February 12, 2004 - 4:26 p.m.

This is the latest in my life and times. I used cut-and-paste of my earlier IM chat with Yelnad to make it easier than re-typing (and to avoid ALL of the gory details):

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Phantom (2:43:26 PM): it's ok... last week was awful...

Yelnad (2:43:37 PM): :-( why?

Phantom (2:44:07 PM): had to have an emergency colonoscopy last Wednesday and in-office surgery on an abscess/boil/cist in my Colon Surgeon's office and was on antibiotics and Vicodin

Yelnad (2:44:53 PM): AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Yelnad (2:44:57 PM): AND YOU DIDN"T CALL ANYONE?

Phantom (2:45:00 PM): yeah... not good stuff...

Phantom (2:45:07 PM): you were on vacation :'(

Yelnad (2:45:13 PM): I COULD HAVE DRIVEN TO YOU!

Yelnad (2:45:25 PM): i would have rented a car!!

Phantom (2:45:38 PM): I tried calling ZB and AC... and they weren't available... so I had Co-Worker, his wife, my boss and my Mommy (via phone) for support

Yelnad (2:45:55 PM): how ya doing? that stuff's not fun

Phantom (2:46:00 PM): it was OK... I was at home anyways... no hospital stay... things seem to be OK now... didn't have to have full-out surgery

Phantom (2:46:15 PM): not fun at all... they tried an anesthetic, but it didn't work

Yelnad (2:46:25 PM): do they think this was at the heart of some of your stomach probs??

Phantom (2:47:20 PM): Yelnad, I was taped face down in a kneeling position to a table with a man who's first name I don't know nor even see his face was shoving fingers, needles, scopes up my ass and cutting me open...

Yelnad (2:47:34 PM): :-( i know.

Phantom (2:47:40 PM): no... it was at the heart of my "not taking a shit for over 7 days" problem

Yelnad (2:50:39 PM): you deserve a present

Phantom (2:50:57 PM): I know... isn't it awful... (although the Vicodin was a DAMN good gift ;-) )

Phantom (2:51:08 PM): and, I saved some for those not-so-happy days :-D

Yelnad (2:51:20 PM): ha

Phantom (2:51:27 PM): I've come to the conclusion that I could EASILY become a prescription-drug addict and would be A-OK with that

Yelnad (2:51:43 PM): then you'll be on dr phil and oprah

Phantom (2:52:13 PM): that would be cool too... they are nice people

Yelnad (2:52:41 PM): true

Phantom (2:53:18 PM): you just cannot imagine the horror of it all... no one would say what it was or what was wrong... I thought I was dying of some 1-in-1-kajillion disease

Yelnad (2:53:40 PM): since it was emergency, did you even get the home prep the day before???

Phantom (2:53:52 PM): nope

Yelnad (2:53:57 PM): AHHHHH

Yelnad (2:54:03 PM): now my eyes are tearing

Phantom (2:54:34 PM): they looked around inside and said "I don't see any stool, so here goes" I finally took a shit on Thursday night at 11:00 p.m. I almost cried in joy and wanted to call everyone I know (the feeling subsided)

Yelnad (2:58:24 PM): oh phantom

Yelnad (2:58:26 PM): you need hugs

Phantom (2:59:13 PM): I know... but, my butt stopped hurting on Monday, I poop on a regular basis again, no one knows what it was but they anti-biotics got rid of it, I can now sympathize with women and PAP Smears, and I was virtually raped...

Phantom (2:59:20 PM): so many life experiences in such a short time

Yelnad (2:59:37 PM): a pap is NOTHING

Yelnad (2:59:38 PM): believe me

Phantom (3:01:09 PM): well, the Doc told me that he had a few patients in the past with the same thing... and the women all claimed that what I went through with the pain in his office was worse than childbirth, so he commended me on not crying and screaming and making a scene

Phantom (3:01:32 PM): Yelnad, he was squeezing me from INSIDE my ass and outside, at the SAME time... trying to squeeze out the problem

Yelnad (3:01:38 PM): you should have. you deserved it

Phantom (3:02:15 PM): I know... I could barely breathe... it hurt so bad...

Phantom (3:02:37 PM): I'll be right back... ciggy break... (I need one after telling the story)

Yelnad (3:02:52 PM): ok

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I do lead a charmed life...