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2004-04-27

here i am again. i just can't stay away from you, can i, diaryland diary?

but why i am here in the middle of a work day? do i have something to say that's any different from all the other bs i've written here? i think not.

if i sit here and concentrate on the sinking feeling i have in my stomach maybe it will inspire me. of course i can't quite figure out what that feeling is. is it dread? is it anxiety? is it sadness? is it emptiness? i don't know. it could be all those things. all those things packed together tightly covered with a nice layer of a sense of my own futility.

i've been told it's all my own fault. if that's the case i'll just embrace it, 'cause i have no idea how i managed it or how to change it. i suppose i should have been paying attention.

if i start going over every decision that's led me to this point in time, i'll emplode.

free ice cream didn't help.

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