Get your ow
n diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry

8:34 AM - Thursday, Nov. 27, 2003
Arachnophobia
Happy Turkey Day everyone. Gah, just in time. I need a holiday to relax. I have just been a mess lately. Yesterday I almost had a nervous breakdown.

I didn't do very well on my math test. Let's hope it was enough to keep a B average so I don't have to take the final. Anyway, I felt blah after that test. Then I go pick up some film that I had dropped off and the pictures didn't turn out very good. Then I get this monster headache. My dad starts yelling and being a jerk for no reason. My throat is sore and scratchy... And on top of everything, I'm worrying my brains out because... I'm late. Not LATE late. But late enough to make me worry. (Makes me wonder what the hell I was thinking in my last entry...)

Which honestly, it isn't very logical. And I shouldn't worry. I just do. It's how I am. Mom thinks I have one bad ovary and one good one. That's why things are so crazy downtown. Cysts, irregular periods, etc. Sorry to all the males reading this. lol. Damnit I just want my period. lol. COME ON!!!

And so finally I get out of my house. I'm away from all the yelling. I took some medicine so my headache also went away. Then I was all nice and happy at Dean's house. We were comfy and cuddly and watching South Park. Then I decided to have a panic attack. I ruined everything. I didn't mean to! I can't help it...

Ya see, I am seriously 100% arachnophobic. I don't have a fear of spiders. I have a PHOBIA of spiders. I can't function. Oh the stories I could tell you of my crazy spider moments. Well anyway, last night I spotted a big, black spider the size of, oh, Texas. I freaked out and screamed "FUCKING KILL IT!!!" So Dean kills it and goes to throw it away and I'm going nuts like "GET BACK HERE! DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!!" Then I start crying hysterically. I was bawling for like 20 minutes. I kept hitting myself all over because I could feel things crawling on me. So Dean is trying to get me out of the room but I couldn't move. I was frozen on the couch. Finally after a few minutes of saying "I can't move" over and over again, I was able to get up and go to the kitchen... where I cried some more.

Gah I'm so stupid. I need therapy. This is really ridiculous. One time there was a spider on my shirt sleeve and I grabbed a stapler and started hitting my arm with it. The spider fell off my arm on the first hit, but I kept hitting myself. See??!?! I'm not well. lol. Spiders just make me want to die.

Okay enough about my stupid little fear... Anyway, on the way back to my house I made up my mind that Dean hates me. Then I started crying some more because he was going to leave me. I'm telling ya, yesterday was not my day. I mean, it all seems ridiculous now. Dean Bean loves me, even when I act crazy. That spider wasn't going to hurt me. All this crying is probably because I'm going to get my period soon so I shouldn't be worrying. Ya see? All makes sense... I just worry too much. I'm a Type AAAAAA. I'm as Type A as you can get.

I miss Dean.

Anyway, this is cool. I got it from Amy's diary.

A - You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
B - You are always cautious when it comes to meeting new people.
C - You definitely have a partier side in you, don't be shy to show it.
D - You have trouble trusting people.
E - You are a very exciting person.
F - Everyone loves you.
G - You have excellent ways of viewing people.
H - You are not judgemental.
I - You are always smiling & making others smile.
J - Jealousy.
K - You like to try new things.
L - Love is something you deeply believe in.
M - Success comes easily to you.
N - You like to work, but you always want a break.
O - You are very open-minded.
P - You are very friendly and understanding.
Q - You are a hypocrite.
R - You are a social butterfly.
S - You are very broad-minded.
T - You have an attitude, a big one.
U - You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
V - You have a very good physical and looks.
W -You like your privacy.
X - You never let people tell you what to do.
Y - You cause a lot of trouble.
Z - You're always fighting with someone.

This makes me...
D - You have trouble trusting people. Definitely.
E - You are a very exciting person. Eh, I guess this could be true.
V - You have a very good physical and looks. Nice.
O - You are very open-minded. Hhm... I'm pretty openminded when forming opinions. But once they have formed, the mind shuts and I'm very stubborn.
N - You like to work, but you always want a break. I do NOT like work. Breaks are cool.

Alrighty I'm just gonna play around on the forums at h.net. Lata.

 

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!