- 2010-07-10 at 11:50 p.m.

Today I am 20 years 7 months and 10 days old and I feel old, and weary, not quite tired of life, but yet I revel in the fact that it will one day all end. I cannot help feeling that there is a greater purpose to it all, and so I am waiting for some epiphany of sorts, waiting and waiting for a revelation which may never come.

If there is anything I have realized it is that humanity is inherently good. Everyday I look at the world and I marvel at the scores and scores of kind deeds. Most of all I revel in the simple and natural act which is friendship. I do not think it is a difficult thing for others to grasp, because it manifests itself so wonderfully in the little acts - there are the shared laughters, the knowing looks, and most of all the ability to walk beside someone without leaving at least 10 cm of space in between.

I think that ability to walk beside someone like this is built upon trust, and love, and this is something I can do only with a few people. In fact I think I can count them in less than one hand.

It has always been bitter to realize that what comes easily to other people does not come so easily to me, every now and then it hits me as a sudden painful revelation that that 10 cm of space in between is symbolic of a greater emotional gap.

Which I can never bridge, perhaps not because I cannot, but because I don't want to.