Tomorrow my bestfriend's SO's mother is going to take my best friend, her boyfriend (aka her son) and I out for my very belated (try 4 months) birthday lunch. At my request, we are going to try out this french place. I wasn't in the mood for Asian-esque ethnic foods. I was also not in the mood for mundane steak. I mean, if someone is going to take me out, I would rather that it be something special. ;) Indian, Italian, or French would be ideal.
It might be an ideal time to sort of introduce the cast of the quirky play that is my life. I have two girlfriends that have been stuck by my side since highschool. One is the best friend above, who will be referred to as "the girlfriend." The other best friend is my ever rational "better half." Most of the time she is across the country in CA. I've known the girlfriend's SO since before she knew him. I like to think that if it hadn't been for me, they would have never met. (not that their relationship has anything to do with me) I will call him "Will".
It's strange writing beginning entries without at least a month worth of background detail. I guess we all have to start somewhere. In my current state, those three stated above are the main characters. Everyone else sort of shuffles in and out. Some highlighted characters that appeared recently are those who we will call Allen and Blondie.
Allen is someone I'm not sure if I want to get to know. An attraction is there on both our parts. It would never work because our lives are so different. For example he would never get along with the gf. My best friend would eat him alive. She's not what you would call politically correct. She also has this mean streak that she calls "putting it bluntly." I've come to appreciate that charm over the years as something endearing and very comical. (I know not to take it too seriously) He is very sensitive. He would never get along with her. That's a problem.
Allen is clumsy with girls. Most of the time it's sweet and I like it. Other times, it's sort of sad. However, he's incredibly sensitive (not tear jerking mushy sensitive. just sensitive to other people and their feelings) and generous. I love generous people. I can't bear to be around stingy uptight mother fuckers. Generousity to myself and others go a long long way with me. In conclusion he's just so sweet in that little puppy sort of way... I just want to cuddle him.
If there was no consequences tomorrow... I would would consider it more seriously. However, I don't see the point because he doesn't fit in the puzzle of my life. If he was leaving the country in a month, I would fool around with him. I guess I just don't feel strongly enough for him. I'm going through a dry spell though, and he's the best thing right now. That's why he looks so attractive to me.
Blondie. Blondie is 30 something actor wannabe. We also had an affair less than a year ago. He's the last person I was ever with. He's a very "go with the flow" kind of guy. I appreciate that. I don't like people too restricted with plans. If things go unexpectedly, he isn't knocked off his feet. He's childlike, playful, and shameless. He's very immature. One of the reasons I stopped our fling was because I was sick of playing psychiatrist to him and his SO. He's strangely very self aware. Still, he doesn't make that much effort to change. He is a late 30 something with his life still jumbled without any direction. He's like a Joey on "Friends." He's good looking, blond, extremely fucking tall, and arrogant. He still thinks I want him. I don't. I'm 110% sure of that. I just have weak moments where I thought... "oh why the fuck not." That led to some sticky situations that has convinced him that I broke it off with him because I can't have all of him for myself. Blarg. In truth, I think I just got too much of him. He's SOOOO dramatic.
I would say that the situation with Blondie was because of rebound. The chemistry was also so good because he listened to my woes regarding a past love affair. The communication and sexual energy was wonderful. I have to say that I did almost all of my experimentations with him.
Anyways, he comes in and out of my life. Right now he is trying to bust through the door. It doesn't matter that I haven't been in the same room as him for months. He hasn't been close enough to run his hands through my hair for nearly a year. Still he tries. I'm flattered. I also sometimes get weak and consider meeting him. Then I'm reminded about how boring he is and how I couldn't be in the same room with him if it was just for the conversation. That helps me keep him at bay.
Anyways, that's a short picture into my current situation of gridlock and lack of more interesting specimens.
11:45 p.m. - Wednesday, Aug. 20, 2003
Recent entries:
resolves... rejection... rebirth - Friday, Feb. 18, 2005
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