i turned it on just now but i couldn't listen all the way through because i hadn't in a while. when it's a set point i end up deadening myself to any memories related to it but for me to listen to it now is a deviation from the set point, oh god i'm applying science class to my life but it's true.

sometimes i wish i had an emotion chip like data that i could just turn on or off when i wanted to feel things or not be distracted, like right now when i need to finish this paper but all i can think of is him and how i couldn't say i love you back. not quite yet. all i can think about is how he went to 7-11 at three in the morning to get me red gatorade for my upset stomach whose contents i'd just emptied into a plastic bag, all i can feel are his hands rubbing aloe on my burned back and his lips kissing my cheek, all i can see is his head resting on the pillow next to me with those big eyes and that goofy smile ive come to adore. this is true, this is genuine, this is real and imperfect and so great.

i dont know what i did to be so lucky, but i am not complaining.

past future

last five entries:
blisters and bruises - 03.18.08
dorsey - 03.13.07
finding peace - 02.02.07
unintentional clean slate - 09.11.06
natural born cyborg - 06.23.06