5:37 p.m. - 3/14/06
Cinderella Night...
I went out on a semi-blind date and the night we spent together was like out of a storybook...His name was Jeffrey and he is a very educated man of thirty-six with an intellect that I am truly fascinated by, just fascinated...We had made arrangements for him to pick me up at the hotel to chauffer me to all of the many places we were going to go to. Jeffrey had gone out of his way to make reservations on several upscale restaurants in town for us to enjoy together and he had remarked, earlier in the week while we were planning out our night together, that he wanted to spend every minute that he could with me. Our date was for Friday night, 3/10/06) and that Monday when Jeffrey had been home sick with the sniffles he had sent me an emailed picture of a rose and I had remarked, "Since I'm single I usually just buy my own flowers..." The next day a bouquet of flowers arrived at my door with a card that nearly took my breath away. The card said, "Pretty girls shouldn't have to buy their own flowers. Jeffrey" When I thanked him for the flowers I told him that I wasn't sure what was more beautiful the flowers themselves or the sentiment. Anyway, back to the date itself...I got a hotel room in St. Louis Park,MN (which is near Minneapolis where all of our restaurant reservations were all for) because I planned on having several cocktails and didn't want to drive the half hour drive home that night drunk and because I had to be up for my Saturday graduate school class at 9:00 a.m. in Minneapolis the next morning; it was just more convenient. I made it clear to Jeffrey that I was getting a hotel room for myself and he was fine with that. While I was at the counter checking in I got hit on by an attractive business man of about 40 that asked, "So, what brings a pretty girl like you here tonight?" I told him I was in town for a first date. That made me feel great to be hit on, strange as that sounds--it added to how pretty I already felt. The guy said, "Well, I hope that guy knows how lucky that he is. Good luck to you, Sweetie. �I smiled sweetly and thanked him. The whole night was like being written into a storybook romance like Cinderalla's Night only I already had my favorite expensive Franco Sarto shoes on and didn't need any glass slippers. The night was laced with romance and I felt like such an elegant lady at all these posh upscale restaurants. I loved how I felt; I don't know many girls that wouldn't have if they were in my shoes, so to speak. So, the plan was that Jeffrey would pick me up at the hotel and I would just ride with him to all the places so I didn't have to drink and drive, which worked out great and added to the romantic feel of having my car door always opened and everything. What a gentlemen. He has a nice car that he admitted he had to shine up a bit for the date. It's a burgundy Audi with leather heated seats; oh how awesome those nice warm seats felt on a cool winter�s night in Minnesota. Talk about being in the lap of luxury.From the window I was peeking out from in the hotel waiting area I recognized Jeffrey in his car out the window of the waiting area, he waved excitedly to me and I came out to join him as planned. I had been writing emails and talking with Jeffrey for about a month, that's how you get to know people online these days and we'd talked on the phone several times for like an hour or so at a time before meeting so I felt like I knew him pretty well after a month. He got out of his car to wait for me, and open my car door and I came out in my pretty swaying black dress, with fancy black nylons with lacey pattern at the top, my favorite black Franco Sarto high heels, an elegant black dress coat, a fancy black Liz Claiborne purse, my sweet smile and a spirit of excitement. I felt like I was at the height of femininity and all of these things helped me feel so elegant. I had just had my acrylic nails redone and painted my favorite color of burdundy the night before and I felt absolutely beautiful, elegant and sexy for a night on the town. I wore a push-up bra that left a mountain of soft cleavage not to be missed. It may have almost been too much but it was a special night and it felt like a fun option for that dress. You only live once. The guy that had hit on me at the counter was standing in the entrance of the hotel, with his suitcases, by this time since he and I had just checked in at the same time. I stopped him in the entrance and told him to look over in Jeffrey's direction and check out my date and see what he thought. Jeffrey was waiting in a nice dressy outfit, a nice black dress coat a rather nervous smile and was holding a small bouquet of fresh flowers in a clear plastic wrap. They were called Asiatic Lilies that were white, delicate and such a romantic gesture. The guy from the counter shook his head in approval and then said, "If it doesn't work out with him, Sugar, then meet me downstairs in the morning for the continental breakfast." I winked at him and we both laughed. I walked over to Jeffrey and accepted and thanked him sweetly for the thoughtful bouquet of flowers he'd brought me. This was the official beginning to my Cinderella Night. I put some personal items and the flowers in the back seat of his car. With a voice of concern he asked, "Oh are you going to sit in the back?" I smiled and told him, "No. I just wanted to put my things back there." Once my things were all settled into the car he hugged me (which he told me he would do when we met) and whispered into my ear, "Janelle, I have to tell you that you look absolutely beautiful tonight." I nearly melted at the sweet sound of his gentle words and thanked him for saying so recipricating the compliment saying, "You look really nice too, Jeffrey. It's so nice to finally meet you." He smiled nervously and announced, "Let me get your car door for you.� He opened the passenger-side door and I got in to his car; it was my favorite color too. It was burgundy. He got back into the car and announced where we were going first, which I already knew was going to be Vic's on the waterfront inside the St. Anthony Main building. As we drove he tried to impressed me with his high school accomplishments of being President of Band, President of the National Honor Society and various other things. I remarked at how I had been voted as "Most Humorous" in my senior yearbook and preferred being on the "B" honor roll since it was more fun to cut up in school and have fun and I didn't regret it. He remarked how I was always so upbeat and bubbly and asked if it was the kindergarten teacher in me. Within a short time we were at the restaurant. Jeffrey drove with confidence and precision and I felt totally comfortable riding with him. He opened my car door for me, I almost started to do it myself, out of habit, but he just barely beat me to it in time. I got out and as I did my dress had slid up just enough for him to see the lacy print on the top of my fancy pantyhose and I think he saw it but was maybe just pretending not to. I hadn't meant to do it but it was a fun moment nonetheless. I excused the mishap not with words but a gentle giggle. I sauntered out with my pretty swaying black dress and my heaving cleavage seemed to rest at the top of my dress like whipped cream on a Sundae as he helped me out of the car from down in the street up onto the sidewalk by taking my delicate and feminine hand with the long painted nails; he had told me later in the evening that my nails were one of the first things he noticed about me in the car and how he loved long painted nails as he held them and admired them at the last restaurant we went to for drinks. We walked up the cobblestone sidewalk to St. Anthony Main, where Vic's was located, and he told me some movie trivia on the way in about how the movie, Untamed Heart, had the running scene taped right where we were walking at the time and how it had snow staged there when it was being filmed. It was an interesting piece of trivia and got us talking a little about a movie that we both knew something about. He noticed my pretty black high heeled shoes and said, "Oh what a pretty pair of shoes you're wearing!" I thanked him and admitted they were actually my favorite pair by an Italian shoe designer. He asked if walking on the cobblestone with them was difficult but it wasn't too bad. I was too busy enjoying myself to care anyway. We looked around for a few seconds for the way to get upstairs to Vic's and took an elevator up to the second floor. He asked me a few more questions about myself on the way up and finally we could see the restaurant, he announced our reservation and joked that, "I guess we wouldn't have even needed a reservation..." It wasn't very busy in there for a Friday night surprisingly. We sat down and quickly ordered drinks; I always get wine spritzers (wine with Sprite or 7-up in it). I admitted to Jeffrey that if I have over three or four spritzers in me that I get flirty and giggly so to consider himself warned. He laughed and the second I finished one drink he motioned for the waitress to bring more for us with non-verbal communication I saw out of the corner of my eye. I drank the second one a little slower but I could feel a little bit more relaxed with each sip. We had joked earlier in the week about having a few glasses of "liquid courage". Jeffrey asked me personal questions about myself and shared things about himself like how if he found the right girl that he would sell his house so they could buy something they both picked out and could feel like it was their home...And, if he met a girl that wasn't able to have children of her/their own that he would be open to adoption...Knowing I was divorced he asked, �What have you learned the most from or come away with from being married? What made you a good wife?� He smiled when I told him how much being married taught me about myself and what I want or don�t want in a partner and about all the ways I was a sweet, caring, nurturing wife but just finally had to surrender to the fact that I was dealing with a biochemical situation that I couldn�t fix with Josh�s depression no matter how nice or upbeat that I was. He seemed to like my answers and smiled at each admission. I know that as a human resources director he interviews people professionally so I felt sort of self-conscious about how well I answered. He also asked me, "Have you ever thought about what your next wedding would be like? Would you wear white?" I told him that if I did get remarried that I would have a much smaller wedding than the 300 people I had in my first one and that I didn't wear white at my first wedding either, that I wore a beautiful ivory velvet dress that I had made for me since I had a fall wedding. He smiled as he appeared to be envisioning me that way. He had me pretty well researched since he sensed that I had difficulty having children somehow since I had been married for about 5 years and never had any children but worked with them as a former nanny and kindergarten teacher for so many years. The skeptic in me often wonders if guys are just telling me what they think I want to here to get where they want to go with me and my flirty nature but its fun to just go with it as if their thoughts are really true. There was this intensly enamored look Jeffrey had in his eyes that seemed as if he had fallen in love with me at first signt without my knowledge and, if I didn't know any better I would have sworn he was about to pull out an engagement ring and aske me to marry him. Maybe it was the wine that made it seem so as it was really starting to hit me. I changed the subject away from marriage though. Clearly, someone giving you an engagement ring on a first date would never happen but if you saw the dancing eyes that Jeffrey had focused on me you would have wondered the same thing that I did. Jeffrey is thirty-six to my thirty-three years but he could just as easily pass for about forty-five with his graying hair and gotee and his high-pressure job that is a constant source of stress by his own varied admissions. He has been unmarried and living alone for about eight years so it makes you think or wonder such silly things. The ambiance in the restaurant was amazing with the view of the waterfront, the modern/upscale decor and the semi-dark room with a tiny candle on the table to illuminate our faces in such a romantic soft glow to each other. I brought my digital camera to take pictures of us enjoying our night together. Jeffrey told me to come over by him and we could take a few of ourselves, which we did and I could tell that he enjoyed holding me close to him, which he admitted later as one of his favorite things of the night--getting to hold me close to him whenever we took pictures at each place. He insisted on having people take two pictures of us at times just so he could hold onto me longer. Cute. Jeffrey ordered us an appetizer plate to share with crackers, an array of different decadent cheeses, red grapes, a strawberry (that he announced he was going to let me enjoy) capers, onions and other garnishes that he tasted for us and at the bottom of the plate was covered with thinly sliced salmon Lox. The jazz band had started up behind me and I turned to look at it temporarily and Jeffrey, having noticed my interest in the band asked, �Would you like me to switch places with you so you can see the band?� I politely declined his thoughtful offer. After talking longer about ourselves, our lives and our careers, etc. I had admitted to Jeffrey that if I never ended up getting remarried and having a family that I had a Plan B, which he was curious to know what that was and I told him, "I will just work on my doctorate to become a child psychologist and be married to my career instead. Drive a nice burgundy mercedes and travel..." He shared a profound thought about thinking about the trunk of the tree and getting to a leaf way over here....It was so profound. I confessed to him that as far as the dating scene goes that I am basically feeling my way out in the dark. The last time that I really dated was when I was in college and I am having to figure out the new things I need to know and do to date in my 30's as opposed to dating in my 20's when I was in college. I realized, from something that Jeffrey mentioned, although I didn't say it at the time was that I have two modes that I am dancing around in, as far as dating goes...I have my dating skills that are left over remnants from when I was in college and the other end of the spectrum is that I slip into "wife mode" while dating where I want to call them a term of endearment like, "Sweetie" and care about them in my nurturing wife ways like when Jeffrey had been sick earlier in that week. It was a profound revelation for me and something of value to realize about myself. I excused myself to the ladies room since by this time I had enjoyed three white wine spritzers--my eyes felt lighter and I was beginning to feel rather flirty. I could feel the intoxication within my limbs as I walked in heels to the ladies room. When I returned Jeffrey told me that he had already taken care of the check and asked if I was ready to head to The Melting Pot for our next date (we joked that each place we went to we would count as another date). As we walked back over to the elevator he pushed his shoulder gently against mine saying, "Janelle, I am having a great time with you." I reciprocated the compliment and nudged him in a similar way. We had a 9:00 reservation that we were just in time for. I was quiet for a moment in the elevator and Jeffrey asked with an intrigued look in his eyes and unmistakable smile, "So, Janelle, tell me something that I don't already know about you?" I announced that I had a belly button ring but he already knew that since I had sent him a digital picture of that. On the way out to the car I talked about how getting that piercing was so out of character for me and the reaction of my sisters (not wicked step sisters like in Cinderella but real ones that love me very much and only want the best for me in life.) On the car ride over to The Melting Pot restaurant Jeffrey shared some of his favorite songs that he had introduced me to and I couldn't help but run my fingers through his thick full dark hair with my long nails tickling his skin. He didn't seem to mind it a bit. He sang background to a favorite song of his and I couldn't help but be impressed with even his singing abilities....The more I drank the cuter and more irresistable he seemed to get and the flirtier I seemed to get. After getting to The Melting Pot in time for our 9:00 reservation we got seated in the most amazingly cozy and private booth out of sight of every other table in the place. The waiter, who was flagrantly gay, but very accommodating and friendly, went over how to use the fondue tools so we didn't burn our mouths or ourselves and Jeffrey knew what to order for us and I trusted his judgment. We ordered more drinks and as the drinks flowed through me so did my flirty instincts. I thanked Jeffrey for inviting me on such a lovely evening out on the town and I kissed his cheek. He had told my in advance of our date that he has a "no kissing until the fifth date rule"but that usually ends up getting thrown out anyway so I didn't think he'd mind and he smiled and said, "Uh oh, Janelle, you just kissed me." I could see he was joking, of course, but I said, "Oh, Jeffrey, you're right I am so sorry.� He encouraged me to come back and just unkiss his cheek to fix it and then when I did he went in for a deep long kiss on my lips that left me speechless. We both laughed and then continued to work our tasty fondue dinners. He was helpful to make sure that my food didn't get overcooked and put in the vegetables for us to share since I was so busy telling stories about everything from kindergarten students to my sweet grandma up north and so forth. Again, his questions seemed to be geared towards marriage and having a family. In keeping with his interest in me as a potential bride he asked me something that surprised me which was, "So, which side of the bed do you like to sleep on? For example, when you were married which side of the bed did you sleep on?" I thought about it and said, "Right now I sleep in the middle of my King Size bed since I live alone, but when I was married I slept on the right side of the bed." He smiled, as if to say, "Oh we are a perfect match then." He told me that he sleeps on the left. I changed the subject since I know I am a good year or two from even considering marriage. I asked him if he preferred plain or peanut M & M candies and he laughed. I had finally confessed to him about my infertility issue of having Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. He didn't seem surprised. He was very caring and understanding about it and I told him how I have always been open to adoption and he said he was too as if to convince me that that wasn't a problem for him for a future bride, which was sweet. I told him that through a surgery that I'd had recently the condition appears to be corrected. I didn't reveal what the surgery was though--it's a private thing to me. I had another two wine spritzers and was encouraged to taste a small glass of a sweeter wine called Reisling and soon our legs were playfully touching each other's. He stopped a few times and touched my nearly bare leg and knee area and giggled about what a great time that he was having. Before we finished at The Melting Pot there was a little more kissing that took place since our booth was so private we were not noticed at all; it was too tempting not to I guess. I don't remember who started it but the waiter coming to take our things away brought it to a halt and Jeffrey jokingly dismissed the slight awkwardness of it saying, "Oh I was just showing her my glasses." Our waiter Chris just laughed and said, "Hey, no problem. I totally understand. Don't worry about it. Let me just take these plates and things away for you..." We gathered up our things and headed out to our last destination of the night. I told him that if we were going to go to The Local (the fun Irish pub he�d mentioned we might walk two blocks to go to) that I might change into my other clothes and then thought better of it since my change of clothes were way out in the parking lot in the car. He said, "Let's just walk down the street a second and see if we can find another place that's close. We walked close together on the way there. We found a really nice upscale bar with a super-sized comfy couch to nestle into together. He ordered me another wine while I used the lady's room and he ordered himself a Guinness beer. I drank this last one slowly and then ordered one more. By this many drinks I was so flirty that I had my fingers running through his thick full hair, my high heeled shoes were on the floor and my legs were in his lap for him to stroke and tickle my feet. The room was spinning and I was feeling no pain by this time in the night. I was just too flirty for my own good by this point. I hadn't drunk all the drinks one after another, there were spaces in time or I would have had the giggles so bad that I wouldn't have been able to stop and would have needed to be carried out to the car like a sack of Idaho potatoes. Once it got to be about 12:30 he said, "Well, it's getting late and I still have to get you tucked in at your hotel room." I had a decision to make about whether I was going to allow him to come up to my hotel room and "tuck me in" or not. Considering the number of drinks I'd had I knew that my ability to use good self-control or good judgement was shot for the night. I didn't know what to say at that time I just said, "Oh, does that mean you are coming up to my room with me?" At this point in the night I had had about 8 drinks on a tiny frame of 150 pounds and only a few snack foods, not real meals to help absorb all the alcohol. He helped me into my coat again, as he had all evening at each place, which is a pretty elegant and classy move I think. We walked hand-in-hand back to the parking lot where his car was parked and it was lucky that he did walk close to me as I felt myself begin to teeter on my heels from being so intoxicated by both the fun of the night and the amount of drinks I had. Jeffrey paid for the parking, by credit card, and before opening my car door he gently pushed me against the car and kissed me with a passion I hadn't expected and said, "It's up to you if you'd like me to come up and tuck you in. I want you to know that I don't have any expectations what so ever." I said, "I'll think about that on the way there okay?" He smiled and said, "That's fine." With a blurry and spinning move I settled into my seat in his car and saw how much my dress had gotten a little bit slid up from how I was sitting and you could again see the lacy part of my fancy pantyhose. I tried to slide it back down but then thought, "Oh what's the use. He's about to see this and more if he comes up to my room in a few minutes anyway." When we got to the hotel he went into the trunk of his car and got out a bottle of Wild Vines strawberry wine that he had bought and he was taking it out of the paper bag. It was obvious that he had planned that he would come up to my room and that sealed the deal. He talked about how we could drink that as a nightcap together before he left. I honestly hadn't planned for him to come up to my room but with his persuasion and the 8 drinks I had downed whirling and spinning in my head and tiny body I just didn't make a clear decision. We had been talking on the phone, a few days earlier, about this wine and I had really wanted to try it sometime. After all the money that he spent at these upscale places we�d enjoyed all night and how romantic and special he'd made me feel all night long I heard my tiny seductive voice whisper, "Okay, just one drink would be okay. Do you promise to be a gentleman during this "nightcap"?" He promised saying, "I won't do anything that you don't want me to do." So, he came up with me to my room, which I had honestly not had planned. He came in and poured the delicate pink/red Wild Vines wine into the glasses that were available in the room and handed one to me and took one for himself. I drank it down a little too quickly since it tasted more like Kool-Aid than alcohol. That wine hit me really quickly and the intoxication took over my thinking rather quickly. It tasted so sweet after all the White Zinfandel that I'd had all night. Jeffrey began to kiss me and I told him a cute little rhyme that I made up back in college that still applies. I said, "You can kiss me, you can caress me but you just can't undress me." He laughed and said something like, "Oh you girls and all your cute little rules." He did exactly that....He was a perfect gentlemen in that way. Before I knew it the lights were out and off came my dress. I stayed in my pantyhose as a way to keep any type of penetration from taking place since I wasn't on the pill at the time and I hadn't brought a "rain coat" for Jeffrey to wear. I apologized that that was all that I felt comfortable doing and he said, "That's fine." The fun thing about dating is that you never know if the person you just spent such a lovely evening with could be "the one" but as long as I am having fun I will just keep going along with things. We kissed sooo passionately and all throughout my body felt like someone had mistakenly lit off a serious of Fourth of July fireworks inside my body that left a popping of exhileration and heat all over inside me that I could not help but express outwardly. Since it had been literally several years since anyone had made love to me I was enjoying every minute of all the kissing, carressing and eventual fingering that he performed on me. Even as intoxicated as I was I still felt like what I was doing was something that I knew I shouldn't be doing and feared that this could be the first and last time I would see Jeffrey. I loved how he kissed and stimulated so many parts of my body. As he fingered me I was in a total state of ecstasy and I enjoyed it while at the same time cursing that I had allowed it to take place. The release was as intense as always but it was extra exciting that it had happened with someone other than just myself. Oh how I was left with feelings of being so naughty and still having enjoyed every minute of the intimacy that I shared with Jeffrey. I wanted so much to help him intimately but that would really have felt wrong and I just couldn't bring myself to that place on his body other than to massage him playfully. I loved how, when I did, he admitted that he couldn't hardly even feel his head since it was spinning and a few moments later that what I was doing, in terms of massaging him left him almost unable to breath. That was such a turn on but still the pangs of guilty naughtiness enveloped me and left me not able to fully enjoy it. Oh the conflict I was having and the blurry intoxication making the room spin and spin was exhilerating and problematic all at the same time. When Jeffrey finally had to leave I enjoyed the after thoughts of what we'd shared but also felt the agonizing feelings that I had wrecked my chances with such a great and romantic guy too perhaps. I wish I had the night to do over I wouldn't have allowed him to come up to my room. I would have saved that for a future night. He is a great guy and had been really sweet to me. I had a great time and felt pampered and special and lady-like and all the things that I have been wanting to feel about myself for a long time--even in terms of intimacy. The only thing is that I want a relationship that is more permanent than just a few nice dinners, nightcaps, intimacy and then after a few, yet I chose to make this horrible decision to allow him to come to my room. Why did I do that?? Dating can be fun but it can also be a let down at times too. Jeffrey has been divorced for about 8 years and is totally fine with that about me, which really feels great, I didn't tell him that though. He's a really nice, thoughtful, caring and romantic person or at least appears to be. On Saturday when I got home Jeffrey had left me a message that said how much fun he had had with me, saying how he wished he could think of something really profound to say that we�d remember forever and ever but that all that came to mind was just, �Wow! He had such an amazing time with me�You were so nice, it was great food, good drinks, good jokes, great conversation. Hot! Just Wow!�, which made me feel really good and he talked about how we'd probably broken about a thousand rules but that was okay because like he'd said, "Rules were made to be broken..". I thought, "Well, maybe it was going to be okay afterall..." You wish you could have nights like that every weekend. I felt so alive and connected to Jeffrey all night. I doubt there was a single minute that I wasn�t enjoying myself. Jeffrey has invited me to get together with him again this weekend, invited me to come and watch his Rugby matches in the upcoming future but, honestly, even though I had a great deal of fun with him on my Cinderella Night I just don't know if it will work for me. I have had long-distance relationships before where I only saw my boyfriend on the weekends and spent so much time wishing my week away until I could be with them and it wasn't very fun. He is very busy and I need someone that is more attentive all the time and not just when we are together. I am fascinated by how his mind works--he is a brilliant and deep thinker. He talked about writing a book and I hope he does--I am fascinated by his thinking, just fascinated. I would love to get a chance to learn some of the volumes of things he is capable of teaching me. Anyway, I had such a romantic evening. One never knows when they have met �the one� but sometimes you have to meet, "Mr. Right Now" or go on several Cinderella Nights, and make a few mistakes (like getting too drunk to make good decisions) to practice up for when the right person comes along. The things you regret the most in life are the risks you didn�t take and I�m glad I have the courage in me to take the risks to meet great guys like Jeffrey and see where it takes me from fancy romantic restaurants to other places unknown. No matter what ends up happening with Jeffrey, or any other guys for that matter, I will never forget how special, elegant and lady-like that he made me feel about myself for an entire Saturday night out on the town; I felt like Cinderalla but I didn't need the glass slippers. I sure didn't need all the things I sipped out of drinking glasses either and I think that being as promiscuous as I was, even though it was incredibly fun, was the poison that killed what this relationship could have been...but still, I am thankful for the chance I had to experience this one amazing Cinderella Night. Thank you, Jeffrey. I really NEEDED that night more than you will ever really know. Deprivation does silly things to us and we live our lives as we need them on a given day, month or year. The woman in me needed a Cinderella Night and I am so thankful that I had the chance to LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST for that one special night.

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