2005-05-11 - 9:29 p.m.
.3 MONTHS 1 WEEK.
I feel like shit. Oh my fucking god what a fucking surprise. I really need to get a fucking grip but it seems every fucking time I try to I grab something slippery, leaving me down again. I should be able to help myself by now. I've got myself through the bad times so I should be able to stop being like this by now. I HAVE NOTHING TO BE LIKE THIS ABOUT. I make myself angry that I get like this, like a week or sumin since my last entry and it was pretty much the same, it always fucking is. ALL THE SHIT ABOUT WANTING TO HURT MYSELF. WELL FUCK THAT IM NOT GONNA COS I CAN CONTROL MYSELF. I AM IN CHARGE OF ME, I DONT HAVE TO BE MY LITTLE PSYCHO SELF I DONT HAVE TO BE AND DO ANYTHING I DONT WANT TO. I CAN GO FOREVER WITHOUT CUTTING MYSELF. MY URGES ARENT GONNA GO AWAY IN A HURRY AND MY FEELINGS SEEM TO STAY THE SAME. WHAT WORKS??????? WHAT THE FUCK WORKS??? HOW CAN I FUCKING MEND ME WHEN IM NOT EVEN FUCKING BROKEN. IM JUST FUCKED UP COS I MADE MYSELF THAT WAY. THERES NOTHING MORE THAN THAT, IM JUST THE PROBLEM. IM A HAZARD TO MYSELF.
There's music playing
But we dance to the beat
Of our own black hearts
And draw diagrams
Of suicide on each other's wrists
Then trace them with razorblades