your goal is not one I despise
but what good is the journey
if you miss whats before your eyes?
family family family
you loose in the persuit
chasing your dreams away
our voices going mute
we cannot share our joys
we cannot share our sorrow
we can only grieve for the yesterdays
and have given up on tomorrow
you traveled a thousend miles
family famliy family
you travel a thousend more
and still you cant spare a moment
for family family family

~ I have cried so much today. tyrel stayed with me this week. I thought my sister was coming yesterday and that I could spend some time with her but no. I never get to see her. maybe its just as well when someone is so rude to people. I think maybe my brother in law doesn't realize how much effort and energy we put in to spending time with tyrel, I would have liked talking with shannon. she used to be my favorite sister.

I hurt so much right now. in my heart, and in my body. I cant drive hardly anymore, sitting that long just hurts to much. can't believe they came all the way out to oregon and couldnt spend half an hour with us. at least I got to spend lots of time with tyrel. to bad he is probably never going to get to stay with me again. must stop now, tears are bad for keyboards. 11:13 p.m.

well I am not longer playing GS4 or dragon realms... text only for twenty bucks a month, for one char, VS WOW 12 bucks a month (with the buy six months at a time thing which I did) and you can have ten chars per server.... so yeah, I am a wow player.

and I prefere playing Horde. more fun :P

sides people suck, and if I play horde, I get to go kill humans lol

in other news... still sucks with my sis but, what can you do? and mmm everthing else is pretty much the same.... 5:11 p.m.

I messed up on my dates and thought the dundeons and draagons get to gether was this saturday not next suaturday, so, spent most of yester day cleaning, actually helped with the blue alomst black fugue I am in. still have a ton more laundry to do, but I found my lost pair of glasses. still no sign of my purse or wallet though and that, well, doesn't help my happiness level.

tomorrow we get to see if the judge will let my sis go free or not. evil people. she doesn't belong there.

this is the story of a small girl, whose mother was a drug addict and the only attention she ever gave this small girl was punishments. this small girl was given up for addoption.

this is also the story of a nother young girl. this young girls was the only child of two very loving parents. she used daydream and tell stories of her brothers and sisters. this lead to her mommy and daddy looking into addoption.

This is also the story of a young woman, who loved her daughter very much, who loved her husband very much. who had as a teenager daydreamed of having a 'cocoa-baby. when this young womans baby girl wanted a brother or a sister, this young woman looked into addoption. She found a young child, not much younger then her own baby girl, who needed a home, who desperatly needed to be loved in a positive automosphere.

This is the story of the young womans struggle to help the small child, the joy her babby girl had in having a sister. when the younr women found herself getting frustrated and running short on paitence with her adopted and beloved child the youmg woman sought counslers to help her and the young child cope with life, stress and each other.

this young woman opened her heart up to more sorrow, she adopted a baby girl out of ethiopia, but before that,, they struggled to get babies out that were not healthy, that died before reaching them, but not before they had put the pictures on thier fridge and had, in thier hearts, made these babies part of their family.

this young woman and her husband buikt a loving ccareing home for their children, both in the heart and in the physical world. shortly after this family moved in a terrible tragidy struck, for the young woman was disiplining her daughter using the directions the therepists had told her to do, and the young girl fell back out of her hair, and started to have a seizure.

This is also the story of a D.A. that had prosicuted the young womans father for abuse, who had told the womans sister that they don't interveiw the victums becuase they are screwed up and in ten years will be crimals themselves.

The young woman distracught listened to the doctors when they told her that her daughter died, and that is was a result of drinking too much water, and the young woman said theat it was her fault, for she had given her daughter the water to drink. but what parent would not at such a time, what parent ever whose child dies before them, does not feel that the death is their fault or at least that there had to have been something they could have done differently or better to make it so that thier child didn't die?

This story so far is a serious of terrible tragidies that this family has had to face. the children in the home taken in the middle of the night but the state, to be placed in a home known to have had child abuse happen in it and to then be abused in that state placement home. the girl who dreamed of having more siblings now has nightmares of people coming to take her away. she who thought she had been kidnapped when they state took her away. Now is seperated from her greatest source of comfort; her mother.

This is also the story of justice gone awry in the State of utah. A DA that is so very biased should not be in charge of a cause. A woman who tried so hard to help out a child, who loved he as best as possible while straineing to above all else protect her children should not be in prison.

and this is the reason, why, I am in a blue fugue 3:19 p.m.

lost my purse and wallet, so I had to cancel and replace all my cards, I still have yet to get myself downb to the DMV to replace my Drivers Licences but I really dont want to go down there. I neeeeeeed to go to the post office so I can get a 1050 form and file for the lost media mail package that I got the label back for. I bounced my checkin account twice durning christmas, partly cause I did not put a paycheck in in time and partly cause I don't keep records very well if at all, of what I have in my account. bad me. then...... lets see, hrrrm.... ahh yes today... sigh.

this lady came in, the innitial problem was not my fault and I solved it to her satisfaction and relief, and got the replacement chowder base processed through. all seemed goodness and happiness, until my UPS man picked up his ground packages discovering my FED-EX package amoung them... I had stuck the Blighter in THE WRONG PILE and so it missed the pick up. in panic I tried processing it for the UPS next day air with a saterday delivery but NG as UPS does not deliver there on satudays at all.

so... icky-pooness... we called the nearest FED-EX center to find out we had to be there in twenty minutes to get it out in time, and they are an hour plus drive away... sooooo Icky-poo...

I was begginging to feel like I was going to throw up and trying not to cry as I packed up someone elses packages. I felt soo nasty bad aweful.

Solution: my sis nad her BF are driving up to the place, wich is like, on the border of canada, leaving to night, staying in seattle, then delivering it in the morning before heading up to Vancouver canada to spend some fun time (hey they are making the nasty drive so they should get some funness out of it right?)

badness is that it was not something budgeted for but it is better then having a raving mad customer on tuesday right??

and a weekend spent fretting about what will happen on tuesday too.

Oi I am going to be old before my time.

speaking of beiong old, I got a referral for Physical therepay only... its in portland so, I dunno how much good that will do me. but... maybe it wont be to bad.

meanwhile I bank wirted money from my NFCU account to pay for the overdrafts in my wamu. sigh. I think that means that I have money in my checking but I wouldn't count on it if I were you duckies.

thank goodness for chocolate, books, and MUD RP games.

I am crazy, but at least I manage happiness mostly.

::grin:: 5:00 p.m.

oh, but I was mistaken
for I was torn apart
when I heard the cry last evening
it nearly broke my heart

I thought you died last night
I heard your cry of pain
and I woke and called and cried
feeling my efforts were in vain

with all the power with in e
I prayed it wasn't, could't, wouldn't be true
I wailed and weeped and screamed
all for the loss of you

then seeming a mirircle
you came back, whole
and I knew I'd been deceiving
your deeply entrenched in my soul

and I know now, cant hide it
with out you, there is no me. 12:41 p.m.

My group drawing of our DnD charectors

Xcedra

Yawa

I gave my heart, poor mended
hoping it would grow and heal
but my heart was wounded deeper
more pain then should be real

I offered my heart, still longing
but the love was never known
and it feelt unwanted, undeaded
its beuaty and wonder unshown

I hold my heart more closely
afaird to let its soffer again
but hiding out from everything
only increases hearts pain 6:13 p.m.

ahd a lovely panic attack and told the person to get out of my store that I was having a panic attack and she was causing it and to get out.

other then that... peachy day.

my cats kept me up all night long in and out and bounceing and hissing out the window...

then they were all tuckered out and sleeping on me when the alarm when of, and gave me dirty looks for disturbing their much needed rest.

quel domage!

sleppy tired... want to go play but I will just have to get off again. i need a nap. 4:04 p.m.

i admit, I gt a bit depressed, wailed cried yelled, spaced out hide away ran from the world. but I had friends who were there and let me lean on them and I allowed myself, to an extent any way, to lean on them. I wrote poetry, I drew things, I am not mucking about with femo for a mini for my DnD game....

I started out with the depression of barely eating, then in my I need comfort mode, I am now into my indulgence stage, lots of chocolate and jerky and crafts. I think its a fairly healthy expression of my stress to do those.

it doesn't help that everyone at work (ok there is only the three of us but whatever) is stressed out as well, the tension there today was as think as fozen butter. part of the problem is one of the persons takes really long lunches...his version of an hour tends to be a real hour n a half to two hours... which is unfair to me and the other person.. i maybe at the most take a half an hour lunch... if I even leave. so it feels unfair. yet I don't say anything becuase i just want to get away from it, there is already to much yelling and grumbling up there.

then you add in someones tless then wise choice in dealing with a bad day. why make trouble with the shop owner next door? why I ask you. there really is no excuse what what was done, and personally i would smack the person upside the head if I just wasn't to exasperated by the whole thing. might mean I have to work extra to cover while the person goes to court. and its stupid and juvinile, and how come I am the more responisble one there? erg.

but really.. not to bad... I was only there for two hours today.

came home to find a dead rat on my doorstop. nice of my cats to lower the rodent population, but I really didn't appreciate the gift. picture it... me arms fulll... screeching...

lovely.

:P

and llanna-chan, switch hunny. trust me, I hate going to obgyn's cause for me it has always hurt... well except the last one which finally FINNALY cant I say it louder> Finnaly they listened to me and used a child sized whatchma hoose it (sorry guys who read this) so that I wasn't screaming and crying through the pain....If this one is hurting you and they normally don't your obgyn is doing something wrong and her tacturn nature about your worries and concern is just wrong so switcharoo! don't let anyone treat your body with less respect then you do :D

hugs to you. I am gonna sculpt somemore... maybe run around elanthia a bit... but I want to get my mini xcedra done! not like I dont have a month in which to get it done... but... it might take me that long to get a decent looking mini!

chuckle

loves 3:07 p.m.

I have some funny stuff in here... along with my whining and moaning and clomplaining. sometimes, my life IS funny! 5:55 p.m.

so many things i really don't feel up to doing but that I am going to do anyway.

there is this song:
I woke up this morning wondering, if I slept any at all;
I cant quite remember a struggles so big or ever feeling so small;
it took all my strength just to get out of bed as the ache in my heart went straight to my head;
I just can't keep my feet on the ground, I guess we all learn the hard way;
I guess we all fall down;
sometimes the anwsers don't fall from the sky;
sometimes they hurt to much to hear; sometimes ya sweep the truth under the rug;
and the night when it reapears, I know theres no use in running away;
and its hard enough to stand up and say; that I can't keep my feet on the ground;
I guess we all learn the hard way;
we all fall down.;
I wish I could find a road out of this place somehow I lost my way;
I want to show you the light in my eyes;
and the smile upon my face;
maybe tomorrow is counting on me;
to learn my lessons today;
I'll start by taking a step at a time and stop throwing my blessing away;
I'll give myself up and I'll brush myself off and take back some of the pride that I've lost;
cause you can't always keep your feet on the ground;
yes we all learn the heard way;
we all fall down;
oh we all learn the hard way.... yes we all falll down.

and that so totally expresses what I need to say. 5:21 p.m.

llannalee thanks for your entries... and I have to agree, as does the ups man who I read a bit of your entry to, that, a talking donkey really si smarter then most people you meat....

although alot of them could be considered talking asses (evil grin)

ok yes I am doing better. happier with life in general if not life in specifics.

and the wind and rain are back! hooorrraaaayyy!

I am a nut, but without it i would be a walking zombie.

and to quote bob and goerge 'I hope this is just another drug induced coma'

chuckle

going for food now. loves 3:26 p.m.

say this much... its freaking not fair and I hate utah.

reallly... even more now then before... which, I didn't think was posible.

my family really is cursed you know?

can I curl up and sleep, and wake up in a happier place? where people aren't mean to children, and court systems ar perfect and fair, and where when something goes wrong, it can be fixed?

done learning. I want my sister back... I want my kitten back, I want my family healed and whole and I want all the bad nasty things to go away and never come back. the lesson of life must be, duck and cover. there are really happy wonderful things.. chocolate for instance. but it really doesn't compensate for all the crap. my family has had more then its share. I don't care what you say, its just wrong and screwed up. my father got five freaking years! thats it... we all get to suffer for the rest of ourlives and the crap keeps rolling on and yes, this is whining and wailing and complaining and don't read if you don't like it.

I hate this world. I really really do. people suck, the law only works for the rich and powerful and everyone else can go jump in the lake. everyone get crap I grant you that... but why does my family get it up passed the heads till we are drowning?

and my blessing? what became of that? my family was suppose to be healed!!! where is that balm? are we all going to have to die before any of the wounds inflicted from this life get healed?

i am just not going to get married. its not worth the risk. thats one way to stop the cycle... don't put any lives into it to be hurt. my circle of abuse will end with me, cause I am not having any kids. this worlds to sucky to inflict on um anyway.

really not happy right now.

yes I know stay positive.

how?

seriously how? 2:09 a.m.

need sleep....

oh well

hugs! 1:52 a.m.

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Happy Go Lucky Monk. Where You Lived: Ireland. How You Died: Natural causes.

nutters simply nutters

Your Birthdate: March 17

Your birth on the 17th day of the month suggests that you are very lucky financially, because this date indicates a solid business sense. Although you are probably very honest and ethical, this birthday enables you to be shrewd and successful in the world of business and commercial enterprise. You have excellent organizational, managerial, and administrative capabilities enabling you to handle large projects and significant amounts of money with relative ease. You are ambitious and highly goal-oriented, although you may be better at starting projects than you are at finishing them. A sensitivity in your nature, often repressed below the surface of awareness, makes it hard to give or receive affection.

Whaa haa haa they dont know me very well do they?

Your Japanese Name Is...

Yuriko Shijo

You're a Playful Kisser

Kissing is a huge game for you, a way to flirt and play You're the first one to suggest playing spin the bottle at a party Or you'll go for the wild kiss during a game of truth or dare And you're up for kissing any sexy stranger if the mood is right!

bwah ha haaa

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a creative hotbed of artistic talent. You're always making pictures in your mind, especially when you're bored. You are easily inspired to think colorful, interesting thoughts. And although it may be hard to express these thoughts, it won't always be.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Your Brain's Pattern

Your brain is always looking for the connections in life. You always amaze your friends by figuring out things first. You're also good at connecting people - and often play match maker. You see the world in fluid, flexible terms. Nothing is black or white.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Your Hidden Talent

You have the natural talent of rocking the boat, thwarting the system. And while this may not seem big, it can be. It's people like you who serve as the catalysts to major cultural changes. You're just a bit behind the scenes, so no one really notices.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Your Career Type: Investigative

You are precise, scientific, and intellectual. Your talents lie in understanding and solving math and science problems. You would make an excellent: Architect - Biologist - Chemist Dentist - Electrical Technician - Mathematician Medical Technician - Meteorologist - Pharmacist Physician - Surveyor - Veterinarian The worst career options for your are enterprising careers, like lawyer or real estate agent.

What's Your Ideal Career?

You Should Learn French

C'est super! You appreciate the finer things in life... wine, art, cheese, love affairs. You are definitely a Parisian at heart. You just need your tongue to catch up...

What Language Should You Learn?

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

Really?

Your Outrageous Name is:

Minnie Skurt

Outrageous Name Generator

You are a Believer

You believe in God and your chosen religion. Whether you're Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or Hindu.. Your convictions are strong and unwavering. You think your religion is the one true way, for everyone.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

You Are Somewhat Machiavellian

You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead... But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself. You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place. You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to!

How Machiavellian Are You?

yeah some of that is totally whack yo.

ok news. MY FAMILY IS CURSED

my brothers house caught fire, roof gone bird consumed four cats missing presumed dead. he was driving home from work saw the flames and hoped it was not his house but it was. his wife was no in the house, she had been out riding the horse got home saw the smoke found a fire underneath the crawl space and went to call (of all things) an electrician... because the wires on their water heater were on fire. not out at ten am this morning happened at 8 last night.

turns out that the person who owned the house previously was convicted of drug releated stuff so they think it miight be from chemicals... like meth. JOY

sigh

trail for my sister starts this month I think next week.. back into the news and all the joy there.

as for me I am just sleepy and avoiding the world by gaming.

I am not nearly as depressed as I sound by the way. just tired and I want this day to end so I can go home and get away from irritating people.

where is my blanket so I can pull it over my head and pretend the world doesn't exsist? 4:00 p.m.

- 2005-08-22
news from me

lets see whats up since the last time I posted...

Date went well i think... I had much fun, Allen and I won four outa five games... one because we atcually sank more balls the jess and dan, the other three because dan sank the eight ball early twice and scratched on the break :P

I actually sank like three or four balls too!! yay me!

tons of fun, and I hope allen asks me out agian... i told him so at the fireside last night but that is getting ahead of the news.. soo next

after the date we went to the Dnd get together and stayed up way to late rping but that was also much fun. next time we go I am in charge of bringing juice/ liqued drink things. soneone else might be bringing snacks which would totally rock (and allen hinted that there may be a date before hand at the fireside, but again, that is getting ahead of myself)

then, hmmm I was sleepy through church... went to the activities meeting (did i mention that I got called to the activities committee? doesn't that just rock?) volunteered myself to feed th missionaireis both bro. and sis. sets, and to make a batch of brownies.

then, monday worked.. tuesday and wednesday i goofed off and cleaned house, thurday and friday i worked and I almost went away from the store for a few to work at my other job as there was a slight problem but it ended up being resolved in another way.

saturday I worked at the chiropractic wich was nice as usual, so much less stress there then here... oh and I watched my sisters dogs... they were sad to be without my sis and her b-freidn, they like me and all but i am no substitute.

then sun I returned them home, made it to church earlier (yay me!) had an owie hip so I used my cane (boo!) feed the missionaires laagne and mashed taters, then slept a bit and finished th main panel for the baby blankie I am making, then had an activities meeting which was intureppted by the arrival of Jessica Melinda ginny(did I spell that right) and another guy I dont remeber his name... they were there for the fireside. got to hang out and sit with my buds which I really liked I miss hanging out and seeing everybody every week.. if only tracy and allanna and micheal had been there, then it would have been just like well, it had been. yes I know move on... but I bet tracy really would have liked it too! I really should stop by A&M's one of these days and give them the dvd with their stuff on it( first I have to get said info from my sis) abd visit and hug and see how things are going... bad me!

after the fireside, I invited melinda to stay at my house for a night or two, which she accepted but shich led to her getting kicked out of her house, i felt bad, but she said it would have happened anyway. so right now my car has a bunch of her stuff in it and she is at my place. i hope everything works out well for her. its kind of shocking to me, that her mom would say if you go, don't come back, and mean it. not sure either of them made the wisest choices last night, but I did what I could to be supportive and a friend. Jenny came over and helped us pack her up and get stuff into my car. we left alabany about 11:30 and I drove really carefully home. made it in about 12:30 one ish, had a bite to eat cuase we were both hungry and then hit the sack.

then work today... busy busy and stressful... and I am taking a moment out and away to let go and post this. I am also having som hot cocoa, ys its only slightly chilly cause of the wind but hot cocoa is very soothing for me. one hour then I can go home and I can hardly wait!!!

4:48 p.m.

- 2005-08-08
news and sorry for not updating more!

ok I know I am really bad and have to be punished for my lack of updatings... been to disracted by the game i have been playing, totally evil, I love it!!! roleplay happiness!!! I only wish my freind IRL where playing with me

(grin evil)

so here is a link!

I went through and read some of llannalees entries and got the quiz below... I would have done the battle cray as well only it was nasty and had a swear word in it sooo, no battle cry for me!!!

I am good really, doing well in my new ward, I got called to the activities commitee!

pumpernickle seems to be doing better still extra small and funny, she licks all her fur off, and demands a snack treat each time I eat and in the morning when I wake. she really is the biggest attention demander of a cat I have ever met, how so small a fuzzy monster can contain so much begging is beyond me but I love her for it!

I think I got asked on a date, which is exciting, by Allen! course I am not 100% sure it really is a date, so I will dress up casual. it matches you know, some prerequisits for a date, being asked more than thre days in advanse, he sounded nervous, and he did call me and ask not, hey a bunch of us are going to a pool hall wanna join, but a my freind is bringing a girl and so I thought I would to... that makes it a date right? :P I know I am a nut, but i have tried in the past to get him to ask me out without any results...:D

I Am A: Neutral Good Elf Ranger Druid


Alignment:
Neutral Good characters believe in the power of good above all else. They will work to make the world a better place, and will do whatever is necessary to bring that about, whether it goes for or against whatever is considered 'normal'.


Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.


Primary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.


Secondary Class:
Druids are a special variety of Cleric who serves the Earth, and can call upon the power in the earth to accomplish their goals. They tend to be somewhat fanatical about defending natural settings.


Deity:
Mielikki is the Neutral Good goddess of the forest and autumn. She is also known as the Lady of the Forest, and is the Patron of Rangers. Her followers are devoted to nature, and believe in the positive and outreaching elements of it. They use light armor, and a variety of weapons suitable for hunting, which they are quite skilled at. Mielikki's symbol is a unicorn head.


Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)


9:53 a.m.

- 2005-07-22
Feline hyperethesia

I decided to do some more digging around on the internet, and from what i have been seeing it looks like pumpernickle might have feline hyrperethesia. she has serveral of the inticators, she licks her self allot, has had hair lose to do skin infections, runs around nutso for no apparent reason, the possile hallucintions, the seizures.. her joy of attacking he own tail. Hyperethesia is often triggered by stress to, and presents around the age of 1-4. course there are other things that can do these things to, but its something. I still need to keep track of what happens but, it gives me hope that its not brain tumor or anything as scary as that. 3:25 p.m.

- 2005-07-22
bad night

bad night. Really big long loud thunderstorm from like 10 until way to early in the morning for me to be checking my clock.

and to top off the lack of sleep and comfort, Pumpernickle had another seizure. the worst yet, she peed the bed on this one. worried about her, I still changed my bedding. and the bad thought that went through my mind was crap, I just washed this blanket.

Called the vets office. i need to start Keeping a detailed diary of when these happen, how long they last, what happened before hand that might have triggered it.

so last nights was like three am, lasted mabye a minute and a half but felt like more, and as noted she lost bladder control. the only thing I know of that was stressful or different than usual was that there was really loud long thunderings and lightnings.

and I need more sleep.

and I need my cat to be ok.

and I need to be home with her instead of here, but its not like it would do any good but I would feel better. 9:07 a.m.

- 2005-07-18
auntiness

I am an Aunty again. my sis had her kiddoes but I shan't put the name her for privacy reasons, my friends can ask me later :P

HOT!!! if I could be surfing it would be fine, but I am trapped in this sweltering store where I just may melt... Ok honestly it is not yet as bad as last years summer deathliness but its sill not happiness...thank goodness we have the water cooler...

and about the entry that is below this one... don't ret if you can't read it yet because you have yet to finish or read the book, there is no sheri news just book stuff :P when you have read the book read the entry and see if you agree with my assesments. or not, either way..

hugs!!!!!!

***spoilers on next entry be warned!!!***

Hugs! 12:57 p.m.

- 2005-07-17
Spoiler for HP book 6

****WARNING*****DO NOT READ THIS ENTRY UNLESS YOU HAVE READ HARRY POTTER BOOKS 1-6 *****BOOK SIX SPOILERS*****

****WARNING!!!!***

I Felt it only far to warn you, because I fully intend on posting what I thought about the latest book and my theories about it.

Ok So its shorter then book five, but it still took me most of the day to read it, got it about 1:30, took a nap at a bout 6-7 and whatche teen titans, samari shaploo inuyahsa and S-cry-Ed and finished the book by ten.

I was a bit suprised that Harry had such feelings for Ginny, but it would be cool, I seriously doubt that their relationship is going to be put on hold like he wants though. it to hard to do so when your in love and plus there have been hints all the way through that Harry's ability to love is what makes him stronger than Voldemort.

I also do not beleive that dumbledore is dead. Sorry, I know its very important that Harry grows up and starts relying on him self and not always trusting that an adult wizard will come swooping in, but there were to many references to the polyjuice potion and people taking others places. Halfway through I was sure dumbledore had been replaced and it was either Voldemort himself or deatheater... when they went to get the horocrux I was certian there was going to be a big fight... and well there was just not what everyone expected... so here is my big theory on the whole thing. Somehow someone took Dumbledores place, but it made Voldemort unhappy because it was not a loyal deatheater, and he saw it as an oppertunity to test Draco and his loyalty so not informing draco who his target really was ordered the boy to kill him. snape knowing it was a death eater agreed to the unbreakable curse knowing it wouldn't mean dumbledores death at his hands.

The question then becomes of course, where is Dumbledore realy, and how long has someone been impersonating him??? 11:33 a.m.