1:00 a.m. - 2006-01-21
questions
I just read over this thing. My God, it's been a year. I feel ridiculous, I was being aloof with you, you my diary, who I should be able to spill everything to. Am I too cautious? Is the potential of having a potential reader over my shoulder hindering me?
Life has changed so much. Jesse and I are now living together. I think this is why I have neglected you for so long, but why I especially need you most right now.
He left for Costa Rica this morning. He'll be gone 11 days. This is offically the longest we've been apart. He joined me on my life changing Europe trip and we;ve been inseperable ever since. Is this a good thing? How do you know when close is too close? Where is that invisible line you cross where you stop being two people who have a great time together and turn into a clinging codependent mess? I think I may have crossed that line a few times over the last month or so. It's hard when you're in love with your best friend. I am reminded of a line from Liz Phair...."it's harder to be friends then lovers....." Irionically it"s from the Divorce Song. I think it's just too surreal still. I went from loving him from afar for so many years, to becoming couple of the year. Is it so hard to believe that I haven't had time to shake off all the old insecurites I have held on to for so long?
I need to stop, I know I make things more difficult with all my issues. He puts up with far more than I would, that's for sure. Is this a case of be careful what you wish for? Am I just a weirdo?
0 comments
