are tired of all this American psychological manipulative cowardly torture).

and the unspoken: he's wild, unruly, questions me, and "needs to be told the rules again and again."
He does - he is - all of those things and it ain't easy but the bitch of it is they won't even let him have his own-ness they meet me "crazy single mom with red hair and tight black pants" and they "blame" him on me..."He is like this because he doesn't have a dad"(which of course he did - I think it might have been Jesus) "he's like this because your too liberal" "he's like this because...." because because of the wonderful things he does. My boss at the UGA desk said of him at one month old " he is a little man - he is really like a little man - he doesn't act link a baby at all..."
It's true - he's a little man...At least let him have that - he is responsible for himself - he chooses. And I, crazy thug-tart momma, am not to be given the credit for how incredibly strong, smart, and brave he is not now - not ever.

yahh he shooshes me too...at you know what - lots of times he's right BIOTCH!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

9:37 a.m. - 2007-03-13
Cornered
well if you have been to my flickr page recently http://www.flickr.com/photos/justlikestars/
then you have seen my drawing "cornered" - if you have not seen it you should - it's in the "all my drawings here set."(I am going to put a little picture of it here too so never fear ya non-flickr-ers.) So it was a mystery for awhile but the truth is out and the little red ball is my heart. Cornered. I have always felt cornered when I go out with people. Always except once and then only really in my dreams during their absence. So there are many comments about all this on flickr and here are a couple of poems that apply:

My Dream
To feel warm
covered
but not smothered
connected
and more alive than ever before...
synchronized
even in absence.
understood.
Comforted but not coddled into brainless abandon.
Made to laugh, cry, pushed to anger. Maybe even insanity -
but always only for a moment...
and then reassuredly back to commiseration.
Astounded with passion.

and then la la my reality:

Conglomerate Wet Blanket

Shut up!
Stop ruining it...
Can't you just
be real for a minute!
- Slow Down -
talk from your mouth
- give your ass a rest.
Don't do it!
Don't give me another excuse -
ahh!...it's no use!
What can you do with a wet blanket?

So boing boing here is cornered:

12:33 p.m. - 2007-03-12
Burn It
Do you ever just want to burn it, break it, shake it until something comes out? I feel it - not all the times but sometimes like crazy chimes calling off in the distance. Time to scribble nonsense all over a semi-truck, time to sneak a cigarette, time to mess with someone's mind, time to set something on fire...Yet I am a mother - so I have learned control - yes? no? no yes - really I have been good. Still I like to stir it up at work , at home , online, somewhere to let it out get in trouble - someone to fight with - god how I love to fight sometimes...I once lived with a boy for whom my main attraction was the way we fought...sexy...really. It's not all of me one part fairy princess , one part disconnected intellectual, but that last third I am sure is what makes people think I am the devil;) What is it? Someone recently said ," So you do have a self-destructive side" and I thought I don't know about "self" but I certainly do have a destructive side. Create and destory goddess am I? no prophetess...so I have to find a way to channel it - so it doesn't just sneak up on me and I don't know what to do. Plan for it sweetheart - plan for the Mr. Hyde and let him play because when he does not live - the fairy princess dies.
Seriously - how hard is it to find balance...swinging from one extreme to the other is so much easier and often funner but still I will try...

Gretchen Thurman is Justlikestars!
All picture copyright 2007
go see this picture larger
and my other drawings at:
www.flickr.com/photos/justlikestars/
e-mail me at [email protected]!

*****************************************************************

10:14 a.m. - 2007-03-09
Marry a Gay Man
So I have decided that next time a gay man asks me to marry him I am going for it...I mean how many more chances am I going to get? Soon gay people will be able to marry each other and parents and society will get over their prejudice - I got to get in while the gettin' is good! If I had any sense I would have married one of my best gay-boy's in college. He was talented - smart - funny - good-looking and in need of a wife to appease strict Catholic parents...If your still out there baby I am ready;) Who wouldn't want a gay man husband? Not that all gay men are the same because they are not but I mean the fabulous gay men who have been my friends and hung out in the drag bars;) These gay men make all other types of boys look boring and tired! My husband will shop with me - advise me on facial products - and read me my rights on art history, political activism, and most importantly fashion! My husband will tell me torrid stories of his affairs with boys from the club and I will spill my latests tale of doom and disaster with dark poetic boys...He will also slap them and tell them to leave me alone when I don't want to see them anymore. But what will I have to give to such a perfect husband? I will cook for him and all his fabulous friends and wear the most ridiculous gowns - I will wax his back and tell him all the secrets I know about boys...most of all I will employ other little girls to chase him around and worship him for all his fabulous-ness - they will not be fag-hags but precious pretty princess girls who know a gorgeous queen when then see one. Yes I will marry the next amazing gay man I meet because all the dark mysterious men in the world just can't stand up to Armani and Chocolates.

Gretchen Thurman is Justlikestars!
All picture copyright 2007
go see this picture larger
and my other drawings at:
www.flickr.com/photos/justlikestars/
e-mail me at [email protected]!

*****************************************************************

10:10 a.m. - 2007-03-08
Jess the Best is now a High Priestess!

There are blessings - good friends with talent are one of them. One of my best chicas has recently gone public with her humorous haiku and I think it's going to start a revolution! Go see her on myspace!

www.myspace.com/highpriestessofhaiku ***************************************

10:26 a.m. - 2007-03-06
Double Damn this War!
Every time I turn around a new "bloodiest day" is being named in Iraq, Today was the "bloodiest day this month" or something...How many more of these bloody benchmarks will it take? I wish they would say "nine people's sons" or "five sons and four daughters" or "nine husbands were brutally killed today leaving four new babies with no daddies and five wives with no one to turn to." or "new mothers recently shipped to Iraq blown up in car bomb"
I understand how in really long wars people become desensitized the numbers of dead but it has not been that long...and yet it is all so depersonalized. Soldier-dead. Next time try to think...you son-dead. your daughter-dead. And for what? We still don't know what we are doing there...mission impossible. Objective impassable. So they die for the love of
bureaucracy and saving American face. damn damn damn double damn.

here is one of the many articles on the new bloody day: Iraq

9 U.S. soldiers killed north of Baghdad

By LAUREN FRAYER, Associated Press Writer 48 minutes ago

BAGHDAD, Iraq - Nine American soldiers died in explosions north of Baghdad, the U.S. military announced Tuesday after the deadliest single day for U.S. troops in
Iraq in nearly a month.

Six soldiers died when a bomb exploded Monday near their vehicles during a combat operation in Salahuddin province, the military said. Three others were wounded in the blast.

Another three soldiers died the same day in a roadside bomb attack in Diyala province northeast of Baghdad.

Two suicide bombers exploded themselves in a crowd of Shiite pilgrims south of Baghdad on Tuesday, killing at least 10 people, police said.
Oh and that is not to mention how we just say like 81 Iraq peoplez died. No names - no faces...no identity. Iraqi - doesn't matter right? We have certainly gone along way from supposedly giving these people back the respect that Saddam supposedly took away. He let them have names...even those he executed still had a name. God - what have we done?

Gretchen Thurman is Justlikestars!
All picture copyright 2007
go see this picture larger
and my other drawings at:
www.flickr.com/photos/justlikestars/
e-mail me at [email protected]!

9:43 a.m. - 2007-03-02
Santa Anna
Anna Nicole Smith was a goddess. Her treatment in the media has always been harsh to say the least and totally fucking unfair in the worst. Why must we do this?
We elevate these women to the status of totally sex siren and then we cover them in gasoline and burn them down - sometimes rather quickly as in Marilyn's case and others a slow long burn like poor Anna. The media has deigned to only show footage of Anna the clown - Anna the joke...not Anna the mother - Anna the wife - not Anna the amazing bombshell who knocked the world of waifish girl-next-door modeling right on it's bony ass! If we are going to start showing the bloopers of a person's life when they die then I can't wait to see the next presidential funeral! But no...that would never happen a president is far more important than a sex goddess or kitten...but not too good to sleep with one...as we know from Monica and Marilyn. So go ahead people burn her down and burn Britney Spears too but just try to remember that she - whoever she is today represents a part of us all - our deepest hidden desires - the onez we are so scared of and yet so drawn toward. I wish I could see a time when people could come to terms with that and stop trying to kill it away but sadly there will always be sex and violence...duhn na nuhn na.

10:52 a.m. - 2007-02-23
Jobs
Jobs. Oi! I remember when I cried on the steps of UGA - thinking that I would never get in...I finally did...blew the damn doors of with my 4.0(until senior year and then down to 3.7). Why is it that we are so blind to what we really need and can only see the things we want? and why don't we know why we want them? I went to school to prove that I was smart. To prove that I ,punk-ass and all, could do it. My life mission was to help kids - help kids especially who have a hard time in highschool. So after college I got the job I should have STARTED with instead of college and learned a whole bunch about what I actually cared about...unfortunately I also found out I was wrong about what I wanted to do - well at least wrong about HOW I was going to do it. I still want to rock the world and help kids but I am so not going to do it THEIR way. I can't! It kills me to do it their way...mebbe everyone feels that way but I am making it a personal virtue. I want a job that doesn't squash my essence and kill my soul just to save a few dollars. Ethics, freedom, and fun are more important to me now then having an "important" job. I would rather honestly serve some waffles then sit around an office getting fat and knowing that I spend at least half my day lying to others and the other half lying to myself. The idea of success is something that I have chased since I was nineteen. Give the little doggy her bone and she will hop around - spin in cricles - and even do back-flips. Approval - awards...Funny thing about an award is that it only means something if the people that are giving it to you are wise or at least honest. Awards can also be a lot like shackles and chains - new expectations - new demands...PRESSURE! You can also get addicted to social rewards - crippled but the need to please. Well - I think i am finally cured. I need to please myself - my son - my family. I need to live according to the rules I set for myself when I was a crazy thirteen year old...She was right. Money - suits - and power don't mean anything when the rain comes down. So here I am world - wide open - when my son goes to school I have no idea what I will be doing and I am okay with that...waitress, gardener, or street sweeper. So long as I have peace and freedom. So long as they hire me for me and don't want to slowly suck out my brain because they don't have any...Help the kids - yes...Help them with my drawings - help them by volunteering to mentor a girl with no role models. But help them by hurting me? no more. Batman is retiring - she wants to be a prophetess now. But it will take time. Until then I will be confused...Wiseman say - it's okay to be confused - especially when you are 26;)

Gretchen Thurman is Justlikestars!
All picture copyright 2007
go see this picture larger
and my other drawings at:
www.flickr.com/photos/justlikestars/
e-mail me at [email protected]!

2:43 p.m. - 2007-02-20
Jess the Best!
Today I would like to present funny Haiku from one of my best chicas Jess(who is now on myspace at http://www.myspace.com/highpriestessofhaiku) - you may have seen some of her funny haiku on http://jlsjournal.livejournal.com/
but these are - dare I say it?? even better and funnier and darker and wiser than the those!

"More Coping Skills"
Today really sucks
All I want to do is wear flannel
And eat lots of cake

"A Reforemd Cheerleader's Most Secret Wish"
Oh Lord, hear my prayer
Give me the strength to get really fat
And not give a damn

"Fat Pants"
Exercising blows
I long to wear ypoga pants all day
And get really fat

"Seasonal Affective Disorder"
Everything is dead
Skeleton tress shake in the sky, and
I have a cold heart

"The horseless wonder"
He fell of the horse
The Knight wanted to be resucued, but
The Princess just laughed"

It seems me and my peeps are a little out of focus these days...

3:14 p.m. - 2007-02-08
Jail Dreams?
Today an old poem from when I was a reckless teenager...mebbe it was a dream - mebbe it really happened...

Jail Sucks
A paddy wagon
is entirely steel on
the interior
you can smell cold
before you ever sit down on the cruel
silver bench.
A paddy wagon has no
seatbelts or handholds/
You may smack your head
into the opposite wall
but it will be an easy clean-up...
Steel doesn't stain -
not like and arrest on your once
"pristine" record.
In the paddy wagone we
sang "Amazing Grace"
so the cops couldn't just
sit there and eat pizza in peace.
It also covered the sound of the cell phone they neglected to take.
Amazing Grace -
how sweet the sound-
a song to sing
when the man has really got
you down.

Was it all just a dream or a nightmare or a comedy I saw on t.v.?

Gretchen Thurman is Justlikestars!
All picture copyright 2007
go see this picture larger
and my other drawings at:
www.flickr.com/photos/justlikestars/
e-mail me at [email protected]!

*****************************************************************

11:31 a.m. - 2007-02-06
Cards for Sale
My new cards are beautiful go see for yourself at www.ebay.com search "justlikestars" you will be glad you did!
HEre is my Girl-Knight card:

2:27 p.m. - 2007-02-02
Orhan Veli Kanik
Today's entry belongs to my favorite poet Orhan Veli Kanik - whose name I like to spell with a "a" in Vali instead. I have a thing for namez...I like them cool and crisp - that's how I found Orhan - the name just stuck out like cool private eye - swank guy who knew what it was like to smoke filterless camels and dance all night! Here is a poem by Beautiful:

Orhan Veli Kanik
(1914, Istanbul - November 14, 1950, Istanbul)

I buy old clothes.
I buy old clothes and cut them
into stars.
Music is the food of love.
I love music.
I write poetry.
I write poetry and buy old
clothes.
I sell old clothes and buy
music;
If I could also be a fish in a
bottle of booze...

see this work and others at: http://www.cs.rpi.edu/~sibel/poetry/orhan_veli.html *************************************************************** A man's man picture by me for Orhan:

Gretchen Thurman is Justlikestars!
All picture copyright 2007
go see this picture larger
and my other drawings at:
www.flickr.com/photos/justlikestars/
e-mail me at [email protected]!

*****************************************************************

3:13 p.m. - 2007-01-31
Iraq break-up Poetry
This poem - once written about a boy - reminds me of our current situation in Iraq....

Shrapnel
****************************************

Our resistance
to the reality of
"it" being over
was the fuel
to the force
that was doomed
to explode
not only
annihilating
the idea of us
but also stray
bits of ourselves
we had left tangeled within it.
- Gretchen Thurman copyright 2001 *****************************************

Gretchen Thurman is Justlikestars!
All picture copyright 2007
go see this picture larger
and my other drawings at:
www.flickr.com/photos/justlikestars/
e-mail me at [email protected] ***************************************************

3:38 p.m. - 2007-01-29
Hillary and Barack Making History? And Herstory?
Hillary Clinton seems to finding her groove ya'll! She is calling out the president to get the troops out of Iraq before he leaves office! What a challenge - throw that gauntlet Hillary - now that is the icy bitch that I love;) As opposed to the icy bitch with no personality who has been hiding behind her boring senate seat for too long! If she keeps this up girls...we may yet have the first female president!! I wish Barack and she would run together - they would by the unstoppable dynamic duo! Barrrack and Hillary - Barack and Hillary! *********************************************************************

Great Lately Hillary Quotes:
Clinton: 'I'm in to win' White House

By BETH FOUHY, Associated Press Writer Sat Jan 20, 6:34 PM ET

NEW YORK - Democratic Sen.Hillary Rodham Clinton launched a trailblazing campaign for the White House on Saturday, a former first lady turned political powerhouse intent on becoming the first female president. "I'm in, and I'm in to win," she said.
************************************* Clinton: U.S. out of Iraq by January '09 By MIKE GLOVER, Associated Press Writer Sun Jan 28, 6:16 PM ET DAVENPORT, Iowa -
Hillary Rodham Clinton said Sunday that President Bush should withdraw all U.S. troops from Iraq before he leaves office, asserting it would be "the height of irresponsibility" to pass the war along to the next commander in chief."This was his decision to go to war with an ill-conceived plan and an incompetently executed strategy," the Democratic senator from New York said her in initial presidential campaign swing through Iowa."We expect him to extricate our country from this before he leaves office" in January 2009, the former first lady said. *********************************************
And one for Obama too!
Sen. Barack Obama, the Illinois Democrat and presidential hopeful, addressed the committee, saying the president's failure to mention the disaster contributes to questions about whether the government is committed to helping New Orleans rebuild.
"I hope we get some answers to the questions today because rebuilding the city of New Orleans is not just good for the Gulf Coast or the state of Louisiana, it's good for our nation," Obama said. ***********************************************
Way to be Tough Guys and GALS - I hope the Democrats have gotten Tough for good!

Gretchen Thurman is Justlikestars!
All picture copyright 2007
go see this picture larger
and my other drawings at:
www.flickr.com/photos/justlikestars/
e-mail me at [email protected]!

***********************************************

9:38 p.m. - 2007-01-26
My stuff for Sale!
My pictures are for sale on ebay in the form of stationary sets(if you want to see the latest for sale go to my flickr page(http://www.flickr.com/photos/justlikestars/ ) If you are interested in these two hop onto www.ebay.com and look for item numbers:
*150085666879
*150085652153
you can also search my name "Justlikestar's" or "Artsy Cards" on Ebay's search window and find them that way!

This is "Diamond in the Rough" and "Frogman Crazy Pants" - the sets include a gift card, trading card, and bookmark.

I promise I won't fill the whole diary with sell sell sell stuff but this is my first time ever and I am so excited!

****************************************************

10:39 a.m. - 2007-01-25
Kiss the Stars
Is it possible to ANALYZE too much? Last night I spent about an hour with my friend Jess reaching the conclusion that over analyzation leads to an over emphasis on a person's flaws - why is analysis so likely to focus on the negative? I also over plan - EVERYTHING! I am task-oriented to the max and I always want to be being doing more more more - I would like to say that I have been programmed by our high speed culture but according to the parental unit I have been that way since I was born. My sister in law says "Not everyone has ambition like a bat out of hell!." Ha ha...It can be so easy to brag about socially acceptable and even celebrated flaws - maybe I am bragging even now? Still I am learning to look at the stars and not just wish - which is a lot like planning but also kiss the stars and enjoy the moment altogether.

Kiss the Stars

Gretchen Thurman 2007

Kiss the stars
give them a break
every once and a while
Kiss the stars
and don't ask them
for anything more
than that they
glitter and shine
the way they do
filling your room
and your heart
with bright glittery blues.

A silly little poem but still I like the idea of kissing the stars and kissing all those things out there that are so beautiful and yet we miss them because maybe they were not in the PLAN;)

2:02 p.m. - 2007-01-24
Preaching to myself

This is ninja bunny he is a warrior - true to himself and brave - even though and because he is a rabbit...I want to be like that!
Ninja Bunny

Gretchen Thurman is Justlikestars!
All pictures copyright 2007

go see this picture larger
and my other drawings at:
www.flickr.com/photos/justlikestars/

*I wrote this in my "real" journal in August of 2006:

- - - Am I a Poem? -

Be civilized but not too civilized -
Don't let them take your teeth out

or bury your blood beneath dry wall

and I.D. badges.

Don't let them beat our your belief,
magic, or yesterday's sunset -

they only want it for themselves -

to drink it

because they can't make it anymore.
Be a warrior not an aristocrat.

Demand a foot in both worlds or lose
everything -

giving in to the idea that

we are all soft pastel mints floating in a sea of spritzer.

Gretchen Thurman 2006

So that's my advice - to myself anyway!
e-mail me at [email protected]! ************************************************

10:56 a.m. - 2007-01-23
Girls - Women - Friends- Boys

Today I am thinking about women - girls - the state of relationships between men and women and female friendships too...I think it's all in a bit of trouble perhaps because we are changing so much so fast...gender roles - work roles - family roles have been in flux for some time and have yet to settle. Maybe ever- changing is the new "settled." If so - we are going to have to get a lot faster and savy-er if we want to keep up with each other and be able to connect.
This whole thought process reminds me of a book I just read -

Bitches, Bimbos, and Ballbreakers : The Guerilla Girl's Illustrated Guide to Female Stereotypes
by: the Guerilla Girls 2003
(available on Amazon.com)

from"Inroduction":

"WHATEVER LIFE A WOMAN LEADS, FROM BIKER CHIK TO SOCIETY girl, there's a stereotype she'll have to live down or live up to. What have you been called? Daddy's Girl? Bull Dyke? Dumb Blonde? Feminazi? Are female stereotypes based on universal truths? Are they overactive fantasies piled on top of one another? Why does our culture produce so many categories for women?(We dare you to try to come up with as many for men.)
The Oxford English Dictionary(OED) defines "stereotype" as a simplified conception or idea that gets invested with special meaning by a certain group of people. An archetype is slightly different: It's a model or an ideal from which duplicates are made.
Think of it this way: A stereotype is a box, usually too small that a girl gets jammed into. An archetype is a pedestal, usually too high, that she gets lifted up onto. Some archetypes can be stereotypes, like Mother Teresa or even a Bombshell. But there are lots of stereotypes that would never be considered archetypes: Trophy Wife, Bitch, Gold Digger, etc. Stereotype or archetype, it's rarely a girl's own choice: It's a label that someone else gives you to make you less or more than you really are."

Gretchen Thurman is Justlikestars!
All picture copyright 2007
go see this picture larger
and my other drawings at:
www.flickr.com/photos/justlikestars/
Can we get the blindfolds off and see each other for who we really are?

This poem I think talks a little about these sort of stereotyping and elevating or reducing people based on pre-concieved ideas:

Why do I have to be a Woman? Gretchen Thurman 2000
I am attracted to beautiful beings:
the person inside you.
It so happens
the person I adore is a man.
For this, we can never be friends.
I will always want him
and he will always take me.

I will take him away from his work -
and he will expect the same of me.
There we will leave our
live's passion.
Only to discover-years later-
bitter anguish.
A stolen life can never be returned!
Is this the price of the contract we
call "love"?

Becoming "one" seems to mean
erradicating what's left of the less
developed being...is that me?
I have been taught to give
I have learned to sacrifice.
I have been told that your needs are
more important than mine.
So I will bow down.
The legend is too thick...
that you be a mighty prince and I
be your fragile princess.
It is unintentional
that we fall into these roles.
It is unavoidable that we repeat what we have been
told.
I would *clean* *cook* and*birth*
You would work, work, and work
What is love for those
who wish to be more?
What is love that would destroy
all that you have been becoming?
I am attracted to you -
therefore in some way
I must stay away.
Too easily I would be yours
and beg to be your prey.
If only I weren't a woman...
we could be friends!
We would smoke cigars and bask in
the glow of our mutual
accomplishments...
but I am a woman
and you are a man -
so we can never be friends.
Between our Southern training and
our biological deviation
we are at odds with
our true passionate intentions.
When we intend to love freely
we love with an iron hand.
So now,
here we are,
still young, still confused
wondering, "how is it that we could
possibly be so different?"
Wondering...why we can not escape
all the bullshit
and
see
her eyes
his eyes
our hands
our minds
for what they truly are.

e-mail me at [email protected]!

*************************************

1:41 p.m. - 2007-01-21
Ackk! War

Today I am thinking about the war in Iraq. 24 Americans died today - all in one day - that's what the New York Times article said isn't it? We are sending more troops-will that make a difference? Politicans are batting around some many different ideas but it seems no one really has an answer. Perhaps as we get closer to a presidential election the would-be-presidents will start speaking up with something new, original, and most importantly functional! My little brother is over there - my older brother was over there...something is just wrong about that- Little brother is six years younger...this has gone on too long to have achieved so little. I hope Hillary means it when she says she wants to have a "conversation" with the American people because I believe that people are starting to have a lot to say about this war and the strain it is causing on domestic issues - like our families for one. My four year old son knows all about the war - he knows too much about war and blood and soldiers...I wonder how many babies have lived there whole lives under this war? How many more will be born into it? The army is doing all they can - but is our government? I have so many questions about all of this dont you?

What will be the consequence of all this?

Gretchen Thurman is Justlikestars!
All pictures copyright 2007

go see this picture larger
and my other drawings at:
www.flickr.com/photos/justlikestars/

Found the article - I was wrong 25 - ackk! I say ackk!

---------------------------------------
25 U.S. Troops Killed in Iraq
Saturday
Article Tools Sponsored By
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Published: January 21, 2007

Filed at 1:02 p.m. ET

BAGHDAD, Iraq (AP) -- The U.S.
military on Sunday reported six more
American troops killed in fighting
the day before, raising the toll
to 25 in the deadliest day for U.S.
forces in Iraq in two years.
----------------------------------------
also if you want to make an entry go to my flickr page profile there is a link there - if you want to leave me a diaryland note you have to go to the very bottom of this page to the tiny lettering that says "about me - read my profile" there is lots of stuff there:)

e-mail me at [email protected]!

**********************************************************

3:42 p.m. - 2007-01-16
Eve and self stimulation
Okay so now I have a diary - woo hoo! I am going to ramble on and on about my drawings and put poems here and I want people to post me back with there beautiful drawings and poems and thoughts - after all not one of us has the market cornered on beauty do we?
So this is my favorite picture right now - because I am working so hard on poses and colors and because it made me laugh the whole entire time I drew it!

Gretchen Thurman is Justlikestars!
All pictures copyright 2007
See it bigger and all my other stuff at:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/justlikestars/

can anybody teach me how to turn the above into a link? God I am so computer retarded!
Here is the poem that I feel goes perfectly with this drawing and if I ever get to have a little book made this will be printed beside Eve:

The Juaning and Waxing of Lucinda Myra Moon:

Prone to personal eclipse
the often bawdy Lucinda
waxes out
leaving Juan staring
at a locked door.
Today she is not his plaything...
slave/fiance
sometimes
in her mind
feels like the same thing
captured
in between
latex and Lee jeans
She's floating
in silks of Phoenicians.
Strapping on
a little religious ceremony
down on her knees
She begins to pray
Red lacquered finger nails
keeping her orgasm at bay.
Screaming now
Bless me - Bless me - Bless me

copyright 2000 Gretchen Thurman

So what do you think of it? I have always loved that poem! It is rebellious and so real if I do say so myself;)
also if you want to make an entry go to my flickr page profile there is a link there - if you want to leave me a diaryland note you have to go to the very bottom of this page to the tiny lettering that says "about me - read my profile" there is lots of stuff there:)

*****************************************************************

previous - next