{{27/04/2008}{Life with dad}}

I've been riddled with anxiety since I graduated high school of my father dying and being completely destitute. There's no 'life' security knowing the one man I consider to be the human-form of god will leave me at an uncertain time. I knew that I couldn't remain so emotionally dependant on him if I wanted to continue with life after he dies. But at the same time, I feel horrible for considering shutting him out of my life in the last years of his own.

But both his and my life have changed a lot since this anxiety started. My house has opened up, I've become the center of the household instead of my mother and siblings who have been pushed away out of relavence for [possibly] forever. We carry guests overnight, my dog doesn't bite strangers anymore, and lesbians run through the hallways in their sports bras and skater-shoes. My dad's mind and eyes have been opened up to a totally different culture of people, as well as my own generation of peers.

Transitioning now into the last quarter of life, he has dropped his nerdy, sci-fi/fantasy movie and fiction hobbies for erotica. He's encountering something of a sexual awakening in his golden years of non-retirement. When, before, if I stumbled upon him perusing the skinemax prgrams, he'd turn the channel in embarassment. Now, he shamelessly combs through websites of oversized cartoon genitals, girl-on-girl fanfic and all those naughty pop-ups that one normally closes immediately due to mere annoyance.

In my life beyond curfews and calling to check-ins, I freely bring about any loverman I'm taken with at the moment. This may seem awkward in a house with parents [and gay chicks], but let's just assume by already having a lesbian troika running through the home that these inparticular parents are growing very liberal and apathetic with age. My previously sexless household now has masturbating dads, scissoring sisters and the rediculous clowns I bring home for a romp. It's all well and good to live with but it makes me uncomfortable to think about sometimes.

Before, my dad used to be infallable and now this pairing of JIM + SEXXX makes me feel disgusted. Even if he'd ever displayed sexuality with my mother, this is still his liaison without her or any thought of "family" in mind. I'm happy he's happy, and glad to see him writing, even if it's content I don't care to read. However, I think this is life's way of separating him totally away from my comfort zone.