DiaryLand members area

You have nothing to be embarrassed about. But I understand what anxiety feels like. Breath lovaliss. It becomes a safe space by you asking for it to be safe.

from cannet :

I hope you know there's nothing wrong with you for having grief that doesn't end neatly or conveniently or (sometimes) at all. That's been my experience as well. But I'm glad you're living for you. Love you A.

from lovaliss :

I forgot about the notes section on this! I just found all of your lovely messages. xoxo

from whitepants :

I am appreciating your entries so much. I wish we could have a nice long talk.

from cannet :

always impressed by how thoughtful you are. loved this entry about d. it's nice to know (and love) a brother & sister

from whitepants :

Damn. I wish I could be even a fraction as articulate in this comment as you were in that entry. It was powerful to read. I have a lot of other thoughts, but mostly thank you for sharing. Also, and maybe this is weird since this is such a personal subject but it is also compelling writing, and I just saw something for a writing contest having to do with death. Here is the info-- http://www.dyingmatters.org/finalchapters

from cannet :

glad to have you back sista skinna

from jpop :

i made that part up to make the story sound better!

from passthison :

i cannot even view your REAL? blog. man life is the worst. i love you

from jpop :

300 was really good, but i had just been so stoked on seeing it since like 3 months ago, and had seen the preview so many times that it kinda wore off on me. but it was still very visually stimulating, the preview kinda shows all the good parts though.

from miobravo :

of course diarreah is going to be worse than solid matter! i used the article as an example. i have another testimony right here from 2 of my coworkers that they also know that a microscopic spray of water rises several feet when you flush the toilet. and anything that might be in that water is dispersed into the air with the spray. try flushing while you are sitting on the toilet, see if you feel anything spray up at you.

from cannet :

i think about people like that too, and i liked your letter for thought

from kindbegger :

lovaliss, i agree whole heartedly about jordan and how provo was back then and etc. i wish i could have relived that night with you and chaunte.

from msea :

i loved problem child! and, i seriously thought it was okay to fake being sick once a week. i kept doing it until one day a 5th grade teacher grabbed my arm really hard and grumbled, "what is wrong with you!? No one gets sick once a week!"

from dalinography :

i like the word "shyster".

from jpop :

brokedown palace is good!

from miobravo :

didn't you also watch robin hood and spiderman?

from jpop :

also, i made up the story about the do-whops!

from jpop :

i don't think you should be so hard on yourself for where your at. you will probably be forever like that, at least to some degree, for we will be the same people later then we are now, just "more mature." so be cool with yourself man!

from jpop :

as is life, so are we.

from dalinography :

i think sometimes i am too easily influenced by the people i'm around. sometimes i feel like there are a lot of different versions of me. i'm not talking about drastic differences though. maybe this is normal, or maybe it's just part of growing up and doing the "who am i" thing. and there is more to this but it would take too long to explain here. lately i've felt i've had complications with the fact that everybody likes me. it seems like a blessing but i think it can also be a curse.i wish i could just disappear and come back as someone else and be just the person i wanted to be, then no one would have expectations and they couldn't derogatorily accuse me of changing or being different than i was.

from paperfriend :

when you described your week you forgot to mention i sent you a text last night.

from paperfriend :

if you go back on your mission i will go back on mine.

from paperfriend :

i love the term cool beans. i have been trying to use it lately.

from jpop :

i really like dashboard. also, some people struggle with being fat!

from jpop :

no!

from adelie :

Motto for 2007: "We Deserve It."

from jpop :

why did you not leave a message on my phone the other day?

from dalinography :

or there was that time when you went to church and hitler was giving a talk.

from freesey :

I love NPR, I say go for it!!

from jpop :

i think if anyone is truly talented their voice will be understood by those who are also talented. whoever doesn't understand is dead to me.

from whitepants :

Yeah that should be fine. We still need to move Courtney's stuff out of her room and into her new apartment for her anyhow. And my parents know the rent is coming late...I'll explain the rent situation to you once you get here anyhow.

from whitepants :

Hey duderetta, when are you moving in?

from kindbegger :

i love you, lovaliss. i love you, boysordeath. i am thankful that you expressed what you were feeling, even if it came from down in your butthole (or something like that). i can't wait to see you and to be roommates and to say "fuck off" to lots and lots of boners out there.

from thegorbott :

fading memories can be written on paper! then your babies can have them too!

from adelie :

do you think you are in love with jp?

from paperfriend :

you love j.p. haynie so hard!

from kindbegger :

thanks for joni mitchell's words. she feels us, man! she feels what we feel!

from jpop :

YES THE NUBER IS THE SAME. CALL ME!

from jpop :

ARE YOU NEVER COMING BACK TO LA? DID YOU KNOW I HAVE BEEN HERE FOR A WEEK?

from mymess :

um,,,, good men and good sex really go hand in hand. i swear. but i mean you did not hear that from me..... nope.

from cannet :

i really never knew that song was about an abortion! it seems to make more sense

from paperfriend :

what a funny fear!

from whitepants :

I've always thought "grey" was a much more romantic spelling than "gray." But then I was never in love with someone with the last name of Gray.

from whitepants :

I'm glad you will be back in Utah, especially since I didn't get to say goodbye to you properly!!! Now you can teach me how to do my makeup so beautifully (Spencer complimented me on it, by the way. He noticed and loved it.) and we can have sleepovers and eat bon bons and live the good life!

from mymess :

hey alissa, i understand what you are going through. i am sorry. things can get better, i think. if you need someone to talk to who has been there and has figured out how to feel a little better, let me know. georgianna is also good for that, are you friends w her? we both got sorta into buddhist philosophy (independently of one another) a while back and it helps.. alan watts wrote some books that are good because he understands western culture 9he is american) but writes well about eastern philosophy. i bet others do too... but yeah, make sure and make time to help yourself. and do what you want. ok? ok. much love.

from jpop :

alissa was that entry really weird or is it because im high? you tell me!

from thegorbott :

i agree with my friend jpop. i was nothing more than a sack of skin filled with meat and bones for more than a year after i got home. i could not get anything done. but things will get better! no joke!

from paperfriend :

i think the solution to all your problems is simple FOOD STAMPS!

from jpop :

alissa, after mission time is hard. i think you will find it to be hard for upwards to a year. at elast to full adjust. that does not mean it will not be fun, mission jsut make one socially retarded for however long they are there. but life gets better! i am serious!

from paperfriend :

you should move to utah and we can be roommates. wouldn't that be so weird? we could tell each other the world's perviest stories and do each other's laundry.

from hold-it :

hooray!

from sevenflowers :

did you get your stamps? is jeff still drunk right now?

from jpop :

alissa i am listening to morgan. it is making me feel crazy. i am also drunk.

from jpop :

alissa, try not to move from la untill i get there, we can like, go to the beach man!

from paperfriend :

it is different everywhere, but they will probably just give them to you. you don't need much proof. i bet it is pretty easy in california. you know, liberal.

from paperfriend :

hey. i bet if you went to wherever they issue food stamps you could get them right away. you could probably get several hundred dollars and be eating the most delicious foods every night.

from jpop :

i will surely take a password! [email protected], but you already know that. i too have a secret jounral that i have only let hannah graves read. and i think chris. it was earlier in the year and very depressing, i dont really write in it anymore. i actually think i forgot what its called. did you tell john i am sorry again?

from lovaliss :

Dear Babe: Yes, sometimes I think I'm too honest about how I feel on the screen/paper and regret it later on, then sometimes I think, "NO, this is how I feel! Living is feeling! WRITE!" And I don't mind at all. However, I do have a new secret, super sexy, journal that I write all of the "unsafe" things in. You are one of the few of my friends that I wouldn't mind reading it. If you want a password I'll give it to you.

from jpop :

i sometimes wonder what is appropriate or not to write in diaryland. sometimes i write too honestly and i regret later (that drug entry a few back). other times i am mad at myself for not writing MORE openly. i think a lot of it has to do with knowing how people are going to percieve things. i would write a lot more detailed if i knew only a certain few (that would not criticize, people i know who would not) were going to read them. hows socal man?!!

from cannet :

dont give up/dont give in. there are other places james taylor baby. ps. it makes me cry every time i hear i always thought id see you again

from hold-it :

i want the password if you put one on. i want to visit already and i hope you get the loft!

from adelie :

is everything okay???????

from cannet :

i want a password too! thanks for talking at 4 in the am. you are driving across the country with a new love and i am wishing you well.

from whitepants :

I wouldn't mind a little ol' password, if you lock this sucka up.

from kindbegger :

hello duh doi freakout doin' whatever i want with whomever's nards i want the password.

from hold-it :

i am so happy for you (kind of) john garlock is a babe

from kindbegger :

you did not freak/phreak me out, pervy alissa! i was just super self-conscious in my super ugly pajamas and dirty socks and zit under my nose. i love you more than my hand on evan's nards.

from jpop :

i know something about john that you might not know. but i seriously will never tell you, unless somehow, someway it got brought up. but it won't be by me.

from jpop :

i think addressing sexual tension (by addressing i mean totally doing anything sexual with someone) solves a lot of problems with people who are interested in each other. in good ways.

from dalinography :

it's me your brother! i just made one of these. i don't know how much i'll use it. i didn't know you were moving at the end of this week.

from jpop :

we almost dated?! are you really dating john garlock? is that we you are moving back? did you know i am dating someone? THE COLBY STEAK.

from jpop :

i like to think that we don't have to start new lives, but that it is just a continuation of one life. it makes it seem less depressing. but it is hard to not feel that way. but the mission is definately one of those things that can divide up a life. to me, there have been four phases: pre-mission, mission, post-mission, real life.

from cannet :

congrats baby babe! keep us posted on the life and happenings. try not to be scared of newness (i can say this even though i always am.) life is an adventure; just what we make of it!

from hold-it :

this is really exciting! I hope that you have so much fun. let's talk on the phone and come back at least once before you go!

from mymess :

seems like it might be awesome. that area is really pretty, i don't know about the specific town but the coast there rules the schools. ALSO, there is a little wings track on his newest album that jokes a lot about avila beach. so hm that is fun.. what is your e-mail? maybe i can e-mail it to you sometime.

from mymess :

hi alissa! i have some friends in san diego.. i am not sure there is much going on there right now but maybe that is ok w you. all i know is they feel like abandoning project. you know the cities that community-oriented counter culturey people feel like leaving? it might be one of them. but it might not. and also, sometimes i like living in places like that bc they need help and i feel like i can make a difference sometimes.. (aka las vegas). i loved swimming there though last summer. i almost drown in the rip tide but it was awesome anyway.

from jpop :

alissa i don't think you are a freak! is it weird to see me write about how i just want to get high and drunk with friends? i bet you don't think so, that is why you are not a freak! it is funny that you feel more comfortable with your family then friends, for me it is the opposite. i am the freak. not. we are normal!

from jpop :

i think missions should be more encouraging if people want to go home or not. so much emphasis is placed on serving the full two years, but to me, even if someone just goes out for a few months, is that not better then not going? like seriously, people can only do what they can do, so making someone stay in a place they don't want to be in is often more detrimental. but then again, how does one know what is truly right for them? anyway, i hope in the future there is not so much emphasis placed on missions, and that if someone where to go and want to leave early, that there would be no harsh criticisms of that person. life is hard enough.

from thegorbott :

being "grown up" is no fun, but it gets easier with practice. at least more tolerable.

from jpop :

IT IS TOUGH BEING A WOMAN.

from jpop :

coming home from the mission is like the best feeling in the world, getting to do whatever you want, when you want, and how you want, not worrying that someone will be there to disagree with you and/or be lame/.

from panzuda :

welcome back.

from hold-it :

be excited about going to the temple with me!

from paperfriend :

you can be excited to come home and try and convert me to the church. then i will try and convert you to my church. i am going to start a church.

from hold-it :

i am bad at going to the post office! i am so excited to see you! i will make you delicious room temperature pudding for you!

from saintjeor :

Sweetie, my daughter Heather, Meggie's sister had chronic fatigue during her jr. high days and had a hard go of it - back then people and doctors did not believe in the 'yuppie disease" of chronic fatigue. It is very real and they now know this. You'll be better and you have done well and the Lord is pleased with your efforts. See you when you get back to happy valley. Marianne

from jpop :

sometimes people can feel sick (in various parts) and still maintain happiness. i i really dom't think you are inadequate at all. i know you were/are a good missionary, that is what really matters. how you treated others. i love you.

from jpop :

alissa, you are comming home? when? does that mean we are getting married?

from saint-erin :

alissa, i miss you. i hope you are feeling better. you are so great! i have big news... i am getting married on october 20th in the salt lake temple! let me know your address and i'll send you an invitation. i love you!

from thebid :

dear alissa, i completely relate to you listening to seven swans on repeat. also, one of my dearest friends actually just returned early from her mission to hong kong because she was pretty much not sleeping at all. and it was totally depressing her and she was just not really functioning at all. it's interesting to me the similarities in your experiences. (tho i'm sure many things are different). i'm glad your listening to brother stevens. i sent those cds to my friend in hong kong, and she listened to them all the time as well. none of this note is really very encouraging and is maybe only midly interesting, but i thought i'd tell you about these uncanny parallels anyway. i'm glad your dad is ok. we all have these hard things in our lives we think we can't possibly endure, but then we do. i moved to boston a month ago and today is the first day that i feel able to cope with everything. and this after yesterday feeling like everything was impossible and wrong.....yes, He moves in mysterious ways!

from cannet :

sister skinner! 5 mos and you're back! <3

from hold-it :

i am sad i didn't' get your letter. i'm sending you one...

from kindbegger :

i can't believe you only have five months left. i haven't forgotten one single bit of you and am anxiously awaiting your return. i love you, alissa. i hope things getting better and less stressful and etc. etc. mathematics et cetera.

from hold-it :

can we go to the temple together and tell weird dirty jokes afterwards when you get back?

from thegorbott :

my sentiment is that being scared to come home only makes you a normal person, not a wuss. i was scared out of my dog breakfast (aka brain) when i was about to come home. and for good reason. when i left both my parents were single and when i came home they were both married. one to someone i had never met. needless to say i needed some adjusting time. i feel like after i was adjusted to a "normal" day to day schedule i was better prepared to spend time in familiar social circles etc.

from hold-it :

my mom would love you

from virtu :

Man. SUCH a good last entry (5/31). You really are a missionary. I mean, for people that you probably aren't even expecting to touch--me. Thank you for affirmations in what so often seems to be an affirmationless world.

from hold-it :

i don't know who tntetc is...but i feel really sorry for him. perhaps he needs more time? alissa i am so glad you've learned so much. i really enjoy reading your diaryland...even though it's against the rules? we love sister skinner! love, mr. and mrs. seawright (we're married!)

from tnt692000 :

I can see your point of view and agree with you for the most part. I'm not saying I'm totally happy and content because I'm not. I still have many problems. But every time I went to church, my life got even worse! That's actually the main reason out of many I stopped going to church. Throughout my entire life, from when I was a child, to my mission, to now, my life gets MUCH worse when I try and do ANYTHING with the church. So, I finally just decided to bag it. I figure, if God's not gonna help me out, or totally abandon me when I do my best to be religious then screw that. So basically what I'm saying is. Don't count out not having the church in anyone's life as a good thing. Like I said, even though I don't think I'm as happy and content as I could be. Things are MUCH better then when I was active.

from ellamae :

thank you

from ellamae :

thank you

from thegorbott :

i like your last post. in writing there is a first second and third person point of view. i think as a missionary you are a fourth person point of view. you see all sides of all situations that you are involved in. i like what you said about freedom being viewed as a lack of restraints. Igor Stravinski, a brilliant pianist said "The more constraints one imposes, the more one frees one's self." he was referring to musical composition, but it applies to the composition of our lives. well played sister skinner!

from passthison :

girlfriend, i am not even in freaking new york! i was there for 5 days or so. as of now i am provo. but i am only here for 5 more months, and then poof! i'll dissapear, and everyone will forget me! maybe some people will remember me? anyway, you get back in december right? well, then there is still enough time for you to move to sydney with me! cheers mate! xoxo

from cannet :

if you were here right now i would hug you

from passthison :

come home!

from hold-it :

that is so awesome. lonnie sounds like a wonderful man.

from troymccool :

Wow, your writing is so honest and moving. Not that you need or want anyone to say that but I mean it. It's very comforting to me. It lifts me up and sends me forward. Truth.

from automatos :

I really liked your last entry. Love, Courtney.

from hold-it :

i am so glad you are on a mission too

from paperfriend :

alissa, this girl looks exactly like you: http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=3431021&imageID=519965695&Mytoken=1092E757-DD80-C3A7-1FA8807EDC90142510524017 and i think she also has sleep paralysis

from paperfriend :

you should look it up. people often see demons or goblins in the room, or sitting on their chest. and feel a feeling of darkness.

from paperfriend :

that is actually very common. it is called sleep paralasis and it has all the attributes you described, ,the pressure on the chest, the fear, the feeling paralyzed. it has been researched in clinical settings. it is totallhy biological.

from tnt692000 :

You can love me or hate me...but I think I still do a lot of good within my capacities. Brilliant! That is EXACTLY how I felt about my mission. You are absolutley brilliant!

from msea :

weird... i thought i already left a note about this. Ol' cockerham is a friend of the family. Our mothers were roommates in Washington DC (i think) and they are still friends. When we were kids my family would drive out to Albuquerque to visit his family. Once I stayed at his house for a week, after he had moved to utah, and his mother made everything out of beans, even bean fudge! I though it was weird then, but I'd be more interested in bean food now.

from chrisalmond :

seriously, how did max know about that guy?

from gigihodges :

alissa i liked this last entry. i am sorry i dont write you or email you more. i am sick of this electronic prison i have gotten myself in.

from msea :

You know how every mission has some funny office missionary that's always in the office and the office becomes part of his personality... and that missionary is usually curly haired and has a funny name like Elder Cockerham?

from jpop :

alissa if you were here right now i would probably marry you.

from jpop :

alissa i am so so so tired right now

from thebid :

dear alissa. you may not remember me, but we met once or twice at an andrew coy poetry night summer before last. it was right before i moved to indiana. we talked about teaching ESL b/c at the time that is what i was going to study in grad school. i worked with chaunte and andrew in special collections and taught them how to make a book. oh, i'm christina. anyway, i enjoyed your writing so much then (what you read from your journals?) and just wanted to let you know how much i like what you write about your mission. i think you write with clarity that i am a bit low on right now. i particularly appreciate your last entry so much. you touched on some things i've been thinking a lot about and articulated them in a way that really made sense to me. so even tho i'm not in nebraska, count me as someone whose life you have touched for the better. (and sorry this probably seems cheesy or whatever, but i am just uber-sincere and earnest by nature. i can't help it.)

from hold-it :

are you awol sister skinner?

from mymess :

HEY if you want to join my villiage you should. in a few years the villiage will begin. we are going to build houses and farm and stuff. i guess we can do it in europe or wherever, but i want a temperate climate.

from luityler :

alissa, t's not human nature. i don't think. it's american nature. or western nature. or the nature of the rich. i don't think it's human nature.

from hold-it :

my mother loves your diary. me too. and i have not seen a letter in oh so long! it makes me sad.

from mymess :

hi alissa, my 8 or 9 or 15 or 18 yr old self would be sort of appauled with my current self, probably really terrified. but i also feel like if those selves knew everything i know currently, they would completely understand, and probably think i was cool. i'm glad integrity is a value taught in the church, often overlooked by members but important for people like me, you, luke, jeff or chris, in different degrees. what you really feel is right will bring you the most happiness if you follow that. i think. good luck deciding what to do. take care.

from paperfriend :

alissa. if you ever want to talk about what it was like coming home from a mission early you can send me an email at [email protected]

from luityler :

hey i just noticed that you had responded to my question after i wrote those notes! i need to add your diary. i think you should think a lot about what you said towards the end, "it's something I decided I wanted to do when I was 9 years old, and I said I'd do it, so I am!" i think that is why i went on a mission. i don't even like talking to other people and i would never make a good 'missionary' but i went anyway because i had told myself my whole life that i would go on a mission because i had been told my whole life (from the time i could understand language) that one day i was going to go on a mission. i think that is why this church is what makes the most sense to us. even when we see the politics and all of the bad parts of it, we can ignore that because it is so ingrained in us. our brains, from the time they can form thoughts are thinking, "i'm going to go on a mission" "drugs are bad" "sex is bad" you must realize that drugs aren't bad, if you have ever tried anything like mushrooms. but it still makes sense to you that drugs are bad and that the lds church is true because it's all you've heard every every sunday, and other days throughout the week for your entire life. sorry for all of this if it makes you mad. i think i'm just trying to help. you said you felt like you wanted to come home. i think if you feel that way you probably should. missions are emotionally abusive experiences, although it seems like you are not letting it get to you. it got to me. i think my mission was the single worst experience of my life. i had never wanted to die before my mission but towards the middle of my mission i became severely depressed and thgouht of jumping off busses in heavy traffic every day. but that's not like me! ask anyone who knew me before my mission. i used to be such a happy guy. and i'm getting back there. i'm a happy guy these days, but it has taken a lot of work. if you want to come home, i think you should. i hope this doesn't make you mad

from luityler :

i mean has 'no' room

from luityler :

and through missionary work it is turning other cultures into ours. it has not room for other cutures inside of it. they all become like us

from luityler :

alissa, the church hasn't 'become exclusive and culture oriented' that is how it started. that is how it's always been. it even tries to make ancient america's history into western culture.

from tnt692000 :

i felt the exact same on my mission. i think how you look at life is very refreshing and great. keep writing! i love it!

from jpop :

alissa this entry was good!! i did not get bored!! wel, the alexander story a little bit but i still read it. the main paragraph was the best part. if you come home early alissa i wont think any less of you. honest. this is not me saying you should come home or stay. i was just saying that we are still friends no matter what! alissa what is up? that is interesting about your mission president. and it is also interesting how much people will say the mission is the end all (this goes along with the quote about your mission president being second to your father). for some people he will be, for others not. for some the mission will be amazing. for others not. i am lucky to have had a positive experience with my mission, but i realize that the mission isn't all there is to life, and i think some missionaries will make you feel that way. thus if you are in disagreement with something (the church, the mission, the way your DL is) you are made to feel like you are not doing everything possible. or that you are failing. and alissa that is so BOGUS. just because you are thinking and feeling a certain way that is not looked upon by the majority as the correct way should NOT diminish how you feel and what you feel and how you are. i am getting so worked up about this! i wonder if some people are reading this begrudgingly?

from chrisalmond :

that was certainly something i found frustrating on a mission was the politics. the way to even question the misssion presidents logic was thought of as a sin.

from gigihodges :

lovaliss...this is gigaliss. missyouliss. loveyouliss.

from jpop :

alissa i always enjoy hearing about your mission. sometimes i am a little bored i will be honest!! but this last entry was the best. life is mroe then the mission and i think you get that. i didn't get that till after. i bet some people are reading this with begrudging looks!!

from luityler :

alissa this is luke. what is your email address? mine is [email protected]. i wanted to ask you why you are on a mission

from mymess :

hey alissa, i just read your note to chris about whether or not he sexually abused his daughter, and you are right about his articles still being thought provoking and whatnot, but what about inspired? and does it not seem like that type of a person would be a bit harder to trust? i should probably be out of this discussion because i am not planning on reading any more nibley or martha beck. i am touchy about mormon or anti-mormon literature because it drove me crazy for 6 months of my life. so i was annoyed when i finished leaving the saints because i could tell that martha had not been completely accurate in describing some things about the church. likewise, i was annoyed when reading the nibley's response and they used poor logic in discrediting her (playing up lds disdain for homosexuality, etc.) they are all too dramatic for me. but it would be interesting to really analyze nibley's writings, his logic, check his sources. that has to happen with him. but i'm not going to because i am tired of all that. i guess you can't completely trust anyone, but it seems the church employs and backs his literature a lot of the time, and knowing the way the church leans on inspiration and righteousness makes it harder to understand, if martha was abused. that's where the if/then comes in. also, if his sources are not correct, then he is leading people astray, whether it strengthens their faith or not. maybe i should not have called him my least favorite mormon character, i guess it's sort of true but maybe for the wrong reasons (he makes my brain hurt) but oh well! you are cool.

from chrisalmond :

dear alyssa. what is it about hugh nibley you like?i have only read one thing by him, and that is 'no ma'am that's not history' his response to no man knows my history, and i thought it was awefull. poor arguments, poor premises, and poor conclusion (some very good points, but over all, bad) it really turned me off to him in general, but perhaps i am being to hasty, is there something buy mr nibbles you would recommend?

from hold-it :

I LOVE THE US POSTAL SERVICE!

from hold-it :

I can't wait to write back!

from msea :

sister skinn and bones, this is elizabeth- i have not recieved a letter in the mail from a certain missionary in the mid-west. what's up with that? lovelizabeth

from rupeshow :

awesome, i was hoping you got that letter.

from jpop :

alissa stop sneaking on diarland and reading people's entries. yo're not fooling anybody. maybe we will get married. if you think about me for the rest of the mission you will have such a big crush on me when you get home.

from hold-it :

i will send one of her with clothes on if you'd like! i was so nervous you thought my letter was so weird you weren't going to write back. i'm so relieved!

from passthison :

i love you alissa!

from rupeshow :

if i am a midget i hope that my parents tell me soon. if you have any info about me being a midget please let me know.

from mymess :

i am glad you are safe! i enjoy reading your diary. that's all.

from gigihodges :

arizona!!! land of the cacti and palm trees! land of feeling like there is a hot blowdryer on your face at all times!! phew is it hot. but i love it. i am in love with life. never thought i would say this, but i am high on life. got life?

from hold-it :

really. favorite. can i write to you? would that be weird? too bad we didn't get to become friends before you left, i would have liked it... but i love writing letters!

from jpop :

no lissa baby it is a definate go i was just lazy in responding. i will think of good things to send!

from ellamae :

alissa - i love your journal and i love you

from passthison :

alissa, take my advice; i am really good at sending parcels! ask jp! if you want i will send you 100 million cds. i hope you are feeling better from that nasty accident. i really am so proud of you. you are a strong woman, and a strong mormon missionary. may you be blessed by angels and saints, and good looking investigators!

from hold-it :

alissa this is elizabeth...who you don't know too well but i have to say- yours may be my new favorite diary in the land!

from passthison :

alissa, i am so glad that you still update your diaryland. please take care of yourself, and listen to saintjeor's advice!!! big kisses, xoxo.

from saintjeor :

Alissa, hi, this is Kindbegger's mom. I just read your experience with the crazy lady. All I can say is - does your mission president know about this? Spreading the gospel is a marvelous thing but keep yourself a little bit safer - okay? Your mom must be beside herself. Pray a whole lot ... the Lord will guide you and comfort you. Take care.

from msea :

oh man, i wrote," i've was driving..."

from msea :

alissa, of course my mom remembers you. and i'm not just saying that because i asked her and she said, "oh yeah, she's a cutie!" it was actually jefferson's car that got towed; the one i've was driving all summer while he was in dc. i parked it at elizabeth bevington's sister's apartment. i didn't park in a n parking zone! and there were two cars parked in a fire lane next to me! and then i got towed! elizabeth and i had to walk to the whatever the place is called behind DI at 1:30 a.m. and i payed $110 to get the car out. chris just felt bad, though he had nothing to do with the car being towed. luckily a few days ago, jefferson and chad helped me push my mercedes to our new house. it had been sitting in front of my old house since april. no ticket. no tow. lucky

from jpop :

melissa, i use to look over people's shoulders to watch tv when at the door. i think it is a natural reaction to living a life fuill of that and then suddenly having to never do that. the first time i really remember doing that was in my first area, we were at the door and in the background i saw depeche's video for "no good" on the tv. this was so crazy to me and i am sure you can imagine how homesick it made me. there was a video that i had seen before being playing in this boondock town where the only american things were mainstream. we are going to have so many missionary stories to share!

from saint-erin :

alissa, butt face! i love you! i really miss you. your diary is my most favorite diary right now. im so happy you can righ tin it. i bet your a great missionary. im happy that you are still yourself. it sounds like you are definitely keepin it real out there... im going to stop typing now.

from msea :

ALISSA! still alissa! that's great! everything is great!

from msea :

ALISSA! still alissa! that's great! everything is great!

from paperfriend :

dear pervies. did you get my call or text? i don't have any crushes on any girls but i want one so bad!

from gigihodges :

damn, i wanted my note to be longer than elle's.

from gigihodges :

allissa i still have the note you stuck up on our closet mirror that says you love us. i am going to draw a picture of my dream simba and send it to you. only it will be half horse half dan half baby half hamster. he is something else i tell ya. i use your fan every night. the one erin stole from you. that i stole from her. we will keep it safe and sound for you. but sometimes when i cant sleep i get up real close to it and say "allissa, i am your father" have you ever heard me? i thought maybe somehow it could reach you at the mtc through an ac vent or something. i miss you more than i thought i would.

from elledyal :

alissa, i am so glad that you have no diaryland restrictions! we will stay so connected throughout your mission, it's great! just so you know, i would feel exactly the same way as you do out there (under the same circumstances). the forced hugging, the forced kissing and sex, it's awful! sorry, i shouldn't write things like that to a missionary. remember that with any big change (and what you are experiencing is a huge change) there is a certain period of discomfort and awkwardness and even bitterness...but it always passes, always...especially when you are doing what you are supposed to do...God takes care of sister missionaries...you are great and i will write more later. love, elle-dawg

from passthison :

i know that simba guy; we are both from africa! tell him i say hi. xoxo.

from jpop :

alissa ik think i love you! come back to provo! that is coolt hat yolu can do whatever you want! live it up, you will never get these years back!

from jpop :

alissa you are gone till christmas 2006! maybe you will marry caleb! you guys both loving talking.

from panzuda :

i am in TEXAS with my roommate jana. we are driving to louisiana on thursday morning after i go to the kennedy space center in houston! she is getting married on saturday! you are going on a mission!

from jpop :

thanks for finally leaving a message by my name. it is pretty good, though it could be better. but i like that you say we like eating out cause it's so true!@!

from kindbegger :

i miss you oh so much alissa. really. i am sorry that i haven't been doing much writing or texting or calling your way. as you have probably guessed by reading my past few entries, i have been wAcKy with so many other people. like scott! but i totally punched him where it counts. see, and you understand that. because you are my pervy twin. last night i saw a girl somewhere... vermillion? starry night? some other provo hot spot? i don't remember where. but anyway, i thought it was you for a split second or two. and it made me gasp and go, "oh!" so excited. but then i realized it was just a lousy bureau girl. not my dear, sweet, pervy wervy alissa.

from elledyal :

I had a Babysitter's Club too! But we decided we should expand our services to cleaning, etc. We went around the neighborhood and handed out magnets with our info on them and had "babysitting kits" with fun things in them. It was so great until half the families didn't pay and a family in the ward left us for around 12 hours with their 4 kids and payed us $9 total. Then we went around asking for the magnets back and we burned them with our kits and a few of the brats we babysat...jk.

from paperfriend :

why did that boys mission last three years? i do not know why i prefer dictionary.com. i do not necessarily. i have never been to www.m-w.com. in the earlier days of my internet usage i once needed to look up a word, and i do not remember if i searched for dictionary (dictionary.com is the first hit on google) or if i merely tried typing in dictionary.com. either way that was the first one i used and never looked back to consider if it was not the best. and when google started offering to give the definitions of words they used dictionary.com which caused me to feel that my loyal to towards dictionary.com was warranted. now google uses answers.com(which is more like an encyclpedia) but the dictionary answers given on answers.com are from dictionary.com.

from elledyal :

No, Alissa, we are BFFs. I put that dramatically and kind of funnily but I'm serious. You put that "sorry" message so nicely and tactfully, I really do appreciate it. I got back to Provo tonight, really wish you would have been here. I don't have an address yet, I'm homeless. Hopefully my address will be Karl's house, though...if all goes as planned. I'm really going to try to make it out to your farewell, good luck preparing...and good luck preparing to leave, I'm sure it is really hard right now and Satan is trying really, really intensely to make you second guess yourself and have doubts, etc (at least I am assuming)...but no "feminine society" we get going in Provo this fall will compare to the impact of a mission, seriously. Plus, you will do so much good...I'm so excited for you...Anyhow, I don't even know why I wrote all that, I'm sure you already know everything I just wrote...but I thought I would write it anyway to let you know how much support you have...Hope to see you this weekend...Much love, your new BFF

from paperfriend :

dear google shorts. i have eaten at zupas. it was pretty good. not awesome. i got a mushroom soup i would have been proud to have made. i did not care for the enviroment which had some effect on the quality of my experience there. but i would go back. i even ate the chocolate covered strawberries despite my commitment to not eat refined sugar.

from passthison :

man, i am really going to miss you!

from jpop :

ALISSA: i think that is so great about talking to the guy you have never talked to before. things like that are great, ackowledging something that has never before been talked about. there are many things like that, telling somebody you have a crush on etc. also people living with their parents is crazy. maybe in america its crazy cause we dont do it, we as a culture are used to leaving at 18, where in other cultures though don`t know any different.

from jpop :

alissa, stop writing entries and then arasing them, its annoying.

from jpop :

happy birthday, you are a great fuck nut!

from passthison :

HAPPY F-ING BARFDAY!!!

from saint-erin :

happy birthday! i miss you so. but soon we will be able to go... to goth prom! blahhh!

from passthison :

i really miss you lovaliss. are you gone from provo for good now? come back to this blessed land and lay down on the lily pads with me.

from gigihodges :

did you know that i am so flattered and flabberghasted that you even meantion my name in your diary? i dont know what to do with myself. i am so excited i might just get out of my pirate car and run into megpod's house and moon the shit out of her.

from automatos :

I really love your entries. -Courtney

from gigihodges :

alissa that was a man on the bike! aaaagggghhhhhh!

from jpop :

seriously are you going to write something next to my name? come one man!

from jpop :

alissa you are great! and you haven't written something funny next to my namee yet! you owe me a drink! sike! that was on me!

from kindbegger :

alissa, i seriously miss you already. it pains me.

from paperfriend :

who is dave? lol chris

from kindbegger :

do you think myspace john is turned on by that blink 182 song on your profile? my guess is yes. LOL meghan

from elledyal :

i'm coming back at the end of next month. will you still be around??

from jpop :

alissa you should write a funny comment next to my name.

from gigihodges :

i am real sorry for adding to that frustration. i can safely say now, after 73 hours of contemplation that i have come to God. the soup kitchen saved me alissa. thank you.

from fuckbowser :

hi ally! i am with the poor man's wayne gretzky and the poor man's meghan wiemer. there are some pretty pictures of you on chaunte's photobucket page: http://photobucket.com/albums/v189/cameobravo/denver%20and%20more/

from adelie :

i am in agreement with Meghan the Poor about you in pictures. very good! but i do think that a camera cannot capture your striking electric fire you have in real life. and that is because a photograph is just an illusion. is this a weird note? i think i look bad in pictures too and it upsets me more than it should. BUT. it is just an illusion!

from kindbegger :

dear alissa, i do not think you look like crap in photos. you are a very pretty girl, and i mean this! i remember when i first met you in max's backyard a few months ago, i was taken aback by your beauty and got kind of jealous. i'm being serious. and this was when i knew nothing about you, so i could not have been influenced by your great personality. alissa, dear, will you go out with me?

from passthison :

when do you leave?? i will be really sad if you have to leave as soon as i get back to utah. (ahhhh!!....but just wait until sydney!! oh the places we'll go...)

from paperfriend :

i also love neil diamond! i think i even wrote about it once in diaryland! we should listen to neil diamond while riding a bus sometime.

from elledyal :

Yes, I have noticed that you have small "men investments" laid out all across the country. That's so funny, I do the same thing! Not quite as much now, but I think it's a way to cushion rejection...keep someone everywhere just in case. Oh Alissa, the friendship we should have had...

from paperfriend :

i have read that book. you should probably talk about me more in your diary.

from gigihodges :

CONGRATULATIONS! i am so very excited for you. i am going to drill you on things like green, well i really shouldnt say on here. but you are in for it little lady! i cant wait to hear all about it! job well done. and enjoy.

from jpop :

it would be more accurate to say that 3 of the 4 times were in the past month or so.

from jpop :

alissa, you seriously go to wyoming so much.

from elledyal :

it is hard to imagine you on a horse, but i really like the idea of it. good luck sleeping on the tramp...we both know you'll wake up on top of your sister and wet with dew, but it will be worth it.

from gigihodges :

i <3 you.

from elledyal :

i'm so glad that i could clear up that misconception, especially to a good friend. my mom took my dad to court about six years ago, besides that it was 8 years. when do you leave?

from kindbegger :

thank you so much, alissa. i'm sure i'll be here on monday... so we can both tickle nards together (or something like that).

from elledyal :

thanks, lovaliss. go to edit your profile and then edit your friends (top paragraph) and then write my name in. i love your entries and i read them daily. i've become such better friends with you and you didn't even know it!

from paperfriend :

morgan said he just had an okay time on the trip. maybe you two could talk about it.

from kindbowser :

karl!

from fuckbowser :

hey it's me!

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