another day

12:37 am // 05.02.06 ~forever~

So close, and yet still so far away. Half the time, I feel like I don't even know where I'm really going and I guess that's okay, but it doesn't give me much solice. I find myself always feeling miserable at the simple fact that I don't do much of anything with my life. I forget myself. I do so much with my life and they mean so much to those I work so much for. I don't know why I don't find it more rewarding. I can only find that it's because it doesn't give me anything. I don't get anything, so I'm not happy with myself. I don't have material to show for it. I truly do have so much to show for it. I truly love my husband and we have a beautiful life together and a beautiful relationship together, no matter how measly our home is, or how we scrape to buy groceries or pay bills each month. I do what I love to do, but my husband doesn't. I pay for what I love to do, and my husband does to. I can't afford new shoes, a new bra, or socks without holes. It was so high and came down so quickly. I'm paying, but I love what I do and I can't help but hope and know that it will be worth it, eventually... once I'm done paying for it.

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