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messages to imatwin:
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from omfggwtf :
i dunno if you'll get this, but we can't note you on your new diary because you never switched on the thing! but i don't find you boring :) i still read xo.
from idontpretend :
You know me too well Alex
from idontpretend :
I dunno what's going on Alex. Sometimes she'll push me SO hard on stuff. Like, deep relationship stuff. And she goes way overboard with it. And even she doesn't know why. I don't know what it means or what's going to happen.
from killsoft :
really? i treat women like shit and i can't get them to leave me alone..
from idontpretend :
I thought it was, but one thing I've learned is that women are all the same in some ways. Especially the pretty ones. *nudgewink* If I don't jump through some hoops, it'll never happen. She's not doing it on purpose. She's protecting herself too. We haven't met in person, and she says she trusts me, but we still don't have that physical connection tying it all together.
from idontpretend :
Hehehe, drunken posting ftw!
from idontpretend :
Hehehe, drunken posting ftw!
from idontpretend :
Lmao, I have no idea. xD
from duplicitous :
I thought the same too about not being able to meet anyone with similar interests and such at uni. Over the past five years I've collected a group of wonderful, similarly-odd friends. And I'm one of the most socially-awkward people around. :)
from killsoft :
skeet skeet
from idontpretend :
I'm tryin' ya lil Canadian bacon bit. ;]
from idontpretend :
I miss talking to you too. =] I wouldn't say EVERYthing is good, but things could be worse, and will hopefully get better.
from jondavid2010 :
No. That's not just immaturity. That's real hurt from a real hurtful experience. I'm sorry to hear about that.
from duplicitous :
Wow, intense. That dream would make an excellent movie plot you know.
from duplicitous :
There's nothing better than doing nothing on holidays :)
from omfggwtf :
ahhhh!! AHHH! thank you for that! i was just getting all panicky about it again and i got that note haha! yeah it's bloody horrible.. awful. i think during the last month i have been extremely stressed, drinking way too much (no change there) and weird eating/sleeping. so i guess my body is punishing me for it haha. it's really painful though :( i just wish it would arrive so i can stop worrying. i really hope it's nothing more serious because i admit i am sometimes quite careless about things when i'm drunk.. ah. oh well, i hope it's just what you said though! thank you for the note! :) and i hope you also feel better haha x
from jondavid2010 :
yeah. They're biguns. We're so happy. They're scheduled for c-section on July 6.
from idontpretend :
Awwww, it'll happen for you someday, I promise. You're already ahead of the curve when I was your age. Just hang in there and have faith. =]
from kelms28 :
It's the same way for me :/ But I still love reading your diary. It's very well-written :)
from omfggwtf :
haha, no way! don't worry, i don't much much boring anyway xo.
from omfggwtf :
just stumbled on your diary, i like it! :) -adds- xo.
from duplicitous :
Sometimes that's the best lesson parents can teach us - to not be like them. Annoying as hell though when they act like children.
from idontpretend :
Gahahaha, great minds think alike eh? =D
from jondavid2010 :
That's actually all very helpful and encouraging. Some of it we've heard before, some is new. It's really good to hear it all from a twin. I probably will ask you more questions.
from idontpretend :
*looks down upon the kitteh and screams, "Whore cat! WHORE CAT!!!!"*
from idontpretend :
Muwahahaha, if I only think I'm funny then why did you "lmao"? =D And yeah, that makes sense. Mice can be a big problem. Sucks for any strays that get lost in the shuffle though. =[
from duplicitous :
I think it's just crazy law school culture - it's like, 'What, so you're not doing X, Y, Z and getting fantastic marks? Why not?' Urgh. Too much focus on over-achieving and not enough on being happy. In other aspects of life though, being normal is definitely over-rated and boring.
from jondavid2010 :
imabouttohavetwins Any day now. I'm a diaryland veteran, stopped a while ago, but decided to start writing again to capture this time before they're born. Any advice?
from idontpretend :
*whispers to all the other kids* Don't go near that house. The CraAaAaAAAaazzZZyy Cat Family lives there. =S
from idontpretend :
Oops. =x
from idontpretend :
Lol, nawww, you don't become a sad cat lady until you're fifth kitty.
from idontpretend :
Yay for kitteh!!
from idontpretend :
Lol, so why doesn't the 18+ crowd do that to me? xD
from idontpretend :
Hahahaha, but why would they do that to me?!?!
from idontpretend :
You're kind of right
from svenhard :
loving a cat is not moronic, i get a knot in my stomach whenever one of mine doesn't return at the expected time, and i'll stay up until they come back, can't sleep properly until i know they're safe
from idontpretend :
Lmao, cute girls are the best. ;D Sooo, what do you prefer then? Ugly girls? D=
from idontpretend :
Haha, I never took you for the hustler type. I'm sure you'll get it all figured out. ;D
from idontpretend :
Grats on Carleton!!! Keep bustin yer butt and great things are going to happen for you. I'm so proud of you. =D
from duplicitous :
Congrats! :)
from idontpretend :
Haha, that's good to hear. Sucks that you had to use all your college money. I'm sure a food bank would help ease some of the burden though. =/
from duplicitous :
Ahh, credit cards... where would I be without them? [Probably slightly richer, but *shhhh*.]
from idontpretend :
I'm sorry you're so broke. Do you have food banks around there or anything? It sucks having to use them, but it beats having absolutely nothing to eat. There's gotta be some sort of help around. =/
from idontpretend :
It can mean whatever you want it to mean...*shifty eyes*
from idontpretend :
Haha, yer not a weirdo. If it's good enough for the Europeans right? =D
from duplicitous :
Yikes that sucks about the money borrowing - hope you eventually get it back.
from idontpretend :
I didn't know you were into opera. x]
from idontpretend :
Bahaha, "only" got 7 hours of sleep? xD
from idontpretend :
Haha, I'd say you did a pretty good job. xD
from idontpretend :
Oh snap, misreading ftw!
from duplicitous :
Your comment made me smile. Thanks!
from idontpretend :
Sounds like love is in the air..
from idontpretend :
It does help to have a muse. ;]
from idontpretend :
Lol, hun, I've been trying to find that fastforward button for ages. And it's ok to be nostalgic about the past. But life doesn't stop for anyone. I've had the same problem, dwelling too much in the past. I'm starting to live in the present, to live for TODAY, and it feels good. The best part is, once I've got some really good memories to hold onto, I'll be able to look back and smile for once.
from idontpretend :
Lol, aint that the truth? Then you could get a job on the psychic network!!!
from idontpretend :
Hehe, it is my greatest hope that history looks back on you and revers you as a great prophet. =D I actually just dropped it off at FedEx, they're going to take a look at it and once they see for themselves just how fucked up it is, they should be sending me a whole new replacement. Keep those benevolent prophesies a'comin'!
from idontpretend :
Hehe, it is my greatest hope that history looks back on you and revers you as a great prophet. =D I actually just dropped it off at FedEx, they're going to take a look at it and once they see for themselves just how fucked up it is, they should be sending me a whole new replacement. Keep those benevolent prophesies a'comin'!
from idontpretend :
Well, hopefully anyway. I'm getting the run around from both the dealer and the company that actually made the computer. Waiting to hear back from the to find out wtf's going on and who's going to fix the problem and how.
from idontpretend :
Awwww, ty!! Too bad this brand spanking new computer is turning out to be a dud. I'm going to have to ship it back to the dealer and get it replaced. Gawd knows how long that's going to take. Sigh. It's good to be back though. =] *hugs*
from lost-facade :
Hey, I did another disappearing act, but I'm back again. Just wanted to say that I love that Noah and the Whale song!
from idontpretend :
Bravo Alex, bravo.
from musiciansgrl :
Thank you so much for the comments! It's always great to meet another HP fan and writer. I used to post on but harrypotterfanfiction.com, but left the site in search of a place with fewer rules. You can find my stories on LiveJournal now if you're interested. There's a link on my journal :)
from idontpretend :
Yeah, that's what I figured. But the way she talked about it still scared the hell out of me. *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Hey Alex, long time no note passing. Are you in school or anything? I read back a buncha notes, but you haven't talked about it at all.
from lost-facade :
I like your diary because it gives a really good glimpse into your world. With mine you only get snippets, but I'm incapable of writing full paragraphs. I guess I'll never become an author. And happy birthday!
from lost-facade :
Hello! I dropped off diaryland for a while, but am back now. Just got sick of writing I suppose, and I stopped reading diaries after a while because I felt like I should be writing everytime I did. I have a lot of reading to catch up on now! Hope you are well.
from idontpretend :
*hugs*
from idontpretend :
Stupid effin typo..
from idontpretend :
You're ok ALex.
from idontpretend :
I would follow her into hell.
from idontpretend :
Um, she's put herself right back into a situation that could literally get her killed. I saw things on webcam. I know what happened to her. And she says it's happening again. And you expect me to just let it go? There is nothing positive about this. There is no way in HELL I can act like it's not happening.
from idontpretend :
*hugs*
from xxholding-on :
hi i saw you were online and i really wanted the vote from diaryland towards a contest i joined. It's a coach marketing contest and i need as many votes as i can get, please help! http://www.brickfish.com/Pages/PhotosAlbums/PhotoView.aspx?picid=975395_34070543&pid=2767347&scid=452
from idontpretend :
huggles..
from idontpretend :
I know, I'm trying to. Gonna make another entry here. And yay I'm not the only one!
from idontpretend :
I love it when I go to reply and comment on my own profile. >< Hehe, yeh, one thing at a time. But if that's what you want to do, lemme repeat mahself. Go for it!!!
from idontpretend :
If that's what you want to do, then do it!
from idontpretend :
Lolwtf
from idontpretend :
Oh em gee. =O
from idontpretend :
I see I'm gonna have to break out the big guns...*whips out a kitten in one hand and a cupcake in the other*
from idontpretend :
*crashes your Pity Part and throws confetti everywhere*
from idontpretend :
I'm glad you're not giving up on it. You're a tough lil canuck arentcha? =D Follow your dreams and do whatever you have to to make them come true. I'm FINALLY getting started on my book again, and it feels great. I knocked out 2 short stories in short order, no pun intended, and I'm really starting to get into the meat and potatos of my book. I'm really happy about it. As long as things continue to improve with my Canadien Bacon Bit, things might actually look up soon.
from idontpretend :
I'm sorry, I haven't checked your diary in months. I haven't checked anyone's to be honest. I just...withdrew. I think I'm finally on the bounce back and decide to check up on a few, and you're talking about mebbe givin up singing because you dont think you're any good at it? Don't you dare. >.< Don't give up on what you love doing. You don't have to be the next Mariah Carey to have a successful career. Who knows, maybe you are. They all start somewhere. Britney Spears (which might be a horrible example) started on The Mickey Mouse Club.;D And don't be in such a rush for everything. I was a late bloomer. I always liked girls, way back when I was 3. But I didn't have my first real gf until I was 19. Sometimes I wondered if I'd ever meet anyone. But I did. Life works out that way for some people, for whatever reason. Oh, and I hate living with my family too. They drive me absolutely nuts. For lots of different reasons. I'll be very happy when I finally get back out on my own, however long that takes. >.>
from idontpretend :
But I am so tired of surviving. *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Yer a sweetheart Alex. *hugshugshugs*
from idontpretend :
ty alex
from idontpretend :
Hehe, ty. I'll def let you know, fo shizzle.
from idontpretend :
Awwww, thank you. Yer too sweet sometimes. x] *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Blah, you made me tear up a bit. I know that body language can tell alot, but we're not together yet, and she doesn't seem to understand that. I can't see for myself. I need her to tell me things. And she doesn't tell me anything anymore. And then she gets mad at me for it. It's really starting to get on my nerves. But I'm tryin' to hang in there until we do get to see each other. I wish she'd make it easier too though. >.<
from idontpretend :
Heeey, probably because even I get tired of bitching about the exact same stuff over and over again. Sigh. I'm at the end of my rope really. Why can't anything ever be easy? Ever? Even once? Something's going to break soon. Either the situation, or my sanity. I'll keep you posted on which. Unless I'm locked away in a mental hospital and can't update. Then you'll just have to wonder. =]
from idontpretend :
Yeah. Money. Blarg.
from idontpretend :
It's somewhere around $140, which is a small fortune to me right now. I'm hoping I might be able to squeeze enough pennies out of my paycheck to get the application started on my next payday instead of a month and a half from now.
from idontpretend :
It's somewhere around $140, which is a small fortune to me right now. I'm hoping I might be able to squeeze enough pennies out of my paycheck to get the application started on my next payday instead of a month and a half from now.
from lost-facade :
Yep, that's my brother too - I love him but sometime it gets annoying.
from idontpretend :
Lol, we've been together for almost a full 6 months now. So she's not exactly my "new" gal. ;D Without a doubt it's been rough, but the last couple of days have been great. I actually feel like we're finally getting back to normal. Thank god. The distance thing is killing us BOTH though. Blarg! She still makes me so freaking happy though. Just can't wait to see her face to face. What's goin' on with yoouuu???
from idontpretend :
Hang in there sunshine. Trust me, things could be a HELL of a lot worse for you. And I'm not demeaning what you're going through at all. I know, it's cold comfort when you're miserable and feel like your life sucks so bad, but you have to believe me. Try and take something positive from that, if you can. /hugs
from senttosaveme :
haha you're mom doesn't have to be a whore, just saying, I know where you're coming from.
from virginistic :
YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD FOR NOT KNOWING WHAT TO SAY!!! LoL. Tell people I'm awesome or something extremely close to it. =]
from senttosaveme :
let's be best friends. my mom's a whore.
from idontpretend :
I dunno, things are kind of weird right now. Been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately. I'm feeling pretty out of it. Meh.
from idontpretend :
Awwww, try not to let the worries get to you too much. All part of growing up after all. =] Keeping busy is good. I need to do a better job of it. I'm glad things are goodish at least.
from idontpretend :
Thanks for the support. xD I was nervous at first when it came to the thought of moving up there, but I'm getting a lot more comfortable with it. Assuming it comes to that. How's things goin' with you? I haven't been on DL much lately. Just trying to deal with everything.
from idontpretend :
Thanks Alex, yer a sweety. >.< If I have to move up there for awhile before we can move down here together, I will. Just depends on what happens in the next few months. *lots of hugs back*
from in-alaska :
i realize how decieving my name thingy is, but i am not really in alaska! it is just from a lou reed/velvet underground song. i am from canada as well. and i am very appreciative and pleased that you would enjoy this stufff!
from idontpretend :
I dunno. It might be better, but it's hard to say because communication is at a minimum. She's not the same person right now. I guess in a way it is, but in a way it isn't, so I guess it's about the same. :/
from lost-facade :
Yeah, we have kangaroos, but really only near where I live. The rest of Sydney is kangaroo-free. And snow still wins.
from lost-facade :
Ah damn, I wish we had snow. All we have at Christmas time is giant flies and ridiculously hot weather.
from idontpretend :
Then do it. The truth shall set you free. A life without truth is a life lived in shackles that will do nothing more than hold you back and hold you down and prevent you from living your life to its fullest potential.
from idontpretend :
*drools and babbles incoherently*
from idontpretend :
Alex and random history dude sitting in a tree, K I S S I N G!! Weeeeeeeeeee!!!
from idontpretend :
Haha, typos for the win!
from idontpretend :
Alex!!!! Nice to know you're keeping busy. xD
from idontpretend :
Hehe, it's kool. I know how it is. *pampers*
from vxxen :
i mosey'd on over to your diary. its mad cool. i didnt think it was pathetic ... i thought it was hot! it was insightful. nice
from bunnymama :
I stumbled across your diary and I gotta say, you sound like a pretty cool chick!
from lost-facade :
I know how you feel right now... I could just scream since everything is frustrating me to no end right now. Hope that it get better and everything works out okay for you :)
from idontpretend :
Awww, hang in there sunshine!!! You can make it through this! Someday you'll look back and see how much of an ass-kicking you gave life. One thing that'll help: prioritize. Figure out what's most important in your life and put that first. Whether it's school, friends, family, whatever. Your priorities will most likely change as time passes. Some becoming more important, others becoming less so. Friends are always important, but if singing is something you seriously want to do with your life, then hopefully she'll understand if you can't spend as much time with her as you'd like to. Friends are understanding like that. But at the same time, don't fall off the face of the earth. If you need to, take a breather. No matter how busy you are, set aside a set amount of time for yourself doing something you find relaxing and helps you find your center and focus. It'll go a long ways towards helping you deal with everything else.
from idontpretend :
Ugh, I wish I could help you with the finding a school thing. If you have to step outside your comfort zone to find what you want, then do it. You'll find it's not as bad as you think it will be. I know it's scary, but sometimes we have to learn to run before we can learn to walk.
from idontpretend :
Hehe. I'm glad you're pretty much over dude. He's a loser. He doesn't know how awesome you are and doesn't deserve you. xP
from idontpretend :
Liking someone that doesn't like you back BITES.
from idontpretend :
Wha? What I say? :o
from idontpretend :
Oh whatever. Writing is writing, readers are readers. If people like something you create, that's all that matters. You know Star Wars? And Star Trek? And other well-established series? The new books are written by different people that come up with new stories based on an already established story universe. Which is no different than what you're doing. Except you're not getting paid for it. The simple fact is you have readers that can't wait to see what you come up with next, and that's rather exciting in my humble opinion. =]
from idontpretend :
Ooohhh, you've got readers!! GO YOU!! =D
from lost-facade :
That's what I hate about work - having people leave all the time. Oh and happy 17th in five days!
from idontpretend :
Julia had her librette pierced, and I thought it was pretty hawt. ;)
from idontpretend :
I don't know how much ground I'm making with her. She still keeps me at a huge distance and seems to contradict herself a lot. And it's impossible to not focus on something that's in your face on a daily basis... :/ <3
from idontpretend :
Changes ARE your best friend, especially when they're good changes, and when things have been hard for you in the past. I'm glad you're coming out of your shell some. I'm pretty shy, like you. But I've gotten better at opening up to people in a healthy way and being more open with them. When I'm going through extremely stressful times, like right now, I tend to withdraw again. But I'm less shy than I used to be, and it's a good feeling. I've missed you. I'm sorry I've been gone for so long. *bighugehugs*
from lost-facade :
Oh yes, exams. I tend to block them out of my memory once I've done them. They weren't as bad as I thought, so that was good. I didn't do great, but hey I'm pretty sure I passed.
from dinosaurorgy :
Totally. I love the stuff they sell at the park on CD because it tastes just right.
from dinosaurorgy :
That's almost exactly what happens here, only we don't party.. we buy crafts and wait to see the fireworks when it gets dark. We have ours in a park, and for most of the day, they have singers all over the place, and people doing stuff at the park's outdoor stage. There were like 6 lemonade stands and whatnot there this year. Lemonade is in high demand on Canada Day. I don't know where these people set up any other day of the year, though.. I never see like a lemonade restaurant or anything like that. I sort of think that they actually made enough from that one day to cover their yearly expenses. I imagine that in reality, they set up like a catering crew: on demand.
from lost-facade :
Due to the death of my internet, I haven't been online for a while, so I'm just catching up with everything. It's great to hear about Shawn, and the good thing is that you have control over where you want it to go.
from dinosaurorgy :
What did you end up doing for Canada Day?
from dinosaurorgy :
Well, I was thinking that in the day, I'd go to the local park (like just about everyone else in my town), with my friend Zilla, and in the night, I'll go for dinner with my husband. We count July 1st as our anniversary because it was the day we got back together the one time we broke up.. and neither of us can actually remember what day we started dating on. We're commonlaw married, so I don't know what date to count that from.
from dinosaurorgy :
You know, I really don't see too many Canadians on here. It's nice to see that I'm not really the only one!
from idontpretend :
*hugs* <3
from idontpretend :
I know. I am. She left a thing on my facebook, and I haven't replied at all. And I'm not going to.
from somstar :
If we live long enough we will all have cancer :/ there is so many rotten things in this world, and killing our planet.
from somstar :
Siblings are never easy to deal with... ESPECIALLY ones that are or around your same age. One day she will grow and realize that she was acting pretty stupid....
from idontpretend :
She's so damn self-centered and so damn stupid. FUCK HER.
from somstar :
What movie did you end up renting?
from idontpretend :
Tytyty. I've lost over 40 pounds of body fat. Can you believe that?? It boggles my mind when I think about it. o.O I mean, that's how FAT I was! :O I'm getting so close though, and it's hard to be patient because I want to get there now! I'm going to have my bro take my BFP in a few more days. I'm excited but scurred at the same time. Like, what if I haven't lost anymore body fat? :( But I know I have to have lost something, and hopefully it'll be a solid 2%, if not more. That would drop me below 15% body fat! xD
from idontpretend :
Alex! Don't let a crummy fast food job break you. You should start looking for something better. And while you're still there, try to focus on doing your job to the best of your abilities and surpassing everyone else that works there. There are always going to be crappy people that you work with. It'll just take time to learn how to deal with them. I still have problems dealing with people sometimes, and I've had a LOT of practice. A lot depends on your boss too, if they're aware of issues and if they actually care about what's going on. Sometimes a bad job is just a bad job and there's not much you can do about it except find something else. *huggles*
from idontpretend :
Short and random can be just as profound. xD (HUGSBACK)
from somstar :
Def. Good!
from idontpretend :
I love the poem! :) And don't feel alone. Sometimes I feel like most of the people I work with either hate me or are even afraid of me or something. I have heard a few think I'm going to show up and shoot everyone someday. Like, wtf? o.O
from somstar :
You've always had a way with words :)
from idontpretend :
Oh noes! Attack of the killer tomatos!! We're dooomed! D:
from idontpretend :
Yeah, as always it seems. I'm gonna make an update today. Should hopefully be at least somewhat amusing. Glad to hear from you. :) *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Hey, what's up? We haven't talked in awhile. :/
from idontpretend :
Blah, breakups suck.
from idontpretend :
Mind over matter!! MIND OVER MATTER!!!!
from idontpretend :
Hahaha, lil miss trial lawyer Alex ftw!! :D
from lost-facade :
I can sympathise - my mother has the emotional capacity of a piece of wood, except a piece of wood probably doesn't get angry at you when you're upset. I don't think that you're wrong at all - it's not wrong to express your emotions and you shouldn't have to pretend to be happy when you're not.
from idontpretend :
and how come most of my women are so cold and heartless? :(
from idontpretend :
Sometimes I wish I did...it'd be a lot easier to get over her. :/
from idontpretend :
:o
from idontpretend :
I hate ignorant people...
from idontpretend :
i know the feeling. my brother scott gets everything handed to him, but i have to bust my ass for anything that i want. they pay for everything for him, and nothing for me. it's such bullshit. but what're you going to do?
from idontpretend :
And knowing is half the battle! GIJoe!!
from idontpretend :
Awwwww, it's ok. You shouldn't worry about it so much. If you offend people, they usually make it known. And if you do it on accident, then don't stress it. As long as you're not being intentionally offensive, it's easy to forgive. ;D *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Omg, lighten up you boob. I know you meant it in a good way. Silly Alex. xP *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Whatever do you mean gov?
from idontpretend :
Lmao. I'm glad I live in a country with one language. Well, technically. Some places it feels like you live in Mexico or something. :x
from idontpretend :
I hope you figure out that ? mark key soon!!
from lost-facade :
*hug*
from idontpretend :
*bighugglesback*
from idontpretend :
*greatbighugehuggles* >.<
from confusedryan :
hey, sorry, I'm really bad at responding to notes and stuff, but if you wanna add me on MSN, we can talk. It's ryanohara@rogers.com
from lost-facade :
When you work in a retail/food-serving job you realise how absolutely nuts some people can be. And as to not fitting the mould, no-one who's interesting ever fit the mould.
from lost-facade :
Congrats on 2nd place!
from lost-facade :
Hey, thanks for your note - it's the exact conclusion that I've come to now. And miscarrying cat is pretty gross.
from idontpretend :
This is why I'd love to run for office, so that I could at least TRY and make a change. Most people seem to look at the symptoms and think that's the problem. But they don't realize there are causes beneath the symptoms that are what really need to be addressed. Plus a lot of people and officials are more concerned with what they believe to be right, instead of upholding what is in the constitution. This country is supposed to be about individual rights and freedoms, not the rights and freedoms of any particular group. And it wasn't founded to benefit one person, or a specific group of people. It was founded to benefit everyone. But that's not what is happening. And it's getting worse. And it scares me.
from idontpretend :
It's ok, I understand what you're saying. I have a love/hate relationship with my country. I absolutely love it. But there's so much wrong with it at the same time. And it's only getting worse. It's really scary seeing and hearing about some of the stuff that's going on here. Religion is just part of it. It's frusterating too, because this country isn't what it could be or should be. Greed and the desire for power and control are big factors. The US has gotten so greedy, and so many of our highest officials are so obssessed with power and control, and that will only lead to our downfall if we don't do something to change it.
from idontpretend :
See, that's the problem. Theoretically, yes, it's the person's choice. The problem is in certain places, like, say, America, there is a lot of pressure to conform to certain beliefs. And if you don't conform, you're considered a sinner and a generally bad person and outsider. It's all a power trip in an attempt to control people's lives. There is a group of Christians that is actively trying to turn America into a 'Christian Nation'. Which is not only a blatant violation of the US Constitution, but blatantly goes against the very teachings of Jesus Christ himself. Which I consider to be blasphemous in nature. And that's just the beginning. It's a very serious issue that is, most likely, going to escalate.
from idontpretend :
All I can say is that I was raised in the church, and I've witnessed first-hand what 'religion' does to people. Watching the news too, there's so much going on in the name of religion that simply should not be going on. Just because there is some good that comes out of religion, doesn't mean that it's ok to tolerate all the bad. And the good that comes from religion doesn't mean that religion is correct or true. It's one thing to live your life according to a set of beliefs. It's another thing for religion to attempt to so thoroughly control people when it has no right or place to do so.
from idontpretend :
Aleeexxx!!! I've been so freaking busy. Wowzers. I've missed talking to you. :) That whole crushing on someone who likes someone else thing sucks. I know. I've been there. Don't necessarily give up on your crush. You never know, he might like you one day. But keep your options open at least. ;) Lots of guys out there, even if most of them are laaaaaaaaaaaaaame. And I guess you could say I'm agnostic. I believe there's something beyond the physical world. But I don't believe in religion. Religion is so easily twisted to fit people's needs, especially those who want to control every aspect of everyone's life. I follow the teachings of Christ, but I don't consider myself a christian. Most christians I know are absolutely horrible about following what Jesus taught. To the point of being blasphemous in my opinion. They blatantly ignore many of his teachings and focus on the ones that allow them to empower themselves and point at everyone else and say 'You're a sinner. You should live your life like THIS.'. Which is NOT what Jesus was about. Regardless of whether or not he was just a man or a god. Meh, I could go on for a long ass time. :x And I have to get to work. :o Miss you. *hugs* <3
from confusedryan :
Hey, sorry I took so long to respond, I just kinda logged in now cause I was feeling kinda down and saw that you had left a message. But anyways, I'm alright, going to Laurier now, so everything's a lot different... although some things are still kinda the same, heh.
from idontpretend :
No, that wouldn't be cool. That would be coooold. :o *huggles for warmth*
from idontpretend :
Lol, but you can make snow castles!! (assuming there's still snow on the ground) And who needs toes!!!!
from idontpretend :
Aw geez, I've been so...pre-occupied, I missed a bunch of entries. D: I'm glad you had fun at the concert. I'd love to go to a concert. It's been a long time. I hope you're able to sort stuff out. I know how much it sucks. *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Hehe, thanks for the note. And thanks for knocking on wood. I'm worried I'm gonna screw it up already. :/ I really hope I don't. *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Ty Alex. I wish I had more friends like you here. I'd be a LOT less lonely. *BIG HUGS BACK*
from grandarchive :
thanks for the note.
from idontpretend :
Awww, well, either way I hope things work out for the best for you. It's always great having someone in your life that makes you happy. :) *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Awwwwwwwwwwww, someone's falling for someone! xD I'm so glad you've met someone that makes you happy like that. I really hope he feels the same way about you. I'll be so happy for you if he does. *hugs* <3
from idontpretend :
Awwww, I hope you feel better soon! Being sick is teh suck.
from idontpretend :
I'm glad that's how you're looking at it. :) Fast food isn't the best job to have anyway. :x Thx for the advice. I'm trying, but it's not her in particular. Every girl I meet does this to me. *hugs* <3
from idontpretend :
Alex! Bah, screw 'em. They can't blame you if they don't train you properly. There are plenty of other jobs out there, worst case scenario. Just try to stay out of fast food, if at all possible. Don't sweat it though. You'll discover that there are a LOT of stupid people out there, including those in charge. *hugs* <3
from lost-facade :
It isn't your fault... they should have trained you properly. I know how it feels though - they put me on the switchboard at work without any training and I got so stressed because I had no idea what to do.
from idontpretend :
Thank you Alex! Your notes always make me smile and feel better. :) I'd love to move to Canada. I mean, I'd love to move period. But if I could move up there and stay wherever-it-is you live, that'd be awesome. I hope you'd be right about your brother and his friends. Some new friends would be awesome. And I'd get to see yoouuu! xD *sigh* It's a really, really nice thought. :) I'm feeling better for the most part, but I had to work tonight at Bill's, and I didn't know it until it was time for me to show up for my shift. >.> I really didn't want to, but I didn't have a choice. So I'm really tired right now. I'm going to bed pretty soon. Hope you're not working too hard or anything :) *hugshugshugs* <3333
from idontpretend :
Well, yeah, I totally understand that. But it doesn't change the fact that inquiring minds want to know!!! Specifically mine... xD
from idontpretend :
Awwwww, I know how scary it can be doing something new. You'll be fine though. It DOES get easier. :) Once your brain figures it out, it'll become second nature. I've worked cash before, a long time ago. Your fingers'll be flying over the keys, without even thinking about it, in no time...and who IS this guy?!
from idontpretend :
Lol, I'm so glad I can amuse you so. xD *huuuuugs* <333
from idontpretend :
Awwwwww, thanks for the babying and mothering. >.< It's mucho appreciatedo. Too bad you're not close enough to baby me for real. :o My bro's been helping some at least. Heh. I'm feeling better, but still feel like a$$. I haven't worked since weds to boot. Uuugghhh, okies, I'm going to lie down again. As you command. <333 *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Awwww, you're growing up so fast! Welcome to the working world! :D Being sick is teh SUCK. I'm as sick as a half-dead dog right now, and it's killing me. :/ Do what you've gotta do. Your friends will still be here when you've got time to say hello. :)
from idontpretend :
That's great you haven't eaten a ton of KFC. That stuff is so bad for you. :o Fast food restaurants are going to go extinct eventually, hehe. Unless they come up with food that's a lot healthier. My workout kicked my ass. I'm SO sore right now. I was going to workout tomorrow, but I might not. Not if I'm feeling like this. :O You should get on yahoo or msn or whatever. :( *huuuugs* <33
from idontpretend :
<3 Thank you for your note Alex. It really helped. I think I'm finally starting to get my self-esteem back and everything. I mean really get it back. And it's because of my friends, friends like you. You're a total sweetheart, and I think it'd be awesome to be able to hang out with you and stuff. :D I miss talking to you. I wish you'd get on yahoo once in awhile. ;P Don't work too hard, and don't eat too much chicken! xD *bighugehugs* <333333
from idontpretend :
Oh, you do not sound pathetic. Silly Alex. *hugs* <3
from lost-facade :
Hey... I saw Sum 41 when I was 16... even though it wasn't my favourite music, I had a pretty awesome time.
from idontpretend :
Hope you feel better soon. *hugs* <3
from idontpretend :
Hope you're having fun with that homewoooork. ;D
from idontpretend :
Oh c'mooooon, it's not like I can go running to him and telling him. ;D And it means more than them not minding working with you. It means they like you silly. :) *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Awwww, that's kool that people at work are all protective of you. :D Def not a bad thing. And..*gasp*...who are you falling for??? Tell meeeeeeee. *whines*
from idontpretend :
Lmao, awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, I'm sorries. *patpatpat* *hugs* <3
from idontpretend :
Lmao, I dunno, I've never heard it before. You're too funny sometimes. >.< *hugs* <3
from idontpretend :
*big huge hugs back Alex* <3
from idontpretend :
Yeah, I learned a long time ago parents aren't perfect. Honestly, I wish I had your problems. I could deal with them. I try to give the best advice I can, but my childhood was so not "normal". So I don't always understand things as well as most people, because things were different for me in a lot of ways. Different in really bad ways. I'm glad if I can at least make you smile or something sometimes. And I'm glad you and your mother are talking and figuring things out. *hugshugshugs*
from idontpretend :
Don't stress your job much. You'll get the hang of it. In a few more weeks, you'll be pwning KFC. xD I'm really sorry I've been slacking so bad in keeping up. :( *hugshugshugs*
from idontpretend :
Finally getting caught up on some entries. I'm sorry, I've been so slammed the last few weeks. I think about you though. That note from your mom, I hope it made you cry in a good way. She was a little mean it seems like, but she did tell you how proud she was of you and stuff. You're an awesome person. It's about time your mom told you so. *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Tytyty. xD *hugshugshugs*
from idontpretend :
Could you elaborate? xD
from idontpretend :
*hugshugshugs*
from idontpretend :
*clings*
from idontpretend :
I'm trying to not let it get to me, but she ignored me even when I asked her if she was just busy or something. Julia did that shit to me in a BAD way and it really messed me up, and I'm not handling it well at all. :( *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, oookkkk. *hugs*
from idontpretend :
I'MMA BE YOUR FIRST GROUPIE!!! *flexes*
from idontpretend :
Lol, I hope something breaks for you soon. That'd be awesome if you made a cd and became all famous and stuff. Then I can tell everyone I know you. xD *hugshugshugs*
from idontpretend :
Okies, I understand. If your depression ever gets to be too much though, contact me. I've had times when I've been overwhelmed, and desperately needed someone to talk to. I've been lucky. I usually have a friend or two there to help talk me through it. The times I don't really suck.
from idontpretend :
I'd love it if you did too. If you want to do it, then make it happen. Somehow. I want to finish my writing, but I've been slacking so bad. Yeah, because of everything that's going on in my life, but I still regret not making time for it. I'd love to hear you sing. :)
from idontpretend :
Oh em gee, you know you can't make me go 'ummm'. ;P And tyvm, I wish I had friends like you that actually lived in the same place I do. *bighugehugs*
from lost-facade :
Thanks. Luckily I've got a really good friend who has been through the exact same thing and has been a huge support.
from idontpretend :
Awwww, you do matter. I'm sorry your mom treats you like that. I know what it's like. My mom can be like that. I don't confide in her about anything. She spouts all this bullshit that's supposed to be wise or comforting or something, but all she ever does is hurt me. She's so selfish and ignorant of herself. I don't trust her with my life, or anything for that matter. Hopefully your mom isn't as bad as mine. Just gotta find the strength to stand on your own. I did, so can you. *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Haha, KFC. Just make sure you don't work it for the rest of your life. Fast food and restaurants suck. :o Oh, and as for your quality of sleep, you should have a sleep study done. I know exactly what you're going through. I have really bad sleep apnea, and without my cpap machine, I get a horrible nights sleep. It was slowly killing me. I don't know if that's what's wrong with you, but seriously get it checked out. Or else it'll have a very detrimental effect on you in the long run. :/ *bighugs*
from idontpretend :
Awwww, I really like the song you wrote. I'd love to hear you sing it. xD I'm proud of you for posting it! *hugs*
from xhiddenliesx :
i understand how you feel completely. not having those who you can relate to the most around you is really hard. it sometimes seems by reading these diaries that strangers are the ones you can always count on, i mean they can't let you down if you don't know them right... i don't know, it makes sense to me.
from forgetmexx :
for sure! username: friend password: greentree
from idontpretend :
Lol, you're such a sweetheart. xD *lungcrushinghugs!* Eep..
from idontpretend :
Lol, you get my jokes, so it's only fair that I get yours. And you know, she's not actually my gf yet.. ;D I'm going to try and get caught up today. I have the next 3 days off, so I have plenty of time to get stuff done, heh. *megahuggles*
from lost-facade :
Hey, congrats on the job. Having your own money is awesome cause you can buy so much more.
from idontpretend :
>.< Heeey, I got your notes, I've just been so consumed with trying to figure out what I'm going to do. :/ Oh, and sorry for breaking your heart. D: *bighugebearhuggeroos*
from idontpretend :
Heeeey, I am ALWAYS going to reply. My head may be in the clouds for a couple of days, but I never forget about you. I hope you're feeling less like crap. I really need to catch up on entries, but I've actually been kind of busy, and I really need to get back to studying. Blah. I'll get caught up by tomorrow, I promise. I have the day off again, and I can't think of any big things I have to get done. :) You're a real sweetheart. Don't ever forget that. *giantmutantbearhugs*
from idontpretend :
You know I care. And I know that there have to be other people in your life that care, even if you don't think there is. You'd be surprised at who will come out of nowhere in your time of need and help you through it. And what's the name of my diary again? I'm not even the one that picked it. ;P *bighugemonsterhugs*
from idontpretend :
The only possible way to break the cycle, is to stop letting her manipulate you. She'll change for the better, or not. But at least the cycle will be broken.
from idontpretend :
When you say you liked it, and I seemed in a different place, is that a good thing or bad thing? :o I feel lucky, I haven't had to go to a funeral in a very long time. Sounds like you did a great job singing though. What's it like being a celebrity? ;D *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Things are ok I guess. What's so horrible about Ottawa? :o Maybe you should move down here. xD Did you read my latest poem? What did you think of it?
from idontpretend :
Teehee. Glad I could amuse. xD *hugs*
from idontpretend :
I'm hungry...*evil grin*...I looooove cookies...*drools*...er, hey, sup. *wipes drool off his chin*
from lost-facade :
A [very late] Merry Christmas to you too! I've kinda been feeling anti-social, so I haven't read any diaries, emails etc for the past two weeks, so I'm a little behind on replying.
from idontpretend :
Heeeey, sorry I didn't reply to your notes right away. I've been in a weird funk lately, and been feeling kind of cut off from people. So I'm going to reply to all of them all at once. xD *BigFatVirtualHug2.0* I don't know why you say you're not smart. You seem like a smart cookie to me. Watch out though, people love to eat cookies. :o I know I do. xD lol, sorry, didn't mean to confuse anyone. That was just part of the joke. xD Hopefully I can post some pics soon, showing how much weight I've lost and everything. :) *hugshugshugs*
from idontpretend :
Hey, I care. Whenever you feel like it should end, email me or message me or something. :(
from idontpretend :
There is absolutely nothing creepy about caring about someone. Ever. If someone thinks it's creepy, then they've got issues. Thank you for caring Alex. *HUGGLES* <3 Hehe.
from idontpretend :
Thank you for your notes and for trying to cheer me up. *hugs*
from lost-facade :
*hugs* Even though you feel like no-one cares, I know that I do and that someday someone else will too.
from idontpretend :
I feel so empty Alex. I've felt so empty in my life. :( *hugs*
from jean-in-love :
I hope that one day you will have someone to catch you.
from idontpretend :
If I was amazing, she would see that. But thank you though. I appreciate your note. *big huge virtual hug back* <3
from lost-facade :
That sucks. Hope you can figure something out for the pain and get better.
from idontpretend :
/cry
from idontpretend :
Did you READ my entry? *indignant voice* Hehe, just playing. But I said what I thought of the movie in my entry, so I'm not going to tell you. xD Oh, and I think you were in my dreams last night. Nothing creepy. I was in Canada or something, your twin was there, but she was your identical twin instead, and ya'll got along great. You were dancing around together, just hanging out and having a good time. I dunno. That's all I remember. Weird. Hah.
from idontpretend :
lmao @ Josh
from idontpretend :
Maybe you should start letting Chris learn what it means to take responsibility for one's self..
from idontpretend :
Don't know what to say eh? /tickleattack!!
from idontpretend :
I'm happy your show went so well. I know you've been practicing for what seems like forever. And the fact that you were sick when you went on the stage shows how much character you have. You're awesome. xD And that kid that made that post on facebook? That's beyond dumb. That sucks that he's possibly ruined his chances of getting into the military, but he should've known better. :/
from lost-facade :
I like rain. It makes me want to sleep.
from twinny1 :
As weird it is hearing this from a stranger, I know exactly what situation you're in. Except in my case, it was my idiot brother who made a completely inappropriate entry on LiveJournal about gunning down his school etc. [this was <b>days</b> after Virginia Tech.] He wasn't serious - there was a disclaimer and everything - but people who didn't know him saw his blog, passed it on to the police etc. Either way, he got kicked out of school [only <b>days</b> before he graduated], lost his job, and is in a courtcase that never seems to end. Hang in there.
from idontpretend :
lol, I was talking about your sense of humor not being weird. >.<
from idontpretend :
Of course it's not!
from idontpretend :
Hahahahaha, *smack*, I'm laughing. xD
from bluelucy :
Congratulations on your sobriety! Yeah, I would never do anything worse than marijuana, and even with that, as I was saying, it's not very much. The interesting thing is, since getting into AtU, I haven't had as much of an interest in smoking pot, since simply watching scenes from the movie can give me the same effect, if not more so, and without any side-effects! Quite unfortunately, I can't see the movie again until it comes out on DVD (unless I can find someplace to watch it online, and I'm not holding my breath for that), but at least there are plenty of videos on YouTube in the meantime. Oh, Thank you for joining all my diaryrings I mentioned to you! That is totally cool! ^_^ Right, I just saw that I put "not" instead of "note" in my last note to you. *laughs* Oh well.
from idontpretend :
:) <3
from idontpretend :
I totally hear you. The things I used to enjoy stopped making me happy after she left, and I'm slowly starting to get them back. But music has always been one thing that has never lost its meaning to me. 8D <3
from bluelucy :
I just wanted to say, I'm not sure if my last not made it sound like every time I smoke pot, I get totally stoned. That's not the case. I hate being drunk and I hate being stoned. There's nothing wrong if one is careful about that sort of thing, but yeah, it's not my thing. For as high as I get, I wouldn't see the film too differently. Still, perception can be somewhat altered even by just a little marijuana, so I wouldn't chance it. Right, I also meant to say about seeing the movie so many times, yeah, that sort of thing doesn't happen very often with me, either, but there is something about AtU. I just have to see it as many times as I possibly can on the big screen!
from bluelucy :
I was wondering if you didn't see my James diaryring (jamesblunt). You never mentioned it, so I wasn't sure. Again, though, if you just didn't want to join it, that's fine. I won't mention it again. As for people being stoned when they watch AtU, I actually haven't noticed that, luckily, but I'm well aware of it happening, and I agree that it's a very sad thing. I mean, I will tell you right now that I have no problem whatsoever with getting high, but that movie should be seen clear-headed. Thatís the way to truly appreciate it. There are really not that many trippy scenes in the film, anyway, and one can certainly enjoy those without being high, and in fact, I actually get high just watching the movie!
from idontpretend :
lol, you're too sweet. :) I'm taking it slow. I'm not falling for her or anyone else like that again. I gotta have friends first. And I love music. It keeps me sane sometimes.
from bluelucy :
I so know what you mean. I was just stunned. In fact, even though I know what to expect now, obviously, it still takes my breath away. I also want to point out that my sister and I ended up seeing the movie again on Saturday, the 13th, not Monday. We saw it twice then, and three more times after, twice on the 23d, and once on the 6th, making eleven times so far. Maggie and I are going to see it once more, then I'm going to see it three more times by myself. We can't really afford to see it more than that now at all. Maggie doesn't mind not seeing the movie again in a theatre, but I do want to see it with her one more time, and then, seeing as I'm in love with Max, she understands that I need to see it a few more times. That's happening tomorrow, and I'm rather excited. Four viewings of AtU in a row (as many times as itís playing at the theatre, incidentally)!!! After that, Iíll have to be content with watching stuff on YouTube until the DVD is out, but itíll be nice getting that last great burst (if you will) of seeing it in the theatre. Oh, I meant to say before, I actually created a George diaryring, as well, called "harrison" (which other people have joined, actually). Also, I deleted my ďa-t-universeĒ diaryring and changed it to one called "max-and-atu" which I think is self explanatory. I donít know if you care about joining either, but again, no pressure. Iím just letting you know whatís up with that.
from idontpretend :
I could. I look at a lot of my poems and see how I could continue them. But I don't really write long poems, for the most part. I have some that are actually kinda lengthy, but my style seems to lean towards compact, short, sweet, and to the point. Either that, or I'm just too lazy to try to build on them. :x
from idontpretend :
Er, build on it rather.. :x
from idontpretend :
I'm thinking about rewriting it as it is. What do you mean add to it?
from idontpretend :
Have fun with all the vocal stuff!!! One thing I learned in the Navy, is that the harder and more grueling the task set before you, the greater the feeling of accomplisment, the feeling that you've done something with yourself and your life, when it's all said and done. The more you put yourself into something, the more you will get out of it. If music is where you want to go with your life, then throw everything you have into your music. You'll get it back, all of it, and then some...
from idontpretend :
lol, yay for cookies!! *hugs* <3
from lost-facade :
Haha... I like John Grisham... but then again I'm a law student so compared to all the stuff we have to read, most things are exciting.
from idontpretend :
No, it's not creepy. I really appreciate your notes. *hugs*
from herdarlinsin :
Ah, well then in that case, my apologies. Damn the bitches that never gave you recognition. Dont they know youre the hottest? Personally I never cared for Valentines Day myself either. No one ever come into my life to make it meaningful. y'know? And those that did, hurt me. Anywho, how was your Halloween? were you the trick, or the treat? ha. (Was so trying to be funny)
from herdarlinsin :
Now why would a lady such as yourself hate Valentine's Day?
from idontpretend :
Congratumilations on the Cabaret thingie!! >.<
from lost-facade :
Sorry. That song should have been banned.
from idontpretend :
You know any good publishers by any chance?
from idontpretend :
*hugshugshugs*
from idontpretend :
teehee xD *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Hehe, I'm pretty tired actually. I stayed up way too late last night, and worked a double both yesterday AND today. I could pass out at any sec...zzz.z.zz.zz.zzzzzz....zz..zzzzz...
from idontpretend :
Gahahahahahaha, omg, you really should be more careful! <3
from idontpretend :
lmao, omg, you're too funny sometimes. xD You should take better care of your nose!! After all, it does point you where you're going...
from idontpretend :
lol, you're not being ignorant. Pronouns can be very confusing sometimes. :o 'she' is Angela, the woman that I met recently. We were dating for about a week, week and a half, when her ex-boyfriend decided he wanted her back. So now we're just friends, even though I don't want to be, and even though she really wants to be with me... :/
from idontpretend :
Yea! Take that!
from idontpretend :
*hugs* <3
from bluelucy :
Hello! Your loving The Beatles, AtU, and James is super awesome. I don't share your opinion of Avril or Fall Out Boy, but then, if everyone liked just the same things, the world would be boring. I created a diaryring for AtU, and one for James, as well. You're welcome to join either one, or both, even (you can find them in the "A" and "J" sections of the Diaryings Directory, respectively). It's no problem if you don't want to join them, however. I mean, no pressure. Seriously. Talking about just AtU now: Indeed, it is lovely being able to see that movie several time in the theatre. That being said, I and my sister will have to wait until the film comes out on DVD to see it again pretty soon. This Monday weíll be seeing it twice more, marking ten times total (most likely) weíll see it in the theatre. Unfortunately weíre beginning to run out of disposable funds. In any case, I love that about AtU being ďsex for the earsĒ, though the visuals, too, are certainly nothing to scoff at. The entire movie is incredible, but the story, how the songs fit in there, the characters... I mean, if the music was just sort of there, and the characters were not memorable, the story was not meaningful, I doubt I would love the movie as much as I do, if at all. Yeah, though, as far as that, do you have a favourite person from the film? You can probably tell this from the entry of mine you read, but my favourite is definitely Max. I am quite smitten with him. As for the Beatles: John is my favourite, but Iíve always really loved George, too. Anyhow, I read about your sister. I'm sorry you two don't get along so well. My sister and I are also twins, and we're not identical, either. We are best friends, though, and a bit ironically, on your part, her name is Margaret (though she generally goes by Maggie). Right. Forgive my lengthy note. Itís typical of me to be quite wordy as far as typing goes.
from idontpretend :
lmao, I love funny stories. xD
from idontpretend :
Heeeey, you're sick? That suxors. :( I hope you feel better soon. *hugs*
from supertuesday :
=]
from lost-facade :
Brothers can be annoying like that. And they never seem to get into any trouble for it either.
from idontpretend :
*hugs* <3
from tofalldivine :
Of course you can. Use guest/tofalldivine. Not original but effective enough.
from xhiddenliesx :
wow. your last entry is exactly how i feel about some of my friends. it actually scared me how alike it was to what i was thinking. nice writing. =]
from idontpretend :
lmao, why thank you, on all your comments. ;D *huggles*
from idontpretend :
lol, I thought maybe it was because I'm so drop-dead sexy. xD
from seereason :
I always feel resounding relief after finishing an essay.
from lost-facade :
Just a vegetarian. Vegan seems a little daunting to me right now. Oh, I just did that name thing, and it says that I need surgery. Hmm...
from idontpretend :
Woohoo! At least I'm someone's favorite something!! xD *huggles*
from idontpretend :
lol, yes, Canadians do rock. Just look at Robbing Williams! One of my favorite Canadians evar!! Er, next to you of course! *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Well, I'm not Canadian, so neener. :x *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Happy Thanksgiving. :) I hope you have a good weekend. *hugs*
from lost-facade :
Yeah it's always better to just get rid of the damn assignment... I immediately stop caring about them once they are handed in.
from idontpretend :
Yay for bike riding for an hour! Weeeee! xD *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Hey, it says I have a new note from you, but when I checked, there wasn't. :(
from idontpretend :
It's kool. I wasn't trying to start a debate on religion, heh. Just felt like ranting. I mean, it's one thing if you believe in God. But some of the stuff that goes on in the name of God and religion is a whole 'nother issue. Bleh. Hope you're having a good day. A lot better than mine. *hugs*
from idontpretend :
lol. Don't worry, you didn't jinx me. If anyone did, it would be me. Hah. I guess I am doing better. I just hope things KEEP getting better. So yeah, keep those fingers and toes crossed. :) *big hugaroos*
from idontpretend :
Hehe, that's why you've got to learn to accept the good with the bad, while trying to make the bad less and the good more. And as much as you might miss them when you're on your own, living your own life will more than make up for it, yay! >.< *hugs*
from idontpretend :
I'm sorry they make you so mad. Just think though, someday soon you'll be on your own, and won't have to deal with them anymore. xD
from choose-life :
dont you just looove Across the Universe!
from lefeufleur :
Hey, that's tight. You look like a neat person too. Someone else likes James Blunt but me! :]
from idontpretend :
Well, like I mentioned in my entry, I can't find anyone my age. Like there's this lady at work, she's 35, a little older actually, but she's cute. And married. *shrugs* She's actually talking to me right now, which is awesome. Of course, we haven't talked on the phone yet, so I don't know if she's going to want to continue talking to me or not, whenever we get that far. Sigh. I dunno. :/ *hugs*
from idontpretend :
I'm sorry, I'm still just such a mess. I hit hte mall today, and just wandered around. I needed to be around people, even if I didn't really interact much. I bought a shirt from this store, and the girl at the register was REALLY cute, and I almost asked her if I could call her sometime. I wish I had. But I'm still not confident enough... And I haven't found a place yet. I can't even afford one really. I'm looking for a new job, but I just don't know. I don't know what to do. *hugs*
from idontpretend :
That's what I'm saying. I used to be the strongest person I knew. I'm very messed up now. I'm not the same person I used to be, and I don't know how to fix myself.
from twominus1 :
Iron and Wine is soo cool!! Erm... yeah.
from slywy :
As an old woman, I wear whatever I like whenever I feel like it, so I'd wear that sweater in spring, summer, winter, or fall! Seriously, I think the specific reasons are good, too. And change isn't always goodóI have lots of experience of thatóbut no change is tedium made live, and I can't stand that, either.
from lost-facade :
On the risk of sounding like an absolutely annoying fuck, I'm going to say don't do it to yourself. I know what it feels like to genuinely crack, and alcohol feels great, but go slow on it. I hope you feel better, and remember that there are people out there [ie me] who think that you're awesome.
from idontpretend :
*HUGS*
from twominus1 :
I'll try and not. I see Jean has been on here. He is so random. :)
from jean-in-love :
Hi. I found your diary through twominus1's. Baritone is always cool! I have a friend who plays it.
from idontpretend :
*big hugs again back*
from idontpretend :
It always helps sweety. Why am I still such a mess though? :( *huggles*
from lost-facade :
Urgh. I know how you feel about school and feeling like a loner. Hope it gets better for you.
from idontpretend :
I will. We're talking right now actually. Not about us, not yet. I don't know if she's stalling, or what. I don't think she fully understands the only possible outcomes of this talk though...
from idontpretend :
Nooo, I was just curious. Even though I have thought about getting a tattoo and/or piercing. Just haven't gotten up hte courage yet. :x
from idontpretend :
Happy Belated Birthday!! The Big One Six ftw!
from idontpretend :
That sounds like a big ouch. :o
from idontpretend :
Heh, I dunno why, but it struck me as rather funny when I read it. :)
from idontpretend :
'I'm sorry, but my sister is an idiot.' Gahahahahahahahaha
from idontpretend :
That's good, because if she doesn't like you for you, then you shouldn't have to try so hard to get her to like you.
from idontpretend :
I'm glad you finally figured it out. That's good. Because now that you've figured out that it's her, you can use that knowledge to find a way to make it harder for her to get to you. It'll make it easier to shrug her off when she gets on your nerves or whatever. Maybe not completely, but sometimes the best thing to do is either walk away, look them in the eye and laugh, or just shrug your shoulders and go about your business. It puzzles them, complexes them, and in the end....it can be rather amusing for yourself sometimes. xD
from idontpretend :
I'm glad your mother isn't as bad as mine. And yeah, they probably don't understand just how much it affects you. I think you're right though, once you find a job, you'll get used to it. And thank you. I'm glad she found me too. :)
from lost-facade :
I know how you feel about the job thing. My parents basically forced me into working when I turned 15 [although they pretty much deny that's the case, it was like, "Well if you don't start working then your just lazy etc"]. When I first started, I was so scared and shy, and hated the idea of having to deal with people. But after a while, you get used to it and it's really not that bad... and you get money. Oh, and it actually really helps to have work experience when you apply for jobs once you finish school.
from idontpretend :
You remind me of, well, me, in that last entry. People have always kind of blown me off, and not listened to me. They hear my words, but they don't listen to what I'm saying. And it's SO frustrating. I know how hard it is, and how angry that could possibly make you. All I can say, is try not to get angry and frustrated, try not to let it consume you. Because if it does, it'll only make things worse. Try to understand instead. See why they're acting like that, and how that has nothing to do with who you really are, or how intelligent you really are. Eventually, it'll be like water off a ducks back. Maybe not all the time, but it'll be a lot easier to deal with. And my mom did the same thing to me, forced me to get a job. It sucked. I was so stressed. Of course, she would get incredibly angry over all kinds of stupid shit, and I lived in fear of her anger. I hope your mom isn't THAT bad. :/ Hang in there, hang tough, and don't let 'em get to you. *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Ty xD I mean, I'm not IN love with her. Mostly I just love her as a friend. She's so far away, and I don't know if she just likes me, or what. But I'm kool with that. I just feel better than I have in a long time.
from twominus1 :
I get what you mean. When people don't seem to listen to you, it feels like your being ignored, forgotten, worthless. Maybe you should tell your mum or something. Make her listen. Hugs. It will get better, I'm sure.
from idontpretend :
lol, I don't remember you having a honking huge nose or anything. ;P And thank you for the mother-hen moment, it made me feel loved and cared for. xD I'll try not to stay up much longer, I really do need some serious sleep, and I have some things I need to do tomorrow. Heh. I'll try and get caught up as much as I can. I've probably missed a ton of stuff though. Meh. *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Haha, I hope your lobsterness isn't too bad. xD I need to get some sun. I've been spending too much time indoors lately. :o I would read some of your entries, but I just got done working 22 hours in two days, and I'm exhausted. Meh. Maybe tomorrow, if I can get some good sleep. I have the day off, but there's a mandatory meeting at work at 3:30pm. Blarg. Hehe. I've missed talkin' to you. *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Hey, I'm sorry I've been MIA. :/ If you've read my diary at all, you know I've been in really bad shape. :/ I'm gonna try and get caught up some in the next few days. I hope you're doing good. *hugs*
from twominus1 :
Haha, yeah my computer does that as well sometimes.
from lost-facade :
I dont think [the fridge thing] is insane. However, you may look slightly deranged when try to open it and do what I would probably do, ie attack the fridge with a sledgehammer, or throw it out a window.
from idontpretend :
Honestly, I'm not really well at all. But the silver lining is that I'm a little better, in an important way. So hopefully that'll be enough at least keep me from losing it again. :/
from idontpretend :
I'm glad he's ok. I'm sorry, I haven't been reading anyone's diaries at all lately. I've been dealing with too much...it's been more than I've been able to handle. :(
from idontpretend :
:O What happened? :(
from idontpretend :
That which does not kill you....and this almost did...
from idontpretend :
True, but I just can't think positively right now. I'm trying, I really am. :( And I can't believe that there's no chance to get her back, especially now that I know what she was thinking when she left, and how wrong she was in what she was thinking. Unless she really has closed that door forever... :(
from idontpretend :
Thank you for being positive and hopeful for me, because it's so hard for me to be like that right now. I want to try again so freaking bad, especially now that I'm understanding so much of what happened, but she says she's not coming back, and I'm afraid that she really, really means it this time. :( *hugs*
from bluepetal :
that was a good post. i agree totally on the whole war thing >_<
from twominus1 :
Wow. I have no idea what's going on in your life, but... I really hope it gets better. Also, I hope me and my friends weren't one of those people bumped into you guys at Parliment hill, though I don't think we saw any girl with a cast on. But we were really close to the main stage, right up front. My friend has amazing picture's of feist preforming. And Greyory Charles was the best. My friend Marc has his sister some alone, and she was IN LOVE with him. It was great fun. Are you doing next year?
from idontpretend :
It's ok that you don't know the answers. I don't think anyone does. Except for, possibly, her. Even then, she might not even realize she has the answers. *shrugs* It sucks, and I'm doing the best I can to deal with it, but it helps that there are people out there that do care about me and what I'm going through. I can't escape the irony that she is the one that created this diary for me, and that it is now a tool I use to help with the struggle that I've been facing since the day she left. Thank you for caring, I really mean that. *hugs*
from lost-facade :
"Katie got winked at by a walking carrot" - hahaha, that's quite random.
from twominus1 :
I'm sorry to hear that you've been having such troubles at home with your parents. I would have no idea what to do if my parents weren't like they were. I hope things get better :)
from idontpretend :
I try, but I'm so scared :(
from tofalldivine :
I hope things get better for you.
from idontpretend :
Thank you. And she is making me happy right now. But I still love her so much, and I wish she would open her heart to me again, eventually at least. But how can I hope for such a thing?
from lost-facade :
Ouch... that's a really close distance. I'm not really sure what to say... but it must really suck. *hug*
from idontpretend :
no, i didn't know i made you cry. i'm sorry. :( i wish i had happy things to talk about. there's one thing i would i could say. but i can't right now, because it's not a reality. i hope so much that it does become a reality, but i'm so freaking scared that it won't, because it's what i want the most.
from idontpretend :
</3 x 8
from idontpretend :
Love really does suck, doesn't it?
from idontpretend :
It makes me happy that you love my poems. :) And my neck is already feeling better. It should be fine by tomorrow. Which is good, because I need to workout again tomorrow. :x And yeah, it was a good kind of sore. :D
from idontpretend :
Omg, that's retarded. Some people....
from idontpretend :
I just noticed your profile message, about not judging you based on your diary, and if they do, then stop reading. Tres cool. :D
from idontpretend :
Hey, it's ok, you don't have to be sorry. I wasn't complaining or anything, I was just telling you a little about my past and upbringing is all. I was kinda surprised you knew who the song was about. I don't know why I was surprised, but I was. Heh. I guess I just don't expect people to know about stuff like that. But more people go to church at some point in their lives then I guess I thought. I hope you're doing ok. If not, then I'm sufferin' right along with ya! Booyah!
from idontpretend :
Oh, and thank you for thinking my poems are tres cool. That made my day. :)
from idontpretend :
Yeah, I know it was written about King David, with some Samson and Delilah thrown in. I was raised in the Christian church, even though I don't believe in church anymore. I'm spiritual, not religious. Religion is so corrupt, no matter how pious it claims to be. Anyway, heh, it IS a beautiful song, and it fit us so much. She broke my throne, and I still proclaimed Hallelulah every second of every day. Even now, I still proclaim Hallelulah...I hope you're doing ok. I've been trying to keep up with your entries, but I've so completely withdrawn into myself, it's been hard to keep up. :/
from lost-facade :
Wow, it's raining where you live too? It's raining a lot here... good because we're in a drought, but annoying because it's freezing cold.
from tofalldivine :
I like that the cold snaps empty the streets and no one ever seems to be around when they happen. There is something pleasant about them being a bit solitary. About your entry...the insulting crap changes a bit eventually. It is still highschool so people are going to be lousy. You hit a point though and people lay off and get involved in their own stuff instead of the petty junk they do at the point you're at now. Everyone has some growing up to do, you're just a bit ahead of the game right now.
from idontpretend :
yeah, people suck. sticks and stones and all that, but it's a load of crap. words hurt emotionally, just as sureyl as sticks and stones will hurt us physically. people are just plain selfish in their pain. they think their pain is greater than ours, more important than ours, and that ours is trivial, that we're just being babies and being childish when we hurt. it sucks. it's sickening. the world needs to change. oh, and i'm glad you had such a good time at Wonderland. :D I need to go back to Cedar Point. I LOVE it there, and it's been so long since I've been there. :o
from idontpretend :
I know it's not my fault, but I'm still sorry you're caught in the middle. I know how much it sucks and hurts. And thank you for your comment on my poems. It made me feel REALLY good. :) I'd love to be published. I just have no idea how to go about it.
from lost-facade :
Thanks. Your sister seems pretty selfish... I don't know maybe she has low self-esteem or something. Can you talk to your mum about it? My brother used to torment the shit out of me, so I know how it feels. I hope that your sister is nicer to you.
from idontpretend :
I'm sorry :(
from idontpretend :
I'm sorry about your brother and Laura. He probably doesn't give a crap. When you love someone like that, and they hurt you like that, it's so hard to care about anything. It's a struggle for me to care about anything at all. But I try to, I fight to keep from becoming bitter and jaded, some days doing better than others. It's so hard. But I'd rather fight for it, then give into the alternatives. Try and get some rest if you're tired!
from idontpretend :
lol, hey, it took me decades to figure some of this stuff out. You should try to eat something, even if you don't feel hungry. It doesn't have to be big, and if you can't eat something completely healthy for you, it's ok, as long as you get a little something. I eat stuff that's really not that great for you, I just eat it in moderation, without overdoing it. As long as you're active, it shouldn't hurt you TOO much. :D
from idontpretend :
You called your dad a frog? :O *dies laughing*
from idontpretend :
That may be your problem. I don't think you're eating enough. If you don't eat enough in a day, your metabolism slows down, so it doesn't really matter how active you are, you're not going to lose weight, because your body is storing up fat, because you're not eating enough to meet its needs, so when you do eat, instead of burning it off, it gets stored for when you're not eating enough. So eat more than toast for breakfast, and eat SOMETHING for lunch you boob. ;P
from idontpretend :
Yeah, I know, I don't understand why people can't be honest either. They'd save alot of people alot of heartache and grief. Sometimes they lie, because they don't want to hurt the person by being honest, but then they hurt them SO much more by not being honest. I don't get it either... Wish I could help you with the weight loss thing. What kind of stuff do you eat? Do you workout at all?
from idontpretend :
Your entry talking about marriage was right on. People think it's a game. They don't take it seriously. People cheat because they think it's ok to cheat, as long as they don't get caught. And when they do get caught, they actually have the nerve to blame the other person. It's nuts. Julia was like that. Marriage was just a game to her. She was engaged to two guys in a two year period, at one point, engaged to both of us at the same time, and I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up engaged to a third guy within the last 3 years.
from idontpretend :
lol, yeah, jumping off a bridge would give you an incredible feeling of freedom. The good thing is, death would be quick and relatively painless, since you wouldn't live long enough to feel anything....And yeah, I hate it too when people try to psychoanalyze me, but they refuse to look in the mirror and face themselves first. Oh, and she's falling in love with someone else.....
from idontpretend :
Let's go jump off a bridge! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
from tofalldivine :
I am jealous of your warm weather. Calgary gets crap weather a lot. It snowed in august around here once. Sort of abnormal.
from janedoe0 :
Hey there. Just wanted to pop in and compliment you on your diary's template. Very nice:)
from idontpretend :
Teehee. ;D
from idontpretend :
You lost your voice! Woohoo! Er, I mean, damn...
from idontpretend :
I'm sorry, I've been doing a really bad job of keeping up with everyone's diaries. I've kind of retreated into myself I guess, a kind of hybernation, I guess? I dunno. I've kind of been trying to pull myself out of it, but it's slow going. I think I'm making some progress though. I think this job is really helping though. I really like working there, and the people so far have been pretty good to me. I'm really hoping to make some friends, and get to know some people. And maybe even meet someone...A coupld of your entries made me laugh. Hehe. And if you're really feeling so used and abused, then maybe you should take a step back from these people. Not necessarily shut them out or shut you down, but spend a little more time on yourself, and a little less time handling their problems? People can't use you unless you let them. That's something I learned the hard way...
from twominus1 :
I still can't believe they lost. I'm not a huge hockey fan, but my dad was watching it so I decided I would join him. I like hockey, but I don't get upset if I miss a game. though I want Ottawa to win like any other Sens fan ;)
from lost-facade :
You make perfect sense ... and I get the whole Americanisation [I refuse to use a "z" instead of an "s"!] thing ... most of our TV here in Australia is American, and when there are good Aussie shows they normally get cancelled because everyone watches the American ones. Gah. I mean, we're a fairly multicultural country, but the amount of American cultural stuff is totally disproportionate to every other culture combined ... it annoys me too at times.
from idontpretend :
I understand what you're saying, but I don't think you understood what I was trying to say. It's happening in America too. Except that instead of Canada taking over America, it's other countries, alot of other countries. Countries like Japan, China, India, countries from the middle east, etc., they all have staked claims in American businesses and stuff. Our factories and stuff get sent overseas, because it's cheaper labor there. Canada is not the only one it's happening to. That's what I'm trying to say. At least America is apparently the only country that is taking an economic interest in Canada. We have all kinds of countries taking an economic interest here. And in a way, it does suck, because whatever happened to Made In America? So much crap is made overseas now. *shrugs* I'm all for free trade and stuff, but yeah, it does kinda suck when other countries come in and take over in some way. I myself am sick of MTV. It used to be about music videos. Now, they rarely freaking play any. If this MM actually plays videos, that's great, and yeah, it does suck if MTV is taking over, because MTV is now just another corporation. I don't understand why people like these shows so much, or why they don't want the music videos to come back. I barely watch MTV at all anymore.
from idontpretend :
Well, maybe more disfunctional than really happy. :x
from idontpretend :
Congrats on the first place thingie! That's awesome. :D And it's great that you care so much about other people, but yes, you do have to look out for yourself. Especially if people are taking you for granted. Do what you can for them, but if they don't appreciate what you do for them, or appreciate you, then you have to take a step back, and re-evaluate. And the whole thing with America invading Canada, you're not alone. We have other countries invading America too. I know how annoying it can be, and how frusterating. But that's the way of the world nowadays. The world is getting smaller, and companies are becoming less nationalistic, and more global. We still have our things that are always going to be Canadian, or American, or whatever. But eventually, we'll be one big happy family. :D
from idontpretend :
lol, don't get caught. :x And try not to let it annoy you, unless it's reaching some sort of extreme. :o I hope your brother is doing better. You heard about the shooting recently, in America, at one of our Universities? Worst school shooting yet. :( There's something seriously wrong, when our youth go on killing sprees in schools. I wish America would pull its head out of its ass and open it's eyes to the real problem. Sigh.
from idontpretend :
I love the new layout, it looks great. :) And yes, Shawn is awkward around you because he still likes you, and he knows that you don't like him like that, and he probably doesn't want to cross some invisible line. He's just self-conscious. I know, because I'm like that around a woman that I've just met, and I'm attracted to, and I don't want to offend her or something by saying something stupid or inappropriate. And as for your brother, that note is a little scary. Have you talked to him at all? Is he doing any better?
from idontpretend :
Share my pain! Er, uh, suxors... :x
from idontpretend :
Sigh, it's ok. You don't need to keep your mouth shut. This just really sucks for me is all. :(
from idontpretend :
Then why would you suggest being friends, when you've been through the exact same thing, and know how much it freaking hurts, and how impossible it is being friends with someone you love so much?
from idontpretend :
No, it's not because of you. If I do end this diary, it's because of her, and what she's done to me, and how all of this makes me feel. It has nothing to do with anyone that reads my diary.
from idontpretend :
Why don't any of you understand? I KNOW I want to get back together with her. I'm STILL in love with her. Being friends is part of any healthy, romantic relationship, but I'm in love with her, and JUST friendship is just plain torture. Besides which, she lost the right to have me as a friend, when she did what she did to me. SHE is the one that has to take the steps, assuming there's any part of her left that still feels something for me, and still wants to be with me, which I highly doubt, towards getting back together or w/e. I'll talk to her, if she deigns to talk to me, but I'm not about to settle for being her friend, when I'm still in love with her, and after what she did.
from idontpretend :
Yeah, it would work....if friendship is what I wanted....
from idontpretend :
It's ok. :/
from idontpretend :
I know you meant well, but no, that doesn't make me feel better, knowing that someone else benefits from what I went through for her. It's not fair. It's beyond not fair. I hate the fact that someone else gets to benefit from my pain and heartbreak. I hate it. It hurts so bad, knowing that someone else is having the life that I had, that I dreamed about, at my expense. It sucks so bad. Why should someone else get to be with the Julia I wanted to be with, while my heartbreaks a thousandfold? :(
from idontpretend :
IT'S NOT FAIR THAT SOMEONE ELSE GETS TO BENEFIT FROM MY PAIN AND SACRIFICE!! :'(
from idontpretend :
aHAHaha, me laughs at your silly response. :D
from idontpretend :
*fiddles with your roof*
from idontpretend :
Thank you. :)
from lost-facade :
Hey I started listening to City and Colour today, and it was really great. I think I like "Missing" the best, but I have plenty more to listen to yet.
from idontpretend :
I don't know when you're online! Or how to reach you! :x
from idontpretend :
Yay for chicken soup! Nummy, nummy, nummy!
from idontpretend :
I'm glad her dog is ok. It sucks losing a pet. I've lost a few in my lifetime, heh. I need to rebuild my music collection. I haven't bought very many cd's lately. Downloaded too much crap on iTunes. Blah.
from idontpretend :
That sucks about her dog. I've heard about the pet food contamination all over the news, but I don't know anyone that was affected by it. Major suxors. And that does sound like a really good song. Made me tear up a bit.
from tofalldivine :
Don't forget Stars and The Dears. Montreal rocks the Canadian music scene. They have a plague of wicked bands. Alberta has a few locals that haven't been exposed yet too and I heard Ontario has a pretty good underground scene. The best Canadian bands never seem to make it really big though.
from idontpretend :
My heart HURTS
from lost-facade :
You did do the right thing... it would have been a whole lot more cruel to have let him believe that you liked him when you didn't... it's not your fault that you don't like him in that way.
from idontpretend :
She's definitely got.....issues. :(
from idontpretend :
How should you feel? Considering the fact that you cared so much about not wanting to hurt him, you probably feel bad. But you shouldn't feel too bad. You did the right thing. And you did it the right way. You sat him down for a face to face talk, and you were honest with him. And you weren't cruel about it. No matter how bad you might be feeling about it, it's ok. You did the right thing.
from idontpretend :
I'm glad the talk with him went ok, and that he was so understanding. You did the right thing hun. :) And I have yet to hear from her. She's afraid to even talk to me....
from idontpretend :
If it helps any, you make sense to me. I know this sucks. I really do. Just sit down with him, be as kind as you can be, be honest. You don't even have to tell him you don't like him. Just tell him that you thought you were ready for a boyfriend, but you were wrong. You're not ready. If you want to tell him why, go into as much detail as your comfortable with. Apologize, explain you're just not ready to have a bf, and hope that as much as it might hurt him, that he'll understand, and respect you for being honest with him. If he's a good kid, I'm sure he will. If not, well, noone can blame you for being honest with him. If they do, then they're ignorant. :P
from idontpretend :
I feel bad for your brother. This SUCKS. I think, I hope, maybe, I'm close to finally being able to let go of her. No more emails and stuff. It sucks having to move like this, but at least I'm getting out of this house. This house is filled with her. Every room. Every piece of furniture. Hopefully it'll help, escaping this place, that's filled so completely with her presence. Holy shit my heart hurts, because she doesn't even have the decency to help me with the car title. Just a lousy signature.
from twominus1 :
It's not really that crazy, but it's cool how you can be a twin while still having your own identy.
from idontpretend :
Teehee
from idontpretend :
That's just CRAAAAZZZZZZYYYYY!!! o.O
from idontpretend :
You're welcome. :D And I hope my advice helps in some way. I know how much it sucks, being in this kind of situation. *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Sorry if I was beating a dead horse with my last comment. :x And hoorah for honesty!
from idontpretend :
Hey, I just read your comment on my poem. Try not to let it make it harder for you. One reason why I hurt so much, is because she lied to me, day after day. I honest thought we'd be together forever, and after being together so long, the longer we were together, the more it tore me apart when she left. Your situation isn't quite the same. It's only been a week, and it's not like you've professed your undying love, or promised to never leave him, or expressed how much you want to have his baby. :( You're still in good shape. It's only been a week. Just be honest. You thought you were ready for a bf, but you're not. I don't know if you like him as a friend or not, but be honest, about how you feel about him. Like I said, lying to him, or dragging it out, will hurt him ALOT more, than just being honest with him now. Don't be afraid. Don't think about how you're hurting him by being honest with him now, think about how you're doing the right thing, and hurting him far less, by being honest with him now, instead of dragging it out, or lying to him.
from idontpretend :
Is that a song? Who sings it? Sounds like a good one. As for Shawn, all I can say, is be honest. Tell him the truth. He'll know if you're trying to bs him, and as much as the truth might hurt, it hurts even more when being lied to. And, if you're honest, at least then he might respect you for it, and you can respect yourself. :o
from idontpretend :
lol, that's what I thought you meant. You're definitely doing the right thing, instead of leading him on. I'm so proud of you. >.< *hugs*
from idontpretend :
If you need to take it slow, then take it slow. But if Shawn is willing to be your bf, is it really that bad, having him as a bf? Or are you really not interested in him? I mean, if you're not, then yeah, might be best if you weren't with him. But if you are interested in him, couldn't you be bf/gf, but just take it reeeaaaalllyy slow? :o I dunno, just curious more than trying to give advice. Do what's best for you. I know you will. ***hugshugshugs***
from twominus1 :
By the way I did my literacy test today too. You said you lived in Ontario, right? I do too, so we were probably taking it at the same time. What did you think of the paragraph questions on the second booklet? I thought it was so stupid we had to do two pages.
from twominus1 :
I don't mind, we were fraturnel. The only thing that was the same about us were our body structure, and our hair and eyes. But our faces were completely different. That's why no one confused us. Your dad sucks. lol. That's all I can say. I think you should tell this guy your problems before it's too late.
from lost-facade :
You're doing a lot better than me. I have some creepy freak guy who likes me, and that's about all. I'm sure he'll get over his shyness eventually.
from twominus1 :
hi, I'm michelle. I added you to my favourites. I hope you don't mind. I can't help you with your boy troubles. I've never had a boyfriend before. Sorry.
from idontpretend :
When? :(
from idontpretend :
Someone's got a boooooyfriend! I'm so jealous. I wish I could meet someone. :o
from idontpretend :
teehee >.<
from lost-facade :
It's very cute that he's shy.
from idontpretend :
*insert French joke here* :x
from idontpretend :
Hahahaha, you do what you gotta do. ;D <3
from idontpretend :
lol, he asked, it counts!!
from idontpretend :
lmao, so he finally asked you out? Hahaha. Sorry, I haven't been keeping up the last few days, being sick and all. :(
from idontpretend :
It's not strange, and I guess it's not awkward to me, because I know exactly what he's going through. :/
from idontpretend :
Well, you don't HAVE to love him, but it's good that you do. :D And that song probably reminded Josh of someone. I have so many songs that remind me of Julia, and they play on the radio all the freaking time. :(
from idontpretend :
These people honestly think that someday they'll find someone that they won't ever fight with, and everything will be perfect and happy. Those relationships are the ones that give me pause, because there's bound to be something simmering just beneath the surface. I'd rather face it, and deal with it, and fix it, than let it simmer, and eventually implode.
from idontpretend :
According to people like Julia (and possibly Laura), if a relationship isn't perfect, then it's not worth fighting for.
from idontpretend :
lol, why?
from idontpretend :
Yeah, I understand what you mean. But it would never hurt to ask your brother. If he doesn't want to talk about it, then he doesn't want talk about it. But at least then you show that you do care about what he's going through. :)
from idontpretend :
Yeah, love sucks. But don't be afraid to confront Laura, if you feel it's the right thing to do. You have a right to answers too. He is your brother after all, and if Laura hurt him, you have a right to know why too. :/
from idontpretend :
I've had friends like that. People that seemed to get in nonstop trouble, or continuously behaving badly. We see something good in them, even if it's buried. We see them as being human. We want to be their friend, in the hopes that we can influence them, I guess. *shrugs and hugs*
from idontpretend :
Then why do you insist on talking to Sam on MSN? :o
from dearkate :
I'll let you know when I reopen it.
from idontpretend :
You're so silly. o.O
from idontpretend :
You're alive and kicking aren't you? And no matter how annoying your vocal teacher is sometimes, you keep going! Gotta be a little strong at least. :o *hugs*
from lost-facade :
He's probably just too shy. But hey, you have the knowledge that someone [who is actually normal] likes you, which is quite satisfying in itself.
from idontpretend :
Hey, thanks for your last comment. It was really nice. You seem pretty strong yourself though. :)
from idontpretend :
You're right, don't force it. But just because he hasn't asked you out yet, doesn't mean he doesn't want to. I'm shy by nature, and I know how hard it can be to ask someone out, even if you really, REALLY like them. ;D
from idontpretend :
Hey, my brain's the same way! Stupid brain. *smacks himself in the forehead* And it might not be a good idea to surprise Shawn too soon. :x
from idontpretend :
Yay for making you laugh too much! And that song, Lonely People, is such a great song. :o
from lost-facade :
That's awesome! Go you.
from idontpretend :
Maybe you should partake in drunken writing more often, like Poe on crack or something! :o
from idontpretend :
Heh, yeah, maybe you were drunk when you wrote it. :x
from idontpretend :
Wow, that's pretty damn good.
from idontpretend :
Teehee, glad to be of service. :D
from idontpretend :
Haha, I'm sure you'll have plenty of stalkers. :x But that's what hot, sexy bodyguards are for. ;D
from idontpretend :
A fucking selfish pig, hahahahahahaha
from idontpretend :
Sweet, well, I hope you make it big. :D Just don't forget about me when you do. :o
from dearkate :
do you live close to your school or something s othat you can walk home for lunch? that would be awesome. they'd never let us go home for lunch. we only have 45 minutes.
from idontpretend :
Do you want to sing for a living? I remember you talking about that Cabaret thing awhile back.
from idontpretend :
Hehe, I know it's hard to, but try not to think about going to your vocal lesson. Try to think about how good you're going to sing in the long run. :o
from idontpretend :
Teehee, yeah, I'm definitely a guy. :x And I was just jokin' about the Advil thing. You know, being from another country and all. :o
from idontpretend :
Wow, you have Advil in Canada? :o
from idontpretend :
Hahaha, I read Romeo and Juliet a looong time ago. And in the 10th grade, our english teacher had us watch a movie about it, and in the movie we saw boobies, in school! :x
from idontpretend :
lol, we're so silly. :o
from idontpretend :
*hands you a towel* *blushes*
from idontpretend :
*blows really, really hard, trying to put the fire out!*
from dearkate :
yay for bike rides! :)
from idontpretend :
*lights a fire in your shoe to keep you warm*
from idontpretend :
lol, I thought the pic looked familiar, but I wanted to be sure. :o
from idontpretend :
Yeah, fuck cadets!! :x
from idontpretend :
You're an awesome friend. :D
from idontpretend :
That sucks about your friend Sam. You've probably hit it right on the nose. That was Julia's problem in many ways. I wonder if she's learned that lesson yet on her own?
from idontpretend :
I'm glad you're feeling better. It wouldn't hurt to get checked out though. They might be able to do SOMETHING for you. :o
from dearkate :
yeah, i like history. it's like a big story. although sometimes i don't like the history CLASS or the teacher/book and stuff we use...but in general i like history. :P
from dearkate :
I hate cooking too! But that's one of the qualities that guys want - at least where I'm from. Maybe I should move to Cali where the girls can just be pretty. :P Haha. And then when beauty fades, I can move! haha jk
from idontpretend :
Awwwww, I'm sorry you're so sick right now. Some people just seem to get sick alot. That must suck. :o *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Yeah, I think I understand what you're saying. It sucks when people don't understand what it is you're trying to say. :( *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Don't be too hard on your vocal teacher. He's just doing his job. And it's not a bad thing, when someone asks if you're ok. You're not required to tell them what is wrong. It's ok if you don't. Just don't punish them for wanting to help you. :x *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Ohhh, if she does have a problem, it's best to nip it in the bud as soon as possible. So let her bitch all she wants. It's good for her. :D
from idontpretend :
I prefer being called a geek myself. :D And it's good that Sam's parents have taken action to prevent her from being a deliquent or w/e. It would probably help if they sat her down and talked to her a little at least. I dunno. W/e works I guess. Heh.
from idontpretend :
Yeah, that's the tough part, trying to figure out if they're for real, or if it's a mask. Most likely, it's at least a partial mask. But who knows, maybe he IS happy she's gone. :/
from idontpretend :
My weekends going good I guess. My legs are killing me, because I've gone to the Orlando Megacon two days in a row, and I still have a pass for tomorrow. :o
from idontpretend :
That sucks about Josh. I know what he's probably going through. :(
from idontpretend :
Well then stop, and start telling yourself you can do it. Minus the cajun accent. :x
from idontpretend :
What're you being dumb about? :O
from idontpretend :
Yeah, but I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of feeling this way about her, I'm tired of still wanting her back enough to do stupid shit like that, that only hurts me in the end. I just want her to go away, in my head and in my heart. Forever. *hugs*
from idontpretend :
haha, I'm glad you had such a splendid day. *hugs*
from idontpretend :
I'm glad you had a good day. I hate it when people I care about are having such a bad time of life. *hugs*
from dearkate :
Hey we had no school today (VDAY) and got an early dismissal yesterday (the 13th) because of the bad weather! What a great way to celebrate the holidays! Hey, I hope you're doing alright. you haven't repsonded to my last note, so I just hope you've got it. No need to repsond though, just hoping you're doing alright. And don't worry about being single today. There are hundred of thousands of singles all around the country, and we'll all be watching 50 FIRST DATES tonight! :P
from dearkate :
Hey. I just read your most recent entry and I feel horrible. It makes me so frustrated when people compare everyone to each other. It's like we have to add up to something. I'll keep you in my thoughts, and I hope your week improves!
from idontpretend :
Heeey, you're no more screwed up than the rest of us, and that includes those who look down upon you. You're a sensitive soul, you remind me of me. You just have to learn how to not let people get to you. It's very hard, I know. I still have problems with it here and there. That's why I get so upset. :( Life IS good though. You just have to find the good things yourself sometimes. Hang in there. I'm thinking good thoughts for you. I wish I could do more.
from idontpretend :
I'm glad your weekend was what you needed. It's great when things workout like that. :D And that's great you're working out. I seriously need to join a gym, heh. Maybe it'd help motivate me a little more. I'm doing ok though. I can tell my body is starting to take shape. Just taking longer than I'd like is all. Heh.
from idontpretend :
Hey, what's up? How was your weekend? My was pretty good, for the most part. But now comes the sucky part. Monday. *sobs*
from idontpretend :
Seal - Crazy o.O
from idontpretend :
Heeey, don't judge your worth based on what other people think, especially when they're so ignorant to who you really are. :(
from idontpretend :
Haha, maybe it's something in the water. :x
from dearkate :
Thank you! :) That was an asignment for my English class. We had to write a certain way mimiking some writer .. haha I forget who it was though :P The story wasn't supposed to make sense until the end. :P I'm glad you liked it!
from idontpretend :
Wait, there's ANOTHER set of twins?? :O
from idontpretend :
Yaaay!
from idontpretend :
All I gotta say is, *cajun accent* you can do it!
from idontpretend :
Tell me about it. It's hard getting myself off my butt to workout.
from idontpretend :
We should workout together. I need a workout buddy. *pouts*
from idontpretend :
Haha, give it a break, don't watch it for awhile. You'll like it again. ;D
from idontpretend :
lol, one of those days?
from idontpretend :
lmao, I love A Knight's Tale. It's got a great storyline. :D
from idontpretend :
Yeah, I'm trying to get in the mindset now, that I don't NEED all that food. My body wants it, it feels good eating it, but it's more than what my body needs to function properly. I think I'm slowly getting it under control. :)
from idontpretend :
That's awesome you lost 8 pounds. I've all but cut pop out of my diet. Most days, the most I'll drink is one can or one cup. Sometimes I'll drink more, but not very often. And there are days when I won't drink any at all. I'm working on the rest of my diet too, trying to eat healthier overall, eating more salads and stuff. Yesterday, I even tried eating more, smaller meals, and it seems to make a difference. Helps kickstart your metabolism or something. I'm going to try and keep that going. Hopefully I'll really start losing weight soon. :)
from dearkate :
So I guess you're not into that whole Cinderella thing? ;P haha, just kidding!
from idontpretend :
Hehe, it's ok. I'm glad she came up to talk to you, and told you it had nothing to do with you. *hugs*
from idontpretend :
I hear ya. People don't make sense sometimes. :(
from idontpretend :
*gasp* Take it back, TAKE IT BACK!! That's just mean. :o
from idontpretend :
Oh, yeah, that just sucks when stuff you need to get something blah done just sorta, magically disappears on it's own. *nudge, nudge, wink, wink*
from idontpretend :
lmao
from idontpretend :
lol, me too. ;D
from idontpretend :
If I had been drinking anything, I'm pretty sure I would've shot it outta my nose when I saw your pic. Gahahahaha :x
from idontpretend :
I'm reeeeaaalllly glad that didn't sound creepy. :x And silly pics are fun!! :o
from idontpretend :
You got any pics? I glimpsed you in that video, and from I could tell, you've got the makings of a hottie. Er, for a 15 year old, that is. :x
from idontpretend :
Heeeey, I know I'm not in person, but you can talk to me about anything. And I hope I don't make you feel dumb. :( And people that act like they know what they're talking about, usually don't. :x
from idontpretend :
Awwww, I don't have anyone either. :( I'm so tired of not even having any real friends, at least, friends that aren't all a thousand miles away. It's so hard, when you feel so alone, as if you're the last person on earth, even when you're surrounded by people. :(
from idontpretend :
I know what you mean. It's weird though, because I can talk about myself all day online, but when I talk to people in person, it's harder for me to just talk in front of them. I dunno. :/
from idontpretend :
I'm sorry, I know exactly what you're going through. I've been through it myself, and I've known alot of people that have been through that too. You can talk to me anytime, about anything. I used to be a pretty good listener. I wish I wasn't feeling so messed up right now, because it makes it harder to be there for people.
from lost-facade :
I think I know how you feel.
from idontpretend :
Eh, just fuggedabouter.
from idontpretend :
I'm sorry. :( I'm lucky, I don't get sick all that often. But when I do, whoa. That sucks being sick so much. Get better, that's an order.
from dulligirl :
Get well soon. Having a fever really sucks.
from idontpretend :
You lost your voice? That's, uh, terrible... :x
from idontpretend :
yeah, the things we do to stay alive....
from idontpretend :
'night! I hope you feel better! *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Awww, I really hope you feel better soon. I wish there was somethin' I could do to help. *huuuugs*
from idontpretend :
That's messed up. :( I'd take care of you night and day!
from idontpretend :
Awwww, I hope you get better soon. I hate being sick. You should have someone waiting on your hand and foot, taking care of you. /pat
from idontpretend :
*runs around with his infinite basket of happy pills, throwing them at people by the handfuls*
from idontpretend :
I'm really glad you had such a good day. :D And I think it has more to do with life teaching something, than just school. School is a part of life anyway. Sooo, I guess both things taught you something. I guess. I dunno. I hope you know what I'm talking about, because I'm not entirely sure. :(
from idontpretend :
ohohoh, did you read my other entry? The one before the kick in the nuts one? :o
from idontpretend :
lmao, ohhhhh, did you show her what's UP? :o That happened to Julia, before we got together. This "friend" of hers literally ambushed her with a double date, didn't even tell her the guy was going to be there. And then, after that, the guy tried to talk her into smuggling drugs across the border. :x
from idontpretend :
Oooohhhh, sounds like Sam tried to ambush you with a double date or something. :o
from idontpretend :
Thank you for thinking so. :)
from idontpretend :
Oooohhhh, hey, keep your head up. No matter how hard things get, stay strong. Just because you are your father's daughter, doesn't mean you're automatically going to become him. :( Live your life, try to find happiness, but be aware of yourself, and the things you do that affect the people around you, and you'll be ok. I promise. *hugs*
from idontpretend :
What's that one thing you fear most in your life? :(
from idontpretend :
It's so hard moving forward. I had envisioned my entire life, with her. It's so hard imagining life without her, and it's been 6 months since she left. :(
from dearkate :
"this too shall pass" <-one of the greatest encouragements known to mankind.
from lost-facade :
I agree. I hate it how everything is centred around sex. It just complicates everything. And maybe I'm an old soul too, but 15 is way too young.
from dearkate :
To me waiting until you're in love with the person and married to have sex is the ultimate sacrifice (besides death). Just holding THAT long against such STRONG temptation is ultimate love to me. To me, that means that he loves me SO much that he'll wait for me. you know what i mean?
from idontpretend :
:( I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I feel much the same way. Sex is an important facet of life, but you know how people can be, especially teens. If it's a big deal, then they want to be a part of it, so they can feel grown up or whatever. No different than smoking or something. Doing it because it's kool.
from idontpretend :
lol, thank you very much. And yeah, that is a coincidence. Kinda scary. :o *hugsbackatcha*
from idontpretend :
Thank you for all the hugs. Even if they're not real hugs, they do some good. Even us big ol' tough guys need hugs and stuff. And I need 'em bad right now.
from idontpretend :
Awwww, geez. I wish there was something I could do to help. :( I have plenty of room here, but you are only 15. :o Soooo, yeah. I'm not sure what else I could do to help. Ya need someone to talk to, let me know, I'm here. *hugs*
from idontpretend :
That is backwards, from what it's supposed to be. I'm sorry. I've felt like that many times growing up, because my mother was so horrible to me. Right now, my world feels COMPLETELY upside down and out of whack. At least there's some part of your life that feels right. Everything feels wrong in my world. I envy you that much. :(
from dearkate :
It will be on itunes soon. The title is "A Different High" by Chaucee Stillman.
from idontpretend :
I don't get it, 'cause I saw that video clip you posted, and if I understood correctly, then I know which girl was you, and you certainly didn't look like you had a weight problem.
from drunk-rabbit :
Aww Toronto isn't all that bad, Humber College is practically in my back yard.
from idontpretend :
Awww, thank you, you're awesome for thinking I'm so kool. And for wishing you could take it all away. I wish you could. *hugs*
from idontpretend :
I hurt, Alex
from idontpretend :
No, it's not natural for everyone to get along perfectly well all the time. We're human. We have different personalities, etc, that clash at least once in awhile. It's not good to pretend that we don't.
from idontpretend :
I hate that. I hate when people are so intent on being happy all the time, they ignore the unhappy things. Which isn't healthy. For anyone affected by it. But it's up to you, if you want to push the issue with her. I tend to push it, because not facing whatever is wrong usually makes things worse. /shrug
from idontpretend :
My mom is like that. She's NEVER wrong. She's always the long-suffering victim. And I HATE it. I really rather can't stand her. But what're you going to do, besides stand up to them when they're wrong, and don't want to admit it?
from lost-facade :
I had pet mice when I was younger. They're actually pretty clean animals, you just have to change the sawdust a lot.
from idontpretend :
Lmao. We have to wonder why we do the things we do sometimes. ;D
from lost-facade :
That's so true. People don't grow, they just get colder. And Keane kicks arse.
from idontpretend :
lol, thank you. It's good to know I'm not completely out of my mind. :o
from idontpretend :
No, life shouldn't be so hard. People make it hard though. Everyone wants to be right. Everyone wants to be in control. Everyone wants to change the course of history, so to speak. Nobody wants to admit their wrong. They've got something to prove, even though noone really cares. :(
from idontpretend :
Yeah, people suck sometimes.
from idontpretend :
:O Wow, I'm sorry. That's a shitty way to treat someone. Especially if you were out in the cold so long, that you started having weird pains in your feet. That could've been the beginning of frostbite. Geez. I hope you don't lose your feet. :(
from dearkate :
Wow - that's cold (what chris did).
from dearkate :
Hahaha, if MY family had me cook for them they'd all be dead :: I can't cook very well. Although I HAVE improved in the last few years. My theory is: at least I try. :P haha
from confusedryan :
Thanks, I am too. I find it odd that people are reading what basically amounts to my diary...but well, it doesn't feel wrong. Anyways, thanks for caring, and I'm sorry I haven't written in a long time...writing sometimes helps me deal, but it's also painful, and draining.
from death-bloomz :
Amusing? I almost had a heart attack laughing so much.
from dearkate :
yeah we went back then. so you like the "jane be jane" one (black and white) better??
from idontpretend :
:D
from idontpretend :
Heh, gotta love teachers that don't know what they're doing. :x
from idontpretend :
Bad experiences how? And I was pretty busy with the holidays and stuff too. Kind of like my life was put into a temporary limbo. Now things are back in motion, and hopefully everything will be moving forward. :)
from dearkate :
Hey - can you tell me what you think of my new template compared to the one I had before? Which one do you think is better?
from drunk-rabbit :
Hey sorry for such a late reply...but Merry Christmas and Happy New Years to you too!
from dearkate :
Haha that's a strange comment below mine :P Never heard that one before!
from idontpretend :
Better a peacemaker than a widowmaker. :x
from idontpretend :
Gahahahaha, thanks, I appreciate that. :D And it is weird how things turn out sometimes. :o I'm off to bed, take it easy. :D
from idontpretend :
lol, no, you don't look horrible. You don't look anything like what I was expecting. :o Which isn't a bad thing! And thanks for the notes too. :D
from idontpretend :
No, I understand. And I've been there. Not so far that I tried anything, but life has sucked for me quite a bit. I know it's confusing, but in order to face it, you have to face yourself, and what you feel inside. It's hard, and it's gonna hurt, but it's what you gotta do to face it and overcome it. :( Oh, and you looked a tad bit cheesed in that video. :x
from idontpretend :
Maybe you need to face what happened, what you tried to do, before you can finally break through that wall. If you don't, then you'll be hitting that wall for a very long time. :(
from apathyascend :
Holy crap. Your likes: orange. Orange is more than a color, it's a way of life. Orange is the best, ever
from idontpretend :
Try buying him some Febreze :o
from idontpretend :
Yay for lazy days! WoohooO!
from idontpretend :
Belated Merry Christmas! I've been busy. :x And that sucks that you have that feeling of not quite perfect happiness in the back of your mind. I wish you knew what it was, so that you could banish it forevar!
from lost-facade :
A [late] Merry Christmas to you too!
from dearkate :
Oooo I like that movie too!
from dearkate :
Merry Christmas to you too! And thanks for using the comments at the bottom! :) Have a good one.
from thatgirlx :
Not going through with it doesn't make you a chicken, it proves that you are in fact stronger than you give yourself credit for. I don't know what provoked you to make such an attempt, but I've been in that position before (where suicide seems like your only option) so I know what it's like. If you ever want to talk or just need someone to listen, I'm here. Okay? ♥ P.S. I hope you feel better soon. (I've sick right now, too.) ((((hugs))))
from idontpretend :
:(
from dearkate :
What's wrong with hanging out with guys? I like hanging out with them more, because I'm kind of like "one of them" so they don't judge me on how I look all the time. And they definately dont backstab like girls do! But i have had trouble with my close guy friends ... they end up falling for me, which then creates a problem. But other than that, what's wrong with hanging out with guys? Or is she just totally ignoring her girl friends?
from after- :
Hi Alex!
from idontpretend :
*buys you a hard hat*
from idontpretend :
Well stop thinking that way. :(
from idontpretend :
lol, if people tell you that, then why don't you believe it? :P
from idontpretend :
Your problems are not nothing! If it bothers you, you have a right to speak up for yourself. You just have to keep at it, and remind them when they forget. :(
from idontpretend :
It's not sad. Lots of people are like that. I used to be like that. I still am to a certain extent. It's hard, I know. But if you can find the courage to open up to them and tell them how it makes you feel, I can almost guarantee you they'll listen. At least a little.
from idontpretend :
Say something to them! Tell them how much it hurts! And don't be afraid to cry..
from idontpretend :
Hehe, I'm just glad I can still make people smile. :)
from herdarlinsin :
I found you through idontpretend and read some of your entries. Even though you may think no one cares to read about the little things in your life or about the events of your friends, I still think you come off as an amazingly well grounded 15 yr old. Kudos to you girl. Mwah.
from idontpretend :
Have fun at your concert thingy. And nobody can ever fault you for speaking the truth.
from idontpretend :
omgtakeitbackyoulittlesnot!! :o
from idontpretend :
lmao, yeah, it sounds normal. You little stinker you. :x Gawd, did I just say that? :(
from idontpretend :
Haha, yeah, I know drinking a little rum isn't that big of a deal and that kids are doing alot more than just that. Hehe. :D
from idontpretend :
Bad twin, BAD TWIN! :x
from idontpretend :
You're 15 and drinking rum??? :O
from dearkate :
Yeah, it's the pine scent or something. She's not allergic to other trees - just pine trees. Oh well.
from idontpretend :
Awwwwwww, I hope you feel better soon. :(
from idontpretend :
Yay for friends!
from death-bloomz :
My darling, you never need someone else to be there to get totally smashed out of your face. An example of this is right now as I am sitting here with my fourth vodka and coke completely on my own (besides my cat who doesn't really count.) Tell your friend that you don't mind her having a boyfriend, and that you're happy for her but that it's not fair to forget all about you all of a sudden. x
from drunk-rabbit :
That sucks about missing the show. They are amazing live.
from lost-facade :
Yeah, I think Adam's song is one of the ultimate teen angst songs.
from idontpretend :
teehee, hey, you have a PS2! ;D
from idontpretend :
I can't wait to get my 360! :o
from idontpretend :
lol, you're too cute sometimes. >.< Yeah, I put that part in there, because I got tired of ignorant, close-minded people commenting on my diary in very negative ways. Boo!
from idontpretend :
lol, I don't know how many times I've cycled through the various stages. Hopefully this time it herald's the end of all this bs. And yay for hot chocolate! lol
from idontpretend :
teehee. :x And omg I miss the snow! :(
from idontpretend :
Haha, it got pretty cold for Florida last night. I actually needed to wear a jacket to keep from freezing my butt off. :o
from dearkate :
Thanks! I'm Sooooo happy :P haha
from idontpretend :
So how's the weather? :)
from idontpretend :
*whew*
from idontpretend :
It's nice to feel needed...
from idontpretend :
lol, no, no bubble-bursting here. ;D
from idontpretend :
It was a joke!!! :x
from idontpretend :
*whispers kiddie songs in your ear while you're sleeping...*
from idontpretend :
You're pretty much right, but the problem is that she continues to accuse me of not caring, and of wanting to watch porn more than being with her, or doing what I needed to to make her happy. THAT is the problem. I understand she was afraid. But I told her time and again, that she had nothing to be afraid of, that I wanted her to speak up. And she never did. And then she turned around and accused me of never caring. Hang in there though. It's good that you're there for your friends, even if they don't listen to you. Sometimes listening alone is enough to help, sometimes not. But at least you try. :)
from drunk-rabbit :
Yah I always found French class different in a sense. Did you know the children's song "Alouette" was about plucking off different parts of a bird's body. Oh that strange french humour.
from idontpretend :
lol, thanks chica. You always put a smile on my face. :D
from idontpretend :
Who's going to be reading it? :o
from dearkate :
you play guitar? for how long?
from idontpretend :
Yeah, I hear ya. :)
from idontpretend :
Yeah, I really like the new template. :D And people falling asleep in class = teh hilarious ghahaahahahahahaha
from lost-facade :
Nice template...
from idontpretend :
Hey, what happened almost a year ago? Did I miss something, or am I just being a dumbass? I have an idea from your entry, but I don't want to assume anything...
from dearkate :
i LOVE christmas shopping. well actually no i dont. haha i love GIVING the presents that I buy. and then wrapping them can be fun too - except if it's a ball in a box...because then the sides are round. grr haha
from idontpretend :
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, thank you! <333!
from idontpretend :
I appreciate you and your hearts and your hugs!!!
from idontpretend :
That's the way I used to be, the way I used to look at life. But I'm hurting so much, never hurt so much before. And feeling unwanted doesn't help. :( I'm trying to stay on top of my workout. If I can get my ass back in shape, that will help with my self-confidence issues. :/
from lost-facade :
I love that song! You got the Gary Jules version, right? It's the Donnie Darko soundtrack. My old dland template had the lyrics on it ["And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad, the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had"].
from dearkate :
I really like that song. Who sings it?
from idontpretend :
I love that song, it's one of my favorte songs ever, and it fits my life so well right now too. Have you ever seen Donnie Darko? It's an awesome movie.
from idontpretend :
Yeah, I wish I could just go to sleep, and not wake up until absolutely necessary. Maybe then I could hibernate my way through this heartbreak.
from dearkate :
it rained today. that's what your recent entry made me think about. when people write sad entries, i think about rain. but the thing is i think rain is so clensing. hmm. sorry - i'm rambling :P
from idontpretend :
lol >.<
from idontpretend :
I know she failed me too sweety, but I failed her first. I failed her worse, because I know better than she ever has, and probably ever will.
from idontpretend :
Thank you for your note. I needed that. If you read my latest entry, you'll understand why.
from idontpretend :
Yeah, I know. :( I still can't believe all the things that she promised me, and then completeyl turned her back on. I can't believe that anyone can do that to another human being, especially someone that I love SO much. Do you understand why I held on for so long? Do you understand why I hurt so much? :(
from dearkate :
so are you in a northern state or a lower province?
from idontpretend :
Thank you for caring? Hey, watch it buddy, I could say the same thing to you! o.O
from idontpretend :
Be careful with a friend like that. It's good that you're friend, because hopefully you're a positive influence on her. But don't ever let her drag you into something unsafe or that will get you in serious trouble. :o
from idontpretend :
I know, thank you. I wish there was something you could do too. :( *hugs*
from idontpretend :
That's just it though, when I was her age, I didn't choose to live in ignorance, and I never ignored my heart. :(
from dearkate :
yeah that makes more sense. so are our seasons like 2 months apart then (temperature wise)?
from idontpretend :
It came from this girl I WAS talking to. She was cold about what I'm going through. I let it slide at first, but tonight she pissed me off. Tried to tell me to calm down and get over it. I was so angry. :(
from idontpretend :
hahaha, blush away. ;D
from dearkate :
so you don't celebrate it when we do? because you updated the day of thanksgiving for us and it said you had school that day. i was confused - well still am. haha :P
from idontpretend :
Thank you, you're a sweety.
from idontpretend :
Apparently the guy she's with is better than me.
from idontpretend :
Haha, if you lived in America, you wouldn't be in school, because today is Thanksgiving! *gobble, gobble*
from dearkate :
hahaha thank you! do you celebrate thanksgiving??
from idontpretend :
Yeah, I feel like that so much right now. I feel like that everyday.
from idontpretend :
That's just it, I didn't make a decision. She hasn't given me a choice. :/
from idontpretend :
Snow? Saweeet!
from dearkate :
snowing in november?! *tear* i want snow so bad. aaahhahaha
from idontpretend :
I hurt so fucking much.
from dearkate :
wait - you know a person named Rachel Loveless?
from idontpretend :
I saw that! It was a really good episode.
from idontpretend :
Mmmmmmmmmmmm, cow poo. :D''''
from idontpretend :
Yay for fried brains!
from lost-facade :
I hope that things get better for you :)
from idontpretend :
Heh, yeah, it can always be worse to some extent at least. At least nobodies hitting each other in your family. That's something to be greatful for. :)
from idontpretend :
She threw the remote on the floor? Sounds like your family has a problem with anger and throwing things. Have ya'll tried going to counseling or anything? :o
from dearkate :
is Christina your twin?? I think that's the only sibling that I've read about in your diary - so I was just guessing :P I hope things get better for you! I know how that feels. There are 6 kids in my family and things can get pretty crazy around here!
from idontpretend :
Yikes! Gahahahaahahahahahahahha
from idontpretend :
Wow, what a night. :o
from dearkate :
I love Christmas. I've already whippped out my CDs and I started my christmas list for myself AND for other people a longgg time ago. Hahahaha. :P
from idontpretend :
*slaps a red hat on your head* Santa!! *hands you a list about 10 feet long* *hard stare*
from idontpretend :
Awwww, I just saw your description for my diary. :D *hugs*
from idontpretend :
Did someone say....home alone? *slaps his hands to his face and screams like a little girl*
from idontpretend :
lol. I'm gonna go see Bond, James Bond this weekend! WOot!
from dearkate :
yeah-i understand :) now that you've explained it i realize that i knew what that was :P haha. i think my friend said that he was a cadet.
from idontpretend :
Thank you. I'm dealing. Somehow. It hurts. Alot. But I'm trying to deal. :(
from dearkate :
i do not - what is it?
from death-bloomz :
Thank you! Hope you're well x
from dearkate :
your mom is a cadet?
from idontpretend :
Depends on your definition of fine. </3
from idontpretend :
Meh, if you want to get into Cabaret, then forget your sister. If you need a partner, find someone dependable. If you can do it without a partner, then go for it!
from idontpretend :
I know, but it's still insane.
from idontpretend :
Why does she punish me for her own actions? I hurt so much right now.
from idontpretend :
Can't you just ditch her? You've given her plenty of chances, and she's failed you every time.
from idontpretend :
Yes, you can do it, if you want it back enough, and practice hard, and lots. Heh. Follow your dreams. It's the only way you'll be happy.
from idontpretend :
It's scary though, because she hates herself right now. And it makes me wonder if she still wants to come back. :( And screw Chris. If she's repeatedly let you down like this, then fugettabouter.
from idontpretend :
That sucks when someone you depend on so much, lets you down so completely.
from idontpretend :
Haha, I love Halloween too. Hopefully I'll be able to get a really cool costume next year to scare the kids that come to my door. :D
from dearkate :
Happy Holloween!! Did you dress up this year?
from idontpretend :
Trust me, I know. :)
from idontpretend :
It's possible. :) Sometimes it just takes awhile to find it is all. Trust me, I'm talking from personal experience.
from dulligirl :
Pumpkin shopping and fudge eating! That sounds like some good fun!
from idontpretend :
lol, you are not a loser. I'm glad I'm not the only one that's stoked. I just wish she hadn't felt the need to remind me that there were no guarantees. That kinda took the wind outta my sails. Meh.
from idontpretend :
Woooooooohooooooooo for homework!
from dearkate :
haha, yeah i know what you mean. i have the same problem - although i can sitll fall asleep. i guess i just like sleeping :P haha. and i also don't watch horror movies for that reason - i wouldn't be able to do anything alone. haha.
from dearkate :
What can't you fall asleep when it's just you in the house?
from dearkate :
haha, i know! and this is the book report that I actually TRIED on. go figure. this doesn't really make me want to try hard again next time. haha. and karma is sorta like "you reap what you sow", right?
from idontpretend :
lol, you're not stupid. I make typos all the time. I reread everything, and try to catch them. But I guess there are just too many of them. :x
from idontpretend :
You're metal? Like Colossus or something?? :O Kooooooooool.
from idontpretend :
Hey, you have to remember, he's a CAT. :o With teeth, and claws. :x Maybe he was just having a bad day or something. :( It happens ya know? We had this awesome dog, very friendly, not vicious at all, but she would still have her moments when she didn't want to be bothered. Heh. So try not to let it get to you. It's an animal that isn't capable of using the power of speech to communicate. :D
from dearheron :
God, I am such a nerd.
from idontpretend :
Meh, I've felt like that much of my life. Eventually, you have to learn to stand on your own two feet and live your life for yourself and make life what you want to make of it. You'll get there. Sounds like you're working on it. :) It's kind of a work in progress, not sure if it ever really ends...heh.
from idontpretend :
Gahahahahahahaha
from idontpretend :
lol, ah, yes, the memories of my childhood live on in a new generation. ;D
from evangeline06 :
Yeah thanks, I hope things get better too. The sad thing is, I couldn't wait to get to work! hahaha! I do know one thing though. I will never sleep in a truck again. Way too uncomfortable. lol! Well, thanks for reading! ~Evie
from idontpretend :
It's not a bad thing to want to please people and stuff. You just have to learn to balance it with taking care of yourself. :)
from idontpretend :
lol, the Alex <3 kinda gave you away. ;D And one thing I learned along time ago, is that you can't spend your life trying to please other people. It's your life. Why should it matter more if they're pleased with your life, instead of you being pleased with your life? Just live your life to the best of your abilities, and you can't be faulted for it.
from dearkate :
yeah, that kind of stinks. Because i like when other people read it and comment....oh well, i might just never mention the music career and then no one might notice. haha, except for you and the only other person that has the password :P hmm, it's something to think about...
from idontpretend :
That entry, that song. I feel like that sometimes. When my heartbreak overwhelms me, I wonder why it's possible to feel so much, when the people you care about the most seem to feel almost nothing at all. :(
from idontpretend :
Yeah, I know it's a combination of things. One being that she's a very fearful person by nature. I think her mother is fearful by nature as well, because they seem to react to things the same way. Plus the stuff that's happened to her. She's had a very, very rough life. And it has, without a doubt, had a major effect on her. In the last few weeks, we've been talking, and she seems to be changing almost overnight. At least, that's what it seems like, based on the way she's talking to me. Sigh. I want to believe that it won't be long before she comes back. But it's so hard to believe, because she's so fearful. Who knows how long it will take her to come back, if ever. Sigh. How long can this go on?
from lost-facade :
I think I understand the bit about emotional/mental breakdowns, and feeling alone. Last time I cried in front of my mother I got yelled at. And the time before that. And the time before that. Parents seem to lose the ability to empathise.
from evangeline06 :
awww, I understand what you're going through with your mum. I'm having similar problems with my mother. The thing is, she thinks she understands you and everything you're going through because she was your age once, and all that nonsense, but you don't think the same way she did/does and that's what makes things complicated. *sighs* Sorry, I don't know if that made any sense at all...
from idontpretend :
lmao, tell me about it. Shoveling snow SUCKS, but Christmas just isn't the same without it!
from idontpretend :
I'm so jealous. I miss the snow. :o
from dearkate :
unfortunately, it's the way things go today. and i agree, calling your own child evil isn't exactly the way to say "i love you"
from lost-facade :
I sent a request to you for myspace... [Charlene btw just so you know who I am]
from idontpretend :
Gawd, tell me about it. Except that I can't even pretend to be happy most of the time.
from whatifgirl :
I like your default picture on your myspace.
from idontpretend :
Yeah, I know what you mean...
from idontpretend :
I am angry. I don't want to be, but I can't help it. She so obviously wants to come back, her heart has been telling her to come back this ENTIRE time, but she CHOOSES to ignore what her heart is telling her, and I really can't take it anymore. I know what you mean about needing your alone time. I'm like that too. But lately, I've had way too much alone time...
from idontpretend :
You're right, it's impossible to forget, when they still invade your life in even the smallest ways. If she doesn't choose, and soon, I will make her decision for her, because the only way I will be happy again, the only way I will truly live again, without her coming back to me, is to forget she ever existed.
from idontpretend :
I'm so close to not caring anymore if she picks me. Read my latest entry. You'll understand.
from idontpretend :
Good girl! I'm glad you learned that it's more important to stand up for yourself, than to be afraid of making people upset at you for doing so. As for Chris, have you tried asking her what's wrong? Sometimes you just have to be blunt, and ask the person flat out, "What is wrong? What is bothering you? What is making you unhappy?". I have no idea if you have or not, but if you haven't, it's worth a shot. :)
from idontpretend :
Thanks. :) My marriage was my life, and it devastated me when it ended. Even with all the problems we had. When I asked Julia to marry me, it wasn't something I asked lightly. :/ That's why, if she comes back, and comes back soon, I have to take that chance... I keep forgetting you live in Canada. Hehe. Happy Thanksgiving! I'm sure you'll think of something to be thankful for. :) Sucks about the bee. :o I'm guessing you're not allergic to 'em? *whew* Hope the rest of your day goes well. :)
from idontpretend :
Gawd, tell me about it. I went out a couple of times, to run some errands, but they didn't take very long. Meh. I've been busy around the house, but I'm bored outta my mind. I need to go DO something, FUN. :o
from idontpretend :
That sucks. I still love trick or treating. :o Haven't done it in years, heh, but I would, if I could afford a good costume. :D
from dearkate :
really? i find often that i write for the moment and when i review what i've written the next day i struggle to remember what caused those words. haha, wierd i know...but i feel like it produces better writing. even if it doesn't make sense to me days later. are you really a twin?
from idontpretend :
lol, gotcha. ;D
from idontpretend :
Oh, okies. Sounded like it was more serious. My bad. :x
from idontpretend :
Screw Chris. Stand up to her, like you stood up to your dad. Or not. Up to you, if you feel like fighting the battle. :o
from idontpretend :
I'm glad my note made you feel better. You always have the right to stand up for yourself, no matter who it is you're standing up to. :)
from idontpretend :
Good for you for standing up to your dad. You have every right to. Don't feel bad because your friend has it worse. What you're going through completely sucks, even if it isn't quite as bad. Keep standing up for yourself.
from idontpretend :
Wow, that.......sucks. But yeah, what can you do, when you TRY to talk to her, and she won't listen? At least you're trying. Maybe someday you'll be able to get through to her. Somehow, you can. Just gotta figure out how. :/
from idontpretend :
Ahhh, gotcha. I dunno. Maybe she was having a bad night? :o
from idontpretend :
Don't get upset when people are like that. Sometimes they're just shy or something. It's normal for some people. Being angry about it only makes it worse for them. I used to be like that...
from idontpretend :
Awwww, I hope you feel better....
from idontpretend :
Teehee >.<
from idontpretend :
lmmfao. No, really, lmmfao. You should write a book about the stuff that happens to you. It'd be a best seller. :D
from idontpretend :
Hehe, thank you for caring about me like that. :) It makes me feel good. But the fact that she called me, during the day for once, and that she was so upset because she thought today was the 2nd and not the 3rd, meant alot to me. It really did. I'm about to write an entry, and you'll understand why, I hope.
from idontpretend :
That sucks about your dad, and your right, he DOES need to grow up and start accepting responsibility for himself and his actions. Meh.
from idontpretend :
lol, thanks sweety. It's good to know I have friends. :) And no, it's not any different because I'm older. I'm healing though. Finally. She's talking to me again, and it seems like she's having second thoughts about why she left, but I'm trying to have fun on my own, meet some people. I practically have 2 gf's right now. :x Hehe. Nothing serious, and they both know we're not serious, we're just at the hanging out stage, have fun together, stuff like that. It's not all bad. Heh. Will she come back? Dunno. What'll happen if she does? Dunno. Either way, I'll survive. :)
from idontpretend :
:( I'm glad you have Sam...
from idontpretend :
Don't worry, I stopped waiting for her awhile ago. If she decides she wants to come back.....well, we'll cross that bridge if we ever actually come to it.
from idontpretend :
Amen Sista' Twin! Hallelujah!
from idontpretend :
Well, I'm glad you don't let it get to you like that. That's good. Don't blame you for being pissed though. Hehe.
from idontpretend :
Yeah, your dad was just being an ass. It's unreasonable to get mad at someone for turning on the tv. He's got serious issues, and I wish I knew what caused them, cause maybe then I could help you figure out a way to get him to stop being such an ass. :/
from idontpretend :
Haha, I hate it when my smilies get split into two when I post a note. :D
from idontpretend :
You always forget about me. :( And yeah, she confuses the shit outta me. :|
from idontpretend :
lmao, I'm glad he makes you laugh.
from idontpretend :
Yay for weekends!!!!!!!!
from idontpretend :
Nothing wrong with not wanting to be in a relationship, and just wanting to have fun. That's where I am right now. I have options, but I'm nowhere near ready to make any sort of decision, such as settling down with one person. Sigh.
from idontpretend :
I'm sorry sweety. Sigh. I wish there was something I could do. :(
from idontpretend :
Meh, I'm sorry. Parents really suck sometimes. :(
from evangeline06 :
Hello Alex! Yeah, I had to add you! You just seemed like a really awesome person and I love reading your journal! Anyways, I unlocked my journal. I thought it'd be easier to let things go if I unlocked it and leave it open for the world to view! lol! Well, not the whole world, but you get the idea! Sorry, I'm rambling now, so I'll get off. Bye! ~Evie
from thatgirlx :
That entry really struck a cord with me. It IS hard to move on, to let things go, to escape the past. It's hard watching those you've connected with fade out of your life. But I just want you to know, it's not your fault. People change, life moves on. You'll make new friends, one who will cherish you for who you are. And you'll end up better off than when you started. Keep your head up, okay? ♥
from idontpretend :
I'm so tired. I'm so frustrated. I forgive people for incredible things. And yet, they can't forgive me for the stupid things I do. Why? What is wrong with forgiving people? What is wrong with understanding them? What happened to "for better or for worse"? That doesn't just apply to husband and wife. People are supposed to stand by each other through thick and thin. Sigh.
from idontpretend :
lmao, sounds like they were calling random numbers or something. :D
from idontpretend :
You are a baaaaaaaaaaaaad girl! :x
from lost-facade :
I think friendships can last. Even if they don't, their impact stays with you for a long time.
from idontpretend :
Oh, and sometimes, if you're lucky, a friendship will last a life time. :) Sometimes people change though, and you end up drifting apart. It's sad, but it happens so much in life. I hope you're lucky, and have a friend for life. :)
from idontpretend :
I'm glad you understood what I meant in my last note. :) I love her to death, but I'm starting to believe that I'm holding onto a ghost. I think I've finally reached the point where I can move on with my life, and let go of her enough to stop pining for her, and hoping she'll come back. If she decides to come back, we'll see what, if anything, happens. But in the meantime, I'll do my best to forget about her.
from idontpretend :
Oh jesus, you sound like Julia. She thinks the same way you do about your past, only she thinks that way to an extreme. That's why we failed, because of something that happened. I'm about to make a journal entry about it actually, if you want to know what happened. :'(
from idontpretend :
Heh, I gotcha. I have trouble getting my weight down, unless I do some serious working out. It's worth it though, when I can stick with it, because when I really workout, running alot and stuff, I can get in really good shape. It's worth the burn. :D
from meganwaits :
Hey, glad you have you're friends. Sorry about the homework though. Stay positive.
from idontpretend :
lol, I'm glad I could make you laugh. :D And if you're overweight, it's nothing to worry about. It's something that you can change. I've always had a little bit of a problem with my weight. I finally started working out again a few weeks ago, and I can already see a difference. If I keep it up, in a month or so, I should be lookin' pretty good. :D Get out for a walk once in awhile. It'll do ya some good. Eventually, start running. Once you get good at it, you'll feel like a new person. :)
from idontpretend :
Come hang out with me!!!!!
from idontpretend :
Thank you, but I've lost all hope. I have no hope she'll ever understand what really happen. I have no hope she'll ever open her heart to me again. :'(
from idontpretend :
I'm sorry about you dad. I don't know why people are asses like that. :/
from idontpretend :
lol, it just means you like him. Not that you have feelings for him. Nothing wrong with sticking up for a friend. :D
from idontpretend :
Wow, you wrote "You" at the age of 12? I'm impressed, because it spoke to me, it spoke of my love for her, of the hope that I have FOR her, to find peace and happiness within herself, and the hope that I have, that she will come back someday. <3
from idontpretend :
I'm glad I could inspire you! :D Never be afraid to express yourself. :)
from tofalldivine :
I like it too. Your entry about your brother was an interesting read as well. Very poetic and I think that anyone with siblings relates oh so well. You undervalue yourself and it is too bad. I liked your song quite a lot and I hope you get the confidence to post more.
from idontpretend :
It wasn't bad at all. :) I liked it.
from idontpretend :
What's up with your brother? Sounds like he makes a difference in your life. :)
from idontpretend :
That's the only thing you can do, is try. And since you did try, you have nothing to regret. I will not give up knowing that I haven't done everything I could for her. I will not live with that regret.
from idontpretend :
If he cares more about drugs and stuff, then yeah, it's better for you to move on. Sometimes it's worth fighting for the one you love, sometimes, you just need to let go. It sounds like you've done the right thing. :)
from idontpretend :
Thank you. It helps knowing people care like that. It really does. <3
from idontpretend :
Omg, I just read your entry. That song, that song is exactly how I feel. She actually found that group online, told me about another song they wrote. I didn't know about this one. Omg, thank you. That song is me. To a T. :'(
from idontpretend :
Thank you! I'm glad I'm not the only one that believes she could come back. :'(
from idontpretend :
I don't know what to do, because she seems so unhappy, and yet she's so reluctant to come back. I just don't know what to do. :(
from idontpretend :
He has a record? :o Yeah, that will put a kink in anyones plans to join the military. Heh. I'm so glad I'm out. I don't regret it at all, it's just really difficult, even when we're not at war.
from idontpretend :
Thank you. :D I think she's absolutely gorgeous. She's an awesome woman. I'm lucky she ever loved me. Navy songs? Gah, I was in the Navy for over 3 and a half years. What's worng with him??!! :o
from idontpretend :
I'm sorry hun. That really sucks when it seems like people don't care. :( Life'll get better, especially once you're out of the house and on your own. Trust me. :)
from idontpretend :
That bites. :o
from idontpretend :
I sent her a message in WoW, and she replied. She said that she would check her email when she could, just not right now. She'd try tonight. I think because she's not ready to face me right now. I think she needs to recover from our last conversation. Which I understand. I'm just afraid she's going to hate me, for what I wrote her. I only wrote what I believed to be true, but she's so afraid of the truth. :(
from after- :
I just love the killers ;)
from dulligirl :
Hey, I bought Hot Fuss when nobody had heard of them! I like the Killers, even the songs that were made into videos.
from spiffle :
=O Happy Belated Birthday for the Saturday!
from idontpretend :
Glad you had a good birthday. Hehe, orange, nice color. :D That mp3 player sounds nice. :D
from idontpretend :
You're so lucky. I've had more than a couple of cavities in my lifetime. :o Heh. Happy Birthday!!! Wanna hear something kinda freaky? Her birthday is saturday too. :'( Hope you have a good birthday though! :D
from idontpretend :
She says she loves me. She still calls me by her pet names that she has for me. Last time we talked on the phone, she said that she missed me. If she didn't deny it, then I would say, without a doubt, that she's still in love with me. It's so hard for me to hold on, because I never know for sure what's in her heart. :'(
from idontpretend :
One thing I learned, a long time ago, is that it's far worse to just give up and walk away, than to fight for what my heart tells me is true. If I don't fight this fight, I'll regret it for the rest of my life.
from whatifgirl :
It runs through all our heads at one point. Just try and ignore it, and maybe you'll feel better. ~Shelly
from idontpretend :
I know, but there are extenuating circumstances. Normally, I wouldn't hold on like this. But there are reasons why I have. Sigh. I don't know how much longer I can or will though. Meh.
from whatifgirl :
yes, I do live in oshawa. I notice you do to. That's pretty cool, who know we may have passed each other before. I know how it feels to watch someone you care about destory themselves until their nothing. I had an old boyfriend who did that, if you haven't noticed that in my entry's. Just hang in there eventually you just learn there's nothing you can do. It all takes time. take care, Shelly.
from lost-facade :
You never really let go, because if you did you wouldn't be human. But after a while things slip away.
from idontpretend :
No, don't be sorry. It's nothing to be sorry about.
from idontpretend :
Oh gawd, I just read your latest entry, and you nailed what I'm feeling. Oh gawd, I'm crying again. :(
from idontpretend :
Thank you for your words. It's so hard right now. It's so hard to believe that I'll be happy again. I keep thinking about her, and where she is, and who she's with, and it tears me apart. And I know that I have to let go, because she's never coming back.
from after- :
Dont deprive yourself!
from starwhore :
I've put my mum through alot of shit in the past 5 years. Its not as though she has never been there for me. When I was hospitalized she did her best for me. I think the truth is shes just had enough of having to deal. I think the way she sees it, is im almost 18 and if I screw my self up then i have to deal with it myself. Shes a good mother, Im just a terrible daughter most of the time. Im in two minds about what I want from her, so I really cant expect her to do anything because knowing me, whatever she does will be wrong and I'll freak out. But thankyou for the comment, I think in time I'll read it back and something will click. Take Care. x
from dulligirl :
Rant away! I completely hear you about fashion and big girls.
from dulligirl :
That's a good attitude to have about money. My parents were never well off. Still aren't. So to have any extra money for new clothes was a bit rare.
from whatifgirl :
And why would I do that?
from ana-lucia :
I just read your weight entry. And I'm also one of those "solid" people. I want to lose a few pounds but I can't. This advice will probably not be very helpful but it's just pounds and nothing more. They don't define who you are no matter how you think of it. And I know probably a bijillion people have said this before but it actually is true. <3 Ana
from meganwaits :
Just keep in mind to be strong. Don't bring yourself down about your weight. Eat so you fuel your body. Just take care of you. You must be your best friend so you know how to be a wonderful friend with other friends. And you may listen to all your friends. But listen to you too. There might be certain foods that just make you more hungry. Like potatoes. I've found if I eat mashed potatoes (which I love)..I find that I want to eat more later(which I don't like). I'm not saying to completely avoid those foods, but keep in mind what some foods will do to you. There's always something new to learn about yourself.
from dulligirl :
It's your life so therefore it really does matter. It's so frustrating to try to lose weight at any age. Just try to be healthy and don't be so hard on yourself.
from bad-writer07 :
Hey, you don't know me because I just started this thing, but I just want to say that I do not find your diary boring. In fact, I like it. You and me are having the same problem. I am on a diet right now, have been for two months, and I have only lost a pound. I am even taking diet pills. It dosen't work for me.
from starwhore :
i dont comment here very often. but id like to say that thigns will work out. because things always do eventually. take care xox
from dulligirl :
Thanks for adding me. I want to know what scuba diving has to do with being a virgin. That's just weird.
from death-bloomz :
That's all? Haha, only joking. I totally agree, there should be more people like you who listen to a variety of genre's and dresses how they feel - not based on the music they listen to.
from megsworld2 :
Hey, thanks for adding me at 2 in the morning. Actually, I think its the hardest to keep friendships on going especially those from years past. Sometimes, I think I have better guy friends than girlfriends. I know I'm partly to blame. Maybe. Maybe not. Hang in there.
from megsworld2 :
Hey.... I've been warned not to go to PIRATES, but I still want to go anyway. Hope you get to see the film you want to see.
from whatifgirl :
Sorry meant to say *isn't pethetic*
from whatifgirl :
Trust me your life is pethetic, besides your only what 14? You have a lot longer to live before you can say your life is pethetic. Take care.
from eitakfletch :
first of all, it was no offense to you, i just wanted to see something new for a change when i opened up my notes page...second of all, i hate diaryland because i can never write good entries anymore, and it seems like every time i get on diaryland, im disappointed because a) no one ever writes, b) no one leaves me notes, and c) i can't freaking write a good entry. so i guess that pretty much sums it up. thanks for the note! :)
from seven-point5 :
hi! what a nice compliment. I added you back too!
from after- :
WHat kind of comments did he make?
from after- :
I've heard that song and love it as well! How've you been?
from dearkate :
I was a freshman and he was senior. I was too young. I was secure in myself ... but I wasn't secure when I was with someone else. When you're tied down to someone in high school you have to censor your actions. It's much better when you're single. Hard to believe it. But when you are secure in yourself and don't need another one to "complete" you (at least in your adolescent years) it's MUCH more attractive. later :)
from whatifgirl :
You should be more sure of yourself. Don't care what other's think, only what you think.
from whatifgirl :
You are only 14, you have your whole life ahead of you. Don't sweat the small stuff, and besides take it in stride. Relationships aren't all what they are cracked up to be.
from dearkate :
Why do you have to have a boyfriend by the age of 14? Just wondering
from starwhore :
you may. but do you mind emailing me at ikissyourmouthandback@gmail.com
from whatifgirl :
That's life. AS you get older it will seem to pas faster and faster. So live in the momment.
from after- :
Hmmm... well my advice to you is (not that you're going to take it, but if you do it's cool...) my advice is to LISTEN, actively listen and provide little feedback, and only feedback if it's asked of you. Most people just want to be heard, and apparently you're a good listenener. I feel the same way as you though, my brother is the favorite, and I'm the middle child. Every parent has a favorite, they're lying if they say they don't they just want to be fair and say they don't lol....
from after- :
I added you! And my sister is 13. Don't get too annoyed with your mom she's the one person that'll be in your life for a long time lol.
from after- :
Sorry i haven't been around in a while but I haven't forgotten about you!
from hippie-shit :
thank you for joining the notebooks diaryring. just wanted to let you know :)
from ana-lucia :
Hey, I wouldn't have added you if you didn't have anything interesting to say ;-) I hope that things get better with you and your mom & sister. Don't worry, I'm a daddy's girl too. <3
from dearkate :
I wish I had wrote it. Casting Crowns sings it (and wrote it). I love it too. :)
from dearkate :
Thank you. Very much. I'm glad :) Because some times I feel they are lacking.
from dearkate :
That's exactly what I did with my mom when we didn't understand each other and things were getting unberable. I wrote her a letter. That way I can review what I've written and make sure to take out anything that doesn't need to be in there. That way I don't say things that I don't mean to say. Thank you God for language!
from dearkate :
In case you haven't noticed, I've locked my diary. The username/password is: guest/visit ... just in case you were wondering. Have a rockin day!
from tofalldivine :
Nah, that's not so weird. It's a good way to do it. Just continue to cut back on the junk you consume and take the time you would eating to ride a bike or play DDR or whatever. I lost like 30 pounds that way.
from after- :
Good, everyone should feel wonderful once in a while!
from after- :
I say you're only as young as the wisdom you carry...
from after- :
Are you really just "ok" with it?
from death-bloomz :
What? Protege Moi? It's by Placebo ^^
from dearkate :
Glad to help! Let me know what you think of it if you ever read it. :)
from after- :
Well the fact that you're ABLE to write songs is awesome to me, because no matter how hard i tried I couldn't!
from after- :
You write songs? That is 100% awesome!
from after- :
I believe you :)
from lovelindsey :
chin up. the world is a big place and it's only a couple more years before you can spread your wings and fly away.
from after- :
Hey Hon, everything you're thinking about is completely normal, or at least that's what I tod myself when I was going through that ;) I wanted to let you know that this is my new diary, TTYL ;) -Formely known as Somstar
from somstar :
I know exactly how you're feeling, because I was in a rut like that for almost 3 years, and I started to get very lonley and depressed as no one saw what I saw and could love what I love, but luckily for me, someone came and saved me, and maybe one day we'll be married, but I wanted to let you know that I know exactly what you're going through, I wish I could help (((many hugs)))
from wait4you :
Hey, thanks for the note :) High school is hard, but I guess the only things that get me through are quotes like that, and the fact that I'll be gone in two years. I just gotta learn to deal with it, you know? Anyways if you ever wanna talk just IM me. --McKenna
from somstar :
That's life, growing up and growing apart, as sad as it may seem.
from tofalldivine :
Thanks for the add. I really appreciate it. I got a chance to read through your diary and really enjoyed it. It is nice to see some fresh blood on here sometimes.
from quinnchuck :
hey!, add away! im not on diaryland much anymore, actually i havent posted on diaryland for a good sold 2 months i think but i will try and keep up! have a good one!:)
from somstar :
Awww (((HUGS))))
from dearkate :
Thanks for adding me! I appreciate. I will read around...but I haven't had the time yet. Too much going on. :) Have a good one!
from somstar :
Thanks for the add, I shall return the favor :) I liked Grilled cheese too
from somstar :
thanks for joinging the ryan gosling diaryring!
from onewetleg :
Thank you for joining my weekender's diary ring. Welcome to diaryland, it's a great place to be. I write at blogger now, but I was here for almost four years. Take care of yourself and keep writing! love, jj
from starwhore :
well I think its polite to add someone back when they have added you. Besides, maybe you are more interesting than you give yourself credit for.
from starwhore :
well hello there. you added me so along i came to check you out. take care. oh and i added you back of course. ♥
from nopoetry :
thank you... your words are sweet and to say that mine are poetic, is undeserved flattery. but thank you nonetheless. take care, love. ~emilee

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