January 02, 2006 - 1:41 pm

I am so fucking tired of this sadness and discontent. I�m putting in the hard yards, but it all moves so slowly.

I trundle myself off to therapy once a week and use most of my energy not to cry in the session.
I�m doing my Step 4 and it�s draining.
I�m weary of still being the terrified child who grew up in an abusive family but I can�t seem to find the way to move on and react to the here and now and not revert to those well worn paths. I can't find the words to say what was so long ago trapped inside me.
I�m angry at myself for still being obsessed with a man who doesn�t even like me.

Mostly, I�m exhausted by this self hatred, but I can�t imagine what it would be like to be without it.